The Stanly Family

October 2014 Family Pictures

2014-10-22T14:35:00.003-07:00

My friend Sam (from Samantha Hanny Photography) and I traded family sessions this year. What a great idea! She took mine, I took her's and we each edit our own. Score!

I have to say though that Brynlee was a beast during our session. For real! Like really really bad. We haven't done family pictures in over 2 years so I kind of forgot about all the stress and preparation that goes into it!

We took our pictures up north in Ashton so we had to leave at like 3:30pm in order to drive the 1.5 hours. My bra broke that morning (yep, I blame nursing) so I needed to run out and get a new one. That took longer than I thought and then I had to get everyone ready. Feed Brynlee, get her dressed, and do her hair...now times that by two. And then nag Ben for probably an hour to get ready and that I needed help.

So we were 30 minutes late....yea I hate that! I planned to be there at a certain time because I knew that Beckett would need to eat by then. Well, since we left so late there wasn't really time to feed him...yea that was a bad idea. Beckett and Brynlee both cried throughout the whole thing. I have literally done at least 2 headswaps on all the pictures haha oh well next time I will be sure to leave on time and feed everyone! And stash gummybears in my back pocket to bribe Brynlee.

At least they look super cute!!

Background on Beckett's Hearing and 2 months update :)

2014-09-28T22:34:00.001-07:00

Some things in life are just out of your control, and frankly it sucks. Beckett failed the newborn screening time twice at the hospital in his left ear. We then waited two weeks in hopes that it was just fluid and would drain out. But at the hospital he failed again. So they referred us to an audiologist to get deeper testing. The first time we went was just a disaster. We waited for 45 minutes (I guess all of their appointments ran long that day) so by the time we were seen Beckett was awake and in order to get the most accurate testing they should be asleep. So we tried to do the 3 different tests before I finally said I need to feed him this isn't working and I want to give him the best chance of passing. So after I fed him the audiologist came back in and tried to do another test but by then he was pretty frank and said that the receptionists screwed up scheduling appointments for pretty much the entire day and didn't schedule extra time for any newborn screenings. So we went back the next week and they did the testing again.

We were really hoping it was just fluid but something in my gut was telling me it wasn't. Maybe it was the Spirit prepping me for bad news so I was more prepared. During the testing they determined that Beckett has moderate-severe sensorineural hearing loss in his left ear and it is permanent. The root of the problem stems from the inner ear in which there is a problem with the cochlea. Beckett has issues with high pitches, so sounds like voices are very hard for him to hear out of his left ear. The first thing I thought was 'but his right ear works greats great so isn't that enough'. But that's not how your ears and brain work independently and together. If there is an issue in one it effects how you learn to transmit sounds into words- so speech is impaired, learning development is effected, and there are other issues as well. So it's not something that you should ever leave untreated, especially in infants. The earlier you address the issue the better. So we are at a good advantage since we are addressing it so early that hopefully there won't be any delays.

So since this hearing loss is permanent really the only treatment right now is a hearing aid for his left ear. The hraring aid needs to be worn 24/7 for the rest of his life except for when he is swimming or sleeping.He may be a candidate for a cochlear implant in the future but that will have to wait until he is older and we're not ever sure if we would want it. When people hear the word implant they immediately thing of something unseen. Cochlear implants are anything but. It's virtually a hearing aid with a wire that contacts to the outside of your skull (so on top of your head.where it's very noticeable). It's actually much larger than a hearing aid. We would definitely get it if he was deaf but his hearing in his right ear is good and the left one can use a hearing aid. We went to the ENT (ear nose throat doc.) And he agreed with the audiologist. He does want to do a cat scan or an MRI in December when Beckett is a little older to see the extent of what is wrong in his inner ear.

When they told me I was kind of numb at first and then just sad. You never want to hear that there is something wrong with your kid or something that could possible be a challenge in his life. I fear the day that some kid makes fun of him for having it or when he feels embarrassed by it. He may have our permission to punch that kid in the stomach, or hopefully he'll do the opposite and befriend that kid and embrace the fact that he had an aid and use it to his advantage. It's up to him though. I don't want him to think that's it's something to be ashamed of because he may look a little different than other kids. I want him to feel like 'sure my left ear is a little off so I wear this to help me hear and I can do anything that anyone else can-heck there are things that I can do better!'

I also want him to know that he is blessed, very blessed to be able to use a hearing aid. If it was any worse he would be deaf in his left ear and there would be no point in one. And frankly if the worst thing in your life is a hearing aid you are truly blessed and have a wonderful life. Beckett is going to have to go about some things a little different than other kids but I want him to know that it doesn't make him worth any less than them. God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. He will have to wear a hearing aid the rest of his life. We won't know if it's progressive (meaning his hearing will get worse) or if he will start to loose hearing in his right ear until he is older.

I was kind of in denial about him having to wear a hearing aid for the rest of his life and if this would effect his development and self esteem. It didn't really hit me until the ENT confirmed that it was sensorineural and permanent and for some reason I just burst into tears in his office. He was my last hope that this was something that could be fixed.

I feel a bunch of weird emotions. Like I'm sad for Beckett that he'll have this struggle but at the same time I feel bad for feeling sad because there are people with children who have life these life threatening diseases. Like I said if his biggest struggle is hearing aids and everything that comes along with them then he is living a great life. That being said I've come to realize that it's okay to feel upset about this it doesn't make me a bad or ungrateful person. When we first found out everyone we told would immediately say it could be a lot worse at least he's not deaf. I know that it's coming from a good place, but honestly when you get bad news and need to talk to someone that isn't the right choice of words- we know it could be a lot worse, we just want someone to validate the emotion that we are feeling and tell us that it's okay to feel that and it will get better.

We are constantly getting asked on a daily basis what he is wearing in his ear haha. At first it annoyed me, but now I am used to it. When little kids ask what it is I always start of with something like you know how Batman has all these cool gadgets to help him fight bad guys, well Beckett has this really cool one that helps him hear so well it's like a superpower. They think it's pretty darn cool! I even had one little boy ask to borrow it haha. It's also funny when elderly people ask about it because they are just blown away to see a hearing aid on an infant (especially when they wear one themselves). Just today the elderly women I was sitting next to in relief society asked what it was and I told her a hearing aid. She just smiled really big and said something along the lines of I thought it was! And then showed me hers haha. Developmentally so far Beckett is doing awesome and seriously he is as sweet as pie. This kid is like my little miracle because he is just what we needed in our family. He brings so much peace and happiness.

He loves being in the baby carrier and I love wearing it. We can see a bond developing between him and Brynlee which is really cute. Sometimes when he's fussy and I can't pick him up right away Brynlee will run to him and tell him it's okay, kiss and hug him and he'll actually calm down. These two love each other already. She'll even tuck him in with her blanket "reesi" sometimes. Which anyone who has ever met her blanket knows that's a big deal and true love.

At two months old is he 14 1/2 lbs and 23 1/2 inches. He is a big and healthy boy! He nursers about every 2-4 hours during the day so it's pretty easy to go out and do stuff with him and Brynlee. He is an awesome sleeper at night. Most nights he'll sleep through completely and wake up at 7am to eat, but sometimes he does add a little midnight feeding in there.

I absolutely LOVE breastfeeding. Not just because of the financial benefits (which are awesome) and the nutritional, but because I just feel this beautiful closeness with him (I felt the same closeness when I fed Brynlee a bottle too, it might just be the act of feeding haha). He'll randomly stop eating, and give me the biggest smile and little grunt/giggle and then keep on eating. I just love him soooooo much!

Brynlee is such a amazing big sister! She is so sweet with him and always comes up to him and says "pretty baby" and loves kissing him. She also loves holding him now! He is pretty much half her size so it's a little funny looking. B's speech has just be flourishing and improving so much. She carries on these funny little conversations with me and she actually tries to negotiate with me about watching movies or taking a nap. She is still her same old social butterfly who just loves everyone.

Beckett's 1 Month Old!

2014-08-10T22:53:00.001-07:00

We made it through our first month- holy cow it has flown by super quick. Beckett is such an awesome baby. He pretty much just eats and sleeps. He's like a power nurser too and it only takes like 15 minutes to feed him.

Brynlee is my little helper and LOVES her baby brother. Sometimes just a little too rough haha she is constantly checking on him and likes to hold him now. But when he gets fussy and she's holding him she really doesn't want to give him up. She loves to rest her face on his and kiss him. They are going to be so stinking cute together.

Beckett is one big kid! He was 11 lbs. 6 oz. and is pretty long to. He's just our little linebacker and I love those cheeks. I understand why Brynlee is always touching them haha.

It amazes me how much he sleeps. At night time he only nursers twice a night. Once at 3am and then again around 7am. He's so easy though because he just eats and goes right back to sleep. It's weird not having to walk around shushing and bouncing and swaying for hours at a time. Brynlee was really colicky for the first 6 weeks so life was prety difficult. I feel like we have a better handle on it this time around :)

A little update

2014-08-02T17:33:00.001-07:00

We are definitely enjoying being a family of 4! Beckett has such a mellow little personality. The breastfeeding is going really well too. During the day he eats about every 2 hours and at night time he eats about every 3 or 4 hours. Last night Ben used a bottle that I pumped earlier that day so I got to sleep for a solid 7 hours...it was wonderful!! I was lucky this week to and three times this week I was able to get Brynlee and Beckett down for naps at the same time, again wonderful. Beckett's a pretty big kid :) At his 2 week appointment he was 10 lbs. 10 oz. and 21.5 inches long. So 95th percentile for height and 90th for weight, apparently we make big healthy boys!

Brynlee has been doing really great adjusting to having a sibling. She gets a little jealous sometimes when Ben gets home from work and can't play with her right that second, but for the most part she's been awesome. She adores her brother and is constantly checking on him, rubbing his head, and hugging him. She tells him that she loves him and gives him kisses without any prompting to. It's so sweet and makes my day. At first Brynlee would get this nervous laugh whenever he would cry but now (for the most part) she tries to help if he's crying by brining him a binky, a toy, or by telling him to feel better and rubbing his head. Although twice this week he was crying and I couldn't get to him right away so it had been a few minutes and Brynlee just stood over him and told him to "stop crying baby brother", it was funny and we had a nice little chat that sometimes babies cry and we should be kind to them...I think she got it ;) This was my first official week solo at home so it was interesting! I realize that I need to grow another set of hands or clone myself in order to get everything done. I'm come to terms there are more important things than to have the apartment spotless, it's generally clean for the most part because when it's messy I feel anxious.

I took Beckett's newborn pictures over a course of 3 days and it really really made me appreciate when I had my small little studio room. It was such a pain setting everything up and taking it down every day and I eventually gave up. I wish I could have gotten 1 more setup in (and use at least 2 more of the little pants that I bought), but I am really happy with how they turned out. I rented the camera that I am hoping to buy next year to test it out and I absolutely LOVED it. It was a full frame so my 50mm worked perfectly on it. I tried to get some of Brynlee and Beckett, but right now Brynlee will avoid the camera at any costs. I managed to get 2 though and I think they are pretty sweet. I need to take more pictures, but half the time I'm just trying to keep everyone happy.

I lost my pregnancy weight! It wasn't hard this time because I only gained 13 lbs. So I actually weight 7 lbs less then when I got pregnant. I'd like to lose 30 lbs. by December so next week I'm signing up for a new gym membership and I'm going to get my butt into gear. Ben has been going to the gym a few times a week again so that gives me some encouragment, and I'm lucky if I'm able to eat anything during the day. All I want to eat is meat and baby spinach salad (with croutons, yum!). I have to limit the amount of dairy that I eat or Beckett gets really gassy. Frankly if I can grab a bowl of granola cereal before 11am it's a good day.

Anyhoo, life if a little chaotic right now and I'm still trying to get my bearings. I have yet to take both kids anywhere by myself yet haha I'm a chicken! Maybe next week ;) I'm still working on Beckett's room. I changed the color scheme a little bit, it was looking a little too girly for my taste so I added some black and white curtains and some fun wall decor to add some contrast, I can't wait till them get here and it's all done. Then I'll do another little photo session of it and hopefully get some pictures of me and Beckett together, more lifestyle though.

Beckett's Birth Story

2014-07-11T10:40:00.001-07:00

To say Beckett's delivery was different from Brynlee's would be an understatement. The most important thing is that he and I are safe and healthy now. He's a beautiful little boy with just a sweet demeanor about him already.

At 41 weeks we found out that he was Sunnyside up and that I had too much fluid inside me. Sunnyside up is when they are head down but their body is fliped in the wrong direction, so if they are laying on their back they should be looking at the floor, when they are sunnyside they are actually looking at the sky. So the chances of him turning on his own and not needing assistance before i went into labor on my own weren't very good. Also when a baby is Sunnyside up the largest part of their head isn't up against your cervix but your back. So I wasn't dilating. After a great talk with my wonderful midwife we decided to have me induced the next day by her breaking my water. I was still determined to have a natural child birth again without any drugs or unnecessary intervention. While getting my water broken is an intervention it was needed for us to have the most successful delivery possible. This whole pregnancy I had it in my mind that everything would be the same as Brynlee's labor and delivery. No pregnancy or labor and delivery is ever exactly the same. It was at my 41 week check up that I finally came to terms with the fact that this was going to be significantly different and that it was OKAY.

We went into the hospital at 7:30am and got all registered and checked in. By 8:30 Susan (my midwife) came in to break my water. They take like this small plastic hook and go inside you like a pelvic exam and just put a little tear in it. It honestly didn't hurt all that much it was just uncomfortable.

Then it's just the waiting game. Me and Ben just talked alot, I soaked on and off in the tub, and we walked around the hospital. I started having more intense regular contractions at around I think 1pm and by 2pm I was for sure in transition. Ben was a rock star and was just my total rock. I can't thank him enough for the constant support. When Susan arrived I was already in the tub and her and Ben were doing a lot of counter pressure to help with the pain. They moved me on my hands and knees onto the bed because this was the position that I planned to give birth in. With Brynlee I was standing up with my forearms over the bed and knew how much working with gravity helped, especially when bearing down.

By then I was pushing and no matter how hard I pushed it didn't seem like he was moving on out. My body collapsed. It was terrifying and defeating and I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. I had never felt so much pain in my life I was crying and yelling back and forth between "I can't do it" and "I can do it". This pain was different from Brynlee's birth. My face was buried in the bed just sobbing at that point I knew something was wrong. They told me that I immediately had to get off my hands and knees and they flipped me to my side and that is when I felt it. He was stuck. Literally his head was hanging out of me but his shoulders were stuck. It was horrifying for everyone in the room I believe. The cord was wrapped around his neck so they had to quickly flip me back over onto my back and do what was needed. I let out one last push with every part of my being and Susan had to put her hand inside of me to move his shoulder and literally pull him out to get the cord undone around his neck. Ben later told me that the look on everyone's face was like they were prepared but worried. By then there were like 6 people in my room.

She was very fast but at the time it felt like eternity. She put him on me but immediately I knew something was wrong. He wasn't moving at all, he wasn't crying at all, he was the bluish purplish baby I had ever laid my eyes on. And not the normal color that babies are born with. He laid on me like a limp lifeless fish for a couple of seconds. They told me me that his umbilical cord had also a complete knot in it. So he was deprived of oxygen and they took him to the other side of the room right away and he was surrounded by 3 nurses and a doctor and they were whispering. He had also swallowed a large amount of aminotic fluid as well. He didn't make any noise still and they had to have him on an oxygen mask for a little while so I couldn't hold him or see him since they were working on him. I tore again pretty badly with a 3 degree. I'm lucky I didn't have a larger tear. He is a truck!! He was 10 1/2 lbs. And 20 1/2 inches long. There was no indication ever that I was going to have such a large baby. No gestational diabetes, i only gained 13 lbs, and I was measuring right along. He was 9 days overdue though. After I was sewn up and he was stable and most of him was no longer a dark deep blue I was able to have him.

The whole thing is still surreal. We could have lost him. We talked about traumatic births a little bit in the birthing class that we took when I was pregnant with Brynlee. This was for sure a traumatic experience for us and i know it's going to take me a while to be okay and to both physically and emotionally heal from it. For the first couple of days I kept reliving it, seeing him so blue and so limp on me.

He had a rough entrance into the world: Shoulder dischocia, cord wrapped around his kneck, and his cord tied in a true knot. I'm so thankful that babies never have to remember their entrance.

Even though it was a very rough road to bring him into this world I am so grateful that he is perfect now and I have no doubt that Heavenly Father has a wonderdul plan for him and our family. I'm so grateful for the amazing team that I had there. The nurses were amazing, my midwife wad amazing, and Ben truly was amazing. I'm so grateful that I listened to my midwife and got induced because he would probably have only been bigger and even more stuck. I'm so grateful for my body and the strength that God has given women to deliver children. I'm grateful that even when I wanted to give up I didn't. I'm grateful that i was able to deliver him free of any drugs and that i was able to (for the most part) be in control of my body as much as possible. Most importantly though I'm so grateful for Beckett and the special little spirit that he is.

There is just so much to be grateful for!

Beckett John Stanly

July 10, 2014

10 1/2 lbs.

20 1/2 in.

2014-06-29T21:13:00.000-07:00

Motherhood is hard and not for the faint of heart. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but it's really the hardest thing I've ever had the privilege to do.

My mom wasn't a stay at home mom, she had to work a ton to support our family after my parents split up. So we always had babysitters or fended for ourselves. She did the absolute best she could, and I am so grateful because I know it wasn't easy for her.

Now that I'm a stay at home mom myself I often find myself really confused and upset and thinking I'm totally failing this whole parenthood deal. I'm just never sure if I'm doing a good job. It's this overwhelming dark cloud and Satan's influence just trying to get me to believe that I'm not good enough, that I'll never be good enough.

We've had a really rough month lately. Mainly because I haven't been able to be as active with Brynlee as I should be. Her temper tantrums are full out scary screaming fits. It's the most ear piercing screech and every time I just want to slam my face into the wall or run far far away from everyone. It doesn't help that we live in an apartment either with very high ceilings so our neighbors hear absolutely everything. I constantly feel like child protective services is going to be called by how loud Brynlee can scream. Now it's not like she screams 24 hours a day, there are definitely plenty of fun times as well. Sometimes it's just hard to remember the good parts of the day when your child is having a meltdown. Tonight was one of those nights. She woke up from her nap just cranky and everything set her off. We finally got dinner ready and we're sitting down at the table and B decides she doesn't want to eat and is yelling "I don't want it!!" Over and over again and pushing her chair away from the table. Then I just snapped I yelled that I had had enough and I went and locked myself in the bathroom for 5 minutes. When I came out everything was fine haha granted she still wasn't eating anything but by then I really didn't care.

We all had a heart to heart about what we needed to change in our parenting. I'm too controlling and Ben is too lax, we need to find some balance. Tomorrow is going to be a better day. One that hopefully doesn't have as many tantrums and more laughter. I'm going to try to ease the reigns on things that may not be very important and look for the good. We're going to have a nice day tomorrow, we have a lot to be grateful for and I need to remember that more. Nobody's kids are perfect. It's hard to remember that sometimes, but it's true. Everyone has flaws, even cute toddlers. Were all just trying to learn and grow more every day. I'm going to try harder to have more patience and compassion than I have had recently. I've been too quick to get frustrated and show my frustration with a bad attitude.

Gold, Navy, and Coral Girls Bedroom

2014-06-06T18:26:00.002-07:00

Its finally all done. Like literally...not one more project to do, accessory to buy, or Pinterest pin to pin. Well actually that's not completely true, I bought a pack of 4 spice racks for her book rack but only ended up using 3 so I'm going to put a small one right above her chalkboard table to hold her erasers and chalk..but that won't happen till this weekend.

Today I made sure to wake up a little bit earlier and put frozen on for Brynlee so I could make her room spotless and while she was busy watching the movie I could take some detail shots of her room. Some people might think it's weird, but I like to photograph each room in our house every once in a while so I can look back and remember when we move to a different place and get older what it looked like. It's a little memento that we can show our kids about living in Rexburg, Idaho Falls, and eventually somewhere far far away from Idaho ;) There were a few people who wanted the tutorials for some of the things that I was working on as well, so this is an easy way for ya'll to find the links.

I also wanted to get some more natural shots of Brynlee just doing her thing and playing in her room. Contrary to popular belief, I do actually take pictures of her in normal clothes not prancing around in fields. However our apartment most of the time doesn't have the best natural lighting so I'm really limited in when I can shoot that without having to get out my flash.

Brynlee's room was truly a labor of love (combined with some serious nesting!). I wanted to make a space that she would actually play in and that I could see myself spending some serious time in there as well. It's probably my favorite room in our apartment. Here are the links for the DIY projects and some of my favorite items.

Pink and Gold Bedding: Land of Nod
Gold and white curtains: Land of Nod
Navy Rug: Overstock
Small geometric chair: Walmart
Wall Prints: Penny Jane Designs
DIY Garland: tutorial here
DIY Ikea Children's table hack: tutorial here
DIY Ikea Book Rack hack: tutorial here
DIY Ombre Dresser: tutorial here

Memorial Day and Baby Update

2014-05-27T10:00:00.004-07:00

We had so much fun down in Utah with the Jensens! It was a very much needed little break from Idaho, and was just nice to relax and be with family. Brynlee did so good down there to. She loved playing with her cousin Bentz and was slightly obsessed with Rich. Saturday evening Rich and Ben watched Frozen with Brynlee while I tried to rest up since I wasn't feeling well at all. The first thing she said when she woke up on Sunday was of course "pretty dress, Queen Brynlee". She loves Frozen and her little nightgowns. Anyways, she then looked at me and said "Grandpa nice, Grandpa fun". Wherever Rich was Brynlee was right there with him. It was so stinking sweet.

We had a yummy breakfast with all of the Jensen side Sunday morning and then we headed back to Idaho since I was feeling really crummy. This pregnancy has definitely been different then with Brynlee. Not this past Friday, but the one before I had an appointment with my midwife and my blood pressure has been rising considerably over the past few weeks. She was concerned with some pain that I was having in the upper right of my belly as well as my swelling and some vision problems. They were concerned with was preclampsia since they found protein in my urine and bad headaches. They monitored the baby, took some blood work, took my blood pressure 5 or 6 times and I was there for like 4 hours with Brynlee. It was a long day! They finally said I could leave but I was on bed rest for the weekend and I had to do a 24 hour urine sample for them and come back in first thing Monday morning. At my appointment on Monday there was no good news. They found even more protein in my urine and my blood pressure was actually at its highest. I also was feeling a decrease of movement from the baby. They monitored me there for a couple of hours and then my blood pressure spiked and they sent me over to the hospital ERMC. My midwife said that if I was 36 or 37 weeks they would have to induce me because of the blood pressure, but since I was only barely 34 weeks at the time that really wanted that to be the last option so the baby had some more time to develop. It was actually pretty terrifying, because me being the worrier that I am immediately thought that the worst possible thing was going to happen. I also had Brynlee with me to so I went and picked up Ben from work and we headed on over to the hospital. I was having some small contractions while I was there, but I wasn't feeling any pain or discomfort and literally anything. I never felt any Braxton hicks contractions with Brynlee so I don't even know what they feel like anyways haha. Thankfully at the hospital my blood pressure went down and they got the blood work back so my kidneys and liver were working fine and hadn't been affected yet. So they are just monitoring my blood pressure, blood work, and urine really closely at every appointment. And told me to take it easy and take more baths haha. I'm actually feeling quite a bit better then before so I hope we are out of the woods. My midwife and I both don't think I'll go 40 weeks, but I don't want to get my hopes up or anything so I try not to think about it.

I plan on going naturally just like with Brynlee, with laboring at home as much as possible and then heading to the hospital. I'm not one of those die hard natural birth ladies though. If the pain got completely unbearable, I'm not completely opposed to an epidural. It's my choice. I'd rather not get one, but if I am induced and the contractions are too much for me to handle then I might possibly consider it. My muscles aren't as strong this time around. I keep telling Ben that I feel like this baby is going to just fall out of me. I can't move well and my entire pelvic region is constantly in pain. My midwife said it's because my ligaments are stretching out and because it's my second birth my pelvic floor isn't as strong as it was the first time around. It's horrible pain, but other than a hot pad, baths, and taking it easy there isn't much more I can do just have to wait it out. Thankfully it should go away after the baby is born. I'd really really like to go natural because the recovery time was nothing. I felt wonderful physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm frankly more nervous of the side effects of an epidural, not being in control of my own body, and any potential side effects to the baby then I am of giving birth unmedicated again. The first time was great (and fast) so I'm crossing my fingers that it will be somewhat similar.

Newborn Boy Photography

2014-03-16T19:20:00.001-07:00

16 more weeks! My excitement is seriously bubbling. At my last dr's appointment I gained 1 lb. So that makes it so this pregnancy I lost 15 lbs. during my 1st trimester and of those 15 lbs. I've gained back 3 lbs. Baby boy is growing great and I'm measuring at 25 weeks. My midwife said that she will be surprised if I even reach my pre pregnancy weight when he arrives, :/ I guess that's one plus of being fat when your pregnant? Woowho I'm more than half way! I can't wait to meet this little man. I've completely changed since Brynlee's pregnancy and how I was eating. I'm so much healthy now and my portion size has gone down. Thankfully I also have a very active 2 year old to keep up with. I'm so excited to try breastfeeding again and hopefully I'll be more successful than last time. Especially now that I know that everything I was eating (aka lots of dairy, broccoli, spices, lots of acidic fruit, etc) can irritate some newborns and that I'm going to pump a lot to hopefully keep my milk supply up. I'm just so excited to try again!

I'm also excited to do his newborn pictures. It's going to be so much fun and I got a bunch of new stuff for it. My style is changing quite a bit and for newborns I seem to be favoring more natural and organic colors than lots of bright colors. This is quite the change because I have been a huge fan of color! So obviously I needed to be some new things for his session ;) We have also begun switching out Brynlee's room and my studio. I still have 4 more sessions before we move furniture. This Saturday though we did some major spring cleaning and I got rid and organized the closet in Brynlee's room (which will be new babys room) and I will be using that closet to store my props and backdrops. Tetris must have taught me something great because I'm amazed at what I can stack :) I only moved newborn props and blankets and will keep my actual backdrops in my studio until I'm completely done with scheduled sessions. I'm so glad that we did this though because it made me realize how pregnant I was getting haha It's getting more uncomfortable to squat down so its a good thing that I don't have any more newborn sessions until my own! I've also become obsessed with this little upcycled pants. I don't like a lot of hats on newborn boys but I did get a good deal on the mini blanket and hat combo and I just about died over the matching beanie and pants set. I'm also so excited that I got this little twig bed, it's so stinking cute and I'm going to keep it forever and ever. I'm going to start newborns up again when my little man is around 4 months old. We'll probably still be here so I will be going on-location to peoples homes to do them. Much easier for parents and baby, but more work for me. Hopefully though when we move in a year or two we'll be able to rent a house that either has a finished basement or 4 bedrooms so I can do them again in our home.

Brynlee is just as cute as ever and just as sassy. She keeps me on my toes that's for sure. She's learning so many new words which is really fun. She's also a great little helper. She loves playing in her kitchen, and in our sink. Any loves trains, cars, and princesses. I think she's going to like having a brother :)

Here are a few boys names that we like: Boston, Jameson, Parker. We haven't decided on anything yet and probably won't until we see and meet him. Boys are harder for us to name then girls apparently!

Newborn Boy Photography by brittanystanly on Polyvore

The house is clean, Brynlee is sleeping....so this is how I spend my time

2014-02-20T14:33:00.001-08:00

I should probably be working on pictures, but they aren't due until Saturday...so I'd rather procrastinate ;)

As soon as we found out we were having a boy I new what colors I wanted in his nursery. Navy, gray, and orange. I saw this amazing room on Pinterest (of course) and couldn't get it out of my mind.

While I'm not completely sold on the bedding, it will most likely have to do and it's the one that I have liked the best and is the most affordable. Thankfully we are actually using Brynlee's crib, dresser, rocker, and changing table, so the only big things we need buy are another dresser for Brynlee and her toddler bed.

I started getting Brynlees nursery ready as soon as we found out we were having a girl. This time though we have to wait until May to actually buy anything and set it up. I'm going to be selling about half of my studio off and putting the other half into storage. Then Brynlee moves into the bigger room (where my studio is now) and baby Boston will sleep in our room for at least a few months but we'll have his nursery all set up in what is now Brynlee's room.

So for now I will just keep dreaming up different layouts for Boston's and Brynlee's new rooms. Granted I can usually find cheaper versions (on etsy, TJMaxx, hobbylobby, ross, etc) or make things myself that are just as cute, but this gives me an idea of what I'm looking to design.

Navy, Coral, and Gold Toddler Room/ Nursery by brittanystanly featuring rod pocket curtains

Tiffany Blue, Gold, and Blush Pink Girls Room by brittanystanly featuring silk accent pillows

Boston's Nursery by brittanystanly

Happenings

2014-02-17T07:46:00.000-08:00

It's been pretty low key around here. Our big news is that we found out that we are having a BOY! I still can't really believe it. I thought it was a boy, but when the ultrasound technician said 100% boy I was a little shocked. I don't really know anything about boys haha We are so excited for this new adventure with becoming a family of 4. We are pretty set on his name, Boston John Stanly but who knows if we'll change our minds right at the end of the pregnancy like with did with Brynlee (who was originally going to be named Sadie).

I absolutely stink at taking pictures of Brynlee during the day. Our apartment has horrible lighting (with the exception of our little nook in the kitchen). I want to get an external flash, but thats kind of on the last of the things we need before baby comes. I am going to make a better effort though to get some pictures of Brynlee other than on my phone.

We have also been redecorating. I have been wanting to do this for over a year (since we moved here), but there was always something more important to put money into. I honestly haven't bought anything for our home until recently, so we really needed an update badly. I am just working on our living room and its basically done. We are just waiting for the sofa that we bought a couple of weeks ago to get here. We have never had new furniture ever. We have always bought ours second hand and it was really starting to look funky ;) It was a splurge for us, but the furniture store was having a 60% off liquidation sale so we didn't want to pass it up. In the living room are color scheme is gray, light blue, white, and accents of yellow. I absolutely love it right now. It's calming and bright and just makes me happy to be in. Once it's all finished I'll put up some pictures. Gosh I can't wait till we have a home of our own and we can paint these walls! Thankfully we have a nice two tone paint in our apartment and not stark white wals, but I would like a light neutral soft gray one day.

Since Ben gave me basically complete free range on the living room, with the exception of the sofa. He likes leather furniture while I prefer fabric (not microfiber though). The living room does have some feminine touches. I have to admit it haha but I love it and it looks really nice and coordinated! Any body else ever have designer disagreements with your spouse? Ben loves darker richer colors and I'm moving more into neutrals with pops of color. So we are basically opposite right now. I caved and gave Ben free range of what color scheme to do our bedroom. Granted the only thing we are actually going to be getting our some frames, curtains, and a new bedspread. Let's cross our fingers that it isn't brown haha

So other than just trying to get ready for baby, and waiting till my sessions our over in the next few months to get started on his room we are just playing around. I want to do his nursery in Navy, light gray, and accents of burnt orange. I've been searching high and low for bedding and I'm really coming up short. There are way more options of girls! If I new how to sew I would probably just make the crib sheets and skirt myself and just buy a bumper. Bens only request was that we get a couple of small planes to hang in the corner of his room.

2014-02-03T23:14:00.000-08:00

This pregnancy has definitely been rough on my body and my mind. It was never this physically difficult with Brynlee so deep down inside I have this worry that something just isn't right. And I'm scared to think that I have another 20 weeks of this pain.

As I write this its almost 12 am in the morning and I've just woke up in horrible pain. I dislocated my ribs once again while i was sleeping, this is now the third time. If you've never dislocated them you may think I'm a big baby, but if you have then you understand the pain I am in. I wake up feeling like somebody is crushing my spin, it feels like there is 100 lbs crushing me making it difficult to breath, I'm so dizzy because of it and I can't even take a deep breath. Sometimes the pain hurts so bad that i throw up. Not just a little either, I'm talking projectile vomiting everything I had for dinner. It reminds me.exactly when I started labor with Brynlee, I woke up said I didn't feel.good and then made a mad dash to the bathroom. My throwing up kick started my contractions. So every time I throw up like.that I am so scared that I'm going to go into labor too early. I can't sleep when this happens and I'm one of those people that need sleep. This pain doesnt stop either, And there is nothing to relieve the pain until i get adjusted the next day.

I'm so tired. I never sleep well and I'm just exhausted and short tempered. I have no support around here except Ben, who works 9 hours a day. I am on egg shells all day about when the pain is going to start. I am going to start going to the chiropractor at least every other week to get adjusted but the dislocating will not stop for the rest of the pregnancy. To be totally blunt and honest I'm so scared of the next 4 months and how it's only going to get worse as time progresses, this makes it really hard to enjoy the process of the wonderful miracle and gift of life that I am blessed enough to participate in.

I feel so bad for complaining about my pain when others struggle to get pregnant and to keep those pregnancies viable. We have experienced some of those same struggles ourselves and i can recall my feelings. At the same time though I wish I could talk about it with someone who understands what it's like to have chronic pain. It's affecting my attitude and my Outlook right now and not in a positive way. Ben ran out to get me a heating pad and I'll be getting a blessing from him when he gets home.

Right now I just needed to write down what I'm feeling to get it out of my system. I need to remind myself that this will pass and in just a matter of months I will have a sweet little baby in my arms as a reward. Heavenly Father doesn't give us what we can't handle, so I am strong enough to get through this and there is a purpose for this pain.

2 Years Old!

2014-01-23T13:01:00.001-08:00

I can't believe that I have a two year old!

Brynlee is the absolute best thing that has happened to our family. She brought us together in a way that I didn't know was possible and is just a little ray of sunshine.

Here are just a few things that I love about you Brynlee bear at two years old...

You're talkative- it's the cutest thing, you have so much to say and sometimes you don't know the right words but something comes out anyway. You tell us (usually) exactly what you want. haha you've also become a little bit bossy, I wonder where you got that from? ;)
You're energetic and playful- oh my is this an understatement! You have so much energy for such a little body! You get excited about everything, and you let that excitement be known. You're pretty loud haha But I love your happy screams, I think they are endearing. When Dad comes home you just light up and run around screaming "daddy home!! Daddy home!!" And immediately you make all of us run after you.
You're loving- You love your stuffed animals and babies. You are so good at rocking them gently and you share your hats and blankets with them really well. You are quick to say sorry and give me a hug when you have had to sit in time-out for a bad choice. You love playing with other kids and are quick to give hugs and kisses. You love to snuggle with me right before nap time. It's one of the best parts of my day. You just get your blanky, binkie, and come snuggle up to me no matter what I am doing. I will stop anything at the drop of a hat when you do that. You love your dad and I so much and we know it. We aren't short on kisses, hugs, and high fives. You set a good example for me to remember to tell you everyday how much I love you.
You're athletic- Man girl, you have a really good kick. You love kicking your ball around the house and are pretty good about kicking it back and forth to us. You also love your trampoline, possibly a little too much! You are a very intense jumper haha and I can tell how you are trying to do your best, and jump as high as you can. You also love to swing off the handle of the trampoline and hang from anything. You've got a good throwing arm too. This can be a good and bad thing though :) Sometimes when you're really happy you just like to throw something, other times when you're mad you will throw something. We call this "hulking out"! You are also so fast. I'm amazed when I watch your little legs run up and down the hall way or outside. Or how fast you spin when you are dancing. You love dancing! We have dance parties throughout the day and I hope we always do this. You remind me to have fun and not care who's watching.
You're persistent (and a little stubborn)- I actually love this about you, you don't give up on something easily. You always try harder and harder. This is going to get you far in life in whatever you decide to do. You know what you like and that's that.
You're funny- When you do something that makes us laugh you definitely know it, and will do it over and over again with the big grin on your face. Just the other day we were eating dinner and we took your dress off to not get dirty and you just turned around and started dancing in the window. It was hilarious. You will make funny faces and do shake your shoulders too. You keep me laughing throughout the day.

So those are just a few things that I love about you :) Here's what you like these days.

Favorite Foods- Turkey, cheese, cucumbers, apples, and broccoli

Favorite Books- The Little Engine that Could, Sofia the First, and the Monster Love book

Favorite Toys- Any trains! Your little kitchen, and your little people princess castle

Favorite Clothes- of my gosh you are obsessed with dresses right now. Everything is "pretty dress"

Favorite TV Show- Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Favorite Movie- Tie between Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast

We also got Brynlee's stats and no wonder her clothes don't fit her well! She only 24 lbs (27th percentile) and 35 inches (75th percentile). We've got a tall little chickadee. Ben and I took bets the other day to see how much she weighed and we were both off. I said 32 lbs and Ben said 34, haha I don't think we can handle a 34lb Brynlee carrying her up our apartment stairs, it's hard enough as it is!

The Silly Things We Do

2014-01-18T23:53:00.001-08:00

So I have a few kind of weird quirky things. I can't have any doors open in our home without getting anxiety (I'm for real). Even when Brynlee is playing with her toy kitchen I find myself constantly shutting her little door because it drives nuts. I also can't stand when puzzles aren't finished! Brynlee has these 3 little wooden puzzles that she loves, but she will decide to take each puzzle and dump out all of the pieces and then put half of them away and then leave the rest. I think she actually likes scattering the pieces more than anything haha. One of Brynlee's funny little things is instead of saying "Thank You" she simply says "To". It started when she was like 10 months old and we thought it was just the cutest thing so we kind of just accepted it as Thank You. But, now that she can actually say thank you, she still does it and it kind of drives me nuts. Brynlee also does this funny little head but with me at the end of the night. When we are reading books in bed she will cuddle up and then randomly start laughing, smiling, and then gently head but me! It doesn't hurt and we are both laughing through the whole things. It's really the funniest thing.

Another odd thing I do is I plan out clothing a little obsessively. I hope this doesn't sound vain, but I love picking out cute outfits for Brynlee, it's one of my favorite things in the world haha. At least when she's throwing a fit over something she looks cute (obviously afterwards when she's said sorry!). It kind of relieves some stress. We love our comfy clothes too though!

So we have a limited budget for clothes and I try to save as much as I can. I usually don't buy clothes in-store, rather online during really good sales (and ebay!). We have a pretty good system down so I only end up buying Brynlee clothes like every few months inside of going out on a regular basis just to browse. I plan out Brynlee's clothes using a little site called Polyvore. When I'm browsing online I will clip a product to polyvore and create a set of items. This just helps me to keep track of what Brynlee has in regards to pants, skirts/dresses, and tops. It's a good way for me to organize and think about what we really need to buy her and it helps me to see how I get the most out of each piece of clothing by just swapping different parts out for a new outfits. I love that I can plan outfits on it! It's just a little fun thing for me to do :) So I subscribe to newsletters from my favorite stores to get updates on sales and I also get special coupons. And slowly check off the items on my list depending on which store is having a sale. I typically spend enough to get free shipping on my orders as well which saves us extra money. Another thing is opening up the store credit card (but paying it off in full each month you use it) and using that I will get an even better discount. Also you get like loyalty money from alot of stores when you use their credit card. For every certain amount they will give you a credit that you can use for an order.

Here's my most recent little outfit planner for Brynlee as she's getting bigger and more and more clothes aren't fitting her. Can you tell I like little jean jackets!

My Kid Has Style- Sprint 2014 by brittanystanly featuring a denim jacket

15 Weeks!

2014-01-14T12:34:00.002-08:00

I had my second Dr's appointment last week- Ben took some time off that day so he could watch Brynlee during it. Next time we go in February we are going to bring Brynlee with us and find out if we are having a boy or girl?! I still can't believe that by next month I will be half way done. Holy cow, this has flown by.

This pregnancy has been pretty different then with Brynlee, but for the better! I really had to change the way I was eating and I've lost 10 lbs :) And I'm constantly running after and playing with a very active two year old. It's only going to get better as soon as we are out of winter and can spend the day outside. My blood pressure was a little high at the appointment, but absolutely nothing to worry about. I also have a dislocated rib, which hurts very very bad.

Brynlee is doing great! I absolutely love playing with her all day, but don't get me wrong I love nap time to. She is in the princess phase right now, but still loves her trains, puzzles, and her trampoline. We also probably spend a good hour or two a day coloring and then reading books. I'm always impressed with how much she likes to read. She can just read on my lap for an hour and not move an inch except to get a new book. She calls all of her books by what they are about to. Thankfully tantrums have greatly subsided! Obviously not entirely, but we have seen a lot of improvement.

I've also realized in the last couple of months that I needed to chill out a bit. I don't like being that high-strung mom who worries about every single thing. So I let Brynlee make a lot of decisions for herself and it seems to work out better for us. I have a pretty independent and strong-willed little one, and I don't want her to lose what makes her special. Giving her choices and using a positive attitude works most of the time. Unless she's hungry or tired- then she's a Bear. Which is where her name Brynlee Bear comes from! Overall though I am so grateful for my happy little girl. She really is the most special thing in my life and I just love that I can spend every day with her. She is FULL of energy, joy, and sass. She loves snuggling with me again, loves princess movies. The baby stage is really cute, but right now is so much fun! I have pulled back a TON in my photography biz so I can be with her more and she can have my full attention. I still take a few sessions a month, but I limit them to basically only on Saturdays when Ben is home and it's during Brynlee's nap time.

Life is nice :) Me and Ben got called to teach the 5 year olds in Primary. They are so stinking cute and smart. I just love asking them questions and listening to their answers. Their answer to everything is "and I followed Jesus" and "do the gospel".

So one of my favorite things in the whole wide world is doing Brynlee's hair. Every day after bath time I pop in a movie or a show that both of us actually enjoy (usually something Disney) and I dry and comb through her hair. She has pretty thick hair so it get tangles easily. Ever since I started using these two products: leave in conditioner and aragon oil it has given her such healthy, silky, and bouncy locks. And it has tamed some pretty annoying fly-aways. I use it myself! I've been told by a couple people that I shouldn't put product in her hair at such a young age, but I think they are full of crap :) It's not like I'm curling and burning her hair. I don't even blow dry it. And the product is meant to replenish her hair. We live in a very dry climate, so why shouldn't her hair get a little TLC. I am however looking for some more gentle products because I've learned that it is a lot of chemicals to put in her hair. I haven't found any that I like that aren't like $20 for 8oz. which seems like a lot to me. I could comb her hair for an hour if she let me :) We tried our first bun today and loved it! I can't wait till her hair gets longer and thicker so I can have more fun with it. She's a trooper too and has no problem sitting on mom's lap and letting me pull at her hair as long as there is something entertaining her. However, if Ben's home Brynlee won't let me do her hair. She'll let dad do her hair, but lets be honest...sorry dads you don't do it as good as us :) haha he still can't put pig tails in! So if Ben's home I ask him to hide out in our bedroom while I do it. It's therapeutic for me and so relaxing! Plus I love the snuggles.

Brynlee has also become so affectionate. She loves to give us hugs and kisses. And whenever Ben gets home she freaks out in squeals, jumping, hugging, kissing, and screaming Daddy. She loves to run down our hallway to jump into our arms laughing and screaming our name. If me and Ben are sitting on the couch together she'll come up and pull our heads together to kiss each other and then to kiss her. She's also getting to be pretty bossy! Since she knows alot more words know and is better at putting sentences together she has no problem telling us exactly what she does and doesn't want to do. She loves her trampoline, little people princess castle, and babies. That trampoline could not have been bought at a better time! With the nasty weather and being stuck inside almost every day (we only have one car) it's so nice to have an outlet for her physical energy! And girl can jump high to.

I think that at times it easy (at least for me) to think of the terrible two's, but it's gotten so much better than it was for a while so I wanted to be sure to write it down so I don't forget! I feel like our day is filled much more with happiness, dancing, and giggles rather than time-outs and tears.

Our Big News

2013-12-16T21:02:00.000-08:00

We are so excited to share that we are expecting baby #2!! Ah I can't really believe it still :) I'm just too happy. We had been trying for a few months then decided to take a break and try to loose some weight. Then we find out "taking a break" is apparently just what we need :) Because we got pregnant right away.

Due date is July 2nd, 2014. I'm measuring small (thankfully) and everything looks very very good. I've lost about 10lbs this first trimester because I have the worst morning sickness. For real, it's debilitating. I basically live off of granola bars and water. My midwife down here at Rosemark in Idaho Falls is so nice and I'm really happy that we chose her! I got the best impression of her at my first appointment because I had to bring Brynlee with me. So even with my cute (but very naught that day) toddler running around and throwing tantrums she was so friendly, patient, and just a gem. She wanted to here all about my pregnancy and labor and delivery with Brynlee (which I love to talk about!) So it was really fun and she totally on board with my approach on how I want to labor and deliver on my own terms again. I seriously love labor, like really love it! I'll be the first to admit I wasn't the best pregnant woman the first time around; I gained way too much weight, didn't exercise enough, and was just a grumpy person. But labor and delivery- man I got that and seriously enjoyed it!

We have guesses that it will be a boy because it feels so different then with Brynlee. It's still really early in the pregnancy (I'm just shy of 12 weeks), but this time around I don't want to eat anything. And when I do actually want to eat it's really simple food (nothing spicy, greasy, ew I'm getting sick just thinking about it) and I can only eat a tiny little bit. I'm also so bloated, I feel like I can't breath well most of the time (okay exaggerating a little), but it is very uncomfortable, and I am beyond tired. I could sleep like 9 hours a night and still feel like I'm going to snooze off during the day.

Brynlee is so cute. I love how much she loves on her baby dolls and when I ask her where the baby is she'll come over and touch my stomach and say baby and blow it a case. I have no doubt that it will definitely be a transition, but I'm really lucky at how much she loves babies and is just fascinated by them. The only draw back is now when I throw up Brynlee imitates me. Yea, you read that right. She runs after me and says "potty yuck" and then proceeds to copy the yucky sounds coming out of my mouth.

I'm retiring!! Maybe retiring isn't the right word, but I'm not taking any more photography sessions (other than the ones I have booked) until I feel much better. It's too difficult to find the time to edit and honestly the sessions are really taking a toll on me. Newborn sessions take usually 3 hours and it's so hot. I usually have to run out of the room at least once to throw up and I am just way to tired by the end and feel terrible the rest of the day and the next day. It's not fair to clients and it's not fair to me. So I don't know when I will start back up again. But to be totally honest, I wont ever be working again as much as I have this year. I did over 100 sessions and I'm totally burnt out from it. I didn't pace myself at all and it took me longer to get people their pictures. While I learned so much in such a short period of time I've also learned about what is most import to me. My family. Taking a session once a week isn't bad, but you tack on the amount of time you have to prepare for it (emails, phone calls, etc), set up, clean up, actually do it, and then edit and follow up. One a week right now is too much for me. Somw people are amazing multi taskers- I am not one of them. The last couple weeks I have slowed down has showed me that I need to do this for a while. I feel so much less stress, I'm happy, Brynlee's happy, even Ben is happier. The extra income is nice, but I barely make anything after you look into how much I have actually invested into it. In hind sight I jumped in head first and went too big too fast. Lesson learned!

Also Brynlee is turning 2 this week! Wait, what? That can't be right. Yep, my girl will be two years old this Saturday. I'm going to weep all day probably. She is just the best little thing in the world and makes us so happy and keeps us on our toes. I can't wait to see Brynlee with him/her, hold another newborn, and try that breastfeeding thing again ;)

Ideas for Brynlee's Birthday

2013-12-08T21:44:00.000-08:00

Okay, so how bad is it that we aren't doing a party? We did a nice one last year for her first birthday but I feel like the worst mom ever, since we don't have any family coming up and not many friends around here. Since Brynlee's birthday is December 21st we decided that we are going to do a half birthday party for her in the June when family can come out. Every adult that I have talked to that has had a birthday really close to Christmas has expressed to me that they feel like there birthday always got combined with Christmas instead of being it's own celebration. They also told me that growing up it was hard for parents to throw parties for them because people are so busy with the holiday and out of town. I REALY don't want Brynlee to ever feel like her birthday is lumped in with the holiday because both are so important! Birthdays are special and only happen once a year and Christmas is special because it celebrates the birth of Christ and is only once a year. haha it seems like there may not be enough room for both of them!!

So since her second birthday is going to be a family celebration for the three of us this year I've been trying to come up with some ideas :)

Birthday breakfast- have balloons and a birthday banner and do a fun breakfast like clown pancakes just fun little designs with food and maybe sprinkle bananas (seriously they are delicious haha)
Play and have fun in the morning with the balloons and let her open a couple of presents
Nap time in our birthday pajamas
I-jump for wee-jump time
Probably McDonalds (her favorite play place haha) or Denny's for birthday dinner
Home for birthday cake, a couple more presents, and a birthday movie.

I think like that sounds like a pretty fun day! Last year I kind of went all out with her birthday but it's been much more difficult this time around because of how sick we have all been. I think she'll have a nice birthday though with lots of fun and love :)

Life!

2013-12-05T11:58:00.001-08:00

We are so excited right now! Before this time next year we will be completely out of credit card debt (and will NEVER get back into it). So we have been really productive with our finances right now and cut back our spending quite a bit. Which is kind of hard to do around the holidays, but it's okay :) We are finally starting to start to save for a down payment on a home, haha in like three years. We are still good with living in an apartment (or renting a townhome hopefully soon) for another couple of years to save up quite a bit. We also don't really want to purchase a house in Idaho because we know that we won't be here for more then like 2 years tops. Brynlee will be just two years old still, so she will only see the magic of Christmas and not sitting there counting how many birthday and Christmas presents she got. However, we did get her one big present for her birthday and one big present for Christmas. I actually feel really bad for her that her birthday is just a couple days before Christmas. We make every effort to not lump the two together, but unfortunately some of our family has forgotten that her birthday is not the same as Christmas. Now I'm not saying that she needs double the gifts or anything. But simply taking one gift from Christmas and wrapping it up in birthday paper with a little birthday card is good enough for us. We never want her to feel like her birthday isn't as special as others because it's right before a huge holiday. We think that when she is a little older we are going to celebrate her half birthday in June with the whole party shebang, and then just do cake on her actual birthday....it's still in the works!

Anyways I've know become like addicted to looking at houses haha. A little bit to far in advance, but if we stay on track with what we are saving (and that will just about double as soon as cards are paid off) we have a good budget to start with when looking for what type of home we would like. It's funny to see how different two people are! Ben would rather have an older home with a little bit more space and I'm the opposite. I'd rather have a newer home that's nice and may not have as much square footage. We have decided though that a basement is a must (finished or unfinished is still the debate), we need 4+ bedrooms, and we need a yard. We'd both rather our kids have smaller individual rooms than sharing a room.

So enough with that. I'm just happy that we are on track and life is good!! :)

When I Grow Up....

2013-10-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

I have some big plans up my sleeves for the next five years!! We plan on moving when Ben gets done with school in about a 1.5-2 years. Till then I will be doing newborn sessions in the spare room of our apartment. However, when we move I am going to totally and completely revamp my business.

We're trying to have another baby, but chances our it's going to take us a while just like the last time! We are taking a break for 6 months and I'm on trying to loose weight. I don't want to get pregnant at the size I am because 1) it not healthy, 2) I'll only get bigger!, and 3) I don't know if I would ever loose the weight. SO we have been eating at home more, using the elliptical, and I've been sure to get outside with Brynlee for a few hours every day. So far I've lost 10 lbs, but it's all water weight probably. My appetite has gone down a ton though :)

So ideally we'll get pregnant with baby #2 before we move (and hopefully have her here shortly before we move). I'll take some time off when we move to a new state and then start up again in a few months. This is just a dream plan, let's see how life actually plays out!!

I have been talking with Ben how ideally I would really like to expand my business more and because more reputable and established. I don't want to be known as the "cheap photographer". I would like to change the name to something more specific to newborns (eventually I want to only take them and babies) and a little bit cute and whimsical because that's my style.

I also plan on 5 years having completely changed the structure of my business. In 5 years I'd like to be able to earn enough to get an actual studio space outside of the home to take sessions, consultations, and do to preview and ordering sessions. No more shoot and burn! Eventually, I won't be offering a print release (unless they want to pay $300+) and I'd like to make a good living selling prints and canvases to a higher clientele. So this means that in the next few years I will need to invest in more education (I'd really like to attend a workshop), a new camera body, a new lens, better studio lighting, and an external flash. Also, there is a lot of money and work that goes into making a studio space. Which means I need to start saving now!! :)

Here's some studio inspiration:

18 Months

2013-06-23T23:19:00.000-07:00

Oh man this mommy job definitely gets harder when you have a toddler on your hands! Totally worth it though when she gives me great big hugs, holds my hands, and blows me kisses.

We also have raised a monkey. Seriously, the similarities are hilarious! We have a very active little child. She LOVES climbing everything and is pretty adventurous. She knows how to climb up the chairs on top of the table and then into her chair. She also loves to walk on the counters. We've had to rearrange some furniture to help curb her enthusiasm for climbing and avoid any broken bones in the future. She still manages to find ways to climb though.

She also loves her slide! We got her a little toddler slide and we keep it out in the living room. Whenever we want to distract her there are 3 things we say, 1) can you show me how to go down the slide, 2) where's your sippy cup and 3) can you find your baby doll. It's amazing how she can follow directions. She doesn't say many words, just momma, dada, hi, what's that, who's that, hat, cheese, and occasionally shoes. She still signs for more and all done though. However yesterday we told her to go find her shoes and she said, "where shoes?" while looking in the closet. I was pretty proud :)

Brynlee is also a total ham. We went out for dinner at McDonalds the other night (don't judge us!) and the minute we got there she was so happy to see everyone there and was running up to them waving and saying Hi. Although she definitely has her moments of tantrum she generally is so happy and kind to people. She has been in nursery twice now and is loving it! She actually gets a little sad when we come to pick her up because she knows she's going to be leaving all her little buddies.

I also got called to teach primary! I'm teaching the 7-8 year olds, so the kids who are preparing to be baptized for have already been baptized this year. It's a pretty sweet gig for the most part. Granted I never get to talk to anyone in our ward, but my kids are fun. We have one really special little guy who is severely autistic, completely out of nowhere he will randomly jump out of his seat and start hitting someone. Ben explained it to me that they aren't necessarily doing it out of anger, but rather the sensation that hitting gives them. I had my first experience with this today which was completely nuts! He calmed down though and was completely fine in just a matter of minutes. I have to say to that he has the absolutely sweetest smile and it seriously melts my heart. I sit next to him and call him my little buddy, and he told me that I was his favorite teacher. Ah shucks, this kid really is special!

Work has been good for both me and Ben. He just finished teaching his training class and had a really good time. He starts another one at the end of August and after putting in two of those classes he's hoping that a higher position will open up for him within the company. Work has been really busy with me and I'm still trying to find a balance. I try really hard not to work when Brynlee is awake, but to use that time to spend it with her or clean the house. This means though that I typically don't even go to bed until 1 or 2 am. I definitely can't complain though. I'm so grateful that I have been able to pursue this dream of mine and help contribute to our income. Definitely comes with some challenges, but for the most part it's great.

I've had to change my business structure a tad (I'm sure no one reading this even gives a hoot though!) Before I wasn't requiring deposits but I have been getting a TON of bookings over the last couple of weeks. I now have at least three scheduled sessions a week clear out till September! Then from September through October I have all my weekends booked but one. SO if you are wanting a session, be sure to email me right away! I wasn't requiring deposits but then I had one family simply not show up to their Saturday evening session (which are very valuable!) and I had two newborn no-shows. Stupid people. So those three bad apples ruined it for the whole bunch. I now require a 50% nonrefundable deposit to reserve your date, which is then subtracted from the total. Most people have been really understanding of why I'm doing this, but you always get one person who doesn't want to pay it. And to them I say...well find someone else then! Just kidding, I don't say that. Deposits however are NEVER negotiable. It's also a wonderful way to help me budget actually running a business and estimate our additional income for the month. Anyways, enough of that business talk. I have no problem saying though that I am really proud of myself! :)

On a more personal note, we can't wait to have another baby! No baby yet, but we are working on that. Brynlee is going to be one awesome big sister. Just the other day at Church this little boy was crying in the hallway and Brynlee went up to him to pat his back and give him a hug, it was so dang sweet. She loves babies, probably a little too much so we are working on her being a little bit more gentle.

The Baby Bug

2013-05-18T18:09:00.000-07:00

Oh it happened! Remember me saying that I wasn't baby hungry...yea not anymore. Just in the last few weeks we have been thinking and talking about it a lot. Ben has been wanting us to have another baby for quite some time, but it's me that is a little more hesitant It's probably because Brynlee is getting older and I see how much she LOVES babies and plays so well with other kids (well, usually). We want to try to get pregnant sometime in August or September. I don't care what anyone says; I really really want a summer baby. I know how hard it is firsthand with Brynlee being born so close to Christmas and we want to try and spread the joy out throughout the year. Obviously there is only so much we can control though, so I will just cross my fingers :) I already have names picked out though for a boy or a girl. I'm going to be keeping them a secret though! Seriously I don't want to tell anyone until he/she is born. And no- neither of them start with a B.

Mothers day was good, but to be honest it was a rough day for us. Brynlee didn't go down for a nap before Church so when we got there she was over-tired and just wanted to run around like crazy. Eventually we ended up leaving after the first two hours so Brynlee could get a nap in before dinner and I didn't lose my mind. Ben asked me what I wanted him to make me for dinner and I told him; honestly I want Olive Garden! I have been dying for some lately so he was sweet enough to take me out for dinner right when I wanted it. He's a champ.

The BIG D

2013-05-08T08:02:00.001-07:00

You know that absolutely terrifying heartbreaking word right...DIVORCE. Hold your horses though and don't jump to conclusions, we are not divorcing or even heading down that road. We had a rough year right before Brynlee was born and shortly after but thankfully we both changed for the better and couldn't love each other and our little family more than we do right now. Yes, we definitely disagree with each other sometimes, but for the most part we are on the same page.

Just this morning though while I was wasting time on facebook, I came across a little 'announcement' made by a past co-worker of mine. She had explained on facebook that her and her husband were getting a divorce. They were sealed in the temple and past students at BYU-Idaho. In a nutshell she said that she has suffered for three years and has sought a lot of counsel from their Bishop and prayer, and that enough was enough she had to think of herself.

I couldn't help but think to myself one; this is so sad, and two; how does this happen?

How do people who were once madly in love with each other and made such sacred promises get to the point of wanting to dissolve their partnership and move on without one another. Now I'm not saying anything else about this couple, this is just my own thoughts on the matter of divorce (not their divorce in particular because its frankly none of my business).

I don't think that divorce sneaks up on people; I think it comes gradually over a period of time. Feelings of anger, resentment, hostility, rejection, and distrust slowly drown a couple. Marital matters that should be resolved or at least worked on are either swept under the rug or approached in the wrong manner. By approaching in the wrong manner I mean- when you spouse comes to you with an honest complaint and you get defensive and either want to get back at them or not want to listen to them. We all have different aspects of ourselves as husbands and wives that we need to work on. Let's be honest nobody is perfect. I have met those amazing couples who seem to have so much love, compassion, and admiration for one another but also comes over time. I can honestly say that even though right now I am trying to be the best wife and mother I can be (an oftentimes I feel like I fall short), I think that in 5 years, 10 years, heck even 20 years down the road I will be so much better than I am now. Life is about progressing.

As a couple we should strive to progress with one another. When we stop progressing towards become better and more Christlike than we are slowly opening the door for negativity to enter into our relationship. This is the same for a marriage- even when one person stops progressing it puts a strain and a burden on the relationship.

Even though I feel like I answered my question; I keep asking myself the question again- how does this happen? My parents divorce was not one that was drawn out. I was only 5 years old. It was a pretty simple divorce and I don't remember too much from that time (that's probably a blessing!). My parents disagreed a lot (so I've been told), but that wasn't the main cause of their divorce. My Dad left my mom for another woman. Pretty plain and simple. He loved this other 'woman' (I put that in parenthesis because in my opinion any woman who actively pursues a married man loses complete and all respect from me, and I don't think she should be honored with the amazing title that it is to be a woman) more than he loved his family. He put his selfish and stupid desires above his commitment to his family, and in the end it only left him with heartache.

So I think I've figured it out- divorce is cause by a lack of caring on either one or both individuals part. A lack of caring about each other's welfare I think it happens when people turn inward instead of outward When they put their own needs above others; not only their spouses, but their families, their children, etc.

Well, if you made it to the end congratulations! This may sound like rambling but I like to write down my thoughts and Ben's at work so I can't talk to him so the internet will have to do.

One thing that I really got out of writing this is that I need to hold my husbands hand more, talk to him more, listen to him more, confide in him more, and especially pray and go to the temple with him more. I'm so grateful that we have been sealed in the temple and that we can have the Spirit in our home and in our marriage when we are actively pursuing to be better people. I'm grateful that we both decided to change for the better and that we overcame the rough patch that we had back in Rexburg. I'm really grateful that we can disagree and constructively come to a decision. I'm grateful that I don't need to bottle everything up and explode, but that I can talk to him about anything and that he is a great listen.

Hug your loved ones a little tighter today.

I was that girl who cried at church today...

2013-04-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

You know when you are having one of those days...or better yet a week. I try to be patient, kind, and calm, but then I just bottle everything up and turn into a weeping mess.

Let me start at the beginning for you. Church is very hard for us to attend- let alone stay all three hours. It's right during B's nap time and no matter how hard we try to adjust it, it doesn't happen. So we end up going to Church- basically every Sunday- with a cranky little girl. When Brynlee has an attitude, it is bad. Like really bad. Embarrassing bad; makes me feel like a failure of a mother kind of bad. Today was no different than the last couple of Sundays. During the week she is the easiest girl to go down for a nap, and thankfully still does two a day. However, when Sunday comes along it's all down hill till 4pm when we get home and she goes straight to sleep.

At church all she want's to do is run around. We live in a very old ward though, if you know what I mean. So I get disapproving looks from elderly women on a regular basis about her running around. She's an active kid! While she does enjoy reading at home- when she is not home she loves to explore everywhere and everything. Trying to get her to stay in one spot and sit contently is like trying to tie down a wild boar with a piece of dental floss- it's impossible! I do try though- I try my freaking hardest to get her to be calm and learn to be reverent when we are at Church. Am I succeeding---as far as I can tell...no. I'll keep trying though!

Well after a rough sacrament meeting we went into Sunday School. As soon as we sat down in our chairs Brynlee starts trying to get out of the room. When you tell her no and try to redirect her attention- sometimes it works and sometimes it's a complete fail. Today was a fail- with her throwing her body on the ground and yelling for a few seconds. This is all when people are trying to come into the room mind you- so now Brynlee is making her own human barricade.

I pick her up and she just yells louder and arches her back to get out of my grip. I give up and put her on the ground- hoping I can redirect her with a snack, a bunch of toys, anything! Well it doesn't work and she goes running out the door. Ben goes outside to try and rangel her. Meanwhile I unconsciously let out a loud, "UGHHH" and put my hand on my forehand. The lady in front of us turned around smiled and laughed, I just looked at her and said, "it's just one of those days" and she gave me a pitty smile. I know that she didn't mean anything negative by it at all, she is very nice, it probably reminded her of when her own kids were younger. However, for some reason my heart broke. I started crying right there. I couldn't help it. Because of my own insecurities I took it as "oh that girl can't manage her toddler", even though I'm positive that's not what she was thinking.

I then had to make the long walk to the bathroom trying to hide the tears coming out my eyes. And of course as soon as I get into the bathroom- it's completely jammed packed! I wait patiently avoiding eye contact with anyone because by then I really did look like a mess. When I got into the bathroom stall I just buried my face into a bunch of toilet paper trying to muffle the sound of me bawling.

I guess I just needed a good cry. I used to be a cryer- but I'm not so much anymore. I think the stress that I put on myself and that society puts on all of us to be the best mothers and raise the best kids just overwhelmed me today.

I calmed myself down and waited till everyone left and then cleaned myself off and then had a good rest of Church. I feel much better now too! I guess we all deserve a good cry once in a while. Happy Sunday!

16 Months Old

2013-04-23T22:12:00.001-07:00

Oh my has time flown by! We are at the 16 month mark and boy have things changed a bit. My once sweet little lady, has now just as much attitude as she does sweetness. It's not all bad though, she can hold her own in a crowd, is not scared of others at all, plays extremely well with other kids, and does a pretty good job at sharing too. However, we have also been blessed with...biting (ouch), hitting (absolutely not), and of course bossing mom around (yea, that doesn't go over well). 3 minute tantrums are now a daily thing, however so are lots of kisses, hugs, smiles, and laughter. It can't be good all the time right?

At 16 months Brynlee is trying to roll over from her headstand. Climbs literally everything. And I'm talking actually scales it! Runs into everything whenever she gets really excited and happy about something. I swear people probably think we beat her with the number of bruises that she has gotten this week! When Brynlee gets hurt she doesn't run to anyone for comfort. Instead she runs AWAY from you screaming. Within a few minutes though she calms down and will come to you for some lovin'.

Brynlee's also got a few words down now: no, stop it, up, sit (which still sounds like shiz), Momma and Dada (obviously), what's that, who's that, and occasionally she'll say banana. We are desperately trying to teach her please and thank you, but so far nothing.

As far as food goes, this child will basically eat everything. However in the last week she has decided that she desperately HATES peas. Don't you dare even put them on her plate. She loves grilled chicken, green beans, black beans, pears and peaches, PB&J's, broccoli and especially carrots. She would seriously eat only carrots if I let her. She's also still in mainly 12 month clothes but is starting to make her way into some 18 month pants. They are to big around her waste, but fit her legs lengthwise. My small fry. She's still has that cute little baby fat, but is light as a feather (except every time I walk up stairs with her I feel like she is 20lbs. heavier lol)

Two months till nursey! We are sooo excited! Church is so hard for us. It's from 1pm-4pm so right at lunch and nap time. Completely throws her off the whole day. So I'm not really sure how or when we are going to try to change her nap time so that she doesn't get difficult during nursery.

Alright one last thing! I always take pictures of Brynlee's face or whole body. I have realized though that I have forgotten to take some good pictures of her tiny little features. You know those wrinkly little hands, teeny tiny feet, those little curls on the back of her head. Yesterday I whipped out my camera and tried my hardest to take some pictures of those little details that we sometimes forget. They go away so fast! I'm so happy that I did. When I sat down to go through and edit her pictures I got all choked up and teary eyed because I really see how she is growing up. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in that stage that wishes their kids would stay baby's forever. I'm perfectly content, excited, and thrilled to watch her grow and develop. Yes, this 16 months has been such a blast, but let's be honest....the next 18+ years are going to be blasts to! It goes by fast though, so ladies get out your camera, iphones, whatever you have and take some snap shots of those delicate little features that by tomorrow will have changed.

Good Old Bathtime

2013-04-09T09:46:00.002-07:00

One of our favorite parts of the day! Brynlee rarely sits down in the bath anymore and prefers to stand up dancing, splashing, and stomping. She is certainly a hoot.

However, after the bath last night all heck broke loose. We were up all night, she just did not want to go to sleep. Not pleasant one bit.

Brynlee's nicknames- Bugs, Bear, B, sweets, lil' momma, and Brynny.