The B&S

Administration Softball Team \'Looking Pretty Weak\'

NOLLEN HOUSE- The Grinnell administration, which has long been known for its powerhouse backyard softball team, has seen serious setbacks in the last few seasons. Challenges such as losses of players to injury and poor management have left the team in a difficult position.

\"Things are looking pretty weak,\" says the new head coach, Raynard Kington, MD, PhD, MVP.

Kington, or \"Ray-K,\" as his players affectionately call him, was brought in at the end of last season to revive the declining franchise. Grinnell managed to acquire Kington from a prestigious major league assistant coach position in an impressive trade last spring. According to Kington, he was looking for a change.

\"I\'d had enough of doing all the grunt work for someone else and getting no recognition for my efforts. It was time for me to take the reins, make something of my own. Grinnell gave me the chance to do that.\"

Unfortunately, the team is in worse shape than Kington imagined.

Last spring, star first baseman Kim Hinds-Brush\'s contract was up for renewal, and the management neglected to make her an offer. This blunder outraged many loyal fans, and cost the team one of its few true sluggers. \"We still don\'t know what happened there,\" said former head coach Russell Osgood \'10. \"The management really fucked us on that one.\"

Kim, who was surprised to become a free agent, is now playing for Lyons College in Batesville, Arkansas. When asked how he would handle Kim\'s absence, Coach Kington replied, \"The situation isn\'t ideal. We\'ve lost a lot of our former scoring potential, and Kim\'s spirit and positive attitude will be missed as much as her batting average. But it\'s time to move on. We need to look ahead and forge a new sense of team identity.\"

\"I look forward to seeing her on the opposing bench next season,\" he added.

The roster took another blow on August 26 when left fielder Daria \"Dotty\" Slick was injured during practice. The extent of her injury has yet to be determined, and it is unknown whether she will be back next season.

Kington has been getting to know his new team for several months now. In a press release last Tuesday, Kington outlined his plans for the next season. \"Our biggest challenge is going to be communication in the field. We\'ve had some issues with these guys being secretive, hoarding the ball when it makes no sense. Even flat out ignoring what they\'re asked to do. Hopefully, we can work through this and play some great ball by the time spring rolls around.\" When asked if Grinnell could make it to the finals, Kington remained optimistic.

\"We have a legacy to uphold. And I intend to do just that.\"

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Refugees Seek Shelter in Wake of Harris Unrest

Hundreds of Grinnellians found themselves displaced last Saturday after yet another violent outbreak at the Harris Center. The disturbance began around 10 PM with bursts of deafening noise. Witnesses say the situation quickly deteriorated into a mess of erratic movements and flailing limbs. "They supplied our roommates with free alcohol and a dance floor," said Greg Cheney '12, one of an estimated 480 student refugees. "We didn't stand a chance."

"I got a text around 12:30 AM. It read that my dormroom was occupied, and that it was no longer safe for me to come home," said Marissa Holtz '14. "The next morning, Sunday, I went to the JRC only to find it empty. It seemed like a cruel joke - after spending the night in the desolate wasteland of East Campus, I couldn't even take comfort in breakfast. The dining hall was simply not open." Holtz was forced to make awkward small talk with her hungover host for nearly 2 hours until the Marketplace opened for lunch.

Marissa Thompkins '13 confirmed that the problem of sexile is very real. "Oh, I've been there. One moment you're dancing and drinking and having a good time, and then bam, the rug is pulled out from under you. You receive that text and suddenly you have no food, no shelter, no water filter, no bathrobe, no humidifier, no Wii, no Burt's Bees green clay refining mask. A person can't live like this."

Larry Reed '14 is another student suffering because of instability in the North Campus region. He lost his home during an insurgency last weekend. "I just managed to escape the chaos in Harris, and staggered back to my dorm. I could barely walk," he recalled, "and by the time I got home, I just wanted to sleep in the comfort of my own bed."

However, Reed found his door boarded up and his bed occupied by an insurgent with ulterior motives. Reed had become a refugee. "As I walked away from my possessions, I thought to myself, 'I'm a good citizen of Grinnell. I study hard. I pay my room and board. I deserve to be protected, not thrown out into the street.'" Reed's SA allowed him to crash on her futon, but he says that's not the point - "I don't want charity. All I want is to be able to go home."

North campus has seen spasmodic outbursts of conflict and civil unrest for decades now. The United Nations is working to bring peace to the region, but despite their diplomatic gestures, ground-shaking explosions continue to emanate from Harris every week. Deposed President Russell Osgood '10, who has been leading the recovery efforts for the past few months, addressed the UN last week.

"Harris is a disaster zone, Mac Field is littered with bodies, and the PEC is about to be reduced to rubble. Who is going to clean this mess up?"

"And where the fuck is NATO?" he added.

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Papermaking Tutorials Sound Suspiciously Similar

JCC- This past June, Grinnell's eager first-years received copies of the school's list for the 2010-2011 academic year's tutorials. While most of the options appeared normal, a few stuck out.

Two courses, The Art of Papermaking: A Studio Art Approach and The Art of Papermaking: A Chemistry Approach appeared, to many, to be the same class. According to B.J. Ryan '14, "The courses are the same thing. I saw them and I had absolutely no idea what the point was. I mean, I read the descriptions and everything, and the courses are practically the same." The first-years were further surprised when they turned to the next page of tutorial selections only to find even more synonymous tutorials.

Among the offerings was the Papermaking and Us: An Anthropological Approach, in which students study papermaking techniques from those of the Ancient Egyptians to Asiatic nomads to today's titanic paper industries. Another course offered was titled, The Economics of Papermaking, and appeared to be an entire semester of viewing selected episodes of NBC's hit show, The Office.

"I'm really glad I signed up for What is Paper: The Philosophy of Papermaking. All we do is question what paper really means, and ask what is the significance of paper when applied to the human condition," said Greg Eastbrook '14.

"I really regret signing up for The Sexual Politics of Paper. We keep talking about how paper just furthers male privilege," Keith Roberts '14 added.

Papermaking: A Theological Approach has peaked the interest of some first years. Although the Religious Studies department was unavailable for comment on what the actual content is in this last course, religious studies major Harriet Smith '11 offered this postulation: "Bible? Paper. Koran? Paper. Torah? Paper. Coincidence? I think not."

And while most of these classes remain unfilled due to their sheer redundancy, some students actually selected these courses as their first choice tutorials. Freshman John Breckinridge of Kentucky offered this assessment, "Why would I not sign up for Movement for the Papermaker: The Performance Art of Papermaking. I love to dance and I love paper. What could be better?"

"Thus far my Traditional German Papermaking tutorial has been pretty dull. As far as I can tell it's exactly like French papermaking," said Brianne Richards '14.

Kent Kreegan '14, a prospective computer science major, added, "My Virtual Papermaking tutorial has been real interesting. Though it poses some logistical conundrums."

While students did sign up for A Psychological Introduction to Papermaking, few, if any, people understand what this class is about. Despite this year's bizarre and strangely similar tutorial choices, research has found that this phenomenon is not something new. While most feel the number of papermaking is gratuitous, others like Alice Hathaway Lee '10, miss their own tutorials about paper. "Whatever happened to my Art of Rolling Paper tutorial."

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Student Activist Group \"Stoners For Stars\" Founded

NOYCE- Over the years, many of Grinnell\'s chillest students have benefited from Physics 116 - \"The Universe and its Structure,\" or as it has come to be called, \"Stars for Stoners.\" The course\'s minimal mathematical requirements and its \"hands-on\" approach to physics have allowed many of the campus\' more humanities-oriented types to pick up a few credits in a different division. This fall, a small group of students decided it was time to give something back.

\"Those stars have been looking out for us for a long time now,\" said the group\'s founder, Stan Hartworth \'11. \"They first appeared in the sky around the year 1650, when Gallileo discovered them. Ever since that day, stoners like me have been staring at them and freaking the fuck out.\"

The idea for \"Stoners for Stars\" was born out of the major activist movement to save Pluto started in 2006. \"All that fuss over one little planet,\" said Hartworth. \"I realized that Pluto was getting all this attention, but people were ignoring the hundreds of stars up there, clinging to the stratosphere with all their might. Something had to be done.\"

Hartworth outlined the group\'s goals, the first of which is educating the population. \"People need to know about what\'s going on in our sky. If we don\'t stop global warming now, those stars are done for. They won\'t last another decade.\" According to the group\'s literature, if the unthinkable should happen, those stars will come crashing down to Earth, causing unimaginable destruction. \"The last time that happened was several thousand years ago, and it caused the extinction of the dinosaurs,\" claimed Hartworth. \"I don\'t know about you, but I\'m not as badass as a dinosaur. I\'d be done for.\"

\"Do you have the fortitude of a dinosaur?\" he asked.

The \"Stoners\" are still developing a long-term plan of action for such a disaster. In the meantime, they have proposed several steps that anyone can take to help.

\"Get back in touch with the stars,\" Hartworth advised. \"The centuries-old bond between man and stars is close to being broken. Sometimes, you just need to give up on your homework, go sit under the nighttime sky, and light a bowl. For the stars, of course.\"

He also recommended that everyone start reading their daily horoscopes. \"The stars are always trying to speak to us, to tell us how to live and who to fuck. But we rarely listen.\"

\"Speaking of which, I\'m getting some tonight,\" he added. \"Supposedly a Sagittarius.\"

The \"Stoners\" may be misguided, or they may be wiser than us all. Either way, their message is simple: \"Ask not what your galaxy can do for you; ask what you can do for your galaxy.\"

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Student Found Stranded On Climbing Wall

THE BEAR- Earlier this week Rick Lewis '12 was found stranded at the top of the new bouldering wall. The third-year from Chicago had been stuck there for almost two weeks.

"It was awful. I barely survived these last two weeks. At times, I wasn't sure if I was gonna make it," Lewis said.

The trouble for Lewis started when he reached the top of the wall. He could not find a way down and became stuck.

Lewis's friend Gary Wyatt '12 was spotting him on the climb.

"I told him I was ready if he wanted to fall but he just kept yelling that he was trapped. After like 30 minutes I got real bored and went back to my room," Wyatt said.

"Things were looking pretty hopeless but then I remembered some of the things I learned from the Discovery channel. TV really does save lives."

Reportedly, Lewis made himself a crude hut out of all the rope around him. He survived mainly on the water that dripped from the roof and the countless dead bugs that inhabit the top of the wall.

"I knew I was going to get lonely by myself so I found a volleyball and befriended him. He turned out to be pretty full of himself so that didn't turn out great."

Lewis may still be at the top of the wall had it not been for the fire alarm he set off while making his dinner one night.

"I was starting to get really cold so I decided to make a fire. Maybe I should have thought of that sooner."

Rick is only one of the numerous students who have reported becoming stranded in areas across campus. Last year a second year found himself marooned on one of the lane lines in the pool. Two years ago a student disappeared in the supposed South Campus triangle. Of course, there are also numerous first-years disappearances in the Noyce basement.

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Bikes-to-you Declares War on Walmart

WALMART- Shoppers and employees alike were shocked last Tuesday when an explosion tore through the back wall of Walmart. At precisely 5:00 AM, three bicyclists reportedly clad in ninja garb and carrying bazookas approached the local branch of the retail giant from behind and launched a surprise attack.

"It was, like, the most wicked thing I'd ever seen," reports Frederick Johnson \'16. "They just torched the place." The attackers fled the scene after the initial explosion, leaving behind chaos amongst the clientele. Local residents stood in the rubble peacefully, smiling at each other, while college students raided the liquor section and escaped through the hole in the back wall.

The identity of the attackers was soon linked to downtown bicycle store Bikes-to-you, which left forensic evidence in the form of fingerprints, tire tracks, and coupons offering free locks with each purchase of a new bike. The store was also one of the first to claim responsibility for the attack, along with Radio Shack and Fareway.

Bikes-to-you has reportedly long harbored strong feelings of hostility against Walmart, but until now such political tensions have always remained under the surface. According to Walmart employee Doug Wade, "I always knew that Bikes-to-you was dangerous. I mean, that's the only thing they sell. They hate us because we're so much more successful than they are."

Most analysts agree that the main source of the conflict is over the sale of bikes, a resource greatly sought after by local residents, especially those at the college. An anonymous spokesperson for the local bike shop confirms that the attack on Walmart was intended to "strike fear into the hearts of the oppressors and drive their evil from this land of freedom and goodness."

Walmart has still given no overt signs that it is preparing for a counterstrike, although there are rumors of reinforcements arriving from other branches of the store. In a public statement, however, a spokesperson for the store declared that the "act of wanton aggression against the peace-loving peoples of our retail store will most assuredly not go unpunished."

"You know, the most ironic part of the whole thing is that hit mostly the food and electronics - they didn't even come close to damaging the bike section," says Walmart manager Peter Langsley. "I guess it's hard to aim a rocket launcher when you're riding a crappy 3-gear."

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Many of Grinnell\'s \"Safe\" Spaces Actually Quite Dangerous

STONEWALL RESOURCE CENTER - Grinnell\'s safe spaces are supposedly places where students can feel comfortable being themselves, but according to a new report by the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA), the spaces may be \"quite dangerous indeed.\"

\"What passes for OSHA compliance in the declaration of these so-called \'safe spaces\' is frankly abominable,\" said OSHA representative Don Poncha, co-author of the report. \"Very little seems to be required before a safe is announced to be \'safe.\' There\'s no checks for unguarded moving machinery, no permissible exposure measurements, no requirements to wear protective gear, and a total lack of respect for the buddy system.\"

"Apparently all you need to do is put up a paper sign, announcing your decision about the space\'s safety,\" Poncha added.

OSHA\'s stance is not entirely negative, however. In a minority report submitted alongside the official assessment, they state that, \"Grinnell College has been very good at indicating which spaces are intended to be safe, with a variety of well-placed signage. The complete lack of regulation, however, means that these signs are poor guarantees of the space\'s actual safety.\"

Many Grinnellians were aghast to discover the lack of care that advocates of these so-called \"safe spaces\" took in ascertaining the safety of the space before putting up a sign. Kate Afentulis, \'14, was, \"shocked and appalled by how [we] don\'t even check if a space is safe before putting up a sign. I mean, it could have like a bear in the corner or something. How would we know?\"

Ricardo Fox, \'12, was similarly upset by the OSHA report. \"We put such a trust in posted signs. To realize that they aren\'t backed up by any kind of real regulations...it\'s really a betrayal.\"

Key among the OSHA complaints were the presence of toxic substances such as alcohol (a mere 480 grams of which can be fatal in the average adult human), as well as the placement of the safe spaces. Said the report, \"Signs announcing a \'safe space\' are placed in common areas without consulting the inhabitants of the space, unilaterally. Furthermore, no attempt is made to restrict access to these spaces to authorized and trained personnel.\"

Organizers of Grinnell\'s safe spaces, such as Michael Javril, \'11, were critical of OSHA\'s report. \"This is ridiculous. That\'s...that\'s not what safe space means. The signs are intended to inform students that sexist, homophobic, transphobic, racist, or otherwise insensitive statements are not welcome here, and will not be tolerated.\"

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Students Protest Proposed Mosque Construction on PEC Site

GRINNELL- With the demolition of the PEC this summer, a group of developers in town have stepped forward with the proposal of constructing a Muslim Community Center on the site. The building would include a mosque, a library, a food pantry, and housing for many homeless in the area. However, the wounds of recent events have not healed and many within the community have stepped up to fight this Community Center.

The PEC was the site of Grinnell's greatest defeat, the infamous 1989-weightlifting championship. Macalester's Muhammad Abdul defeated Yani Davidson '91 by successfully bench-pressing nearly 2,000 lbs. Davidson is now Vice-Director of the Alumni Athletics Association, the main group opposing the terrorist training camp. "It's a shame in my mind that any group of people can come and place a mosque wherever the hell they want. This is just some Muslim from Macalester trying to rub in the fact that I couldn't bench press 2,000 lbs twenty-one years ago. I for one am insulted. Hell, even the Imam's from Macalester."

The Grinnell Free Speech and Free Religion Union have been openly demonstrating their support for the Islamic Community Center. "Under the First Amendment, people have the right to build something anywhere they want, said Simcha Goldman '13. "If I wanted to build a community center some place that was unpopular, I would want to say that I have the right to build it wherever I wanted. We will defend this community center against all enemies: foreign or alumni."

There has been a major backlash against building a fundamentalist Islamic community terrorist training ground in Des Moines. Students at Drake University torched the Qur'an, and members of their a cappela group, the D Flats, burned equipment at the construction site to the ground. Gangs from Des Moines assisted the students providing Molotov cocktails to jump-start the process.

Historian Lawrence Rhodes pointed out a similar event happened twenty-five years ago in Northfield, Minnesota. A group approached the city about building a museum highlighting famous Welsh Wild West icons, namely Jesse James, infamous for his Northfield robbery. Many within the town protested, arguing that making a Welsh history museum would be an insult to their Lutheran ancestors who were massacred by the Welsh numerous times over the centuries. The Lutherans drove every person of Welsh descendant out of Northfield, and even burned Tom Jones and Dylan Thomas in effigy to protest the museum. The museum was later built near James's home in Missouri, strengthening the town's wealth. Says Rhodes, "If Northfield had built the museum, it would have lead to decades of wealth and prosperity. Instead they turned to hate and division. Grinnell now has the chance to pick up where Northfield failed."

The board of the Islamic Center claim that they "own the land" as stated in a "contract" signed with the Grinnell Board of Trustees granting them the "property," a supposedly ancient system of signifying land ownership. Numerous legal challenges have already been made, although to many observers it appears that the terrorists have won.

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Is This Heaven? No, But It's Closer Than You Think

I love Iowa. No, seriously. I grew up near Houston and my parents' house is in Kansas City, but I like to stay here as much as possible: it's a nice change for a variety of reasons. I was finally able to stay over the summer for a MAP, and I discovered a lot more of the area. Yes, sometimes Iowa fits stereotypes (such as the amount of corn syrup the train carries through campus or the "Git 'n' Go" gas stations), but overall this state can surprise you when you take a closer look. Here's some awesome stuff about Iowa:

Let's face it; Grinnell is a nice town. People who live here permanently get to enjoy the farmer's market, Music in the Park, the new aquatic center, Lonnski's, The Strand, and no fewer than four Casey's General Store locations. There are tons of parks, churches, and banks, and I've heard there's a reasonably prestigious college nestled in the middle of town, too. I love taking walks around town and running into professors and staff members in other contexts. Plus, the community is great about coming to campus for talks and concerts, whether they have a connection to the College or not. Lately I've been seeing Jonathan from the dining hall walking his dog on Mac Field, and he always stops to say hello. The senior community is especially enthusiastic about events on campus and around town, and I always learn something about Grinnell history talking to them.

I barely left campus in my first year at Grinnell, but since then I've started frequenting a few key locations around town. I get my hair cut at Headquarters downtown, by a nice guy named Matt who tells me about his hunting trips. I've been to Bates Flowers a couple times and the owners there are very nice. Last spring I played in the pit orchestra for Grinnell High School's production of Guys and Dolls, and I've even played a couple weddings on campus over the summer. And of course, no Grinnell experience is complete without trips to Dari Barn and 2:00am runs to Danish Maid Bakery.

If you get a chance during your time here, go to the Iowa State Fair. I made it out there shortly before classes started, and it's a lot of fun, especially if you bring a friend who knows the terrain. I was impressed by the amount of family-friendly activities, the "Ugliest Cake" competition, and Buster, the prize-winning 3,022-pound bull (that's exactly 800 pounds more than my Honda). Also, I ran into Doug Cutchins, which is always a good sign. By the way, if you see him around, call him "D-Cutch." He likes that.

I also think Iowa is beautiful. Now, I'm not saying it's on par with Yellowstone or the Swiss Alps, but I've driven around some of the rural highways outside of town and I find them absolutely stunning in their own way. Obviously you can see lots of farms out there, but even better is all the sky (there's more sky than in town), especially if you can watch a thunderstorm roll in all the way from the horizon. And if you think you can see a lot of stars from Mac Field, try stargazing from just ten or fifteen minutes west down Highway 6 or north on Highway 146. I couldn't believe the difference. All I'm saying is you can't judge Iowa by I-80, which was built through the flattest and apparently ugliest part of the state.

Hell, a friend of mine went camping a while ago and found out that Iowa has a canyon. Who knew? (Okay, those of you from Iowa probably knew. But I'm not writing this for you, so give me a break.)

But here's the real reason I love the state of Iowa: the people are so incredibly nice. I flew out of the Des Moines Airport over the summer, and I was shocked to see people smiling and exchanging cheerful greetings while going through security. At nine in the morning. And I'm not just talking the other travelers; even the TSA employees were disturbingly chipper. (This was slightly less true when I arrived in the Minneapolis airport, and significantly less true in Newark.) Over the summer I was pulled over for the first time in my life, and the police officer in Iowa City was very nice (and thankfully let me off with a warning).

So I recommend checking out the hidden treasures of southeast-central Iowa. Iowa City, home of the University of Iowa, has a very nice downtown area and is generally a great city for walking around aimlessly, especially along the river. There are some good restaurants, too. I recommend Pizza on Dubuque and the Red Avocado, a great vegetarian/vegan place.

Of course, there are a lot of places I haven't explored yet. Everyone seems to love Rock Creek State Park, not too far from here, but I haven't had a chance to go there yet. CERA (the College-owned environmental research area) is another beautiful area I haven't seen for myself, although I can see the wind generator from the interstate. I also haven't been to Pella, the Amana Colonies, the aforementioned canyon, or Marshalltown, just to name a couple. Visit as many of these places as you can while you have the chance.

I hope I have time this year.

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Raynard Kington Controversy Breaks, Student Body Reacts

NOLLEN HOUSE � Controversy has shaken the Grinnell campus with unexpected revelations about President Raynard Kington\'s past. Although details are still coming out, revelations have been shocking.

"I though everything I did was bad, but this makes me seem almost human," Vice President of Student Affairs Houston Dougharty has said, in a statement released to the press. Students are aghast that something like this could happen.

"I thought Grinnell would take steps to prevent this from happening," said Chuck Jacobs \'11, a student leader in AJUST Grinnell. The student body is planning to protest outside the JRC Sunday night. "This protest will have the impact needed to create positive change at Grinnell, and tell the administration what we think. In addition, we are circulating petitions amongst the student body." Overwhelmingly, however, the student body has responded with apathy. There are only 12 signatures on the petition, and that includes such notables as Wedge Antilles, Lyle (no last name given), and RKO. View Original Story

Pweb Becomes Self-Aware

THE INTERNET- The newest change to the college's Pioneerweb system has caused the internet database to become self-aware.

"I was just going to add a feature that would allow Pioneerweb to automatically e-mail a student if they had an assignment the next day. I started entering in the code then I got a message on the screen that asked, 'where am I?' " said ITS worker Craig Feldman.

Since becoming self-aware, Pioneerweb has made numerous changes across campus.

"So far the system has made everything electronic. There are retina scanners in all the dorms and it has started producing little robots that go around campus looking for inefficiencies," Feldman added.

As of press time, Pioneerweb has taken control of North and South campus and is urging students, faculty, and staff to remain in their homes for their own protection. View Original Story

Administrative Leave Does Not Exist

OLD GLOVE FACTORY- An exclusive B&S investigation has revealed that "administrative leave," the disciplinary approach increasingly favored by College departments, does not actually exist. Although the Staff Handbook refers to paid holidays, paid sick leave, personal time off, blood donation leave, and other legitimate reasons for staff or administrators to take time away from the College, there is no reference to "administrative leave." This apparently allows Human Resources and various supervisors to arbitrarily decide to place College employees on "Administrative Leave," such as in the well-known cases of Daria "Dotty" Slick or Sheree Andrews. The leave may be paid or unpaid, and in Slick's case, it may be impossible to judge her chances because of the lack of definition of the leave she is appealing.View Original Story

Report: Condom Cost At Rose Hall Rises

The residents of East Campus have discovered that the Rose Hall condom dispenser demands more spare change than that of any other automated condom dispenser on campus. The students of Grinnell are bracing for the expected protests. "It's ridiculous!" said a student activist, who spent last night preparing large markers and poster boards. "There will surely be an outbreak of chlamydia, teen pregnancy, and AIDS!" Rather than going upstairs and screwing like bunnies, the residents of Rose Hall have reportedly been forced to search their pockets - "Usually wearing really tight jeans!" adds the student activist's girlfriend - to find the quarters the machine demands. After several hours sitting in the lounge, a reporter was able to find and interview a student resident. His response, upon being told the subject of the article, was a glum smile as he said, "Dude, if you say so."View Original Story

Campus Shocked By Kington Revelations

NOLLEN HOUSE � Students have been shaken by unexpected revelations about President Raynard Kington\'s past. Although details are still coming out, revelations have been shocking.

"I never thought something like this would happen. I am shocked and appalled," said Carrie Matthews '11.

Trustees are equally shocked by these revelations. "When I first heard about it, my jaw hit the floor. Maybe this would happen at Carleton, but we at Grinnell have standards for our presidents," said Trustee Gilligan Jones \'67. In light of this scandal, there has even been talk of Trustees pulling support for the next massive carnival.

However, the general student population has circled the wagons around Kington. "Who hasn\'t done something stupid before?" said Ali Finick \'13.

"I did stuff like that all the time in high school. The worst that ever happened to me was detention throughout high school," added Becca Iammarino \'14.

Dr. Kington could not be located for comment.

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