Grace Covers Me

Clarification on My Last Communication

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Mon, 30 Sep 2019 12:40:00 +0000

Friends, thank you for your eagerness to follow me away from my blog and to my newsletter. I have unfortunately caused some confusion. Let me clarify: if you receive my blog posts (like this one) by email, you are also already subscribed to my newsletter. So you don't need to do anything further.

If you receive my blog posts in some sort of RSS feed, such as through Bloglovin or Feedly, you need to subscribe by email to my newsletter, as you will no longer hear from me otherwise.

If you have any questions, let me know. I'm happy to help.

Thank you.

I'm Moving!

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Mon, 30 Sep 2019 05:00:00 +0000

I started blogging in 2005, which at that time meant posting pictures of my babies for family.

In 2008, I started writing in secret, afraid to post anything non-kid oriented on the internet for all the world to see.

In 2009, I started testing the waters, putting thoughts in blog posts, sharing some lessons I was learning that no one ever read, except for perhaps my parents.

From 2009-2012, I found out that I loved writing, that I felt as if I were worshiping God when I put words together. I learned I only know what God’s really doing in me when I put it to words. Even as no one was reading my blog, I kept writing, learning and honing my craft.

In 2013, I published a book, and it was so scary and wonderful, and I’ve been writing and publishing ever since.

Some of you have been with me as readers for ten years now, and I want to say thank you. At times, I sit back and marvel, knowing I'm so privileged to do what I do, and you've helped make that possible.

I started that blog in 2005 on Blogger and, although I’ve updated the look a few times, I've never had a true website. I’ve basically been living in the writer dark ages. And is anyone even reading blogs anymore?!? (Are you? I’m genuinely interested.)

Today, my friend, I've finally moved into the modern age and have launched a new website!

I will no longer be writing at gracecoversme.com. In fact, I will not be regularly blogging. I will, however, whether by website or stone tablet, continue writing. Coming in 2020: a new book! Of course, you'll need to head to my new website to find out all about it. 😉I'll also continue hosting my podcast, By Faith, and am currently working on a Bible study on the book of Matthew. I have also started releasing a monthly e-newsletter, which you can subscribe to here, and that's the best way to keep up with me from now on.

Will you come visit me? You can now find me at Christinehoover.net, which sounds so author-ly and official, does it not?

So to summarize:

I won't be blogging, so I will no longer show up in your blog feeds.

Instead, you can hear from me once a month through my newsletter.

You can also follow along with my podcast.

And of course, I'm on Instagram and Facebook.

Thank you for being a faithful reader!

A Must-Read Book (and a Few of My Recent Favorites)

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Tue, 02 Jul 2019 05:00:00 +0000

In our family, summer means more trips to the local library and bigger stacks on our bedside tables. In the past, I've forced reading on two of my boys, but finally--finally--this year, they've each happily settled into genres they love, they're constantly asking me if the books they've requested at the library are ready, and if the house has grown quiet, I eventually find them tucked away somewhere, reading.

One of my boys is currently reading The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom, and I couldn't be happier. The Hiding Place has been instrumental in my life, so I've loved talking with my son about Corrie's experiences. In fact, The Gospel Coalition recently asked me to write about this beloved book and why every Christian should read it. I've included the article below, in hopes that if you haven't read this classic, you'll add it to the top of your to-read list.

Following the post, I've listed some of my recent favorites, as well as a link to my all-time favorites. (Note: all links are affiliate links.) I hope you too have opportunities to be discovered tucked away somewhere this summer, reading. Here, friends, is my post about one of my favorite books:

The fleas.

When I glimpse the well-worn spine of The Hiding Place on my bookshelf, I always think first of the fleas and the horror of human beings forced to sleep in flea-infested straw bedding in a concentration camp. And then I remember with amazement and deep conviction the prayer whispered on that straw by Betsie ten Boom and recalled by her sister Corrie: “Thank you, God, for the fleas.”

The first time I read The Hiding Place, I was in my mid-20s and, after a lifetime of assigned reading, was rediscovering the joy of reading for pleasure. Drawn to biographies of faithful Christians, I couldn’t devour them fast enough. I went to these books in search of worlds and experiences outside my own from which to mine wisdom. I gobbled up books such as Peace Child, Evidence Not Seen, A Chance to Die, Shadow of the Almighty, Surprised by Joy, Living Sacrifice, and Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God, but I returned over and over again to Corrie ten Boom and the Beje in Holland, her jail cell, and the flea-ridden bunk she shared with her sister in Ravensbruck, deep in the cold, darkened heart of Nazi Germany.

God’s Goodness During Humanity’s Worst

Corrie’s memoir begins happily enough as she recalls her home, work, and family life in Holland. A cloud hangs over her telling, however, because as all students of history know, war looms on the horizon. When Nazi Germany invades and occupies in Holland, Corrie notes small and confounding changes around her: stars of David appearing on passersby, windows of Jewish businesses broken by rocks, ugly words appearing on synagogue walls. Eventually Corrie and her family notice Jewish neighbors disappearing—to where, they aren’t sure—so they begin hiding Jews in their home and working with an underground network to spirit them to safety.

Corrie, her father Casper, and her sister Betsie are eventually betrayed by a fellow Dutchman, arrested, and imprisoned. The two women are ultimately transferred to Ravensbruck, a German concentration camp. While in the camp, bedded down with the fleas, sickly Betsie shares a post-war vision with Corrie: She must tell what she’s seen—not merely the brutality but also how the love and forgiveness found in Christ surpasses the evil and hate of the world. Corrie must tell, Betsie implores, how God was there among them in their deepest suffering.

Betsie doesn’t live to see the reality of her vision, but Corrie does. She’s released from the concentration camp based, she’d later discover, on a clerical error. This divinely appointed clerical error set her on a trek all over the world to proclaim what she’d seen and experienced—a story of God’s faithfulness during some of the worst suffering humanity could invent.

Honest Faith Put into Practice

As a young woman, I was a grateful recipient of Corrie’s story. I needed her honesty as she attempted to reconcile faith with suffering. When Betsie thanked God for the fleas, I was almost repulsed. I resonated more with Corrie than Betsie when Corrie said, “Betsie, there’s no way even God can make me grateful for a flea.” When Betsie expressed compassion for the Nazi guards, earnestly praying for souls hardened by hate, I stood with Corrie on the opposite side, uncertain if forgiveness could ever come. But through certain circumstances that revealed God’s goodness, God did make Corrie grateful for the fleas. And when, after the war, a former guard in her barracks extended a hand, asking for forgiveness, Corrie chose to offer it despite her feelings.

As I grew older, I returned to these examples as I myself faced “fleas” and situations where I knew to obey God meant forgiving those who had hurt me, albeit in situations much less severe than what Corrie and millions of others endured in concentration camps during World War II. Because Corrie’s faith was accompanied by obedience, it was as if she came alongside me as one of the “great cloud of witnesses” mentioned in Hebrews 11 and said, “Follow me as I follow Christ.” She showed me that the light of God could always be found, no matter the darkness.

I keep returning to the pages of The Hiding Place, each time amid different circumstances, and yet I find it as relevant for today as it was when it was published almost 50 years ago. In fact, this is a book for our time, because it reminds us that the truth of the gospel stretches far beyond our current generation (and today’s Twitter squabbles), far into the depths of our human darkness and need, and far into the practice of how we live among our neighbors.

We need Corrie’s and Betsie’s examples of actually living what we say we believe, remembering that faith without works is dead. And it seems what we most need now is courageous love―seeking to do for our neighbors what Christ has done for us: initiating, forgiving, and sacrificing. Corrie warns of what impedes us from what she herself experienced:

I saw that stony indifference to others was the most fatal disease of the concentration camp. I felt it spread to myself: how could one survive if one kept on feeling? . . . It was better to narrow the mind to one’s own need, not to see, not to think. (234)

We too must fight apathy by choosing to see our neighbors and think and look beyond ourselves.

Power of the Word

We also need to hear from a woman starved of freedom, food, and family that what kept her alive was a contraband Bible she miraculously kept hidden throughout her ordeal. Corrie describes “gulping” the entire Gospels in one sitting and “living” in the truths of the Word as if they were written for her exact situation. In a flea-ridden bunkhouse, so filthy that no guard would enter, she and Betsie would open the Bible and read it aloud, waiting as different voices translated the life-giving words into German, Polish, and French:

Like waifs clustered around a blazing fire, we gathered about it, holding out our hearts to its warmth and light. The blacker the night around us grew, the brighter and truer and more beautiful burned the word of God. . . . I would look about us as Betsie read, watching the light leap from face to face. More than conquerors. . . . It was not a wish. It was a fact. We knew it, we experienced it minute by minute—poor, hated, hungry. We are more than conquerors. Not “we shall be.” We are! (206)

If Scripture sustained these women in the darkest of places, surely it’s our sustenance as we wait for our own darkness to end. In our world full of ideas, may we cherish and “gulp” the life-giving words just as Corrie and Betsie did.

I certainly will keep returning to The Hiding Place again and again, learning from Corrie and Betsie, and remembering why I can thank God in any situation, even if it involves fleas.

Book Recommendations: My More Recent Favorites

If you love book recommendations, you can always follow along with what I'm reading on Goodreads. Currently I'm reading Teach Us To Want and The Color of Compromise, both of which I'm really enjoying. Here's what I've read lately that I'd recommend to you:

The Prodigal Prophet by Tim Keller (on the book of Jonah)

A Company of Heroes by Tim Kessee (stories of gospel work all across the world)

Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens (riveting fiction)

Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport (practical ways to minimize social media's priority)

Courage, Dear Heart: Letters to a Weary World by Rebecca Reynolds (a book of hope)

No One Ever Asked by Kate Ganshert (fiction that teaches in a non-preachy way)

I'm excited about the release of a few books coming out in the next year, including Lore Ferguson Wilbert's Handle With Care and Rachael Denhollander's What is a Girl Worth? And I have my own book coming out next March! I'll tell you more about it in time, but it's called With All Your Heart, and in true Amazon fashion, it's already available for pre-order--if you're so inclined to pre-order 8 months in advance. (Hey, I'll take it!)

Book Recommendations: My All-Time Favorites

Friends, I keep a running list of my favorite books here. What are your all-time favorites that you can't help but recommend and re-read?

We Need to Talk About Friendship. Here's How.

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Tue, 11 Jun 2019 05:00:00 +0000

I tell people all the time: I wrote a book on friendship because it was a book I needed for most of my 20’s and 30’s. Through those desperate years, I hadn’t known how to think about friendship in a healthy, biblical way. I just knew I felt lonely and frustrated and insecure around other women—feelings that gathered like an avalanche and buried me in my own confused isolation.

So I finally took a good long look at friendship. I searched Scripture. I talked with other women and observed those who seemed to do it well. I learned that I had an idealistic (read: unrealistic) idea of what friendship should be, so I chose to approach friendship in a different way—a way that left room for imperfection and missteps and the risk of vulnerability. A way that starved the idolatry of finding my security in a “tribe,” finally finding “my person,” or endlessly searching for effortless friendships.

I love talking about friendship. In fact, last weekend, I got to teach a group of women what nuggets of truth I’ve learned. But even as I drove to that event, I was wrestling in prayer over my real life friendships, uncertain and feeling needy. In other words, I’m still prone to seeking security in my relationships and being frustrated when they aren’t exactly as I’d like them to be.

And I’m finding that in each season of life, there are new friendship complexities to explore and work through. Here’s what I’m learning about friendship in my 40’s: women my age are carrying the most responsibility we ever have. As we swirl in activity, we must be extremely intentional about making time for face-to-face friendship. But also? By this point, I’ve been friends with folks long enough that we know each other well, faults and all. The command of Scripture that we should bear with one another and overlook offenses comes more and more into play. In other words, we must love each other intentionally and not give up on one another.

Friendship is so important to our sanctification and faith. Easy? No. But important, nonetheless. I wholeheartedly believe we need to be talking about friendship from a biblical perspective, so we can be intentional about our relationships and be willing to work through the hard stuff when the hard stuff comes along. Because it always does.

Summer is great time for this, and I want to help you have these conversations! I’ve put together a free 6-week Bible study and discussion guide that corresponds with my book, Messy Beautiful Friendship. So gather at the pool while your kids swim or on your porch in the evenings and dig into what the Bible says about friendship!

Download the Participant's Guide here.

Download the Leader's Guide here.

You in? I can't wait to hear from you regarding what you're discussing this summer! Tag me on social media and use the hashtag #messybeautifulfriendship to share what you're learning.

The Gift is Not the Greatest

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 15 May 2019 05:00:00 +0000

Before I get to my blog post for today...

A few weeks ago, a friend asked if I was going to continue with my podcast after the season on friendship, and I was very confused by the question, because I did continue: I'm currently in the middle of a season on serving by faith. Then it dawned on me that she'd probably been listening to By Faith directly on my website rather than a podcast platform, she'd missed the announcement that I'd no longer be sharing the podcast episodes on my blog, and if she'd missed it, many others likely missed it as well. If that's you, I apologize! I'd loved to have you join me for the current season, where I've invited guests to help me explore what it means to know and use our spiritual gifts in our unique contexts and seasons of life.

The best way to receive new podcast seasons and episodes is by subscribing through a podcast platform like iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, or Spotify. Once you subscribe you'll receive notice through that platform when a new episode is available. (If you're technologically challenged, feel free to email me so I can send you instructions on how to subscribe.)

You can also listen on you computer directly on my website or on the podcast website, which is helpful if you'd also like links mentioned in the show.

Finally, if you're on social media, I post about new episodes when they release. Come find me on Facebook or Instagram and give me a follow.

Now, on to the blog post for today...

I played the flute in high school, both in marching band and in what we called symphonic band, which was basically non-marching season.

Every year, without fail, the guys that filled out the brass sections--the trumpets, trombones, baritones, and tubas--consistently poked fun at my section, reminding us that no one could really hear us from the stands. In other words, we didn't much matter during marching season. They were the most important, because they were loud and, more often than not, they carried the primary melody for whatever song we played.

In some ways they were right. Unless we flautists transitioned to piccolo, we couldn't be heard in the stands above the brass and the pounding bass drums, except for when the songs turned briefly dirge-like and our flutes could rise up in the quiet.

But did that mean we didn't matter? Is being heard what makes something matter?

During symphonic season, everything changed. We played different kinds of music than we did during football season--no longer the rousing, crowd-pleasers, nor the fight songs we could high-step to. The snare drummers put away their rat-a-tat-ta drumsticks and picked up timpani mallets instead. Some of our clarinet players pulled out their oboes and bassoons. For large sections of some of our pieces, the brass players would just sit there, not playing a note, while the flutes and clarinets took center stage.

To be honest, I loved marching season far more than symphonic season. At times I wished I'd chosen an instrument vital to our marching season show, perhaps the snare drum or the trumpet. The brass sections were right: as flutes, we didn't much matter to the show. We only mattered in boring, old symphonic season that no one much cared about.

I've been thinking about this lately in relation to spiritual gifts. Because I'm passionate about each person using their gifts for the benefit of the greater good, I have a tendency to elevate gifts as if they are ultimate, as if they can be possessed and harnessed at will. I tend, in other words, to be a trumpeter, blasting loudly and secretly believing the music couldn't go on without me.

Until it did.

In the past year, God figuratively moved me from trumpet to flute, and I suddenly found myself indignant that I would be asked to play a part that didn't much matter to anyone but him. But God, I wanted to say, look what I can do at trumpet! Don't you see that I'm needed? How will the show go on without me?

That's when I began to see how I've elevated my supposed gifts above their appropriate place. It's as if I believe my one instrument is more important than the music on the page, the band as a whole, and the director's will. What's more, I didn't know it until I was handed the flute, but I've believed I was above a quiet, unseen part in the larger show.

When it comes to spiritual gifts, we don't possess them. We use them at the direction of God, according to his Spirit's power. Sometimes we sit quietly, waiting for that direction, while God uses others. Sometimes we're very visible. Sometimes we act in ways that are unseen or seemingly unimportant, but whether seen or unseen in their use, he wouldn't ask us to use them if it weren't contributing to the edification and building of his Church.

No one instrument is more important than the other.

The gift is not the greatest.

Being used or seen in our gifts is not the reason we use them.

God is the greatest. And the music he makes through us collectively is beautiful. That's the purpose of our gifts, and our very lives.

Don't miss the latest conversations I've had about serving on By Faith with:
Trillia Newbell on the Fears that Hold Us Back
Carolyn McCulley on Women, Work, and the Church
Anna Perez on Church Planting
Greg Gilbert on Living and Serving From Grace Rather Than Guilt

On Bitterness

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Tue, 07 May 2019 05:00:00 +0000

The Lord is gracious to give me perspective regarding my everyday life when I actually step out of that everyday life for a day or two. Blurry thoughts become clear. Mountains are seen as only molehills. Priorities fall into laser-sharp view. Renewal, so desperately sought, comes instead like a whispered surprise. I remember how to smile and dance and sing silly songs again.

I went away with childhood friends last week, and being the gracious God he is, the Lord renewed. The path to renewal, however, began with recognition. What I've labeled happening to me over the last few weeks as weariness and discouragement has really been bitterness building in layers over my soul, untouched and hardening like plaque.

Bitterness is deceptive, because it points blame at others when really there is unacknowledged hurt and fear within. But bitterness is more than that: it's acid eating away at joy, cynicism that wants to take everyone else down with you, and exhaustion born from carrying compounding negative emotions.

I told one of my friends I was filled to the brim with cynicism, and she said the wisest and simplest thing she could've said: "Take it to the Lord."

I hadn't considered confession. I hadn't thought of telling the Lord that my heart felt so hard that no amount of my own thinking, rationalizing, or work could break apart my brittleness. So I did as she suggested and took it to the Lord, and a wave of hope hit almost instantly. The hope wasn't that I was suddenly free from bitterness, but that he would do the necessary work on me, that I didn't have to stay in my sin.

Not coincidentally, I've been in Hebrews in my daily Bible reading, and I saved Hebrews 12 until I got back home--back in that everyday life that can exhaust and choke with sameness and work and burdens. I savored the familiar phrase that I love so much: "Lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith." Later the writer specifically mentions bitterness as a weight to lay aside: "See to it...that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." I suppose bitterness is more like a vine that springs up and wraps itself around us, tripping us up, stalling the race.

Confession and repentance are gifts from God. He uses them to clear our blurry eyes, refresh our hope, and make soft our hardened hearts. He's done so for me, and this one who's been redeemed is saying so. I'm happy to report that I'm up and running my race once again, eyes off myself and on my Jesus.

Perhaps you too recognize bitterness hardening like plaque inside you. I'll tell you what my friend told me: "Take it to the Lord." He'll receive you gladly and trade your hardened heart for renewed clarity, hope, and joy.

When You're Dissatisfied and Restless Regarding Your Purpose

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 03 Apr 2019 05:00:00 +0000

I am a "purpose" person and always have been. I remember as a teenager reading about spiritual gifts and the design of the Body recorded in 1 Corinthians 12 and feeling a sense of joy washing over me. If this is true, I thought, this means each person is designed by God for a purpose and, when found in Christ, gifted with supernatural abilities in order to fulfill that purpose! How incredible to consider!

I still find it terribly exciting that every single one of us is vital to the work of God in this world and in his Church. Even more wondrous to me, the Holy Spirit initiates the specific work God has planned for us, empowers us to do it, and then brings fruit from our work. Who are we that God would allow us to cooperate in his kingdom work?

So, yes, I'm a purpose person. I've enjoyed discovering how God has gifted me, and I enjoy helping others know and walk in their gifts.

However, in this passionate pursuit of mine to serve and work according to my gifts, I've continually experienced bouts of dissatisfaction, frustration, uncertainty, and fruitlessness. Even recently I've found myself reconsidering just about everything I thought I knew about myself and my place in God's work. Because the ground underneath me is constantly shifting, and I feel a sense of restlessness, as if I'm trying to grab onto something for stability that keeps moving just out of my reach.

That language sounds familiar, doesn't it? The writer of Ecclesiastes describes our human pursuits carried out in human wisdom as an attempt to grasp vapor in our hands--it's foolish and futile. The writer has come to this conclusion after methodically testing various human pursuits and finding himself, in the end, empty and restless.

He tells us repeatedly that human pursuits carried out in human wisdom lead to our dissatisfaction.

I've lived long enough now that I can see how this is true in the pursuit of wanton sex, money, self-indulgence, and worldly glory. But I struggle to see so clearly when it comes to serving God, to doing what's right and good for him, because I so often want to use my purpose and gifts in ways they weren't made to be used.

Even godly pursuits carried out in human wisdom lead to our dissatisfaction.

What is human wisdom? This is wisdom birthed from the self--what we can understand, see, create, and devise. This is also wisdom focused on self. Human wisdom always seeks its own reputation, honor, and glory, believing we're completely self-made people. Human wisdom tells us we can figure out what God is doing from beginning to end and that we, in self-agency, can set our own agenda for how we'll use the skills we have.

When we layer our Christian lives and service with human wisdom, we find ourselves grasping for vapor. We won't find satisfaction in our labor, and we'll be endlessly frustrated when we view our lives, limits, and opportunities in light of the lives of others. In our human wisdom, we bristle , believing God withholds good from us personally and is limited in his long-term vision.

So I'm learning to interrogate my dissatisfaction.

The bouts of dissatisfaction I feel are often, if not always, from my attempts at replicating through my own wisdom and efforts what only God can do. Only God can make my service and work purposeful and significant. Only God can give satisfaction and peace. Satisfaction in my service is a gift, not something I can attain or earn.

The writer of Ecclesiastes, after noting his unhappiness and even despair that's resulted from his pursuits through human wisdom, says, "There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment? For to the one who pleases him God has given wisdom and knowledge and joy" (Ecc. 2:24-25).

Who can eat? I can.
Who can work? I can.
Who can know joy in these everyday tasks? I can, but only when I do what I do for God, with God, and depending on God. The joy is a gift God gives in my union with him.

As the writer of Ecclesiastes says, "There is nothing better." We can't improve on God's wisdom with our own: we'll only find purpose and satisfaction in our godly pursuits when suiting ourselves is not the end goal.

Our gifts aren't from or for us.
We find life when we live it for God and for the benefit of others.

Friends, Season Four of my By Faith podcast is well underway, and I hope you've had a chance to listen. With the help of my guests, I'm exploring what it means to serve God by faith. Whether you're serving in obscurity, out front in leadership, or through creative gifts, my prayer is that by listening you'll be encouraged to press on. Perhaps you don't know what you spiritual gifts are or how to begin cultivating a gift you think you might have. You'll want to listen to Jared Wilson share how we know our gifts, Christie Purifoy share how she began to see the value of what she calls placemaking, and Melissa Kruger share the unlikely way she started learning to teach the Bible. And don't miss two powerhouses, Lori McDaniel and Russell Moore. They gave helpful insight on leadership and perseverance that's still got me thinking. If you don't want to miss out on this season (or past seasons on friendship and suffering), subscribe to By Faith on on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, or Spotify.

Every Hard Day Will Be Beautiful One Day

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 27 Mar 2019 05:00:00 +0000

I was recently reminded of this post I wrote for Desiring God about this time last year. I'm not sure I ever shared it with you, dear reader. I share it with you today, as we wait for Spring to become fully realized, in hopes of encouraging you in whatever lingering winter you're in.

I hadn’t opened the old shoe box in a decade, but lifting the frayed lid, I laughed in delight at the faces of dear friends and family staring back at me. For hours afterward, I sat on my closet floor, poring over stacks of these pictures that held constant vigil for happy college years, newlywed days, long ago ministry events, and first days home with babies.

My heart filled with wonder at being able to see so clearly in the present as I peered into the past. A friendship that began in college through a chance meeting has, in time, grown into one of deep joy and importance. The man who’d become my husband, pictured still very much as a boy, whom I’ve seen grow more and more into who God’s made him to be. The little baby, the object of several lifetimes of my worry, who’s now matured and overcome. Looking at time past, I marveled at how the pictures gave me the gift of sight, and how this sight affirmed the truth of Ecclesiastes 3:11: “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Even in what I could never have imagined becoming beautiful, God had proven himself good.

You Don't See the Whole Picture Now
But then I turned back to my present moment, the very day I was going through old pictures, and I tried to wrap my mind around that day’s gifts: the already teenager and the almost teenagers, taking up more space in my home and heart, eating their way through life. I tried to squeeze every ounce of thankfulness from my heart regarding my husband and the state of our union, and I ticked through the church we planted, friends, extended family, our health, the opportunities and influence God’s given.

I couldn’t enjoy today's moments like I could the past, because the present was so difficult to see without fear creeping in. What if my beloved is taken from me? What if this boy of mine never learns from his mistakes? What if God asks us to say a gospel goodbye to the church we love? It’s as if my heart wanted to protect itself, belying the deeper question at the core of my fear: What if God isn’t actually at work, bringing all things to the beautiful end he’s promised?

We’re told by our culture, seemingly on repeat to live in the moment, to be present, and I know there is good in this charge, but living in the present and especially grasping what God is doing in the current moment is like looking through a glass, darkly (1 Corinthians 13:12). We cannot fully see nor can we comprehend the shape of what God is making and the tools he’s using to bring all things to the beautiful end of redemption. We “cannot find out what God has done from beginning to end” (Ecclesiastes 3:11), and on a smaller scale, we can’t grab hold of a present moment with joy unadulterated by sin and darkness. We must not chide ourselves over missing the moments if we can’t grab hold of their fullness as they pass.

There is a better way to live in the present. The old box of pictures helps us understand how.

What We See in Old Pictures
Why are we often more moved by old pictures than new? One reason is that when we look back, those memories are informed by a longer and wider perspective. We're able to view them through the filter of God's goodness, without the fear or uncertainty we might have experienced in the moment.

We see this same phenomenon in Scripture. In the Old Testament, God repetitiously required his people to build altars, recall stories of his acts to their children, and celebrate feasts that marked the miracles he’d done on their behalf. Over and over, he said to them, “Remember.” They were to remember how God made freedom from slavery and provision from lack so they’d trust him in their present darkness.

And then, through the prophets, God’s refrain became, “Look forward.” They were to look forward to a perfect deliverer and forever rescuer, when God would make beauty from their ashes, so that they might trust him with those ashes in their present state.

The Goal for Our Present
We also see this in the New Testament. In the moment of Christ's crucifixion, everything appeared horribly bleak. Now we're able to look back on his death and resurrection and see unparalleled beauty, the kind that fills us with joy. This perspective fuels our hope as we look forward to seeing the promise of his second coming.

Looking back at the past and forward to the future helps us walk by faith in a promise-keeping God in this present darkness. For many of us, both the past and the present are pockmarked with pain. Our hope in this life is set on God’s ever-present help, and on the reality awaiting us when Jesus sets all things right and all our pain is transformed into glory. Beauty awaits everyone in Christ.

The goal for our present, then, is not grasping the moment as it passes or seeing clearly what God is doing at every turn. The goal for our present moment, though seen dimly for what it is, is faith-- believing that God is with us, helping us, working in us, and hurtling us toward a beautiful end.

What You Can't See Today
God has designed us to comprehend and value the true beauty of his work most significantly over time. As an artist pulls the cover off a portrait in dramatic reveal, as the hiker’s perspective of where she’s traveled comes into view as she steps onto the mountain peak, one day we will see the scope and beauty of our redemption in full.

More importantly, we’ll see God, and in our first awestruck glimpse we’ll see beauty that John, in his Revelation vision, struggled to compare with anything we currently call beautiful. As we take him in, and as we take in a broader horizon of time and God’s work in time, our understanding of his beauty will come into far greater focus.

Perhaps then too we will follow the pattern Scripture gives: looking back with eternal eyes, seeing God’s goodness in every point of history. A heavenly shoebox of joy waiting for our unending discovery. And what will we look forward to in the future? In heaven, the future is one of joy’s eternal increase, every discovery of God’s handiwork a new facet of his beauty.

We do not need to see or understand all that God is doing on our hardest days. We just need to know that God is behind this, and in this, and that he will make it beautiful in time.

When You Have Only a Seed of a Dream

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 27 Feb 2019 06:00:00 +0000

Last year was one of the most disorienting I've had since the year we moved to Charlottesville from Texas with the dream in our hearts to plant a church. For ten years, I've carried that dream--nurturing it, acting on it, supporting it, and giving myself away in order to see that dream become a reality. And it has. Our church is a beautiful testament to me of God's faithfulness and goodness.

As all beautiful, living things do, the church has grown and changed over the years, but I haven't always wanted to change along with it. I've never stopped wanting the dream, because I liked who I've been in it, and I liked forging it into reality alongside my husband.

I've loved these difficult, brutal, sweet years of church planting. But we're not church planting any longer and, in all honesty, I've felt a bit lost for a while now. I've forgotten who I am apart from the dream. I, of course, am still pulsing along in the fabric of who we are as a church, but somewhere along the way, as it often does for church planters and their wives, the reality of the dream became entwined with my identity.

The Lord has graciously and patiently been calling me forward, to a new time and space, while at the same time splitting me from these false identities I've formed for myself. With him, this invitation and splitting is always a call to peace and freedom. But I have hesitated time and again, holding tightly to the glorious days of the past.

Who am I without this dream?

I am not left without dreams, however. I have a new dream forming inside, one that's incubated for several years now. My heart beats a bit faster when I imagine what could be, and I know the reality of what could be, because I've sampled it already. I sense a growing passion implanted within me by God himself, but along with the passion is a catch in my spirit, a certainty that God is saying, "Not yet." If God wills it so, this dream belongs somewhere in the future. I, however, long to reach out and grab those days and those opportunities from the future and bring them to now.

Who am I without this dream?

I am this person here, that's who I am. I'm here in this place, among these people, with this limited time and these opportunities. I am, in other words, right where God wants me, doing exactly what he wants me to do.

I have not liked this truth much. That is to say, I've resisted and despised the disorientation of it, of seeing one dream completed and the other far off on the horizon. In this in-between, I want to grab on to something solid, something that feels significant, something that feels like a guarantee.

But I'm not promised my dreams. I'm not promised the choice of place and opportunity. I'm promised God. And he is pointing in one direction, over and over and over: do what is in front of you. Nothing more, nothing less.

It's not just that I'm to do what's in front of me. It's as if he is inviting me to enjoy doing what's in front of me. To enjoy the smallness. Enjoy the thinking and learning and growing. Enjoy the everyday acts of faithfulness that seem insignificant. With God, there is just as much fanfare over the small and unseen as the spotlight or the stage, if it is an intentional act of faithfulness done in his honor. He is with me here in this time and space, and because he has me here, I'm in his will.

So what do I do with my dream? I hold it, patiently waiting, for if it is implanted by God, he won't waste the dream or the passion behind it. I also hold it loosely, trusting that if the dream is really mine wrapped up in God language, he will remove it altogether. And I choose to want that if he does.

There is a tension, almost a grief, in the waiting. I feel sometimes as if I'm going backward, as if the best years are behind me or that I missed my chance. Perhaps God has moved on to someone else. Perhaps I get only one beautiful dream becoming a reality, not two.

But I know enough now to know that God doesn't waste anything. The times I've previously been limited by circumstances or graciously held back by God's providence were times of growth, almost like a seed nestled in the soil. I'd have had nothing to say, no gumption to lead in our church if it weren't for those years of smallness. The limits and the obscurity and the lack of opportunities to use my gifts were the very things I needed in order to fulfill the purposes God had for me later.

I know he's doing the same thing in me now.

Who am I without this dream? I am his.

So I nestle myself in the soil, waiting, while he nurtures me.

This post was commissioned by one of my Patreon supporters, who asked me to answer this question: "When God has planted a seed but there is no fruit to be seen yet, how do you wait well?" Thank you, Melissa, for making the "By Faith" podcast possible through your support! If you'd like to join her and others in supporting my work (and discover how you can commission a blog post), find out more here.

What To Remember When You Are Weak

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 20 Feb 2019 06:00:00 +0000

There are many days when I feel the weight of my inability to overcome my flesh. Do you as well? It's not a bad thing to know our weakness. In fact, recognizing and acknowledging both our sin and our inability to eradicate our sin is important. This is what the Bible calls being poor in spirit; we're spiritually bankrupt in and of ourselves, and we know it. But what we do at that point of recognition is vital. Do we vow that we'll, by sheer willpower, try harder next time? Do we wallow in self-condemnation? Or do we heed the call of Christ?

The gospel calls us to look outside of ourselves to Christ. When we look to him for our salvation and help by faith, we see how we're spiritually rich. He's taken away our sin, but we often don't consider that he's added to our account as well. In his grace, he's poured into us his righteousness, the inheritance he himself earned, and his Spirit, who helps us love God in return through obedience.

It's at the point of recognition, when we know our weakness, that we must preach this gospel to ourselves. Here is what I go back to again and again as I fight to remember what exactly this gospel is:

________________________________________________________________________________

This is the gospel: not that we are right with God because of what we do, but that we are right with God because of what Christ did for us.

The gospel can be twisted so easily, and we have believed the lies of the goodness gospel. It has whispered so convincingly that our salvation was a gift received and the rest of the Christian life is up to us and whatever effort we give it.

But we will be fools no longer; we will not pursue what we already possess. We won’t be debtors, and we will not give our lives over to the fruitless chasing of goodness and image and religious plate-spinning.

No, we will not be obsessed with goodness; we will be obsessed with God. Instead of dictating to him how he should be honored, we will give ourselves to what he says are the most important things: receiving from him each day and letting his love and grace compel us to worship and to love and to serve with joy. Our external actions will mirror and flow from our internal affections.

We believe that God is a singing God, a celebratory God, and that he delights in us. We release our grip on our own agendas, ambitions, and dreams of self-glory so that our hands are free to receive his love. We refuse to stiff-arm the truth of God’s love because we feel unworthy. Christ stands in our place and God loves his Son, therefore God loves us.

We know that the Christian life is impossible on our own merit. We can’t love sacrificially, forgive easily, or obey joyfully without someone leading and helping us. And so we don’t walk in self-sufficiency but rather we depend on the Holy Spirit, our Helper, to lead and empower us. We practice spiritual disciplines as a means of asking for his help and leadership.

We identify with Christ, and our true home is built with the bricks and mortar of grace. Because of his grace, we are free from thinking too much about ourselves and free from thinking too much about the opinions others have of us. We make it our aim to please God alone.

Assured of God’s love, we are compelled by him to love others. We participate boldly in the community of the Beloved, where we sharpen and are sharpened, and we go as Sent Ones to share the love we’ve experienced.

Assured of God’s grace, we give grace to others, with the goal of unity rather than uniformity. We trust God to lead us all, and we know that sometimes he leads us differently on open-handed, secondary issues. Different is quite beautiful, so we use our differing gifts to show off the beauty of Christ and we champion others as they use theirs.

Assured that we possess the greatest treasure, we turn from false hopes that only compound pain and suffering. We fix our eyes on Christ and run hard the race he’s marked out for us. In our trials, we give him our hearts, letting him produce in us character and perseverance and an enduring hope.

In all these things, we live and die and live again, all by Christ. We do not allow ourselves to be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. That makes Christ nothing. We stand firm in grace’s freedom, where Christ is everything.

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Friends, what you've just read is a manifesto I wrote to summarize and help readers internalize the message of my book, From Good to Grace: Letting Go of the Goodness Gospel. Print your own copy of the Grace Manifesto for quick reference as you fight to remember the gospel. You can also read Chapter One of the book for free here.

The best news is that the entire ebook is on sale until February 28 for only $1.59 on Amazon and Christianbook.com and $1.99 on Barnes & Noble! Grab your copy today and let me show you what I've learned about preaching the gospel to myself.

Cultivating and Using Your Gifts Takes Risk

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 13 Feb 2019 06:00:00 +0000

At some point, you'll recognize that God has given you eyes to see what others cannot or do not see. Whether in your church or your community, you'll see a need or an opportunity, as well as the hole or the lack, and you'll feel a little nudge inside that perhaps you're the one who God is compelling to meet that need.

That nudge is something to pay close attention to, because it may just be your "for such a time as this." However, recognizing the nudge and actually taking action on it are two different things. Teetering between the thought and the action is great risk and a long list of anxiety-provoking questions.

What if the thought of pursuing this specific calling or taking this certain action isn't from God?

What if others see me and think I'm prideful, naive, or silly?

What if nothing comes from it in the end, and I feel like a failure?

What if my motivations aren't totally pure?

What if I start and am unable to finish?

What if it's not the right time?

What if I don't actually have the gifts and skills I thought I did?

We should certainly take our time, prayerfully considering our internal motivations, our capacity in our current season, and whether or not we can follow through on commitments. But we should also consider God and others.

We must first look at God and consider if the greatest hindrance to our service is that we lack faith in his abilities. Most of the time we only consider ourselves. We look at our abilities and determine we don’t have enough. We look at our logistics and can't figure where the resources are going to come from. We look at our circumstances and wonder how we'll get from Point A to Point B. Looking at ourselves doesn’t make us bold, but looking at God and finding our source of confidence in him helps us take risks.

Second, we should look at others, or rather, where God is pointing others out to us. What unmet needs consistently plague you? What do you think everyone should be passionate about? How has God arranged you within your local church and within your local community in order to be a part of his work and his solution? What would he have you do by faith in dependence upon his abilities in order to meet a need?

Perhaps nothing. Perhaps nothing right now. But perhaps something, and this is where we must take a risk. How do we push through the risk of cultivating and using our gifts?

We discern more clearly what our gifts and callings are by trying what we think he's leading us to do. Only by doing--practicing the use of our gifts--will we begin to see more clearly. For me, trying specific gifts on for size opened up a whole new set of questions and obstacles. But by acting, God had the opportunity to burn away my improper motivations for service, and show me more clearly how he's made me and wants me to serve him.

God gave you the gifts that you have, and so he intends that you use them as an act of worship back to him. In fact, that's how I first began to recognize what God was compelling me to do: I felt as if by serving in a specific way, it was an act of worship before the One who gave me the desire and the skills in the first place.

People may or may not cheer you on as you serve. They may or may not notice. They may or may not wonder, as we fear they do, just who we think we are. However, although we serve for the benefit of others, we're ultimately obeying God's command to use everything we have to bring him honor and to edify the church. God is not pleased only when we're successful or if other people celebrate. He's pleased with the faith it takes to do something for him and believe he will use it as he sees fit. This is perhaps one of the most freeing reasons we risk using our gifts: the results aren't up to us, nor are they requirements for pleasing God. We're the sowers, and God is the grower, and so our focus can simply be acts of service by faith.

New Season of By Faith

When it comes to using your gifts, friends, don't just take my word for it. Join me for a brand new season of By Faith, starting February 19, as we tackle the questions, motivations, and difficulties related to cultivating and using our gifts. I've invited guests such as Russell Moore, Caroline Cobb, Melissa Kruger, Anna Perez, Jared Wilson, and Christie Purifoy onto the show to explore with me what it means to serve by faith.

How are they using their unique gifts and talents in their specific context and season of life? How did they come to know their gifts? What challenges are they facing as they serve? And what are they learning that can help us where we are? These are the questions I hope to answer, with the goal of encouraging, challenging, and equipping you to step out by faith and use your particular gifts for God’s glory.

Giveaway

The season kicks off next Tuesday, February 19, and in celebration I'm doing a giveaway of each of my books on Facebook and Instagram. The Instagram giveaway also includes a $50 Amazon gift card! 🎉

Enter one or both as many times as you like. Click through to Facebook and Instagram to get all the details and to throw your name in the ring.

Subscribe Today

In past seasons, I've posted on my blog when new episodes released. I'm saving this space for more frequent writing, so I will no longer be announcing new episodes here. Please subscribe today on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, or Spotify so you don't miss out! And of course I share new episodes on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, so come give me a follow.

Looking forward to launching this new season and sharing these conversations with you!

His Vow Came First

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 06 Feb 2019 06:00:00 +0000

Last week my husband Kyle and I went away overnight, and as we always do when we take a step back and view our life together, we marvel at where we've come. We're no longer young newlyweds, young parents, nor young church planters, and the process of becoming not young has been a harrowing journey. There have been hard-won lessons, hard-fought victories, and there have most certainly been tears. There is only one explanation for how we've made it through some of our darkest days intact: there is a God, and he's carried us.

Driving home, the bare trees blurring into gray outside my car window, I thought about our wedding day and the vows I made to Kyle. I vowed to be faithful, and I meant it, and I have been, but I was so incredibly young when we married, and I really had no idea what it would take to fulfill my promises.

I thought then about what faithfulness is, and how a steadfast marriage is a picture of a greater reality of God's faithfulness.

Because sometimes I feel as if I'm shouldering the world. When I think ahead to what needs to be done, or when I consider what others within my reach need, or when I wonder how I can make the future unfold in just the way I'd like, I feel the heavy weight of my desired faithfulness.

This is me, playing God again, attempting to pick up precisely what he says I should, no must, cast upon him.

I'm learning, however slowly, to be human, and part of the learning is accepting that God himself is not impatient with my humanness.

Because I certainly am.

But God vowed his faithfulness to me long before I gave myself to him, and the treasure of this brings me such comfort. When I consider where I've come in this life, I know I've only been able to remain faithful because he is faithful. He's held me up and together. He's upheld me when I in my weakness couldn't hold onto anything.

The seams of my self--the self-righteousness, self-perseveration, self-focus--have burst open within the past year, and it's been as painful as it sounds. But it's been the sort of pain that's like a high fever burning off what harms the body; it's the good pain of sanctification burning off death, precisely so life might flourish.

God's motion has felt slow at times, but then his conviction comes like driving rain, and in those times I haven't been able to capture all the truth and grace and hold it together as one. I find myself wanting to "get it," to learn the lesson, complete the assignment, move onward and upward.

And there it is again, the humanness like a prison cell, my frantic turning of the key of self-ability as my supposed way out.

However, when I consider the present moment, my humanness so real and constricting, I remember that he is faithful. He will always be faithful to lead me, help me, and move in me, because this is who he is. No matter how weak or frail I feel in my faithfulness to him, he is delighted in the current working of the Spirit in me.

My life is not dependent upon my own faithfulness.

It's dependent upon his, and this is what it means to be a Christian, that his vow of love came before mine.

But God proves his love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Love Where You Live

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 23 Jan 2019 06:00:00 +0000

My friend Shauna Pilgreen has a new book out called Love Where You Live: How to Live Sent in the Place You Call Home. Hopefully you heard her on my podcast this past season when she stopped by to talk with me about befriending our non-believing neighbors. Her new book elaborates on what she shared with me, and I was honored to give it this endorsement:

We often wonder why God has us in the places and roles we're in, perhaps because we believe if we were somewhere else doing something else, we could finally be used by the Lord. In Love Where You Live, Shauna reminds us that whether God calls us to stay or go, we are a sent people, and therefore our places and roles have divine purpose. Through biblical stories and her own story, she illustrates practical ways we can live as the sent people we are. For those who are new to an area, for those needing fresh eyes for where they already are, and for those needing a jumpstart toward loving their neighbor--you'll find this resource immensely helpful.

I meant every word of that endorsement. Shauna has written an incredibly relevant and helpful book, and I recently asked her a few questions about why she wrote it.

In the subtitle, How to Live Sent in the Place You Call Home, what do you mean by "live sent"?

Living sent is a lifestyle, a perspective, not a t-shirt slogan or an employee badge. It’s the way of seeing where you live and what you do and in whose Name you do it in. To dwell in a place because you have purpose beyond the surface. Sent is a move with purpose.

A move typically happens in a set number of hours, days, or months. It's tangible. You can hold the contract, paperwork, packaging tape, and keys. Living sent takes time and it varies from one individual to another. The extroverts out there are hosting a party by the following weekend and us introverts are willing ourselves out the door, hopefully by day 13!

Living sent is perspective beyond the boxes. This heart-intensive philosophy embraces what can take place despite the emotions of a move and the potential of what lies outside the walls of your home. Living sent is a mindset. A willingness to love the place you now call home and receive all that it has to offer.

You’re living in a place that you never expected to be. Tell us how you ended up in San Francisco.

It wasn’t my idea! From my childhood I’d dream of living at the ends of the earth in an obscure village, telling people about Christ. A global US city wasn’t on my list of possibilities whatsoever.

To give you the most vague and most honest answer, we ended up in San Francisco because God wanted us here. And you and I both know from experience, that He doesn’t reveal all the whys on the front end. It’s a dance as I describe it in the book. His move, our move. His move, our move. Working in tandem to trust and obey as He leads us - and it’s no typical dance!

On paper, we moved to San Francisco to start a church. And that doesn’t come with a “how-to” guide either. Every journey is different. For us, we first believed our call was to start a church in a global and strategic US city where the percentage of Christians was low. Then after a lot of research, prayer, conversations and a trip to SF, we took the posture that we would be SF residents in 16 months and did everything we could to learn from afar before the move, so that when we arrived, the edge from culture shock wouldn’t be so drastic. That didn’t happen like I had hoped either. Mentally, I was there. It has taken my heart a while to catch up!

How did you begin to know your city?

My approach would have probably looked different if it were just me and Ben, but we had 3 little boys, ages 2, 4, and 6, when we moved. So imagine a stroller and a scooter leaving an apartment complex, holding a phone with google maps, and making sure I packed enough snacks for all of us, cause there was no telling how the adventure was going to go! I wrote a 31 day guide for us (it’s how I’m wired) giving us something to do every day for the first 31 days. This was every bit intentional. Every bit strategic. I had no clue what I was doing though, especially not the outcome. Some days were intense - we’d board the train which required counting heads and limbs and collapsing a stroller and a scooter in guinness book record time! Some days were easier - we made cards for the elderly home across the street from us.

It got us outside of the apartment, outside of the boxes, and outside of ourselves. It has proven to be foundational. Getting outside and exploring your city, makes you more okay with making mistakes and learning and figuring things out. We get brave! We get curious. We make friends. We become local.

What would you say to someone who is trying to discern if God is calling them somewhere else?

Have an internal and external gauge. This isn’t verbatim from the Holy Bible, but I do think it’s got some biblical backing! An internal gauge has questions like: What do I think of this place? What do I connect to here? What sense do I get in my spirit? Can I thrive here? An external gauge has questions like: Can I find community here? Would I contribute to the needs of this place? Can I see myself living here? Could my gifts be used here? Got family - you’ve got to ask these questions for the whole as this move most definitely affects everyone.

We answered these questions for our kids as they didn’t get a vote- they outnumbered us! But we most assuredly took their personalities, ideas, thoughts, and questions into serious consideration.

I describe this process as the stirring and the urging. Stirring is something that keeps coming to mind that you can’t shake and aren’t always sure where it came from. The urging is like a prompting that often doesn’t make sense, but it’s undeniable the work of the Holy Spirit.

Then I say, find someone to share this with and pray with you. Bringing into the light make it more real and causes you to make a decision.

What would you say to someone about living sent though they’ve never moved?

It means the same for all of us, but looks different to each of us. Moving shakes things up a bit and gives us new perspective, but we can all fall victim to complacency and comfortability and forget the reason why we live where we live.

On the lighter side of this, if you’ve been doing the same thing for quite some time, like you can’t even remember how long you’ve been doing the commute, or using that grocery store, or going to the same gym, or hanging in the same circle of friends - it’s time to change things up. Take a different route, go to the gym at a different hour. Open up your circles to newcomers.

On a stronger note, see longevity as a powerful tool to loving where you live. You bring value to a community because of your years there. I’m 8 years into calling SF home and I see people I know and can linger on the sidewalk in conversations because of living here this long.

The cautionary tale is to pay attention. Don’t fall asleep in your hometown. God is doing a new thing and He wants you to be a part, if not leading the way for those who are moving into your neighborhood.

How has the mission of living sent involved your whole family?
It’s been a family thing since day one. But I’ve talked with families in all seasons and I can say that this lifestyle can start today and it can be for any makeup of the family. We see that everything we do from work to play to church to community as being a together endeavor. We show up Sam’s baseball games and learn teammate names. We make introductions asap with each year’s teachers as their cheerleaders. We go where they want to go, be it a certain park or favorite restaurant. We help set up and host for small group and neighborhood gatherings in our home. We’re not here for dad’s job. We’re here because God has a plan for all 6 of us. We did tell our oldest one night at bedtime that he kinda has to live here until he’s done with high school, but then he’s free to go wherever he wants to go. That it will be a time for him to ask those internal/external gauge questions. But for now, we’re all citizens of SF and that means a whole lot! Our kids have their own circles and quadrants as they get older in the city, but we operate out of the same hub (home) and when that’s the case, we’re the Pilgreen family. There’s strength in living this lifestyle as a family, same is true as a faith community.

Why is observing and understanding the culture of a place important?

Woe to any of us who take our previous culture and expect our current culture to get with it! Recall when God sent His people into exile into Babylon. This place was not like where they had come from on so many levels. God told them to build houses, grow gardens, etc. He essentially told them to move into the neighborhood and learn from their new neighbors.

When does someone feel valued and seen? When we listen and ask questions and learn from them. The fastest way to lose your job is to come and make changes and ignore all the work and history of the company. Same is true with cultures. Listen, ask questions, learn. You will start to make a difference when you know the difference that needs to be made.

What is one step someone can take today to begin to love where they live?

Go for a walk.

Find a new place in town to sit and think and watch.

Take someone out for coffee.

Invite someone over.

Do just one of these today. And then I’m going to ask God to meet you there and help you with the next step!

Grab your copy of Shauna's book today on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Lifeway, or Christianbook.com. Find out more about Shauna and how she's loving where she lives at shaunapilgreen.com.

Sacrificial Service When You're Tired

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 16 Jan 2019 06:00:00 +0000

The following post was commissioned by one of my Patreon supporters, who asked me to answer this question: "How do I show my husband value by meeting his needs when he gets home at the end of the day when I also have put in a full day and am exhausted?"

Thank you, Leigh, for making the "By Faith" podcast possible through your support! If you'd like to join her and others in supporting my work (and find out how you can commission a blog post), find out more here.

--

When my boys were small, I distinctly remember standing at the stove, stirring a pot of spaghetti sauce in preparation for dinner, with a small child clinging to my leg, and hearing the garage door open. My husband was home from work, which I was glad for, but the noise and clatter of my other boys running through the house rattled my nerves, and I still had much to do in order to get food on the table. When he came in the door with a smile and arms open for welcome-home hugs, I watched as the boys ran toward him, but I myself did not go to him. I turned back to the stove and to my suddenly very important spaghetti sauce, excusing myself from warmly greeting him as a subconscious silent protest: look at all that needs still to be done, and look at who is doing it! I tried with my darting and dashing around the kitchen to manifest the old cliche before his eyes: a woman's work is never done.

The truth is that I was being stubborn. My husband and I had previously had a conversation about what we'd like to see different in our marriage. I'd myself asked for the feedback: "Are there little things that I'm not aware of that would make you feel more loved?" The only thing he'd mentioned was the moment he returned home after work. "I'd like for you to stop what you're doing for just a moment and give me a hug and kiss. That's all," he'd said. My husband rarely requests such specific changes, but I thought it was silly. Didn't he see that all I carried in a day--three young children, housework, volunteer work, part-time work, ministry, shopping, and cooking--came to a chaotic crescendo right when he returned home? Couldn't he see that I was already serving him through all of this? A hug and a kiss was frivolous and could certainly wait.

Again, the conversation. Again, the request. He didn't raise his voice (he never raises his voice). He didn't condemn (he never condemns). He again asked that I intentionally greet him at the end of the day.

Of course it was so much more for me than a simple greeting. And my response to the request said so much more about my heart than about my busy day. I didn't want to serve; I wanted to be served. I wanted reprieve from my day-long service. I wanted him to see me in action in order that he might validate and appreciate my service. No matter that he'd been pastoring, leading, shepherding, counseling, and managing all day. His arrival at home meant it was finally my turn to receive.

I know how ugly this sounds. Your heart may not be so ugly, but we all at some point are challenged by life's circumstances to serve and give, not because we're looking for return, but out of our love for God.

That's what I realized Kyle's request was challenging. It was not that I didn't love my husband or want to please him. It was that I needed a deeper well of love to draw from when my emotions, will, and energy were completely dry. I needed to walk in the footsteps of Jesus, imitating his sacrificial service in honor of his Father. It didn't matter if he was feeding people or teaching. Everything he did, he did with an eye toward God the Father.

We, too, must consider all we do to be for God. Our service may be directed toward people and benefit them in some way, but the only way we can pour out our lives for others is if we're serving "as unto the Lord."

The greeting of my husband at the door was stubbornly hard for me because I'd made it about me. But if I were to think, "This is a way I can love God (and of course my husband too)," then the choice is clear before me.

So for those of you who are serving while you're dry to the bone and exhausted to the core, here are a few suggestions:

Have the Conversation
Sometimes we put ideas in our own heads about what is expected of us and others around us are not actually expecting those things. It helps to ask a question: "How can I help you?" or "How can I show you love better?" and ask for practical answers. The response may be as simple as a greeting at the door, when, as I assumed, my husband wanted a perfect meal on the table just when he got home. My assumptions had made me grumpy and consistently dreading his arrival. Having the conversation also allowed me to say, "It's helpful to me that when you come home, after we say hello, you take the children from the kitchen and give me space to focus on finishing the meal."

Don't Spew or Stew. Express Your Needs
One of the best lessons I learned early in our marriage was that I needed to be able to label my own feelings. Before I learned this, my typical way of handling my emotions was to spew them out in every direction at the exact moment I felt them. My poor husband couldn't process everything coming at him, and sometimes he'd stop me and say, "Can you help me understand exactly what we're talking about right now?" I wanted to scream. Don't you know based upon everything I'm throwing at you? No, he did not.

My other typical way of handling my emotions was to stew in them, not say a word about them, and fully expect my husband to recognize what I was feeling. I didn't even know what I was feeling, and I expected him to read my mind?

I honestly was afraid to share my true thoughts, feelings, and needs, not because he made me feel unsafe, but because I'd never done it before in a healthy relationship. I slowly began to learn that I must take time to pinpoint exactly what I'm feeling and thinking. What is at the core of what's bothering me? What do I need from my husband in this? Answering those questions allowed me to know myself better but also to go to him with unemotional, clear requests.

When it comes to weariness and potentially needing a moment to yourself (especially if you've been at home all day with small children), ask for what you need from your husband, and be as specific as possible: "After dinner is cleared away, I'd love about 20 minutes in our room to read or text with a friend or take a bath." (Or whatever is your jam.) Let your request be something that recharges you for the evening ahead.

What I'm describing is not being demanding or unreasonably expectant. I'm describing a simple request for help. Sometimes, however, our requests cannot be met in the moment, and this is when we need to know Christ's love.

Know Love
You are greatly loved! Christ indwells you by his Spirit, and so you are never without him, his love, or his help. There are many times we will not feel the desire to serve. There are times we'll wonder if anyone will meet our needs as our requests go unheard. I've found in my own life that I can trust him to care for me, especially in those moments that Paul described as "being poured out as a drink offering." In his help, we have everything we need in order to sacrificially serve. We are never more like Christ than when we're serving others, and the good news is that he sees everything we do in honor of him.

What Relationships Do I Invest In?

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 09 Jan 2019 06:00:00 +0000

The following post was commissioned by one of my Patreon supporters named Rachael, who asked me about discernment in knowing what friendships to invest in and to what extent. Rachael is single and works at a church in a transient city, where the opportunities for new relationships are many, and she does in fact have time for lots of coffee dates and such. How should she navigate her role and opportunities? I've answered in letter form below.

Thank you, Rachael, for making the "By Faith" podcast possible through your support! If you'd like to join Rachael and others in supporting my work (and find out how you can commission a blog post), find out more here.

--
Dear Rachael,
I'm thankful for your heart to serve and love others. I imagine in your role you are pulled in many directions and have countless opportunities for relationships, but you may have little time to stop and consider what a privilege it is to do what you're doing. You may also have little indication that what you're doing matters, so from one laborer to another, I want you to know how grateful I am that you're at the plow in your city, faithfully serving the Lord. When I get weary, I remember that God sees every unseen thing, and there is a harvest waiting when we all see him face to face. Press on, dear sister!

One of the challenges I didn't see coming when I entered ministry is the abundance of relationships I'd enjoy combined with the limits on my time. I tend to forget I have limits; I prefer to try to push through them or ignore them altogether.

But it's good to remember we have limits.

We're limited in time, energy, and in the ability to carry the burdens of others. God isn't impatient with us in our limits; he in fact created us with them. And so we must walk closely with him in order to follow his Spirit's lead in knowing when we serve sacrificially and when we may need to stop and rest for a moment. If there is anything I've learned in ministry, it's that I can't depend on myself, nor can I trust myself. I must ask him about everything. I must say a gracious no when he leads me to do so, no matter what the person I'm saying no to thinks of it. And I must say a joyful yes when he leads me to say yes, following through with my word always, ever ready to sacrificially serve in the name of Jesus.

One thing God has taught me as I've tried to followed his lead is that I must label my relationships rightly. A friendship is different than a relationship. A friendship is different than a ministry relationship. And when we're in many relationships and ministry relationships, it's easy to lose sight of these distinctions. Here's how I know it's friendship: it's mutual. A friend sees me as me, not "me" as a role or a job or as someone who has no spiritual needs. A friend draws out the "me" that makes me what I am. Armed with this definition, you probably see fairly quickly that you have many relationships and a handful of true friends.

God has additionally taught me to follow his lead with my time. As a married woman with growing kids and a career, my time is more naturally delineated for me. As a single woman with a career centered primarily around people, there are greater nuances you'll need to discern when it comes to your time. In other words, you're going to have to draw some lines for yourself. I would suggest taking the two categories I mentioned previously--ministry relationships and friendships--and consider how you can give yourself well to both. If you're not careful, ministry relationships (i.e. work for you) can overtake all of your time, whether your work hours or free. How can you carve out time in your week that's reserved solely for friendship? Pursue your friends, both longtime and burgeoning, in those times. And when it comes to the casual, "Let's get together for coffee!" from someone new in your church, keep some open and specific spots for those opportunities as well.

Of course, this is idealistic and rigid, and I'm not suggesting that you keep such firm boundaries that you aren't loving people well. I'm just suggesting that you be intentional with your words and how you define your relationships with others. And I'm suggesting that you be intentional with your time. It's not more spiritual to do ministry work all the time than to spend intentional time with people that fill you up. One of God's graces to us is the gift of friendship, where we're encouraged and challenged. We should enjoy this gift while we also serve sacrificially.

If you're following along, you'll know that this means we must learn to say no to occasional requests. Jesus said no. People who understand God has created them with limits say no. People who are trusting Jesus rather than themselves to be the Savior say no. We say no when it's time for a Sabbath rest. We say no when a request pulls us away from fulfilling our commitments or priorities. Again, this is where we must walk with the Spirit and know his leading. I can only know his leading when I take prayerful time before I answer a request, and this is something I've learned the hard way.

Often when I cannot give my time relationally, it's not because I don't want to. It's because I'm limited and because God has pointed out my limits and priorities. But one thing he's taught me is that my no is often someone else's yes. I would suggest to you that you could see your role as a connector or an intersection rather than a cul-de-sac. You know many women, so how can you connect a new woman with someone in the church who shares an interest or a challenge? Perhaps that one-time coffee could be an opportunity for you to help her find her way into the church. What a joy!

I hope that helps, dear sister! May the Lord bless the work of your hands and give you discernment as you go forward.

With love,
Christine

Let Me Share With You What I've Learned About Friendship

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 02 Jan 2019 06:00:00 +0000

I wanted to briefly pop in not only to wish you well in 2019 but also to let you know two things:

1) I've released a bonus episode of By Faith, and it's not an interview but rather the first three chapters of my book, Messy Beautiful Friendship, in audio form. It's free! You can find it on my podcast feed wherever you get your podcasts, such as iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, or Spotify. Or you can listen directly on my website.

2) The producer of the audiobook, Christian Audio, has the audiobook version of Messy Beautiful Friendship on sale between January 1-8 for only $9.99. If one of your goals for 2019 is to be more intentional about friendship, I'd love to help you make that a reality. Grab your audiobook from Christian Audio here. Or if you prefer, here's the paperback version and the ebook version.

Happy New Year!

In Which I Answer Your Friendship Questions

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 06:00:00 +0000

Each week this season on By Faith, I’ve talked with a guest about the ins and outs of friendship. I've enjoyed each and every one of my guests and the wisdom they've brought us. Today is perhaps my favorite episode, however, because my longtime friend, Jo Franklin, joins me to answer your questions for an "Ask Me Anything" episode. That's Jo and me on the top row with our two other good friends from high school, Natalie and Anne.

Here are the questions we tackled:

How can we maintain long-distance friendships?
How, as a pastor's wife, do I keep from feeling fragmented in relationships? How do I handle feeling left out?
How should we keep healthy boundaries in relationships and say no when we need to?
How can women who are same-sex attracted honor God in their friendships and handle their temptations wisely?
What's the best way to pursue friendships when you're new to a church?
How do you reengage friendship when you've been hurt?
Should we be friends with someone we don't want to be friends with?
What are some overarching truths you've learned about friendship?

You'll also hear how Jo and I met, why my hair was the first memory she has of me, and what embarrassing thing we did together that makes me laugh every time I think of it.

Listen to my conversation with Jo on iTunes or, if you're on my website, in the embedded player below. Enjoy!

LINKS FROM THE SHOW

Connect with Christine
Blog // Facebook // Instagram // Twitter // Books

Order Your Copy of Messy Beautiful Friendship

Paperback // Audiobook // Ebook

Download your free Messy Beautiful Friendship group discussion guide

Learn how you can support Christine's work on Patreon

Subscribe to the "By Faith" Podcast

iTunes // Stitcher // Google Play // Spotify

My Favorite Reads of the Year

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Fri, 14 Dec 2018 06:00:00 +0000

It's no secret that I love a good book, but one of the additional pleasures I find in reading is sharing with others those that have deeply impacted me. If ever there is a book (or podcast or documentary) conversation I come upon (or let's be honest, initiate), I'm all ears, and I'm also full of suggestions. Last week, I atypically had only one child with me for the afternoon, and when he said he'd like to go the library please, a little tear of happiness and pride escaped from my eye.

So every December, I leave you until January, my faithful reader, with a list of my favorites from the year. You may note a few characteristics of my list. First, I don't read much fiction, or at least fiction that I'd heartily recommend. Second, these are not books that were necessarily published in 2018 but simply books I chose to read in 2018. Finally, I hope this list compels you to read along with me in 2019! You can follow what I'm reading over on Goodreads, and of course, I'd be so honored if you'd read a book or two of mine in 2019.

Below are my favorite reads (and why I enjoyed them) from 2018. The links are affiliate links, which means if you make a purchase through the link, I get a small portion of the proceeds at no extra cost to you.

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry
I've heard Jackie Hill Perry teach, and she is a powerhouse of truth. As I read her memoir, subtitled "The Story of Who I Was, and Who God Has Always Been," I could practically hear her voice speaking the words to me. Jackie's story is powerful, but the way she helps us see inside her conversion and her battle with temptation that is so helpful to each of us. I appreciated that she shared her story, but that she also in the last few chapters gives us a practical theology of both navigating and ministry to those experiencing same sex attraction and homosexuality.

The Passion of the King of Glory by Russ Ramsey
In writing this book, Ramsey tackles the most difficult of jobs: attempting to retell the story of Jesus in a compelling way without losing the truth of Scripture. I read this book alongside my study of the book of Matthew, and it made the narrative of Jesus' life come alive with color and emotion.

The Call by Os Guinness
At the beginning of the year, I was wrestling with some existential questions about my vocation, specifically my writing career. A fellow author suggested I read this book, and I'm so glad I did. Guinness leaves no stone unturned as he leads his reader to find and understand the purpose of our lives, and he both challenged and settled the questions I took into the book's reading.

God Counts by Irene Sun
I met Irene a few years ago, and she is sunshine in the form of a person. She sent me a copy of her book for kids called "God Counts: Numbers in His Word," telling me she'd written it for one of her sons, who never could sit still for family Bible study but who loves numbers. She wanted him to see the beauty of God through his love of numbers. When the book came in the mail, I read it to my boys (who are 15, 13, and 10) at dinner, and though its for younger kids, we were completely mesmerized. We even guessed what the next numbers might represent and what those numbers would tell us about God. I kid you not, I even got a little teary-eyed as I read it to them.

If You Only Knew by Jamie Ivey
Jamie Ivey has developed quite an audience through her podcast, The Happy Hour, so I was thrilled as I read this book to find a deeply honest and biblically truthful take on sin and shame and how Jesus redeems us. I knew instantly this would be a book I share with women in my church who struggle under the shame of their sexual sin. Jamie's writing is accessible and relatable, and her passion for Jesus shines through every page.

Therefore I Have Hope by Cameron Cole
Cole and his wife experienced the excruciating pain of their son's death, and he bravely chose to write about it. Stepping through various stages of grief, he writes about the truths in those stages that helped them cling to and trust God. I immediately gave this book to someone I know who is grieving, knowing this is an author who gets it and who also offers true comfort.

Last Days of Night by Graham Moore
One of the two novels on my list, this is a book based in reality. Characters such as Thomas Edison, J.P. Morgan, and Nikola Tesla race to harness electricity, and all sorts of conniving ensue.

Love Thy Body by Nancy Pearcy
Pearcy is well-regarded for her writing on worldview, but this is the first book I've read of hers. I'm so glad I read it! She challenged the way I think of the physical body and demonstrated why it's important to have a theology of the body. So much of our culture's worldview involves the body, either idolizing it or ignoring it entirely in favor of how we want to identify ourselves. This is an important read for these times.

Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate
Another novel! What's happening? I picked this up from the library during the summer when I was craving a breezy beach read. While it's not necessarily a beach read, because it's based on a true story (that I'd never in my life heard about), I was hooked. The story follows children who are taken from their parents, kept in an orphanage, and placed for adoption in order to stock the coffers of the woman running the orphanage. A story of suspense weaves throughout, and of course, upon reading the last page, I immediately googled the true story. Highly recommended.

Endurance by Alfred Lansing
Friends, you must read this book. Lansing tells the true story of a captain and his crew trying to cross near Antarctica, getting stuck in ice for an inordinate amount of time, and their attempt to get home. If you do read it, the last chapter is one of the best images for the return of Jesus I've ever read. I cried and cried and cried thinking about how that ending is just like our future ending will be.

Crossway Scripture Journal: New Testament
I love to journal and outline Scripture, so my dear husband gave me this set of Scripture journals for our church's ten-year anniversary. I've enjoyed working through books of the Bible and keeping my notes in one place rather than in scattered journals that end up in nooks and crannies around the house. I hope to pass these on to my children one day.

Love Big, Be Well by Winn Collier
Winn, like my husband, is a pastor here in Charlottesville. Winn and his wife actually planted a church here in the same year we did, so we've gotten to watch his ministry over these last ten years. Winn is compassionate, pastoral in every way, and deeply committed to the people in our community. Reading this novel about a pastor and his church felt like reading about Winn and his church and the city of Charlottesville. It refocused me on the important work of simply loving people around me, and an added bonus is that Winn is just really enjoyable writer to read.

Seeing Green by Tilly Dillehay
God knew I needed this book at the time I did. Tilly's words helped me work through my own envy and helped me think through a topic I'd never really spent much time on. I invited Tilly to join me on my podcast to talk about envy and friendship, and that episode is one of my favorites from the season.

All That's Good by Hannah Anderson
I love Hannah Anderson. I read everything she writes, because she makes me think in ways I've never thought. Her latest book didn't disappoint. She writes about our need to recover the ability to discern what's good so we can give our minds and hearts and lives to those things.

There you have it, friends. Those are my favorite reads from 2018. Now it's your turn! Tell me in the comments what you're favorites have been or what I should read next!

P.S. You can find previous years' lists here: 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, and 2013.

Lore Ferguson Wilbert on Loneliness and Friendship

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 12 Dec 2018 06:00:00 +0000

Each week this season on By Faith, I’m talking with a guest about the ins and outs of friendship. As I wrote about in my book, Messy Beautiful Friendship, friendship isn’t easy for anyone; it takes time, intentionality, and lots of grace. And sometimes we have to navigate complexities and hurts in friendship that leave us uncertain and crushed. I’m right there with you, and my guests are here to help us think through it all.

This season we’ve looked at friendship from so many angles. We’ve defined friendship, talked about how to make friends, how to be vulnerable with others, and how to deal with hurts and insecurities in friendship. We’ve looked at practical ways to love and serve our friends, and we’ve explored friendship for men and women, and the pastor and the pastor’s wife. I’ve loved putting this podcast together for you, and I thank you for joining in to listen and interact with the content.

I want to say thank you for an incredible season of By Faith. Thank you for coming along with me on this exploration of friendship. I’m also grateful for my wonderful guests, who’ve given of their time to share their wisdom with us. Finally, I want to say a special thank you to my Patreon supporters who have made this season happen. Their financial support means I can continue to produce this podcast for you week after week, and it’s just good to have people in my corner rooting me on. Find out how you can join my team here.

Today marks the last interview for this season on friendship. Next week join me for an "Ask Me Anything" episode where I’ll be answering your questions alongside my friend Jo.

(Also, in today's episode, I announce where we're headed next on By Faith, so make sure you listen all the way to the end!)

I’ve invited Lore Ferguson Wilbert to help me close out this season on friendship. Lore is a wife and writer. In fact, she’s one of my favorite writers, and I’m thrilled that she’s currently working on her first book. Lore and her husband have moved several times in their young marriage, and so I asked her to join me in order to talk about transition and loneliness. I think this conversation will be an encouragement to you today in whatever longing or aching you’re feeling when it comes to friendship, or just in whatever longing you’re experiencing in life in general. Lore talks about how God has good purposes even in our loneliness.

Listen to my conversation with Lore Ferguson Wilbert on iTunes or, if you're on my website, in the embedded player below. Enjoy!

LINKS FROM THE SHOW

Lore's Website // My conversation with Lore on Singleness

Connect with Lore
Website // Twitter // Instagram

Connect with Christine
Blog // Facebook // Instagram // Twitter // Books

Order Your Copy of Messy Beautiful Friendship

Paperback // Audiobook // Ebook

Download your free Messy Beautiful Friendship group discussion guide

Learn how you can support Christine's work on Patreon

Subscribe to the "By Faith" Podcast

iTunes // Stitcher // Google Play // Spotify

Drew Hunter on Men and Friendship

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 05 Dec 2018 06:00:00 +0000

Each week this season on By Faith, I’m talking with a guest about the ins and outs of friendship. As I wrote about in my book, Messy Beautiful Friendship, friendship isn’t easy for anyone; it takes time, intentionality, and lots of grace. And sometimes we have to navigate complexities and hurts in friendship that leave us uncertain and crushed. I’m right there with you, and my guests are here to help us think through it all.

The season so far has focused pretty exclusively on women and how we relate to one another relationally. But I think friendship for men is a needed topic and discussion in this age when men are often more isolated and alone than ever. I see how men around me in my life desire friendship just as much as I do but often experience different obstacles than I do in forming those friendships.

So today I invited pastor and author Drew Hunter to join me on the show to help us think through friendship for men. How is it the same as friendship between women, and how are male friendships different? If we’re married, how can we help our husbands prioritize friendship? If you are a man yourself, I hope this will help you think through your own relationships and take necessary steps to cultivate friendship in your life.

Drew has a new book out called Made For Friendship. It's an excellent resource for both men and women on the subject of biblical friendship, and I was happy to endorse it.

Listen to my conversation with Drew Hunter on iTunes or, if you're on my website, in the embedded player below. Enjoy!

LINKS FROM THE SHOW

Drew's Church // Drew's Book, Made for Friendship

Connect with Drew
Twitter

Submit a Question for the Ask Me Anything Episode

Connect with Christine
Blog // Facebook // Instagram // Twitter // Books

Order Your Copy of Messy Beautiful Friendship

Paperback // Audiobook // Ebook

Download your free Messy Beautiful Friendship group discussion guide

Learn how you can support Christine's work on Patreon

Subscribe to the "By Faith" Podcast

iTunes // Stitcher // Google Play // Spotify

Kristie Anyabwile on Friendship for the Pastor's Wife

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 06:00:00 +0000

Last summer I did a short series for pastor’s wives, and in one of the episodes I chatted with Katie Orr about friendship for the pastor’s wife. This is a topic we pastor’s wives just can’t get enough of, because although friendship for women is tough for just about everyone, there is a layer of complexity for pastor’s wives when it comes to relationships within the church. So we’re going to tackle this topic again in this season on friendship.

Today I’ve invited Kristie Anyabwile to join me to talk about friendship for the pastor’s wife from her perspective. Kristie is married to Thabiti, who is the pastor of a church they planted together in Washington D.C. a few years ago. She's also a mom and a writer.

I want to remind you that I’ll be closing out this season in December with an "Ask Me Anything" episode on all things friendship. My longtime friend Jo will be joining me to tackle your questions. You can submit your questions here. I look forward to hearing from you!

Listen to my conversation with Kristie Anyabwile on iTunes or, if you're on my website, in the embedded player below:

LINKS FROM THE SHOW

Kristie's church // Katie Orr on "Friendship for the Pastor's Wife"

Connect with Kristie
Website // Her Writing // Twitter // Instagram

Submit a Question for the Ask Me Anything Episode

Connect with Christine
Blog // Facebook // Instagram // Twitter // Books

Order Your Copy of Messy Beautiful Friendship

Paperback // Audiobook // Ebook

Download your free Messy Beautiful Friendship group discussion guide

Learn how you can support Christine's work on Patreon

Subscribe to the "By Faith" Podcast

iTunes // Stitcher // Google Play // Spotify

Tilly Dillehay on How Envy Affects Our Friendships

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 21 Nov 2018 06:00:00 +0000

Today I’ve invited Tilly Dillehay onto to the show to talk about envy and how it affects our friendships. I didn’t previously know Tilly but as we started talking, God used her words to convict me of envy in one of my own relationships, which I confessed to that friend the very next day and has brought so much freedom in my life in an area where I’ve been struggling the past few months. So I personally am so thankful to have had this conversation and am happy to get to introduce Tilly to you.

Tilly is a pastor’s wife, living in rural Tennessee, so rural in fact that we had a few internet connection issues that you may notice in terms of audio quality. Tilly shares with me how she came to faith in Christ from agnoticism, about her years long struggle with envy in a specific relationship, and about how she learned to diagnose and confess envy. Tilly’s written a new book that I’m currently reading and am loving called, Seeing Green: Don’t Let Envy Color Your World. You'll definitely want to pick up a copy of this book after listening.

Listen to my conversation with Tilly on iTunes or, if you're on my website, in the embedded player below. Enjoy!

LINKS FROM THE SHOW

Tilly's book, Seeing Green // C.S. Lewis' Weight of Glory (includes The Inner Ring essay)

Connect with Tilly
Website // Twitter // Instagram

Submit a Question for the Ask Me Anything Episode

Connect with Christine
Blog // Facebook // Instagram // Twitter // Books

Order Your Copy of Messy Beautiful Friendship

Paperback // Audiobook // Ebook

Download your free Messy Beautiful Friendship group discussion guide

Learn how you can support Christine's work on Patreon

Subscribe to the "By Faith" Podcast

iTunes // Stitcher // Google Play // Spotify

Shauna Pilgreen on Befriending Our Non-Christian Neighbors

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 14 Nov 2018 06:00:00 +0000

Friends, I’m super excited to share today’s episode with you, but before we get to the show I want you to know that I’ll be closing this season on friendship in December with an “Ask Me Anything” episode. My friend Jo, whom I’ve known for more than years is joining me to tackle as many of your questions as we can fit into an episode, so submit yours today.

My guest today is Shauna Pilgreen. I’ve known Shauna for many years. Our husbands used to do college ministry at big state schools, and Shauna and I would join them each year for a small conference. As soon as I met Shauna, I really connected with her. We have similar hearts and passions and even similar ministry journeys, which you’ll hear about in our conversation. Shauna and her husband Ben planted Epic Church in San Francisco about 7 years ago. I’ve seen first hand how she loves the people in her city well, and I’m beyond thrilled that she’s written a new book called, Love Where You Live: Living Sent in the Place You Call Home.

I asked her to come on the show to talk about how we can love our non-Christian neighbors. Shauna gives such great tips on how we can turn conversations toward deeper things, and how we can overcome our own self-made barriers to sharing Christ with our non-Christian neighbors. I love when she says that loving our neighbors isn’t a monologue; it’s a puzzle we’re putting together for them. You’ll see what she means by that as you listen.

Listen to my conversation with Shauna on iTunes or, if you're on my website, in the embedded player below. Enjoy!

LINKS FROM THE SHOW

Preorder Shauna's book, Love Where You Live // Epic Church

Connect with Shauna
Website // Twitter // Instagram

Submit a Question for the Ask Me Anything Episode

Connect with Christine
Blog // Facebook // Instagram // Twitter // Books

Order Your Copy of Messy Beautiful Friendship

Paperback // Audiobook // Ebook

Download your free Messy Beautiful Friendship group discussion guide

Learn how you can support Christine's work on Patreon

Subscribe to the "By Faith" Podcast

iTunes // Stitcher // Google Play // Spotify

Marissa Henley on Loving a Friend Who is Suffering

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 06:00:00 +0000

Before we get to today’s episode, I want you to know that I’ll be closing our season on friendship in December with an "Ask Me Anything" episode. I’ve asked my longtime friend, Jo Franklin, to join me for a conversation where we’ll tackle your questions together. Jo and I have known each other since we were 10. She lives in Nashville with her husband and three kids, and is one of the most servant-hearted people I’ve ever met. If you’d like to submit a question for the "Ask Me Anything episode" simply click here.

Today my guest on By Faith is Marissa Henley. When Marissa’s kids were little, she was diagnosed with a rare and deadly form of cancer. As you can imagine, with one phone call, her life was immediately flipped on its head. As she began treatment, her friends came through for her in a big way. She’s written a new book called, Loving YourFriend Through Cancer, but you’ll find in listening to this episode that we can apply the examples and tips she gives to any sort of suffering in the lives of those around us. You’ll also find an example of faith and hope in suffering in her battle against cancer.

I'm giving away a copy of Marissa's book over on my Instagram page this week, so come find me there to win your copy.

In addition, remember a few months ago when, in preparation for a talk on suffering within community, I crowd-sourced Instagram using this question: “What is the best thing a friend did for you in your suffering?” I got so many great responses that I compiled them and put them up on my blog as a go-to resource for all of us. I've made a printable of the list or you can simply read the blog post.

Listen to my conversation with Marissa on iTunes or, if you're on my website, in the embedded player below. Enjoy!

LINKS FROM THE SHOW

Marissa's book, How to Love Your Friend Through Cancer // Enter to win a copy of the book!

Connect with Marissa
Website // Twitter // Instagram

Printable: What To Do For a Friend in Suffering

Submit a Question for the Ask Me Anything Episode

Connect with Christine
Blog // Facebook // Instagram // Twitter // Books

Order Your Copy of Messy Beautiful Friendship

Paperback // Audiobook // Ebook

Download your free Messy Beautiful Friendship group discussion guide

Learn how you can support Christine's work on Patreon

Subscribe to the "By Faith" Podcast

iTunes // Stitcher // Google Play // Spotify

Jamie Ivey on Insecurity and Friendship (and Helping our Kids Navigate Friendship)

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Hoover) — Wed, 31 Oct 2018 05:00:00 +0000

Each week this season on By Faith, I’m talking with a guest about the ins and outs of friendship. As I wrote about in my book Messy Beautiful Friendship, friendship isn’t easy for anyone; it takes time, intentionality, and lots of grace. And sometimes we have to navigate complexities and hurts in friendship that leave us uncertain and crushed. I’m right there with you, and my guests are here to help us think through it all.

So far this season I’ve talked with incredibly insightful guests about what healthy and unhealthy friendship looks like, how to make friends, how to go deeper in those friendships, and in the last few weeks I’ve talked with Ruth Chou Simons, Hannah Anderson, and Jen Wilkin about the harder parts of friendship like hurt, conflict, and forgiveness.

As we’ve said countless times this season, friendship is often complex and complicated. I’m sure you've found that as you’ve listened, one angle on friendship opens up a thousand more...and a ton of questions! So, as I do each season here on the podcast, I’ll be closing our season on friendship in December with an "Ask Me Anything" episode.

I’ve asked my longtime friend, Jo Franklin, to join me for a conversation where we’ll tackle your questions together. Jo and I have known each other since we were 10 years old. If you’ve read Messy Beautiful Friendship, you may remember Jo as the friend who sang “Friends are Friends Forever” on stage at church with me. We forgot half the words and laughed our way through most of it, which I’m sure we’ll talk about in the "Ask Me Anything" episode. If you’d like to submit a question--and it doesn’t have to be just about friendship--simply click here.

Today I’m so excited to welcome Jamie Ivey to the podcast. Jamie is host of the Happy Hour podcast and the author of the book, If You Only Knew. She’s married to Aaron, who is the worship pastor at The Austin Stone, and she’s mama to four. I asked Jamie lots of friendship questions, like about what has been hard for her in friendship, if she ever feels insecure around other women, and about how she’s helping her kids work through friendship issues. I just love Jamie, and I loved this conversation. I hope you enjoy it, too!

Listen to the conversation on iTunes or, if you're on my website, in the embedded player below. Enjoy!

LINKS FROM THE SHOW

Jamie's book, If You Only Knew // The Happy Hour Podcast // Jackie Hill Perry's episode on Jamie's podcast // Voxer app

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Submit a Question for the Ask Me Anything Episode

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