Universal-Netherworld Disclosure-Exposure Administration Division

Missed Product Opportunities: Cleanboy Soap

2019-05-25T12:25:00.001-06:00

Bon Scott Sez:

"Right, listen up, ya twats! If you don't wanna go around smellin' like the sweat that runs down yer bum crack and pools around yer bollocks after a show, you need to use our soap. Cleanboy is the absolute fookin' best fer gettin' rid of that stale arse crack and ball sack sweat smell. Make the ladies wanna sit next to you. Get yer arse to the soap aisle at yer local supermarket and pick up some Cleanboy today!"

Lord Yama on the roads of Bengaluru for those who are not wearing the he...

2018-11-01T10:15:00.001-06:00

Lady Dampnut Goes To Canada

2017-09-24T08:25:00.000-06:00

Lady Dampnut on her visit to Canada

Lady Dampnut visits Canada and dons attire which says she's a Lumberjack and she's okay in order to inspire a spirit of camaraderie with Justin Trudeau. She then meets with Prime Minister Trudeau and Prince Harry and is pleasantly surprised to be in the company of men who possess actual brains rather than a head full of horse manure like her husband and his Klown Kar Kabinet.

Richard Cranium

for

FOGNL/UNDEAD Politics

The Netherworld is Hell Again

2017-06-04T11:03:00.001-06:00

http://www.volpinprops.com/portfolio/planet-express-ship-futurama/

The Netherworld is Hell Again

Cie Cheesemeister

If there's one thing that I can say about Netherworld President Donald T. Rump, it's that he has lived up to his campaign promise to Make the Netherworld Hell Again. Only members of the demon aristocracy are happy, just like in the bad old days. Everyone else is struggling for whatever little bit we can get and often coming up empty-handed.

With all the travel restrictions, many of the famous Netherworld bands' tour dates have had to be canceled. The laws restricting demon overlords from taking everything Netherworld residents have in tributes have been lifted. Consequently, everyone who was previously doing well is now back on the bottom line digging for a lousy dime.

The only company that hasn't suffered badly under Rump's rule is Planet Express, because shit still needs to be delivered. In fact, there is so much demand for shit to be delivered that Hermes Conrad advised Planet Express president and founder Hubert J. Farnsworth to adopt an Uber business model, allowing contractors to fly their own ships on their own time and receive orders via the Planet Express App. Farnsworth responded "Huh?", which Conrad took as a yes.

Thus, in order to keep Rock Ranch in our possession, I and the members of Death Cheese, Ectoplasm Attack, Hellspawn, The Iron Troglodytes, The Quick and the Undead, and Wild Child are now working as couriers for Plan-X. We mostly deliver government packages under a "Don't Ask Don't Tell" contract policy regarding their contents.

So, if you love Schadenfreude, stay tuned for heavy doses of it, straight from the hell that is the Netherworld under the reign of Donald T. Rump.

Cie Cheesemeister

for

FOGNL/UNDEAD Media Services

Happy St. Paddy's Day From Your Friends at Devil's Harvest

2017-03-17T21:35:00.002-06:00

Hey friends, Duke Demon and Suzie Succubus here, wishing all our friends in the Netherworld a very happy St. Patrick's Day. While you're wearin' the green and dancing to some great Irish folk tunes or shredding the stage and tearing down the arena with Death Cheese, remember, the Smoke of Hell will make your rollicking good time all the better!

Devil's Harvest contains only the finest Wacky Tobaccy. There are no unnatural additives, pesticides or chemicals to get in the way of your pure, clean buzz. All you get is a smooth-smoking blunt to spice up your St. Paddy's fun with just the right amount of sin, degradation, vice, and insanity.

So, on your way to the tavern or the show or just home to kick back, pick up a carton of Devil's Harvest, the only joint that can truly call itself The Smoke of Hell!

Proudly endorsed by the staff of Hell's Pass Hospital and the Netherworld Ambulance Crew.

New Administration Hostile to Reporters

2017-01-26T03:31:00.000-07:00

HellyJan Conwitch invites the press into her lair under the Hell House

New Administration Hostile to Reporters

Willy Darkstar

Netherworld Despot Donald T. Rump's advice harpy HellyJan Conwitch invited Netherworld reporters to her home in the sewers beneath the Hell House. She then tried to eat us, as The Rump has given orders that he doesn't want any more damn reporters nosing around.

Fortunately, I was able to cocoon her, and most of us were able to get away unscathed except for the nightmares that will haunt us for the rest of eternity. Unfortunately, Hazy Davy got really hurt. He is currently on the mend at Hell's Pass Hospital.

If you'd like to sign the get well card that we'll be presenting to Davy this Saturday, when Dr. Schitz anticipates he will be discharged from the hospital, just go to the FOGNL/UNDEAD website and click the Card for Hazy Davy link.

Fair warning to reporters everywhere: do not enter HellyJan's lair. I knew something was rotten when I saw the cookbook on her table entitled "666 Ways to Serve Nosy News Hounds."
Willy Darkstar

for

FOGNL/UNDEAD Politics

Your reporter has been nominated for a Nosy Newsy Award! Whether I win or not, I'm really stoked to have been nominated. Here I am in a picture from the latest Extraterrestrial Security Squadron Crowd Control Exercise, sharing a laugh with my buddy Ricco Frost.

I have to admit, playing a drunk Xeno at a Death Cheese show became easier as the evening went on, since Death Cheese was playing and by the time midnight rolled around, I'd had enough Toxic Waste Punch to float the entire Zepar Mining Asteroid. Man, did my head hurt the next day, and when you have a head that's shaped like mine, that's saying something!

Your friendly news hound,

Willy Darkstar

Press Conference with former Netherworld VP Flowering Kudzu

2016-12-13T21:33:00.001-07:00

Former longtime Netherworld president Tricky Dick Nixon casts a gloomy glance around the Hell House, the place that has been his home since November 9, 1996

Former longtime Netherworld Vice President Flowering Kudzu says:

"I'll miss ole Tricky. Him and me have been true blue BFF bosom companions since he asked me to be his veep back in 2008. But Mr. Donny Rump says that I can stay on in the Hell House as his conky-bine, and I think I'm just gonna have to take him up on that there offer. Now, I know that Miz Melony is his first conky-bine, but I reckon I'm gonna be his best conky-bine. I ain't no fool, though. I know The Rump likes them young gals, like his gal Ivanky, so I know I'm gonna have to keep an eye on him 'round my own daughters."

"This here is my li'l daughter Chastity. Ain't she just too cute? That there baby is my li'l granddaughter Ladybug. Chassy says she's purty sure that Otto the welding shop teacher at Netherworld High is Ladybug's daddy, but she says it could be Axl Rose too."

"This here is my darlin' Ginnifer, an' she's my daughter with either Mr. Bill Clinton or Ted Nugent, I ain't sure which. Anyways, she's just the purtiest thing, and so I know Mr. Rump is gonna be awful tempted by that sweet young flesh. I don't mind if he grabs himself a little barely legal ass. Mr. Rump is bigly smart, so I know he's gonna realize that a mature and experienced gal like me can do things for him that them young girls can't."

That loser PANSI thinks she's gonna be Mr. President Donald T. Rump's number one conky-bine, but her and her purple buttocks got another thing coming. Ain't nobody knows how to please a man like Flowering Kudzu! Maybe I ain't gonna be Vice President of the Netherworld no more, but I'm gonna be staying here in the Hell House anyways.

I hate to see ole Tricky go, but this here is a new era, and I'm gonna slide right into it lyin' down like I always do!

Flowering Kudzu

Former Netherworld VP and all time Superstar

Prompt Used:

http://writeaboutcomma.tumblr.com/post/154445886903/write-about-coming-back-home-where-it-is-and-how

The Rump Takes the Netherworld Presidency

2016-11-09T02:58:00.000-07:00

In a shocking turn of events, Donald T. Rump, or The Rump as he is known to his minions, has won the Infernal House away from longtime Netherworld president Tricky Dick Nixon.

Nixon was told to pack his bags and GTFO. The Rump offered Flowering Kudzu the opportunity to remain as his concubine, but she had to immediately concede the Vice Presidency to The Rump's running mate, Jack T. Rippence.

Jack T. Rippence, Gentleman Serial Killer

Flowering Kudzu, ever eager to have children by raving maniacs, took The Rump up on his offer. This did not make PANSI very happy.

"That skank better stay away from my Rump!!!!!" the Naked Gymnastics for Jesus diva declared.

First Concubine PANSI, seen here with a pink pony

Flowering Kudzu, former Vice President of the Netherworld, seen here with longtime Netherworld president Tricky Dick Nixon, now Persona Non Grata in the Infernal House

Many are not particularly happy about this regime change, citing The Rump as a clueless ass. PANSI, however, couldn't be more thrilled.

"My Prince has finally come!" she squealed. "Now I just need to get rid of that tramp Melania, and I will be First Lady of the Never World!"

This is certainly a startling turn of events. Will the Netherworld survive intact, or will uncivil war and civil unrest ensue?

Richard Cranium

for

FOGNL/UNDEAD Politics

Netherworld Elections 2016: The Diabolical Party

2016-10-08T17:11:00.002-06:00

Azazel for President

Abaddon for V.P.

Azazel and Abaddon: Making the Netherworld Diabolical Again

Or, as Dean Winchester calls them, the Infernal Administrative Kiss-Ass and Hell's Hench-Wench.
It's probably safe to assume that Dean isn't casting his ballot for the Diabolic Duo this election.

Richard Cranium

for

FOGNL/UNDEAD Politics

Nixon Presidency of Netherworld Threatened

2016-10-05T00:37:00.000-06:00

Cthulhu and Yog-Sothoth may be the greater evils, but it is not they who are threatening the long-time rule of President Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon and Vice President Flowering Kudzu over Netherworld politics.

No, the greater threat does not come from the Great Old Ones. Instead, it comes in the form of

Don T. Rump, asshat politician cloned from a chunk of Donald Trump's rump by Netherworld Ill-Health Minister, Dr. Erik Schitz.

The Rump Chunk was removed by a bite on the booty of Donald Trump by Motorhead mascot Snaggletooth.

Lemmy Kilmister gave his longtime chum a stern talking to about biting abominable things, and he wasn't talking about the time that Snags took a chomp out of Azathoth when the Demon Sultan beat him at poker.

(Hint for the uninitiated: let the Wookie and the Snaggletooth win.)

With Pansi!!!! endorsing him (and, rumor has it, servicing him in a carnal fashion as well), does the Netherworld stand a chance against The Rump? Or will be seeing a truly abominable change of regime in the Hell House come November?

This is a cliffhanger that makes even the VILE awards pale by compare, although Axe Man takes exception to that assertion, and also to Don T. Rump's recent attentions to Flowering Kudzu.

"Axe not happy camper. You not like when Axe not happy camper!"

Will clearer heads prevail, or will The Rump (as his supporters call him) seize Hell House this November? Only time will tell!

If Don T. Rump wins, don't blame me. I'm supporting the Cthulhu/Dagon ticket!

A Fungus from Yuggoth

for

Fognl/Undead Politics

Don T. Rump Runs With The Ass Clowns

2016-08-13T11:39:00.000-06:00

Don T. Rump, doppelganger of Donald Trump:

Just as much of an ass as that ass from which he was cloned

Don T. Rump, the asshat cloned from a chunk bitten off of the left butt cheek of Donald Trump by Motorhead mascot Snaggletooth, is the uncontested nominee of the Ass Clown party. He has vowed to take the coveted Netherworld Presidency from current president Tricky Dick Nixon. He says that current Vice President Flowering Kudzu can be his concubine if she wants to, but allowing a wife to work is a dangerous thing.

Rump has already managed to piss off most of the Netherworld's musicians by using their songs without permission.

It seems to this reporter that Rump is on a mission with no permission.

Tempest LeTrope

for

FOGNL/UNDEAD Media Services

Pokemon Theory: Is Thanksgiving Celebrated With A Turkey?

2016-01-12T20:22:00.001-07:00

If Women Were Honest On Dates

2015-12-30T20:44:00.001-07:00

New Dr. Schitz Oddity: The Gireagle

2015-06-06T07:51:00.000-06:00

A Mix of Giraffe and Eagle

Dr. Schitz whipped up this Gireagle to add to his menagerie over the weekend while mixing a few Wild Shine Zingers in his lab.

Willy Darkstar

for

FOGNL/UNDEAD Science

Prompts Used:

Six Word Saturday

Write About

Water in Mining: A Feel Good Mining Ad

2015-06-02T22:47:00.002-06:00

That Awkward Astral Moment: Gary Busey Version

2015-05-29T05:12:00.001-06:00

"Dat Ass!"

That awkward astral moment when you dream you're in a cheap motel room with Gary Busey, and he's trying to get into your pants.

Why was I in a cheap motel room with Gary Busey?

The world will probably never know, because I certainly don't.

~Cheesy~

Review: Hero Machine

2015-05-15T23:58:00.000-06:00

netherworldwritersguild:

Above is my character, Johnny Mullett. I created him in under an hour using Hero Machine, which you can purchase here. The program is only $9.95. It is a safe download, and I do give it my recommendation, with a few caveats.
You won’t find a great deal of body diversity for your heroes. There is a standard muscular male body, a standard muscular female body, an extremely muscular male body, and a short, squat body in either male or female versions.
I envisioned two potential heroes that I would like to create: a small, slender winged man, and a heavyset woman on the tall side but not outlandishly so. I can’t draw to save my life, so I hoped this software might help me bring these characters to life. I was not able to do so, but I do like the software for what it offers. I will probably be creating more characters to accompany Johnny.

~The Cheese~

Real Life Questionable Characters: Drew Noyes

2015-05-13T08:16:00.002-06:00

Self-proclaimed legal expert and real estate salesman Drew Noyes is apparently so sleazy that he inspires the creation of videos such as this one.

He was convicted of extortion in 2012. He made bail.

That same year, Noyes filed a suit against journalist Andrew Drummond for libel, then proceeded to slander Drummond in the Noyes-owned paper, the Pattaya Times.

The drama continues in the Noyes vs. Drummond saga.

Noyes continues to attack Drummond, creating a fake Andrew Drummond website which is, in fact, registered in Noyes' name.

Noyes is also chums with Brian Wright, a fake American lawyer who was busted for molesting a twelve year old.

The Pattaya Scammers website has at least two pages warning about Noyes' activities.

Above all else, Noyes appears to be the king of Internet trolls.

Suffice it to say, Drew Noyes appears to be an individual best avoided.

Opal and Cie

The Cheese Grates It: WTF Tumblr

2015-04-11T15:56:00.000-06:00

The Cheese Grates It is my series of rants about things that make me go WTF. Here is one of them.
On Tumblr, people get mad at you for replying to their posts.
“Use the tags!” they scream.

Sorry. Except for rare occasions when someone’s a total douche, I’m always friendly when I reply to posts. But okay, you don’t want me to do that. So, I’ll use the tags.

But then people get all bent out of shape about overtagging.

I’m not talking about misusing tags or tag hate or tag spamming. I hate that shit. I’m talking about using the words that I would have used in a reply and turning them into tags. Stuff like “I totally fucking love this” “they’e been my favorite band for forty years” “I still love these silly fuckers” “I’d sell a kidney to meet them” and crazy stuff like that.

Far as I know, this isn’t hurting anybody, most of these are tags that nobody even uses, so it should be no problem, right?

But then I get the “whut are all these tags” type responses.

Exactly, Favorite Person Who I’ve Been Told To Kill Myself For Expressing Sympathy For. What The Actual Fuck indeed.

Tumblr: It’s pretty much like this.

I didn’t draw this. But I wish I had.
Sometimes I just feel kind of like this:

Thank you, Bobby. My sentiments exactly.
The Cheese Hath Grated It

The Dwarfish Woes of Malcolm Tent

2015-04-06T19:30:00.000-06:00

The Dwarfish Woes of Malcolm Tent

The Aforementioned

Fur th' loove ay aw that's holy! Every time Ah park mah tent in th' back woods ay Ruralia Coonty, it seems loch those blighted dwarf miners fin' me.

Thes time, however, they didne wake me up wi' their annoyin' singin'. All seven were just arguing amongst themselves. They waur oan abit whit tae gie th' Princess Snaw White fur 'er 78th anniversary wi' Prince ‘Arry.

Ah can teel ye, if there's a body hin' Ah dornt caur abit it's anniversaries, ur onie ay 'at other mushy loove an' romance guff. But Ah dae caur abit mah sleep bein' interrupted.

Malcolm Tent

FOGNL/UNDEAD Outdoor Expert

Malcolm Tent is a 502 year old Scottish Fae, who is passionate about camping, environmental conservation, the Great Outdoors in general, and Advanced Curmudgeonry. Although he generally despises music as being a distracting cacophony of useless sine waves, he enjoys the bagpipes, which he plays--badly. He has written 675 books about camping, outdoorsmanship, and generally telling his readers what a bunch of useless and inept mutton-heads they are.

From the Unsurprising News Files: Kanye West Is An Idiot

2015-03-31T07:38:00.004-06:00

It's 2015, and Kanye West is still an idiot. He is very definitely in the running for a Douchebag of the Year Award.

Hal's Club Post Valentine's Day Deals!

2015-02-16T07:28:00.002-07:00

Until the end of February at Hal's Club, buy this gaming system and receive a copy of Butt Danger 3: The Arse of Time absolutely free!

At just 66,666 Quatloos, it's a deal you can't afford to pass up!

See you soon!

Your favorite friendly retailer,

Hal Itosis

The Cheesemeister's Crazy Ass Valentine's Dream (For Reals, Y'all!)

2015-02-14T18:50:00.000-07:00

So I dreamed that this man

(swoon!)

Rescued me from...

Actually, it was the worst toilet in Colorado. It was in some podunk town out in the sticks, and his band was playing at a roadhouse there.

I had to take a whiz, and I didn't want to risk making a heinous ass of myself in front of my favorite band by doing something like going out to take a leak behind a bush or the dumpster or something. So I braved the horrible bathroom.

Just before the toilet exploded, he ran in to the bathroom and pulled me out.

Fortunately, I had not dropped trou yet. I was just heading for the stall.

Once we were safe, he looked at me like this...

And I was all...

But then I was all..

Because then I woke up. Because you dream about bathrooms if you have to go to the bathroom.

But hopefully...

So I can thank him properly!

Sappy Valentine's Day Interruptus!

from your Head Buttmunch in Charge

Cie Cheesemeister

Oh yeah...

Happy 50th Birthday to Me.

Actually, I've always been like this. For me it is not a middle aged phenomenon!

Sweet Stuff, Netherworld Style

2015-02-13T17:36:00.001-07:00

For insane adventures and musical insanity, check us out at Rattling Bones Undead Musician Magazine.

For lots of brotherly love, both the emotionally extra close but non-boning True Bromance Forever Platonic Soulmates BROTP kind, and the When we Say Brotherly Love we Mean Brotherly LOVE OTP Romantic Soulmates Wincest kind, check us out at Dream About Me Sweet Brother.

For angsty poetry, check us out at Poetry of the Netherworld.

For music, movies, TV and opinionated opinions without the wild and crazy stories, check us out at KHEL 666.

For short pieces, one-offs and other random silliness, come see us at the official Universal Netherworld Disclosure-Exposure Administration Division (UNDEAD) Blog.

For a righteous compendium of all things Netherworld, be sure to reference Encyclopedia Netherworld.

Cuzzin Chris and Cuzzin Hunter Go to the Big Apple

2015-02-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

Image Source

My cuzzins Chris an' Hunter ain't the sharpest tools in the shed, but they shore got some powerful imagination! Click hyar to watch the video of the time they went to New York with the intent ter find the Big Apple an' caramelize it.

Cuzzin Hildy-Bob

fer the FOGNL/UNDEAD Rural Report