th3 int3llig3nsi4

Patra – Worker Man

NiKolaS — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 11:06:24 +0000

Teen age was a good age. No, not going back.

Beam me Down the Road Scotty

NiKolaS — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 19:25:41 +0000

This is a ad for 4G internet someplace in Europe. I would totally get on that bandwagon if my daily driving didn’t quite look exactly like this.

Car Jumping Rope

NiKolaS — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 11:23:08 +0000

And for a break we have a car jumping rope.

Just for laughs

NiKolaS — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 07:32:39 +0000

When you are stuck driving a minivan, you needn’t be stuck driving *a* minivan, bolt a big ol engine in it and live a little.

IBM Commuter Pain Index

NiKolaS — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 11:25:48 +0000

I thought we were doing badly but I didn’t imagine we were doing so badly in Nairobi, Kenya.

Navigating those cones like a boss!

NiKolaS — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 13:07:52 +0000

Take note of the track playing in the background, three internets for whoever can name the song, the artist and what movie it was in. (no googling! [googling self included in prohibition])

Some Isuzu Gemini Ads From the 70s.

NiKolaS — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 10:12:56 +0000

Precision driving and creative flair, much of which is currently lacking in Kenya. (both precision driving as well as creativity in advertising)

Not many fucks were given that day.

NiKolaS — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 04:32:54 +0000

]]>

NiKolaS — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 19:00:26 +0000

That is what I call a win, not the idiot in the Daewoo, lucky fucker that he is, lack of judgement saved by (quite some) *skill* (could have righted in fewer turns if he didnt over-correct), if you choose to call it that, but the dude in the blue car who took rapidly for the soft shoulder avoiding a major collision is my hero.

| Praise You ^ Fatboy Slim |

Why?

NiKolaS — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 16:33:10 +0000

Pictures like these are why the Internet was invented.

| We Like to Party ^ Vengaboys |

How I miss The IT Crowd…

NiKolaS — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 09:22:05 +0000

]]>

The Benefits of Self Restraint

NiKolaS — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 13:33:17 +0000

“Cellular communication, text messaging, squeaking (Tweeting)…. these distractions feed the ever growing beast called instant gratification… if you keep in constant communication with your lover she will get to know you too well…. you lose the thrill of discovery, the mystery of not knowing; secrets if handled properly can be extremely alluring…. the(se are the) benefits of self restraint.”

Dr Mallard, NCIS

Asinine Stuff I Was Up To this Week 2011-03-22

NiKolaS — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 20:59:00 +0000

Forgive me for I have sinned.
It has been 22 hours since I logged onto Twitter. #
I think it humane to be put down. I have such a massive headache that like pets it would be a great mercy if this was achieved in my case. #
"Yes, I need to be put down immediately!"
"Right now?"
"Of course!"
"With this?"
"No you bleeding idiot put the gun down, just unhand me!" #
My head is an odd place to be, I sometimes get lost in there, Google Mind View hasn't been invented yet either. #
This is a win in my book! I am totally constructing this for my car. http://t.co/QCbAQcj #
I just landed a whale!
The Coast Guard is going to be miffed since they have to drag it back into the ocean to clear the beach. #
Ring me. #
Oops, wrong window. #
With my new no shaving policy I shall soon be the spitting image of an 80s porn star. #
I don't get hints; either this wine tastes fruity or throws caution to the wind and falls full bodied out of the closet…sorry…cupboard. #
I shall take my hand and show myself out; no need for the stocky well coiffured men wielding the straight jacket and windowless padded van. #
I am not as well spoken as I imagine myself to be.
I understand that some people speak ill of me.
i hope this will not make me ill. #
I am way out of touch with many people since I am tall and I hold them at arm's length when I meet them. #
Morning wood is when you go out to fetch wood for the boiler to heat up water for your morning shower, right? #
Today beat me like I stole it's lunch money.
Unrelated: I have a ton of blood covered rocks for sale, anyone? #
Some days you get swerved around others you just get run over for being invisible and inconsequential. #
You are like, pardon me? And dude goes, you said something? I was too busy basking in my own awesomeness. #
I am supposed to be the fucking awesome one who is supposed to be basked in, and such. ::sigh:: #
Fuck today and whichever high horse it rode in on. #
What do Obama and horses have in common? (Yes, correct!) http://t.co/xE34Gs2 #
Sleep is banging on my eyelids and things yet there is still about 20 hours before bedtime. #
You know that walking on water?
Totally CGI. Who's got a towel to spare? #
Are you hard or difficult?
The answer is, as you can already tell, requires you to be quite succinct. #
Now that Favstar is down I can take of my Kevlar body armour and helmet. #
I used to run a Hardware Store but I had to close down after retirement and sell Software in it's stead. #
"Yes, this be one of my bitches!"
Me, introducing my dog. #
Anyone who complains about being unfollowed shall instantly have more to moan about.
They aren't listening to you anymore so why should we? #
Now there is a fucking choir practicing in my neighbourhood? When did I move into the ghetto? Right. Off to fling water balloons at them. #
Usually its she said, then I heard he did, then later I'm handed my bags and asked to leave the keys to her flat on the table on my way out. #
I think I can see a pattern here, or not, I'm terrible at mathematics. #
"I'm all eyes."
- A potato. #
I never can find a phone booth to change in whenever I am in need of one. #
The moon is so bright tonight that I suspect it just had an orgasm or is pregnant, i never could tell those two apart. #

Asinine Stuff I Was Up To this Week 2011-03-15

NiKolaS — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 20:59:00 +0000

This is the time of year when trees leave.
All their leaves are falling off.
You can also say the leaves are taking leave.
I leave too. #
Four reasons why you should never buy a rental car and things to do on your free weekend at the track. http://t.co/9Bmq6PL (video) #
Yesterday's House Episode (S07`E15) was so bad that I think they just made the yardstick for how terrible a show could ever be. #
These Apprentice guys should just be given a ring and let them have a go at pummelling each other to death, that would make great TV. #
Now melting in a 'management' meeting. Please send a sniper, not for me but for this poor sod prattling on with a full presentation. #
Belay that last order, find the person who invented meetings and shoot them instead even if they are dead. #
I can't wait for a gust of wind to crash this party! http://t.co/b6XkJIq #
If I showed them my Twitter account do you think they would let me park in the Handicapped spot? #
This is such a gorgeous sunset. By the time you shall turn around to see it shall be gone. This is the nature of sunsets. #
Drat! It's wednesday and I haven't made my obligatory hump day joke. I hope this counts. #
How I wish my neighbour would turn the volume down on her baby or at the very least muffle it with a pillow. #
Humping Wednesday for all it's worth but it won't relent. It must have given something else up for lent. #
"No, I wasn't banging on the bedroom floor, I was using the hammer on the bed which lies on said floor, why do you ask Officer?" #
Test from Airtel to Twitter text messaging. Now it costs me one bob shillings to tweet you lot over text. #
Oh how text to Twitter vastly increases the likelihood of supreme text and dm fails. All real time by the way. #
Was that a Text or a Tweet. Frantically refreshing profile page. #
Oh my goodness, 110 stopped following me, is it something I said?
No, don't answer that, there are still around 2000 who are still here. TY #
I assure you officer, this *is* Tiger Blood. It's just that I left it out in the sun too long and it burnt to ash. #
Dude, in exactly one day my trousers have gone from stylish to something that is best used as curtain material.
Must trousers be so tight? #
To the dude who yelled out, "the British are coming!" why in fucking hell was he looking in their bedroom windows? #
Doing Charlie Sheen.
Something tells me that I am not doing this right. #
Jimmi has the best alibi ever. Who would ever suspect him after that ad? #
Every time I find an account that has blocked me I reward myself by eating an entire pizza.
I need wider doors and a larger motor car. #
The Mayans may have been onto something. Prayers for Japan. #
I am totally that guy who just cut you off. So what are you going to do about it? Wait, what does this right pedal do, hey where did you go? #
I wish I had had time to have a food for lunch. #
Do you wish for a long life after retirement of wish that you could just perish and leave that to the birds? #
If you make me laugh you get a star and possibly a retweet.
If you make me laugh till I pee my pants you get a ToTD, also if you touch me. #
I am going to lie here and let life walk on by. #
InSecurity is so horridly hilarious I am glued to watching it forever. #
I need to find more ways to disconnect from the world. #
Blacked out on the couch for a couple of hours. Made out with back rest for a while before I realised it wasn't who I imagined it was. #
This is why I win at life Internet. #
Shit. Now I cannot fall asleep again. Shoot me now please. #
Anyone else hate speaking very loudly into your telephones?
Raise your hands. #
I hate being in traffic since you always have your nose up someone else's bum for hours on end. #
Plus I'm terrible at following, I'd rather lead, that's if you can catch me. #
This handbag business has gone out of hand (literally) with lasses lugging around luggage in their guise. #
Monday, these are the rules by which you must abide: http://t.co/NmGJHwR #
I am absolutely horrid when I am hungry.
Poor sod at Zuku who took my call just now bore the brunt of my frustrations with their Internet. #

Asinine Stuff I Was Up To this Week 2011-03-07

NiKolaS — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 20:59:00 +0000

Ken Block's alternate edits of Gymkhana 3. http://t.co/4dcsSpV Someone please pass me some unsoiled trousers, these ones are done. #
I am watching Charlie Sheen on TMZ. Send help. #
You would think that Mensa would be more afraid of the Zombie apocalypse. #
Ooooh, I will make it rain, make you so wet… #
Part of the reason I am not allowed to anchor the Weather Forecast. #
Current status. Huddling under my desk. If anyone asks I am looking for a mouse. #
My bucket list has a large bucket listed on there. #
I think you mean so high, it is a gypsy thing with these VW Kombis. @Princess_Regent in reply to Princess_Regent #
You can shove it up my Twitter. #
Throwing my hands up in the air like how I imagine people who have not a care in the world would do. #
At this rate even my bank shall shortly have targeted Google Ads running on their website. #
I would have imagined that my dentist knew that i was going to take a bite out of his fingers when he stabbed me in a cavity. #
This driver should go up on Badass of the week. http://t.co/y9hRA0T Drifting around three Police cars like motherfuckers come get me! #
It is supremely stupid that the last kilometre home is where I spend twice the time it took me to cover the previous twelve. #
How you ask? Arboretum drive chocked by traffic turning right towards Riverside drive. #
If someone would put #overlapke on those last two tweets that would be terribly kind. Thank you. #
I'm trying to write "The Best of Coldplay."
Should the quotation marks be on the word ::best::, ::Coldplay:: or the entire title? #
Don't ever name your child Clint.
Just trust me on this one. #
A little autotune and everybody decides that they are a fucking musician. #
Charlie Sheen is tottering at the edge and the only reason he won't fall off is that he is so high he couldn't find bottom if he fell on it. #
They took a sledgehammer to the current iPad and added 2 to it's name.
I shall do the same to mine. #
iOS 4.3 will no longer support the iPhone 3G. Not sure what to think. It had a good run though. #
Well, the policeman said "drop them," then neglected to mention that *them* meant my guns not my trousers. #
I call this an expresso. Ignore that it was made with instant coffee, albeit with an entire can. #
You are the one I want to grow old with but at this rate I shall get there a lot sooner that I expect you will. #
If anyone asks I'm only here to test the internet.
Obviously it works as evidenced by you being able to read this but lets not nitpick. #
I must stop eating cake on my couch. At this point the couch has eaten, Cookie Monster style, at last count, about twice as much cake as I. #
I'm not feeling funny recently and not in the manner you are thinking right now, the haha kind. #
Would all iPhone users kindly leave the default "Marimba" as their ringtone. Hate having to give myself a pat down every time a phone rings. #
These pants are so tight my wallet wouldn't fit in the pseudo pockets, where did I leave my purse? #
The sheen is gone. #
The new Twitter for iPhone is here. See what they added just for you @69mb? http://t.co/7jR7SSF #
If only… http://t.co/iIGO5ak #
Ok, so I went and followed Friday and so far the only thing she has tweeted is something to do with T.G.I.F. Most disappointing. #
Trying to log into this timber website but apparently I my browser will not be let in on account that it doesn't eat confectionery. #
I would tell a short joke but it wouldn't fit. #
Whenever a pedestrian gets cross at me at a zebra crossing I let them know the reason I didn't hit them was that that would dent my car. #
Kept me hanging long so I had to hang up, had you put me ::on hold:: I would've held on longer since I would have the nice lady to speak at. #
I am forming a band.
I want to hop onto this bandwagon I have heard so much about. #
Help! Help? The dust bunnies are here and are trying to eat me!
Wait, one that looks like the leader tells me that they just want a cuddle. #
I wish being awake at this time on a Sunday morning could be seconded by the fact that I was about to have coitus. #
I am a strong dependent man. #
Selling my dreams for a dollar and a warm bosom. #
But there is no way in hell am I singing for my supper. You would not like it anyhow. #
If your car isn't displaying some sort of understeer or oversteer you probably aren't turning hard enough. #
something about a tree with fruiting avocados and my favourite parking spot at home which took out my rear windscreen. @jusblackman in reply to jusblackman #
I am so bad at Twitter that whenever I follow someone back they commit twittercide. That or something else. I like this reason though. #
If I could keep my eyes open I would be awake I suppose but right now I'm asleep. #
Looks like I'm on a certain leaderboard. I take what I can get. http://t.co/mcpVHtF #
I am insisting on wearing my flak jacket to work this week and no one will stop me. Well, also I am invincible in it, so there. #
This button here on the File Menu says "Quit Twitter."
I have tried it several times and I am still here, it must be broken. #
I have just listened to some ::music:: by this Ragga Dee character; @bazanye i feel your pain, you ::have:: to share a city with him? #
Hammers are very versatile, excellent for a myriad of tasks; from killing people to putting phones on silent mode.
Nails, not so much. #
Now that we have gotten Ragga Dee out of the way and discovered that he was revenge for Prezzo, who takes ownership of Dully Sykes? #
Dr. Rekebisha – Father Xmas. #Mzeeniwewe #
#NowPlaying Good Life by Inner City and I realise how long ago that song was sung and how timeless it still is. ::hobbling about (dancing):: #
This is not part of my music collection.
As they say, denial is not just a river in Egypt. http://t.co/t0Od7m8 #
I'm not buying a cow when I know I can continue milking my neighbours' for free. #

Asinine Stuff I Was Up To this Week 2011-03-01

NiKolaS — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 20:59:00 +0000

I remember, with much pain, that time I was naked and thought that i had my nunchaku with me. #
Drat, my package is bent. #
We are all retarded drivers. Shame on us, all of us. Think before you move. http://t.co/xNO7MCP #
I might say the dog's mistress but this might be misconstrued to mean something altogether different. #
A dog's master on the other hand is oddly very specific and cannot carry hidden meaning. English is a beautiful language. #
Just giving all y'all a heads up, I just farted and if you are following me you might want to back up a bit since this one is a whopper! #
I assure you that that double entendre was totally unintentional. #
Who says you need 4 wheels to Drift? Sexy sexy biking making me wish i could drive one of these bikes. http://t.co/iAK0oqJ #
I wonder if Lassie falls in well or Lassie falls in Well.
How are we supposed to tell which is compliance and which is a distress call? #
Who knew Elmo was into Pot? http://twitpic.com/42miiw #
The Wi-fi in my office works at 100% strength only in the WC.
It seems they didn't notice that Access Point that I sneaked into the plans. #
When you buy a safaricom SIM card that wallet it comes in is symbolic of what all your money shall be spent on hence. #
Threw my 8 Megabit internet at my Huawei IDEOS and so far the only thing it has managed to do is become a very efficient space heater. #
Poles are very tall people, sometimes as tall as 10 whole feet I'm told, and at times they are used as implements for touching people too! #
I hope she says something tomorrow morning that would necessitate her touching wood to ward off bad luck. #
Cats should understand that red dots could indicate that a sniper's rifle is aimed at you; run away from it not chase after it!
Silly cats. #
Glass half full or half empty, bullshit!
All I want to know is who has been drinking from my fucking glass! #
Yes, I left you a message on voicemail then texted and emailed you to ask you to call me back only that I forgot to leave you *the* message. #
I suspect that I am not the only one with access to this Twitter account. #
If I say I love the new show Traffic Light how bad shall be the damage to my public image?
Asking for a friend.
Maybe two.
Or three. #
I doubt that saying he rode an ass into Jerusalem means quite the same as he walked far too close to the guy in front of him in the queue. #
I notice that I have a shitload of new follows in the past two weeks, too late people Mubarak already went home.
Trust me, I checked. #
Oh, and welcome, its a wonder I have any followers, I don't even follow myself.
Though if I could, I would be *beside myself.
*behind #
I am considering pulling this Tweet; it's not exactly my best work though it seems to be quire popular. http://t.co/thNQx93 #
I like this one: http://t.co/Gh0jerx ::dead:: #
I also wish to thank you for all the stars, the retweets and the chats. I always have a ball tweeting with y'all. #
My inner child had to repeat a class. #
These are some very pretty Boobies.
My bird collection is coming along quite nicely. #
Trying not to draw conclusions as I top up my airtime. Does this mean I shall get some, not too presumptuous? http://twitpic.com/436hga #
These baby bloomers are really comfortable, I just wish this baby they made them out of would stay quiet though. #
Did I just say that out loud? #
"You haven't seen the last of me!"
- Every Super Villain ever while being trodden under the shoe of the Superhero. #
Fuck, where did my Avi go? #
Don't I look pretty today! #
If I have any more eggs for supper Lady GaGa will have nothing on me and we shall surely have to determine who *came* first. #
I heard something about a hand basket. #
Now that I am done enhancing the fragrance of my couch let me see about doing the same to my bed. #
If any mosquitoes are reading this, it's open season over here. Open season on mosquitoes. Approach me at peril of death. #
My inner child is on a playmate. #
Sir, I know you wish to measure the length of your organ, don't you think a yard stick is being a tad too pessimistic? #
Wedding Show; a way of seeing the same thing done over in 30 million different ways. #
Me? Nothing. Just lying here groping the Internet inappropriately. #
Wow! @crystalsimeoni On 105.5 with Fareed Khimani discussing #kenya28feb Will you be singing the National Anthem at 1pm. Why not? in reply to crystalsimeoni #
I fear that the New Edition Bible shall be authored in textspeak. LOL, smiley face. #
Vitz owners today are advised to carry umbrellas and apply maximum SFI for today is one scorcher of a day. #avitzisnotacar #
Oh here we go, new post; Zuku, #kenya28feb and Unemployment, mine particularly. http://t.co/ec837U1 #
I could as well as committed twittercide, but my Avi is just as yellow and black as the precious one though probably not in the same order. #
Does a Vitz go faster when you fart while driving it? Give it the beans? Got gas? ::I could do this all day:: #avitzisnotacar #
I tried to have my way with mother earth. She wasn't amused and kicked my teeth in, punched me in the nose and kneed me in the nads. #
I'm wearing really tight trousers today, apparently it's the thing to do if you are famous. I *am* here at least. Infamy, same thing. #
HO
ME

Let's see how deep in the gutter you lot live. #
I wonder why all these scarfs are being lobbed at me, these trousers are awesome. Wait what? There is a big tear in my trousers? Goddamn it! #
The wind is blowing so sternly that I shall tie my shirt onto my car aerial and sail this sucker home. #
I'll take my Avi and stick it on a mug of coffee, use that as my Avi. Seems that @intelligentsia coffee fans aren't very good at spelling. #
There are Supercars and then there is this: http://t.co/knHoGhs the NASA Space Exploration Vehicle. Sad that it may never go do its thing. #
Me? Nothing, just going to kill time by hitting that watch over there with this hammer. #
I took two jabs at Vitzes today, where do I collect my award? #
I miss the days when ATM was something to do with the weather and Tellers had nothing to do with Wikileaks. #
When you name drop, does the five second rule apply? #

Asinine Stuff I Was Up To this Week 2011-03-01

NiKolaS — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 20:59:00 +0000

I remember, with much pain, that time I was naked and thought that i had my nunchaku with me. #
Drat, my package is bent. #
We are all retarded drivers. Shame on us, all of us. Think before you move. http://t.co/xNO7MCP #
I might say the dog's mistress but this might be misconstrued to mean something altogether different. #
A dog's master on the other hand is oddly very specific and cannot carry hidden meaning. English is a beautiful language. #
Just giving all y'all a heads up, I just farted and if you are following me you might want to back up a bit since this one is a whopper! #
I assure you that that double entendre was totally unintentional. #
Who says you need 4 wheels to Drift? Sexy sexy biking making me wish i could drive one of these bikes. http://t.co/iAK0oqJ #
I wonder if Lassie falls in well or Lassie falls in Well.
How are we supposed to tell which is compliance and which is a distress call? #
Who knew Elmo was into Pot? http://twitpic.com/42miiw #
The Wi-fi in my office works at 100% strength only in the WC.
It seems they didn't notice that Access Point that I sneaked into the plans. #
When you buy a safaricom SIM card that wallet it comes in is symbolic of what all your money shall be spent on hence. #
Threw my 8 Megabit internet at my Huawei IDEOS and so far the only thing it has managed to do is become a very efficient space heater. #
Poles are very tall people, sometimes as tall as 10 whole feet I'm told, and at times they are used as implements for touching people too! #
I hope she says something tomorrow morning that would necessitate her touching wood to ward off bad luck. #
Cats should understand that red dots could indicate that a sniper's rifle is aimed at you; run away from it not chase after it!
Silly cats. #
Glass half full or half empty, bullshit!
All I want to know is who has been drinking from my fucking glass! #
Yes, I left you a message on voicemail then texted and emailed you to ask you to call me back only that I forgot to leave you *the* message. #
I suspect that I am not the only one with access to this Twitter account. #
If I say I love the new show Traffic Light how bad shall be the damage to my public image?
Asking for a friend.
Maybe two.
Or three. #
I doubt that saying he rode an ass into Jerusalem means quite the same as he walked far too close to the guy in front of him in the queue. #
I notice that I have a shitload of new follows in the past two weeks, too late people Mubarak already went home.
Trust me, I checked. #
Oh, and welcome, its a wonder I have any followers, I don't even follow myself.
Though if I could, I would be *beside myself.
*behind #
I am considering pulling this Tweet; it's not exactly my best work though it seems to be quire popular. http://t.co/thNQx93 #
I like this one: http://t.co/Gh0jerx ::dead:: #
I also wish to thank you for all the stars, the retweets and the chats. I always have a ball tweeting with y'all. #
My inner child had to repeat a class. #
These are some very pretty Boobies.
My bird collection is coming along quite nicely. #
Trying not to draw conclusions as I top up my airtime. Does this mean I shall get some, not too presumptuous? http://twitpic.com/436hga #
These baby bloomers are really comfortable, I just wish this baby they made them out of would stay quiet though. #
Did I just say that out loud? #
"You haven't seen the last of me!"
- Every Super Villain ever while being trodden under the shoe of the Superhero. #
Fuck, where did my Avi go? #
Don't I look pretty today! #
If I have any more eggs for supper Lady GaGa will have nothing on me and we shall surely have to determine who *came* first. #
I heard something about a hand basket. #
Now that I am done enhancing the fragrance of my couch let me see about doing the same to my bed. #
If any mosquitoes are reading this, it's open season over here. Open season on mosquitoes. Approach me at peril of death. #
My inner child is on a playmate. #
Sir, I know you wish to measure the length of your organ, don't you think a yard stick is being a tad too pessimistic? #
Wedding Show; a way of seeing the same thing done over in 30 million different ways. #
Me? Nothing. Just lying here groping the Internet inappropriately. #
Wow! @crystalsimeoni On 105.5 with Fareed Khimani discussing #kenya28feb Will you be singing the National Anthem at 1pm. Why not? in reply to crystalsimeoni #
I fear that the New Edition Bible shall be authored in textspeak. LOL, smiley face. #
Vitz owners today are advised to carry umbrellas and apply maximum SFI for today is one scorcher of a day. #avitzisnotacar #
Oh here we go, new post; Zuku, #kenya28feb and Unemployment, mine particularly. http://t.co/ec837U1 #
I could as well as committed twittercide, but my Avi is just as yellow and black as the precious one though probably not in the same order. #
Does a Vitz go faster when you fart while driving it? Give it the beans? Got gas? ::I could do this all day:: #avitzisnotacar #
I tried to have my way with mother earth. She wasn't amused and kicked my teeth in, punched me in the nose and kneed me in the nads. #
I'm wearing really tight trousers today, apparently it's the thing to do if you are famous. I *am* here at least. Infamy, same thing. #
HO
ME

Let's see how deep in the gutter you lot live. #
I wonder why all these scarfs are being lobbed at me, these trousers are awesome. Wait what? There is a big tear in my trousers? Goddamn it! #
The wind is blowing so sternly that I shall tie my shirt onto my car aerial and sail this sucker home. #
I'll take my Avi and stick it on a mug of coffee, use that as my Avi. Seems that @intelligentsia coffee fans aren't very good at spelling. #
There are Supercars and then there is this: http://t.co/knHoGhs the NASA Space Exploration Vehicle. Sad that it may never go do its thing. #
Me? Nothing, just going to kill time by hitting that watch over there with this hammer. #
I took two jabs at Vitzes today, where do I collect my award? #
I miss the days when ATM was something to do with the weather and Tellers had nothing to do with Wikileaks. #
When you name drop, does the five second rule apply? #

And they went ahead and shot themselves in the foot.

NiKolaS — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 07:19:39 +0000

I shall shortly be unemployed, who needs a pool boy or house husband? I am partial to tropical climates and can’t handle much of the cold snowy icy kind.

I shall also be back shortly to write about the Zuku 8 Megabit internet connection I have been testing for a month so far. I have no kind words like the last time I wrote about them.

Meanwhile its #kenya28feb at 1300 hours. Sing your hearts out, please note, for all the awful singing going on I shall have my earphones plugged firmly in as I add to the ruckus.

Asinine Stuff I Was Up To this Week 2011-02-22

NiKolaS — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 20:59:00 +0000

You know when you feel like a Fractal? I hear that is quite normal. #
I seem to have lost two of the people I follow last night, being blocked I understand, but Twittercide? Let me talk you down off the ledge. #
Like you would believe me, I would apply grease to the ledge to help you along. #
Boob fondle.
Oops, wrong window. #
Lady Gaga is now following me on Twitter.
Wait, nope, it's not her, apparently, it's just a Twitter account without an AVI. #
Margaritas and tears are a match made in heaven. #
Short of us clattering our genitals together I think much of what I recall about us might be pure conjecture.
I made it all up, probably. #
Favstar is quicker today.
How do I know this?
Well, it notices and warns me about starring Tweets too quickly sooner than before. #
I think of you many times. #
HDTV is not necessarily a good thing for actors, for all the crows feet that i have seen among other moles, eeeeek! #
And this lady busy spreading herself all over my HDTV screen should have shaved before she showed up for work. #
Zuku been outdoing itself past two days 7 megs holding steady on average. #
Sexting him or her pictures of your privates is the new diamonds are forever.
It better be else your very privates suddenly become public. #
Well, I should know. #
Follow Fridays are now ranked?
I predict that the world shall end in 2012, unless someone already had dibs on that. #
I'd buy a few more clothes but my closet looks full enough from where I sit, hardly enough space to move without tumbling out head first. #
The voices in my head. They whisper sweet nothings to me. Creepy as fuck. It would be fine if they were female voices though. #
I'm not practicing safe wading, I forgot my gumboots at home. #
My bikini is visible over my jeans. This shouldn't happen. #
I love life so much right now I could quite possibly add it to this fruit salad. #
And its laundry night hence the bikini mention earlier. But please keep that quiet. #
Fling those trousers to the floor! But this time make sure to take them off first please dearest. #
Being described as cling film in a relationship isn't a good thing? #
I never know how to dress for events; people always complain about being underdressed but mostly because I forget to wear bits of clothing. #
In this case trousers, apparently. #
Looks like it's too much trouble to smile on the Internet. Is this the reason people have to lie down to create these smileys photograps? #
Undoing my laundry. #
You know when you see someone with a tweet identical to one you read from someone else without attribution?
Soon as I get a sec, unfollow. #
I prefer eating Chinese to Ethiopian.
The Chinese are decidedly more tender and easier to cook, less fighty too. #
"Know any good movies these Pfizer executives love to watch?"
"How about Die Hard 1 through to 4?" #
I hope you are all very happy, i shall be getting spam about performance enhancing pills because of that one Tweet for days now. #
The best place for the Internet is in my mobile. It's much easier to carry about that way. #
Mostly because, again, my iPad will not fit in my coat pocket. I tried, severally too, unsuccessfully. Now I have a torn coat pocket. #
Not a turncoat mind you but how hilarious would that be? #
I have been going to sleep ever since I could remember. #
"Cleaning out the plumbing." #
I would say shoot me right in the noggin but that would be pointless since that would be to no effect. #
You won't believe this but I think I am this thing they describe as "the masses." #
Looking at my Night Stand and can't imagine why anyone would want it for just one night. #
People talk about the romance of old printing presses but all i think about is how much dry humping is needed to get them to work properly. #
Seems this is where all the stolen tweets go to die. There are millions on here! http://t.co/V2AJx2t cc @ThiefPolice #
Men are so obsessed with chasing tail, last I checked the lasses did not have any.
What's with that?
Wait, tail is an euphemism, right. #
I consider a victory against my iPhone's autocorrect a milestone since, take that Jobs! #
Traffic is so bad these days that we had to retire drive by shooting as a way of retaliatory killings and moved back to walk by stranglings. #
If I were shorter I would be average, just like you. #
My autocorrect has become so accustomed to my bad keymanship that it has stopped bothering with what I type and just makes up whole tweets. #
I put a hit out on you because I am a necrophiliac. #
My heart just popped into my mouth when I saw an official email from Twitter.
Wondering if I should spit or swallow.
Ladies? #
I ate Oreos for the first time today.
There was Cookies and Cream ice cream too, I never knew they went together that well. #
That and I no longer have any teeth anymore. #
Then there was that time I woke up in the morning while still wearing my hat. #
Did they autotune Chris Brown in this episode of SNL with Russell Brand? And what kind of music is he playing now? Chris, not Russell. #
I seem to lose one person I follow every day ::blocking or twittercide:: and I fear I shall be following no one by the end of this year. #
Smart phones can multitask and also do crash a fair bit.
It would follow that Smart Cars do do the same, if that isn't dangerous, what is? #
A dog does more of this than a tree has.
"What is bark?" #fantasyjeopardy #
All you lot claiming to be huge fans of somebody or other, do you fan them so that they glow brighter or go out altogether? #
What do you mean I am getting fat? #
I have all the protein supplements you need right here.
::slap:: #
Today should have just asked for lube. Worst Monday I have had in a long long time. #
I look bigger on Twitter. #
I'm re-presenting an Oscar, it had been presented before but to the wrong nominee. #

Asinine Stuff I Was Up To this Week 2011-02-22

NiKolaS — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 20:59:00 +0000

You know when you feel like a Fractal? I hear that is quite normal. #
I seem to have lost two of the people I follow last night, being blocked I understand, but Twittercide? Let me talk you down off the ledge. #
Like you would believe me, I would apply grease to the ledge to help you along. #
Boob fondle.
Oops, wrong window. #
Lady Gaga is now following me on Twitter.
Wait, nope, it's not her, apparently, it's just a Twitter account without an AVI. #
Margaritas and tears are a match made in heaven. #
Short of us clattering our genitals together I think much of what I recall about us might be pure conjecture.
I made it all up, probably. #
Favstar is quicker today.
How do I know this?
Well, it notices and warns me about starring Tweets too quickly sooner than before. #
I think of you many times. #
HDTV is not necessarily a good thing for actors, for all the crows feet that i have seen among other moles, eeeeek! #
And this lady busy spreading herself all over my HDTV screen should have shaved before she showed up for work. #
Zuku been outdoing itself past two days 7 megs holding steady on average. #
Sexting him or her pictures of your privates is the new diamonds are forever.
It better be else your very privates suddenly become public. #
Well, I should know. #
Follow Fridays are now ranked?
I predict that the world shall end in 2012, unless someone already had dibs on that. #
I'd buy a few more clothes but my closet looks full enough from where I sit, hardly enough space to move without tumbling out head first. #
The voices in my head. They whisper sweet nothings to me. Creepy as fuck. It would be fine if they were female voices though. #
I'm not practicing safe wading, I forgot my gumboots at home. #
My bikini is visible over my jeans. This shouldn't happen. #
I love life so much right now I could quite possibly add it to this fruit salad. #
And its laundry night hence the bikini mention earlier. But please keep that quiet. #
Fling those trousers to the floor! But this time make sure to take them off first please dearest. #
Being described as cling film in a relationship isn't a good thing? #
I never know how to dress for events; people always complain about being underdressed but mostly because I forget to wear bits of clothing. #
In this case trousers, apparently. #
Looks like it's too much trouble to smile on the Internet. Is this the reason people have to lie down to create these smileys photograps? #
Undoing my laundry. #
You know when you see someone with a tweet identical to one you read from someone else without attribution?
Soon as I get a sec, unfollow. #
I prefer eating Chinese to Ethiopian.
The Chinese are decidedly more tender and easier to cook, less fighty too. #
"Know any good movies these Pfizer executives love to watch?"
"How about Die Hard 1 through to 4?" #
I hope you are all very happy, i shall be getting spam about performance enhancing pills because of that one Tweet for days now. #
The best place for the Internet is in my mobile. It's much easier to carry about that way. #
Mostly because, again, my iPad will not fit in my coat pocket. I tried, severally too, unsuccessfully. Now I have a torn coat pocket. #
Not a turncoat mind you but how hilarious would that be? #
I have been going to sleep ever since I could remember. #
"Cleaning out the plumbing." #
I would say shoot me right in the noggin but that would be pointless since that would be to no effect. #
You won't believe this but I think I am this thing they describe as "the masses." #
Looking at my Night Stand and can't imagine why anyone would want it for just one night. #
People talk about the romance of old printing presses but all i think about is how much dry humping is needed to get them to work properly. #
Seems this is where all the stolen tweets go to die. There are millions on here! http://t.co/V2AJx2t cc @ThiefPolice #
Men are so obsessed with chasing tail, last I checked the lasses did not have any.
What's with that?
Wait, tail is an euphemism, right. #
I consider a victory against my iPhone's autocorrect a milestone since, take that Jobs! #
Traffic is so bad these days that we had to retire drive by shooting as a way of retaliatory killings and moved back to walk by stranglings. #
If I were shorter I would be average, just like you. #
My autocorrect has become so accustomed to my bad keymanship that it has stopped bothering with what I type and just makes up whole tweets. #
I put a hit out on you because I am a necrophiliac. #
My heart just popped into my mouth when I saw an official email from Twitter.
Wondering if I should spit or swallow.
Ladies? #
I ate Oreos for the first time today.
There was Cookies and Cream ice cream too, I never knew they went together that well. #
That and I no longer have any teeth anymore. #
Then there was that time I woke up in the morning while still wearing my hat. #
Did they autotune Chris Brown in this episode of SNL with Russell Brand? And what kind of music is he playing now? Chris, not Russell. #
I seem to lose one person I follow every day ::blocking or twittercide:: and I fear I shall be following no one by the end of this year. #
Smart phones can multitask and also do crash a fair bit.
It would follow that Smart Cars do do the same, if that isn't dangerous, what is? #
A dog does more of this than a tree has.
"What is bark?" #fantasyjeopardy #
All you lot claiming to be huge fans of somebody or other, do you fan them so that they glow brighter or go out altogether? #
What do you mean I am getting fat? #
I have all the protein supplements you need right here.
::slap:: #
Today should have just asked for lube. Worst Monday I have had in a long long time. #
I look bigger on Twitter. #
I'm re-presenting an Oscar, it had been presented before but to the wrong nominee. #

Asinine Stuff I Was Up To this Week 2011-02-15

NiKolaS — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 20:59:00 +0000

Homonyms are an awful lot of fun. #
I have special feelings for myself.
Pardon me for a moment as I go address them. #
Those people who apply for Asylum overseas should probably be told that they might perchance be sent to a Mental Asylum.
It happened to me. #
Why does everyone look at you funny when you put rubber gloves on before you get in to drive your car? #
You may have noticed I have new writers. Maybe not. This lot is worse than the last batch. Lazier too. (he made us put this up) #
Boy! Pull your trousers up! #
Are they Crow's Feet by virtue of them looking like feet or that you look like one? #
Either way, CAW! CAW! #
You know what sounds awesome?
Rap backed up by a live band.
*looks for the sarcasm button* #
"Mubarak in a Ponzi Scheme." #
It is so hot here that I climb into my oven to stay cool. #
I am beginning to suspect beauty sleep has nothing to do with sleeping with a beautiful woman. I've hardly slept for weeks now. #
Again beautiful day is synonymous with it being blistering hot. #
Twittercide n. natural selection. #
Pimped out rides are the Superheroes of the car world. #
So that was the problem, I just needed to turn off my brain for a while. #
"What now?" Yes, it is one of *those* days. #
Traffic Light.
Nice. #
Hey @roomthinker I suspect traffic police would be idle were there no roundabouts. We must replace them with traffic cameras post haste. in reply to roomthinker #
I should have been smarter than to choose a rabbit as a spirit animal. Who is up to adopt 100 of these cute bunnies? #
I object to being regarded a sex object. #
Ned Nickerson. #
Tried drinking water & somehow most of it ended up running down the front of my shirt. If it was True Blood I would look so cool right now. #
Old people are the pillars that hold up the community. See how well they plant? #
Now this looks familiar! Count the idiots in this picture of an intersection fail. (via Fail Blog) http://plixi.com/p/76377327 #
Heroism is a lot more fun when you are hopped up on heroin. #
It is a great mark of integrity to hold people to a high standard; better yet when you hold yourself to a standard much higher than that. #
No, this isn't blood. It's just that I sweat like a hippopotamus. #
"Go jump off a bridge, see if I care." – bungee instructional. #
"It was a whirlwind romance." – some guy talking about the weather. #
Anyone know what time I went to bed? I'm surprised to be up AND fully dressed. #
Now that I am in her underwear I fail to see what all the fuss is about, plus my balls are mighty squished and I have a wedgie. #
Flash mob n. A group of angry photographers. #
Asking a girl if you can play with her jiggly bits is hard enough, worse when you have to avoid being murdered once you do. #
They are never going to steal my telephone again! http://plixi.com/p/76615128 #
"Don't panic this is just a drill, the chainsaws are in aisle six." – Power tool salesman. #
I apologise for that tweet. Well, all eleven thousand of them but you can't blame me for about five hundred of those, I was possibly drunk. #
Then there is hardware. Hard ware. See what I did there? #
This is a sightly used Twitter account. #
"Not a fan." Me addressing a pile of fish. #
If it wasn't for this tree branch I would have already been blown away. No, nothing to do with wolf or such. It's just very windy. #
If there was a racing home superstar that would be me. #
Starring my own tweet. #
Just been to the water closet and it seems sometime last night I turned into a goat. #
Intelligensia is now ignoring your tweets on Twitter.
You aren't currently ignoring Intelligensia.
What's next? #
I have a headache.
What?
I'm supposed to say that tonight, not now? #
How did i get FIFTEEN mentions this morning? This and I am yet to have my coffee? *blink blink* #
Twitter, I am busy sexting, will get to you shortly. #
About these "Real Estate" agents, are there a band of just normal "Estate" agents out there? These ones are just too pricey. #
Groping this mouse feels so good. I shouldn't have sprang for the Magic Mouse, clearly. #
Oh dear God, no. Typo or type O? Ignore previous tweet. #
Bear with me.
Really, there is a Bear with me, send help! #
This lovely rain brings cooler temperatures and shall surely drown out the moans of pleasure tonight as couples celebrate Valentines' night. #
Putting in a late order for courtesan on Koinange Street, I hope they aren't all taken already seeing as its Valentines and all. #
No time for fake ones,
I sip crystal while fondling real ones…

New earworm; you're welcome. #
#NowPlaying No Time -Lil Kim #mzeeniwewe #
"I have a headache." #

Asinine Stuff I Was Up To this Week 2011-02-07

NiKolaS — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 20:59:00 +0000

*Actual* UBUNTU download on Zuku 8 Megabit fibre. *cough cough*
cc @bytebandit @kaboro @69mb @roomthinker http://t.co/4Co5qsF #
Video: I absolutely love this man Russel Brand, disregard my previous post on Linkin Park, what was I… http://tumblr.com/xcj1edzmb9 #
"I am working very hard this afternoon!"
My router, if it could say something.

Youtube is the spawned of the devil. #
Still pretending to be awfully busy, I'm done catching up with my Tumblr, Twitter, E-mail and I have watched all of YouTube. Pointers? #
Instead of reading I'm being distracted by TED talks. Who's seen my pills or at least my glasses so I can focus on, wait, what was I doing? #
"I know Kung-Fu!"
"I know Chang but you don't see me yelling that out while waving my arms about, do you?" #
I didn't imagine that it was this dusty under my bed. Don't ask how I got here either, I don't know. #
I am in the Printing Industry and yet I purchase my books on Kindle.
Is there a better example of someone shooting themselves in the foot? #
Every hear the one Vitz pimped out with a flame job?
Well, someone picked it up to light his cigarette then stomped it out on the pavement. #
I'm sorry I haven't been funny recently, or ever, actually. #
Final word Zuku; It is a shared bandwidth deal, since I am in a congested area 1 Megabit is the best I can get even if I'm subscribed to 8M. #
I never properly thanked @chiira for this post reblogged and attributed. You are awesome for mentioning me, thank you! http://t.co/kNQuB55 #
When my bum falls asleep I know it's time to stop reading Tweets and get off the lavatory. #
There is nothing as horrifying as logging onto Twitter and instantly being tackled to the cobbled pavement by a hash tag meme. #
My response mostly is of unfollowing, today I shall try just logging out instead. #
Oh, now I remember why I logged on, twas to say:
"Meh, needs more kisses." #
I really need to upgrade my dream service provider from technicolor, i hear you can get them in 3D these days. I shall talk to Paramount. #
I said ParaMount, see what I did there?
I should stop laughing at my own jokes, shouldn't I? #
The 'Outdoor' profile on this mobile phone should be sufficient to protect me from the sun's rays much like the lotion, right? #
It is supremely difficult to walk about with one foot in the grave. #
I would go back in time just so i can have a posse, or have one chase me through the prairies or whatever they call plains over in America. #
Funny how stroking your Pistol Grip Shotgun while objecting to being cut off while leaning on the offenders car makes them very agreeable. #
Just been reminded of how much I love Katie Melua. #
This bandwagon is mostly bereft of bands.
Rubber bands that is. #
Don't worry young lady, my standards are pretty low, you can still be my sex symbol, never ever speak of your lack of intelligence again. #
#NowPlaying Alejandro – Lady Gaga. Not sure which is the singer and which is the song but it has a catchy tune. Rocking my mid 30s. #
Seems it's cat mating season again and the pussies are out in force moaning and bitching. Sounds like a supremely energetic orgy out there. #
My Twitter account has a Greeter on the login page. He is also the one who sends you lame DMs when you start following me. #
I wanted to do 'the stranger' then I remembered that my mom said I shouldn't talk to strangers much less let them near my dingleberries. #
With weather like this you wouldn't blame me for wanting to stand under the shade of this sprinkler.
Oh look, instant wet T-Shirt contest! #
I would chase my dreams but my car broke down. #
G4S have taken to parking their Ambulance, Rapid Response Unit & their Fire Engine right at my factory gate. What do they know that I don't? #
DIY Lowrider: Let your suspension sag in disrepair and then drive on a really bumpy road.
Thank you, thank you, you are so very kind. #
Nuts or genius, or just being in possession of large brass nuts; doing Donuts indoors. http://bit.ly/ez27b6 #
The only problem I have with the potholes on the road outside my house is smudged mascara. #
Just follow whoever I retweeted since that is as good a follow recommendation as you are gonna get. Kizuri chajiuza. #
I am beginning to suspect that I am wearing this thong all wrong. One of my balls has turned blue while the other one has fallen asleep. #
You may check this @Magaribina and @jusblackman out too. You may follow them if for anything that they are horrible at this. Hehe. in reply to magaribina #
Are you sure that is an Apple that you bought? I'm pretty sure it's acting like a Lemon. #
I am recently blind to tweets with the hash tag #ff Overused much? #
I have finally found use for all those discarded weaves. If we stockpile enough of them we shall get Obama's attention. WMDs anyone? #MAWE #
I have a knack for going in the exit only door. I get yelled at, a lot. #
This shit is bananas! – Monkey poo. #
I was less averse to death or being murdered yesterday. The will to live is much stronger at least. #
Whenever those guys in movies say, "let me introduce you to my little friend…" I never think: Firearm.
Think more phallic. #
For what little is claimed they have to work with it seems these Chinese chaps have done well for themselves. How many billion so FAR? #
I have far too many characters for Twitter. #
I am connected. Uploading downloading tweeting emailing and all that but all I want to do is sleep. Where do I find that? #
I sure do post a lot of rubbish tweets on here. #
I stared down dawn's crack this morning. It isn't what its cracked up to be. #
"I'm sorry, I'm not following any new people at this time." – me overtaking a truck on the highway. #
Tried this earlier & my car still got stolen. Either i need to chain all four wheels to each other or move. http://plixi.com/p/75477833 #
Trying to hand write my Tweets with pen and paper before committing them to Birdhouse. As you can possibly tell, they haven't improved. #
"This remote controller is the biggest game changer yet."
- Gaming on my PS3. #
Valentines day? Duck! It was Christmas just yesterday! #
She asked me to put a ring on it so I telephoned her. #
I am so lazy now that I google shit just by talking at my mobile telephone. Is that what this Ask Jeeves business is about? #
Could someone fix it such that I tweet by speech recognition too? Ktksbai! #
When left, I right my wrongs. #

Asinine Stuff I Was Up To this Week 2011-02-01

NiKolaS — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 20:59:00 +0000

#YU last night shall not go unpunished. Please get your fucking act together! #
The thing about landline telephones is that you cannot lose them down the couch cushions because they are nailed to the wall. #
#NowPlaying I'm Yours – Jason Mraz. #
"Books? No, I prefer the ones with many pictures and really large lettering. Words should not exceed three syllables."
Me at the bookstore. #
When I asked you to throw me a bone I didn't picture any part of it involving you unzipping your trousers sir. #
Rise and shine; not what it used to mean with Twitter and this Baby Oil by my bedside.
Wait, does this make me a pedophile now?
Ignore me. #
Making out with Nicki Minaj, rather her music, and let's say so far i haven't had the urge to stab self or anyone for that matter. #
Orange EDGE is twice as fast as Safaricom on 3G. There is some cruel irony in there somewhere. #KE #
Kandahar never fails to bring a smile to my face, RedPepper sure did an excellent job of substituting it for vagina. #
I could use a little more sleep but I hate traffic more.
Minion, where is my coffee? Hop to it sharpish. #
What do the Union workers want this time? #sotu #
Right, its *flipping* the bird not *kicking* the bird.
Who wants chicken for lunch? #
The Bugatti Veyron Kenyan edition. Or at least the decal. I wonder if this bus is just as fast. http://twitpic.com/3tk9qf #
Loving the new show Episodes. #
If this headache gets any worse I'm going to need a second head shortly. #
I mugged some coffee this morning. #
Throw a dog a bone?
Why would you want to encourage him? I thought he was already in enough trouble with women as it were. #
Thanks to the blanket smoking ban in Nairobi I need to find a new way of disposing of my old blankets. #
I would love to report the overlappers at the Chiromo Road and Riverside Drive junction but I fear #overlapke would burst at the seams. #
Poetry in motion and a bunch of other clichés may be applied here. http://bit.ly/hhwR5G (Video) #
I really have to stop giggling whenever I hear someone say Cock Fight. #
I should take up Cattle ranching; what with all this experience i am garnering herding the Zuku Cable and installation guys. #
Oh, nice, very nice.
So this is what the internet looks like when it isn't buffering? #
"Here let me help you with that." Me, taking candy from a baby. #
I HAVE WHITE FUCKING EARPHONES, I AM NOT EVEN LOOKING AT YOU SO DO NOT FUCKING SPEAK TO ME, I AM ON THE BLOODY PHONE! #
My past precedes me. I wonder how this happened. I should check on where I stashed my time machine. #
Too legit to be from China. #
Today's agenda.
lounge.
A little work.
lounge.
needless to say, I am still pantsless and supine on my couch. #
Archery does not involve as much bowing as I expected. I so wanted to check out the bum on this hot chick but all I got was string burn. #
This traffic might just dissuade me from showing up at work around this time. Perhaps I should make an illegal U turn and head back home. #
So far i am underwhelmed by Zuku; 1 Megabit when I'm subscribed to 8 Megabits. #
Zuku just called and promised to monitor the situation with a view to rectifying. Rapid customer care response; I like. #
And no, i shall not live tweet this issue. Last you hear of it till it is resolved. #
I read my Twitter feed adorned in full Hazmat gear. You could catch something nasty on here. #
My thermal coffee mug is great for keeping my hot coffee gone cold coffee very cold. Mmmm! #
I had to find somewhere to park my camel you understand, this was a place as good as any. http://plixi.com/p/73784813 #
It is truly the information age.
Remember when you couldn't Email your ISP about your internet being down because they were your only link? #
Your zip is untied. #
So these comment spaces on FaceThing aren't for expressing candid and vitriolic opinion on the subject be it a photograph or status update? #
If dexterity with plugging in my earphones is anything to go by, there will shortly be a woman who'll be screaming out, "not in there!" #
Making a call in Kenya is like playing Russian Roulette, with blanks.
You try lots to get through once & still don't manage to get through. #
I've had a good whiff of this nature you speak of and I don't think I like it very much.
Hang on, I farted, my bad. #

Asinine Stuff I Was Up To this Week 2011-01-25

NiKolaS — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 20:59:00 +0000

I sent my friend such a long message today that instead of reporting, "delivery succeeded" it proclaimed, "book published"! #
They are yet to reply to said text, I would imagine that they are still reading it or the phone company is wondering if to deliver it. #
You are just me with smaller hands, more endowed in the boob area, a larger, prettier arse and larger more capable brains, yes. #
3D movies; like I cannot get enough of stuff getting shoved at me, but Jack Sparrow can shove his sword at me whenever he pleases. #
Dry humping Wednesday and all I have to show for it is this bruise. W has very sharp edges. #
I am just sitting here in the corner rocking softly and cradling my right wrist. It fucking hurts, it does! #
Thank y'all awesomely for the stars and retweets.
I am humbled that you read me and applaud me like you do.
*all tweets can't be funny!* #
Oh, it's a Space Bar now?
When did it get all high and mighty canoodling with astronauts and shit? #
I should have learned by now inviting people to take a seat could get costly. #
I am left handed today, didn't know how difficult this was; for instance all door handles are on the wrong side of the door! #
Its a HOtel.
Ah, no wonder there were *so* many scantily dressed women lolling about in the corridors. #
I am not bursting with life but you get three guesses as to what I am full of. #
Drat!
These be Scotty's pants, something must have gone wrong with the transporter or I am in his quarters again. #
This immobilised right hand isn't good for anything, handicapped parking spots included.
Worse, for the most important thing; eating. #
Dry humping strangers is not quite as acceptable in real life as it is on Twitter.
Just FYI; speaking for my smarting face. #
No wonder they stopped calling Texts SMSes the moment someone invented concatenated messaging.
I write fucking novels sexting every day. #
.
Fgbhgcdfhcjhjuytvf #
If I was a woman I would find it strange to sleep with women since in my head I would still be a man. #
Sigh. #
"What do you mean Server? We aren't even in a fucking restaurant!" #
Get the fuck out of my way slowpoke! I know where I am going and I can see way better than you, its only a lick of rain for God's sake! #
I haven't used Google in days.
Is there someone I should see for this? #
A Light Beer? I didn't know light drank, worse, it isn't tangible.
What?
Oh right, not heavy? No?
Like a diet beer?
Oh, never mind then. #
I only come round but once; if you fuck that one up you are well on your own. #
Of all the dumb things i do i go and join GoodReads. #
For those looking for a fresh dose of funny see @Just_PYKA for a shot or two.
Apparently she is new and says hi, or is high, a lot. #
Must develop more patience for incoherent Network. #ToDoLists #YU #
When did I wander on to the side of the road? #
I don't think Klingon Lesbian sex would be quite as hot as the Human version though. #

Asinine Stuff I Was Up To this Week 2011-01-25

NiKolaS — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 20:59:00 +0000

I sent my friend such a long message today that instead of reporting, "delivery succeeded" it proclaimed, "book published"! #
They are yet to reply to said text, I would imagine that they are still reading it or the phone company is wondering if to deliver it. #
You are just me with smaller hands, more endowed in the boob area, a larger, prettier arse and larger more capable brains, yes. #
3D movies; like I cannot get enough of stuff getting shoved at me, but Jack Sparrow can shove his sword at me whenever he pleases. #
Dry humping Wednesday and all I have to show for it is this bruise. W has very sharp edges. #
I am just sitting here in the corner rocking softly and cradling my right wrist. It fucking hurts, it does! #
Thank y'all awesomely for the stars and retweets.
I am humbled that you read me and applaud me like you do.
*all tweets can't be funny!* #
Oh, it's a Space Bar now?
When did it get all high and mighty canoodling with astronauts and shit? #
I should have learned by now inviting people to take a seat could get costly. #
I am left handed today, didn't know how difficult this was; for instance all door handles are on the wrong side of the door! #
Its a HOtel.
Ah, no wonder there were *so* many scantily dressed women lolling about in the corridors. #
I am not bursting with life but you get three guesses as to what I am full of. #
Drat!
These be Scotty's pants, something must have gone wrong with the transporter or I am in his quarters again. #
This immobilised right hand isn't good for anything, handicapped parking spots included.
Worse, for the most important thing; eating. #
Dry humping strangers is not quite as acceptable in real life as it is on Twitter.
Just FYI; speaking for my smarting face. #
No wonder they stopped calling Texts SMSes the moment someone invented concatenated messaging.
I write fucking novels sexting every day. #
.
Fgbhgcdfhcjhjuytvf #
If I was a woman I would find it strange to sleep with women since in my head I would still be a man. #
Sigh. #
"What do you mean Server? We aren't even in a fucking restaurant!" #
Get the fuck out of my way slowpoke! I know where I am going and I can see way better than you, its only a lick of rain for God's sake! #
I haven't used Google in days.
Is there someone I should see for this? #
A Light Beer? I didn't know light drank, worse, it isn't tangible.
What?
Oh right, not heavy? No?
Like a diet beer?
Oh, never mind then. #
I only come round but once; if you fuck that one up you are well on your own. #
Of all the dumb things i do i go and join GoodReads. #
For those looking for a fresh dose of funny see @Just_PYKA for a shot or two.
Apparently she is new and says hi, or is high, a lot. #
Must develop more patience for incoherent Network. #ToDoLists #YU #
When did I wander on to the side of the road? #
I don't think Klingon Lesbian sex would be quite as hot as the Human version though. #