The Asclepiophone

Defrost that 10-15 lb butterballin' turkeybro with some chillin' water.

Remove giblets, place in mop bucket filled with gnarly brine solution: quartered oranges, lemons, cup o' salt and brown sugar, and garfunkel'd rosemary and thyme. Chillax in fridge for 4-24 hrs.

Rub the beast with some butter pads and make it rain salt-n-pepa (ah, push it).

Stuff the turkeybro with plenty o' quartered onion and orange navels. Make room for some chopped carrots and celery trunks. Don't forget your garfunkel'd rosemary and thyme!

Buckle up turkeybro! We're going for a ride to the furnace.

Feelin' that 325 F heat for about 3 hrs. Don't forget to drench this bad boi with turkey stock every hour.

Oh snap! Let's make some turkeybro stock and gravy. Sautee these gremlins in oil (about a minute or two). FYI, heart was crazy hypertrophy'd.

Blaze giblets with wedgetables (onion, carrot, celery trunk) and a cup of white wine, two cups water, and two cups chicken broth. Let this sucka reduce for about an hour. Remove giblets and strain.

Finished turkeybro product should be crazy juicy and totally righteous. Enjoy with family and friends!

DON'T FORGET THE GRAVY, SON! Make roux with 4 tablespoons butter and 1/4 cup flour. Add leftover turkey stock and ADD THOSE CHOPPED GIBLETS FOR ULTIMATE FLAVOR EXPERIENCE!

Flawless Turkeybro Recipe

Impress your friends and family with some mad kitchen skillz!

Tripp’s Favorite Fifty Tracks Of 2012

Tue, 25 Dec 2012 13:03:18 -0500

Tripp’s Favorite Fifty Tracks Of 2012

Favorite Fifty Tracks Of 2012 50. You Won’t —...

Tue, 25 Dec 2012 12:58:00 -0500

Favorite Fifty Tracks Of 2012

50. You Won’t — “Three Car Garage”
49. Bobby Womack — “Please Forgive My Heart”
48. Jessie Ware — “Wildest Moments”
47. R. Kelly — “Share My Love”
46. Liars — “No. 1 Against The Rush”
45. Tanlines — “Brothers”
44. Earl Sweatshirt — “Chum”
43. Ty Segall — “Wave Goodbye”
42. Saint Etienne — “Tonight”
41. sloslylove — “Secret Dreams”
40. Menomena — “Pique”
39. AraabMuzik — “I Remember”
38. Mac DeMarco — “My Kind Of Woman”
37. The Hiya Dunes — “Storms & Pipes”
36. Chromatics — “Running From The Sun”
35. Baauer — “Harlem Shake”
34. Japandroids — “Fire’s Highway”
33. Burial — “Kindred”
32. Le1f — “Wut”
31. Cassie — “King Of Hearts (Richard X Remix)”
30. Tame Impala — “Apocalypse Dreams”
29. Cloud Nothings — “Stay Useless”
28. King Tuff — “Keep On Movin’”
27. Hooking Up — “Sell Yourself”
26. Pallbearer — “Foreigner”
25. Unicorn Kid — “Pure Space”
24. S U R F I N G — “Moonlight”
23. Solange — “Losing You”
22. Carly Rae Jepsen — “Call Me Maybe”
21. Teen Suicide — “The Same Things Happening All The Time, Even In My Dreams”
20. REWROTE — “Koola”
19. Wild Nothing — “Paradise”
18. Hiss Golden Messenger — “Blue Country Mystic”
17. Lemonade — “Neptune”
16. Blut Aus Nord — “Epitome XVII”
15. Baroness — “March To The Sea”
14. Usher — “Climax”
13. Daughn Gibson — “Ray”
12. Kendrick Lamar — “Backseat Freestyle”
11. Mister Lies — “Cleam”
10. Autre Ne Veut — “Counting”
09. Merchandise — “Become What You Are”
08. Night Terrors — “Night Of The Creeps”
07. Twin Shadow — “Beg For The Night”
06. Torche — “Kicking”
05. Frank Ocean — “Thinkin’ Bout You”
04. Death Grips — “I’ve Seen Footage”
03. Japandroids — “The House That Heaven Built”
02. S-Type — “Billboard”
01. Miguel — “The Thrill”

*Of note, due to my undying love (and inevitable bias) for all the artists currently involved with my second day job, I have chosen to omit any songs associated with Chill Mega Chill.

PORTALS 2013

Fri, 21 Dec 2012 17:48:00 -0500

PORTALS 2013

PORTALS: Albums 2012

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 19:40:04 -0500

PORTALS: Albums 2012

PORTALS: Songs 2012

Mon, 10 Dec 2012 13:31:38 -0500

PORTALS: Songs 2012

Photo

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 08:56:28 -0500

Stallone — American Baby

Thu, 06 Dec 2012 17:11:00 -0500

Stallone — American Baby