http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/Sports Humor, Sarcasm, Cynicism, Bad Puns and General GoofinessenTue, 10 Nov 2009 09:45:53 PSTMovable Type Enterprise 4.29-advance http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/noSports Humor, Sarcasm, Cynicism, Bad Puns and General Goofinessthebenchwarmerhttp://feedburner.google.comhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/W7bpQQwttO8/who_knew_cross_country_shorts.htmlFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressTue, 10 Nov 2009 09:45:53 PSTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3918511 ]]>Actually, it was what happened -- the disqualification of a runner -- not the shorts themselves that prompted one official to stick up for rules -- however silly they may be -- and The Benchwarmer throwing out the common sense card.http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/11/who_knew_cross_country_shorts.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/rowV1uG-lb4/editor_does_the_unthinkable_in.htmlFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressSat, 07 Nov 2009 22:30:02 PSTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3911136 ]]>Telling beat writers they can't prognosticate on who will win games is just plain crazy talk.http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/11/editor_does_the_unthinkable_in.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/Vs453HWfmOA/reader_fails_to_help_the_bench.htmlFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressThu, 05 Nov 2009 00:36:24 PSTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3885029 ]]>The e-mailer's attempt to help me understand myself better and come to grips with my amazement at why and what people write to me only leaves me more confused.http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/11/reader_fails_to_help_the_bench.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/OMoUL1Clj-k/jj_redick_is_rhyming_words_yo.htmlFeaturedNBAMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressTue, 03 Nov 2009 11:30:50 PSTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3869015 ]]>The Orlando Magic guard's new rap album leaves The Benchwarmer speechless. http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/11/jj_redick_is_rhyming_words_yo.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/fSygbwwlx4M/benchwamer_unleashes_some_ligh.htmlFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressThu, 29 Oct 2009 08:56:06 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3840405 ]]>After almost five years of penning this occasionally entertaining/mostly lame column, I'm still amazed at what riles people up.http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/11/benchwamer_unleashes_some_ligh.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/_D68FtZo7yc/maryland_high_school_cross_cou.htmlFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressWed, 28 Oct 2009 22:56:22 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3838114 ]]>Improper stitching on a pair of compression shorts disqualified a runner, resulting in the team losing a championship. The real violation: Someone checked out his undergarments.http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/10/maryland_high_school_cross_cou.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/rVVprK_NZNk/some_men_have_all_the_luck_--.htmlFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressWed, 28 Oct 2009 00:17:22 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3831377 ]]>The Benchwarmer reveals that any time he tries to grow facial hair, the result is quite pathetic. http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/10/some_men_have_all_the_luck_--.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/eqgGzTgcP_8/mark_mcgwires_new_job_has_benc.htmlBaseballFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressMon, 26 Oct 2009 23:59:58 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3826619 ]]>Think about it: Michael Vick as a veterinarian, or Bobby Knight as a holistic therapist.http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/10/mark_mcgwires_new_job_has_benc.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/v6Yrptdrb6o/sports_world_offers_great_hall.htmlFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressFri, 23 Oct 2009 23:31:41 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3813206 ]]>Although, you probably should stay away from ESPN's Steve Phillips -- unless you want to get kicked you know where.http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/10/sports_world_offers_great_hall.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/X3l64mTc7Ho/author_says_hes_figured_out_wh.htmlBaseballFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressFri, 16 Oct 2009 11:01:45 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3775686 ]]>So the next time a fan plows into your small child or spills beer all over you to get to that foul ball, relax, he's just trying to beat the odds. http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/10/author_says_hes_figured_out_wh.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/_rYsiCJ9XCY/sometimes_its_hard_to_tell_dic.htmlFeaturedNFLMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressFri, 16 Oct 2009 12:08:02 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3775965 ]]>The "Mental Floss" blog quizzes readers on which quotes come from a dictator -- think Stalin and Ho Chi Minh -- and which ones belong to an NFL coach. http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/10/sometimes_its_hard_to_tell_dic.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/M4bkqTBGwwE/titans_quarterback_vince_young.htmlFeaturedNFLMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressThu, 15 Oct 2009 06:18:32 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3770172 ]]>Apparently, if you're a sports legend in Texas, you get to have ground meat named after you -- and it's slightly more tasty than throwing up in your own mouth. http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/10/titans_quarterback_vince_young.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/irTyyZFqMB8/the_benchwarmer_gives_readers.htmlBaseballCollege footballFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressTue, 13 Oct 2009 23:08:57 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3764887 ]]>Readers' comments range from the Michigan State-Michigan game (yep, some people are still talking about it) to the Tigers' collapse (apparently, that's not old, either).http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/10/the_benchwarmer_gives_readers.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/jts31CmR3Ks/bet_turns_to_michael_vick_for.htmlFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressSat, 10 Oct 2009 17:19:21 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3751482 ]]>Boob tube execs have it all wrong. There are scores of athletes who would provide far more interesting theater. http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/10/bet_turns_to_michael_vick_for.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/BzZs0OUAsaA/some_packers_fans_cant_forgive.htmlFeaturedNFLMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressThu, 01 Oct 2009 12:00:56 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3708857 ]]>Packers fans back in Green Bay have expressed their feelings about the former quarterback in the form of some amusing T-shirts.http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/10/some_packers_fans_cant_forgive.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/tP9qCea8xOw/espn_the_magazines_body_issue.htmlFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressThu, 01 Oct 2009 12:10:40 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3709062 ]]>The issue honors athletes of diverse shapes, sizes, genders and races within the boundaries of taste (take that SI swimsuit issue) and frontiers of creativity.http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/10/espn_the_magazines_body_issue.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/lx6I50w1aBY/nfl_cant_deny_its_way_out_of_l.htmlFeaturedNFLMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressWed, 30 Sep 2009 22:46:47 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3707149 ]]>In news that should surprise absolutely no one outside North America, a study commissioned by the NFL has discovered that football might be bad for your brain. http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/10/nfl_cant_deny_its_way_out_of_l.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/H6--jJR7_7g/all_fun_and_games_until_a_coll.htmlCollege footballFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressWed, 30 Sep 2009 11:44:11 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3704307 ]]>Houston football coach Kevin Sumlin pleas for the return of three players' helmets after they were "lost" when thousands of fans stormed the field to celebrate the Cougars' win against Texas Tech.http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/09/all_fun_and_games_until_a_coll.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/ASfw7lsD6Qg/bad_teams_could_learn_from_nat.htmlBaseballFeaturedMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressTue, 29 Sep 2009 16:10:13 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3701480 ]]>The Washington Nationals -- baseball's version of the Detroit Lions before that win against the Redskins -- purged themselves of memorabilia as a benefit for the team's Dream Foundation.http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/09/bad_teams_could_learn_from_nat.htmlhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/thebenchwarmer/~3/6V7OxyWTBek/herschel_walker_needs_company.htmlFeaturedMixed Martial ArtsMichael Zuidema | The Grand Rapids PressFri, 25 Sep 2009 23:06:24 PDTtag:blog.mlive.com,2009:/benchwarmer//2338.3685830 ]]>The former football star's jump to MMA has The Benchwarmer thinking about what other athletes should consider giving it a try.http://blog.mlive.com/benchwarmer/2009/09/herschel_walker_needs_company.htmlnonadult