Register to attend our Croyden Hills Event today:

24th May 2012

Croydon Hill Primary School
Campaspe Dve
Croydon Hills
Vic 3136
7pm for refreshments

Cost: $11.50
Register Online

See how Luke’s life was changed through attending a Fathering Project event.

Register to attend our Camberwell Event today:

23rd May 2012

Camberwell Primary School
290 Camberwell Road
Camberwell
Vic 3124
7pm for refreshments

See how Luke’s life was changed through attending a Fathering Project event.

The event will be offered in two different locations on two different dates:

Camberwell Event: 23rd May 2012

Camberwell Primary School
290 Camberwell Road
Camberwell
Click here for more info

Croyden Hills Event: 24th May 2012

Croydon Hill Primary School
Campaspe Dve
Croydon Hills
Click here for more info

See how Luke’s life was changed through attending a Fathering Project event.

Making time for your children is not easy, especially when you work a full time job. This article will show you how to be there for them.

We need to loosen up our concept of time and working schedules and be more flexible.

Tim Winton and child at the beach

It is possible, by ‘changing the shape of your time’ to create extra time for the children without necessarily losing any work time.

• Start work later once or twice a week, and do things with the children instead.
• Use travelling in the car with them as a chance to talk.
• Make sure the children feel they have better access to you at work than anyone else does.
• Make ‘holes in your day’ to get to their school for special events, especially if the kids realise you are missing out on something important at work.
• Phone or email the children from work with a brief message to let them know you are thinking of them.
• Involve the children in your working environment – take them there, introduce them to your colleagues.
• Tell the children about your work.
• Attend some of their school camps.
• Make sure you are available to them at crisis times – don’t leave all that to their mother.
• Do regular canteen duty at school.
• Pick them up from school when you can.

Idea for action:

Pick one of these things to do each week and schedule it in your diary.

I know that Dad makes his best effort to be a good dad, and that when he comes home he is full-on as a dad and doesn’t bring his work stresses home. When he comes in from work he wants to know about my day and helps me with my homework. Even if he can’t help he makes it clear when he will be able to help. What’s not so good sometimes is that occasionally Dad has to work really hard. Then when he gets home it gets to him and it gets to everyone else. When it spills out like that, then I realise what he is doing with us the rest of the time. -Naomi Creelman

If there is one thing I would do differently it would be to get a regular meal time for the children. We have too many meals on stools around the kitchen table and we only have dinner together about three times a week maximum. Although we do a huge amount together as a family at other times, I think a regular mealtime together would be one change I’d make. -Neale Fong

 

Want to become a great father? There’s lots more resources in Fathering from the Fast Lane – just $31 plus postage & handling.

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You can read more articles for busy fathers here.

Some dads spend less than two minutes per day focusing on their kids.

Many men say their kids are a priority but their actions show otherwise.

Being an absent father puts your kids at increased risk of emotional, educational, criminal and health problems.

Quantity of time cannot stand alone – hours spent at home can be wasted.

Quality time cannot stand alone – you can’t engineer special times with kids; mostly they just happen and you have to be around for them.

You need both quantity and quality times for good fathering.

Children need to know that you enjoy being with them.

Children simply expect their fair share of your available time.

Working from home increases your time with the children, but not always in a way that allows you to focus on them.

Draw a clear line between work life and home life.

Working from home can be very rewarding if the problems can be resolved.

Not everyone can work from home well; be prepared for that.

Idea for action: Work out how many hours in the week you need to sleep, eat and work. How many hours are left for your children? Could you use that time better than you do now?

When I am home I try to take Rachel to school and often pick her up aswell. I’m told that I’m one of the dads most commonly seen at the school because of course a lot of the other dads never take their kids to the school at any time. -Kim Beazley

When the kids were young we lived on a farm and the kids were not sent to boarding school. That meant they were always around and helped on the farm. They helped with animals, ploughing, lots of things really. In fact our time on the farm really formed the pattern of our family life – they were just always part of our working lives. -Ray Arthur

Want to become a great father? There’s lots more resources in Fathering from the Fast Lane – just $31 plus postage & handling.

Read More

You can read more articles for busy fathers here.

They need unconditional love.

They need to be liked and valued as special and valuable people. This is different from being loved – love is not enough.

Children need to know that they are liked, that you are interested in their thoughts, ideas and opinions, their appearance and their beliefs.

Children don’t need much economic security, but they do need to feel physically and emotionally safe. They need to know 100 percent for sure that neither of their parents will put them down or hurt them.

They need a clear sense of our values, rules, hopes and beliefs about life so that they have a roadmap for their early life and boundaries for their behaviour until they are old enough to choose their own.

These things need to be both spoken and modelled. Words without actions and actions without words create uncertainty and confusion.

You can’t pass the buck to their teachers or their mother – if you are available but you don’t do what a dad should do, there will be a gap in their lives.

Idea for action: Each week schedule one thing to try to meet one of these needs.

I almost view with contempt this notion of quality time. I think it’s just a baby-boomer cop-out. To have quality time you’ve got to have quantity time, because you never know when your kids want to talk to you. You can’t appoint a time for quality chats. I’ve found in my relationship with my children that sometimes just out of the blue they’ll want to talk, whereas at other times they prefer to wait. -John Howard

One big change I made to my life when I realised what it took to be a good father was to work less, and also to work from home more often. Now I only work a four-day week and I run my computing service from home. This is important because my wife works, and really we have to share the parenting time. -Peter de Blanc

Want to become a great father? There’s lots more resources in Fathering from the Fast Lane – just $31 plus postage & handling.

Read More

You can read more articles for busy fathers here.

A talk was given by Prof. Bruce Robinson on how to make time to be a dad. One of the tips given at the event was a quote from a Hollywood actor:

“Fathers should tell their daughters that they are beautiful. If a father says it, a daughter believes it. My father never said it, so when others said it to me throughout my life I thought they were just being kind. It is only the last couple of years, and I’m now in my fifties, that I have started to believe it. If your father doesn’t tell you that you are beautiful, it takes a long time before you believe it.”
Linda Carlson – actor, New York and Hollywood

The event was well received by the men who attended the event:

“A great session, thank you”
“Awesome, life changing”
“Simply brilliant!”
“Terrific presentation – simple & straightforward. Keep up the good work – I will do my bit also”
“It was an opportunity for men in your school to step into a bigger picture and know they are part of a wider group all wanting to be better dads.”

“This is a not-for-profit project providing helping hand to fathers in improving their relationships with their daughter or son. Presentation by Prof. Bruce Robinson was an eye opener for me. Honestly, I went to the presentation with some doubts about its usefulness considering I have excellent relationship with my daughter. However, I came out of the meeting learning something to improve my relationship with my daughter. After the presentation, I heard some of the fathers talking about what they will do to improve their relationships. The presentation had a definite impact on listeners and considering that 95% of the audience was fathers (less emotional compared to better half…), it means something.”

“I definitely endorse the idea of conducting such presentation at my Senior Highschool.”

The key thing about dad dates is that it’s not dad and all the kids. If you got three daughters, you have to have three separate dates. They appreciate the one-on-one time with dad. It’s not dad and his mate taking their daughters out. There has to be no other adult there. It’s just dad and the daughter, and the dad has to listen. Get some Super Glue on the way there. Go into Bunnings, get some Super, Glue and zip your lips up so you don’t preach to her.

You have to go, sit there, and listen, and she will talk about her friends and her music and it might be boring, but you’ve got to listen. If you start asking, “What about your homework? What about the way you dress? What about this?” it won’t work. Dad has to take her on dad dates and listen, and it works a treat. 97 percent of fathers are poor listeners.

Take them on trips. You might think, by definition, whatever dad did would be boring. But they remember every single moment of those trips, and it’s not just the experience with their dad or where you go. It’s the fact that you bothered to spend time with them. That makes them feel worthwhile. The fact that it’s a work trip and you’ve sacrificed some of your work time makes them feel even more worthwhile. Dad is really important, but he wants me there with him. For a child, to feel worthwhile is a wonderful gift to give.

There are all sorts of things you can do to maintain your work. Have the kids sit in at conferences, stay in the hotel room, stay with your friends, or get babysitting services. There are all sorts of things you can do.

Read More

You can read more articles for fathers and daughters here.

Audio thanks to the ABC.

Want to become a great father? There’s lots more resources in Dads and Daughters – just $35 plus postage & handling.

Image: healingdream / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The first of these Train the Trainer courses will take place on May 09 and 16 and will be run by Raymond Shanhun, Executive Officer of The Fathering Project. Raymond’s boyhood was spent on a farm in the Porongurup’s. He spent two years in the army (National Service) serving some time overseas with 6RAR in Singapore and Malaysia. Also a past Principal of both State and Independent schools (Dale Christian School). Formerly an Area Chaplain with YouthCARE. Despite losing his dad when a young teenager, Raymond’s memories and special times with his dad sustained him over the years. Father of four adult children and a grandfather.

These Train the Trainer workshops are designed to provide fathering advocates with the skills to advertise a workshop, set up discussion questions for groups of dads (in small groups of 3, 6, 9 or 12), build the support of mothers and to share the experience of schools that already support & involve champion dads.

Register to attend Train the Trainer today:

Noranda event – 9th of May

Mt Pleasantevent – 16th of May

It’s scary but it’s not complicated. The truth is, if you understand these things and you do the little things that build confidence, you actually end up with less hassle because you don’t end up with an incredibly rebellious teenager who doesn’t want to be connected to you. You actually stay connected and it actually works better. You end up with less trouble, less worry, and less aggravation if you do the little things.
Relationships are obviously a huge factor in how a young woman feels about her self-confidence. Several women talk about the importance of their dads in their career choices and how they encouraged them to aim high. Their father encouraged them to reach beyond what they otherwise might have reached. There is a relationship between a woman’s confidence and her father; or the lack of confidence that an otherwise competent woman has.

Every man is a father figure to a young girl. The book Daughters and their Dads talks about how you as a father figure can encourage a girl’s confidence, believe in her, and encourage her to respect herself. Stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, schoolteachers, and sports coaches all can do this. Many women’s lives are really transformed by a father figure.

For example, Margaret Court, a famous tennis player, had her tennis coaches as father figures who encouraged her in her life. She now is a great encourager of people because of the encouragement she received. Any woman out there who has children, especially daughters, should seek father figures for their daughter especially if the daughter’s father either isn’t around or isn’t doing this. It might be the girl’s uncle or schoolteacher. They can have a profound effect, and that is especially the case when the natural father isn’t around.

Read More

You can read more articles for fathers and daughters here.

Audio thanks to the ABC.

Want to become a great father? There’s lots more resources in Dads and Daughters – just $35 plus postage & handling.

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net