The World with No God -- Bobby Roy's Blog

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 25

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Wed, 5 Jan 2011 23:57:00 -0500

"You are to receive the offering for me from everyone whose heart prompts them to give.": basically, receive offering from mere humans to give to the most powerful being ever to exist. Kinda like stealing from the poor to give to the rich, but only kinda. Again, just why would the most perfect powerful being who created these things would want them. We humans like gold because it's shiny and not around the corner of your house usually. We also have some uses for it, like for instance I have a dental crown with some gold in it; I think it's used for its solidity and resistance to bacteria or something like that. I AM NOT the LORD, for instance I exist.

⁸ “Then have them make a sanctuary for me, and I will dwell among them. ⁹ Make this tabernacle and all its furnishings exactly like the pattern I will show you.

I have to repeat every single time : God is supposed to be everywhere according to various claims by believers, so he's already dwelling among us if that's true with no need for any sanctuary. Furthermore, I know we like to have appropriate houses for our guests (he should just have made the earth in pure gold if he liked it that much), but that's a being who is perfect and as such shouldn't need anything and he's also supposed to be the same God, according to Christians, who would later live a life of simplicity with no wealth as a human.

The Ark

¹⁰ “Have them make an ark^[b] of acacia wood—two and a half cubits long, a cubit and a half wide, and a cubit and a half high.^[c] ¹¹ Overlay it with pure gold, both inside and out, and make a gold molding around it. ¹² Cast four gold rings for it and fasten them to its four feet, with two rings on one side and two rings on the other. ¹³ Then make poles of acacia wood and overlay them with gold. ¹⁴ Insert the poles into the rings on the sides of the ark to carry it. ¹⁵ The poles are to remain in the rings of this ark; they are not to be removed. ¹⁶ Then put in the ark the tablets of the covenant law, which I will give you.

OK, I won't repeat the exact same points about gold and God that I just made above, just rinse and repeat. This is as boring as the genealogy bits it seems.

¹⁷ “Make an atonement cover of pure gold—two and a half cubits long and a cubit and a half wide. ¹⁸ And make two cherubim out of hammered gold at the ends of the cover. ¹⁹ Make one cherub on one end and the second cherub on the other; make the cherubim of one piece with the cover, at the two ends. ²⁰ The cherubim are to have their wings spread upward, overshadowing the cover with them. The cherubim are to face each other, looking toward the cover. ²¹ Place the cover on top of the ark and put in the ark the tablets of the covenant law that I will give you. ²² There, above the cover between the two cherubim that are over the ark of the covenant law, I will meet with you and give you all my commands for the Israelites.

Seriously, does everything need to be exactly like that or God won't accept to give any of his wisdom to humans or something like that? Ain't that stupid? I mean, you can't find a clear law against things like "don't rape babies" among all this bullshit, yet you can find detailed instructions on how to make beautiful stuff that is needed to please an insane ruler of the universe. Now let me put two quotes next to each other, this one from Exodus 20:4: "You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below." And this one found right here, from Exodus 25:18: "And make two cherubim out of hammered gold at the ends of the cover." Now THINK!

The Table

²³ “Make a table of acacia wood—two cubits long, a cubit wide and a cubit and a half high.^[d] ²⁴ Overlay it with pure gold and make a gold molding around it. ²⁵ Also make around it a rim a handbreadth^[e] wide and put a gold molding on the rim. ²⁶ Make four gold rings for the table and fasten them to the four corners, where the four legs are. ²⁷ The rings are to be close to the rim to hold the poles used in carrying the table. ²⁸ Make the poles of acacia wood, overlay them with gold and carry the table with them. ²⁹ And make its plates and dishes of pure gold, as well as its pitchers and bowls for the pouring out of offerings. ³⁰ Put the bread of the Presence on this table to be before me at all times.

I don't know what the fuck is about this bread which needs to be constantly in the presence of God, but what the fuck really best describes this whole passage. Now we're discussing how to build tables and shit? This is God himself talking by the way, not some TV show about decoration. Does he need everything dipped in gold like an American likes everything fried or what? (By the way, that's no insult towards United States residents since I'm Canadian and I like fried food, no matter how bad it is for my heart.)

The Lampstand

³¹ “Make a lampstand of pure gold. Hammer out its base and shaft, and make its flowerlike cups, buds and blossoms of one piece with them. ³² Six branches are to extend from the sides of the lampstand—three on one side and three on the other. ³³ Three cups shaped like almond flowers with buds and blossoms are to be on one branch, three on the next branch, and the same for all six branches extending from the lampstand. ³⁴ And on the lampstand there are to be four cups shaped like almond flowers with buds and blossoms. ³⁵ One bud shall be under the first pair of branches extending from the lampstand, a second bud under the second pair, and a third bud under the third pair—six branches in all. ³⁶ The buds and branches shall all be of one piece with the lampstand, hammered out of pure gold.

Seriously, I'm not kidding, I'm asking an honest question here: are these supposed to be laws that each human should learn and follow? Because this is in the "holy book", the truth and wisdom God is speaking to us. We should not fill it with boring stuff which serves no purpose and makes us forget the useful laws like "don't kill" or "don't lie" (which even then are not absolute laws we should always follow no matter what the situation is").

³⁷ “Then make its seven lamps and set them up on it so that they light the space in front of it. ³⁸ Its wick trimmers and trays are to be of pure gold. ³⁹ A talent^[f] of pure gold is to be used for the lampstand and all these accessories. ⁴⁰ See that you make them according to the pattern shown you on the mountain.

Small cameo by the "seven obsession". Also I have a message for God: "Why not leave some wealth to the people, like at least enough so that everyone on the planet can live well and eat every day."

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 25:5 Possibly the hides of large aquatic mammals
b. Exodus 25:10 That is, a chest
c. Exodus 25:10 That is, about 3 3/4 feet long and 2 1/4 feet wide and high or about 1.1 meters long and 68 centimeters wide and high; similarly in verse 17
d. Exodus 25:23 That is, about 3 feet long, 1 1/2 feet wide and 2 1/4 feet high or about 90 centimeters long, 45 centimeters wide and 68 centimeters high
e. Exodus 25:25 That is, about 3 inches or about 7.5 centimeters
f. Exodus 25:39 That is, about 75 pounds or about 34 kilograms

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 24

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 14:13:00 -0400

Sure, they shouldn't come too near or else they'd see how Moses is tricking them. Don't get me wrong, I don't "believe" that Moses tricked his people in this book and invented God (I don't even know for certain that Moses himself existed in the first place), but I'm just having fun since it could certainly be implied in various passages of the story.

³ When Moses went and told the people all the LORD's words and laws, they responded with one voice, "Everything the LORD has said we will do." ⁴ Moses then wrote down everything the LORD had said.
He got up early the next morning and built an altar at the foot of the mountain and set up twelve stone pillars representing the twelve tribes of Israel. ⁵ Then he sent young Israelite men, and they offered burnt offerings and sacrificed young bulls as fellowship offerings ^[a] to the LORD. ⁶ Moses took half of the blood and put it in bowls, and the other half he sprinkled on the altar. ⁷ Then he took the Book of the Covenant and read it to the people. They responded, "We will do everything the LORD has said; we will obey."

Of course, because we're sheeps and it's not like any of these laws don't make sense...

⁸ Moses then took the blood, sprinkled it on the people and said, "This is the blood of the covenant that the LORD has made with you in accordance with all these words."

I sure wouldn't like an old dude to sprinkle blood on me. Seriously it can't be said enough, why does the God of the Bible like blood so much. Blood that he has created himself too, it's not like he needs it from us through these sacrifices.

⁹ Moses and Aaron, Nadab and Abihu, and the seventy elders of Israel went up ¹⁰ and saw the God of Israel. Under his feet was something like a pavement made of sapphire, ^[b] clear as the sky itself. ¹¹ But God did not raise his hand against these leaders of the Israelites; they saw God, and they ate and drank.

Another instance of God himself, not an angel, the LORD himself appearing in front of several people at the same time. That's all I'm asking for myself if such a being exists. Or maybe only a small group of people are now in on the trick, along with Moses, and spread the lie from there on. Also strange that God himself likes jewels, because he's God and he has everything. We only attribute some value to jewels because they're rare, but we're puny humans.

¹² The LORD said to Moses, "Come up to me on the mountain and stay here, and I will give you the tablets of stone, with the law and commands I have written for their instruction."

Why not give him the stones right now? Maybe that's part of the trick, fabricating these false tablets might be hard and take some time, I don't know.

¹³ Then Moses set out with Joshua his aide, and Moses went up on the mountain of God. ¹⁴ He said to the elders, "Wait here for us until we come back to you. Aaron and Hur are with you, and anyone involved in a dispute can go to them."

"Aaron and Hur are with you, and anyone involved in a dispute can go to them.": or if there truly was a benevolent omnipotent God, he could settle the dispute.

¹⁵ When Moses went up on the mountain, the cloud covered it, ¹⁶ and the glory of the LORD settled on Mount Sinai. For six days the cloud covered the mountain, and on the seventh day the LORD called to Moses from within the cloud. ¹⁷ To the Israelites the glory of the LORD looked like a consuming fire on top of the mountain. ¹⁸ Then Moses entered the cloud as he went on up the mountain. And he stayed on the mountain forty days and forty nights.

"When Moses went up on the mountain, the cloud covered it, and the glory of the LORD settled on Mount Sinai.": well, the LORD being everywhere from what I'm told, his glory should always be everywhere (including rape scenes and during murders?) "For six days the cloud covered the mountain, and on the seventh day the LORD called to Moses from within the cloud.": that's quite a long time for someone to wait doing nothing, in fact waiting to hear a voice out of nowhere, especially for an old man like Moses (I would leave the place in less than an hour if all I could find was smoke). Then again, there's the Bible's obsession with the number 7. "To the Israelites the glory of the LORD looked like a consuming fire on top of the mountain.": of course, it's a trick, only a volcano or something like that. I think I said it once before, but I'm going to repeat myself here: I don't believe God was just a volcano, no, but I think people have attributed various natural phenomenons to God in order to explain them with the very limited knowledge they had. "And he stayed on the mountain forty days and forty nights.": the LORD has already made Moses wait patiently seven days before he even spoke to him and now 40 more days? Maybe this is all real and for some reason God is not quick to do whatever he needs to do (or Moses is not quick to follow what the LORD tells him, after all he's quite old). Maybe it's just hard to hear him, because we're just humans not made to hear a god clearly and that's why Moses is taking some time. Or maybe Moses is imagining all this stuff and has to wait 40 days to become insane enough to imagine all the crap that's to follow. Or maybe Moses is preparing a false story and false stone tablets and it takes him a while to make sure that everything is believable by his people, not counting that taking some time will certainly make his claims more believable (and maybe he's not that bright himself). Or something else that I can't think of, not excluding the possibility that not only was there no God, but maybe no Moses either and this is just a story book written by a very bad author or authors. Certainly among these possibilities, the ones asserting that all of this stuff is true and what is written here was inspired by God are not very probable if at all possible.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 24:5 Traditionally peace offerings
b. Exodus 24:10 Or lapis lazuli

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 23

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 01:24:00 -0400

So this is definitely a "don't lie" commandment (by the way, lots of commandments to follow for people that God himself recognizes as weak and evil). How many good men and prophets have lied so far? Just about every single one of them from the very beginning of the book, including Jacob who was basically rewarded for lying. I mean Moses himself is alive right at this point in the book, receiving these laws because people lied for him at his birth.

² "Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong. When you give testimony in a lawsuit, do not pervert justice by siding with the crowd, ³ and do not show favoritism to a poor man in his lawsuit.

Wow that's good advice (though it is basically "don't lie" once again). Now follow this advice to the rule and don't follow this book just because so many people choose it, if you know it's wrong.

⁴ "If you come across your enemy's ox or donkey wandering off, be sure to take it back to him. ⁵ If you see the donkey of someone who hates you fallen down under its load, do not leave it there; be sure you help him with it.

That's one case of pre-Jesus compassion, which is kinda odd considering how evil the LORD has been until then. Anyway, helping your enemy is not always a good idea and it should not be a commandment, but it's not bad advice per se.

⁶ "Do not deny justice to your poor people in their lawsuits. ⁷ Have nothing to do with a false charge and do not put an innocent or honest person to death, for I will not acquit the guilty.

How about not letting them put the innocent to death. Why would you let them go so far without doing anything? But basically once again not bad advice; the LORD should follow his own advices, because if we take Pharaoh's case for instance, he was hardening his hearth artificially so that he could make an "innocent" man suffer in the end. (Well not innocent, but not guilty of everything.)

⁸ "Do not accept a bribe, for a bribe blinds those who see and twists the words of the righteous.

Well well well, the LORD has been giving a couple of good advices so far in this chapter. He might suck at being nice most of the time, but here he knows what he's talking about. Strangely, this is something a human could come to by rational thinking too.

⁹ "Do not oppress an alien; you yourselves know how it feels to be aliens, because you were aliens in Egypt.

He's repeating himself from last chapter, but that's not bad advice. I hate racism and intolerance (making me intolerant of intolerance). I'll repeat what I said earlier though, why not point out here by the way that slavery is wrong for they have known what it was and it was not desirable? Probably because it was written by humans (not a god) and at the time they were not ready to go that far to be kind. After all, owning slaves is helpful for the slave owner. Immoral, but helpful.

Sabbath Laws

¹⁰ "For six years you are to sow your fields and harvest the crops, ¹¹ but during the seventh year let the land lie unplowed and unused. Then the poor among your people may get food from it, and the wild animals may eat what they leave. Do the same with your vineyard and your olive grove.

That's when he starts to give bad advice, when he's doing these symbolic unexplained things, obsessing with the number 7 for some arbitrary reason and forcing people to do something without a reason. I mean I just don't get why you should ALWAYS do that each 7 years, why not give something to the poor from time to time or find another solution, but not this absolute commandment.

¹² "Six days do your work, but on the seventh day do not work, so that your ox and your donkey may rest and the slave born in your household, and the alien as well, may be refreshed.

That looks like a good reason. I'm opposed to forcing people to not work on a particular day of the week, but I agree that everyone should be granted the right to rest from time to time (by the way, please God say don't own a slave). It's something we tend to agree on and it's not a god-given right by any means. We just like it that way and someone can rationalize in a work environment for example that the employee will work better if he gets to rest one day a week and it's better for a company or something like that. In fact 2 days of rest a week are given where I live.

¹³ "Be careful to do everything I have said to you. Do not invoke the names of other gods; do not let them be heard on your lips.

OK that one is particularly bad. Be a robot, follow my authority, you don't need a reason other than I made you bitch! And why would people invoke the names of other gods if there's just one God? I guess it's not that clear to people or maybe there really were other gods. Of course I don't believe in any of these, so... And I hate thought crime once again. I said earlier that God could punish thought crime in the case of murderers or people about to do bad things, because he absolutely knows they're really going to act on their thoughts, but just saying the names of other gods, I don't see how that's so bad and deserves punishment.

The Three Annual Festivals

¹⁴ "Three times a year you are to celebrate a festival to me.

Oh, not seven? The whole concept of this perfect being who still has needs is just ridiculous.

¹⁵ "Celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread; for seven days eat bread made without yeast, as I commanded you. Do this at the appointed time in the month of Abib, for in that month you came out of Egypt.
"No one is to appear before me empty-handed.

This is purely symbolic. The only reason I can see behind this is not that a real God asked for it. It's that God really doesn't exist and a human wrote this passage so that the idea would still be implemented in people's heads. Even if something doesn't exist, if you're forced to worship it three times a year it might become natural and you might assume there's a reason for your actions, so a God must exist. Of course I can't say that's the case for sure, but it's not impossible and it certainly makes more sense than a perfect being with needs.

¹⁶ "Celebrate the Feast of Harvest with the firstfruits of the crops you sow in your field.
"Celebrate the Feast of Ingathering at the end of the year, when you gather in your crops from the field.

But I can't argue too much with celebration, because there's nothing bad about celebrating. It's even better when you're celebrating something true or a good concept like it's good to be alive, it's good to spend time with people you like, things like that.

¹⁷ "Three times a year all the men are to appear before the Sovereign LORD.

So I can actually meet the guy? Because I'm a man, so he has no reasons not to show himself to me according to this verse. I should see him three times a year. Never saw him before though, strange... I'd like to know what this meeting is about too, but somewhat I've been excluded for the past 23 years. Hmm, I'm not circumcised, maybe that's the problem.

¹⁸ "Do not offer the blood of a sacrifice to me along with anything containing yeast.
"The fat of my festival offerings must not be kept until morning.

I'm beginning to think God is some kind of monster with a strange digestive system or some severe allergies.

¹⁹ "Bring the best of the firstfruits of your soil to the house of the LORD your God.
"Do not cook a young goat in its mother's milk.

"Do not cook a young goat in its mother's milk.": WTF¹⁰

God's Angel to Prepare the Way

²⁰ "See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared. ²¹ Pay attention to him and listen to what he says. Do not rebel against him; he will not forgive your rebellion, since my Name is in him. ²² If you listen carefully to what he says and do all that I say, I will be an enemy to your enemies and will oppose those who oppose you. ²³ My angel will go ahead of you and bring you into the land of the Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Canaanites, Hivites and Jebusites, and I will wipe them out. ²⁴ Do not bow down before their gods or worship them or follow their practices. You must demolish them and break their sacred stones to pieces. ²⁵ Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, ²⁶ and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.

"Do not bow down before their gods or worship them or follow their practices. You must demolish them and break their sacred stones to pieces.": OK, nobody will disagree with me on this one. This is the Jewish version of "kill the infidels". "I will take away sickness from among you, and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.": another promise he never kept. I mean no matter how devout you are to this God, you can get sick at any time, die at any age and there are good sterile religious people for sure.

²⁷ "I will send my terror ahead of you and throw into confusion every nation you encounter. I will make all your enemies turn their backs and run. ²⁸ I will send the hornet ahead of you to drive the Hivites, Canaanites and Hittites out of your way. ²⁹ But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. ³⁰ Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.

OK so God can do anything and drive the enemies away, but he couldn't help his people take care of the wild animals? This looks more to me like a natural fight then. Doing it slow, preparing your attack and an army before successfully taking possession of the land. I'm sure they attributed their victory to God afterwards, but this verse stills looks just like an excuse for explaining why God couldn't do magic basically and everything seems so natural in their process of taking possession of a territory.

³¹ "I will establish your borders from the Red Sea ^[a] to the Sea of the Philistines, ^[b] and from the desert to the River. ^[c] I will hand over to you the people who live in the land and you will drive them out before you. ³² Do not make a covenant with them or with their gods. ³³ Do not let them live in your land, or they will cause you to sin against me, because the worship of their gods will certainly be a snare to you."

You know what, if what these other people are worshipping and what they're doing is so tempting, maybe these people following the LORD are on the wrong side. Maybe they just picked up the most boring God of them all (because I'm sure this book is written implying there are lots of gods, not just one). Anyway, real beliefs should survive scrutiny and exposure to bad stuff. I mean I can't make you an atheist if you're sure your beliefs are true, can I? And it's not like God isn't tempting humans with all kinds of shit to sin all the time according to his version of what a sin is. He's the guy who put ignorant beings in a garden with a beautiful tree they were not allowed to eat of its fruits.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 23:31 Hebrew Yam Suph; that is, Sea of Reeds
b. Exodus 23:31 That is, the Mediterranean
c. Exodus 23:31 That is, the Euphrates

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 22

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 03:06:00 -0400

The payback seems rather arbitrary, but it's not too bad a law overall. Except that it doesn't apply all that much in today's world.

² "If a thief is caught breaking in and is struck so that he dies, the defender is not guilty of bloodshed; ³ but if it happens ^[a] after sunrise, he is guilty of bloodshed.
"A thief must certainly make restitution, but if he has nothing, he must be sold to pay for his theft.

But you know, when there's a thief in your house and you catch him in the middle of his act, he starts with a disadvantage. The guy is the one infiltrating your house, trying to take your stuff against your will and you just don't know if he's going to hurt you or your family. I'm not saying for instance that policemen who shoot a criminal too quickly are always innocent, but I'm not going to pity too much a guy who comes at you with a gun, he's the one starting with the disadvantage of being considered the bad guy in that situation. All I'm saying is that sometimes, even after sunrise, you could accidentally panic and kill the thief or he could be uncooperative. And the alternative is not too good either. God is once again endorsing slavery. I don't know about you, but I would consider prison and slavery somewhat similar in a way; but the whole act of a single PERSON OWNING A HUMAN BEING seems less moral even if we're talking about a thief here. Also of note is the fact that maybe the thief is a thief because he doesn't have anything (not always, but in some cases), so there are chances that he might have really been in a bad situation and tried to steal something to feed his family. Should he be a slave for that? (And yes I talked about maybe accidentally shooting the guy, that's something else, but if you don't panic and he clearly doesn't try to harm you and you talk with him after that, you might come to realize that selling him as a slave is the worst you could do.)

⁴ "If the stolen animal is found alive in his possession—whether ox or donkey or sheep—he must pay back double.

OK, fine, but what if the guy stole my HDTV. Let's face it, it's just more likely in this day and age.

⁵ "If a man grazes his livestock in a field or vineyard and lets them stray and they graze in another man's field, he must make restitution from the best of his own field or vineyard.

Kinda like if my dumbass kid (which I don't have one by the way) breaks something in a store, I'm likely to have to pay for it. This is not too bad a law either, but if God himself has to get that specific (and not let humans come up with this very simple logic rule), I certainly hope he can specify more important things.

⁶ "If a fire breaks out and spreads into thornbushes so that it burns shocks of grain or standing grain or the whole field, the one who started the fire must make restitution.

Hey, shit happens. I'm just glad some people have insurances today. Why didn't God suggest anything about that? (Not that insurance companies are that moral, but then neither is God.) But you know, sometimes it's really not someone's fault when a fire starts. In today's world, we can talk about electricity going wild. Even at the time, I guess there were wildfires and maybe sometimes lightning.

⁷ "If a man gives his neighbor silver or goods for safekeeping and they are stolen from the neighbor's house, the thief, if he is caught, must pay back double. ⁸ But if the thief is not found, the owner of the house must appear before the judges ^[b] to determine whether he has laid his hands on the other man's property. ⁹ In all cases of illegal possession of an ox, a donkey, a sheep, a garment, or any other lost property about which somebody says, 'This is mine,' both parties are to bring their cases before the judges. The one whom the judges declare ^[c] guilty must pay back double to his neighbor.

Once again, not too bad a law. But you know who'd know who was guilty and who was lying every single time, no mistake possible? God. Why is he letting so much power in the hands of the judges who are faulty humans? He must be tired, after all it's not like he has unlimited powers. Oh wait...

¹⁰ "If a man gives a donkey, an ox, a sheep or any other animal to his neighbor for safekeeping and it dies or is injured or is taken away while no one is looking, ¹¹ the issue between them will be settled by the taking of an oath before the LORD that the neighbor did not lay hands on the other person's property. The owner is to accept this, and no restitution is required. ¹² But if the animal was stolen from the neighbor, he must make restitution to the owner. ¹³ If it was torn to pieces by a wild animal, he shall bring in the remains as evidence and he will not be required to pay for the torn animal.

Here I was confusing "is taken away while no one is looking" with "the animal was stolen from the neighbor". Maybe I'm just dumb, but I don't see the difference. And anyway, while this law is not immoral, it gives place to lies, easy lies. (I guess you believers would say that God knows he's lying and will punish him later. Fine, prove it.)

¹⁴ "If a man borrows an animal from his neighbor and it is injured or dies while the owner is not present, he must make restitution. ¹⁵ But if the owner is with the animal, the borrower will not have to pay. If the animal was hired, the money paid for the hire covers the loss.

OK, but technically you could borrow a sick animal without knowing it. Leave town for a couple hours and come back to see the animal in a very poor state. Unlikely, but how do you know he wasn't sick when you borrowed it? Maybe the owner tricked you.

Social Responsibility

¹⁶ "If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. ¹⁷ If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins.

Man, in a time where men didn't want anything to do with women who weren't virgins, her father would be a jerk to refuse to let her marry the guy, especially if she likes him (I guess he was not that bad if he seduced her). I'm not saying he should absolutely let her be with the man, I think this whole virgin thing is a stupid concept from the start. But more than that, let's ask her dammit. Maybe she wants to be with the guy, maybe she doesn't. It's up to her; she's a human being like men!

¹⁸ "Do not allow a sorceress to live.

Wow, I have plenty of things to say, but I'll try to make it short. People, you haven't even proven that there's a God, but now we're talking about witches. I mean, we've never seen any example of a witch really existing outside fiction and if anyone would claim to be a witch, I'm sure we could prove her wrong. Something else, maybe being a witch is not that bad (if it existed) if you don't do bad things you know. And just what is a sorceress or sorcerer, because frankly I can't differentiate it from what Moses did with the help of God.

¹⁹ "Anyone who has sexual relations with an animal must be put to death.

Huh? WTF! On the other hand, I'm sure some farmers happen to be both believers and animal fucker. Now on the topic of killing an animal fucker, I don't know that I would agree. I'm not a vegan. I like animals and having sex with them is bad if they don't agree (and I'm sure they don't most of the time at least) and we should avoid as much harm towards animals as we possibly can. If we find out someone has done that, we should maybe punish that person, make sure they're not around animals anymore, but don't kill them. They have a sick perversion, that's all.

²⁰ "Whoever sacrifices to any god other than the LORD must be destroyed. ^[d]

I'm tired of this book not being clear about the number of gods there are. But on the other hand, that's a stupid law I won't ever break since I in fact don't sacrifice to any other god.

²¹ "Do not mistreat an alien or oppress him, for you were aliens in Egypt.

Here, take that racist people! But here would have been a good opportunity to say "Do not treat your fellow man as a slave, for you were slaves too."

²² "Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan. ²³ If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. ²⁴ My anger will be aroused, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless.

I'd like it better if God could somewhat intervene before any harm is done rather than waiting for the guy to do his whole thing with the widow or orphan, whatever it is, and then punishing him. I'm against thought crime, because even if we had a way to know what you're thinking, it doesn't mean you're going to do it. God is something else though, because he knows.

²⁵ "If you lend money to one of my people among you who is needy, do not be like a moneylender; charge him no interest. ^[e] ²⁶ If you take your neighbor's cloak as a pledge, return it to him by sunset, ²⁷ because his cloak is the only covering he has for his body. What else will he sleep in? When he cries out to me, I will hear, for I am compassionate.

But if he doesn't pay you back eventually, break his legs, because I'm not THAT compassionate.

²⁸ "Do not blaspheme God ^[f] or curse the ruler of your people.

Goddamn the Canadian prime minister is dumb. I curse him and fuck God too! But seriously, I would not have too many reasons to curse my ruler compared to people in some other countries. Are they bound by this law too?

²⁹ "Do not hold back offerings from your granaries or your vats. ^[g]
"You must give me the firstborn of your sons. ³⁰ Do the same with your cattle and your sheep. Let them stay with their mothers for seven days, but give them to me on the eighth day.

Wh-wh-what!? Offer your firstborn as a sacrifice to the LORD? I know nobody does that anymore, well almost nobody. The point is no matter whether you do it or not, that's a law that the same God many people believe in once gave to his people and arguably the law was not meant to be abandoned someday. That the guy you worship people. I mean with Isaac, even if the LORD decided otherwise, it was already telling that a believer (Abraham) thought God could be one to give this kind of law, but now there's no denying it. And once again there's this obsession with the number 7, but it's particularly cruel since the mother will get to know her child a little bit and lose it.

³¹ "You are to be my holy people. So do not eat the meat of an animal torn by wild beasts; throw it to the dogs.

I just don't get the connection. You are my holy people, so don't eat meat from an animal that wasn't killed by you. Not a lot to criticize compared to the rest, but I still don't get it.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 22:3 Or if he strikes him
b. Exodus 22:8 Or before God ; also in verse
c. Exodus 22:9 Or whom God declares
d. Exodus 22:20 The Hebrew term refers to the irrevocable giving over of things or persons to the LORD, often by totally destroying them.
e. Exodus 22:25 Or excessive interest
f. Exodus 22:28 Or Do not revile the judges
g. Exodus 22:29 The meaning of the Hebrew for this phrase is uncertain.

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 21

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 02:26:00 -0400

Well you can never have too many laws (if only he would explain why each law is made instead of just giving them). I hope these are good.

Hebrew Servants

² "If you buy a Hebrew servant, he is to serve you for six years. But in the seventh year, he shall go free, without paying anything. ³ If he comes alone, he is to go free alone; but if he has a wife when he comes, she is to go with him. ⁴ If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the woman and her children shall belong to her master, and only the man shall go free.

"If you buy a Hebrew servant, he is to serve you for six years.": how about don't buy a Hebrew servant. Not if, but don't. "If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the woman and her children shall belong to her master, and only the man shall go free. "If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the woman and her children shall belong to her master, and only the man shall go free.": wow that's evil! I'm beginning to notice a loophole here, we'll see if it gets worse. But seriously, how about don't own a servant?

⁵ "But if the servant declares, 'I love my master and my wife and children and do not want to go free,' ⁶ then his master must take him before the judges. ^[a] He shall take him to the door or the doorpost and pierce his ear with an awl. Then he will be his servant for life.

Yep, more evil again! What if the servant loves his wife and children, but not his master? That's an incredibly huge loophole that anyone who'd buy a servant would exploit, unless he has some kind of moral, but then again if he believes God is okay with that he might believe it's moral to exploit.

⁷ "If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as menservants do. ⁸ If she does not please the master who has selected her for himself, ^[b] he must let her be redeemed. He has no right to sell her to foreigners, because he has broken faith with her. ⁹ If he selects her for his son, he must grant her the rights of a daughter. ¹⁰ If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. ¹¹ If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money.

"If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as menservants do.": great, that's God speaking directly by the way, not some human making laws. God is telling you how to sell your daughter as a slave if you want and the conditions for her liberty are not the same as men, of course. "If she does not please the master who has selected her for himself, he must let her be redeemed.": of course, she's still only property to be bought. "If he selects her for his son, he must grant her the rights of a daughter.": I can just imagine the poor girl, who has no say in this, being sold by her father to a stranger, sleeping with him and not satisfying him, then that guy gives her to his son whom she'll also have to sleep with against her will, and she can't do anything about it. I understand humans are evil sometimes, but that's God speaking now. "If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money.": polygamy! Cool! Except for that whole providing stuff to your first wife thing... but here it's said you can forget to do those things and just kick her out of the house, with no money, so that's good for you! It's absolutely horrible for her, but who cares, she's a woman! And a slave!

Personal Injuries

¹² "Anyone who strikes a man and kills him shall surely be put to death. ¹³ However, if he does not do it intentionally, but God lets it happen, he is to flee to a place I will designate. ¹⁴ But if a man schemes and kills another man deliberately, take him away from my altar and put him to death.

So does that cover self-defense, because there's surely a short while where I'm deliberately planning to kill the person attacking me in that situation. So I see the Ten Commandments were not enough. We needed more laws and precisions (and some might say there are still not enough. If only God would give a reason as to why some things shouldn't be done, we could make laws rationally and not rely on a book. Well that's what I do, so at least I'm rational.) Anyway, as for this one, I'm against the death penalty at least in most cases, but let me not explain that, just like God would. (Hey, what about Cain?)

¹⁵ "Anyone who attacks ^[c] his father or his mother must be put to death.

If the word is supposed to be "kills" instead of "attacks", then this law is useless (unless it means that killing your parents isn't protected either if it's not intentional, which would be evil). But anyway, just attacking your parents (might be cursing too) is not necessarily reason enough for death. You might have this alcoholic father or meth addicted mother who hit you and give you crap all day. You might be defending yourself or just try to show that you can punish them too so they'd better stop or something like that. I have the chance of living with wonderful parents, but this is just not the case for everybody.

¹⁶ "Anyone who kidnaps another and either sells him or still has him when he is caught must be put to death.

"Anyone who kidnaps another and either sells him or still has him when he is caught must be put to death.": so basically if I do a crime and I'm not caught, then I'm not in trouble. (I thought God was everywhere anyway.) But seriously, stealing a human to sell him as a slave is bad. Why not make the whole slavery thing bad from the beginning?

¹⁷ "Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.

Well now we have it, just cursing your parents is enough to be put to death. I thought it was somewhere in this book too. That's fucking evil! I don't know if they mean some kind of magic cursing or just saying something bad about a parent, but anyway the first one doesn't exist and the second one might be warranted. Nobody should be put to death for something he said, not counting that I don't like death penalty anyway.

¹⁸ "If men quarrel and one hits the other with a stone or with his fist ^[d] and he does not die but is confined to bed, ¹⁹ the one who struck the blow will not be held responsible if the other gets up and walks around outside with his staff; however, he must pay the injured man for the loss of his time and see that he is completely healed.

So basically, there's a loophole again in one of God's law. In fact this whole law is a loophole. I could smash someone's head open, maybe nearly kill him, do some permanent damage to his brain or outside appearance, but as long as it doesn't kill him (he might be comatose for a while for all I know), I just have to pay some money. Of course, that might be a lot of money, but I prefer the law that says that I should not get into a fight and smash someone's head open risking getting in prison or something like that. (For all intents and purpose, I'll say that if you start hitting your opponent with a rock, maybe murder is intended.)

²⁰ "If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies as a direct result, he must be punished, ²¹ but he is not to be punished if the slave gets up after a day or two, since the slave is his property.

That's evil once again and there's another loophole. Punished how by the way? And sometimes it's just hard to establish that an action is a direct result of something you know. There are loopholes there too. And what if the slave gets up in three days? What if I caused him some internal bleeding that would kill him a bit later?

²² "If men who are fighting hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely ^[e] but there is no serious injury, the offender must be fined whatever the woman's husband demands and the court allows. ²³ But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, ²⁴ eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, ²⁵ burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.

I hate that eye for eye philosophy, but anyway that's just a very strange law. I don't know how to comment it, except to say that the book doesn't seem to be all that against abortion.

²⁶ "If a man hits a manservant or maidservant in the eye and destroys it, he must let the servant go free to compensate for the eye. ²⁷ And if he knocks out the tooth of a manservant or maidservant, he must let the servant go free to compensate for the tooth.

Oh come one! I can just about kill my own slave and I can't destroy his eye or knock out his tooth? I guess I'll just stick to raping my maidservants then instead of beating my slave, it seems less dangerous that I might lose them.

²⁸ "If a bull gores a man or a woman to death, the bull must be stoned to death, and its meat must not be eaten. But the owner of the bull will not be held responsible. ²⁹ If, however, the bull has had the habit of goring and the owner has been warned but has not kept it penned up and it kills a man or woman, the bull must be stoned and the owner also must be put to death. ³⁰ However, if payment is demanded of him, he may redeem his life by paying whatever is demanded. ³¹ This law also applies if the bull gores a son or daughter. ³² If the bull gores a male or female slave, the owner must pay thirty shekels ^[f] of silver to the master of the slave, and the bull must be stoned.

I think I can speak for everyone here when I say: "What?" I just mean what the fuck is up with that law? We really need it? No common sense at all? Oh well... Since we're going as far as to tell people what to do with bulls, why not give them useful laws like don't own a slave?

³³ "If a man uncovers a pit or digs one and fails to cover it and an ox or a donkey falls into it, ³⁴ the owner of the pit must pay for the loss; he must pay its owner, and the dead animal will be his.

And here I was complaining that the last law seemed a bit specific to me, making me wonder why more useful laws are not given. What about this one eh?

³⁵ "If a man's bull injures the bull of another and it dies, they are to sell the live one and divide both the money and the dead animal equally. ³⁶ However, if it was known that the bull had the habit of goring, yet the owner did not keep it penned up, the owner must pay, animal for animal, and the dead animal will be his.

OK, enough with the bulls...

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 21:6 Or before God
b. Exodus 21:8 Or master so that he does not choose her
c. Exodus 21:15 Or kills
d. Exodus 21:18 Or with a tool
e. Exodus 21:22 Or she has a miscarriage
f. Exodus 21:32 That is, about 12 ounces (about 0.3 kilogram)

Super Noah's Ark 3D, a Christian-themed video game

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Mon, 6 Sep 2010 23:35:00 -0400

A while ago, I heard about this game for a popular Internet reviewer known as the Angry Video Game Nerd. You should check his stuff; it's quite funny, unless you don't like his frequent use of "bad" words. I also don't suggest you check that or even read the rest of this article if you don't care about video games. This guy reviews bad video games from the past and one of his episodes, for Christmas, was Bible Games, in which he reviews a series of bad unlicensed video games made with a Christian theme by the same Christian developer and publisher. Check the episode here: http://screwattack.com/videos/AVGN-Bible-Games

As an atheist myself, you'd assume I would find any game related to the Bible a "bad" game, but that's not necessarily true as I really like video games and would accept anything as long as it's playable. Many video games have religious references and I don't mind, it's even fun, but these games are just about religion and they're really poorly made, so I obviously don't like them. But the thing is, I've tried most of the games in this video and while bad and incredibly silly, I could play them for a while. Now comes Super Noah's Ark 3D, a game released for the SNES and with a title so ridiculous you can't help but check it out.

In it, you are Noah in his ark during the flood. This is the religious reference any people who believe in this shit should pick up and this is why it was unlicensed since Nintendo of America at the time had a severe policy against anything religious in their video games, among other things (including too much violence and nudity of course). This means the game was only sold at select stores, Christian bookstores mainly, and it was not heavily publicized.

When you actually play it, you see that it isn't worth all that talk since it's just a non-violent first-person shooter, based on Wolfenstein 3D, with an ark skin over it. You are Noah, during the last 6 days of his trip, when all the animals have broken out of their cages (?) and are now on a rampage. You go around feeding them to make them sleep by throwing all kinds of food using different types of slingshots. I don't know for you, but this sounds pretty boring to me. That's because it is.

Being the sick masochist I am, I played it until the end, aiming to find all secrets and get a perfect score. OK, I didn't only do it because I'm sick, but also because that was someone's request on YouTube (I do gameplay videos on YouTube for many games and rarely refuse a request).

Check the results, check my video walkthrough if you want, if this is your kind of thing (I doubt it even if you're a Christian, Jew, Muslim or any person that believes in the flood). The playlist can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=B9805F2CC4C8276A

Below is the first video in that series, take it as a sample to know if you want to watch the rest (the game is mostly the same from beginning to end).

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 20

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 22:17:00 -0400

That was when he spoke. Now only people with mental illness can hear him for some strange reason.

² "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

Well, they should know by now. Not to say they aren't whiny bitches, but I think they know.

³ "You shall have no other gods before ^[a] me.

Well, seeing as you're supposedly the only God, I don't know how one could do that. Unless...

⁴ "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. ⁵ You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, ⁶ but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.

"You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.": that's quite vague actually. Does that mean that patriotism is bad (you know with the flag and all)? Crosses are idols, aren't they? And why so vague seriously; because if I make myself a sculpture of a dolphin and I really like it, am I doing something bad (remember "or in the waters below")? "[...] for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me [...]": first of all, don't people hate jealousy, including Christians? What kind of a perfect God would suffer from jealousy? Why would he punish people just because he's jealous; isn't that evil? What's most evil is where he says that he will punish you for the sins of the fathers, that doesn't make any sense. All I'm saying is that people would hate people who behave like God in this matter, so why don't they hate God?

⁷ "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

Goddamn! Jesus Christ! Oh LORD! You're quite the irrational bastard man. Why punish people for taking your name in vain (the more popular form of the verse)? Who would punish someone for using their name in a bad way? (Well, a dictator would, it happened in the past, but those are considered bad people now, aren't they?)

⁸ "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. ⁹ Six days you shall labor and do all your work, ¹⁰ but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. ¹¹ For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

Remember, I'm not against taking a day off (by the way, God is pretty clear here that the days of creation are the same as our days of the week, just saying), but it's not fun when it's a commandment. Now, I wonder why just because poor lordy had to rest (for he is weak) he'd force every single one of his followers to rest too (even their animals, which seems insane to me).

¹² "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

So does that mean that if my parents are abusive monsters who hate me (which of course mine aren't) I have to respect them? And if I don't, I'm disobeying the LORD himself and if I take this verse literally, it seems I'll die young.

¹³ "You shall not murder.

Now we have the first commandment which is actually used as law even in secular societies (suck it people who think their society and their laws are all following the Ten Commandments). The reason is simple, nobody needs the Bible to see that murder is wrong (and a commandment or law won't stop someone, even a Christian, from committing murder anyway; I wanted to point that out). In fact, long before this commandment was written (about 1000 to 1500 years B.C.), there was the Code of Hammurabi with its 282 laws (written about 1800 B.C.), some of which were good and others bad (and the claim was that an Egyptian God spoke to Hammurabi, not the LORD, and there were laws before that even), and while it doesn't state the punition for murder, it often points to causing death being recognized as a bad thing deserving punitions such as the death penalty. But saying a one line commandment like that is not enough, because there are situations where murder seems like the good thing to do (I'll guess that Moses had his reasons for killing an Egyptian), such as self-defense (which is not covered here).

¹⁴ "You shall not commit adultery.

Oh come on, please. Now I have a couple of things to say. First of all, there are no laws to punish that in the United States and Canada, for example, though it might be pointed in a divorce case. Secondly, the Bible also says that divorce itself is adultery. Thirdly some churches consider all sex outside of marriage adultery. Finally Jesus himself said that looking at someone else lustfully is adultery, at least in the heart. So most people break this commandment at one point or another. Once again though, I don't need the Bible to see that adultery, the one where you're with someone and cheat on them (not the other forms of looking lustfully or sex outside of marriage), can be bad. If I don't love my partner anymore, the best thing to do is to tell them. If I love my partner, committing adultery is rationally bad, because if they find out their heart will be broken and things might never be the same, not because the LORD said so, but because I betrayed my partner. If my partner is OK with it, then it's not a bad thing (I'm talking about open couples where each partner can do his thing on his own once in a while).

¹⁵ "You shall not steal.

Stealing was also prohibited in the Code of Hammurabi by the way. Once again I can find situations where stealing might be your best option (even if it's never a good thing). And once again, I can find a secular reason why stealing is bad, which is why this is actually ONE OF THE FEW commandments which is a law in secular societies. And it's not a law because of the commandment, but because people have come out with reasons for it.

¹⁶ "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

Not that it's the first commandment that God and his people break, but remember when the Hebrew women lied to Pharaoh to protect the male babies of their people? And prophets always lie about something in this book, so we're not to take that one too seriously I guess.

¹⁷ "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Now that we're speaking about slaves, how about: "You shall not own your fellow men." That would be a good commandment, wouldn't it? As for speaking about the current commandment, well it's thought crime and not something anyone should be punished for. If I'm jealous (like God) of something that my neighbor owns, it could be bad, like I could get the thought of stealing it, but it could also be good, after all we only work towards greater goods because we have the ambitions of having more. Where would society be if no one ever wanted anything?

¹⁸ When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance ¹⁹ and said to Moses, "Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die."

Hmm, okay? That's strange. Is Moses some kind of superhuman or something?

²⁰ Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning."

Men who fear God aren't afraid of sinning at all most of the time. They will do their crime if they're convinced of doing it, only after will they regret it (and then with Jesus it gets worse, because you can be forgiven).

²¹ The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.

Man, I'm really beginning to think more and more that this Moses guy is actually a liar. After all, he's not covering it up too well; he's always hidden while talking to God, which the people fear. So he could be making stuff up. Combine that with the fact that he apparently wrote Genesis and other books of the Old Testament and you have something powerful, written by a man who wanted to push his own personal convictions on everybody by inventing this LORD character that he knew people would fear. I'm not saying this is absolutely the case, but that's a possibility you have to take in consideration, isn't it? (After all, since we don't have to take the LORD's existence in consideration, he does not exist, let's at least find something else to think about that could explain how and why this book was written.)

Idols and Altars

²² Then the LORD said to Moses, "Tell the Israelites this: 'You have seen for yourselves that I have spoken to you from heaven: ²³ Do not make any gods to be alongside me; do not make for yourselves gods of silver or gods of gold.

Those are two of the commandments anyway.

²⁴ " 'Make an altar of earth for me and sacrifice on it your burnt offerings and fellowship offerings, ^[b] your sheep and goats and your cattle. Wherever I cause my name to be honored, I will come to you and bless you. ²⁵ If you make an altar of stones for me, do not build it with dressed stones, for you will defile it if you use a tool on it. ²⁶ And do not go up to my altar on steps, lest your nakedness be exposed on it.'

Once again demanding sacrifice and everything. I still wonder what kind of God he is.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 20:3 Or besides
b. Exodus 20:24 Traditionally peace offerings

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 19

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 00:09:00 -0400

So is that 40 years to get to Canaan and 3 months to get to Sinai. What am I to understand here?

³ Then Moses went up to God, and the LORD called to him from the mountain and said, "This is what you are to say to the house of Jacob and what you are to tell the people of Israel: ⁴ 'You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, and how I carried you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself. ⁵ Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, ⁶ you ^[a] will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.' These are the words you are to speak to the Israelites."

Once again, why isn't God communicating with his people directly (he CAN)? "Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession.": I think from what I've read of the Bible so far, it's been pretty clear on this god's exclusivity with the Hebrews. I expect this to change with Christianism in the New Testament probably, but still this enforces the belief that there were supposed to be individual gods for other nations.

⁷ So Moses went back and summoned the elders of the people and set before them all the words the LORD had commanded him to speak. ⁸ The people all responded together, "We will do everything the LORD has said." So Moses brought their answer back to the LORD.

I don't know why they wouldn't be sold on the idea after all they've seen of God so far. He's been doing miracles left and right, killing tons of people.

⁹ The LORD said to Moses, "I am going to come to you in a dense cloud, so that the people will hear me speaking with you and will always put their trust in you." Then Moses told the LORD what the people had said.

Finally!

¹⁰ And the LORD said to Moses, "Go to the people and consecrate them today and tomorrow. Have them wash their clothes ¹¹ and be ready by the third day, because on that day the LORD will come down on Mount Sinai in the sight of all the people. ¹² Put limits for the people around the mountain and tell them, 'Be careful that you do not go up the mountain or touch the foot of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death. ¹³ He shall surely be stoned or shot with arrows; not a hand is to be laid on him. Whether man or animal, he shall not be permitted to live.' Only when the ram's horn sounds a long blast may they go up to the mountain."

Why? (Though if Moses is not really speaking with a real God and instead doing some magic trick, he wouldn't want the people to go there and discover that he is a false prophet.) "Whether man or animal, he shall not be permitted to live.": oh come one! Man I could understand even if I don't respect the idea of killing someone for such random laws, but animals don't know our rules. They go where they want and you can't reason them.

¹⁴ After Moses had gone down the mountain to the people, he consecrated them, and they washed their clothes. ¹⁵ Then he said to the people, "Prepare yourselves for the third day. Abstain from sexual relations."

Hmm, okay? (The Bible often treats sexual relations separately as if it was some kind of magic thing while we all know it's pretty natural.)

¹⁶ On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning, with a thick cloud over the mountain, and a very loud trumpet blast. Everyone in the camp trembled. ¹⁷ Then Moses led the people out of the camp to meet with God, and they stood at the foot of the mountain. ¹⁸ Mount Sinai was covered with smoke, because the LORD descended on it in fire. The smoke billowed up from it like smoke from a furnace, the whole mountain ^[b] trembled violently, ¹⁹ and the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder. Then Moses spoke and the voice of God answered him. ^[c]

Sounds like a volcano to me. (I don't think God IS a volcano and people have been wrong all this time, but I do think people attributed the name God to several natural things through the years and exaggerated their claims to make them more supernatural. A volcano would be one of those natural things.)

²⁰ The LORD descended to the top of Mount Sinai and called Moses to the top of the mountain. So Moses went up ²¹ and the LORD said to him, "Go down and warn the people so they do not force their way through to see the LORD and many of them perish. ²² Even the priests, who approach the LORD, must consecrate themselves, or the LORD will break out against them."

Of course, people could not go up the mountain if it really was a volcano, but something that comes up once again is how Moses always finds a trick to be God's only good guy. Almost as if he was telling lies in fact and there was no God speaking to him.

²³ Moses said to the LORD, "The people cannot come up Mount Sinai, because you yourself warned us, 'Put limits around the mountain and set it apart as holy.' "

Of course, telling his people that he tried to argue with the LORD makes the lie more believable...

²⁴ The LORD replied, "Go down and bring Aaron up with you. But the priests and the people must not force their way through to come up to the LORD, or he will break out against them."

Aaron is obviously in on the whole thing. OK, I don't know if Moses is really lying, I'm just pointing out that the way this shit is written it would be possible.

²⁵ So Moses went down to the people and told them.

Not God, Moses. I can believe in a human that invented all this and that would actually go down to tell to his people that God spoke with him. In fact, I must believe that someone at some point wrote this book. What I can't believe is that the character of God really exists. At least not this god, given all the contradictions, lack of evidence and evidence to the contrary.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 19:6 Or possession, for the whole earth is mine. 6 You
b. Exodus 19:18 Most Hebrew manuscripts; a few Hebrew manuscripts and Septuagint all the people
c. Exodus 19:19 Or and God answered him with thunder

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 18

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 23:41:00 -0400

So we've really dropped the idea that Reuel was the priest of Midian and Moses' father-in-law, but yeah, I guess the whole thing about Pharaoh and his men drowning by magic is the kind of thing that picks your curiosity.

² After Moses had sent away his wife Zipporah, his father-in-law Jethro received her ³ and her two sons. One son was named Gershom, ^[a] for Moses said, "I have become an alien in a foreign land"; ⁴ and the other was named Eliezer, ^[b] for he said, "My father's God was my helper; he saved me from the sword of Pharaoh."

This is not going to be one of those long passages about the many descendants of Moses is it?

⁵ Jethro, Moses' father-in-law, together with Moses' sons and wife, came to him in the desert, where he was camped near the mountain of God. ⁶ Jethro had sent word to him, "I, your father-in-law Jethro, am coming to you with your wife and her two sons."

Quick Moses, run away so that you won't have to pay anything to your family!

⁷ So Moses went out to meet his father-in-law and bowed down and kissed him. They greeted each other and then went into the tent. ⁸ Moses told his father-in-law about everything the LORD had done to Pharaoh and the Egyptians for Israel's sake and about all the hardships they had met along the way and how the LORD had saved them.

Kind of like how Jehovah's Witnesses knock on my door to tell me "the good news". Except that I guess Moses could give him some kind of proof of what he said.

⁹ Jethro was delighted to hear about all the good things the LORD had done for Israel in rescuing them from the hand of the Egyptians. ¹⁰ He said, "Praise be to the LORD, who rescued you from the hand of the Egyptians and of Pharaoh, and who rescued the people from the hand of the Egyptians. ¹¹ Now I know that the LORD is greater than all other gods, for he did this to those who had treated Israel arrogantly." ¹² Then Jethro, Moses' father-in-law, brought a burnt offering and other sacrifices to God, and Aaron came with all the elders of Israel to eat bread with Moses' father-in-law in the presence of God.

"Now I know that the LORD is greater than all other gods, for he did this to those who had treated Israel arrogantly.": more evidence that the Bible is written as if there were more than one God. Now if God was loving and caring, I repeat that there would be no evil from the start instead of having to punish people.

¹³ The next day Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening. ¹⁴ When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, "What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning till evening?"

That's a good question I guess.

¹⁵ Moses answered him, "Because the people come to me to seek God's will. ¹⁶ Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God's decrees and laws."

Yeah let's live in a theocracy! NO!!! Even when you consult a priest to settle your matters you're not doing the best thing you could. Priests will just give you stock answers, while you could think about your problems on your own (using your brain) or talk about it to a trusted friend or parent (using their brains).

¹⁷ Moses' father-in-law replied, "What you are doing is not good. ¹⁸ You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. ¹⁹ Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people's representative before God and bring their disputes to him. ²⁰ Teach them the decrees and laws, and show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform. ²¹ But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. ²² Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. ²³ If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied."

I would have so many comments to make, but I'll keep the most important. Why doesn't God himself make sure all his laws are kept? He could also be the one who punishes bad people so that justice is truly served always (humans are not omnipresent and don't know everything). Most importantly, why doesn't God put the knowledge of these laws directly in our minds from birth? We could still choose to do right and wrong (which I thought was the purpose of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil).

²⁴ Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything he said. ²⁵ He chose capable men from all Israel and made them leaders of the people, officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. ²⁶ They served as judges for the people at all times. The difficult cases they brought to Moses, but the simple ones they decided themselves.

What I mean is, even Moses could be wrong about some stuff. Only God should judge over the people, since he's the most capable and there should be no limits to his power (except for always needing to rest on the seventh day) so that should be part of his job.

²⁷ Then Moses sent his father-in-law on his way, and Jethro returned to his own country.

Glad to hear such good news about Moses' wife and sons... Wait we didn't hear anything about them did we?

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 18:3 Gershom sounds like the Hebrew for an alien there .
b. Exodus 18:4 Eliezer means my God is helper .

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 17

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 23:15:00 -0400

Hey asshole, they're just asking; people need water to live!

³ But the people were thirsty for water there, and they grumbled against Moses. They said, "Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and our children and livestock die of thirst?"

Never mind me protecting them when they return to that same routine. Don't they realize that the LORD always provides for them?

⁴ Then Moses cried out to the LORD, "What am I to do with these people? They are almost ready to stone me."

Just about damn time I get stoned too!

⁵ The LORD answered Moses, "Walk on ahead of the people. Take with you some of the elders of Israel and take in your hand the staff with which you struck the Nile, and go. ⁶ I will stand there before you by the rock at Horeb. Strike the rock, and water will come out of it for the people to drink." So Moses did this in the sight of the elders of Israel. ⁷ And he called the place Massah ^[a] and Meribah ^[b] because the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the LORD saying, "Is the LORD among us or not?"

No they did not say that. They just asked for water and if they don't know by now that the LORD is with them, I guess they never will.

The Amalekites Defeated

⁸ The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. ⁹ Moses said to Joshua, "Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands."

After all, they do have a large army of 600 000 men.

¹⁰ So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. ¹¹ As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. ¹² When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. ¹³ So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.

What kind of stupid shit is that? This has become quite literally a puzzle game: "How are you going to keep Moses' hand up for so long? Remember, you have only 3 lives left!"

¹⁴ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it, because I will completely blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven."

Because as we know, something written on a piece of paper with no outside evidence to back it up is solid proof.

¹⁵ Moses built an altar and called it The LORD is my Banner. ¹⁶ He said, "For hands were lifted up to the throne of the LORD. The ^[c] LORD will be at war against the Amalekites from generation to generation."

So if I point my hands up I'm physically pointing at something that is up there or what? But seriously, if I believed in a loving God, he wouldn't be one to enforce wars. He would make sure of peace everywhere. A God like that obviously doesn't exist just by looking at our real world.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 17:7 Massah means testing .
b. Exodus 17:7 Meribah means quarreling .
c. Exodus 17:16 Or "Because a hand was against the throne of the LORD , the

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 16

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 21:33:00 -0400

Oh these characters, how I hate them! I mean really. If you can't see why, I don't know what to say, but I just don't believe any humans experiencing what they supposedly went through would act like that.

⁴ Then the LORD said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions. ⁵ On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days."

Well not much of a test. Basically you provide and they gather and on the sixth day they get more. OK.

⁶ So Moses and Aaron said to all the Israelites, "In the evening you will know that it was the LORD who brought you out of Egypt, ⁷ and in the morning you will see the glory of the LORD, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we, that you should grumble against us?" ⁸ Moses also said, "You will know that it was the LORD when he gives you meat to eat in the evening and all the bread you want in the morning, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we? You are not grumbling against us, but against the LORD."

I mean, everybody should know that it was the LORD by then. I have good reasons not to believe in God, because none of this is proven and they don't happen anymore. If I was really living at the time seeing these miracles, I would already be a strong believer. But seriously, something sounds pretty bad in this passage: "Who are we? You are not grumbling against us, but against the LORD." That's like saying that priests and religious figures should not be criticized, because indirectly you're criticizing the LORD. Nobody is safe from criticism, including me, and religious figures have no right to use their magical unproven invisible friend to protect themselves.

⁹ Then Moses told Aaron, "Say to the entire Israelite community, 'Come before the LORD, for he has heard your grumbling.' "

I would be surprised if he hadn't, because first he hears everything and second they ALWAYS grumble.

¹⁰ While Aaron was speaking to the whole Israelite community, they looked toward the desert, and there was the glory of the LORD appearing in the cloud.

If the LORD appeared to me and all the people around me in the clouds, that would be pretty convincing.

¹¹ The LORD said to Moses, ¹² "I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites. Tell them, 'At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am the LORD your God.' "

He could speak to his people directly though, instead of always using Moses. This is what a prophet looks like to me. A funny looking guy all alone hearing voice in his head and telling you what to do from what these voices told him.

¹³ That evening quail came and covered the camp, and in the morning there was a layer of dew around the camp. ¹⁴ When the dew was gone, thin flakes like frost on the ground appeared on the desert floor. ¹⁵ When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, "What is it?" For they did not know what it was.
Moses said to them, "It is the bread the LORD has given you to eat. ¹⁶ This is what the LORD has commanded: 'Each one is to gather as much as he needs. Take an omer ^[a] for each person you have in your tent.' "

First, why is the LORD still pulling these magic tricks the same way a magician would. Second, doesn't he know that leaving food like that to angry hungry people with no enforced directions could get really bad? I mean, the whole thing about the Bible is that humans are these evil beings unworthy of the LORD's love.

¹⁷ The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little. ¹⁸ And when they measured it by the omer, he who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little. Each one gathered as much as he needed.

Well I'm surprised, so I guess the people passed the test then, right?

¹⁹ Then Moses said to them, "No one is to keep any of it until morning."

Anyway they're hungry, so that should not be a problem.

²⁰ However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell. So Moses was angry with them.

Once again, I don't believe these characters. Of course, I know that some people wouldn't listen to Moses, but they were hungry so law enforcement or not they would have eaten. On the other hand, if their bread was already like this in the morning, how good was it in the first place? (And Moses is angry, beware Moses, that's a deadly sin!)

²¹ Each morning everyone gathered as much as he needed, and when the sun grew hot, it melted away. ²² On the sixth day, they gathered twice as much—two omers ^[b] for each person—and the leaders of the community came and reported this to Moses. ²³ He said to them, "This is what the LORD commanded: 'Tomorrow is to be a day of rest, a holy Sabbath to the LORD. So bake what you want to bake and boil what you want to boil. Save whatever is left and keep it until morning.' "

I think I found a major limitation in God's powers. You realize that he created everything in six days and took a rest on the seventh day? You also realize that he created food for six days straight with a little boost on the sixth day only to rest again on the seventh day? I think he weakens after creating for six days, that's when you should strike!

²⁴ So they saved it until morning, as Moses commanded, and it did not stink or get maggots in it. ²⁵ "Eat it today," Moses said, "because today is a Sabbath to the LORD. You will not find any of it on the ground today. ²⁶ Six days you are to gather it, but on the seventh day, the Sabbath, there will not be any."

Of course, a good question could be "why?", but you won't get an answer in this book.

²⁷ Nevertheless, some of the people went out on the seventh day to gather it, but they found none. ²⁸ Then the LORD said to Moses, "How long will you ^[c] refuse to keep my commands and my instructions? ²⁹ Bear in mind that the LORD has given you the Sabbath; that is why on the sixth day he gives you bread for two days. Everyone is to stay where he is on the seventh day; no one is to go out." ³⁰ So the people rested on the seventh day.

Well first of all Mr. Moses, satisfying our sense of curiosity doesn't seem like such a bad thing. Secondly, since you never explain the reason behind anything some people don't understand. Finally, what if some people want to keep steady work all the week instead of working more on the sixth day? That looks like just about the same thing to me (of course, I'm all for not working on a select couple of days, but here the LORD is forcing them to work more on the sixth day, because he doesn't want to do anything on the seventh).

³¹ The people of Israel called the bread manna. ^[d] It was white like coriander seed and tasted like wafers made with honey. ³² Moses said, "This is what the LORD has commanded: 'Take an omer of manna and keep it for the generations to come, so they can see the bread I gave you to eat in the desert when I brought you out of Egypt.' "

Is this bread still here to see? I'd like to see some bread that would still be white and good after all those years.

³³ So Moses said to Aaron, "Take a jar and put an omer of manna in it. Then place it before the LORD to be kept for the generations to come."

OK, so it's still here, right?

³⁴ As the LORD commanded Moses, Aaron put the manna in front of the Testimony, that it might be kept. ³⁵ The Israelites ate manna forty years, until they came to a land that was settled; they ate manna until they reached the border of Canaan.

They were either very inefficient or that story is bogus (more likely), because it doesn't even take months to travel between Egypt and Canaan. The only way I could explain that is if they went to several regions before Canaan and stayed there for a while (I don't think so, the Bible would probably have written something about that and I believe there could have been wars) or they had to wait until all the people in Canaan left for some unexplained reason (but also not very likely).

³⁶ (An omer is one tenth of an ephah.)

The logical next question is: what is an ephah?

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 16:16 That is, probably about 2 quarts (about 2 liters also in verses 18, 32, 33 and 36
b. Exodus 16:22 That is, probably about 4 quarts (about 4.5 liters)
c. Exodus 16:28 The Hebrew is plural.
d. Exodus 16:31 Manna means What is it? (see verse 15).

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 15

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 02:39:00 -0400

That's new, a song! But seriously, they're singing a song praising a murderer...

² The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
my father's God, and I will exalt him.

God is NOT your ONLY strength (in fact I'd argue that he's not even part of the equation) and just because he is God is not a reason to still praise him after he has done such evil acts.

³ The LORD is a warrior;
the LORD is his name.

Yes, he is indeed a warrior, which is totally the opposite of what I'd say of a loving caring God.

⁴ Pharaoh's chariots and his army
he has hurled into the sea.
The best of Pharaoh's officers
are drowned in the Red Sea. ^[a]

There's stating the facts and then there's being proud of something which you shouldn't be proud of.

⁵ The deep waters have covered them;
they sank to the depths like a stone.

Well technically I don't think they sank at the bottom of the water since they were already at the bottom (on the ground).

⁶ "Your right hand, O LORD,
was majestic in power.
Your right hand, O LORD,
shattered the enemy.

Yes I know, the guy kills people with his own hands. He's a cold blooded murderer. Are you really worshipping him? Do you realize how creepy it would be to sing that today? (I have to be careful, because some people might actually sing that in Christian camps or something like that.)

⁷ In the greatness of your majesty
you threw down those who opposed you.
You unleashed your burning anger;
it consumed them like stubble.

As you know, they opposed him mostly so long because he himself made them oppose him.

⁸ By the blast of your nostrils
the waters piled up.
The surging waters stood firm like a wall;
the deep waters congealed in the heart of the sea.

Nostrils, right hand, they're mostly the same you know.

⁹ "The enemy boasted,
'I will pursue, I will overtake them.
I will divide the spoils;
I will gorge myself on them.
I will draw my sword
and my hand will destroy them.'

Yeah, after God himself made them say that. Don't act like their free will was respected (by the same God who's supposed to care so much about your free will according to believers).

¹⁰ But you blew with your breath,
and the sea covered them.
They sank like lead
in the mighty waters.

Can you picture a believer singing that to his child to send him to sleep? The Bible, "holy" book of war!

¹¹ "Who among the gods is like you, O LORD ?
Who is like you—
majestic in holiness,
awesome in glory,
working wonders?

But there's only one God right? In fact, let's cut the crap. We've seen more than one instance of this book contradicting itself and I'm just getting tired that believers don't even read their Bible to see how what they believe has nothing to do with their "holy" book or that they spin it every way they can to make it work. (If they have to do that, then it's either a bad book or a bad God. Let's not forget that he's not real too.)

¹² You stretched out your right hand
and the earth swallowed them.

Can you see how crazy people like Fred Phelps are right to believe what they believe as Christians? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they're right, I'm saying if you're a Christian and not like Fred Phelps, you're taking your "holy" book too lightly (and I actually appreciate that).

¹³ "In your unfailing love you will lead
the people you have redeemed.
In your strength you will guide them
to your holy dwelling.

Yes, love...

¹⁴ The nations will hear and tremble;
anguish will grip the people of Philistia.

Hahaha, only in the Bible can you follow a verse talking about the loving God with one talking about fear and anguish caused by that same Being.

¹⁵ The chiefs of Edom will be terrified,
the leaders of Moab will be seized with trembling,
the people ^[b] of Canaan will melt away;

Seriously, talking about Edom, I don't find that we learned enough about the guy. In fact, he would have been a more major focus than Jacob in my book.

¹⁶ terror and dread will fall upon them.
By the power of your arm
they will be as still as a stone—
until your people pass by, O LORD,
until the people you bought ^[c] pass by.

"[...] until the people you bought pass by.": I certainly hope the right word is "created" instead of "bought". They also say "purchased" in the King James version. I agree though that believers are slaves, slaves to their own conception that they made up in their own brain.

¹⁷ You will bring them in and plant them
on the mountain of your inheritance—
the place, O LORD, you made for your dwelling,
the sanctuary, O Lord, your hands established.

Yes, continue establishing that some place on this planet is destined to a certain group of people, divinely chosen I might add. It certainly won't lead to any violent territory war later.

¹⁸ The LORD will reign
for ever and ever."

Yeah, just like Zeus and all the gods of dead religions (though I hear that a small group of people still believe in these gods, but we still can safely call them dead). Belief in this particular God is slowly becoming less common. (Belief in a religion over another is simply unfounded and silly by all means when we know that other religions before our current ones had the same type of proofs and are dead now.) I agree that it's still a strong religion (though nearly no one believes in the Christian God as he is described in this book), but in many decades it will certainly fade out as we understand more of our world with science. (The United States is one of the countries which still seem to have a lot of trouble accepting scientific facts contradicting the Bible.)

¹⁹ When Pharaoh's horses, chariots and horsemen ^[d] went into the sea, the LORD brought the waters of the sea back over them, but the Israelites walked through the sea on dry ground. ²⁰ Then Miriam the prophetess, Aaron's sister, took a tambourine in her hand, and all the women followed her, with tambourines and dancing. ²¹ Miriam sang to them:
"Sing to the LORD,
for he is highly exalted.
The horse and its rider
he has hurled into the sea."

I think the song is really bad and immoral, nothing more to say by now.

The Waters of Marah and Elim

²² Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the Desert of Shur. For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water. ²³ When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter. (That is why the place is called Marah. ^[e] ) ²⁴ So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, "What are we to drink?"

What about your own piss? Ha ha, I'm just kidding!

²⁵ Then Moses cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became sweet.
There the LORD made a decree and a law for them, and there he tested them. ²⁶ He said, "If you listen carefully to the voice of the LORD your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD, who heals you."

I'm not going to comment on the first bit, it's magic like usual. But what about the LORD who heals you? First it tells you that if you're sick, you're being punished by God. I'm certain that some people anyone would say are good Christians are not healed by the LORD and I'm not just talking about old people. I'm talking about kids dying of cancer. And also, that part about God not giving you sickness if you respect all of his laws is bad. It contradicts what we've found about bacterium and viruses (which you can actually prove with microscopes and medicine) and it's one of the foundations for the belief in faith healing (which should work if this is true; it's not). I know God is only talking about the sickness he gave Pharaoh and his people in this particular verse, but it gets worse in other books of the Bible. Faith healing is a scam and some faith healers have actually been shown to be lying, to be entirely dishonest. They will take your money and your condition risks becoming worse if it's a serious condition that absolutely needs medicine. There was a case about a child dying of a treatable disease (diabetes) because her parents believed that faith would heal her if it was God's will. It's evil, I have no other words. (But I'll say this, if you truly believe in this book, then why do you rely on medical science? Then again, I want you to rely on medical science for your own good.)

²⁷ Then they came to Elim, where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there near the water.

Yep, that's a neat place isn't it? Hey, if God always does magic and he has already made his presence known to these people, why won't he just teleport them to safety? Hasn't he put them through enough tests anyway?

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 15:4 Hebrew Yam Suph; that is, Sea of Reeds; also in verse 22
b. Exodus 15:15 Or rulers
c. Exodus 15:16 Or created
d. Exodus 15:19 Or charioteers
e. Exodus 15:23 Marah means bitter .

Discovering Religion (YouTube video series)

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 18:02:00 -0400

Believers, watch this. It's not offensive (at least not intentionally) and doesn't use "bad words", it's just a smart series (not mine) exploring the various views of the world within religion itself and how they conflict or apply to scientific discoveries. It also explores what might be the dangers of holding a belief that's unproven or even disproven. But this is not a series dedicated to converting you (anyway it's impossible if you don't want), but it might help you choose or evaluate your position assuming you're open to other ideas.

This is the first episode. Click here for the playlist.

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 14

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 19:13:00 -0400

What the fuck? I don't even know how to comment this anymore. There's just been no reason for the LORD to harden Pharaoh's heart for a long time, some could even argue from the very beginning, but now what is he looking for? The fucking Hebrew people are fucking out of Egypt now.

⁵ When the king of Egypt was told that the people had fled, Pharaoh and his officials changed their minds about them and said, "What have we done? We have let the Israelites go and have lost their services!" ⁶ So he had his chariot made ready and took his army with him. ⁷ He took six hundred of the best chariots, along with all the other chariots of Egypt, with officers over all of them. ⁸ The LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh king of Egypt, so that he pursued the Israelites, who were marching out boldly. ⁹ The Egyptians—all Pharaoh's horses and chariots, horsemen ^[a] and troops—pursued the Israelites and overtook them as they camped by the sea near Pi Hahiroth, opposite Baal Zephon.

It's a sad black comedy I tell you.

¹⁰ As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the LORD. ¹¹ They said to Moses, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? ¹² Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"

OK, I don't like Pharaoh obviously because he was the one to propose slavery, even without that whole deal about the LORD hardening his heart. I don't like the LORD obviously because he enjoys making innocent people suffer and in a way he's practicing slavery with his own people. I have few opinions about Moses, but certainly nothing positive. And the Hebrew people, in this book (as in not in reality), are pictured as dumb fuckers who just don't know what they want. A real life version of a lost sheep.

¹³ Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. ¹⁴ The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Yeah, deliverance, but at what cost? Remember that the last time, the LORD killed all the firstborns in Egypt and for no reason, he asked of his people to kill the firstborn males so that their own firstborn sons would be redeemed. What's it going to be this time?

¹⁵ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. ¹⁶ Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground. ¹⁷ I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they will go in after them. And I will gain glory through Pharaoh and all his army, through his chariots and his horsemen. ¹⁸ The Egyptians will know that I am the LORD when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen."

That's it, I think I understand. Another way to interpret this, with the rest of the book of Exodus so far, is to say that God enjoyed punishing guilty and innocent people just to prove that he could and to make his existence known to all Egyptians so that they would fear him. The Perfect Being everyone! (And for some reason, he's never happy. I repeat, the Perfect Being everyone!)

¹⁹ Then the angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel's army, withdrew and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them, ²⁰ coming between the armies of Egypt and Israel. Throughout the night the cloud brought darkness to the one side and light to the other side; so neither went near the other all night long.

At least God made his presence known at the time. I still can't believe people today can't realize that in the Bible, they don't just say God exists. God is there right near his people and he does stuff. Moses has no faith, he sees and talks with God. I'm not saying God existed at the time, I'm saying if he existed, we would still see that.

²¹ Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, ²² and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.

It makes for a great movie, I'll say that.

²³ The Egyptians pursued them, and all Pharaoh's horses and chariots and horsemen followed them into the sea. ²⁴ During the last watch of the night the LORD looked down from the pillar of fire and cloud at the Egyptian army and threw it into confusion. ²⁵ He made the wheels of their chariots come off ^[b] so that they had difficulty driving. And the Egyptians said, "Let's get away from the Israelites! The LORD is fighting for them against Egypt."

"The Egyptians pursued them, and all Pharaoh's horses and chariots and horsemen followed them into the sea.": yes, the same horses that were killed in the fifth plague I assume. "And the Egyptians said, 'Let's get away from the Israelites! The LORD is fighting for them against Egypt.'": took you quite a long time to figure that out. One would assume that God smiting you with 10 plagues would be enough to understand that the LORD is pissed off.

²⁶ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Stretch out your hand over the sea so that the waters may flow back over the Egyptians and their chariots and horsemen." ²⁷ Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and at daybreak the sea went back to its place. The Egyptians were fleeing toward ^[c] it, and the LORD swept them into the sea. ²⁸ The water flowed back and covered the chariots and horsemen—the entire army of Pharaoh that had followed the Israelites into the sea. Not one of them survived.

Christians, not fundamentalists, but somewhat light rational Christians, this infinitely great killer is what you supposedly believe in. How do you feel about that? I know you don't believe this, but I'm sorry to say once again that you don't believe in the same God that is described in the Bible, so on what are your beliefs based? (Christianity, if you understand how it works, is not supposed to exist without the Bible, without a "holy" book.)

²⁹ But the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left. ³⁰ That day the LORD saved Israel from the hands of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians lying dead on the shore. ³¹ And when the Israelites saw the great power the LORD displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the LORD and put their trust in him and in Moses his servant.

"That day the LORD saved Israel from the hands of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians lying dead on the shore.": of course, they were already saved long before that if the LORD hadn't hardened Pharaoh's heart so much. "And when the Israelites saw the great power the LORD displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the LORD and put their trust in him and in Moses his servant.": that's like putting your trust in a dictator because you fear him. Of course, to save my life I would probably obey a dictator's orders to some limits, but I wouldn't worship and love the guy for real; in fact I would hate him as much as you can hate someone.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 14:9 Or charioteers ; also in verses 17, 18, 23, 26 and 28
b. Exodus 14:25 Or He jammed the wheels of their chariots (see Samaritan Pentateuch, Septuagint and Syriac)
c. Exodus 14:27 Or from

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 13

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 03:56:00 -0400

Not the first or last time I say this, but WHY?

³ Then Moses said to the people, "Commemorate this day, the day you came out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery, because the LORD brought you out of it with a mighty hand. Eat nothing containing yeast. ⁴ Today, in the month of Abib, you are leaving. ⁵ When the LORD brings you into the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Hivites and Jebusites—the land he swore to your forefathers to give you, a land flowing with milk and honey—you are to observe this ceremony in this month: ⁶ For seven days eat bread made without yeast and on the seventh day hold a festival to the LORD. ⁷ Eat unleavened bread during those seven days; nothing with yeast in it is to be seen among you, nor shall any yeast be seen anywhere within your borders. ⁸ On that day tell your son, 'I do this because of what the LORD did for me when I came out of Egypt.' ⁹ This observance will be for you like a sign on your hand and a reminder on your forehead that the law of the LORD is to be on your lips. For the LORD brought you out of Egypt with his mighty hand. ¹⁰ You must keep this ordinance at the appointed time year after year.

Seems like God is abusing his powers here. The government has more legal power than you, but you know what we call a government that commands you to do some things against your will unless you want to be punished? That's right, we call that a dictatorship and people don't like that. But God is outside of time and space; our human laws don't apply to him... BULLSHIT!! (Of course I agree our laws don't apply to him, he doesn't exist.)

¹¹ "After the LORD brings you into the land of the Canaanites and gives it to you, as he promised on oath to you and your forefathers, ¹² you are to give over to the LORD the first offspring of every womb. All the firstborn males of your livestock belong to the LORD. ¹³ Redeem with a lamb every firstborn donkey, but if you do not redeem it, break its neck. Redeem every firstborn among your sons.

The LORD always gives you something only to take back more. Don't deal with that guy; it's like selling your soul to the devil! Unless you're a woman, he doesn't seem to care about females.

¹⁴ "In days to come, when your son asks you, 'What does this mean?' say to him, 'With a mighty hand the LORD brought us out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. ¹⁵ When Pharaoh stubbornly refused to let us go, the LORD killed every firstborn in Egypt, both man and animal. This is why I sacrifice to the LORD the first male offspring of every womb and redeem each of my firstborn sons.' ¹⁶ And it will be like a sign on your hand and a symbol on your forehead that the LORD brought us out of Egypt with his mighty hand."

"When Pharaoh stubbornly refused to let us go, the LORD killed every firstborn in Egypt, both man and animal.": which was fucking evil, because Pharaoh's heart was specifically hardened by the LORD himself so that he wouldn't let them go. Also other people in Egypt were innocent. Also firstborns in particular had nothing to do with it. Finally, animals just have nothing to do with politics and human society, not that I'm a vegetarian or working for animal rights, but they were the most innocent in that story. They couldn't do anything to prevent their fate (then again, nobody could). "This is why I sacrifice to the LORD the first male offspring of every womb and redeem each of my firstborn sons.": no! This just makes no sense. That's no reason. The LORD is demanding the sacrifice of human beings (one could badly argue that it was to redeem other human beings, but that's no excuse) just to remember that he just killed all Egyptian firstborns or something like that. That's fucking evil once again and it serves no purpose. I question the logic of that verse more than anything. I'll say it out loud (or write it out loud): CHRISTIANS, THE GOD YOU BELIEVE IN DOESN'T EXIST IF NOT FOR THE BIBLE, YET THE GOD YOU BELIEVE IN IS NOT THE GOD OF THE BIBLE, THEREFORE THERE'S NO BASIS FOR THE GOD IN WHICH YOU BELIEVE RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING, WITHOUT EVEN INVOKING SCIENCE.

Crossing the Sea

¹⁷ When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." ¹⁸ So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. ^[a] The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle.

"If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.": not if that's against your will, you know. You're God after all. "The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle. ": so why not go to war then? You have a single army of 600 000 men walking together, armed and ready for battle.

¹⁹ Moses took the bones of Joseph with him because Joseph had made the sons of Israel swear an oath. He had said, "God will surely come to your aid, and then you must carry my bones up with you from this place." ^[b]

Well, I've got to say, that's quite a lot of effort, but still nice. How many years ago did Joseph die? A couple hundred years I guess. I just wonder why nobody got out of Egypt to bury Joseph in the proper place before that. There was a time when people weren't even slaves long before Moses. And once the famine ended, the Hebrew people certainly could have gotten out, at least to bury Joseph.

²⁰ After leaving Succoth they camped at Etham on the edge of the desert. ²¹ By day the LORD went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night. ²² Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people.

Sometimes, I'm led to believe that God is nothing else than what people named certain natural phenomenon that seemed too hard to explain without science at the time. Clouds, volcanoes, lightning, rain, etc..

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 13:18 Hebrew Yam Suph; that is, Sea of Reeds
b. Exodus 13:19 See Gen. 50:25.

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 12

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Sat, 7 Aug 2010 00:13:00 -0400

Regular paragraphs are the verses as written in the Bible.
Indented italicized paragraphs feature my comments on the previous paragraph.
Note that I might appear especially nitpicky and I know that some of these verses are not taken literally by everybody; I'm just having some fun basically.
Why the New International Version or NIV? Why not? The Bible has already been translated countless times before and I can't read or speak the original languages in which it was written, which is why it is stupid in the first place to assume that a divine being would communicate with us through a book.

New International Version

Exodus 12

The Passover

¹ The LORD said to Moses and Aaron in Egypt, ² "This month is to be for you the first month, the first month of your year. ³ Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb ^[a] for his family, one for each household. ⁴ If any household is too small for a whole lamb, they must share one with their nearest neighbor, having taken into account the number of people there are. You are to determine the amount of lamb needed in accordance with what each person will eat. ⁵ The animals you choose must be year-old males without defect, and you may take them from the sheep or the goats. ⁶ Take care of them until the fourteenth day of the month, when all the people of the community of Israel must slaughter them at twilight. ⁷ Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs. ⁸ That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast. ⁹ Do not eat the meat raw or cooked in water, but roast it over the fire—head, legs and inner parts. ¹⁰ Do not leave any of it till morning; if some is left till morning, you must burn it. ¹¹ This is how you are to eat it: with your cloak tucked into your belt, your sandals on your feet and your staff in your hand. Eat it in haste; it is the LORD's Passover.

Damn, Passover sucks! But most importantly, why? OK, to be fair there's a dumb explanation coming right up, but I'm glad Jewish people don't celebrate Passover that way in the modern world (at least I hope none of them do).

¹² "On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn—both men and animals—and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the LORD. ¹³ The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt.

"[...]and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt.": do these gods exist? Who are they? Where did they come from assuming that everybody emerged from Adam and Eve who themselves knew only one God? "The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt. ": see, I told you that was a dumb explanation. Wouldn't God know his people from the Egyptians without blood? After all, he's God. He knew the difference between the Hebrews and the Egyptians with the previous plagues anyway.

¹⁴ "This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD -a lasting ordinance. ¹⁵ For seven days you are to eat bread made without yeast. On the first day remove the yeast from your houses, for whoever eats anything with yeast in it from the first day through the seventh must be cut off from Israel. ¹⁶ On the first day hold a sacred assembly, and another one on the seventh day. Do no work at all on these days, except to prepare food for everyone to eat—that is all you may do.

We're back to the most basic question: WHY? And I don't see Christians practicing Passover, generally speaking. Let me quote this book: "This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD -a lasting ordinance."

¹⁷ "Celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread, because it was on this very day that I brought your divisions out of Egypt. Celebrate this day as a lasting ordinance for the generations to come. ¹⁸ In the first month you are to eat bread made without yeast, from the evening of the fourteenth day until the evening of the twenty-first day. ¹⁹ For seven days no yeast is to be found in your houses. And whoever eats anything with yeast in it must be cut off from the community of Israel, whether he is an alien or native-born. ²⁰ Eat nothing made with yeast. Wherever you live, you must eat unleavened bread."

OK, I think we get it. Yeast is fucking bad. It's all tradition, to remember a time when the Israelites had to make haste in preparing their food during the night, before leaving Egypt, but couldn't they prepare the bread with yeast in advance? Anyway, tradition serves no purpose if you can't find a good reason to pursue it. I have nothing against the "don't work" rule, it's good for everybody to relax once in a while, but the "no yeast" rule won't serve anybody.

²¹ Then Moses summoned all the elders of Israel and said to them, "Go at once and select the animals for your families and slaughter the Passover lamb. ²² Take a bunch of hyssop, dip it into the blood in the basin and put some of the blood on the top and on both sides of the doorframe. Not one of you shall go out the door of his house until morning. ²³ When the LORD goes through the land to strike down the Egyptians, he will see the blood on the top and sides of the doorframe and will pass over that doorway, and he will not permit the destroyer to enter your houses and strike you down.

The destroyer, is that a supervillain?

²⁴ "Obey these instructions as a lasting ordinance for you and your descendants. ²⁵ When you enter the land that the LORD will give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. ²⁶ And when your children ask you, 'What does this ceremony mean to you?' ²⁷ then tell them, 'It is the Passover sacrifice to the LORD, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.' " Then the people bowed down and worshiped. ²⁸ The Israelites did just what the LORD commanded Moses and Aaron.

But it's very hard to celebrate a holiday with no reason when all you have to say is: "Well, the grandfather of the father of the grandfather of the grandfather of the father of the grandfather of [...] my father was freed from Egypt that way, so that's what it means to me." That would be impossible first, because except for what's written in the Bible that you have to accept under faith, nobody could look at his ancestors and find a point where that could apply. And secondly, when we're talking about something that happened so long ago (if it happened at all), to people you never knew, it wouldn't mean anything to you.

²⁹ At midnight the LORD struck down all the firstborn in Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh, who sat on the throne, to the firstborn of the prisoner, who was in the dungeon, and the firstborn of all the livestock as well. ³⁰ Pharaoh and all his officials and all the Egyptians got up during the night, and there was loud wailing in Egypt, for there was not a house without someone dead.

So all houses in Egypt with no exception have a firstborn in them? I'm kind of surprise that there are livestocks (well not really, but that just makes no sense according to the Bible itself). Everyone currently living in my home is not a firstborn, it's not that rare for a house to not contain a firstborn; it happens.

The Exodus

³¹ During the night Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron and said, "Up! Leave my people, you and the Israelites! Go, worship the LORD as you have requested. ³² Take your flocks and herds, as you have said, and go. And also bless me."

Do you know why Pharaoh is letting them go? Not because he just learned his lesson from having his firstborn killed, but because God is no longer hardening his heart magically. All God wanted to do was enough time to show a couple of his magic tricks at the expense of real lives.

³³ The Egyptians urged the people to hurry and leave the country. "For otherwise," they said, "we will all die!" ³⁴ So the people took their dough before the yeast was added, and carried it on their shoulders in kneading troughs wrapped in clothing. ³⁵ The Israelites did as Moses instructed and asked the Egyptians for articles of silver and gold and for clothing. ³⁶ The LORD had made the Egyptians favorably disposed toward the people, and they gave them what they asked for; so they plundered the Egyptians.

You're not plundering if they're giving you was you asked for willingly (or at least as willingly as the LORD permits them to). So if I understand correctly, the LORD manipulates people to be able to punish them several times and then he manipulates them one last time so that they can get things of value stolen by their enemies.

³⁷ The Israelites journeyed from Rameses to Succoth. There were about six hundred thousand men on foot, besides women and children. ³⁸ Many other people went up with them, as well as large droves of livestock, both flocks and herds. ³⁹ With the dough they had brought from Egypt, they baked cakes of unleavened bread. The dough was without yeast because they had been driven out of Egypt and did not have time to prepare food for themselves.

"There were about six hundred thousand men on foot, besides women and children.": that's not a small number folks. I don't know how many generations have passed, but it couldn't have been that many. Considering that they started with a population of about 70 and that they're now 600 000 people if we only count men, I don't see how that's possible; especially if we also consider that women don't always have that many children in this book, unlike our grandmothers who might have had 20 children of their own. And such a large group going out of Egypt at the same time would practically be impossible to control. Even more interesting is the fact that Egyptians were known to keep records of events and people going in and out of their country at the time, especially if it was such a large group and such a significant event. No Egyptian records contain any reference backing up any of the stories of Exodus. "The dough was without yeast because they had been driven out of Egypt and did not have time to prepare food for themselves.": yeah, it's not like anybody knew in advance that would happen. Oh wait...

⁴⁰ Now the length of time the Israelite people lived in Egypt ^[b] was 430 years. ⁴¹ At the end of the 430 years, to the very day, all the LORD's divisions left Egypt. ⁴² Because the LORD kept vigil that night to bring them out of Egypt, on this night all the Israelites are to keep vigil to honor the LORD for the generations to come.

"Now the length of time the Israelite people lived in Egypt was 430 years.": not if you read Genesis 15! It was supposed to be 400 years according to the prophecy in that book, but I'm willing to accept that it might have been just a quicker way to say it, rather than saying directly 430 years. But now this raises an important question. Let's say that the true number of years they stayed in Egypt was 430 years, in order to give them the most time possible, would you believe that the population went from 70 to 600 000? You have to if you believe the book.

Passover Restrictions

⁴³ The LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "These are the regulations for the Passover:
"No foreigner is to eat of it. ⁴⁴ Any slave you have bought may eat of it after you have circumcised him, ⁴⁵ but a temporary resident and a hired worker may not eat of it.

Once again, the LORD showing that he only cares about one people, unlike what people will say. Once again the LORD not speaking against slavery, even acknowledging it, unlike what people will say. Once again, the LORD making a huge deal out of circumcision, which I can only guess most believers wouldn't think is that important (even if they'd probably prefer to be circumcised just in case).

⁴⁶ "It must be eaten inside one house; take none of the meat outside the house. Do not break any of the bones. ⁴⁷ The whole community of Israel must celebrate it.

The Bible is more about restrictions and removing your freedom than giving you freedom from what I see.

⁴⁸ "An alien living among you who wants to celebrate the LORD's Passover must have all the males in his household circumcised; then he may take part like one born in the land. No uncircumcised male may eat of it. ⁴⁹ The same law applies to the native-born and to the alien living among you."

If you have dinner for me, but tell me that I must cut off my foreskin before eating any of it, I think I'd pass over. (Ha ha, clever joke! Not!)

⁵⁰ All the Israelites did just what the LORD had commanded Moses and Aaron. ⁵¹ And on that very day the LORD brought the Israelites out of Egypt by their divisions.

At least, the LORD has done something good (freeing people from slavery, even though they themselves can buy slaves), even if he did it in the most evil way possible.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 12:3 The Hebrew word can mean lamb or kid ; also in verse 4.
b. Exodus 12:40 Masoretic Text; Samaritan Pentateuch and Septuagint Egypt and Canaan

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 11

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Fri, 6 Aug 2010 23:50:00 -0400

Of course, the guy responsible for plaguing Egypt is highly respected by the people of Egypt, it all makes sense. I guess nobody has any free will when the LORD's around, which is quite funny because I just heard a theist say that his God (which was the Christian God by the way) valued his people's freedom more than anything else.

⁴ So Moses said, "This is what the LORD says: 'About midnight I will go throughout Egypt. ⁵ Every firstborn son in Egypt will die, from the firstborn son of Pharaoh, who sits on the throne, to the firstborn son of the slave girl, who is at her hand mill, and all the firstborn of the cattle as well. ⁶ There will be loud wailing throughout Egypt—worse than there has ever been or ever will be again. ⁷ But among the Israelites not a dog will bark at any man or animal.' Then you will know that the LORD makes a distinction between Egypt and Israel. ⁸ All these officials of yours will come to me, bowing down before me and saying, 'Go, you and all the people who follow you!' After that I will leave." Then Moses, hot with anger, left Pharaoh.

"Every firstborn son in Egypt will die, from the firstborn son of Pharaoh, who sits on the throne, to the firstborn son of the slave girl, who is at her hand mill, and all the firstborn of the cattle as well.": now that is fucking evil. He did give people chances for other plagues, like stay in your home and you'll be fine or things like that. That was evil too, since the people of Egypt are not responsible for Pharaoh's actions, but I guess they could do something. Now a firstborn is completely helpless and will absolutely die with no chance of getting out of it according to this plague. (Never forget that there's no free will either, it's not like Pharaoh could say: "OK, I'll let you go so don't do that.") Basically, God is attacking innocent people, as always, and that's just plain evil. "Then Moses, hot with anger, left Pharaoh.": clearly, wrath was not yet a deadly sin...

⁹ The LORD had said to Moses, "Pharaoh will refuse to listen to you—so that my wonders may be multiplied in Egypt." ¹⁰ Moses and Aaron performed all these wonders before Pharaoh, but the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let the Israelites go out of his country.

There, fucking evil. Is there a way to justify that? Well don't mention it, because I don't want to hear it.

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 10

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Thu, 5 Aug 2010 22:55:00 -0400

Oh, now I get it. God even hardened the official's hearts and now we know why from his own words. He does that just to punish everyone in Egypt, because Pharaoh chose to enslave the Hebrews. God even wants to be remembered as the sadist who did that. Pharaoh was definitely wrong in enslaving the Hebrews, don't get me wrong, but you can always count on God to be more evil than any human being could ever be.

³ So Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and said to him, "This is what the LORD, the God of the Hebrews, says: 'How long will you refuse to humble yourself before me? Let my people go, so that they may worship me. ⁴ If you refuse to let them go, I will bring locusts into your country tomorrow. ⁵ They will cover the face of the ground so that it cannot be seen. They will devour what little you have left after the hail, including every tree that is growing in your fields. ⁶ They will fill your houses and those of all your officials and all the Egyptians—something neither your fathers nor your forefathers have ever seen from the day they settled in this land till now.' " Then Moses turned and left Pharaoh.

These passages are beginning to sound useless now that we know that God hardened everyone's heart in Pharaoh's administration. There's just no chance he would comply to Moses' demands and even Moses himself knows that.

⁷ Pharaoh's officials said to him, "How long will this man be a snare to us? Let the people go, so that they may worship the LORD their God. Do you not yet realize that Egypt is ruined?"

Wait, are their hearts hardened or not? If not, then I'm sure in real life he'd get killed by one of his officials for ruining Egypt.

⁸ Then Moses and Aaron were brought back to Pharaoh. "Go, worship the LORD your God," he said. "But just who will be going?"

I'm beginning to wonder how that heart hardening shit works. The way I see it, it either works completely or doesn't. Pharaoh shouldn't be allowing Moses to go right now if his heart was hardened.

⁹ Moses answered, "We will go with our young and old, with our sons and daughters, and with our flocks and herds, because we are to celebrate a festival to the LORD."

Yeah, I never understood a God that always needs people's support, but that's me. I can tell you though, people are doing a lot more for him that he's doing for them.

¹⁰ Pharaoh said, "The LORD be with you—if I let you go, along with your women and children! Clearly you are bent on evil. ^[a] ¹¹ No! Have only the men go; and worship the LORD, since that's what you have been asking for." Then Moses and Aaron were driven out of Pharaoh's presence.

"Clearly you are bent on evil.": yeah, clearly!

¹² And the LORD said to Moses, "Stretch out your hand over Egypt so that locusts will swarm over the land and devour everything growing in the fields, everything left by the hail."

Like I didn't know that was coming.

¹³ So Moses stretched out his staff over Egypt, and the LORD made an east wind blow across the land all that day and all that night. By morning the wind had brought the locusts; ¹⁴ they invaded all Egypt and settled down in every area of the country in great numbers. Never before had there been such a plague of locusts, nor will there ever be again. ¹⁵ They covered all the ground until it was black. They devoured all that was left after the hail—everything growing in the fields and the fruit on the trees. Nothing green remained on tree or plant in all the land of Egypt.

"Never before had there been such a plague of locusts, nor will there ever be again.": of course the will never be again, because that would be a miracle (well not necessarily, but it would be hard to explain THAT MUCH locusts) and there's no way God should prove his existence in our days, even if that means that some people won't believe in him and he'll send them to Hell.

¹⁶ Pharaoh quickly summoned Moses and Aaron and said, "I have sinned against the LORD your God and against you. ¹⁷ Now forgive my sin once more and pray to the LORD your God to take this deadly plague away from me."

People like reading and studying this shit? If you're searching the truth, it's definitely not there. If you're searching for a good read or a good book, this is not it (with all these repeating lines with nearly no surprises at all).

¹⁸ Moses then left Pharaoh and prayed to the LORD. ¹⁹ And the LORD changed the wind to a very strong west wind, which caught up the locusts and carried them into the Red Sea. ^[b] Not a locust was left anywhere in Egypt. ²⁰ But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let the Israelites go.

Of course he hardens his fucking heart, because no sane human being would endure that much suffering without complying with the LORD's demands if it was not for magic. You see, what the LORD, the good God is looking like right now is a police officer leaving false evidence behind so that you'll get in prison even if you're innocent.

The Plague of Darkness

²¹ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Stretch out your hand toward the sky so that darkness will spread over Egypt—darkness that can be felt." ²² So Moses stretched out his hand toward the sky, and total darkness covered all Egypt for three days. ²³ No one could see anyone else or leave his place for three days. Yet all the Israelites had light in the places where they lived.

Not your worst plague yet. This is a pretty neat trick (I mean, even at night I can still see people if I'm close enough), but chances are if the previous plagues didn't convince the Egyptians, that one won't. (And of course it won't since the LORD himself is making sure Pharaoh's heart stays hardened.)

²⁴ Then Pharaoh summoned Moses and said, "Go, worship the LORD. Even your women and children may go with you; only leave your flocks and herds behind."

It's beginning to sound not that bad of a deal you know. Don't push your luck Moses.

²⁵ But Moses said, "You must allow us to have sacrifices and burnt offerings to present to the LORD our God. ²⁶ Our livestock too must go with us; not a hoof is to be left behind. We have to use some of them in worshiping the LORD our God, and until we get there we will not know what we are to use to worship the LORD."

So the LORD is beginning to sound like a burden since the only thing that's keeping you from going is him. I don't understand why these sacrifices are necessary. He created them himself, the Supreme Being that he is, and now he needs to smell them burning; what's up with that?

²⁷ But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he was not willing to let them go. ²⁸ Pharaoh said to Moses, "Get out of my sight! Make sure you do not appear before me again! The day you see my face you will die."

Why is the LORD still hardening the man's heart? I think he won by now, so why continue this shit?

²⁹ "Just as you say," Moses replied, "I will never appear before you again."

Yeah, I'm sure of that.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 10:10 Or Be careful, trouble is in store for you!
b. Exodus 10:19 Hebrew Yam Suph ; that is, Sea of Reeds

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 9

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Wed, 4 Aug 2010 02:11:00 -0400

I always hate that the punitions God makes to Pharaoh implies violence on others. For now we're talking about animals (which is still evil to kill with no purpose just to show your point), but I'm sure it'll jump to humans soon enough.

⁵ The LORD set a time and said, "Tomorrow the LORD will do this in the land." ⁶ And the next day the LORD did it: All the livestock of the Egyptians died, but not one animal belonging to the Israelites died. ⁷ Pharaoh sent men to investigate and found that not even one of the animals of the Israelites had died. Yet his heart was unyielding and he would not let the people go.

Let me remind you how evil this is. God himself magically hardened the man's heart so that he could not accept his request in order to continue plaguing the lands of Egypt.

The Plague of Boils

⁸ Then the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "Take handfuls of soot from a furnace and have Moses toss it into the air in the presence of Pharaoh. ⁹ It will become fine dust over the whole land of Egypt, and festering boils will break out on men and animals throughout the land."

Just kill them all already. Of course not, just for fun the LORD wants to continue toying with people for a while before he finishes them off.

¹⁰ So they took soot from a furnace and stood before Pharaoh. Moses tossed it into the air, and festering boils broke out on men and animals. ¹¹ The magicians could not stand before Moses because of the boils that were on them and on all the Egyptians. ¹² But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart and he would not listen to Moses and Aaron, just as the LORD had said to Moses.

I imagine somewhere a believer reading these verses for the first time, still wondering at the sixth plague: "I can't wait to see what happens! I bet Pharaoh will accept God's request this time." To read the Bible with enjoyment, first you need to be a sick human being, but you also need to suffer from Alzheimer's disease, just like the God described in the book.

The Plague of Hail

¹³ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Get up early in the morning, confront Pharaoh and say to him, 'This is what the LORD, the God of the Hebrews, says: Let my people go, so that they may worship me, ¹⁴ or this time I will send the full force of my plagues against you and against your officials and your people, so you may know that there is no one like me in all the earth. ¹⁵ For by now I could have stretched out my hand and struck you and your people with a plague that would have wiped you off the earth. ¹⁶ But I have raised you up ^[a] for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. ¹⁷ You still set yourself against my people and will not let them go. ¹⁸ Therefore, at this time tomorrow I will send the worst hailstorm that has ever fallen on Egypt, from the day it was founded till now. ¹⁹ Give an order now to bring your livestock and everything you have in the field to a place of shelter, because the hail will fall on every man and animal that has not been brought in and is still out in the field, and they will die.' "

"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.": so that's what this was all about? Showing off! I absolutely hate the character of God. I mean, it's impossible to love that character. Why do people worship God and not Hitler or Jeffrey Dahmer? It's not like one of them is more moral than the others. OK, maybe Dahmer is less immoral than God... "You still set yourself against my people and will not let them go.": man, God is quite the hypocrite. "Give an order now to bring your livestock and everything you have in the field to a place of shelter, because the hail will fall on every man and animal that has not been brought in and is still out in the field, and they will die.": a hailstorm is the best magic trick God has to offer? Even if it's the worst hailstorm ever, it's still less impressve than turning the river of Nile into blood (because that's definitely not natural), a trick that Pharaoh's magicians could replicate easily. What is this thing I hear about the livestocks? Weren't they ALL killed in a previous plague? ALL!

²⁰ Those officials of Pharaoh who feared the word of the LORD hurried to bring their slaves and their livestock inside. ²¹ But those who ignored the word of the LORD left their slaves and livestock in the field.

No livestocks are supposed to be left like I said, but I'll let that slide. What I won't let go is how stupid these people are. They're not like Pharaoh; their hearts have not been magically hardened. They were fearful of the LORD previously and they know he has powers they don't have. They also should know that if he says living things outside will be killed by hailstorm, they will be killed. They just can't be that stupid.

²² Then the LORD said to Moses, "Stretch out your hand toward the sky so that hail will fall all over Egypt—on men and animals and on everything growing in the fields of Egypt." ²³ When Moses stretched out his staff toward the sky, the LORD sent thunder and hail, and lightning flashed down to the ground. So the LORD rained hail on the land of Egypt; ²⁴ hail fell and lightning flashed back and forth. It was the worst storm in all the land of Egypt since it had become a nation. ²⁵ Throughout Egypt hail struck everything in the fields—both men and animals; it beat down everything growing in the fields and stripped every tree. ²⁶ The only place it did not hail was the land of Goshen, where the Israelites were.

Who knew that would happen? Oh wait, the reader, the people in the story, Pharaoh himself, Moses, everyone concerned in fact.

²⁷ Then Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron. "This time I have sinned," he said to them. "The LORD is in the right, and I and my people are in the wrong. ²⁸ Pray to the LORD, for we have had enough thunder and hail. I will let you go; you don't have to stay any longer."

Oh come on! It's not the first or second time you do this now.

²⁹ Moses replied, "When I have gone out of the city, I will spread out my hands in prayer to the LORD. The thunder will stop and there will be no more hail, so you may know that the earth is the LORD's. ³⁰ But I know that you and your officials still do not fear the LORD God."

Hey I have a question. If Moses is asked to pray so that the hailstorm will stop, how did he go meet with Pharaoh without getting killed? Even better, when he goes outside to pray, he should die. I like that little comment at the end, that Moses knows that Pharaoh will pull the same trick on him again, but by now the guy's insane if he's not fearing the LORD. I don't mean that as a compliment towards the LORD and his immense power by the way, I mean the character of Pharaoh is COMPLETELY unbelievable.

³¹ (The flax and barley were destroyed, since the barley had headed and the flax was in bloom. ³² The wheat and spelt, however, were not destroyed, because they ripen later.)

Thanks for the info I guess.

³³ Then Moses left Pharaoh and went out of the city. He spread out his hands toward the LORD; the thunder and hail stopped, and the rain no longer poured down on the land. ³⁴ When Pharaoh saw that the rain and hail and thunder had stopped, he sinned again: He and his officials hardened their hearts. ³⁵ So Pharaoh's heart was hard and he would not let the Israelites go, just as the LORD had said through Moses.

I'm bringing up this point again, but I don't understand how come Moses isn't hurt when he goes outside (after all, he's not in Goshen, the only place around not affected by hailstorm). What's up with everyone around Pharaoh hardening their hearts? I don't understand how you do that, especially since the LORD is no longer involved in the process it would seem. They're insane like I said, but it's only even more unbelievable. Evil just doesn't work like that. A believable evil character has to be smart enough to realize when he has lost. This is not the police surrounding a building; this is an infinitely powerful magical being playing with them as he pleases.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 9:16 Or have spared you

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 8

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Tue, 3 Aug 2010 04:31:00 -0400

Yeah sure, frogs are so threatening. My guess is that if transforming the whole river of Nile into putrid blood didn't make him flinch, this won't.

⁵ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Tell Aaron, 'Stretch out your hand with your staff over the streams and canals and ponds, and make frogs come up on the land of Egypt.' "

You're not obligated to explain every little step of the plan each time. I believe Moses can think for himself.

⁶ So Aaron stretched out his hand over the waters of Egypt, and the frogs came up and covered the land. ⁷ But the magicians did the same things by their secret arts; they also made frogs come up on the land of Egypt.

You know, I'm beginning to notice a pattern (OK, to be honest I noticed it before). God pulls out magic trick, sorcerers show God how weak he is if he really is the ultimate being by doing exactly the same thing (further damaging their own country, stupid), God thinks about a new tricks.

⁸ Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron and said, "Pray to the LORD to take the frogs away from me and my people, and I will let your people go to offer sacrifices to the LORD."

Yeah I guess that making frogs appear twice as much was a stupid idea; you can't get rid of them now can you?

⁹ Moses said to Pharaoh, "I leave to you the honor of setting the time for me to pray for you and your officials and your people that you and your houses may be rid of the frogs, except for those that remain in the Nile."

As you know, the sooner the better, so let's not lose any time.

¹⁰ "Tomorrow," Pharaoh said.
Moses replied, "It will be as you say, so that you may know there is no one like the LORD our God. ¹¹ The frogs will leave you and your houses, your officials and your people; they will remain only in the Nile."

"It will be as you say, so that you may know there is no one like the LORD our God.": except for Pharaoh's magicians who can pull just about the same magic tricks.

¹² After Moses and Aaron left Pharaoh, Moses cried out to the LORD about the frogs he had brought on Pharaoh. ¹³ And the LORD did what Moses asked. The frogs died in the houses, in the courtyards and in the fields. ¹⁴ They were piled into heaps, and the land reeked of them. ¹⁵ But when Pharaoh saw that there was relief, he hardened his heart and would not listen to Moses and Aaron, just as the LORD had said.

Was this whole story about the frogs intentionally funny? Because it sure is funny either way. And all this time I'm just thinking that Pharaoh as no reason to believe that the LORD truly does exist (since his magicians have the same powers and they're just humans), so he should not fear Moses and would normally kill him in an instant so that he could not make him lose any more time.

The Plague of Gnats

¹⁶ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Tell Aaron, 'Stretch out your staff and strike the dust of the ground,' and throughout the land of Egypt the dust will become gnats." ¹⁷ They did this, and when Aaron stretched out his hand with the staff and struck the dust of the ground, gnats came upon men and animals. All the dust throughout the land of Egypt became gnats. ¹⁸ But when the magicians tried to produce gnats by their secret arts, they could not. And the gnats were on men and animals.

You know how many gnats that would make if all the dust in Egypt morphed into them? It's just impossible (don't pull me that nothing is impossible with God bullshit). But all of these tricks have been impossible to do literally as they are written, yet the magicians were able to mimic God's powers. I don't know why they have a more difficult time producing gnats than frogs or than turning all the water in the land into real blood.

¹⁹ The magicians said to Pharaoh, "This is the finger of God." But Pharaoh's heart was hard and he would not listen, just as the LORD had said.

No, what they meant is that God is showing you the finger.

The Plague of Flies

²⁰ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Get up early in the morning and confront Pharaoh as he goes to the water and say to him, 'This is what the LORD says: Let my people go, so that they may worship me. ²¹ If you do not let my people go, I will send swarms of flies on you and your officials, on your people and into your houses. The houses of the Egyptians will be full of flies, and even the ground where they are.

I bet they will regret the time when all those frogs were killed then.

²² " 'But on that day I will deal differently with the land of Goshen, where my people live; no swarms of flies will be there, so that you will know that I, the LORD, am in this land. ²³ I will make a distinction ^[a] between my people and your people. This miraculous sign will occur tomorrow.' "

So all those tricks he did up until now were also harmful to the Hebrews? Real good God.

²⁴ And the LORD did this. Dense swarms of flies poured into Pharaoh's palace and into the houses of his officials, and throughout Egypt the land was ruined by the flies.

Not that I want this to happen, but notice that we don't see any of these totally supernatural things occur now. My best guess is that if the Bible is based on interpretations of real events (not God's word, that's for sure), then the people must have been impressed by something we would know by now could happen naturally. Of course, their primitive understanding of the world could only attribute these events to some greater force pulling the strings. Maybe there really was a random epidemic of flies around that time (probably exaggerated via second hand interpretation of the events). Maybe that was not random and it was rather caused by their poor hygiene, I don't know, it could be one of those self-fulfilling prophecies.

²⁵ Then Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron and said, "Go, sacrifice to your God here in the land."

Yes, because no matter how evil the Egyptians might be by enslaving the Hebrews, God is even more evil by requesting sacrifices all the time.

²⁶ But Moses said, "That would not be right. The sacrifices we offer the LORD our God would be detestable to the Egyptians. And if we offer sacrifices that are detestable in their eyes, will they not stone us? ²⁷ We must take a three-day journey into the desert to offer sacrifices to the LORD our God, as he commands us."

I understand why making a sacrifice would be detestable to anyone quite frankly, but stone the persons responsible for the sacrifice? That's detestable too. The thing is, if Pharaoh is giving them a special permission to do that, there wouldn't be any stoning now would there? (But I know what you can say; Pharaoh is not to be trusted. Well God is just the same you know.)

²⁸ Pharaoh said, "I will let you go to offer sacrifices to the LORD your God in the desert, but you must not go very far. Now pray for me."

You're not in a position to negotiate much Mr. Pharaoh.

²⁹ Moses answered, "As soon as I leave you, I will pray to the LORD, and tomorrow the flies will leave Pharaoh and his officials and his people. Only be sure that Pharaoh does not act deceitfully again by not letting the people go to offer sacrifices to the LORD."

So the enemy has a history of backstabbing you multiple times, now you have the upper ground, he just kindly asked something not unlike just before he backstabbed you the last time around and what do you do? You do the same thing that allowed him to backstab you the last time! If he does, you deserve it man! (My guess is that Moses doesn't have a speech impediment going on, rather he's mentally ill, which would also explain why he hallucinates God.)

³⁰ Then Moses left Pharaoh and prayed to the LORD, ³¹ and the LORD did what Moses asked: The flies left Pharaoh and his officials and his people; not a fly remained. ³² But this time also Pharaoh hardened his heart and would not let the people go.

So now God, are you regretting choosing that guy as your prophet? I guess not, he's just about as smart as you after all.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 8:23 Septuagint and Vulgate; Hebrew will put a deliverance

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 7

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Mon, 2 Aug 2010 22:44:00 -0400

So basically I could throw out the last 2 chapters or so, because everything is beginning a second time just the same, except that we have more information. Now we know why God hardened Pharaoh's heart (violating his free will by the way), it was to send his armies on him. That's evil, I don't see how else to describe it.

⁶ Moses and Aaron did just as the LORD commanded them. ⁷ Moses was eighty years old and Aaron eighty-three when they spoke to Pharaoh.

That's no age to send a man on a quest to free his people, but then again, 80 is not so old in the Bible.

Aaron's Staff Becomes a Snake

⁸ The LORD said to Moses and Aaron, ⁹ "When Pharaoh says to you, 'Perform a miracle,' then say to Aaron, 'Take your staff and throw it down before Pharaoh,' and it will become a snake."

I said it before, but it's such an odd miracle coming from God.

¹⁰ So Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and did just as the LORD commanded. Aaron threw his staff down in front of Pharaoh and his officials, and it became a snake. ¹¹ Pharaoh then summoned wise men and sorcerers, and the Egyptian magicians also did the same things by their secret arts: ¹² Each one threw down his staff and it became a snake. But Aaron's staff swallowed up their staffs. ¹³ Yet Pharaoh's heart became hard and he would not listen to them, just as the LORD had said.

So God's miracle wasn't exclusive to him. I mean, sure his snake swallows the others, but it doesn't mean anything really. All I see here is that humans, with their magic, can create the same miracle as God. And from what we know of the real world now, witches, sorcerers and true magic doesn't exist; so was all that just a cheap trick (like a "fake" magician would do) that God tried and that Pharaoh's magicians replicated?

The Plague of Blood

¹⁴ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Pharaoh's heart is unyielding; he refuses to let the people go. ¹⁵ Go to Pharaoh in the morning as he goes out to the water. Wait on the bank of the Nile to meet him, and take in your hand the staff that was changed into a snake. ¹⁶ Then say to him, 'The LORD, the God of the Hebrews, has sent me to say to you: Let my people go, so that they may worship me in the desert. But until now you have not listened. ¹⁷ This is what the LORD says: By this you will know that I am the LORD : With the staff that is in my hand I will strike the water of the Nile, and it will be changed into blood. ¹⁸ The fish in the Nile will die, and the river will stink; the Egyptians will not be able to drink its water.' "

"Pharaoh's heart is unyielding; he refuses to let the people go.": strange for the LORD to say that when we know that he's the one responsible for hardening Pharaoh's heart. "Go to Pharaoh in the morning as he goes out to the water.": I just wonder how Moses can still walk freely. By now, with all this arrogance, I'd have thought Pharaoh would put him to death, especially since he's the "bad guy" in this story. "The fish in the Nile will die, and the river will stink; the Egyptians will not be able to drink its water.": why kill the fishes and punish innocent people if only Pharaoh is the problem. I might add that he's the problem because of the LORD himself, so really nothing makes sense.

¹⁹ The LORD said to Moses, "Tell Aaron, 'Take your staff and stretch out your hand over the waters of Egypt—over the streams and canals, over the ponds and all the reservoirs'-and they will turn to blood. Blood will be everywhere in Egypt, even in the wooden buckets and stone jars."

Sounds farfetched to me, but then it's God, he should be able to do that if he wants. So I won't complain now that God is actually doing something more than what just seems natural.

²⁰ Moses and Aaron did just as the LORD had commanded. He raised his staff in the presence of Pharaoh and his officials and struck the water of the Nile, and all the water was changed into blood. ²¹ The fish in the Nile died, and the river smelled so bad that the Egyptians could not drink its water. Blood was everywhere in Egypt.

You can thank God for that; I hope his trick can help this time at least, unless it was useless again.

²² But the Egyptian magicians did the same things by their secret arts, and Pharaoh's heart became hard; he would not listen to Moses and Aaron, just as the LORD had said. ²³ Instead, he turned and went into his palace, and did not take even this to heart. ²⁴ And all the Egyptians dug along the Nile to get drinking water, because they could not drink the water of the river.

With the snakes, I could understand that they'd be able to make more than one (well I don't understand the magic behind it, but it's possible in the context that magic exists I guess), but I don't understand how they turn water to blood when it's already turned to blood. But anyway, how good is that God really if his miracles aren't any better than what man can do? It makes you think...

The Plague of Frogs

²⁵ Seven days passed after the LORD struck the Nile.

Seven. Why seven? Because...

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 6

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Mon, 2 Aug 2010 21:13:00 -0400

Wait, Moses hasn't told Pharaoh yet that his firstborn risked death. But one thing I'm not going to let pass is that God doesn't need to act in such subtle ways as send sickness on the land and things like that. No deaths are even necessary. All he needs to do is magic, like he did when he created the world. Just say "Let the Israelites move out of Egypt." and there you go.

² God also said to Moses, "I am the LORD. ³ I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob as God Almighty, ^[a] but by my name the LORD ^[b] I did not make myself known to them. ^[c] ⁴ I also established my covenant with them to give them the land of Canaan, where they lived as aliens. ⁵ Moreover, I have heard the groaning of the Israelites, whom the Egyptians are enslaving, and I have remembered my covenant.

"I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob as God Almighty, but by my name the LORD I did not make myself known to them.": actually, I'm pretty certain Abraham knew your name. When you asked him to slay his son (which was just a test, but still), he went to the region of Moriah searching for one particular mountain where the task was to be done. Then you told him to not slay his son and he was grateful and all, calling the place The LORD Will Provide, a lame name if you ask me, but only if he knew your name was the LORD would he name a place that way. So the fact that the name the LORD was seen before Exodus wasn't just for the reader to know, the characters knew it too. (Why would God hide his name anyway?) The footnotes might suggest that there's no error in this verse, so I'm not sure I can call this a 100% real error, but still... "Moreover, I have heard the groaning of the Israelites, whom the Egyptians are enslaving, and I have remembered my covenant.": about damn time! You were supposed to remember it much before that actually.

⁶ "Therefore, say to the Israelites: 'I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment. ⁷ I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the LORD your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. ⁸ And I will bring you to the land I swore with uplifted hand to give to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob. I will give it to you as a possession. I am the LORD.' "

You know what? By that point I'd need to see the LORD in person to be certain of his intentions, because I sure as hell wouldn't believe Moses telling me the same thing twice when he just made things worse by doing so the first time (in fact, I wouldn't believe a guy like that even the first time around, but since God is real in this book, they might assume that someone was truly a man of God if he said so).

⁹ Moses reported this to the Israelites, but they did not listen to him because of their discouragement and cruel bondage.

No! They didn't believe because for all that matters it seems exactly as if he was telling them lies the first time. Listening to him again could just cause more trouble.

¹⁰ Then the LORD said to Moses, ¹¹ "Go, tell Pharaoh king of Egypt to let the Israelites go out of his country."

Yeah right!

¹² But Moses said to the LORD, "If the Israelites will not listen to me, why would Pharaoh listen to me, since I speak with faltering lips ^[d] ?"

Are we going through that routine again? But there's something interesting here. We have to consider that maybe Moses was not a bad speaker (as in shy or not having the right words coming to mind fast enough), but he had a real speech impediment, which is so far from what movies or people think of him. One really has to wonder why the LORD would choose him to represent the Israelites (not that I have anything against handicapped people, but God is playing with people's fates here, so he needs the best speaker he can get). The second interesting or rather funny thing to consider is the original Hebrew words which were "uncircumcised lips". I've seen people struggle with that minor passage, going as far as to say that he might have been disfigured or that he was speaking symbolically saying that because of his speech impediment he didn't consider himself part of the covenant (which if you remember required circumcision as a sign of being part of the covenant).

Family Record of Moses and Aaron

¹³ Now the LORD spoke to Moses and Aaron about the Israelites and Pharaoh king of Egypt, and he commanded them to bring the Israelites out of Egypt.

Yeah OK, I'm beginning to understand that. This is what the Bible is, mostly words and little actions. But when actions are taken, damn! Just damn! (Same thing in real life, like believers, extreme believers I'll give you that, killing homosexuals. Also think about the extremists of another major religion who said to Mr. Plane that he should go visit Mr. and Ms. Tower one sad morning; the visit was unexpected and scarred them for life.)

¹⁴ These were the heads of their families ^[e] :
The sons of Reuben the firstborn son of Israel were Hanoch and Pallu, Hezron and Carmi. These were the clans of Reuben.

It's really confusing how this damn book is written, because here I'm pretty sure Israel stands for Jacob, yet at other points it seems to stand for the people of Israel rather than the man itself. I say, why not always call him Jacob anyway? No more confusion, the change of name was never complete anyway and it's a dumb idea at that.

¹⁵ The sons of Simeon were Jemuel, Jamin, Ohad, Jakin, Zohar and Shaul the son of a Canaanite woman. These were the clans of Simeon.

Beware of Shaul, the son of a Canaanite woman.

¹⁶ These were the names of the sons of Levi according to their records: Gershon, Kohath and Merari. Levi lived 137 years.

Strange, why is Levi's age when he died mentioned here while we don't know about Reuben's?

¹⁷ The sons of Gershon, by clans, were Libni and Shimei.

And now for some strange reason they decide that it's important that I know who the sons of Levi's son were. I'm sure there's no meaning though.

¹⁸ The sons of Kohath were Amram, Izhar, Hebron and Uzziel. Kohath lived 133 years.

Sure, tell me all these names. I really hate these huge bits of the Bible. In fact, I might hate them more than the bad morals, because they're usually full of factual errors, they serve no special purpose and are especially boring.

¹⁹ The sons of Merari were Mahli and Mushi.
These were the clans of Levi according to their records.

Am I to understand that when they don't mention the sons of the sons, it's because they had no children? Because I can see no other reason why they spend some time on Levi's legacy, but not on the others, like Reuben's legacy for example.

²⁰ Amram married his father's sister Jochebed, who bore him Aaron and Moses. Amram lived 137 years.

I presumed earlier that Moses' father had fucked his cousin (we didn't know much at the time), but here now it's confirmed that it was his aunt. At least I was right; once again we had incestuous sex.

²¹ The sons of Izhar were Korah, Nepheg and Zicri.

You know, I shouldn't complain so much when we have confirmed incestuous sex, because at least it makes these passages less boring, slightly less boring. I can tell you that this verse for example, featuring no incestuous relation we know of, is very very boring.

²² The sons of Uzziel were Mishael, Elzaphan and Sithri.

Very very very boring.

²³ Aaron married Elisheba, daughter of Amminadab and sister of Nahshon, and she bore him Nadab and Abihu, Eleazar and Ithamar.

And to say I was wondering all this time who were the members of Moses' brother's family and the answer was just there all along. Now I can live a full meaningful life. The more you know...

²⁴ The sons of Korah were Assir, Elkanah and Abiasaph. These were the Korahite clans.

OK seriously why are we talking about the sons of the son of the son Levi's son?

²⁵ Eleazar son of Aaron married one of the daughters of Putiel, and she bore him Phinehas.
These were the heads of the Levite families, clan by clan.

Clan by clan, as if anyone needed that much information to be moral.

²⁶ It was this same Aaron and Moses to whom the LORD said, "Bring the Israelites out of Egypt by their divisions." ²⁷ They were the ones who spoke to Pharaoh king of Egypt about bringing the Israelites out of Egypt. It was the same Moses and Aaron.

Thanks, I kind of figured that out. It looks like: "They were the same Moses and Aaron, I tell you. Don't believe me? I really mean that, they were the same people you've heard about. No really!"

Aaron to Speak for Moses

²⁸ Now when the LORD spoke to Moses in Egypt, ²⁹ he said to him, "I am the LORD. Tell Pharaoh king of Egypt everything I tell you."

I told you I was right when I said God suffered from Alzheimer's disease.

³⁰ But Moses said to the LORD, "Since I speak with faltering lips, why would Pharaoh listen to me?"

Oh no, Moses too!

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 6:3 Hebrew El-Shaddai
b. Exodus 6:3 See note at Exodus 3:15.
c. Exodus 6:3 Or Almighty, and by my name the LORD did I not let myself be known to them?
d. Exodus 6:12 Hebrew I am uncircumcised of lips ; also in verse 30
e. Exodus 6:14 The Hebrew for families here and in verse 25 refers to units larger than clans.

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 5

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Mon, 2 Aug 2010 03:57:00 -0400

Pharaoh, if he was smart, would answer: "Why does your God need a festival dedicated to him if he's so great? A perfect being shouldn't have any worries, yet he seems to have insecurity issues!"

² Pharaoh said, "Who is the LORD, that I should obey him and let Israel go? I do not know the LORD and I will not let Israel go."

That was kind of predictable. Now I'm sure that when they say that he won't let Israel go, they're talking about a whole people, not the guy of the same name right?

³ Then they said, "The God of the Hebrews has met with us. Now let us take a three-day journey into the desert to offer sacrifices to the LORD our God, or he may strike us with plagues or with the sword."

Why would God strike you with a sword anyway? But I realize here that Pharaoh is exactly like a rational person without any belief in God and Moses and Aaron sound like the believers. They tell you about this shit and these stupid threats without showing you proof first. Of course, the only difference is that in this book, God is real and will actually manifest himself.

⁴ But the king of Egypt said, "Moses and Aaron, why are you taking the people away from their labor? Get back to your work!" ⁵ Then Pharaoh said, "Look, the people of the land are now numerous, and you are stopping them from working."

We knew that plan wouldn't work, so no surprise there.

⁶ That same day Pharaoh gave this order to the slave drivers and foremen in charge of the people: ⁷ "You are no longer to supply the people with straw for making bricks; let them go and gather their own straw. ⁸ But require them to make the same number of bricks as before; don't reduce the quota. They are lazy; that is why they are crying out, 'Let us go and sacrifice to our God.' ⁹ Make the work harder for the men so that they keep working and pay no attention to lies."

Now that's kind of a stupid plan on Pharaoh's part, because they will just work with less efficiency.

¹⁰ Then the slave drivers and the foremen went out and said to the people, "This is what Pharaoh says: 'I will not give you any more straw. ¹¹ Go and get your own straw wherever you can find it, but your work will not be reduced at all.' " ¹² So the people scattered all over Egypt to gather stubble to use for straw. ¹³ The slave drivers kept pressing them, saying, "Complete the work required of you for each day, just as when you had straw." ¹⁴ The Israelite foremen appointed by Pharaoh's slave drivers were beaten and were asked, "Why didn't you meet your quota of bricks yesterday or today, as before?"

Well, probably because it would be impossible since you thought about this STUPID PLAN that could only result in a loss of efficiency.

¹⁵ Then the Israelite foremen went and appealed to Pharaoh: "Why have you treated your servants this way? ¹⁶ Your servants are given no straw, yet we are told, 'Make bricks!' Your servants are being beaten, but the fault is with your own people."

No logic problem here, I agree with the guy. Having slaves is definitely a bad thing, but beating your slaves is at the same time immoral and very stupid. As long as you have slaves (something which I can't condone), treat them just well enough at least so that they're useful.

¹⁷ Pharaoh said, "Lazy, that's what you are—lazy! That is why you keep saying, 'Let us go and sacrifice to the LORD.' ¹⁸ Now get to work. You will not be given any straw, yet you must produce your full quota of bricks."

Wow, I can't believe a man this stupid is in power. Wait, let me retract that comment. George Bush was elected... TWICE!!

¹⁹ The Israelite foremen realized they were in trouble when they were told, "You are not to reduce the number of bricks required of you for each day." ²⁰ When they left Pharaoh, they found Moses and Aaron waiting to meet them, ²¹ and they said, "May the LORD look upon you and judge you! You have made us a stench to Pharaoh and his officials and have put a sword in their hand to kill us."

That's what happens when you stupid untrue beliefs with the real world. But this book is not the real world, so I can bet everything will work out for the Israelites in the end.

God Promises Deliverance

²² Moses returned to the LORD and said, "O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people? Is this why you sent me? ²³ Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has brought trouble upon this people, and you have not rescued your people at all."

Is that guy dumb or what? Even the LORD himself warned him that the plan would not work, that Pharaoh's heart would be hardened magically so that he would not let the people go and he also told him to say to Pharaoh that his firstborn would be killed if he didn't comply, which neither Moses or Aaron said yet to my knowledge.

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 4

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Mon, 2 Aug 2010 02:10:00 -0400

That's exactly what I'd do and considering that so many people claim to talk to God regularly, I'd probably be right if I was to not believe a guy who approached me and told me he spoke to the LORD.

² Then the LORD said to him, "What is that in your hand?"
"A staff," he replied.

Hey big guy! You're the ultimate creator of everything that is; I think you know what a staff is.

³ The LORD said, "Throw it on the ground."
Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it. ⁴ Then the LORD said to him, "Reach out your hand and take it by the tail." So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand. ⁵ "This," said the LORD, "is so that they may believe that the LORD, the God of their fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has appeared to you."

What a weird choice! Considering that a serpent was behind the downfall of humanity, it's strange that God would pick a snake as a way to tell people he was with the guy. (And couldn't he just appear to the people or implant them with the idea that Moses is really a man chosen by the LORD?) If a guy did this trick in front of me, I'd suspect a magic trick of some kind (you've seen what these magicians can do, even if they're fake). If there was no way it was a trick, like no smoke during the trick to hide the staff being replaced by a snake; if I really saw the staff morph in a real snake right in front of my eyes from beginning to end in real time, then I would know that something not explained by science is going on and I would want further investigation on the matter. Maybe it would be real magic, I don't know (all it would be is something not yet explained by science), but it's not a clear message that God exists at all. It's not like the guy appeared right in front of me and created something out of nothing, which he's known to be able to do if he really exists. (Anyway, he knows exactly what I need to believe if he really exists and has the properties people attribute to him, so I'm ready if you're out there.)

⁶ Then the LORD said, "Put your hand inside your cloak." So Moses put his hand into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was leprous, ^[a] like snow.

Strange that God needs to do this trick while the hand is hidden. He works exactly like a real magician, behind your back!

⁷ "Now put it back into your cloak," he said. So Moses put his hand back into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was restored, like the rest of his flesh.

So we have confirmation that God can make you sick and heal you in an instant, at least we know this for skin conditions. Now I'm asking "where are the miracles"? I have some not too severe bad skin condition, nothing I can't live with and I don't really care (it's just skin after all, I'm not feeling sick or dying from it), but still it's not treatable with our current knowledge. I know I'm not a believer, so I wouldn't expect a miracle for myself, but unless the condition is treatable (including very rarely treatable), you won't see anyone recover from it, even if they're the most devout Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists or anything else you might think about. See whywontgodhealamputees.com for a very good example.

⁸ Then the LORD said, "If they do not believe you or pay attention to the first miraculous sign, they may believe the second. ⁹ But if they do not believe these two signs or listen to you, take some water from the Nile and pour it on the dry ground. The water you take from the river will become blood on the ground."

And if they don't believe you after that, then I guess we're fucked! You know, I myself am wondering why God is going with these miracles that most people would most likely associate with the devil. Of course, the devil has not been properly introduced yet. (In all seriousness, God already knows whether they'll accept any sign or not.)

¹⁰ Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."

Seriously though, I was led to believe that Moses was a prophet, I would never have thought for a second he wasn't eloquent. Is God such a poor judge of character?

¹¹ The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? ¹² Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

Oh I see, magic. But isn't that going against his free will? Well, I guess God has already done many free will violations so far, so I shouldn't complain. If I was God though, I wouldn't brag too much about making people handicapped, it's just evil and I think (or hope) most people would agree, even believers. My brother is mentally handicapped, from birth; would God brag about that? (Now if I was to answer God's questions, I would say that natural processes are responsible for what you are, with the science to back it up.)

¹³ But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it."

He clearly doesn't want to do it, once again pointing out the "you're supposed to have free will, yet you can't go against God's will" dilemma.

¹⁴ Then the LORD's anger burned against Moses and he said, "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you. ¹⁵ You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. ¹⁶ He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. ¹⁷ But take this staff in your hand so you can perform miraculous signs with it."

So much for God saying that he could make Moses a better speaker. Now he's asking Aaron to do it with Moses just relaying God's words. I thought one of the most important prophets of the Abrahamic religions would be less of a shy coward.

Moses Returns to Egypt

¹⁸ Then Moses went back to Jethro his father-in-law and said to him, "Let me go back to my own people in Egypt to see if any of them are still alive."
Jethro said, "Go, and I wish you well."

Wow, Jethro sounds like he doesn't care about Moses' fate too much. I know God is with him, but Jethro probably doesn't know that (well he's a priest, maybe I don't know).

¹⁹ Now the LORD had said to Moses in Midian, "Go back to Egypt, for all the men who wanted to kill you are dead." ²⁰ So Moses took his wife and sons, put them on a donkey and started back to Egypt. And he took the staff of God in his hand.

I did expect something like that anyway. It's not like the LORD would send him in a trap with his enemies still alive. Or would he?

²¹ The LORD said to Moses, "When you return to Egypt, see that you perform before Pharaoh all the wonders I have given you the power to do. But I will harden his heart so that he will not let the people go. ²² Then say to Pharaoh, 'This is what the LORD says: Israel is my firstborn son, ²³ and I told you, "Let my son go, so he may worship me." But you refused to let him go; so I will kill your firstborn son.' "

"But I will harden his heart so that he will not let the people go.": why would you go ahead and do something like that? "This is what the LORD says: Israel is my firstborn son, and I told you, 'Let my son go, so he may worship me.' But you refused to let him go; so I will kill your firstborn son.": Israel as in Jacob? Jacob is the LORD's firstborn? What the fuck!? But beyond all that, let's just examine the evil of that sentence. God will kill Pharaoh's firstborn as a punishment to the guy. I agree it's a punishment and it will work, but what about the firstborn himself? He didn't do anything. If my father kills another man's baby, is that man entitled to killing me? No! Everybody would want this man to be punished and go to jail. We don't consider that to be moral. And the crime that the LORD is accusing Pharaoh of isn't even true to begin with! This is not the same Pharaoh as when Jacob was alive as far as we know and that Pharaoh didn't seem to force Jacob to stay. (I'll just assume that we're talking about something else than Jacob in this verse, but if so, what and why so confusing?)

²⁴ At a lodging place on the way, the LORD met {Moses} ^[b] and was about to kill him. ²⁵ But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son's foreskin and touched {Moses'} feet with it. ^[c] "Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me," she said. ²⁶ So the LORD let him alone. (At that time she said "bridegroom of blood," referring to circumcision.)

I have no words; I don't even know what that was about. Let me try to see what happened. Moses, whom God has just chosen as a prophet to liberate the Hebrews from Egypt, is going back to Egypt, just like the LORD told him to. He stays at some place to rest and for no apparent reason, God wants to kill him. I don't know if anyone saw the LORD coming, but his wife makes a move and cuts off the foreskin on her son's penis, put it on Moses' feet to shield him from the LORD. I think I can explain the shield working because it's part of God's covenant with them (I can't explain why he chose circumcision as part of that covenant though), but I can't explain anything else in this passage. It's one of the strangest things I've ever read and so out-of-context. Did God try to kill Moses BECAUSE his son wasn't circumcised? If so, that's stupid, not what was said in the covenant and the paragraph in its whole is poorly written. It doesn't even seem to be in the right chronological order after God chose Moses personally to represent him.

²⁷ The LORD said to Aaron, "Go into the desert to meet Moses." So he met Moses at the mountain of God and kissed him. ²⁸ Then Moses told Aaron everything the LORD had sent him to say, and also about all the miraculous signs he had commanded him to perform.

If I was in Aaron's shoes, I would be like: "Holy shit, you've gotta show me these tricks NOW!"

²⁹ Moses and Aaron brought together all the elders of the Israelites, ³⁰ and Aaron told them everything the LORD had said to Moses. He also performed the signs before the people, ³¹ and they believed. And when they heard that the LORD was concerned about them and had seen their misery, they bowed down and worshiped.

I'm sure that went unnoticed.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 4:6 The Hebrew word was used for various diseases affecting the skin-not necessarily leprosy.
b. Exodus 4:24 Or {Moses' son}; Hebrew him
c. Exodus 4:25 Or and drew near {Moses'} feet

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 3

noreply@blogger.com (Bob) — Sun, 1 Aug 2010 17:19:00 -0400

"Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God.": I think the book is not even trying anymore. No, in fact it must be trying to be so bad, because you can't mess up something like that by accident. In the last chapter, just before this one, it was Reuel that was the priest of Midian and father-in-law to Moses, not Jethro. Might it be that he has several names? Maybe, maybe not, we'll just never know. I'm not going to make a study each time something like that happens, like with Anah in the book of Genesis.

⁴ When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, "Moses! Moses!"
And Moses said, "Here I am."

Bah, nothing special. I can replicate the exact same thing after consuming some types of shrooms, the freak out. It's funny from an outsider's look though, looking at Moses talking to a bush and wondering "What the hell?"

⁵ "Do not come any closer," God said. "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." ⁶ Then he said, "I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob." At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God.

So is looking at God a bad thing? He's the one who appeared to you after all and your ancestors did see him without expressing shame or fear (well they did show fear, but not in the form of hiding, rather obeying everything he said fearing that he'd do something bad to them).

⁷ The LORD said, "I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. ⁸ So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey—the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. ⁹ And now the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them. ¹⁰ So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt."

Whys is it that God is always so useless? First, he lets his people (thought he was for everybody) suffer for a long period without doing anything, unlike he promised. Then when he decides to do something about it, he asks a third party to do it.

¹¹ But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"

After all, Moses has been some kind of coward so far and he would be risking his life by going back to Egypt. Seems to me that God is not picking the best suited candidate for the task.

¹² And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you ^[a] will worship God on this mountain."

Like that's going to help. And worshipping God on a mountain is not necessarily a sign that it was he who sent him, is it? (I mean, George Bush worshipped God, yet he was a terrible president that didn't seem to get a lot of holy help, not that there's such a thing).

¹³ Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?"

Why would they ask that? Nobody asked that so far. And if there's truly only one god, then just God is fine. Most importantly, if Moses himself would be wondering that, then how come they'd know that?

¹⁴ God said to Moses, "I am who I am . ^[b] This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' "

Wow, what a name! (I guess everybody in the Bible is named for strange things and situations, including God himself.) His name is like that's so because I said so.

¹⁵ God also said to Moses, "Say to the Israelites, 'The LORD, ^[c] the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.' This is my name forever, the name by which I am to be remembered from generation to generation.

So the LORD would probably be the equivalent for "I am" according to the footnotes. Everybody called him the LORD; I just assumed it was a title, not a proper name. But this name is commonly known among Hebrews, isn't it, so it's not a proof of anything on Moses' part. What's funny to me is that here, God predicts that he will be known by that name every generation to come, yet it's not the most common name by which he's known. (God, Jesus, Jehovah, Yahweh, Love, Heavenly Father or just Father are all common names by which people refer to this god. LORD is certainly one of them, probably most common than some of the names I just mentioned, but still God isn't known exclusively or most commonly by that name.)

¹⁶ "Go, assemble the elders of Israel and say to them, 'The LORD, the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—appeared to me and said: I have watched over you and have seen what has been done to you in Egypt. ¹⁷ And I have promised to bring you up out of your misery in Egypt into the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites—a land flowing with milk and honey.'

Milk and honey? Sign me up!

¹⁸ "The elders of Israel will listen to you. Then you and the elders are to go to the king of Egypt and say to him, 'The LORD, the God of the Hebrews, has met with us. Let us take a three-day journey into the desert to offer sacrifices to the LORD our God.' ¹⁹ But I know that the king of Egypt will not let you go unless a mighty hand compels him. ²⁰ So I will stretch out my hand and strike the Egyptians with all the wonders that I will perform among them. After that, he will let you go.

At least God has some common sense here, but like I said before, he's God. If he wants the Israelites to have good lives not living under oppression, he can just instantly resolve everything with no problem.

²¹ "And I will make the Egyptians favorably disposed toward this people, so that when you leave you will not go empty-handed. ²² Every woman is to ask her neighbor and any woman living in her house for articles of silver and gold and for clothing, which you will put on your sons and daughters. And so you will plunder the Egyptians."

There has been stealing before in the Bible, but it was usually the result of a war where people were dead and left things behind. Here, God asks his own people to clearly steal from a direct divine order, breaking one of the popular commandments in the beloved list he himself gives later.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 3:12 The Hebrew is plural.
b. Exodus 3:14 Or I will be what I will be
c. Exodus 3:15 The Hebrew for LORD sounds like and may be derived from the Hebrew for I am in verse 14.