We have a natural tendency, at the beginning of a new year, to reflect upon where we are and then set goals or make resolutions for the upcoming year. Actually, as I think about it, the tendency is evidence of an innate desire, as human beings, to learn, grow, progress, and succeed. We recognize that we are not all of who we want to be or have not accomplished all of what we desire and so our inclination is to make promises to ourselves about what we’re going to do differently.

Of course, statistically speaking, most people fail to keep their resolutions more than a few weeks or months into the new year. It seems that those who benefit from the exercise are fitness centers and authors of weight loss books. The vast majority of people simply run out of steam. They don’t have the momentum to sustain the feelings (very genuine, by the way) that they want to improve and become better people.

If you have found that true in your life and, consequently have given up making resolutions or get down on yourself and wonder why you can’t sustain your worthy desires, then I want to suggest an exercise. Write a letter to yourself. The problem with resolutions (even goals, for that matter) is that they lack context. Although they reflect our desires they lack deep roots. Writing a letter is like giving them roots. The process gives scope and context to our aspirations and, thereby, deepens their meaning and importance.

The process is rather simple. Grab a pencil and notebook or laptop and go to a quiet place. Take a little time to ponder your life, perhaps this past year, or where you are today. Then write a letter to yourself as if you were writing from the future, perhaps one year from now. You are looking back upon the past year. Write in present tense. Describe how you are living and being, what you have accomplished and what you are doing with your life. Include as many parts of your life as you desire–self improvement, family and relationships, career/work, finances, friendships, community involvement, living environment, etc.

Here is an abbreviated example.

December 31, 2012

Dear Roger,

Wow, how nice to look back on this past year with deep feelings of satisfaction and gratitude. Not that everything was easy, but I am proud that I made good choices on so many fronts. I’m in great physical shape. For the most part, I’ve eaten well and stayed with my exercise routine, losing 15 lbs in the process. (I’m sure those who know me are chuckling at that one.) I’m more aware of myself, my inner feelings and thoughts, which has made me a little quieter, less reactive, more peaceful. My relationships feel richer because I listen better to others. I really see and hear them, more than their words. I can’t believe how my business has grown through …

And so on. Write your letter from your deepest desires, how you would like to be and what you would like to accomplish in the next year. Be audacious but realistic. Include only what is important to you. Simple things count, such as how you want to decorate your home or a gadget you’ve wanted to buy. Don’t worry about grammar or a nice writing style. Simply include whatever comes to your heart and mind.

Then take time to read your letter, perhaps several times. Visualize yourself having lived and accomplished what you describe. Put yourself into this emotional state with all of the images, feelings, and thoughts that accompany it. Don’t hurry on. Savor it. Allow its meaning to take root inside your mind and spirit.

Then put it away. Don’t take it out until next year. You will be surprised how close you’ve come to accomplishing it.

And please leave a comment letting me know about your experience and encouraging others to write their letters. Let’s support each other in a great 2012.

• You have a hundred million receptors in your eyes to enjoy the magic of a leaf, a snowflake, pond, child, cloud, star, rose.
• Twenty four thousand fibers in each ear vibrate at the laugh of a baby, sound of the wind, the waves upon a rock, the call of a robin, children at play.
• You are able to formulate words to communicate your needs, connect to other people, bring comfort to the unhappy, encourage the defeated.
• Your heart maintains your life. Touch your chest and feel its rhythm, pulsating, hour after hour, day and night, thirty-six million beats each year, year after year, asleep or awake, pumping your blood through more than sixty thousand miles of veins and arteries. Pumping more than six hundred thousand gallons each year. Man has never created such a machine.
• Your lungs bring in life-giving oxygen and filter air through six hundred million pockets of folded flesh while they rid your body of gases. You have five quarts of blood which contain twenty-two trillion blood cells and within each cell are millions of molecules and within each molecule is an atom oscillating at more than ten million times each second. Each second, two million of your blood cells die to be replaced by two million more in a resurrection that has continued since your birth.
• Your brain is the most complex structure in the universe. Within its three pounds are thirteen billion nerve cells, more than double the number of people on earth. And one thousand billion, billion protean molecules to help you file away every perception, sound, taste, smell, every action you have experienced since before the day of your birth. Every incident in your life is there awaiting your recall. And to help your brain control your body, you have four million pain-sensitive structures, five hundred thousand touch detectors, and more than two hundred thousand temperature detectors.
• You are not a bush condemned to a small plot while the wind and world abuses you. You can stretch and run and dance and work, for within you are five hundred muscles, two hundred bones and seven miles of nerve fibers all synchronized to do your bidding.

You are rich. You don’t need to count the money in your bank account or look to your material possessions. You possess physical and spiritual assets of far greater value. Count your blessings and know that you are God’s greatest creation. Your blessings overflow your cup.

(Adapted from Og Mandino, The Greatest Miracle in the World

For years people assumed that IQ was more predictive of life and occupational success than any other variable. After all, doesn’t it stand to reason that the smartest people will outperform others most of the time? It’s logical, but not true. In fact, recent research has found that people of average IQ will outperform those of high IQ 70% of the time. An amazing fact, which prompted social scientists to search for some other variable to explain success.

After years of research and countless studies, the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ) emerged as the missing link. Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and manage your own emotions and the ability to understand and manage your relationships with others. Furthermore, it has been found that emotional intelligence accounts for about 60% of your success on the job and is the biggest predictor of workplace performance, leadership, personal excellence, as well as positive relationships.

According to research from TalentSmart, a company that studies and teaches emotional intelligence, 90% of high performers are high in emotional  intelligence. People who develop their EQ tend to be more successful on the job and also make more money (average of $29,000 per year more than people low in EQ). This holds true across industries, al all levels of the organization, and all regions of the world (Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves).

Here is why emotional intelligence is important. We are both emotional and rational beings. We have the ability to think and reason and yet we’re continually impacted by emotions. When in challenging or threatening situations (key moments as I like to call them) these emotions can be very strong. And our brains are hard-wired to give our emotions the upper hand.

It works like this. Our sensory experience (sight, sounds, touch, etc.) travels through our bodies in the form of electrical signals to the base of the brain where it enters the limbic system. The limbic system has often been called the “old, reptilian brain” and is the place where feelings are produced. So our experience is translated into feelings before entering the cortex of the brain where reasoning begins to take over. The rational brain can’t stop the emotions produced by the limbic system, at least initially. It’s too late. The horse is already out of the barn, so to speak.

However, the two areas do influence each other through constant communication. This communication between the emotional and rational brains is the source of emotional intelligence.

I would say that the objective of emotional intelligence is not to suppress or eliminate our emotions. Can you imagine no emotion? We’d be nothing more than robots, the richness of our lives gone. The objective is to manage these emotions in such a way that they serve us, and help us find success, purpose, and meaning in our personal lives and connection (love) with others.

Look around and see if you would agree that the most successful and happiest people are high in emotional intelligence. Certainly, there are plenty of people in key positions, managers, co-workers, etc., who are low in emotional intelligence and their overall impact on others is more toxic than beneficial. The most effective people are self-aware and successfully manage their emotions. They are also socially aware and good at managing relationships with others.

One of the best ways to learn about emotional intelligence is to observe such people in action. Who do you know that you consider emotionally intelligent? How do they manage themselves, particularly during conflict or life challenges? What do they do? Not do? How do they handle their relationships?

Leave a short comment telling us about that person. What do you appreciate about him/her? How has this person impacted your life? What have you learned from him or her?

Life involves stress, even heartache, for all of us. Furthermore, studies of people who are happier than average show that they experience the same number of failures, disappointments and pain as anyone. They are happier not because life treats them differently, but because they use different strategies for dealing with their difficulties, strategies that can be learned and practiced by anyone. 

Psychologist Martin Seligman has been able to demonstrate the differences in people who become depressed and those who do not, based on the kinds of attributions people make during difficult experiences. Three critical differences in attribution determine how people experience setbacks, frustrations and failures.

1. Duration: People can see events as either permanent or temporary.
2. Cause: People can personalize events, believing that they caused them or see them as impersonal, something which just happens.
3. Proportion: People can see an event as pervasive, that is something that will affect every part of life, or as local, affecting one part of life but not others.

The experimenters found that the happiest, most optimistic and psychologically healthy people were inconsistent in their attributions. When good happens, they see it as permanent (lasting a long time), personal (caused by me) and pervasive (affecting many parts of my life). But when bad happens, they do exactly the opposite. They view bad as temporary, impersonal and local.

They also found that people who are prone to depression are also inconsistent, but in the opposite way. When bad happens they are likely to believe that it is permanent, personally caused and pervasive. And when good happens they believe it is temporary, not caused by me and not going to affect all parts of their lives.

What stunning and enlightening research!

Martin Seligman and other colleagues went on to try another experiment. They identified grade school children at risk for depression. Half participated in a twelve week class on how to think more optimistically. They were taught to think of bad as temporary and not personal and good as permanent and something they caused. The following year, several months following the training, the students who received the “optimism training” experienced depression only half as often as the untreated group.

Optimistic people are less vulnerable to depression and they bounce back more quickly when bad things happen. What is important to understand is that their depression has less to do with their “constitution” and more to do with their expectations. It is how they look at good about bad events in their lives.

Lots of research has shown that bad events happen to happy people just as often as unhappy people. There is no escaping the difficulties of life. The difference is in how people talk to themselves about these events. And, the good news is that, by understanding this research, you can learn to talk in better and more empowering ways, and thereby develop a more optimistic, resilient and happier attitude.

I’ve been writing, recently, about the theme of gratitude as a key to happiness. Not only research but personal experience attest to its value and transforming power. And best of all, it is available to all of us in abundance. All we need to do is train our minds to see the goodness of life.

Here are some quotes on gratitude. Which one speaks most poignantly to you? Why? Let’s enrich each other by leaving a comment explaining why this quote speaks to you, telling us the personal meaning it has for you. Then I want to invite you to memorize it and make it part of your life during the next few weeks. Recall it often. Live its message.

Or, add to the list. Do you have another favorite quote on the topic of gratitude? Or could you make up your own personal quote, something that originates in your heart. What would you say, in 200 characters or less, about gratitude? Could you share it with the rest of us?

“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” -Epictetus

“The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.” -H.U. Westermayer

“Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road.” -John Henry Jowett

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” – Tony Robbins

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” -Albert Schweitzer

“For each new morning with its light, For rest and shelter of the night, For health and food, for love and friends, For everything Thy goodness sends.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.” -G.B. Stern

“Gratitude is a vaccine, an antitoxin, and an antiseptic” – John Henry Jowett

“If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily.” – Gerald Good

“Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude.” -Albert Schweitzer

“Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life.” -Christiane Northrup

“Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.” -Margaret Cousins

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.” -Brian Tracy

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” -Buddha

“Let’s be grateful for those who give us happiness; they are the charming gardeners who make our soul bloom.” – Marcel Proust

“Saying thank you is more than good manners. It is good spirituality.” – Alfred Painter

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” -The Bible Phil 4:6 NKJV

“Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin. And yet I say unto you that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these.” Matthew 6:28-29

We live, primarily, from one of two attitudes. Scarcity is a perspective of fear and lack. I look at life and see what is missing instead of what is available. My income, work, family, achievements are never enough. Something is always missing.

Abundance is the perspective of love and gratitude. I see what is right in my job, family, income, living environment. I experience wonderment about the gift of life and beauties of the world, my friendships and associations. I see what is rather than what is not.

The truth is that both realities exist side by side. I can build a case for scarcity. I can also build a case for abundance. My mental state is like a tuner on a radio dial. I can move that dial between hip-hop, country, rock, easy listening, or talk. What I tune into is what I hear.

There is no greater testament of this principle than studying the lives of people who suffer the severest deprivations. Victims of war, concentration camps, or poverty, often tell moving accounts of how they transcended deplorable circumstances and discovered joy and meaning in life.

We need not look far to find such stories. The international best-selling book,  City of Joy, describes modern day life of the citizens of a slum in the city of Calcutta, India.

• 70,000 people live within a geographical area 3 times the size of a football field.
• Most children have never seen a bird, flower, or pond.
• Most people live with 10-12 others in a single room dwelling not more than 150 square feet in size. Those not so fortunate live on the sidewalk under a sheet of plastic.
• Ninety percent of the residents live on a single rupee per day which is enough money buy a half pound of rice.
• A person is fortunate to have one good meal per day, consisting of a banana, griddle cake and couple of teaspoons of rice.
• Most children and adults suffer from serious and chronic illness, from malnutrition to smallpox, dysentery to tuberculosis.
• Of 23 million children born in Calcutta each year, only 3 million will grow up to be healthy, nourished adults.
• There are no private bathrooms or toilets. People stand in line for up to a couple of hours every morning to use a public latrine.
• Most of the year (8 months) the populace live with sweltering heat which can be between 115 and 120 degrees Fahrenheit for 2 to 3 weeks at a time.
• During the monsoons the rainfall will be so heavy that it will flood the streets and into the houses 3 and 4 feet deep. The latrines will at times back up and human waste will flow through the streets and even into their homes.

The conditions of the City of Joy are unimaginable to us, even those who have lived with poverty and hardship. And yet, millions of people live their entire lives trapped by such conditions with barely a flicker of hope or escape. What is most incredible about them is not the horrendously depraved living conditions. What is incredible is the fact that what is most meaningful in life (hope, service, friendship, laughter, love, and joy) is found in the lives of these people every day. In the words of Dominque La Pierre, author of the book:

“The miracle of these concentration camps, was that the accumulation of disastrous elements was counterbalanced by other factors that allowed their inhabitants not merely to remain fully human but even to transcend their conditions and become models of humanity. In these slums people actually put love and mutual support into practice. They knew how to be tolerant of all creeds and castes, how to give respect to a stranger, how to show charity toward beggars, cripples, lepers, and even the insane. Here the weak were helped, not trampled upon. Orphans were instantly adopted by their neighbors and old people were cared for and revered by their children.”

Is there any greater evidence of the principles of gratitude and abundance? Indeed, our ability to experience joy and love are as much a function of our perspective as they are the circumstances of our lives.

In my studies of gratitude, I came across this beautiful story told by Maureen Deuterma.

I received an email from a friend of mine today sharing the good news that he had been promoted to vice president in a prestigious company.

Now, I’m not certain what this means, but added to his retired government employee pension, I’m fairly sure it translates into pretty big bucks.

Was I pleased for him? I should have been. He puts in staggering hours at work, and is extremely productive — an all around great guy. I sometimes wonder if his good wife remembers what he looks like.

But I wasn’t pleased. In truth, I was just plain jealous! Why him, I thought? I’m pretty productive myself, but at my annual evaluation I received a meager 4% raise and nothing resembling a promotion. I lay awake nights worrying about the hefty home equity loan I had to take out to keep the roof over our heads, literally. I pray that my college age daughter doesn’t overdraw her checking account, again. I peek at the mileage on my ’93 Camry, and tell myself that 135,000 miles is nothing for a Toyota. Instead of wishing my friend well, I was wallowing in self-pity — staring in envious stupor at the computer.

Something caught my eye. Two tattered sticky notes, attached to my computer. They’ve been there for a few years, so I don’t usually “see” them anymore. But today I saw them again, as if for the first time.

One is lime green with the message, “Have a great day Mom! I love you!” That one is from my daughter Helen. She was probably 11 or 12 when she wrote it. She’s 15 now, and besides being an excellent student, my little hospital candy striper is a beautiful and caring young woman. She still asks for a hug, and still wants her “mommy” to tuck her in at night. Now there’s something money can’t buy.

The second note is lemon yellow. This one is from my son Stephen, now 10. By the wobbly handwriting, I’m guessing this note is vintage 6 year old. It simply says, “I love you Mom.” He continues to echo that sentiment every day in a long-standing ritual. When I drop him off for school, I’ll say, “I love you Stevie”. His reply is, “I love you. Angels around you and your car!”

I look around my office and see the homemade artwork, and the cluttered array of photos. I see a favorite picture of my oldest daughter Annie, except in this picture she is an awesome little blonde creature of two, clutching her stuffed cat Ming and leaning against her (wow…young!) mom. Ming hasn’t changed much over the years, but Annie has. Despite the overdrawn checkbook, she constantly amazes me with her self-motivation. I am convinced that Annie can do anything she sets her mind to, which includes making her crabby mother laugh when she needs it most. She is still awesome.

I realize with infinite gratitude that my friend can keep his vice president’s title and all the money that goes with it, with my best wishes for success.

I wouldn’t trade my title for any other, and no one in the world will ever share it. I’m Annie, Helen and Stevie’s mom. Priceless!

I vividly recall an experience when I lived in Cochabamba, Bolivia (many years ago). My traveling companion and I met a man on a bus who invited us to come to visit his family. We immediately changed our plans and accompanied him to his home. We arrived at a small, adobe-like, two-roomed house. The floors were dirt and the furnishings were few.

Most memorable was the greeting this man (and we) received from his wife and two little boys, about five and three years of age. They boys hollered and jumped up and down as soon as their father walked through the door. Their father picked them up, whirled them around, and gave them both a big squeeze. His wife, preparing dinner in a wood oven, stopped what she was doing, looked at us a little shyly, approached her husband, and gave him a hug.We had such a great time that evening. We ate a simple meal, played with these little boys, and talked to the parents. Such a humble family. So little in the way of material means. But happy. It still brings a smile to my face to think of being in their presence.

I remember sometime later asking the father why they were so happy. He asked me what more he could want. He had a kind wife and two energetic sons, food and shelter, a job, health, good friendships. Life was good. I still have a warm spot in my heart for the Aguado family, whom I’ve not heard from in … years.

Recent research proves (I know that is a strong word) that people who have grateful hearts are happier, less depressed and less stressed, than those who are less grateful. (1) They report a greater sense of purpose, more control, greater self-acceptance, and more positive ways of coping with difficulties. (2) In short, gratitude is more highly linked with mental health and well-being than any other character trait.

Moreover, gratitude is not only associated with well-being, it causes it. In 2005, Martin Seligman (the father of Positive Psychology) randomly assigned participants to one of six therapeutic interventions designed to improve quality of life. (3) The biggest short-term benefit came from an intervention known as a “gratitude visit” in which participants wrote and then personally delivered a letter of gratitude to someone in their lives. This single act raised the average “happiness score” of these participants by 10%. The results were still in effect a month after the visit.

Another intervention required another group of participants to keep a “gratitude journal” and write down three things they were grateful for every day. These participants’ scores not only increased but continued to increase each time they were tested following the experiment. In fact, the greatest benefits didn’t even occur until around six months after treatment began. Although the participants were only asked to keep their journals for a week, most of them continued long after the study was over.

As I continue to think about this concept of gratitude, I’m aware that I may not have the greatest measure of financial wealth, physical beauty, mental prowess, fame, and so on. But not so gratitude. As I learned from Gilberto Aguado and his family, gratitude is available, in abundance, to all of us, if we’re willing to access, cultivate, and develop this gift, one of the greatest sources of happiness.

So I’m curious. What are you grateful for? Share your thoughts.

References:
(1) McCullough, M. E., Emmons, R. A., & Tsang, J. (2002). The grateful disposition: A conceptual and empirical topography. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 82, 112-127 and Wood, A. M., Joseph, S., & Maltby, J. (2008). PersonalPages.Manchester.ac.uk, Gratitude uniquely predicts satisfaction with life: Incremental validity above the domains and facets of the Five Factor Model. Personality and Individual Differences, 45, 49-54.

(2) Wood, A. M., Joseph, S. & Maltby (2009). Gratitude predicts psychological well-being above the Big Five facets. Personality and Individual Differences, 45, 655-660.

(3) Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N.,& Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60, 410-421.

Between the end of World War II into the 21st Century, we Americans, as well as the entire industrialized world, got much richer. Far more wealth was created, during this period of time, than ever in the history of the world. Today we live in bigger homes, drive nicer cars, travel more, engage in more recreation, and benefit from technology that makes our lives incredibly informed and convenient. In short, we enjoy a far wealthier life style than ever before.

Yet the paradox is that, in spite of our affluence, we lead troubled inner lives. After peaking in 1957, the number of Americans who rate themselves as “very happy” has steadily declined. Depression has risen to ten times the rate of 1950. Statistics show that our health, sense of well-being, and connection to others have declined. Amazing that we have a greater standard of living and yet seem more dissatisfied than ever.

What’s up with that?

Perhaps all of these facts indicate that we’ve placed way too much value on money as the key to happiness. As I discussed in my newsletter last week, we are driven by the belief that “more is better.” So much so that savings rates, in the US, recently hit an all-time low and consumer debt at an all-time high of $1.7 trillion (three times the value of all US dollars in circulation) as people have tried to buy happiness by spending money.

I have a friend by the name of David Krueger who wrote a book entitled The Secret Language of Money in which he reports on his personal research in which he asks people how much money they would need to insure their happiness and financial contentment. Ninety percent of people answer that they would need twice their current income to be happy and free from money worries. That is true of someone who currently makes $25,000 a year, $50,000 a year, as well as someone who makes $500,000 a year. Amazing. The person who already makes 20 times that of the first salary I just mentioned, believes he or she would need to make a million dollars a year to be happy.

And here’s the kicker. Those who actually see their income double over time (say from $50,000 to $100,000) then raise the bar and claim that it would take $200,000 to make them happy. Change the numbers and the story remains the same.
And so we live in a state of perpetual dissatisfaction.

I find that there are lots of seminars and books teaching people how to be rich these days. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker is but one of the latest examples. The guy has made millions through his book sales and popular seminars. People gobble this stuff up.

But, in truth, it’s not about the money. It’s about the stories we tell ourselves about money. And not just money but the stories we tell about our lives. I want to suggest that people who are happy tell themselves stories that have to do with gratitude. More than money, perhaps happiness is about cultivating a grateful heart. Kind of like Eduardo (see blog from January 18, 2011).

That’s what I think. How about you? Leave a comment. Tell me (and all of us) what you think.

We all want to be happy. Few would disagree. However, the question is, what is the source of happiness? We’ve been socialized to believe it has to do with:

• Money
• Possessions
• Status
• Power
• Talent
• Beauty
• Achievement
• Recreation
• The “right” partner
• Other people doing what we want

For example, we hold a belief that people who have more money are happier than those who have less. People who live in a big house, achieve more, or take more vacations are happier than those who do not. We are driven by an implicit belief, in our society today, that “more is better.”

Even if we don’t compare ourselves to others, we often times live from this belief within our own lives. I remember my last year of graduate school. I was earning no more than $500 per month and yearned to graduate so I could make decent money. Then I’d be happy. Before long it happened. We moved from Minnesota to Ft. Collins, Colorado and in a matter of a few weeks I was bringing in a couple thousand a month. Wow, that was cool. But I looked around and realized that my business partner and other professionals were doing much better. My goal became $3000. That’s all I’d need. I’d never ask for anything more. That would enable us to get into a house and then I’d really be happy. It wasn’t long. We got into a house. Soon my goal became $4000, then $5000, then six figures. Then we could get into a nicer house and really have it made. You get the point.

Same with a car. My first car was a 1967 Plymouth Fury that I bought from my grandfather for a few dollars. I thought I was hot stuff, until I saw a friend driving a Firebird. I needed a better car. Then it became an even better car, a Mercedes. Then a BMW… (which I never have owned). But you get the point. The excitement always lasted for a time and then would wear off and I’d be looking around for the next “thing” or experience to make me happy.

Of course, I need to say that there is nothing wrong with having aspirations and seeking success. As a matter of fact, it is how we learn and eventually achieve mastery in our lives. The problem occurs when we believe these symbols are synonymous with happiness. At some point, many people come to the realization that external success does not automatically lead to happiness, high self-esteem, and fulfillment (internal measures of success).

In fact, if we make externals our primary measures or source of happiness we find ourselves in a world in which we’re never satisfied. No matter how much we have, achieve, or accomplish we sense that something is missing. We are living from a scarcity mentality, always comparing our lot in life to others and forever aware of what we lack rather than appreciating the blessings and goodness of life.

In order to be happy it is not necessary to give up wealth, status, recreation, etc.  However, it is necessary to give up the belief that these are the primary source of satisfaction in life. As long as our lives are set up on the premise that these will bring happiness, we’ve given up responsibility for the quality of our lives to what is without rather than what is within. As Eric Hoffer said,

 ”You can never get enough of what
you don’t need to make you happy.”

So where does happiness come from? What is your experience? Share your thoughts. And I’ll explore more in the future, sharing not only my thoughts but also what the research says.