The Guerilla Poetess

En Garde

2012-01-23T13:16:00.000-08:00

Guarded, yes.

And oh I know it.

Such tragic state

for lonely Poet.

They say "Relax!"

"Go with the flow!"

"We all have pain..."

and that I know.

But open vein

no blood will flow.

I can not even

wet my eye.

I fear that I

am dry.

Saddened, yes.

Though shall not show it.

Such tragic state

for lonely poet.

My head is up

but heart is down.

My dreams they hide

deep underground.

While vultures fly

above my head.

Like words I wish

I'd never said.

From eyes I wish

had never saw.

It was not Love

there afterall.

Fearful yes.

And I may blow it.

Such tragic state

for lonely Poet.

I hope 'gainst hopes

one proves me wrong.

But then they never

stay that long.

Restless

2012-01-23T09:35:00.000-08:00

In too large bed.

In dream like throes.

Cut off the thought

like Heathcliffe's nose.

What makes no sense

can cause me harm.

To wake with tears

and such alarm.

The wounds.

The wounds are deep.

In fractured hope

and trust; belief

that giving good

begets the same.

Although to some

I was a game.

In dreams I see

a picture show

of things I bury

hide and stow

in waking hour.

I have the power

to banish past

at will.

Still screaming shrill

inside my brain.

Inside my bed.

Aside my pain.

It matters naught

for now I'm wise.

All faith was bled

with compromise.

Liberation

2012-01-19T12:02:00.000-08:00

I’m free

I’m free!

My mind can be

the lovely place

it used to be.

Before I thought

that I could heal

the wounds of those

who cannot feel.

I’m free

I’m free!

My heart can be

the loving place

it used to be.

Before I learned

that some will rape

your sense of faith

‘till you escape.

I’m free

I’m free!

My soul can be

the lighter place

it used to be.

It’s joy I craft.

I laugh and laugh

All morning, noon and night.

I’m free

I’m free!

My flesh can be

the lusty place

it used to be.

To dip and dive

to feel alive

inside a sweet embrace.

I’m free.

My life can be

the happy place

it used to be.

To learn and grow

not say, but show…

I’m free!

I’m free…

Caro Mio

2012-01-16T22:06:00.000-08:00

Oh faster Caro fly!

To soft white bed and lie

beside me for the days

without you have been long.

My heart it sings a song

of joy and sweet elation

to know no trepidation

falling in your arms right soon.

The stars and brilliant moon
sing the sweetest lullaby
if I ponder long, I'll cry
for the wanting of your lips.

My heart it leaps in time.
Old ghosts no longer haunt me

whilst an angel here who wants me

pulls me close and to his side.

On faster wings my darling

let the magpie and the starling

bring your warm and faithful breath

and your endless sweet caress.

The Daughters Lesson

2012-01-14T16:01:00.000-08:00

You scold me.

You told me and sold me

a truth you won't live.

You told me to give

metered trust in return.

Heart broken I burn

for exposing my throat.

And the endings that wrote

themselves 'gainst our will

danced limping to shrill

song of pain and of scorn

to the worn and the torn

woman's heart that shall hide

disappointment inside.

You are crying.

Always striving never drying

your tears 'gainst a shoulder

of someone who loves you.

Yet you want me to believe?

You want me to conceive of

happy ending, ascending, befriending

new men like trying on shoes

then see me lose each time abused

for trust misused and lust confused.

I think you have taught me

never meaning but in leaning

to run far in life

from the sentence of wife.

For it CAN happen twice.

The Hidden Verse

2012-01-13T12:48:00.000-08:00

Your mouth is placed.

There’s no mistake.

You find me cute.

I’m resolute

To circumvent

all mal intent.

I thought I’d spent

my heart.

My dear you take

it all apart.

inside my head.

Inside my bed.

I’m yours!

I want to scream

But like a dream

I'd hate to wake

up wrong.

I’ve waited long

for brilliant mind.

For heart that’s kind;

or one who'd find
me diamond rough.

There's more to me

than acting tough.

Conceals for start

a sweeter heart

quite torn apart

by circumstance

and bad romance.

And if by chance

you stay?

I'd warm you

in a perfect way

that never

leaves you cold.

xXx

Social Medea

2012-01-11T10:44:00.000-08:00

What do you want?

Haunt, flaunt

taunt and saunter your ass

over here and spill it all my dear.

You know me?

Show me

throw me a concept

I won't reject

'cause I connect

with folks like

you all day.

And all I say

is consumption.

Presumption the function

of consequence of

life lived in open source,

of course you're going to deny

that I bleed and cry

that I have moments of real

humanity; insanity to think for

a second that I feel because

what is real is on my Facebook

Twitter, Plurk and blog which

clog my day with sharing self

with hundreds or thousands of

people who rubberneck my life.

As though it was worth the spotlight?

All night I fight the fright and urge

to shut down, shut out, pull in and shout

that my life is not up for comparison shopping

name dropping and the kind of arrogance that

comes with twenty first century digital celebrity.

The brevity and levity of it is that I have

done it to myself.

I contemplate there's no mistake that I relate

to pixels and short prose to spite my throes

my insular shows in journalistic blows

and snapshots from a life that strays

that stays and plays out like something of a

history of mystery to me.

Perhaps one day I'll be.

Frozen

2012-01-08T08:02:00.000-08:00

O, Eros cruel

to bring, beget

an Angel before

I'm ready yet.

With hidden words

I cannot say.

You know that

which I pray.

O, Eros share

how many times

must I fall victim

to the crimes.

The lies the cheats

the very sort;

misfortune draws

to court.

O, Eros tell

how many men

have taken without

returning, then

to scourge my life

with pain and lust

and lastly rape

my trust.

O, Eros tell

me to obey.

Spread my legs

with words that say

I'm not afraid

to open wide

and let someone

inside.

O, Eros whisper

simple truth.

My heart too old

for tender youth.

Thus locked away

for none to see

the girl I used

to be.

Dismount

2012-01-06T14:45:00.000-08:00

When you are done.
Quite done with me.
I beg you please
don't take the knees
that bent to pleasure
and hover treasure
above your flesh.

When you are done.
Quite done with me.
I beg you please
spare me the freeze
that comes with hate.
Make no mistake.
I can be broken.

When you are done.
Quite done with me
I beg you please
don't say the trees
and summer breeze
remind you
what was lost.

When you are done.
Quite done with me
I beg you please
just gently go.
The last I'd want
would be to haunt
your happy ever after.

When you are done.
Quite done with me
I beg you please
don't speak my name
as though I was
a lesson; game
that made you more a man.

When you are done.
Quite done with me
I beg you please
don't say you care.
It's easier when you
are not there
to deny you ever were.

Wary

2012-01-06T14:37:00.000-08:00

Let it go.
Let the Lover inside
ebb and flow
and pour its warm
on him.

Let him swim.
Let him dive in
to the warmth of
your laughter and
sensuality.

Let it ride.
Let it roll.
Let it rest.
Let it go.

For all men cannot be same!
All men may not bring pain...

But how will you know?
How will you know?
If you never again
let go?

The Still

2012-01-04T10:25:00.000-08:00

I feel your finger

trace the line

from shoulder blade

then down my spine.

I feel your lips

the warmth and wet.

in moments that

I can't forget.

They play and play

Inside my head.

The writhes, the sighs

the tousled bed.

Then when at last

our lust is spent

you fold me in

to breathe your scent.

I'll make a joke

about the thrill.

The naked truth?

I fear the still...

For in that place

of bodies worn

and bliss achieved

and bedding torn.

There lies a space

where truths are told.

Where hearts are known

and bonds unfold.

Nothing ventured.

Nothing lost!

It's safer there,

but at a cost...

You seem to care.

Good time we fill.

But even thus

I fear the still.

Half Right

2012-01-02T08:32:00.000-08:00

A foolish heart will use as game.

deflect, defer and never name

the thing that it most fears to feel;

desiring something real.

A wounded heart will use as ploy

mislead, mistake or use as toy.

The thing that it most fears to own;

two arms that feel like home.

A cautious heart will use as bluff

infer, inflate and act so tough.

The thing that it most fears is proof

that some hearts tell the truth.

Patience

2012-01-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

Peace keeping.

Silent weeping.

Car parking.

Dogs barking.

Some things never change.

Bills mounting.

Prayer counting.

Patience seething.

Deep breathing.

Some things never change.

Now older.

Big shoulder.

Still water.

Good daughter.

Some things never change.

Rain

2011-12-29T07:39:00.000-08:00

Sea of blankets

turning, twisting

I'm insisting

you can't be real.

This thing I feel

is frightening!

It's tightening

a grip on me

in places that

you should not see

but seem to still

in spite of me.

Storm of kisses

hits and misses

as two that tread

so carefully.

But you near me

is poetry.

I'm trying

to be brave.

We both have gave

and gotten naught

but are not caught

in loss.

Flood of passion

no talk, but action!

It's such relief to see.

You say then do.

I keen to you

in awe of all

that's bright.

The way you

touched me

through the night

put so much

fear to rest.

To arid dry

and battered plain

my dear you are

the rain.

It Is Done

2011-12-22T06:28:00.000-08:00

One step back.

One large step and I see

the motherless son abundant.

Learning, living, learning.

A wife for him to protect.

A family to provide for.

A woman who needs him.

And one that will never leave.

Another woman who

never loved herself

is taking pride in the insides

that I always said were worth more

than the mass she hid behind

like a shield between her

and a world she was only

starting to understand.

Sometimes we need to
hate someone else
in order to stop
hating ourselves.

Don't we...

They may imagine I am

resentful; angry or jealous.

I have cause to think less of

their capacity for loyalty but

love them no less in this moment

then I always have.

And I forgive you for not

understanding just yet.

I know you may never

see it clearly.

And I'm okay with that too.

But you both owe me enough

to let me go for good.

Put a mirror between your transgressions

and assumptions about my intentions.

Look at yourself first

because that is who the battle is with.

I never held a weapon.

I only made a whiteflag retreat

while you continued shooting

painting accusations in my blood

always watching; comparing.

I do not define my life by yours.

I do not compare my life to yours.

You know I never have.

I am happy with My Self.

Forget. Move on.

Like a Chapter that left brief impression

but which will never be read again.

The role was fulfilled in passing purpose.

The bonds are gone and I smile

for the freedom of that.

It is done.

A Nice Man

2011-12-19T10:05:00.000-08:00

Stifle Subdue Reserve Avoid Withhold Shun Avert

Circumlocute Skirt Desist Divert Shy Evade

Eschew Abstain Shirk Sidestep Cache

Fend Obviate Elude Dodge Bypass

Recoil Fend Shrink Conceal

Garble Disguise Mislead

Withdraw Misstate

Downplay Lie

Hide Run

Stop

Cry

Breathe.

Arouse Stimulate Actify Mobilize Trigger Rise

Actuate Animate Propel Energize Stir Enliven

Embolden Revivify Tremble Anticipate

Rouse Invigorate Hearten Spur

Impel Gladden Instigate

Spark Prompt Inspire

Kindle Liven Stir

Inflame Absorb

Listen Relax

Start

Cry

Breathe.

My Beach

2011-12-16T14:38:00.000-08:00

Take me to the water.

The gray blue cresting

fresh water, testing sense

and sensibility while I create

my own tranquility.

I am born of every wave.

As little girl was brave to

jump into the icy blue

where the whispers were all true

for the water cannot lie.

It simply reaches for the sky.

And I shall sigh in bliss for I

am born of every wave.

A heart somewhat less brave

but every inch of it still young.

A destiny unspun.

Alpha Baiter (Audio Spoken Word)

2011-12-16T03:51:00.000-08:00

You are used to a different

kind of woman who plays at

being dominant so as to bait a

very big dog like you.

You are used to the type of

woman who draws you in to

shackle you to her with tools of

guilt, or progeny or sex.

You are used to the

kind of woman who pretends

there is something to be gained with

long term proprietary constructs.

I am not that woman.

I live my life to please myself

and consider your company to be

an enhancement to that pleasure

whether platonic or carnal.

I live my life with purpose

that isn't defined by a diamond

worn as a sign that I am owned

because I never will be again.

I live my life to know what

it feels like to be pitted against the

will power of another strong mind.

And delight in the battle of it.

I live my life collapsing the structures

of societal imposed mores and ideals

that only serve to keep the stupid folks

productively paired and paying taxes.

I will rape your senses and your

concepts of what a woman is.

And you will love it
in spite of yourself.

Resolutions 2012

2011-12-14T13:05:00.000-08:00

This year I will

not waste time thinking about

what went wrong, at what time and

whether I could have done something

different to have achieved a better outcome.

Not one of us has the power to rewrite history.

And we'd learn nothing if we did.

This year I will

not waste time or wonder about

the motivations of others and why they

feel the need to spend and vent their fury on

the hearts and minds of other people long after

they have been left by the wayside.

I'm simply grateful they are gone.

This year I will

not value time spent online with people more.

Those who are thousands of miles away from giving

or receiving a hug, or kiss, or moment of bliss

at my hands and in my company; face to face.

The local villagers need me too.

And they have been around far longer than you.

This year I will

grow and grow without apology

or make excuses for investing myself in

things that make me happy like my business

or my own personal success over being the sounding

board for unactualized, purposeless or directionless people.

I will feed my success and well being first.

This year I will

eagerly embrace meeting

and connecting with new and inspiring

people who are doing the kind of things that

I can do if I focus and seflishly apply myself to

make huge things happen the way successful people do.

I'll surround myself with winners.

This year I will

forget the growing pains of

reinvention and the many shoes I

tried on in an effort to define myself in

a midlife that changed over night from predictable

to inconsolable, to fearful, to experimental to awesome.

I knew I'd arrive eventually.

This year I will

tell my family I love them more

and I will try new foods and lose more

weight so that I become the outer me that

matches the inner me, which begs to be the

kind of chick that men stumble to open doors for.

And I will like it.

This year I will gently

wipe the social slate clean of

gossips, the jealous, the spiteful

the chronically depressives and other

influences that do nothing but make days

longer, or make me cringe to check my email.

If it's not fun, wholesome or productive I'll pass.

This year I will prepare

myself for the commentary that

comes when a woman puts herself first.

The Mantle

2011-12-13T08:04:00.000-08:00

Skip lightly weary maiden

from dire and heavy laden

thoughts of darker yesterday.

My dear, it’s time to play.

Let laughter echo, lightness reign.

Reprieve at last from loss and pain!

Remake the whole from torn apart,

yet guard thy loving heart.

For men it seems have some ideal

for purposed thought but do not feel

the depth or warmth from which it’s given

Such oversight may be forgiven.

Skip lightly weary poetess.

Take off the armaments; undress.

Paint not thyself as Cupids Miser;

Love but all the wiser.

Caged

2011-12-11T20:09:00.000-08:00

I'm so scared, I am so scared

to open up and to be bared

to whim of violent loves

and unfaithful friendship.

I'm so hurt. I am so hurt

please leave me laying in the dirt

for I'd rather never truly stand

than suffer too long fall.

I'm so down. I am so down

yet I will never wear the frown

that others might observe you see

or stare at questionably.

I'm so scarred. I am so scarred

the best of me lays hidden, barred

from any discord, argued fight

but also from the light.

Broken Promise

2011-12-11T19:56:00.000-08:00

I touched the face in the mirror

and I asked if it would

want to spend each night

alone in a bed that's

far too large for

one.

I touched the lips in the mirror

and I asked if they would

be pleased at the thought

of never tasting

the fire of one

more kiss.

I touched the eyes in the mirror

and I asked if they could

see what was the present

and not what was the past

re-routing everything

through painful memory.

I touched the breasts in the mirror

and I asked if they would

suffer never to hear the

drum drumming of

being swept

away.

I touched the heart in the mirror

and I asked if it could ever

forgive me for being

so unwise as to have

left it unguarded

to be slain.

I touched the hair in the mirror

and I asked if it still

smelled of Calvin Klein

and Diet Pepsi when

a man inhales

me deeply.

I touched the locket in the mirror

which hangs empty like the

promise I made to former

that I would fill it with

an epic lasting love.

I lied...

Some Like It Hot - Erotic Poetry Collective

2011-12-09T08:19:00.000-08:00

Live from Second Life every Saturday

1-3 pm slt/pst or 4-6 pm EST

I host an erotic poetry open mic event.

Create a free avatar on Second Life by clicking here. Visit "The Wiggle Room" Burlesque club (a gorgeous classy venue) by clicking here to teleport.

If you love erotic spoken word performance and great sensual banter, join me on Saturday and spice up your weekend with some live poetry in Second Life. I would love to meet you.

Bring It (Erotic)

2011-12-09T07:05:00.000-08:00

I took a naughty picture

and you liked it.

I don't know why you feel

you've gotta fight it.

With my hands on my thighs

you seem so surprised

that it was you

in my head

when I came.

I took a moment

and I really like it.

When you take control

and I cannot fight it.

Yeah you do what to do

I just wanna be with you

and the word

on my lips

is your name.

I took a breather

and you said you like it.

When my voice is low

'cause I get excited.

Oh my God I'm such a flirt

Daddy, come and bring the hurt.

Yeah this wanting you

is driving me

insane.

Audio Performance of "Bring It"

The Recluse

2011-12-06T07:07:00.000-08:00

Constructs a room, and paints it red.

Collects her volumes; poets dead.

The voices scream inside her head.

Athough there's naught for her to prove

she finds the writing soothes.

Constructs a place of privacy.

Collects her small tranquility.

The wounds still bleed invisibly.

Although there's little to behoove

she finds the writing soothes.

Constructs a heart, and paints it red.

Collects the bits that stay unfed.

The voices weeping in her head.

Although the optimists are moved

she finds the writing soothes.

Constructs an epitaph instead.

Collects romantic hopes now dead.

With shaking fingers, cuts the thread.

For while the rapture stays unmoved,

she finds the writing soothes.