The Blemish

Afternoon time wasters

The Blemish — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:59:28 +0000

Brought to you by another Nic Cage movie.

Surprise! Katie Price isn’t dressed like a tranny slut. [Drunken Stepfather]
Lori Loughlin is in great shape. [The Superficial]
Michael Jackson is expensive. [Celebslam]
Guess what Charles Manson’s son looks like? [Bossip]
Carrie Underwood is a hero. [MoeJackson]
This is not a flattering picture of Kendra Wilkinson. [Litelysalted]
Lady Gaga is good people. [Hollywood Rag]
Rihanna denies Jay-Z is banging her. [Celebitchy]
Scott Stapp did not have “sex” on camera. [Dlisted]
Shakira at the AMAs. [UseMyComputer]
Rock Band Yoko Ono. [College Humor]

Adam Lambert got nixed

The Blemish — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:07:46 +0000

Adam Lambert’s performance on Good Morning America has been canceled as a direct result of Sunday’s American Music Awards appearance where he displeased middle America. GMA is afraid his performance may be an encore of Sunday’s with more stuffing of faces into crotches.

In a statement, an ABC spokeswoman said, “Given his controversial American Music Awards performance, we were concerned about airing a similar concert so early in the morning.”

The GMA performance was scheduled for tomorrow. Now, the rep for Lambert, 27, confirms he will instead be on The Early Show on CBS.

There are way more controversial and mind-raping things out there at 9 in the morning other than an Adam Lambert performance. A few of which include leaked pictures of CBS news anchor Katie Couric drunk and shaking her ass, PETA’s Thanksgiving ad and this dog trying to eat a baby squirrel. On a list of “things that offend me”, Adam Lambert ranks somewhere between a dirty table and non-matching socks.

Mariah Carey still insane

The Blemish — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:08:06 +0000

If you thought Mariah Carey’s demands to be surrounded by 20 white kittens and 100 doves at a Christmas tree lighting were the craziest thing ever, then you don’t know Mariah level crazy. The Daily Mail reports that at a recent taping of GMTV in the UK, Mariah needed two people to lower her on a sofa in case her dress got crushed, among other things.

‘I’ve heard a lot of rumours about her being a diva over the years and guess what? It turns out it’s all true!’

Miss Garraway added: ‘While Mariah was very nice, the amount of people she had in her entourage was hilarious.

‘They outnumbered the entire GMTV crew! She had two people to lower her on to the GMTV sofa, in case her dress got crushed, one person to walk in front of her backwards at all times in case she fell over and several people behind the camera making sure she was going to be filmed from the right angle!

‘Have you ever heard anything like it? Oh, and she brought her own toilet roll as well.’

At first Mariah wanted to be lowered onto sofas by 30 blue jays like in those Disney cartoons, but after a couple of run-throughs, they died of exhaustion. Hence why now she has to use two humans. Like some sort of peasant.

Here’s Mariah at the Westfield tree lighting.

Tila Tequila has a sex tape

The Blemish — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 18:37:15 +0000

Only days after stripping naked and going on a crazy rant on UStream, Tila Tequila has become quite the modest lady. She’s threatening to sue the site 4tube.com which posted part of a sex tape Tila said was on a laptop stolen from her two years ago. Says Tila’s lawyer Cyrus Nownejad,

“A police report has been filed for Tila’s stolen laptop computer which contained that specific clip. I am currently in the process of sending a cease and desist letter and a notice of intent to sue if it’s not removed.”

Oh, whatever. The day Tila Tequila finds shame in a leaked sex tape is the day Kirstie Alley sues a buffet for having too much food.

Claudia Schiffer, Eva Herzigova and Helena Christensen naked in i-D

The Blemish — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:50:22 +0000

If you couldn’t tell by the title, Claudia Schiffer, Eva Herzigova and Helena Christensen are naked in the latest issue of i-D magazine. This is the Flesh and Blood issue and it says “i-D Super Mature” which I take to mean is a collection of naked, aging supermodels. It’s shot in black and white because color hadn’t been invented yet when they were born. NSFW gallery starts here.

Kim Kardashian lost weight

The Blemish — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:16:26 +0000

Kim Kardashian must be a wizard because every pound she loses seems to go right onto her sister Khloe’s fat ass. Kim posted a new bikini pic on her Twitter and she’s nothing but tits and ass now. I didn’t even know it was physically possible to have your breasts grow bigger while you got skinnier. If this were the 1600’s, she’d be burned as a witch.

Angelina Jolie has sex scenes

The Blemish — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:45:10 +0000

Angelina Jolie is getting older but I’d still do her because, jesus christ, it’s Angelina Jolie. It looks like Johnny Depp has the same idea because he signed on to star in The Tourist with her. Popeater has the exclusives on their sex scenes straight from the screenplay. Beware, it sounds like a tawdry romance novel you’d find at the grocery store checkout counter. A few scenes:

“The outline of her naked body is visible in the shower … Frank walks to the shower and opens the glass door. Walking in, he lifts Cara against the glass, clutching at her slithery body, kissing her frantically. She kisses him back with ardor, wrapping her dripping legs around his back.”

The screenplay goes on to describe a scene in which Jolie’s character of Cara “turns abruptly to Frank and presses her body against his … They exchange a long, passionate kiss.”

Later on, the sexual desires continue, and one scene goes as such: “Their lips meet. They kiss. And kiss. Like drinking from a fresh spring in the desert … Gently, careful, Frank slips his hands into Cara’s cleavage. Surprised, Cara starts to pull back — but Frank puts a finger to her lips. She hesitates, looks at him questioningly. But she doesn’t protest as his fingers move toward her bra.”

Wow, the only thing that kept me from turning gay while reading that was chugging a whey protein shake and smashing a bottle over my head. I guess actors need something more to work off of than just “Jolie enters room. Depp enters Jolie,” which would have been my version of the script.

Speaking of, here’s a trailer for Angelina’s new movie Salt.

Hugh Hefner almost choked to death on a sex toy

The Blemish — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:19:18 +0000

Hugh Hefner is in his 80’s and still has foursomes on the regular (high five). But don’t think this isn’t without its dangers. For example, one time he almost choked to death on a Ben Wa Ball. Hugh says he was having sex with four Playmates (okay, we get it, you’re awesome) when he almost swallowed the toy. An interesting story, yet no one thought to ask what it was doing in his mouth in the first place which is a failure on their part.

Hugh also says that now that he’s 83, he does everything within the confines of his bed. “My most treasured possession is my rotating round bed. I don’t have dinner parties – I eat my dinner in bed. I relax with my girls in bed, just watching a movie and having a good time. If I had to dress up in fancy dress, I’d wear my pyjamas.”

This proves Hugh Hefner is one of the greatest men to ever live. In his old age he enjoys a sedentary life and pretty much just snaps his fingers if he wants a foursome with his new girlfriends Crystal Harris and twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon. In my old age, they’ll probably commit me when I start randomly snapping my fingers and scream “foursome!”.

Web finds

The Blemish — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:57:04 +0000

Levi Johnston being criticized for his hairy armpits. [Wonderwall]
Jake Gyllenhaal is realistic. [ASL]
The best pop songs of the decade. [Popeater]
Crossfit is paying off for Kelly Clarkson. [IDLYITW]
Jumping to conclusions: Colin Farrell is f’ing Janet Jackson. [Lainey]
The Miss California bikini contest. [Hollywood Tuna]
Rachel Bilson looking cute. [Popoholic]

Adam Lambert isn’t sorry

The Blemish — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 23:35:29 +0000

Adama Lambert’s performance at the AMAs yesterday which saw Lambert simulate fellatio with a male dancer, drag a woman across the ground, make out with a male keyboardist and grab his crotch and flip off the crowd left a bitter taste in the mouths of a few. These few, of course, have a lot of free time on their hands because they lodged complaints. “Think of the children,” they probably shouted at operators who didn’t have the heart to tell them they called the wrong number.

Lambert, however, isn’t apologizing. In fact, he’s a little outraged they edited his performance on the west coast feed. He told Access Hollywood,

“You know honestly, if I offended some people… it’s apples and oranges. I’m not an artist that does things for every single person,” he told Access Hollywood. “I believe in artistic freedom and expression, I believe in honoring the lyrics of a song, and those lyrics aren’t really for everybody either.”

He also said he considered editing his performance “discrimination.”

“There’s a big double standard, female pop artists have been doing things provocative like that for years, and the fact that I’m a male, and I’ll be edited and discriminated against could be a problem,” he explained.

Added Lambert, “People are scared and it’s really sad, I just wish people could open their minds up and enjoy things, it’s all for a laugh, it’s really not that big of a deal.”

I’m mad too. Not by what he did, but by people wasting their time complaining about this. His performance must have been so offensive that it left them in a catatonic state because they couldn’t make it to the remote to turn it off. Jesus, it’s like someone forced them to watch a snuff film.

Kate Hudson almost fell out of her top

The Blemish — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 23:07:13 +0000

Kate Hudson almost fell out of her top at the American Music Awards last night. It could have been a potential Janet Jackson-esque disaster if it wasn’t for the fact Kate Hudson’s chest resembles that of a 10-year-old boy’s. If you think about it, it’s impressive that this is the first time this has happened. Other females keep their dresses up with their amazing racks and a little bit of tape. Kate needs a little bit of tape, super glue and a nail gun.

Don’t get me started on Nicole Kidman either. She looks like a robot after all that plastic surgery. The Japanese make women who look more real than her.

Afternoon time wasters

The Blemish — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:50:50 +0000

Val Kilimer may weigh more than 300 pounds, but at least he still has all his hair. [Lainey]
Everyone still hates Perez Hilton. [Wonderwall]
Suri Cruise anticipates bad weather with her feet. [ASL]
Jon Gosselin is still gross. [LitelySalted]
Whitney Houston also performed at the AMAs. [Hollywood Rag]
Madelina Zima and her rack were at the AMAs. [UseMyComputer]
Rumer Willis and Jessica Lowndes are lesbians… on 90210. [Yeeeah]
Suri Cruise is just as evil as you’d expect. [CNW]
The Beckham’s love their ice cream. [Popsugar]
Kate Beckinsale hates puppies. [Dlisted]
Natalie Portman is perfect even in her discount dress. [Popoholic]
Anderson Cooper has a big, gay love shack? [Celebitchy]
Your iPhone will tell you if you’re fugly or not. [College Candy]
Reba McIntire has balls. [CityRag]
Alicia Keys didn’t look too bad at the AMAs. [MoeJackson]

“New Moon” is #1, girls are weird

The Blemish — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 19:25:06 +0000

If you haven’t heard, emo teens, pre-teens and a few gays with fangs and their parents’ money showed up in droves for the premiere of New Moon over the weekend to give the film the third most successful box office opening ever right behind Spider-Man 3 and The Dark Knight.

The $140.7 million it made is absolutely nauseating considering it’s rated a 4.5/10 on IMDB right now and according to a few reports, is basically 90 minutes of a shirtless Taylor Lautner. Luckily, Ashley Greene is really sexy so this post isn’t a total disappointment.

The Blemish

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