Krzysztof D'Aardvark tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2009-05-12://1 2011-12-31T20:07:39Z Imperator of Stuff Movable Type Pro 5.11 http://www.feedburner.com/fb/images/pub/fb_pwrd.gif List of "Shadowy Organisations" tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.111 2011-11-19T23:30:00Z 2011-12-31T20:07:39Z theaardvark The Freemasons
The Knights Templar
The Illuminati
The shape-shifting reptilian humanoids from Alpha Draconis
The New World Order
The Society of the Elect
The Fourth Reich
MOSAD
Scientology
Opus Dei
Direction du renseignement militaire
Oghab 2
Mossad
genzia Informazioni e Sicurezza Esterna
Federal Security Service (FSB)  - Федеральная служба безопасности
KGB
Ordo Templi Orientis
The Bilderberg Group
Hashshashin- The Order of Assassins
The Black Hand
The Knights of the Golden Circle
The Thule Society
The Sons of Liberty
Skull and Bones

]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/11/list-of-shadowy-organisations.html How to make a Toast Toastie. And enjoy it (sort of). tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.110 2011-11-16T21:58:11Z 2011-12-31T16:29:00Z This is the second in an already extended series of recipe blogs here on Theaardvark.co.uk. *Warning - The recipe below is not recommended for anyone who likes a bit of taste in their food. Ingredients 3 slices of bread Butter... theaardvark This is the second in an already extended series of recipe blogs here on Theaardvark.co.uk.

*Warning - The recipe below is not recommended for anyone who likes a bit of taste in their food.

2011-11-16 22.46.03Ingredients
3 slices of bread
Butter
Salt and Pepper
Toaster
Toasted sandwich maker

2011-11-16 22.48.27Place one slice of bread in the toaster and toast to a dark brown. Don't allow the toast to burn as the end result will become quite bitter. And you don't want to let things become bitter do you? That's why you're on your own in a rented bedsit making a toast sandwich from an internet recipe in the first place, isn't it?

Meantime, pre-heat the toasted sandwich maker.

2011-11-16 22.50.51Butter the 2 pieces of bread and the toast and remove the crusts from the toast.

There still time to order in another take-away you know..... If money's really that much of a problem, why not just get some chips from the chippy. It's got to be better than a toast sandwich. Just don't stop at the off-licence as you go passed.

2011-11-16 22.53.35Place the bread into your toasted sandwich maker, butter side out and put the toast in the middle. Add salt and pepper to taste. Close the toasted sandwich maker up and, if it's a Diablo one like mine, trim the excess bread off. Don't throw this away. If money's that short you'll be wanting to eat these too.

You decided not to go out huh? Worried you'd bump into her with her new partner? Just don't start drinking again, OK?

2011-11-16 22.57.28Place the sandwich maker on the heat / turn it on. Check on your sandwich occasionally until the outside is your preferred shade of brown. Turn out onto a plate and enjoy.


The Toast Toastie is best enjoyed with a a full bodied, peppery red wine. But best stick to the mineral water. You'll be drinking cooking wine out of a paper bag again in no time if you don't.

2011-11-16 22.58.19

Enjoy your meal. And try to get yourself back on your feet, yeah? Forget her and move on.

#Omnomnom

]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/11/how-to-make-a-toast-toastie-and-enjoy-it-sort-of.html How to make Tesco Value Noodles in Asda Curry Sauce on Shippams Paste on Toast. And Survive tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.109 2011-11-02T15:34:32Z 2011-12-31T17:28:50Z This is the first in a very short series of recipe blogs here on Theaardvark.co.uk. There are 3 basic food groups according to Twitter. There's your Curry Sauce, your Value Noodles and your Paste. Any one of these is enough... theaardvark This is the first in a very short series of recipe blogs here on Theaardvark.co.uk.

There are 3 basic food groups according to Twitter. There's your Curry Sauce, your Value Noodles and your Paste. Any one of these is enough to cause a social media taste explosion. It was only a matter of time before someone was foolhardy daring enough to combine the 3 into one brand-erific meal.

*Warning - The recipe below is not recommended for anyone on a calorie, fat, salt or loser controlled diet.

Ingredients
1 Jar Asda Curry Sauce
1 Packet Tesco Value Noodles
1 Jar Shippam's Chicken Paste (you could try the crab paste but you'd be a bit mad)
2 slices of cheap bread
Butter or butter substitute

2011-11-02 14.38.26 Tesco Value NoodlesPlace the Tesco Value Noodles into a pan with the sachet of "flavouring". Add 150ml of water and boil for 1 minute (these values are both less than stated on the packet. Trust me here, ok?)

2011-11-02 14.44.56Meanwhile, place 300ml of the Asda Curry Sauce in a microwave proof bowl, cover and microwave for 1 minute (make sure you cover it. This stuff is explosive when exposed to microwaves and you'll be cleaning the inside of your oven for days otherwise)

Place your 2 pieces of bread in your toaster.

2011-11-02 14.47.14Add the Asda Curry Sauce to the noodles and return to the heat. Do not allow to boil! (Actually, you can boil it all you want but all the recipes on tins say that so I'm assuming it's supposed to make it taste better. I mean, really, who the chuff can heat up soup and make toast and watch Monk on the Hallmark Channel without letting the soup boil a little?)

2011-11-02 14.52.40Butter your toast and spread on Shippam's Chicken Paste. You can add as much or as little as you want, to taste. But, lets face it, you might as well use the whole jar because if it goes back in the fridge it's never coming out again.

Once the noodles are fully cooked, pour them over your toast.

2011-11-02 14.54.04

Now, restart Monk on the PVR, sit down and enjoy.

Tesco Value Noodles in Asda Curry Sauce on Shippam's Paste on Toast is best enjoyed with a fruity red wine and a bottle of Pepto Bismol.

You can spice up your meal with the addition of Tabasco Sauce and/or Worcestershire Sauce to the noodles. Or, why not spread the toast with a thin layer of Marmite or Bovril before the Shippam's Paste?

Please let me know how you enjoy your Tesco Value Noodles in Asda Curry Sauce on Shippam's Paste on Toast and any recipe variations you try.

#Omnomnom

]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/11/how-to-make-tesco-value-noodles-in-asda-curry-sauce-on-shippams-paste-on-toast-and-survive.html Jordan Evans & The Oil Rig Scam tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.108 2011-10-03T17:19:52Z 2011-12-31T14:43:19Z It's an unfortunate aspect of the internet that most people who sell something private on one of the many website set up to help you do so will have encountered this at some time.That horrible feeling when you receive an... theaardvark
That horrible feeling when you receive an offer for your "item" that seems just a little bit too good to be true but almost believable enough to accept.

Everyone knows the internet is full of scammers, right? But this offer seems like it could be genuine and you'd be stupid to turn away a real opportunity to sell your "item" just because your such a sceptic, right?

Another in the very long list of such scams comes form someone who always seems to use the same name "Jordan Evans" and is slowly cycling through a number of Gmail addresses associated with that name.

I've pasted it the full text of one of his emails below for search engine purposes, to help anyone searching based on that text.

The problem is, he seems genuine and he's even offering to pay by Paypal. Paypal's secure right? Once you're money's in there then you've got it right? So how can it be a scam?

The scam comes once you've agreed to sell the item. He says he's going to get a delivery driver come collect it but they need paying in advance through a Western Union account, but he can't do that. So he agrees to pay you more than the item's price.. say an extra £700, and asks you to pay the delivery driver, via Western Union. 

He will then tell you he's made the Paypal payment when he hasn't hoping you'll make the transfer to the Western Union account.

As with all online transactions, you should never payout anything on the request of the buyer. If he/she wants your items, they can pay it themselves.

There's more info about this scam and some variations / different names / different emails used on http://www.scamwarners.com/.

---Email Text to help anyone searching for its provenance---

----- Forwarded message -----
From: "Jordan Evans" <evanszq03@googlemail.com>
To: [redacted]
Subject: [redacted]
Date: Mon, Oct 3, 2011 2:54 pm


Thanks for the mail,i am buying this for my son as his gift because i
would not be around to celebrate with him i am a petroleum engineer
currently on a rig offshore and due to the nature of my work,phone
calls making and visiting of website are restricted but i squeezed out
time to check this advert and send you an email regarding it. I really
want this item to be a surprise gift for my son so i wont let him know
anything about the item until it gets delivered to him,i am sure he
will be more than happy with the item.I insisted on paypal because i
don't have access to my bank account online as i don't have internet
banking, but i can pay from my PayPal account,as i have my bank a/c
attached to it, i will need you to give me your PayPal email address
so i can make the payment as soon as possible for the item and pls if
you don't have PayPal account yet,it is very easy to set up, go on
www.paypal.com and get it set up ,after you have set it up i will only
need the e-mail address you use for registration with PayPal so as to
put the money through.I have a pick up agent that will come for the
pick up immediately you have receive the payment in full.please get
back to me with your last price?
Jordan David
]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/10/jordan-evans-the-oil-rig-scam.html Such a shame it's comment spam..... tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.107 2011-07-31T10:59:00Z 2011-12-31T18:29:05Z Received yesterday..."Simply want to say your article is astonishing. The clearness in your post is simply spectacular and i can assume you are an expert on this subject. Well with your permission allow me to grab your rss feed to... theaardvark
"Simply want to say your article is astonishing. The clearness in your post is simply spectacular and i can assume you are an expert on this subject. Well with your permission allow me to grab your rss feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please keep up the gratifying work."
]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/07/such-a-shame-its-comment-spam.html NOPED - National Order for the Prevention of Evilness to Dads tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.106 2011-07-26T15:24:45Z 2011-12-31T07:16:34Z There is a minority group in the UK that goes completely unrepresented. This group plays a vital yet under-recognised role in British Society and it's high time there was an organisation that protected and campaigned for their rights. .bbpBox95535622726488064 {background:url(http://a0.twimg.com/images/themes/theme15/bg.png)... theaardvark There is a minority group in the UK that goes completely unrepresented. This group plays a vital yet under-recognised role in British Society and it's high time there was an organisation that protected and campaigned for their rights.


Me, the boy and the cat: we're all sat in a hot car outside co-op. I note that of the three of us I'm the only one without an RSPC groupless than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Replyjonhickman
jonhickman


So ,here it is. This is where we take a stand, draw a line in the sand and put our feet down. No more taking Dads for granted. No more placing Dads in mortal danger for entertainment or expediency. Today sees the formation of:

NOPED - The National Order for the Prevention of Evilness to Dads.

First, like all charities, we need a motto/statement/diatribe. We're keeping ours short and simple:

"Don't diss Dads!"

Second we need something to campaign for. A set of values we think society should hold. A Bill of Dads' Rights, if you will. This is still a work in progress and we welcome your suggestions. So far we (I) have come up with:

  1. Dads are not unpaid taxi drivers.
  2. Don't use Dad's towel.
  3. No, I won't fix your bloody bike if you're not going to look after it properly and put it away when it's raining.

I think this part of our manifesto (oooh, we have a manifest now too. cool) needs some work. I'll be accepting suggestions.

Finally, we'll be campaigning for Royal recognition so that the NOPED can become the ROPED. Yey!

]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/07/noped-national-order-for-the-prevention-of-evilness-to-dads.html @urbancoffeeco answered my coffee question tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.105 2011-06-28T14:35:47Z 2011-12-31T01:07:01Z Recently @urbancoffeeco sought questions regarding coffee, which their staff would answer by video. I asked: .bbpBox{background:url(http://a2.twimg.com/profile_background_images/3790945/twitbacks_background.jpg) #fcfbf9;padding:20px;}@urbancoffeeco #urbananswers I have an espresso maker at home. Other than espressos, what are the easy coffee drinks I can make?Wed Jun 08 14:30:35... theaardvark Recently @urbancoffeeco sought questions regarding coffee, which their staff would answer by video. I asked:

@urbancoffeeco #urbananswers I have an espresso maker at home. Other than espressos, what are the easy coffee drinks I can make?Wed Jun 08 14:30:35 via Dabrtheaardvark
theaardvark


Urban Coffee Company answered:



]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/06/urbancoffeeco-answered-my-coffee-question.html Tumblr template - Colour of Title and Link swaps tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.104 2011-06-20T17:36:09Z 2011-12-31T00:33:43Z theaardvark Tumblr Template edit.jpgDoes anyone have any experience of the editable colours for Title and Link text swapping over without prompting in any of Tumblr's pre-made templates?

It's happened twice now on the Tumblr for http://midlandtemplespa.co.uk/. The colours are editable in a drop down box, as shown here, without touching the CSS or HTML. However, on 2 occasions now when I've edited some of the HTML code for the site, the colours in the "Title Color" and "Link Color" boxes have switched over on saving.

Has this happened for anyone else? Is there a way to prevent it?

]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/06/tumblr-template-colour-of-title-and-link-swaps.html An Amateur Designing a Web Ad. Mk2 tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.103 2011-06-19T13:33:20Z 2011-12-31T12:04:26Z theaardvark first attempt at this web ad for Sharon's Temple Spa business. 

1) I got the size wrong. The ad should by 320 x 320, not 300 x 300. Doh!
2) The text is way too small.

The second one is a problem. Very few people know what Temple Spa is, so our advert needs to explain introduce the brand, explain what a Temple Spa class is and why you would want to hold one. We can't do that without text.

So I'm going to try an animated Gif and spread the text across 3 pages.

As with all of my web development and similar stuff, I'm a novice kind of feeling my way by trial and error. I'd welcome some feedback.

320 x 320 Square Ad.gif

]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/06/an-amatur-designing-a-web-ad-mk2.html I've been designing a Web Ad tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.102 2011-06-16T21:49:35Z 2011-12-29T18:19:46Z I've been working on some web ads for Midland Temple Spa Consultant, Sharon's new business venture. The franchise only provides ads that are clearly designed for print media. None suitable for web use.The first is a 300 x 300 square... theaardvark
The first is a 300 x 300 square ad to go on LichfieldLive. Unfortunately, that doesn't fit anywhere on this site. Here it is for reference.

Square Web Ad.jpg

]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/06/ive-been-designing-a-web-ad.html Site's borked tag:theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.101 2011-06-14T22:29:00Z 2011-11-17T00:06:38Z Site's a little broked at the moment. Seems to look ok on theaardvark.co.uk but the CSS isn't being picked up properly on www.theaardvark.co.ukArse.It's 12:30am. I'm not aobut to try to fix it now.... theaardvark theaardvark.co.uk but the CSS isn't being picked up properly on www.theaardvark.co.uk

Arse.

It's 12:30am. I'm not aobut to try to fix it now.
]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/06/sites-borked.html Spam and Tonic tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.100 2011-05-07T22:58:33Z 2011-10-25T04:36:00Z Below is my favourite spam blog comment of today. It came along with a link to an Indian Body Building site. In the standing position, feet spread slightly apart, hands behind the neck with your fingers interlocked. Bend the body... theaardvark Below is my favourite spam blog comment of today. It came along with a link to an Indian Body Building site.

In the standing position, feet spread slightly apart, hands behind the neck with your fingers interlocked. Bend the body forward from the waist, without bending the knees, and try to bring your head down between your legs. Of course, it will be impossible to bring your head all the way down, but stretch your body as far as possible without straining yourself. Do not remove your hands from behind your head. Use your hands to help push your head down further. When you have reached as far down as possible, return to the starting position. You will perform this exercise with more ease after one or two weeks. Perform this exercise 5 times.

]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/05/spam-and-tonic.html Lyris explains.... tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.98 2011-03-20T20:28:29Z 2011-10-25T04:57:25Z theaardvark Following on from my last blog post, the email below explains what happened and apologise for the accidental mailout. I wonder how much of a bollocking the person responsible got.

 

 

You may have received an email from Lyris that didn't make any sense (unless you speak Latin). The email was intended to be a test send of a new template, but was inadvertently sent to some of our live contacts.

We're sorry for any confusion this may have caused. We found out what happened and we assure you it won't happen again. Next time you receive an email message from Lyris, you can be sure that it will be clear and informative, just as you've come to expect.

Thank you for your understanding.

Best Regards,

Allison Landis
Sr. Field Marketing Manager
Lyris, Inc.
Tel: 510-844-2451

 
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]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/03/lyris-explains.html OK, so which idiot at Lyris hit the "send" button accidentally? tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.97 2011-03-16T23:09:43Z 2011-03-16T23:20:48Z theaardvark I received this email today. It seems someone at Lyris accidentally hit "send" on an example mailshot. I wonder how many people this got sent out to.

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]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/03/ok-so-which-idiot-at-lyris-hit-the-send-button-accidentally.html Things I have done for money tag:www.theaardvark.co.uk,2011://1.96 2011-03-15T21:18:00Z 2011-09-15T10:39:31Z theaardvark
It got me thinking about the things I've done in the past to earn money; in part-time jobs, in my main career and in secondary jobs.

  1. Repair of audio and video equipment: I worked for a company that specialised in altering equipment imported from the far east to ensure it met safety and other regulation.
  2. Civil Servant - HMC&E: I was the VAT man, a VAT visiting officer
  3. VAT Consultant
  4. Parcel Delivery Man - I was an archetypal white van man delivering parcels for Parcel Force.
  5. DJ - Mobile discos. Weddings, birthday parties, corporate does, etc.
  6. DJ - Theme pubs & nightclubs. Quite a different job to mobile discos.
  7. Tree surgeon. (Sort of. I earned pocket money from my Dad helping him out when he chopped down people's trees in return for the wood for firewood)
  8. Coach Tour Entertainment - For a very short period of time I did daily entertainment for coach tours. Quizzes, bingo, video horse racing, etc.
  9. Web development. I've helped out a friend who builds website with some for the technical problems.
  10. Bar Man.
  11. Paper Boy
  12. Event Management - Just the one job so far, organising a conference for a multi-national
  13. Online clothing retailer - Sold clubbing gear including flashing t-shirts on a website.
  14. Blogger - After closing down the clothing retailer, I turned the website into a clubbing wear blog and earned approx £100 per month from advertising.

]]> http://www.theaardvark.co.uk/2011/03/things-i-have-done-for-money.html