It’s weird when you lose control.  Because once you let go?  It’s almost like you don’t remember what it felt like to hold on.

Depression is a chameleon.  That’s part of it’s charm.  It almost never looks the same, which makes it all that much easier to feel like you’re completely alone.  Or at least…for me anyway.  There goes that damn chameleon again.

But eventually, with some work, you do figure out how to get your grip back again.  And then you kind of can’t remember what it felt like to let go.  You start to enjoy the ride.  And it’s wonderful.

That’s when the fallout starts.

The thing {of the many many things} about mental illness is it is a master of justification.  All of the dark thoughts and the rage and the sadness and the pain and the utter isolation — all of it feels so justifiable.  So RIGHT.  And so the things you do?  The ways you react?  The people who get caught in the crossfire?  It just feels…natural.

But once you get that grip back — and you start to form some callouses again so that you can think of something besides the pain of your bleeding palms from the sheer effort of LIVING — you start to look around and see the fallout.  All around you.  In a million different ways.

Some of what you treasured — those people, relationships, efforts, dreams — some are left standing.  Others, less so.  And you start to rebuild.  To relearn how to be, up here where everyone’s got a grip.

Homemade Marshmallows | Recipe courtesy of Alton Brown

What You’ll Need:

• 3 packages unflavored gelatin
• 1 cup ice cold water, divided
• 12 ounces granulated sugar, approximately 1 1/2 cups
• 1 cup light corn syrup
• 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/4 cup confectioners’ sugar
• 1/4 cup cornstarch
• Nonstick spray

Place the gelatin into the bowl of a stand mixer along with 1/2 cup of the water. Have the whisk attachment standing by.

In a small saucepan combine the remaining 1/2 cup water, granulated sugar, corn syrup and salt. Place over medium high heat, cover and allow to cook for 3 to 4 minutes. Uncover, clip a candy thermometer onto the side of the pan and continue to cook until the mixture reaches 240 degrees F, approximately 7 to 8 minutes. Once the mixture reaches this temperature, immediately remove from the heat.

Turn the mixer on low speed and, while running, slowly pour the sugar syrup down the side of the bowl into the gelatin mixture. Once you have added all of the syrup, increase the speed to high. Continue to whip until the mixture becomes very thick and is lukewarm, approximately 12 to 15 minutes. Add the vanilla during the last minute of whipping. While the mixture is whipping prepare the pans as follows.

This typology wallpaper from Wall & Decò (brought to my attention by my friend Candice – thanks Candice!) has my heart all aflutter.  It also got me thinking about what other kinds of stuff could be used as wallpaper.  Like that huge hoarders bunch of chopsticks I’ve amassed.

Rowr.  Do you think it will be my valentine?  (via)

(via)

Ever since a tantalizing ten seconds of a present-day Matthew Broderick as Ferris Bueller hit the web last week, speculation over “Super Bowl or Sequel” started spreading like wildfire.  And then yesterday morning when the full spot was revealed I was all: “Oh, I am ALL OVER Ferris Bueller today”. But I never expected a two minute super bowl commercial to take me on such an emotioncoaster. I was elated. I was nauseated. I mean…I’ve written for campaigns that have had less of an effect on me.

So here I am 24 hours later still staring at my blank posting screen in kind of confused horror? (Yes…that’s a question…I’m still not totally clear on how I feel here.)

I’m gonna need you guys to talk this one out with me.

On the one hand, I DO like to feel like I’m in on the joke, and it was fun to see that Ferris Bueller still lives in Matthew Broderick.  He’s one of the greatest characters of all time (YES HE IS, and I went to film school you guys, so I totally know about movies.) But on the other, much larger, more slapping-me-in-the-face hand…MAY JOHN HUGHES FOREVER HAUNT YOU IN YOUR DREAMS, HONDA ADVERTISING PEOPLE.

I’m actually really not that snobby about very many things. But when it comes to the residents of Shermer, Illinois?  I’m so snobby that I have to refer to them by the obscure fictional town from which they hail. I’m of the generation that counts Jake Ryan as Prince Charming, and John Bender as James Dean.  Because it’s true.

Anyway, Honda is touting over two dozen movie references in the Todd Phillips (Old School, The Hangover) directed spot, and encouraging fans to tweet finds with the hashtag #dayoff.  See for yourself:

I mean, it reeks of sell-outery, but I’ve never been one to judge a creative professional for trying to make a buck. Still, I dunno…it left me feeling kind of empty or something. Am I just too pretentious for words? Or is it possible that deep down in my pop culture loving heart Ferris Bueller maybe meant more to me than a CR-V and a couple of cheap laughs?

(Also I don’t know about you but I could have probably been singing a different tune if we got to see Jennifer Grey and Charlie Sheen making out on a bench somewhere.)

- This post was originally published on BlogHer Entertainment.

- So was this American Idol recap.  And this interview I did with Brooke White.  Also I’m the Editor over at BlogHer Pop, so if you have any pop culture musings of your own you’d like to share…don’t be shy.