Panic struck as my heart raced – I felt totally out of touch! As my mind rapidly flew into solve-the problem mode, the first thing I did was try to find a pay phone. That didn’t work as the one I found wouldn’t accept money and I had no idea how to use it. And, I think it might have been broken, but I couldn’t figure out how or why.

Increased panic – no cell phone, no pay phone – nothing.

Whirling around, I spied three friendly faces at the Delta Wheelchair Assistance counter. I jumped into line and quickly made the folks behind the counter my new nearest, dearest, and closest friends.  They were a great help letting me use their land-line, but suddenly I realized I didn’t know any phone numbers – they were all in the memory bank of my cell. Thank goodness directory assistance still works, and a very special thanks for the kindness of strangers.

Luckily I finally reached my daughter at work, who contacted her ex-husband who had driven me to the airport. After a quick search of his car, he found my cell right where I left it – smack dab in the middle of the seat. This good man retraced the miles to the airport, and my tiny black communicator was soon clutched tightly in my hand before my flight flew, although it took a Herculean effort to make it to the gate on time.

As I waited for my knight in shining armor to rush through the departure lane for the second time that morning, I thought about how disconnected I had felt. How could the loss of a piece of technology make me feel so mentally unhinged? While I owned this experience, I would venture to say most everyone over the age of twelve is dependent upon some type of mobile device – iPads, iPhones, iPods, Kindles, laptops, calculators, and probably hundreds more.

Would others feel as out-of-control and lost as I did if their world of connections failed?

Right then and there, I made a plan. I would get a second cheap cell phone to be hidden in the bottom of my purse, just for emergencies. I’d also carry important phone numbers in my wallet as a back-up.

I also thought about how instant contact with our friends and family is so important.  Technological advances over the past couple decades have impacted our social connections to a tremendous degree.  

That begs a bunch of questions.

Do you feel technology has forged stronger bonds between you and your loved ones?  Does more frequent contact make for better communication, or does it cause more problems? Do you feel obligated to answer texts or calls the minute you get them? Do you sometimes resent being so “available?”

We would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this article, share this article, or post in on your website. Please make sure you have it linked back to us! Enjoy! Barbara J. Peters

From Barbara: Sexuality: it does make a difference in a relationship. According to research having sex is healthy and can even last through the golden years. This guest blogs tells us why the big “O” is not all there is and gives some suggestions of how to maximize the sexual experience much beyond the physical thrill of the orgasm.

As an expert on sex and an author on the subject, I think I’m fairly well poised to understand our preoccupation with the orgasm. As it turns out, the sexual climax: its quality, intensity, longevity, ability to be experienced multiple times is pretty much standard fare in magazines, blogs and books that discuss sexuality. And perhaps it should be. Who wants to go on a journey without the hope of reaching the end? Who wants to watch an exciting movie or read a thrilling novel without enjoying its earth-shattering highpoint? It’s just how we humans are wired; the end seems even more important than the journey.

Having said that, if we transfer this understanding to our intimate sexual relationships, can we honestly say that an orgasm always brings with it a feeling of completion or fulfillment? What exactly is up when some of us are left wanting and craving more, even after our orgasm has subsided? And should we really focus so much on “the end” or should we revisit the entire journey?

While I could never trivialize the orgasm and maintain a straight face, I think that the big “O” may not always be all it’s cracked up to be. In other words, it is not a guaranteed solution to every relationship challenge or problem, nor does it automatically signify that all is right in our sexual world. As I am at pains to maintain in my book, great mind-blowing sex is perhaps about a lot more than the physical logistics of the penis, vagina and our other erogenous zones. In the context of marriage, we are actually attempting to make love to more than our spouse’s genitals.

Great sex is about connecting with our partner at the level of body, mind and soul. The term ‘psychasm’ coined by the author of “Super Marital Sex,” Paul Pearsall, Ph. D., actually defines this concept of a deeper sexual connection quite well.

Accordingly, the psychasm supersedes and goes beyond just the physical orgasm. It speaks of absolute vulnerability and openness derived from lowering barriers and pretences for complete self-exposure; conditions which foster true intimacy. By extension, I would assume that it requires complete honesty with one’s self and one’s spouse. Such honesty is not a means to expose, embarrass or tear down, instead, however tempered, is a way to build and affirm. Phychasm literally removes the word “organ” from orgasm and focuses instead on the psychology of sexual release.

Having the psychasm as a sexual resolution is an admirable goal. But I agree that it may seem somewhat airy-fairy and difficult to grasp. What exactly is it and why should we want one? Perhaps it may help to think of it as more than just a 10-second sexual event, but as an extended state of being which is capable of redefining the sexual encounter over the long-term. As Professor Pearsall puts it, we should have as our goal the sexualization of the entire marriage, so that intimacy and honesty become states of being which define the marriage and enhance the sexual experience. In this way, sex is holistic and not compartmentalized or limited to the 10-minute romp we have in the bedroom or on the counter-top.

The following suggestions are practical ways of maximizing our sexual experience by going beyond the mere physical thrill of the orgasm into the more integrated experience of the psychasm.

Clear the air of emotional and sexual baggage: Release unresolved hurts from childhood or from previous relationships that have the power to intrude on true sexual intimacy with your spouse. Make an effort to expose past hurts by sharing with your partner or by seeking professional help where required. This creates a psychological space for ongoing honesty with your mate and enhances intimacy on all counts.

Deliberately preserve emotional exclusivity with your spouse: While we may all have old and treasured friends from our “past lives” or may meet new people with whom we connect, it is important to define our marriage with a sense of exclusivity. Having “couple secrets” or a quality to our relationship which sets it apart from all others is critical to preserving its sense of uniqueness.

Revisit your lovemaking language and concepts: While we may never escape the concept of “coming” during the sex act, perhaps focusing on “being” may help us somewhat to move beyond the limitations of orgasm. Enjoying all aspects of the sexual journey is critical if we want to rework where we focus all of our energy. Yes, the sense of completion a climax can bring is important, but the pleasuring of the entire experience and our active presence “in the moments,” should perhaps be more our goal.

Practice active forgiveness: Holding a grudge against your spouse can be entirely counter-productive to the pursuit of sexual intimacy. It is imperative that couples not allow lapses to occur after fights, arguments or serious rifts. Honest dialogue should be pursued so that mutual forgiveness can be exercised. This frees us up for deeper sexual connection.

Sexualize everyday moments: See your sexual relationship as your ongoing relationship and vice-versa. This means that your method of relating throughout the day is governed by thoughtfulness and the expression of desire. Desiring your husband or wife is not limited to wanting to literally “get it on,” but it means that you have a tangible connection which sensitizes you to each others’ needs. This keeps you constantly aware of each other even when apart. Sexualizing moments also includes utilizing the mind to think sexual thoughts about your spouse throughout the day, as well as being physically affectionate through touch.

De-genitalize the sexual encounter: Deliberately forget today’s focus on things like penis size and “designer vaginas;” a more holistic view of sex allows us to understand the importance of the entire body. Delaying genital touch for as long as possible could therefore be fairly exciting. Making an effort to dwell on other areas like toes, noses, eyes, finger tips, palms, ears, the head and the massaging of limbs, can function to bring the entire body into the sexual encounter while still enhancing the sensations that will undoubtedly come to the genitals.

Open your eyes: There is something to be said for the eyes being the windows to the soul. Sharing deep glances during your lovemaking, when every fiber of your being is inviting you to close them, can provide very telling moments. While we close our eyes because of the intensity of pleasure, we also do so out of fear, embarrassment and a need to hide. By opening them, you are risking exposing your pleasure and your vulnerability and you are entrusting this to the one you have vowed to share your life with. This can be incredible for maximizing the sense of freedom, which comes to the sexual release and can truly move it from mere orgasm to psychasm.

“Denise J Charles” is an educator, counselor, relationship-coach, published author and blogger. She holds a Masters Degree in Education and is a qualified trainer-of-trainers. Denise is Executive Director of “Better Blends Relationship Institute,” a counseling and training entity founded by herself and her husband Gabriel. Denise’s blog on sex can be found “here“. Denise’s new book is “How To Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Losing Your Brain.”

Originally published in Hitched Magazine:  HITCHED entertains, educates and inspires marriages.

We would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this article, share this article, or post in on your website. Please make sure you have it linked back to us! Enjoy! Barbara J. Peters

Not that we don’t show our love every single day, right? But, let’s admit it, sometimes we need a jolt to recapture romance in our day to day lives. February 14 is as good a day as any to show how much our spouse or partner means to us

We all have a personal love language we use to say how much we care. For some it’s easier to send a Hallmark-inspired card or maybe write a poem. For others it’s easier to buy a gift or whisk their special someone away to enjoy a few lingering hours over dinner. Whatever your style, it’s the way you show your love.

Want to expand your love world, shake things up, and excite your valentine this year? You might be pleasantly surprised if you dare to venture just a little bit outside your comfort level.

Are you the card-sending type? Rather than just one card, why not send a dozen? Some funny, some romantic, and perhaps one or two construction paper glittery creations you make yourself.

Are you a love poem writer? Go ahead and write that poem, but present it in a new way. Maybe hide each stanza in a different place around the house with clues leading your lover to the hiding places.

Are you a gift giver? Forget the candy or flowers this year. Instead buy a book, movie, or doodad you think your lover would enjoy. That shows more thought than stopping by a drug store and responding to the holiday displays out of obligation.

Are you a dinner devotee? Rather than go to “your favorite place,” find a restaurant similar to your old favorite – maybe it will become a new place to rendezvous. Or ask a restaurant to prepare a take-away meal and enjoy a romantic dinner for two at home.

Whatever you choose to do this year, make sure the kids are tucked away with a babysitter and get rid of all distractions so there’s plenty of time alone. Stay within your budget too! No need for ammunition to ignite future fights about spending habits.

Most importantly, be totally with your partner or spouse. Think about them and how much they add to your life, and then share those thoughts. Reminiscence about old times shared and how you fell in love. Laugh together and bring back the joy you first found in each other.

Finally, thank Cupid for targeting his arrow at a cold day in February to remind us to stop a minute and let love shine through our lives.

We would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this article, share this article, or post in on your website. Please make sure you have it linked back to us! Enjoy! Barbara J. Peters

Recently intimacy was the focus of a couple’s counseling session. The wife had been concerned about the lack of intimacy in their marriage.

Her husband had a surprised, almost quizzical, look on his face as she made her comments. Clearly this couple wasn’t on the same page. Obviously, the husband thought the level of intimacy in their marriage was just fine.

To ensure both partners knew exactly what we were talking about, I asked each to describe their view of intimacy.

Jumping right in, the wife said there wasn’t enough hand holding, touching, and physical closeness between the two of them. She went on to say this made her feel unattractive, and she often imagined she was forcing her husband to perform sexually in the bedroom. Her husband’s lack of compliments caused her to feel he didn’t desire her sexually. This wife felt intimacy was connected with physical or sexual closeness, and she wanted more of it.

When I asked her husband how he defined marital intimacy, I got a different picture. He felt intimacy was being together as a family, interacting on a personal level, and being able to share troubles and joys in a life together. For him, the physical component was a secondary aspect of intimacy. While he didn’t deny he had sexual needs to be met, his idea of intimacy was more connected to emotional needs being fulfilled.  

Both the husband and wife were right on. Intimacy does encompass many different things.

Wikipedia defines an intimate relationship as “a close interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional closeness. Sexual activity is a characteristic of the physical component. On an interactive level there is also emotional and personal support given to each other, which fulfills the need of belonging and caring for each other.”

The key is to blend the physical with the emotional in ways that are fulfilling to both partners. Once again, communication is the only way to find out what your partner wants and needs, and how those needs mesh with your own. Opening up a dialog is the first step to creating an intimate world which includes just the two of you.

What does your world of intimacy look like? Can you find ways to make it more fulfilling?

We would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this article, share this article, or post in on your website. Please make sure you have it linked back to us! Enjoy! Barbara J. Peters

If you are married you will totally get a kick out of remembering all the silly little fights you had as a newlywed and if you are a newlywed maybe these will be food for thought.  If you are not married these will just be funny or they may come up if you live with someone.  Check out 10 fights every young couple has.

1. Toilet seat: Do you leave the toilet seat up or down?  Does it matter?  Speaking as a woman it most certainly does matter if you walk into the bathroom at night in the dark and go to sit down and fall in because the seat was left up.  However, coming at it from the guy’s side why should he have to lift the seat and put it down every time he uses the bathroom and the girl doesn’t?  So to make it fair I feel that you should put both the seat and the lid down on the toilet.  That way the guy can raise both at the same time and put them both down and the woman still has to lift and put down the lid only.
2. Toilet paper: Now this is a funny argument, but one that people feel very strongly about even into their 60’s.  Do you put the roll on so that the toilet paper comes over the top of the roll or from under the roll?  If you ask the makers of toilet paper they will tell you that toilet paper was designed to go on the roll with the paper coming over the top of the roll, but frankly you can do whatever you feel comfortable doing.  Just know that this is a little battle so someone should be the bigger person and bend to the other’s wishes.
3. Which side of the bed: If you grew up sleeping in a twin bed it probably won’t make any difference to you which side of the bed you sleep on, but it may if only one side has a lamp for reading or a nightstand to put a book or a glass of water on.  If both sides are equal in terms of furniture and lighting then it’s just a matter of taste.  Your body will have gotten used to sleeping on one side of the bed and it can actually cause insomnia in some people to sleep on the other side of the bed.  Good luck with this one.
4. Dishes: Who’s going to do the dishes?  You would think in this day and age of dishwashers that this would be a moot point, but it isn’t.  You still have to have someone do up the dishes that don’t go in the dishwasher.  Also, someone needs to unload the dishwasher and put the dishes away.  Ideally you would both do the dishes together, one person washes and the other dries.  Good luck with that.  It would be nice if both of you put the dirty dishes into the dishwasher and that the person who notices that the dishwasher is full runs it.  Then it would be equally nice if the first person that gets up in the morning would empty the dishwasher.  In an ideal world.
5. Paying the bills: Who is going to pay the bills?  Some couples will think that they will pay them together.  For some this may actually work, but for others paying the bills will be a point of stress and cause an argument between the couple.  It may work to have one person organize the bills onto a spreadsheet or list and have the other person actually pay them.
6. Toothpaste: This is a funny one on the surface, but after a while it really gets irritating.  You know how lovey dovey young couples are at the beginning?  They want to be together all the time and want to share everything, even toothpaste.  Do you squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle or from the end?  What about the cap?  Do you put it back on when you are done or just leave it on the counter?  This is such an issue that toothpaste makers have made toothpaste in bottles and toothpaste tubes with caps that stay attached after you open them, like flip tops.
7. Buying something without discussing it: When a couple is newly married it’s hard to break the habit of buying whatever you want when you want it.  Just make sure that you work together and set a limit above which the item has to be discussed before purchasing it.  The national average is $249. 
8. Wet towels: Leaving wet towels on the floor is a huge area of contention.  Why is it one person’s job to pick them up and hang them somewhere to dry?  A question for those people who leave the wet towel on the floor or bed.  Who do you think is going to pick them up, the maid?  Why is it anyone else’s job to pick up after you?
9. Hair in the sink: Now this goes both ways, women hate when men leave hair in the sink after they have shaved and men hate it when women leave hair in the drain from washing their hair.  Bottom line is that you both need to make sure the sink is pretty clean and presentable when you get ready to leave the bathroom.
10. Remote control: Who controls the remote in your family?  How do you decide who gets to hold the remote?  Do you have one of those partners that like to keep flipping through the stations without even waiting long enough to see what’s on?

posted with permission from Best Dating Sites

We would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this article, share this article, or post in on your website. Please make sure you have it linked back to us! Enjoy! Barbara J. Peters

As expected, women usually instigate this conversation. Many women find themselves in relationships that no longer offer the romantic excitement they felt while dating. They complain of stagnation, boredom, and emotional distance from their spouse or partner.

Many women feel their partner takes them for granted and claim intimacy is missing from their relationship. They frequently share that the sexual act feels like just another chore to do. As the days pass, they worry their world exclusively revolves around child care, housekeeping, cooking, shopping, and chauffeuring kids around. They claim no time for enjoying and pampering themselves, and rarely find the important time to connect and commune with their partner.

Not a hopeful scenario and one which inevitably can lead down a path of emotional destruction. Many women are singing the song, “Is That All There Is?”

What to do about this sad state of affairs?  Get back into the dating scene! Oddly enough, television shows like The Bachelor present good ideas for couples to follow. It’s not necessary to run off to Bali for romance. You can find it in your own backyard.

Dating is about spending time together as a couple. Dating is about sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings with each other. Dating is about holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes. Dating is about practicing togetherness to enjoy each other’s company.

Dating is about taking and making the effort to bring romance back into your life.

It’s not easy when couples face so many external demands vying for attention each and every day. And, it’s difficult when only one person in the relationship feels something is missing. As always, communication is the answer. But, easier said than done.

So, why not take the plunge and schedule a date night?

Send a note to your spouse or partner, or call and actually ask them out. Go back and remember some of the fun things you did when you were dating. Be creative, and make sure the babysitter is arranged in advance. Tease to please, and leave your imaginations wide open. Who knows what could happen when sparks fly!

If you’re not comfortable or ready to play the dating game, start doing little things to make your partner’s everyday life easier and more fun. Don’t say a word, but take a hint from Nike, Just Do It!

It may take a while, probably longer than you’d like, but your partner will eventually notice something has changed. They might not know what it is for weeks, but you’ll know. Before long, you’ll sense different responses to your actions, and isn’t that what you’re looking to achieve?

Romance can be in the air again, but you must make it happen!

We would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this article, share this article, or post in on your website. Please make sure you have it linked back to us! Enjoy! Barbara J. Peters

Love is the most influential, powerful state of being that any of us will ever encounter or experience in the course of our lives. It is beyond emotion, as it encompasses and affects all levels of our actions, thoughts, inspirations and aspirations. To be devoid of love is to be absent of life. The elements of love are intertwined and dependent upon one another; and, in most instances, are realized upon reciprocity. Any deficiency of these elements, or ‘links’, would therefore compromise the ‘chain’ that binds and holds each component together, and love will suffer.

Trust - This may be considered the most challenging element of love. You grant another person the right to hold your life, your emotions in their hands. You don’t question their intention as you firmly believe and confirm that they will not do you harm and, instead, will flourish with such privilege.

Honesty - There is no true love relationship that may occur without honesty. While certain truths may be painful to expose and share at times, the act and willingness to put truth above self-preservation is a constant testimony to that attests to the claim of love.

Tolerance - We are all predisposed to idiosyncrasies and quirks inherent in our personalities; and, in general, these are very good things. Oftentimes, however, such things may go across the grain of those closest to you. Tolerance permits these differences in actions or thoughts and accepts the them in the other’s composition as part of who they are, and not an affront to who they are.

Forgiveness -It is impossible to embrace another so closely without, at some time, hurting or disappointing them in some way. Forgiveness is the power and strength the ‘victim’ renders that indicates that the relationship is more important than the injury they feel has been done to them.

Kindness -As simple as this may appear, it is the food that helps a relationship to grow. Kindness acknowledges a unique awareness of the other person. It demonstrates gratitude and sensitivity in the relationship.

Security -While often difficult to foster and maintain in a relationship, security is closely related to trust. When you are secure in the relationship, envy and jealousy are less likely to raise their ugly heads. Security dismisses the notion that a partner may hold something or someone else in higher regard or interest.

Understanding/Compassion -It’s important to achieve an understanding of the motivations and values of your partner. True understanding and compassion recognizes that both the strengths, and weaknesses of another, equally comprise the total makeup of who they are.

Commitment -While some may see this is as a form of personal sacrifice, it is really quite the opposite. To be dedicated to the wants, needs and aspirations of your partner is truly noble and selfless. With commitment, your focus is on striving, to the best of your ability, to encourage anything that will bring prosperity and happiness to the other; and to do so without self-interest.

Respect -It’s important to avoid anything that would hinder the growth of the partner and, subsequently, the success of the relationship. This is achieved by showing respect for the partner and the relationship, at all times.

Desire–This would be considered the delicate thread that weaves through all those elements listed above. Without the passionate desire to meld with another, the concept of love would certainly be an exercise in futility.

As the title states, these are the ten words that describe love to me. You may have a different list, but it was a good exercise for me. Sometimes it helps just to think through what we really mean, when we use a word like ‘love’.

Written and posted on Top Dating Sites.com

We would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this article, share this article, or post in on your website. Please make sure you have it linked back to us! Enjoy! Barbara J. Peters

Borrowing from classical science, you might try shifting your paradigm model to jump-start the changes needed to empower you as an individual.

In a social sense, paradigm is a word that means your personal world view of things. This includes all the experiences, values and beliefs that come together to create how you perceive life around you, including your relationships.

Making personal change happen often requires a paradigm shift. In other words, you must change the way you see things to affect a different outcome. Sometimes this isn’t easy to do – a personal paradigm shift is like stopping an ocean liner that’s been blasting full steam ahead – it doesn’t happen in an instant. But, it can and will happen, given time and a reversal in direction.

How do you know if you’re stuck in a relationship that needs some changing?

• Do you find yourself merging into your partner’s personality and losing your own?
• Do you stray from your value system and interests and replace them with your partner’s?
• Does love hurt because you give so much yet feel you are getting little in return?
• Do you feel exhausted from the effort it takes to keep your relationship alive?
• Do you want to feel empowered and reclaim your own life?

So, what might you have to do to shift your relationship paradigm to make it more fulfilling? Remember, these won’t always be easy to do!

• Give up the comfort and security you have now
• Take risks to change your relationship, without guarantees
• Create your own happiness from within
• Make new choices, but plan them carefully
• Own your thoughts and make decisions without input from others

Once you shift your thinking and actions, you’ll see a remarkable change in your life. What should you expect to happen?

• You’ll walk more assertively
• Your facial expression will be altered – many more smiles
• You’ll take a renewed interest in your appearance
• You’ll start wearing brighter colors
• Your energy level will skyrocket

Just like the ocean liner, shifting your personal direction will take time. Don’t force change too quickly or it won’t work for the long haul. Learn to take baby steps and congratulate yourself as you accomplish even the smallest success.

You’re on your way to a building a better you!

We would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this article, share this article, or post in on your website. Please make sure you have it linked back to us! Enjoy! Barbara J. Peters

It’s no secret that maintaining a long distance relationship requires a huge amount of work and dedication. Whether it’s the result of deployment, relocation or an online romance, being separated from one another can be the most difficult things a couple ever goes through. 

Here are some tips to help make the separation more bearable.

• Stay Positive – Fight the temptation to hunker down with an MP3 player full of sad songs and a bottle of wine. Instead, try to concentrate on the positive aspects of your relationship.
• Focus On Future Plans – When the pressure of being separated gets to be a bit too much, it helps to focus on the future. Whether it’s the next meeting or the big picture, thinking about what you’re working towards and waiting for can make it all seem worthwhile.
• Get Out of the House – Go out. Go to the park or a museum, out for a walk or to dinner with friends. Doing something fun will keep your mind off the separation and will give you something to talk about the next time you’re on the phone.
• Get a Hobby – All too often, adults let hobbies and pastimes fall to the wayside in the tedium of work and day to day responsibilities. Recapturing the joy of a hobby can be a great way to relieve stress from many aspects of your life, not to mention offer an enjoyable distraction for the times when talking to your guy just isn’t feasible.
• Cultivate Your Own Interests – It’s so easy to be influenced by the likes and dislikes of a significant other that sometimes we lose sight of our own interests. Even if it’s as simple as watching a movie that your honey wouldn’t have much desire to see, using the time apart as a way to keep your own interests alive can make the separation seem shorter.
• Trust Him – Trust can be an issue in any relationship, but it’s definitely compounded when there are miles between you. Making an effort to maintain trust in your relationship is arguably the most important aspect of keeping a long-distance relationship strong; there’s no question that it makes those long nights alone easier to bear.
• Be Realistic About Communication – There are going to be days when even a short conversation simply isn’t feasible, especially if you’re in different time zones. Having rigid expectations about how often you speak can put a huge amount of pressure on your relationship. Instead, try to look at every conversation as a pleasant surprise.
  Invest in a Web Cam – Sometimes a telephone just isn’t enough, even if the conversation lasts for hours. Being able to see your sweetie will do wonders for your morale, so a web cam might be the most powerful weapon at your disposal.
• Start an Exercise Regimen – Exercise releases mood-boosting endorphins and fosters an all-around feeling of well being, so building a workout routine might be another way to combat the stress of separation.
•  Form a Support System – Even having just one friend that can identify with your situation can go a long way. Your friends are vitally important, and can help keep you grounded.

Though it can sometimes feel like it will never end, remember that the separation won’t last forever. Staying as optimistic as possible and keeping the end goal in sight will help, as will having a clear plan for the future. Though it may be difficult, try to treasure the time you have to yourself and avoid worrying about things that can’t be changed immediately.

Submitted by Mary Edwards of The Best Dating Sites

We would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this article, share this article, or post in on your website. Please make sure you have it linked back to us! Enjoy! Barbara J. Peters

In my counseling practice, I see many couples who are wrestling with this very issue.

My answer was, “Yes, of course this is possible!”

The biggest hurdles affair-affected couples face are accepting the degrees of effort, energy and understanding it takes to move past an affair.

Today affairs of all kinds run rampant. They can begin on Web sites, at work, at social gatherings, or even by a chance encounter at the local dog park! Sometimes affairs start as innocent flirting while texting or e-mailing, as well as with traditional face to face contact.

No matter what way an affair starts, they all suffer the same destructive effects. There are no filters or soft places to land when the deceit is first discovered. Marriages can break-up quickly and kids often suffer the harsh consequences of the choices their parents make.

When a couple wants to mend and continue their relationship, it is encouraging, yet worrisome. Can the couple navigate the road to trusting again and feel genuine forgiveness, or will the journey be too difficult to make? Many damaged marriages will end in divorce if there are too many bumps in the road.

Both partners must share the same goals for preserving their marriage. The decision to work things out should not be for the sake of the children, but because the couple truly loves each other and can visualize a solid future together. 

There must be shared responsibility to save the marriage, and I do mean shared. It’s too easy to place blame on the one who had the affair. The other partner had a part as well, and both should be willing to understand that for every action there is a reaction. This can be difficult to understand and often counseling is needed to get past this hump.

Both partners must be willing to tell the truth and nothing but the truth from this point on. Deceit of any kind cannot be tolerated.

The partner who stepped outside the marriage must feel a sense of remorse and recognize his or her behavior as wrong and a violation of the vows taken on the couple’s wedding day.

Both must learn forgiveness, toward each other and toward themselves. They must agree on boundaries for behavior and commit to staying within those boundaries. They must love each other with a compassionate heart.

It might be very difficult to handle all this as the couple works through the hurting, but isn’t a forever marriage worth the effort?

We would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this article, share this article, or post in on your website. Please make sure you have it linked back to us! Enjoy! Barbara J. Peters