{The Irish Hag's Hut}

I've Moved...!

2012-03-19T16:34:00.001-04:00

Dearest friends and family members who have so faithfully read my posts and so patiently endured my long periods of silence (sorry), I've moved here! I hope you'll follow me there and soon, you'll see all the changes in store! :)

The Mental Snapshot of a Lifetime...

2012-01-26T23:49:00.000-05:00

The snapshot I'm sharing with you is not something you can see. It's something I can see in my mind's eye. I suppose once my photographer sends me the images from my reception, you will be able to see... but even then, what you'd see would not, could not compare to what I see in my memory. Let me paint for you one of the dearest, fondest memories I have from our wedding day:

The night was winding down. I had danced myself silly, hardly eating or drinking anything, because in typical Amanda fashion, I didn't want to miss a thing. I had done "The Hustle." I had done "The Cupid Shuffle." I had twisted and shouted. I had shimmied while wearing oversized sunglasses as my husband wore a cowboy hat and even bigger glasses. And now... it was time for our last dance.

We chose "Animal," a favorite of ours that I wanted to be "our song," except his friend already claimed it as "their song." Weird. Anyway, we danced gleefully, as all our dearest friends and family members gathered spontaneously around us, creating a giant circle. We spun and laughed and sung and danced, as all around us, our friends laughed and sang. I remember the feeling of pure bliss, the moments just before we said goodbye to our parents and left for our hotel.

It is forever etched in my memory-- a snapshot that will last for a lifetime, even if fire destroys the actual pictures.

While I'm at it, I'll give you a few more mental snapshots:
1. Waking up to Bestie's soft harp alarm on my wedding day. And then getting ready with good music, laughter, and hairspray-- nervous excitement.
2. Feeling so beautiful as I slipped on my wedding dress, with my hair and makeup all done.
3. Seeing TBH (HTB at the time) for the first time. I hugged him from behind and choked out, "You can turn around now." And then I promptly started crying. The day had finally come, and I was overwhelmed.
4. Eating a Starbucks birthday cake pop in the car on the way to the church after pictures, with my girls in the pickup truck with me. My best friends were all in the same car. :)
5. Standing at the doorway of the sanctuary with Dad, and hearing the beautiful harp music that began "Pas de Deux." We walked slowly, and I let the memory sink in. It was dark, save for the warm candlelight. I saw no one but TBH at the end of the aisle. My big smile wobbled as emotion took over, all the way down. And the entire time, Dad tried to calm my nerves by telling me a story of when I was in tumbling as a little girl and I showed my instructor a nice booger. He told me not to show a booger to the pastor. I felt confused at that point. Hahahahaha.
6. TBH and I read our vows to each other. Neither had dry eyes. We meant those words and said them before God and promised them to each other. It was intense.
7. I remember the relief of walking back up that aisle, even though we had to do it twice for the photographer. A weight had been lifted.

So there you go... before the actual snapshots show up on this site, there are a few from my memory, that I'll always cherish.

Over My Head...

2012-01-26T06:26:00.000-05:00

Well, I may or may not have gotten in over my head when I said I'd post a picture a day. Do I want to? Yes. Is it possible? Not really. Maybe if I was 37 and had been married ten years and knew how to balance caring for my husband AND daily blogging... but I'm not there yet. In fact, this is, as TBH called it, "adjustment week." We are figuring out how to live together, serve each other, and love each other, all while balancing jobs, bills, and housework. I know, I know, you're thinking, OK, big deal-- like EVERY OTHER COUPLE EVER TO EXIST. And you'd be right-- there's nothing special about our "adjustment week." But it is all new to us.

So I will update my blog when I have time, which hopefully will be more than once a week.

And when I have even MORE time, big changes will happen on this blog, you'll see...

Heirlooms...

2012-01-24T21:08:00.000-05:00

Today I had to throw away my bouquet. It was a sad moment. This is all that remains: some lace from my mom's wedding dress and some pretty pins.

And it got me thinking... what heirloom will my daughter carry with her on her wedding day? Will she want to wear my dress with its handy hidden pockets? Will she want to shorten my veil to chapel length? Will she carry the hankie my mom embroidered? Will she take the embellishment from my dress and design her own (with her mother's designer genes)?

It's kind of fun to think about. I wonder what the wedding styles will be in thirty or so years. I wonder how outdated my pictures will be, or if they will be timeless, like Jackie Kennedy (yeah right).

Brides-to-be, do you plan on using/wearing an heirlooms? Mothers, what have you/do you hope to give your daughter to wear on her wedding day, as a little piece of yourself?

Catching Up With the Newlyweds...

2012-01-23T19:36:00.000-05:00

I didn't have much time to blog in the last week and a half, but here we go: one picture from the last 14 days!

Merely one picture from the bachelorette party. Keep in mind, I consumed no alcohol... I was only doing what I was told. Hahaha.

Prettying it up the day before the wedding!

Good morning... I'm a bride! :)

This is what I got to wake up to. :) My husband. :) Now to be called: "The Big H" or maybe "TBH."

We went to the 9/11 memorial. There aren't many more words I can actually use to describe it.

The honeymooners with Lady Liberty.

Having lunch, New York Style.

Our last night in the city led us to a nice Italian place for dinner.

And the couple goes home.

My beautiful bouquet, still in bloom one week later!

Oh, the humanity!!!!!! TBH moves in!!!!

And I organize. I've never seen anyone with a DVD collection like ours. The ottoman is blocking the bottom 1/4.

This is my guilt-less guilty pleasure snack. This has no bearing to the actual day. It's just a new vice.

Finally: today. This is the first meal I made for The Big H, as his wife. Homemade chili and cornbread... mm-mm good!

Break Time...

2012-01-10T00:21:00.000-05:00

Well, it's break time! By that, I mean wedding stuff has gotten so crazy that I can't keep up with pictures. So, I'll take a picture every day, and catch you up later! Ta-ta for now, until I'm a married woman! :)

Moving On...

2012-01-08T23:47:00.000-05:00

Today I helped HTB pack up some of the stuff in his room that somehow hasn't made the transition from teenage cave to man land, but that's what our house is for. :) He was asking me what movies I had so that we wouldn't double up our collection. Can I just say, we're going to have a fantastic movie collection. Quite a variety of the best films of all time, including but not limited to Diary of a Wimpy Kid and the Scream collection. Haha.

Oh, and now I'll own a Darth Vader helmet and "Psych" bobbleheads.

I'm marrying an awesome guy. Just saying.

Looking into the Future...

2012-01-07T23:29:00.000-05:00

Today was my cleaning day. That means what was once a dizzying array of wedding presents, wedding paraphernalia, and garbage, is now a lovely (though kind of hodge-podge), clean apartment, ready for two. Today, when I took a picture of the kitchen, I thought about how my long-time single life will change drastically in just five days-- the place where I'd heat up my Lean Cuisines would now be the place I lovingly prepare man meals.

It was a happy thought. :)

Fluffing My Nest...

2012-01-07T00:53:00.000-05:00

With less than a week to go, I'm really feeling the pressure to make this place as man-friendly and de-girlified as possible, while still maintaining a Pottery Barn/pinterest/anthropologie chic. Impossible you say? HAH, I say. I'll find a way, just you wait and see. Here's a teaser: my future spice rack. Haha.

More to come, when it's all said and done!

One Week to Go...

2012-01-05T22:44:00.000-05:00

(HTB photobombing my picture)

Today HTB and I had our last pre-marital counseling with our pastor. We've really enjoyed his wit and wisdom... but this was our last session, the one we'd been hearing embarrassing things about, and well, we were a little nervous about what he would say (he's famous for his steamy Song of Solomon sermon series)... and let's just say I feared I would blush through the whole thing.

It wasn't half as bad as we were fearing. It was comfortable and encouraging, and so, hopefully this won't make you uncomfortable, but it's something I want to share.

See, HTB and I both have kept ourselves only for each other, and only for marriage. So for us, we are so thankful to go into this marriage without shame or regret, excited to experience something that God intended as glorifying to Himself, within the confines of marriage.

All you singles out there-- hold out! Don't give in! It will be worth it, because it's as God intended.

See You Later...

2012-01-04T22:32:00.000-05:00

Tonight we said "see you later" to youth group. It's not goodbye, because we're coming back after the summer, but even so, "see you later" was a little tough. We're taking a break from the youth group to get the hang of marriage.

Youth group has meant so much to us. HTB has been a part of it since he was a student, almost ten years ago. He started coming and never left. I joined staff before I even moved to Florida, going to summer camp, knowing only Bestie. And then I never left. It became such a part of my life. As HTB put it today, "Wednesday has always been youth group day."

Tonight they did a humorous little interview with us, then asked for advice from us. HTB told them not to take the youth group for granted, and to keep God first in their lives and not let things distract them from Him. I told them to trust God with their whole hearts and lean not on their own understanding; to acknowledge Him in all their ways, and He will direct their paths. I may or may not have used God's words, not mine. :)

And then they gathered around us and laid hands on us and prayed. It was so bittersweet, and we are so blessed to have been a part of such a wonderful, God-blessed ministry for so long.

And then one student prayed that we "be fruitful and multiply." Exhibit A of why I love that ministry so much.

We'll miss it, but we'll still be praying for it on Wednesday nights. Because Wednesday night is youth group night. :)

Calm Amidst the Storm...

2012-01-03T21:05:00.000-05:00

I tried working hard at wedding stuff tonight... I really tried. I got a few things done, but nothing near what I was hoping. A mean old headache came to visit and wouldn't leave, no matter how many times I asked or how many times I tried to KILL it.

So... I threw in the towel. I turned on the heat, got into my jammies, grabbed a bowl of Krave, my new favorite guilt-free cereal/dessert, turned on the Netflix (any guesses as to what I'm watching?), and got my pinterest on.

This is my calm amidst the storm. Thanks God, for this headache that forced me to slow down a little, since I didn't get the message with a cold. :)

T-Minus 10 Days and Counting...

2012-01-02T23:00:00.000-05:00

Tonight I sat on the floor, bundled up in a cozy sweater, working for hours on wedding stuff. The wind howled outside the windows, and my knees ached from long-term sitting Indian-style. In between scratching off things on my to-do list, I'd take a swig of cough medicine and/or blow my nose. Ugh. All I can say is, thank God this all should be over before the wedding. Can it please be January 12 now?

Now my only other fear (besides HTB showing up in a mustache) is rain... prayers, please! :)

New Year, New Idea...

2012-01-01T23:05:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year, all! With this new year comes countless new changes for me, so what better time than now to document the year with a picture a day? And so, thus begins the year of pictures, with today's gem:

This is HTB lovingly and expertly installing shelves in my bathroom to make it two-person friendly. :)

Oh the changes to come...!

And to All a Good Night...

2011-12-24T16:42:00.000-05:00

Images of the season... enjoy.

Snow, courtesy of picnik.com :)

Thanks be to God for the gift of our Savior.

Oh, and thanks be to God for the gift of HTB, too. :)

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

All is Well...

2011-12-18T17:40:00.000-05:00

"All is well."
That's the name of the song that pierced my soul last week.

Let me give you some background: I have never been so harried, so frazzled, so klutzy, and so spazzy as I have in the last couple of weeks. I have become Lucille Ball. My life would actually make for a hilarious sitcom right now, if it wasn't in fact my life.

I keep dropping things. Dropping things and breaking things. So much so that HTB has taken to carrying fragile items for me and has become a Krazy Glue expert.

Want some examples? Take yesterday, for instance.

I got up really early and packed for Chicago. Then I spent a half hour looking for some paperwork for my new camera that I found out later I had actually packed already. Then I opened my suitcase and smelled my mistake immediately. Sure enough, red nail polish had leaked in one of my bags, covering and destroying my nerd glasses and random pieces of jewelry. Then, I went to move my other suitcase (full of Christmas gifts), forgetting it was open, and all its contents were dumped on the floor. "DON'T LOOK, DON'T LOOK," I shouted frantically as I picked up the gifts and put them back inside. As I went to sit down and take a load off after a day like that, I put on my slippers... only to find out I had packed two right feet (I have two of the same pairs).

So now I sit down to this laptop, the one I spilled water on last week and now have to use a mouse instead of the track pad, and I type about how "all is well."

It really is, you know. Sure, all of the above makes me a bit like a frenzied Lucy, and sure, I am stressed like I've never been stressed. Yes, my house is a crazy mess of gifts and no place to put them, and of course I have to somehow make room in my house for another person and make it a livable environment. Yep, I'm getting married in 24 (!) days and still have a to-do list, and yes, Bestie and her husband just moved 2.5 hours away.

But, all is well. This struck me last week at our church's Christmas cantata. Bestie was playing beautifully on the piano; I realized this would be the last time I'd hear her play at church for who-knows-how-long. I began to cry. But then as the choir sang "All is Well," I listened to the words:

All is well, all is well;
Angels and men rejoice.
For tonight darkness fell
Into the dawn of love's light.
...

All is well, all is well;
Let there be peace on earth.
Christ is come, go and tell
That He is in the manger
...

All is well, all is well;
Lift up your voices and sing.
Born is now Emmanuel
Born is our Lord and Savior.
...

Sing Alleluia
All is well

How can all not be well, when Christ is come and there is a way to have a relationship with God? Christ was born to die. He was born to die for me, as the sacrifice for my sins. No striving for "good works" to save me; no uncertainty if I've been "good enough." He alone is sufficient as the atonement for my sins. And because I trust in Him for that salvation, I can truly say, "all is well."

So my friends, is all well for you? Or do you yet need to put your full faith in the One who was born to die for you?

Either the Edge of Glory or the Edge of a Cliff...

2011-12-05T18:14:00.001-05:00

Somewhere between rolls of twine and a freezer of leftover ziti, I lost my cool. Tension had been building for a while; my to-do list was growing when it should be shrinking; my day was too full to get anything done; daily life was encroaching on my bridal dreams.

And then yesterday. HTB walked with me to visit Bestie and Bestie Jr.'s mom, who had embroidered some weddings gifts so beautifully.

"I don't know how to tell you this, Amanda," she said, "but these scarves are filthy." Imagine the horror on my face as I see a scarf that had been so neatly tucked into its store packaging, clean and tidy, now strewn with dots of mysterious dried matter and dirt smears. All of that had been so cleverly hidden by said store packaging. I felt ill. I had bought those in Chicago. In June. And here I am, 38 days before the wedding (but who's counting?), with filthy shawls for my bridesmaids.

I held it together. Walking back home, HTB (who likes to straddle the line between trying to be helpful and trying to make me laugh) was about to make a suggestion.

"Just don't even say it if it's not helpful," I said, casting a warning glance in his direction.

"I actually think this is kind of a good idea," he said.

"OK...?"

"What if you just tye-dye them? Then no one could tell!"

"Really? REALLY?! Tye-Dye. What are we, hippies?!"

Despite HTB's fantastic advice, I managed to deal with the situation. And then I saw one of the monograms. I had given Bestie's mom the WRONG initals for one of my bridesmaids. Well, it was the right initials, but in the wrong order. Her shawl now reads "KJV," like she's a Bible or something. Sorry buddy... I suck.

But HTB now wants to forever refer to her as "King James."

I believe after that, I kind of fell in to HTB's arms and muttered things like "Just want to go to heaven," and "Don't even want to be alive anymore," and "Can't handle it." A little dramatic? Perhaps. But slightly accurate? Maybe.

And then today, let's just say that after a rude line-cutter at the post office a stupid USPS employee, frozen containers of baked ziti falling out of the freezer and busting, and dozens of gnats being born in my drain, it was even more accurate.

But thankfully, we're still reading through the Psalms backwards and last night read Psalm 39. I couldn't even get through the Psalm for my tears. HTB picked up where I left off and read about how our lives are but vapors; we must number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Life is short. In the grand scheme of things, what does a shawl matter? Or a jerk at the Post Office? They don't. The only thing that really matters is if I'm glorifying God through each situation.

So... now I'm either on the edge of glory or the edge of a cliff, but either way, I'm going to try my darndest, with God's help, to employ fewer tears and more joy.

Thanks Be...

2011-11-24T14:13:00.000-05:00

Every year at Thanksgiving, I wonder, for those who don't have a personal relationship with Christ, to whom/what do they give thanks?

And this year I wonder the same. I don't think anyone anywhere would say they aren't thankful for something. Thus, the question is begged... can you be truly thankful if there is no recipient for your thanksgiving? They might be thankful for family, friends, food, shelter, bacon... but it loses their meaning if their thanks simply goes out into the great unknown; spoken words that die the moment they leave their mouths.

For me, when I give thanks both now and throughout the year, my thanksgiving is directed to the Giver of all gifts-- my God and Savior, Jesus Christ. Without Him, life (including whatever thanks I might give) has no meaning.

So on this Thanksgiving Day, I sit on my parents' couch in my pajamas (still), post-parade, watching Miracle on 34th Street. I'm browsing online for some Christmas shopping, and I'm counting my blessings.

Thanks be to the Lord.

And now it's time for a picture post! Enjoy some photos from two of my bridal showers here in Chicago! :)

My cousins and me, minus Carolyn and Emily.

I received so many lovely handmade gifts-- like this afghan (Grandma) and cross-stich (Aunt Marge)

We <3 each other :)

Look at my fun shower surprise: one of my bridesmaids and best friends came in from Texas!!!

And yes, we went to a graveyard. Whatev.

A lovely montage by Kelly Johnson at Duna Photography!

Looks like I'm laughing at my own private joke. HAHAHA

Mom made us a Chevron quilt!

The flower girl and me, with the bow bouquet!

HTB, whispering something sarcastic, to be sure. (photo by Kelly Johnson)

My reaction... HAHAHA (photo by Kelly Johnson)

YAY, we're getting married! :) (photo by Kelly Johnson)

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!

Anticipation...

2011-11-08T15:49:00.000-05:00

ANTICIPATION: how I both love and hate this concept.

I love anticipation because of that feeling I get on Christmas Eve. You know those little exciting flutters in your belly that let you know that something really special/fun/happy is coming? I think I still love Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day for that very reason. Each year I stand in my parents' foyer, the multicolored twinkle lights on the towering tree behind me, Bing or Nat crooning around me, and I pull back the lace curtains. I peek out at the snow (hopefully) falling softly and my brother faithfully lighting the lumenaria in the little paper bags down our driveway. I smile and feel a sense of warm anticipation about the special day that will come in the morning.

When I was a small child, my parents couldn't even tell me when exactly Christmas was because I'd keep myself awake every night with that same anticipation.

Call me weird (it's OK, go ahead-- I know you do anyway), but I even get that feeling about walking into bookstores or libraries. I anticipate all the new information I'll find and the worlds that will be opened up to me, and oh, do those butterflies abound!

But then, I hate anticipation. I went to my first "Howl-O-Scream" at Busch Gardens with HTB on our one-year dating anniversary (because nothing's more romantic than being chased by zombies through haunted houses, right?). I wasn't actually scared in any of those haunted houses, no matter how grotesque or gruesome they were. Sure I screamed when they jumped out at me, because who doesn't scream when that happens? But what gave me sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach was the anticipation of the unknown. What would they do to me? What would it be like? When will they pop out at me? Will I actually die in this haunted house? What if HTB makes me go first? I hated that anticipation. It ate at me as we waited in line for the first house, and a creepy "vampire" tried to chit chat with me about the scarf around my neck. I nervously played along, but really I just wanted to not anticipate the unknown anymore. Turns out it was all fun, but I didn't know it would be.

This is also why, when playing hide-and-go-seek as a child, I'd walk into a dark room and shout, "Don't jump out at me!" because I hated the anticipation of the unknown-- just knowing I was going to be scared, but not knowing when or how or by whom.

And if one event has ever given me more reason to both love and hate anticipation, it's this engagement time. I just love anticipating all the fun stuff. I get that Christmas Eve feeling about my wedding showers, and setting up my little apartment as our tiny "love nest," and thinking about the fun of the actual wedding day itself. I have those giddy butterflies thinking about being married and being a wife to HTB, and making a life together. Having children and living our days out together are all things that give me those warm fuzzy anticipatory feelings...

Until I start to anticipate the unknown: the fights, the hard times, the hard work it will take to stay best friends for the rest of our lives, the unknown challenges, the physical ailments, the things that could go wrong on our wedding day, financial worries...

This anticipation thing is so weird. How can I both love and hate the feeling? I guess the anticipation I love is when I'm anticipating something familiar, something I know to be good from either personal experience or word-of-mouth. And I suppose the anticipation I hate is when I'm anticipating something unknown-- something I either fear or have heard negative things about from others. I guess what I'm getting at is that I need to remember familiar, good things I know will come with the wedding and marriage, and not sweat the unknown, because it's just that: unknown. Who's to say my experiences will be anything like those around me? And knowing my God, I do know for sure that it will be good, because God created marriage, and marriage itself is good.

Now in the meantime, I do need to guard myself against a common mistake I made as a child. I let the anticipation of Christmas Eve grow to such an extent that when Christmas came and went, I was left with the day-after-Christmas-blues. After such great anticipation, there is nothing left to anticipate and therefore an emptiness where those fun butterflies used to be. I don't want the let-down of December 26th (for those of us who don't celebrate Boxing Day) on January 13th... or any other day thereafter. I hope I always anticipate the rest of my life with the best kind of anticipation, and that every new year brings the butterflies that indicate something very special/fun/happy is coming. Though it may be unknown, it will be good. Why? Because I have God's Word on that, and I have HTB by my side.

Playing Dress-Up...

2011-10-31T20:48:00.001-04:00

Here's one clue I've met my match: we both really enjoy an excuse to be someone else for a little bit. Sometimes we get that privilege at a youth group theme night. Other times, it's Halloween.

So yesterday night we met up with the group (now a quadruple date, really) at the Applebee's. Mike was Dean Winchester (if you haven't seen "Supernatural," you really should.), and I was some kind of 80s jazzerciser, which morphed into being Olivia Newton-John.

The best was when HTB's mom watched me apply blue eyeshadow and tease my side pony and gingerly and tactfully asked, "Do you have plans tonight?" "No," I replied, "I just like to dress like this on Sunday nights."

And it was so fun. Nevermind that the rest of the group (save the Libertarian and the "celebrity" attempts by the besties... not bad ladies, for last minute :) ) didn't join us in our Halloween extravagance. So here's to a forever with my HTB-- and partner-in-let's-play-dress-up-for-Halloweeen crime. :)

Fail Blog...

2011-10-25T08:55:00.001-04:00

I'm a failure.

Yeah, you read that right. I had a mini-meltdown (let's just say it's not the only one I've had during this wedding-planning season) on Sunday night and realized it's because when push comes to shove, I'm a failure.

I felt like I was just existing, that I wasn't doing anything excellently anymore. Let me give you some background:

If you scroll through to my much-earlier posts, you'd see what my life was like as a single woman. I kept an immaculate house, because I had time to clean it thoroughly every week. I baked cupcakes like nobody's business, and made delicious meals from scratch, just because I had the time. I blogged regularly, because not only did I have the time to blog, but I had the time to examine life and think about what would be blog-worthy. I didn't gain weight for two years after I lost it because I could be picky about what I ate, since I was only feeding myself.

And then I entered into a relationship. Don't get me wrong-- I wouldn't change a thing. I would never want to live without HTB again. But I look at myself now and see this:

A woman whose house is a mess because she doesn't have time to clean it, plan for a wedding, go to work, meet with friends, and spend time with her fiance. She is gaining weight because she stress eats and now cooks for a burly man. She never bakes because why tempt herself, and plus, who has the time? She rarely, if ever writes in her journal, let alone blogs, though this is one of the most precious times of her life. The reason: lack of time.

I confessed to HTB that I was afraid I wouldn't be a good wife because I can't juggle life like a good wife can. I know how to juggle life like a single woman, but not a fiancee or a wife. And because I'm so overwhelmed, I've simply been walking a tightrope, singly concentrated on my one step after the other, praying I won't fall. And I feel like I'm missing life around me, and I can't see the forest for the trees. I'm not doing anything well anymore; I'm just existing.

It was then that HTB reminded me that I am not the girl I was a year ago. A year ago, I was not ready to be a wife. Even though I pridefully thought to myself, I'd be a wife like a boss! Look at me-- cooking, cleaning, baking, writing-- I'd be freaking awesome at homemaking, I wasn't ready for that-- not emotionally or spiritually. I wasn't ready to depend on another person or put his needs above my own. While other things have fallen out of place, God has been readying my heart.

And the truth is, I am a failure. But God knows that and can use me anyway. I can't do everything by myself. I absolutely, without a doubt need Him and His strength to help me juggle everything life's throwing at me at this point.

In the next two and a half months, I need to:
Get premarital counseling
Sort through and pack up tons of stuff I need to get rid of
Sort through and pack up HTB's stuff
Have a garage sale
Paint and set up my apartment as a home for HTB and me
Finish wedding stuff (that's a whole other list)
Help Bestie move across the state
Visit Chicago twice for the holidays
Buy Christmas presents
Lose 13 pounds
Have a Christmas youth group party
Bake Christmas cookie gifts
Keep up at school
All while still maintaining my time in the Word, spending time with HTB, spending time with friends, teaching at discipleship, keeping a clean house, cooking meals, keeping a handle on finances.

Oh, is that all? Yet I know there are homemakers out there with lists ten times as long as mine. Still, it's a lot to juggle, and I am failing at it. Yet when I am weak, then He is strong.

Over Three Months Ago Feels Like Over the Rainbow...

2011-08-22T20:17:00.000-04:00

For shame. For a dirty, dirty shame. To think that I have neglected my once dear friend Blogger for over three whole months! What have I been doing, you may ask? Oh, nothing... just a little bit of Israel, Chicago, wedding planning, Mom visits, curriculum planning, and house hunting.

And I think there are some lessons I'm learning, too. At school, I seem to be learning that I am truly a broken vessel. I'm handmade, but easily broken and quite fragile. And the funny thing is, God somehow puts those broken pieces together and makes something useful out of something worthless. He uses this broken vessel to fulfill his purposes, in some miraculous way. See, I was pretty burnt out after last year. And yet I received an email from a random student who needed help and prayer. And they turned to me. Not because of anything I had done, certainly, but definitely because of what God had done through me somehow, without my knowledge. Amazing how God can even use broken things. It makes me think of 1 Corinthians, when we're told that God chooses the foolish things of this world to shame the wise, etc., so that no one can boast before God.

Consider me humbled. For now. I'm sure I'll have to learn this again.

And as HTB and I make our way backwards through the Psalms as a countdown to our wedding, I have discovered another lesson God is trying to teach me. I found myself in tears several times lately because of the stress of the following things:

1. house hunting: should we buy now? Should we buy a starter house? What if we miss the buyer's window and it starts going up again? Should we rent? How much can we afford? Can we commit to a 30 year mortgage? How big should it be? Should we get a fixer-upper?
2. wedding planning: why is everything so freaking expensive? When will I have time to plan this? Will everything come together? What if I forget something? Will it be pretty? Will people have a good time?
3. debt paying/budget planning: how long before we're debt-free? Will we have enough money to save and pay off debts? Will we have enough money period? How will we ever afford to have kids? How can we make more money and still stay sane?
4. thinking about kids: when should we plan to have them? What if I'm too old when that happens? What if we can't afford it? Should we wait until we're debt-free?

This is a lot to think about. Yet as we read backwards through the Psalms, there are two recurring themes: Praise the Lord, and God can be trusted to meet our needs. I think the two must go hand-in-hand. You do one, you naturally do the other. So my goal is to keep handing all those worries over to God, who certainly knows about them and has a perfect plan, and that includes meeting our needs. And in the process, I am trying to Praise the Lord in all things.

That's a little hard when I'm really tired at 6 a.m. or I get a bill from the doctor, but there is simply no other choice. If we as people failed to praise the Lord, the rocks themselves would cry out in praise. So, with the hopes of avoiding creepy singing rocks, I will praise.

Here's hoping I'm back on the blogging wagon. :)

What I've Been Doing In Lieu of Blogging...

2011-07-14T10:35:00.000-04:00

I promise, Blogger, that you've been on my mind. Even though I've been gone for almost TWO months, I haven't forgotten you. But life was simply too busy to sit down in front of my laptop and type away. Life for the last two months has included these things:
1. traveling to Chicago to prepare for my trip and enjoy some family time.
2. traveling from Chicago to Israel for the trip of a lifetime (pictures to come later).
3. traveling back to Chicago for some downtime before the wedding dress hunting began.
4. sister time in the City.
5. finding a wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses.
6. HTB visiting for a nice long time and getting the full Chicago and family experience (pictures to come later).
7. taking awesome engagement photos (pictures to come later).
8. finally coming back to Florida after being gone for a month.
9. finishing our registries (so fun!).
10. searching for a reception venue.
11. feeling pretty darn stressed.

So... that's what I've been doing instead of blogging. But soon, if I can get my head on straight, I will hopefully thrill you with pictures and stories. :)

So... Now What?...

2011-05-22T17:45:00.002-04:00

So I'm engaged... now what?! HTB (husband-to-be) left for a fancy shmancy international cruise the day after he proposed, and now I have been left reeling in the aftershocks of new engagement.

The day after was so fun: I got to bring a lot of joy to people just by flashing my ring (which is fabulous, is it not? HTB did it all by himself, and did quite well, if I do say so myself.). I feel that in one's life, there are really only two occasions on which you can bring such joy and even squealing-- engagement and pregnancy. I played a game of hangman with my students until they guessed "Miss Hardt is engaged." They were thrilled. All of them wanted to know if they could come to the wedding, and a few wanted to be flower girls and/or ring bearers. One student ran out the door and yelled down the hall, "She got bling!!!"

But with the excitement comes a bit of nervousness. Not about HTB, because there is no one else I'd want to be with, ever. But about the solemnity and reality of marriage. It's for the rest of our lives, for better or for worse. That's heavy!!

Seeing HTB's face on google talk after a day and a half of not seeing it calmed me down a bit (it always does), but I have found that I'm struggling with the same thing I struggled with at each new step of our relationship: trust. It's the lesson God continues to teach me, and I don't know why I didn't expect it with this change. With each change, I would freak out just a little, and forget that God's in control and had brought us together each step of the way. And it's the same now, only even more exciting. Once things got "normal," and "comfortable," I'd stop remembering I needed to trust. So I've been reminded, and that's a good thing.

If you're looking for something to pray for us, please pray that we both trust the Lord and continue love Him more than each other, and that God would prepare us to enter into a lifelong, 1 Corinthians 13-type love affair.

Meanwhile, I'm ankle-deep in bridal magazines, sketches, planners, and ideas, and only just took a sigh of respite when my dear friends had a "pow-wow" with me, and HTB and I chose a date: January 12, 2012. Why that date? Because HTB is a little OCD (enough so it's endearing, not annoying) and he likes "1.12.12." Seriously. :)

So now that I'm engaged, what do I do? Pray for God to settle my crazy emotions and give me peace amidst my overwhelming feelings, pray that God would be shaping HTB and me into godly, mature, loving spouses, and get giddy now and then... because if there's ever a time to be giddy, it's now!

He Said, "Will You?" and I Said, "Yes."...

2011-05-18T20:33:00.000-04:00

Somehow, in the last seven months, my dreams have begun to come true. Not my nighty-night sleep-tight dreams, but my hopes and dreams. First, a friend of mine became more than a friend. Second, we fell in love with each other.

And now, we are getting married.

You read correctly-- GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

Somehow God saw fit for this man

To love this woman

For the rest of our lives. :)

I can hardly believe it! It seems unreal, like a nighty-night sleep-tight dream! After all the planning for others, watching most of my friends pair off in wedded bliss, it is now my turn, and I can hardly fathom it!

"The story!" you say? Of course I'll oblige.

I'll start by admitting, I was very surprised. I had thought it might happen this summer, perhaps when BF (wait... he's now fiance, but I'd rather not call him "F." haha. I'll have to think on this one-- any suggestions?) would come to visit Chicago. With that being said, I had a few sneaking suspicions.

1. He said he had a skype appointment yesterday... I thought perhaps he was asking my parents for permission to marry me... but surely he wouldn't ask yet.

2. He said he had bought me something I couldn't have yet while he was in Las Vegas. But surely he wouldn't give me a ring yet.

3. He did some mysterious texting that I thought could have been giving some select people heads' up, but I thought, not yet, not when he's leaving tomorrow!

But he still surprised me. I love this story, because it's pretty funny to me. I think things didn't go as he planned, and he panicked a little when he actually proposed, which is so cute. We were at the driving range, practicing golf swings (let's just say I made him look really talented). He had planned to "tie his shoe" and kneel and propose, but there were too many people around. He said that as the bucket of golf balls dwindled, he began to panic! We ended up in his car, ready to go to Rita's for some frozen custard (mmmm), when he handed me his glove and said, "You need one of these-- try this on so I can see what size to get you." There was something lumpy in it. I pulled out a red die with white dots and looked at him quizzically. He said it was something from Las Vegas. I said, "really?" And he said, "no." I was puzzled, but whatever. He's been known to do/say stranger things.

I peered over at whatever he was texting, and he insisted that I show him my texts. I gave him my phone and he snatched it and stuck it in his pocket. When I asked for it back, he rummaged around in his pocket, mumbling something about, "it will take a second," and I legitimately thought my phone was stuck in his pocket until he said:

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I got you something else when I was in Las Vegas..." and he pulled out a ring and held it up. That's right, sitting in the front seat of his Trans Am, he pulled out a ring. I stared. I mean really, I just stared for several seconds, then squeaked out, "really?!" a couple times. I think I couldn't believe it was actually happening, and I was surprised at the way he did it-- though not displeased.

You need to know that when he is nervous, he literally loses the ability to speak how he would normally speak, like when he asked me out and there were lots of long pauses. So he finally eeked out, "Will you?" just before I almost said, "Is there something you want to ask me?" Of course I said yes.

I was shaking. I couldn't believe it, as I put that ring on my finger, that this was real, that this was my life! We headed over to Rita's, and despite the fact that I was no longer hungry, I wolfed down my cone as we chatted, still reeling over what had just happened.

It turns out, he'd had a plan, but when it didn't work out, it threw him off, hence his "will you". So when he relaxed a bit, he told me why he wants to marry me (for the record, he thinks I'm wonderful, and I don't think he's too bad himself), and back at my place he got down on one knee and said, "will you marry me," just to make sure I got to experience that. It's hard to get down on one knee in the front seat of a Trans Am. But I wouldn't have changed a thing. It also turns out that the die is in reference to a comment a friend made at a wedding last week after I didn't catch the bouquet (on purpose, because I hate that). She said, "I'm sorry, but the die is cast." She knew I'd be next, and she was right!

So we set a tentative date in January. He picked that so I could have one last Christmas with my family, which I thought was very caring, but every time I mention that, someone thinks it sounds like they're going to die or something. That's nice. Then began the phone calls. I called my mom, then all my bridesmaids, then every one of the families in my extended family, then texted a select group of other friends.

We went over to Bestie's house and Bestie Jr. and her husband came too. We toasted to January, and to us, and we laughed and squealed and giggled... and that was just BF! JK, the guys pretended to stab themselves with kitchen knives.

After skyping with my parents and brother, we had some alone time to just sit and soak in this big change. It's really exciting, and so fun to bring such joy to others. But part of me is still nervous, knowing that marriage is a huge commitment and a big responsibility, and it's for life. I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone else, but it's very overwhelming.

And telling my students was fun. I had them play hangman and when they figured it out, their faces lit up. I had students ask to be my ring bearers and flower girls, but my favorite was when a student ran into the hall shouting, "She got bling!"

I did. But even more than the bling, I got HIM. And my dreams are coming true.