tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-94384662013-05-19T15:19:39.911-07:00MAN-MAKING<i>Man-Making</i> is a practical and inspirational guidebook for men.Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.comBlogger367125TheJourneyToManhoodhttp://feedburner.google.comSubscribe with GoogleSubscribe with PlusmoSubscribe with The Free DictionarySubscribe with Bitty BrowserSubscribe with Live.comSubscribe with Excite MIXSubscribe with WebwagSubscribe with Podcast ReadySubscribe with WikioSubscribe with Daily RotationThis is an XML content feed. It is intended to be viewed in a newsreader or syndicated to another site. If your aggregator doesn't offer automatic subscription, "cut" the link from the address bar and "paste" it into your aggregator.tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-28300553157900423372013-05-16T09:53:00.002-07:002013-05-16T14:04:28.118-07:002013-05-16T14:04:28.118-07:00The Small Rites of Passage - Teen Males Shaving<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Sit71AcJ3P8/UZUFGdl1QzI/AAAAAAAALAQ/wGKQFqS_Qm4/s1600/shave-Colgate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Sit71AcJ3P8/UZUFGdl1QzI/AAAAAAAALAQ/wGKQFqS_Qm4/s320/shave-Colgate.jpg" /></a>As a young male perched on the brink of manhood, I desperately wanted to participate in the very masculine rite of shaving. Not that it was really necessary, because in truth, I had only the softest beginnings of what would someday be called a beard. Nonetheless, I deemed it necessary to gear up with a small mountain of foamy shave cream and an unforgivably sharp razor to do bloody battle with my own face.
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In my adolescence, there were no men around for training. This was long before the internet, YouTube, and all those digital forms of guidance available today for so many things masculine. All I had for instructions were TV commercials. They always showed severely masculine guys shaving, using horrible shaving technique, and lots of foam. Every commercial also featured a gorgeous and sexy woman fawning over the guy's clean-shaven face. What testosterone-fueled adolescent male wouldn't want that? Of course, those guys had real beards and no visible pimples, which functioned as road bumps for my razor. The commercial below is a good example.<br />
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If the video doesn't show up, <i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ho9XNfy6JBM" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">use this link</u>.</a></i>
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More tragic than the small patches of Kleenex, that constantly dotted my face in those years, is that no one was there to witness and honor the emerging man in me. There was no one to say, with words or by their actions, "<i>I see you're becoming a man, I honor that step in your life, and I'm here to support you on your journey toward manhood.</i>" In so many of the small rite of passage opportunities during my teen years, like shaving, learning to drive, tying a tie for prom, my first teen birthday, and help to understand a constant erection and my compelling need to masturbate, I was left alone to figure out manhood on my own.
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<i><span style="color: #331212;"><b>I see you're becoming a man, I honor that step in your life,<br />and I'm here to support you on your journey toward manhood.</b></span></i></div>
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It really doesn't take much in those precious, pre-manhood moments, for a teen-male-literate man to make an important difference in a young guy's life. It only takes a comment, maybe a little advice, perhaps even a small private celebration or ritual, to mark his mini-crossing into the world of the men. <b>Males of all ages are naturally hardwired for this interaction</b>. The young guys hunger for it. Older men, whether they realize it or not, in these critical crossing-over moments, can offer young males powerful and transformational blessings. A little instruction doesn't hurt either. It's really high quality man-making action.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #331212;">Is there a young male in your life, perched on the edge of manhood, who might benefit from a small gesture of you attention, recognition, and support on his journey toward manhood?</span></b><br />
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/xAophCYvP9E" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com1http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-small-rites-of-passage-teen-males.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-29153284361882142752013-05-08T11:52:00.002-07:002013-05-08T11:52:46.913-07:002013-05-08T11:52:46.913-07:00The "Walking Toward Manhood" Rite of PassageI got out of the military in 1971. I had entered the service as a frightened young man and came out a few years later as a slightly older, very confused, and still young man. After catching my breath for a few months, I bought a ticket to Amsterdam on Icelandair for two hundred bucks and began hitchhiking around Europe, alone, for 7 months. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was honoring a call from deep in my being, and in doing so, repeating the ancient rite of passage of walking toward manhood.
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In Australia, there is an old tradition in which young male Aboriginals set out on their version of walking toward manhood. It’s called the walkabout. The goal of a walkabout is to enlighten and heal the walker as he wanders alone across the Australian Outback.<br />
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The Aboriginals believe the Outback was literally formed by the songs their ancient ancestors sang and the directions for crossing and surviving in the desert are embedded in the music. The young males on a walkabout would follow these <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Songline" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b><i>songlines</i></b></u></a> for guidance.<br />
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Lacking any ancient tradition for guiding young males in my culture, the route, experiences, and lessons learned during my walkabout in Europe were pretty much left to chance. What I did have in common with all the young men who, each in their own way, head out on a walkabout, was that I left my people, comfort, the familiar, and my confused state behind. I didn’t realize it then, but like so many wanderers, I was on a quest to find myself to discover important lessons and values that could anchor my life. I was looking for the man I could become.<br />
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One beautiful example of a contemporary walkabout and young male rite of passage is the walking journey of Andrew Forsthoefel. At 23, he set out on a coast to coast adventure to walk across America. Along the way he wore a sign that said <i>Walking to Listen</i>. Because this young male journey is archetypal, wired into our human psyche, his quest was recognized and supported in important ways by countless people who crossed his path. Lucky for us, Andrew recorded himself and many of the voices that carried gifts for him.<br />
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In the recording below, <i>Walking Across America - Advice for a Young Man</i>, you can hear Andrew’s story. Listen closely for the ancient rite of passage elements, the departure, the trials he had to endure, the important lessons learned, and the struggle to incorporate it all into the wiser man who returned.
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Because you are a fan of Man-Making, I can promise you will be seriously moved by the telling of this tale. It may help you to recognize walkabout hunger in our young males, remind you of your own, or encourage you to set out on your own journey of discovery if you never have. It's well worth the time you'll invest.<br />
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If the player is not visible, you can find Andrew’s recording <a href="http://www.prx.org/pieces/94630-walking-across-america-advice-for-a-young-man#description" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>at this website</b></u></a>.
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/VxRMwSDr2Zo" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com3http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-walking-toward-manhood-rite-of.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-79595899646853538402013-04-23T14:44:00.000-07:002013-04-23T15:04:58.900-07:002013-04-23T15:04:58.900-07:00Hopeless Teen Males – Desperate ActionsFor me, time spent with teen boys is often challenging, sometimes frustrating, but mostly fun. I love the young guy humor, creativity, competitiveness, their personal durability, bravado, and even all the Facebooking and text messaging. I love witnessing their fledgling attempts at manhood as they struggle with self-esteem, relationships, and trying to move into a world full of responsibilities. It’s all very good for me.
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-i92knN35bro/UXVUf6m5KtI/AAAAAAAAK54/FHk3t0cpipM/s1600/Sad-Teen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-i92knN35bro/UXVUf6m5KtI/AAAAAAAAK54/FHk3t0cpipM/s1600/Sad-Teen.jpg" /></a>Also good for me, but the most difficult part of the work, is staying present with so many of these young guys as they tell stories of deep loss, wounding, and betrayal. Over the years, I’ve heard terribly sad and occasionally horrific stories from young guys: tragic tales of fighting with mom’s drunken boyfriend . . . without mom’s support; never knowing who your dad is/was, or witnessing your dad kill himself with a shot to the head; living with grandma cuz both mom and dad are in jail; not having enough food for the family or staying out of the house as much as possible because <i>mom just rages at me; </i>heart-crushing breakups with girlfriends or having to protect younger siblings from the alcoholic dad; having your best friend killed in a gang encounter; not being able to focus enough to do homework and becoming a <i>Super Senior </i>because you failed your senior year and have to do it again. When they are filled with hopelessness and pushed to the edge, angry young males can do desperate things.
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<b><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;"><i>Hopeless and angry young males<br />can do desperate things.</i></span></b>
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It’s difficult but important to be a man sitting with these young guys, listening to their stories, and making a place for their tears and expressions of anger. It’s important for them to be heard and to have a man honor their courage, their stamina, and the strength they show by not giving up on themselves. It’s important to be a true ally for a kid, letting him know that you, and the men with you, care about him and are committed to standing by his side as he finds his way through the insanity and hurt. Sometimes, just not being alone with it all, makes a huge difference. <i>Did you have men stand by your side in these ways in the hard times?</i><br />
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I find it disturbing to know the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention claim suicide is the third leading cause of death, behind accidents and homicide, for people aged 15 to 24. Even more troubling is the fact that suicide is the fourth leading cause of death for children between the ages of 10 and 14. The website <a href="http://www.teensuicidestatistics.com/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">teensuicidestatistics.com</u></a> says, <i>According to the American Academy of Pediatrics . . . 60 percent of high school students say that they have thought about suicide for themselves.</i>
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When hopelessness turns to talk about suicide, we are required by law to report it to parents and the authorities. But until those wheels start turning, knowing how to support a young person can make the critical, life-saving difference. It hasn't happened yet, but one day, I know a young man who is harboring more pain and emotional confusion than a young guy should, and more fear and sadness than even he can tolerate, will say he just wants to die. Pete Young, a brother in mission from the <u style="color: #331212;"><i><a href="http://www.boystomensouthernoregon.org/" target="_blank">Boys to Men of Southern Oregon</a></i></u>, had the same feeling. He told me this story of a boy, on a Rite of Passage Weekend, who was close to the edge:
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<i>There was one occasion where it was obvious a young man was on the edge. I was leading a weekend when a young man came up to me and said he wanted to leave. I asked him what was going on, and he said he couldn't do the deep process work because he said, "I haven't been happy in years and don't think this weekend is for me. I need to leave." I could tell by his body language, words, and general demeanor, he had given up on himself. His energy was flat, like a black hole. When he shared his hopelessness, it made my hair stand up and I literally felt chills.
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<i>I asked a co-leader to take over the weekend, found a second adult, and we went off to a room with this young guy. We talked, hung out, laughed and cried for hours. As we talked, it became clear that his life story was horrible, and he was reluctant to hope for anything. From that moment forward, we basically created a separate weekend for him. I told him that he was the most important thing I had going, even though I was supposed to be running the weekend. We took the time needed with him for speaking frankly, crying, and being pissed off, together.
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Because of that experience, Pete went on to take the <a href="http://www.livingworks.net/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">ASIST suicide intervention training from LivingWorks</u></a>. He said ASIST, .<i> . . was created to standardize approaches to suicide intervention. It is one of the most straight forward and well thought out trainings I have ever done. It was very intense and left me believing that going forward, I would know how to identify someone who is at risk, be able to assess their degree of risk, and be able to get them the help they’d need.</i>
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Pete reflected back on that frightening weekend experience and said, <i>During our conversations, the young man said attending the passage weekend was his last effort at living. I believe had he left that weekend, he would have taken his life. If I had previously done the ASIST suicide intervention training, I would have known more about how to interact with that young man. However, because of my background in working with this age group, I was lucky. I accomplished the important things for him by following my gut and staying supportive and connected.</i>
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If you’re working with young people in any form, the ASIST training or something similar might just be a good idea. Short of a workshop, the Internet provides a lot of helpful information on the topic. One example is this article from the <a href="http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/suicideprevention.aspx" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><i>National Association of School Psychologists</i></u></a> (NASP). It offers solid information about teen suicide, suicide warning signs, and suggestions about what you might do if you were to encounter a very hopeless and at-risk young man.<br />
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<span style="color: #331212;"><b>Here are the suicide warning signs from NASP:</b></span><br />
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<li>Suicidal threats in the form of direct and indirect statements.
Suicide notes and plans. </li>
<li>Prior suicidal behavior.
Making final arrangements (e.g., making funeral arrangements, writing a will, giving away prized possessions). </li>
<li>Preoccupation with death. </li>
<li>Changes in behavior, appearance, thoughts and/or feelings.</li>
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<span style="color: #331212;"><b>Suicide Hotline:</b></span> Finally, if you encounter a young person who is expressing thoughts of suicide, contact the <i>National Suicide Prevention Lifeline</i> at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). You might just get the information and guidance you need to save a life.<br />
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/HdPGw1APTQ4" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2013/04/hopeless-teen-males-desperate-actions.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-9232976544744293882013-04-02T17:28:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.114-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.114-07:00Sticks and Stones - A Man's Story about Surviving Boyhood Bullying The presentation in the clip below is from poet, Shane Koyczan. The video has been out for a while, but the bullying he describes is age old. His spoken-word poem, <i>To This Day</i>, is filled with a mix of courage, painful honesty and humor as he tells his tale of surviving bullying and the rage that makes a bully. If you let his message in, it's a cry-while-laughing experience.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2XatWYpfuwc/UVt6Q3owfeI/AAAAAAAAK5Q/Q-WwjZmfMY0/s1600/Bullying2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2XatWYpfuwc/UVt6Q3owfeI/AAAAAAAAK5Q/Q-WwjZmfMY0/s1600/Bullying2.jpg" /></a>As a small kid who grew up in a blue collar, working class neighborhood, I could not escape the feeling he was telling my story. Every day, I lived with the fear of the after-school battle grounds and the terror of being seen and caught by the bullies. I know you, too, regardless of your gender, understand some part of the bullying picture he paints. I don't think anyone escapes, and we all faced it in some way. Still today, for me, those emotions are close to the top, especially when facing angry or mean-spirited people. I know it’s why his piece touched me so profoundly.<br />
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The following quotes from Shane are out of context and won’t reach as deep inside you as the full TED presentation below. But here are a few Shane-isms . . . that really spoke to me:<br />
<ul>
<li>I’ve gotten shot down so many times I get altitude sickness just from standing up for myself.</li>
<li>We were expected to define ourselves at an early age and if we didn’t do it, others did it for us… </li>
<li>My dreams got called names, too. </li>
<li>From age 15 to 18, I hated myself for becoming the thing I loathed, a bully. </li>
<li>The school halls were a battleground . . . yet we used to stay inside for recess because outside was worse . . . </li>
<li>Because of a birthmark that takes up less than half her face, kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer someone tried to erase but couldn’t get the job done. </li>
<li>“. . . he became a mixed drink of one part left alone and two parts tragedy.” </li>
<li>We grew up learning to cheer on the underdog because we see ourselves in them. </li>
<li>If you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror!</li>
</ul>
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For the purposes of Man-Making work, what I like the most about Shane’s presentation is how it takes us all back to that horrible and fearful place emotionally. Yes, I like that. I think it invites us to re-feel/live all those horrors of bullying from that time in our lives. His words and artful presentation put us in direct communication with the nightmare too many kids are living right now, every day. I like a visceral response because I believe it’s from that place of discomfort where transformation, action, and the needed honest conversations can begin. When you share a clip like this with the young people in your world and then ask them about their gut reaction, regardless of what is said, healing, support, and the desire to make a difference all show up.</div>
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If you have a personal story about bullying when you were a kid and have the courage to share it, use the comment section below or <a href="http://man-making.com/contact/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>send it along to me</b></u></a> and I’ll add it for you. You can be anonymous if you like.<br />
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If the clip does not show up <a href="http://www.youtube.com/embed/sa1iS1MqUy4?rel=0" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>use this link</b></u></a></div>
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/4yPsN9hyZJc" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2013/04/sticks-and-stones-mans-story-about.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-52366755563839789302013-03-25T16:31:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.088-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.088-07:00Teen Boy Sexuality, Masturbation, Porn, and Rape <b>Some title right?</b> This is a blog post that is sure to get me in trouble with someone. So at the start, I want your support for at least trying to take on some very complicated issues. At the heart of this post is the feeling that some things just need to be said and silence on these topics does everyone a huge disservice. Here goes:<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M6lJJZBFzes/UVDLI4jgFuI/AAAAAAAAK4w/xBDkwGQddTs/s1600/Steubenville.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="145" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M6lJJZBFzes/UVDLI4jgFuI/AAAAAAAAK4w/xBDkwGQddTs/s200/Steubenville.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
The terribly tragic case of the Steubenville rape trial and subsequent sentencing of two adolescent male athletes to juvenile jail is only the most recent sad testimony to the very complex array of issues surrounding teen males and sexuality. To try and keep this within the scope of a blog post, let’s just say the Steubenville event was the tragic intersection of teen male sexuality, pornography, female objectification, athletic privilege, and the absence of guidance by informed adults. Let’s see if I can unpack this complicated situation.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #331212;">TEEN MALE SEXUALITY:</span></b> Let’s begin with what we might agree on about teenage male sexuality. Teen boys are sexual creatures. Once the testosterone hits, boys are really at the mercy of their bodily chemistry. We’ll save the discussion of sudden, uncontrollable, and embarrassing erections for another post (no pun intended). One outlet for their sexual tensions is masturbation, a normal, healthy, and pleasurable form of sexual expression. It’s safe to say most teen boys masturbate and do so often. In the act of masturbation, a young male’s sexual fantasy life will almost always be engaged. This is all okay and natural . . . unless it begins to interfere with the rest of his life and normal functioning. That’s where the discussion of porn has to begin.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #331212;">PORNOGRAPHY:</span></b> I remember helping a 95-year-old friend, Burnell, move from his home into assisted living. When moving his bed, we came across a vintage Sear’s catalog, or the parts of one, showing women from the 50’s in various forms of under-garments. Even at 95, those pages turned out to be Burnell’s equivalent of bookmarking his favorite porn site. My generation had Penthouse, Hustler, and Playboy magazines, but it’s a very different porn universe today. It’s been said, because of internet porn, we are raising the first generation of left-handed male masturbators who need their right had for the keyboard and mouse!<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/otPL8KwKQmw?rel=0" width="420"></iframe><br />
<br_><a href="http://youtu.be/otPL8KwKQmw" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">Family Guy Porn Clip HERE</u></a> </br_></div>
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<b><span style="color: #331212;">FEMALE OBJECTIFICATION:</span></b> Young males with internet access today have an unlimited and constant stream of sexual images and fantasy sexual partners. It’s easy for them to find diverse, intense, compelling, fetish-specific, highly erotic, images of women of all ages in every conceivable sexual act. They are all readily available and no consent is required. While that’s party time for some, it holds some very dangerous consequences for way too many boys.
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A subscriber sent me a link to this very male-literate, and brief discussion of the dangers of today’s cyber-porn. In Gary Wilson’s TED lecture (below), <i>The Great Porn Experiment,</i> he identifies the dangers of porn addiction for young (or any) males. Wilson describes “the extreme plasticity of adolescent brains, the evolutionary context for today's flood of novel cyber "mates," and the neurochemical reasons why superstimulating Internet delivery has unexpected (and dangerous) effects on the brain."<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="236" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/wSF82AwSDiU?rel=0" width="420"></iframe><br />
<br_><a href="http://youtu.be/wSF82AwSDiU" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><i>The Great Porn Experiment</i> clip HERE</u></a> </br_></div>
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So far we have testosterone-driven young males who use porn. Their use of Internet pornography potentially creates addicts, invites boys to see women as sexual objects, and sets them up for failure in their real-world intimate relationships. In the case of the Steubenville rape, if women are seen as sexual objects by teen males, a woman that is passed out from alcohol could be equated with the images on a porn site, just there to be “used.” But there was another big factor in Steubenville.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Bc3a1catc_Q/UVDE-bgNBfI/AAAAAAAAK4o/Bm6qs8yN0y8/s1600/NCAVA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="87" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Bc3a1catc_Q/UVDE-bgNBfI/AAAAAAAAK4o/Bm6qs8yN0y8/s200/NCAVA.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<b><span style="color: #331212;">PRIVILEGED ATHLETES:</span></b> The National Coalition Against Violent Athletes (NCAVA) is an organization with the goal of educating the public regarding the elimination of a variety of off-the- field violence by athletes. <a href="http://www.ncava.org/Statistics.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>On their website</b></u></a> they summarize the data from the Benedict/Crosset study in the 1990’s. This research surveyed 30 major Division I universities over a three-year period. The study found that male college student athletes, compared to the rest of the male population, "are responsible for a significantly higher percentage of sexual assaults . . .”, and one in three college sexual assaults are committed by athletes. Remember, we only hear about the incidents that are actually reported.<br />
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The NCAVA also quotes Benedict/Crosset study finding that while in the general student population there is a conviction rate of 80% for assault perpetrators, “the conviction rate for an athlete is 38%.” With a reduced chance of serious consequences, it’s easy for a young male athlete to believe he is somehow privileged and maybe even entitled to have his way with women.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #331212;">ABSENCE OF GUIDANCE:</span></b> In a crazy way, in the mind of a young male, if you consider the factors above, you can almost understand how a couple of high school football players could rationalize having sex with a drunken girl and not see it as rape. In a way, they did have guidance, didn’t they? Their bodies are saying go for it. The lessons from porn all say go for it. Much of the music they listen to say’s it’s okay. The witnesses didn’t say stop or report the crime in progress. Other athletes, their peers and the pros, are getting away with it, so why shouldn't they. See, there really was a lot of guidance, just the wrong kind.<br />
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The big question in this tragic play is not why did they do it, but where were all the other, more objective voices in their lives? Where were all the people willing to face the issues related to young male sexuality, sit with the young guys and speak the truth? Whose job is it anyway? In the aftermath of the Steubenville rape trial, who sat the teen boys in <b>your </b>world down and had a conversation about why it was so appalling?<br />
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The really bad news is that, until we all find the courage to do our part in offering constructive guidance to our young men, we’ll keep having Steubenvilles and collecting more damaged young lives. Sadly, I'm afraid you'll have another opportunity.<br />
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<b>Question:</b> When you were a young man how did you learn about sex and sexuality?<br />
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/5QLFcgqbaIw" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com2http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2013/03/teen-boy-sexuality-masturbation-porn.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-87792065633840305892013-03-09T12:11:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.112-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.112-07:00How I Became a Man-MakerThere are those singular moments in a person's life that just change everything. One of those moments in my life profoundly touched my masculine soul, changed my life's direction and, in fact, is the very reason you are reading these words right now.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qwU4otVYeW4/UTtpLtdbBYI/AAAAAAAAK38/mOcVp51PVpY/s1600/Ojulu+with+Girls+Okugn.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qwU4otVYeW4/UTtpLtdbBYI/AAAAAAAAK38/mOcVp51PVpY/s200/Ojulu+with+Girls+Okugn.JPG" width="190" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ojulu, Okugn, and Family</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My wife and I met Ojulu Agote and his family in 1996. They were from Sudan and had arrived via the refugee services division of Lutheran Social Services. Ojulu and his family had experienced the horrors of tribal warfare and then the abuses of life in a refugee camp. After making his way through countless bureaucratic barriers, he had landed in Minneapolis, Minnesota. He had nothing, and was living with his family in a cockroach infested one-bedroom apartment, very much alone in a new world and facing a mountain of practical needs.<br />
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At our first meeting, I was focused on getting donations from friends and family to supply them with some of the material support I felt they would need. When I asked Ojulu how I might support him, without a moment’s hesitation the first thing out of that man's mouth was, “Will you to teach my son how to be a man in your country?”<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;"><i>“Will you teach my son<br /> how to be a man in your country?”</i></span></b></blockquote>
Here was a man who had just managed a total hero's journey to a strange land, and only had a couple of mattresses, some beat-up cookware, a lamp, and the clothing they wore. Yet the most important thing on his list of what he needed in his new country was a male elder to guide his young son, Okugn, toward manhood and success.<br />
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While my male psyche was cracked open by Ojulu’s request, in that moment, I laughed it off and went right to talking about the practical things the family needed. But deep inside, my world was quaking. I remember feeling confused, embarrassed, strangely inadequate, and very unsure about accepting responsibility to play the role of man-maker in his son’s life.<br />
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My life path had not included fathering children. I was doing a good job of being an uncle, but until the moment Ojulu asked that question, I hadn't considered myself a maker of men, a man with a critical role to play in any adolescent boy’s journey into manhood.<br />
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From his (patriarchal) tribal culture, Ojulu had learned that even in the best father/son relationship, the elders and the other men in the community had important and necessary gifts for his son. He knew it was men's work to guide, teach, support, and direct the young males on their journey toward manhood. Now he was feeling if his son didn't make a successful crossing into manhood in his new world, everything he had fought for to get his family to this country could be lost.<br />
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On that day, Ojulu’s request touched something deep in the core of my masculine identity and launched my quest to learn about the role of men as man-makers. For help in trying to understand my resistance to being a man-maker, and for guidance on how to best honor Ojulu's request, I began asking the advice of my men friends. I also started a research website (<a href="http://man-making.com/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>man-making.com</b></u></a>) where I began asking questions, soliciting stories and getting suggestions from men from around the world. You can read some of these questions for men <a href="http://man-making.com/publications/what-men-say/questions-for-men/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"> <b>at this link</b></u></a>. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;"><i>“. . . many men said they didn't have much for guidance, and they too had been poorly prepared for manhood.”</i></span></b>
</blockquote>
In my research, many men said they didn't have much for guidance, and they too had been poorly prepared for manhood. As a result, they felt they didn’t have much to offer boys and further felt no responsibility and little inclination to go out of their way to support young males on their journey to manhood.<br />
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As my conversations about a man's journey to manhood continued to unfold, I realized that like so many of the men responding, for much of my adult life, I too had been unconsciously but continuously searching for "<i>manhood</i>." I had been living with lingering and unformed questions about what it meant to be a man. I really didn’t know what should or could be included in the full range of a mature masculine identity. While I did well by societal standards, I never felt I had acquired that mysterious collection of male skills, knowledge, connections, clarity of life purpose, or the core confidence that made me a fully-formed, solid, mature, and upright man.<br />
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Over time, it became clear to me that to honor Ojulu’s request, I felt I first had to become the man I hungered to be. While that is a much longer story, in so many ways, Ojulu’s question and the adventure of discovery for me that resulted, has profoundly changed my life and touched many others.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aw9xcjaYwDE/UTtrJlPBpmI/AAAAAAAAK4M/ri7fNb1Ubt4/s1600/okugnGraduation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aw9xcjaYwDE/UTtrJlPBpmI/AAAAAAAAK4M/ri7fNb1Ubt4/s200/okugnGraduation.jpg" width="187" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Okugn's High School Graduation</td></tr>
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Since that moment sixteen years ago, my personal development, commitment to this work, knowledge about the male universe, and actions to inspire men toward man-making, have grown considerably. Today, I am connecting with men from all over the world who are discovering and developing their full masculine potential, including making commitments to help young males become good men. I am doing what I can to support Okugn and other boys and men on our collective journey to manhood.<br />
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All of this happened as the result of Ojulu’s one question, “Will you to teach my son how to be a man in your country?” It was a question coming from ancient tribal wisdom and reached deep into my male soul and changed my life in countless wonderful ways.<br />
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<span style="color: #331212;"><b>So let me ask you a question:</b></span> Will you teach boys to become good men? The boys in your world know you have what they need for a successful journey to manhood, and they are waiting for you to show up. If you feel resistance to that call to action, are you willing to look for its source?<br />
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What I can promise from personal experience and that of countless men I've encountered on this path, is there are unimaginable and rich lessons about <b>your </b>manhood waiting for you in your answer to those questions.<br />
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/I-Uy3tUARH8" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2013/03/BecomingAMan-Maker.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-83024766433122706862013-02-23T13:42:00.001-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.109-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.109-07:00Farting, Fellowship, and Forgiveness<b><span style="color: #331212;">Let's just start with the forgiveness</span></b>. For those of you easily offended, please forgive me, but this topic just seems to float by every so often. After all, this <b>is</b> a blog about men and boys, and while it's awkward to admit, occasionally taking pleasure in, or laughing at, the passing gas seems to be embedded in the male DNA. So this post is about using information about flatulence to connect with boys . . . OK, males.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DpAjrJT05lo/USfrmfcAtCI/AAAAAAAAK3Q/QEGEwhe5H58/s1600/fartduck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DpAjrJT05lo/USfrmfcAtCI/AAAAAAAAK3Q/QEGEwhe5H58/s200/fartduck.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
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Women have a more dignified relationship with this part of the human experience, and are most often offended by any attention focused on the passing of gas. Males however, especially the young dudes, clearly have a more celebratory relationship with this bodily function.<br />
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This time the topic was brought to my attention by a mom who had been transporting a car full of young guys, when one of them passed some Serious Gas. Of course, this sent the other guys into fits of laughter, and vain attempts of the boys to match the original “call.” The mom said it was just gross and the last straw. She was offended, really was frustrated, tired of the joke, and just didn't get it. Not all moms feel that way, however.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fSBMw10yEFs/USfpKCdmLdI/AAAAAAAAK3I/IFAdHB7wVAY/s1600/farting-school-buss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fSBMw10yEFs/USfpKCdmLdI/AAAAAAAAK3I/IFAdHB7wVAY/s200/farting-school-buss.jpg" width="200" /></a><i><a href="http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/111824/kid_given_detention_for_being" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>On The Stir</b></u></a></i> is a blog especially for moms. A recent edition had an article about a young boy who was actually given detention for farting on a school bus and causing a major ruckus. The mom in the article did express some boy-literacy when she said, <i>You know, I don't like anyone smelling up an enclosed space any more than the next gal, but farting is practically an art form for a pre-teen boy.</i> She also allowed that the young man, in his gaseous statement, had <i>. . . just bought himself a one-way ticket to popularity-ville</i>. <i>At least until he starts getting really interested in what the girls think.</i><br />
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<b><span style="color: #331212;">I have a theory about male farting.</span></b> Perhaps we can attribute the joy our young guys (males) take in creative flatulence to our cave dwelling ancestors? Think about it. These guys, prior to football on TV, would spend a lot of time just sitting around the fire with not much to do or say. I can imagine them relaxing after chowing down on a big meal of mastodon, or kangaroo, or venison, and being a little groggy with the digestive process. With nothing else to do and zero social constraints, I'm sure the passing of gas was a major source of entertainment. Because they were guys, I’m also pretty sure competition would eventually commence. From my experience with men, and as a man, I just <b>know</b> this did happen down through time and all around the world. Ancient history there.
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<b><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;"><i>When farting is outlawed, only outlaws will fart</i></span><i><span style="font-size: large;">!</span></i></b></blockquote>
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I liked another explanation of why boys fart from a blog actually dedicated to that particular art form. The author of <i>Farting for Boys</i>, I suspect a young male, responded to the question, <i>Why do boys like farting?</i> He said, <i>Because it's gross, unkempt, from the body, and discouraged by society. When farting is outlawed, only outlaws fart, and boys like to be outlaws. If enjoying "dumb humor" is criticized, boys would rather be dumb. The more it's hated by others, the funnier it is to do, and the more they enjoy doing it.</i><br />
<br />
If you visit <i><u style="color: #331212;">Farting for Boys</u></i> - <span style="color: #331212;">(<b>UPDATE!</b> Since the publication of this post, the <i>Farting for Boys</i> blog has been taken down by Blogger. In doing so they obliterated another creative, truthful, but boyish expression of the truth. <i><a href="http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2013/02/urinals-graffiti-and-boys-being-seen.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">See my recent Man-Making Blog post</u></a></i> about how our young males are so often relegated to invisibility by this kind of censorship.)</span>
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<br />
When I describe the draft of this post to a couple of my men friends, the response was a smile, an “<i>of course</i>,” and encouragement to let it fly. Having also been through the gaseous part of boyhood and adolescence, they nostalgically remembered the strange form of fragrant bonding that comes from that particular form of male “sharing.” The simultaneously occurring feelings are disgust, compassion, humor, jealousy, and occasionally awe, that unites males in a pack. If you want to endear yourself to a group of young guys, tell a fart joke, or better yet, offer them the real thing. You'll endear yourself to them forever.<br />
<br />
If you really want to impress the young dudes (and some of your men friends), here are some fun facts about farting from <a href="http://www.onlineeducation.net/farts" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><i>OnlineEducation.net</i></u></a>:
<br />
<blockquote>
The average person will fart 14 times per day and produce a half liter of fart gas. These farts can travel as fast as 7 mph and due to their composition (largely nitrogen), are quite flammable. The top ten farting animals from most to less, are as follows: Termites, Camels, Zebras, Sheep, Cows, Elephants, Labradors - Retrievers, Humans (Vegetarians), Humans (non-Vegetarians), and Gerbils. And finally, did you know even dead people can still fart?
</blockquote>
I’m resisting putting a “fart button” on this post because I really do have my limits. But I am including the edgy video below which I guarantee will bring peals of laughter from any group of adolescent males . . . and a fair number of men. Like I said, it’s in our DNA. If you’re not a fan of flatulence, don’t watch.<br />
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If the video doesn't show up, <i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/embed/z4gK3RRtCHw" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">use this link</i></u></a>.
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/lBCGJ8QeoiA" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com4http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2013/02/farting-fellowship-and-forgiveness.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-38197059758417230812013-02-13T12:15:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.085-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.085-07:00RESULTS: 2012 Man-Making Blog Survey<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WUslQg2z6Qo/URvUX2std-I/AAAAAAAAK2o/243sWhqUNek/s1600/survey1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="165" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WUslQg2z6Qo/URvUX2std-I/AAAAAAAAK2o/243sWhqUNek/s200/survey1.jpg" width="200" /></a>The <a href="http://goo.gl/bvALQ" target="_blank">2012 Man-Making Blog Annual Survey</a> is my attempt to sharpen my editorial focus and, hopefully, increase the blog's interest and relevance for you. Your helpful responses have been compiled and summarized below. Your feedback offered some affirmations, ah ha’s, recommendations, and a few invitations to actually shift my approach to serving this community!<br />
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Simply stated, you like the direction I've taken. You continue to want a fairly wide variety of types of information on man-making themes. Many of you use the blog for support and motivation for your own involvement (or intentions) in this work. Many of you have important expertise and are aware of content and resources beyond my reach. Finally, many of you are interested in experience and idea-sharing exchanges using conference calls or web-conferencing tools.<br />
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I do intend to incorporate many content suggestions in the very near future. I will also put out an announcement here soon inviting you to register for our first, topic-focused conference call. If possible, I'll also be posting links to the call recordings. I think diving deeper into the rich reservoir of knowledge and experience "you" represent will enrich the Man-Making Blog experience for everyone.<br />
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I’m going to leave out your wonderful compliments, but I do want to thank those of you who basically said, “Thanks . . .” and “Keep on . . .”. Those affirmations feel great and are Very Much appreciated. Thank you for continuing to care about what happens in the lives of men and boys.<br />
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For brevity, I’ve combined your responses into common themes. Here’s a summary of what you expressed:<br />
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<b>What is ONE thing I can do to make the Man-Making blog more meaningful for you?</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Continue featuring the variety of man-making groups around the U.S. and internationally (I'm writing from Italy).</li>
<li>Create a space for existing organizations to promote their offerings for boys/men.</li>
<li>We’re running school workshops for adolescent boys in Australia. We’d love to get feedback and ideas from your readers.</li>
<li>I’m interested in being a better father and hearing about activities for my son and his friends.</li>
<li>Tell us about meaningful stories of initiation in other cultures, for example, Asian, Aboriginal, that support younger men to live more fully inspired lives. </li>
<li>Write more about your experiences mentoring boys. Keeping the conversations and stories real keeps me coming back. </li>
<li>Encourage men to take GOOD care of themselves, medically-in particular. </li>
<li>I am a father of 5 boys, ages 5-11, and would like ideas for practical rites of passage ceremonies for my boys. </li>
<li>Write a simple how-to ebook describing a simple initiation ritual for men and offer it to every man on the planet.</li>
<li>I have no personal connection to any men interested in this work. I’d like a check-in call where people answer "why are you on this call?" to hear about successes and from other newbies. </li>
<li>Add more pithy quotes, if I cannot read the whole post, at least I could be inspired by the quote.</li>
</ul>
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<b>What type of content in blog posts is most interesting or helpful to you? </b></div>
In this question, I forced you to choose from a list of possible content and allowed multiple choices so the total is over 100%. Here is how you voted in order of preference:<br />
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<tbody>
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<td>Getting men interested in mentoring and man-making</td><td>63%</td>
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<td>Rites of Passage activities or programs for boys</td><td>51%</td>
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<td>Men's stories about men who made a difference in their lives </td><td>43%</td>
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<td>Young male developmental stages</td><td>40%</td>
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<td>Man-Making Films and Book Reviews </td><td>40%</td>
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<td>Man-Making related research</td><td>31%</td>
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<td>Developing school-based support groups for boys</td><td>29%</td>
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<td>Activities men and boys can do together</td><td>29%</td>
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<td>Community based violence prevention for young males</td><td>23%</td>
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<td>Single parenting of boys</td><td>17%</td>
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<td>Other</td><td>3%</td>
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<b>Is there a Man-Making resource you know of that I should profile in the blog?</b><br />
Your responses to this question were proof that there is a wealth of ideas and experience "out there." In your responses, you told me about young male-serving programs from around the planet, as well as books I'd not heard of, and even some inspirational video clips. You'll be hearing about many of these and others in upcoming blog posts, but here is just a sample:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>An association in Italy called <a href="http://www.maschiselvatici.it/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">Maschi selvatici</u></a>, referring to books by author Claudio Risé about fatherhood, being male, etc.</li>
<li>The <a href="http://www.odysseyprogram.com.au/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">Odyssey Program</u></a> of in-school workshops for adolescent boys</li>
<li>Two recently published books: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Deep-Secrets-Friendships-Crisis-Connection/dp/0674046641/?tag=humanresourcedev" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection</u></a> by Niobe Way and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Challenging-Casanova-Beyond-Stereotype-Promiscuous/dp/1118072669/?tag=humanresourcedev" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young Male</u></a> by Andrew P. Smiler </li>
<li>The trailer for an upcoming film by Frederick Marx about Rites of Passage titled: <a href="http://youtu.be/FKp2Hq7GYHc" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">Rites of Passage: The Right of Every Child Born</u></a></li>
<li>An interest-based outdoor program called <a href="http://outdoormentors.org/Kids%20Outdoors/pastevents.htm" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">Pass It On</u></a> from Outdoor Mentors, Inc.</li>
<li>The Institute for Natural Learning and their <a href="http://ifnaturallearning.com/projects/childhood-rite-of-competence/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">Rite of Confidence</u></a> program.</li>
<li>The <a href="http://goo.gl/OulgS" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">YoungSTARS camps</u></a> for dads and their 6 to 10 yr old boys run by the Pathways Foundation in Australia.</li>
<li>Motivational videos from Nic Askew's <a href="http://soulbiographies.com/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">Soul Biographies website</u></a> - <b><i>Possibilities of Men</i></b> by Owen Wilson and <b><i>The Hidden Messages of Family</i></b> by Patrick Condon </li>
<li><a href="http://www.thecrucibleproject.org/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">The Crucible Project</u></a>, a faith-based passage program for men.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<b>Interest in forms of Idea Sharing:</b>
In the survey I said I felt the challenge of getting good men to show up for young males is too big and too important for me to be the only voice being heard. So I asked you about your interest in other ways we might share ideas. While <i>Earl's Special Reports</i> don't really fit here, many of you do want to find a way to hangout. We will be experimenting with these ideas in the near future. In order of preference, you said:<br />
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<table border="0">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>Topic-Focused Webinar or Conference Call </td><td>55%</td>
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<td>Earl's "Special Report" Publications</td><td>55%</td>
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<td>Private Facebook Group</td><td>45%</td>
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<td>Open Conference Call</td><td>39%</td>
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<td>Mini-Conference with 8-15 Participants</td><td>29%</td>
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<td>Internet Call-In "Radio Talk Show"</td><td>16%</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
Other<br />
10%<br />
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/RgXlDCRdoKM" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2013/02/results-2012-man-making-blog-survey.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-17726945442720490622013-02-01T12:43:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.075-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.075-07:00Urinals - Graffiti, and Boys Being Seen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5qn7tyxMj8A/UQQ4yh_xtAI/AAAAAAAAKuc/uDNf_Wp36e8/s1600/urinal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5qn7tyxMj8A/UQQ4yh_xtAI/AAAAAAAAKuc/uDNf_Wp36e8/s200/urinal.jpg" width="110" /></a></div>
I've come to enjoy using a urinal that actually "recognizes me!" With the relentless advance of technology, I fully expect that someday, in addition to its blinking red eye and watery greeting, it will say, <i>Hi Earl, welcome back. You know you should really go easy on the burgers and eat more greens</i>. In those personal moments, at least my presence is being noted. In the big world, that's not true for too many boys.
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<br />
I have long felt for many teen boys, maybe the majority, their job description in the community is to stay out of trouble, don't be a nuisance, and don't bother us. Essentially, they are relegated to background action, like all the people we never notice behind the main actors in a movie.<br />
<br />
Think about it, where is the teen boy place in your neighborhood or community? In some communities there might be a skateboard park, but that is really for the few who can get there. In some neighborhoods, there may be a place where guys can play basketball. If so, young males will swarm there like moths to the proverbial light bulb. If the weather is bad, you might find the young guys hanging at the mall, flirting with girls, and doing their best to not be seen by mall security. That's my point, not being seen, being invisible, is a big price to pay just cuz you're a teen male.<br />
<div align="center">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><span style="color: #331212;">. . . not being seen, being invisible, is a big price to pay <br />just cuz you're a teen male.</span></b></blockquote>
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From my work with boys, I know they are mad about it. One common and, of course, illegal expression of their frustration and anger is the tagging and graffiti we see all around us. Sometimes it's just marking territory, but very often it's bold and beautiful work, full of color and outrageous images, and created in impossible places. To me, it is their way of saying, "<span style="color: #331212;">LOOK, I'M HERE, SEE ME, I'M CAPABLE OF CREATIVITY AND BEAUTY."</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-y3tTQz1BgEQ/UQwD1JT5HcI/AAAAAAAAKvY/ccgTmUQALhQ/s1600/graffiti-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-y3tTQz1BgEQ/UQwD1JT5HcI/AAAAAAAAKvY/ccgTmUQALhQ/s1600/graffiti-2.jpg" /></a></div>
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Last summer, my wife and I traveled across the U.S. by car, and then last fall, in Switzerland and France by train. In every town we drove through, and all along the train's route, on buildings, train cars, train stations, and walls everywhere, there was a continuous stream of boy tags (signatures) or works of boy art screaming out to me that the boys were demanding to be seen. If you start looking, you'll see them, too.
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<br />
Of course, the common and predictable reaction by the adults in the world is to criminalize these personal expressions, to arrest the taggers, and when caught, to require the offenders to paint over their artistic statements, to overpaint themselves back to invisibility. I kept thinking of this ominous quote from Michael Meade:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><i style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #331212;">A culture falls apart from two places at once - </span></i></b><b><i style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #331212;">when it's young people are not welcome and rejected, and when it's old people are not remembered and respected</span></i></b>.</blockquote>
I do know that on the other end of the social order continuum, we just can't let the young dudes go wild. I keep hoping for some middle ground that will allow us to see and honor our young males and do better including them as a visible part of community life. That wish may just be coming true.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tTrOHglMEWU/UQrAC9zN_uI/AAAAAAAAKu8/3hOdD_jf-vA/s1600/graffiti1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tTrOHglMEWU/UQrAC9zN_uI/AAAAAAAAKu8/3hOdD_jf-vA/s200/graffiti1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
As I get more connected across the generations, I've been learning to speak a new boy language, understanding the world through their eyes, and learning more about how they operate. That's how I learned about a privately-sanctioned graffiti gathering in my winter base of Tucson, AZ called Winta-fresh. On February 2nd, for one day, more than 50 graffiti artists, both from Tucson and around the U.S., will be allotted a four by eight-foot space to display their work. At last, here is one place where this amazing boy art can be freely displayed, encouraged, and celebrated.<br />
<br />
We'll never limit our young guys to just one day or one small space. Just below is a short video showing off some of the other graffiti around Tucson. Turn down the volume if you have to, but <b>DO</b> listen to the words. They speak directly to the young male hunger to be seen and appreciated.<br />
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<b>Here's a Man-Making challenge for you.</b> The next time you get a chance, see, or maybe even positively acknowledge the young guys around you. You just might make a kid's day.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #331212;">Dudes, we see you, you are welcome here, and your creations are beautiful.</span></b></blockquote>
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/JWaDKq8W2qg" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2013/02/urinals-graffiti-and-boys-being-seen.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-60584702128592341522013-01-17T14:55:00.002-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.094-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.094-07:00About Boys, Men, and their Fathers<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">olyf.com</td></tr>
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I've sat in a lot of circles with guys of all ages. It’s very often the case, maybe always the case, that when the conversation comes around to fathers, most guys have a lot to say. For so many, it’s a difficult story to tell.
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As a part of training men to work with young males, we bring them back to the relationship with their fathers to help them get at any emotional residue. We want them to be in fresh contact with their father issues, feelings and hungers. By reconnecting with the complexity in that relationship, they are better prepared to support so many of the young males who are struggling to understand and cope with what is going on with them and their fathers. It’s bitter-sweet work that often leads to supported healing for all the men involved.
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Two Man-Making subscribers have submitted the following poetic expressions describing the love, longing, sadness, maybe even hopelessness they have in their relationship with their fathers. Let’s see what they bring up for you.
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In a very personal poem written by contributor Rick Belden, he tells a story of his relationship with his father as represented by an array of his father’s tools.
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-I8ALkd1VkzA/UPhZqwiMMnI/AAAAAAAAKtc/MpADPObIblI/s1600/toolbox.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="162" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-I8ALkd1VkzA/UPhZqwiMMnI/AAAAAAAAKtc/MpADPObIblI/s200/toolbox.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<b>tools my father gave me</b>
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wrenches<br />
hammers<br />
socket sets<br />
screwdrivers<br />
pliers<br />
a hacksaw<br />
and so on<br />
are laid out on cardboard on the living room floor<br />
it looks like an autopsy scene<br />
<i>what caused this person to die?</i><br />
or a forensic examination site<br />
<i>what caused this plane to crash?</i><br />
or the results of an archaeological dig<br />
<i>what was this lost civilization like and why did it fail?</i><br />
each object carefully positioned just as it was found<br />
waiting to be tagged<br />
documented<br />
and taken off to the museum.<br />
<br />
these are the tools my father gave me<br />
as christmas presents when I was a kid<br />
the contents of a big<br />
chunky clunky<br />
heavy as hell<br />
old rusty metal toolbox<br />
also a christmas present<br />
from my dad<br />
I don't know what to do with this stuff<br />
the part of me that dislikes disorder wants to<br />
put it all away<br />
or get it out of here<br />
but I think it's exactly as it should be for now<br />
spread out on the floor<br />
like the contents of an open grave<br />
and I'm gonna leave it that way for a while<br />
a monument in progress<br />
to a lost cause I've finally turned loose.<br />
<br />
for almost fifty years I continued to hope<br />
that I could work it out with him somehow<br />
that we could have some big breakthrough<br />
if I could just figure it all out<br />
if I could understand him<br />
what he wanted from me<br />
if I just had enough time<br />
if I was just smart enough<br />
to work it all out.<br />
<br />
but<br />
I finally had to admit defeat<br />
I finally had to let it all go<br />
because I finally knew beyond a shadow of a doubt<br />
that it was never gonna work<br />
no matter what I did<br />
no matter how hard I tried<br />
or how long I tried<br />
it was never gonna work<br />
I was never gonna be what he wanted<br />
and he was never gonna be what I wanted<br />
or give me what I needed<br />
no matter how much I needed it<br />
it simply wasn't gonna happen<br />
ever.<br />
<br />
nothing I did<br />
or didn't do<br />
or could have done<br />
no amount of patience<br />
or waiting<br />
or forgiving<br />
or confronting<br />
or achieving<br />
or accommodating<br />
was ever gonna change anything between him and me<br />
that's just the way it is<br />
was<br />
and always will be.<br />
<br />
so here I am<br />
with the tools he gave me<br />
all laid out on the floor<br />
like dinosaur bones<br />
waiting to be reassembled<br />
they've been there<br />
just like that<br />
for over a year now<br />
a dusty little metal graveyard in my living room<br />
a free-form sculpture in iron and steel<br />
of grief and loss and never was.<br />
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Copyright © 2008 by Rick Belden, - <a href="http://rickbelden.com" target="_blank">rickbelden.com</a> - Author of
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<i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Iron-Man-Family-Outing-Transition/dp/0911051562/?tag=humanresourcedev" target="_blank">Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood </a></i>
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<b>Michael Sterling said</b>, <i>An incredible song / poem came into my life recently - a love song from a man to his father. For years, I hated and raged at my father. After living my own mistakes, I've learned to have compassion for him. This poem, Mi querido viejo (My dear old man), by Piero, it speaks to this journey in both the man and his son. I offer this with thoughts - sadness, compassion, forgiveness & gratitude for Ron, my father passed.
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My Spanish isn't native or perfect, but listen deep to the words in this translation and you will feel it all:</i>
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<b>Viejo mi querido Viejo / My dear old man</b>
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He's a good man my old man<br />
He travels alone and waiting<br />
He seems sad<br />
from so much traveling<br />
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I look at him from afar<br />
but we are so different<br />
he grew up in the century<br />
with tramcars and wine<br />
<br />
Old man, my dear old man<br />
now you walk so slowly<br />
as if you were forgiving the wind<br />
I am your blood, my old man<br />
I am your silence and your time<br />
<br />
He has good eyes<br />
and a heavy figure<br />
Age came upon him<br />
Without show, without audience<br />
<br />
I have the new years<br />
and the man, the old years<br />
He holds his pain inside<br />
and his stories are timeless<br />
<br />
My old man, my dear old man <br />
no you walk so slowly<br />
as if you were forgiving the wind<br />
I am your blood, my old man<br />
I am your silence and your time<br />
I am your blood, my old man</div>
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In this clip Piero singing <b>Viejo mi querido Viejo<i></i></b> in Spanish,
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accompanied by some wonderful graphics.
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<b>Did these expressions touch something in you?</b> If you’re inclined, use the comments section below to post to share your reaction. If you’re and email subscriber, <a href="http://man-making.com/contact/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">send me a note directly</u></a> and (if you’re willing) I’ll share it with others in the comments to the post.
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/mE_jANtIvSY" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com1http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2013/01/about-boys-men-and-their-fathers.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-9678839426889341212013-01-08T19:59:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.115-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.115-07:00How To Get Men To Show Up For Young Males<b>Note: </b><span style="color: #331212;"><b><i>The Annual Man-Making Blog Survey</i></b></span> is still waiting for your content suggestions. You can find it in the last blog post <b><a href="http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/12/2012-man-making-blog-annual-survey.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">at this link</u></a></b>. If you haven't already, please take a minute to respond to 5 easy question that will help make this a more valuable resource for everyone.
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As you know, I'm all about getting good men to show up in support of young males. I didn't have that blessing in my life, and the huge number of young dudes across the planet without any significant or positive male contact is a frightening notion for me. I call it an epidemic of under-male-nourished boys. This epidemic begs for an army of men to help deal with the crisis. Sadly the men aren't showing up.
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At the same time, most all the men I talk to about man-making feel some sort of despair at the plight of our lost boys. Yet these same good men are held back from involvement because of a variety of valid and compelling fears which, taken together, create barriers to entry. So here we sit with so many lost boys, some dying or being imprisoned for lack of adult male attention, and too many men sitting on the sidelines.
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In this post I'd like to offer what may be a partial solution to this dilemma. It's a very short course on how men (you) might be encouraged to move into action. Let me introduce the <span style="color: #331212;"><b><i>Continuum of Involvement</i></b></span>.
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VPUsVKmOHWE/UOsZYac1LWI/AAAAAAAAKr8/xEigDnwUwIk/s1600/Continuum%2Bof%2BInvolvement.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VPUsVKmOHWE/UOsZYac1LWI/AAAAAAAAKr8/xEigDnwUwIk/s320/Continuum%2Bof%2BInvolvement.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The basic idea is to create a continuum of options by which men can gently <i>approach </i>involvement with young males. A pathway of sorts along which they can gradually learn that the man they are, right now, is perfectly suited for man-making, and that both they and a boy or boys will get a lot out of their stepping forward. I have laid out a continuum of action options, starting with those with low personal risk and little time required, and moving up to those that require more time commitment and more personal involvement with young males. Here's the <i><b>very</b></i> short course. It actually starts with men not doing anything!<br />
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<b>Just Be You:</b> As you'll see on the chart above, the least challenging form of involvement is actually not doing anything at all! For boys, men are the book about what it means to be a man. For that reason, they spend a lot of time watching what men do. Right at this moment, as a man just living your life, boys and young men are most likely watching you. That means without making any commitment or conscious effort on your part, you are already having an impact on a boy or boys around you. Whether you realize it or not, or like it or not, you are already in the man-making game.<br />
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<b>Seeing and Acknowledging:</b> Sadly, there just aren't many places a young man can go to hang out in their community without attracting negative attention. It's like they've been relegated to background action in community life. I believe invisibility is a horrible punishment just for being a young male. That's why simply noticing young guys, and maybe doing so with a smile or nod, can be a gift to them.
Just like the rest of us, all boys want and need, to be seen in a positive light. So make it a point to notice young guys. Look at them, smile and give a nod. If you want a stretch, maybe tack on a simple acknowledgement. Could be as simple as "hey guys." If you do, there's a good chance you'll make a memorable dent in a young man's day.
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<span style="text-align: start;"><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">". . . there is something a little spiritual about </span></span></i></div>
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<span style="text-align: start;"><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">clearly noticing, and then telling someone</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="text-align: start;"><span style="color: #331212; font-size: large;">how unique and amazing they are."</span></span></div>
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<b>Blessing:</b> The next step up on the continuum requires you to go just a little beyond acknowledgement. I believe there is something a little spiritual about clearly noticing, and then telling someone how unique and amazing they are. This kind of blessing happens when an adult male catches a boy doing something especially well or identifies one of his positive attributes, skills, or tendencies . . . and tells him. Men are often cast in the role of the disciplinarian, so it may take a little effort on your part to shift your perspective to be able to see all the things that are right about a kid or pack of boys. Try giving a brief and positive statement that celebrates him in some way. "Nice move on that board!" "Awesome sneakers dude!" Try blessing a boy or boys in this way, and then delight in the response you get. If you know a young man and your blessing comes out of your truth about him, it will be an incredibly powerful moment for him.<br />
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<b>Natural Mentors:</b> Take a moment to remember some of the men who knew you as a kid, and who took a special interest in you. Maybe it was a relative, the guy next door, a teacher, someone from your spiritual community, or a coach. Whoever it was, you probably liked or respected each other, and there were gifts for both of you in your connection. Natural mentoring relationships are unstructured and organically occurring, affinity connections between a boy and a man. They mostly just happen, and can be as brief as a 10 minute conversation or last a lifetime. As your young male literacy increases, you'll realize opportunities for these kinds of relationships are always nearby, and even looking for you! As you get more comfortable around young males, they will get that about you and, at some point, you'll notice a young man hanging out around you more. When you notice a young guy is circling you, take a risk, honor his attention, and engage him. What happens after that may just change both of your lives.
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vtgUJTwUfBE/UOzWyYYoSqI/AAAAAAAAKsc/Z14pi6kSueQ/s1600/ManBoysFishing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vtgUJTwUfBE/UOzWyYYoSqI/AAAAAAAAKsc/Z14pi6kSueQ/s200/ManBoysFishing.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<b>One-to-Many:</b> Guys are pack animals by nature. So doing things in a group is pretty comfortable. If you want to step up into more involvement, being part of a group of men and boys, even for a short outing, is a good way to test the man-making waters. Go on a <i>Guy's Hike</i>, or volunteer to coach a team. You and a few other men could take some guys camping, to a sports event, or help with a Habitat for Humanity home build. It could be as simple as you teaching some of the neighborhood kids how to fish or change a bike tire. One man, or a few men and a bunch young guys doing some activity takes a little time, but it's often a short term commitment, good for the young dudes, and almost always a lot of fun for everyone.
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<b>One-on-One:</b> This form of connection is the one we all know as mentoring. This typically involves a long term commitment and a more personal connection between one man and one boy. These matches are most often supported by a group or organization. For a man willing to take on this level of commitment, he'll find training and support from the sponsoring organization and peer mentors, and one very grateful young male. There is plenty of evidence to indicate a one-on-one mentoring relationship is a powerful force for positively shaping a young male's life. It also happens to be very good for the older male too! If you're ready for mentoring, you won't have any trouble finding an organization that will be glad to meet you.
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<b>Events:</b> Under this banner I include involvement in activities supporting male issues (Movember), regularly participating in organized activities for men and boys, or, as in my case, belonging to groups that are organized for the purpose of helping boys (and men) on their journey to manhood. This degree of involvement may sound unlikely for you, but let me warn you, there is an invisible force working to pull you in this direction.
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-s7yJiDJL_2k/UOzaAqUugVI/AAAAAAAAKs8/owKBofhYGXU/s1600/Gravity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="44" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-s7yJiDJL_2k/UOzaAqUugVI/AAAAAAAAKs8/owKBofhYGXU/s400/Gravity.jpg" width="152" /></a></div>
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<b>Masculine Gravity:</b> My name for the force that works on men who step onto this continuum at whatever place they are comfortable is <i>Masculine Gravity</i>. As men gradually learn that most of their fears are unfounded, they begin to be more comfortable with young guys. They start having fun, enjoying being involved, and liking the fact that they are having impact in young male lives. This makes them willing to risk just a little more involvement. I have seen it happen many times. A man can move from cautious and tentative to short-term involvements to becoming a full-tilt advocate for men and boys in a few years time. Masculine Gravity is the same force that has kept you reading this far in the article. Something gets kindled in a guy that hungers for a place in this very masculine work.
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So that's the VERY short course on how to move currently disengaged men toward man-making. Going forward this year we'll explore the barriers that keep men from making a difference in boys' lives and also the very long list of the gifts waiting for men in the experience.
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If you like these topics or might like to sit in on a conference call focused on these kinds of themes, you can let me know on the <b><a href="http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/12/2012-man-making-blog-annual-survey.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">Annual Man-Making Blog survey</u></a></b>. Let's all work together in 2013 to make supporting young males a major priority. I guarantee you'll become a better man for the effort.
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/GxUHKJW24FQ" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com2http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2013/01/how-to-get-men-to-show-up-for-young.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-44934433297094413512012-12-29T06:43:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.086-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.086-07:002012 Man-Making Blog Annual Survey<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The Man-Making blog has close to 600 email subscribers and a whole lot of others just dropping by. While this is a great vote of confidence, your responses to five questions in the survey below will help me sharpen my focus and, hopefully, increase the blog's interest and relevance for you.<br />
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<b>Idea Sharing: </b>With hundreds of subscribers and countless other visitors to the blog, going forward I'm considering other ways we might learn from each other. I feel the challenge of getting good men to show up for young males is too big and too important for me to be the only voice being heard. One of the survey questions asks about your interest in a number of ways we might share ideas.<br />
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Thanks for your responses and for your support. But mostly, thanks for your interest in Man-Making and supporting young males on their journey toward manhood.<br />
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/1ykPTNWZ__U" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/12/2012-man-making-blog-annual-survey.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-61187585754692654612012-12-21T14:27:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.096-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.096-07:00Newtown CT, the President, Good News, and the Men's Community Resource Cooperative<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I haven’t posted in a while. I've been struggling with the idea I actually live in a world where twenty children and six adults can be murdered in an elementary school. For a guy that likes to write, I have found myself mostly wordless. I'm still not back, but here are some random thoughts:
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I find it terribly odd to watch the relentless quest by the authorities to figure out WHY the shooter (I’m not naming them any more), did what he did. To me, it’s always a perfect storm of the same elements: a very angry or over-the-edge-crazy young white guy, a <a href="http://gawker.com/5968818/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">struggling-to-do-her-best single mom</u></a>, an unresponsive or impenetrable "mental health" system, some form of fatherlessness, and easy access to way too much killing power. There are variations on the mix, but for me, the “why” is always buried somewhere in that story.
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So I've decided not to jump into the fray of being angry and demanding some piece of the puzzle be fixed. In the President's touching speech to the Newtown community, he said, " . . . keeping our children safe and teaching them well is something we can only do together, with the help of friends and neighbors, the help of a community and a nation." I'm a communitarian at heart, and the best action I can take is to continue to call men into man-making service to young males.<br />
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<b><i>I'm a communitarian at heart</i></b></h2>
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So in this blog you will continue to learn about man-making related programs for young guys in churches, schools, and communities, where heroic men (and women) are changing and saving young male lives. I will continue to hope that someday <b>those <i></i></b>stories will be seen in the mainstream media. If not because the people working in those trenches are total community heroes, then at least as a counter-point to our 24 hour news cycle preoccupation with the dark side of all these tragic events.<br />
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In the meantime, I will dream big dreams of a better world. Like the dream I had where <b><i>every</i></b> adult man reached out to <b><i>one</i></b> (lost) young male in his family, spiritual group, neighborhood, or community. That action alone would sweep countless lost young men into the caring safety net of masculine support and guidance. Of course, in my dreams, I don’t have to worry about the creepy guys. I simply see thousands of lost, isolated, angry, and fatherless boys experiencing positive connections to very good men.
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Men’s Community </b><br />
<b>Resource Cooperative</b></td></tr>
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I had another dream I'm daring to share here. I dreamed if a man wanted to own a gun or get a license to hunt, in addition to all the needed background checks, safety training, and fees, he’d have to have thirty accumulated days community service through a local <b><i>Men’s Community Resource Cooperative</i></b>. Over time, the Cooperative would become a growing repository of male time and energy available for community building.<br />
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Men from the Cooperative could be called upon to do things like repair the homes of the elderly, help clean up after disasters, protect problem neighborhoods from violence, help young or even older guys getting out of jail to get established, visit young guys in group homes or juvenile detention facilities, provide support for single mothers, volunteer in schools, and, of course, mentor young males in a thousand different ways. In this way, a prospective gun owner would be able to demonstrate he was a responsible member of his community and worthy of the right to make life and death decisions.<br />
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Hey, I can dream!
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/sBTYjWgz3Pc" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com3http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/12/newtown-ct-president-good-news-and-mens.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-54589725701280565102012-12-06T12:03:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.092-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.092-07:00Boy's Rites of Passage and Growing Male Hearts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In early November, myself and 29 other older males from the <b><a href="http://desertmenscouncil.org/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><i>Desert Men's Council</i></u></a></b> again conducted a <i>Rite of Passage Adventure Weekend</i>. It was held in the desert wilderness, two hours from Tucson, Arizona. There, twelve young males went through a passage experience built on an ancient initiatory template.<br />
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The initiates arrive full of teen bravado, and are always surprised to encounter high drama, trials, some physical discomfort, big questions about becoming a man, and a group of men who take their approaching manhood seriously. The graduates of the program are called Journeymen, or J-Men, young males intentionally launched on their journey toward manhood. From the weekend graduation on, they enjoy the continued support of a multi-generational tribe of brothers. It's always a very powerful experience for all the males involved.<br />
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What makes these passage weekends different from your standard adventure outing is, in addition to the mix of deprivations and physical challenges, there are many opportunities for the young initiates to hear adult men speaking honestly and openly about the difficult parts of their lives. It's strange enough for most of our initiates to be surrounded by older guys who are clearly there to support them. Add to that, seeing these men be vulnerable, open, and telling the truth about life is clearly something unusual. As trust grows over the weekend, this degree of presence, personal honesty, and emotional vulnerability by the men forms a strong bond, unique in the lives of many of the boys . . . and many of the staff men.<br />
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<b>In those moments, when the initiates "speak their truth," <br />there are often tears. Boy's tears and Men's tears.</b></blockquote>
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By creating what we call a "safe container," with commitments to honesty, directness, and confidentiality (aside from mandatory reporting requirements), the initiates have a place where the hard parts of their lives can also be spoken. The parts in the way, of them becoming the man they want to be, can be revealed and witnessed. In those moments when the initiates "speak their truth," there are often tears. Men's tears and boy tears. Hearts are touched, compassion expressed, and suffering reduced because it's shared. The young men find they are no longer alone with difficult challenges in their lives, and while there are no easy answers, there is hope and comfort in having allies.<br />
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<b style="color: #331212;">Intimacy and Emotional Vocabulary:</b> A big part of what we are doing in this work is helping all the males on the weekend to grow their capacity for compassion and empathy, while helping them to develop an expanded emotional vocabulary. This is really life-saving/life-giving work in so many ways.<br />
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In a November, 2012 New York Times article by David Brooks, titled, <b><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/06/opinion/brooks-the-heart-grows-smarter.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><i>The Heart Grows Smarter</i></u></a></b>, he describes a research project begun in 1938. Known as the Grant Study, its goal was to track a group of 268 students from Harvard University, and determine what aspects of their lives contributed to success in life and their physical and emotional health.<br />
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In 1966, George Vaillant took over the research, and published his conclusions in his book <b><u style="color: #331212;"><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Triumphs-Experience-Harvard-Grant-Study/dp/0674059824/?tag=humanresourcedev" target="_blank">Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study</a></i></u></b>. Very simply stated, Vaillant discovered that it was NOT body type, birth order, or even social class that predicted success, happiness, or vitality in men’s lives. To quote him, “It was the capacity for intimate relationships that predicted flourishing in all aspects of these men’s lives.” "Flourishing," also includes living a long time. Of the 31 men in Vaillant’s study, those incapable of establishing intimate bonds, only four were still alive when his book was published. Of those who were better at forming relationships, more than a third were living.<br />
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In his Times article, David Brooks describes some of the Grant Study men. He points out how, for different reasons, these men became <i>more emotionally attuned as they aged, more adept at recognizing and expressing emotion</i>. Imagine, increased longevity, relationship satisfactions, health, and success in life, all coming out of a male's increased emotional capacity. Now imagine having the opportunity to begin to grow your emotional vocabulary and increase your capacity for intimacy as a teenager! That’s one of the reasons the work we do on these Rite of Passage Weekends is so important for these young guys. It also doesn't hurt that we squeeze a bit on our own older male hearts.<br />
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If you want to know more about Rite of Passage weekends, or group activities for men and boys, <b><a href="http://man-making.com/contact/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">give me a shout</u></a></b>. You’ll learn how men helping boys on their Journey to Manhood, is life-giving for all the males involved.<br />
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For a great review of Vaillant's <i>Triumphs of Experience</i> book, read <b><a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/11/07/what-harvard-s-grant-study-reveals-about-happiness-and-life.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><i>this article</i></u></a></b> in <i>The Daily Beast</i>.
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/974cMTJ32x4" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/12/boys-rites-of-passage-and-growing-male.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-72105429751807847352012-11-28T19:32:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.097-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.097-07:00Mentoring Young Men Toward Healthy Sexuality <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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One of the more challenging aspects of becoming a man is navigating the mine field of male sexuality. Every adult man can remember the powerful sexual feelings, as well as the anxiety and confusion around sex they experienced as a teen. While this is a huge topic, a step toward addressing this challenge comes from a regular Man-Making Blog contributor, Tim Wernette. Tim is a Gender Equity Educational Specialist with the University of Arizona, and in this post he describes a helpful book on this important topic. Apparently, we can now add myths about men and sex to the list of barriers between a young man and a healthy male sexuality.
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Our society is very schizophrenic about sexuality. On the surface it seems like we’re open about sex because it seems to be everywhere. You see allusions to sexuality in films, product advertising, in popular music, and even in the video games young guys are playing. Certainly internet access has made sexual images and information almost universally available for better and worse. And then there are the sordid tales of male sexual perpetrators so often in the news these days. With all that going on, there is often not enough good and credible information about sex and sexuality available from trusted sources. The result is a confusing prescription for healthy teen sexuality, and some powerful myths our young guys (and some men) will have to deal with on their way to manhood.
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-L7m2i7FmUpQ/ULbHC6FPuTI/AAAAAAAAKmI/O6czjbV6huQ/s1600/Teen-Sexuality-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-L7m2i7FmUpQ/ULbHC6FPuTI/AAAAAAAAKmI/O6czjbV6huQ/s320/Teen-Sexuality-2.jpg" width="209" /></a></div>
In his book, <span style="color: #331212;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/New-Male-Sexuality-Revised/dp/0553380427/?tag=humanresourcedev" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><i><b>The New Male Sexuality</b></i></u></a>,</span> Bernie Zilbergeld explores some of the subtle myths about male sexuality which boys and men often encounter. These messages are clearly seen in pornography, but occur in other parts of the culture, too. If you’re not aware of them, these myths almost guarantee problems and pain in relationships if they are internalized by our young men. Here are just a few:
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(For a full list go to the end of the post.)</div>
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<b>Men Are Always Ready and Willing to Have Sex:</b> The truth is males are not always ready to go, and can certainly have pre-conditions for having sex just as women do. In fact, the author, in his research, discovered 30% of men felt, at least sometimes, that sex was a burden. This “always willing” message discourages males from understanding, acknowledging and respecting their own terms for physical (or any kind of) intimacy. Feeling like you should always be ready to have sex can easily lead to embarrassment, sexual dysfunction, and other problems in relationships.
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<b>Sexuality = Performance = Competence:</b> For many boys/men, sex becomes a proving ground for our sense of masculinity. A young man who has lots of partners is considered a “stud” or “player,” and often looked up to by other males. The irony is that the more pressure a male feels to perform, the more likely he is to have sexual problems. This message encourages males to consider sex as another platform on which to achieve success (and risk failure), and interferes with intimacy with one’s partner.
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<b>Size matters:</b> This one is ancient in guy lore. As young men, we see all the (normally) different sized penises in locker rooms or even in pornography. Lacking a broad enough sample, questions about the size of your member and how that relates to performance, not to mention virility, easily come to mind. The truth is a short course on female anatomy and intimacy will quickly help a young man realize sexual pleasure, yours or hers, has very little to do with penis size or even shape, and is more about the chemistry between two people that count.
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As adult male mentors and role models, we should consider these (and other) poor messages about sex and sexuality we have grown up with. If we take the time to explore the problems they have created for us, both our struggles and successes in overcoming them, we’ll have important wisdom to offer the young men in our lives. In sex and sexuality, as in all aspects of becoming a man, our young men need our support on their journey toward manhood.
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Tim is so right, good men can be an enormous help to young guys in taking on this critical component of becoming a good man. Men can support young males by offering credible information when asked, sharing personal experiences as appropriate, and inviting young guys to talk about their thoughts, feelings, and confusion.
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In this era of sexual abuse scandals, there is an increased need for solid and informed men who are willing to talk to young males about sex and sexuality. HOWEVER and almost sadly, to protect those men and boys today, we have to be sure those conversations take place in safe and appropriate settings.<br />
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To see a full listing of the myths about male sexuality, and a whole lot of other myth-busting and high quality data on the topic of sexuality in general, go to the <a href="http://www.serc.mb.ca/content/dload/mythsmalesex/file" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b><i>Sexuality Education Resource Centre of Manitoba</i> website</b></u></a>.
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/ISdVFKtxtb4" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/11/mentoring-young-men-toward-healthy.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-83148161117919968592012-11-20T08:38:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.110-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.110-07:00Standing Strong or Saggin?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d3i4q5rkpdg/UKpzRxThKvI/AAAAAAAAKkg/bL4jR9HUJBM/s1600/sagging.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="201" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d3i4q5rkpdg/UKpzRxThKvI/AAAAAAAAKkg/bL4jR9HUJBM/s320/sagging.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Sagging is a fashion trend where a young male will wear his pants so far below his waist that his often brightly colored and patterned 'boxer' underwear is on full display. One theory is it's origins came from the U.S. prison system where belts are prohibited as a safety measure. In the 90's, hip-hop and rappers popularized the fashion in their dress and music.
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-E8kOjBXmoc4/UKp4UTA79fI/AAAAAAAAKlE/eJK2rPbO8Yc/s1600/HippyFashion2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-E8kOjBXmoc4/UKp4UTA79fI/AAAAAAAAKlE/eJK2rPbO8Yc/s1600/HippyFashion2.jpg" /></a></div>
For generations, young people have always found ways to offend the adult taste and sensibilities when it comes to dress. My generation did it in the late 60's and early 70's with strange hair and weird clothing. It was our way to say to our parents, "we're not you, and we're choosing our own path whether you like it or not!" During that time, we felt we were making a statement about the horrors of the Vietnam war and taking a stand for peace by wearing our own uniform. We felt we were standing for something right and noble. I'm sure many saggers feel they are taking a stand, too; it's just not clear to me what it's all about.
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2eJ-uYPLoqU/UKp8ImFr5DI/AAAAAAAAKlc/T7uvYiphQJY/s1600/urkelized.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2eJ-uYPLoqU/UKp8ImFr5DI/AAAAAAAAKlc/T7uvYiphQJY/s1600/urkelized.jpg" /></a></div>
Since the 90's, in the U.S., schools, churches, communities, transit authorities, airlines and some states have passed rules, regulations, and even laws to limit sagging. The boys who wear their pants down too low at the Westside Middle School in Memphis, Tennessee get “Urkelized,” a campaign named after the nerdy and lovable nerd Steve Urkel from the 90's sitcom, Family Matters. At the school, the principle first talks to the young man to try to convince him to hike up his pants. Then the school calls the child’s parents. If that fails, zip ties are used to tighten the pant’s waistline. Principal White says this is all to guide his students to look their best and to think more about pride, passion and professionalism- not to mention have a little fun in the process.<br />
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In his 2008 campaign, President Obama weighed in on the issue on MTV. While stating that laws banning the practice were pretty much "a waste of time," he went on to imply it was really a matter of decency. Here's the rest of his quote.<br />
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"<i>Having said that, brothers should pull up their pants. You are walking by your mother, your grandmother, your underwear is showing. What's wrong with that? Come on. Some people might not want to see your underwear. I’m one of them.</i>" </blockquote>
To take the sagging issue one step deeper, I love how one of my brothers in mission, Mustafa Mahdi, put it in a recent Facebook post:
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<i>Ever wonder what would happen if our daughters were wearing their pants or skirts below their behind and crotch in public? They won't do it because they know their mothers or society won't allow it and they'd be arrested immediately for indecent exposure!
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It's obvious this ridiculous, disgusting sagging fad is promoted in the media and by their puppet rappers for one reason...to make young black males a target. Sagging is typically accompanied by bad behavior, cussing, delinquency, drug use, gang affiliation, and criminal activity. It's just a matter of time before they are arrested or killed...unless someone or something intervenes to help a young man to see that he is not a thug, but a human being with a higher calling.
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In 2013, we men must make a commitment to become more engaged in the lives of our children...treat our wives, women, sisters, mothers and daughters and sons with dignity and respect. Then we have to select at least one male child who does not have a father in his life and become his "father figure" or big brother...and teach him what authentic manhood is all about.
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In the words of my dear brother Henry Carter, "when the man stands up, the boys sit down"...calling all men! Stand up and man up or sit down and shut up...if you ain't for the solution, you're part of the problem!</i></blockquote>
Having good and caring men involved in the lives of fatherless, under-male-parented, or really any boys, may not be a cure for bad taste in attire. But it will go a long way toward helping young men stand strong for themselves in the face of all the challenges they have on the path to becoming solid men.<br />
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Here is a video that was created in response to a Florida law restricting sagging. It's a rap tune called “<i><b>Pull Ya Pantz Up</b></i>.” I really like it!
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/Nnhf0-rmtII" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/11/standing-strong-or-saggin.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-18478839221930772892012-11-11T15:08:00.001-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.077-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.077-07:00A Brief Word about Movember and Your Face<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ciedwEqsTwc/UKABZALUnFI/AAAAAAAAKjI/V5NXtlF3B5I/s1600/movember3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ciedwEqsTwc/UKABZALUnFI/AAAAAAAAKjI/V5NXtlF3B5I/s320/movember3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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In 2010, I offered a blog post about International Men's Day and the launch of the <a href="http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2010/11/international-mens-day-this-movember.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">United States Movember initiative</u></a>. Simply stated, Movember is the combination of Mustache + November. It's the name of a global campaign to raise awareness and funds for men's health issues, specifically prostate and testicular cancer initiatives. The idea is that men's mustaches become the "ribbon" men wear to show their support of the campaign's goals. Men then become walking, talking billboards about men's health for the 30 days of November. As they say, the idea is to grow, show and connect with your fellow Mo's.
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Z-B7zPsk1yo/UJ___8Ycv6I/AAAAAAAAKjA/NXLDlR9Vcpo/s1600/Movember-2012-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img height="64" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Z-B7zPsk1yo/UJ___8Ycv6I/AAAAAAAAKjA/NXLDlR9Vcpo/s320/Movember-2012-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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To support Movember, you can simply grow a "Mo," or go to the Movember website in your respective country and register. You can register as an individual and start collecting donations on your Mo Space, or you can create a team of brothers from work, neighborhood, or campus and fund-raise together. In many places there are big celebrations and even prizes awarded at the end of the month. Here is the link to <a href="http://us.movember.com/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">the U.S. Movember website</u></a>.
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I love the addition this year of a smart phone <a href="http://us.movember.com/merchandise/view/id/386/movember-mobile-app/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">app for Mos on the go</u></a>! With this digital tool, you can connect with others in the campaign or on your team, and watch the progress of your personal or team's fundraising. I'm assuming there is also a way to post the progress your face is making!
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xytFUmh1Dy8/UKAQBA5J81I/AAAAAAAAKkA/r4R3b6vnkJc/s1600/Movember-2012-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="189" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xytFUmh1Dy8/UKAQBA5J81I/AAAAAAAAKkA/r4R3b6vnkJc/s200/Movember-2012-4.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Personally, I like the idea of men, as a group, taking a stand for purely male health issues. I think it's not only a great cause, but it's good for young men to witness men as a group taking action in service to a good cause. Of course, I support all those pink initiatives and the awareness and good women's work that is resulting. But I do feel a little masculine pride seeing my male friends and relatives growing Mo's. My wish is that men will like the feeling of being united around a masculine cause, and maybe the next one will be men showing up for boys.
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Just below is a fun clip tracking the growth in this movement from the 30 Mo Bros who started this initiative in Melbourne, Australia in 2003, to the 854,288 registered Mo's in 2011. The initial Mo Bros didn't raise much more than awareness, but the 2011 campaign raised over 126.3 million dollars to support prostate and testicular cancer.
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As they say, Movember, through the power of the mustache, has become a truly global movement that is changing the face of men's health. It's not too late to get started for even a shadow of a mustache in November makes you an advocate for men's health. In the challenge to do something about prostrate and testicular cancers, every mustache makes a difference.
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/hQhu1rBcXL0" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com1http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/11/a-brief-word-about-movember-and-your.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-20386122769275776192012-11-02T05:00:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.079-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.079-07:00ABSENT - The Fight to Get Fatherhood Back<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--OzZ2ON_wqc/UJF7fMeFyiI/AAAAAAAAKik/vFhB-eRotCQ/s1600/Absent-Logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="130" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--OzZ2ON_wqc/UJF7fMeFyiI/AAAAAAAAKik/vFhB-eRotCQ/s400/Absent-Logo.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Last February, I did a blog post about a great film on fatherlessness, titled <i>Absent,</i> by Justin Hunt. The film speaks to the powerful emotional wound that always results from the absence of a father in a young person’s life. <a href="http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/02/absent-and-father-wound.html" target="_blank"><b><u style="color: #331212;">In that blog post</u></b></a>, you can learn more about the film, read some of the sad data about the costs of absent fathers, and see a clip from the film.
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<i>Absent</i> has been shown in cities all over the U.S. and in countries around the world, including Spain, Egypt, South Africa, Germany, France, England, and Australia. That’s because the issue of absent fathers is just that big and universal.
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The film is continuing to get spectacular reviews because of its brutally honest approach to the topic and intimate way it addresses this painful issue. In the film, the director, Justin Hunt, interviews prominent men, and has emotionally charged exchanges with prostitutes, homeless people, and even a world champion boxer.
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This is a film I like so much, I’d like it to get all the exposure possible. I recommend having the film shown in your men’s group, faith community, neighborhood center, or anywhere people can be gathered. You could even partner with a Boy’s and Girl’s Club, Big Brothers, Big Sisters organization, or any mentoring group in your community for support. I'm certain if you raise this flag, people will come. You can request a screening of <i>Absent</i> for your community by going to the <a href="http://www.absentmovie.com/?page_id=100" target="_blank"><b><u style="color: #331212;">absentmovie.com website</u></b></a>.<br />
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At some level, we all know this problem exists. We see the evidence every night on the news. If at all possible, please help increase awareness of what I call an epidemic of under-male-nourished boys and the costs we all incur when fathers are not part of their children's lives. Please join Justin Hunt and the rest of us in the fight to “get fatherhood back.”<br />
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In the video clip below you will hear from people who have seen the <i>Absent</i> film. When I watched it, I heard two loud messages: “<b><i>The prognosis (for kids, our communities, and our world) isn't good</i></b>,” and, <b><i>it’s a moving film that, “gives you hope</i></b>.”
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/i1AT4t1NJZ0" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com2http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/11/absent-fight-to-get-fatherhood-back.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-75392909798873106712012-10-28T12:48:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.102-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.102-07:00Fire Circles - Opening the Hearts of Men and BoysThis article is offered by Allan Rudner, a brother in mission, working in Sydney, Australia. It's his personal story about his powerful connection to fire and how he is using it to create new connections between diverse communities of men and boys.
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Since boyhood, I have been called to fire. I grew up in South Africa, living half a block from bushland, where I spent many happy hours on my own or with boyhood friends. From time to time, a wildfire would break out and the flames could be seen leaping high into the sky. I remember getting as close to the fire as I could and feeling my heart pounding inside me. I could actually feel the raw wildness and energy of the fire coursing through my veins. In those moments, I was in complete awe and knew I had found my passion!
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Now, after working with boys and men in the wilderness for the last twenty years, that passion for fire is back in full force, and its call is powerful. Over the years, my Rites-of-Passage work has always included some relationship to fire. It has always accompanied rituals and ceremonies, signifying the transitions from boyhood to manhood and manhood to Elder. But currently, I’m called to fire circles!
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Today, I’m using the timeless and primal notion of <b>The Fire Circle</b> to connect diverse groups of older men with younger men/boys. In these circles, older men take their place as leaders and mentors within the community, and younger men/boys have access to a network of positive male role models. My approach has been carefully crafted to ensure a sense of safety and caring for everyone. Using ritual and ceremony around the sacred fire, men and boys are introduced to respectful and confidential processes for sharing personal stories. The goal is for everyone to have an opportunity to be listened to and to be heard.
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sYXhXZ6Cm3w/UI2GmIHtXVI/AAAAAAAAKiI/EMVz6n-3OM0/s1600/FireCircle2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="151" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sYXhXZ6Cm3w/UI2GmIHtXVI/AAAAAAAAKiI/EMVz6n-3OM0/s200/FireCircle2.JPG" width="200" /></a>After a couple of hours together in a typical fire circle, the group formally closes the space and then retires to an area where food is shared. The impact of the time around the fire is always obvious as the group mingles, talks, laughs and, informally, connects with one another.
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From the feedback I've gotten, it is clear <b>The Fire Circle</b> experience is very much appreciated and valued. Here are a just a couple of the (common) comments I get from participants:<br />
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"I thought your fire circle was beautifully established and run. It was just the right blend of gentle firm guidance and freedom/space for personal responsibility. I feel that evening living in my body right now. I encountered myself in a new way and with magical universal input. The timing was spot on. It augmented my ability to try to be differently with my son, my brother and father." - RK</blockquote>
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"I believe you got the recipe right last evening, around the warmth of the fire and in the spirituality of the Tepee. Twenty-two men, of such varying age and divergent backgrounds, would normally have passed each other by along the path of life with barely a spoken word, perhaps, at best, a nod. By creating a space of safety and oneness of purpose, the differences between all these men were relegated to a position of minor significance. The common desire for personal growth, the sharing and purpose, shone forth in openness and truth. I am enriched for the experience. Thanks." - Ralph</blockquote>
I believe <b>The Fire Circle</b> process is creating a valuable community resource by building more connections between diverse men and strong inter-generational relationships. <b>The Fire Circle</b> creates new roles for older men in our communities, and the youth benefit by being witnessed and accepted as they are by Elder men. In short, it's exciting for me to watch this process building stronger and more cohesive communities.
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At the personal level, <b>The Fire Circle</b> is how I find my way to my spiritual home. No sooner do I seat myself around the fire than I feel a flood of peace and alignment, which so often eludes me in the “outside world.” When I see the opened heart of a lad or a man, I feel the energy flowing inside me. When guys "get it," and the tears flow, and their woundedness is shared, my heart melts, and I know I am doing something important. Helping to open men's hearts and seeing them come awake gives me the juice I need to keep going. I believe when a man has an open heart, the world is a better place.
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Currently <b>The Fire Circles</b> take place at different venues in and around Sydney, Australia, with a growing interest in hosting them in other areas. If you want to connect with Allan to learn more about his fire circle process, check out his <a href="http://lifecrafting.org/programs/fire-circle/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>LifeCrating website</b></u></a>, or visit <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheFireCircle" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>The Fire Circle Facebook page</b></u></a>. You can also <b><a href="mailto:allan@LifeCrafting.org"><u style="color: #331212;">email Allan Rudner</u></a> directly.
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/70TKEoRT8sU" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/10/fire-circles-opening-hearts-of-men-and.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-77158591865149579692012-10-05T17:05:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.104-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.104-07:00Guys - Check Your Balls!Among other places, this poster appeared in the women's toilet in a Hobart (Tasmania) pub. <b>Is this going too far?
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Click to Enlarge Poster</td></tr>
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We seem to live in a very <span style="color: #ff61a5;"><i><b>pink</b></i></span> world these days, where so much (important) attention is given to breast cancer awareness. Yet it seems odd to me that a poster using the word "balls" and suggesting men (and their partners) should be checking them, might be seen as even a little provocative. This is especially true given the data on testicular and other cancers for men.
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One in 268 men will be diagnosed with cancer of the testis during their lifetime. While we often think of this as an older man's disease, while rare, it's the most common cancer in males between 15 and 45. It peaks in males in their mid-twenties. Other cancers causing death in guys include lung, prostate, bowel, and melanoma. As the poster states, men are 33% more likely to be diagnosed with cancer than women, and 30% more men will die of the disease than women! Given these numbers, it seems to me we should have more loud and bold approaches to men's balls and this aspect of men's health directed at both teem males and men.<br />
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<span style="color: #009eef;"><i><b>Blue September</b></i></span> (<a href="http://www.blueseptember.org/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">http://www.blueseptember.org/</u></a>) is a global awareness and fundraising initiative for all men’s cancers. Blue was chosen as a men's color as pink is the preferred color for women's breast cancer awareness. Since starting in New Zealand, the <span style="color: #009eef;"><i><b>Blue September</b></i></span> movement has migrated to Australia, the United States, the United Kingdom, and Ireland. The <span style="color: #009eef;"><i><b>Blue September</b></i></span> blokes in Australia, who created the poster, are supporting <i>Australian Prostate Cancer Research</i> and <i>The Australian Cancer Research Foundation</i>. They say each year, more than 22,000* Australian men die of cancer. For the record, the number for annual male deaths in the US is 33,000.<br />
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<span style="color: #009eef;"><i><b>GO NUTS!</b></i></span> Just one of many campaigns across the globe included a <span style="color: #009eef;"><i><b>Blue September</b></i></span> event in the US, prior to the Oakland Raiders/Pittsburgh Steelers game, September 23, 2012 (see link below). It turns out research says walnuts can improve prostate heath. In order to raise awareness about testicular and other cancers for men, prior to the game, fans were given a package of California walnuts, blue wrist bands, and health information. The jumbo screens also showed a pre-game video on the topic. What a great way to bring this topic to a male audience.<br />
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Are you willing to help get the word out to young men and adult males? It would be a sad thing to lose a guy at any age to testicular cancer just because we can't comfortably talk about gonads, nads, nuts, testicles, rocks, bollocks, sack nuggets, groin, the acorns, cracker jacks, stones, kerbangers, marbles, the yam bag, your junk, tenders, cullions, the dangly bits, pelotas, nutsack, doo-dahs, bollocks, huevos, kiwis, clappers, family jewels, cojones, the package, knackers, cods, love spuds, and yes, balls.<br />
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Here are some links to great videos and information on <span style="color: #009eef;"><i><b>Blue September</b></i></span>, testicular cancer, and Testicular Self-Exam (TSE) for men and young males:
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<li>A clip of Ireland's Munster Rugby Team <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeIYLFcgONQ" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">getting painted blue for the cause</u></a>.</li>
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<li>A really great website, <a href="http://www.checkemlads.com/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">checkemlads.com</u></a> run by regular guy cancer survivors. They tell moving personal stories, a very informative video clip, and some TSE instruction from straight talking men.</li>
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<li>A great teen health website, <a href="http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/guys/tse.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">kidshealth.org</u></a>, with some very straight forward instructions on how to do Testicular Self-Exam (TSE).</li>
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/PyoapImlXVU" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com2http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/10/blokes-check-your-balls.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-80529821076204992252012-10-01T15:36:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.107-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.107-07:00Upside Stories about Men and BoysI was feeling a little down. There has been endless news reporting about the recent killings in our community by yet another angry, lost man with a gun. Then, almost simultaneously, two very inspirational articles came across my desk. The positive messages in these stories about good men helping young males really got through, touched my heart, and gave me my optimism back. I'm sharing these articles with the hope they have the same positive impact on you.
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The first story describes some of the important and exciting work with high school boys being done by the good men of <u style="color: #331212;"><i><a href="http://www.boystomen.org/" target="_blank">Boys to Men Mentoring Network</a> </i></u> (<i>BTM</i>). In an article on the <i>San Diego News</i> online, <i>BTM</i> co-founder Craig McClain describes what is at the heart of what they do in their school programs for young guys . . . speaking the truth:
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<span style="color: #331212;"><i>We start off our meetings by telling (the boys) the truth about ourselves. Some of us went to prison. Some of us did drugs. There isn’t one thing these boys are thinking about that one of us hasn’t done.
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Then we ask them, who wants to go next, and they’ll talk about gangs or drugs or hating their stepfathers. And we’ll say, ‘Is this what you want to do?’ And they’ll say no. We’ll ask about the consequences, and we’ll say, ‘Is this what you want?’ And they’ll say no. Then we’ll say, ‘Well, what do you want to do about it?’ We give them control over their lives.</i></span></blockquote>
The article goes on to show us what happens inside these school-based guys' groups as the men create a safe space for the boys to learn to trust, open up, and then decompress about the really hard parts of their lives.
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You can read the whole article at the <a href="http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2012/sep/22/tp-journey-to-manhood-minus-the-detours/?page=1#article" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><i>San Diego News</i> online</u></a>.
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<i>Boys to Men Mentoring Network </i>centers have sprung up in more than 35 cities in seven countries around the world. Their San Diego area school programs, which started four years ago with one group (and 3 boys who were required to attend), now has between 80 and 90 volunteer male mentors working with almost 400 kids in 10 sites in the San Diego area. Check out the <u style="color: #331212;"><a href="http://www.boystomen.org/" target="_blank"><i>Boys to Men Mentoring Network</i></a></u> website for more information.
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The second story is from the Camden, New Jersey, <u style="color: #331212;"><a href="http://www.courierpostonline.com/article/20120920/NEWS01/309200025/Mentoring-Camden-s-youth-flourish" target="_blank"><i>CurrierPostOnline.com</i></a></u>. It describes a luncheon put on by the Camden County Mentoring Institute, a coalition of mentoring providers, faith-based groups, and government institutions, all coming together to recruit and support volunteer mentors. The article describes some of what three successful men, raised without fathers, said at the luncheon to an audience of almost 200 Camden clergy, community leaders, law enforcement officials, and local residents, all of whom were there to support Camden’s youth.
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I love the statement from the Camden Police Chief, Scott Thomson. His father died when he was 9, and in describing his own life he said, "<i>But for the grace of God — and three fat cops who couldn’t catch me — I wouldn’t be here today!</i>” As a career Camden cop, he recently became a mentor to a 9-year-old boy who was blinded by stray gunfire in the city. In his remarks, he described an all too common attitude among young guys in Camden. He remembered a conversation with a young man he had arrested for selling drugs.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #331212;">“What are you going to do when you’re 21?” Thomson asked.</span><br /><br />
<span style="color: #331212;">“I ain’t gonna live that long,” the youth replied.
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You can read the whole article at the <a href="http://www.courierpostonline.com/article/20120920/NEWS01/309200025/Mentoring-Camden-s-youth-flourish" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><i>CurrierPostOnline.com</i></u></a>.
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Instead of the bad news about lost men and boys, I like hearing the counter-point, upside stories about the power of a man in a boy's life, or how a few men can do so much good in the lives of a bunch of young dudes in a school setting. It gives me hope for the future.
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If you know of a similar Man-Making story, please <a href="http://man-making.com/contact/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><b>send it along</b></u></a>.
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/h9fbRdzeKcE" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/10/upside-stories-about-men-and-boys.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-74837708296334087382012-09-24T02:49:00.002-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.099-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.099-07:00Wild Boys, Wilderness, and Woodcraft Rangers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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After the <a href="http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/08/a-guys-wilderness-canoeing-adventure.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">recent blog post</u></a> with a discussion of boys and Nature Deficit Disorder (NDD), Tim Wernette, a regular Man-Making Blog contributor, emailed me about <i>Woodcraft Indians</i>. In my research into that organization, I learned a lot more about the history of NDD. I also learned how, in the early 1900’s, one man's attempt to do something about boys and NDD resulted in the formation of the <i>Boy Scouts</i>, the <i>Brownies</i>, and the creation of a multitude of other organizations that are still helping kids a hundred years later.<br />
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The man was Ernest Thompson Seton. The full name for the organization he started was <i>The League of Woodcraft Indians </i>because they borrowed heavily from Native American culture, and their goal was to get young males into the woods. The organization was clearly for non-Indians, but it was very successful in getting American boys into the wilderness.<br />
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The first U.S. Woodcraft <i>Tribe</i> was set up in 1902. It was a direct result of Mr. Seton’s property being vandalized by neighborhood boys. As the story goes, after numerous repairs to his property, Mr. Seton went to the local school. Instead of looking to punish the young vandals, he invited them to a weekend campout on his property. During this time he told them about Native Americans and their connection to nature. He spoke about Native American language, lore, and culture. He taught them some basic wilderness skills, and I’ll bet some time was spent sitting around a fire and telling exciting stories of the then not-so-old west.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-deqv9UxIe2E/UET9MRqcvqI/AAAAAAAAJoc/C5NP9U95Krg/s1600/WoodcraftIndiansBirchBarkRoll.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="288" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-deqv9UxIe2E/UET9MRqcvqI/AAAAAAAAJoc/C5NP9U95Krg/s400/WoodcraftIndiansBirchBarkRoll.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
Out of this one weekend experience, <i>The League of Woodcraft Indians</i> evolved, and soon there were Woodcraft groups all across the United States. If you want to read a complete and detailed operating manual for a Woodcraft Indian group, take a look at Seton’s <i>Birch Bark Roll</i> (<a href="http://archive.org/download/birchbarkrollofw00seto/birchbarkrollofw00seto.pdf" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">PDF document</u></a> from the New York Public Library or <a href="http://www.inquiry.net/traditional/seton/birch/index.htm" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">this online version</u></a>.)<br />
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If you don’t worry about political correctness and can allow for the era in which it was written, the <i>Birch Bark Roll</i>, in amazing detail, lays out the perfect template for a boy-literate organization. It describes the organizational structure with Native American names for the various positions. I especially love the chapters on, <i>The Child Spirit of Woodcraft</i>, <i>Twelve Secrets of the Woods</i>, <i>Tribe and Council Activities </i>(games), and even songs to sing around the campfire. Songs have titles like, <i>Zuni Sunset Song, Ghost Dance Song</i>, and a blessing song called, <i>Prayer of the Warriors Before Smoking the Pipe</i>, all with sheet music included!<br />
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While the details are complicated, in 1910, Mr. Seton, along with Daniel Beard, the man who had started <i>The Sons of Daniel Boone</i>, were instrumental in the founding of the <i>Boy Scouts of America</i> (BSA). Seton became the Chief Scout of the organization for its first five years. Because of disagreements about the more militaristic direction Seton felt Scouting was moving, he left the BSA in 1915 and re-established the Woodcraft Indians separately. Later he renamed his organization <i>The Woodcraft League of America</i>, and claimed he never really merged the group into the BSA.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tUn0Rgud13Q/UET_JUq6gMI/AAAAAAAAJo0/5HqzhigguI8/s1600/WoodcraftRangersLA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tUn0Rgud13Q/UET_JUq6gMI/AAAAAAAAJo0/5HqzhigguI8/s320/WoodcraftRangersLA.jpg" width="166" /></a></div>
Today, there are still Woodcrafters who are active in the movement. One of the better known groups in the U.S. might be the <a href="http://www.woodcraftrangers.org/cms/2/about.html" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;"><i>Woodcraft Rangers</i></u></a> in Los Angeles, California. Established in 1922, this group modified Seton’s original emphasis on outdoor life and is working to support urban Los Angeles kids. Currently, the Woodcraft Rangers serves over 18,000 underprivileged youth annually in after-school and summer camping programs.<br />
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If you want to know more about the large and rather amazing web of international organizations launched by one man’s interest in what we now call Nature Deficit Disorder, and his willingness to show up for the boys in his hood, just do a Google search for <i>Woodcraft Indians</i>. The result of that search takes my breath away, but then I just love the, <i>What One Man Can Do, </i>stories.<br />
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/DddZo58dVek" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com1http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/09/wild-boys-wilderness-and-woodcraft.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-34093497955798731092012-09-16T05:00:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.083-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.083-07:00LAAMB-ing and not FRAP-ing Boys<b>Vacation:</b> Because I'm on a vacation trip to Switzerland and France until the end of September, I'm taking the easy route and publishing a few favorite posts (mine and yours) from the history of this Blog. Enjoy!<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_H1_zsPlWATQ/SUqRWs2_O4I/AAAAAAAADa0/Se4juO0tgC4/s1600-h/ThresholdPassagesLogo.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5281193332230273922" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_H1_zsPlWATQ/SUqRWs2_O4I/AAAAAAAADa0/Se4juO0tgC4/s1600/ThresholdPassagesLogo.jpg" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center;" /></a>Out of the <i>Boys to Men</i> network has come a beautifully simple job description for a man mentoring a boy or boys. It's called LAMMB-ing. It stands for <b>Listen, Accept, Admire, Model, and Bless</b>. It's something most men can do without much effort. The hope is, in addition to the quality of connection that results, this prescription will eliminate some of the fears so many men carry preventing them from showing up for young males. Like the too common fear, "<span style="font-style: italic;">Who I am and what I know is not sufficient to be a man-maker for a boy</span>."<br />
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As I write this I'm having the feeling I too would like to be LAMMB-ed more often. Even in my elderhood, I still hunger for men in my life who will listen to me without judgment, regularly admire my gifts, model behaviors I can learn from and absorb, and who will drop the occasional blessing on me. Who of you reading this wouldn't feel safe, cared for, and blossom in that kind of relationship?<br />
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In addition to the "to do" list inherent in LAMMB, two of my man-making heroes, Edoardo Lippolis and Collin Irish at <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Threshold Passages, Inc.</span>, have added another acronym that takes the art of man-making up a notch. It's the very intentional avoidance of FRAP-ing young males.<br />
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FRAP stands for <b>Fixing, Rescuing, Advising (unsolicited), and Projecting</b>. In general, these are behaviors man-makers try to avoid. The goal is to create an environment in which LAAMB-ing can regularly and frequently occur, and where FRAP-ing is avoided.<br />
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In my experience, there is real danger when a man feels compelled to direct a young male's path through life with some form of FRAP-ing. The latter problem shows up most often when the young man is making poor choices. Those behaviors call up the latent parent, therapist, cop, or all those other potentially inappropriate and possibly damaging roles men can play. The temptation, of course, is to be seen as all knowing by having all the young man's answers, even if you have to make up something to sound smart. Men never do that . . . right? <br />
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To avoid FRAP-ing someone, the men at TPI suggest waiting until the young male is "soliciting advice of his own volition." When that happens, and IF the man really does have solid information, he can share it with the young man. If he does not have solid information, he points the lad to someone who does. Not only does this keep the relationship comfortable for everyone, it gives a man the opportunity to model humility and the importance of asking others for help.<br />
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While each element of LAAMB and FRAP could be a short course all to itself, taken literally and applied, they provide a simple formula for safety and trust in any relationship.<br />
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If you want to know more about LAAMB-ing, FRAP-ing, and training for the men in your organization to work with young guys, <a href="http://man-making.com/contact/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">contact me</u></a>. You can also <a href="http://man-making.com/wp-content/uploads/2012-LAAMB-FRAP.pdf" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">download a PDF of this post</u></a> describing LAAMB-ing and FRAP-ing in a little more detail.<br />
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If you want to know more about the <i>Rites of Passage Adventure Weekend</i> being offered by the men at <b><i>Threshold Passages</i></b> (and see a sweet video clip of their weekend), check out their website at: <a href="http://www.thresholdpassages.org/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">thresholdpassages.org/</u></a>.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #331212;">And then why not start LAMMB-ing the boys<br />that cross your path . . . starting today?</span></b>
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/yPAnumLbt2M" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/09/laamb-ing-and-not-frap-ing-boys.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-20400572251038634292012-09-07T23:45:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.081-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.081-07:00A Year-Long, Rite of Passage for Boys<b>Vacation:</b> Because I'm on a vacation trip to Switzerland and France until the end of September, I'm taking the easy route and publishing a few favorite posts (mine and yours) from the history of this Blog. Enjoy! <br />
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When I speak to groups of men working with boys, whether it's in mentoring organizations, at churches or conferences, or just groups of men who want to do <span style="font-style: italic;">something</span> for adolescent males, there is always the question of what to do with them. Often, the path that question takes is, <span style="font-style: italic;">how do we keep these young guys entertained?</span> While I think that's a fair question to ask, and indeed some fun is important, I think if a young male is on the brink of manhood, it misses the mark a little.<br />
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I feel that mixed in with some boy fun, there should be serious lessons about manhood and an opportunity to talk with men about the big issues in a kid's life. A few youth-serving organizations approach that challenge head on, but from my experience, it seems to me that too many of them leave the most important training to chance.<br />
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<span style="color: #331212;"><b>I'd like to propose the creation of a year-long form of <i>introduction to manhood</i></b></span>. A series of activities that guarantee boys are exposed to some of the important questions, issues, skills, and lessons about the manhood.<br />
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I'm suggesting a monthly outing, circle, lesson, or event for boys and men, followed by a group discussion about what happened and to help the boys process their experience. I'm trying to stir your thinking here. Consider the impact of these kinds of experiences on the psyche of an adolescent male:<br />
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<ul>
<li>A visit to a jail or prison.</li>
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<li>Work for a day on a Habitat for Humanity home build.</li>
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<li>Go to a stockyard where animals are butchered.</li>
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<li>Go rock climbing, hiking, try a high ropes course, or go camping.</li>
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<li>Visit the local firehouse, learning about the gear, skills, and hearing stories.</li>
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<li>Have a conversation with residents at a battered women's shelter, or hear from a GLBT person.</li>
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<li>Visit a Veteran's hospital and talk with injured vets.</li>
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<li>Learn how to wire a lamp, fix a toilet, change a tire, or grill a steak.</li>
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<li>Help out for a few hours at a nursing home, possibly serving a meal.</li>
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<li>Job shadowing - go to work with a man for a day or part of a day to learn <i>what men do</i>.</li>
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<li>Hear from women recovering from being prostitutes.</li>
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<li>Feed people at a homeless shelter.</li>
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<li>Spending a weekend night at the police station.</li>
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<li>Play paintball . . . after a discussion from a veteran about the realities of war.</li>
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<li>Hear a personal story from someone who attends Alcoholics Anonymous or Debtors Anonymous.</li>
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</ul>
You get the idea, and I'm sure you have ideas you could add. I'm certain when these experiences are processed in a multi-generational group of males, powerful discussions about life, manhood, profession, relationship to women, and personal responsibility would result. I'm just as certain all the males would benefit enormously.<br />
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After a year or so of these experiences, some opportunities for fun, and directly and indirectly learning from men across the discussion circle, I think an adolescent male would really be ready for some form of rite of passage or <i>crossing into manhood</i> celebration or ceremony.<br />
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<b>What do you think?<br /><br />What activities would you add to the list?<br /><br />How would your life be different today if, as an adolescent, you had been surrounded by good men with the focused intention to teach you about life and the journey toward a positive manhood?</b><br />
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Share your thoughts on this post in the "comments" section below or send me an <a href="http://man-making.com/contact/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">email message</u></a>.<br />
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<b>Perhaps most importantly</b>, consider sending this along to a man or men you know and whom you feel might be interested in this idea. A few men and boys from your neighborhood or community is all it would take to get started.<br />
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/WCU-tPqabME" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/09/a-year-long-rite-of-passage-for-boys.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9438466.post-12150226080119620252012-09-01T15:24:00.001-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.071-07:002013-04-22T09:56:22.071-07:00Ancient Male Rites of Passage<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><span style="color: #4c1130; font-size: large;"><i>Stop reading for a moment, close your eyes, and try to remember . . . when did you, without question, become a "man?"</i></span></b> </blockquote>
When was that moment in time when you knew, for sure and without doubt, you were now a certified "man?" When did you irrevocably cross the line from boyhood to manhood, accept adult male responsibilities, and thereafter were seen and treated as a man in the eyes of your family, peers, and community?<br />
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When I asked this question of men as part of the research for the Man-Making book, some men said it was when they got a license to drive, cast their first vote, or had sex for the first time. Other men said, "<i>when I went into the service</i>," "<i>when I had a child</i>," or "<i>when I got a gun</i> (gang member)." There were a few men who experienced rites of passage in their religious community, in scouting or in a gang. But by far the most common response to that question was, "<i>I'm not sure I am a "man" today!</i>" Most men said they had never definitively crossed a clear or obvious line into manhood and remained uncertain men today.<br />
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When I say "uncertain men," I mean these guys were fully functional males in the world today, but they were confused about what attributes define a mature and fully realized man in their society. They were uncertain about the criteria for becoming a man, the achievement path to that goal, if there is one, and not at all clear about how or who will ultimately bestow the blessing of one day having become "a real man."<br />
<blockquote style="color: #331212;">
<b><i>. . . what attributes define a mature and fully realized man . . .</i></b></blockquote>
If uncertainty is a theme for men, consider how hard/impossible it is for adolescent males, without good men around them, to ever feel they been set on a positive path toward a solid manhood. They are being propelled toward manhood by testosterone, a hormone drives them to action, intensity, sexual expression, and the need to constantly test and prove themselves in some way. Without guidance, these natural expressions of young male energy, combined with an underdeveloped capacity for thinking through the consequences of their choices, all too often have terribly tragic consequences. It's why I say we don't so much have a violence problem in our communities, but an epidemic of under-male-nourished boys.<br />
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Ancient rites of passage, perfected over thousands of years, were exquisitely designed to get the attention of young males and help them shape their mature masculine identity. Sadly, positive passage experiences for males are hard to come by today, and too many males are left to wander in that never-never land between boyhood and manhood.
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Because I believe in intentional man-making, I feel it's critical to acknowledge a young male's passage from the world of boyish things into young adulthood. One of the ways I do that is to work with groups of men who are initiating adolescent males in rite of passage experiences. This work clearly sets boys on a positive journey toward manhood, and lets them know they are supported by men. The second reason for these events is to offer an experience in which <i><b>men </b></i>can discover they are indeed hardwired for this work. By initiating young males, men can find answers to some of their lingering questions about what constitutes "a real man." I'll continue to write about this in future posts.<br />
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From my research and experiences, I've learned that male rite of passage events, wherever they occur, have some common and important elements. Remember, this template has emerged from thousands of years of man-making experience from cultures across the globe. VERY simply and generally stated, here is a short list:<br />
<ul>
<li>A dramatic departure from the women, children, and elders.</li>
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<li>Travel to an unknown (to the initiates) place in a natural setting.</li>
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<li>Arrival in a special men-only location.</li>
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<li>Learning to be accountable to and take direction from the men.</li>
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<li>Deprivation, trials, and testing.</li>
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<li>Acquiring knowledge and masculine skills.</li>
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<li>Serious talk from adult men and respected elders about the responsibilities that define a man.</li>
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<li>Rituals in many aspects of the experience.</li>
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<li>Fires, drumming, and often some expression of wildman energy.</li>
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<li>Being given a new name, bodily markings, clothing, talismans, or tools for the men's world.</li>
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<li>Experiencing a moment in time when you have become, are acknowledged and honored by the men and elders as, a new man.</li>
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<li>With ceremony, ritual, and often feasting, returning to your community and being again celebrated for your new identity.</li>
</ul>
Just below is a video giving us a look at a day out of a month-long male rite of passage experience from the Palambi Tribe in Papau New Guinea. This not-so-ancient event was filmed in 2007. Read through the list above once more, and then see if you can find those elements in this Palambi passage experience.<br />
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If the clip doesn't show up, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLGYGX6UZhE" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">use this link</u></a>.
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Clearly this example doesn't fit the world most of us inhabit. But it was most likely built on a few hundred years experience with man-making. In 2007, after their month of training and preparation, on returning to their village, these initiates will have no question they have crossed a line into manhood, and that's quite the gift.<br />
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If you want to learn how to create a culturally relevant and contemporary rite of passage experience for the boys in your world, <a href="http://man-making.com/contact/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">give me a shout</u></a>. I'm happy to be a guide to help create the experience. Along the way, I'll help you and your men friends discover you really are hardwired for this work.<br />
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(Check out more questions for men about manhood <a href="http://man-making.com/publications/articles/" target="_blank"><u style="color: #331212;">on the Man-Making website</u></a>.)</div>
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</div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheJourneyToManhood/~4/mmz9xYbCwiM" height="1" width="1"/>Earl Hipphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04762883577925178492noreply@blogger.com0http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2012/09/ancient-male-rites-of-passage.html