.:The Red Angel:.

A Glimpse of Post-Graduate Life

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Mon, 16 Jun 2014 12:06:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "I live for coincidences. They briefly give to me the illusion or the hope that there's a pattern to my life, and if there's a pattern, then maybe I'm moving toward some kind of destiny where it's all explained." -Jonathan Ames

It has been a long time since I've sat and written and reflected about my life. The last time I blogged here was in January. January! Even though in some ways it feels like 2014 just began, that month seems so far away. I'm a somewhat different person from who I was at the beginning of the school year - of course, writing is still my one true love and everything that makes me who I am still do, but the way I approach certain situations, my attitude toward various circumstances and my overall outlook on life are no longer the same.

During the last few weeks leading up to graduation weekend, my friends kept asking one another, "So, let's talk about how I'm not feeling anything about leaving UNC. Is it just me? Has it hit any of you yet?" They shook their heads and said, "I feel nothing."

It wasn't until the end of April that the tears started to come. NC Fellows, that phenomenal and indescribable leadership program I've talked about in previous posts, hosted a final banquet for all the senior Fellows - my class. Each senior was expected to give a farewell speech, a word of motivation and advice for the younger Fellows and a blurb about what Fellows meant to him or her.

Only half of the nerds - I mean Fellows - in my class are present here. The other half of them are...pursuing Quality, I hope. (Original photo by Ananda Day)

Being the wordy, rambling writer that I am, I wrote out a love-letter-slash-poem about my Fellows experience. My speech was far (FAR, far far) from being even remotely close to, say, a J.K. Rowling masterpiece, but somehow it hit all the right (or wrong) heartstrings. One of my close friends came to me afterward and said I'd ruined her streak of "feeling nothing" all semester, that the reality of things was finally dawning on her. Another friend told me he'd avoided my eyes the whole time I was reading my speech because he thought he would break down the moment he looked at me.

I won't share the whole thing with you because it's two pages long, but here is a passage from my speech that can not only be said about Fellows, but college in general:

"There are no words for the barriers that will threaten your comfort zone, the safe bubbles that will eventually begin to break, and the incremental moments when you're sitting in the dark and you confront the same question over and over: Who am I?"

They say college is about finding yourself - creating your identity. I still remember how panicked, lost and utterly confused I felt back in January. I didn't know if the internship I have now at china.org.cn was going to work out. My plans for graduate school were undefined - nonexistent, even. And the little regrets of not doing this or not doing that during my earlier years in college began to pile up in the back of my mind like crumpled to-do lists.

But then it stopped. The fear and anxiety just went away (at least for the time being, and it wasn't always like that). It wasn't because I had everything figured out (lolz). I just stopped caring so much about the future and started focusing on the present situation, because I realized that in a few months, my friends and I would no longer be at UNC.

I started spending as much time as I could with these people who had helped define my college experience. I tried to look forward to the summer without freaking out over the details too much, even though the prospect of living in Beijing secretly terrified me. Other aspects of my personality changed, too. I stopped doing things for the purpose of conforming to societal expectations or because certain activities were seemingly necessary for a meaningful college experience (like climbing the UNC bell tower). I did things for my own happiness and personal satisfaction. I went out for drinks only if I wanted to. I studied really hard for exams and finally reached my ultimate GPA goal - not for my parents' sake, but for my own.

As a writer, I've also changed. In the past, I would shield my opinions from others in the name of objective journalism. But now, I am less afraid of offending whichever party is against my stance and more terrified of not being a part of movements I care about. I've spoken up about issues of skinny-shaming and using gender neutral language in relationships. I've written about the intimacy of teen romance and sex in YA literature and curated a "Digital Detox" series to promote discussion about how technology helps - and hinders - our everyday relationships.

Journalism isn't just about truth for me anymore. It's about the communication of ideas and viewpoints, even the ones we don't want to acknowledge. I want to be a writer because writing - good writing - sparks a connection between different people and helps create a sense of unity and compassion in a world that sometimes feels too large.

For some people, the end of college hits them - as Florence Welch would say - "like a train on a track." For others, it comes in waves, alternating between numbness and overwhelming emotion. For me, it just sunk in slowly over time, so subtle that it was barely noticeable until graduation weekend when I sat with the people from my NC Fellows class at commencement, listening to Dr. Atul Gawande give his speech and singing "Hark the Sound." It was like any other weekend, except that it was also our last one together. I miss them.

I'm a big kid now - I mean, adult.

And so here I am now, living and working in Beijing until the end of July. I'm calmer and more focused on my career than I've been in months. That's not to say I don't have any worries, fears or doubts about the future. Even now, there is still so much uncertainty surrounding my career choice and where I'll end up in the next five years or even next fall. But I know enough about myself now to be able to stand up for my strengths and my values, to embrace the goals I set for myself and to be able to move forward.

I have my alma mater and everyone who spent the last four years there with me to thank for that. So thanks, UNC.

Wendy Lu

My Memories of Ovik Banerjee

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Wed, 15 Jan 2014 04:00:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "I live in the present, due to the constraints of the space-time continuum." -Hank Green

I may have mentioned on my blog once or twice before that I am a part of a four-year leadership program at UNC-Chapel Hill called North Carolina Fellows. There are no words for what this program means to me. Perhaps it will suffice to say that I would not be the same person if not for NC Fellows, that the people in this community have challenged my perspective on the world and helped me to gain a greater sense of self-awareness, that joining this program was the best decision I've ever made in college.

A few days ago, we lost someone who is and always will be an integral part of the Fellows community. Ovik Banerjee was a 2012 UNC-CH graduate, a Venture for America Fellow, a North Carolina Fellow, a true friend, a brother, a son and so much more. In NC Fellows, he served as a student director and a teaching assistant for the senior capstone course. He was always everywhere (but mainly the CLD office), and he was just so Fellowsy. Even after Ovik graduated, his presence still lingered in the Carolina Leadership Development (CLD) office and in our seminar room. But Ovik's impact doesn't stop at Fellows - he was a priceless gem of UNC-Chapel Hill.

I always looked up to Ovik, not just because he was kind and honest and accepting of others, but because he wanted to get as much life as he could out of every experience he had and every person he met. He made it his mission to "get coffee with every single Fellow" before graduation. He stayed in touch with people no matter how far away they were or how long it'd been since they last spoke. The last time we talked on the phone was March; that conversation seems long ago now, but I remember feeling ecstatic that Ovik had even thought to call me, he was so busy.

"You're doing it wrong," Ovik said to me at UNC-Chapel Hill's Holi Moli in March 2012.
Photo Credit: Hannah "Nemo" Nemer (possibly)

Ever since I learned about Ovik's death, I've found myself searching for the emails, texts and old conversations that we had, wanting to preserve them forever. I keep wracking my brains for every single memory I have of him, never ever wanting to forget what he was like - the sound of his voice, his smile, his walking stance, his big brown eyes. The way he called me "Wendy Lu-Who." I used to hate that nickname back in grade school, but somehow I never minded Ovik calling me that.

Memory is a powerful, valuable tool. Most of my experiences with Ovik are retained only in my mind, and it's important for me to write them down lest they should become foggy over time. Sadly, memory-keeping can become difficult when you lose touch with what's fact and what was subconsciously made up while remembering too hard. But what matters most to me is that I don't forget the essence of each little scene, the small and real talk exchanged, the sentiments felt.

I could easily describe Ovik with words like kindhearted and honest and inspirational (in fact, I already have), and they would all be true. But I hesitate to impose my perception of who he was as a person onto everyone else by using too many labels. While he had an impact on each person he knew, everyone who was close to Ovik had a different experience or relationship with him. So instead, I've put my thoughts into words, and those words into written memories that show a glimpse of Ovik's impact on a single person.

Whenever I want, I can just remember back to that time when:
(for the sake of preserving space, only some of my most salient and favorite memories are listed)

-I met Ovik for the first time on Fellows Final Interviews Day in spring 2011. It was lunch break, and I was sitting with Michael, Gwen, Dominique and maybe Alyxandra (were we in the student union? Probably, but I'm not sure). When Ovik greeted our table with a friendly smile on his face, Michael - who knew him already - introduced him to the rest of us.

-I went to my first Mipso show and felt so nervous about attending "my first real college concert." Ovik was there, and he assured me that I could stick close to him. He ultimately made it his responsibility to watch over me, to make sure I never felt uncomfortable in such a large, suffocating crowd. When he first saw me that night, he teased, "You don't wear a band's shirt at their concert!"

-Ovik and I went to Buns for lunch and I got a veggie burger for the second time ever. We talked about life, legacies and aspirations. He asked a lot of questions (no surprise there) and answered a lot of them, too. I always felt comfortable talking to Ovik about anything; consequentially, he knew a lot about my medical history that, back then, few people knew outside of my Fellows class.

-He called me back in March, just to catch up. "So, I hear you're dating my brother's best friend," he said, teasingly, pausing as if to let me know he expected to hear more details. During the time it took for him to walk to a friend's shindig (pool party, maybe?), we chatted about life in Las Vegas and life back at Chapel Thrill. I told him he should return to UNC-CH for Fellows Interviews Day every year. As I recall, he did come last year. I'm so glad he did.

-He asked me to edit and read over one of the articles on his blog, Not Drinking, the Unspoken Taboo? before it was published. Ovik was not only my friend, but a mentor and one of my biggest cheerleaders. He read my blog. He came to me for editing advice. He put a lot of faith in my writing abilities. I can never thank him enough for believing in me.

-He sat in the back of my very first writing seminar, which I hosted as part of the Fellows mini seminar series. Ovik was the one to tell me, a day or two before the seminar, not to expect too many people. He said I shouldn't be discouraged in case the audience count was low, that the Quality of each person's experience at my seminar was far more valuable than the number of attendees. We actually had about 12 or 13 people show up, and our discussions were great. Best of all, though? A Fellow texted me that next morning, saying she was inspired by my seminar to pour her heart through writing for the first time in a while. You were right, Ovik.

Wendy Lu

Embracing 2014: My New Years Resolutions

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Thu, 02 Jan 2014 04:58:00 +0000

#DailyWings: “Nothing truly innovative, nothing that has advanced art, business, design, or humanity, was ever created in the face of genuine certainty or perfect information.” -Jonathan Fields

For what might possibly be the first time ever, I feel like it's time for a new year. So much happened in 2013 that it seems only natural to "turn the page" and start a new chapter of this book that we call life. (Technically, "Chapter 2014" refers to the 2014th year of the Gregorian calendar rather than that of my personal life...I'm 21, not 2014, years old after all!) Note - this doesn't necessarily mean I'm ready for 2014. On the contrary, my body experiences all sorts of physical reactions - my arms quiver, my heart palpitates at an alarming rate, my mind goes into panic mode - whenever I even think about life after college. There's one more semester left. Graduation is in May. Anything beyond that is up in the air.

As much as I consider myself a fan of spontaneity, the truth is that I'm much calmer when everything is planned out accordingly. Besides things like birthday surprises, I like to know what's going to take place in the future (except for movie and book spoilers...talk about party poopers). What I would like to happen may indeed be the total opposite of what actually happens. Thus, I hope to be flexible in 2014. To stay open-minded and not get discouraged if things go awry.

I have been an adamant goal-setter since 2008 when I started making new years resolutions using an incentives system and Chris Guillbeau's annual review spreadsheet. If you're a planner like me, you might be interested in my guide: 5 Steps to a Resolution You'll Stick With. You can find out if I met my 2013 goals here.

Once again, I've compiled a list of New Years resolutions and gleaned from it my top 10. Here they are:

Ultimately, this year will be a transition period for me. For the past eight years, I've been focused on things like my education and social life and independence. The falls and springs have been marked with numbers - class grades, grade point averages, standardized test scores - that determined where I would go next. Summers were spent either in China or Chapel Hill for internships and extra classes. But not this summer. For once, I'm going to have time (!) to think about who I want to be and what comes next in my book. Not what should come next according to social expectations, but what I want to come next.

The book of my life (all 21 chapters) has been continuously written for me - until now. Whether I like it or not, this is the year that everything changes. This is where the real writing begins.

Wendy Lu

What are your New Years resolutions? If you could give 2014 your own theme, what would it be?

The Long Goodbye to 2013

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Wed, 01 Jan 2014 04:30:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "It is never too late to be what you might have been." -George Eliot

It's really not going to be that long. Just give me two minutes. That's all I need to virtually hug my readers and say, "You're still here, then, after all this time?" Has it really been more than three months since my last published post?

If my blog still makes it to your news feed and you're reading this, thank you for sticking with me. My queue has eight partially written drafts rotting away, forgotten and obsolete. Every time I sat down to write for myself (either on this blog or in my journal or as part of an unfinished piece of work) this semester, guilt weighed down in the pit of my stomach as I thought of all the "real writing" that needed to get done - feature stories for the newspaper, online articles and so forth. One of the most crucial lessons I have yet to learn is that writing for myself is just as important as writing for others.

You'll read more about my new years resolutions (many of them are writing-related) tomorrow - I'm a big fan of themes, and thus 2014 has been dubbed the year of literary frenzy - but before that I need to give a proper recap of 2013. Here's my annual...

Year in Review

(see last year's review and resolutions here)

Completed my first journalism internship at Chapel Hill's The WEEKLY
Served as the arts and entertainment editor at Blue & White magazine; will be returning as managing editor in the spring
Served as fall co-editor of The Durham VOICE
Started dating Andrew and fell in love
Learned how to drive at night and on the highway
Joined DIY MFA, one of my favorite writing blogs, as an online columnist after a fantastic internship experience
Found my inner poet and wrote several pieces of free verse
Published travel and food feature articles in Carolina PASSPORT, Wander and Flourish magazines
Survived the infamous Chapel Hill flood in June and lived for five months in practically a construction site of an apartment with no walls or proper flooring
Shared my story as an individual living with a tracheostomy tube and spent 1.5 months alone for the first time (without a "parental guardian")

Other highlights: Interned at Personify, served (and still serving) as vice president of UNC CUSA, met Khaled Hosseini, started freelancing and received the Quincy Sharpe Mills Scholarship from the UNC j-school.

Indeed, what a year it has been! More than anything, this year made me realize that I can do anything I want with the right amount of determination, confidence and planning - no matter how many obstacles there are (even if one of them is a flooded home). I learned to believe in myself. Of course, my resolutions and years in review are often focused on my writing career, but there are other aspects of my life that also help me to make priorities.

The theme for 2013 was "professionalism" because I wanted to gain more work experience - not just to boost my resume with internships, but to learn what it's like to thrive in a work environment with other colleagues. To get a taste for "the real world" before college is over and so that I know what to expect after graduation in May.

The thing, though, is that 2014 is going to bring about so many changes and surprises that nothing will have prepared me for them. It's a little daunting to think about, but that is why this next year is geared toward writing. I can't help but feel like writing for myself is going to be more important this year than any other so far. I'll be entering the job market as a journalist. I will be leaving UNC-Chapel Hill, a place that is extremely dear to my heart and has helped to shape my identity over the past four years of my life. I will be separated from close friends and people who have stood beside me since the beginning of college and even high school - we'll embark on our own journeys, say farewell. I will need my journal close by to remind myself who I am without UNC and that everything is going to be okay.

My new years resolutions for 2014 are coming up soon - and you can bet that blogging regularly is one of them. Check back tomorrow for my annual resolutions post and an extra surprise...something I've been working on for the past couple of weeks and cannot wait to share with you! Happy New Year!

Wendy Lu

The Senior Year Experience

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Mon, 23 Sep 2013 03:23:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I've started a new blog post several times (each with its own headline and Daily Wings quote), but it wasn't until multiple friends came up to me and said, "You haven't updated your blog in a while," that I realized my hiatus had to end.

Even though it's already September, my mind is still stuck somewhere in July. This summer was supposed to be a chance for me to mentally catch up with the past three years of college and figure out what the hell I'm going to do with my life. In the end, I only got busier.

Since the June 30th flood, which many Chapel Hillians are still recovering from to this day (including myself), I have completed summer school, an internship at Personify and a freelancing job with Raleigh Public Record. Thanks to the awful storm, the carpets and drywall in my apartment were all removed; for several weeks, I was forced to live in three different places, including a hotel as well as another house and flat where two of my friends were kind enough to let me stay. It's hard to believe I hopped homes for nearly a month while still managing to drive 45 minutes to and from work every day after class. Despite everything, I've made it to my final fall semester of college.

Although I'm pretty content with the way things are sailing right now, it wasn't like this at the beginning. Back in August, I was eager not to let the aftermath of the flood prevent me from living the "perfect" senior year and doing everything on the typical UNC college bucket list that I never really did as a first-year, sophomore or junior. Participate in Week of Welcome. Attend Sunset Serenade and Relighting of the Bell Tower. Take Zumba. Go rock climbing in Rams. There was something about checking off these items right here, right now as a senior that seemed sacred to me. They weren't things you could after college. I mean, you could – but it wouldn't be the same.

Due to apartment issues, I was met with great disappointment and ended up doing none of these things. I was bitter for days. I blamed the world for ruining senior year for me. The bitterness turned into resignation and an all-or-nothing attitude: If I couldn't enjoy Week of Welcome, I might as well abandon my expectations for other special moments that are supposed to make up "the senior year experience" (like Senior Bar Night and taking before graduation/after graduation photos by the Old Well).

The thing is, after I stopped worrying about missing out on stuff, life got much easier and more enjoyable. I've been able to focus on classes and things that are really important to me, like journalism. One week after school began, I was appointed to co-editor of The Durham Voice, which has been an incredibly rewarding experience for me so far. I'm also a guest columnist for DIY MFA now, and work with a passionate, talented team of writers. I've even started researching and writing my senior honors thesis, which focuses on the gap between people's online social media personas and readers' perceptions of those personas.

It's taken me three months to realize that I am doing everything I've ever wanted in college. Co-lead a major local publication. Work for one of my long-time favorite writing websites. Write a book. And last night, I emceed for the first time for CUSA's Mid-Autumn Festival. It was terrifying to think that there were more than 200 people watching me sputter out lines on stage – but when the audience burst into laughter, right on cue, I knew I was doing something right. Sounds corny, but it felt like a dream. Best of all is something I did not anticipate: I've found an amazing boyfriend who is as nerdy and awkward as me. He's always there with a joke or John Green reference and a twinkle in his eye.

Exec board members of CUSA (Chinese Undergraduate Student Association) cheesin' after cube painting for Mid-Autumn Festival
Photo Credit: Amy Yang

All this time, I've been chasing this ridiculous list of must-dos without ever thinking about whether they're things I actually want to do – or if they're things I'm expected to do in college. Just because my bucket list is different from the norm doesn't mean it's insignificant. And some of the best things that have happened to me were totally unexpected.

Even though it seems like seniors are supposed to have everything figured out by now, I guess I'm still learning how to be flexible and open to change. I constantly have to remind myself to work hard but go at my own pace, because the truth is, the future will always be looming like some ominous inevitable. The trick is to not look ahead and remember that there is always room to grow.

So far, senior year hasn't met every expectation or standard. But it's been packed (to say the least), surprising and, above all, wonderful.

The obligatory couple photo in front of the Old Well
Photo Credit: A kind stranger

Wendy Lu

Meeting Khaled Hosseini: "And The Mountains Echoed" Book Tour (and My 21st Birthday + The Great Flood of 2013!)

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 03:00:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "When I was a child my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general. If you become a monk, you'll be the pope.' Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso."
-Pablo Picasso

A couple weeks ago, I read John Green's "The Fault in Our Stars," one of the best Young Adult novels I've read in a long time. (If you haven't done so already, I highly encourage you to read one or all of John's books and/or check out the awesome vlogbrothers, a YouTube video project he coordinates with his brother Hank.) One of the book's subplots involves the characters traveling to Amsterdam to meet the writer of their favorite book in person.

After I finished reading the book, I Skyped my boyfriend — who shares my passion for good literature and was the one who introduced me to John's work — and said to him, "Wouldn't it be so cool if we could just meet our favorite authors like Augustus and Hazel do?"

Two days later, I found out Khaled Hosseini was in Raleigh. Now, those of you who know me very well or have been following The Red Angel for a long time know how much I love Hosseini's novel, "The Kite Runner." It's publicly been one of my favorite novels for a long time (publicly, meaning when people ask, 'What's your favorite novel?' I say, "The Kite Runner.") The book is set in Afghanistan and follows the friendship between a wealthy boy and the son of his father's servant, which is changed forever by a single act of violence. It's a story of redemption and love, of friendship and forgiveness. You can read some of my old reviews of the book here and here.

Khaled Hosseini, a medical school graduate and the founder of a nonprofit that provides assistance to people living in Afghanistan, also wrote "A Thousand Splendid Suns." Hosseini's stop in Raleigh was part of the book tour for his third and most recent novel, "And The Mountains Echoed."

When I saw the event announcement on Twitter, my heart jumped into my throat as I thought about how cool it would be to meet Khaled Hosseini in person and listen to him speak. But that jump-in-the-throat reaction was followed by a sigh, and I knew there was no way I could drive to Raleigh myself.

My luck turned when a good friend of mine, who, consequentially, knew how much I loved "The Kite Runner," called and told me he and his friends were going to see Hosseini in Raleigh — and that I could come with him and his friends if I wanted. (If I wanted!) Before I knew it, I was riding in the backseat of a friend's friend's car and on my way to Quail Ridge Books. I don't remember much about the car ride, except that I had Subway and kept repeating the words, What is my life? over and over in my head.

I'm holding my copy of "The Kite Runner," which world-renowned author Khaled Hosseini had just signed for me, at the "And The Mountains Echoed" book event in Raleigh, N.C., on June 15.

Before the book signing, NPR's Frank Stasio did an interview with Hosseini, touching on subjects from the writing process to character development in "And The Mountains Echoed" to the culture of and life in Afghanistan.

During Questions From the Audience Time, I plucked up the courage to stand up and ask Khaled Hosseini: "Since you started writing 'The Kite Runner' up until now, how have you changed as a writer, an educator, a person? And, if at all, how have these books — these characters you've created — changed you?"

"And The Mountains Echoed" is much more complex than his other two books, Hosseini said. Over time, he's become more drawn toward characters who are conflicted. Instead of revealing themselves completely, the characters are mysterious and self-scrutinizing.

"What drives me to write is the drama, the human element in these stories," he said. "The motivations for the way they behave."

Before Hosseini thanked Stasio on stage for coming to interview him for the book event, he left me and the audience with this:

"Stories close the gap and reconcile between what we want life to be and how it actually is," Hosseini said. "That's what stories are for."

~ ~ ~ ~

In other news, I turned 21 years old on June 22. I didn't go out and party all night. I didn't drink 21 shots (as the tradition demands). But I did go shopping at Southpoint, Skype my loved ones and tear open the presents that I had sworn I wouldn't peek at until the big day.

Here are just a few of my excellent birthday presents (left to right): Gray goose vodka (I'm 21, y'all!), a martini plastic "glass," my first shot glass from Mount Vernon and a feather quill set complete with an ink bottle, fountain pen and nibs (!!!). Just, wow.

I couldn't have asked for a better birthday, or a better month of June, which is ironic for me to say because of The Great Chapel Hill Flood of 2013.

Basically, my apartment got completely flooded earlier today and I was forced to evacuate to higher ground. I left the flat with only a few essential belongings, thinking that the rest would be floating in rainwater by the time I came back. But most of my stuff is completely unharmed, and while the carpet is soaked and damaged beyond repair, my home is still here. And I've still got my brain and my lungs and my heart, the three things that gotta' keep me going.

Even though there are some things that could be much worse than a flood, and also some things that could be more awesome than meeting the author of your favorite book, I can't help but think: So this is what it feels like to be the luckiest person in the world.

Wendy Lu

The Noise In Your Head: A Different Kind of Writer's Block

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 18:40:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "It's all right to do things the way you want. There is no map to life, no blueprints to survival, you can create your world day by day if you have a clear vision and an unwillingness to give up." -John O'Callaghan

The first time I drove a car, I was seven years old. My back was propped up against the seat of an arcade racing game at one of the pizza joints in Boston. My two best friends at the time, twin sisters wearing ponytails and matching choker necklaces, watched and waited eagerly for their turns to play. I clutched the plastic wheel in front of me, eyes fixed on the screen. But the whole time, all I could focus on were my friends' cheers in the background and the shadow of our mothers hovering above my head.

I ended up maneuvering around like an old grandma – I was either too fast or too slow, and kept bumping into trees and the vehicles in front of me. After a few moments, my friends looked away, bored with my game. The race ended as all the cars braked to a screeching halt, and two pixelated words showed up on the screen: Game over!

It took a few tosses for me to realize no matter how many silver coins I slipped into the slot, I wasn't going to get any better at the game so long as I kept getting distracted. I couldn't help it, though. Embarrassed, I hopped off the seat to let one of the twins try next. My seven-year-old pride dug in: How could something that looked so simple end up in disaster?

I'd been driving for that checkered flag at the end of the race, but what I had really been going for was that grownup pat on the shoulder, the rumple of my mushroom-cut hair and the half-impressed, half-envious looks on my friends' faces.

Now, I'm nearly 21 and my driver's license was issued to me just barely a few months ago. Unlike the faded student identification card hiding in the back of my wallet, the newness of my driver's license is evident in the shiny exterior and blue airplane signifying the mark of North Carolina. With this barely-larger-than-my-palm card of plastic, I officially have permission to be on the road – the real one this time.

This is what I must get through every day on my way to work...

Nowadays, the commute between my apartment and the location of my summer internship lasts about forty-five minutes, so my license comes quite handy these days. Luckily, I don't drive the way I did back when I was seven years old. It was, however, difficult to focus when I first started practicing: I kept getting nervous with my parents sitting in the backseat ("just in case"), and I worried what the other drivers thought about me, this slow beginner. But after a while, I learned to drown out these distracting thoughts and instead pay attention to what was in front of me. I learned how to be a better driver.

Lately, I've been struggling with my writing for similar reasons. Whenever I try to get the words down, there seems to be so much traffic in my head: I'm not good enough. My writing sucks. This blog post is going nowhere. I'm nothing but a starving artist. Everyone else writes better than me. Look at these cool indie authors and accomplished people – I'm certainly not one of them!

Unsurprisingly, this self-deprecation leads to writer's block. Literally, there's a block in my mind. Not because I don't have any good ideas, but because reminding myself of all the things I'm not fills my head so there's no room left for actual creative work. Then, something that's supposed to be fun, something that I supposedly love to do, becomes a source of fear and pressure.

Similarly, those daydreams we all have from time to time, featuring Bestseller Lists and wide-eyed admirers, also poison my writing so it no longer seems genuine. I end up only writing what I think people want from me. Don't let any sort of glimmering prospect of fame and glory keep you from writing quality work – quality, meaning it comes from your heart.

About a month ago, my dad told me something that I still think about every day. He said, "Wendy, just ignore all the noise around you. Don't pay attention to what other people are doing or what paths they're taking – everyone's looking for something different. If writing is what you really love to do, then just do it."

Whenever my mind starts to fill with self-doubt and other mental distractions, rendering myself incapable of writing any further, those are the words I remember. And it's worked (so far, at least; I wrote a blog post, didn't I?).

That being said, the real world/real life isn't always quite that easy (if ever). There will always be people watching your moves, either waiting for you to make a mistake or building up expectations or comparing themselves to you. Ignore them.

Wendy Lu

Do you ever get this kind of writer's block, and if so, how do you banish these distracting thoughts? What are some other obstacles or challenges you face while writing?

Observations of an Editorial Intern: Here's to Punchy Ledes (& Other Farewell Stories)

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Thu, 02 May 2013 02:04:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "We live not only in a world of thoughts, but also in a world of things. Words without experience are meaningless."

-Vladimir Nabokov

This post is a part of my blog series, "Observations of an Editorial Intern" (as inspired by the CAFME Summer Intern Diaries). This series focuses on my experiences of interning as a journalism student for a news publication. Any viewpoints expressed on my blog are not reflective of the publication I work for.

This semester, I completed an editorial internship at The WEEKLY, the town newspaper published by Chapel Hill Magazine.

Last Monday, I wrapped up my last few assignments for The WEEKLY and concluded the spring editorial internship. Walking out of that office for my last time this semester was bittersweet, as the end of most valuable experiences — ones that are both challenging and rewarding — tend to be.

I like to think of the past — in this case, the "past" few months — as one huge timeline. Placing a finger at any point on the timeline, I remember where I was in the internship process at that point and how much there was still ahead of me.

In January, I didn't know what were the important questions to ask in an interview. I didn't realize repeating my phone number twice in a voice message might increase my chances of getting a call back from the source. I didn't know "like" was better than "such as."

I wrote my first newspaper article on a local poetry workshop; two weeks later, I covered Ackland Art Museum's "More Love" exhibit (my favorite assignment) and thought, hey, I could get used to this.

Toward the end of February, the paper switched editors and I was scrambling to keep up with three stories a week (plus schoolwork). Somewhere along the way, I gained basic knowledge of property taxes, gentrification and "brain drain."

By mid-March, I was learning how to write short, punchy lines for my ledes (still learning this, y'all) and how to deviate from the inverted pyramid without losing the "why" of a story.

I led our new "Student of the Week" feature for most of April, and discovered there's a story in every child that reminds us all to remain curious and passionate about everyday life. I also wrote a personal tribute to my dear friend Laura Rozo, who died about three weeks ago after being diagnosed with cancer in 2011. (You can find my second tribute for Laura in The Daily Tar Heel.)

As an editorial intern for The WEEKLY, I've gained experiences that I wouldn't have gotten anywhere else. That's how it is for any internship you do. Sure, technically you could intern at any publication and then leave with clips, a mastery of AP Style and maybe even a recommendation letter. But where you intern matters; after all, you're there for a whole semester.

Starting out at any internship can be kind of nerve-wrecking, especially if it's your first one. But after a few months, you get to know the people — not just by their hair color or office location, but by their first and last names, department and Twitter handle. Soon, you become attached to the publication and its unique style. You learn how to use the kitchen microwave properly. You read the publication from cover to cover not because there are articles with your byline (though that's a plus), but because you're genuinely proud of the content that everyone in the office has worked hard to produce together.

This summer will be different from all my other summers in between college years. I won't be going back to China like usual (which means zero media censorship and more blogging, hooray!). I will be interning at a consulting firm in Cary, N.C., and I couldn't be more excited to begin this new journey. Still, I'm going to miss journalism. I'm going to miss writing furiously against a deadline and I'm going to miss The WEEKLY. Good thing is, I'll be returning in the fall. In the meantime, I'll be picking up a copy of each new issue on Thursdays at Franklin Street. You should, too.

Wendy Lu

"My Able Life," inspired by Advocates for Carolina, and Laura Rozo Benefit Night

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 16:36:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

A few weeks ago, my ethics professor forwarded to our class an article from The Daily Tar Heel about a new student organization that promotes disabilities awareness, Advocates for Carolina. I was so incredibly happy to hear that a group had been created for students who must find alternative ways to live, and joined without hesitation.

What I love most about UNC-Chapel Hill is that there's something for everyone -- a major, an organization, an outlet for self-expression. I felt welcome since the first day I arrived at Carolina; never before had I been a part of such an accepting community. In particular, North Carolina Fellows has taught me how to be comfortable with myself. I've learned that sharing my story doesn't push people away; often, doing so brings me closer to them.

But as one of those students who has lived with the "disability" label for years, I'd always felt there was one other thing missing from my college experience: a space in which to share my story and learn from others in similar situations. Advocates for Carolina has filled this void. We emphasize on accessibility, advocacy and awareness. We seek to remove stigma, educate others about disabilities and provide each other with validation. Although we may live with different circumstances, this community reminds each of us that we aren't alone.

Throughout March, Advocates for Carolina hosted "This Able Life" photo and narrative exhibit. Fellow Tar Heels shared their personal stories about what 'disability' means to them. At the gallery reception, we had an amazing turnout: students, professors and Chapel Hill locals all came to view our exhibit.

"This Able Life" photo and narrative exhibit, hosted by Advocates for Carolina, was featured in March at the art gallery within the UNC-CH student union.

I was lucky enough to have my narrative, along with a photo, accepted for the exhibit and to give the opening speech with Advocates founder Katie Savage at the reception. Although I am more than happy to share my story with others, this was the first time I chose to do so in public. For three whole minutes, everyone's eyes were on me as I talked about the mission of Advocates for Carolina: giving a voice to students with disabilities.

Below, you'll find the narrative I wrote for the exhibit:

“'Don't you want to be normal?' Doctors, friends and strangers ask me this casually all the time when they see me, not knowing that this question has puzzled me for years.

Since birth, I’ve worn a tracheostomy tube – or trach tube – that allows me to breathe properly. Because of vocal cord paralysis, my nose and mouth have never served as proper airways. As lucky as I am to have grown up with a loving family, my childhood was filled with homecare nurses, procedures and muffled murmurs from people who didn’t understand or chose to judge first.

It’s never easy to endure blunt questions and curious stares, but despite the challenges, I’ve realized that without these experiences I may not have learned how to appreciate all the good things in my life. Going through these experiences, I feel particularly passionate about helping others who must also find alternative ways to live. And, slowly, I began to realize how much it means to me when people show interest in learning about my lifestyle, and ask how I’m different as a result of my “disability.”

Terms like “disability” and “medical condition” never resonated with me, and why should they? Because I have had to wear a trachoestomy tube for all 20 years of my life, I’ve never known anything different. It’s a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define me.

Disabilities awareness isn’t about celebrating disabilities, but our differences and individual experiences. It’s about educating each other and realizing what makes each person unique. It’s not the disability – or condition or whatever you call it – that makes us who we are, but how we adapt to any limitations and make the most of life in a way that’s most fulfilling for us.”

Wendy Lu

UNC 2014

If you would like to read more about the exhibit and view other student entries, check out our recent feature on WUNC 91.5 on NPR. While the exhibit is now over, Advocates continues to spread its name and mission; on Wednesday, our organization was selected to be an official UNC Campus Y committee (huzzah!). We can't wait to partner up with other campus groups and bring many more disabilities awareness events to UNC-CH campus in the future.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I also want to take a moment to share with you an opportunity to help a fellow UNC-CH student and dear friend of mine.

Photo Credit: Chenxi Yu

Laura Rozo is a Carolina student, a Morehead-Cain scholar, a big sister, a friend, a mentor; she also served as the closing speaker at TEDxUNC 2013. In 2011, Laura was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic rhabdomyosarcoma. Unfortunately, the treatment therapies have not stopped the cancer’s progression in Laura's body. Laura’s physician has advised her to share with her family her wishes regarding her end of life care. She continues to receive hospice care at home, but there are financial implications for her family created by the increasing level of medical care she needs.

Laura and I first met through NC Fellows, but we didn't really get to know each other until last fall. We were both waiting at UNC Hospitals (she had a doctor's appointment, and I had a meeting), and began to chat after we recognized each other from the leadership program.
We started talking over our respective hospital experiences. After bonding with Laura for a while, I realized that even though our situations were very different, we understood each other and I hadn't felt this connected with another person in a long time.

Here's someone else who knows what it's like, I thought.

Hundreds of other people have gotten to know Laura at UNC-Chapel Hill and through TEDxUNC. At Advocates For Carolina's "This Able Life" gallery reception, we raised donations to go toward Laura Rozo's fund and asked visitors to sign a card for her. Many of them had never met Laura before, but left encouraging words about how her story made an impact on them. Over the months, Laura has taught me that no matter how hard things may seem, we're never alone.

Take a few moments to watch Laura's powerful TEDxUNC 2013 speech, "If Not Now, When?"

If you find Laura's words and strength to be inspiring, please consider joining my dear friend and many others who have been touched by her friendship and love for the Laura Rozo Benefit Night. The event takes place on Tuesday in Morehead Planetarium at UNC-Chapel Hill, from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. There will be performances, a raffle contest and food served by restaurants from Franklin Street.

To learn more about Laura's story and the impact she has made on her friends in the Carolina community, check out Everyday Ambassador's feature: Wisdom and Mangoes with Laura Rozo. As people like Laura continue to fight cancer every day, here's hoping one day we can finally beat cancer for good.

Wendy Lu

Observations of an Editorial Intern: On Being Deadline-Driven

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 03:30:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation." -Charlotte Brontë, Villette

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It's been a while since I updated my blog series for this semester, Observations of an Editorial Intern. Juggling classes, multiple school organizations and an editorial internship has been both a challenge and a rewarding experience. I've become much more attentive to news values, email communication, deadlines and interviewing tactics; at the same time, I am still learning new things every week.

For anyone who is hoping to gain a better sense of a particular field, there is a lot of value in learning from experts -- essentially, others who have been working in the industry for much longer. You can ask them about trends they've seen over the years, impact on the public and the micro-level details of working in that field on a daily basis. These people can include long-term employees, graduates who have gotten their feet through the door and are navigating the waters, even your mentors or bosses.

Tonight, I had the pleasure of meeting and chatting with Henry Fuhrmann, assistant managing editor for the Los Angeles Times copy desks, at a dinner organized for UNC School of Journalism and Mass Communication. It was incredibly neat to hear Mr. Fuhrmann's perspectives, particularly on the social media aspect of journalism, and learn more about his experiences in the news industry.

As an aspiring journalist, I've got a long way to go; in the meantime, I think it's helpful to learn from people like Mr. Fuhrmann and also pick a few things up along the way on my own. One of the most significant skills I've learned -- and am still working on -- this semester involves meeting deadlines on a regular basis. This doesn't pertain to just my news internship, but also class assignments and club events. There are always more stories to write, more exams to study for and more emails that need a response. They are all a part of the process of "getting things done," but that's much easier said than, well, done. I have yet to discover a formula for being both deadline-driven and well-rested (if someone makes this discovery, please let me know ASAP), but here are a few specific tips I've picked up over the past few months that have been really useful:

1) Prioritize your deadlines based on timeliness and importance. Obviously, you would choose to cram for tomorrow's test rather than edit your job application that's due in two weeks. But what if you had two exams to study for, or two stories to write? I spend twice as much time reviewing for science exams as I do for humanities classes, mainly because I'm terrible at science. And for stories, work on the article that will have a greater impact and will matter most to the audience, first.

2) Spend a fixed amount of time on research. Before this semester, I used to take hours and hours researching the people I was supposed to interview for stories and coming up with the perfect list of questions. Now, I know there's no such thing. One, interviews can spin in different directions that lead to many follow-up questions that I hadn't expected to ask. Two, most of the background information I gather comes from conducting the actual interviews rather than anticipating answers or reading up on every single article ever written on the topic.

Now, I spend about 20 minutes, tops, preparing for interviews. While it's important to know what you're getting yourself into, there's only so much homework you can do before picking up the phone. Get the basics down, then make the call.

3) Focus on one deadline at a time. Point is, multitasking is overrated and can often lead to disappointing outcomes. If you procrastinate and then try to finish a class assignment while writing a story (assuming both are due tomorrow), you end up with an awful -- or mediocre, at best -- grade, a poorly written article and baggy eyes. Do one or the other, take a short break and then switch tasks. Trust me on this one.

4) Keep deadlines at the forefront of your mind with easy-access reminders. Without Google Calendar and a Moleskine notebook, my world stops turning. And if I didn't keep up the Sticky Notes on my laptop at all times, I'd forget half my deadlines. Of course, you could argue that having the deadlines ingrained in your mind makes you more anxious about meeting them; I say these reminders keep me going.

I also use Sticky Notes to write encouraging messages for myself, like "You can do it!" or "Finish this essay and you can buy yourself a cupcake from Sugarland." Sounds cheesy, but it works.

5) Get it done, but get it right. With the rise of new media, there's competition to be the first in posting breaking news. Sites like Twitter and Facebook make this easier than ever now. But in all the haste to hit "Share" or "Publish," there's greater potential for making mistakes. Embarrassing ones. My UNC-CH journalism professor, Ryan Thornburg, always says, "Write the story that gets done." Whatever you're working on doesn't have to be perfect. It just needs to be thorough and accurate. Meet the deadline, but make sure your work is of quality.

Wendy Lu

How do you manage your time wisely and make sure you meet deadlines in a timely fashion? Do you have any suggestions for balancing classes, work and other aspects of your life?

Call for Submissions: Wander Magazine Wants "Travel Horror Stories" From YOU!

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 20:59:00 +0000

#DailyWings: “I am on the alert for the first signs of spring, to hear the chance note of some arriving bird, or the striped squirrel's chirp, for his stores must be now nearly exhausted, or see the woodchuck venture out of his winter quarters.”

- Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Earlier today, we were greeted -- as if "greet" is the right word -- with a flurry of snow. On my way to class, the wind and snow almost knocked me over! Either North Carolina weather is being ridiculous or I need to start eating meat again. What is going on, y'all? I mean, it's almost April.

Now that we've established the peculiarity of April snow, I wanted to share an awesome opportunity with you: Ever wanted to be published in a magazine?

One of the best things about being a student at the UNC-Chapel Hill School of Journalism & Mass Communication is getting involved with various media projects in a professional news setting. This semester, I'm on the staff for Wander travel magazine, a JOMC 456 class project that has just released a call for submissions. My wonderful readers, if you have studied abroad (or currently are), spent a holiday somewhere exotic, conducted research in different parts of the world or engaged in other all-around cool things while traveling, this might interest you:

We're looking for memorable "travel horror stories" from people who have traveled abroad outside the United States. This includes cultural food first-times, language flubs, awkward moments, you name it. We're in search for fun, amusing and quirky anecdotes from anyone at all -- you don't have to be a UNC student! If you've got a good story you'd like to tell, just comment below or email me at wendylu@live.unc.edu.

Submissions should be no more than 100-200 words long. They're really just short snippets -- a few sentences about a "horrifying" experience you had while traveling abroad.

Other details: Some folks have been sending in longer entries; if it's just a little bit longer than the 200-word limit, that's fine. The design of this feature also depends on how many submissions we receive, so if we have fewer entries to choose from then having 200-word forms would work.

Wendy Lu

What's the weirdest, wackiest, scariest thing that has happened to you while traveling abroad? Share in comments below!

In a Nutshell: My Week as a Vegetarian

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 20:56:00 +0000

#DailyWings: “It is better, I think, to grab at the stars than to sit flustered because you know you cannot reach them.” — R.A. Salvatore, Sojourn

I used to be one of those people who said they'd never go on any sort of diet because of how much they love food. Well, the latter still applies to me: I love to eat. (Who doesn't? In the end, no matter how terrible your day is, pepperoni pizza and cookies and other comfort food will always be there for you.)

But since coming to college, I've developed a bad habit of eating junk like processed edibles, unhealthy snacks and fatty meals because of the convenience. And, let's face it, junk food tastes pretty good. I was lucky enough to avoid gaining the "freshman 15," but having a fast metabolism doesn't necessarily equate to top-notch health, nor does it last. Earlier, it hit me that I'm going to be 21 years old in a couple months — well into adulthood — and,

unfortunately, can't eat whatever the hell I want anymore.

A few weeks ago, I made the choice to go vegetarian as part of my resolution to be healthier. Also, quite a few of my friends are vegetarian for various reasons, and they love it. Plant-based diets tend to be lower in fat and higher in fiber, because the focus is on vegetables, fruits, grains, legumes and seeds rather than meat and fish. Evidence suggests that people who follow a vegetarian diet tend to exercise more, weigh less and live longer.

Being on a diet isn't always easy, especially for a first-timer like me, so my original plan was to try vegetarianism for only one week (no big commitments). That way, I could promise myself that I'd stick with vegetarian meals for a short period of time without feeling pressured to continue in case it didn't work out.

I decided to go vegetarian because I wanted to be healthier and feel less bloated after every meal. That meant cutting out meat -- beef was never really my thing, anyway -- but not eggs or dairy products (also known as lacto-ovo vegetarianism). But more than that, I wanted to be creative with cooking again.

I spoke with Suzanne Hobbs, author of "Living Vegetarian For Dummies," who said many people who start out vegetarian tend to dwell on food restrictions, which makes avoiding meat more difficult and following the diet less enjoyable.

"Thinking not so much in terms of what you can't have, but in terms of what is available that you can have is one way to do it," said Hobbs, who is also a clinical associate professor of nutrition at UNC-Chapel Hill Gillings School of Public Health. "Frame it differently in your mind. Instead of taking it [all] away, boy think of all the things you can have."

So during my week as a vegetarian, I branched out. Pasta dinners that would normally contain chicken or pork were modified, and my daily pepperoni pizza lunches were replaced with fresh 1.5.0. on Lenoir Mainstreet meals. I tried quinoa tabouli for the first time and blended ingredients together that created a unique combination, like rice and peanuts.

Many people often think of foods like tofu, chickpeas, quinoa, lentils and other types of legumes as "vegetarian food." (Vernon Dursley most notably described fruits and vegetables as "rabbit food.") But with every experiment in the kitchen, I couldn't help but think, "Why haven't I tried cooking with these foods before? I feel so silly for missing out!"

I've gleaned a few meals from my week as a vegetarian and posted photos below. If you're seriously considering vegetarianism or simply want some new ideas for meals, perhaps this will spark inspiration:

Props to my sister, Hope, for coming up with this veggie omelet: cheese, onion, tomato and spinach. Sides include an adorable clementine, bread rounds and cheese

Here are the ingredients I used for SELF Magazine's Rigatoni with Roasted Broccoli and Chickpeas (not including chicken or anchovies), which I've been meaning to try forever

About an hour later, dinner was served: Chickpea, broccoli and mushroom rigatoni in a lemon-olive oil sauce (my own addition), dashed with garlic and seasoning

This hearty lentil soup is perfect for days when you are just too busy for homemade meals (A.K.A. you're a full-time college student like me...)

You can never go wrong with hummus and carrots, which is much more delicious than cookies or candy and makes you feel 10x better about yourself

Honestly, I thought sticking to a vegetarian diet would be more difficult. But that was only the case when meat was right in front of me or I had to turn down offers. Being able to cook my own meals and trying out different recipes made the experience much more fun and rewarding for me. Also, I felt a lot lighter -- but not hungrier, which is common for new vegetarians -- and felt full, not bloated, after meals.

Although technically it's been more than a week since my vegetarian ventures began, I've kept going! Well, I did end up going back to meat for a couple days, mainly because my mom made her delicious duck specialty over spring break and I couldn't say no. Since then, I've minimized my meat intake simply because I feel better when I choose a veggie omelet and fruit over bacon and eggs. This probably won't last forever, because if anything, vegetarianism taught me that well-rounded meals are the best.

Wendy Lu

Have you ever tried a diet before? If so, what was the experience like for you? If not, would you ever?

What Makes You a Writer

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 20:32:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "“We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive."
-Thich Nhat Hanh

It's been a while. With newspaper articles, magazine stories, research papers and midterm exams swinging at me like cherry bombs every few days, I'm beginning to understand how a juggler must feel. These days, I'm averaging four hours of sleep and barely have time to eat or take a mental breather. Occasionally, I'll watch an episode of "My Mad Fat Diary" just to remind myself not to go, well, mad.

I miss writing. To keep myself content, I have written some poetry. Short pieces, portholes for me to displace my strongest emotions. But I miss prose. I miss long-winded sentences that keep going and going until you aren't quite sure how you got from Point A to Point B but you know you're in a different place than you were before you started and it feels like a good thing.

It's true that I crank out two to four stories every week for the town newspaper, and it's been an incredible training experience so far. But last night, I cracked open my journal for the first time in a month. One month! I couldn't believe that it had been that long since I actually sat down to write for myself without worrying about making the sentences perfect. I miss making mistakes and letting them be. I miss writing for the love of it.

The thing is, when people find out I'm a writer, they always ask: "So, what exactly do you write? Why do you do it?"

I tell them it's impossible for me to go one week without writing -- otherwise, I start to feel miserable and become a cranky person to be around. I tell them that going so long without writing makes me start to fall apart in every possible way. The lack of an expressive outlet, a canvas on which to put my thoughts, raw and dripping with intention and emotion, makes me feel like I'm trapped in a jar.

Here's the awful part. Last night, I only opened my long-neglected journal because, finally, I could feel myself slipping. My ability to stay on top of things -- studying for school, reporting for stories, remembering to eat -- had reached its threshold and was going downhill. Fast.

Let me say it again: I only began to write again because every other part of my life was beginning to crumble. Because I figured doing some journal work would allow me to focus on my "real" work -- the work that actually counts. Pathetic.

That was the first time I wrote in a month, and for disgusting reasons. One whole month! I wondered, almost afraid of the answer, How can I call myself a writer when I don't even write consistently? Does this mean I've lied to the people who think I'm incapable of going a week without writing because I so obviously love and need it that much?

As I pondered over these questions, a part of me felt like a total fraud. One of the most flawed tendencies a writer can have is to only write when it's convenient. When the "itch" is there and time allows. As it goes, I've easily fallen into that trap.

Yet, something occurred to me. I'd labeled myself as an awful person for going on hiatus and practically abandoning my personal literary ventures. But then what made me return to my journal, and to this blog, again? The thing is, no matter how long it's been or for whatever reasons, I always come back.

Even though I'm working nearly every day toward my dream journalism career, I've realized it's not enough. there is still this need to take the time to be creative in my own way. I've flirted with different pathways -- clinical psychology, medical school, freelance artistry, even archaeology, for God's sake! I could be doing anything else in the world, but the literary life just keeps popping up.

I chose UNC-Chapel Hill instead of some hipster arts and communications college in Boston to keep my options open, but I still went into journalism. Even when midterms loom ahead, I get inspired for my next poem and make sure to write down a couple phrases for later. Even when I'm writing a 50k-word novel and it totally sucks, I keep going. Even when I hate myself for ignoring the words in my head that are just begging to be written, I jot them down anyway -- even if it is one month late. Maybe Albus Dumbledore was on to something when he said it's our choices that make us who we are.

So when people ask what makes me a writer and why, I'll tell them it's not because my life depends on it; to a certain extent that may be true, but I like to think that I'm a writer because I choose to write. Maybe it's better this way. Now that I think about it, telling people I don't live to write, but that I write to live, seems like such an easy way out. The truth is, I chose to come back and start again. And if that wasn't for the love of writing, I don't know what is.

It could be the black ink that just never rubs off the side of your middle finger. It could be that you stay up past midnight because the words are just flowing and, oh god, you don't know how long this high will last. It could be that your best friends all happen to come from stories -- yours, especially. What makes you a writer?

Wendy Lu

Celebrating My Three-Year Blogaversary, featuring Guest Poster Mia "Awesome" Hayson

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 02:06:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "Whatever you desire is already connected in some way to who you are and what you now have. Find that way, follow the connection." -Ralph Marston

I'm incredibly proud to announce that today is the blog's official Three-Year Blogaversary! *cheer* To those of you who have been with me since the very beginning (yes, I know who you are), THANK YOU. And, of course, thanks to ALL of you for sticking with me, no matter how long! Your comments and encouragement always keep me going. It's wonderful to know that there are people out there who identify with the things I write, that my musings and observations of daily life resonate. Isn't a human connection, after all, one of the many things we constantly strive for?

As part of the celebration, I have the lovely Mia Hayson from My Literary Jam and Toast as a guest blogger. HOORAY! Mia is an incredible individual and never fails to make me smile/laugh/feel fuzzy. A writer from Scotland, Mia blogs about the art of writing, delicious novels, fun blogfests and the occasional zombie. Today, she will be talking about the fear of writing.

Let's talk about gut-wrenching fear for a moment. The last time I was really scared out of my wits was when I watched "The Shining" (1980), a psychological horror movie based on the book by Stephen King, in my film analysis class. I hadn't heard about it before, and our professor didn't tell us that it was a scary movie (admittedly, I should have done the research beforehand).

For those who have yet to see "The Shining," the film is about how the caretaker of a secluded hotel, Jack, becomes possessed by spirits and is driven to kill his wife and son. Conveniently, the wife's name is Wendy. Not to mention Jack Nicholson does an impeccable job of portraying a normal family man who gradually turns into a human monster. At one point, Jack's smiling on one side of the bathroom door and holding an ax aimed at Wendy's head. During that scene, I felt the kind of fear that creeps up on you and has you petrified and holding on for dear life. Yeesh. I'm getting chills just thinking about this movie!

I was like this the whole time:

The scariest moment of our lives

But there's another kind of fear that's more latent. You feel it at one point or another -- when you want to pitch a story idea but think it's stupid, when you want to tell someone how we feel but have a fear of rejection, when you want to take a risk but don't want to face failure. This fear simmers underneath at all times, feeding off of your dreams until it takes over your decisions and ultimately your life.

Here's a secret: being alive in part means facing your fears. In some twisted way, I'd never been more aware of my racing heart and cold fingers than when I was watching "The Shining." Facing your fears doesn't mean ignoring them or pretending they don't exist. It means acknowledging their presence, "tucking them in a jar" and jumping at the chance to pursue what we want anyway. If we always let fear get in the way, we'll always be stuck in the same position -- stagnant. We won't move forward in our lives. We won't learn from our mistakes.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a poem that illustrates what it's like to face the fear of speaking out -- whether that means sharing your feelings for someone important in your life, standing up for what you believe in or writing down the words you've been itching to get on paper. At some point, we all need to take that chance.

On to the fear of writing! Time to let Mia take the reins on this one!

~ ~ ~ ~

I'm so flattered and honoured to be able to celebrate Wendy's blogaversary here with you guys! OMG! Wendy is one of the most articulate, eloquent, and just super lovely bloggers I have ever had the good fortune to meet. This blog has kind of been a haven for Miss Lurker over here so I'm just going to try and step up with a post about fear and writing and things and then we can all wish Wendy many happy returns etc. So! A lesson in fear:

Fear manifests itself in many different ways for writers. If you can think it, somebody somewhere is losing sleep over it. Some writers wake with a start in the depths of the still night, only to start frantically checking our last email/blog/tweet/manuscript/text for typos (actually, I think maybe most of us do that one? I do anyway hehe) while others don't ever make it to bed because they're trying to establish just how edgy is too edgy in a children's book.

The point is we all have fear.

Just as some people are afraid of stuffed giraffes and others afraid of toast in the shower, you get some real wackadoodle fears out there in the barren-lands of the unfinished WIP. None more so than the fear of failure. It grabs you as you pass the singing bush of querying, avoiding the hissing lake of broken words. And, if you let it, it takes hold. Recently I realised that I had been pricked with its thorns.

You see the thing about this fear is that it preys on our uncertainties. It latches onto us while we slumber, and only really begins to hurt when it's burrowed in too deep. And the thing about this fear is I let it prey on my need to please people. I don't think it makes you weak to want to please people. In fact, I think it makes me decidedly human. I want you guys to be happy and smile and for us to all enjoy things!

Having said all that this year I decided to change something, and so far it's going just fantabulously! Having realised my apparent vice, I'm now making an effort to write what I want to and not what I think other people will love. I'm writing the stuff I want to pen. And maybe, just probably, I think there's a reasonable possibility what I'm writing is good. It's interesting. It's different. And it's absolutely me.

So! This week I put it to you, guys. Overcome those literary fears! Write something and enjoy the writing! Realise that a little fear can be productive, but a lot of fear can be creatively crippling. Remember that fear when we all started blogging/dancing/writing/ reading/walking/insert favourite activity here? Well that seems so tiny now, doesn't it? And people like Wendy make blogging so fun.

Lesson: There will always be unknowns but writing comes first.

Difficulty: Pretty to very hard, yo.

Remember: Write for yourself, you are your own reader, and things aren't so scary with friends.

What is your biggest literary fear? Congrats to Wendy and her awesomeness! Three cheers for this blog! I think having a blogaversary is a wonderful thing because it shows the world how long you've been conquering fears and writing for you.

~ ~ ~ ~

Wendy Lu

Thanks so much to Mia for taking the time to write this guest post for us today! Everybody should go visit My Literary Jam & Toast to give her thousands of virtual hugs and love comments. And thanks again, everyone, for coming to celebrate my third blogaversary with me! Here's to many more! Woohoo -- strawberry shortcake for everyone!

Observations of an Editorial Intern: A New Weekly Blog Series

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 03:36:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "I'm glad you're getting a chance to bust your chops on the journalism block." -an anonymous friend of mine

Introducing a new weekly post series on my blog: "Observations of an Editorial Intern" (as inspired by the CAFME Summer Intern Diaries)! This series focuses on my experiences of interning as a journalism student for a town publication. Any viewpoints expressed on my blog are not reflective of the publication I work for.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This isn't reporting class, I thought at my new work station. This is the real thing.

The first day tends to be the most nerve-wrecking. You're getting used to the work environment, the publication's style, the pacing. It's the one day when you really feel like an intern, because everything is so new.

My "working girl" outfit

Friday was my first full work day at Chapel Hill Magazine's THE WEEKLY, where I will be serving as an editorial intern for the spring semester. I report on local news and events, take photographs, conduct interviews for profiles, copy edit articles and anything else that needs to be taken care of.

Even though I've only had one official work day, it felt great to stay productive. Working 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. can feel like a long stretch, but when you're in the zone and focusing on your work, time passes by rather quickly.

Still, there is still so much to learn. Interning at a local publication gives you the opportunity to take a glimpse at what being a journalist is like on a daily basis. Suddenly, it's not about you and your squeamish feelings over talking on the phone with strangers. Ain't nobody got time for that. It's about working as part of a team to produce quality news stories for local consumers of media.

At the beginning, it's tempting to regress into shy mode and not talk a lot; I tend to be this way, especially when I'm nervous. But I've realized that even if you aren't very confident at first, once you start acting and speaking with confidence, you'll soon start to feel that way, too. Admittedly, this is something I'm trying to get better at -- especially when there are sources on the other line. You represent the publication you work for when you talk to them, after all.

It's easy to just sit and listen to other colleagues make conversation, but at some point you should just decide to jump in. It helps to get to know your team members, whom you'll be working with for the next several months. There will always be something you can talk about; you might even be surprised. For instance, the moment I chimed in was when the topic was on the publication style guide; this was something I could relate to because I'd written the bloggers' style guide for Blue & White magazine. You have valuable opinions and experiences (I mean, if you didn't, you probably wouldn't have gotten the internship) -- share them!

Of course, every office environment and "work culture" is different. The pacing in a newspaper office -- where there are daily deadlines and hundreds of reporters working on stories -- is different than the pacing in a magazine office, where features are often due on a weekly or monthly basis. Our office has a cozy kitchen and lobby with couches, which are nice to visit when I want to stand up and take a five-minute break from desk work.

Two of the things that make me happiest are writing and traveling. The great thing about journalism as a career is that you don't have to choose between writing at a desk and discovering the world. As a journalist, you can do both. You're serving the truth. You're learning about the community and attending events you otherwise wouldn't have. You're telling real stories about real people. Some time in between researching the events I'll be covering and typing up interview notes on Friday, I thought to myself: Oh man, I'm one step closer to my dream job! (In a way. Baby steps, right?)

Dare to step out of your comfort zone.

Wendy Lu

What are some things you'd want to know about internships or what "a day in the life" is like, particularly in the journalism industry? Do you have any tips from personal internship experiences?

When Everything Good Happens

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 03:07:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "Life has many ways of testing a person's will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once." -Paulo Coelho

A person's mood is like the waves of an ocean, a cosine graph. It fluctuates in a gradual manner. We all have our bad days, brought forth by a spilled coffee or perhaps traffic. And then there are great days, when everything seems to be falling right into place and we can't help but smile at the good fortune this world has brought us.

Lately I've been living on a high. Wonderful things have happened, left and right -- an editorial internship at Chapel Hill Magazine's THE WEEKLY, reunion with my closest friends, excellent fall semester grades, beautiful 70 degree weather, a position as Arts & Entertainment Editor for Blue & White magazine, inspiration for poetry, enjoyment of the masterpiece that is "The English Patient". I can't help but wonder how I have been able to deserve this good life. (Or rather the past two good months, at the very least!)

After weeks of straight studying for exams that never seem to end and pitching stories and tackling writer's block, it's incredible to see what has come out of it all. I feel like I'm moving forward. Then again, it could be that typing this all down will lead to a jinx. *crosses fingers*

To ponder over Paulo Coelho's words: Last semester, it seemed like nothing was happening. Every day was just about the same, with minor changes such as in pizza toppings or class seating; I didn't do much about it except keep going. Now that everything has happened all at once, what is next for me?

There is so much to look forward to, so much to learn and do and experience. With opportunity comes a certain level of anxiety, of course, but it's the good kind. The kind that has you shaking with anticipation of what's to come.

I know this high will, at some point, start to descend; nothing good can last forever, after all. Eventually, a bad day will come round. Inspiration will run out, exams will return and deadlines will creep up like shadows in the night. I am wary of the downward spiral that is bound to come sooner or later.

Perhaps the best thing to do when everything good is happening is simply appreciate. Enjoy and give yourself credit. Do all that is possible to keep the ball rolling, but once it begins to slow -- and it will -- be resolved to tackle the imminent obstacles head-on.

When was the last time you felt the most alive? What would you do if all your dreams came true? Conversely, when you're down in the dumps, how do you pick yourself back up again?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Crescent City Connection in New Orleans

As curriculum developer for Everyday Ambassador, I also wanted to take this chance to share an awesome opportunity with you all: Want to win more than $350,000 in prizes and launch your next big idea? Enter the Dell Social Innovation Challenge by Monday, Jan. 28, 2013! All semi-finalists will have help creating a fundraising platform and be eligible for a matching grant.

The first place winner (of 45 award winners!) will receive $60,000. The Everyday Ambassador team will be posting a few guides to help you enter the challenge during the next two weeks. Also, be sure to enter EA on the referral/promo code field!

This is a great way to get your ideas out into the world. What do you have to lose? You have a vision -- how far will it take you?

Wendy Lu

Looking Back, Moving Forward: A Year In Review + Fourth Annual No-Kiss Blogfest

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 03:27:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art--write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."
-Neil Gaiman

One of my main new year's resolutions from 2012 was to meditate every day for a certain amount of time either somewhere on campus or at home, and I'm excited to say that, for the most part, I succeeded. There's nothing better than lying on the grass in the campus arboretum, your vision cloaked by an entire blanket of blue sky, and letting your mind wander.

There are two ways for me to engage in meditation -- one in which I try to rid my mind of all thoughts and cognition, and only allow sensations and feelings to take over the present moment. The other way is to simply not fight any of the thoughts that come to mind, but rather let them come as they "flow." Both are helpful for me when I want to re-organize my mind (as if it were a sock drawer!), and both are good for long hours of travel.

I've been able to do a good bit of thinking during my road trip to and from New Orleans. Music on full blast. Changing time zones. Writing poetry. Stealing away in my books for hours at a time. Pondering over this question: What do I want 2013 to be about?

Looking back on last year's resolutions while completing my annual review of personal achievements, I've realized these two lists don't quite parallel. Many of my accomplishments have nothing to do with my original goals, which goes to show how things can change over time. As always, here's a look at what helped define 2012 for me:

Year in Review:

Got into UNC-Chapel Hill's School of Journalism and Mass Communication
Learned to cook -- mainly potatoes, vegetables and multiple variations of pasta; I still haven't gotten past the squeamishness of raw meat
Reached 200 followers, 200 blog posts and 40,000 page views (thanks to you!)
Hosted my second major blogfest and first chapter critique giveaway
Published short stories in Carolina Creates Writers and The Collegiate Scholar
Found something beautiful to be happy and appreciative about every single day
Joined Everyday Ambassador as the curriculum developer
Interned at Shanghai Children's Medical Center and led the China Perspectives on Mental Health (CPMH) project
Hosted two writing workshops for North Carolina Fellows
Became best friends with my Nikon D5100

Most of these accomplishments were as a result of hard work over time and taking chances at unexpected opportunities. For instance, I only learned to cook after stumbling upon an outstanding smartphone application, Epicurious in the Apple App Store. For those of you who are still crafting your goals for the new year, feel free to refer to my guide: 5 Steps to a Resolution You'll Stick With. As for mine? Here they are:

Do you make new year's resolutions? What are you most looking forward to in 2013?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And now it's time for Frankie Mallis's Fourth Annual No-Kiss Blogfest! Forty-two awesome bloggers have signed up to participate in this new year's tradition; it's not too late for you to join us! Also, be sure to check out the other blogfest entries. As a refresher, here's what it's all about:

"Write a scene or post one from of your favorite books, movies, TV shows, pictures or WIP that show the almost kiss -- the rising, crushing, excruciating, longing, tension that comes when two characters get oh-so-close to kissing that you can just feel it, want it, NEED it....and then...they don't!"

This is my third time participating in Frankie's No-Kiss blogfest. You can find my 2011 and 2012 entries here and here, respectively. And I can think of no better way to ring in 2013 than with some heat! For today's blogfest, I took a bit more creative liberty with this piece than I usually do with most of my other blogfest entries. My fictional scene is based on two youthful characters from another short story I wrote two semesters ago. Enjoy!

Cotton Candy and Other Distractions

The first time my family went to the state fair, I was seven and barely tall enough to ride the Jump Star kiddie carousel. My mom had always accompanied me to these kinds of things. She would hold my hand as I mounted the painted horse, one foot hanging over either side of the animal figure.

Now I'm fifteen and I'm at the state fair with a boy I hardly know. His name's Benjamin Watkins, but everyone at school calls him Benny. Before, I never even talked to him -- only saw him running the track during gym. We found out we were into each other two weeks ago when he winked at me and slipped me a note in my locker, middle-school style. It's not official or anything, but now the whole school knows.

My older sister Myra has told me about boys before, just like she tells me about everything else. She calls them greasy slime balls and says I better take care of my fragile heart, but what does she know?

Benny's not the same, I think. So far, I've learned he's really into rock music, and in my book passion is always something to appreciate. He's nice, not like the assholes at school who make fun of my red hair and freckles. And there's something about the way he flips his hair and smiles all wide like he's happy to see me.

Pink strands of candy floss twist around my tongue. It's been ages since I've had cotton candy, and I don't remember it tasting this sweet. I'm thinking about how Myra had mentioned that it's important not to bare my teeth when Benny suddenly says, "Like it?"

We're on a small hill, overlooking the fairgrounds. A thousand bright bulbs light up the entire exhibition, with colorful balloons bobbing up and down every few yards. It's peaceful where we rest, side by side, clutching our cotton candy and stuffed prizes.

Benny's sitting in the grass next to me and wearing a dark blue Guns N' Roses T-shirt that Mom wouldn't approve of, but oh, he's gorgeous. Brown hair brown eyes brown everything -- like chocolate. I wonder how I'd been so lucky.

"Oh yes. Strawberry's my favorite flavor," I say, grinning, and then quickly close my mouth. In my head, Myra's clucking her tongue and talking about how there's nothing less attractive than pink teeth. First date problems. "Thanks for getting the cotton candy for me."

"'Course," Benny says. He shifts his position so that he's facing me. "I'm glad we got to do this."

All of a sudden, he sounds a little nervous. This puzzles me. Benny's the confident and cool one. He's the class clown who thinks up of new ways to harass Ms. Teeter, the math teacher everyone hates. He's the guy whom everyone wants on their dodgeball team. He's the first guy I've ever really liked, but right now he's nervous and I'm thinking maybe he can tell that I'm new to this.

Benny Watkins flips his hair like he's from One Direction and then, before I know it, his hand is on mine. I'm frozen and useless, not unlike the ice cream cone a small boy about ten yards away just dropped on the floor. Did he just take my hand? Yes he did, I think, and oh my gosh I don't know what to do --

"I really like you," he says.

I turn my head, and realize his face is inches from mine. His eyes are getting smaller and smaller; he's closing them. A little voice inside me screams, The kiss! He wants to kiss you! But I'm new to this, so it's hard to know which way to turn my head -- left or right? My stomach is filled with squirming sensations that won't go away. I'm scared my nose is too big, but Benny's lips are coming and there's no time for fear. My other hand grips the paper cone, sticky from sweat and cotton candy.

Just as Benny's lips part and pucker, I breathe and suck in as much as air as possible, not sure how long kisses are supposed to last. Suddenly, something gets caught in my nose. It tickles, and I can feel another sensation developing quickly, the kind you're not supposed to get when you're about to be kissed. My nose gives way.

"A-CHOO!"

Leftover cotton candy sugar stings the back of my throat. It takes me a moment to recover, and when I open my eyes there's Benny Watkins, looking startled and one hand in front of him like a shield.

I mumble a meek "sorry," my cheeks burning, as he passes me a napkin. He assures me that "it's fine," but any prospects of intimacy are gone now and I'm left wondering how could a sneeze have ruined the perfect moment for me.

Wendy Lu

Winter Break Productivity: It's a Balancing Act

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 22:59:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "Other things awaited. It was good to be young and to know it for once. So much unfolding to do." -The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach

It's been a week since I took my last final exam in social psychology and came home for the holidays. After reuniting with my family, receiving notice of my class grades and hanging Christmas stockings up by the fireplace, it feels like everything has fallen into place. Things are as they should be. I've taken the last couple of days to relax on my favorite couch at home with Mockingjay in one hand and a mug of hot chocolate in the other. Life is good.

And yet, there is a small tug in the back of my mind, reminding me that something's not quite right. I have never been able to sit still for very long without getting antsy -- especially if I'm not doing work. Leisure is wonderful, but winter break wouldn't be the same without some productivity, too. Even as I immerse myself in the world of Panem, the thought of internships to apply for, blog posts to write and stories to pitch always sucks me back into the real world.

Balancing work and play during winter break is like baking a cake. You've got ingredients like eggs and flour and coarse ground cinnamon that don't taste great alone. Then there are the ingredients that make the cake delicious -- sugar, fruit, chocolate, frosting. But too much frosting doesn't make you feel great afterward, either. So what do you do? Measure, mix, bake and add toppings. And there you have a perfect Christmas confection, a product of perfectly blended time, energy and carefully chosen ingredients.

Well, creating a schedule isn't exactly the same as that, but it's what I've been doing. (Almost) every day, I create a to-do list of all the goals I want to accomplish -- both things related to my work and things that give me personal downtime. Hashing out the goals in terms of numbers (do this X amount of times, work on this for Y minutes) makes them more concrete and doable. Below is a basic example of the kind of productivity list that can be helpful for balancing out time between work and leisure.

Your productivity list may be a little bit different, depending on the rest of your schedule and what your goals may be. Also, recently, I discovered an amazing invention: StayFocused, a Google Chrome extension that allows you to block distracting websites (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, etc.) of your choice for a certain amount of time. Without this extension, I honestly don't think my final exam grades would have turned out as well as they did. It has really helped this past week whenever I want to work on an application or poem and find myself steering away to look up memes, gifs and social media. Highly recommended! For Apple users looking for productivity applications, I use Evernote, Weave and WriteChain.

Has the holiday season served a stressor or a period of respite for you? What are some ways in which you stay productive, but also find time for the things you enjoy?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Speaking of productivity, come join me and 20 other bloggers who have already signed up for Frankie Mallis's Fourth Annual No-Kiss Blogfest! Here's the deal:

This will be my third time participating in this blogfest. I have fun every year, and you can bet I'll be joining in for the beginning of 2013 as well! You can find my previous entries here and here. Be sure to sign up and post your entry by Jan. 2!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dec. 14 -- Send one text message wishing someone good luck on her last final exam

12:09 p.m. "I hope your exam went well! :) when it's done forget about it! You did your best! Btw did the gift ever get there??"

Dec. 15 -- Apply for two internships with looming deadlines

Sent a story pitch to a health magazine in Boston
Applied for a local news internship

Dec. 16 -- Read three chapters of "Mockingjay"

Chapters 18, 19 and 20 -- completed.

Dec. 17 -- Watch all four "Superman" movies (yes, on the same day)

Dec. 18 -- Put five extra ornaments on our Christmas tree

Dec. 19 -- Write a six-page scene for my NaNoWriMo novel

Dec. 20 -- Add seven new holiday songs to my Spotify playlist

Dec. 21 -- Visit eight new blogs (provide any recommendations in comments below!)

Dec. 22 -- Meditate for nine minutes.

Dec. 23 -- Bake ten gingerbread cookies!

Dec. 24 -- Take an eleven-minute walk outside

Dec. 25 -- Snap twelve photographs capturing the magic of Christmas

Wendy Lu

To Families Affected by the Connecticut Shooting: You're Not Alone

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 03:55:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "I know it feels like you have all these options and when you make a decision, you lose a world of possibilities. But the reality is, until you make a decision, you have nothing at all."

-Janet Finch

In light of recent events, I want to express my condolences to the families whose loved ones were killed in the Newtown elementary school shooting in Connecticut. When I first found out about what had happened, the news had spread all over social media. News outlets were reporting updates every couple of hours, and people all over the country were sharing similar reactions of grief, shock, horror. I didn't -- couldn't -- post anything about it because just the thought of the shooting made me feel sick. Robbing children of their futures isn't just monstrous; it's detestable, and can never be justified.

I didn't have any candles, so this is my way of honoring those who were affected by the Connecticut shooting.

To families who have lost much during the past couple days, the rest of us cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. As a college student with no children of my own, I probably understand even less than most adults. But human loss is universal, an agonizing emotion we have all faced at some point. The shooting has been addressed by the entire nation -- including President Obama, who made a public statement Friday -- and has even reignited the debate on gun control. The shooting has affected everyone in some way, and please remember: You don't have to go through this alone. We are right here with you, mourning the loss of 26 lives.

It may be too early to talk about acceptance or moving forward. And in one week, one month or even one year -- even then, perhaps it will still be too early. Let's come together to stitch the black hole created by evil hands, and commemorate the lives of the people you cared about the most. Only together can we even begin to take the first step toward recovery.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dec. 14 -- Send one text message wishing someone good luck on her last final exam

12:09 p.m. "I hope your exam went well! :) when it's done forget about it! You did your best! Btw did the gift ever get there??"

Dec. 15 -- Apply for two internships with looming deadlines

Sent a story pitch to a health magazine in Boston
Applied for a local news internship

Dec. 16 -- Read three chapters of "Mockingjay"

Dec. 17 -- Watch all four "Superman" movies (yes, on the same day)

Dec. 18 -- Put five extra ornaments on our Christmas tree

Dec. 19 -- Write a six-page scene for my NaNoWriMo novel

Dec. 20 -- Add seven new holiday songs to my Spotify playlist

Dec. 21 -- Visit eight new blogs (provide any recommendations in comments below!)

Dec. 22 -- Meditate for nine minutes.

Dec. 23 -- Bake ten gingerbread cookies!

Dec. 24 -- Take an eleven-minute walk outside

Dec. 25 -- Snap twelve photographs capturing the magic of Christmas

Wendy Lu

December Challenge: Countdown to Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Sat, 15 Dec 2012 03:06:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "I thought I understood it, that I could grasp it. But I didn't, not really. Only the smudgeness of it; the pink-slippered, all-containered, semi-precious eagerness of it. I didn't realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. Because it's the halves that halve you in half. I didn't know, don't know, about the in-between bits; the gory bits of you, and the gory bits of me." -Like Crazy

Being done with finals is like breaking the surface of a very deep lake after having been underwater for much longer than your body can handle. And there you are, engulfing buckets of air and grasping desperately at nothing. Once you're finally at peace with the waters again, you look around and realize you don't know which direction to take next. You're just glad you were able to swim to the top.

This is how I feel.

The weird thing about freedom is, after you get over the excitement of finally having time to do whatever the hell you want, there's that moment when you really don't know what to do first. Catch up on "Glee"? Bake cookies -- and eat all of them just because it's been days since you haven't eaten anything not prepackaged? Write a blog post about being done with finals? Get back into reading that book you started three months ago?

Or maybe you're like me, and you start writing a laundry list of all the things you'd like to do before the year is over and another begins (if the Mayans weren't correct, that is). Let's swap? Here's mine:

1. Actually get eight hours of sleep every night.

2. Watch The Hobbit

3. Watch Les Miserables on Christmas

4. Watch the original "Superman" series (I - IV)

5. Write a poetry series.

6. Get through "Lost" (Season II)

7. Arrange a guest post for the blog

8. Finish reading Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

9. Finish reading The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje - bought the book today!

10. Apply to 1,983,021,830,219 internships

My holidays will be spent in New Orleans, somewhere I have always wanted to go to but never had the chance until now. I can't wait. It also occurred to me this morning that, including today, there are officially 12 days left until Christmas! Although I didn't grow up in a household that emphasized religion, Christmas has always been my favorite holiday, one that I associate with family, twinkling lights, marshmallows and socks. I've created my own challenge as a means of counting down the days...and will be blogging updates daily!

Dec. 14 -- Send one text message wishing someone good luck on her last final exam

12:09 p.m. "I hope your exam went well! :) when it's done forget about it! You did your best! Btw did the gift ever get there??"

Dec. 15 -- Apply for two internships with looming deadlines

Dec. 16 -- Read three chapters of "Mockingjay"

Dec. 17 -- Watch all four "Superman" movies (yes, on the same day)

Dec. 18 -- Put five extra ornaments on our Christmas tree

Dec. 19 -- Write a six-page scene for my NaNoWriMo novel

Dec. 20 -- Add seven new holiday songs to my Spotify playlist

Dec. 21 -- Visit eight new blogs (provide any recommendations in comments below!)

Dec. 22 -- Meditate for nine minutes.

Dec. 23 -- Bake ten gingerbread cookies!

Dec. 24 -- Take an eleven-minute walk outside

Dec. 25 -- Snap twelve photographs capturing the magic of Christmas

How are you spending the holidays? What do you hope to accomplish before the year is over?

Wendy Lu

Milestones: During the past few days, I reached 40,000 page views. This is my 200th blog post on TRA. Thanks for following!

If you want to keep updated with the blog, please "Like" The Red Angel Blog on Facebook. Once you "Like" the page, please click the 'Liked' button underneath the cover photo and make sure the 'show in news feed' option is checked. That way, you'll be able to see the updates!

50,000 Is Just a Number: NaNoWriMo Wks 3-4

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 02:07:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "The question should be, is it worth trying to do, not can it be done." -Allard Lowenstein

Whew! National Novel Writing Month is finally over, my fingers are about to fall off and I can go back to having a real life again. Wonderful.

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions and dragging plotlines and flying candy bars. First and foremost, I want to give a very big congratulations to all the NaNoers in Chapel Hill, N.C., and around the country who met their personal goals, whether they were to 5k or 50k or simply write every day. We did it.

For those of you who are curious, I made it to 43,705 words by the stroke of midnight. Unfortunately, I did not reach my goal of 50,000 words, but I was so close! On Nov. 30, the very last day, I wrote more than I ever have before -- about 10k in one day.That is crazy. (The words weren't exactly fine contributions to the novel, but quantity > quality is the essence of NaNo.) This year's writing challenge taught me so much about myself and my writing. For one whole month, I showed that I love writing enough to put it above all else, even school work and health -- this is no exaggeration, as I was sick during the last week. Still, it was worth every hour spent groveling over word vomit.

Even though I didn't "officially" win, I still felt like a winner when it was all over because of so many new developments that would've otherwise not been created. If I hadn't decided to partake in the writing challenge this year, my book would still be less than halfway done. The thing is, 50,000 is just some lame number. It's really no different from 49,999. Technically, you could just type "the" 50,000 times and enter "50,000" into the word count validator and say you "won." But that wouldn't feel very fulfilling, would it? Even though NaNoWriMo is all about how many words you write and not how meaningful each word is, it's also about how far you can take your characters. Where the story takes you and get you to where you want to be. I've learned that it's never, never too late to finish what you started. Just because November is over doesn't mean I'll stop writing my novel. The best thing NaNoWriMo has trained me to do is write on a daily basis. It's more than just a habit, it's a lifestyle.

One last note: This was the first year I publicized my NaNoWriMo endeavors so extensively on Facebook and Twitter. My goal for doing so was to hold myself accountable, but I discovered something else as well. What kept me going every day wasn't the fear of feeling guilt for not writing, but the desire to strive for what everyone -- my family, my friends and all the people who believe in me -- sees me as: a passionate writer who doesn't give up. Throughout the month, I received so many personal messages from different people who knew I was participating in the challenge. And when I ran into friends on the quad or in the dining hall, they would ask me how NaNoWriMo was going. This meant so much to me.

Thanks to everyone for all the support and encouragement over the past month. Proud to be a writer.

NaNoWriMo Word Count 2012: 43,705
Overall Novel Word Count: 101,486 (and still counting...)

Now that NaNoWriMo is over, it's time for finals.

Wendy Lu

P.S. Like reading The Red Angel? "Like" my blog on Facebook to receive updates and more #DailyWings! Hoping to reach 100 fans by Christmas. Help me reach my goal, please?

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NaNoWriMo Owns My Soul: Weeks 1-2

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Sat, 17 Nov 2012 21:35:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end -- if not always in the way we expect." -Luna Lovegood

The Office of Letters & Light

I used to think seven hours of sleep was a necessity for my brain and body to function, but I have underestimated myself. This month of November, it's a lucky night when I get five hours of sleep. Sometimes, I'll pass out at 9 p.m. and then wake up, dizzy and bleary-eyed, at midnight to start working for the next four hours. All thanks to National Novel Writing Month.

Okay, that's not entirely true. It's NaNoWriMo, but it's also my writing classes -- including Reporting and Feature Writing -- as well as the trillion organizations I'm involved with and The Great Internship Search. What is a college student to do?

Even with lack of sleep, I'm still behind on my word count. Very, very behind. Like, 10,000 words-behind. We're supposed to be past the halfway point right now, and here I am still stuck in the first 10k. It's not that the copy editor in me is trying to take over -- although the pesky adverbs and drawn-out descriptions make me shudder once in a while -- or that I have writer's block. In past years, that's been the case. But this year, it's something different. It's that I'm working on a novel I started four years ago; obviously, my writing style has changed since then.

The novel I am working on is the one I won NaNoWriMo with back in 2008. Those were the glory days, the literary frenzy that made me love the writing challenge. My characters had incredible self-awareness and social skills. They owned that novel -- not me. But when NaNo ended, I was exhausted and so incredibly high on the idea of reaching 50k that my novel never flourished into anything more. This year is the first since then that I have dusted off my novel and actually reintroduced myself to the world I'd once created.

Motivational NaNo stickers! (Drag to URL
bar for a closer look.)

At the beginning, every fiber of my being struggled against putting those fingers to the keyboard. Honestly, it's a mystery to me how I survived that first day of hell -- but I did. During Week One, I learned that falling in love twice is possible. Turns out, my characters have forgiven me for abandoning them in the first place. They only care about moving forward with the story. I zoomed past the first 10,000 words like a monkey driving a car with its feet. Okay, maybe that's not the best comparison to use, but you get what I mean. (Look at what NaNo has done to me -- such terrible analogies! But... #sorrynotsorry)

NaNoWriMo is halfway over, which is a relief, but also terrifying. What if I don't finish in time? My word count is terribly embarrassing after all, despite every effort taken to write during even the busiest days. There's this fear gnawing inside of me, a fear of not being able to finish what I started. Even now, writing this blog post has wasted time, time that could've been spent writing another few hundred words. Every day, I juggle three types of writing: journalistic writing, scientific writing for psychology and creative writing. SOMEBODY SAVE ME. It's hard to remember that "the key is balance" when there are only so many hours in a day. But I'm doing my best with the time that I have left.

The hardest part of any writing session is plucking up the courage to start. When I finally delve into the novel, I don't want to stop. It doesn't matter whether the session lasts for five minutes or fifty. For as long as it lasts, I'm flying. I am creating something of nothing. I've come to terms with the fact that most of my NaNo novel has been crap so far. But every once in a while, a clever reference or relatively intelligent insight about my character or an actually humorous -- not corny -- piece of dialogue will get slipped in somehow, and I don't feel so ineffectual anymore.

Despite the word sprints and the race to finish and all this talk about reaching the average 1,667 words at the end of the day, perhaps that's not what National Novel Writing Month is supposed to be about. For me, it's about proving to myself that I have what it takes to put writing above everything else, if only for a month. It's about taking risks and making mistakes and experimenting. It's about surprises and the discovery of other worlds and friends you never knew you had. It's about reaching across infinite with your eyes closed without a clue as to what direction you're taking. The point is that you are moving.

Wendy Lu

Halloween House of Horrors Blogfest

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Wed, 24 Oct 2012 06:28:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "There is something haunting in the light of the moon; it has all the dispassionateness of a disembodied soul, and something of its inconceivable mystery." - Joseph Conrad

This past weekend was a very special weekend for the Romantic Friday Writers, as the Halloween House of Horrors challenge took place Oct. 19 - 21. I know, I'm late. But when you've got four writing assignments due in less than a week and the flu to battle, your priorities tend to shift around. But hey -- better late than never, right? I won't be winning any awards with this piece (I wrote it in less than two hours, all the while wagging a disapproving finger at my own head for putting myself in such a time crunch), but it was still fun to write and come up with at the last minute.

So what exactly was the challenge all about?

RFW: "We’re looking for chilling stories of ghosts and haunted locations – and maybe even love from beyond the grave. A romantic element is essential, but we’re looking for stories with a thrilling edge of fear to add to the romantic tension building between our hero/heroine."

The maximum number of words is 1,000 but I'm afraid I went over quite a bit (it's hard to stop after you start, you know!).

~ ~ ~

The Wife's Return

Anne-Marie didn't like where she was. Everything was dark and claustrophobic. She was inside some sort of case, which was musty and smelled of carcass. Where was she? The last thing Anne-Marie remembered was pounding on the glass window of her bedroom as smoky fumes filled her lungs and flames flickered against her ankles. Before she was engulfed in fire, Anne-Marie had caught a glimpse of her husband, Kenneth, running across the front yard with his hands waving frantically. She'd been so sure that he had gone for help...

Her arms lifted, and a gasp escaped from Anne-Marie's lips. The gasp came out strange, though. Icy, almost. Anne-Marie stared at her arms -- they were transparent, as if they weren't there except as a ripple in the air. She moved her fingers one after another, and there went five ripples. She glanced down, and realized her long, once beautiful blonde hair was also transparent, like cellophane noodles. And so was her floral dress, the one Kenneth had bought her for their anniversary months ago. The one she had been wearing the day of the fire.

"W-What am I?" asked Anne-Marie to no one in particular. Her voice had also changed -- it was several octaves higher than it used to be. "What have I become?"

Anne-Marie moved to the side, feeling claustrophobic, and looked at the bottom of the case. She screamed. There, right beside Anne-Marie was her own corpse, more than half-decayed. She was in her own coffin.

* * *

Three weeks had passed since Anne-Marie climbed out of her grave and discovered that she'd come back as a ghost. Waking up next to her own body wasn't the only surprise. Returning to earth as a disembodied spirit had its advantages -- Anne-Marie could now walk through solid objects, walk through the air and become invisible at will. If she didn't want humans to see her, they didn't. And if she wanted to move an object or walk through it, she could. The afterlife had so much to offer. But all Anne-Marie wanted was to know about Kenneth. Was he all right? How did he escape? Did he miss her, and if so, what did he say at her funeral?

It didn't take long for Anne-Marie to figure out where to find her husband. The day she awoke, she'd realized that her grave was located in Breyer Meadows, the cemetery just a few miles from her home. When she returned, Anne-Marie found that her house had been burned to the ground. The fire had destroyed everything -- her piano, her favorite family photographs, her china and parlor furniture. All of it was gone.

"No," Anne-Marie whispered. "No!" That night, she filled the town with her screams, cursing the name of God and terrorizing children in their sleep. She watched from behind windows as mothers rushed to their young's beds, holding tiny heads against their chests and assuring them it was only a bad dream. Her heart hardened at the sight. Nobody was there to hold her, or tell her that everything would be okay.

Her only consolation was that Kenneth was still alive -- he had to be -- and that he would surely reach out to her if only he knew she was here. In some form, at least.

Anne-Marie could bear it no longer. The next day, she went into the city and floated up to the seventh floor of the investment company where Kenneth used to work, hoping that he was still there. Sure enough, just as Anne-Marie reached the glass window of Kenneth's office, she saw him.

There he was, standing against the door in a gray pantsuit with his hands in his pockets, looking flawless as ever. There was that dark brown hair and caramel skin, long nose and curled mouth. The fire hadn't left a single burn on Kenneth, at least none that Anne-Marie could see. Her eyes drooped and she cocked her head to the side, smiling dreamily at the man who had asked for her hand. Kenneth was alive and well. And still so handsome. The sight of him was enough to make her feel almost warm again.

Then, movement on the other side of the room, behind the curtains that blocked part of the window, caught Anne-Marie's eye. The smoothing out of a skirt. The adjustment of eyeglasses. A woman came into view: a pretty blonde woman with long legs and red lips. Anne-Marie watched as she walked toward Kenneth, her heels making a small clicking noise against the tiles, and gave him a kiss.

Kenneth put one hand around the woman's waist and the other around her neck, and kissed her back. With overlapping lips and tongue and passion that he had never seemed to put into the kisses he'd once given Anne-Marie. They were locked in a tight embrace now, as if they were determined to put as little space between them as possible.

Disgusted, Anne-Marie looked away. Being a ghost was living hell now, for try as she might, she just couldn't get tears to come falling down her cheeks. How could Kenneth do this? It had barely been three weeks since the fire, and here he was kissing another woman. Hadn't he missed her, or at least wondered what she would think if she saw him right now, cheating? No, he probably hadn't wondered that, and -- as much as she wanted to think of it this way -- he wasn't cheating. Everyone thought Anne-Marie was dead.

I am dead, Anne-Marie thought, angrily. Her life as a human being was long over, but Kenneth's wasn't. He had already moved on and left her behind. I can't let that happen. I can't let him do this to me.

She waited until Ms. Long-Legs left the office, her poker face on and her hair clipped into a tight new bun as if nothing had happened behind closed doors.

Kenneth was alone in his office now, straightening his sleeves and walking toward his desk. Now was Anne-Marie's chance. She slowly floated through the glass window and right into the room until she was hovering above Kenneth. It took him eight seconds to realize he wasn't alone, and he whipped around to find a rippling Anne-Marie by his side. He let out a sound between a yelp and a wail.

"Darling," Anne-Marie purred, and put one icy hand on his shoulder. Kenneth jolted out of his chair.

"Who--who are you?" he said, wide-eyed and transfixed by her lucid presence. "What are you?"

"Oh, my dear Kenny." Anne-Marie watched as he flinched at her old nickname for him. She took a leap toward him, and he took several steps back. "Kenny, don't you know who I am? I'm Anne-Marie, your true love."

"No, that's not possible. Anne-Marie is dead," Kenneth said, shaking his head back and forth as if trying to get rid of what was right in front of him. "She died in that fire."

He took another step back, and Anne-Marie realized he was barely a few feet away from the glass window she'd spied on him through. Her eyes darted to his temples, where beads of sweat had begun to form. She smiled sweetly.

"I've come back for you," Anne-Marie said. "Soon, we'll be together forever and you won't leave me again. You won't have a choice, if you're just like me."

"Just--just like you? But, no," Kenneth stammered. "You're not real. This isn't happening."

"Oh, but it is. You made this happen, honey, when you decided to leave me behind in that terrible house." Anne-Marie's tone was suddenly icy. "Now it's your turn to know what it feels like to be left behind by your entire world."

"No!" Just as Kenneth turned his back, Anne-Marie swooped down and pushed him with her icy fingers until his face met the glass window.

Blood everywhere. Broken shards flying in the air. From the seventh floor down, Anne-Marie was falling, falling, falling with Kenneth. Her hand held onto his shoulder, refusing to let go. And even as the wind blew roughly against his broken and ensanguined skin, he turned his head ever so slightly and saw her face plunging forward next to his. Seconds before Kenneth's body hit the pavement, he looked at her in the eye and seemed to notice her for the first time. He uttered his last word as if it was a question, "Anne."

I will be visiting RFW House of Horrors blogfest entries during the next couple of days. Thanks to those who have already stopped by to visit! Can't wait to read and get spooked!

Wendy Lu

Never Settle For Mediocrity

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 03:26:00 +0000

I had awesome plans for this weekend -- a new recipe to try out, the N.C. State Fair, a Hinder concert, a picnic with my CUSA friends. In the end, none of these things made my agenda. Instead, I holed up in my apartment and pored over career assessments and personality tests. Lame, right?

Certainly, other factors prevented me from going to these events (relatives and friends visited for a day), but I could've chosen to do other fun things during my spare time, like go on Franklin Street. I didn't, because I felt like I deserved to stay home until I figured out what the heck I'm going to do with my life.

The Myer's-Briggs Type Indicator (note: my second time around), Strong Interest Inventory and Focus 2 Career Exploration alone took about an hour to fill out. And then, there I was, having filled out three assessments and then some, still without a single clue. My interests are clear: I love writing, psychology and helping others. I actually know what I want to do, it's just fitting it all in one career that stumps me.

When the assessments failed to serve as my own personal Magic 8 Ball, I resolved to hash out a "life plan" for the next 30 years: what post-college degrees I would get, the potential publications I'd want to write for, the cities that appealed to my lifestyle. Doing this was supposed to make me feel more grounded, but all it did was make me more frantic. The what-ifs automatically began to form, and the big question mark still hung in the air. I felt like a mess. Surely by junior year of college, people should have an inkling of their future!

But today on tumblr, I came across a passage that woke me from this naive perspective:

For more great quotes, check out my tumblr and #DailyWings

When I read this excerpt, I instantly felt peace within me. How beautiful words are, and how wonderful it is that the right words always seem to pop up when I need them the most. Perhaps this big old question mark isn't some puzzle to solve on a deadline. Perhaps the question mark is the journey itself, for if we choose to live every day not knowing what's ahead, then things will unfold as they were meant to.

Had I planned everything out for the next 30 years--down to the very street I'd live on--then there would be no wiggle room for pleasant surprises and unexpected forks down the road. Each day would be geared toward fulfilling those goals, those career aspirations, until they were reached. And what then? My writing wouldn't be about the writing anymore, but rather would become a job that I'd planned for myself. Learning would no longer be about the learning, but a degree etched in gold on a diploma--just another line of text on my resume. Life would be mediocre. And I swore to myself that I'd never settle for mediocrity.

Moving beyond a mediocre, day-to-day routine, I have devised a short list of to-dos (ironically) in an effort to brood less and live more.

1) Observe others. If people-watching was a career, I'd be all set to go. I learn so much simply by noticing the child walking down the street, tiny hand clutching his mother's pinky, and the man of Chinese-Japanese descent with fingers flying across the piano in Hanes Art Center. And by observing others, I realize I'm not the only one to feel the way I do. These feelings of uncertainty, fear and doubt--they're universal.

2) Try something different. A few weeks ago, I wrote a historical feature for the first time. I thought it was going to be boring, but through my research, interviews and in-person observations, I discovered a whole new character within a place--something that never occurred to me could exist. Writing about these moments of discovery made me feel excited and alive, and that story assignment has turned out to be one of my favorites.

Also, a couple days ago, I signed up for the Halloween House of Horrors blogfest. I have written scary stories before, but not "romantic horror." The story idea for this blogfest has yet to be formed, so I guess you'll just have to wait and see what I come up with on Friday, Oct. 19!

3) Plunge into a challenge. It's no secret that I love NaNoWriMo, but I haven't officially won since 2008 when I was a junior in high school. The point of challenges isn't to win, but to see how far you can push yourself. This November, I'm pushing for 50,000 words. I won't settle for less.

How do you spice up your life on a daily, weekly, monthly basis? Do you consider yourself a planner, or more on the spontaneous side?

Wendy Lu

Share Your Experiences with "Everyday Ambassador": a public service and global citizenship movement

noreply@blogger.com (Wendy Lu) — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 02:08:00 +0000

#DailyWings: "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." -Leo Tolstoy

Happy October, everyone! Autumn is finally here -- bring out the turtlenecks, brew that hot cocoa and jump in a pile of just-raked leaves! With autumn comes so many possibilities for change and surprise. The temperatures here in Chapel Hill are fluctuating daily, and Mother Nature seems to be as undecided as I am when I pick outfits in the morning. This afternoon, I met with a friend over hot chocolate at The Daily Grind, a small espresso cafe by the campus bookstore, watching the rain drizzle outside and chatting about history, movies and books. What could be better?

Today I want to take this chance to introduce a website that I am a part of. Since this summer, I have had the wonderful opportunity to serve as curriculum developer for Everyday Ambassador, "a movement for responsible global citizenship in a digital world." At EA, we believe in the importance of cultural understanding, human connectivity and public service, no matter where you are. The Everyday Ambassador team is in the process of organizing workshops, developing a related curriculum and launching the "EA TV" video series.

We feature 500-800 word posts from a variety of contributors -- members of nonprofit organizations, active individuals, global travelers -- who share their experiences with engaging in public service. These posts are published on our blog multiple times a week, so if you're interested, please feel free to contact our community manager, Meg VanDeusen, at meg@everydayambassador.org.

Reading about lessons learned during gap years abroad, support networks used to facilitate communication for aid workers, and transformations in the public service mindsets of so many everyday ambassadors each week reminds me why I keep going, and why I am a part of EA. How can I not feel motivated to take action when there is so much going on in the world around me? Everyday Ambassador constantly reminds me that it's never too late to make a change for the better, no matter how small that change may seem. Whether we are striving to keep an open mind, maintain good intentions or break down the barriers that are blocking our goals, every step counts.

These days, I am trying to move beyond a fear of failure. That fear only leads me to doing nothing. I am tired of doing nothing. I want to do things that will make me proud to say, "I tried." Perhaps life isn't about success and achievements, but rather all the things we did to get where we are. The blood and sweat and tears and time well-spent, well-shed. Even if we don't get the results we'd hoped for, we inevitably come out of the experience changed, often for the better. And, hopefully, so do the people whose lives we touch. We can say we did our best.

As always, the hardest part about anything is taking the first step. Making the conscientious choice to move forward, even if we're not sure where that step will take us next. I wonder where we will be once we take that chance?

If you're interested in what Everyday Ambassador is all about, check out our Twitter and Facebook, where we share meaningful articles and thoughtful discussions. Join us in the conversation! We would love to hear your thoughts.

Wendy Lu