I miss writing this blog.

Trouble was, I slipped on the blanket that fell from my waist rounding the corner into the family room and ate it in the hallway, nowhere near my victims. I’d never sprained, much less broken, anything before and the “pop” was a bit jarring, although fascinating from a oh-this-is-what-this-feels-like kind of way. Fortunately, two hunky ex-USC linebackers adeptly carried me to the couch and waited on me hand and foot all weekend, where they taught me about the miracle of ice, and brought me PLENTY of organic fare.

So, I’m guessing I didn’t quite slow down enough from that lesson (walking four days later, thanks, I’m convinced, in part to a juice fast and weird tinctures + herbs Danielle LaPorte told me to get), so I mixed it up by going to an acupuncturist two days in a row who not only totally jacked up my progress, but definitely broke it if it wasn’t already. Larry, always one for a good show, came with me, held my hand in solidarity as I groaned through the poking and prodding, and took glam shots of all the needles (entitling his winning photo “Linda’s Big Beautiful Foot Plan”) to share with the guys at the office. Good thing my thick skin isn’t just relegated to the bottom of my feets.

Just to be sure I really slowed down, a few weeks later, I came down with a heck of a nasty cold (maybe just a really cool cleanout from all that juice fasting? At least I lost the 8 pounds from Christmas with no ability to exercise.). At any rate, I’m just now getting my voice and ability to concentrate back, and wouldn’t you know it, my man’s now got the “bug” and is keeping me up all night with his ear-shattering coughing (good thing he’s so cute). Heaven help us!

Needless to say, other than tinkering with my website a few minutes at a time (easy breezy), creativity’s taken a serious vacation around here. Probably much needed after 9 retreats in 2011; putting my son in college and moving him into his first apartment; renting out my house, selling most of my belongings, and moving in with my man; getting a puppy and trying to stop her from eating most of the furniture (a fruitless endeavor—go ahead and just eat it all already—good thing she’s so cute!); delivering a full book to a publisher, helping to edit and develop lots of others, seeing one I’d collaborated on hit all the big bestseller lists, oh, and writing and launching 400+ pages & 8 hours of audio of Your Big Beautiful Book Plan with Danielle, and writing and launching my new website, Book Mama (where birthing book babies is easier than the human kind), right before Christmas. Sheesh.

That said; I’m not one to sit around long. The healing on multiple levels has been more than worth the snot and temporary pain, and my creative mojo’s rising. I’m working with a new VA to streamline my email organization (please God), and can now get a shoe over my still slightly swollen, blue kankle. I’m beyond excited to roll into Carmel next week, too! It’s been a few months since our last retreat and watching the Pebble Beach Open this weekend made me want to jump through the TV to get back there! I can feel and smell the sea air (and gourmet creations of our chef, Jen Filice) now.

Our February retreat’s been full for months, but we had a cancellation a few days ago and officially have ONE spot open if you’d like to throw your schedule to the wind and come create with us next Monday. I’m no longer contagious (and with only the hint of a limp) and there’s nothing like this creative brain trust to give your writing and your year a brilliant send off.

You can read all about what this would look like for you (with a new hour-by-hour daily schedule page), and get answers to any questions you may have on a newly updated FAQ page. And, I’ve added lots of new testimonials, with photos of our beautiful gals too. Here are the links, again, to make your surfin’ easy.

1. A Rockin’ Daily Schedule page to show you the hourly play by play.
2. Loads of Testimonials + photos.
3. Lots more Q & A’s on the Frequently Asked Questions page—including musings on how it works if you’re shy, a newbie, or not feelin’ very inspired or particularly spiritual (aka: writing about dark stuff). It’s all here, so check it out.

In the meantime, thought these might inspire:

“Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.”  ~E.L. Doctorow


“If there’s a book you really want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”  ~Toni Morrison


and my current fave:

“I try to leave out the parts that people skip.”  ~Elmore Leonard


 [Don’t we all!]

Thanks so much for reading, and have a great week! If you have a moment, leave a comment and let me know what crazy obstacles you’re dealing with + overcoming. I just heard from one woman who broke not one but BOTH ankles. Nuts. It’s easier to laugh at this stuff and know you’re not alone when sharing your humanity!

Yours,

Linda

(323) 769-5153

Photo credit: peace2theworld on instagram

Life balance. Gentle enough words, by themselves. But put them together and they pack a punch. Or a wallop, if your life’s currently stuck on spin cycle.

For years I daydreamed about living a balanced writer’s life. As the West Coast Editor of Balance magazine for six years, it’s fair to say I was obsessed with the topic. BALANCE (all caps) was on our masthead. Atop my stationery. Front and center on my website. And, of course, it was the underlying subject of all my interviews.

“You can only be balanced in your finances if you’re balanced in your life!”

warned Suze Orman over the phone well into our interview. I had about $23 in my checking account at the time and three piles of dirty laundry ten paces from the phone. Ouch. Mental note. HURRY UP and get balanced before next month’s rent check is due.

“I was a people pleaser to such a degree that I lost myself in another identity,”

said the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, explaining how being out of balance amidst England’s royal family caused her to “live a lie.” I don’t know if you remember, but with the back-to-back thrashing of Di (as in, Princess Di) & Fergie both living their lies, the two beauties nearly took down the House of Windsor! (Honestly, you can look it up.) Phew. Since I was raised in an environment where the #1 goal was to make sure everyone was happy, it’s a good thing the English Lord I had a crush on in college never asked me to marry him. Who knows what would have become of the aristocracy!

“Oh, balance… that’s not an easy thing! If you told me that somebody had a handle on it, I’d wonder,”

said Jaclyn Smith. Thank God. Someone was giving me permission to be out of balance. Still, while I pulled all-nighters so that I could be Mom during the day and meet those book and magazine deadlines, that bloody word haunted my dreams and stalked my marriage. Jaclyn or no Jaclyn, there had to be a way!

As any businesswoman who’s trying to have any kind of romantic life will tell you—juggling biz + deadlines is no easy task. If your work requires peace and quiet, and your home life is anything like mine was (with a hunky hyper husband who worked predominately from home and tempted me with frequent chat sessions), well, you learn to access your best brainpower at 3 am. But as he went off to the gym on his own in the mornings, or watched movies without me, or went to bed five hours before I stumbled in, I knew something had to give and I ached to figure it out.

Figuring it out took time. And a lot of ache. Some of the lessons were excruciating—especially the one where my marriage ended, involving a woman with a lot more time on her hands. Some were celebratory (I knew hitting the New York Times bestseller list would forever make the rest of my career easier and be worth all those long hours… that, thankfully, panned out to be very true).

I now have oh so much more time, and all the good things with which to fill it.

Yes, some of the mystery of how to coax, cajole, capture, control, and continue to create an increasingly balanced life has revealed itself to me over the years. I suppose that’s a bit of the reward for all that seeking.

Mostly, what I learned was simple, logical stuff. Better habits. Like no longer watching daytime TV, EVER, when I want to get all my work done and go to bed with my man (yep, second chances, baby). TV may be great for research (as in, “How do you know so much about so many things?” “Oh, Oprah!”), but there are other ways.

And time tracking. Sounds nasty, but like swigs of fish oil, it could hold the key to your salvation. My boyfriend runs a large organization with 3,000 employees. Somehow he can go through 400 emails in an hour and retrieve any of them months later. Okay, he’s a freak of nature. But I pay attention to his freaky tricks. For instance, at my request, he made me a handy Excel spreadsheet so that I could log my hours. I’ve never found a better way to get a handle on what I’m really doing and how long things really take. “Honey, I’m going to spend 20 hours on my website this week” was more like 100 hours in real time. Shocker. Without his tracker, I’d never have known I was eating up so much daylight. And, now that I know, I can better plan for next time.

Those are just a few of the gems I’ve been lucky enough to trip over in in the past few years. I’d love to know what you’ve learned about balancing work + love in your own life.

On that note, I’m doing a juicy interview with a wonderful woman, Kavita Jhaveri-Patel, on this subject for an “Outrageous Love + Money” event. If you’d like to hear our conversation, and 9 other business experts + 9 relationship experts on their “secrets to having ultimate success in love and money,” join us here.

The best part is: there’s NO cost to attend any of our conversations. I’d love for you to join me. This is going to be spicey for sure, and I’m so honored to have been included with these incredible women.

To reserve your spot, go HERE.

And may your weekend be especially celebratory (and balanced)!

Yours,

Linda

Xx

Intention: “An act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result.”

Reading a fantastic memoir right now

“Writers talk a lot about how tough they have it—what with the excessive drinking and three-hour workday and philandering and constant borrowing of money from people they’re so much better than,” she writes. “But what about the people married to writers? Their kids? Their friends? Their labradoodles? What happens to them? I’ll tell you what happens to them. They go fucking nuts.”

I laughed out loud on that line. I’ve met several wanna-be intellectual giants in my time who guzzle scotch, covet their best friends’ wife, and cajole cash out of relatives with a charming arrogance that envelopes innocent fools in never-happens fantasies of penning their great American novel.

Then I paused, feeling faint. She couldn’t be talking about all writers, certainly not the non-fiction soldiers (aka, me) who stay at home and mind their own business and walk the dogs twice a day and mostly write about sane stuff… you know, books meant to help educate folks on good, clean living. Honorable fare, right? It’s not like I’ve ever had the time or even the inclination to drink or philander. But… wait… my husband did philander and I, crap… did borrow money when said philandering sent him traipsing off far away to live with her while I had nearly the same bills (more, if you count the emergency therapy sessions) on suddenly one less income.

I’m sure Jeanne Darst would say it’s decidedly un-crazy to let people help pay your bills (they did—thank YOU!) when you’ve got a kid and four dogs and a cat (a winning rental strategy—not), and until you’re no longer a sniveling, walking disaster area and have found your bearings and saved your house from foreclosure and paid everyone back (I did—thank GOD!).

But, the bigger questions is: did my husband of nearly two decades fall for another woman—go “nuts,” as it were—because I was a writer?

I speed rewind back in time. With two books due (most of the advance money spent), two mortgages, and woman he used to think was a hottie with now near-permanent bloodshot eyes and knotted hair from 60 all-nighters in one year, he was probably thinking not so much (on the hottie scale) and yes, I need an escape hatch. I’m sure he noticed that the ass he used to compliment as he walked by slapping it had fallen too. I tried to remember to flex my cheeks in the chair as I typed, but it just never became second nature.

I can’t say for sure if a writing life makes people around you go crazy. But just to be safe, here are a few warning signs + cautionary measures:

#1). When sitting in the TV room with your laptop in plain view of your husband and kids but distracted because the sentence that’s been tormenting you for the past fifteen minutes and just won’t right itself isn’t going to get any better if you stop for a THIRD time to watch a rewind of how the ref screwed “your” team with a bad call, watch anyway. Write later, or out of view. They’re juiced by your presence, and even if they’re the crazy ones (of course they are), you shacked up with these people. Don’t you want to make the best of it? I’ve got two words for you: Time. Management. (Sucks, I know, but helpful anyway.)

#2). Consider that it’s obvious to the other mothers at the PTA meeting that after a half hour talking about whether you’ll make $42 dollars profit at the hot-dog social or $48 dollars (by using a cheaper brand), you couldn’t care less. You’d rather be picking up dog feces in all of their yards—at least you’d be outside not burning up valuable brain hours. And besides, what gives feeding kids junk food anyway? Coincidentally, your writing a book about health and your research last night at 3 am revealed that a diet of only 3% hydrogenated fats gives rise to 23% more heart disease. As Jillian Michaels says, “You might as well shoot your kids up with heroine.” But none of these ladies will ever read your book, which only fuels your irritation.

Alas, later, while you’re drooling on the couch in front of Ellen, they’re out there sweating in the hot sun smearing katsup all over those plastic wieners and making sure your kid’s got a cold drink to go along with that big smile on his face. So breathe, girlfriend. Flow with it and fight for tofu dogs next year. (Good luck with that.)

#3). Bigger-than-life dreams. Can’t talk about writing without mentioning these. Odds are, you’ve got ‘em. If you’re writing a book, you’d darn well better think it’s going to be fantastic. Change the world. Heal someone. Or at least your bottom line. If not, why else would you risk the solitude of it? The sheer hours involved? The flat ass? Why? I’ll tell you…

Because, when you’re a writer and you’re not writing… YOU’RE THE ONE GOING CRAZY INSANE! Since someone’s going to be crazy regardless, it might as well not be you.

Get to it. Sit your ass—large or small—in front of your laptop, or find your pen and paper and start NOW, even if all you’ve got is 15 minutes. (Let me know how it goes.) You’ll be so much more tolerable to those within a mile radius once you’ve gotten back to the practice of threading the beads in your brain on organized strands, rather than letting them all roll around bouncing off one another unchecked up there. That hurts.

With a little time management, a few playoff games here and there (trust me, you’ll like them more if you actually know what’s going on), laughing with your girls at the coffee shop if you just can’t stomach the PTA meetings, and oh, some actual real (vs. merely visualized) glute lunges, everything should work out just fine.

To your creativity be true.

Yours,

Linda xx

P.S. If you really want to steer clear of Crazy Town, only dress your dogs up at Halloween and Christmas. That’ll work. Ha!

You know you’re distracted when a book you collaborated on for months hits the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today bestseller lists and you have no idea until over a month later! Yep. Missed it. The publisher of SUCCESS magazine, Darren Hardy—with whom I had the great pleasure of collaborating on his business bestseller, The Compound Effect—would have told me himself, but he was so busy with his media tour this fall that he just didn’t know I didn’t know…

The crazy irony here is that the reason I was so preoccupied was that I was crafting what I hoped would prove to be the definitive digital bible on becoming a bestselling author. Your Big Beautiful Book Plan, written with one of my other all-time favorite writers, Danielle LaPorte, is over 400 pages + many hours of audios/videos, and overflowing with every last tip, trick, and hard-won strategy we know for getting a book written, sold for big dollas, and out en masse to the masses. So, I suppose it’s Murphy’s Lawish that in crafting the most comprehensive title out there on all things chart topping (oh, while also writing and launching my new website, http://BookMama.com), that a book with my paw-prints all over it would sweep the lists and yet remain unnoticed by me. As my valley girl roomie at USC in the eighties used to say: doi.

Around the same time, my proposal client Michael Ellsberg topped Amazon with his new book, The Education of Millionaires (Portfolio Hardcover), & another client Amy Ahlers hit #1 in three categories on Amazon with her new book, Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves (New World Library). I’m relieved to say that I was well aware of both feats, especially when Michael called me and I ran into Amy at a publishing conference soon afterward. Phew.

To Darren, Michael, & Amy, three of the most deserving writers I know, BIG book mama love & congrats comin’ at ya.

If you wonder what these bestselling authors have in common (that worked)… that’s easy to pinpoint. A few of the many things include:

1. They’re so PASSIONATE about their topics that they can’t help but spread the message naturally and enthusiastically.
2. They choose to remain diligent and excited by the practice of building their platforms—seeing this as a necessary big-picture step to reaching (and helping) readers worldwide.
3. They feel their fear—whatever that may be in the moment—and go full throttle anyway. In other words, they don’t buy into their temporary BS (and neither should you).
4. They align with others—collaborate—making their message clearer, their reach wider, their path easier.

The results speak for themselves. Darren’s being called the author of “a treasure chest” and “a new bible for the self-improvement space” by famed writers Brian Tracy and David Bach, helping to expand his reach exponentially. Michael’s speaking around the world and meeting presidents (literally). Amy now has a lucrative business built around Big Fat Lies—allowing her to be a happy stay-at-home mom to four-year-old little Annabella.

If the mere mention of “platform” makes you want to hurl into your slippers, know that most of my clients bitch about this side of publishing. “I hate it,” they say. “I won’t do it.” “I’d rather stay small.” Or, “I’ll do it soon; I just don’t have time.”

Take heart. You can and you will. But you have to drink the Kool-Aid (pretend it’s eggnog), and carve out the hours. We’ve talked about not staying safe before, so you probably know my mantra that there’s no safety in poverty. The jewel in your stocking is that there are countless tools for playing a bigger game. Once you understand how simple it can be when you take the necessary steps, you’ll breathe easier. That’s why I created the Carmel retreats, and Danielle and I gave everything we’ve got for Your Big Beautiful Book Plan… so that your process is illuminated and your journey is joyous.

And, like anything that’s scary, expansion gets infinitely more natural once you get started. And way more fun.

Wishing you big beautiful holidays, and a very bestselling 2012!
Yours,

xx

“Getting rejected started to feel okay on my end after a while. At first it was super painful, but eventually I came to see a whole other side to it as blessing, as part of the path.”

If you get a chance, listen to the bio on Steve Jobs on audiobook. In it, there’s a story about how the entire Apple Board of Directors wanted to trash the famous 1984 Super Bowl ad before it ran, unanimously saying it was the worst ad they’d ever seen. Jobs prevailed, the ad ran, and today it’s remembered arguably as the greatest advertisement in history.

What does this prove? No amount of rejection or naysaying about your big dream proves anything. To quote Steve: “There is no reason not to follow your heart.” Or, in full: ~ “Almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

As some of you know, I’ve been working round the clock, not only giving back-to-back retreats in Carmel (Monday is our last one until Feb. 20^th—we’ve got one spot left, if you’re feeling froggy). I’ve just hired a new assistant to help me streamline, because I’m also putting the finishing touches on something I’m more excited about than perhaps anything else in years (other than my man!). It’s called: Your Big Beautiful Book Plan, my creation with my longtime buddy and client, Danielle LaPorte.

In writing a section about getting an agent today, we answered this question from an email…

Q: How long will it take to hear back [from an agent], once I’ve submitted my query letter?

A: Agents fall into the category of “overworked and overwhelmed,” sometimes receiving hundreds of submissions a month. Give them one to three months to reply, but know that it could take many more (with the chance you’ll never hear back). If you’ve received no word after three months, feel free to follow up with another letter or email. (We wouldn’t even call after two attempts, but if you’re set on it and particularly loveable or engaging—and can trust yourself to keep it short and professional—we won’t stop you.)

Next, I added a personal bit:

About a year ago, a woman working on a book about forgiveness came to my Carmel retreat. Her writing is stunning, her message timeless, and her platform strong and growing. After delving deeply into her material and editing her proposal, I felt that I had a full grasp of her topic and knew just the perfect agent to connect her with. I emailed him her query, and he requested to see the proposal, which we quickly sent off. But after three months, we hadn’t heard a thing. I wrote to him. She wrote to him. Still nothing. Nine months later, she got an email. “I hope you’ll forgive me,” he said. “But I was finally able to read your proposal on forgiveness and I’d love to represent you.” She called him to discuss the particulars, and then called me squealing. It was a match.

I love when this happens. Just this morning, after I’d written that very text, she emailed with a note from said agent saying that they have an offer! From a terrific publisher, I might add. The editor has already given invaluable feedback that’s got our client over-the-moon excited about next steps. Next week, they’ll begin hammering out the contract. Tonight, she celebrates.

Keep moving forward. Yet, never assume your ideas aren’t valid or you’re out of the running for something you really want. Old flames come back. Kids come back. Zits do too. But so do agents and editors. Even after rejecting writers, I’ve seen multiple agents, and one editor, change their minds and come back weeks or months later, only to end up representing or publishing them after all.

Hold to your dreams and convictions. Like Steve.

• * * * * * * *

Have a great week! And, standby for the launch of both Your Big Beautiful Book Plan, and my new website, BookMama, where birthing book babies is easier than the human kind! Ha!

Linda

xx

I had a great role model in the rushing department. My mother was always doing, doing, doing. And, for the most part, she was all things to all people, nurturing, talented, giving, fun and generous. She took care of everyone, except herself in the end. I think my mom sort of wore herself out. She died at fifty-nine, filled with cancer even though we didn’t even know she was ill until weeks before. Mom died like she lived: quickly and without fanfare. She was a blessing up to her last breath.

Dr. Bernie Siegel told me later that she’d no doubt used her energy, her life “all up.” (Okay, he was probably more profound in his wording, but that’s what I remember.)

What are you using your life for? If you knew you only had so much life force left, what projects would you choose to work on? What ideas would you finally get down on the page, and which would you jettison?

Great ideas are out there—and within you—in abundance. Some—make that most—of your plans/schemes/inspirations will get away from you. That’s just life. There are only so many hours in which to pin those suckers down. My advice? Do what you can with those bits and pieces of creativity that give you the biggest boost (that raise your energy, even during round-the-clock deadlines) and nuture them. You may be sleep deprived, but you’re jazzed—or, at the very least, you see the bigger picture and THAT outcome lights your internal fires. Your pulse quickens because you can feel the end game and it’s worth it.

Ditch the projects that suck the life right out of you. I wish my mom had. Maybe she didn’t know that was her right and responsibility.

And, if you find yourself rushing your work out to market, before it’s ready and at the expense of enjoying the moments of your life that matter most, remember: If you’re tapped in enough to have one great idea (you are… you’re alive), you’re going to have many more. Putting all of your emotional eggs in one basket is a recipe for disappointment. Trust that there’s enough for everyone. That there’s enough for you.

It’s official. Creating a new e-program with Danielle LaPorte (www.WhiteHotTruth.com): YOUR BIG BEAUTIFUL BOOK PLAN. This is what I’m talking about… one of those pulse-pounding projects that feeds me! We launch in November. Stay tuned…

xx

Linda

Carmel Retreat Link

LCharmed@mac.com

(323) 769-5153

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/LindaSivertsen

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000954265489&hiq=linda%2Csivertsen&ref=search

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/linda

I’ve got 15 minutes. My sister’s on her way over for a sisterly bday lunch-astrology-shopping-boy talk afternoon, followed by a signing at Book Soup in Hollywood. Our buddy Jillian Lauren is having her launch party for Pretty—her debut novel. She’s the one I told you about last year—the harem girl. Seriously. Her memoir, Some Girls: My Life in a Harem (Plume), became a NYT bestseller last year and I can’t believe it’s not a movie yet (I’ll keep you posted). At any rate, Jillian’s a goddess. If you’re in LA, join us! If not, get the book, if nothing else to inspire your own descriptive writing. She’s a stunning wordsmith, and we all know that the best writers are big readers.

Since sister Carolita (Carol doesn’t mind that I constantly mess with her name) is about to give me my yearly chart reading, I’ll link you to something thought provoking Rhonda Britten sent me the other day. (When I say reading, my sis isn’t a psychic, but she is a popular Vedic astrologer who just did a great piece for Extra.  If you want more insight into your coming year, benefic book deal phases, or the latest dish on celeb charts, you can also find her here.)

About Rhonda’s cool find—a list of the top 100 Most Beautiful Words in the English Language. I have a few more to add: Luscious Larry—that’s right—my guy. Carmel. Daffodil. Tranquil. Merry. Hairtastic. (Okay, that’s not really beautiful, but when my friend Lauren Frances says this word it makes me smile. Plus, her mane is beautifully hairtastic.) Leave a comment and let me know your favorite words. Dog names are all welcomed!

Still walking on air from last week’s Carmel retreat. It was a magical week, especially for me—celebrating my birthday with such insightful, big-hearted women. Vedic lore says you should give presents on your birthday, so I got one of the women, Allie, published on our first day! The 411: She was telling us about a blog she’d written recently, and I knew the story would fit perfectly in a book I’d just delivered to a publisher. I called the author (I’m the co-author), told her the story, which she loved, and we fit it in. Just like that! We’ll publicize her work in the world and give her site address. Win, win, win. That’s how it’s supposed to work. Check out our photos on my facebook page. Allie’s the sparkling blonde. Hey wait! They’re all blonde except me and the poodle! http://www.facebook.com/linda.sivertsen1

If we’re not yet facebook friends, please send me an invitation!

Oops. Carol’s here. It’s time to see if I can bribe Mercury for more good client writing juju. Gotta coax the muse from every angle, eh? Lol.

Have a great rest of your week, and let those beautiful words inform whatever you’re working on!

Yours,

Linda

xx

Carmel Retreat Link

LCharmed@mac.com

(323) 769-5153

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/LindaSivertsen

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000954265489&hiq=linda%2Csivertsen&ref=search

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/linda

Wobbly from so many hours glued to my office chair, it was time to get OUTSIDE. So, my girlfriend and I attempted to play golf. Her name is Robin Hammer. I call her “Hammer Hands” because she hits the ball too hard on the putting green. In truth, I usually hit it harder—pretending I’m back on cement, playing tennis. That’s how I knew about the nickname; when someone’s being called Hammer Hands, it’s usually me. At any rate, our men team up and win tournaments together and they love it when we take this game seriously and wrestle up the energy to practice without them. It shows some kind of commitment or something. And, I suppose they think we won’t suck as badly when we do play with them.

When Robin and I wrangle the dang ball into the cup without cheating, it’s fun, rewarding, even. Other times—like this am in sweltering heat and glaring sunshine, where we hit a whole lotta crapola—it’s just comical. This a.m. we spent so much time laughing at the absurdity of our skills (or lack of them) that we stopped a bit early to have lunch and jot down a few of our thoughts on the game. We were laughing so hard in the club restaurant that Robin’s iced-tea nearly came out of her nose, and I’m sure members were whispering about the two drunk ladies losing it in the corner.

If you’ve ever tried this game and want to feel better about your questionable skills, or you’d like to see how some people (me) practice writing by jotting down a bunch of garbaley goop, read on…

The Hammer-Hand-Girls’ Guide to Golf

1). For a 10:00 A.M. practice, leaving the house anytime between 9:50 & 9:56 is acceptable.

2). All golf course attire and cell phone rules are flexible (considering that the men polled report they can never get their women to play this silly game and by your very presence you’re keeping their hope alive).

3). Stopping and starting golf carts for emotional reasons, or no apparent reason, is always allowed. See point #2.

4). On the driving range, it’s understood that while men need to keep their voices down, women concentrate far better with loud laughter, gossip, and mindless chatter.

5). All course etiquette is negotiable. If anyone tells you otherwise, they’re jealous of your out-of-the-box thinking.

6). If you’ve been playing 30 minutes in temps above 90 degrees, that’s worth 2 hours of greens time.

7). Ladies, while men take heartless, purposeful stabs at the grass (most likely an anger issue), you care for nature and harmony, and should only create divots by accident.

8). “Hitting down” means smashing your club onto the ground like a crazy person, which is why it makes no sense to do it and therefore rarely registers. Duh.

9). When two carts filled with elderly gentlemen drive by and ask you to go to the beach with them, remember that they’re not used to seeing many women around these parts, and be especially polite when you decline.

10). If your ball gets up in the air at all, who cares where you’re aiming?

11). When you’re hot, sweaty, hungry (or, just plain not in the mood), it’s expected that you will skip chipping and sand work altogether.  To do otherwise would be bad form.

12). For women with a positive attitude and consistent weekly practices (who forgo precious work hours with said positive attitude), 120 is the new 90.

13). Take your best hole ever, and multiply by 18. That’s your norm.

14).     10 consecutive practices are worth one piece of jewelry.

20 consecutive practices are worth one trip to Bora Bora.

40 consecutive practices are worth [switch to cheesy game-show-host voice] a BRAND NEW CAAAARRR!

“Consecutive” is open to your—and only your—interpretation.

15). No self-respecting woman actually takes putting seriously, so do whatever you want!

16). Using one hour of your golf time to write silly pontifications is worth hitting par on a full round—from the tips!

17). You don’t need no stinkin’ instructor!

18). Seriously, if you’re blessed enough to be with a man who wants to be with you, for hours and hours on end—even if you are chasing a psycho little white ball around—then quit yer bitchin,’ thank your lucky stars, and get to practicing.

Tee time anyone?

xxxx Linda Sivertsen & Robin Hammer (aka: Hammer Hands)

Hope that made you smile. My ex husband loved to play golf. For nearly two decades, I told myself that one day I’d be less busy and take the time to learn the game. Right before he moved to another state with another woman, I was just about to sign up for lessons. What happened? For two years (until I created a new business model for myself), I only got busier—out of necessity to save the farm. But I signed up for lessons anyway. I had figured something out. There’s never a “good” time to get married, have a baby, or raise a puppy, but you still do those things and your life expands. Writing a book and learning a new sport fall into the same category. There’s never “enough time.” Time may never walk up to you and grant you permission to do something you’ve always had on your bucket list. But you can take the time. Carve it out. Steal it. Demand it. Coax it.

Pray it/affirm it/schedule it into being.

Bottom line? It’s yours to create.

That doesn’t mean it will be easy, whatever that thing is on your list (especially not in hot-as-hell weather). But I can pretty much guarantee it will make you laugh.

Yours,

Linda

xx

Carmel Retreat Link

LCharmed@mac.com

(323) 769-5153

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/LindaSivertsen

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000954265489&hiq=linda%2Csivertsen&ref=search

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/linda

We did, however, do our best to embarrass Hayli in other ways. You know what’s fantastic about being middle aged? In full-on Clampett style, you can strap a massive canoe-shaped storage bin on top of your car, add a pink bicycle on the back for good measure, and not feel even a touch of embarrassment when nearly wiping out rooftop parking structure signage.

In the spirit of exciting new beginnings, I’d love to share some client news. Last Thanksgiving I wrote to you announcing two client’s book deals—each with Random House, and each for big money—one for a quarter mil and one for $350k.

I’ve been remiss about bringing you more of these publishing examples, and have posted a mental sticky note to my forehead to remember to report them more frequently. For starters, this summer brings some inspirational first-time author success and ingenuity…

First up, Julie Colvin:

Mama Bear. Health Crusader. Spiritual Adventurer.

Julie’s first book, A Cure for Emma—chronicles a mother’s quest to heal her child from a nearly invisible disease: type 1 diabetes. Julie had never written before, but ached to share her mystical journey with other terrified, exhausted parents. Her book hit stores last week, and immediately went to the top of the Amazon sales charts in several categories.

I first met Julie in Carmel in March of last year. She arrived at our retreat house with some of the book written, and we bonded over sipping hot tea and crowding around her laptop for warp-speed editing jags. Afterward, she hired me to do several edits of the full manuscript, while she simultaneously poured over my proposal course and wrote her book proposal (the course is a free gift for all retreat participants). When it was done, she emailed it to me from Canada and I did a thorough polish of the proposal. I was deeply impressed with what she’d created. (In fact, when she got a book deal—with NorLights Press—they said the proposal was one of the best they’d ever seen—maybe the best.) Julie sent samples of the book to celebrity parents also dealing with childhood diseases, and received glowing testimonials from Jenny McCarthy, Alan Thicke, the mother of the Jonas Brothers, etc.

All of Julie’s profits go to find a cure, so if you’re interested in supporting one of our own, here’s a link to purchase. I know you’ll be touched by this spiritual look at one woman’s journey from anguish to hope.

Next, Maj. Patricia Murray:

Decorated War Pilot. Mother. Beauty Queen.

As a former Miss California in the Miss America Pageant system, Patti is an unlikely combat pilot. But as a decorated female combat pilot with over 85 successful combat sorties (when less then 5% of air force pilots are women), she’s cracked the code for access to the most exclusive men’s club of all, without losing her identity as a woman. After working with Patti and her co-author/sister Linda Northrup (a wickedly smart writer and lawyer, who also joined us in Carmel) to write their proposal, I thought Patti’s story had all of the components of a bestselling book and film. My agent friend Ken Atchity (producer of 28 movies, including Joe Somebody with Tim Allen/Fox, and Life or Something Like It with Angelina Jolie/Fox), thought so, too. He took us all out for sushi in Beverly Hills and signed her up immediately.

We talk a lot about building your platform in this business, and Patti and Linda wanted to invest in creating pre-publication buzz (to help her agent get the best deal). So, here’s a creative project we whipped up together in a few days. See if it doesn’t light a fire under your creative butt in marketing your wares (it’s not necessary to play this full on, but who knows what you’re capable of once you get rolling?).

Patti deploys to Afghanistan today—in EIGHT hours—so send a few safety prayers her way, okay? Ken will be shopping the book when she gets back later this fall. Stay tuned. In the meantime, you can keep track of Patti on her blog (another great example of platform building—not that I’m hinting at anything here…).

Always remember, YOU, too, can write and sell your book!!! You have a story to share with the world, and I’d love to help you when you’re ready.  

Until next time,

Linda

xx

P.S. Good luck, Hayli! I know you’ll rock your courses at ASU. So far so good for your “bro,” Tosh, too (in his first year at film school).

Your dad and I are very proud. Can’t wait until we’re all back together for the holidays!

Carmel Retreat Link

LCharmed@mac.com

(323) 769-5153

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/LindaSivertsen

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000954265489&hiq=linda%2Csivertsen&ref=search

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/lindas