You know me. I’m not exactly the calmest person when it comes to news like this. I tend to overreact. Freak out. Hyperventilate. [Drama Queen much? Me? Never.]

The story didn’t give a lot of details. Just that the district PR rep confirmed a student had died and he couldn’t give her name, her grade, or which school she attended. So basically a student died and you get no other information.

I immediately called Keaton. I knew he’d be in the middle of class and would be at risk to get his phone taken away from him. But it was either that or drive to his school, bawling my eyes out like a crazy person, running through the school hallways screaming “Keaton” like Stanley Kowalski yelled “Stella!”

He didn’t answer.

But he called me right back. “Mom, can I come get the keys, ’cause I think I’m going to leave school now.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Well did you hear what happened?” he questioned.

“Yeah, I saw that a student died. What happened?”

We still don’t know all the details. There have been so many rumors floating around. But a girl in Keaton’s sophomore class died unexpectedly in some kind of freak accident at her home before school on Friday. She was a beautiful, talented 16-year-old girl. She played volleyball, ran track, was a wresting cheerleader, and a junior dog handler. She lived with her parents. Had an older brother. And tons of friends. And now she’s gone.

Keaton and I talked about it Friday night. I wanted to make sure he knew he could talk to me about it. That it’s ok to cry, be upset, mad or scared…or a combination of them all. We talked about how everybody found out at school. How everybody is in total shock. How just about everybody was in tears all day long. How Keaton didn’t go to 8th period…his History class where Kaitlin sat right behind his friend Dylan. We talked about emotions. Our own mortality. And somehow I kept a stoic straight face when what I really wanted to do was grab Keaton, hold on to him and never let him go.

Ever since then I give him a big hug every time I pass him the hallway, or when he comes to the kitchen for food, or when he’s asking me to drive him somewhere. Sometimes I just burst in to this room to give him a big bear hug. He’s starting to get a little irritated by it. He keeps telling me, “Ok mom. That’s enough already.” But I can’t help it.

A 16-year-old is not supposed to die. Parents are not supposed to outlive their 16-year-old daughter. Older brothers aren’t supposed to become only children. Fifteen and Sixteen year olds aren’t supposed to lose a classmate and friend. It’s just not right. It’s just not natural. It’s heart breaking.

On the way to youth group last night Keaton told me he was going to the funeral on Wednesday. The funeral will be in the concert hall at the school and the high school is letting out early so students and teachers can attend. Bringing it up again, I couldn’t keep it in. I got teary-eyed as I said, “I can’t even imagine what her parents are going through. I would be devastated if anything ever happened to you,” I sobbed.

Hug your kids. Hold them tight. Tell them you love them.

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So anyway, they were sitting at the kitchen table filling out their valentine’s and I was making myself some Kraft Shells and Cheese (’cause yum!) when a conversation ensued. A conversation that started out as an innocent talk about twins and ended with an explanation of vasectomies, sex and periods. [I'm telling you. There is a never a dull moment in the Bean household.]

Caleb was filling out a card for Spencer, a kid in his class, when it dawned on him that Spencer, a kid in his class, has the same name as Spencer, his brother. He said, “Spencer, Spencer in my class likes football too. You could be twins. ‘Cause you’re identical.” This led in to a discussion about what it meant to be an identical twin and a fraternal twin.

And then somebody asked, “Are you going to have any more babies?”

I said, “No. We’re done having babies. We’re happy with our family just the way we are. You guys are all we need.”

Spencer begged, “But can’t we have just one more baby?”

“We can’t because Dad had a vasectomy,” I blurted out before I realized just how tricky that statement would be.

“What’s a vestomy?” asked Caleb.

I paused for a second and let out a nervous giggle. “A vasectomy? That’s when they cut a little tube in daddy’s private parts so daddy can’t make babies anymore.”

“Why does that mean he can’t make babies,” Caleb questioned.

“Well,” I stumbled, “it means the semen can’t get out to fertilize the egg. Do you know what semen is?”

Three sets of eyes stared blankly back at me so I continued, “Well a woman has ovaries and each month those ovaries produce an egg that goes down the fallopian tubes in to her uterus. When she has sex with her husband he releases semen that swims up and fertilizes that egg. If the egg gets fertilized then it grows in to a baby. If it doesn’t get fertilize then a woman has her period. Do you know what a period is?”

With a look of disgust on his face, Spencer said, “Yeah, it’s when she bleeds from her private parts.”

“Something like that,” I responded.

Caleb piped in, “Mom, you said some bad words.”

“What words were those,” I asked.

“S-E-X,” Caleb spelled.

“Sex isn’t a bad word. Either is penis or vagina. They are just body parts. When you are talking about your body it’s ok to use those words. Just don’t use them as an insult. Like don’t call somebody a penis,” I informed.

Caleb said, “Yeah, like when somebody says ’suck my dick’ that’s bad.”

“Yes it is. I don’t want to hear that at all,” I said.

We chatted a little more and I asked them them if they had any other questions. Spencer was still stuck on the vasectomy issue.

“But you can still have a baby,” Spencer said.

“I could, but I’d have to have a baby with some other guy and I would never do that,” I said.

Caleb said, “Yeah, cause that’s cheating and that’s bad.”

Skyler chirped in, “Yeah, that’s just rude.”

Spencer said, “Ah man. But I really wanted a little brother.”

“You have a little brother,” I informed him. “You have Caleb.”

“Yeah, but I wanted a baby brother,” he whined.

“Well they don’t stay little forever, you know. We aren’t having anymore. But Keaton and Justis might have a baby in a few years. In 10 years Keaton will be 25. He could get married and have a baby by then. Then you’d be an uncle.”

Then the kids were figuring out how old they would be in 10 years. Skyler & Spencer would be 20. Caleb would be 17.

“By then all of you will be moving out of the house. And I’ll be lonely,” I said.

Caleb said, “I might live with you for a long time.”

Skyler said, “I’m living with you until I find a man.”

Spencer said, “Well…I’ll come visit you.”

It’s these intimate conversations and hard questions I treasure most with my kids. When I was younger I was always so embarrassed whenever my parents would talk to me about sex. I figured it would be hard for me to talk to my own kids about it. But it’s not. I would rather my kids come to me when they have questions so I know they are getting the truth. And I’m glad they feel comfortable enough to ask me the questions that are on their minds. I hope we continue to stay this close as they move in to the teenage years.

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Or so I thought.

Spencer had a soccer tournament today. His first game was at 8:30am. Eight fucking thirty in the morning. I had to set the alarm for 6:30am. Six thirty people. I loath 6:30. No I outright HATE 6:30. I’d like to kick 6:30am right in the privates with a pointy-toed 4″ high heel shoe. So, you know, I was pretty excited about getting up so early.

But I dragged my butt out of bed, threw myself in to the shower, put on my orange and black soccer sweatshirt and tried to conjure up some school spirit anyway.

The tournament was in the Hawkeye’s indoor football practice field (a.k.a. The Bubble). The university’s idea of indoor and my idea of indoor? Completely different.

The Bubble is fenced in. So you have to walk down a very long driveway to get to the door. When we drove out of town today we passed a sign that told us it was -11 degrees outside. So a walk down a long, icy driveway? Not so much fun. As soon as the cold went up my nose I could feel my nose hairs freeze and my throat seize up. I pulled my scarf up and rushed Spencer to the door.

We walked in to The Bubble and the lobby area was packed. We were running late and Spencer’s game was starting in about 10 minutes. So we pushed our way through the crowd, passed through the revolving door, and made our way on to the field. It immediately became abundantly clear why everybody was packed in to the lobby. The lobby was heated. The Bubble? Freezing.

We looked around for Spencer’s team. We made our way over to field 3 where his first game was. On the way there we passed the one and only heater that was working on the field. The heater was so powerful it practically blew me on to one of the fields. There was a crowd of at least 30 people standing in front of it trying to stay warm. They didn’t care that it was blowing them their hair in to their faces and pushing them around. At least it was warmth.

Lee and I watched the game from the sidelines. By the end of the half hour game I could no longer feel my toes. My thighs were burning because they were so cold. My fingers were numb. And my snot was running down my face. I was quite a sight.

We had an hour and a half until Spencer’s next game. So we decided to drive home. Never mind that home was a half hour away. I needed another pair of socks and some long underwear stat.

By the time we got back for the second game (again running late) The Bubble had started to warm up. And by “warm up” I mean that I was only shivering enough for my teeth to chatter, but no longer fearing frostbite and hypothermia.

Between the second and third game we headed to the local mall to eat lunch and buy some gloves. I had brought some gloves from home, but they weren’t very warm. I needed a new pair of Isotoners to warm up my fingers in hopes I could bring some color back to them…I mean a color other than blue.

By the third game the temp inside The Bubble was almost bearable. I still had to wear my winter coat, bundle up under my scarf and new gloves, and keep on my second pair of socks and long underwear, but at least I wasn’t shivering anymore.

Before the final game we headed to Starbucks to warm up with a tall Caramel Apple Spice. By this point the outside temp had warmed up to a balmy 3 degrees. And, after running all morning, the heater in The Bubble was finally starting to warm the place up. Spencer even took off his sweatshirt for the final game.

So after 6 1/2 hours and 4 games, Spencer’s team didn’t win a single game and Spencer’s accidentally scored a goal for one of the other teams. But we survived the cold.

Actually, other than that oops goal, Spencer did pretty well. He scored at least 5 or 6 goals for his own team. And he had a lot of fun. In the end that’s all that really matters.

But next year I’m bringing some thermal underwear.

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January
is trying to look all smart in my new glasses.

has declared an end to the laundry vacation I’ve been on. Now I need to wade through all the piles of dirty clothes to find the washing machine.

is excited Justis is on his way home, but bummed vacation is almost over.

is ready for her afternoon nap. Do you think my boss would mind?

is STILL doing laundry. Maybe a laundry vacation wasn’t such a good idea.

is scouring her feed reader for inspiration.

received 6 workout DVDs to review. Apparently somebody else has noticed my bulge too.

is having more of a Monday today. Isn’t it supposed to be Friday?

is trying to decide if we should go sledding today or not.

completely underestimated the amount of exercise involved in sledding. Climbing back up the steep, snowy hill sucks.

is pretty sure she bruised her butt while sledding (again) today, but she can’t twist around far enough to see for sure.

is wishing my sister a happy 18th birthday.

took an evening nap and is now ready for night time blogging and chores.

has a long list of things to do today, but would really rather just take a nap.

is working on pitching a Dancing with the Bloggers show to ABC. You’d totally watch that right?

is about to lose her damn mind.

is no longer speaking to her California friends with their stupid 80 degree weather. Hmph.

is beginning to loath the school superintendent. School is cancelled again tomorrow. Really?!?

was just informed it is warmer in the South Pole than it is in Cedar Rapids right now. That’s just not right.

had a great time at the end-of-year (’cause you can’t call it holiday anymore) party yesterday even though it was cold as sin. Luckily alcohol warms you up.

is giving away a bundle of SIX workout DVDs. Leave a comment at Weary Parent for a chance to win.

is trying to listen to a conference call and participate in an internet chat all at the same time. I think my head might explode.

was so excited b/c I finally don’t have class on Tuesday nights and can actually go to a PTO meeting. And then I totally forgot about the PTO meeting tonight.

is pretty disappointed in Warner Bros. You want me to promote YOUR product, but you can’t hold up your end of the bargain. Nice.

just gave up on her feed reader and marked everything as read.

is super psyched that Warner Bros redeemed themselves. Yay, I love it when companies do the right thing.

just talked to her mom who wants to have a mother/daughter weekend in Vegas for our birthdays this year. I am, of course, all in.

is apparently old because this band is too damn loud.

is pretty sure she has permanent hearing loss now.

is trying to stay awake. Maybe toothpicks in my eyelids will help.

has a sore throat, itchy eyes, and stuffy ears. There’s no denying it’s a cold. Should call the doc tomorrow to get some prednisone right away.

has been trying to work between naps today. Being sick sucks.

is watching 12 Sexiest Vegas Jobs on E! because I am too tired to walk all the way upstairs to my bed.

is going to lunch with my grandma and then going home to take a nap. Eating lunch can be exhausting.

is finally going to watch Lost since Lee is giving up on his homework.

has apparently turned comments off on my note and has no clue how to turn them back on.

is paying bills. This is an exciting life I lead.

is supposed to be blogging, but Facebook keeps getting in the way.

can’t wait until this semester is over so I can have my husband back. They have entirely too much homework in college.

is watching Happy Gilmore again. It wasn’t that good the first time. Where the heck is the remote?

’s leg hurts, but can’t move because the cat is sleeping on me.

just discovered clothes get cleaner when you actually remember to turn the washing machine on.

February
made her teens join Mafia Wars so she could grow her mafia. She’s such a bad influence.

spent four hours cooking and freezing meals for the rest of the month. I’m exhausted.

has snot dripping down the back of her throat. You’re welcome for that bit of info at lunch time.

is supposedly blogging, but keeps getting interrupted by Facebook. Need to focus.

finished blogging before 1am for the first time in several weeks. Woo hoo

will NOT forget to go her doctor appointment this afternoon like she forgot the teen’s dentist appointment last month.

is now on antibiotics & prednisone. Fun!

has class at 8am tomorrow morning. Who signed me up for this crappy schedule?

would already like to kick Wednesday in the privates with a pointy high heel shoe. And it’s not even 8am yet.

just locked herself in the laundry room. Had to be saved by a 6-year-old.

is getting the kids in bed, listening to NPR, and tivoing Grey’s Anatomy. Multitasking baby.

was just reminded that Caleb needs 100 things for the 100th day of school tomorrow. Parent fail.

just got her butt kicked by Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred.

is still in pain from the Jillian’s 30 Day Shred on Saturday and LD’s hip hop workout yesterday. Could I be any more of a wimp?

is trying to stay focused on work, but DUDE it’s 50 degrees out.

has writer’s block. I need ideas. What do you want to know about parenting tweens and teens?

needs to get plates & napkins for the school Valentine’s parties. My contribution after many years of failed baking attempts.

was so tired this morning she forgot to put makeup on. Remembered halfway to work. Turned around and went back home. Can’t go w/o eyeliner god forbid.

is starting to lose faith in humanity after reading some of the comments on http://www.wearyparent.com.

is making the kids heart shaped ham and cheese sandwiches.

is going to dinner w/my hubby.

just got Lee to watch The Real Housewives of the OC…only because part of it was filmed in Cedar Rapids.

needs to be creating thumbnails, but keeps getting distracted by the internet.

keeps forgetting it’s Wednesday and not Thursday. Switching my work-from-home day has completely screwed me up.

is IMing Justis from the family room couch…while he’s in his bedroom.

is freezing, but I already have a sweatshirt on. How many articles of clothing can one person wear in the office and still be taken seriously?

is getting ready to party with the girls. Let’s all pray there’s no cheese dip vomit this year.

has many blackmail photos from last night’s get together.

is going to work off this weekend’s bad habits at hip hop class today.

wants you to leave a comment. http://tiny.cc/needyourhelp570

just found 3 very hard pancakes (on the verge of molding) in Caleb’s pants pocket in the laundry room. Why?!? Saving them for later?

March
just watched the movie Sex Drive w/my hubby. And this is exactly why his movie-choosing privileges have been revoked.

stayed upright for a whole 2 hours of roller skating.

is watching NKOTB on Jimmy Kimmel and thinking “man they look so old now” and then I remembered “oh wait, so do I.”

is at the doctor. I just like to check in w/him monthly to see how he’s doing and make a contribution to his kids’ college fund.

is ice skating…or trying to at least.

is forcing my husband to go clothes shopping with me. I can’t tell you how thrilled he is about it.

is a trooper and going to hip hop class even with sinus issues and a big, painful cut on my foot. I should get a cookie for this.

just watched the Back to the Future trilogy. Now it’s time to stop procrastinating and actually do some homework.

is playing the role of Super Mommy getting 2 kids to 2 different place – clear across town from each other – at roughly the same time.

wants you to go bid on some very cool items at the Border View YMCA charity auction. http://tiny.cc/auction335

wants you to buy a Tide Loads of Hope t-shirt to help families in need after natural disasters. http://tidetshirts.pgvillage.com/c-9-show-all.aspx?_vsc=tide4

is once again going to hip hop class to work off this weekend’s bad habits. I’m looking at you drinks on Friday and last night’s enchiladas de poblano.

is @the doctor…again. This time? Pneumonia. About to get a shot of steroids and a shot of antibiotics. Good times.

is officially on Spring Break after acing my midterms!

is at Karma for the MOvMNT dance company fundraiser.

was going to take the kids bowling, but apparently Saturdays are big bowling days ’cause it was packed. So we’re going to the park instead.

is so bummed that my vacation is ending. The kids are going back to school and I’m going back to work tomorrow. *sigh*

is so glad our Spring Break was last week when the weather was beautiful and not this week when it’s non-stop raining.

just tried to fast forward TiVo with my Blackberry. Shockingly it didn’t work.

really enjoys the Schwan’s funnel cake fries. Yummy!

is about to do something crazy. I’m going to start studying tonight instead of waiting until just before class on Monday. What’s come over me?

got distracted with the computer and all of a sudden Ultimate Fighting in on my TV. Apparently I need to hide the remotes.

would like to know why major hospitals can’t seem to ever bill correctly. Seriously? I have my own job. I don’t have time to do yours too.

April
is getting my stirrup pants and 80’s big hair ready for the NKOTB concert tonight.

is very happy with the IA Supreme Court. Who knew Iowa was so progressive? http://tinyurl.com/iasamesexmarriage

is going to enjoy some yum yum sauce at Osaka tonight. *squee*

is talking to Skyler about the talent show. ME: Do you have your dance routine memorized? SKYLER: I’m just going to dance, woman!

is picking out songs on iTunes w/Spencer. ME: Dude, you need to start showering every day and putting on some pit stick. SPENCER: Um, that would be my man stink.

was going to take care of the laundry, but passed the couch on the way to the laundry room and decided to take a lunchtime nap instead.

dreams of living in a neighborhood where punks don’t steal things out of your car. This time? The XM radio we got on eBay for $10.

’s heart is breaking for the Spohr family. http://twitter.com/mamaspohr http://tinyurl.com/spohr

is glad we don’t take road trips very often because I’m pretty sure Lee’s constant burping & non-stop radio station surfing would be the end of our marriage.

is taking the fam to the movies…only we’re all seeing different movies.

just spent the last hour stuffing candy in to stupid plastic eggs that never seem to want to go back together. It’s hard work being the Easter Bunny’s personal assistant.

’s kids now have so much candy they will likely be on a continuous sugar rush until at least summer. Please send reinforcements in the form of wine and bubble bath STAT.

is on her way home. Visiting mom is fun, but there’s no place like home.

has gone purple today in memory of Maddie Spohr.

will never know what personality disorder she has because Facebook threw a hissy fit when she tried to find out her results.

is getting pumped up for crawling to some pubs tonight.

is watching non-stop Game Show Network while doing homework.

just handed the keys to the Tracker over to Justis for his 17th birthday. Hold me.

is wondering what happened to Spring. Did we just skip from Winter to Summer? I like Spring.

is being forced to watch the NFL draft…no, the PRE-draft. This should be illegal.

has watched so much tween TV in the last 2 days she thinks her head might explode.

cracks up when people leave messages like “Are you there?” *pause* “Ok, I guess not.” We have voicemail. Not an answering machine. Nobody can hear you.

May
wonders how it can be beautiful shorts weather at my house, but cold, need-to-bring-my-jacket-and-a-blanket at school. I’m a little wind blown from Spencer’s soccer game.

thinks God works in mysterious ways. Just when I’m feeling under appreciated by my own kids (particularly teens) my Sunday School kids gave me a mug to thank me for serving them this year.

hates it when she starts singing out loud, thinking the music will drown out her bad, howling dog vocals, only to remember she actually has headphones on.

needs a vacation. Thanks goodness I’m going to Vegas in a month.

just burned herself with the glue gun. Sewing (or gluing as the case may be) dance costumes is not as easy as it looks. Where’s Martha Stewart when we need her?

is bummed because nobody is ever in the office on Friday’s to go shopping over lunch with me. Shopping alone is lonely.

is ready for movie night and a few Piano Lounge martinis with the girls. Oh who am I kidding? A LOT of [Key Lime Pie] martinis with the girls.

is going to spend the evening with my mother, grandmother and teenagers. Nothing like “Hair” to bring a family together.

spent Mother’s Day with a miserable cold and bickering kids. Good times.

is apparently delirious from this cold. I got one foot out the door on the way to work this morning before I realized I still had my hair wrapped in a wet towel.

can’t believe my baby is 7 years old today.

just found out Lee is graduating this term since they decided to waive the last class he needed that they keep canceling. So he’s officially a college graduate. I’m so proud of him!

is about to watch Lee walk across the stage at graduation. Congratulations Lee!

WILL be writing a strongly worded letter to Texas Roadhouse.

isn’t ashamed to admit we saw 17 Again today. It was a’right.

just realized BlogHer is only 2 months away and I’m still wearing my winter weight. Must get on the treadmill today.

is celebrating Lee’s birthday today with a movie; Angels & Demons.

is mourning a death…the death of our dishwasher. Thankfully we still have teenagers to wash the dishes.

just got home from a good bike ride that totally reminded me how little exercise I got over the winter months. Where’s my inhaler?

is starting to think the University of Iowa does this crap on purpose just to tick me off.

is surprisingly tired considering I’ve been on a high dose of Prednisone for the last three days.

has a busy day planned with the family. First heading to the pool followed by a cookout with friends. We’re going to be exhausted tonight.

will be spending this beautiful day indoors at Skyler’s dance rehearsal. All. Day. Long. Fun.

is having a stressful evening. Google’s safe browsing is blocking my blog and now my Twitter account has been suspended.

just gave up and deleted my whole blog. Screw it. I did make a backup before I did it though. I’ll worry about getting back up and running once Google starts leaving me alone.

finally has Twitter back in her life again. Yeah. Now I just need to work on the blog.

has had a very emotionally exhausting week. Is it wine o’clock yet?

thinks end-of-the-month reporting sucks big time. Of course, it probably wouldn’t suck this bad if I didn’t always wait until the very last day of the month to do it.

is taking the kids to the pool. Hopefully it’s really open this time.

missed a quarter sized spot on my knee and now it’s sunburned. Badly. And it hurts. Ouch.

June
just bought my 9-year-old daughter a woman’s size 8 pair of shoes. Holy big feet Batman!

is killing 2 bird w/ 1 stone. In IC on a field trip w/ the kids so I picked up my books for class next week.

is ticked off at SYTYCD. Gabby got to dance for her life and stay, but Natalie got cut with no second chance. Seriously?

had a good bike ride today even though some stupid beotch on a cell phone almost ran me down with her minivan.

got Skyler’s hair in a bun, secured it with at least 25 bobby pins and sprayed half a can of hairspray on it. Hopefully it stays for her whole dance recital.

is admiring my new concrete patio and sidewalk. It’s the little things.

took the kids to see Up. Very cute movie. A little bit of a tear jerker.

is hanging out with Skyler at day 2 of her dance recital. Her hair looks good. Will it hold tonight? Keep your fingers crossed.

is wishing my Dad a happy birthday!

is on the countdown to vacation. Leaving for Chicago tomorrow. And Vegas on Wednesday.

survived my first 8am class…in IC. Getting up at 6:30am sucks! And I’m not so sure it’s safe for me to be driving on the Interstate so early in the morning. But I survived. Only 7 weeks to go.

is driving to Chicago.

made it to Chicago with only minor trauma. Did I mention I was alone? And I hate driving?

is charging her Macbook, iPod, and blackberry. Camera batteries are already charged. And I wonder why we never have any available outlets at home.

was trying not to crack up at the dude on the treadmill next to me. He was hanging on for dear life. Reminded me of Fred Flintstone when he runs…his legs are spinning, but he’s standing in place.

is leaving on a jet plane. If anybody wants to hang out in Vegas sometime in the next 3 days give me a shout.

is celebrating her bday in Vegas. Shouldn’t there be some kind of special jackpot for birthday girls? Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

is watching Chriss Angel film Mind Freak at the Luxor.

heading in to see Chriss Angel’s Believe. It’s packed.

watched the Bellagio fountains from the top of the Eiffel Tower. And then ran in to Elvis. Only in Vegas.

just got carded at Il Fornaio…italian restaurant in NY, NY.

is wishing my mom a happy birthday.

just got carded again. At Coyote Ugly this time. I’m going to live here. They think I’m young.

just got my picture taken with Britney Spears…well a look-alike anyway.

just saw Legends in Concert at Harrahs. Such a fun show! I’m a little in love with Elvis.

is packing my bags. Only a few more hours in Vegas.

is back in Chicago. Heading home tomorrow.

is home. Finally. And exhausted. Just got home from class. And have class again at 8am. Ugh. Only 7 more weeks.

is drinking some Crystal Light Energy because 3 hours of sleep? Isn’t cutting it.

just realized the new Facebook for Blackberry app will sync up my Facebook friends with my BB contact list. Very cool. Except I just asked everybody for their phone number. Clearly I need to figure this all out.

had to use much restraint in class today. Two kids behind me talked through the whole lecture. It was so distracting. I gave them the evil eye, but they kept whispering. I came this close to turning around and smacking the crap out of both of them.

just realized I’ve now moved up to the next age range level on surveys. I used to be able to check the box for 25-34. Now I’m in the 35-44 range. *sigh*

just saw Land of the Lost. It is in my top 10 of the WORST movies ever. Not at all funny. Just a total waste of money.

just woke up after sleeping for 12 hours. After barely sleeping the last few days, I sooo needed that.

is getting ready to celebrate. Congratulations Lee! Happy Birthday Jen! Happy Birthday me!

had a great time with our friends last night. But I’m a little sad I lost my brand new camera.

is celebrating Father’s Day at Chuck E Cheese.

just realized July 4th is less than 2 weeks away. How did it just sneak up on me like this? We’ve got tons of activities to plan.

is wondering when Tuesday became the new Monday.

is really tired of losing power every time the wind blows the wrong way. And just our block. Cause it’s even more fun looking out your window watching your neighbors watching TV. Alliant can bite me!

just received Skyler’s dance pictures in the mail. And her jazz pictures? Aren’t of her. It’s some other girl. Guess we’ll be visiting Read tomorrow.

is so glad she doesn’t have a long commute every day. Between the jerk in front of me going 10 miles UNDER the speed limit in the LEFT lane and the a-hole behind me riding my bumper I’m on the verge of punching somebody square in the face.

is watching the kids “swim” in the hot tub…which is more of a freezing cold tub right now since Lee just filled it up.

just got a call from UPS. Apparently a shipment will be delivered that requires signature. It will be here some time between 8am and 7pm. I’m glad they can narrow it down for me. Did the cable company buy UPS and I was unaware?

is watching the hot air balloons inflate at the balloon glow.

just got my 2nd new point and shoot camera. Will I be able to keep track of this one for more than 10 hours? I hope so. It’s getting expensive buying new point and shoots.

is on my way to my sister’s high school graduation party. Congratulations Kyria!

is wondering if maybe we order pizza too much. The delivery guy told Caleb, “I’m watching you guys grow up” when he brought us our lasagna (or balansa as Caleb calls it).

was turning on the air a week ago and today I’m about to close the windows because I’m freezing. Gotta love this Iowa weather.

July
is at the half way point. Had one midterm today. Another on Monday. Only 4 more weeks of school.

continues to debate the stay-at-home dad issue on her blog. http://www.thebeanblog.com

had lunch with the fam at grandma’s tree, got the kids registered for the fun run tomorrow, and am now relaxing before we head to the pool.

now has a headache. Caleb was showing me how some blue guy on X-Men leaps around. He leaped in my lap and smacked his big ol’ head in to my forehead. Ouch. I’ll probably have a big bump tomorrow.

watched the kids run the mile race. They did awesome. But we decided to skip the pancake breakfast since we are drenched from the rain.

just woke up from a much needed nap. Now getting ready for the next family dinner. I won’t need to eat for a week after this weekend’s family breakfasts, lunches, and dinners.

is stuffed from a big breakfast this morning with my dad’s side of the family and a big dinner tonight with my mom’s side of the family.

was so annoyed at the girl sitting next to me during my midterm. She kept smacking her pencil to get more led…like every 20 seconds. Stop writing so damn hard if you need that much led. And a little tab will give you some led. You don’t need to smack it

has a new fuel pump in the truck. And it only took Lee 6 hours plus gas, grease and grime all over his body. YUCK!

is happy to be done with 5 weeks of school. Only 3 weeks to go!

has new pets. About five little skunks walked in to our garage like they owned the place and are now eating out of the cats’ food dish. Pictures to come soon.

had a great time tubing with awesome friends yesterday. But why can I never seem to get my whole body covered with the sunscreen. I have a strip of red on my arm. Apparently I need to hire a sunscreen puter-on-er.

is going to dish tonight with the girls. Get it? Dish as in dinner plate. And dish as in gossip. Oh, I crack myself up.

is so not prepared for BlogHer. Who decided to have the conference just days before finals? Is it ok if I come in dirty jeans and tank tops because I don’t have time to do laundry, let alone shop. *sigh*

can’t wait for Keaton to get home today!

is writing a paper for school. But seems to be easily distracted by the internet. ADD much?

almost had a heart attack on the interstate. A semi blew a tire right in front of me. Little bits of tire came flying at me. I may or may not have screamed like a little girl.

is packing for BlogHer. Nothing like waiting until the last minute. Packing at midnight. Leaving at 7am. I’ve never really been much of a planner.

is about 3/4 of the way to Chicago. So far my crackberry has turned in to a crackhead and won’t let me turn on Bluetooth. And my gas gauge gave up and stopped working. There better be martinis at BlogHer. I’m so going to need one. Or five.

made it to Chicago. Just need to pick up my mom and then head to the Sheraton.

is about to throw this f’ing crackhead (a.k.a. my blackberry) in to lake. Haven’t gotten a single email or FB update on my phone all day. It’s broken. And I’m a little pissed about it.

is taking a breather before heading down to the parties.

is really glad I got past my anxiety and came to BlogHer. It’s really a great time and I’m meeting all my awesome blog crushes. Squee!

finally has internet back on my crackberry. No internet on my BB makes me a very cranky girl.

must disconnect from the internet for the next 2 days. After being practically internet-less for the last 4 days (thanks to blackberry), I’m on the verge of some serious withdrawal symptoms. Already shaking and have a headache. But finals are tomorrow and I have to focus.

has one final down. One more to go. *heading back to the books*

is done with finals! Now it’s time to celebrate.

just let the kids talk me in to adopting a bunny. I’m such a sucker. They caught me at a weak moment when I was basking in the glow of school being over.

August
has to go to bed alone tonight because Lee left me for softball. Last weekend I left him for BlogHer. Will we ever spend a weekend together again?

is a little shaken up from the pool where the lifeguard had to dive in and save Caleb. He was a little too tired to still be in the deep end. He’s doing fine; just a little embarrassed. It, however, did nothing to help my already upset stomach.

is thinking I should just cancel my voicemail. I never check it anyway. Am now listening to 28 messages left throughout the month of July. About 15 of the messages are somebody trying to give me a free cruise to the Bahamas. THIS is why I don’t check my voicemail.

can’t believe my baby is 15 years old already. When did that happen? Happy Birthday Keaton!

is being forced to watch some NFL hall of fame thing. Seriously?!? Why is this even televised?

is getting ready for soccer, more soccer, football, dance and gymnastics. Oh my. These kids sure know how to keep a mom busy.

couldn’t start my day out with my usual OJ because the basement at work was closed. The basement where all the food and beverages are. I still don’t know why it’s closed, but I’m pretty ticked off about it. OJ is the new coffee.

is listening to Caleb talk to his friend. FRIEND: I turned 6 last year. CALEB: I’m 7. That means I’m WAAAYYYY older than you.

is seriously considering opening that bottle of Stella Rosa on my counter. It’s been one of those weeks.

just returned from battling over school supplies at Target. In my quest for the perfect glue stick I accidentally touched the shopping cart and had to walk, no, sprint over to the soap section to apply some hand sanitizer. I seriously considered putting the hand sanitizer back after using it, but then my conscience got the best of me. So I bought it.

is wondering how in the world it is only Tuesday. Monday felt like a full week in just one day. And there’s still four days ’til the weekend. I’m not sure I’ll make it.

is no longer speaking to Lee. Which is interesting since, you know, we live together.

is so tired of hearing about Brett Favre. Why can’t he just go away?

thinks it’s a good day to get inked.

is getting a pedicure…which should be interesting since I hate it when people touch my feet.

is talking to Caleb about hot chocolate. He says, “I like it. When it’s not too hot. when it’s just right I like it.” OK Goldilocks.

is wishing you all a Happy Women’s Equality Day!

has my tattooed arm on the steering wheel, my pierced eyebrow face forward, my bass thumping in the truck, listening to…wait for it…Miley Cyrus. I’m too cool for words.

can’t believe the city is flooding again. My heart is breaking for those families who lost their homes & businesses last summer and are now going through this again.

has a serious addiction. I have a secret love affair with Amazon. In fact I spend more time on Amazon looking at all the books I want to buy than I do actually reading the books I’ve bought. Is there a 10-step program for this?

September
is at the park watching my girly girl chase a boy. She climbed a tree to get to him.

received her diploma in the mail yesterday. It’s official. I graduated and now have a BBA in Marketing.

is glad my children got to watch President Obama’s inspirational speech on the importance of education and learning from failure.

is loving my friends because they don’t just tell me what I think I WANT to hear. They tell it like it is and tell me what I NEED to hear.

remembers.

thinks it’s a good day for soccer. Even have my orange and black socks on. Bring it.

had an awesome sports weekend. Spencer’s soccer team won all 3 games yesterday and his football team won their game today. I think my orange & black socks had a little something to do with it.

is going through withdrawal. Thanks to Mediacom we’ve had limited access to the internet. FOR THREE DAYS & COUNTING! I can’t get on Facebook. I can’t put books in to my shopping cart on Amazon. I can’t shop online. I’m about to lose my mind here people. Send reinforcements stat!

is so excited we have internet and phone service again. It’s like Christmas. I mean it would be like Christmas if Christmas was when Santa Claus snatched away your most prized possessions, kept them hostage for four full days, and then finally gave them back with an “oops, sorry” explanation.

had a very exciting day. Went to church. Then came home and took a nap. Went to Spencer’s football game (which they won!). Then came home and took a nap. Think I’ll read for a bit and then go to bed. It’s exhausting being me.

is at Target picking up a perscription but the smell of yummy baked goods is calling to me.

needs a nap before this weekend’s soccer tournament & football game. All these sports are exhausting. And I don’t even play.

is nursing Spencer back to health. He hurt his wrist in his football game today. He’s fine. Just bruised. But he can be a little dramatic when he gets injured. All day it’s been “I can’t play outside ’cause my wrist” and “I can’t open the ice cream container ’cause my wrist.” Buck up kid!

is so proud of Spencer. He was a trooper and made it through all 2 hours of football practice tonight with his hurt wrist. I know it hurt and he wanted to give up but he gave it his all. And the coaches said he did a really great job. Way to go Spencer!

October
is taking Skyler & Spencer to dinner and a movie for their birthdays. I can’t believe they are going to be 10 tomorrow.

is wedged in to a very small seat on a very noisy school bus on my way to the apple orchard. Did these seats get smaller or did I get bigger? Wait! Don’t answer that.

put on my PJs and Spencer said, “Mom you look weird in those knee high socks and short shorts.” I said, “No I don’t. I look like an athlete.” Spencer said, “No. You look like a weird person trying to look like an athelete.” Kids! You gotta love ‘em.

is finally beginning to thaw out from Caleb’s double header soccer games. Brrr…it really shouldn’t be this cold this early in the season. Trick-or-treating is really going to suck. Maybe I’ll just buy a few bags of candy for the kids and call it done.

has officially started Christmas shopping. This could be a new record for me. I’m usually shopping with all the men on Christmas Eve. As a master procrastinator it feels kind of weird to be so ahead of the game.

is so proud of our U10 boys. They won 3 of their 4 soccer games in the WI Oktoberfest tourney. And Spencer did an awesome job as assistant coach (since he couldn’t play w/his broken wrist). Way to go boys!

is drinking yummy OJ that my wonderful husband bought for me. He’s so good to me. Either that or this sexy man voice my cold has given me is freaking him out.

has a big weekend planned. Chick Flick Movie Night with the girls tonight. Rock N Roll at TCR tomorrow night. Still rocking my sexy man voice. Hopefully I don’t cough through the whole night. Gonna have to stock up on cough drops. On the bright side my breath smells nice and minty.

no longer has a sexy man voice. Now I have no voice. I have never lost my voice before. It’s weird. I’m a girl who has lots to say.

has done nothing but shop since we got home from church. I HATE shopping, but Skyler & Spencer have been begging me to let them use their birthday gift cards (and more). Now I’m exhausted. And broke.

needs to open some windows to let in some fresh air and let out the nasty germ-infested air. Kids are fine. Lee and I? Are not.

channels Mr. Mom every time she drops Skyler off at Gymnastics. Just want to scream “You’re doing it wrong!!” at all the people who come in the wrong enterance and drive against traffic. “North to pick up, south to drop off MORON!”

just got home from America Reads Day at school. Spencer is reading the Hobbit and Skyler is reading The Sisterhood of the Traveling pants. When did my twins get old enough to read these books? It seems like just yesterday I was reading Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and Guess How Much I Love You to them.

is so proud of Skyler for helping out her lil brother. She taught him how to tie his shoes. And she made up a song for him to remember our phone number. She’s going to be such a good mommy some day. Some day way, way, way, way, way down the road…like when she’s in her 30’s.

keeps changing the due date on items in my to-do list to boost my confidence. I mean I would feel like such a slacker looking at these items that are a month old and still not done. So I moved “box up old books” from last month to next month and “do laundry” to next weekend instead of today. It feels so liberating. you know, not quite as liberating as actually doing the items, but close enough.

is getting her black lipstick all over her apple.

really, really wishes she had a secretary to do all of her end-of-month reporting so she didn’t have to work all night long on the last day of the month every month. Of course, she could start her CRS earlier in the month instead of waiting until the last day of the month. But what would be the fun in that? (On a side note: How many times can one person say month in one lil status?)

had a dream last night that I was in a bathtub with Russell Brand. A tub filled with chili. In the middle of a park filled with tons of people. And my mom was sitting next to us in a chair talking our ear off. WTF?!?

November
is getting ready for a month of blogging…even though I’ve barely blogged in the last six months. Bring it on NaBloPoMo.

is having a crummy Monday. First it’s now dark when I leave the office. And then I find out the kids have already eaten most of their Halloween candy. How will I get my Smartie fix if the kids eat all the candy before I have a chance to sneak in to their bags in the middle of the night and steal the good stuff?

is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My Macbook Pro has no video. I think it’s a known problem with the video card. I’m forcing Lee to run my laptop to the local Apple store ASAP. He doesn’t want to sit here and listen to his wife sob uncontrollably anyway.

is sooooo excited to have my Macbook Pro back. They fixed it in 24 hours. They rock like a stone turd.

is in desperate need of a stiff drink, but will settle for a bag of Smarties.

is at the Sock Hop with the kids. There was so much screaming when Miley Cyrus’ song came on I thought for sure she must have actually been in the school gym.

just ran out of room on my Nano. I knew this day would come. I just didn’t realize it would be so devastating. I guess I know what will be on my Christmas wish list.

should not be allowed to give the kids their spelling test. You should hear the sentences I make up. “Trunk. The mobster hides the dead bodies in the trunk.” And I wonder why they have nightmares. Maybe spelling before bed isn’t such a good idea.

is remarkably exhausted considering I got a steroid shot in the butt today. I should probably bite my tongue though. In a couple days I’ll be up all night, bouncing off the walls. Gotta love Prednisone.

is debating. Work, cleaning, nap? I think the choice is clear.

had a to die for Gingerbread shake at Red Robin tonight. Yummy!

is celebrating her 12th wedding anniversary today! Happy Anniversary Lee!

is excited that Lee is working again, but this getting up at 7:30am to take the kids to the school bus? That sucks big time.

is praying for Anissa Means Mayhew. She is in the ICU after having a stroke today. She’s my age. I’m in total shock.

is having a very emotionally exhausting week and is dire need of a bottle of wine. Or two. Please ping me when it’s wine o’clock.

cannot seem to stay on task. Look something shiny.

is a little freaked out about how ridiculously fitting my horoscope is today.

hates rude waitresses. Seriously?!? Is it really that hard to be half way nice? I’m not asking for you to kiss my butt, but I don’t think it’s out of line to expect you to be at least nice? Am I wrong?

is thankful.

must. stop. checking. the Amazon.com Black Friday deals. Before I go broke.

December
had an EXTREMELY eventful day. No, I didn’t get arrested. But at least I now have something to blog about.

drove Skyler to gymnastics and in the car she said, “I’m trying really heard to be good and not pout. But it’s hard. Just got to keep a positive attitude and a smile on at all times.” Tru dat!

went in to a meeting @5pm and the sky was clear. Came out @6pm and the city was covered in snow. A lot can change in an hour.

really enjoyed the Christmas pageant at church today. All of my kids did awesome. And not just the ones I gave birth to, but also the ones in my Sunday School class.

is going to start taking my blackberry to bed with me. That way I can find out about school delays/cancellings without having to get out of bed. Yep, I’m that lazy.

hears you can’t get the flu from the flu shot, but DUDE this sure feels like the flu. My whole body aches. My head hurts. And I’m going back and forth between freezing my butt off and sweating it off. Ugh!

might seriously lose my mind if tomorrow is another snow day. After 6 days of no school, the kids are getting restless and need some social interaction that doesn’t involve a sibling or a parent.

got a couple of tall dress shirts and sweaters from Old Navy. And they actually go all the way down PAST my wrists. I’m so excited I finally found a company that understands my freakishly long arms I might cry.

is wondering if anybody can offer me some insight on vision therapy? Have you done it or know somebody who’s done it? Did it help? Did you see an improvement in reading ability and homework? Trying to weigh the pros and cons here. [The biggest con being the $1400 price tag.]

is having a glass half full kind of day. Glass half full of merlot that is.

needs to make Christmas treats for Caleb’s class tomorrow. And I just want to point out that this is not technically waiting until the last minute. Waiting until the last minute would be me making them over my lunch break tomorrow, right before the party…like I did for Spencer’s class on Halloween. I’m just sayin’.

is so excited to have Justis home for Christmas. The kids are pretty stoked too. The second he walked in the door they leaped on to him and didn’t let go until he finally said, “Um? Ok. You can let go now.”

doesn’t remember ‘broken wrist’ being on Caleb’s Christmas wish list, but that’s what he got. Fractured in 2 places.

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In January I discovered I may be getting a little too drunk old for girl’s night out.

I began to loathe my treadmill, but I did work up a sweat as a groupie.

In February my treadmill tried to kill me so we had to break up.

I stupidly cooked two weeks of meals in one day…which I will never do again.

And I locked myself in the laundry room and had to be saved my 6-year-old.

In March I went roller skating for the first time since junior high. Also ice skating. And I sucked at both.

After running in to a man from my past I told my story of domestic abuse.

Turns out Lee and I shop exactly the same way.

In April our great state of Iowa began to allow same-sex marriage.

My friends and I had a flashback to the 80’s at the NKOTB concert.

Justis turned 17. Just one year away from 18. *hold me*

In May I once again realized how sewing challenged I am.

I overcame my fear of public speaking. Well maybe overcame isn’t true. But I gave a speech without almost peeing my pants so that was an accomplishment.

Caleb turned 7 and finally got his goggles.

After several years of college, Lee graduated with an Associates degree in LAN Management. And then celebrated his 39th birthday.

And then we got the bombshell that Justis wanted to move back to live with his mom for his senior year.

In June I debated the role of stay-at-home dads multiple times.

I celebrated my 35th birthday in Vegas.

The stay-at-home dad debate continued in to July.

My friend, Carolyn, and I were stranded at Subway.

I went to my very first BlogHer and had a blast.

In August Caleb almost drowned at the pool. And the next day he almost killed himself at the park.

Keaton turned 15 and showed his love for all things Apple by liking his new iPod touch.

I got a new piercing…in my eyebrow.

And I almost had a panic attack while school supply shopping.

In September I took shopping advice from Lee and regretted it.

I got my panties in a wad about the debate over the President speaking directly to our kids.

In October Skyler & Spencer turned 10. Finally in to the double digits…much to my dismay. My babies are growing up.

After my blog was banned because Google hates me (or something like that), I kind of lost my blogging mojo. But after months of sporadic posting, I blogged every single day in November.

Spencer broke his wrist playing football and then got his cast off right after Halloween.

My laptop failed and I almost had a heart attack. But thankfully it was fixed within 24 hours.

I had some crazy dreams where I was in a bathtub of chili with Russell Brand. Or bald.

Lee and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary.

And then we celebrated my friend Lori’s 40th birthday.

Lee got a job and I now have to wake up earlier in the morning.

For the first time in, well, forever I started my Christmas shopping early. But when I asked Justis what he wanted all he said was “socks.”

In December I went to visit my Grandpa at the hospital and ended up $100 poorer.

Caleb had his first speaking part in a school musical. And I forgot my camera.

The flu shot tried to kill me.

For Christmas Caleb got a broken wrist.

It’s been a good year (aside from the blog blocking and bone breaking). Let’s home 2010 is even better (and bone breaking free). Happy New Year!

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But this year? This year the kids decided to end that streak. And end it with a vengeance.

Back in September, Spencer fractured his wrist during one of his football games. And then, following in his big brother’s footsteps, Caleb fractured his wrist on Christmas Eve.

As we were leaving grandma’s house on Christmas Eve, the boys went outside to play. It’s Iowa. In the winter. So it had been snowing and raining all day. And the driveway was slick. Not exactly ideal weather for horseplay. But has that ever stopped boys before? NO!

Apparently Justis tackled Spencer. Spencer fell on Caleb. And somehow Caleb fractured both bones in his wrist. Ouch!

All the way home Caleb cried in the back seat. It was obviously very painful. As soon as we got home we put some ice on it and sat down to watch Fred Claus. Throughout the entire movie Caleb was breaking my heart with his Christmas wishes. “All I want for Christmas is for my wrist to feel better,” he cried. “This Christmas I just want to be able to use my hand,” he sniffled. “I wish I could just play video games,” he sobbed.

By Christmas morning his wrist was swelling up. And a bump began to form on the top of his arm. Unlike Spencer’s wrist a couple months ago, it was pretty evident Caleb’s wrist was broken.

So on Saturday we braved the extremely germy urgent care center to confirm what we already suspected. As soon as the doctor looked at Caleb’s wrist he said, “Oh yeah. That’s broken. But we’ll do xrays just to be sure.”

Yep. Fractured.

So they gave him a brace to wear until we could call out family doctor and get Caleb an appointment with the orthopedic doc. His ortho appointment was this morning. And he got a hard cast. A red one. A bright red one. And he’s pretty proud of it.

He’s doing well now. He says his wrist doesn’t even hurt anymore. And the best part? He can still play video games. So Christmas was saved.

Now all this mom would like for Christmas is no more broken bones in this family. Can 2010 be a broken-bone-free year? Let’s hope so!

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TV shows/commercials make a big deal out of the “Is Santa real?” question. While our immediate family leaves to go look at lights when Santa comes to grandma’s house, the rest of the family stays behind to clean up and somehow never runs in to Santa. I spent all day wrapping presents, but only had one present per person to put under the tree. Santa’s handwriting looks remarkably like mine…and he uses the same wrapping paper that we use. [Yeah, we aren't exactly pros at this whole Santa thing.]

No, Skyler wants us to confirm it for her.

On Christmas Eve we were watching Fred Claus when Skyler said, “Mom, I need to talk to you for a minute.”

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked.

“We need to talk in private,” she said as she glanced over at Caleb.

Ruh-roh. I knew what was coming. The Santa talk.

I already knew she had her doubts about Santa. But I was hoping we could just skim over the talk. I never really know how to handle the talk. On one hand I don’t want to lie. I spend all year long dishing out punishments to the kid when they lie. I probably shouldn’t look her right in the eye and lie my tail off. But on the other hand, I prefer to live in a world that believes in Santa Claus because Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

So I decided to just be evasive. And answer questions with questions. ‘Cause that always works. Right?

When the movie ended and Caleb went to bed Skyler came right out with it. “Is Santa real?”

I asked, “What do you think?”

“I don’t think he’s real.”

“Hmm…” I sure have the best comebacks.

She inquired further. “Do you have more presents to put under the tree after we all go to bed?”

“Do you think I have more presents?”

“Yes.”

And we left it at that. With me neither confirming, nor denying, the existence of Santa Claus. I totally rock at this motherhood gig. I’m already dusting off the spot for my “Mother of the Year” award. *sigh*

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There are two main movie theaters in town. The one clear across town that is only a couple years old and yet still have the games in the game room don’t work. The theater seats are not all that comfortable. And the popcorn is terrible…unless you enjoy chewing on cardboard that will leave you sitting on the toilet for hours later in the day. [There's a visual for ya. You're welcome.]

We prefer the theater that is not far from our house. It’s older but well taken care of. The seats are nice. The popcorn is yummy. And it’s not usually as crowded.

So we headed over to our favorite theater where my mom and grandma met us. We got out tickets and headed in to the lobby. There are concession stands on both sides of the lobby. But I have never, ever seen both sides open at the same time. Even when it’s busy (like, say, the day after Christmas) they still only have side open. It’s always irritated me, but I’d still rather stand in line for a few extra minutes then have to eat stale popcorn at the other theater.

Yesterday was a particularly busy day. They, of course, only had one side open. But they also only had two people working the concessions. TWO people. Seriously?!? The day after Christmas? The TWO lines weaved through the video games until the people in the back of the line could literally sit on the counter of the concessions on the other side of the lobby. Nice.

We ended up standing in that line for THIRTY minutes. THIRTY MINUTES! For popcorn. But we were willing to do it because a movie just isn’t the same without popcorn and syrupy soda. Plus we brought our buckets.

Our theater had this promotion a year ago where you could buy an Indiana Jones bucket and then every time you brought it back they would refill it for $0.50. About six months after that they had another promotion where you could buy a Jonas Bros bucket and refill it for $1. The Indiana Jones bucket expired in May, but the Jonas Bros buckets are still in use. We have one Indiana Jones bucket and two Jonas Bros buckets. We usually bring all three buckets and then just pay for a large popcorn that they put in to the Indiana Jones bucket. That way we all have a noise-free bucket to eat out off and there’s no fighting.

By the time we finally got up to the stand Lee put all three buckets down. The girl behind the counter said, “This one’s expired.” To which Lee replied, “Yeah, I know. We want to pay for a large popcorn and just put it in this bucket.”

The girl kind of rolled her eyes. I said, “Wow she’s friendly.”

Lee replied, “Well I think she just doesn’t understand what I’m asking.”

Wait for it….

The girl then said with all the attitude her little teenage self could muster, “No. I understood you. It was the way you said it. You didn’t ask me. You just told me.”

I started laughing and said, “Are you kidding me? For real?”

And my mom exploded, “WE’VE BEEN STANDING IN THIS FUCKING LINE FOR 30 MINUTES…” and several more choice words. I was actually very proud of this teenage girl because she didn’t cry while my mom was berating her. I’ve seen grown woman cry when my mom goes off on them before.

I walked over to the ticket office to ask for the manager and my mom followed me. She chewed out some poor teen named Jimmy who said, “I’m not in charge. Do you want me to get the manager?” Yes, Jimmy. It’s probably best you get the manager.

As the teenage girl was finishing up our order, angrily throwing down cups, tossing lids on the floor, and asking through clenched teeth, “Do you want anything else?” I saw Jimmy and the manager coming our way. “Don’t swear at him,” I warned my mom.

Thankfully mom remained calm as she told the manager what had just happened. He offered to give us a free ticket which she declined. It wasn’t about the money. We’re willing to pay for everything, but I sure as hell will not have some 17-year-old girl talk to me like the world revolves around her.

Not once were we rude to this girl. Granted Lee didn’t ask her if she’d be willing to charge us a large and, instead of putting it in a bag, put the popcorn in our bucket. But he certainly wasn’t being snotty with her. He wasn’t telling her what to do. He was ordering. And we go to movies all the time and often use our expired bucket in this way. Never once have any of the workers had a problem with it. And if this particular girl had an issue with it she could have just said, “I’m not sure I can do that.” And we would have been fine with it. She could have just put it in a bag and we would have poured it in to our bucket ourselves.

What happened to customer service these days? At Thanksgiving we were at a local bar downing some half-priced martinis when we got the rudest waitress I’ve ever experienced. How do these people get jobs? If you aren’t a people person. Fine. I’m not either. But don’t work a job that deals with people if you can’t even fake a smile. Go do data entry or something. But please get out of the service industry before I have to bitch slap you. I’m just sayin.

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Turns out it wasn’t pneumonia. It was just my asthma. (Which was so odd because I wasn’t wheezing at all so I really didn’t think it was asthma. But what do I know?) Sucks because my ENT gave me an ongoing prescription for Prednisone. If I had known it was asthma I could have just taken my Prednisone and avoided this whole ugly flu shot situation.

So there I was in the office. And I was trapped. Yes, I could just refuse the flu shot, but then I’d get that evil eye from my doctor. He has this way of making you feel guilty when you are making poor decisions about your health. Like the time I admitted I’m not very good about taking my medications and he [albeit nicely] lectured me about how my asthma would be under control if I would just remember to take my Advair. Even just once a day would be better than not at all. And I walked out dead set on taking my medicine every day because I don’t want to disappoint him.

Yeah, that lasted about three days. [Pretty much how I react to advice from parents too. *waving to my mom and dad*]

I got the H1N1 shot a couple weeks ago and everything was good. No soreness. No side effects. Nothing.

So, even though I know there are side effects to the flu shot, I figured it would just be a repeat of the H1N1. I’d get on the shot and be on my way without another thought about it.

Oh how wrong I was.

Within a few hours the arm that got the shot started to ache. Not just a little “oh I got a shot” ache, but a “holy mother of God my arm aches” ache. I could barely lift it.

I gave the shot a little scolding. “You sure as hell better not be trying to play this whole side effect game with me shot. ‘Cause homey don’t play.”

But the shot just laughed it’s pretty little shot head off at me and the aching moved in to my back. My lower back was killing me. I couldn’t tell if the tears in my eyes were from Intervention or my back. [Speaking of Intervention, dude that show gets me every time and in this particular episode the mom got clean and then 5 weeks after coming home left her husband and children anyway. Me? Sobbing!]

So anyway, then that asshole shot moved in to my other arm before attacking my thighs. My whole body ached like I’d accidentally fallen asleep in the driveway and Lee drove over me two or three THOUSAND times.

And if that wasn’t bad enough I started to get the chills. It was so bad I was shivering and my teeth were chattering. I accidentally woke Lee up when I finally went to bed. He said, “I didn’t realize we got one of those vibrating beds. How do I turn it off?”

Eventually I warmed up enough to fall asleep. Only to be awoken by the chills and shivering and chattering again. My feet were so cold I thought they might fall off. I wanted to get out of bed to get another pair of socks. A pair of socks from my dresser that was just a mere three feet away. But I was worried if I came out from under the covers I might turn in to an ice cube. So instead I curled up in to a ball, wrapped the covers tightly around my neck, and prayed for death.

By the morning I was sweating. It was so bad I was on the verge of having to wring out my t-shirt. And then all that wetness made me cold and I was shivering again. It was a viscous cycle. And I vowed to break up with my doctor right then and there.

By Tuesday night I was starting to feel like a person again. I was still going back and forth between chills and sweats, but I was no longer shivering or having to change clothes every 45 minutes. The aching in my muscles was less mack truck and more getting smacked with tennis balls thrown by a child. So I knew I was coming back from the dead.

By Wednesday there was just a little tightness left in my muscles and a lingering headache.

Today I’m just nursing a headache.

So still not 100%, but worlds better than the deathbed I was on on Monday night/Tuesday.

And next year? When my doctor bats his pretty little doctor eyes and tells me I really should get the flu shot since I’m high risk? I’m going to tell him to blow it out his ass.

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