the DC AM

Sarah Palin Uses Crib Notes

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 08:53:33 +0000

Sarah Palin is an American treasure. Not only does she have lots of foreign diplomacy knowledge based on her proximity to Russia, but she also know how to rock a pair of Tina Fey glasses to pull off the sassiest sexy librarian ever. And oh yea, she’s also allegedly a politician. Which makes it all the much weirder when you consider that she sat down with the Tea Party Convention, a group of folks who couldn’t love her gosh darn charm more, and still decided she needed an edge up on her less than desirable intelligence. Hence the hand written crib notes she gave herself to help out, just like she’s in 6th grade history class. Sarah Palin the DC AM salutes you, you’ve never made stupid people look stupider.

Calvin And Hobbes Creator Has Something To Say

am@thedcam.com — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 08:48:44 +0000

Calvin and Hobbes is one of those stalwart newspaper classics, a comic strip that became so much more, and a cultural touchstone that is so much more meaningful than the bumper stick of some cartoon kid pissing on the ground. Calvin and Hobbes ended up pissing a lot of kids off though because their stuffed tigers never came alive and took them on awesome adventures as well as the ability to construct all sorts of time machines, teleporters, and duplicators out of cardboard boxes. Bill Watterson, the famed creator, however never seemed to want to occupy the same spotlight his strip did, and was always rejecting the possibility of licensing it for TV, crappy gift store items, or movies (see Garfield). In that same vein he also rarely gave interviews so it came as a shock that last week he did just that, sitting down with a local paper and chatting about the history of his accomplishment, and plugging the first officially licensed product at all, a US postage stamp. Anyway, time to go explorin’

What are your thoughts about the legacy of your strip?

Well, it’s not a subject that keeps me up at night. Readers will always decide if the work is meaningful and relevant to them, and I can live with whatever conclusion they come to. Again, my part in all this largely ended as the ink dried.

Because your work touched so many people, fans feel a connection to you, like they know you. They want more of your work, more Calvin, another strip, anything. It really is a sort of rock star/fan relationship. Because of your aversion to attention, how do you deal with that even today? And how do you deal with knowing that it’s going to follow you for the rest of your days?

Ah, the life of a newspaper cartoonist — how I miss the groupies, drugs and trashed hotel rooms!

But since my “rock star” days, the public attention has faded a lot. In Pop Culture Time, the 1990s were eons ago. There are occasional flare-ups of weirdness, but mostly I just go about my quiet life and do my best to ignore the rest. I’m proud of the strip, enormously grateful for its success, and truly flattered that people still read it, but I wrote “Calvin and Hobbes” in my 30s, and I’m many miles from there.

An artwork can stay frozen in time, but I stumble through the years like everyone else. I think the deeper fans understand that, and are willing to give me some room to go on with my life.

How soon after the U.S. Postal Service issues the Calvin stamp will you send a letter with one on the envelope?

Immediately. I’m going to get in my horse and buggy and snail-mail a check for my newspaper subscription.

How do you want people to remember that 6-year-old and his tiger?

I vote for “Calvin and Hobbes, Eighth Wonder of the World.”

Warlock Heroically Killed By Boyfriend

am@thedcam.com — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 08:23:52 +0000

Er, maybe not. Actually, not at all. Some crazy son of a bitch named Eric Christensen suspected his girlfriend of cheating, so he did what any ordinary guy would do, he made her take a Wiccan blood oath. Well wouldn’t you know he later found a text message from the guy he believed she was cheating on him with, which according to the Wiccan code of ethics, or at least this guys nutty version of things, made her a traitorous Warlock who could be killed legally under said blood oath. Well happens that the police didn’t buy it so it looks like the Warlock-slayer may end up spending some time in jail, perhaps the rest of this life. This all seems overly complicated anyway, he could’ve just tied up her legs with rocks and if she floated back up he would’ve had his proof.

According to court documents, Christensen, 40, has told police that when he found out his girlfriend, 35-year-old Sherry Harlan, was talking to another man, he forced her to take a Wiccan blood oath, making her promise she’d end all contact. Christensen says he found a text message from the guy on Harlan’s phone shortly thereafter, a transgression that he alleges made her a “‘warlock,’ literally an evil traitor.”

Friends of Sherry Harlan said she worried Christensen would “beat her to a bloody pulp.”
Harlan was reported missing on January 5th when she failed to show for work. Two days later, investigators found her burned-out car with partial human remains inside. The rest of Harlan’s remains were found later, when an accomplice of Christensen’s led police to a number of shallow graves around Snohomish County.

Famous People Be Fearing

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 08:08:09 +0000

Phobias are one of those weird things where you don’t understand how someone else could be scared of tissues or frogs but you’re fear of donuts makes complete sense to you. Well since famous people are also some of the weirdest people we all can stare and laugh at it’s no wonder they also have some of the oddest phobias. For instance Bob Thorton thinks that antique furniture is out to kill you, Christina Ricci believes house plants are listening in on her conversations, and Tyra Banks things dolphins are plotting an attack against humanity. It all makes complete sense to them and none to me, but anyone I got to go I think this bluetooth mouse is scheming to kill me in the night.

1. Billy Bob Thornton hates antiques so much he refuses to stay in a room with furniture from before 1950. This might be a rare phobia, but he’s not alone – more than 250,000 people in the U.S. alone apparently suffer from this fear of antiques. “I’ve had friends tell me that maybe I was beaten to death with an antique chair in a former life,” Thornton has mused. Hmm.

2. Of all of the things that could traumatize Alfred Hitchcock – you know, showers, birds, mama’s boys – one of the things he hated most were eggs, specifically runny ones. You know what’s weird? My mom shares Hitchcock’s birthday (not birth year, mind you) and she also loathes eggs. Even cracking one into a cake mix can make her gag, and don’t even ask her to make you over easy eggs.

3. Christina Ricci cannot stand to be around house plants, which would be known as a form of botanophobia. She finds them dirty and shudders at the idea of watering one. “If I have to touch one, after already being repulsed by the fact that there is a plant indoors, then it just freaks me out.” I guess if a guy sends her flowers after a date, there won’t be a second one. Or maybe flowers are different? Do we have any botanophobics out there that can clarify?

4. Tyra Banks won’t be swimming with Flipper’s cousin at Sea World anytime soon – she says she’s been scared of the intelligent swimmers since she was about eight years old. “I have dreams that I am in a pool and there are dolphins bumping me and I’m frightened,” she has said.

continued…

the DC AM #65: “Fat Lady Kills”

am@thedcam.com — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 08:57:40 +0000

This week we run the gamut of topics, and intend to inform and involve. We touch on exactly what kind of woman you can’t be with if you’re a 120-pound man, what couples should be selling sex tapes of themselves and which should not, and why Andrew WK is weirdo who may or may not even be Andrew WK. If that weren’t enough we inspire all of our listeners to drink less by describing the damage alcohol can do… aw, fuck it, pour me another shot of tequila.

Music:

Soul Logisitcs – Bring The Pain
Atom Moon – Seven Miles
Domi – Duckie
Quiet Drive – Hollywood

Sorority Girl Hazing Beatdown

am@thedcam.com — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 08:43:11 +0000

For most of us our knowledge of sororities is limited to the fact that they like to attend frat parties and get sloppy drunk so they’re easier to take home, that they enjoy having naked pillow fights whenever possible, and that they never ever require having to go to the bathroom. But what a lot of people don’t know is that hazing amongst sororities is just as rampant as it is amongst their brother fraternities, and no, I’m not just talking about how they like to give each other eating disorders. At the Sigma Gamma Rho sorority at Rutgers University they promised a whole new slew of possible pledges that “they didn’t do hazing because they didn’t believe in it”, but they were all about creating “trust and humbling” their new recruits. So of course out came the 12 inch by 6 inch paddles, wrapped in school colors of course, and humbled those girls were, to the point that some of them started to bleed and required medical attention. After a few more days of abuse a few of the girls finally reported it and at least five of the senior girls at the house were arrested. If only they had known the other sorority fact that all female hazing is to only involve playing truth or dare until at the end everyone is making out, sheesh.

For seven nights the beatings went on, she said. In all, she was struck 201 times. On the eighth day — unable to sit, her buttocks covered with blood clots and welts — she went to the hospital. Then she reported it to the university.

…

The pledge who spoke to The Star-Ledger did so on condition of anonymity, saying she feared retaliation. Her cousin, Khalilh Anthony, accompanied her to Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital, along with the pledge’s mother, saying she was appalled when she saw the injuries caused by the repeated beatings.

“I wanted to beat them back,” said Anthony, who has a different last name. “Maybe if they got hit, they wouldn’t hit others. They’d know what it felt like.”

The Universe Is A Disaster

am@thedcam.com — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 08:20:00 +0000

Scientists like to study a lot of things, why old people lose their minds all the time, the average lifespan of a deep Amazonian beetle, and in the case of a recent study, how messed-up our Universe is. How do you measure messed-up-edness you may ask? Entropy. Entropy is basically the disorder in the universe, because when the whole thing started, Big Bang or otherwise, the entropy was low, pretty much everything was how it should’ve been because it just started, but over time as stuff collects, stars end, so on so forth, the disorder becomes a raging problem for in particular life, us humans, the Klingons, or the Predator species. Anyway, a new calculation by a couple of ANU Research School of Astronomy physicists has led them to believe that entropy is 30% higher than previously thought, mostly due to super-massive black holes, and we’re not talking about the Muse song here. It’s actually an interesting read if you enjoy nerdy science-speak and all.

We considered all contributions to the entropy of the observable universe: stars, star light, the cosmic microwave background. We even made an estimate of the entropy of dark matter. But it’s the entropy of super-massive black holes that dominates the entropy of the universe. When we used the new data on the number and size of super-massive black holes, we found that the entropy of the observable universe is about 30 times larger than previous calculations,” said Mr Egan.

“Contrary to common opinion, the maintenance of all the complicated structures we see around us — galaxies, stars, hurricanes and kangaroos — have the net effect of increasing the disorder and entropy of the universe. But to be fair, their contributions are negligible compared to the entropy of super-massive black holes,” added Dr Lineweaver.

the DC AM #64: “Scene Girls”

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 05:38:06 +0000

For our third live show we went all out, all kinds of examination of other podcasts, deep analysis of what Conan O’Brien’s legacy will be for TV, and what kind of damage wild trash-eating animals can do when running wild in a strip club. We also try and figure out if Burger King really needs beers, which it probably does because eating their food is mostly a disgusting experience… unless it’s 2AM on a Saturday morning, which case it’s great. Anyway, enjoy the show, it was live, it is now recorded, and it is a fine example of what the internet is capable of when you are talented, funny, and mostly sober radio show.

Music:

Mambo Sauce – Welcome To DC
Asher Roth – Lark On My Go-Kart
Bad Brains – Banned in DC
Rihanna – Hard
Fence – Hearts of Gold
Arcade Fire – Wake Up
Gnarls Barkley – Transformer
Muse – Supermassive Black Hole

The Girl Who Exercised Too Much

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 08:52:20 +0000

Our spotlight today takes us to the blogging section of Elle magazine, which we know is a weird choice from what you expect from the DC AM, but hear us out, this one is kind of interesting. This girl talks about her addiction, which in this case is unfortunately not heroin, because those girls always look so hot, but actually exercise. She exercised on the constant. She calculated down to every calorie and made sure to burn each and every one off. If she had a late dinner she stayed up until she could treadmill it off, and I guess God forbid she get drunk one night and drink a thousand calories worth of Southern Comfort, she’s finding a nice comfortable spot to get all that stuff out. Anyway, she comes to term with what she is, a tight-assed, obsessive-compulsive, tedious maniac… er, self-reflective fitness freak? Anyway, read on following this link, it is actually worth it.

At 5′7″ and 127 pounds, I neither look nor am, according to my doctor, physically unhealthy. For the past 11 of my 29 years, however, maintaining my weight through a meticulous, real-time tabulation of calories consumed and burned has been my modus operandi. Eating and exercising are, for me, a single, fused activity; there is never one without the other, and more specifically, never an adjustment to one without an equal and opposite readjustment to the other. Just as it did in high school and college, where I was a disciplined rower, my social schedule revolves around my daily exercise, which is always at night, always just before bed. If a 7:30 p.m. dinner is pushed back to 9, I find a reason to cancel. If I can’t, I hit the gym as soon as my food is digested, sometimes as late as four in the morning.

Travel Paradise, Haiti Just A Few Miles Away

am@thedcam.com — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 08:16:25 +0000

Vacation cruising is one of those things that everyone knows about and has seen some comeriical about, but no one ever really does. Except for those few people who do, they do it all the time, damn addicts of the Luau and slaves to tiny enclosed casinos. Now cruising may seem like fun and a good way to get away from it all, you know, your work, everyday life, and the hardships of the world. Some of those hardships might be, say, an earthquake that may have killed 50,000 people, but if this what you are trying to get away from, guess again. Royal Caribbean recently took an entire ship worth of people to their privately owned resort peninsula, Labadee. The only problem though is Labadee is located on the northern end of Haiti, so yea, that’s kind of awkward. I mean everyone enjoys a giant daquiri inside a hollowed-out coconut, but could you do it while the shrieks of a massacred population are heard in the background… actually if you could, I don’t want to know. Congrats Royal Caribbean, you get ass-hat company of the year, but I will give you credit for shutting down the island tour, because you know, the roads are blocked for some reason.

By now, most of us have seen and heard about the profound devastation and suffering wrought upon Haiti last week after a massive earthquake. So you’d probably think there’s no way that cruising tourists could have returned to frolicking on Haiti’s beaches mere miles from where people are trapped beneath the rubble of a decimated city. Unfortunately, you’d be wrong.

On Sunday, the Guardian reported that Florida-based Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines is docking ships at the “picturesque wooded peninsula” known as Labadee, which it leases on Haiti’s northern coast. At Labadee, passengers “enjoy jetski rides, parasailing, and rum cocktails delivered to their hammocks.” The British paper also reported that passengers can spend their time “shopping for trinkets at a craft market” while armed guards stand at the entry to the complex to guarantee their safety.

On The Job, Boob Job Blunder

am@thedcam.com — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 08:35:01 +0000

Sexual harassment lawsuits are the rage today, and it’s hard to meet anyone who hasn’t been forced to sit through their organizations “okay office practices” seminar, but obviously most of us have also pointed out the hottest chick in the office when it’s just the other guys hanging around. Well a situation out of the Conde Naste magazine offices puts a strange spin on things, a large, luscious, perfectly shaped spin on things. A woman who had just received breast augmentation wanted to show off her new found chesti-ness (is that a word? (if it isn’t it should be)) to a few fellow female co-workers, ones whom she had been friends with for years. Well after doing so the word of incident spread like wildfire, probably because if they mentioned it to one guy, he told every other guy, who told the janitor, the UPS delivery man, and the guy who makes the cafe latte’s in the lobby. In any event human resources found out and writ her up, I guess assuming boobs being an issue are always an issue, even if it’s not a creepy boss not being able to make eye contact with anything other than cleavage.

According to the woman, who was tracked down by Media Ink but was reluctant to speak on the record because it might affect her ability to get a job, she spoke about her procedure to two female colleagues who asked to see the results.

The woman, who was having the conversation in her office, closed the door, and unbuttoned her blouse to reveal a sports bra.

“It was within the confines of my office, behind closed doors,” the ex-employeee said. “There was no nudity involved. They were personal friends who I had known for years.”

Nevertheless, word about what happened ricocheted around the office and one staffer quickly went to human resources, which informed the woman that same day that a complaint had been lodged.

Water Skiing Squirrels Are The Best

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 08:53:55 +0000

This still is always re-occurring, but also always classic. Twiggy, the most talented squirrel in the world is back at it again, and what is it you ask? Why water skiing of course. What makes a water skiing squrirel so damn aweomse you ask? Well if you need an explanation you’ll probably never understand, so go watch some video for yourself and get a clue.

the DC AM: Live Show Tuesday, Jan 26th, 10PM

am@thedcam.com — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 17:11:48 +0000

It’s time again for another watershed moment in broadcasting history, and no I don’t mean Leno fucking up the tonight show once again, it’s time for another DC AM live show! That’s right, gather your favorite adult beverages, a few friends, and get ready for what will have to go down in the annals of fake-radio internet shows. We’ll talking about all the things you’ve come to love, the bars, the drinking, the waking up in a strange place smelling of tequila, and you HATE tequila. So saddle up internet cowboys, and join us Tuesday, January 26th, at 10PM for the DC AM’s third live show.

All the details:

When – Tuesday, January 26th, at 10PM
Where – Live on our USTREAM.tv page, so visit USTREAM.tv and search “the DC AM” to listen and more
What – the DC AM’s third live broadcast, featuring all the comedy, poetry readings, and hateful accusatory sessions you’ve come to expect and more.
How To Call In – At some point during the show we’ll be taking live phone calls, so if you’d like to add your two cents, then call (571) 766-8714.

All the links:

To listen on USTREAM.tv – http://www.ustream.tv/channel/the-dc-am
To register and chat on USTREAM.tv – http://www.ustream.tv/login-signup
To follow us on Twitter – http://twitter.com/thedcam
To fan us on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/thedcam

So be there or be square, or even a circle if you like, but just make sure to be tuned to USTREAM.tv on Tuesday, January 26th, at 10PM.

the DC AM #63: “Megan Fox Ph.D.”

am@thedcam.com — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 08:50:59 +0000

This week we go back to our roots, shooting the shit over random stories about random stuff. We touch on the ways to, and not to, keep your resolutions, you know so you don’t fuck up another year of things. We learn about why statutory blow jobs can give you an edge over the house in Vegas, the future of drinking and avoiding hangovers, why Megan Fox is not qualified to dispense nutrition advice, and perhaps most notably we touch on a story involving 4-Chan, and thus risk our entire website from coming under siege. In all, a good show, so get to some good listening.

Music:

Mambo Sauce – Welcome To DC
MGMT – Kids
D Cent Jerks – Maldita Perdici N
Welbilt – The Getaway

Laser Cats!!!

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 08:49:19 +0000

So SNL has been hit or miss for a long time. The Sarah Palin bits were genius. Pretty much every sketch after midnight save “Weekend Update” has sucked. But one thing that has stood out for a while has been series of SNL Digital Shorts that Andy Samberg has done. Yes some have been, “what the fuck?”, but with the “I’m On A Boat”, “Like A Boss”, and “Lazy Sunday”, it has been epic. And so follows this weeks installment of “Laser Cats”, the future where cats are weapons and no one is safe. Enjoy, because if you don’t, you don’t like humor at it’s most random humorful.

Kimmel Destroys Leno On HIS Show

am@thedcam.com — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 17:44:53 +0000

Jay Leno is an asshole, and his whole career is a pile of bullying-shit. He first gets the job as Tonight Show host over Letterman by having a pit-bull of an agent, and then for some reasons agrees to switching to 10PM, which if he didn’t want to do he shouldn’t have because at least it would’ve been honest towards Conan. Now without the shit storm coming out about Conan getting canceled, Jay moving back to 11:35, and the NBC network looking like a bunch of retarded jackasses, it’s only going to get worse. For some reason in all of this Jay decided to have Jimmy Kimmel on his show after Kimmel dressed as Jay on his Tuesday show and evisecrated him. I guess Jay thought this would show he’s a “cool, hip guy” that doesn’t care if people make fun of him, but I don’t think he realized Kimmel is quicker than him and Jay has no comebacks. Watch one of the most awkward media displays ever and Jay look like the guy who messed with the stand-up comedian and doesn’t have one funny or interesting thing to throw back.

the DC AM #62: “MAGFest Part 2″

am@thedcam.com — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 08:21:48 +0000

And they said this show wouldn’t end… well it did, eventually, at what everyone says was around 2:30AM, but really that’s when we do our best work. Welcome to Part 2 of our docu-podcast series covering MAGFest, the Music and Gaming Festival, aka a place where girls can go and have the veritable pick of the virgin litter. But it is good times. We delve into the lives of a bunch of drunk gamers, talk it up with a few more cosplay girls trying to make it happen in the costume contest, and otherwise make everyone at the place either love or hate us. This is drunken podcasting at it’s worst/best so enjoy.

Music:

The Airborne Toxic Event – Does This Mean You’re Moving On
Jay-Z – On To The Next One
MGMT – Electric Feel
Muse – Super-massive Black Hole
Bad Brains – Attitude

Tim. Allen. Best. Movie. Ever.

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 15:18:46 +0000

Tim Allen is the king of the schtick movie where he hates or disbelives something and then becomes it. Either that or we’re basing his entire career off of “The Santa Clause” but that’s neither here nor there, the point is his movies are formualic. It is in that vein that here’s a preview for an upcoming movie of his where he’s a lumberjack who hates on trees only to have his son wish him into caring about nature and thus he becomes a giant oak in a park. It’s not as dumb as it sounds, it’s actually dumber. So go, enjoy, laugh it up as his career misfortune. (Yes, people, we know this is not real, go with it just this one time.)

Arbor Daze with Tim Allen from Tim Allen

Related Links:
Arbor Daze with Tim Allen

the DC AM #61: “MAGFest Part 1″

am@thedcam.com — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 08:10:04 +0000

So in our very first on-location show, we decided to venture down the road and check out what was going on at MAGFest, or Music and Gaming Festival as they call it, or Mid-Atlantic Gaming Festival as others call it. What is it exactly you ask? Well only one of the biggest conventions on the east coast for gaming, music, gaming, watching movies, gaming, anime, and gaming. Now we know what you’re thinking, this sounds like a lot of un-showered virgins running around proving how bad-ass they are at games of Virtua Fighter and Magic: The Gathering, and guess what, you’d be right. But beyond that it’s actually the home of a lot of cool people looking to just hang out, party, drink, and maybe get some Settlers of Catan in the middle of the mix, so that’s who tried to find for you. So join us won’t you as we talk with some locals, some girls going all cos-play, and Freddy Kreuger, yea that’s right, Freddy Kreuger. Check it out and enjoy, and look for part 2 coming this Thursday.

Related Links:
MAGFest – the official magfest site

Music:

Doug Williams – Bring The Pain
MGMT – Time To Pretend
Jay-Z – Empire State Of Mind
Welbilt – Runaway
Innerpartysystem – Don’t Stop
Bad Brains – Attitude

Banging Your Own GILF

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 10:23:05 +0000

Incest is one of those weird things which universally disgusts all of us, yet when you have a buddy with a really hot sister you can’t understand how he doesn’t want to push into a closet at the family reunion and go at it. Wait, wait, that was gross, and you’re sort of weird for even still reading this and not heading back to Google ASAP. Anyway, it appears one young man from Florida decided he had had enough and his attraction to his 87-year-old mentally-defective relative was all to powerful, and he had to have her. So he did. And then he got arrested. So let this be a lesson to all you would be family member bangers, it’s sick, and you’re sick, and if you continue on this line of thought eventually you and Garrett Andrew Douglas might be sharing a cell.

INDIAN RIVER COUNTY — A 20-year-old man told investigators he has had sex repeatedly with an elderly relative before he was caught, according to the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office.

Garrett Andrew Douglas of Vero Beach was charged with incest and attempted sexual battery on a mentally defective victim. He was being held at the Indian River County Jail in lieu of $15,000 bail.

Douglas was caught naked and on top of the 87-year-old relative in her room on Dec. 29, according to the arrest affidavit. The woman suffers from dementia, family members told detectives. Douglas told the Sheriff’s Office he’s had sex with the relative 20 times in the last eight years, the affidavit said.

OMG, da Nets 15 h8ting ON English

am@thedcam.com — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 10:22:17 +0000

the DC AM has a Facebook, a Twitter, and this here blog, so it’s fair to say we do our fair share of writing, all of which is web based. Well after some study of how people write online, with traces going back as far as 1997, it’s clear it’s changed a lot. Ask anyone of any age at this write to actually write a formal snail-mail letter and they’ll blink stupidly forever. E-mails have boiled all conservation to quick transmits of information with no formality even amongst business people most times. Instant messages and texts are even more rapid response, usually two people trying to use as few characters to out joke each other before actually getting around to talking about the movie they are going to see later. Facebook and Twitter have reduced conversation to a one-way broadcast of what you had for breakfast and then everyone else deciding what they want to comment back about with questions concerning your lunch. In all it’s transformed conversation, which for some, particulary kids brandishing Nintendo DS’s and Heelies, is probably a boon, and for others, think Grandma who actually signs each of her texts “Love, Nana”, it’s a nightmare. In all it’s neither progress nor decline, but just they way everything marches on, just this time we have @aplusk to thank bcoz HE is tha gr8st leeder eva.

Nine years ago, I remember being one of 100 or so journalists gathered to listen to a veteran writer speak. I don’t remember the topic, just that when he asked how many of us enjoy writing, I was surprised that only a few hands went up. Today, so much of the typical day is taken up with writing emails, tweets, updates, text messages, chat sessions, blog posts and the occasional longer form writing. And few complain how onerous it all is.

On balance, all of that practice is making online writing better. Which is not to say that all online writing is good. Much of it’s terrible – see the average YouTube comment for an example of how bad it can be. But it’s been said that excellent writing is a matter of good thinking – if you’ve got the thinking part down, that’s most of the battle. And many of the thoughtful people I know are producing some great stuff on the web.

The Internet isn’t just prompting us to write more, its open structure pressures us to write in a way that’s at once more concise and flexible. One problem newspapers and magazines never could fix is that articles are assigned arbitrary lengths. Pay writers per word and they’ll write as many as they can. Assign a 12,000-word story and you’ll get just that, even if 1,000 are all that’s necessary.

Man Strangles Wife Over Channel Change

am@thedcam.com — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 10:01:58 +0000

Jerry Seinfeld started the classic bit about men being hunters and that’s why we need to have the remote control at all times because we are searching, scavenging for something better. Well a guy in Minnesota took this personal after his wife changed the channel and made a joke about him always needing to change it. This sent him into a flying range and instead of just switching to football so she’d leave the room he decided strangling was a better option. Well somehow she survived and called the cops who showed up, saw the red marks around her neck, and arrested her husband. The real sad part of this is the show he was so desperate to get back to was “The Jay Leno Show”, so, you know, he’s better off locked up anyway.

According to the criminal complaint, Randy Michael Enger, 34, of Apple Valley, became upset with his wife after he changed the channel on TV from what she was watching and she made a joke about it. The wife told police she went to talk to him but he got angry and started arguing with her.

Enger told his wife that she was drunk and that she couldn’t tell him what to do. She said he then “got in her face,” according to the complaint.

Enger walked towards her, forcing her backwards into the downstairs bathroom and then pushed her back into the shower, she said.

5 Stupid Movies That Are Actually Coming Out In 2010

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 10:55:17 +0000

Last year could be called a bit of a renaissance for film in this country, but if that’s the case, then this year could not only turn that around the other way but possibly shit all over it and smear it on the walls. Here’s the trailers and breakdown on a few of what will the biggest offenders, but sadly based on the “American Idol” fans tastes, will probably be huge hits.

Frozen

Ever see that movie “Open Water” where a couple goes scuba diving and then is left behind by the tour boat and eventually dies out there in the middle of nowhere? Well replace tour boat with ski lift and you have this movie. Three friends, who may or may not be retarded Abercrombie models, sneak on to a ski slope late out night and have the lift shutdown on them midway up the hill. Needless to say this would suck, but also probably never really happen, and if it did I doubt you could find three dumber people to deal with it. I guess it only gets worse where wolves show up for no reason and their plans of escape just get worse and worse until somebody jumps. The only redeeming factor may be they all die but I suspect it will follow the horror root and the hot chick will survive.

The Karate Kid

The original “The Karate Kid” is a cinema classic, and probably caused more kids in the 80’s to sign up for John Rhee Karate than any other reason. This new one, taking place in China, stars Will Smith’s kid (because he has to be a star right?) as the kid who gets beat and has to stop being a pussy and fight, and Jackie Chan (because he’s the only famous Asian old guy right?) as the creepy apartment manager who all of the sudden wants to watch a young lad to chores around his house. The problems here are many fold, not the least of which if this China he’d be learning Kung-Fu and not Karate, or that a black kid from America would probably send all the native kids running, but whatever. The only way this can be redeemed is if they stick with the Crane kick at the end and one of the Chinese kids is named Johnny for no good reason at all. Sweep the leg!!!

Tooth Fairy

Stealing all their material from the “Santa Clause” this movie is about the exact same gimmick, a guy has to become a mythical character only children would be too stupid to believe in… except somehow even children are probably not dumb enough to think The Rock showing up at their bedside in a tutu is anything than a psychopathic cross-dressing crack head. I really feel like if any parent wants to end their kids belief in The Tooth Fairy than they should take them to see this film, although with the power of a bad movie it may convince them also that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and God aren’t real either.

Furry Vengeance

I feel like this movie sort-of came out already in “Avatar” but at least that movie had awesome visuals and alien on alien-hybrid sex. The basic plot is Brendan Fraiser (I could probably stop now) is in charge of some new building operation in the forest but of course all the critters decide to form a retard army and attack back at the encroachment. So I guess if you are four and find animals beating the shit out of people without killing them or a guy getting covered in shit from a port-o-john (it’s in the trailer, really) funny than this is your kind of movie. For everyone else this is probably an NRA propaganda piece advising us to arm ourselves against the oncoming animal apocalypse.

Valentine’s Day

A lot of people might be saying “didn’t this movie come out last year and wasn’t it called ‘He’s just not that into you’?”, and they’d be right except for the fact that no one saw that movie and therefore could not say it. The basic plot has something to do with Ashton Kutcher delievering flowers on Valentine’s Day (or something stupid like that) and we meet a bunch of people who are tangled up in wacky relationships!!! Some people may ask how they hell did they get so many famous faces for this drivel, like Jessica Alba, Jessica Alba, Taylor Lautner, Taylor Swift, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Garner, Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jamie Foxx, Queen Latifah, Emma Roberts, Topher Grace, Patrick Dempsey, etc., but the answer should be obvious: with that many people everyone is on screen for five minutes, one day of shooting, and probably picking up a nice check just to be featured in an awful trailer that will convince the nation of girlfriends to have their men take them to celebrate Cupid’s Special Day. This will be a giant, giant hit.

the DC AM #60: “Behind The Microphone”

am@thedcam.com — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 10:06:12 +0000

This week we go inside your radio, and back in time, to a simpler place, where talk radio was actually on the radio and not relegated to podcasts, where radio bottoms were tasered, and third mic and writers were getting laid. Yes we’re going to take a look at The Hideout, a radio show heard here in DC, in Orlando, Florida, and nationwide on XM Satellite Radio, and do so with The Hideout’s former producer, Tommy Bateman. Tommy shares the details you’ve always wanted to know including personal stories, the broadcast business, and having a friend be diagnosed with the first case of radio related Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. So yea, this is a little inside if you don’t know anything about the show, but that’s not a problem because thedcam.com/hideout has every episode ever, so get listening.

Music:

Mambo Sauce – Welcome To DC
Goo Goo Dolls – Iris
Rev Nine – Kiss The Murdered
Marylin Manson – The New Shit

Your Water Courtesy Of Reebok

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 16:34:57 +0000

So a lot of movies like to the show the future owned by either Walmart, an oil company, or a band of wacked out gang-people in a post-apocalyptic world. One of the other common themes is someone has taken control of all the drinkable water and then forces everyone else to be their bitch in order to get a little Evian. Well California has taken the first steps to make that happen in our lifetime by passing some horribly written bond law that will allow companies to take control of public water supplies and then sell it back to the people for profit. Apparently it was even clear to anyone that the bond had a loophole which might allow this, but many activists are claiming that’s only because the companies themselves were doing the right things to sneak it pass everyone just before it was to be voted on. If that didn’t work the companies were going to breed half-human, half-alien hyrbids, controlled by soldiers, that would infiltrate us and eventually take our tree our life… or something like that. At least that world will look really cool and have awesome visuals.

The bond bill doesn’t specifically mention the possibility that private companies could profit from water storage projects and few lawmakers, water experts and water privatization opponents even noticed the provision’s inclusion. The bond has already been approved by state legislature.

But according to the San Francisco Chronicle, the bond allows for the creation of joint powers authorities who “may include in their membership governmental and nongovernmental partners that are not located within their respective hydrologic regions in financing the surface storage projects.”

Robot Hummingbirds Will Save You

am@thedcam.com — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 09:34:25 +0000

One of the coolest things from the Transformers cartoon show was when Soundwave, the big audio-tape ‘bot, would open up his chest and Laserbeak, the tiny little eagle looking ‘bot, would fly out and go spy on everybody. Well now it’s coming true in the form of a small hummingbird style robot built by Japanese researchers (which should make us all suspicious) who posses wings that can flap so fast that just like the actual bird can hover in place. Armed with tiny cameras including infrared, the robots can search out for human life, and can travel fairly large distances. Seemingly a swarm of these robots could search a large area in no time, helping to recover people in fires and destroyed buildings, scan combat areas, or even people at sea. In all seems cool, but they still need to work out a way to have it be launched from the chest of a giant audio-tape robot.

So far, the development of this hummingbird has cost $2.1 million and that number’s growing. Japanese researchers are hoping to make the robot hover at a point in mid-air—just like the bird which inspired it—as they control it using infrared sensors. Once they manage that and add a tiny camera, they imagine that the robot will “be used to help rescue people trapped in destroyed buildings, search for criminals or even operate as a probe vehicle on Mars.”

ET Has More Phones For Home

am@thedcam.com — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 10:06:19 +0000

Remember that movie Contact where Jodie Foster gets signals from space and then builds that big spinning thing and then ends up finding out all the aliens were actually here Dad? Or it went something like that. Anyway, the whole Search for Extra-Terrestrial Life, or SETI, is still on going, and getting bigger. They just started up the 350-dish Allen Array, which hopes to have more fidelity than any previous endeavor and more search power. In all it sounds pretty damn cool, and even if it is wasteful, millions of dollars in the red project, it’s pretty cool people are sitting around playing mini-golf in a lab waiting for the Predator to show up on an audio scanner. We for one support this project just because the V TV show is so cool.

The instruments, the initial phase of the planned 350-dish Allen Telescope Array, are designed to systematically scan the skies for radio signals sent by advanced civilizations from distant star systems and planets. Fifty years after it began – and 18 years since Congress voted to strip taxpayer money from the effort – the nation’s search for extraterrestrial intelligence is alive and growing.

“I think there’s been a real sea change in how the public views life in the universe and the search for intelligent life,” said Jill Tarter, a founder of the nonprofit SETI Institute and the person on whom Carl Sagan’s book “Contact,” and the movie that followed, were loosely based.

Religion Is Like Typewriters

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 11:35:09 +0000

Living in the nation’s capitol is like living in the belly of some pagan, religion hating, atheist/agnostic beast of epic proportions. Here people only worship two things: money and lobbying abilities to score congressional votes. Of course, don’t mention this to any of the actual congress people, they are all “good, moral, faith-having” people who would never be caught cheating, taking money, or closeting themselves. No, no, everything they say is “true and reflects their ethical virtues”. Anyway, that’s an aside, the other thing to note is that quite quickly in the country people are abandoning religion in favor of sleeping in on Sundays at a record pace, and in another 10 years could possibly see a near 50/50 split for those who say religion is an important part of their lives and those who don’t. We at the DC AM are of course in favor of religion, mostly so we know the IHOP will be empty between 7-10AM every Sunday morning when we need to recover from a hangover.

Most of these changes have occurred since 2000 and represent the first significant shift since a sharp decline in religious adherence during the 1970s. Over the last nine years, the number with no religious preference has grown from a level of around 8% to 13%. The number for whom religion is not very important has climbed from just over 10% to 19%. And the number who believe religion is out of date and has no answers for today’s problems has jumped from slightly more than 20% to 29%.

the DC AM #59: “Best Of The Decade”

am@thedcam.com — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 10:41:58 +0000

This episode we decide to take a look back, a look back all the way to the year 2000. That’s right we do our best to pick out the best of the decade, amongst all the movies, shows, albums, and games, and come up with a few that don’t actually suck, which to be fair as a whole, the 1990’s probably stomp all over. We touch on some classics like GTA 3, the great Anchorman, the White Stripes, and more, and more. In all we salute the 2000’s in only the way the DC AM, can… by doing the show at 2AM, drunk, after coming back from a bar. Enjoy!

Music:

Soul Logistics – Bring The Pain
The Airborne Toxic Event – Sometime Around Midnight
InnerPartySystem – Don’t Stop
Welbilt – December

Clean Your Way To More Sex

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 11:24:48 +0000

One of the boring aspects of life is cleaning your place up, but it’s also generally worth it because sleeping in a nest of clothes is disgusting… right? Well a new study in the Journal of Family Issues studied the relationship amongst relationships of cleaning up your place versus the amount of sex you have. In married life, the men who did a larger share of the work than their otherwise lazier male counterparts also ended up having a greater amount of sex. The logic involved was related to the fact that A) the wives appreciated the help more, and B) just the act of doing something rather than nothing increased the chances of sex happening, i.e. men who get things done also get things done. Interesting study, although it may or may not clear the cold pizza off the dining room table.

the study, published in the Journal of Family Issues, researchers looked at a sample of almost 7,000 married couples and found that people who work hard in one area of their lives tend to work, and play, hard in others.

According to Constance Gager, lead researcher and an assistant professor of family and child studies at Montclair State University, Montclair, N.J., the people who work hard make sure to set time aside for sex. “Rather than compromise their sex life, this group of go-getters seems to make sex a priority,” she says.

Related Links:
Men Who Help Clean Get More Sex?

Amazon Will Crush Your Soul

am@thedcam.com — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 11:12:48 +0000

Amazon.com is one of those ubiqutous sites that define the Internet as much as Google, eBay, YouTube, Twitter, and SpankWire do. It’s easily the biggest online retailer in the world and even in the real real world it still ranks pretty high in sales. What isn’t known much about it however is how they move all the stuff, particularity if they don’t have traditional storefronts and sales people. And how, how in the world do they deal with the ever-looming crush of the Christmas season and the hundred-fold increase in orders. Well welcome to the RV park that Amazon sets up each year near it’s Arizona shipping center, and the hundred of people that drive up, park, and then work basically 24/7 until the whole season ends. It sounds horrific and it pretty much is. Read on to the link for me.

Amazon didn’t always lure in “workcampers” from the RV community.

“From what the agency people had told us, Amazon had a bad experience busing in people from Tulsa,” says Chris. “There was a lot of theft and a lot of people who weren’t really serious about the job.”

Workers from Tulsa were adding a 4-hour round-trip commute to an already grueling 10-to-12 hour shift, Cherie is quick to add. “They’d get there exhausted.”

…

It wasn’t exactly what Cherie had envisioned. “When we told people were going to do this, someone said ‘Whenever I click the order button on Amazon, I always imagine a chorus of happy, singing Oompa-Loompas riding around on Segways and shipping my stuff.’ Well…no. It’s not exactly like that.”

the DC AM #58: “Holiday Cheer”

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 15:23:24 +0000

Wow, another year, another live show, and another morning of trying to remember why you felt those last four shots of Vodka & Whiskey were necessary. Well join us won’t you as we recount stories of drinking, storefront strippers, drinking, Santa’s depressing Christmas requests, drinking, the actual origins of Christmas, drinking, live calls, drinking, tacky traditions, and a little bit of drinking for good measure. If you missed out on what is certainly the best of our live shows to date (well there’s only been two, so that was sort of easy), and check out all the festive merriment live as it happened.

Music:

Weezer – We Wish You A Merry Christmas
Weezer – Christmas Song
Feliz Navidad – I Wanna Wish You A Merry Christmas
Less Than Jake – Frosty The Snowman
Counting Crows – A Long December
The Dandy Warhols – Little Drummer Boy
Christmas Time Is Here
Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You
Christina Aguilera – Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Alcohol + Many Santas = Santacon

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 11:18:07 +0000

One of the best parts of the Christmas season is all the drinking. You know, eggnog, scotch, rum, whiskey, vodka, umm…. red bulls, jaeger bombs, jello shots, okay so some things are more Christmas-y than others, but the point is Christmas and drinking go hand and hand. Most people attribute this to the fact that they’re spending so much time with their families, but another important reason is the ability to bang chicks and hang out in bars. In that spirit so comes the “SantaCon”. What is SantaCon you ask? Why just the biggest collection of people dressed up as Santa and doing an all-night bar crawl ever. That’s right, just grab yourself a Santa costume and a willingness to get smashed and you’ll have one hell of a night on your hands. Bar after bar and drink after drink and Santa after Santa there is a party that will cover every major city in the country, and that’s SantaCon. For info check the links, but until then, saddle up, SantaCon is just a mere year away.

Eco Traffic-Lights Will Kill You

am@thedcam.com — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:26:17 +0000

In the never ending battle to re-form the five rings and bring Captain Planet back to life, things can sometime go horrificially wrong. Take for instance Milwaukee, where years ago they replaced all their intersection traffic lights with cool burning, energy efficient LED bulbs, instead of the older, normal, incandescent bulbs. Well that’s all well and good, the cities are saving bundles in energy costs and all the citizens get to say their home is a “green town”, which is probably impressive to you if you’re a leprechaun. Fast forward to after a few years of freezing cold winters and what do you find out, well these new bulbs are as advertised, cool-burning, and thus when some rain and snow piles up on them nothing is there to melt it off and turn it into an opaque icy mess. Once the drivers can’t see the traffic lights anymore they just drive on through with their brains turned off because they didn’t technically see the red so the intersection flips from a place of traffic routing into an old fashion bumper car match, only this time at high speeds and there is no cotton candy available when you get pulled out of your car, instead you’ll just be in for year of surgery and physical therapy. That is if you live. The solution then seems obvious: douse all the lights in crude oil year round and light them on fire, you’ll be able to see the lights coming for miles and they’ll never get any ice on them. No amount of environmentalism is worth getting a ding on my Ferrari.

Meet The Porn Rangers

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 15:39:53 +0000

Porn on the internet is inescapable, when you want to go watch it it’s everywhere right away, and even when you don’t it’s only a mis-click and a few never-ending pop-ups away. Being so on demand as it is it’s pretty obvious somebody out there will take it too far and go all addict on it, and basically set up there whole computer set up around it. Next thing you know there monitor is a 56-inch widescreen, they chair is a La-Z-Boy, and their mouse is never more than four inches from a dispenser of jergens. Seeing this as a problem, two ministers are traveling around the country in their “Porn Rangers” van hoping to talk to anyone addicted, of any age, and help them with their own version of therapy. What is their version of therapy you ask? Well it’s too sit in your the back of their van which is wired with cameras, have you watch porn and masturbate to it, and then afterwords watch the video of yourself doing the act hoping you are so horrified as to voluntarily put lock your cock in a male chastity belt. Now, we know what you’re thinking, these guys want to film other guys jerking off in the back of the van, doesn’t that make them into porn? Well, no, of course not, they’re ministers after all and they are using gospel….. wait, wait, wait one fucking second, these guys are filming other guys jerking off in the back of a van, what the fuck!?!?! Wait, wait, wait, and they’re selling these videos to other guys in order to get those guys to “stop” their addiction to porn!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

Wait, so you bring kids into your van, you show them pornography, and then they masturbate to the pornography, and then you videotape them masturbating to pornography? And then you show it to them?

EJ: That’s the crucial part.

Nate: Because then they really realize what they’re doing. And they’re like, “This is horrible.”

the DC AM #57: “The Russia House”

am@thedcam.com — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 11:41:50 +0000

Welcome back to another wonderful week of pod casting greatness. This week we recount a night out on the town, starting with an appearance at a local bar of circumspect Russian ownership, and then slowly make our way all over our nation’s capital. Afterwords we touch on people who like to collect robotic animals long extinct, where in the country to find hot, single women, where not to hide weapons while in prison, and play a 911 call for a man who demands police action in helping find ‘Lil Wayne. In all it’s a tender, after-school special sort of DC AM, so sit back, relax, and listen up.

Music:

Mambo Sauce – Welcome To DC
Salute – Mistress Woman
Frontpage – If You Only Had A Brain
The Tunguska Event – Bees

Sixth Extinction Is Spooky

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 16:23:23 +0000

Isn’t it such a waste of time to teach 12 year-olds science when they could care less and most would rather spend all day Doritos and playing Wii? In reality you only ever care about evolution, history, and learning in general when you’re older, and seeing as the average age of the DC AM is 65 years-old we’ve become fascinated as of late. It seems as though biologists studying biological diversity and extinction rates have discovered that animals are perishing at a rate probably not seen since the Dinosaurs bought the farm way back when. The reasons are many, global warming, habitat intrusion, and all of us preferring to build casinos rather than maintain a rain forest, but regardless the cause it’s getting in to that scary “slippery slope” word usage area. Now the DC AM itself loves seeings flops at the Borgata, but the fact that so many species are dying off so fast, without any replacements in the food chain or ecological manifest, can not be a good thing. Someone smarter than us explains.

“Every 20 minutes we lose an animal species. If this rate continues, by century’s end, 50% of all living species will be gone. It is a phenomenon known as the sixth extinction. The fifth extinction took place 65 million years ago when a meteor smashed into the Earth, killing off the dinosaurs and many other species and opening the door for the rise of mammals. Currently, the sixth extinction is on track to dwarf the fifth.”

As probably one of the best examples, honeybees have all but given up banging out their queens and creating new bees. This may seem like a fantastic thing, no more stings when you’re running through your front yard over the sprinkler your mom put out, until you realize just how many damn crops honeybees are responsible for pollinating, and without them we’re gonna run out of kumquats pretty fast.

We may not give honeybees much thought but a fair portion of our food relies on them (specifically commercial honeybees) at the critical early stages of its development. This is why the sudden disappearance of honeybees, a.k.a. Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD), is all the more alarming. Jasmin Malik Chua at TreeHugger.com tells us: “The bee losses are especially distressing in light of a study last year that concluded that pollinators such as bees, birds and bats affect 35 percent of the world’s crop production, increasing the output of 87 of the leading food crops worldwide.”

So everyone, despite tree huggers being hippie weridos, they may have some valid points, we should just suggest they take a shower before making them. And all the right-wing wackos who think humans don’t play a role in global warming at least should read a book and discover regardless of that, the Earth is getting hotter. And in the end we need to do whatever we can to save the kumquats.

“Hot For Teacher” Fantasy Come True

am@thedcam.com — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 16:09:15 +0000

Most of us, well guys at least, went to high school always hoping to have a hot chick teacher, and then spend all the time caught in a fantasy instead of actually remembering calculus or what Herman Melville was writing. For girls who maybe fantasized about their guy teachers it probably has something to do with being touched as a kid, so we won’t even go there. Anyway, the sad reality was always that except for maybe the random substitute teacher who was really just some local community college girl looking to make a few bucks, all the teachers you had were at least 55, smelled like garbage and cigarettes, and had more body hair than a Chia Pet… that is unless you attended James Madison High School in Brooklyn. Earlier this week two female teachers, aged 29 and 33, were caught naked in a classroom after hours by a janitor who thought they were students. They’ve both been suspended pending an investigation, but the DC AM has already investigated and found that, of course, they were in the midst of a pillow fight to be ensued by hardcore 69-ing. Even more recently the same school has found a different female teacher as engaged in a sexual relationship with a male student after the boy’s ex-girlfriend saw his number in the teacher’s phone. We could say more about this story, but why bother, we assume you’ve stopped reading and have googled “teacher porn” already.

Athletes Get “Recruited” By Girls

am@thedcam.com — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 12:44:42 +0000

College football is the greatest, you start pre-gaming the morning three days before the, paint your face and body from toxic mercury filled tubes, and storm the ground and rip the field goal uprights from out of the ground. The only thing of course better than watching a game is a being a player, the glory, the parties, the hopeful NFL contract, and oh, the girls. Well it seems that Tennessee has taken that last part to a whole new level, instead of just surrounding perspective players with sorostitutes when they visit the campus, they’ve actually sent girls to the players high school games, complete with signs cheering them on asking them to come join the university. I’m sure also that it ends there, there’s no way they’d think to take the country bumpkin kid back to the local Pizza Hut, get him a free buffet, maybe let him pound a few 6-packs of bud in the car, and then do whatever it is a college “recruit” girl might do. Everything for the team, right ladies?

Marcus Lattimore, a running back who made an unofficial visit to Tennessee but said he would not enroll there, said multiple Tennessee hostesses attended a game at James F. Byrnes High School in Duncan, S.C., in September. He said they brought signs, including one that read, “Come to Tennessee.”

“I haven’t seen no other schools do that,” he said. “It’s crazy.”

Lattimore’s case is particularly astounding — it turns out that some of these hostesses traveled nearly TWO HUNDRED miles in order to watch one of his high school games in South Carolina while holding the aforementioned signs. It should also be noted that Lattimore described the hostesses as “real pretty, real nice and just real cool.”

the DC AM: Live Christmas Show Tuesday, Dec 22nd, 10PM

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 22:08:57 +0000

Well it’s that time again, no we’re not just talking the time to spike the eggnog to be able to enjoy your family, or wrap presents in used newspapers to save cash, but time for another the DC AM live show. This time around we’ll be doing it holiday style, with a bunch of drinks Jesus would probably like, maybe a few gift givings, a music queue full of superior Christmas cover songs, and as normal lots and lots of debauchery leading into drunken meandering. So mark your calendars because celebrating a mythical alien-human hybrid isn’t the only thing to look out for this month, because the DC AM will be live December 22nd, a Tuesday, at 10PM.

All the details:

When – Tuesday, Decemeber 22nd, at 10PM
Where – Live on our USTREAM.tv page, so visit USTREAM.tv and search “the DC AM” to listen and more
What – the DC AM’s second live broadcast, featuring all the comedy, poetry readings, and hateful accusatory sessions you’ve come to expect and more, with a few Christmas surprises.
How To Win Prizes – Yea, we know you like the free stuff, and we’ll have it, but you’ll have to listen live to find out what and how to win. Here’s a hint though, get a USTREAM.tv account so you can be in the chatroom, and make sure to be a follower of ours on Twitter and a fan of ours on Facebook, so get to it and join us now on USTREAM.tv, Twitter and Facebook.
How To Call In – At some point during the show we’ll be taking live phone calls, so if you’d like to add your two cents, then call (571) 766-8714.

All the links:

To listen on USTREAM.tv – http://www.ustream.tv/channel/the-dc-am
To register and chat on USTREAM.tv – http://www.ustream.tv/login-signup
To follow us on Twitter – http://twitter.com/thedcam
To fan us on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/thedcam

So read the info, use the links, and we’ll see you all Tuesday, December 22nd at 10PM for the greatest live Christmas show the internet has ever known… most likely because has one ever actually been done before?

Jurassic Park Got Robbed

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 15:13:33 +0000

“Walking With Dinosaurs” was one of those cool Discovery Channel shows that decided we need not actual have a camera and a documentary crew in order to a documentary on animals, particularly those that have been extinct for a couple million years. So it was a natural extension that the TV show go real in the form of a traveling show production, where just like with the Circus, you sit around for a few hours eating overpriced food and forget everything you just saw a few hours later. Well it appears someone else saw the show and had the idea of why just steal one of the robotic dinosaurs, so that’s exactly what happened. The show organizers said the missing and presumed stolen robo-dino was one of the smaller and cheaper ones, but still clocked in at around $60,000. In all an interesting story but what’s odd is the spin-off this whole show craze has started, so upcoming look for “Walking With Orcs”, “Walking With ETs”, and “Walking With Magical Faeries Who Drink Warm Milk Down Near The River.”

“Walking with Dinosaurs” opened in Guadalajara on Friday, and staff discovered that one of the smaller robots was missing after the show closed that same day.

The missing reptilian is five feet tall and moves by remote control. At around £60,000, it is the least expensive of its fellow robots at the show, which measure up to 42 feet and cost up to £600,000, Ms Arroyo said.

Despite the robbery, she said the show “did not stop”.

“Everything went on as usual,” she added.

the DC AM #56: “Perky Cups”

am@thedcam.com — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 13:21:41 +0000

In advance, I apologize. This is the first flat out drunk 3am show we’ve done in awhile and in that respect stuff happens, shit happens, and things happen, and sometimes you say things you don’t mean. In saying that though, it’s possible I don’t mean that, I may not even mean this, or those statements to follow. With that said, there is no recap here, enjoy the show because it’s fucking awesome. (Also, Nasty bangs a fat chick, enjoy.)

Related Links:
Steamed Over Bikini Baristas
Why women have sex

Music:

Soul Logisitcs – Bring The Pain
Jay-Z – Empire State Of Mind
TI – Whatever You Like
Welbilt – December

You’re Drinking Poop

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:19:20 +0000

Remember every now then, especially in DC, when they announce that human error has led to a contamination of the water supply and we all need to boil everything or else we risk getting Ebola? Well as it turns out a recent study has revealed that pretty much every water supply in the country is being polluted all the time with little or no warning, and worse it’s just being tolerated. So for those reasons the DC AM is now recommending everyone drinking bottled water, not only because of this but because Aquafina is such a cool name, good for you Pepsi.

“In the last three years alone, more than 9,400 of the nation’s 25,000 sewage systems—including those in major cities—have reported violating the law by dumping untreated or partly treated human waste, chemicals and other hazardous materials into rivers and lakes and elsewhere, according to data from state environmental agencies and the Environmental Protection Agency.”

Don’t Harass The Gingers

am@thedcam.com — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 13:45:48 +0000

Gingers, are as you non-in-the-know people call them red heads, are always faced with adversity. If as if it wasn’t enough to compare them to Carrot Top, Opie from Andy Griffiths, or that bow-tie kid from Problem Child, they now are under assault in of all forms electronic. That’s right, straight out of southern California three middle schooled aged kids have been arrested for electronic ‘ginger attacks’. That’s right cyber-bullying isn’t limited to making big girls feel bad on MySpace, you can also use it to destroy the self-esteem of a multitude of Copper Tops on Facebook. Read on and see how bad it gets.

Three boys have been arrested in connection with the so-called “ginger attacks,” instigated by a Facebook message, in which at least seven red-haired children were beaten up at a Calabasas middle school, a sheriff’s spokesman said this morning.

Two 12-year-old students at A.E. Wright Middle School were arrested on suspicion of battery on school property, and a 13-year-old boy was accused of threatening to inflict injury “by means of electronic communication.”

“The charge against the 13-year-old male is commonly referred to as cyber-bullying, something that is occurring way too much,” said Steve Whitmore, spokesman for the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department.

The children were booked Wednesday before being released to the custody of their parents. No court date has been set for their initial appearance at Sylmar Juvenile Hall.

the DC AM #55: “The Red And The Black”

am@thedcam.com — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:08:05 +0000

A little late, but still no worse for wear, this week touch on drinking, which of course you’re like, the DC AM is talking about drinking? We know, hard to believe, but yea we delve, except we keep it classy with some Scotch. As far as topics, we talk a little post Turkey day musings, more on how Facebook is ripping apart our culture and morality, and how alcohol copyright could be considered a matter of congressional action. In between we make sure to joke on some other off-color things and ultimately try and otherwise bring you the best damn show you could ever want as the main event on a plate of mashed potatoes, yams, cranberry sauce, corn on the cob, and whatever else we’ve all chosen to believe was real pilgrim and Indian get-together food.

Music:

Mambo Sauce – Welcome To Dc
Them Crooked Vultures – New Fang
The Rifffs – Monday Morning
Silversun Pickups – Growing Old Is Getting Old

The Video Professor Is A Douche

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 14:52:07 +0000

The Video Professor is one of those guys you might never think much about except maybe being awake at 3AM on a Sunday and one of his infomericials comes on. What’s the weirdest thing about this guy is he is selling videos about how to use your computer but the things are supposed to play on the computer, which begs the question if you can’t already use your computer how can you use this? Well with that as their product it’s always seem odd he’s been around so long clearly making enough money to keep the ads going, and now we’ve got some reasons why. Technocrunch bothered to go to his website where for a quick second mentions the number $290 and then never says it again, and if you happen to add something to your cart, congrats, it’s only going to cost $4.65….. oh except for that $290 they mentioned on one page ten pages ago. Anyhow, the Video Professor is a scam, he gets called out, and then spends the rest of his time trying to get people to not report he is a scam, which is all good scammers are really good at.

What you see when you first hit the site depends on how you got there – directly or via an advertising partner. The least scammy version is what you see if you go to videoprofessor.com directly. On the home page in very small font is a statement that you are going to be charged $290 if you engage in a transaction with them. But that’s the only on-screen disclosure you’ll see. Click on a product and go to the next page and you are told you get lots of stuff for free, all you have to do is pay up to a $10 shipping charge. You choose your product and you’re on to the checkout page. Nothing is stated about the $290 charge. After that you are on the final checkout page, showing a total price of $4.56. There’s no fine print, just two links on the page to pages with hugely long agreements with text hidden in the middle of it all that you are actually being sent tons of products and you’ll be charged $290 for them all if you don’t cancel in ten days.

Tallest Hot Chick Ever

am@thedcam.com — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 06:59:31 +0000

Ever been out at a bar and seen a really short chick? You know one of those border line midgets who makes you feel like a kid toucher just because she’s 4′9” but still looks hot and you imagine horrible scenarios of you and her in a high school girls locker room? Well then you’re probably a sick pedophile and should report yourself to the authorities, but if not then maybe you’ve also gone the other way and seen a really tall chick and thought you’ve wanted to climb the mountain of giant hotness. Let me introduce you to Amazon Eve, this 32 year-old is a staggering 6′8” and could probably pummel you into a million tiny pieces of dust, but in the mean time could also bang the hell out of you, literally because clearly she is a demon spawn and only serves at the leisure of the devil. But whatever, she still some how looks hot even though she towers over every man, woman, and most basketball players she encounters.

Related Links:
7FT BABEZILLA TAKES ON ZOO MAN!

Bikini Baring Baristas

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:04:24 +0000

So have you ever been hanging out at a Starbuck’s, drinking your overpriced Grande Mocha Latte, munching on a flaxseed and raspberry muffin, and surfing the pages of The Economist on your netbook? Well what could possibly turn this hipster dream on it’s head? Well chicks in bikinis of course, serving you that overpriced coffee. Well straight out of Denver, Colorado, the “Perky Cups” coffee shop owner has hired girls to serve you while wearing stuff more suitable for the beach than a 7am wake-up drink factory. On the other hand who cares, Hooters has been passe for a while and we needed a new place to remind us how much we dislike ugly girls. Also, as opposed to the aprons the Starbucks servers wear, when one of these girls messes up and spills scalding hot water all over herself, well this will make it all worth it.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

the DC AM #54: “Dream Date”

am@thedcam.com — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 04:49:39 +0000

Do you like the Internet? Well clearly I guess, you listen to a podcast and read blogs, so good for you, you pass. This episode is all internet centric, a variety of stories and topics that will make you second guess why you are on here, mostly because of the sort of other people that are on here. In some related news we also manage to touch on the obesity crisis in America, and our special guest the Hebrew Hammer shares a few of his own tales. In all it’s an episode that’s part of a long series of podcasts, so you should be listening because this is already pre-loaded in your iPod.

Music:

Soul Logisitcs – Bring The Pain
Crown Atlantic – There Are No Worries
Fence – Hearts of Gold
Welbilt – The Getaway

Hobbits Are Real

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:56:22 +0000

So a while back the story broke that remains were found on the small Indonesian island of Flores showing that once upon a while a whole species of tiny human-like humans (is that possible?) lived there. They were about three-feet tall and weigh around 70 pounds, but lately it’s been sparking a lot of discussion in the academic field over just exactly what they are. Initially some biologists were arguing that they were a distinct sub-set of the “homo” genus, in the same way there is homo sapien and homo neanderthalensis. But now other researches are arguing that perhaps these tiny people were actually humans themselves, just either a group that happened to all share a common disorder or just very short characteristics. In either case it’s just cool to think Hobbits are real, so now we just need to get working on some Golems and some bad ass One rings and we can get this thing started.

Professor Mike Morwood created an international storm with his discovery of Homo floresiensis — dubbed the Hobbit because of its small size and big feet — on Flores, an Indonesian island, in 2003. The archaeologist said the Hobbits, who were only about one metre tall and weighed just 30kg, existed on the remote island until about 12,000 years ago.

Homo floresiensis is a genuine ancient human species and not a descendant of healthy humans dwarfed by disease found researchers from Stony Brook University Medical Center in New York. Using statistical analysis on skeletal remains of a well-preserved female specimen, the researchers determined the “hobbit” to be a distinct species and not a genetically flawed version of modern humans.

Related Links:
‘Hobbits’ a New Human Species?

Cartman Has Priorities

am@thedcam.com — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:48:42 +0000

South Park, always a reliable commentator on pop culture, politics, news, current events, sports, religion, and just about everything else has decided to tackle water parks. Now this is a water park problem on Cartman would have, mostly because he’s an old, embittered white man trapped in the body of a tiny fat kid, but none the less, he’s got some issues and has decided to put them to song. Check it out.

Half-Man, Half-Price

am@thedcam.com — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:48:38 +0000

We normally only like to cover stories we can easily make fun of. Well not today, it’s a feel good Thursday and we’re feeling good. Somebody who is also feeling good is Peng Shuilin, a guy who after being run over by a truck and being amputated from below the waist, decided to focus his efforts in running a business, eventually to open up the “Half-Man Half-Price Store”, where everyone person, full, half, or even quarterling, can come on and find a bargain. He’s become a local hero and international role model for amputees thanks to his cheerful attitude and “nothing can keep me down” outlook. Anyway we wish Mr. Shulin the best, and as for this article, we’re gonna cut it short.

the DC AM #53: “We Go Live”

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:00:56 +0000

So…. we did a live show, and I emphasize live. Live means many things, it can mean in real-time, it can mean happening now, it can also mean not everything has been figured out so therefore a lot of stuff goes wrong. Like taking live calls. Like recording the first ten minutes. Other than that though, it can mean a show that has an energy and an awesomeness that is otherwise unmatched. Enjoy the show, it’s a great one, many topics, many people, many shots of drinks, many things, many, many things. Give it a listen.

Music:

Mambo Sauce – Welcome To DC
The Speaks – Carpe Diem
2v1 – Balonek
The Airborne Toxic Event – Happiness is Overrated
The Tunguska Event – Bees
D Cent Jerks – Maldita Perdici N
Monroe Tx – Like Water
Innerpartysystem – Don’t Stop
Soul Logisitcs – Bring The Pain

Tallest Dog Is Tall

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:58:29 +0000

Normally we have a funny quip when we post a video, but not this time. This is a video of the tallest dog in the world, which is supposedly under dispute with some tall ass Dalmatian some one else owns, but who cares. This is one tall dog, and Conan is pretty tall so you realize that this dog must be on some kind of steroid. We need drug testing for the tallest dog competitions, if it’s fair for baseball players it’s fair here.

Facebook Is Your New Laywer

am@thedcam.com — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:02:00 +0000

Facebook and Twitter are all the rage today, and for good reason, because the DC AM is on both, so if you’d like to join up just click the social icons on our homepage. Anyway, I digress. The reason these sites are so big is because of the status update, a helpful way you can tell all your friends what you’re doing at every moment of the day. Right away you can know your friend is “Getin’ wasted on PINE STREET BITCHES!!!!”, or that your co-worker is “slaving away because the man is keeping me down”, or that your ex-girlfriend is “having the best time with the greatest guy in the whole wide world!”. You’re right though, she was a bitch. But now in a breakthrough for technology and the justice system a 19 year-old has been acquitted after his lawyer showed proof that his status update of “Where’s my pancakes?” happened at the exact moment he was supposed to be committing his alleged crimes. After some technical maneuvering to prove that the update came from a computer in the very apartment where he and his dad lived, there was no other choice but to let him go. In other news, note to everyone, create software bot to auto-update your #followfridays whenever you are out committing felonies, it’s in your best interest.

Rodney was arrested on October 18 as a suspect in two crimes. He declared himself innocent and Robert Reuland—his defense lawyer—found the key to free him: “Where’s my pancakes?”

That seemingly inconsequential Facebook status update proved crucial when the Californian company confirmed that someone wrote it from his father’s Harlem apartment computer, using Rodney’s user and password at around the time of the alleged crime: Saturday October 17, 11:49am.

Of course, you can argue that anyone with Rodney’s password could have written the status update, while the 19-yo went on to commit two crimes, but his defense lawyer and the district attorney disagree:

This implies a level of criminal genius that you would not expect from a young boy like this; he is not Dr. Evil.

A spokesman for Brooklyn’s District Attorney said the Facebook update served as the confirmation of the other alibis, namely Rodney’s father and stepmother, who declared he was at their Harlem home at the time.

Amanda Peet Is Ruined

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:08:39 +0000

Roland Emmerich, like Michael Bay or Jerry Bruckheimer, is one of those guys who’s really good at filming explosions but isn’t so good at filming actual films. Let’s see, he did Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, Godzilla, and 10,000 B.C. Without rushing to judgment, those are all terrible movies. And yea, Independence Day, or ID4 as the cool kids call it, had it’s moments, you’re not going to get more patriotic than Bill Pullman giving a Presidential rally speech on the hood of an F-16 in the middle of Area 51, but still they used a Mac to take down an alien computer system. Please, stop making movies Mr. Emmerich. That’s why it’s funny in this interview with Amanda Peet who is starring in his upcoming flick “2012″ had to say about him. Read on, because it’s funny. For the rest of it, read the interview at the link below.

So you figure the rapport is finally working now?
Well, obviously my dream would be to do a romantic comedy with him because I would just love that. But I’m just fine with what we’ve done so far. Hopefully, there’ll be another one soon.

Did you get to do any stunts that we didn’t see?
I did lean out of a moving airplane in a harness to reach for John’s hand while Roland [Emmerich] was in a helicopter filming me. I did have that moment where I said to myself, “You’ve come a long way from your Skittles commercial.”

Do you see any more action movies in your future? Was it a joy to do this?
I liked it a lot. I fear that Roland has ruined me because he’s so gentle and lovely. It’s really weird. How does he stay like that? I don’t understand. Like I don’t understand how someone’s not a tyrant who’s the boss of so many people and so much production. So I probably would be really scared to do something really big with somebody else because I’d be really scared they’d be like, “Lose some weight! And run faster!”

the DC AM #52: “Product Placement”

am@thedcam.com — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:28:13 +0000

Attention: If you own a product that is not complete shit and are willing to doll out a fill sheckles, well, we’ll probably talk about it. With that said, hello, welcome to another rousing and thought-provoking episode. We touch on a bit of everything this round, some delightful New York stories with P-Mo, try and figure out if oral sex should be a competitive event, and once again investigate all kinds of new foods we didn’t know anything about. In all, a great, classic episode if we do say so ourselves. So sit back and enjoy, maybe by grabbing a beer, loading it up, and shooting into your mouth… we’re just sayin’.

Music:

Soul Logistics – Bring The Pain
The Speaks – Carpe Diem
2v1 – Balonek
One Shot Left – Just Because

Crying = Dying

am@thedcam.com — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:05:10 +0000

This is the case of little two year-old Tianna McHugh, an Austrailian girl who has become diagnosed with Reflex Anoxic Seizure a condition whereas whenever she cries it sends her into a deep state nearing death. Her body stiffens, goes white, and her breathing and heart beat slow until they actually stop. Her parents have to deal with trying to never upset her, allow her to get hurt, or basically behave like any two year-old would. Doctors have told her parents it is a condition that she could eventually grow out of, however the producers of the “Saw” movie series is hoping against that and has already cast her in “Saw XXVI” to film 2027. Jigsaw plans on having a field day with this one.

Bikini Girl Can Act

am@thedcam.com — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 15:17:27 +0000

You probably remember Molly Sims as that chick from that terrible show “Las Vegas”. Actually you probably don’t, who would really, no one watched that show. Actually it’s probably impossible to think of one damn place you’ve ever seen this chick before, but nonetheless, this chick can act. She’s probably on her way to usurping Meryl Streep, so look out academy awards, here comes Sims. Check out her acting reel below, it’s a testament to her greatness. (Note: this video is not as funny as it should be, nor is it really funny at all, but it does have a decently hot chick in a bikini for most of it, so you should probably just watch it anyway.)

Molly Sims Dramatic Acting Reel from Molly Sims

A Drunk Breathalyzer

am@thedcam.com — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:59:54 +0000

So looking back at Halloween and you’ll recall all the crazy Balloon Boy costumes, all the Jon and Kate plus 8 costumes, all the naughty bee costumes, but what you might not have seen is the guy in the Breathalyzer costume, and the reason is he was in jail. That’s right, James Miller, you know all him, brought the ironic party to town as the donned his very best high-tech apparatus for catching drunks, then proceeded to get smashed on some fantastic Bud Light, and then drive around. At some point he was pulled over and we can only hope forced to breath into a breathalyzer while repeating “I’m not looking into a mirror, I’m not looking into a mirror.” The next morning when this guy was released from jail he immediately went home to put on a pink polo shirt and pop the collar, it’s the only way he knew of relaxing.

According to a police report, 18-year-old James N. P. Miller, of Cincinnati, was seen driving the wrong way out of the entrance to a one-way street at East Park Place in Oxford.

Officers executed a traffic stop and found that Miller was wearing a breathalyzer costume. After investigation, police said, Miller was found to be operating a vehicle while intoxicated.