There were so many terrible, terrible, pointless Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles figures. We don’t have much of a “legacy” to hold onto, but Michael Bay? Michael fucking Bay?

• List of Ninja Turtles Action Figures
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fan Fiction
• These Thoughts by Darkest-Infatuations
• Album art derived from TMNT 090 by Justin Sewell
• Music in this episode during the story is from Bevel (Walled & Drilled) by His Boy Elroy (CC Sampling Plus license)

It’s story time! If you live in a major city, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ve seen someone masturbating in public. A few years ago Rob painted the walls of a certain bakery in New York City, and here’s the story of that horrid, horrid night. Gavin educates on the Baltimore subway system.

Sometimes a story needs to be told slowly, so get yourself ready for this one.

CALL IN QUESTION:
Answer this F/M/K – Moother Teresa / Ghandi / Pope Pope Benedict

Dana notices that Gavin has two voices. The one he uses in every day life, and the other that he uses to talk about movies.

Gavin gets going on a rant to end all rants, this time it’s not Michael Bay or Transformers related. We brainstorm for a bit about how to save the Orioles, before getting to the main event…

FUCK / MARRY / KILL

Katy Perry / Lady Gaga / Ke$ha
Michael Bay / Justin Bieber / Shia LeBouf
Jar Jar Binks / Jabba the Hutt / an Ewok
Rosie the Robot / Rosie O’Donnell / Rosie from AC/DC’s “Whole Lotta Rosie”

Album art derived from Venus Bikini Contest 015 by DeusXFlorida via Flickr

Gavin’s got a new job, with a side of awkwardness. Dana is back, and we somehow get to talking about hanging out with young girls. Dana’s hanging out with young girls lately, but it’s all burlesque and roller derby related. We swear.

Is sodomy illegal? Not anymore! Thanks to a 2003 supreme court ruling, it’s legal if you’re straight. Before that, some sodomy charges carried a fine! Does committing sodomy make sodomy less fun if it’s legal?

Inspired by the Fleshlight sponsorship of Kevin Smith’s Smodcast… if you use a Fleshlight or other sex toy, do you get turned on by things that have the same feel as your favorite sex toy? Speaking of sex toys, would you fuck a Real Doll if no one was ever going to know about it? There are LOTS of options when ordering Real Dolls. Which is cheaper a Mac Pro or a Real Doll?

Of course, PTERODACTYL PORN.

Wasn’t Alien vs. Predator disappointing? Wouldn’t it be better as a Wes Anderson movie?

Also.. THE BEDAZZLED DILDO. THE BEDILDO.

Image originally from meddygarnet via Flickr

Also, did ou know that we launched a new website? IMDBoner is our new baby that we created with Chris from the skint.

To accompany today’s episode, we used some music. The acoustic guitar is Lucas Gonze and the rock ‘n roll is our collective favorite band in the land, ANAMANAGUCHI.

Now that Gavin’s an Amazon Prime member, we revisit the topic of subscribing to toilet paper.

“There’s always that guy with a gun.”
- Gavin

Would you eat a human eyeball for $10,000? We start there, and descend into madness as the Man with a Gun returns to torture Gavin! Once again, we’re sorry Gavin’s parents.

Also, the best/worst Halloween prank!

Album art derived from Revolver by K Sandberg on Flickr.

We’re back for real this time. We start with a little insight about our creative process, but it’s a shame because Rob doesn’t have a creative process opener. And we get the episode number WRONG in the process. Whoops. Whatever.

Gavin’s got a job, Rob’s got a job & Gavin’s got an iPad. Something to do with a new iPad? Read books. Which books? Jokes For All Occasions by Anonymous (aka The Racist Joke Book).

Also… is Gavin part Nazi?

Album art derived from F.B. (pg 79), No 3055, page 7 by Brendan Riley on Flickr

We could have easily called this one “The Sound of One Man Pooping”

Why aren’t you calling us? Let’s make a deal. You make a phone call, we play it on the air…

We go to SXSW and meet captaincrazypants, who is the purveyor of withoutpants.com. We go to Brooklyn and walk up Park Slope’s Fifth Avenue.

A little Wikipedia Discussion Theater and…

Dana wants guys to take pills to change the flavor of their semen. Is there a pill for that? OF COURSE THERE IS. And of course it’s made in Canada. What’s a “Turkey Sandwich”? It involves braces and you’ll never look at a turkey sandwich the same way again. For Dana’s knowledge, there are things guys can do to change their flavor, but it’s a list of how to live a better life. Included for the ladies (and some gentlemen)! A list of health benefits of eating semen!

Rob watches the new Rammstein video. It’s SUPER NSFW: Pussy. Here are some of the lyrics:

You’ve got a pussy
I have a dick
So, what’s the problem
Let’s do it quick
So take me now before it’s too late
Life’s too short so I can’t wait
Take me now, oh, don’t you see
I can’t get laid in Germany