I’m not a shopper.  I don’t like shopping. I don’t have that female gene.  If I could order everything online I would.  Including my groceries.  If I could pay someone to do all my running, I would.

My hunter, on the other hand, is another story.  I think he has that female gene.  He will spend hours shopping.  We will spend hours at Cabelas looking at the same stuff over and over.

Mark:  Do you like this hat or that one?

Jody:  Well which one will keep you warmer?

Mark:  Well this one but it’s twice as much.

Jody:  Well just buy that one if it’s warmer.

Mark:  How about this one?

Jody:  Huh? (Does this hat make my head look big?  It’s a hat for goodness sake. We’ve been standing here for an hour.)

Mark:  Well I’m not sure.  Let’s go back and look at the gun case again while I make a decision.

Jody:  Oh &^*&^

Time for me to walk away before this slips out, “For the love of hunting, pick a ^&*&ing camo hat already. My gosh.  It’s a hat.  It’s a furry little hat to cover that bald spot of yours on the back of your head that you probably didn’t know you have and now you do.”

So it’s best I ignore it and casually sneak away to another aisle.

Or maybe I should be like the old guy that drops his wife off at the door and waits in the car smoking a cigar, napping.

Or maybe Cabelas needs a wives lounge.

Drinks on The Hunter’s Wife.

I wonder if Cabelas would let me set up a wives booth outdoors like their kettle corn vendor? I could have a big fire pit, make smores, and ummm … spike drinks … I mean have coffee.  I think wives of hunters would enjoy that.

But for now I’ll stick to hiding out in deer blinds and …

To be continued … Friday … with a picture.

Have a good day all … and Happy Birthday to our Marines … May God Bless You All!

Image credit:  I bought that while my hunter was trying on hats again.

It’s a giveaway!

Sponsored by Aeon Meridian. Your #1 source of chocolate novelty products.

The Giveaway:

One of the things that I love about running this site is that I’ve had the opportunity to share some unique gifts with my readers.  A couple of weeks ago I was contacted by Aeon Meridian about sharing their newest line of chocolate.  What is so different about this chocolate is it’s in the shape of bullets and shotgun shells and they come in these beautiful vintage collector tins for any lover of the outdoors.

The fishing vintage collector tin is filled with gummi worms.

And here is a closer look at one…

And would you have a look at the chocolate in the shape of a shotgun shell…

I love it!  So creative!

And hopefully you didn’t notice one of the missing bullets.

Because … well … I ate it.

But the set I’m giving away has never been opened.  So you’re safe.

Contest entry and rules:

Answer the following question:

If you were to find me in a deer blind like this…

What would I be doing in one?

*** Please note: I don’t hunt, I don’t wear camouflage or hang out in deer blind camouflage little love shacks. Except when I’m bored in outdoor sports stores.

That’s it … just answer that one question. What would The Hunter’s Wife do in a deer blind? And please keep it clean.

Leave your comment in the comment’s section and please one entry per person.

The first person to guess the correct answer will win a set of 4 vintage tins filled with chocolate and one with gummi worms.

The contest will run from today, November 9, 2009 – Thursday, November 12, 2009.  The winner will be announced on Friday, November, 13, 2009.  An e-mail notification will be sent and the winner must claim their prize within 48 hours or a new winner will be selected.  US residents only.

Have a good day all and good luck!

Go Govs!

I couldn’t let today pass without wishing the 2009 Morton High School football team good luck at tonight’s sectional game against Hobart High School.

Morton has had an exciting season of 10-1 and tonight’s game is an important one.

I’m a 1984 graduate of Morton and back in the day we never missed a Friday night football game.  Having played volleyball for Morton, I love high school sports. It’s exciting to see a good all around team come together like they have this year.

And it’s always exciting when your friend from back in the day has a son that is one of the quarterbacks.

Good luck Morton Governors!

Have a wonderful weekend all and good luck to all of the high school teams tonight!

Image credit:  I stole from my friend’s son – 6′6″ Andrew Glidewell – one of the quarterbacks.  Yes you heard that right.  A 6′6″ quarterback with one hell of an arm.

P.S. – Ami, my little rowdy violent cheerleader football Mom,  if I have to sit in front of you tonight, I’m wondering if the coach will let me borrow some padded gear.

Yes I am one of those wives that constantly calls her husband’s name to come to the rescue …

Mark, there’s a spider.
Mark, my duck eggs are gone.
Mark, I think I cut my finger trying to cut an onion.
Mark, I heard a noise.
Mark, I had a bad dream.
Mark, there’s a snake in the yard. Oh it’s a worm.

And he gets up every time to come to my rescue.  Even when the spider is just a piece of fuzz.

And last night…
Mark, oh dear gosh my nose is bleeding. Oh never mind it’s a butterfly on the paper towel I just used.

And today when he gets home from work…
Mark, I think I have a fever.

Yes people with germs … I think you got me sick. Now my husband will have to suffer because I’m not good at being sick. I can’t just blow my nose and go about my business bouncing around looking all cute with a little red nose.  No people, I look like the kind of chick my husband will think, what in the hell have I married. And good god woman, did you just spit a hocker like a man?  (I’m sorry if you’re eating.  But eww it’s the truth. Yuck.)

I am a HORRIBLE patient.  I can’t take medicine like normal people because it has the opposite affect on me. May cause drowsiness…oh for the love of being hyper. Except my hyper means just laying there staring at a tv because my body doesn’t want to move. I have a terrible immune system. I’ve had pneumonia twice. I was always sick when I was younger. When I’m sick I’m dead to the world in la la land and if I had flannel sheets on the bed, I could care less if I spark a bed fire. I’ve been to the emergency room for dehydration when I do nothing but drink.  Orange juice, hot tea, chicken broth…all day long.  And I end up dehydrated.

I hate getting sick because I know what it will do to my body.  And what it does to my poor knight in shining armor.

I have washed my hands, sprayed lysol, wiped down the grocery cart and it has failed me.  I won’t tell you what I said to the lady that coughed in my face at the store the other day buying cough drops.

Ok I will…

“Excuse me, did you just cough in my face without covering your mouth? I would excuse it if you were … oh … say…  FIVE.  WTF.”

Yes I was a ^&$^&.  Because I know what happens.

MARKKKKK  … I’ve been calling you for the last 10 minutes. Maybe I need a bell?

Oh Mark, I feel for you.  I really do.  I wouldn’t want to take care of me either.

Have a good day all … you may see me on the 10 o’clock news.

News at 10 – Crazy chick in store spraying people down with lysol.

“Oh Mark”  …  it will never end.

Image credit:  rachel_titiriga

It’s that time of year. The pre-rut or the peak of the rut. I’m not exactly sure. I’m not a hunter or huntress. But I do know hunters are scrambling to the woods in hopes of connecting with some lovesick buck.

This was a post I did about a year ago and I thought it was the perfect time of year to share it once again…

The other night my hunter and I were chatting about the details of the 12 point buck he just harvested. Normally I really try and hold my attention to the conversation but my mind wonders when it comes to deer hunting. I can’t explain it. I’m not sure if it’s because my hunter goes into so much detail or if it’s because he tries to correct me when I say stuff like deer grunt thingymajigger and I like saying deer grunt thingymajigger and I don’t like him correcting me on my deer grunt thingymajigger.

My hunter continued on and I continued to, um, try and listen as any non-hunting wife sometimes does. Ladies I know you know about that. Then I heard things like pre-rut, peak of the rut and post-rut and suddenly my hunter had my full attention.

“Wooo down boy. You are not going to give me the birds and the bees lesson in hunting.”

My hunter tried explaining that right now with the pre-rut the smaller bucks are running mad after the does. It’s a good time to be in the woods. It’s almost the peak of the rut which is when the bigger bucks challenge other bucks, they’re running off smaller bucks and chasing after does day and night.

“Hi, I’m Jody, your wife, the one who doesn’t hunt. The one who doesn’t need to know about some lovesick buck hot after his doe.”

“That stuff is private.”

The following day I had given this more thought and decided I had to learn more about this kind of stuff if I want to run this blog like a real wife of a hunter.

“Hi, I’m Jody, learning lessons of lovesick bucks.”

I found some really helpful information at HuntingNet.Com. I read about the pre-rut, peak of the rut and when I came to the post-rut and read this …

The rut dies rather suddenly for bucks. After months of build-up, and then the surge of rutting activity, their testosterone levels drop quickly and the animals soon return to normal physiological makeup. But there is one glaring shortcoming: a post-rut buck will have lost upwards of 25% of his body weight, and he enters the lean winter months gaunt and exhausted. At this stage, big bucks want nothing more than to feed and be left alone.

Well, well, well.  I now realize just how similar man and beast really are. Well, maybe not the loss of 25% of their body weight.

Have a good day all … love is in the air!

Yes that’s right, I’m packing a weapon thanks to Jane at Team Huntress and her secret little helper, Stacey. I can’t tell you how excited I was to get a secret little gift in the mail from Jane. And I can’t thank them enough for thinking of me and providing me with the ultimate weapon of choice. It couldn’t be more perfect for someone like me because I don’t pack a gun in the back of my levis and I don’t stalk the woods with a bow in arm.

Jane Keller is the founder of Team Huntress which was formed as an avenue to direct and empower women on their path to outdoor success. Many times I’ve confessed how I would never fit in at Team Huntress because I’m the indoors girl.  The intimidated girl packing cupcakes while the other women of the wild pack heat.

But not anymore.

I’ll be armed and dangerous rockin’ out with my deer slingy balls…

As these ladies are lined up packing bow and arrows…

I’ll be lined up with my deer slingy balls.

“Check out The Hunter’s Wife and her little baby slingshot. hahahah”

“Have you ever seen the movie Tin Cup? That’s right my lil bow and arrow friends. PULL!!! My little slingy balls will ricochet off that pole, hit that roof, bounce off that hay bin and flip your hat right off your head and land on my head.”

Have a good day all…I am off to target practice.

And next week I might even share some video footage.

You can read more about the upcoming: Team Huntress Clinic

Happy Halloween! And Happy Birthday to my monster!

Be safe all and have a spooky good time tonight.

Up in the morning with the rising sun…

I have been hearing this everyday for the last 10 years being married to a guy that is up before the birds. He is a Marine and a hunter and with that you are required to be up before the birds. Up before the deer hear you tiptoeing through the woods.

But I’m not a Marine nor a hunter. I’m a girl that use to get home at that hour of the morning. Don’t call “Jo’s” house before noon.

Now I’m the old chick.

That goes to bed at 8.

Don’t call “Jo’s” house after 8 p.m. Hahaha

That’s a fun reputation to have.

My hunter has turned me into a responsible old chick.

That starts yawning at 7:30 p.m.

So when hunting season rolls around I turn into a wild chick.  I am determined to stay up past my bedtime.  My hunter isn’t here and I’m staying up until midnight.  Like I did last night.  And I’m sleeping in.  Until 10 a.m. Aww what a wonderful feeling that will be.  A rainy dark cold fall morning and a quiet house.  And the bed to myself. Aww I love these fall mornings.

I love hunting season.

I love my hunter.

“UP IN THE MORNING WITH THE RISING SUN.”

Are you kidding me.

“Mark what time is it?”

“7:00 a.m.”

“Oh deer god.”

“I sing that to you every morning.  Can’t miss a morning.”

“You’re suppose to be in the woods.  HUNTING.”

What hunter is sitting in the woods worrying about their wife?  He might miss a deer.  They might hear him. Wonder how he’ll feel if I call just as he pulls back his bow?

Phone ringing…

“You up?”  Oh deer god grand central station.  My Mom and her friend Betty visiting from Florida.   “We want to go running and have lunch.”

Let me just jump right up and put on my granny panties in case we go for pie and coffee.

Have a good day all … I’m off to go hang out with the old chicks.

And if they even think I’m playing Elvis in my car they have another thing coming.  I listen to talk radio.

You know when you run an outdoor site and you start making friends with outdoor people that you have nothing in common with except maybe cupcakes? Well when I first started a friendship with Terri Lee Pocernich of Camp Wild Girls I have to say her little outdoor camp isn’t what I thought it was.

Terri Lee’s site is a website dedicated to hunting and fishing resources for women. It’s not about bow chicka bow bow girls at camp. I say this because in real life I only hang out with that one outdoor guy.  My husband.  So when it comes to the outdoor way of thinking, I think like a guy. And if he told me he was going to watch Camp Wild Girls on TV,  I’d say, “Oh no you’re not.  We don’t have those channels.”

And then I’d have to eat a cupcake.

And then I’d hide the remote.

This really is all in good fun.  Terri Lee and I have formed a friendship and we’ve even talked on the phone.  And if I ever attended Team Huntress and Terri Lee was my instructor, let’s just say I don’t need that camp wild outdoor’s chick kicking my cupcakes at camp.

I’d break a nail.

And I don’t need her showing me how to find my way out of the woods for some survival test.

She’d lose me on purpose.

And then I’d walk into a spark-a-lie spider web like this …

Oh deer god,  I’d have an attack.

And Dave of Pheasant Phun wouldn’t be using that van of his for joy riding.

It’s main purpose would be The Hunter’s Wife ER transportation…

On a daily basis.

“Where’s Dave now?”

“The Sissy Hunter’s Wife sat on a sticker and they’re at the ER.  AGAIN.”

“Terri Lee, what did you do to her now? Hahaha”

——————————————————————————————————————–

On a serious note:  I like to say congratulations to Terri Lee Pocernich and her son Kale Williamson.  They have teamed up as team HuntingLife, sponsored by HuntingLife.com for the Battle of the B.O.W. from Wisconsin Outdoors Network and will also be featured in January, 2010 on the Sportsman Channel.

Battle of the B.O.W. Intro / WisconsinOutdoorsNetwork.com from Wisconsin Outdoors Network TV on Vimeo.

Have a good day all…I need to go practice some mud wrestling.

If you’re not following me on Twitter or Facebook than you’re missing out on up to the minute action here at The Hunter’s Wife.

It’s hunting season and my hunter should be out hunting.  And I should be in my jammies watching love movies eating pizza.  But we’ve had rain.  And after 3o some years of hunting, my hunter thinks he might melt. Or catch pneumonia. Or umm…  I didn’t listen to the rest of the reasons.

My hunter is a Marine and up before the sun.  Usually by 4:00 a.m. He jumps out of bed takes a shower, sings marine songs and gets things done.  By 7:00 a.m. he is pacing the house trying to find something to do.  Does he not realize his body is telling him it’s hunting season?  Well he found that something in his recliner flipping channels finally snoring.

I was still in my pj’s and had just finished a pot of coffee myself feeling a bit hyper.  I don’t know what got into me.  The fall air.  The fact that it’s hunting season.  The fact that a fake deer has been my entertainment lately.  So I headed outside, in my jammies and planted that deer right outside the living room window for when my hunter woke.

Oh no his antler is about to fall off.  I didn’t do it.

And we wait.

Snoring.

And I wait.  Maybe if I cough loud he’ll wake.

Snoring.

Maybe if I drop something on the kitchen floor.

Snoring.

Maybe if I knew how to use a grunt thingymajigger.

Snoring.

Oh no…

Deer down.

Mark, “What are you doing?”

“Umm, there’s a deer in the front yard and I think someone shot it.”

Mark, “What? Go put that back.”

“You’re no fun.  You should be hunting.  And I bet if you were out hunting you probably sit in your stand snoring the whole time.”

“Hi Mark.  Did you catch a deer?”

“Nope. I didn’t see anything.”

“Well I wonder why?”

Have a good day all.  I have to go fix an antler. And I think he might have fallen over cause I think I might have broke his leg when we tripped in the yard.

Hello 911 this is Mrs. Kravitz The crazy neighbor lady is out in her pajamas again running through the yard with a fake deer.  Oh dear god, they just tumbled over.