THE FLINT SKINNY

Temporary Hiatus For The Blog

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 15:44:00 +0000

You may have noticed my sever lack of posting recently. Well, it's not that I don't love you. I was recently hired as the staff writer for Guyism covering all things alcohol industry related, and I've been busy trying to build out my network of industry contacts. I'll be reviewing products; sharing news, funny stories, and videos; trying out gadgets; and pretty much anything else the avid drinker may have interest in. I'm still going to be posting any FlintSkinny style awesome pictures/videos on the facebook page, but I just don't have time to write out witty commentary on the blog. Head to Facebook to follow me so you don't miss out and check out the work I've been doing for Guyism. That site really does have everything you could need from the internet, so join the party.

Weetabix Consumers Are Assholes

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 14:19:00 +0000

I've been meaning to start a video campaign mocking commericials that don't make any sense. Many of the offenders are beer commercials, but it spreads far wider than that. Take this cereal commercial for example. I don't mind that they are trying to piggy back on the current popularity of dubstep. I don't even find dancing with teddy bears to be creepy in the slightest. My problem is that at the very end of the ad we see that the little girl had three friends sitting there watching her routine. Normally that would be fine, but the commercial started with her sitting at the desk quietly eating cereal. What kind of person sits there facing the other direction, enjoying a tasty bowl of whatever the hell Weetabix are, while her friends just sit on the floor empty handed? If that's the sort of person that eats this cereal, I want no part of it.

What If Computer Problems Were Real?

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:23:00 +0000

I fancy myself to be fairly tech savvy. I can't fix a computer or install hardware, but I don't get bogged down by stupid shit. I run lean and fast, and that's the way I like it. For the most part, these problems don't affect me. For you common folks though, some of this might seem fairly familiar. My advice would be to befriend your IT department. With the occasion surprise Egg McMuffin, you can get them on your good side. That doesn't mean they won't hate you for asking if they'll fix your laptop, but they might actually say yes instead of brutally mocking you.

via Buzzfeed

Steve Martin Gives Eddie Murphy Oscar Tips

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:20:00 +0000

Mystery Guitar Man's Epic Symphony

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:17:00 +0000

Everyone knows that I've been impressed by Mystery Guitar Man's creativity for quite some time now. This time he pushed the envelope even further by involving the YouTube community at large. He put out a call to anyone with an instrument to play a set of notes (he posted sheet music for various instruments) and then post the video. Over 1400 were submitted, from which he took bits and pieces and combined them into the epic collaboration that you see before you. If I had an instrument, I would have gotten involved, but at this point I don't even own a triangle or kazoo.

Google Hates Caturday Just Like I Do

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:09:00 +0000

via Mattchew03

Hello Is It Tea You're Looking For?

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:05:00 +0000

I'm not scared to admit that I'm a tea drinker. I throw back some green tea every day in a futile attempt to counteract the negative effects of my liver-abusing lifestyle. If someone were to get me this, I would forever be in your debt, or at least until I determined that my gratitude has equaled the 2x teapot's value.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/81628051/hello-lionel-richie-ritchie-teapot-tea

Dubstep Dance That Would Even Impress Michael Jackson

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:57:00 +0000

I don't know how long it's been since I posted a dance video, but given that I've been fairly lax about posting anything recently, I'm going to assume it has been awhile. This guy was a great way to get the planets realigned though because he's damn impressive. Dubstep may seem like a strange choice for his style, but it really helps set him apart from every other dickbag filming himself and throwing it on youtube.

In the paraphrased words of a commentor, fuck you physics.

Childish Gambino - Bonfire Lyrics

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 14:20:00 +0000

Donald Glover is officially my new favorite rapper. I don't care if he's an actor first, he's leaps and bounds ahead of anyone else out there right now. And don't both disagreeing, my ears are closed to your irrational arguments.

Okay, it’s Childish Gambino, homegirl drop it like the NASDAQ
Move white girls like there’s coke up my asscrack
Move black girls cause, man, fuck it, I’ll do either
I love pussy, I love bitches, dude, I should be runnin’ PETA
In Adidas, with some short shorts, B-O-O all over me
My green is where it's supposed to be, your green is in my grocery
This Asian dude, I stole his girl, and now he got that Kogi beef
My dick is like an accent mark, it’s all about the over Es
Hot like a parked car
I sound weird like nigga with hard R
Fly like the logo on my cousin’s 440
Eatin’ Oreos like these white girls that blow me
Vodka for my ladies, whiskey for a grown man
Hangin’ in the islands, lookin’ for Earl like Toejam
I made the beat retarded, so I’m callin’ it a slow jam
Butcher and I know it, man, kill beef, go ham
These rappers are afraid of him
Cause I’m a beast, bitch, Gir, Invader Zim
Gambino is a call girl, fuck you, pay me
Brand new whip for these niggas like slavery
Told me I was awful man, that shit did not phase me
Tell me how I suck again, my memory is hazy
“You're my favorite rapper now” Yeah, dude, I better be
Or you can fuckin’ kiss my ass, Human Centipede
You wanna see my girl? I ain’t that dumb
You wanna see my girl? Check Maxim
"Man, why does every black actor gotta rap some?”
I don’t know, all I know is I’m the best one

[Hook]
It’s a bonfire, turn the lights out
I’m burnin’ everything you muthafuckas talk about

[Verse 2]
You know these rapper dudes talk shit, start killin’
Fuck that, got goons like an archvillain
I’m from the South, ain’t got no accent, don’t know why
So this rap is child’s play, I do my name like Princess Di
Yeah, they say they want the realness, rap about my real life
Told me I should just quit: “first of all, you talk white!
Second off, you talk like you haven't given up yet"
Rap's stepfather, yeah, you hate me but you will respect
I put in work, ask Ludwig
Put my soul on the track like shoes did
Played this for my cousin, now he can’t even think straight
Black and white music? Now, nigga, that’s a mixtape
Shoutout to my blerds, they represent the realness
Shoutout to Gambino Girls, my dick is in the building
I know you hate me cause your little cousin play me out
I like white girls who nerdy but when they dance they saying ‘Owwww"
I'm sorry for who followed me
Chillin’ with a Filipino, at your local Jollibee
Yeah, I’m in her ass like sodomy
So if you see my hand under the table, don’t bother me
I don't talk soft, that's that other guy
I’m screamin’ “What the fuck is up?” like I ain't seen the sky
And shit I’m doin’ this year? Insanity
Made the beat then murdered it, Casey Anthony
These rappers don’t know what to do
Cause all I did was act me like a Looney Tune
I’ll give you all of me until there’s nothing left
I swear this summer will be summer Camp, bitch

You Really Can Learn Anything On The Internet

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 14:03:00 +0000

Someone On Craigslist Misses Me

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 19:15:00 +0000

Even though the South side of Chicago is teeming with Irish, I am going to go ahead and assume this craigslist ad is about me. I'm perplexed by the longing that is expressed in the body of the listing in contrast to the comical "You're a douchebag" picture at the end. In any case, I hope my girlfriend doesn't see this, or I've got some explainin' to do.

Thanks to Jimmie for sending this my way.

Random aside:
Growing up, everyone always assumed that I was French. My last name was Joliat, so it must be the case that I'm French. When I moved to Chicago, everyone assumed I was Irish because my first name is Colin. In actuality...I'm a motherfuckin' American. Sure there is something to be said for family pride, but there weren't any living family members from a different country when I was born, and we don't carry on any traditions from wherever the motherland may be, so why would I identify with some country from my distant past?

Rosh Hashanah Rock Anthem Proves Jews Are Cool

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 16:23:00 +0000

Song parodies go back as far as I can remember, but with the advent of YouTube they have taken on a whole new life. Anyone with a camera and some creativity can lay down a parody video if they want. Thankfully people don't take that as an excuse to do a half-assed job.

This is the second Jewish parody I've seen this year (check Pursuit of Jappiness here), and both have been pretty spectacular. I know it's still over a week from Rosh Hashanah, one of the 19 holidays Jews seem to have this time of year, but I figured I should post this immediately given the weaning popularity of Party Rock Anthem.

Tip of the yarmulke to Jeremy for this.
Tip of the hat to wikipedia for learning how the hell yarmulke is spelled.

The first parody I ever remember hearing was Steve Dahl's Ayatollah back when I was just a little kid. It came out before I was born, but that didn't stop me from listening to it on loop.

Apparently I Am Not Welcome At The Playboy Club

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 16:21:00 +0000

How To Plan The Perfect Date - Don't

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 13:34:00 +0000

Creating a memorable date can be a difficult task for any guy. There's a fine line between fun/creative and cheap. Dane Cook landed Jessica Simpson by taking her on a date to the Super-Club, but I wouldn't recommend trying that in real life.

I've had a girlfriend for the better part of six years, which causes a whole different spectrum of problems. I know what she does and doesn't like and the pressure to impress her is gone, but at some point ideas start running low. When it came to the spans that I was single though, things were definitely trickier.

I've come up with some pretty solid dates in the past, but I've never had one like either of these two guys...

Why Don't You Shut The Front Door

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 17:38:00 +0000

The next in a long line of movie supercuts features 100 of the greatest instances of "shut up" in cinema history. As you can imagine, there are quite a few fucks thrown around in this video, so don't be an idiot.

via NextRound

And just for shits and giggles, here's my all time favorite instance of "shut up." It's between :20-:35.

The index of all the movies in the super cut are listed after the jump if you are reading this on the homepage.
Click Here To Keep Reading

Kathy Griffin Stalking Little Known Internet Blogger

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 17:27:00 +0000

I bought tickets 2 years ago for my girlfriend, and I'm stuck with these emails for the rest of my life. I'm never doing anything nice again.

Epic Rap Battle Between Mr T Vs Mr Rogers

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 15:02:00 +0000

There are very few times that I actually get really excited to watch a video. Maybe I'm jaded, or maybe I'm maturing (god help us all), but it's starting to take more and more to entertain me. One thing that typically does the trick though is Nice Peter's Epic Rap Battles of History.

This morning, as I was scrolling through my google reader, I saw that there was an update from Nice Peter's main channel (yes, I follow multiple). That could mean only one thing - ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINO! Actually, it meant there was a new rap battle waiting for my viewing pleasure.

There had been whispers within the writing community that DeStorm, who you know is one of my favorite artists, had been working on a project with Nice Peter. I never expected he would be making an appearance in a rap battle, but there he was dressed as Mr. T (also one of my favorites), battling against Mr. Rogers.

With YouTube typically being flooded with videos of people failing, it's refreshing to see people whose main purpose is to create high quality and creative entertainment.

For awhile I was posting weekly about Mr. T. Check him out here.

More DeStorm

More Nice Peter

Dom Mazzetti Vs. Bad Hook Ups

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 13:07:00 +0000

Dom Mazzetti is back and this time he jumepd on a grenade. Most people have a bruise or two on their record, but this sounds like one of the worst nights imaginable short of finding out she's actually a dude.

Check out more of Dom Mazzetti here.

Tyler Perry Makes Money Kenan Can Only Dream Of

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 13:27:00 +0000

Forbes released their list of highest paid men in entertainment yesterday, and you may be surprised at who sits at the top. Mega producer/directors Jerry Bruckheimer and Steven Spielberg came in at number two and three respectively, and music icon Elton John followed closely behind. But who was number one you ask? Tyler Perry.

That's right, Tyler Perry is the highest paid man in entertainment toady, with a cool $130 million last year. Don't mind the fact that his 11 movies (I'm not counting StarTrek) averaged a 34.5% on RottenTomatoes. By directing, producing, and acting in all of them, he was able to profit from all angles of his moderately successful films.

He found and filled an under-served market. Blockbusters are typically universal, and Wes Anderson has been filling the need for white people movies, but no one was truly making black people movies. Tyler Perry stepped up and filled that niche. Real, exaggerated, or entirely stereotypical, Perry has been able to make movies about problems to which the black community can relate, and they have responded by giving him millions of dollars.

Color Me Confused

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 17:43:00 +0000

This is sitting outside my office bathroom right now. Yes, that is carpet. No, it doesn't smell like piss...yet.

Russian Kids Are Better At Life Than I Am

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 14:34:00 +0000

This video is far too long for the internet, but it's well worth watching a little and then fast forward, then rinse and repeat until it's over. Apparently in Russia, even kids are way more bad ass than I am. On a sunny summer Sunday afternoon (do they have summer in the motherland?), 4 kids decided that they should go ahead and climb the Moskovskyi Bridge in Kiev.

I'm not gonna lie, my palms were sweaty just watching this. I was quite confident that I was going to die even though I'm safely sitting at a desk in Chicago.

via BlameItOnTheVoices

Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO Meets Metal

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 13:19:00 +0000

LMFAO is known for making awesome club anthems, and they are incredibly good at it. The problem is that they are so catchy they get played to death within the first month. I can barely stand hearing Party Rock Anthem at this point, and it's an awesome song. Eric Calderone just bought the jam another couple weeks though by giving it the metal treatment. Now if only we could get this version into bars. Where's DJ Fair Value when I need him?

Nike Air Mags Remind Me Off LA Lights and Reebok Pumps

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 12:43:00 +0000

If your childhood took place in the '80s and early '90s, there were a few different pairs of shoes that were so awesome you might look back now and think you were slightly gay for them. First, the Reebok Pumps were absolutely essential for any kid who played basketball. You could jump 10x higher and look awesome re-pumping them before your free throws. Then came the LA Lights. Do you know how fast you can run with lights on the bottom of your shoes? You are basically transformed into a cheetah. Apparently they are good for break-dancing too, as evidenced by the video I found.

The one pair of shoes that every self-respecting kid wanted though was the Nike Air Mags. It was Marty McFly's shoes with the automatic lacing system from Back To The Future 2. Rumors have been swirling, based on patent applications, that Nike was actually going to produce them, and now it looks like they've done just that. I don't know if this is real or not, but we'll find out later today. Either way, I'm now buying these or making my own.

Racist(?) Craigslist Ad For Feline Exterminator

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 18:10:00 +0000

So many questions. Does he think African Americans are better hunters or can he only afford to pay with a KFC gift card and Kool-Aid and racistly assumes only an African American would accept that? What's wrong with a black guy who isn't African or American? How big is the cat that the man must be large? Can't women kill cats too? Why is the job suitable for handicapped people, but not white people? How does one telecommute murder?

h/t to Dana

Mike Relm Gives Aziz Ansari The Remix Treatment

noreply@blogger.com (THE FLINT SKINNY) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 03:00:00 +0000

It's been ages (2 months) since I've posted a new remix. Thankfully, Mike Relm has come to the rescue and cut up Aziz Ansari's "Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening." I had the pleasure of seeing this standup routine live, and it makes it that much better. If Aziz ever rolls through your town, be sure to check him out.

And just for good measure, here's one of my early favorites of Relm's.