When the Tide are drubbed by Clemson: The Longest Day
When ‘Bama loses by 40 at Georgia: Cold Mountain
When ‘Bama loses by 30 at LSU: Apocalypse Now, because Saban will have lost his mind, since we project Alabama will be 3-7 following this defeat.

Saban compares his team to Private Ryan (Sporting News)

* Also funny on the college football: Ah, to get blackout drunk at Penn State. Never partied there, but have heard plenty of quality stories.
* Almost as comical, but on a different level: Tennessee’s Fulmer was served with a subpoena as he arrived at SEC media day.

Can baseball players simply not move product? Does this mean America’s youth connects less with baseball players than other athletes? This is all rather surprising to us, so we’ve got no idea as to why the numbers shake out like this. But we hit the driving range yesterday, and if Jim Furyk were standing next to us, out-driving us (as if!) we would have had no clue who he was.

A-Rod’s sponsorship problem also belongs to baseball (Yahoo! Sports)

Mets 3, Phillies 1:

Blue Jays 7, Orioles 1: Roy Halladay gave up a run in seven innings to earn his 12th win in 19 decisions. Adam Lind and Marco Scutaro each had three hits for the Jays, and two relievers who look like they just woke up closed out the eighth and ninth to get Toronto to .500.

Brewers 4, Cards 3: Milwaukee finished off a four-game sweep at Busch with their third game-winning homer of the series, this time from Ryan Braun. For the series, 16 of Milwaukee’s 17 runs came in the 5th inning or later, and they’ve given the Cards their first four-game losing streak of ‘08. The Cardinals bullpen has blown 24 saves, which is hilarious if you really think about it.

Pirates 9, Padres 1: Poor Bud Black: it really can’t get much worse the Padres, losers of nine of their last 10. Nate McLouth, Jason Bay and Xavier Nady each homered for the Bucs. The trio of Pittsburgh outfielders have combined for 56 homers and 188 RBI.

Giants 1, Nationals 0: Your dark match of the day pitted the 81-122 Giants/Nationals. Tim Redding lost a toughie, giving up a run in eight innings. He was one-upped by Matt Cain, who struck out four, yielded four hits and went nine strong. Since documenting Tim Redding’s hot start on this here section in May, he’s gone 1-2 in 12 starts.

Pandemonium in Dayton last night: a rough minor league game turned into an all-out rumble, and 17 players were ejected. As managers barked at one another and benches emptied, pitcher Julio Castillo of Peoria hurled a baseball into the Dayton dugout … except it sailed into the stands and drilled a fan, sending them to the hospital. Solid work by the Dayton Daily News, which has video and many photos.

Everyone’s going after internet commenters these days. (Politico)

Yesterday, in case you missed it, we were totally down on San Fran (here’s why). Pile on: This artist hates LA, and his quotes about how dumb that city is are hysterical. (LA Times via Gawker)

Rob Neyer thinks George Brett did cocaine? (Bugs & Cranks)

Jon Rauch, on being tall. (Washingtonian)

They play baseball in Russia? (Moscow News)

Brandon Marshall of the Broncos to the principal’s office - may miss 4-8 games. (Mile High Report)

We’re supposed to believe in the Bucks because they have scorers and a few new coaches? (SI)

Best shot at going undefeated: USC, followed by Oklahoma, Florida and West Virginia. (Moneyline Journal)

Pretty neat: Google earth tour of Pac-10 stadiums. (Zone Blitz)

You can pick any one player in the National League to have for the next five years. Do you go Hanley? (City of Champs)

Funny screengrab of ESPN’s Rob Stone and a hawk. (Calling the Shots)

Early review of Dan Synder’s radio station. (Washington Post)

Ozzie Guillen’s explosive history, always a fun read. (ESPN)

Racing a horse, of course. Hey, if Chad Johnson can do it, why not Jones?

Coming attraction? Lolo Jones vs. a horse (Des Moines Register)

This week, Chase Field in Arizona has been overrun by swarms of Cubs fans as the annual series between the two bitter rivals came to the Valley of the Sun. The total distance traveled by these loyal Chicago fans? Less than 20 miles. Yes, this town has been overrun by Cubs fans who have lived outside of Chicago for the last 30 years. Fans who are so loyal that many of them have come to Chase Field wearing D-Backs gear … only to trade it in for Cubbie Blue three games a year. I actually have a group of friends that hit about 15 games a year dressed in Diamondbacks hats and shirts, yet they morph into the biggest Cubs fans during this series. I’m embarrassed for them.

You know that scene in The Departed where Marky Mark accuses Leo DiCaprio of being “one of those double kids” who’s upper-middle class during the week and then dropping his R’s on the weekends? Well there are thousands of double kids living in Arizona, saying please and thank you during the week and talking about sausages and Ditka on the weekend. Double kids who clap and cheer for one team when no one is looking … and then cursing and booing said team when the Cubs stroll into town.

No, this isn’t about fan disloyalty. This is about homerism.

Now before I get too far away from my intended goal here, let me say that I like the Cubs. I do. They’re a good team with a lot of talent and they are probably the best team in the NL and have been all year. But it is getting difficult to stomach: a team goes from lovable loser to possible contender and then somebody plays the Rodney Dangerfield respect card. I’m not even here to harp specifically on the Cubs, they just happen to be fresh in my mind lately [to clarify: not all Cubs fans are homers…just all the Cubs fans who I’ve spoken to this year, with the possible exception of Diesel].

To be clear, there are intentional homers—people who decided long ago that they don’t care one bit about any other team than the one they follow, and unintentional homers—people who follow their team and don’t have the time to follow any other team or just aren’t big enough fans of the sport to care about what’s going on with the rest of the league (this only becomes a problem if their team takes off and suddenly said person is walking around like some expert on the game).

If you’re unsure if you’re a homer, just answer these easy questions:

* Does the idea of watching a game in which your favorite team is not involved sound abhorrent?
* Do you even enjoy watching baseball or do you just like the notoriety that goes along with being a fan?
* Is your replica jersey pink?
* Do you know the names of the starting first basemen in your team’s division?
* Can you name at least four position players on each of those teams?
* Do you know which teams are even in your division?
* Do you often use phrases like, “don’t be jealous” when people criticize your team? Do you understand their criticism?
* Do you understand how the All-Star roster is chosen?
* Do you also understand how good players are often excluded from the roster because of fan voting? * Do you then understand that using All-Star selections as a representation of how superior your team is to theirs is stupid?
* Are all umps out to get you? Can you accurately describe the strike zone in less than seven words?
* Can you have a conversation about another team without mentioning your own?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a passionate fan. Hell, I love passionate fans, even ones belonging to teams I hate. You know all the other guys at the site I write for? I hate their teams*. But being passionate about your team is not the same as being a homer. It’s OK to be passionate. Hell, we’re all passionate. But there are ways to do it without alienating the person you’re speaking to.

One of my dearest, fake friends is a Mets fan; let’s call him R.W. Helmet to protect his identity. Now Mr. Helmet is a very passionate fan and oftentimes starts yelling things randomly when he’s excited (and/or drunk). On numerous occasions, he has called me up in the middle of the night (his time) only to yell “Tatis!” into the receiver before slamming the phone down. His excitement is often coupled with exaggerated claims that are made in jest, and usually center around Fernando Tatis’ presumed immortality and omnipotence.

But you know what? He’s also a very rational human being when discussing his team. He’ll be the first to acknowledge weaknesses (we named TBL’s server after the team’s closer) but he’s also aware of strengths that casual observers might not notice.

And I think this is the central tenant of homerism: the idea that you know everything there is to know about your team because you watch every game. I get that. I’ve seen all but six D-Backs games this year, so I think I’ve got a pretty good idea what their strengths and weaknesses are by now. And if some Johnny-Come-Lately happens along and says something stupid about them, I might be quick to set him straight.

But the other tenet of homerism seems to come from the need to be affiliated with the best team**. And this is the part of homerism I’ve never understood. I don’t understand this need to be a fan of a winner. As if picking the best team (nay, being born in the area where that team happens to play) somehow reflects positively on you.

And I haven’t even gotten into the blindness that homerism bestows upon individuals that leads seemingly rational adults to claim that Cal Ripken Jr. is the greatest living baseball player (eat it, Willie Mays) or that Derek Jeter is a great defensive shortstop.

I’m running long so I’ll end by saying this: baseball is about conversing and recalling the past and arguing the merits of certain players over others. [Ed. What about the need for a salary cap, PEDs and Billy Beane?] These conversations happen every day and arguments get rehashed every year as a player nears a milestone number. As such, we’ve all been subjected to conversations that go like this:

Person A: Jim Rice should be in the Hall of Fame. He was the greatest offensive left fielder of his day.

Person B: Well, I don’t know about that. He was very good at home but on the road he was the definition of average. Have you seen his splits?

Person A: I saw him play every game and you can’t tell me that he wasn’t a Hall of Famer.

Person B: Well, I am telling you that. He was a very good left fielder, but he wasn’t head and shoulders above the rest of the league. His career OPS+ is only 128 which means he wasn’t that much better than George Foster of the Reds.

Person A: Who’s your team? What team do you follow?

Person B: Why does that matter?

Person A: What are you afraid of? Do you know what a winner looks like? Maybe that’s why you won’t tell me?

Person B: I fail to see how any of this is relevant.

Person C: Will you two shut up already.

[and scene]

*Just kidding. I only hate Clown’s team.

**Or the best player. There are homers about individual players on crappy teams.

Miles played 40 games for Portland in 2006, and hasn’t been on the floor since due to a variety of problems. For his career, he has more turnovers than assists. For a small forward, this is beyond awful.

But he’s attempting a comeback! And some Portland fans seem to think that ownership doesn’t want him to return (for monetary reasons) and that the Blazers are using Oregonian columnist John Canzano (a one-time TBL interview subject) to help squash said comeback. The conspiracy theory after the jump.

From the afore-linked SI piece:

“Several factors are working against Miles’ comeback. He must miss the first 10 games of next season for violating the league’s substance abuse policy. The news of his negative drug test was revealed to every team in a letter from the league, and the information was leaked to The Oregonian. Based on the length of his first-time suspension, teams are assuming that Miles tested positive for a performance-enhancing drug.”

The upset Blazers’ fan notes: “I wonder how that information could have been leaked? Lets see, John Canzano has a radio show on Paul Allen’s station AND he works for The Oregonian. Conflict of interest? I’m pretty sure that Paul feels like an idiot for giving Darius a max contract, why not just use his little writer/radio buddy to make him go away and keep him off the payroll?”

And then there’s this beef, via the comments section of Blazer’s Edge:

Maurice Cheeks, ex-player, desperately wanted to be one of the “guys” in the locker room; he really wanted to be liked and respected. So that made him afraid to criticize his players to their faces—they might stop liking him if he did.

So Mo opened a back-door way to criticize his players: he gave John Canzano special access, and insider information, information that even the Oregonian’s beat writers could not get, and in return John Canzano carried Mo’s water for him, calling out the players in print. Cheeks was a gold-plated meal ticket for Canzano.

So Darius Miles called out Cheeks in a practice session, with all the other players present, and the world watching. Miles pointed out that the emperor has no clothes, but he used more colorful language to get the point across. From that moment, Cheeks was dead meat to all the players on the team, and was dead man walking in the Blazers organization. Canzano’s meal ticket had a ticket out of town.

Canzano was determined to get revenge. Every column had a dig at Miles. Several columns were nothing but a dig at Miles. Miles, in Canzano’s columns, became worse than the worst person in the world. There was no subject that Canzano wrote about that could not be twisted to throw an insult Miles’s way. Canzano chewed it and chewed it and chewed it to death, then picked it up and chewed it some more. Miles may have been a bad person, may be a bad person still, but nobody, ever, not Isaiah Rider, not Bonzi Wells, nobody, ever was half as bad as Canzano made Miles out to be.

“The only thing Miles ever did” was pull the curtain back on John Canzano’s inside source, and he paid dearly for it.

Interesting theories? Sure. Specious, too? Yup. We emailed Canzano to ask him these topics and here’s his response:

I’m also responsible for the grassy knoll, and Hoffa, but Darius has to own his mistakes here. He overslept, and berated his coach, and was a bad teammate, got in trouble, showed up to practice smelling like alcohol, and apparently violated the league’s substance-abuse rules all while playing for a team that gave him a $48 million contract. I’m a columnist, I’m not going to ignore stuff like that. If makes readers uncomfortable to read about things such as this, they should not read me.

I never got special access with Cheeks. But I always knew what was going on with the team. It’s my job. Still is. If you want to know what’s going on, or what I think about it, read me. If it makes you uncomfortable, don’t read.

What’s lost here is that the only important Miles story I’ve ever really broken was his secret settlement agreement with the Trail Blazers. The news of that back-room deal ruined the team’s 25-point pledge, and ultimately shook the faith of the fanbase in management. I hardly think the team was happy about that. Probably worth pointing out that I’m not an employee of Paul Allen, too.

By the way, I don’t think Miles loves basketball. I think he loves the lifestyle. He’s not trying to come back because he wants to ruin the Blazers’ salary cap flexibility, he’s trying to come back because he misses being able to tell strippers that he’s an NBA player.

We tried to reach out to Miles, but the four strip clubs we called hadn’t seen him in a minutes.*

* Not true.

Oh yeah, that’s Jana Ina. She’ll be covering the AFC South.

Colt Brennan plays the Ukulele. (DC Sports Bog)

We have a new “great lie” - the Seattle Cavaliers. (The Money Shot)

Yahoo! disrespected Cleveland. (Waiting for Next Year)

Tim Tebow is love, causes small children to cry. (commercialappeal.com)

Josh Childress is already at home in Greece. (FanHouse)

An interview with LPGA golfer Paula Creamer. (Women Play Sports)

Phillip Fulmer was subpoenaed - denies it. (Knox News)

The many gang signs of Brandon Jennings. (The Sports Culture)

Support for the home mascot in the lamest mascot competition. (George Mason Basketball Blog)

A judge is fed up with dumb names. (Yahoo!)

Long Wang appreciates the legal precedent. (Chicago Bull)

I’m certain this was mentioned previously, but just in case - Eco-friendly cheerleaders. (The Sports Point)

Even Bill Belichick thinks this is a bit far. (Larry Brown Sports)

Fedor - Arlovski: October 11th. (MMAjunkie.com)

TBL loves LeBron sooo much that I decided to hide this below the jump. (Where is Kobe’s TIME cover story?) Here’s the video and this is the picture…

/TIME > ESPN The Mag

The jist: If TV stations go to Redskins Camp and collect video clips, and then make said video clips available to all on their website (hence providing the embedded code) the Redskins will not allow you to use the video. Not the TV station - the Redskins! It is not an enviable position to be in if you are the TV stations - they have to cave to the Skins, because the team is bigger than the Orioles, Wizards, Nationals and Caps combined. And it’s definitely not a good spot to be in if you’re the Washington Post.

The End of Viral Videos: The Redskins Win Again (DC Sports Bog)