The Caregiver’s Voice and YOU

The Caregiver’s Voice is likely the longest running independently-run website (since 1998) for caregivers for people with dementia and even people, who despite a dementia diagnosis, remain engaged.

The Caregiver’s Voice has made strong connections over the years with three types of people. You, the readers of TheCaregiversVoice.com and The Caregiver’s Voice Monthly Newsletter. Two, those who needed help launching their own websites and then stopped. It’s a lot of work and requires more funding than most people will commit over time. Three, PR folks and entrepreneurs who want to get their message out to you.

The Caregiver’s Voice has served as a long-time credible platform where caregivers feel inspired, informed, and humored. Some of you have been with us for years… many years. I THANK YOU!

Has The Caregiver’s Voice had an impact? Yes. Absolutely! Caregivers feared speaking about their family situation in the late 1990s. The stigma was too great. Today, we have a greater awareness thanks to thousands, who no longer fear sharing their message. While dementia still carries a stigma, it’s far less, today.

CHINESE NEW YEAR – Out with the Snake. In with the Horse.

With inspiration drawn from the Chinese New Year, I will be LETTING GO or “shedding” some of my responsibilities during the remaining days of this Chinese Year of the Snake. [Many times, we must Let Go in Order to…] I will courageously welcome NEW ADVENTURES during the Year of the Horse.

Additionally, after more than six years of residing in one place, I will be moving. I will let go of even more stuff (less to pack and move). Near term, I will enjoy a five-day change-of-pace right after Valentine’s Day. A long-time friend invited me to share the finest accommodations in St. Thomas, the U.S. Virgin Islands. YESSSS! I’ll share updates on my Brenda Avadian Facebook page.

TIME is LIMITED and Must Be Used Wisely

Time is the most valuable currency we hold after a certain age. We must invest our time wisely, as it passes quickly. So, after nearly three decades, I and TheCaregiversVoice.com and Newsletter will be taking a six-month sabbatical giving me the time (and energy) to concentrate on more immediate areas of my life, starting with my move.

Guest article by Yelena Sokolsky, RN

Having supported countless families through holiday caregiving challenges, I’ve noticed a consistent pattern: what matters most isn’t a perfect celebration; rather, it’s committing to attentive, realistic planning. When caregivers make simple, purposeful changes, seniors experience far better emotional stability and health outcomes. Here are my recommended strategies for adjusting routines, managing sensory overload, and modifying traditions to benefit all, across generations, time zones, and geographies.

Winter Challenges for Older Adults and Caregivers

Colder months tend to disrupt established routines. Shorter days can increase confusion or agitation for people living with dementia. Older adults with mobility challenges may move less when it feels harder or more uncomfortable to go outside. And indoor heating, while necessary, can also be the culprit of worsening dehydration, dry skin, and respiratory issues.

For caregivers, this means staying a little more vigilant. Make sure indoor temperatures stay safe and consistent. Encourage hydration even when seniors say they’re “not thirsty.” Anticipate confusion around early sunsets and shadows.

The key is to implement subtle adjustments that prevent issues before they escalate.

Supporting Emotional Well-Being During the Holidays: Easier Said Than Done

The emotional side of caregiving is often the hardest during the holidays. Seniors may feel nostalgic for traditions they can no longer participate in as they used to. People with dementia may feel overwhelmed or unsure why a house is suddenly full of visitors and decorations.

Creating emotional safety doesn’t require elaborate planning. Sometimes the most meaningful support comes from simplifying: hosting smaller gatherings, keeping the environment calm, and reducing excess noise or decorations that can overwhelm. You can still enjoy seasonal traditions; simply anchor them to familiar routines and avoid abrupt changes that may cause distress.

Above all, meet your loved one where they are, not where they used to be. Connection is still possible when traditions evolve. A holiday dinner might become a cozy lunch. A big family gathering might be split into smaller visits. Loved ones can meet virtually or send short video greetings if travel or hosting visitors would be too overwhelming. Abilities may change. Love, connection, and meaning do not have to.

Setting Boundaries with Visitors and Preparing Family Ahead of Time

Family often wants to help, but may not understand the day-to-day realities of aging or dementia. Well-meaning relatives may speak too quickly, ask confusing questions, or create more stimulation than your loved one can process. A brief conversation before the gathering can make the entire experience calmer and more enjoyable.

Let visitors know what behaviors or topics might trigger confusion, how best to communicate, and how long your loved one can comfortably socialize before needing a break. You can also explain what signs of fatigue or overstimulation look like, so family members know when it’s time to step back or adjust the environment.

Asking for Help Enables Independence

If you notice increased agitation, physical decline, caregiver burnout, or difficulty managing health needs alone, consider temporary or ongoing home care. Professional support doesn’t take away independence; it often restores it. With an extra set of trained hands, seniors can move more safely, maintain routines, and stay engaged in daily activities with greater confidence.

The holiday season is a common time for families to reassess care support as a New Year approaches. When caregivers aren’t stretched to their limits, they gain back the energy and emotional space to be present as family, not just as providers. Accepting help allows both the caregiver and the person receiving care to maintain more autonomy, stability, and dignity. The goal is to strengthen the entire support system, not strain it.

A Gentle Closing Thought

Caring for an aging or cognitively impaired loved one is an act of deep love, especially during emotionally-charged and high-stress seasons. By creating warmth, reducing pressure, and honoring current abilities, you can give your loved one the greatest gift of all: safety, dignity, and connection.

May your holiday season be filled with compassion, warmth, and moments of quiet joy.

Yelena Sokolsky is a Registered Nurse and healthcare executive with nearly two decades of experience in home care and patient services. She is the CEO and Founder of Galaxy Home Care, an NYC-based home care agency. Prior to founding Galaxy Home Care in 2021, Yelena served as Director of Patient Services and VP of Operations for major Medicare-certified home health care agencies. She holds degrees in Nursing and Psychology.

Earlier this year, the afternoon before an injury-driven surgery, I sat at my kitchen counter staring at my laptop. I was home alone, and our dog was watching me with quiet curiosity. While I was nervous of the surgery itself, I was more afraid of what would happen if I didn’t wake up from it.

So, I started writing.

One message for my wife. Another for my daughter away at college and for my son, who was still in high school. One for my mom, sister, and other family members. Even Ollie. Yes, a note written to the dog looking up at me, thanking him for his friendship and for making every day better just by existing.

Each note written in Google Docs contained something different: gratitude, a bit of humor, the kind of advice dads only think to give when they realize time is fragile. All done with a creative plan in mind; I scheduled a “delay send” email to my wife with the links to the letters to distribute. Just in case.

Thankfully, the surgery went as expected, I woke up, and after shaking off my grogginess, I was able to cancel the email.

But that process made me wonder if others have similar worries. There was no simple way to share what truly mattered if something unexpected happened. No organized way to leave love, context, and clarity behind. Just scattered thoughts, buried files, and a hope that somehow my family would figure it all out.

A Bigger Problem Than I Ever Imagined

That vulnerable experience led me to research what happens when people don’t leave clear guidance. What I found stunned me.

In the US, over $70 billion in assets go unclaimed every year.

Matured savings bonds, small retirement accounts, life insurance policies no one knew existed. Safe deposit boxes never communicated to family members. Pet care guidance, family recipes, heirlooms.

These weren’t wealthy estates, just everyday folks who didn’t realize that when they passed, no one else knew where anything was. Their families, already grieving, were left piecing together a financial puzzle of missing parts and hours of frustration.

But the real heartbreak wasn’t the money. It was what I started hearing from widows, widowers, and adult children:

“I would have given anything just to read one last message.”
“I spent months trying to figure out what Mom wanted.”
“We didn’t even know where to start.”

Loss is hard enough. Confusion makes it unbearable.

Letters that Bring Comfort and Clarity

It isn’t just about closure; it’s about comfort. It’s about the sound of a familiar voice after the worst day imaginable. It’s also about knowing your loved one cared enough to leave behind clarity—who to call, what to do, where to start.

That combination of heart and guidance became the seed for afinalmessage.com.

I wanted to build a place where people could store not their passwords or account numbers, but something far more meaningful:

• Their words.
• Their gratitude.
• Their love.
• A simple roadmap for who to contact when life suddenly stops being simple.

No spreadsheets with logins, no estate-planning legalese. Just names, email, phone numbers, and a secure vault of messages that mean everything when nothing else makes sense.

What A Final Message Is and Isn’t

When people first hear about the idea, they sometimes assume it’s another estate-planning tool or password manager. It’s not.

A Final Message isn’t where you store your financial details. It’s where you point to the people who know them.

Our users create a digital vault that holds:

• Final messages and love letters
• Lists of key contacts (financial advisor, executor, accountant, attorney, pet sitter, even best friend) with only their names, email, and phone number

That’s it. Simple, low-risk, but deeply human.

Though we use military-grade encryption and zero-knowledge security, the reality is, no hacker wants your love letters or Aunt Susan’s email. The information is valuable only to the people you love.

A Family Business, Literally

When we created A Final Message, it wasn’t just me.

My wife contributed her instinct for warmth and empathy to every design choice, while our son (now a college freshman) offered the next generation’s perspective.

We made some early promises:

We’ll never raise outside capital.
We’ll keep it private.
We’ll grow deliberately: centered on one mission—helping families stay connected when it matters most.

We’d Love Your Thoughts

Only a few months in, we’re eager to understand who values this service enough to begin.

Is it caregivers and social workers racing against dementia, guiding people toward peace and preparedness?
Widows and widowers navigating life alone?
Single adults or divorced parents without a partner as backup?

We don’t know yet, and that curiosity drives us every day.

The Hardest Part: We All Procrastinate

Nobody likes thinking about the end. We assume we’ll get to it later: next month, next year, when life slows down.

But life rarely sends you a sign that it’s time.

That’s why, every year, billions of dollars go unclaimed and families are left sifting through drawers, guessing passwords, replaying voicemails just to hear a voice again.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Creating a simple record of what matters (a few love letters, a list of who to call) can take just minutes—and it can save hundreds of hours, thousands of dollars, and immeasurable heartache.

That’s what A Final Message exists to do: to bridge the gap between love and logistics, between grief and guidance.

A Small Act that Lasts Forever

The night I canceled those scheduled emails, I remember feeling two things: relief that I was okay and peace knowing that, if I hadn’t been, the people I love most would have known how much I cared.

That’s the comfort we want others to have. We can’t control when life surprises us, but we can control how prepared we leave the people who matter.

A Final Message: If you’ve ever thought, “I’ll get around to it someday,” here is your nudge. Because tomorrow is never guaranteed, but peace of mind is. Need ideas on who to write letters to, what to say, and important contacts to think about? Find lists and templates at afinalmessage.com/helpful-resources.html.

For another look at not procrastinating and acting now, read:

• Act Now Caregiver; Waiting Will Cause You Greater Pain
• Say It! Say What Bothers You and Let Go of Mental Clutter

Whether just in time for Holiday Gift-Giving (don’t forget to gift yourself) or getting a jump on spring cleaning, we will bring JOY and comfort to your caregiving days with three of our titles, while helping lighten your burden with our best-selling STUFFology 101 decluttering title. This is also a wonderful opportunity for home-care agencies, adult day care centers, and downsizing experts to provide affordable resources for families.

This will be a special limited time offer until we run out of inventory. These titles will NO longer be available in print.*

FOUR TITLES

This initial offer is for orders of FIVE or more items. (Take advantage of this offer with a friend or family member.)

This offer is only available for U.S.-Based Addresses

STUFFology 101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter
Paperback Original Price: $14.95  NOW $10 [61 copies in stock]

Finding the JOY in Alzheimer’s: Caregivers Share the JOYful Times 
Paperback Original Price: $14.95  NOW $10 [8 copies in stock]

Finding the JOY in Alzheimer’s: When Tears are Dried with Laughter
Paperback Original Price: $15  NOW $10 [15 copies in stock]

“Where’s my shoes?” My Father’s Walk through Alzheimer’s 
Paperback Original Price: $17  NOW $10 [2 copies in stock]
First Print run Collector’s Edition with autograph
Hardcover Original Price: $21.95  NOW $20 [4 copies in stock]

SHIPPING

Only $10 no matter how many copies, five and more, you order!

BONUS OFFER

If your PAYMENT for SIX or more copies is one of the FIRST FIVE payments we receive, you’ll receive one of the two following AUDIO editions for FREE:

• STUFFology 101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter
• “Where’s my shoes?” My Father’s Walk through Alzheimer’s
  Library 6-cassette edition in hard case. Features interview w Author 

HOW TO ORDER

To ensure we have the inventory and correct price, please send us an email with the items you’d like to order and your shipping address. We’ll send you an invoice via PayPal with a link for payment. See Sample Order. All Sales are Final.

For more information about these books, please CLICK on https://thecaregiversvoice.com/products-services/tcv-books/

Order your copies, NOW!

*Retailers may still hold new or used editions. What a surprise when we found the 1999 First Hardcover Edition of “Where’s my shoes?” My Father’s Walk through Alzheimer’s for $110! WAOW! And now, the $119 Paperback edition. This is crazy! For a fraction of the cost, you’ll get an autographed copy when you order the Hardcover edition of the first best-selling edition of a family caregiver’s experiences caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s. We also have one copy each of this title in German, Spanish, and Korean. If interested, please let us know with your order.

Years ago, my calm and fiercely independent father was growing stressed. During a home visit, a well-intentioned nurse, checking my father’s blood pressure, recommended safer living options. Choices included in-home care or assisted living. These meant he would lose his independence and possibly leave his home of 45 years. His systolic, the top number, rocketed above 200. He looked helplessly at me. “Please stop,” I told her. “He’s going to have a stroke!” She agreed. I asked her to step outside for a few minutes until my father calmed down. When she returned to check his blood pressure again, it had come down significantly.

Life-Saving

Life can get very stressful at times for caregivers and care recipients. We can save a life—even our own—if we know how much pressure is being exerted on our arteries as our heart beats (systolic) and when our heart rests between beats (diastolic). Knowing our numbers can alert us to a potential adverse health event. People are often unaware of an impending heart attack or stroke. Feeling dizzy or faint? Sit down and rest. Take your blood pressure. Are your numbers too low? Call for help.

Staying within Your Healthy Range

The Omron Wrist Blood Pressure Monitor* is a convenient tool to insure we’re staying within a healthy range for our age and health. Our systolic blood pressure will rise by almost 20 points while the diastolic (bottom) number will decline by about 15 as we grow older. [Caution: Check with your doctor. Each body is unique and generalities may not fit your health profile.]

As a caregiver, stress often exceeds one’s daily allowance. A caregiver for a person with dementia has added challenges of a confused person who may lash out. Your blood pressure will rise as will your care recipient’s. It’s important to monitor regularly and call your doctor if the readings continue to be out of the typical range.

You can report your blood pressure history to your doctor as this unit saves 60 readings. Access them by touching the notepad icon at the top of the display window.

Irregular Heartbeats?

This unit will also display irregular heartbeats. If your heartbeat is normal, you will see a heart icon beating in the lower-left of the monitor. If not, after two irregular heartbeat readings you’ll see a double heartbeat symbol.

Battery and Unit Life

Battery Life

Fresh batteries will provide about 300 readings according to Omron.

For those of us who get something new and need to use it multiple times a day, we might need to replace the batteries sooner. Otherwise, 300 readings will last a long time with typical use.

I reached out to Omron with one question: Can we use longer lasting lithium batteries instead of replacing with the recommended alkaline AAA batteries?  Answer (paraphrased): We say alkaline because we have not tested the unit with lithium batteries and cannot guarantee the accuracy of the readings. Fair enough. Alkaline it is, then.

Unit Life

The instructions with the unit note it has a service life of five years.

Two Usage Tips for More Accurate Readings

Place the cuff at least a half-inch below the base of your palm and below your wrist bone. Despite reading the directions, I hastily put it on too close to the base of my palm. OUCH, that hurt! Don’t do that. Of course, now you may be tempted to try it. (Just like the kid who touches the stove after Mom or Dad says, “Don’t touch the stove.” OUCH!)

Raise your wrist by folding at the elbow so that the monitor is at the same level as your heart. This will give you the most accurate reading. Be sure to remain still while seated with your feet flat on the floor. No talking or chewing.

Bonus Tip:

Test on both wrists. If you test first on the right wrist and then the left; next time, test starting with your left wrist. In this way you get a more accurate representation.

Accuracy

Wrist monitors are not be as accurate as the arm pressure cuffs traditionally used in medical offices and hospitals. According to the insert that came with the Wrist Blood Pressure Monitor, this model BP6100, pressure reading is accurate within +/- 3 and heart rate, within +/- 5%. Close enough, unless your health is on the edge. I used to have a professional blood pressure monitor that wrapped around the upper arm and needed pumping to apply pressure. Over time, the hose dried and cracked rendering it useless. These days, when I see my primary care doctor for my annual check-up and for any other reason, his nurse uses a wrist cuff monitor.

One Downside

The level of the readings before the HIGH notice comes up. The standard guideline for the systolic is 120 or less and 80 or less for the diastolic. The unit will display HIGH for any number above 130 or 80. Both numbers are at the lower end of hypertension. Again, for us with 60 or more years, the systolic (top number) may read higher. If I get more HIGH readings, I will call the manufacturer to see if I can set the reading ranges for an older person. Seeing that HIGH reading makes me feel like a failure!

Hacking My Results

After a few initial HIGH readings, I took my blood pressure in bed when I woke in the middle of the night. (Ahhh. Growing up for some of us means bouts of insomnia.) What a delight when the results were of a healthy youngin’! 114/72  58BPM LOL! Okay, laugh, then ignore my hack. The idea is to use the monitor per the tested instructions. Sit up. Be calm. After a dozen tries and reading and reviewing the instruction insert, I am finally using the unit the way it was intended. And my numbers are in the normal range more often.

Bottom Line: EASY to USE. CONVENIENT. Affordable.

* This Omron Blood Pressure monitor was provided by Jennifer Moran of GraceAging.com, “dedicated to enhancing independence and quality of life for older adults and individuals with disabilities.” The specific model is

For more information about this product, also please visit the Omron Wrist Blood Pressure Monitor page.

Read The Caregiver’s Voice other Reviews here.

Instead of the cheerful ding of her AirTag, her phone blasted music so loud it made her jump. Living with dementia, she shouted, “I have a problem! I have a problem!”

Guest contributor, Carol Lindsay, MSN, RN

I ran into the living room, thinking something had gone terribly wrong. I found her frantically pushing buttons on her phone while a rap song blared. I turned off the music and asked what she’d asked her phone to do.

“Find my water bottle,” she answered.

“Try again,” I said.

Siri Has Her Own Idea

She repeated, “Hey Siri, water bottle.” The same song started again.  She said it a third time, and the music played again. This time, I saw the words “Water Bottle by DJ Consequence” scrolling across her phone screen and realized the song playing was called “Water Bottle.” Siri is not very forgiving: the command “Hey Siri, water bottle” gets the Nigerian DJ rapper, DJ Consequence, while “Hey Siri, find my water bottle” gets her a Stanley cup.

Every time she forgot to add “find my” and said “water bottle,” her phone thought she wanted to hear the song, at full volume. Once I figured it out and explained what was happening, we both laughed until we cried. It was one of those absurd moments Alzheimer’s sometimes gifts you in the middle of frustration.

Air Tags to the Rescue

If any of her essential items go missing, she grows anxious. To help, her husband attached AirTags to many of her belongings. They have a HomePod Mini linked to her phone and all her Apple devices. From the living room or hallway, she can call out, “Hey Siri, find my sweater,” “Hey Siri, find my purse,” or “Hey Siri, find my dog,” and the missing item will chirp.

“Find my water bottle” was her favorite command until DJ Consequence joined the caregiving team. Now, about half the time, instead of a reassuring ding, we get a concert. But rather than frustration, it now ends in laughter.

Laughter

Growing up, my sister and I laughed a lot, sometimes until our stomachs hurt. I never imagined that decades later we’d be doubled over again, this time in her living room, with a Nigerian rap song blaring as our soundtrack. Alzheimer’s takes a lot, but for now, it hasn’t taken her laughter. And as long as she can laugh, I’ll be laughing with her, even if it starts with, “Hey Siri, water bottle.”

Carol Lindsay, MSN, RN, has taught Nurse Aides for 30 years and serves as a Long-Term Care Ombudsman. After caring for her father through Alzheimer’s, she now has three siblings living with dementia. She does what she can to help from across the country—an experience that’s reshaped how she sees caregiving, family, and endurance.

For more humor, visit:
The Caregiver’s Voice Humor

Guest article by Roy Remer

To the outside world, caregiving can appear straightforward: tasks completed, medications given, meals prepared. But the work of caregiving extends far deeper. It reaches into the caregiver’s thoughts, emotions, and spirit. Understanding this inner life is essential, because it shapes not only how caregivers show up for others, but also how they sustain themselves through the journey.

Love at the Core

At the heart of caregiving is love. Caregivers often step into the role because of deep bonds with a spouse, parent, sibling, or friend. This love fuels extraordinary acts of patience and devotion—staying up through the night, repeating the same answers dozens of times, or soothing agitation with gentle words.

Yet love, when stretched over time and stress, can also feel complicated. Caregivers may wrestle with grief over losing who their loved one once was, or guilt for feeling tired and resentful despite their devotion. Acknowledging this complexity is important: love in caregiving is not always simple or pure—it is layered, imperfect, and deeply human.

The Weight of Guilt

Guilt is one of the most common companions of caregivers. It can show up in many forms:

• Guilt for feeling impatient or angry.
• Guilt for needing time away.
• Guilt for not doing enough, even when doing everything possible.

Caregivers often hold themselves to impossible standards. They may believe they should always be calm, always available, always strong. Yet caregiving is not sustainable when built on perfection.

Mindfulness helps soften guilt by inviting caregivers to notice their thoughts and emotions without judgment. Instead of harsh self-criticism, caregivers can gently remind themselves: I am human. I am doing the best I can. This shift opens space for compassion—both for themselves and their loved ones.

Isolation and Loneliness

Many caregivers, particularly those supporting loved ones with dementia, experience profound isolation. Friends may drift away, social outings become difficult, and the constant demands of care leave little room for connection. The caregiver may feel as though the world has shrunk to the limits of their home and the needs of their loved one.

This isolation can be one of the heaviest burdens. Without opportunities to share their struggles, caregivers may feel invisible or forgotten.

Community, therefore, is vital. In Zen Caregiving Project’s programs, [3/29/2026 URL no longer available] caregivers often describe the relief of simply being heard by others who understand. Sharing experiences—whether of exhaustion, grief, or small moments of joy—reminds caregivers they are not alone. This sense of connection can be as healing as any practical support.

Compassion Fatigue and Burnout

Compassion is at the heart of caregiving. But when given without replenishment, it can lead to compassion fatigue—a state of emotional exhaustion where empathy begins to fade. Over time, caregivers may feel numb, irritable, or detached from the very person they are trying to support.

Burnout emerges when physical, emotional, and mental demands outstrip resources. It often shows up as chronic fatigue, difficulty concentrating, or even physical illness.

Acknowledging these risks is not a sign of weakness—it is a step toward sustainability. Mindfulness and self-compassion offer tools to notice when fatigue is rising and to take small steps toward renewal. Even brief pauses for breath, rest, or reflection can begin to restore balance

The Loss of Identity

One of the quietest, yet most painful, experiences of caregiving is the erosion of personal identity. Caregivers often set aside careers, hobbies, friendships, and even their own health to prioritize their loved one. Over time, the caregiver’s sense of self may narrow into a single role: “I am only a caregiver.”

This loss can feel like a kind of invisibility—who the caregiver once was begins to fade. And yet, the inner life also holds potential for rediscovery. By carving out even small moments of personal expression—reading, gardening, journaling, or connecting with friends—caregivers can keep alive the parts of themselves beyond the caregiving role.

The Emergence of Resilience

Amidst these struggles, something extraordinary also emerges: resilience. Caregivers discover strengths they did not know they had—the ability to stay present in difficulty, to adapt to constant change, and to love in the face of loss.

This resilience is not about stoicism or denial. It is about meeting each moment as it is, with openness and courage. Mindfulness supports this resilience by teaching caregivers to return repeatedly to the present moment, where clarity and calm are always possible.

In fact, many caregivers reflect that while caregiving was among the hardest experiences of their lives, it also deepened their compassion, patience, and appreciation for life’s fleeting beauty.

Nourishing the Inner Life

To sustain themselves, caregivers must seek opportunities to tend to their inner lives with as much care as they tend to their loved ones. This means:

• Practicing self-compassion: speaking kindly to oneself in moments of struggle.
• Building community: seeking support groups, friendships, or courses where sharing is possible.
• Creating small rituals of care: lighting a candle, breathing mindfully, or journaling feelings at the end of the day.
• Remembering identity beyond caregiving: nurturing hobbies, relationships, or spiritual practices that keep a vibrant sense of self alive.

By tending to the inner life, caregivers create balance. They discover that amidst exhaustion and grief, there is room for joy, connection, and renewal.

Reflection

The inner life of caregivers is complex—filled with love, guilt, fatigue, resilience, and profound growth. It is a journey few can fully understand unless they have walked it themselves. Yet when caregivers pause to acknowledge their inner experience, they honor the depth of their humanity.

At Zen Caregiving Project, we believe that supporting caregivers means supporting both the outer tasks of care and the inner emotional world that carries them. Through mindfulness, compassion, and community, caregivers can not only survive but also find meaning and strength in the journey.

To all caregivers reading this: your inner life matters. Your struggles are real, your resilience is profound, and your humanity is worthy of care.

Roy Remer is Executive Director of Zen Caregiving Project, a nonprofit dedicated to bringing mindfulness and compassion to caregiving. With decades of experience supporting caregivers, Roy leads programs that explore resilience, presence, and self-compassion, helping caregivers sustain themselves while navigating the profound challenges and rewards of caregiving.

For a related perspective, read:

Those of us 65 and older, have begun receiving notices regarding changes to our Medicare healthcare plans. Open enrollment is between October 15 and December 7. This gives us time to review the information before deciding what we’ll keep and what we’ll change.

Do you continue with your Medigap policy or move over to Advantage? While appearing to be lower cost, many Advantage plans are changing. Have your medical needs changed? Will a Medigap policy provide you with a more customized approach? Review your benefit notices carefully.

Keep an eye out for Plan D, prescription-related coverages. Premiums are rising. Inflation is taking a bite out of how much Plan D will cover versus how much we’ll pay out-of-pocket. Review your plans carefully to make sure your medications are still covered.

Do you have a dental plan? Vision?

Are your preferred doctors still in network? Sometimes, doctors stop accepting Medicare because of the low reimbursements.

Follow these three steps to reduce the overwhelm of paperwork and to make the best decision. ONE: When these documents arrive, open them and read the first two pages. TWO: Set these mailings aside in an easy-to-access folder. THREE: Pick up and review them every few days to digest in bite-sized pieces. Over time, you understand enough to weigh the costs of the premiums versus coverages. If this is all new to you, consult a broker. I consulted one who was knowledgeable enough to recommend several options based on the needs I shared. Be careful that the broker you choose doesn’t recommend a plan based on commissions earned.

Take Care of Your Health

With health care costs rising (see estimated figures at the end of this article) we must take care of ourselves. We see and hear repeatedly and perhaps, ignore the messages; but consider that all the money in the world won’t do you a bit of good if your health suffers. The older we grow the more important our health is. Health becomes the currency of aging; more than US dollars (or your nation’s currency) and even bitcoin.

Health is wealth.

What steps are you taking to improve your health?

Eat Nutritious Foods

While processed foods are a convenient and tasty option, their excessive sodium and/or high carbohydrates don’t give our bodies what they need, like protein. We end up in a vicious cycle of eating more to get enough energy. But these foods provide limited nutrients. Over time, instead of having energy, we’re gaining weight.

It’s hard to evaluate the quality of our food today. Unless you tend to your own garden, foods picked too soon and left to ripen in store displays or on our own kitchen counters, don’t provide the same nourishment of vine-ripened produce. I was gifted the tastiest and juiciest ripe tomatoes from two different home gardens. What a world of difference between store bought and home grown!

Do you read labels?

I read labels. I aim for minimally processed foods. Though I grabbed a box of protein-enriched Cheerios recently. One of the ingredients caught my eye—tripotassium phosphate. What the heck is that? Ask yourself, would I browse the store aisles for maltodextrin, guar gum, and artificial flavors? Even Natural Flavors are not natural! Here in the U.S., we don’t know what we’re eating or drinking.

Coca Cola used to have less sugar and likely fewer ingredients than it does now. Here in the U.S., we believe, if a little is good, more (much more) is better.

Move

The older we grow, the more we must stretch and move. Stiffness is a part of growing older and unless we keep stretching to maintain flexibility, we’ll feel the pain. Heck, despite my nature hikes, I hurt while sleeping! Get out a walk each day. It helps your blood circulate for better health. Even a one-mile walk for 20 minutes can make a world of difference. Okay, even five minutes!

Socialize

Research continually posts the benefits of socialization. While, I enjoy socializing, I also treasure periods of solitude. These are times I can think more deeply. I use this quiet time to write articles such as this one. Being mostly retired, I can tune into my own life-rhythms. (I may unretire at some point.) For now, I eat what I want, when I want. I sleep and wake whenever. Independence has its advantages.

I volunteer and enjoy the socialization with my fellow Red Cross volunteers. Plus, I learn something new each time I help.

While many of us crave our independence, we also need to be brave enough to ask for help.

Asking for help is the most courageous thing we can do. I was raised to help others. Now, I’m learning to ask for help. People are eager to help when asked kindly. And I am ever grateful for their help. For instance, I had a good fortune when two 30-year-old Trail Angels distanced me from my fear while climbing the sheer granite rock face of Yosemite’s Lembert Dome. Guiding me with compassion and patience, I was able to relive the exhilaration of climbs from decades earlier. Of course, I had to come back down and that’s when there was some hand holding.

ONE of SIX: Yosemite: Climbing Lembert Dome SCARY!

If we don’t take care of ourselves, we’ll need more expensive medical care. Inflation raises the costs while services are declining. As of this writing, the Medicare monthly premium (Part B) is expected to rise almost 12%—from $185 to an estimated $206.50. By comparison, in 2025 the Part B premium increased 5.9%—from $174.7 in 2024 to $185. Plus, the deductible is also rising.

When the Going Gets Tough Take a Caregiver Respite

What is a Caregiver Respite?

A caregiver respite is taking time off from caregiving. Each of us has different needs for reenergizing ourselves. For you, it may be meeting friends for lunch, watching a movie, or skydiving. (Okay, may not!) One family caregiver retreated for the day to another room with coffee and lunch while an in-home caregiver looked after her father-in-law. Me? A nice quiet hike in the forest.

Take a Caregiver Respite or Else!

If we don’t take care of ourselves, how can we expect to care for another? Self-care is a sign of self-respect. If we don’t value ourselves enough to take care of ourselves, can we truly be attentive caregivers?

If we don’t take a respite…

we may end up doing some awful and potentially regrettable things. We may even find ourselves facing a judge in court. Depending on the damage, we may have to accept a State-sponsored “vacation” with lodging in a semi-private gated room while eating meals out of metal trays. This is not what we signed up for when we became a caregiver, nor is it the kind of respite we deserve.

We need respite from time to time. We know when we’ve hit the end of our energy reserves. We also know to take a break before we hit empty.

View The Five-Minute Respite on You Tube.

Until robots (machines with cute smiley faces) can serve as compassionately as human caregivers, we need to take regular breaks to replenish our energy. We need to be physically, mentally, and emotionally strong for those who depend upon us for their care.

So, take a respite. Until you do, enjoy this tranquil half-minute at an Alpine Lake in Yosemite National Park (or click/tap to view the video below).

Guest article by Aaron Smith

What is Dementia?

In simple terms, dementia is a loss of memory that may further lead to cognitive difficulties including thinking, using language, and logical reasoning. These challenges may be severe enough for a person not to perform activities of daily living (ADLs). Alzheimer’s disease stands out as the most prevalent form of dementia. While primarily affecting older adults, dementia is not an inevitable part of aging. It is not a single disease, but rather a collection of symptoms that tend to worsen over time.

With dementia, older people might face profound challenges, including:

• changes in mood and behavior, lack of emotional control, poor judgment, and irritability.
• no longer recalling recent events, or forgetting simple tasks such as cooking or paying bills.
• no longer recognizing their loved ones.
• feeling anxious and agitated, or even hallucinating.
• compromising safety when forgetting to turn off the stove.

People with dementia not only create safety hazards and problems for themselves; they also create risks for their family members. This leads to a stress-induced loss of independence for the those living with dementia and those who live with them.

Therefore, seeking the help of professional in-home caregivers becomes a necessity.

Needing Help with ADLs

Dementia is a (progressive neurological disorder). Professional caregivers hold essential training and certifications to navigate the challenges in dementia care. They provide comprehensive support and assistance regarding the client’s practical needs and emotional well-being. One of the most pressing contributions of caregivers is to help with Activities of Daily Living (ADLs). As memory begins to deteriorate, and cognitive functions lose strength, simple tasks that at one time were never complicated become difficult or even impossible.

Needing Medication Management

People with dementia forget to take their medicines on time or confuse their medicines. Caregivers strictly follow medication regimes and administer medicines to their patients promptly. They also identify possible side effects or changes in behavior due to medication and discuss the same with health professionals when necessary for appropriate modification of treatment.

Providing Personal Care & Grooming

Dementia patients may forget to perform basic daily activities, like bathing, dressing, and grooming. Caregivers support such daily activities. They also ensure that older adults with dementia remain hydrated and eat regularly. Care providers help to maintain schedules, as keeping to a routine eases anxiety and reduces confusion that is often a companion to this disease. These healthcare providers are compassionate. They may go a step further by offering choices of what to wear, helping break down a task into smaller chunks, or setting a schedule to help the person feel secure and less anxious.

Providing a Safe Environment

Besides personal care, in-house caretakers make sure the living environment is supportive and safe. Making the home dementia-friendly is their priority, which includes removing trip hazards like loose wires or rugs that can cause accidents, installing grab bars in the bathroom, and ensuring good lighting.

Engaging Patients with Different Activities

Caregivers stimulate patients by encouraging them to engage in activities like solving puzzles, playing board games, other fun games. Tabletop games like table tennis are beneficial for older adults and act as a therapy to combat neurological disorders. Based on their interests, caregivers encourage patients to listen to familiar music, watch their favorite shows, and take short walks with supervision.

Hiring professional in-home caregivers provides other family members with peace of mind since people with dementia will be engaged in activities. There are fewer chances of them wandering off alone. In addition to being enjoyable, such activities help lessen feelings of restlessness, improve communication, and other capabilities.

The Unsung Heroes—Providing Selfless Care

The continued benefits of in-home dementia services by caregivers are unparalleled. People with dementia feel secure. With the caregiver’s attention, they feel less confused and anxious. In-home caregiver services customize care towards the individual’s needs. This releases family members from full-time caregiving; improving family relations. The role of a family caregiver for a person with dementia can be very demanding. Caregivers often experience physical and emotional turmoil. In-home caregiving services have therefore become a life-saving support force for families.

Caregivers, especially those who provide in-home services, are the unsung heroes who ensure that older adults living with dementia lead lives with dignity, comfort, and as much independence as possible within a familiar and loving atmosphere.

Aaron Smith is a Los Angeles-based content strategist and consultant in support of STEM firms and medical practices. He covers industry developments and helps companies connect with clients. In his free time, Aaron enjoys swimming, swing dancing, and sci-fi novels.

Guest Article by Jane Clairmont 

The world is a wonderful place to explore, and that shouldn’t stop for someone with dementia. However, planning a trip can be nerve-wracking for carers, who may be worried about the practicalities of balancing long journeys by car, plane, or train with their loved one’s needs. The change of routine and location can be distressing for people with dementia, especially when traveling far from home.

Additionally, caregiving responsibilities can feel daunting because the caregiver feels the need to be ‘on call’ while also trying to enjoy a vacation.

In this short guide, we share some of the top things to consider when deciding whether traveling is the right choice for the person you’re caring for.

Travel Rights of People with Dementia

The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) accepts dementia as a disability. This allows people with dementia to request special consideration at the airport. This means that you as the companion can stay with your care recipient during security screening. While not everyone living with dementia sees the need for this, being with someone familiar can be reassuring.

Some airports also provide a quiet room where you can both sit comfortably, away from the hustle and bustle of the main waiting rooms. They may even have adult changing tables or restrooms with showers. Usually, you’ll need to carry a TSA notification card or a sunflower lanyard to gain access to these areas, and highlight to staff that assistance might be needed. You can check the requirements with the specific airport.

How to Protect their Sense of Freedom

When you’re traveling, you and your loved one will need to make a lot of decisions.  Where are you going? What are the safety precautions? When possible, try and protect the person you’re caring for while giving them freedom and right to choose what they do with their time.  Give them the opportunity to choose among a few activities. Ask them what they’d like to eat that evening. The level of decision making will depend on the individual. Although easier and faster, avoid the temptation to make every decision yourself. Also, try not to plan every minute of your vacation. You want to leave open spontaneous opportunities.

Keeping a Person with Dementia Safe

Part of traveling is usually visiting busy places–an airport, train station, or a service station if you’re driving. These places can be confusing for someone with dementia, and it’s easy to get separated in a crowd. If you can, aim to travel at off-peak times. Leave early, so that you can take a break if you need to.

It can also be helpful to have a recent photo of the person you’re caring for. If they’re ok with it, take a photo each morning. At least, note what they’re wearing. An ID bracelet with your contact details is valuable if they get lost and someone tries to assist them. You can also provide them with a photo of your car if applicable, so they can find the vehicle again in a busy car park.

If you’re staying in a hotel, it may be a good idea to let the staff know that you’re traveling with someone with dementia. That way, if they see them by themselves or somewhere unusual, they may know to go and see if they need some extra help. This isn’t about taking autonomy away from your loved one; instead, it’s about keeping them safe while allowing you both to enjoy your break.

Planning and preparation tips

Choosing the right type of vacation can be crucial for someone with dementia. If they’re stressed or anxious the whole time, it may not be worth the trip. So, think carefully before you book–where would they feel most comfortable, at a hotel or in a self-catering property? Which parts of their routine will you need to keep?

Although it’s not nice to think about, it is also important to consider what you’ll do if things don’t quite go as planned. Taking out travel insurance and checking the cancellation policies on anything you book is a good idea, just in case. You should also make sure you familiarize yourself with the local medical providers and take any necessary paperwork with you, so that you can get the assistance you need without additional stress.

Ultimately, it’s an individual decision whether traveling with a person with dementia is the right call. However, there’s no need to blanket ban and rule it out. By assessing the situation and with the right preparation, travel can be an enjoyable experience for both of you.

Jane Clairmont is a full-time caregiver for her mother, Brenda. Both mother and daughter have a lifelong love of adventure. With Brenda’s dementia diagnosis, Jane is exploring new ways to make this possible while keeping her mother safe and happy.

Early last year, Matt Call, a consummate dementia practitioner, and I formed The Center for Holistic Dementia Care (CFHDC). Like you (… your long and impressive journey helping individuals care for their loved ones with dementia…. truly heartwarming), we are dedicated to sharing our stories and practices to improve dementia care for clients, families, and caregivers. Matt and I have a unique approach to care. We focus on individuals’ strengths using Dr. Howard Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences. Through CFHDC, we learn about an individual’s preserved strengths—intelligences and develop a personalized care plan based on the person’s historical information and present condition.

The CFHDC believes that every individual deserves dignity and respect. We create tailored strategies that enhance three aspects of care: providing comfortable environments, using effective augmentative and alternative communication strategies, and fostering joy and motivation by implementing suitable activities.

CFHDC Focuses on What Makes a Person with Dementia Smile, Laugh, and Engage

The CFHDC focuses on discovering what resides inside a person. What makes that person smile, laugh, and engage? Instead of being daunted by dementia, we are on a mission to give caregivers the tools they need to find the “right size” for each person.

Environment

One might ask: What suits someone with dementia? A quick look at one’s surroundings gives initial clues. What type of environment brings this person joy? What makes this person feel safe and comfortable? How has dementia affected this person’s need for more light, less noise, or fewer distractions?

How might the person’s preserved intelligence strengths be used to improve his/her environment? For someone with naturalistic intelligence, a walk in nature or a room with a window uplifts the mood fosters improved communication and participation in activities.

Communication

In addition to environmental needs, a person with dementia has compromised communication abilities.

A caregiver must have myriad communication strategies to effectively give instructions, offer assistance, and decipher what a person requires or desires. We go beyond a typical alternative method such as a storyboard or picture. Through CFHDC, we have found a person with dementia may benefit from other methods including intensive interactions, art-, music-, or object-based communications.

Our goal is to empower a person to use his/her voice in an effective way. Knowing a person’s intelligence strengths opens doors to this ability because it focuses on multiple communication strategies.

Activities

Once a person has an effective way to communicate and experiences a suitable environment, it is much easier for a caregiver to introduce engaging activities. Painting, birdwatching, listening to music, or folding clothes are all participatory activities essential to a person’s sense of purpose and well-being.

Someone with linguistic-verbal intelligence strengths may enjoy storytelling, word play, or language activities. Historically, s/he enjoyed speaking, reading, writing, or listening to others. Another person may have preserved logical-mathematical skills. The caregiver will have more success engaging the person with structured routines, problem-solving games, or analytical thinking exercises.

The positive news is that all individuals possess multiple intelligences. By learning which intelligences are the strongest in a person, a caregiver has the power to personalize experiences and use this information to ignite cognitive engagement.

Caregivers Need More Support and Guidance

Every day, I hear or read stories about caregivers who feel overburdened, tired, or frustrated. When I think of the enormous responsibilities that caregivers have and the debilitating effects of dementia, I am often reminded that caregivers need more support and guidance. Flight attendants often remind us to take care of ourselves before we can help others. “Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.” Yet, caregivers are consistently underpaid and underappreciated.

Recently, big-time celebrities like Grammy-award-winner Bradley Cooper (Executive Producer of a new documentary entitled, “Caregiving”) and ER star Noah Wyle (promoting healthcare reform through a partnership with FIGS, a medical clothing company), have brought more attention to the essential role caregivers play in society. This media attention is warranted; it is a pendulum swing in the right direction, one that showcases caregivers as beacons of hope.

At the CFHDC, we will continue the momentum to educate and uplift caregivers. We invite you to learn more about our work.

Melissa Mirabello’s career as an educator stems from her desire to make learning accessible and rewarding. Her enthusiasm for teaching through various methodologies, such as Howard Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences, and her goal to support caregivers with innovative and practical care strategies have inspired her work at the Center for Holistic Dementia Care—CFHDC.