The Wanderer and His Shadow

hello world

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 00:22:00 +0800

Hello blog! I'm back!

I miss my blog.

I miss writing.

But I'm having writer's block.

Glorietta Blast

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 17:34:00 +0800

Let us all join our countrymen and unite to condemn this ridiculous act of absurdity. The bomb explosion in glorietta if it's true is an act of cruelty beyond anything else.

Language

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 23:12:00 +0800

Everybody.... repeat after me.... The Bridge.

Think Language. Think Bridge.

The Macbook Pro

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 18:49:00 +0800

Finally... had a new laptop after months and months of waiting and finding ways on how to acquire such a piece of technology that will eventually depreciate.

Oh well, guess this is how life is supposed to be... work is really inevitable.

So, what does 140k look like? Well, it looks pretty good!

The countdown begins...

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Tue, 7 Mar 2006 00:17:00 +0800

In exactly 30 days from today....

My colleague, coffee pal, best bud, saviour, accomplice, companion, confidante, most trustful friend, princess, alter ego... is coming back to the Philippines after spending 5 months of vacation in the United States. The countdown begins, and everywhere in Manila to Pangasinan, I can see banners floating in the streets wishing for her safe return and warmly welcoming her back to the land of her roots. She is coming back after a long vacation, and nontheles chose to still be with this country that is in peril, when she could have choosen to live the higher life. Her decision was partly to be back to her roots as this has been the country where she was born and no amount of money can ever buy her loyalty to stay elsewhere.

Sandy, time is fast approaching and everybody's excited to see you! I miss you!

A Second Glance - Guaranteed

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 18:48:00 +0800

I'm very excited on getting my first Apple laptop.. the MacBook Pro

As someone wrote, "It's a mighty fine machine -- even as it waits for the rest of the world to catch up."

Any tips on how to use a Mac? =)

Euphoric

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Wed, 1 Feb 2006 23:11:00 +0800

I have been busy this past few days to update on what's happening with my life. There have been quite a few stories that I would want to share but been hesitant to do so. The cycle of life has always been the same. We love some, we lose some. As I've said before, I don't believe that there is something absolute in this world..... only temporary happiness that will let us drown in abliss for a moment's time, and wander away looting the joy that it brought.

Here are some of the recent shots I took....

Our country is as it has always been...
in a state of dramatic depression.

Tagaytay with xoxo

Living the high life at the Shangrila

Starbucks as always... i miss Sandy, my coffee loving friend

Welcome to the year of the Dog

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 23:15:00 +0800

I welcome the year with excitement and fervent hopes for better days to come.... Eventually, the Rooster is going to crow louder this year!

Welcome 2006...

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Sun, 1 Jan 2006 07:36:00 +0800

I had a boring new year's eve this year. Partly because I slept the whole night, and was too tired from my party yesterday. I financed a house party that had been fun.. met a lot of new people and began to believe that I have moved on from the past. 2005 has been in many ways a fulfilling year for me. It had been a great journey. I learned a lot about love. Endured a lot of heartaches. Transversed a lot of new places. Gained some new friends. Lost some unworthy ones. Had a great time at work. Had to study my masters degree. Bought some new equipment. Took a lot of new photographs.

It's now the year 2006. I'll be turning one year older this year. I face the year with excitement for better days to come.

House party 101 - New Year's Day Celebration

The view from the venue of our house party Welcome 2006. Lighting up a candle for hope.

Same Ground

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 23:04:00 +0800

I met my ex Chr (Desolate post). I was around Makati with some friends when suddenly, she sent me an sms message asking me to pick her up in Bulacan. She was crying. Apparently, there was a fight between her family members and she wanted to leave the place. Devoid of any financial means due to recently resigning from her work at teletech, she decided to seek my assistance. I picked her up. We had dinner. We had coffee. And we had an amazing conversation that I've never had with an ex-lover for the past few months.

Sometimes, I feel what a silly thing love is. Not half as useful as logic, for it doesn't prove anything, always telling one of things that aren't going to happen, and making one believe things that are not true. Love dries us crazy and in mnay cases, we would eventually realize that we have been loving the wrong person or for the wrong reasons but I guess that is what makes loving more real. Being in pain makes us feel that we are loving more. That could be the reason why people choose to go to complicated relationships unconsciously. For it is with terrible pain that we feel more alive and loving more.

I am scared of love. I am scared of life. But I guess that is what makes us human. That is what makes us vulnerable.

Same Ground
(Kitchie Nadal)
My love,
Its been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue.
Its hard leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.

Self-denial is a game
Its strange i never would’ve
Wanted if until there was you.

Because i have learned that love is beyond
What human can imagine,
The more it clears
The more i have to let you go.

But now i don’t understand why im feeling
So bad now when i know it was my idea.
I could’ve just denied the truth and lied.
But why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground?

My love because i have learned that love is a
Word gets thrown a little bit too much.
The best excuse to fill the infinite abyss
I never have to if all else fail

Would you be there to love me?
When all else fail,
Would you be brave to see right through me?

semper fidelis

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Sat, 24 Dec 2005 23:59:00 +0800

"What is easy is seldom Excellent..." - Johnson

This year, my Christmas eve was different. Instead of the merry jingles, I went on a journey to fulfill my last wishes to a person. Along with a pen to brighten her future, a cup to fill her emotions, a box that says all the wishes I have for her, and a card that has only the words "semper fidelis". It wasn't easy seeing her again, but I believe it was the best thing to do.

I said my goodbyes to Xtn again.... I did so with great contentment that our separate lives would be beneficial for everyone. I am proud to say that I have finally moved on. Unlike the previous meeting that was full of tears and drama, this one is completely different. No false pretenses, no false hopes. It would be good for Xtn to focus on the present with what she got, while I can continue to live my life as if she merely passed me by. I told her that I am ready to open my heart again... and make others feel the warmth and the love the way I know how love is. Finally, I feel very much relieved. Very much relieved that I shall never cease to believe again in love, and shall always remain faithful.

A glass half empty, is a glass half full

A toast to a love that is lost, and to a start of a wonderful beginning...

Merry christmas!

The Great Depression

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Sun, 18 Dec 2005 09:37:00 +0800

Around four weeks ago, on a sunday night, I met the most interesting person that I wanted to be with until now. That person dated me and revived the flame of love that was long lost and dead. This person showed me love, but we never became a reality.

After two sundays, my so called best friend stoled this person's heart, along with it, my sanity. My best friend whom I trusted, who just came from a break up, suddenly found it easy to have a rebound relationship with Xtn. Now, I lost a friend and a lover. Both of whom meant so much to me that it took away my drive and my focus on the things that matter to me.

Rusty said it well when he said that the two won't last long because they never had a relationship that is based on a solid foundation. The fact is that they knew all along that once you are able to do that to others, what is stopping them from doing it to each other?

I met both of them last night. I tried to win Xtn's heart back, well, at least that is what happened. Even after making a fool of myself.... at least all i could say is I've done my part to try to save what little is left. My ex bestfriend who I am disowning as a result of the cruelty that person did to me, was so arrogantly staring at me as if nothing wrong was ever done. I guess, I feel quite relieved after doing that. At least I know that I can safely move on and put the past where it should be. I believe I've done the right thing to just stop, for they are unworthy of me and my time.

Does love has to be this complicated? Love is best cherished in it's simplest form.... full of purity and passion. Love is best expressed with the universal language of action. No words can ever take the place of the true essence of love.

If love really is true, why then do people put their own self interest before what they can see is the best for that person? I sometimes don't see the logic of equating fighting for love for one's self interest and love that is for the interest of what is right. I guess in this world we live in, nothing is definite. Not even truth. Everything is always subjective. There is nothing absolute in this world.

If only they were wiser.... but people always fail to see the future and only focuses on the present.

The bright side of it all... at least I got to know the people who are true to me and are there for me in bad times! It was an instant Christmas loyalty check!

Here are some of our pictures when we climbed Mt. Makiling. Some of the few treasured memories that I'll choose to remain as such.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

The Heavenly Experience

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Sun, 13 Nov 2005 14:21:00 +0800

There really is something about the Westin Philippine Plaza that makes me want to name it my other home. From the wonderful staff greeting you the moment you enter, to the personalized express service that you'll receive the moment you pick up the phone.

My favorite hotel once wrote me a welcome letter welcoming me to my home away from home though my home is just 20 minutes away from this heart warming romantic place. It's so nice wanting to say goodbye to the day by seeing the beautiful sunset by your balcony, and welcome the day waking up in the heavenly bed that they have...... This is the experience Westin gives... this is the heavenly experience... no other place can ever passionately bring you closer to heaven that the Westin Philippine Plaza....

Heaven by night

Heaven by day (view from my balcony)

Desolate

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 13:54:00 +0800

"What do we desire when we look at beauty? To be beautiful ourselves. We imagine that beauty comes with it great happiness, but this is a mistake." (Nietzsche)

I am writing again.... I guess one would not write about loneliness so much if one knew how to get the most out of it.

I went out with friends this weekend. Had a karaoke party friday, and a different kind of party saturday =). I found myself reuniting my past forging back alliances with the people I missed in my journey to finding beauty.

The most bizarre thing just happened this week. Both my x's shared a common space for each other. I knew it coming... but either i didn't care much, or because i trusted. Well, truly funny how both your refuse will find their way to each other. And yet, despite it all, my ex was giving me a crash course on ethics and morality... how people look onto their self interest more that the interest of the greater good is nothing new in this society. I regret the day I trusted this person. There's this pain of not having everything in common, and the misfortune of having everything in common. Honestly, I missed Chr more than I missed w....... for the simple fact that the latter has some issues.

It is terrifying to see how easily, in certain people, all dignity collapses. Yet when you think about it, this is quite normal since they only maintain this dignity by constatntly striving against their own nature.

There is one fatality though which is death, and outside this all other fatality disappears. In the space of time between birth and death, nothing is predetermined. You can change everything if you want to do so intensely and for a long time.

Am I heartbroken? Well, I guess I'm getting used to it or just probably have a different perspective now. A time comes when one can no longer feel the emotion of love. The only thing left is tragedy. Living for someone or something no longer has any meaning. Nothing seems to keep its meaning except the idea of dying for something.

A love which cannot bear to be faced with reality is not a real love. But then, it is the privilege of noble hearts not to be able to love.

I'll just find excess within moderation.

My joy is endless.

I am constantly emerging.

Oh by the way, in the words of my friend Carlo... "When you think of your past love,you may view it was a failure. But when you find a new love, you may veiw the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What important is that you know when to hold on and when to let go! You know you realy love someone when you want them to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not part of it...Everything happens for the best. IF the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be affraid to love someone else again, For you'll never know unless you give it a try. you'll never love a person you unless you risk for love. LOVE strives in HURTING... If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love...wana feel love? kiss the flame and feel the pain..."

Here's a song ive been listening lately...

Maybe...
(Kaskade)

Seams like the only word we trust
So uncertain...
We stumble to understand our fall.

Maybe we're starting to deal
(Talkin' about us)
Maybe this love can be real
(Won't be walkin' away)
Maybe inside we feel
I'm not talking about us.

Maybe...
You can make me smile when you're around
You can be sunshine
But even sometimes the sunshine can bring me down.

Fade

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Tue, 25 Oct 2005 18:47:00 +0800

Look at me, Stare inside
Take my place, In my mind
Capture me, Follow through
Validate, Wanting you
It's been a long, long time. Since you been on my mind and I...I
must forget about us.
Turned away. What to do.
Let it go. Follow through.
Lost within. Endless eyes.
Lustin' calls. Logic cries.
Baby this seems so right. Baby this seems so wrong.
Hour after hour, so long, day after day, so long, year after
year after year.
And now we're here...
Never fade from my mind. Shower me and give me life. Never fade
from my mind. Always there when I close my eyes. Never fade from
my mind. Shower me and give me life. Never fade from my mind.
Always there when I close my eyes...
Hesitate. Pull me in.
Breath on breath. Skin on skin.
Lovin' deep. Fallin fast.
All right here. Let this last.
Here with our lips locked tight. Baby the time is right for us...to
forget about us.
Shelter me. Gimme light.
Sexy days. Sensual nights.
Ain't no way, you'll be gone. Cause I'll be here, still holdin' on.
Baby it's been so long. And it could be tonight.
Hour after hour, so long, day after day, so long, year after
year after year.
And now we're here...
Never fade from my mind. Shower me and give me life. Never fade
rom my mind. Always there when I close my eyes. Never fade from
my mind. Shower me and give me life. Never fade from my mind.
Always there when I close my eyes
((gimme life)) ((gimme life)) ((gimme life)) ((gimme, gimme, gimme life))
Never fade from my mind. Shower me and give me life (gimme love
& gimme life) Never fade from my mind. Always there when
I close my eyes. Never fade from my mind. Shower me and give
me life (gimme love & gimme life) Never fade from my mind.
Always there when I close my eyes....
(( Never fade...In my life...Never fade...In my life...Never
fade...In my life...Never fade...In my life ))

Pop the champagne...

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Fri, 14 Oct 2005 21:05:00 +0800

Today, there's something to celebrate.
I went to Zambales with "someone" who until recently turned from a dream to a mesmerizing reality. After a long absence from writing my journal, I came back having something to finally write about!

Who is W??? I'll tell you more in the next few days... I just hope for a good journey ahead!

Here are some of the pictures we took in Zambales:

Start of a journey...

The Celebration

It's me... beneath the shadows of beauty
Zambales... beauty undescribable
The bad side... Shall we pay no heed to nature's calling?

Unitas Mirabile Vinculum

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Fri, 29 Jul 2005 10:54:00 +0800

It's official. Keo has already left Convergys. Tonight, I went with sands and keo, at his request to sign off his resignation letter. It's back tracking. It's official. He's now working at NuComm with workforce ensuring that 100% of the time, service level agreements are attained. In the process, flashbacks occurred... as if from command of the heavens... began thinking of what might have been if I chose to stay there before. Made me remember how good a team I have raised back then. They all made me feel proud of what I do. Made me feel proud of what I am capable of achieving. They have surpassed their masters. They shall reach places. They are an inspiration to me. Wherein a lot of centers have crabs that pull down their team mates... they all sticked together in the good times and bad. They have proven that team work will bring them to places. They have grown so close together that leaving them made me feel depressed.... what better can you say than having "the wonderful bond of unity"....

Speaking about teamwork... lately, I've try to see the world in a different light, or maybe I've known about it, but until i had expressed in unto words made it all to real to me. for the past two weeks hanging out in starbucks GB, and having conversations with "coffee proletariats" made me realize a lot of things... or made it clearer..
some of the things i have learned .

most Filipinos are mediocre, nothing more nothing less
they love complaining, but won't take action
they love fluff and are devoid of substance
they emulate without knowing why, or what they're emulating
have you seen the senate inquiry about jueteng lately? it's hilarious senate inquiry (in aid of legislation) but they are using it to convict on the court of public opinion.
how celebrities (whatever else i can call them) created a whole niche of "15 min of famers", what I'm syaing is they perfected it, made it an art and hung it like medals upon their breasts. fluff all fluff it's irritating.
to them, glamor is replaced by a picture, in serious need of character, and character (personality), replaced by blings and guady, expensive, and loud clothes.
they surround themselves with petty eccentricities, to hide the fact that they lack a real personality
money, money makes the world go round and around (but does it take them anywhere besides where they started?) their ever constant search for money is in vaid, for they do not know what to do with it.
I'm at awe by some people's disinterest in history, appalled by it in fact.
history is not something useless, we learn more from it. our collective social faults all stem from this disinterest. our filial indifference leads to some people's nuovo homme syndrome, the bourgeoisie attitude and values.

This is giving me a headache. I'm getting an aneurysm... I'm so tired, idealism is exasperating. I'm gonna be a cynic nalang... =)

I'm so proud that my team doesn't share that same mediocrity..... IT's truly Unitas Mirabile Vinculum.. for at the end of the day... teamwork makes all the difference!!!

Pictures coming soon!

Twisted Sunshine

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Mon, 18 Jul 2005 22:00:00 +0800

Lisa surprised me with a quote few days ago:

"For every gain there must be a loss. For every loss there must be a gain. In order to gain something, one must present something of equal value to be sacrificed. This is the principal of equivalent trade."

It has been quite a while since I last saw her. She was one of the reasons why I got to know the beautiful province of Bicol four years ago.

While thinking about the quote, I happen to remember my past. Flashbacks began to hound me. For I feel that I could have been a better person. That life could have been easier if not for the misplaced trust that I have given to a lot of people. Life could have been different, and I could have been more happy... but who am I to define "happiness" alone?

When I was at around 16 years old... the question of what "happiness" is hounds me everyday. Buying what I want, eating what I like, all brings forth only "short-term" happiness. I was determined to find the answer to a universal happiness that lasts. The feeling of euphoria. Researching didn't help. No book nor scripture was able to provide me an answer to that question. I came to a conclusion finally after months of intensive soul searching that "happiness", for me, could be that when other people becomes happy because I existed. I tried to touch other people's lives, tried to make a difference, only to be burdened myself. And find myself inside an abyss... alone. I tried to sacrifice what little is left of me to be able to satisfy the needs of others. Because I believed that their happiness is what matters most. That I would be able to achieve the happiness that I am looking for... happiness that is going to last my lifetime... I failed to look at myself, and slowly, found that I may be in an irreparable state. Now, I am trying to fix myself. It is impossible to undo the past. The only feasible thing to do is to have focus on the essentials before I fall down to the pit of no return...

I have no one else to thank but my friends who has ever been so supportive. I shall not fail you.

Going back to Bicol, it's inspiring beauty is unparalleled. I want to go to the mountains again, and feel the wind breeze through my inner most emotion. I want to feel close to the planets to feel the heavenly beauties. I want to see the stars that are almost unseen in this pollution crazed metropolis. I wanna go somewhere where I can enjoy the loving presence of Mk and friends.... To be away from the consumerized city is what I want to do at the moment. Lie down at the beach enjoy the sunset while watching people play around like there's no tomorrow. For in fact, who are we to know that tomorrow shall still exist?

In dedication to everybody I know... who at one time or another been part of my life... and to the countless others who carries everyday the burden of living...

Ever After (Bonnie Bailey)

Three years ago my journey began
Chasing down this cure, no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my reason guiding the dark
Just knowing with conviction from the start
The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of being godly
Yet i fell hard for your imperfections

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together eye to eye through the storm yet
I still believe in ever after with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like we're floating when the rest have to climb
You made me believe in love and not the
perfect kind A real messy beautiful twisted sunshine
Emotions volcanic eruptions
We both still care so we're still alive
Tunnel vision, determination
I want you I want to make it right

You are my twisted sunshine

One Month...

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Wed, 29 Jun 2005 23:59:00 +0800

For always being there for me.
For always tolerating my foolish wackiness.
For being sensitive about my feelings and needs.
For giving me the space I need when I need it.
For never having forgotten any moments that we've experienced.
For being ever forgiving of my many eccentricities.
For listening everyday to my rantings and depressions in life.
For the patience and the valuable knowledge you've imparted.
For staying sweet amidst the stressful life we're having.
For supporting me in everything I do.
For making me feel I am the luckiest person alive.
For making me feel special amidst you seeing my natural me.
For making me feel comfortable whenever I'm with you.
For the care, the loyalty and the kindness you've given.... Most especially,
For sharing your life with me... Thank you.

This is a dedication. An occasion worthy of mention.

Mk says that it's on the 30th. I say that it's on the 29th. One month in the making... and all I can say is that we're growing stronger than ever. Schedule has never been a hurdle for us. We meet at our own comfort at our own pace. Often times, I dance and sing aloud, speaking my mind bursting my tensions away whenever I'm with you. You never hated me for those things. And it is with the small things that you do that draws me closer to you. It's with the memories that we shared on our first month (whatever date that maybe), that makes me want to share the many next months with you more..... and it is with you alone, that completes whatever has been missing from my life. You made my everyday worthy of living.

Some say it's destiny... I say it's magic.

For the care, and for just everything...

Thank you.

Here is one of the shot we took that night at Makati.. the place where we first met...

Resignation + Total Unconditional Apology = "OTOKORASHII"

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 11:32:00 +0800

Mistakes happen. Even "high people" have human failings which lead them to do foolishly reckless actions.

In this interesting case which happened five years ago, former Osaka Governor "Knock" Yoyoyama has both resigned from his lofty office AND took the courageous step of making a full, complete admission of his error.

What I find especially praiseworthy is that he made no "excuses" whatsoever to try to minimize his wrong actions. For me, such an abject, total apology is exactly the correct action to take when anyone, including me, makes a grave mistake.

As far as I am concerned, Yokoyama has now paid the full price for his crime and has effectively restored his honor, no matter what legal penalties he might have to suffer.

Sadly, I notice that Filipino political or business "leaders" almost never resign or never make unconditional apologies when their shameful actions are revealed. Instead they have a regrettable tendency to hire high-priced attorneys, make evasive statements and generally do
everything possible to conceal their misdeeds so that they can hold on to "power".

Whatever happened to "HONOR"???

Ex-Governor Yokoyama is a commendable living example of honorable behavior when anyone is caught having committed grievous behavior of any sort. I hope that I will have the sense and the courage to recall his example the next time that I do something wrong!!!

Our country is in a state of depression

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 10:05:00 +0800

"Leadership is the other side of the coin of loneliness, and he who is a leader must always act alone. And in acting alone, accept everything alone"
-Ferdinand E. Marcos

The scandals that have wrecked our country has been going on for days now. The scandalous tapes, the jueteng payoffs..I never liked Arroyo even on the first day she took office. Her thirst for power, using the resource of our country to boost her image, never made her popular. i see her as someone who has a lot of pretensions. the philippines just had a president worse than the actors who run for public office. we have in here arroyo, a president who wants to become an actress.

everywhere you go, you'll see her billboard reminding people that "GMA Cares". At one point in time, she has transformed her image to that of actress Nora Aunor, doing press releases with actors and actresses, appearing in TV and movie commercials reminding people that she is the incumbent. that she too could be the "actress" that everybody should love. she has just placed the public office in an abyss putting any moral integrity away. She failed to give guidance to the people. The government is no popularity contest.. if it is, i might as well start advising my cousins to stop taking school and just be an actor. For being one would mean more chances of being the president of our country.

just how estrada charmed the filipinos, gloria doesn't seem to have that skill... last election, i could have voted for an actor, the late FPJ. A ruler doesn't necessarily need to have all the brains or education in the world. One could rule with common sense alone. Gloria, boasts of a Ph.D. in Economics telling the people that life with her as president would make life better, and yet, I could not feel the slightest sign of having an increase in the quality of life. Thousands of nameless people die everyday with sickness and yet have no access to medicine. Medical treatment has become a luxury so expensive that it went beyond the reach of millions who are still below the poverty level. Who would you rather choose, a president who wants to become an actor, or an actor who wants to become a president?

I believe what our country needs right now is someone who is not a politician. Politics has been killing our country. The culture of corruption can never be stopped if the person sitting up there is tainted with one. Corruption is inevitable in our government where the system of check and balance is flawed.

To give the opportunity of doubt, probably there's something wrong with our culture as well. The "crab mentality" is what I hate most. I do not see the joy in another person whenever their friends succeed. Everybody wants to pull everyone down. five years working in this country and that is what I observed. The culture of selfishness exists everywhere, and it is with this culture that our country also failed to succeed. Our Asian neighbors' sense of patriotism never fails to amaze me, people there works not for themselves but for a common goal. Japan and Korea are best example of people living for the society rather than for themselves. They work for the betterment of the society. Their love for their country makes them proud to be a Japanese or a Korean. They see foreigners in their street and they scornfully look at them. Filipinos see foreigners and they befriend them, thinking that they have all the $ to spare. The 1997 currency devaluation bought a lot of businesses down. Koreans went their own way and voluntarily sold their dollar savings and sold gold jewelries to neutralize the effect it has bought to their currency. We plunged deeper because people here, speculating that the peso would lose more value bought more dollars thinking of personal gain.

The chaotic roads of our country also seem to depict that idea. Everybody is in a hurry, but you'll never imagine people cornering others at the whole stretch of EDSA because they want to move ahead. Because they could not forgive themselves if the other drivers (who of course also wants to arrive to their destination at the soonest possible time) went ahead faster because they want to be number one. They want to pull others down. They want to always move ahead even at the expense of many others. If Filipinos just think not of their own self but of the bigger picture of letting others go ahead for the benefit of the traffic system, then there won't be any chaos in the roads anymore. If only bus drivers would think about the greater good rather than their own profit, maybe they should stop loading at the middle of the highway and let people learn to walk a little bit. Maybe we would not be implementing a lot of crazy traffic schemes anymore.

If the same thing happens all over again, maybe, our President doesn't really care about her image anyway. for in the annals of our history, Macapagal Arroyo would best be remembered in shame. Someone who wants to be always right. Someone who thinks of personal image and has no sense of direction. An honorary president who disregards HONOR. History and the people could always hold her accountable for her action. and the country suffers with it.

The problem in our country of having too much politics is already there and has never been resolved. Perhaps we ought to look at ourselves now, change what culture we have to work hard not only for ourselves, but for the people around us. Think about the GREATER GOOD. I think we ought to start thinking about the bigger picture. because time waits for no one. and before we know, it might be too late.

We should start thinking about others, our neighbors, and our society, before we can even start thinking about the world.

"There are many things we do not want about the world. Let us not just mourn them. Let us change them." - Ferdinand E. Marcos

P.S. I'll be uploading the tapped conversation between the President and Garcillano for you to judge this afternoon and update this posting as well.

The Sublime Beauty of the Absurd

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Sun, 12 Jun 2005 12:36:00 +0800

Dear Blog:

Often I write posts and no one answers. I would be extremely grateful if someone could comment this one and in doing so enlighten the conversation.

Do you see everything is relative to something else? Why do others fail to reasonably see that in our socio-cultural system?

I know you're already tired of reading my endless rants about nothingness about existence and all those philosophical stuff. But I personally cannot escape my own profound sense and understanding of two distinct realities for example a reality which "is". This reality being the sublime beauty of absolute order in the World and Cosmos, a Cosmos filled with meaning, where as Plato proclaimed, the force of good in this order moves us to be orderly and good, recognition of order bringing order, recognition of the good drawing us towards it. Then there is the reality that man has, in mind, created, a disenchanted World and Cosmos, filled with angst, dread and ultimate chaos.

Could things be going really well for me? I doubt. Since one cannot opine the true meaning of "real". We can only conclude that these form part of the "real" (eternal - real in present/past/future). Any "one" of these circumstances, lets say "health" could change in an instant and with this change, the collectively gathered created images of the good are seen to fall into the abyss. If you are told you have four weeks to live all else seems hopeless and in chaos. Consider that scenario.

In the following four weeks you'll experience the absolute torture of angst, dread and chaos. However, while facing death, you also experience the outpouring of "love" from others But.... you don't die. Instead after several weeks you are sent home from the hospital for the weekend. Filled with a new and differing sense of optimism and hope you are wheeled out of the sterile world of the hospital and you "see" a different reality, the blueness of the sky, bluer than you remember, hundreds of differing coulors in nature itself, and the sublime beauty of the world and the Cosmos.

As the months pass, you are slowly drawn back to the other reality. Slowing the outpouring of "love" comes to a halt and you are back in a world governed by the principle that "everything is always relative to something else; it always comes down to - whatever particular vantage point seems most reasonable to you (now, today); and who has the power to enforce their own agenda", where in confronting this reality you once again "feel" a sense of angst, dread and ultimate chaos.

Having had felt this experience, there is no doubt that there exists two realities: a reality which "IS", this reality being the sublime beauty of absolute order in the World and Cosmos, a Cosmos filled with meaning, where as Plato proclaimed, the force of good in this order moves us to be orderly and good, recognition of order bringing order, recognition of the good drawing us toward the good. The other one being a man-mind created reality which blinds the eyes, alters instinctual behaviours which in turn renders a disenchanted World filled with angst, dread and ultimate chaos.

Several years ago, I read a work by Nietzsche saying:

"Men wear masks to cope with the chaos of Nature, but the true Master acknowledges he wears a mask and continues to play. Within Nature I need wear no mask, for Nature knows her own and mirrors the reflection of my own being, these images allowing me to touch the very core of 'I', my soul. Choas lies not within Nature, but reather within the mind of Man."

As the Buddhist says "Nothingness is NOT Nothing". Man, in mind, has given his own meaning to what he now perceives as a disenchanged world, yet this temporally constructed meaning has created a reality of angst, dread and ultimate chaos. However, if man abandons this reality and its meanings, he may be flung into what he perceives as nothingness, yet as he gives up his struggle against this nothingness he experiences another reality, the absolute of sublime beauty, the eternal.

We struggle to come into the world, life appears as a struggle, we struggle to avoid death, But.... I believe that as we refuse to struggle and allow to be, we discover the eternal and it is one instant's experience of sublime eternal perfection that gives us hope, dreams and aspirations for that we may not "see", yet know to "be".

Patrick

in progress...

Colors.. Perception and Interpretation

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Fri, 20 May 2005 07:10:00 +0800

"What's in name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

-William Shakespeare

We live in a world that is full of colors.... Colors are one way to differentiate things in this mass consumerized world. There are colors for every occassion. People has been for the past hundreds of years want a technology well enough to define "color".. from the old monochrome TV, to the Plasma TVs that we see nowadays. I stroll around and see that television nowadays are judged by the vividness of the colors they generate. One should sometimes learn from "diamonds"... colorless but brilliant and distinctive, and the most expensive of it's class.

Yet, what are colors but merely wavelenghts of lights that reach our eyes.

Colors are also often deceptive. It sometimes only shows you a tale of outward appearance. The world right now judges things more by the beauty of color rather than composition and stucture... It's nice to learn that some people still appreciate the beauty of neutrality. I believe that the essence of things is based on the content of the element, it's form rather than the colors that it has.

Colors has this bad side... those that differentiate people from each other.
Well, 10 years ago, i watched Malcolm X with my best buds dickens and omars... I have always remembered what he said..

"'I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today.'"

Isn't it amazing how colors can sometimes blind us? well... here are some of the photographs I took and converted them to nuetral colors...

"The Mind does not derive its laws from nature, but prescribes them to her."
-Immanuel Kant

We live in a world that's full of colors... isn't it nice to still be able to appreciate beauty in neutrality? To still be able to see what is essential in the absence of colors?

What if light suddenly stop showing people's colors? What if light merely reflects objects in shades of grey? Will you still be able to see beauty in it?

The Gateway Experience.. with sandy

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Thu, 19 May 2005 11:16:00 +0800

With the busy workweek and the tight schedule that I have been having, yesterday was my first experience of having to go to one of the fairly new malls that our metropolis have. It seems that people are not contented of having just a place to shop. The Philippines having the lowest savings rate among other asian countries spends more of their income. Thanks to government policy of promoting spending to spur economy rather than saving and thinking about the future.

Anyway, out of cursiousity and amidst our vehemently jam packed schedule, sands managed to squeeze in a few hours of her time and gave me a tour of Gateway right in Cubao...

The architecturally designed entrance

The podium

T is for Sandy. at the photographer's corner

An absolute crowd in the garden

Last stop: Taco Bell
(Judging by the pics blurriness, you would have a hint of who took the picture =)

Bicol: Of Magnificence

noemail@noemail.org (Pat) — Mon, 9 May 2005 23:55:00 +0800

"I will dedicate and sacrifice my everything,
for just a seconds worth of how my story's ending.
And I wish I could know if the directions that I take,
and all the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing.

I just came back from the splendid beauty of Bicol in what I can say is the best Bicol experience I ever had. As my friends know how much I like the province travelling there almost every other week two years ago. A friend of mine celebrated his birthday there. With a total travel distance of 1150km. I drove more than 12 hours going to Legaspi City, and off stopping at Tabaco where the Mayon Volcano is just one of the spectacular view of the barrio. As hard as I try to capture every moment, I just hope that there's an equipment that would be able to see what beauty the eyes is able to witness. There is no place I've been to that inspires me more than Bicol does. Of course, I would say that my 16 hour journey to Banawe through Halsema Highway thrilled me more due to the fact that death just exists in one wrong turn. Overall, the experience was truly fascinating. You can view the other pictures in http://kalsada.com/gallery/

One of the scenic views along the national highway in Quezon

Quirino Highway

Biggs: Proudly Bicol

Magnificence

"show me what it's for. make me understand it.
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer.
Is there something more than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer.

"help me carry on.
assure me it's ok,
to use my heart and not my eyes to navigate the darkness.
will the ending be ever coming suddenly?
will I ever get to see the ending to my story?

"so when and how will I know?
how much further do I have to go?
how much longer until I finally know?
because I’m looking and I just can't see what's in front of me.

Perceived Perfection