Thee City Ov Dis

From shore to shore

2013-04-22T20:20:00.002+01:00

I finally reach the shores of Italy and black clouds were awaiting for me.
My hope of being able to enjoy some days in the sun of my hometown have vanished quickly when I exit the airport and looked outside. As if the search for pot in my bags hadn't been enough to welcome me on the peninsula.

Glad to see my parents and my brother, who is actually a lot better than I thought.
Nannies and Aunties are as good as they can be but at least they are not worse.

I have been reading a lot of Ezra Pound, John Dee & Kelly, Birogo and Crowley these days and immersed myself in dark ambient and black metal music, it somehow fit the weather. Inside and outside.

I am quite serene and looking forward the Psychic TV gig on friday and catching up with some good friends. I will be bringing one with me, armed with a one-way ticket to London.

I need some adventure and as soon as the working rythm has adjusted itself, I will have to start organising for sweden and the Norbergfest.

I will be opening the festival with one hour of dark ambient/drone/death industrial. This is making me very excited and scared too. I suggest you all to google "mimerlaven" in Norberg to see the size of the "venue" of the festival.

On completely different note, yes, I am indeed starting to work again at my old job.
I can't see any reason to have a "serious" job, day time and a job that requires me to blend in with a dull society made of white collars, money-focussed individuals and empty hearts.
Let's just be fair: those are not my people.

It also looks like an old chapter of my life has finally reached its ending, so far it seems to be a happy ending which will lead us to a beginning of a new Aeon.
An hatchet has been buried and a new page has been has been started.

I still have to see her and talk to her and catch up with 4 (almost 5) years of silence, grudge and remorse.
It still feels weird but I am glad it happened.

As for the Dj sets I have now been invited to play at Rosa Decidua II on the same night of Apocalypse Stinks, still in Slimelight.

Double Creeper Feature Show on the 11th of May @Electrowerkz.

From Neofolk and industrial to PostPunk, Goth and coldwave. If i had the chance to have another set I'd make id Doom, Stoner and Noise; it would complete the range of genres I oscillate to/from.

Some new people in my life but the old ghost is still there, let's not talk about the heart.

My Life is killing my rock'n roll.

2013-04-03T18:59:00.002+01:00

Long overdue update.

As a consequence of some remote butterfly effect my life has been turned upside down, twisted and shaken then laid out again in a amorphous ball of dough which I am laying out slowly by getting accustomed to the new daytime job, the new home and the new relationship status.
Another friendship down the drain but a few others, older, seem to have resurfaced in my life.

and also, yes: I do not date anymore, I fuck only.

These are the closest events, watch out I might have another one on the 23rd and there is more to come in May.

12/04/2013

**********

Unrest Productions has the honour of presenting a guest appearance by TREPANERINGSRITUALEN. Aided by STAB ELECTRONICS.

TREPANERINGSRITUALEN explores themes of religion, magick and the occult realms of consciousness, taking its musical cues from the old school of ritual ambient & death industrial. Rhythmic and seething at times, and oozing forward with a creeping sense of desolation, Trepaneringsritualen conjures forth bleak but mesmerizing visions of the end-times. http://de-za-kh-a-da-sh-ba-a-ha-v.se/

Tickets here: http://www.wegottickets.com/event/201181

*********
19/04/2013

The Representation of the Self is a group exhibition featuring the diverse work of 14 international artists who explore the concept of Identity within different culture and beliefs.
Through the differing personal perspectives, backgrounds and with the use of different mediums the exhibition will offer to the public to explore the meaning of identity throughout the artist's point of view.

Featuring artists:

Annalisa Mandia- sculpture
Vesna Parchet- paintings
Sara Vannacci- photography
Delfin Ortiz- paintings
Simona Di Domizio- illustration
Diana More- photography
Malvine MLW- graphics
Gosia Szczepanska- mixed media
Michele Servadio- illustration
Bacter- mixed media
Alessia Palombo- photography
Valeria Di Guardo- photography

Performances:
Francesco Beneneato
Athanasia (Sassa) Nikolakouli

Dj set by
Poison Creeper- post punk &
Dj Terocal

An exhibition curated by Valeria Di Guardo and Alessia Palombo

http://identityshow2013.blogspot.co.uk/

What happened to all the memories?

2013-02-28T19:23:00.002Z

THIS.

3 years ago.

I believed in it

I shared the love for this.

and then the world came crumbling down.

THIS

Last night.

....

Venus in Fur

2013-02-18T23:59:00.000Z

“You have a curious way of arousing one's imagination, stimulating all one's nerves, and making one's pulses beat faster. You put an aureole on vice, provided only if it is honest. Your ideal is a daring courtesan of genius. Oh, you are the kind of man who will corrupt a woman to her very last fiber.”

Every woman has a itch.

“Alas, woman is faithful as long as she loves, but you demand that she be faithful without love and give herself without enjoyment. Who is cruel then, woman or man?”

Timing

2013-02-03T23:25:00.001Z

I just read my very last blog.

That pinch eventually arrived.

The elastic was not "that" elastic; or, rather, the pinch was not expected at all.

The reaction was a a little abrupt really but the, initial, erratic movements were smoothed out and the oscillations became quite pleasant. So pleasant that -again - I didn't want it to stop.

It wasn't as bad...as I feared...

in fact...

The Lifeline Challenge.

2013-01-25T02:16:00.001Z

I see my life as an elastic band under tension. Not a lot of it, really, but enough to make it susceptible even to a light pinch.
Sometimes, somebody meaningful, comes along and he/she crosses my life line, with a pinch. The elastic bands starts moving frantically.

I always need to remind myself to allow time for the elastic to reach, once again, its state of balance.

Untill the next pinch, of course.

Damn.

The aim of the game is finding that person that stick to the elastic and holds on, in order to reach a common state of balance.

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A Day with Antonin Artaud

2013-01-20T17:15:00.001Z

A little summary and links to Antonin Artaud's concepts and arts.

Antonin Artaud was French poet, actor, and drama theorist.

He wrote Surrealist poetry and acted in Surrealist productions in Paris.

His theory of drama was something he called the Manifesto of the Theatre of Cruelty.

His own plays were flops, but his theories exerted great influence on playwrights of the Theatre of the Absurd.

Lifelong mental illness confined him periodically to asylums from 1936.

Considered among the most influential figures in the evolution of modern drama theory, Antonin Artaud associated himself with Surrealist writers, artists, and experimental theater groups in Paris during the 1920s. When political differences resulted in his break from the Surrealists, he founded the Theatre Alfred Jarry with Roger Vitrac and Robert Aron. Together they hoped to create a forum for works that would radically change French theater. Artaud, especially, expressed disdain for Western theater of the day, panning the ordered plot and scripted language his contemporaries typically employed to convey ideas, and he recorded his ideas in such works as Le Theatre de la cruaute and The Theater and Its Double. Most critics believe that Artaud's most noted contribution to drama theory is his "theater of cruelty," an intense theatrical experience that combined elaborate props, magic tricks, special lighting, primitive gestures and articulations, and themes of rape, torture, and murder to shock the audience into confronting the base elements of life. Les Cenci, Artaud's play about a man who rapes his own daughter and is then murdered by men the girl hires to eliminate him, typifies Artaud's theater of cruelty. Les Cenci was produced in Paris in 1935 but was closed after seventeen dismal performances. Another example of Artaud's work is The Fountain of Blood, a farce about the creation of the world and its destruction by humans, especially women. Like many of Artaud's other plays, scenarios, and prose, Les Cenci and The Fountain of Blood were designed to challenge conventional, civilized values and bring out the natural, barbaric instincts Artaud felt lurked beneath the refined, human facade. Of The Fountain of Blood, Albert Bermel wrote in Artaud's Theater of Cruelty: "All in all, The Fountain of Blood is a tragic, repulsive, impassioned farce, a marvelous wellspring for speculation, and a unique contribution to the history of the drama." Although Artaud's theater of cruelty was not widely embraced, his ideas have been the subject of many essays on modern theater, and many writers continue to study Artaud's concepts. Author George E. Wellwarth, for example, in Drama Survey, explained the theater of cruelty as "the impersonal, mindless—and therefore implacable—cruelty to which all men are subject. The universe with its violent natural forces was cruel in Artaud's eyes, and this cruelty, he felt, was the one single most important fact of which man must be aware. . . . Artaud's theater must be ecstatic. It must crush and hypnotize the onlooker's sense." Another description of the theater of cruelty was offered by Wallace Fowlie in an essay published in Sewanee Review. Fowlie wrote: "A dramatic presentation should be an act of initiation during which the spectator will be awed and even terrified. . . . During that experience of terror or frenzy . . . the spectator will be in a position to understand a new set of truths, superhuman in quality." Artaud's creative abilities were developed, in part, as a means of therapy during the artist's many hospitalizations for mental illness. While being treated in a hospital by Edouard Toulouse, Artaud was encouraged to express himself in poetry, which Toulouse later published in the journal Demain. Artaud's life and his work, despite the efforts of psychotherapy, reflected his mental afflictions and were further complicated by his dependence on narcotics. At times he expressed faith in God; other times he denounced the Church and deified himself. He was also obsessed with the human body; he loathed the idea of sex and expressed a desire to separate himself from his sexual self. In Antonin Artaud: Man of Vision, author Bettina L. Knapp wrote of the theorist's mental illness: "Artaud was unable to adapt to life; he could not relate to others; he was not even certain of his own identity." Knapp commented that "Artaud was in essence constructing an entire metaphysical system around his sickness, or, if you will, entering the realm of the mystic via his own disease. The focal point of his universe was himself and everything radiated from him outward." Referring to Artaud's The Umbilicus of Limbo, Knapp indicated Artaud "intended to 'derange man,' to take people on a journey 'where they would never have consented to go.'" She further explained, "Since Artaud's ideas concerning the dramatic arts were born from his sickness, he looked upon the theater as a curative agent; a means whereby the individual could come to the theater to be dissected, split and cut open first, and then healed." Knapp also offered an explanation of Artaud's popularity long after his death: "In his time, he was a man alienated from his society, divided within himself, a victim of inner and outer forces beyond his control. . . . The tidal force of his imagination and the urgency of his therapeutic quest were disregarded and cast aside as the ravings of a madman. . . . Modern man can respond to Artaud now because they share so many psychological similarities and affinities." Similar words were issued in a Horizon essay by Sanche de Gramont, who wrote of Artaud: "If he was mad, he welcomed his madness. . . . To him the rational world was deficient; he welcomed the hallucinations that abolished reason and gave meaning to his alienation. He purposely placed himself outside the limits in which sanity and madness can be opposed, and gave himself up to a private world of magic and irrational visions." Artaud spent nine of his last eleven years confined in mental facilities but continued to write, producing some of his finest poetry during the final three years of his life, according to biographer Susan Sontag. "Not until the great outburst of writing in the period between 1945 and 1948 . . . did Artaud, by then indifferent to the idea of poetry as a closed lyric statement, find a long-breathed voice that was adequate to the range of his imaginative needs—a voice that was free of established forms and open-ended, like the poetry of [Ezra] Pound." However, Sontag, other biographers, and reviewers agree that Artaud's primary influence was on the theater. According to Sontag, Artaud "has had an impact so profound that the course of all recent serious theater in Western Europe and the Americas can be said to divide into two periods—before Artaud and after Artaud."

A. Artaud by Man Ray (1926)

Antonin Artaud's Hands by Man Ray (1922)

UBUWEB - Antonin Artaud Resources [ link ]

A nice summary of Antonin's life and principles of his "Theatre of Cruelty"

1993 - En compagnie d'Antonin Artaud (My Life and Times with Antonin Artaud) /w Eng. sub.

Screeching Thoughts

2013-01-19T19:15:00.000Z

I still cannot snap out of this.

I need a closure and deleting the profiles off my network has not been enough.

why?

He never said a word, I never stopped thinking.

If he had spoken, I would have shut up forever.

You have the twisted head of fate my love I see the world when I look into your eyes

Tate Modern - A Tale of Two cities: William Klein and Daido Moriyama

2013-01-07T23:31:00.001Z

Tate Modern is currently hosting quite of an interesting exhibitions on two of the most inspiring artists of the 20Th century.
William Klein and Daido Moriyama.

It explores the relations between the two artists and the two cities: New York and Tokyo.

Here are some of their photos that you might see (or you might not), at Tate Modern.

William Klein:
[interview]

Daido Moriyama:

perfection.

2013-01-05T01:01:00.002Z

This is my third post of this song, I truly apologise for the spam,

but it's truly amazing how well this track depicts this NOW;

I wish he'll find that person that will make, for him, any efforts, effortless.

Because this is what really makes the game, worth playing.

Light the smoke, play this OUT LOUD;

Let Jarboe and Gira lead you through the perfection that is this track.

Good night.

My Holy Trinity

2013-01-01T22:02:00.000Z

I was trying to come up with one choice, only,

for this entry and then I ended up being undecided.

I decided, then, to cover My Holy Trinity.

Jan Saudek
Saudek's father was a Jew and this, coupled with his Slavic (Czech) heritage, caused his family to become a target of the Nazis. Many of his family members died in the Theresienstadt concentration camp during World War II. Jan and his brother Karel were held in a children's concentration camp for Mischlinge located near the present Polish-Czech border. His father Gustav was deported to ghetto Theresienstadt in February 1945. Both sons and father survived the war. According to Jan's biography got his first camera Kodak Baby Brownie in 1950. He apprenticed to a photographer and in 1952 started working as a print shop worker, where he worked until 1983. In 1959 he started using more advanced camera Flexaret 6x6, also engaged in painting and drawing. After completing his military service, he was inspired in 1963 by the exhibit catalogue of Steichen's Family of Man to try to become a serious art photographer. In 1969 he traveled to the United States and was encouraged in his work by curator Hugh Edwards. Returning to Prague, he was forced to work in a clandestine manner in a cellar, to avoid the attentions of the secret police, as his work turned to themes of personal erotic freedom, and used implicitly political symbols of corruption and innocence. From the late 1970s he gradually became recognised in the West as the leading Czech photographer, and also developed a following among photographers in his own country. In 1983 the first book on his work was published in the English-speaking world. The same year he finally becomes a freelance photographer as the Czech Communist authorities allowed him to cease working in the print shop, and gave him permission to apply for a permit to work as an artist. In 1987 the archives of his negatives were seized by the police, but later returned. Saudek currently lives and works in Prague.
He is mostly famous for his hand-tinted portrays.

Diane Arbus
(March 14, 1923 – July 26, 1971) was an American photographer and writer noted for black-and-white square photographs of "deviant and marginal people (dwarfs, giants, transgender people, nudists, circus performers) or of people whose normality seems ugly or surreal.". Diane believed that a camera could be “a little bit cold, a little bit harsh” but its scrutiny revealed the truth; the difference between what people wanted others to see and what they really did see – the flaws. A friend said that Arbus said that she was "afraid . . . that she would be known simply as 'the photographer of freaks'"; however, that phrase has been used repeatedly to describe her. In 1972, a year after she committed suicide, Arbus became the first American photographer to have photographs displayed at the Venice Biennale. Millions of people viewed traveling exhibitions of her work in 1972–1979. Between 2003 and 2006, Arbus and her work were the subjects of another major traveling exhibition, Diane Arbus Revelations. In 2006, the motion picture Fur, starring Nicole Kidman as Arbus, presented a fictional version of her life story.

Joel Peter Witkin
(born September 13, 1939, in Brooklyn, New York City) is an American photographer who lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico. His work often deals with such themes as death, corpses (and sometimes dismembered portions thereof), and various outsiders such as dwarves, transsexuals, hermaphrodites, and physically deformed people. Witkin's complex tableaux often recall religious episodes or classical paintings.

Allow me a little personal footnote on this entry:

It is actually quite funny that all the three of the are connected to the most important memory of my past which is my ex girlfriend, who introduced me to the last two (coincidentally Witkin is one of her favourite artists too) and Saudek which we went to see the exhibition of in Prague, together.

I will always be in debt to her for the passion in photography that she passed onto me and the encouragement she gave me when I decided I wanted to take pictures too, not just drool, on other's people work.

She is still here, after 4 years, in the fibre of my day-to-day life. I will always admire and respect that woman and forever thankful the inspiration and encouragement that she offered me.

Cadillac Records

2013-01-01T16:20:00.001Z

Oh well, looks like i really did it.
It was actually quite painless and the neighbours (since the other neighbours called out landlord to complain) have been reasonable and not excessively noisy.
I have watched Cadillac Records, the story of Phil and Leonard Chess when they started the record label which produced artists like Muddy Waters, Etta James (played by Beyonce!) , Little Walter and Howlin' Wolf. .

A painless start of the year so far.

Let's just hope in a more merciful 2014.

I am really tired of shitty years full of illusions, false alarms and useless hopes.

Tim Walker , Kristen McMenamy and Kirsi Pyrhonen.

2012-12-30T19:18:00.001Z

I am not big on fashion photography but recently I have been "helping" a friend in doing her portfolio by posing (which is not really the best of my skills!) and slowly I happened to acquaint myselfwith some fashion photography. Still not my favourite type of photography but you got to admit that some of the compositions (and artists!) deserve some recognition.

Today it's Tim Walker's turn and in particular some pictures taken of Kristen McMenamy and Kirsi Pyrhonen.
Kristenl, in some pictures, reminds me of Tilda Swinton (remember Narnia, Constantine or Orlando?) which HAS been one of Walker's subject too (bottom of the page).

Kirsi:

and some more random Tim Walkers's Pictures.

Jennifer Cess

Bela Malgosia

Tilda Swinton

Ans I had to finish with one of the most wonderful women of fashion

2012-12-29T15:29:00.001Z

The Body Of a Woman

2012-12-29T01:54:00.003Z

Pablo Neruda (1904 - 1973)

Body of a Woman

Body of a woman, white hills, white thighs,
you look like a world, lying in surrender.
My rough peasant's body digs in you
and makes the son leap from the depth of the earth.

I was lone like a tunnel. The birds fled from me,
and nigh swamped me with its crushing invasion.
To survive myself I forged you like a weapon,
like an arrow in my bow, a stone in my sling.

But the hour of vengeance falls, and I love you.
Body of skin, of moss, of eager and firm milk.
Oh the goblets of the breast! Oh the eyes of absence!
Oh the roses of the pubis! Oh your voice, slow and sad!

Body of my woman, I will persist in your grace.
My thirst, my boundless desire, my shifting road!
Dark river-beds where the eternal thirst flows
and weariness follows, and the infinite ache.

The Joy of Solitude.

2012-12-28T19:20:00.002Z

The beauty of having a few days off is not just being able to party, not only at least; but being able to spend time with your own self, catch up with the things that needed to be done and do everything that you have been postponing to do simply because THERE IS NO TIME.

I had the chance to sort out my laptop updating all drivers and also it seems now that the external HD is working again without giving me headaches when trying to transfer files in and out of the folders. Lastly I have cleaned up my pc from all Malaware and that annoying "browse to save" has been finally removed, I still don't know the name of the file but a general Adaware removal software had done the trick.

I have just bought myself a Wide Angle Lens, finally. It's a Tamron 10-24, perfect for my D60 and now I will be able to enjoy different photographic styles.

Talking of which, I was reading my mags today (they were piled up in the corner of my room, still sealed...as i did have no time to read them!) and found and article on Bill Brandt and his B/W photos.
Amazing photographer that just gave me a lot of inspirations. I think I will be playing around with the camera today.

This will happen after I have figured out few things on Virtual DJ Pro. Yes, that's another thing that I did, during these holidays: playing with mixes and uploading one onto MixCloud!!!
Threads of the Invisible now has also an account where everybody will be able to listen to what I play at home, in clubs and to friends. [link]

I really hope I will be able to keep on working on all these things once I am back to work. It's funny how many people have the wrong end of the stick when it comes to understanding how I really am.
If it was for me I would be locked in my room 24/7 provided I have enough coffee, some food, smoke and all my gadgets for photography and music but people seem to see (and remember)only the party animal side of me.
I woke up at 4pm today so I wouldn't expect to go to bed before 4am, I have enough time to fiddle around with all these new things.

Tomorrow there's the dj set at 12Bar, last night I played for 3 hours solid so now I have a 3 hours set ready for tomorrow.
Note To Self - I have absolutely to buy some decent cd folders to travel with.

Anyways...back to the original purpose of this Entry. Ladies and Gents we introduce you:
BILL BRANDT

According to Wikipedia he was born in the first years of 1900 and died in 1983.
One of the most influential photographers of the XX century.

Had lived in Germany and Switzerland where he spent a long time since he contracted Tuberculosis.

He had a brief encounter with Ezra Pound which offered him a introduction to Manray.

In 1930 Brandt became Manray's assistant in Paris.

I still think of him as a constant shadow over my serene days where not work nor social life is making me frown or worry.

There are so many things I would have liked to share and to do but clearly our personal aims differed quite a lot.

I don't do casual anymore, not with him at least!

He is far too interesting to make it a feeble, shallow and casual.

Henri Carter Bresson and his exhibition in London - The Decisive Moment -

2012-12-26T19:49:00.003Z

[direct link to the event]

Henri Cartier-Bresson (1908–2004) is one of the most original, accomplished, influential, and beloved figures in the history of photography. His inventive work of the early 1930s helped define the creative potential of modern photography, and his uncanny ability to capture life on the run made his work synonymous with “the decisive moment”—the title of his first major book. After World War II (most of which he spent as a prisoner of war) and his first museum show (at MoMA in 1947), he joined Robert Capa and others in founding the Magnum photo agency, which enabled photojournalists to reach a broad audience through magazines such as Life while retaining control over their work.

Visual Hints

2012-12-26T19:28:00.001Z

Here are some inspiring photographers, contemporary and not.

Concresco – David Galjaard
Rotting concrete bunkers as metaphor for a regime based upon paranoia and fear.
[Link]

Rather interesting and unsettling picture of dead animals.
[Link]

Laura Diliberto 24 years old artist from NY.
[link]

Yousuf Karsh - Canadian photographer died in July 2002, one of the most acclaimed Portrait Photographer of the 20th century.
[link]

2012-12-26T18:17:00.000Z

300 fox hunts on boxing day [link]
Please support the RSPCA in this battle against animal rights.

Something interesting is happening in Italian politics about this new law that declares ineligibility to run for election to those politicians charged for something. [Link]

On a personal note, I think this Yule has been quite peculiar.
I did actually end up spending time with some people that are very close to my heart.
Lunch at one place and "dinner" at the other.
After having spend about 7 hours around a table, eating, drinking and laughing, I visited the other group of friends.
The closest ones, the family.
I thought it was going to be a little awkward really considering that these are the same people that I cut out (some more, some less and some others just for a period of time) of my life 2 years ago, when this whole negative cycle started. It turned out to be the most serene and heart-warming evening I have had in ages and not only actually.

Came back home at 6.30 and forced myself to sleep with scarce results at first but Rome kind of mellowed down the spirit and eventually I fell asleep. The consequence of going to bed at 7.30 is that I woke up in the afternoon (not long ago actually) and had lunch/breakfast at 5...meaning I won't be able to fall asleep again until late, tonight!

Tomorrow my flatmate is coming back and I wish he didn't! there's something special about wandering around in the house butt naked, a freedom that since I moved in with him it has become a rare commodity.

Going back to last night: in this last 2 years things haven't been easy with the gang, too much gossiping and, in my eyes, too many people sticking their nose in my life.
Too many people judging others. In this last years I have built walls around me and only allowed few people to know what really goes on in my life. For the first time in years, last night, there hadn't been, with them, a moment of uneasiness. Finally I was again with the family, the close friends.
This was all I could have asked from these holidays, the only people that have been able to sooth the frustration that is unravelling inside.
Maybe this cycle has finally ended? Maybe I can TRUST again?

It makes me smile when I hear someone describing me as party animal, sociable and so on and I am aware of the demeanour that I, somehow, chose to have.
On the other hand, not many people actually know that behind there is a more insecure, introvert and selective personality.

So many people, looking at my fb page, make up their mind on how I am and what I like.
I observe and wonder to see how many of these people are curious enough to go beyond that mask, start questioning and try to get to know ME.
Many are just happy with the cheerful me, others prefer to go to the bone and, those that I let in, have been often surprised on how dark and cold it is, inside.

Anyways I have a comedown from hell, my nose is cursing me for all that we did last night and I have a sore throat!!
I was doing some research ... will be posting photography soon, (I will finally had the time to read the magazines I have received in the last month an a half).

New Year... my wish would still be hiding under the duvet with him ah! yes I am still not accepting this Houdini Stance but I am still hoping I was just being all wrong all this time. I WANT to be wrong but I am afraid I am right.
It is such a shame having to renounce to such witty, admirable and sweet company that he was.
Bugger.

2012-12-24T19:57:00.003Z

Last night...

and today

I am trying to snap out of this but still I find it hard to accept.

I still can't believe how unlucky.

I am looking forward to see the final result of the photoshoot.

It was fun last night and today helped to get through the hangover.

Tomorrow there's another round.

I'll try not to think.

2012-12-23T18:56:00.000Z

I have put my good shoes on,

my best mask and hair.

I am going out.

pissed off.

On a date.

Maybe I will find that mindless sex that everybody seems to love and yearn.

in the end...

2012-12-23T14:32:00.000Z

I have finally cut the final umbilical cord.

Stupid I know but facebook was the only thing that could keep us in touch without talking or actively seeking company (which seemed to be his favourite past times and for me, most hurtful moment of the week).

I will give it another few days then, the telephone number will be next.

It was something unexpected, something that I fell for far too easily.
I should have known it was just a need to fuck, nothing else.
Well that's not for me, not anymore.

I just thought he would have been different this time, something made me think that but clearly I was wrong.
I am just not a regular-casual fuck buddy, not anymore.

Chemistry, meeting of minds, curiosity about one another, appreciation, trust and respect are far too connected to the stale, cold, act of fucking.

I am so sad. I feel so stupid, naive and pathetic.
This is so pathetic.

“I felt I was on fire with the things I could’ve told you. I just assumed you eventually would ask.
— Conor Oberst (via WORDSWITHINYOU)

2012-12-19T18:28:00.001Z

2012-12-13T22:26:00.000Z

I ended up humming this today....

ok, fine, I agree you can't RUSH it.....

but at least nurture its potentials?

I apology in advance but complete silence, to me,

it is NOT a sign of interest, attraction or not even of remote curiosity.

To hum this song again

"It is a game of give and take"

2012-12-07T22:27:00.000Z

It is impossible to suffer without making someone pay for it; every complaint already contains revenge.

Friedrich Nietzsche

The soul of a woman was created below

You know, wine and women is all I crave.

A big bad woman's gonna carry me to my grave.