The Last Chance Texaco

Another Case of Cannot

Chris — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 03:37:51 +0000

Deep down at the bottom of happy, joyous and free lies fear; fear that if I were ever to throw my sobriety away I might never get it back. It seems the older we get, the more times we relapse, the harder it is to come back and fully embrace recovery. I suspect that, as [...]

Travel Kicks My Ass

Chris — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:52:06 +0000

I arrived home Saturday night, slept most of the day on Sunday and I’m still tired. Overall I had a wonderful time though. There was a little tension with one of my travel companions who I found to be astonishingly self-centered, but I’m sure I played a part in that. Managed, in the end, to [...]

Adventures in Sobriety

Chris — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 06:44:14 +0000

I never would have thought I’d have an opportunity like this again. The end of my drug use, and even for the most part the first 3 years I’ve been sober, have been pretty uninteresting and I have actually become pretty resistant to change. Variation kind of freaks me out. I feel so secure in [...]

Nothing That Three Million Dollars Won’t Fix

Chris — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 14:11:58 +0000

I think I hate being in therapy. I mean, they make you look at yourself! And who wants to do that? I thought I’d done well enough having gotten through the 4th step and, after all, I’m still sober. I guess that isn’t entirely true. After an hour and a half with Anita yesterday I [...]

A Spiritual Foundation

Chris — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 21:52:24 +0000

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the value of anonymity. I’m not altogether convinced that there really is such a thing; not in the absolute sense. It exists in greater and lesser degrees and we see famous people straddle the line all the time. In 12 step recovery we have secret code words and [...]

Three

Chris — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 19:49:19 +0000

But one voice got through, caught her up by surprise It said, “Don’t hold us back we’re the story you tell,” And no sooner than spoken, a spell had been broken And the voices before her were trumpets and tympani Violins, basses and woodwinds and cellos, singing “We’re so glad that you finally made it here You thought nobody cared, but [...]

This Page is Intentionally Left Blank and Other Self Contradictory Stuff

Chris — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 01:48:52 +0000

It should have become clear to me a long time ago. Perhaps it was and I simply hadn’t the willingness to do something about it, but it is clear now that I can benefit from therapy. I don’t think I’ll make any significant gains in becoming happy without professional help. So in addition to starting [...]

Unmixed Attention

Chris — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 05:44:20 +0000

“Absolute unmixed attention is prayer.” -Simone Weil, Gravity and Grace I realized a long time ago that I can trace the decline of my spiritual health, and a decline in the quality and quantity of my writing, to the date I got a television. For a good year and a half, writing was a form of [...]