Harkendarv: The Mildly Entertaining Podcast

Firefly

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Wed, 03 May 2017 15:30:05 +0100

So, Firefly. I imagine none of you have heard of this hardly-remembered gem. It’s just flown right under the radar. It was cancelled in 2003 to little-to-no uproar or consternation. Only 14 episodes were made, and they were consigned to the dustbin of history.

All of this is, of course, nonsense. The “time on the air” to “impact made” ratio of Firefly is off the charts, probably unprecedented. And so it’s a perfect subject for HarkenDarv, 15 years later, to dig its grubby little nose all up into its business.

Enjoy!

Tommy Wiseau’s The Room

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Wed, 19 Apr 2017 12:34:49 +0100

Roll up, roll up, and ensure your seatbelts are sufficiently tightened, because this one goes deep.

Harkendarv presents an in-depth and thoughtful analysis of Tommy Wiseau’s dramatic masterwork, The Room (not, and I mean not, to be confused with Room, the Lenny Abrahamson directed film starring Brie Larson).

We also continue the trajectory of our intro section getting sillier and sillier, a trajectory that, I have to be honest, is in no danger of veering off-course.

If you would like to see The Room in its entirety, it’s currently on Youtube, although if you discover this link in 2018 or later, it could well be down:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocUI08Xe9RQ

Pokemon Go(ne)

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 08:30:58 +0100

A bit of a special episode this week. We know it’s been a long old March, with only 2 podcasts spread over 5 Wednesdays (like butter, over too much corn-on-the-cob). But we’re back, and we have a special guest, who I will not spoil here.

It’s a special-effects driven episode! Be sure to email us if you feel like it harkendarv@gmail.com. Be sure to subscribe using the podcatcher of your choice. Be sure to follow our twitter @harkendarv. Be sure to go to our facebook group facebook.com/harkendarv. Be sure to check out our website at harkendarv.tumblr.com (don’t worry about this last one - you’re already there).

Hyper Light Drifter

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Wed, 15 Mar 2017 09:22:49 +0000

It’s the third Wednesday of the month and you know what that means… it’s HarkenDarv time!

This is one of those ones where we talk about a computer game. I know, I know, pipe down, that means it’s a little more rambly, self-indulgent and filled with computer game jargon. But we do talk about other stuff! Albeit other computer gamey stuff.

Hyper Light Drifter is a beautiful little game, some footage can be found here if you are interested. We also then talk about difficulty in games, what we look for in the perfect game, and John sees how many times he can mention Dark Souls.

It’s a lot.

Enjoy!

Jurassic World: could do with more Goldblum

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Wed, 01 Mar 2017 15:27:58 +0000

We are back, and this time with our most Jurassic World-packed episode ever! We have managed to stuff more Jurassic World into this podcast than scientists previously thought possible.

Actually, honestly, as it’s just me and you talking here, it’s a pretty good podcast. One of our best. It even contains a competition like a 90s children’s TV show, and, like a 90s children’s TV show, also contains no swearing.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy our deliciously balanced levels. Ahhhhhh.

Bojack Horseman

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Thu, 16 Feb 2017 11:55:49 +0000

Bojack, Bojack, Bojack. Not the most easy to watch of all shows, that’s for sure… but is it mildly entertaining? Honestly? No. I mean come on. If you thought that it would qualify, you haven’t, to paraphrase the Imp, been paying attention.

But it’s a good little chinwag, none-the-less. Also, in this episode: futuristic spoiler beeping technology. So that’s nice.

Louis Theroux - My Scientology Movie

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 12:12:25 +0000

OMG, totes emosh and several other outdated internetisms. We, and by we I mean us, are back. US ARE BACK.

Harkendarv: The Mildly Entertaining Podcast is in its first episode, to any reasonable definition of ‘first’. Things are a little bit different now. Listen to find out how!

We’ll mention this again next episode, but we have again used the amazing work of TORLEY, an insanely great 8-bit artist, and once again, we’re probably using it illegally. So *please* go and check him out and buy some of his glitchy masterpieces.

What follows is probably the most rambling and unprofessional Harkendarv ever committed to tape -...

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Tue, 09 Jun 2015 07:18:05 +0100

What follows is probably the most rambling and unprofessional Harkendarv ever committed to tape - but give us a break, it’s our 10th episode in a row! How can we think up that much content? Have YOU ever made 10 things in a row? Yeah, right, let’s see them then. Ok, those are actually really good. Get out of my house.

BUT today we ramble about Dice games and Lords of Vegas, Quidditch (again) and travelling vs holidaying. There are some lols in there if you dig deeply enough!

Loves you!

Harkendarv X-I - A beginner’s guide to Minecraft

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Sun, 17 May 2015 19:07:46 +0100

We are back, Harkendarvers! Fresh on the heels of talking about a 1982 film, we talk about a 2011 - present computer game. Minecraft is a bit of a phenomenon and if you’ve heard it being spoken about and were a bit like “hmm, sounds like something I’d like Paul and John to tell me more about” then by golly you are in luck. Just plug this in your lug ‘oles and get cracking.

But don’t worry if you are already au fait with the cubey block-world, we go in-depth into Notch and the history and even fit in time to slag off the ruleset to Quidditch (unrelated to Minecraft, but someone needed to do it).

Loves!

Episode X-G - Blade Runner!

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Mon, 04 May 2015 18:52:29 +0100

The podcast has landed. All that exists now are pugs, rugs, shrugs and parties.

Actually, we talk about none of those things. We mainly talk about the seminal 1982 Harrison Ford/Ridley Scott film Blade Runner. Paul is also obsessed with saying “Spring Break” so that leads to a little James Franco chat, and John talks about his (restrained) hero worship when he meets the band You Blew It! (apparently they’re a bit like Simple Plan).

Please enjoy responsibly.

Episode X-F - I did not care for it.

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Mon, 20 Apr 2015 20:48:54 +0100

Harkendarv time! I know that technically this podcast is a day late, but Plusnet can be very picky about when they do and do not allow me access to the internet. It’s important to remember that all access to the outside world can be cut off on the whim of Plusnet at any given moment. Keeps you humble.

Anyway, as the title says, this episode is all about things that everybody seems to think are great - but either Hark or Darv simply don’t get it.

Aside from that, we have a little chat about Dark Souls and do without doubt the most haphazard and unprofessional intro we have ever done, and that is truly, truly saying something.

Deconstructing Harkendarv

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 12:19:56 +0100

It’s not a particularly new point, but creating is hard. Even the little half hour show we do takes up hours of our lives, hours of which I’m pretty sure we have but a finite number. It’s the preciousness of this time that forces us to ponder whether the thing we’re are doing is worth its time-spend.

People who are better than us at knowing what they want often ask: what is it you want from this podcast? 500 downloads? 1000? What are your success metrics? What would make you hang up your hat, happy that you’ve given podcasting the best go you can?

I can’t speak for my colleague, but I love the stats. I look at our graphs near-obsessively, with all their unanswerable questions. Who is listening? Did they download just one episode, or all of them? Are they enjoying them? Will they listen again? But these are not the kind of stats the internet can easily provide. The internet is a world of disconnected numbers, not people. Even the high numbers can’t tell us that itching question: why?

We can speculate wildly about why this or that episode is more popular than another. People like funny, people like relatable, people like movies, not enough people have PS4s. But it’s all guesswork. Not even educated guesses, just plain old-fashioned stabs in the dark. We may as well be working by magnetic compass and candlelight.

So where does that leave us? We don’t know. Personally I’m looking forward to a straight week with no zero-download days, and if our stats continue, it might be realistic in the not too distant future. Maybe I’ll think of another goal when that one’s complete.

Episode X-E: TV Extravaganza

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Mon, 06 Apr 2015 14:31:31 +0100

Bit of a bitty one here; but that makes it all the stronger. We continue talking about Helldivers a little bit - sorry. But it’s really good, honest! If you have a PS4, PS3 or Vita (who has a Vita?!) then I would highly recommend picking it up. Despite a few niggles, it’s continued to surprise and entertain well into the 10-15 hour mark. Driving round an alien landscape, 4 friends in a tank, one playing the theme tune to Due South into his Playstation mic for us all to enjoy, is a gaming experience that isn’t likely to beaten this year.

We then talk about Game of Thrones (series 5 is coming), The Bridge (which doesn’t have a woman in a brown jumper, apparently) and Better Call Saul (it’s just great).

Hope you enjoy!

Scary CGI

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Tue, 31 Mar 2015 11:56:26 +0100

Talking about old(ish) films is an odd one. There has always been a feeling that newer is better, and that’s certainly often true. I don’t want to use a Nokia 8210 for the same reason I don’t suck down 20 Malboro Lights a day - we have better information now.

But there are forms of art that technology doesn’t touch. No one is going to say that they could draw a superior Mona Lisa these days because they have access to better pencils. In all likelihood no one will ever say that. Even if virtual reality is everything people who want to sell it to us say it is, there will be no equivalent to standing in the Louvre. Or smelling the Sistine chapel.

Movies stand in an interesting hinterland on this one. No one is going to degrade Casablanca because it’s not in 3D, but we’ve been through a rough era. Filmmakers need to choose the mediums they release on, and if they want to make a serious film, a film that’s remembered and respected, they need to choose the right technology. If your film needs Orcs, and you don’t want it to show its age in 5 years, you need to spend one hell of an amount of money. And people are already saying that Gollum looks ropey.

CGI is so difficult to get right. My colleague, in our discussions on Matrix: Reloaded, cites the immortal “less is more”, and goddamn if that ain’t true. People often ask about Jurassic Park’s dark secrets. There are two: puppets from the best, and a director used to not relying on CGI. I’m not 100% sure our whole Matrix Vs. its sequels debate couldn’t have been boiled down to: they let the CGI get out of hand. They thought they had the budget to bring their imagination fully to life, and took the wrong path. Slave becomes master. Fits in with the theme, anyway.

CGI isn’t the enemy, but like so much technology, it works better when it’s augmenting a real thing than doing its own creating. That’s where the less meets the more. When I have my terrible turn on the throne, every special effect will be applied to a real world object in post. I don’t know how the special effects on Force Awakens are being made, but it sure looks like lessons were learned from the shiny plastic nightmare of Phantom Menace. Maybe CGI has come of age; but if there isn’t a real-life model of a small-droid-rolling-on-a-ball-droid somewhere in J.J’s cupboards, I’d be very shocked indeed.

Not a blog post

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Tue, 24 Mar 2015 07:25:46 +0000

We mentioned to some consternation in the last podcast that we might begin writing something on the inside of this washing machine drum called tumblr; this is not that. But I realised that over the years we’ve been doing this podcast, we’ve set up a few ways to download and or listen to Harkendarv, and I thought a quick post outlining them might help someone out there (and at the same time, give the almighty Google some links to chew on, but let’s be honest, how do you SEO something that doesn’t know itself what it is?)

Itunes

We’re there. Just search for Harkendarv

Android podcatchers

We should be there, I know we certainly are in Doggcatcher. If you have an Android podcatcher and we are not searchable, can you try and add us if you know how and if not let us know? You should be able to add us using:

RSS

Our RSS is feed is here and can be entered manually into most Android podcatchers (or web-based RSS readers):

harkendarv.libsyn.com/rss

Direct Link/download

If you’re the kind of person who likes their podcasts downloaded and placed in a safe location on your harddrive for when the apocolypse comes, then you’re in luck. All podcasts can be listened to/downloaded and kept from here:

harkendarv.libsyn.com/podcast

Updates using Feed Burner (Feedly/Email, other rss readers)

You can be notifed by email everytime this Harkendarv tumblr is updated! How up to the moment is that. When you get the email, you can tell your friends via AOL messenger and talk about it on #irc. Click the Subscribe button on the right of this very page and choose your method of update receival. This has the incredible benefit of also including any blog posts that we’re definitely going to be doing.

Follow us on tumblr

If you happen to be 15 and have your own tumblr, follow us. We totally follow back. #lovefridays #cats #tbt

Episode X-D - Matrix Reloaded

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Mon, 23 Mar 2015 09:17:49 +0000

It’s us again! Doing some talking into a microphone. There’s a nice bit near the beginning where it seems Paul is drinking some tea (he is) and it sounds gross (it does).

But! We talk about a little Wes, a little Neo and a little Olli (Olli). I hope you enjoy.

We love feedback! There is a button to the right of our website where you can send in anonymous questions. Do it!

Why does Paul come in loudly from my right ear, whereas John comes in both?

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Mon, 09 Mar 2015 15:16:46 +0000

Hello Anonymous person. I would say that was because we don’t know how to operate our microphone.

Thanks for listening!

(Edit: Are we sure this isn’t just because Paul’s voice is very piercing? - John)

Episode X-C - Helldivers and Wrestling

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 20:55:13 +0000

A new ruddy bloody Harkendarv! I think we are on fine form, if you’ll forgive the excessive arrogance. We talk about the new PS4 game Helldivers, and chat a bit about John’s amazing Spelunky technique, then definitely do NOT chat about a particular item of lady’s apparel that the internet found so fascinating 20 years ago (in internet time), and then a little about John’s visit to see some big men pretend to fight with each other.

Enjoy!

Episode X-B - Star Realms

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Sun, 22 Feb 2015 19:05:00 +0000

Hello again Harkendarvers.. This episode is all about Star Realms, the multi-platform game of cards and spaceships. Also, we talk about Homelands and the amazing power of cleaning.

For those of you who like your podcasts in a more direct form, Episode X-B can also be downloaded from:

http://traffic.libsyn.com/harkendarv/Harkendarv_X-B.mp3

But wait, there’s more… guess who is searchable on iTunes? We are! Just search and you will find..

Series X episode A

John Darvill and Paul Harker — Sun, 08 Feb 2015 15:55:00 +0000

Harkendarv are back with an even sillier numbering system.

In this new start to Harkendarv, Paul and John talk a little about TV, Computer Games and Board Games, as the mood takes us. Today the mood takes us to Cosmic Encounter, a rather fantastic bluffing and negotiation game, with some hand management and variable player powers thrown in. We also talk about the last series of the office (very mild spoilers) and the Swapper on PS4. Enjoy!

You can also download it here if downloading is more your thing:

http://traffic.libsyn.com/harkendarv/Harkendarv_X.mp3