The tides of change continue to wash over me. It is exciting and sometimes terrifying.   The changes occurring are pushing me beyond my comfort zone in almost every area of my life.  It would seem that I have stepped into a vortex of accelerated growth. I am grateful, however. I feel a completely different person than I did a short month ago. The best part is that I continue to have fun.

New digs and my B.A.D.

The B.A.D

I have officially moved into the Wellness Possibilities office and I have a B.A.D – that would be a Big Ass Desk!!!     I love this desk. It feels so “grown-up”.

After 2 years of working out of a corner of my living room, I am so enjoying having an office to go to everyday.  I hadn’t realized how isolated I was beginning to feel working by myself all the time. My creativity and productivity have soared in the time I’ve been here.  There are a couple of other things to love about working here:

• The dancing -  yep, there are dance breaks throughout the course of a normal work day. If  a good song comes on, we crank it up and DANCE baby.
• The dress code – to quote my office mate when I asked if there was one – “If you can dance in it then you can wear it to work!”

• The learning – WP and the people who are a part of it are all about growth and learning. I am already experiencing expanded growth.  It is such a part of what this company is about that it would be impossible to be here and not experience growth. This is not without its challenges because I can tell you all now that all my STUFF is coming out because of it.  I guess it’s coming up so it can be dealt with and released. This can be emotionally exhausting, but I’m grateful that it’s happening.

On holding the space

There is another unexpected aspect to my role with WP. It looks like I’ll be doing some regular Vlogging (video blogging if you’re wondering what that means).   I have already recorded one video.  This is a great example of something that brought up some stuff for me. While I was excited about the idea of vlogging, the thought of it made all my habitual patterns of feeling unworthy/fear of success/fear of failure/fear of success come forth in all their insanity. Intense stuff!  I’m sure I’ll talk more about it as I work my way through it. In the meantime here is my first video:

Bikram goes viral (sort of)

I’m so excited that several members of my family are trying out Bikram yoga! My cousin in London is on day 17 of a 30 day challenge! And my brother and his wife in South Africa are on day 4 of their first 30 days.

You guys know how much I love Bikram yoga, so you can just imagine how happy this news makes me. It has been an important tool for healing and wellness on my journey.  When I saw my family a few months back – everyone was astonished by my how much weight I had lost and how much better I looked compared to the last time they’d seen me. Obviously I shared my Bikram experience and apparently the difference in my body and my health was enough to convince Big Brother and Sister-In-Law to try it. They live in Johannesburg and there is a studio pretty close to their house. Loving it!!  Now I just need to work on getting a studio in Zimbabwe…..

“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

~George Bernard Shaw

There are big happenings in my life!  I am being swept up in a huge wave of change.  New projects, new partnerships, and new possibilities are appearing at such a rate that my head is spinning

You’ll know from a my last post that I was doing some serious questioning about what  I was doing with my life.

Well ask and you shall receive. My questions were heard and the universe has begun to deliver all sorts of amazing answers in the most incredible ways!

My New Role

I am thrilled to let you all know that at the invitation of  my friend Kathy Smyly Miller, CEO of  Wellness Possibilities (www.wellnesspossibilities.com) I have taken on the role of hosting their podcast – Holistic Health & Wellness - which is one of the most popular alternative health podcasts on iTunes. Past guests on the show have included people like Debbie Ford, Christiane Northup, Bernie Siegel, David Wolfe and Mallika Chopra.

My first interview was with the author of one of my ALL time favorite books ~ The Four Agreements . What a gift it was for me to be able so speak one-on-one with the wonderfully wise don Miguel Ruiz. I first read the Four Agreements 4 or 5 years ago, and it has been powerful support tool in my own personal evolution. It is one of those books which I come back to often. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to have my first interview with.

I got the email from Kathy inviting me to host the podcast at the height (or depth) of my questioning, but the seed for this happening was planted a few years ago in some conversations we had.  At the time I was really interested in the idea of helping Wellness Possibilities put together a podcast. It never happened, and from where I stand now I am SO grateful for that. I recognize that I just wasn’t in the right place to have been able to do it.

Now the moment is perfect and the timing is sublime.

My New Partnership

In addition to hosting the podcast I will be partnering with Wellness Possibilities on some other projects. There is even the possibility of  sharing a BEAUTIFUL office space with them, thus ending the isolation of working at home  – and opening the door to even more possibilities.

My New Offerings

I am riding the wave of this amazing creative energy surrounding me, and I will also be re-imagining and re-aligning my technology work so that I can experience the same joy doing that, that I am experiencing with the new hosting gig. I will be creating some exciting new support offerings for small business owners around the conscious use of technology!  More to be revealed.

See what I mean? Change, change, change! There is so much more I could say about all of this transition – but not yet.

Please check out the Holistic Health & Wellness Podcast and listen to my first interview with don Miguel Ruiz.  Tell me what you think.

New episodes will begin airing on Monday June 20th. We’re lining up some wonderful guests so stay tuned for more details!

“Let yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love
It will not lead you astray” ~Rumi

A few weeks ago while catching up with one of my favorite Uncles, he asked me to have a conversation with his eldest daughter, who is in her last year of high school and planning to go on to university to study actuarial science. He is concerned that this particular path of study is not one that offers plenty of employment opportunities. I don’t know anything about being an actuary, so I can’t say if this is indeed the case.

He  seemed to think that “I” could offer her practical advice that might encourage her to consider a different path.

I wondered what on earth I could possibly tell her. I didn’t say to my Uncle that in fact I felt like the least qualified person to advice a young person on a career path. Particularly at this moment in my life, when I feel more confused about what I’m doing in my own career than I did when I was her age.

I always felt certain that by the time I reached the age I am now, I would know exactly what I should be doing with my life. In fact, the opposite is true. The only thing I seem to know with any certainty is that what I AM doing as it pertains to “work” is not quite right.

I left  a fantastic job to become self-employed because I no longer wanted to do work that didn’t matter deeply to me. I felt a strong sense of mis-alignment. Something was just off.

Fast forward 2 years and I feel stuck again. I still find myself doing work which is meaningful to the world, but somehow it is still not providing the kind of satisfaction I expected that it might. Something is still not quite right.

Not long after my conversation with my uncle, my brother asked me if I had gotten caught in the trap of making a living at the expense of  doing what I am most passionate about.  I had to answer yes, because it is true.

Don’t get me wrong, I am deeply grateful for the work which I do and I am fortunate to work with organizations whose work  is to make the world a better place. This is certainly meaningful to me, yet the pull of what I really love is indeed stronger. I have a strong sense that I am not yet doing that which is my truest calling.

In truth I’ve never fully expressed what it is I really love. Mostly because it always seemed frivolous to me. I grew up in a time and culture which valued practical professions. Accounting, medicine, engineering, banking. When I was in high school I decided that when I went to college it would to get a “Management Degree”.  In retrospect I’m not sure what I thought I’d do with that degree. I just knew I’d be a “business person”.  In reality I think that the business path was the one of least resistance. I did not excel in mathematics or science, so management was really my only choice. It was also sufficiently professional and respectable and seemed to offer the promise of my being being able to earn money and support myself.

What I really excelled in and absolutely loved in school were all my English and writing classes. My favorite class in high school was English Literature. I mean seriously, the whole class involved reading books and then talking and writing about them. SWEET.

I won a number of awards and school prizes for writing throughout my educational career. (Which are ALL available for viewing and proudly curated by my Mama  in the Museum of the Cleverest Children Ever – otherwise know as her house). I also excelled in debate. In college I came to love public speaking and discovered it to be one of my strengths. No matter how nervous I was, I always did great anytime I had to stand in front of an audience and speak.

So just to summarize, the three things I excel at and enjoy the most are reading, writing and running my mouth.

It never occurred to me that a living could be made from this. I am beginning to suspect that it might, but the how or the what of it is unclear to me from where I stand.

Can you understand why at this moment in my life I might consider myself to be unqualified to offer career advice to my sweet young cousin?

I don’t know that I could advise her as to what path might offer the most job opportunities, the highest pay, or the greatest chance for advancement.

The only thing I could tell her for sure is just what Rumi says in that beautiful quote. To be drawn by the stronger pull of what she really loves.

I could tell her the importance of creating a space in her life for that which she really loves, because not doing so stifles the spirit and eventually she would feel the pain of it even though it might takes years before she realized what the root of that pain was.

I could tell her that denying your gifts kills a little something in your soul, whether or not you are aware of it.

I have felt this pain myself. I have paid the price for not honoring and owning my gifts. In fact I have denied  them full expression. I have stifled them. Shoved them into dark corners and suffocated them under seat cushions. I have hidden them under piles of beliefs about what I should do, who I should be and how I should live up to other peoples expectations of me.

Finally I would tell her something else which Rumi said, which is to “let the beauty of what you love be what you do.”

That’s as much as I know for myself and I am going to make sure that I make space for that which I love. I am going to take time to wrap my arms fully around it and hold it close. I am going to honor it, cherish it and thank God for it.  I am going to put it on a shelf and everyday I will dust it, polish it and then sit back and look at it in gratitude. I will do all this and trust with my heart and soul that it will not lead me astray.

It will lead me home.

For many months now I have been toying with the idea of cutting my hair. I’m not talking about cutting my locs a little shorter… I’m talking big-chopping my hair down to a teeny weeny Afro (TWA).

I have had a number of signs recently:

Singer Chrisette Michele

1. A few months ago a woman came into a Bikram yoga class rocking a TWA and I was oh so envious. Partly because it was super cute. Partly because of the  freedom of doing all that sweating sans hair.
2. Big Sister recently cut her hair into a TWA. She looks gorgeous. She knows how to rock a classy TWA.  She came home with a sassy head full of tiny curls, tinted with just a hint of red-brown color which catches the light just so with every tilt of her sassy head. LOVING it.
3. Then, whilst perusing the interwebs I came across a pic of the incomparably lovely and talented singer Chrisette Michele after she big-chopped her hair into a gleaming golden TWA last year. So stunning.
4. Last night I had a dream in which I was putting my hair up into a ponytail (something I do far too often).   As I wrapped the hair elastic thingy around the ponytail one last  time the entire thing came off in my hand effectively leaving me with a TWA.  (Although I had a few locks remaining at the back of my head which hung over my shoulders in a disturbingly mullet-like fashion.)  The significant thing about this dream is that I did not gasp in horror as I stared at my hair clutched in my hand. In fact I recall feeling nothing but a sense of relief.

Truth be told, the desire to undergo the Big Chop (BC) has been with me for close to a year now. Clearly I need to make a decision one way or the other.

Reasons not to do it

• Its scary.
• There is a distinct possibility that I may do it and then suffer massive regret – at which point there will be no turning back and I will be miserable and may have to resort to wearing wigs.
• I have invested over 10 years in to growing my SisterLocks.
• I will lose the styling options I have with the SisterLocks,  although the infrequency with which I actually style my hair renders this point moot. More often than not my hair is worn in the dreamed about ponytail.
• What will people think? Part of me is afraid of the assumptions people will make based on this hairstyle. Particularly  professional contacts. I recognize that a) I really shouldn’t care what people think, particularly since I have zero control over their thoughts anyway ;  b) that anyone who is judgemental  enough to make negative assumptions about me based on my hair, has probably already done so based on my present hairstyle; and c) any people who are narrow minded enough to judge me negatively because of my hair  really aren’t the kind of people I choose to work with. Given their general judginess it is just as likely that they are judging me based on my skin color, nationality, gender etc.
• No more long hair for my man to run his fingers through -  with the TWA  its more a case off running a hand over.  However this point is rendered [temporarily] moot given that at present I am manless.

Reasons to do it

• Its scary.
• Change is good. Recent events in my life have caused me to do some massive revaluation of who I am, what I believe, and how I choose to live etc. I’m talking pretty major shifts in my fundamental “me-ness”. I can only describe it as major reset as I prepare to move into the latest version of myself. Sue 3.0. (If you’re wondering when Sue 2.0 happened, believe me when I say it did – I just didn’t mention it here). What better way to reset than by Big Chopping my hair?
• I have heard it said that hair carries energy and absorbs the stress and negative energy from our experiences.  Following this line of thought then my hair is carrying some CRAZY energy, given that I’ve had my locks for 10ish years which spanned both the Sue  1.0 and  2.0 days. Believe me when I say there were lots of  system crashes, general buggyness, hacker attacks and many incidents of mental viruses and malware going on in those versions. It seems logical that any and all negative energy must be released from my person in order to enable version 3.0 to run smoothly.
• Freedom. After a more than a month off I will be getting back into my regular (almost) daily Bikram yoga practice. It would be so wonderful to sweat without having all that hair on my head.  No more having to worry about constantly washing, rinsing and drying my hair in order to avoid having stinky-sweat hair.
• We’re heading into summer here and a cute little TWA is a perfect summertime look. Plus it’s wash and go! No muss, no fuss.

• The toss of the genetic dice which blessed me with a nicely [normally]  shaped head and ears which are not too sticky out so that I actually look pretty good with short hair. I had really short hair for a few years back in my 20′s and I loved it.

I’m sure there are other factors, but I won’t belabour them here. Needless to say a decision needs to be made, and hopefully that will happen soon. After all, its just hair.

It is there. All of it. What I think and feel. What I need to say. What I need to free.

Sometimes I imagine that I clutch at it with my hands, but it is as if they are covered by many layers of thick rubber which are covered by many layers of heavy woolen fabric. I am able to feel nothing except the broadest strokes of this thing. I can gauge its general breadth and weight, but I cannot sense all its tactile nuances. I know it to be large and heavy, but I cannot tell you of its texture or its temperature. It may be cool and smooth. Perhaps hot and slick. Maybe covered with tiny ridges, bumps or hollows. Whatever it’s texture, I can feel nothing but its dense, immovable presence. What lies between it and my hands is just too thick. So I grab at it and attempt to wrap my arms around it, all the while knowing that the only way to get at it is to remove that which is between.

Other times I hear it as my own voice, but again it is muffled –  deadened by that which is between. I know the voice to be my own but I hear it the same way I heard myself speak when I had a double ear infection – as if my voice came to me from the bottom of a deep, still lake. As if it had been removed from my body and dropped into the water where it sank slowly to the bottom, eventually lodging itself into the sandy floor. I hear myself speak and I know it to be my own voice – just not in my body. My voice shifting slowly across the bottom of the lake. Coaxingly  nudged by the gentle movement of the water. Sometimes it comes to me clearly and I hear every tinny word. Other times it is muffled and I hear nothing but its murmurs and undulations. Perhaps it has settled under an umbrella of rock against which its words bounce and return to it without ever being understood. And other times still, it is completely silent. Perhaps because it has been swallowed by a large fish. Temporarily existing  in the shadowy innards of some dweller of the lake, until it is expelled, having yielded no sustenance for its host.

This then is the work. The work of peeling off the layers. Of removing what is between.

This then is the goal. The goal of retrieving my voice. Plucking it from the wet and placing it back where it ought to be, so that I may speak that which needs to be spoken and free that which needs to be freed.

It is the work of letting what is to be felt be felt and what is to be said be said.

This way freedom lies.

April is National Poetry Month here in the US. I thought I would share one of my favorite poems by one of my favorite writers.

The Negro Speaks Of Rivers by Langston Hughes

I’ve known rivers:

I’ve known rivers ancient as the world and older than the

flow of human blood in human veins.

 

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

 

I bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young.

I built my hut near the Congo and it lulled me to sleep.

I looked upon the Nile and raised the pyramids above it.

I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln

went down to New Orleans, and I’ve seen its muddy

bosom turn all golden in the sunset.

 

I’ve known rivers:

Ancient, dusky rivers.

 

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

I had to share this beautiful piece, by Ernest Holmes which I saw over at the blog of  BikramYogChick.

This is so beautiful. So beautiful. Enough Said.

She Let Go

“She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go… She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.”

- Ernest Holmes

A  few days ago our yoga teacher repeatedly reminded us to stay close to the simple things in our practice. These things – breath, awareness, focus –  he said, were the foundation which would enable us to push through when the work we were doing  became challenging.

Today was a day full of simple things.

It was my Mother’s Birthday.

I had to drive 2 and half hours to a meeting today and even then I was able to stay close to the simple things.  Waking up at 4am to the stillness of early morning, when all is so quite that I can hear the breath of  God.  Stopping for my coffee at Quikchek greeted by smiles from the people who work there, who are often the first faces I see each morning. Sharing a laugh with a sweet woman also named Sue.

Even when a man accidentally tried to get into my car instead of his own, I stayed close to that simple thing called laughter. He laughed too. “I promise I didn’t take the good silver,”  he joked.

Even the fact that there was messy slushy, snow and rain for most of my drive was OK. I stayed close to the simple joy of being in the car, warmed by the blast of the heater and comforted by my fragrant cup of coffee. I stayed close to the simple joy of listening to my music, singing out loud and dancing in my seat when I felt so moved.

My meeting seemed full of simple things. Doing work that matters. Helping. Contributing my gifts. Gratitude for the fact that people value my work.  Working with kind, generous, passionate people who BELIEVE in the power of creativity. We ended by breaking bread .  Eating lunch together before I made the return trip. There was the simple  joy of talking to my Mother on the phone on the way home, and then when the conversation was done, blasting more music and jamming all the way.

My day ended as it often does with yoga.  Today was one of those days when yoga was delicious. Yes delicious. It was one of those days when the perfect combination of ingredients comes together in some sort of  alchemy which transforms the 90 minutes of class into a truly sublime experience. The combination of this particular group of people on this particular night, with this particular teacher came together to create a syngergy that lifted me and carried me through the class. While I could feel the energy of those around me, could see the beautiful synchronized movement of our collective body  - I felt fully focused on myself. My breathe. My body

I felt hyperaware of  every sensation. Of the miracle of sinew and bone. Of  muscle and skin.  I felt with vivid awareness, the pulsing of my heart and the exquisite rush of blood as it flowed to every part of my body. It seemed I could feel it’s very movement through my blood vessels.

I experienced the pain of stretching muscles and twisting joints not as pain, but rather as a profound reminder of  the gift of the vessel which is mine for this journey. Each pain was an exquisite affirmation of my aliveness and of the very power of creation moving in me.

The sweat of my body today was a bendediction. A blessing of all that is. As it is.  It felt cleansing in some deeply elemental way. I could hear the tap tap of the drops of sweat falling to my mat, washing away all the sadness, frustration, fear and anxiety that had been layered on my skin. I imagined that I could see it sink through the layers of towel, mat, carpet, lining, wood, and cement – into the very earth –  washing away those awful feelings and taking them to be used as nourishment for some seed waiting dormant in the ground. Some seed which would grow into something verdant. Something lush with love.

Leaving the yoga studio to discover that there was freezing rain pelting down did not shift me either. I drove home thinking of the simple things which awaited me. The coziness of my apartment. The soft mewling welcome of my cat. A hot shower. Warm fleece pajamas.  Hot fragrant, spicy Vietnamese soup left over from my lunch. A glass of velvety pinot noir.

And this. Sitting at my computer, lulled by the shush of cars on the street below as they driving through the slush.  The sweetness of having allowed these words to flow out of  me, through my fingertips, to dance themselves into reality on the screen. The pure unadulterated joy of creating something. Saying something. Feeling something. Not because I have to. Not because I’m trying to accomplish anything in particular.  Just because it was there.

I understand what he meant when he said that the simple things are the foundation which carries us through when things are hard. The hard things are there my friend. Believe me.  I have been carrying around heartbreak, overwhelm, sadness, fear, anxiety and more that is hard. It’s all there gathered at my feet, looking up at me. Waiting for me to take it back up and focus on it rather than my peace. But for now, for today, the simple things are holding me steady. Rooting me firmly to the earth and enabling me to step my way unflinchingly around the hard things without losing my balance.

So for today. And perhaps tomorrow, and the next day, I will stay close to the simple things.

“There is no friend as loyal as a book.”  ~ Ernest Hemingway

So after [almost] completing the #Reverb10 Challenge back in December (I responded to all but 2 prompts) I clearly needed some other challenge to sign up for.  I just can’t help myself.

This challenge is one near and dear to my heart because it involves something that I do all the time anyway – READING. My favorite thing  to do in the entire world, besides spending time with those I love.  Although, depending on what I’m reading that’s sometimes a toss up.

I have joined the 2011 Reading Challenge over at online reading community GoodReads. The idea behind the challenge is simple – motivate yourself to read more. While I don’t think I need any motivation to read more – if I did I might not have time to do anything else – I do think it will be fun to track what I’m reading this year and reconnect with my love of reading a little more consciously.

The nice thing about this challenge is you get to set your own reading goal, so I have set a goal for myself of reading 111 books. There is no particular science behind my selection of the number other than that its 2011 and I like the symmetry of  the ones. (I also thought that reading 2011 books might be a little too ambitious, even for me.)   This averages out to reading 2.3125 books a week.  Time will tell how realistic this is.

I’ve already had so much fun just thinking about what I want to read.  Several weeks ago I prepared myself by spending  a day organizing my little library.  I removed all the books from the shelves, dusted them off and put them back in perfect alphabetical order.  It was fun to see and touch some of my favorite beloved books and also to be reminded of how many I have yet to read.

So expect to see me reflecting on some of the great books I plan to read in the weeks and months to come.

Check out the sidebar on the right of the blog to see what I’m currently reading and where I am with my reading challenge.

4 books down, only 107 to go.

I am astounded that January has already come and gone. How did that happen?

January brought with it many things including a return to a consistent Bikram yoga practice after some time away. I am so happy to be back in the warm, wet fold of the yoga room – particularly given the frigid, snowy, sleety, and generally challenging winter we are experiencing right now. The hot room is a blessed respite that feels to me like a mini-vacation. I am sometimes tempted to show up with a beach chair, my trusty Amazon Kindle and an icy pitcher of margaritas.

If you practice Bikram yoga for any amount of time, there are certain oft-used phrases with which you become familiar. One of those phrases is “if you fall out, get back in”. It’s one of my favorites. Basically it means that if you fall out of a posture for whatever reason, you should try again. Even if its only for a second. This is how you incrementally build your strength and flexibility. Our teachers are constantly reminding us of this simple but important lesson. Try it, and if you fail, try again. Get back in. Sometimes we are so fixated on the end goal – some “perfect” expression of the pose – that we forget that the only way we might actually get there is to keep trying, falling out and getting back in.

Even more important is the fact that in order to fall out you have to actually attempt the posture.

During the classes I took over the past few days I began to celebrate each time I fell. I welcomed every moment when I could no longer hold a posture because I couldn’t breathe, or a muscle gave out or I lost my balance, or my mind just decided it hurt too much. I welcomed the moments when I staggered, trembled, ached, swayed, crumpled and collapsed.

I welcomed these moments of failure because I recognized what they meant. They meant I was trying. I was attempting the postures in the best way I could in each and every single moment and by doing so I was building my practice. My strength. My flexibilty. My ability to endure. I was laying the foundation for my perfect expression of the postures.  I knew that I always had the option of getting back in.

I was talking to a dear friend after class who is grappling with the ending of a long-term relationship and she described this ending to me as a failure.

“I have failed”,  she said.

In so many ways in our lives, we are holding on to a vision of a “perfect” expression of some areas of our lives that we lose sight of the fact that the only way to ever arrive there is by trying, falling out and getting back in. We see ourselves as holding the postures of perfect spouse, parent, employee, woman, man – any number of roles – and when we fall out of these postures we are convinced we have failed and that the failure is irrevocable.

We have – but I think thats a great thing. It means we have tried. We may have to try again. And again. Repeatedly. And we will fail and fall and lose our balance many more times before all is said and done.

Failure in any respect means that you showed up, and did the best your were capable of.  Yes, you may have fallen out, but you can always get back in. Sometimes the best we we are capable of looks and feels really awful but it is all that we can accomplish in that moment. It is what it is. Had we been capable of more we would surely have given it.  So we are left with a choice. Do we give up altogether or do we get back in?

Bikram yoga has taught me the importance of  getting back in. There are days when I show up to the yoga studio feeling beyond awful. When I force my way through class with a lousy attitude, a reluctant body and a heavy spirit. My body is a clumsy weight that I begrudgingly fling around for 90 minutes while I feel, sad, angry or resentful. It may not be the best version of me that shows up, but apparently its the best that I am capable of that day.  No matter the circumstance, I do my best. The next day I come back to class.

I get back in.

I couldn’t argue with my friend when she said that she had failed. Not only did I  not want to give her some sugary, greeting card platitude, how could I argue with the  unarguable fact that this relationship had failed.  Yes, I told her, your relationship has failed. You have failed and he has failed, but  the good news is that means you tried. You both did the best that you were capable of in each and every moment of your time together. It might not have always looked pretty, but it was the best you could do with what you knew at the time.  The question now is will you you get back in?

Another oft-used phrase I hear in the yoga studio is that it is not called yoga perfect, but yoga practice. To practice is to try, fall and get back in.

Life is not about perfection – it is about practice. This is the essence of living. We are given the gift of always having the opportunity of getting back in when we fall, stumble and fail.  Failure has become a dirty word to many of us but I’m convinced that it is in fact an awesome word that carries with it the gift of  life! Failing means we are trying. It means we are growing, evolving, learning! It means we have alive for goodness sake. I don’t know any person who shows up in this life as an adult who is fully-formed, fully-evolved and fully-enlightened. Do you? I can only conclude that this is because the gift of our lives is the the journey. It is this which is our lives.

This to me is the sublime passage.

It is the showing up, the trying, the falling and the getting back in. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves and recognize all the ways in which we keep getting back in. Each day we get up and try again – whether it be in our relationships, in our work, in our health – we are getting back in. As we do so we are laying the foundation for the perfect expression of our own unique lives.

So I urge you to be kind to yourselves. Embrace your failing and your falling. Know that it means that you are showing up and giving the best you can, when you can. Above all know that there is always an opportunity to get back in.