Relationships to strangers

Once when I dropped some money into a beggar’s hat he looked me squarely in the eye, smiled and said “God bless you” but something far more was exchanged than those simple words. I really did feel I received a blessing from this unique individual to the extent that I am still thinking of it and writing about it here many years later. Who can you bless today?

Relationships to friends

Relationships to family

Relationships to significant other

Relationships to things

Relationship to God

In spite of all the problems in the world there is still so much good to be found and an abundance of nourishing relationships that shouldn’t be ignored. Improve your relationship to self and God and all other relationships will immediately improve also. It all starts with a simple choice.

You’re not a victim, you are a creator. Go create!

Enjoy!

Many years ago and during a rather difficult period in my life, I was driving along a busy road on a very stormy day when suddenly my world turn green as a tree was blown down on to my car. The trunk landed across the empty rear seats, flattening the back of the car whilst a branch landed across the bonnet. I was left sitting safe between the two parts of the tree.

As I got shakily out of the car a group of builders from a site across the road ran over and kindly helped drag the tree clear. “Bloody heck mate! We saw that tree falling in slow motion…You’ve got a guardian angel or something, you’re so lucky! We thought you were a gonna!” They said.

I didn’t feel quite so gracious. In fact, as far as I was concerned, this was just another case of life stomping on me some more. I’d only recently bought the car, it wasn’t insured against such occurrences and while it was still just drivable it certainly wasn’t road legal and nor was it repairable. “So thanks again world, now I have to find the money to buy a new car as well as dealing with everything else. Why me! Shame the tree didn’t just land on my head instead!

It seems a little crazy now but that is what I really thought for a while back then. I thought I’d be better off dead!

This maybe an extreme example but do you see how it was my attitude that made this problem such a problem to me? Yet to the builders eyes it was an almost miraculous stroke of good fortune. I’d been driving at about 30mph and yet the tree missed me by less than 18 inches, it could have been so much worse.

Either way the event did serve to get me thinking, it was a pretty amazing thing to have happen after all, and indeed others were killed or injured by falling trees across the country on that same stormy day. Inside I did know I was very fortunate, it just took a while for that to become more consciously apparent.

My struggle and misery was the result of my reaction to my problems not so much because of the problems in themselves. In my attempts to reject and resist what was I was splitting from the greater serendipitous spiritual unfolding of my life and feeling miserable as a result. Little ego me thought I knew better than Life. The truth is little ego you never know’s better and the spiritual solution to any material problem is to find a way to allow little ego you to connect with the magnificence of the bigger picture.

That connection becomes self evident when you feel a renewed sense of hope and grace about whatever you are dealing with, when you finally surrender to what is and move on. In another article I highlight the process were we pass through the stages of, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and renewal and you may care to refer to that article for further insight.

The Spiritual Solution

In times past seekers would go on retreat to a mountain top or monastery to separate themselves for the complications of daily life in order to quiet the mind and feel calm enough to connect with the silent whisperings of God. In these busy modern times nipping off for a retreat is a luxury few of us can enjoy and it’s not a particularly practical everyday solution. Dealing with the demands of a challenging job, raising a young family or running a business etc. don’t tend to allow you much space for hill top retreats. If you’re feeling troubled or overwhelmed by the events of your life then it is precisely those feelings that are telling you that you need to take some time out to connect with the bigger picture.

Those troubled feelings are a certain indicator that you’re out of alignment. Sure, you may have been let down and you may indeed have highly valid reasons to feel discontented but the solution to your discontent is not so much the removal or resolution of the things that are upsetting you but rather learning to feel good in spite of all that. When you achieve that then your troubles will begin resolving themselves auto-magically. You’ll gain fresh ideas and insights into how to move forward that simply were not available to you during your state of discontent because these new ideas and insights vibrate on a different level to your discontent. This means taking some time out and regrouping. It doesn’t mean you have to hide out on a mount for 40 days and nights, but you do have to stop and consciously seek a felt connection with the all that is.

One possible solution I have tucked away on this website is an audio meditation a little whimsically entitled The Pan Galactic Abundance Meditation. I invite you to give it a try. I’ve had some very positive feedback on it, one person stated:

…I actually had quite a profound experience with the meditation. I developed this deep feeling of happiness and joy and it resonated through my whole body and I just erupted in laughter.. i could feel the space around my body.. i could feel a vibration above my hands, it was an amazing feeling…

Enjoy!

Donald Trump

Success coaches tell us to “Think Big!”, set big goals, if you want millions, think in millions, there’s no need to settle for less. This is the advice from people who have successfully acquired lots of money by thinking big, it has worked for them. High profile teachers such as T Harv Eker, John Assaraf and Robert Allen, to name but three, all dreamt of being millionaires from an early age yet also experienced all manner of ups and downs on the way to eventual success. They had fairly big dreams from the outset and succeeded in spite of every setback but what of us with more modest dreams? Is it more crucial that we think big or that we think true to ourselves? Can or should you force yourself to think big when what really interests you is the smaller stuff?

What are your true dreams? Big houses, cars, toys and long exotic holidays, never worrying about money again? Deeply satisfying work? Inner peace? Maybe you simply want to feel you have made a difference. Thinking very big is fine for Donald Trump but it doesn’t mean that if you start thinking of being a property tycoon that you’ll miraculously become one? No, to do that you’d have to think tycoon type thoughts persistently and accompany those with tycoon type actions for some time indeed and you won’t be able to follow through with any of that unless it is what you truly want. Donald Trump maybe an interesting character but he’s not you or I and his thoughts are his own. The very worst thing you can do to yourself is to try and force yourself into being someone you’re not. You need to be thinking true to you rather than just thinking big.

The wonderful thing about us humans is that we all want something different and I suggest that everyone of us is in the right place to achieve exactly what we dream of. Big thinking is not required unless you have big dreams and in that case those big thoughts will come to you as naturally as breathing anyway. The chances are that your dreams may be less ambitious than Mr Trumps, and there is nothing wrong with that, but to alter your life for the better you’re still going to have to modify the way you think because what you have thought thus far has only got you to where you are now. To make changes and experience more abundance your thought processes must change also. This is achieved by learning to think fuller more life affirming thoughts, thoughts that feel better, yes, thinking bigger. This in turn means becoming more conscious of the thoughts you already habitually think and then consciously choosing to think differently. Simple, but….

Beware The Introspection Trap!

Deep introspection about what we think can send us into a potential minefield. Endlessly analysing our thoughts can easily lead to our inner critic gaining control and berating us for thinking so negatively. As you’d imagine, berating inner critic thoughts directed at other negative thoughts are pretty low grade thoughts to be thinking! This will not lift our life to the next level, so some care is needed.

Take the example of a top class athlete studying video footage of their previous events and practice sessions. Whilst watching he/she will notice areas of their technique that they consider need improvement. Now the highly successful athlete will watch, learn and improve swiftly motivated solely by the very clear and present goal to be/do their very best. However, for those of us not quite so clearly focused it is very easy to observe our failings and perceived faults, judge ourselves negatively, and then feel lesser as a result.

So consider another athlete watching themselves but instead of clearly learning and moving forward they immediately begin feeling depressed because they notice so many faults in their technique in spite of the years of training etc. Next their inner critic jumps in with doubtful thoughts suggesting that they’ll never be good enough, perhaps they should retire, lower their sights etc.. Thus their thoughts spiral ever downwards until eventually they’ve had enough negativity. This realisation then enables them to begin reframing their thought processes back into more positive, constructive directions allowing them to learn and move on. Both athletes are learning and improving but surely the first athlete is going to improve more swiftly and consistently as a result of their clarity of mind?

It’s very common for us to get stuck thinking less of ourselves due to our continual negative self judgements and perceived failings but these are the very thoughts that we most need to change. This habit can be transformed by our nurturing a non judgemental observer side of self, an inner coach so to speak, that whilst meticulously honest is also relentlessly supportive. Achieving this takes practice and I do not claim to have it fully mastered even after many years, it’s an endless work in progress yet also a very interesting and enjoyable journey.

Summary

• We need to think true to ourselves, dream our dreams, not those suggested to us by others.

• Any positive change requires us to make a conscious change in thinking. (Think different/bigger)

• We can only change our thinking if we are conscious of what we are thinking. (Beliefs are habitual thoughts and often unconscious)

• Becoming increasingly conscious of our thinking requires sustained directed effort in that direction coupled with meticulous self honesty.

• Self honesty does not mean berating yourself for your perceived failings. It means watching and learning from your mistakes.

• Make a point of staying focused more on your goals and dreams than on painful self examination of past hurts, lacks and injustices.

• Have fun with all this, play with, it enjoy it, life is about the journey. Becoming more conscious on your journey allows your journey to become more consciously enjoyable. You do get to choose moment by moment.

Society and the media love to sell us dreams involving the acquisition of more stuff but surely our motivation in pursuing almost anything is that we think we’ll feel better by following through with that pursuit and/or the end result. We think life will be better when we’re rich, live in a bigger house or that helping relieve the suffering of the poor will be deeply rewarding and satisfying work. However the achievement of any dream or the acquisition of any new stuff only leads to the birth of a new desire, a new dream, a new thought so go with the flow, enjoy the process of manifesting rather than crushing your desires and thinking small.

I’ve pondered on this over the years. I’d look at, musicians, scientists or athletes, careers people etc. that seemed so absorbed and focused upon their one special subject that they were naturally successful at it and I’d get to thinking wouldn’t it be lovely to be so focused, to have such a clear purpose. But are careers and professions really what life purpose is all about? I’m not so sure.

As a child I was frequently asked “What to you want to be when you grow up?” but I never had a clear idea so for quite awhile I’d reply “A marine biologist” as I was very taken with Jacques Cousteau at the time, and this answer seemed to keep people quiet. However I knew that I wasn’t really interested or motivated enough to actually do all the studying necessary to achieve that goal (much to my parents dismay). I’ve only ever been able to apply myself to something that really interests me and whilst I’ve rarely been short of anything to interest me it often seemed like I lacked purpose simply because I was defining purpose within the limited term of a single purposeful lifetime career or profession.

Four years of intense but wonderful spiritual and personal development work at The Barbara Brennan School Of Healing did not result in the uncovering of a definitive career style life task either though it did inspire me to create this website.

It was just a year or two back that I finally recognised that the only thing I’d ever been totally, uncompromisingly, purposeful about was my desire to live an enjoyable life….doh! Could something as simple as enjoying life really be a life purpose? Well maybe it can and one hopes that those successful artists and career professionals mentioned earlier are pursuing said careers because they enjoy what they do rather than purely as a means of survival.

As a child the adult role models around me didn’t seem to be enjoying life that much. My parents weren’t happy, my school teachers were mostly inconsistent, abusive and dysfunctional, whilst others such as those fine “right honourable” politicians in the Houses of Parliament appeared somewhat less than “right and honourable” to my youthful eyes. Being an adult didn’t seem like much fun, adults were so serious. In hindsight I recognise that I found this very discouraging and consequently rebelled against such a “norm”. I wanted better than that and here in later life I now recognise my success. I’m enjoying life more than ever simply because I’ve become ever more adept at enjoying any task or situation through staying centred and connected. My various professions and all the up and downs of life have guided me steadily along the way and continue to do so.

So let me suggest that if you’re feeling a little listless and wondering what on earth you’re here for then just go and have some fun, for the fun of it, creating something is good, playing is good, learning something new is good, finding a way to laugh or helping someone else laugh is good. It’s all good you don’t have to do amazing things or change the world, a purposeful life is a life deliberately enjoyed and engaged with. You may not feel a great driven goal to ardently pursue a certain profession or skill but I bet there are a few things you’ve always fancied trying or learning. Give one of them a go, for the fun of it, just start, you’ll feel a new surge of life running through you even from just thinking about it.

You’re far more likely to discover and embark upon your next fulfilling, meaningful undertaking from a position of playful, hopefully joyousness than from any outlook of overly sensible reasoned, “realistic” logical analysis.

So go on, have some fun, the results may surprise you…

Enjoy.

In the work of transforming our relationship to money and the financial aspects of abundance I feel it is important to cultivate feelings of gratitude and thankfulness for what we do have now regardless of whether we perceive this as being insufficient for our needs wants or desires. It is my experience that genuine gratitude is deeply healing and transformative.

So here is the practice of “Spending as a prayer”.

• At the moment of any financial transaction.

• Pause and consider your choice to make or finalise this purchase.

• Consider some of the great many other choices you could have made. Other ways in which you could have spent or saved this money.

• Feel the abundant possibilities you actually have for directing your financial resources.

• If you are paying utility bills, taxes or any such item that perhaps normally evokes feelings of resentment then approach them in a new way. See if you can allow feelings of gratitude for the services provided to be felt instead.

• Bless all your financial transactions deliberately and consciously with love and gratitude.

• Count your many blessings and share and exchange them.

In God I trust
With this money I invest
In the creativity, provision and service of others
This sacred exchange uplifts my spirit
I recognise the value of all others
And bless their many endeavours
In so doing I honour and bless mine
Exchanged together resplendent in the abundant bounty of life
For ever and ever
Amen

Try it, you will be pleasantly surprised by the results.

However the meaning of life is a subject close to my heart and I do have few thoughts to offer in that regard.

For those of you in a hurry my summary on “The Meaning Of Life” is right here:-

Life is the meaning of life. Life simply is, life is the entirety of all that ever was or ever will be. Life exists as life so as to be life and thus requires no meaning beyond the simple experience of being life. The search for meaning is a human felt condition brought about by the sense of separation from the all that is Life.

Goodbye then….

And hello to those of you who are still reading, greetings, namaste…

I also suggest that any interpretation of the meaning of life is personal and subjective and that life will have whatever meaning you decide to give it. I encourage you to consider how you are feeling during the times that you’re inclined to question the meaning of life because my experience has been that I’m most likely to ponder on life when life doesn’t appear to be going very well or when I’m less than fully immersed in life.

When I’m centred and fully engaged with life and enjoying the life-force moving through me as I partake in the doings and beings of my days then all is well.
It is only during darker uncertain times that life may seem to lack meaning, feel harsh, a struggle or cruel and unfair and when life may even seem futile. Thoughts and feelings such as these are a sure indication that you’ve pinched your self off from the fullness of life and your greater, wiser, understanding spiritual self; from the aspects of you that know life from the broadest understanding. Most of us are feeling differing degrees of this disconnection a great deal of the time but the encouraging thing is that once you realise that it is exactly this sense of disconnection or meaninglessness that lies as the root cause of your discontent then you can begin the wonderful journey of reconnection, and it takes no more than one small glimpse of true connection to change one’s life irrevocably for the better for ever.

One small glimpse is all it takes to set you upon a journey of discovery to reveal ever more ways in which to feel connected to life and the all that is, to know intimately your place in the universe, to feel full, whole and abundant. I created this website with the intention that it may help and encourage people achieve such a sense of connection ever more freely. When you feel at one with life you also effortlessly feel love and as you may have found love demands no meaning. The heart asks no questions.

Simple Ways To Feel The Meaning Of Life

• Make some quiet time for yourself, breathe long slow relaxed breaths and simply let life reveal itself to you. Practice allowing yourself to allow, get out of the way of yourself. Life speaks quietly and intuitively being in silence helps you connect.

• Think of a loved one or pet and focus upon just how grateful you feel for their presence in your life.

• Spend time in nature, revel in the abundance of life all around you, notice the lush endless cycles of growth, decay and rebirth. Feel your precious place within that cycle, note the permanence of life within the cycles of birth and death.

• Gazing at the stars and revelling in the enormity of it all works well for me.

• Practice finding meaning in “boring” tasks such as domestic chores. Washing dishes, cleaning, vacuuming etc. aren’t very creative or stimulating tasks (meaningless perhaps) so we tend to postpone them or maybe try and get someone else to do them instead. However if you fully apply yourself to doing these jobs really well and efficiently, without daydreaming and wishing you didn’t have to do them then they can become satisfying and meaningful in themselves.

Life is ever present and ready to reveal it’s secrets and wonders to you in uniquely personal ways. You really don’t have to do anything which is probably the hardest part of it all because we’re habitually so caught up in the endless thinking and doings of our days that we forget how to slow down. The moment you decide that you’d like to feel greater meaning in your life then life will begin revealing ways for you to achieve this through new ideas, serendipitous encounters, events and coincidences. Attending retreats and workshops may indeed help along the way but only you know what you need so truly trust your wisdom.

Trust yourself, YOU have the answers.

Enjoy!

deserve |dɪˈzəːv|
verb [ trans. ]
do something or have or show qualities worthy of (reward or punishment) : the referee deserves a pat on the back for his bravery | [with infinitive ] people who park like that deserve to be towed away.

In order to receive we have to feel that we deserve to receive. This issue is possibly the greatest stumbling block along the road to improving our circumstances, financial or otherwise.

The simple dictionary definition above reveals just how very fraught with judgement the whole issue of deserving is; but who judges, who are you going to let decide what you deserve?

It’s tempting to think that the judging is out of our control, that our employer decides what we get paid or that our partner decides if we are deserving of love, attention or commitment but really it’s not so simple.

Actually it’s always us that decide whether we accept the judgments of ourselves and others. I’ve certainly met some quite unpleasant people who were wealthy and some lovely people who were poor or had lots of troubles in their lives. I may have considered the unpleasant types as not deserving but they certainly didn’t, whereas some of the “deserving” lovely people were clearly less than convinced of their loveliness and only too willing to put themselves down.

As children we grow up being graded, praised or punished according to our behaviour and then in our adult lives this continues in different ways such as according to our performance or productivity etc. So is it any wonder we end up a confused mass of self doubts and judgements?

How to feel deserving

The traditional (child like) route to feeling deserving is to behave in ways that win the approval of others; work hard, be honest, meek, kind, knowledgeable etc. The trouble with this approach is that there will always be someone or a group who disapproves, for whom your best is never enough and this will keep you feeling lacking.

Alternately you can immerse yourself in therapy, inner dialogue and with working on your belief systems etc. This can be very useful but only if you remain focused upon the reason you are engaged in the therapy and your desire to feel more whole and deserving. The danger with a lot of therapy is that it is so easy to get distracted into endlessly digging about for the next problem or belief to be fixed and healed. You can see this with those people you may have met who’ve been in therapy for years but who’s lives remain stubbornly chaotic as they continue to bounce from one re-visited crisis to the next.

However to affect lasting change in our feelings of worthiness we must allow ourselves to connect with our spiritual side, our essential self, that knows beyond all and every doubt that we are deserving of the very best at all times. We must also be ruthlessly honest with ourselves recognising and admitting when we are behaving against our better judgement to seek approval from others or when we are betraying ourselves by giving too much credence to the limiting voices of self judgement in our heads.

Allow the love

It has long been said that love conquers all but in times of trouble, lack or confusion this may seem less than helpful. However those are the very times when love helps the most because it is love that is missing.

Love can always be felt, even if only briefly glimpsed, if we can just stop, calm the mind and slow down enough to feel it.

• Love is here now, beneath the chatter of your mind.

• Love is here now in the passage of your breath.

• Love is here now in the warmth of your smile.

• Love is here now in the beating of your heart.

• Love is here now in the sadness of your tears.

• Love is here now in your anger and rage.

• Love is here now in your anxiety and doubt.

• Love is here now in your courage and determination.

• Love is here now in your despondency and hopelessness.

• Love is here Now

Be still, be here now, feel refreshed, you deserve, you are loved and always will be…love is abundant.

It may be an answer you find too simple but it is an answer that works, the answer to which all other answers lead.

… pause and re-centre … allow … pause and re-centre … allow … the work of a lifetime.

Work that really rewards.

Having grown up as fairly wild and restless indiviual in London with no formal education Chris managed to build himself a successful career as a top flight night club DJ in demand at premier clubs all around the world.

In time he grew to recognise and dislike not only some of his behaviour but also that of many of the shady characters around him in the music industry. Feeling the deeper callings of his heart and soul ever more strongly he set about transforming his life once more.

As a result he has now re-invented himself as a teacher, gifting us with the wisdom of he has drawn from transforming his life through the study and practice of more spiritual ways of living and being in the modern world.

This enjoyable and insightful book shares what he has learned and gives you the tools to help you transform your life into whatever you dream it to be.

Find out more at A Ticket To Prosperity

In the case of global events and inequities this can be just too overwhelming. We may think of earthquake victims, the starving, the people killed and injured in shootings or bombings around the world and simply feel helpless and lost in the face of such apparently senseless events. What is the truth here though? That when you think of another’s pain and misery you feel a degree of pain and misery yourself. Does that actually help anybody? No, feeling another’s pain does not heal or decrease their pain it merely adds more pain to the world.

You’re far more likely to help and assist those who are suffering by being fit, able and pain free yourself. You’re then empowered to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

Let’s take this to a personal level. Suppose you’ve got yourself into an unhappy or abusive relationship. You probably didn’t consciously choose to do that (though in hindsight you may recognise some little alarm signals that you denied) it’s just that certain unconscious habits, insecurities and whatever lead you to make some choices that resulted in the situation you find yourself in now. Will denying your current unhappiness make you happy? No, but the moment you truly admit that you really aren’t happy you become instantly able to explore how you could feel happier and so begins the process of recovery.

Denying the truth of what is, is no help at all, but then your continued focus upon what is does not help either, unless you are very content with what is.

Having recognised the truth of your dissatisfaction it is then time to take your attention elsewhere into the realm of what helps you feel full, satisfied and abundant; a continued focus upon the problem will never reveal solutions. This is not denial it’s a search for a new truth, for you are consciously directing your thoughts elsewhere, seeking thoughts that feel better, that reveal solutions. Thoughts that were invisible within the darkness of your discontent.

There is a constant learning cycle to this process, continuously discovering all the subtleties of our feelings and thoughts with relation to the world around us and how that manifests in our lives. Its a process that requires truth and integrity. At times all seems to be going so well but then suddenly something unexpected happens and we have to redirect our attention towards a solution again. Have you ever thought/felt, “this is too good to last”? What was the result of that? It didn’t last!

Doh! Time to start again…

I recently saw this inspiring video of Julia Butterfly Hill in which she touches upon this subject of focus.

Enjoy

Here are a few tips I’ve learnt through experience that I encourage you to consider very carefully.

Firstly, are you resolving to make changes because you feel you should or because you truly want to? There is a huge difference between should and want. The “shoulds” carry an energy of negative self judgement that is neither life affirming nor uplifting and so meet with an inner resistance that you can feel. Try it now, think of something that you think you should change and notice how you feel.

You hear it everywhere, “I really should get fit, lose weight, work less, work more, quit smoking, quit drinking, eat healthier etc. etc.” and of course in most instances any of those changes could indeed be highly beneficial to you BUT my experience is that you’ll only ever manage it when you finally make the epiphanic leap from thinking you should to feeling you want.

How to get from negative thinking to positive wanting.

If you’re stuck in a negative habit recognise that this is because you are getting a reward from that habit, you enjoy a fag break, an extra helping of dinner etc. that’s why you do it right? That is fine, accept it, own it, we all like comforters.

Right, so thinking that you should give something up feels bad, like denial, which means that in order to make a change you are going to have to re-focus or re-arrange your thinking so that thinking of giving up said habit and making a positive change feels good, like a reward, rather than a penalty.

When you manage that you’ll shift into the powerful feeling state of wanting to change along with feeling the excitement and anticipation that comes with that. It is only by nurturing and maintaining this new line of thinking that you’ll find the necessary will power to succeed. You could term this nurturing your thought garden if you’re so inclined.

I suggest you start by exploring your list of potential resolutions and toying around with them in your mind. If you have a lot of “bad habits” its probably best to start with a lesser one and build up from there so as to gain confidence, be gentle on yourself.

Find a habit you wish to change that isn’t quite so charged with a sense of resistance or denial and simply start visualising the improvements you’ll feel in your life when you have made the change. See yourself, slimmer, fitter, healthier, happier and more confident. Really consider how wonderful you’ll feel when you’ve succeeded and can say “Yes I gave ………….. up, it wasn’t fun anymore”.

Practice this again and again until it seems ever more real and tangible, recognise that the only reason you wish to change is so that you feel better, so that you feel more joy, more hope, more well being, more abundance. Your positive change is a gift to you not a punishment, it is your reward.

Simple eh? Well it is only as easy or hard as you care to allow it so do please allow space for the possibility that it actually could be deceptively easy because arguing for its difficulty will only make it harder.

I also suggest you take quiet time out alone to feel into the greater you, the still quiet voice within that will comfort you in times of change. Your spiritual side is always the strongest, most capable and loving ally.

If your habits are really chronic or debilitating then it may be helpful to get some support rather than trying to go it alone and these kind ladies may be a good starting point. 
http://www.thehabitexperts.com/index.html.

Enjoy