"The Happy News Lady"

Girls Day Out! by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 08:13:25 PST

This would be my x-x-x sister-in-law. That means I have other sister-in-laws by way of error three times past. I tend to keep the sister-in-laws and leave the not-so-responsible hubbs by the wayside. One would think I would have "got it" why it was happening by now. Well at least by ten years ago plus. But I hadn't so I am left with great sisters. This one has been in my life since she was 13 and she is now in her 50's which is the new 30's I hear. Someone tell the rest of me please. We decided on a new restaurant chain she saw in the newspaper. Yes she still reads the newspaper vs her personal front page on puter. The franchise chain is called Eggs R Us, No that's not it. "Eggs & I." Personally I like Yokes on You better....

They serve breakfast and lunch then close. I had been craving a hamburger for three days. I think because last work week was over the top tough and my body wanted more food than I had provided. So it got it.
Hamburger with real cheddar cheese that left a long string from face to burger at each bite! A soft toasted bun made my day. I don't eat too much bread so this was great. We both took our first bite at the same time and omg! We both said, "Whoa!" Enjoyed positive conversation and food along with me receiving my Christmas gifts. A beautiful new baby blue robe soft as a teddy bear. And slippers.

Then off we went to Willow Creek, a wonderfully expensive shop with furniture, foo foo, and more foo foo. A lot of Victorian items as I have posted. I love to take pictures in there and make Christmas Cards from them. Then off we went to Odana Antique Furniture Store .....obviously on Odana Road. That is where missy keeps trying on these feathered hats from the 30's or 40's. I couldn't resist grabbing the camera out once again. We laughed until tears. That not being easy due to the cold I "encountered" two days before Christmas. I suspect it was quite a healing laugh regardless. I plan on making her some new business cards online ($20) with that photo shot on the back. She has a Painting and Decorating Company. I suspect that will be a $20 loss on my part but what a great $20 joke. I am always up for finding humor anywhere I can.

The Nicest Christmas Card Came Today: by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 16:13:15 PST

I haven't been at my blog desk for a long time. Sometimes life sends us lemons and it also sometimes takes certain people, me, longer than others to figure out how to make lemonade out of them. I must have lost my squeezer somewhere along the way this year. I am still working on squeezing them one by one by hand. And with a degree of osteo arthritis, it is taking me longer than usual. Obviously I do not have osteo of the brain. And possibly it was a bad analogy. Either way.....I am coming out of it. Thank God and myself not to mention this card sure helped a bunches.
So today I received a beautiful hand made Christmas card from my son Daniel. I wanted to share it with you. He makes them by hand as he is incarcerated http://tucsonprisonlife.com
He makes them for the other inmates to send home and they pay him with stamps or food treats.

This was lemonade via the U.S. Penitentiary via the U.S. Mail Service.
Thanks Dan, I love you and I probably wasn't the easiest Mom or the best Mom either. Forgiveness is free. We both learned that one.

Valtrex by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 19:12:50 PST

All I wanted was a prescript for overgrowth of nasal staph. Made the doc appointment. He didn't listen to me at all. He explained cold sores and how they affect the nerves and tingle the nose and then erupt on the lips. I knew that! Then he told me how what another doctor gave me wouldn't work. Jeezz they get a God Complex don't they? So he tells me to be quiet and listen. OMG what a chauvinist, spelling notsogood. What a jerk doctor. And he is a wide as he is tall, ya think maybe that might be his prob! He walks in moaning and groaning because his joints hurt. Ya think? He is as wide as he is tall as I said. I need a new doc. So fine. He finally gives in and I get the ointment refill AND the Valtrex I don't want. Why would I put any chemical into my body for a cold sore. jeez Louise. So I go to Wal Mart (Hells Gates) as they have the $4 program and wouldn't you know, NOT COVERED. Only the Valtrex chemicals are covered. I reject them by saying no thank you anyway. I get home and look up Valtrex for kicks!

What are the possible side effects of VALTREX?

Kidney failure and nervous system problems are not common, but can be serious in some patients taking VALTREX. Nervous system problems include aggressive behavior, unsteady movement, shaky movements, confusion, speech problems, hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that are really not there), seizures, and coma. Kidney failure and nervous system problems have happened in patients who already have kidney disease and in elderly patients whose kidneys do not work well due to age. Always tell your healthcare provider if you have kidney problems before taking VALTREX. Call your doctor right away if you get a nervous system problem while you are taking VALTREX.

Common side effects of VALTREX in adults include headache, nausea, stomach pain, vomiting, and dizziness. Side effects in HIV-infected adults include headache, tiredness, and rash. These side effects usually are mild and do not cause patients to stop taking VALTREX. Other less common side effects in adults include painful periods in women, joint pain, depression, low blood cell counts, and changes in tests that measure how well the liver and kidneys work.

The Suffocating Turkey by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 19:25:06 PST

This morning I woke up suffocating in a darn avalanche and woke up screaming "I'm scared." Duh isn't that an intelligent scream for the situation. I have to tell you it was awful and might as well have happened cause it did, to me in the dream. Thank God I woke up. Makes me take a deep breath as I type this.

I am seriously wondering if it was a pre-empt to the after Thanksgiving Turkey I baked this evening. It was one of those breasts because I have an issue regarding boning or it that bone-ing a turkey. One of my x husbands used to be the boner. (sorry) And ever since he left I have hated bonering the turkey. Beats the crying Secretary of State for sure. If you don't get that watch the news on occasion. Back to todays turkey. It was done but lily white so I removed the plastic turkey cooking bag and turned the broil button on..... I walked away. But something turned me back. Probably the suffocating dream or the angel of suffocation was in my kitchen to save my ars because when I opened the oven door to check on Tula Turkey, SMOKE poured up and into my face and down into my lungs. Eeeww. I shut the door, turned the oven off....ran to put all apartment fans on and panted. Would you say that might have been the beginning of hyperventilation. Then the thoughts ran rampant. You know the thoughts a person gets moments before death. Don't laugh. I thought, chit I should let her burn, collect the insurance so I could finally move out of this notsopositive area of the country. Then I thought, chit let her go, lest you forget how many hot fireman show up when the oven is on fire. Stop, think of all that money the fat cat insurance company will pay for smoke damage that is real! God bless that Tula Turkey! No wait....the six pound dog might die and the 7 pound cat might suffocate too, not to mention I have a night shirt on that is twenty years old, well not quite, as well as I need a serious hair new doo cut and I think it's illegal on some level. But then what the insurance companies do to folks could be called illegal too. That sentence could continue on for a week but not today. I am trying to overcome suffocating from first snow and now smoke inhalation suffocation. ENOUGH I SAY! I dont like it. And I wouldn't miss Christmas for nothing or is that anything? Already bought five presents for my family. I love it even though spending money can be suffocating..... the good kind that is. Moving on as we all should do in all good faith. Wait, forgot to tell you when I carved the blessed thing and took a bite it tasted like it had been soaked in SUGAR. I dislike sweet meat, eeww. I put some salt on it but that only tasted like I salted a spoonful or sugar, ick-so. Why in the name of decent food would companies inject SUGAR into a turkey. Yuk :( It was almost like eating gummy worms in the shape of turkey. To think I almost went to prison for insurance fraud smoke damage over a sweet turkey! omg seriously?? NOT

(My spell check is not working)

Seriously....is That a Pool Table? by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 16:04:19 PST

Who'd of ever thought a pool table would resemble this.....this......stainless steel wood chopping table.
Where's the balls? Where's the pockets? Where's the sticks? I know cue's. The cue's have their own fancy smancy closet holder near the stainless steel chop block pool table. I am notsosure I like it. But then I am simply not used to it I guess.

Can you picture this 8 x 10 glossy of the girl leaning backwards with her cue behind her back trying to play coolness on this sterile ground? Nope me either, but then I never liked or enjoyed watching girls/women leaning backwards doing that thingy anyway. I guess this is the new sleek classy "up and coming" way of the game of pool. And its really okay. Because that other Mr. L.E.Phant below on the right is a hog. Actually a good analogy would be the old honker pool table reminds me of those old bee hive hairdo's. The new one reminds me of the commercials for Dove or VO5 hair products where the woman's long beautiful hair resembles a peaceful still mirrored lake flowing gently back and forth.

I guess that means I'm sold.

Actually I walked into one of my clients newly decorated "basement" (think we need a new name for that) and there it was....sleek and slender and beautifully placed there. The floor was a new kind of cork with a beautiful design in the center of the room. Nothing overtaking for sure. The other interesting sight was the theatre room. Oh yeah. It was nice and became considerably nicer when I caught a view of the invoice for installation and I think the product itself.... Sit down....$7, 658.00 just for the TV and sound and some one to hang it. Or maybe just the install?

I'm okay.....I have a good used Buick, food in my refrig, clothes on my back, a few dollars put away, a roof over my head, more than one pair of shoes, socks with no holes, (undies too), a laptop, life insurance, I need to do that living will as soon as I am finished here.....and a license plate that says ALSWELL whether it is or not. I think that's called Faith. I really don't want that pool table or Entertainment system. I do want a Lexus 350 rss or whatever that SUV is called. White please.

Mike Rowe, The Ford Man.......by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 19:51:22 PST

Just for the record I love the Ford Man! The one hanging out at the mall on commercials this month. OMG I truly would steal him from Ford in a nano-second. Baseball cap and all. But today I met or at least saw his match! Indeed. I was frequenting the local Whole Foods store when whalla there he stood in all his magnificent splendor! And there I stood in my work clothes meaning elastic pants slash thick socks and double chin I have been working on. Well not too bad, but a chin that I would consider having a plastic surgeon remove part of. I am not overweight, but I am getting on in years which only means if I see a magnificent fellow I raise my hand and pretend I am doing something near my neck to hide that turkey goblet thingy. Oh I don't have a turkey thingy.....just a tiny bit of my body that is not as tight as it used to be. Okay? Back to the magnificent creature who locked eyes with me. I have read that if said woman is interested she should lock eyes with the male party she is interested in but what do you think I did? I got insecure and looked away from this gorgeous piece of human being with no ring on. OMG. Not only that but I did it several times. He had steel grey hair, long fingers that were scooping up organic foods from the buffet. I swear no matter where I went in that store he was there and we locked eyes momentarily, yet nothing. I mean what? Was I supposed to follow him to his car? Was I supposed to say, "Hello, you have now replaced "The Ford Man" in my endeavor to find love and sex and sex and love and maybe a walk on occasion.

Why didn't I get that haircut I need so badly? Why didn't I wear my nice clothes? Why didn't I maintain eye contact? Why didn't I follow that man to his car? Why didn't I lay down in front of him and say, "Here I am, the one you have searched for all your life!" Why? Because..... Because pretty men are usually trouble. That's why. And because I for some reason felt insecure. Why? Because pretty older men like pretty younger women and I was trying to cover up my getting older chin. LOL

It is pretty funny I say. He reminded me of that actor....the one in the movie with Julia Roberts. Pretty Woman. Oh yeh, Richard Gere but better than him for sure. I know, can you believe it? I blew it or did I?

I got a fifteen minute charge out of it and a nice organic meal as well as I snitched a lemon poppy seed muffin that I grazed on all afternoon for my chin. I don't care....he was HOT! He was also PRETTY! He was also Class and I like class.... so why didn't I do the eye contact then? Because I had the wrong pants on and the wrong hairdoooo. Just kidding. Or am I? Nothing is perfect. I'm sticking to "The Ford Man," he's safe and he cant see my chin. And he isn't reality. OH YES HE IS and his name is Mike Rowe! And the chin thing is really a joke. I like to joke.

My Vet is Now a Banker Like my Doctor......by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 04:33:15 PST

Anyone remember when your doctor cared? When he couldn't be fired for spending more than 15 minutes with you. Before he became an accountant and banker using your health as deposits slips.
Anyone remember when your Vet cared about your animal and let you make payments on its care?
And then America got greedy.
And now Dentists, Doctors, Veterinarians, and so on have gone beyond what is acceptable.
I took my 6 lb. dog to a vet to have her teeth cleaned. He spent an hour with me doing a major sales pitch, brought in three sheets of paper full of numbers adding up to $1,300 - $1,600. Are you stupid I wanted to say. I did say, "Whoa, I guess we are leaving now." And that is after $288 worth of blood work. I found out all she would have needed is a liver and kidney test. When I told him we were leaving he scrambled and brought back new downgraded lists. I capped it at $1,000. He called me and told me he had to remove one tooth also. But he kept it at a tad over $1,000.
My neighbor called me and did some checking of her own after my total failure at the Vet search saga.

She found that the average for cleaning is $600 which isn't what it cost for me to get mine cleaned!!! But then they don't have to put me to sleep for it.
Okay so I got taken to the cleaners and I wont forget it. I am going to tell that Vet with the Salesman, Banker license what I found out and how I am going to tell everyone I know not to go to him. Darn.....that is a lot of money for a single, one income, human American. Me. Forgot to tell you, the cat needs the same thing. We wont be going to a Banker for our teeth cleaning this time.

Postal at the Post Office by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 15:17:46 PST

Yesterday I wrote this blog post and accidentally deleted it. Swweeeett! Not. So here I go again.
I went to the Post Office in our large city where as I usually go to a small town P.O. two miles from my home. Should-a Would-a Could-a, too late. I take my items into the big one looking for the priority mail envelopes and labels. I found them. Only to find there was no pen in sight, at which time I see, no I hear this young man in his late 20's trying to self mail a box. I guess there is some new self mailing corner at the post office. Suddenly I hear this horrible loud holler. Yes a man's holler. If that were a woman it would have been called a scream. I looked over at him as did others but no one did or said anything. I wanted to say, "Whoa dude, chill! You need some help?" BUT Wisconsin now has a legal concealed weapon law! Given this guy had the "nards" to holler like that in public told me he was a postal threat in the post office. And I was in said Post Office. Not for long honeys....hey I needed a pen anyway so dont call me scaredy cat. Out the door I fled priority envelopes in hand. Sometimes I wish I could conceal a weapon just in case of a case like this one. I am sitting in my car writing out several mail labels when suddenly I hear the same horrible man holler that I heard inside the post office only this time outside and louder. And there he was...he came out, walked to his car, hollered very loud and then walked back in and I continued labeling. And I continued thinking whether I wished to go back inside that P.O. (Pissed Off ) area with that kook. What do you think happened next? Out he came again to his car and then back in he went again. I said to self, "Okay that would be it, I am going to the safe small town P.O. where they don't holler like animals and if someone did I would hope 911 would be called as it was not in this case. Hope he doesnt have children because he had one serious syndrome of some sort. What's the good news for today: There are Meds from China for that fellow. Maybe the blue asphalt they use as filler would do him away or do him some good.
people-clipart.com

Potholders Made a Big Mess by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 17:29:39 PST

My mother had a garage sale at the funny farm not long ago where I spotted some really cool crocheted or knitted potholders and dishcloths. Mother said they were 50 cents a piece so I grabbed six pretty ones.
She said there is this little old lady that Robert, my parents friend, does handyman work for and she pays him with these potholders and dishrags. Robert had a small suitcase full of them. I got to thinking later on that I might like to buy a lot of them for my clients for Christmas because they are really nice. I had the idea to roll them up and tie a ribbon around them with my card attached. Say three to a family.
I called Dad to see who the little old lady was but he didn't know.
I called Mother the next day to see if she knew who the little old lady was. I figured if she had to pay Robert with potholders she might just need the money from the 60 or so I wanted to buy. I thought to myself that Robert really didn't need the money and probably wouldn't mind if the lady made a few dollars extra. Notsomuch! Mother immediately became defensive for Robert. I said, whoa, I just thought the lady might need some money considering she pays her handyman with potholders. Mummie called me some sort of name (at her age one would think she might be past that) and that is when I said, "I would prefer to talk to you when you are nice." That is when the phone did a loud click and she was gone. She hung up on mwah. I come from a seriously broken family that I have tried to mend for thirty some years. I still hadn't given up on that pipe dream when I read an email from one of my children telling me I am petty and just because mother wont give out the ladies name (she didn't know it Hello!) Plus several other innuendo's stating I did a very bad thing. When? What was it? I don't think so! Someone is playing naughty games. So.....I have decided there will be no more mending this broken down family. It is what it is and that dog isn't going to bite me not one more time! I just wanted to help the lady that might need some $ for her potholders but I got BURNDT! Is that a pun? Whatever. What's the good news? I wont get bit anymore. No one reads this but one neighbor and one friend from H.S. and a couple strangers but it made me feel better! And there is no Internet at the funny farm so unless someone prints this and sends it there I wont be sued or bit again. One never gets used to a dog bite does one? But one can avoid dog bites if they stay out of that yard. Psyche 101

Excerpts from the Last/Past Two Weeks...in photo's

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 10:28:45 PDT

This by far was my most interesting experience of the past couple weeks. This beautiful creature landed in a clients back yard where he and I made a very special connection. I posted the picture x-large so you can see his eyes. I do not have a $1000 camera but I sure wished I did at that moment. His eyes were intense to say the least. I believe in Animal Totems. Check out the book by Ted Andrews and you may get hooked also. We, all living things, are all connected on this earth and I believe we communicate when possible. This owl was definitely looking into my soul I had no doubt. And weird as it sounds I was thanking him. On the animal totem an owl represents the magical, mystical....Owl sees and knows the truth. It's ability to navigate through the darkest night and bring back nourishment for itself and others is the foundation of this essence. When you have lost your way, owl essence will guide you back to your proper path and wisdom. (taken from http://www.morningstar.net/) He stayed and conversed spiritually with me for twenty minutes. I heard unspoken words from him that said, "If and when I pass on to the next world, he would be there to soar with me, to lead me and guide me." I could literally feel myself soaring with him. Okay on to the next less intense photo of the weeks......

Needs no explanation, right? It's Halloween anyway so I got away with it.....

Okay, is this maraguana growing in my clients living room?? I was going to eat a leaf and see....
I cant spell it so I didn't eat it...

My friend knits little hats, big hats, and so on. This little mushroom hat is for a new clients baby

A clients gorgeous chandelier of a hundred or more pieces of cut crystal. An orchid sits below it
I took the photo from below obviously....

Looking at a clients "secret" door to the garage through a window.... okay so its not secret but my imagination takes over sometimes. Not with the owl no no no! That was reality blog for sure.

Diane Sawyers Got Everything on Me....by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 17:09:25 PDT

I wish I could have said Diane Sawyer's got nothin' on me, but come on? I have to be somewhat real sometimes on here. This would be one of those times. Sadly said.....life continues. I bought a Toshiba Tablet today and have been enjoying it while lounging on my sofa. I never sit on my sofa! I am always in my office at my computer, so the tablet will get me out and about some. At least one room out and about anyway.

So...while I was playing with the new tablet Diane Sawyer was on the TV I rarely watch in front of the sofa I rarely sit on, in the l.r. I rarely visit. She looked so darn pretty. Her hair and her eyes. I noticed she had BLACK eyeliner on and a pale makeup and pink lips. So .....I put the tablet down and headed for the bathroom. I don't own any BLACK eyeliner so I dipped a small brush onto my sample thickening mascara the lady gave me at the Estee Lauder counter today....and I swabbed that stuff above my eyelashes. Then I lined my lips wider than they are, so they would look like Sawyers when in reality they looked like I ate too much strawberry jelly too fast. Then I walked to my old laptop and took some Diane Diane pics. You know, Sawyer-Me pics. I don't think the black eyeliner or the jelly lips worked. I don't look like her at all darnit. But I look okay. She couldn't do what I do and I couldn't do what she does. It was all a joke anyway. Wanna see? doi

Old People Kissing! by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:13:45 PDT

Why do old people (over 50-55) look like they kiss WRONG? I am serious. I have been watching the same soap opera for something like thirty years.... they cut the main couple out, fired them! Then brought them back a couple plus years later and omg..... I have tried to be quiet about this. I haven't even checked the blogs or the twitter and truthfully I don't need to. All I have to do is watch the soap and say to self.....eewww. Do not publicly try to have passionate sexual scenes when you are over 50. 'Cause you look WRONG is all it is. Maybe not wrong, but not enticing sex thoughts for the viewers. When I watch it think....oh oh you writers messed up. The old folks forgot how to act or the wrinkles got in the way, I truly dunno what it is, just truly know i is fact. If the viewers hang on you might figure it out and please not do those scenes anymore, okay? P L E A S E....
Those actors are now the mame's and papa's of daytime TV. And no one wants to see mame having sex scenes. They rather see her in pearl earrings giving ad-vice to the tweens and teens and such. Eewww on the petting on screen while the candles burn away. Mr. DeMill I am ready for my head shot, not my thin lip lock.....omg

My New I Pad?? Or NOT My New I Pad!! by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 19:54:21 PDT

So I saved some cash! And so then I went to the Best Buy (don't you wonder if it's really the best buy??

Then I went to my Toshiba laptop and did some comparisons. Then I went back to "Best Buy!"

I have chatted with two diff salesMEN! One says to me, "Acer has finally come out with an outstanding product, that being the tablet." It will ALLOW you to watch anything online that uses ADOBE FLASH! And I Pad does not. Okay, so what uses Adobe Flash? Netflix. That's big in my book of brain. Along with a few other things I cant remember. Then two days later I go back to Best Buy and another salesMAN tells me he prefers Apple I Pad...and they are NOT on commission. But, he says, if I can only afford the Acer with the one year insurance plan, or the IPad with no insurance plan....then get the Acer. Well chitski onya! As they said in Lion King! I wandered over to a corner and pulled out my trusty red money bag, counted out the hundred's I had saved (my son fixed my $750 car repair for $116 so I had money coming out my...nevermind) I counted $450.00. I had more, but that was to go for new eye glasses I shouldn't need, but do. You see I had cataract surgery, earlier than most of course, and it failed in the lasix area. I am one of the 1% that failed in that area. Terrific and even more terrific is I can still see, so I am fine!! Except the eyes suddenly went coo-coo. So I made an appointment and sure enough, coo-coo'sville....

New glasses in May and now lets do it again Fred! Back to my point...cannot use the $300 put aside for spectacles of the eyes. Do the math Myrtle.... That leaves me $100 plus the cover that holds up the IPad or Acer.....which puts me behinder the game of new gadgets. That Acer Tablet is a dandy and real close to matching the I Pad2 for sure....

in fact the camera is better on the Acer and I am the pretend photo-grapher professional, not so much person. So here I sit still graveling what to do. I have never owned an Apple anything and I think that is affecting my decision making abilities. My Grandchildren have apple products....and the guy just died that invented the darn thing.... if I died tomorrow .....and I didn't own ONE SINGLE APPLE gadget...

I'd be pissed off. I mean come on...it signifies success now doesn't it really! Bah humbug. But I will probably get the I Pad because I need to feel and believe I am a successful person. And if a little hunk of gadget "junk" does it for me, well then whalla....I am a piece of society after all. Suppose now I have to join match.com again huh? If you don't succeed first...try try again. Three down, one to go! Figure that one out and let me know. The good news for today is I am upright and going to church tomorrow, with a bloody leg hanging out of my trunk. (Halloween gag I use every year) Maybe I should remove that. It's just that it belongs to the last x-husband and I like to show it off. You know that he was the looser.....

Is This Frog Pond Holler? Or Madison Wisconsin? by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 19:14:55 PDT

Frog Pond Holler is in Kentucky I think. It's a blog I read if you don't mind a tad of cussin'. (www.mahalla.com)
But this is Madison Wisco and this is a site from one of my clients windows. I decided long ago that I wanted to take a pic of this moldy mess of a wall, and today I finally did it. And all the time I was holding the samsung at the "winder" I was a hopin' them there friendly neighbors weren't watchin' me! You git it right? That was Frog Pond Holler language I was trying to relay.
I mean come on....what is that mess? If you believe in green and ecology and all natural, GREAT, but mold and raggy isn't shabby chic folks, or even close to green, its mean, it's nasty! This is the view from my clients eating table. Eewww.
Second pic below is the view from my clients nice sweet back yard. ME, I would put up a 10 foot fence or whatever is the legal height is inside the city limits. Or maybe I would shoot 'em.. Okay so that was a bad joke.....
All they are missing are the legally owned chickens. God forbid even the chickens would have to live there. Jeez I hope they didn't see me taking pics of their happy homestead! Come on folks, at least put up a new curtain to hide the nasty junk!
Oh, but wait, look at the wonderful WILD flowers. And the WEEDS!
Sorry, I think some people hide the word LAZY behind Love of NATURE. Ya Think?

Aliens Arrive........by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 06:22:44 PDT

tricksyknitter.com

Obviously this knitting pattern is not from an alien. Rather it is all I could find on Google images that resembled what I saw in my dream last night. The dream seemed fairly normal as dreams go which means it wasn't. Yet it was until the end. But then maybe this is how it is going to go in the end for all of us. Usually I try to find humor to write about but this isn't humorous. It is real. At the end of my dream I sent my Granddaughter off with someone....her car had broken and she needed help. I told her I would meet up with her down the way. (road, heaven, space?) My dog Daisy was with me. Daisy passed away four years ago by the way. In the dream I had been a little depressed and a man at a car dealership noticed this fact. He never said he noticed I was depressed, but mentally in the dream I knew that he knew. He started singing to me a funny song while he was working that waws all about me and making me laugh. We ended up at a little diner having some food. Some strange things happened at the diner that were out of the ordinary. Then he left as he had a girlfriend to meet up with, and the dog and I were alone outside the diner where many others had gathered. I started to become afraid and wished I had not sent my Granddaughter ahead of me because people said there was an electrical storm coming. What was the big deal I thought, yet somehow deep inside I knew it was something different than the usual storm. There was no lighting. Suddenly a large cloud of light similar to a cotton ball swirled in a circle in the sky and dove toward earth in the distance to my left . It was as though that particular action opened up an invisible doorway to the universe and that is when I saw the first three HUGE lace blades come into view to the left, in the sky. They looked like boat oars or more like windmill blades. Three of them, two upside down and the middle one right side up. The intricate lace pattern was something not of this world. I guess this dream reminds me of the patterns in the fields people say aliens make, "Crop Circles". Yet there were no round holes, all square. Similar to the photo I found above but much more in detail. Then slowly more and more patterns started filling the entire sky until some of them formed two ships. Oh yes, two alien ships similar to the huge round one in the movie "Close Encounters." I recall saying to someone standing next to me, 'I wish I hadn't sent my Granddaughter ahead of me, I think I am afraid, and all I have is my dog Daisy with me." (Who is deceased)
I stood there waiting, thinking where was God in all these lace blades and lace spaceships. Just standing there in awe of the out of this world vision/view.............................................. and then I woke up.
I laid there thinking, "What was that?" Holy Moly, Holy Cow, Holy what? Any of the words I said seemed so hicksville, uneducated, worthless, compared to what I saw. I saw physics in action. Mathmatical equations in lace patterns. I saw inside the Universe. And I did see this in my dream and I believe it to be real. I do wonder why I got to see it! And this is a truth blog, no fiction.

I Lost My Planner! OMG! by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 18:51:21 PDT

Seriously....and at a place almost as awful as WalMart. Its called corporate Woodman's in Madison Wisco. A grocery store by the way. I set the planner down after I took the CASH out of it to pay, what a fool I am! No one pays CASH and this proves why. I remember (which is rare anymore) getting the change back from from the "cachew cachew" machine, taking the dollars and one five out and I think putting it in the planner. Yes I keep money in my planner. I also clip it in there with a clippy dealie doo. A serious clippy dealie doo which didn't seem to matter today because I lost the whole darn thingy doo dealie duh! Listen, all my clients, my gas receipts for the year, phone #'s, when my dog was in heat last, when I was (just kidding), when my daughter speaks to me and when she has sabbaticals against me and doesn't speak to me, (sad but true). All sorts of information in that little do da day booklet someone has there creepy hands on. I say creepy because my mwah name and number is in the front of it. Arsbutts who found my money should have called already, but hey they wont because that class of human being butt doesn't want me to know they took the lousy little $30-50 dollars.
I have decided to beat them. I will email all my people and explain the loss and believe they will be patient and wait until I remember when I last knew them! LOL OMG How could this happen. But then I don't have cancer, I don't have lost limbs, I don't have hunger, I don't work in Afghanistan, (and probably cant even spell it correctly), and so on......I merely lost my planner and have ways to correct that. And I have food (my comment when people discuss the loss of $), and I have gas in my car, and my pets are well, and so on and so on...... Heck maybe someone will call saying they found it. That is after I prove to the Universe I remembered all that was in it! Eeeww. Don't hold thy breath on that one. I have been known to fail the three word test several times. God knows me! And he loves me anyway they say. So there! Wish he would bring my planner back. (It is not as big as the one in the borrowed photo) I wish I may I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight.
WILL LET CHA KNOW.....

Bulletproof lenses! by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 19:54:59 PDT

This would be EyeMart, Madison, Wisconsin! Dr. Funkhouser is in photo doing an amazing eye exam on Cody Ogden. This part of the exam dealt with astigmatism, and as usual Cody made it into comedy central. Then onto the choosing of frames. I said, "Is this going to be like shoes when you were a little man?" It didn't take hours like it did when he was a child choosing shoes... omg we would try on twenty some pair of shoes. He did try on fifteen pair of glasses but it didn't take hours. He found a nice pair. Then the sales lady came and talked the sales talk....I have to tell you it was hilarious. She went on and on...we were very patient and polite while listening, until she said, "Yes, you will have one years insurance for all repairs and you will receive bullet proof lenses!" Cody and I both went into brain comatose for only 1 second, and then we started laughing and Cody started his comedy routine regarding bullet proof glasses that went on and on. He had this startled look on his face that changed to huh? That changed to get real lady! His response to her was, "Did you say these glass lenses were potentially bulletproof?" She said that THEY (EyeMart) were working on that. Cody said, "Do I need bulletproof lenses? Do you all provide bullet proof lenses to our soldiers?" She didn't know. DOI DUH. I told them he didn't need bullet proof glass lenses until he gets elected....
The young salesgirl never flinched which we found odd after we had took off with this hilarious bullet proof lens deal.
Maybe she has been trained to do this because Wisconsin is just about to pass the gun concealment deal...so I guess its time for bullet proof eyewear. Me, I don't want to be able to see if I cant move....say someone shoots me. See?
Just another way to sell a lens!
And we sure had a good time with it. What's the good news for today? You do not have to pay $29.95 extra for bullet proof lenses at LensCraft in Madison Wisconsin. I promise. But you do have to pay. Heck, we got two pair for $149.95. Now he will get a audition and be able to get the Lasix surgery repair he needs and wants. Heck that is worth $149.95 isn't it? That would make the Happy News Lady very Happy! As well as it would her son, Cody. But for now he has new non bullet proof lenses.
omg how far will we go for a $29.95 buck? Pretty far it seems..... Scaring folks into thinking they will get SHOT in the eyes. DUH

One of Five Visits Mom.... by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 16:31:04 PDT

That would be Cody Ogden. The cook, the carpenter, the comedian, the cowboy, the camper, the capable, the coolman, the carpet layer, the cardio trainer, the counselor, the clown, the climber, the celebrity, the caretaker, the car fixer, the cleaner, the colossal, the charming, the cheerful, the clever, the cooperative, the cameraman and much more came home this to be best man in his friends wedding next week. We went out to the "funny farm" and listened to Grandma complain and Grandpa complain. Picked apples, fed the pony, brushed dog, picked green and yellow beans, and tomatoes! Came home and Cody cooked up a smashing tamale burrito thingy! Fried green and yellow beans with tomatoes and chicken breast in a garlic and herb wrap. And today I made an apple pie. The good news is ALSWELL as my license plate reads. Were all upright with no complaints on this end of town.
Maybe something more funny will happen tomorrow. But for now its all good.

Friends and Family! by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 06:47:38 PDT

I, me-itis, mwah, try to find humor in everything! Sometimes when I shouldn't! But today was a wowzer day. My neighbor two floors up and one door down and one across got fired from her job after 19 years. Yupsie nothing funny bout that one. She failed a drug test but doesn't do drugs. And they said, "No seconds honeybunny!" She turned in her keys, drove to her doctors office for another drug test to see what the HELL happened because that sure didn't arise out of heaven unless she wins the lotto today or tomorrow. Next she came to my door, the HELL being unannounced to me .....It was when I said, "How are you doing today?" OMG the tears fell like falling rain.
Next my neighbor across the street called and was still in bed at 3:00 p.m. I said, "What!! Get up !" She said she was laying there wondering why she had been born. I told her, "Don't know, just get up and keep going." Her child stole her credit card as well as that child, whose 42, has some other serious issues. Nothing funny bout that one.
My Granddaughter had her 11th birthday last weekend but no party for this side of her family. So my parents (the child's not so great Great Gparent's get all bent out of shape and drive to child's home (after threatening to go to child's school of which I sent out a YUGE red flag that was dissed. Means disregarded) They went to child's home in pouring wind blowing rain to give her some presents. They didn't go in, they had her come out and get into the car and have a mini car party! I shouldn't tell doi. But come on, whats funny about that? Nothing! Sounds like someone wanted to make a statement huh?
Me, I had a ball buying the Grandchild what she asked for, and asking her if it would be okay to drop it off at daddy's work which will happen today. Holy Jesus of Israel and Egypt and Wisconsin.

Soooo....the Happy News for today is. We are still upright, happy or not. Let people walk there own path and you walk yours best you can. Hard isn't it? And don't drive in the pouring rain when you are 80 and 86 to have a car party in the great grandchild's driveway that will make you look foolish vs what your goal was. And no clue on the drug deal, just pray it works out because those tests are many times wrong. Cold medicine can show up as cocaine. Truth. Snopes it. And if you have a 42 year old child run like hell! Move! Lock the doors, turn off the phone. Now I am going to work before anyone calls or knocks on my door with any more good news. This is a new day, don't let them all run together like broken eggs. Split them up with a good nites sleep and move on.

You Look Fabulous! by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 07:29:52 PDT

This is my latest purchase.
Cost me $7.00 at Target!
Perfect!
I hang this in my kitchen so every morning I look at myself
and it tells me I LOOK FABULOUS!
Cant get much better than waking up to "Whose the fairest in the land?" huh? huh?
So go get one of your own! Then you can brag too.
It doesn't matter what I look like, those words emanate my brain cells and I love it. Comes with a little purple ribbon too. Doesn't matter if it doesn't go with my decor.....
Mr. DeMille I'm ready for my headshots!
Probably more like "Where's the Beef."
I'd take that if I could take my mirror along.

Association's by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 15:50:23 PDT

Obviously the photo is me wailing out some tune before bedtime!
As you all know or not...I live by associations. When I go to a certain clients and their dog Benny greets me...that's it, its all over until the next association. I start to sing immediately, "Benny and The Jets, bomb bomb ba bomb and so on! I sing "Old Cape Cod" and "I Was Waltzing with my Darling" and I wasn't even born yet at the time those songs were around. That is when I am at another clients in her nautical room. If someone tells me they are sorry, I start..."I'm Sorry, So Sorry" by Connie Francis! For hours! Waltzing Mathilda is another one. One day my friend said someone was stupid! That is all it took for me to start: "Stupid Cupid, stop pickin' on me!" The other day I put a James Blunt CD in and listened to it more than once. Big mistake. For two days, including middle of the night upon podie run, I sang, "Your Beautiful!" I sang to some woman he saw in crowd one day for two days and nights. I did not want to sing to her for him or me. I gave the CD away the next day. If I see a rainbow I'm off with Liza Minnelli's mother's (Judy Garland) "Over the Rainbow" and that one I don't do so well. If I hear on the news someone is to be executed (which I hate to hear) I start in with "Hang Down Your Head Tom Dooley, poor boy your bound to die!" How about if you tell me you had a dream? That brings out, "Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream, make him the sweetest that I've ever seen, make his complexion of peaches and cream, and tell me that my lonely nights are over. Mr Sandman, I'm so alone, don't have nobody to call my own, please turn on your magic dream! Guess that one is my fav. huh? Clue: It was on the first album I ever rec'd for Christmas with my new Hi Fi Stereo at age 12. LOL
God forbid if anyone introduces me to anyone named Maria! In fact I had a woman named Maria work for me for a long time and I sang, "Maria," from West Side Story over and over and over. Do I need meds? Probably but then there are worse things than singing aren't there? I keep saying I am going to keep a list of all the songs I sing in one day and what prompts them, but then I don't do it.
I am amazed at the part of my brain that remembers all those songs. Yet when the doctor gives me the THREE WORD TEST....I fail it miserably. Hope its not time for brain dye!

Esther Has a Concealed Weapon! by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 17:37:46 PDT

Today I spent some time with Esther. The Colonel was working so we had some girl time. Esther told me about her shopping spree at The Shoebox in Black Earth. She was so proud that she "got" $500 worth of shoes for $200. That's how us girls look at our purchases, in terms of how much we saved, not how much we spent. The Colonel on the other hand does not. He says people who need that many shoes or million dollar homes have a disease called conspicuous consumption. Although Esther and I don't see the comparison between the two. That just shows you how off the charts The Colonel really is regarding cash flow.
Tuesday, The Colonel received the credit card bill in the U.S. Mail, upon which time he went into Colonel rage in his den and then spread out down the hall to Esther's room where Esther and Harry (the dog) were sleeping. He was ranting and raving about money and how things had to change or else. Esther pretended to be asleep until she could not stand his voice one more second. She sat up in her king size bed, pulled her "big gun" she had concealed under the sheets and pointed it directly at the colonel. She absolutely enjoyed his eyes getting as big as his mouth was. She said, "Thank You for my four pair of shoes Colonel and for our Grand Lexus's two pair, I really appreciate them. Anyway there wont be enough room in your coffin for all our money when you go. And I suspect you don't want to go today so I suggest you say "your welcome" and exit the building before I shoot holes in your shoes and you need to go spend money on new feet, speaking of conspicuous! And let me add, you are not the military police, or my Kingdom Cop, rather you are acting like the KGB and no one likes them. Get a grip and do realize I have a good grip going on too."
Wisconsin's concealed weapon law has not gone into effect yet, but then Esther obviously doesn't know that. She wouldn't shoot The Colonel. Or would she?
The names have been changed to protect the guilty.... Esther really just used her finger under the sheets to scare The Colonel. It didnt work! Good story though huh? It was almost the truth with a hint of stretch is all.
photo from: http://www.marshallmavs.com/

Hidden Messages by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 06:45:21 PDT

It is toward the end of September, 2011 most of these flower bushes have turned to green and the complex will be cutting them all back shortly.

I took Gracie dog out for her morning podie when I noticed this one brand new beautiful white bloom directly ahead of my front window. I am not a person who scratches for signs from the Universe (don't let me kid you!) but this one was fairly obvious. It said, "Good mornin' Ms. D. Take note when you think its all going to hell, (dying out) there is always something good in the midst, for you."

Always watch for the hidden messages that are usually right in front of your eyes.

That is my happy news for today along with proof in pictures.

Messin' With my Porch Again, Fall 2011

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 15:26:07 PDT

Do you see the TINY sign above the sunflower wreath on the window? That TINY sign says,
"Be Nice or Go Away"
I have a client with a LARGE sign just like my TINY sign. I was so proud when I found a sign just like theirs on EBay! I snatched it up faster then a duck on a junebug. The pride part came in when I saw the price....$.99. Yes, 99 cents and that is when I pounced, then waited impatiently watching for it to arrive every day. It never did.
But one day I rec'd a TINY package with a TINY sign in it that you are seeing in that picture to the right. No one can pull anything over on me as you can see. O'well it works. I would still like to have a larger one for my entrance door. It certainly says it all, for me anyway. The good news for today ....I'm still upright! And if your reading this, so are you!

The Funny Farm Again.....by Diane Ogden

noreply@blogger.com ("The Happy News Lady") — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 09:00:09 PDT

In case you do not know, the "funny farm" is where I was raised since 1900 and nevermind! I go there when I have to. I go there to keep peace. I go there when I need something from the infamous GRAINERY! The grainery being were "we all" keep the belongings we don't wish to throw away. The old awards, the old high school box containing love letters from our first loves and forever loves. sshhhh. Baseball gloves, bats, ski's, snowboards, where mom (me) keeps five different stuffed animals loved by five different children in a plastic bedspread zippered bag. Hicksville or what? I picked up some fresh tomatoes....worked in the infamous grainery for three hours so as to not have to deal with the relatives. Mother to be exact. I do not have the wonderful relationship many of my fake facebook friends have with their M! Enough of that. Maybe.
I am watching Justin Timberlake and Lady GaGa on the season premier of Saturday Nite Live while trying to write about mummie and the funny farm...
I cleaned part of the grainery room where we all keep our goods. The goods that HGTV tells people to throw away if you haven't looked at for 6 months or more. Not gonna happen. Keepin' it! All of it! The years of the JCPENNEY Christmas Catalogs, the bins of beads and jewels, the boxes or barbie doll patterns, the collection of buttons, the memories and trophies of all the sales team and individual awards, gold goblets, gold dinnerware, rings, plaques. My Grandfathers lunch pail that must be 100 years old by now, my 22 year old daughters baby clothes, my sons comic collection, a life size cardboard cut of Chubacka, and Bruce Lee, snowboards, Nintendo's, and last but not least, those frog guys. You know those Ninja Turtles! I have a big box of them! Add an antique dresser or two, a couple junk boxes, tax records, and my son's (who is in prison) boots sitting on a dirty dusty sturdy shelf waiting for him. Along side his boots, are my Grandmother's size 4 1/2 hunting boots. She shot a bear for real in the 50's on a hunting trip in Wyoming. Me, no way! I don't believe in killing the wild friends. Hell I cry when I pass a dead possum on the road holding its paws over its face, alone and scared. I always say, "I'm sorry that happened to you (alone). And then I continue driving to wherever I was going. Then I find a way to smile and give someone a compliment when I get there. Even if I am mad, sad, or otherwise. I deal. I could live in that grainery with all my STUFF. Well only if it was remodeled of course. And had a bathroom and shower and heat! Yet my buttons and stuff are there, so I would be fine.