On the other hand I am also a fortunate woman who is living in the suburbs of one of the most commercially viable cities in the world; which just means a lot of transformation, a lot of change and a lot of liberty. Aah ! I love the sound of that word, ‘Liberty’! But that leads my train of thought to a place where I’m forced to question myself; am I truly liberated given the time and age I belong to?

Yes, I am liberated enough to eat , dress and have a career of my choice. I can also choose to be a single mother defying the need of a man in my life. I am also liberated enough to go ahead and get a sex change done or give birth to test tube babies or decide the size of my breasts by paying for it. Yes, I can afford it as well. I earn as much as a man does today, and sometimes more. But liberty does not lie in competing with the opposite sex or proving a point. That by all means, means nothing but having shallow and unsubstantial goals.

Am I independent from the clutches of my own mediocrity, the preconceived notions that have been instilled in me ever since I was born? Am I truly liberated in my thoughts to see things for the way they are, not clouded by what others believe is the right way a woman should look at things? How truly different am I in my head from the ‘not so liberated’ woman who existed fifty years ago?

Those women were slaves to their men and the ones their men were slaves to. They did everything they could to keep their men happy, maintain the peace and decorum of the house and run their kitchens as smoothly as possible. This is 2010 and believe me, I am no different.

I am a slave to the claws of continually proving my worth. I am a slave to the perpetual struggle I go through to prove myself as an equal. I am a slave to the gadgets, the technology. I would love to believe I spend my time in pondering over issues such as this one, but that is just because it gives me the satisfaction of; again, proving my worth as a ‘thinking’ aka ‘liberated’ woman.

So when does ‘Liberty’ truly happen to me? Probably the day I stop struggling to prove my worth and be comfortable in my own hide. When there is no ambiguity in what I have to say, do, think or feel. The day I actually stop questioning myself if I truly am liberated or not; because that will be the day when I would know it for sure that I am.

Happy Independence/(still dependent) day folks !

P.S : I love the variety of sweets these ‘festivals’ bring with them.

© the Senorita – Discovering Her

And the man has not only dug his own grave, he may as well step into it and lie down gracefully. As per the woman’s perspective, he has just admitted that he has loved some other (female) as much as he loves her.

From the man’s perspective, it’s a different story. He is confused at whatever he said that created the havoc? He knows that he made a commitment that he loves her more than anyone else in this world, and all what he gets in return is “What the hell.”

What does a woman want? Men go on to write a complete encyclopedia on this topic still they find themselves confused at what is it that she actually wants? He asks himself, his God, his friends, and even the women around him – and yet he is confused. Recently few of my friends made up their minds to finally get the answer. After all that answer will help us sort out our own lives!

We talked to women in love, who had been in love, who want to fall in love, and even those who (don’t?) give damn to love. After some few hours of discussions (we bunked classes) we all agreed that women want love and attention. Were you expecting more? Sorry to disappoint you but that is it. Women want attention, affection and communication.

Guys out their won’t believe this (if they haven’t tried this), once she blasts you out all what is needed is your calm brain, a smile, and a silly sentence to set things right all over again! Digging back to Stone Age it was she who was the nurturer and protector of her family while the man was away hunting. In those times she never used to be sure if he would come back or not so she socialized and formed friendly circles to ensure support.

When they (females) were kids, it was regular for them to ask their parents, elder brothers/sisters, and relatives if they loved them a lot? Don’t you remember the kind of satisfaction they received with the answers? Did you ever find a boy doing that? Well, nothing of sorts has changed even today. These days instead of her parents she asks her boy friend (or husband) if he loves her a lot…

Remember that they don’t want you to repeat that same sentence again and again because they are insecure of you or else they do not trust you. It is just that they love the connection which develops between you two when you confirm to her that yes she is the one. For her not only the physical presence is enough, it is the emotional presence, which counts. (Haven’t you heard this before?)

It is a proven fact that a man gives up his attitude/style/persona etc. when he says the “I love you.” This is the time when she can expect that silly smile of his which is enough to confirm how well it affects her. And now you know women love such silly confirmations.

So if it is just about attention, affection and communication (or to make it simpler, if it is just about eye contact, a hug or his hand on her shoulder, and a word of confirmation) than is it that big a deal? Guys, what is it that you are confused about?

© the Senorita – Discovering Her

If it is easy to forgive yourself when you believe you have made a mistake or sinned, why should it be more difficult to extend the same generosity to your spouse? There have been so many cases where couples who separated have united once again after sorting out the disputes between them.

Happy reconciliations or compromises, genuine love or just a bonding – the couples alone would know. But what matters is that to all appearances, they present a dignified front and a togetherness that has surmounted hardships. Their bond is probably stronger now since there are no pretensions about it. No airy references to everlasting romance; no illusions about themselves, about each other or about their relationship. The second time round it is the bond they have entered with eyes wide open, quite sure of where to draw the line; with minimal expectations and with a genuine desire to give the relationship a chance.

What a contrast to the first time round, when you enter marriage enveloped in a rose-tinted cloud; high on expectations and clutching your exit clause in case the things go wrong. When expectations are high, there is bound to be disappointment. Not even the luckiest of us is likely to land a spouse who matches our wish list. At the time of the second coming though, you are already aware of all that could go wrong and apart of making a greater effort, you are more eager to be pleased. The past is buried out of sight, but not out of mind.

Often when the lessons to be learned in the relationship are completed, the relationship has natural ending and the two souls move on. Also, there are many types of love and many types of soul relationships. Romantic love is only one of these types.

If you believe this, you would believe that Destiny in an estranged couple coming together again. And surely the lessons to be learnt would be absorbed with a more open mind this time round. You only need to be vigilant as to what is the lesson to be learnt – Is it patience? Forgiveness? Lessening of anger? Dealing with pain? Sensitivity towards others? It could be one or all of these, but the ultimate lesson to be learnt is the lesson of love. Give it the second chance!

© the Senorita – Discovering Her

ANGST.Fear.Hatred.Resentment. Many a broken relationship has gone through all these phases and more. Yet, in some cases the individuals involved have managed to compartmentalize love and friendship in an almost clinical manner. When your heart is bleeding and your mind is overruling the condition, who do you follow? How do you overlook the intense pain and immense hurt and treat the other as a buddy? Especially since he /she is responsible for the grief you’re experiencing.

In every relationship the pair tends to close in so well that they start understanding each other’s thoughts and they get addicted to the other’s presence. Addicted might be the wrong word for some but generally it is true. When you spend your day and night with one particular person, share everything about you with her, and think about her when she isn’t around then your brain gets addicted to that persons presence and once you come to know that it is all over, you yourself break apart.

Still I think people should try once to sort things out. Start with a new friendship because believe it or not when a relationship breaks it hurts her the most. Guys can cover their pains easily but girls have the knack of relying on her partner and after a breakup she finds it difficult to gather herself (mind you, here I am talking about females who are serious with the relationship.)

After a breakup both of them should try to take a short break from the other. Sit back for a few days and relax. Try and forget whatever happened and after you have cooled off then start trying to create a bond of friendship once again just because of one reason: she is the one who knows you inside out and you are the one who knows her inside out and it might take months before you actually find a replacement. So why not help each other during that time period?

The texture of every relationship is unique and only the two individuals involved in it know best what completes them. It takes ample maturity to be able to look beyond the negativity that’s transpired between the two and the bond as buddies. If it is worth it, why not walk that extra mile?

© the Senorita – Discovering Her

The relationships and matters of heart are extremely complicated in comparison with other problems that we come across in life.

Every now and then we like certain people whom we call as friends and someone who is above the range of friendship too. The genuine scenario that we like being with that people justifies our attraction and affection towards them and in the springs of bonds they have an illusion that good times will never end but sadly and most unfortunately not always things work out the way we had supposed them to. Arguments, differences of opinion and many other reasons personal and public way of dealing with things of the individuals involved can result in the sad word called “break up”. A diverse range of emotions, mental trauma, and feelings are experienced for a long period of time, sometimes excessive gladness and happiness and sometimes extreme depression leading to suicidal thoughts can eventually develop in a recently heart broken mind. It might take months to end and sometimes years but from the side of the person that was more involved in the relationship emotionally, he or she is left out with the question “I never wanted this to end like this . Why?”

Well, from the third persons point of view a relationship before leading to break up shows many signs of cracks and personal differences and now once you are out of it then after a period of time you realize that it was ought to end but why did it ended with so much pain. Here in this article I am not providing you the tools to reduce break up pain or the tips to avoid break up. What I am up to is the answer that lies to this question, why did it ended with so much pain?

Among the two people involved, one will have to take the initiative to call the things end, this implies that gradually the other will suffer the most and perhaps ask this question to himself or herself, but you know what? It would have never ended had your partners be a little more compassionate towards you and expecting it to end cordially seems to be impossible dream.

The law of science says a single break resilience to stop a machine, a cycle for e.g. has two breaks, one that is of left and stops the back tire and one on right that stops the front tire, a bike has a break near the foot that pushes the back tire to stop immediately when pressed, a car too has breaks which stops the tires on the back, no simple machine has a spring that when pressed stops the front and back wheels simultaneously, similar is our relationships and life around them. It wont stop with both the partners stepping down and calling the relationship off, gradually one of the two will tear apart the threads of promises and will leave the other one in grief.

Yeah! This is life. Except in case of friends with benefits, where the physical motives are involved and once the sexual needs are satisfied then the formula of kiss and goodbye applies but I don’t call those as relationships. In the bonds where true feelings are involved, the suffering is always more for one person and relation ends with the withdrawal of the other! Sadly but truly speaking when you love someone , the grief of separation is unbearable. When you love someone and you get hurt. It’s like a cut, it will heal but the scar will always be there.

Whenever I cried you always made me feel like you would change the world if you could so that it couldn’t hurt me anymore but now I am crying and you’re not here. When I see you smile and I know that its not for me, that is when I miss you the most.

This article is a guest post from Pulkit, a passionate print media writer, who is trying hard to switch to this mad planet of bloggers. He happens to be a great friend of mine and possess all the ingredients to be a famous blogger. Do check his new blog on blogger.

© the Senorita – Discovering Her

If one is proper and prim, it shows that the person is meticulous. Similarly, how one talks, smiles and greets people are important segments of that package, which one cannot ignore. In fact, this has a reflection on one’s social and personal life as well.

While one need not be obsessive about one’s looks, a well-groomed personality is easy on her eye and on her brain. It gives a good vibe. To great extent, body language, physical look and communication patterns form an ambiance that leads to success or failure in her eyes. This holds true on both the genders.

Although men have fewer style options compared to woman still missing out on something is easily noticeable. Initially it might feel that woman want the bad boy image but at the end of the day it is that well organized image and well-groomed partner whom she will prefer. Would anyone have a sloppy and smelling persona sitting next to him? It is simple as that.

It barely takes 30 seconds to form the first impression of yours on someone. She just needs to stand with you and listen to you only for 30 seconds. Remember, your style of expressing yourself matters.

Taking a live example there is a girl in my institute (my junior) and she has a real cute looking face still no male runs behind her; the reason being her dressing sense and her voice. Both are just…

If you feel such things are shallow and need to be dismissed then think again. Doesn’t she admire colors; isn’t she buoyed by fragrance and fascinated by nature? Being well groomed is just an extension of that appreciation of beauty.

Well, looking pleasant, smelling good, talking well and smiling enough are no longer cosmetic requirements alone. They go a long way in making one feel good while also ensuring better ratings in their performance record.

© the Senorita – Discovering Her

I remember, I remember
The fir-trees dark and high;
I used to think their slender tops
Were close against the sky:
It was a childish ignorance,
But now ‘tis little joy
To know I’m farther off from Heaven
Than I was a boy(I remember, I remember by Thomas Hood)

Way back in Class II, Ms. Nair never preferred using a stick on us as she loved us a lot. It was she who taught me how to start coloring a box from its border and slowly close-in to its center without breaking the continuity. Then it was that female teacher with boyish haircut in Class III who used to slap me daily for long nails. It was Class V when I earned 8 out of 100 and failed in five subjects out of 10 that year (still somehow they promoted me.)

Class VI and VII marked the era of Ms. D’Souza who nicknamed many of us as chutney babu (please don’t ask me its meaning.) Then it was Class VIII and above when we used to have crushes every year (on our teachers to be specific.) The geography teacher of Class VIII, who was married to some army guy (don’t you think these army people somehow tend to find great girls mostly?) asked me if I wanted to become a doctor after observing my hand writing (but I am a computer engineer now.) This was my second crush. First was Ms. Pamela who was married to the Don of our school Mr. Richard. He used to take us to tours, taught us discipline and was the only one who used to hit me on my butt with a rock solid stick (I just love him.)

And how can I forget the English teacher, of IX and X, Ms. Wilmer. I even took private tuitions with her . And the chemistry teacher of XI and XII Ms. Mitali (and she was single too ) Guys used to wait for times when she would talk to them so that they could dive into her beautiful eyes.

But why the hell am I talking about my childhood memories on a blog, which talks about love, females, and relationships? I am very well aware that almost everyone loves their childhood and if given one chance then they would love to re-live those beautiful days. But unfortunately those days won’t come back. Similarly your beautiful love life won’t come back once it’s over. It will leave you lonely with some memories, which might even bring tears in your eyes.

So I request you to talk to her, ask her what she wants, what she feels like, listen to her and care for her with increased intensity with every passing day. If your relationship breaks then it will break you, so you better look after it.

© the Senorita – Discovering Her

For males speech is the way of sharing knowledge and the best way to find peace is to stay lonely sometimes. If he is talking too much then it is just because he is very excited and is free from all his problems. Thus, they expect a similar behavior from females. When she shares her problems he starts searching for solutions and this is his biggest mistake.

For females sharing thoughts and talking about their problems is the best way to cool off their brains. When they share their problems, they expect their partners to sit back and listen to them with full dedication. And she gets frustrated once he starts working on the solutions for those problems.

Once she is confused at something she will prefer to talk about it and with time he will observe how easily she puts forward all the minute details of her problems in front of him. Here, instead of providing a solution all what he needs to do is ask her “So what will you be doing? I am sure you have a way out of this.” Believe me, she herself will put forward the solution. She wasn’t ever looking for a solution from you, she just wanted some boost up so that her confidence level increases.

Similarly at times she might first talk about one problem and then suddenly jump over to the other problem. She may even go on to talk about three to four problems at one time and leaves him confused about the kind of solution he should provide. He starts relating those problems and finds himself frustrated once he fails to relate those problems.

Now you know the reason for her behavior? She finds relief when she talks about her problems so better let her do the talking; and also, boost her confidence by telling her that she is capable of solving it herself. She will feel cherished.

© the Senorita – Discovering Her

A start of any relationship is marked with some cute exchange of eye contact, some meetings, some phone calls, some chats and everything else. She starts believing the guy and then develops a certain rationality of a human emotion, the one we refer as love. But then again all this while she has one thing in common and it is that smile, yeah that very smile that comes on her face every time she sees her phone buzzing with your sms, but gradually each one of us has a limited number of innovative cards in our pocket and time and again it becomes harder for us to fetch the new jokes and a new humor and then comes a period when someone new to her life, it can be even our friend or someone new in the list of friends of her life that can bring that very smile which we no longer have the ability to bring. Then again we distract from the basic path and tries to make her feel special by speaking our heart out to her, saying again and again how much we love her but that is not which can make things special again. Well then again, i must repeat that she is neither betraying you nor is your relationship at a dangerous level of sudden end but there is something that surely is ending, yeah gradually it is ending and that is the element of fun in between you two. Neither your tears nor your hugs and kisses, nothing will be able to get it back cos all that she actually wants is a smile, a lighter moment, a sort of wings that can make her feel in the air when she is with you. Don’t you think that some of these things happen again and again, this decrease of fun with the passage of time and all.

That ridiculous absence of fun is what results in the feeling of taking each other for granted, i mean yeah! You do have a partner that is there for you to share your pains and problems but i am sorry to say that now a days no one wants that. Just take her as just another friend, i mean be in love with her but talk to her just the way you talk to your male buddies, crack jokes, be yourself and there is no need to show her too much that you love her etc etc… all those sentimental talks are not the reason why she talks to you, the reason is that she laughs when she is with you so why not just do that, make her smile, you know it how to do that! You had always done that! So do it now also, she is not the person to expect returns but to give only, accept this fact, don’t get frustrated by this fact but if you will feel it and have the ability to refresh your mind then you would feel that i am right.

Summing up the content for all those who had ended up confused by reading all this :

• make her smile as long as she is with you
• tears and compassion are not that important as much as your jokes are
• let her never be able to know you completely, always have a surprise for her
• hide your pains and problems from her also just the way you do it from everyone else
• all that matters between you two and the soul reason why you two got engaged had always been the smile and fun that you shared and nothing else.

Flirt with her or do whatever that turns her on, giving her a pair of new ear rings or taking her out for a movie is not that important as much as that little joke she can hear from you at an unexpected ramdom moment, you always expected her to be the one in whose lap you can share your failures but sadly and quickly accept the fact that her love is there at the best till the time you are at the edge, she will be there to help you every time but eventually without even her notice her love will decrease. Let yourself be the one for whose phone call she waits and waits cos with you she has the best time of her life and that best time can never come from sentimental talks or tears of love or anything else, keep it simple and just be make her smile and that’s it!! Try it today!!

This article is a guest post from Pulkit, a passionate print media writer, who is trying hard to switch to this mad planet of bloggers. He happens to be a great friend of mine and possess all the ingredients to be a famous blogger. Do check his new blog on blogger.

© the Senorita – Discovering Her

Females are that creation of God who have been gifted with qualities like perseverance, caring nature, thoughtful brains (even though they tend to commit blunders sometimes but isn’t such behavior part of their beauty?) and the quality of helping those for whom they care.

While she is young and the relationship between her and her partner is in its infancy she is willing to sacrifice and mold herself to fulfill her partner’s needs. She will think a lot about him, about his likings and disliking and will try her best to make her feel comfortable and cozy. She tends to forget herself and her feelings, her thoughts, and her needs all show up once she matures and this is the time when then she realizes how she had been busy in giving herself away and how she never cared for her own feelings.

Once she feels the need to fulfill her dreams then she will begin to set limits and will expect him to fulfill her needs. This unexpected change confuses him and he feels like she is trying to withdraw away from the relationship. He might try to sort things out but as he does not know the real reason behind her withdrawal so he isn’t able to solve this confusing problem. Slowly the distance between the two increases and the relationship goes to gallows.

To avoid such disastrous end results males must give to her everything they can from the day-one of their relationship so that once their relationship grows then the feelings of being neglected by the other doesn’t creep in.

While in younger years, males are more self-absorbed and unaware of the needs of others, they are busy with their own life and midst of all this they forget that their partner has some dreams, which need to be looked after. When he matures then he realizes how he can better serve and respect others. His major change is becoming more aware of how he can succeed in giving.

But what I want to emphasize here is the fact that males should develop this maturity as soon as possible. They must understand the fact that she deserves her dreams and if she has molded herself to fulfill his needs then why can’t he do that? After all it is their relationship, which will grow stronger and stronger if both of them think about the other.

© the Senorita – Discovering Her