How is it, then, that some hospitals have found it within their right to “ban” women from birthing babies through their own vaginas?  Why are some hospitals telling women they will not provide them with treatment unless they agree to a cesarean delivery, as opposed to a vaginal delivery? According to the Emergency Medical Treatment and Active Labor Act (EMTALA), any hospital participating in the Medicare and Medicaid program (which is most) cannot refuse treatment to a woman in active labor, even a woman refusing surgery.   The law simply does not support bans on vaginal birth.   Women do not forfeit the right to make their own medical decisions when they become pregnant.  On the contrary, they carry the responsibility of making medical decisions for the benefit of themselves, and their unborn child(ren.)

Aside from the medicolegal problems with forcing a woman into surgery, one must wonder about the ethical and moral significance of denying a women her own basic biological function.  Many women feel a tremendous sense of loss, violation, or defeat if they are unable to experience the birthing of their baby on their own terms.  These women can develop such a fear of repeating that experience that they stop having children.  Many women choose to birth future children outside the hospital to circumvent the system all together. Whatever their decision, many mothers felt they had little say in the matter because their hospital or provider could not be trusted to respect their wishes.  Some mothers say their choice might have been different if they knew a hospital could support their basic human right to bodily integrity.

Our Supreme Court upholds the right for a woman to choose whether or not she carries a pregnancy, and that same autonomy should be afforded to the manner in which she delivers her child.  At the end of the day, the woman (and her baby) live with the outcome of any delivery.  It is her body.  Her baby.  Her choice.

In a civilized society like ours, no woman should feel that she has been forced under a knife.  Women are human beings, and human beings in this country have the right to keep people out of their body.  If providers want to be taken seriously, they need to start taking their patient’s human rights seriously as well.

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If VBAC access is important to you, call in to The Feminist Breeder & Friends Radio Show Sunday night at 10 PM Eastern time to have your voice heard.  Special guests Desirre Andrews, President of ICAN, and Michele Demont, creator of Birthcut.com, will help me kick off my coverage of the National Institute of Health’s conference on Vaginal Birth After Cesarean.

I would love to know what you thought of the show, so please feel free to leave respectful comments or questions for me below.

TAKE NOTE!!! Coming up on Sunday, March 21st, all three families from the “Radical Parenting” special will be on my radio show — answering questions, swapping stories, and dishing the dirt on what may not have seen on the show.  Feel free to call in live to talk with myself, Elizabeth Parise (the AP Mom) and Sarah Parent (the Unschooling mom) to have questions answered, or to share your own “radical” parenting stories with us!  Visit this link to set yourself an email reminder to listen to the show.

Thanks for visiting TheFeministBreeder.com.  If you like what you see here, then become my Fan on Facebook, Follow me on Twitter, and Subscribe to my feed!

Throw a stone this week, and you’ll probably hit some place where I’ll be seen.

Today, my VBAC Story was featured on the Chicago Tribune blog through an article called “Fighting for a VBAC.” The reporter wrote about the battle I had to endure, and of course the very first commentor on the article called me “stupid.”  Not to worry though — only about a thousand other wonderful, intelligent, thoughtful women came to my defense and posted replies making it clear that my choice to battle for my VBAC was anything but “stupid.”

You go, girlz.

I’m thrilled that such a mainstream site took on this story, and am equally as thrilled at the positive outpouring of support for my story.  That all kicked a tremendous amount of ass, despite the one nasty comment.  If you know me, the worst thing I can be called is “stupid.”  It’s like calling McFly “chicken.”  Them’s is fightin’ words!

Okay, next up! —

On Wednesday, my family is featured on a Discovery Health/TLC show called “Radical Parenting” which is really just a show about AP families who parent thoughtfully and purposefully (don’t let the stupid title fool you.)  Since the commercials for the show are airing just about every 15 minutes all day every day, people are seeing them, and they are all over the internet message boards speculating, discussing, and ranting/raving about the show subject and content.  From Diaper Swappers to Mothering.com to The Bump — just about everyone is talking about our show (and my family.) It’s nerve-wracking — but I’m trying to steer clear as much as I can.

Meanwhile, I’m studying like crazy for the finals exams this week on the two worst classes I’ve ever suffered through, which I am surely going to fail pass only by the skin of my teeth.  On top of that I’m preparing for the NIH VBAC Conference that I’ll be attending (and covering) starting this Sunday.  I also have a little boy in a cast who needs mama’s constant attention, and Jonas is finally fully potty trained (I’m not kidding people — the fish totally worked!), which is so exhilarating that I can hardly concentrate on ANY OF THIS!!!!

Oh, and top of all it all, I haven’t had a damn period since January, yet I also keep getting negative pregnancy tests, which, if you’ve ever been in this position you’ll know, could drive a person totally and completely out of their mind.

With all this going on, what the HELL am I doing blogging?  I gotta go cry over my Statistics book and a handful of pregnancy tests now.

In the nearly two years since my VBAC, I have had the pleasure of bearing witness to a plethora of other VBAC stories through my connection to the birth community, and through my ICAN chapter.  Even though my own VBAC birth was worth whatever stress I had to go through to get it, I now know that with the right preparation and support, it doesn’t have to be an either/or situation.  You can have your vaginal birth, and it can be battle-free.

So, knowing what I know now, here is my advice on How to Have a Better VBAC:

Before you even think about getting pregnant, get a supportive VBAC provider.

Do not assume for a minute that your doctor or midwife supports VBAC.  Don’t even assume it if they tell you they do.  The OB in my story said he would support my VBAC – even as he was stapling up my cesarean.  That’s why I went back to him for my second pregnancy.   However, his true intentions were not made clear to me until I showed up to a prenatal appointment with my natural-minded birth plan in hand during my 3^rd trimester.  When he went through my birth plan with a red pen, I realized he wasn’t going to be as supportive as I needed.  I wanted to switch doctors then, but my HMO insurance told me I couldn’t.  That’s why I was stuck laboring with, what I call, the “Bait & Switch Doctor.”

However, despite my experience, you can always try to switch providers, no matter how far along you are.  Of course, earlier is better, but I’ve seen a mother switch at 40 weeks pregnant.  Call your insurance company.  If you don’t like the answer you get, talk to someone else.  Explain to them that you feel your rights as a pregnant woman are not being supported, and that you could save them money by changing providers.  Don’t give up.  Think outside the box.  A bit of work on the front end could save you a lot of stress on the back end.

Finding out if your doc or midwife supports VBAC involves more than just asking them.  You need to ask them questions about their VBAC success rate, and what type of restrictions they’ll place on you due to their policies.  If you don’t like the answers to those questions, get out yesterday.  If your hospital won’t allow eating during labor, or requires IV’s for no medical reason, or requires any other medical interventions that are not evidence based OR warranted, having a healthy intervention-free labor with them could be a battle.

Get Informed about Normal, Healthy Birth

If you have had a cesarean, you may never have experienced a normal, intervention-free birth before.  I ended up with my cesarean for all the wrong reasons.  During my first pregnancy, I watched one too many episodes of “Deliver Me” and “A Baby Story” – which depicts all births as disasters waiting to happen.  After watching those shows, I thought birth was a dangerous, emergency, medical event that could only occur with a huge team of doctors waiting by for everything to go wrong.  I signed up for an unnecessary induction, and because of that choice, everything did go horribly wrong.  It was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I now know that those shows are the epitome of everything that is wrong with maternity care in this country – and birth has gotten a bad rap.  Like much of the medicalized birth industry, those sensational shows prey on the fears of pregnant women and can easily convince them to become consumers of drugs and procedures they don’t know much else about.

But birth itself is a normal, biological function, where mother and baby usually fare better without those (often unnecessary) drugs and procedures.  If you study natural birth, you will see that women possess a powerful, innate wisdom about how to birth their own babies.  Through your studies, you will learn to believe in yourself, no matter what may have sabotaged your previous birth.  Take a good, long natural birth class.  Read, Read, Read.

My recommendations for the two essential natural birth books:

• Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth
• Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation

Learn About Those Interventions, and about VBAC itself

Being an informed consumer is one of the single most important steps in preparing for any birth, especially a VBAC.  No matter if you’re laboring in a hospital, birth center, or right at home, you need to have a basic understanding of the machines that go “Ping!”   Read about the risks and benefits of all the basic procedures that could be presented to you.  Otherwise, you won’t know what you’re agreeing to, whether it is truly necessary, or whether there is a better, safer option for you.  I spent my whole labor rejecting the bad medical advice I was being given, but I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I hadn’t researched the interventions and scare tactics they were pushing on me.  Of course, if you’ve taken my advice and gotten yourself a better provider, you may not have to reject a whole lot.  BUT — be prepared for anything.  If you’re having a hospital birth, your favorite OB or midwife may not be on call, and the on-call doc might have their own ideas about how to “manage” your labor.  If you’re having a homebirth, you’ll want to be prepared for the slim chance of a transfer.  The more informed you are, the better equipped you are to make the choices that you are comfortable with — even in a pinch.

My recommendations for learning about commonly used birth interventions and VBAC:

• The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth
• Born in the USA: How a Broken Maternity System Must Be Fixed to Put Women and Children First
• The VBAC Companion: The Expectant Mother’s Guide to Vaginal Birth After Cesarean

Get Yourself a Doula

I cannot stress this enough: trained labor support is worth its weight in gold, especially through a VBAC.  If your previous birth ended in a cesarean after a long, hard labor – or, if you never got to labor at all – you may need an experienced support person present through your VBAC to help keep you strong, and to help you understand what’s normal.  Doulas usually believe in the beauty and safety of vaginal birth, so you can count on them fully support your desire for a VBAC.  Doulas have been shown to help decrease the rate of cesareans and other interventions, and mothers who use doulas report more satisfaction with the overall birth experience.  My doula saved my VBAC.  Without her, I might be telling a very different story.

My recommendations for finding a doula that’s right for you:

• DONA
• DoulaMatch.net

And on the topic of support people – make sure the people you’re allowing into your birth space are wholly supportive of your needs, and understanding of your desire to have a VBAC.  When dealing with family or friends who may not support your choice, keep the discussion about your birth to a minimum.  Provide them with good information about VBAC during your pregnancy if they’re interested, but keep in mind their opinions have no place in your birth.  It is your body, your baby. Do what is right for you, and ignore any negativity.

If you need more support — join your local ICAN chapter, and/or get on the national listserve.

Once you’ve done your homework – RELAX.

Now that you’ve prepared yourself to have a better VBAC, that is probably exactly what you’ll have.  Visualize your beautiful birth.  Will your beautiful birth into existence.  Even if life throws you a curve ball, or if your baby does truly need to be born by cesarean for some reason, the steps you have taken to empower yourself can help the experience remain as satisfying, beautiful, and safe as possible.

Good luck on your VBAC, and please, come back here and share your stories with us.  If your story is online, leave us a link in the comments section.  In the meantime, read these beautiful VBAC stories, and relish in their joy.

• Kristen’s Beautiful VBAC (after switching providers at 37 weeks)
• Jen’s Beautiful HBAC (homebirth)
• Krista’s Beautiful VBAC (she says it wasn’t pretty, but it was all hers.)
• Melodie’s Beautiful HBAC (a swift homebirth)
• Amanda’s 2nd VBAC (hospital)
• Want yours added here?  Just drop me a line!

After much discussion, I decided I would rather try to win the $30,000 award.  That would be the prudent thing to do.  Rome could wait.

Since I would have the summer off now, Hyphenated Husband and I discussed, instead, signing me up for the Childbirth Educator Certification course that I’ve been wanting do take for the last year.  That was my consolation prize for not getting to take the Rome trip that I’ve been desperately wanting to take.

However, on Tuesday I learned that I was not selected for the Truman award.  Well — at least not yet.  The nominating professor at my school believed 100% in my application, and when I wasn’t selected as a finalist, he wrote me to tell me that he was appealing the decision.  Apparently the Truman foundation allows schools to make appeals on behalf of their candidates, and he said I was the strongest applicant he had ever seen in all the time he had been the nominating professor, so he wanted to go to bat for me.  There is still a slim shot I could be selected for an interview in the next week, but I’m just cutting my losses on that one and mentally moving on.

Of course, it sucked, hard core, not to get picked for that award.  I’ve won almost every scholarship I’ve ever applied for, and I worked for months on the Truman application.  I truly felt that my application was top-notch, and obviously, so did my school.  But even though the rejection hurt, it did make me feel a million times better that my professor thought enough of me to appeal the decision.  At least I know I wasn’t crazy for applying, even if Truman didn’t like me.  The amount of work I put into that application taught me a lot about myself anyway.  It gave me a clear vision of exactly what I want to do with my life, and what I have to do to get there.

But now that I know I didn’t win a Truman award, which means I don’t have to attend the Scholar’s week, there’s nothing stopping me from going to Rome.  Well — except that last weekend we decided to spend money on getting my Childbirth Educator Certification courses this summer.

So now I don’t know what to do.  Each decision will (in the short term) cost me the same amount of money.

• If I put down the deposit for Rome, I can’t pay to get my CCE.
• If I pay for my CCE courses, I won’t have the time or money to go to Rome.
• I’ve wanted both for years.
• Rome is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (I’ll be graduating next year.)
• But my CCE could help me bring in some income — right?
• But Rome is going to be really, reallllllly expensive.
• But getting my CCE will be a lot of work.

Can you see where I’m going with this?  I don’t know what to do. I’ve got about 5 more days to decide because the deadline for Rome is next week.  I believe a lot in signs, and I think I really need a sign to tell me what the right choice is.  Yesterday my friend, who lives in Italy, who I only talk to once every few years, posted something on Facebook asking me if I was coming to Rome this summer.  Then, this morning, I got a call from the International Studies office asking me the same question.

Part of me feels like those are signs that I should quickly get my deposit over to the office and go ahead with my Rome plans as intended.

But I don’t know.  It would be so much easier just to stay home and get my CCE, and I could potentially make money with that.  Rome wouldn’t make me any money.

But maybe getting my CCE won’t make me any money either.  It seems like most of the childbirth educators I know say they can’t get enough students to make any decent cash.

Okay, internet peoples — it’s your turn to grapple with this. What would you do if you were me?  Will Rome be better?  Will getting my CCE be better?  If you have experience taking either path, please let me know what you think.

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UPDATE:  Well, the overwhelmingly Pro-Rome response here made it clear to me how I really feel about this.  I want badly to do both, but that’s just not possible.  I think I actually want to get my CCE (or CBE, which ever you call it) worse than going to Rome right at this moment, but I also know that I have all the time in the world to do that, but I don’t have all the time in the world to take advantage of an undergrad program in Rome.  Although, one rockin’ lawyer birth junkie did point out to me that I can study abroad when I’m in law school, so this certainly isn’t my last chance to do this.  But I’ve been planning for two years to do this program, and it fulfills some core requirements that I need anyway.  If I don’t take these classes in Rome, I’ll just need to take them here — in boring ol’ Chicago.

So here’s what I’m going to do:  I’m going to the International Studies office on Monday and putting down my deposit.  Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going — I have to make sure I can get the financial aid first (which, in all honesty, seems like a long shot.)  If I don’t get that, then my decision is made for me (which would be a relief.)  If I do get it, then the universe wants me in Rome this June.  Then, I’m going to apply for the ICEA scholarship that the lovely Dou-la-la mentioned below, and if that works out, then that was meant to be.  If it doesn’t, I’ll just have to save up for my CBE (or CCE) some other way.

Thank you to everyone for your honest opinions and your guidance. I really truly appreciate it.  I know we don’t “know” each other, but I respect other people’s perspectives.  It helps me gauge how I really feel about something.

Okay, lemme back up a minute.  My older son is 3 and a half, and has flatly refused to use the potty for the last 2 years.  We’ve tried everything (and I really mean everything) but the boy could not be convinced.  He preferred wearing diapers all day and night, and would never accept any motivation (oh hell, let’s just call it what it is: bribes) to go on the potty instead.

About a month ago I decided that I should buy him a fish.  He loves fish, and I thought it could be just the thing to bribe him with.  M&Ms and lollipops stopped working over a year ago.  So I put up a sticker chart on the bathroom wall  and told him that every time he went poop in the potty, he could have a sticker.  After three weeks of stickers, he could pick out a fish.  That was our deal.

Yeah.  That shit didn’t work either.  I think he only went poop in the potty about 1/4 of the last 21 days.  BUT, for some unexplainable reason, I still really wanted to buy him a fish.  So yesterday we went to the store, and after he picked out exactly the fish he wanted, AND named him, I told him we’d have to go somewhere and talk about what having a fish would mean.

So I took him by the boys’ clothes department and told him that if he started wearing underwear instead of Pull-ups or diapers, and started using the potty like a big kid, then he could buy his fish — because only big kids can take care of fish, right Jonas?  Right, Mom. This all seemed to make sense to him, so we bought him some underwear, then bought him the fish — along with a “toy” for the fish, and some food, and a pretty little one gallon tank.

The child was over-the-moon excited.  All he wanted to do was go home and help me put Diego in his new home.  And right after we got Diego settled in, I went to nurse Julesy down for his nap.  A few minutes into it, just as Julesy is dosing off, I hear Jonas grunting from the next room.  I say

“Jonas?  What are you doing?”

And to my heart’s delight he yells back,

“I’m going poop and pee in the potty, Mommy!”

And so he was.  It’s been 24 hours now, and the child has not had a single accident.  Not even during the night.  Some times we ask him to go, and other times he just yells to no one,

“Oh!  I gotta go pee/poop!”

and runs himself into the bathroom to put the pee or poop right where it belongs.

Now, I cannot say for sure that he is 100% potty-trained from now until forever (that’s a lot of pressure to put on poor little Diego), but this 24 hours has most certainly been the most success we have ever seen with it.

Even if he regresses now, this 24 hours of diaper-free Jonas is enough of a high to last me another 6 months, if that’s what it takes.  So thank you little fishy — you have already paid for yourself in unused Pull-Ups.

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UPDATE! Two weeks later, I’m happy to say that Jonas has remained 100% diaper-free.  The kid even stands up to pee now, and he does potty time all by himself without even being asked.  He even puts the toilet seat back down when he’s done!  What a man!

Just after we got home from the exhilarating appointment with our homebirth CNM, I was standing in the kitchen reading the mail as Julesy paced back and forth the way toddlers do.  One minute he’s pacing, and the next minute — less than 24 inches from me — he somehow slips and manages to bust his ankle.  I heard a “Pop!” and then he screamed like I’ve never heard him scream before.  We all rushed to him, but we couldn’t figure out what he managed to bump himself on.  We thought maybe he had just  stubbed his toe on the threshold between the kitchen and dining room because there was absolutely nothing else anywhere near him. But his toes didn’t seem to hurt, and there was no swelling anywhere.   He calmed down after awhile, but then, he refused to walk.  He wouldn’t put any weight on his leg whatsoever.  We searched him up and down for swelling, or bruising, or SOME indication of what was hurting him, and still we found nothing.

We thought maybe his foot was just a little sore, and hoped it might feel better this morning.  But again, this morning, he screamed every time he tried to walk.  So we called the doc and they told us to come on it.  The doc localized the pain to his ankle and sent me with kids in tow to the hospital for x-rays.  While I was holding Julesy in place for the X-rays, I hear overhear Jonas in the radiology room flirting with the cute, female radiologist (I swear, that child will talk to anyone) and out of the clear blue sky he says,

“Yeah, my mommy and daddy are giving me a little sister.”

So, the radiologist sees clearly that I’m not showing, and she asks him,

“Oh really?  When will your  baby sister be here?”

And Jonas responds confidently,

“Next Wednesday.”

I always wonder if that boy is psychic.  Of course I won’t be giving him a sister next Wednesday, but maybe I’ll give him a sister on some Wednesday?  I sure hope he knows something I don’t know.

So back to poor Julesy.  They tell us the Ped will call us later with the results.  So I shove my tired, hungry kids back into the car (at this point we’d been at this adventure for 3 hours already) and I treat us all to Happy Meals on the way home.  It’s a good thing I stopped too, because just before I pulled into our garage, the Ped calls us and says Julesy’s ankle is fractured, so I have to drive all the way back to the hospital, pick up the X-rays, then go all the way to the orthopedic surgeon to have a cast set.

Jee. Zus.

This is all occurring on a day that I’m sick as a dog, and so are the kids.  As I’m trying to fill out paper work, my hands and clothes are full of snot.  I look, and feel, like a total wreck.

Thankfully the kids slept in the car on the long ride back to the hospital.  When we got there, I stuck Julesy in the umbrella stroller, still asleep, and strapped Jonas to my back in the Mei Tai (which he still loves.)  We grabbed the X-rays, and head across town to the orthopedic surgeon.  I thought surely these kids were going to enter Meltdown City after being dragged in and out of the car for 6 hours, but they did shockingly well.  I guess they knew I needed a break today.

Finally, at 3 pm, the orthopedic surgeon looks at Julesy’s X-ray and says he doesn’t see a fracture, or at least not one big enough to worry about.  He says no cast will be necessary, and that Julesy is obviously smart enough to stay off the ankle which is all that’s needed.  We just need to go back in a week for a follow-up visit.

Oh, Julesy. Poor kid.  He’s just such a bruiser.  Something tells me this will not be the last time the child sees the inside of a radiology room. I just hope it always turns out as benign as it did today.

___________________________

Poor, Poor Julesy

UPDATE: The leg kept bothering him, so they decided to put him in a cast.  He’ll be in it for the next two weeks.  It’s hella sad.  Poor Julesy.

Wish us all luck getting through the next coupla weeks.

Our special airs on Wednesday, March 3rd at 7 pm central time (check your local listings for your time zone.)  The show is titled “Radical Parenting” and, oh boy, I can hear the collective eye-roll as you all read that.  BUT — they were going to call the special “Extreme Parenting” s0 “Radical Parenting” seems fine to me, comparatively speaking.  We did what we could to help everything come off as well as possible, now it’s up to the producers to make sure nobody looks like an asshole.

So now to answer some of your questions:

Q: Are you nervous?

A: Yes. I might throw up.

Q: Have you seen it already?

A: No. I haven’t.  In fact, many TFB fans saw the previews before I did.  I don’t know if we’re going look to great, or look like asshats.  Which is why I might throw up.

Q: What do they consider “radical parenting?”

A: Well, we’re featured on the show as parents who raise their children in a “gender neutral” environment (as much as that is even possible.)  Also on the show is a family who does “Unschooling” and a family that has 5 kids and do babywearing, extended breastfeeding, Elimination Communication, family bed, and generally just lives an uber-crunchy lifestyle.

Q: So, what the fuck is so radical about that, goddammit!?!?

A: To me? Nothing.  To America? I suppose it’s interesting. Let’s not all kid ourselves and pretend that most people babywear, breastfeed for the full amount of time, unschool, and practice feminist mothering.  We know we’re in the minority, which is why those of us who did the show felt it was important to lend a voice to these “out of the box” parenting styles.

Q: Okay, wait — you’re gonna be on Discovery Health? WTF?

A: Oh, sorry, if you’re new to my blog, you can go back and read all about this adventure here.

Now, hop on over to the Facebook page and RSVP to the virtual viewing party! Then leave a comment and tell me if you’ve seen the promo yet (the narcissist in me is dying to know what you think.)