After communicating

If even after your communicating, he or she does not take steps to keep you happy/ work on the relationship/ or agree to see a professional, then start to seriously consider moving on. More often than not, people tend to stay in bad relationships for fear of not finding a better one. However, this is the biggest mistake that you can make. To quote from Helen Keller, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”

Take stock of other relationships in life

Besides looking at your marriage, it is also important to take stock of other relationships in your life as well. Make sure that you are living life according to your likes and dislikes and are not giving too much of yourself without receiving anything in return. If a relationship causes you more harm than good, then it is time for you to let go of that relationship and start working on those that are good for you. Alot of people suffer from relationships that are more demanding than giving, and this ends up breeding negative thoughts and bitter feelings.

Recognizing and accepting

Acknowledging that a relationship has failed does not make you a failure but only gives you an opportunity to learn from it and cherish those that are successful. While some people may think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go…

1. Timing

Your baby’s safety should always come first, so if you plan on flying during your vacation you may want to check the airline’s policy regarding pregnant women before you get your flight tickets. Some airlines do not allow women who are beyond 36 weeks to fly. Some airlines may also require you to submit a doctors note if you are more than 28 weeks pregnant. If you are unsure of your airline’s policies, contact a customer service representative to ask about whether or not you will be eligible to travel.

Besides airline regulations, your personal comfort should be considered when planning a vacation while you are pregnant. Many women find their second trimester the ideal time to travel. Many women are plagued by morning sickness during their first trimester and very tired during their third trimester.

Of course, by their second trimester morning sickness has usually subsided but fatigue has not yet set in making this a great time to travel. Every woman is different though and you may feel ready to travel at a different time.

2. Circulation

Your blood circulation can become impaired at a certain altitude, so be sure to drink plenty of liquids. Make a point of standing up and walking the length of the airplane once or twice every hour of your flight. If you are driving to your vacation destination, be prepared to make frequent stops to get out of the car and walk around a little

Maintaining proper hydration levels is also important when you are traveling while you are pregnant. Many travelers forget to drink water while they are on vacation but pregnant women cannot afford to do so. Carry bottled water with you wherever you go and maintain your hydrations levels while you are traveling.

Proper nutrition on a trip is also important for pregnant women. It is not uncommon for those on vacation to eat large meals. Try not to do this and instead travel with non perishable, healthy snacks so that you can eat small meals throughout the day to maintain your glucose levels.

3. Due Dates

If you are close to your due date, be sure to research the doctors in the location you are flying to. Labor can come early and unexpectedly, so always have a plan. Some medical insurances do not cover you while you are on vacation so be sure to check whether or not your insurance will cover your hospital bills.

Source: Free Articles

Madagascar 3 in a nutshell

Alex (the lion), Marty(the zebra), Gloria(the hippo) and Melman(the giraffe) are still fighting to get home to their beloved Big Apple. Their journey takes them through Europe where they find the perfect cover: a traveling circus, which they reinvent – Madagascar style.

How to win

Just answer two questions below in our Facebook comment box and stand a chance to win a pair of Madagascar 3 tickets!

Question 1: Tell us the title of this post. (Click on the link to find out)

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Submission deadline: June 5th at noon

Winners will be announced at the end of June 5th on our Facebook page. Look out for it.

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Madagascar 3 in a nutshell

The delivery

A 22 – year –old mother of three other children, went into labour with her potential fourth child. The delivery took place at the Santa Isabel maternity hospital in Aracaju in northeastern Brazil, and quickly turned into a horrendous medical disaster.

The delivery was not an easy one. The woman’s cousin said “she went through a lot of suffering, it was hours and hours and a lot of pain and discomfort, with doctors pushing on her stomach, trying everything to make the baby come out”.

When it all went wrong

Everything was going normally until the mother heard something crack, she then knew something was wrong and her fears were confirmed when one of the doctors exclaimed “Marcos, are you crazy?” The panicking mother asked what was happening but received no answer.

Without warning, she was rushed for an emergency surgery in which the headless body of her baby was removed.

The verdict

There was no comment from the team of doctors as to what exactly went wrong, nonetheless, the affected family is reportedly suing the hospital for medical negligence. But how exactly can the family respond to such a tragic case, where because of possible carelessness from doctors, a young life was lost.

What prevents doctors from negligence in their work? When it all boils down, a doctor may simply treat his job as a job, regardless of the fact that he is handling lives every day. What do our readers think?

Illustration only

The kidnap

It was on a Sunday evening when internet marketer Chin Xin-Ci was alone, loading her shopping bags into the rear seat of her boyfriend’s car. All of a sudden, the car door was slammed into her back and a meat cleaver was pressed to her throat. A skinny, moustached Indian man then shoved Chin into the backseat, all the while waving the cleaver and warning her not to scream.

A second person appeared, a Malay man with a crewcut, and he grabbed Chin’s car keys before takingthe driver’s seat. The Indian man got into the backseat with Chin and began to make sexual advances towards her. In her note posted on Facebook, Chin said that in that moment it hit her. ”Oh my God. Oh my God. This is really happening. I’m being kidnapped.. and I think I know what they want.”

A daring escape

Fortunately for Chin Xin-Ci, she managed to escape alive and in her Facebook note, she attributed her survival to several important decisions she made in the car.

1.       She managed to get into a position to escape

In the car, the Indian man tried to force her body to the floor, a position which would severely diminish her chances of escape.  Instead she begged him to let her sit up, promising not to scream or attract attention. When he gripped her arm tightly, she told him that it really hurt and pleaded with him to loosen his grip, which he eventually did.

2.       She did not fight for the sake of fighting

Chin decided not to fight in the car. She assessed her surroundings and realized she was in a small, enclosed space, with no clear escape route. There were two assailants and they had sharp weapons. She might have been knocked out cold and thus easier to kidnap.

3.       She used her cunning

The car doors were locked by Chin knew that the only way to escape, was to jump out of the car, even if it was moving. She leaned back, pretending to scratch her hair, and shakily unlocked the door she was leaning on.

4.       She made her move at the right time

Chin knew that the car would have to slow down outside the parking lot, as it exited to merge with the main road. When the car slowed down, she threw open the door and tried to make a run for it. However both men struggled to pull her back in. Chin remembered thinking “Even if I don’t get out now, I need to keep the door open and my legs out the door. At the very least, it should cause a scene, and someone would see me. Or, the door might hit another car and they’ll be forced to slow down.” She kept kicking, elbowing, struggling and even biting, until the Malay driver yelled “BAGI DIA LEPAS! BAGI DIA LEPAS!” (Let her go! Let her go!) and the Indian man loosened his grip. She was free.

Chin’s advice

Chin shared this story to warn women out there to be vigilant. She urged girls not to go out alone and not take the their mothers’ fears lightly. In her words: “We never think it’s going to happen to us… and then it does. I used to think that this is something that happens only in the papers and to people far, far removed from me. But then it did happen to me.”

Be open about your goals

Communication is absolutely essential in a marriage and it can prevent many unnecessary fights that arise. These are some topics that you and your spouse need to discuss to maintain a good understanding of each other’s needs.

How many kids do we want?

What kind of life do we want?

What kind of education will our kids receive?

When will we retire?

Ideally, you and your spouse should have discussed these topics before getting hitched, but it’s better late than never!

Talking about your goals and expectations will help your spouse and you to take a realistic look at your financial situation and how it needs to be improved  or changed.

Support your spouse’s decisions

If your partner feels that he or she isn’t ready to have a family because they don’t feel financially comfortable or want to focus their career first, be understanding and supportive of their decisions.

Work out a ‘game plan’ and set a deadline to save up the necessary amount of money or get that much needed promotion.

This will take a whole lot of cooperation as both of you need to be comfortable with the deadline and work hard to meet it, but it’s better than forcing your spouse to have children when they aren’t ready.

Talk about family spending styles

Before you and your spouse have children, talk about what kind of spending style you’d prefer for your family.

Is your spouse more pampering, while you’re more frugal? Instead of accusing your spouse of being a spendthrift, sit down and talk to them so that you can understand their point of view.

Then, discuss how you want to teach your child about money, so that the both of you can come to a reasonable compromise.

 Remember to remain objective

Through any money-related conflict with your spouse, remain objective and try not to bring up other factors or problems in the marriage. Also, refrain from criticising or name-calling when disagreeing about finances.

You and your spouse should strive to manage your financial situation like a business. Be transparent and responsible with your spending and make sure every cent is accounted for. Try not to make huge purchases, like a brand new crib or baby stroller, without talking to your spouse about it first.

Your marriage is a union; so when it comes to money, respect your spouse as you would a business partner.

Be open about your goals

When I was a teenager, I was also angry with my parents and I was a poster child for teenage angst. I think my mother had a difficult time dealing with me way back then. And now that I am a parent, I meet parents whose usual concern is how to handle their angry teenagers. I hear them complaining because they cannot understand their kids. This must be a concern of most parents who have youngsters at home.

What if I sense that my child is angry? How could I deal with him or her? These questions made me look further about the subject and I discovered the following tips that parents can implement.

1. Understand the psychology of your child’s stage. The adolescence stage is a turbulent stage and a difficult time for teens. This is a time when your child experiences identity confusion. It is not a question whether he is a boy or a girl but it has something to do with the role he or she is going to play. He or she is often confused: Am I old enough to act like this or too young to act in a certain manner? As a parent, you need to understand, guide and support your growing child. Understand that his or her hormones make him or her experience mood swings. Thus, your teen easily gets frustrated and angry.

2. Determine your child’s “teachable moments.” Giving a lecture when he or she is irritated, does not calm him or her down. Instead, wait for the best time when your child is not upset before you talk with him or her. It should be a neutral moment when you and your child can sit down and talk without being angry. Tell your child that you are not going to criticize or judge him or her but you want to listen and understand his or her feelings. Let him or her know that whatever you discuss will be kept confidential. In this way, your child will feel comfortable and will open up to you.

3. Uncover the reason of your child’s anger. It will be helpful if you will know why your child is angry. This can be done by asking your child about the reasons for his or her anger. What your teen says may not be fully true but there is at least some truth to it. You do not have to agree with them but you can listen and show them that you care. There are various reasons that your teen might be angry. He might feel being criticized or treated unfairly by someone. There might also be a threat against his or her life that you are unaware of. It could also be that your own behaviour has caused his or her anger. There might be a lot more. But whatever you discover, seek to resolve it together.

4. Keep communication lines open. Your youngster will more likely talk to you about his or her feelings when you do not manifest a judgmental attitude and when you welcome his or her initiative to open up to you. Open communication will significantly strengthen your relationship. Moreover, when you have a discussion, always remember to listen more and to talk less. In this way, your teen has more time to say what he or she wants to reveal.

5. Be supportive of your teen. Your teen might become moody or easily irritated because of frustration in what he or she has failed to accomplish. Show your support to him or her by encouraging him or her to try again or to look for another activity which he or she can do best or can easily achieve. If he or she asks for advice, then be ready to provide it. However, do not give unsolicited advice for this might irritate your child further.

6. Spend family time together. Make it a habit to spend time with the whole family at least during meal times. It could also be done once in a week inside or outside the house. When children are used to talking about their feelings, you can easily detect anger and deal with it promptly.

7. Give some space to your teenager. Though you might have tried to talk your teenager out of his feelings of anger, he or she may still want to spend time on his or her own. Then let him or her do as he or she pleases. If your teenager chooses to talk to a friend or to another person, then allow it. It would be good for your child to learn and discover how to handle his or her anger in his or her own way. It might more beneficial for him or her. Just assure your child that you will be there for him or her.

The key to all these actions that parents like me can do is to be patient. We’ve got to patiently wait until our teens are able to adjust to the stage in their life which causes them to feel mood swings and fits of anger. We’ve got to also patiently deal with them during the times that they are not in the mood. The adolescence stage is a time when your teen needs your love the most.

First of all what we must be aware of and careful about is not to use negative labeling, if we call our child shy, we are conditioning them to be shy, day in and day out and that is terrible, this is a disservice that we will be doing to them.

So instead, we need to change our language. How do we do it? Rather than calling them shy children, we should say they are a bit reserved, or it just takes a little bit more time for them to warm up and speak up. Instead of focusing on their shyness, now we have to give them exposure. That means get them together with other children. One of the best ways is to team up this child with another younger child. When we now pair them up, the so called ‘shy child’ with a younger child, by default this older child’s confidence will go up, as this child is not dealing with another child of equal or greater capabilities. So that is one way to enhance the self esteem of the shy child.

Another way, start catching the child doing things right. We are hungry for recognition, if we start to be Sherlock Holmes and look for good things that they are doing right, focus on their efforts and praise them when appropriate, you now ignite their fire of confidence at one step at a time and not over night, but over time. This is some of the strategies for parents to use.

Another key area is to identify this child’s unique strengths and qualities. What is the child good at? If the child is very artistic, great! Praise the particular trait in specific terms. “Wow, mummy loves the way you use the colour combination, the brush strokes are very bold. I love the vibrancy of the color.” You have solid praise to help the child become more confident. Don’t focus on weaknesses, build on strengths. That is another extremely important area for parents to keep in mind.

The warning signs

When Sead Makalic saw his neighbors’ stepdaughter, Betina, eating pig food from a dog bowl, he was stunned. He called the police about the girl but his neighbors managed to ‘hide the girl from the authorities’. He did not see Betina again for a year.

When he finally spotted her on 15 May, Betina was pulling a cart  for her step-parents while being whipped as though she were a horse. Makalic managed to snap a photograph on his cell phone as evidence of what he had long suspected, and called the police soon after.

Eight years of slavery

The authorities stated that Betina had been enslaved for eight long years by the couple who subjected her to torture and inhumane treatment. According to Admir Arnautovic, the spokesman for the local prosecutor’s office, Betina was not allowed to go to school or even communicate with people. She was starved, beaten and forced into hard labor.

Arnautovic added that she had visible signs of torture all over her body. When she was found by authorities in a forest near her village, she weighed only 88 pounds and was in a bad psychological and physical state.

Her step parents, Milenko Marinkovic, 52, and his wife Slavojka, 45, were arrested on suspicion of illegal imprisonment and cruel treatment. It is unclear how much the other residents of the village knew about Betina, even though she lived there for eight years.

Betina is now residing in a safe house in Tuzla.

Step parents and child abuse

If one listens closely to the stories of parents abusing their children around the world, it appears that  many of the culprits are step parents. In fact, the situation has been termed the “Cinderella Effect” which describes the increased risk of child abuse in step-families.

Research has also shown that children living with biological parents are between 20 to 33 times safer than those living in any other type of household. Iain Duncan Smith, head of the Centre for Social Justice noted that children living with their natural mother and a ‘guest’ father are eight times more likely to be on the ‘at – risk’ register.

So are step-parents more likely to abuse their ‘adopted’ children? Will parents treat children differently if they are not biologically related? What do the readers think? Do drop your thoughts below.

As I am also a mother, questions came to my mind with regards to this attitudinal issue of children.

Why is this happening? Is it the parents’ fault that a child becomes so dependent on them or on others even when they have already grown-up? I don’t want end up having a very dependent child. Instead, I want my children to be independent even at an early age, just like I have always been. I want them to have self-reliance so they can stand on their own and survive in this world of harsh realities.

Since I was taught to be self-reliant by experience, I try to inculcate in my children the value of self-reliance and independence.  Here are some of my learning points:

1. Start teaching self-reliance and independence at an early age. Be keen enough to sense whether your kids are old enough to understand the value of self-reliance. This should probably start during the late infancy stage when the child seems to show some degree of independence. For instance, if you see that your child wants to reach for a toy and he or she is determined to get it, don’t hand it over right away. Allow him or her to exhaust all his or her capacity to reach for that toy. If he or she wishes to stand up and walk, allow your child to do so. The main point is to be there to support, and to be their crutch, not their feet.

2. Know the developmental milestones of your kid’s age. This is the best way for you to fully guide your kids in their growth and development. Parents should be aware of the milestones that kids are undergoing so that they can assist them towards the realization of their potentials. For instance, when you wish for your child to develop rapidly in his or her language development, then you should talk to your child often to assist such development.

3. Train your child to make decisions. Parents tend to be very over protective towards their children which does not allow the child to become more responsible and self-reliant. This is not supposed to be done. Allow your child to live as a child. There are things you need to allow them to do, like playing with children. This will allow them to develop the interpersonal dimension of their lives. It will also teach them important lessons like decision-making, that you can’t teach by preaching. But this does not mean that parents will allow the child to do everything he or she wishes, just the ones which you feel will help them become more independent.

4. Assign your child a task he or she can handle or accomplish. My 2 year old child can hand over a hand phone, pick up a piece of paper and throw it in the garbage bin and pick toys on the floor and place it inside the toy box when instructed. We give her tasks and responsibilities based on her capacity and potential. If the task is greater than the thing she can accomplish, this may lead to having a negative self-image. Moreover, I can sense that my two kids are happy if we allow them to do the tasks they wish to do especially if they see that we recognize and appreciate their efforts.

Training up your child to become self-reliant isn’t all that easy and quick. It takes time. Most of all, it takes patience. But in time, you will reap the reward, that is- your child becoming independent and self-reliant.