2008 recap

Last April, we attended the morph code and during the subsequent event, Luis pitched an idea. And everything started from there.

Evan, Raymond, Jason, Luis, Marco and Tim

I got an iPod Touch last May for being with syndeo for a year! I haven’t really noticed that it’s been a year already, honestly. It’s understandable if you hang out with these guys all the time.

I’ve learned a lot from them and one of them is that beer doesn’t have to taste that bad and can be enjoyable when you’re with friends.

Unless you’re allergic to it.

During this year, I’ve also realized that I’m not the greatest public speaker. Good thing is that you can get better by practicing, but since I’m really stubborn about speaking in public (I won’t do it, I won’t do it)… Well… Maybe next year I’ll have more courage?

I lost my grandma last July. Who would’ve thought that in that moment of sadness I would realize that I need change? I realized that I’ve been bitter for the longest time and that’s when I promised to be more positive and it proved to be one of the best decisions in my life. No point in being so negative all the time since that never accomplished anything for me so far. :)

Matt Mullenweg came to the Philippines last September for the Philippine WordCamp. A couple of days after the momentous event, Ia along with the other designers (and plurkers) decided that it’s high time for the Philippines to have our very own Web Design Conference. As a matter of fact, to test the waters, we held a mini event a month later in October which proved to be successful! We held another mini event last November and it was nice too. I’m so proud of the people I’m with! :D

October is a momentous month for syndeo because we moved. You would never think that you will be able to find Luis in the office everyday but it happened (he’s always an hour or so late but at least he’s there, yes?)! I can’t say anything about the other guys though.

I can say that I kinda missed going to the office everyday and I know I’ll be very thankful for having a cold one once summer starts.

December came and along with it is my “independence“. Also the realization that going home late is understandable once you start living alone. It’s not like I’m a gimikera, but since I don’t have anything else to spend my time with at home (and it’s kinda lonely) I’d rather finish some tasks outside then just go home to sleep.

I experienced and met a lot in 2008 and I can only hope that 2009 will be the the same if not better. Cheers everyone! Happy new year and keep safe! :) Let’s all get drunk tonight (or you can go get drunk and I’ll stay in the sidelines :P)!

Not the best feeling in the world afterwards to be quite honest, I still feel a little scared (you know, the paranoia my parents have so thankfully instilled in my mind) but I know I won’t go anywhere by just planning or creating budgets or making goals. I should be doing it. So here I am, all alone in a unit with nothing but bare essentials, a bed and a fan (and hangers that match my closet! Oh, I just have to say that! :D) with a box of pancit canton for my soiled clothes.

I can’t believe that all my stuff are already in there as well. I’ve been enjoying my sister’s clothes too much. Well, there’s another box, for my shoes (which is not that much) and my bag, where the mac’s in.

My parents wanted to give me the extra radio in the house, and the TV that still needs to be fixed so I could have some form of entertainment, they say. But maybe not right now, I’m already happy with a couple of Chuck episodes in my hard drive and then some movies from the Time Capsule in the office. Besides I have a lot of cleaning to do, the unit’s not dirty but I can’t help not notice the odd spots on the floor and on the walls, I need to get them out of there.

Internet

I still don’t have any connection at home (the unit). I applied for a PLDT line this Monday but got rejected after waiting in line for one and a half hour because there’s no spot or whatever it’s called available in the condo at the moment. I’m planning to wait until next year like what they advised, I really do! But I just realized how badly I want that connection. So bad that I’m actually planning to subscribe to SmartBro and have the guy at the counter sign a memo that says if I get an intermittent connection (and couldn’t finish downloading a movie in one night) then I can get the hell out it. And have it notarized.

But maybe he won’t sign. That’s a problem.

Keys

Anyway, living alone isn’t all that exciting as I imagined it to be. One night, I went into my unit and left my key at the knob, thankfully I remembered to take it out a couple of minutes after I closed the door. Then another night, I opened the door with lots of bags and I thought “OMG, I so feel like an independent woman” then I put the keys in my jacket because “that’s what independent women do”. As I was about to go to take out the trash, I was frantic ’cause I couldn’t find my keys. I was beside myself because I thought my mother will make me go back home and I don’t want that to happen. I haven’t even lasted a month!

Maybe I shouldn’t have written that here because my father reads my blog. (Hi Pa! Joke lang po yung sa taas, love you! :D)

Karaoke

One of the reasons why I wanted to move out was because my neighbors loves karaoke as much as I hate them loving it. My first night in my unit and the people beside my room’s singing something. Karaoke, I hate you.

Fears

The people above my unit leaves the light on their balcony open the whole night, I don’t know why they’re doing that (maybe to make people believe that people in there are still awake?) but it gives me the creeps because it lights the abandoned building opposite the condo. And we know what’s in abandoned building, don’t we? Ghosts.

Exactly.

As I was rereading this, it amused me that it’s only been mere days and I’ve already made the distinction that “the house” is my parents’ home and “the home” is mine.

The planning of the web design conference is moving at a steady pace (I believe) and to be able to finalize some things, we decided to conduct a survey for the people who make web sites in the Philippines. We would really appreciate it if you would take time in answering it. :)

Mini Web Design Conference

We thought that it would be nice to have a mini event for web designers before the main conference and that’s why we’re inviting you to attend the <form> function() & .class Mini Web design Conference, details below.

What:
Mini Web Design Conference (sign up now since the place can only hold 50 people) (view who’s going to attend)
Theme - design! (color theory, typography, grid, etc)
(It’s BarCamp style, meaning anybody who wants to talk can talk. And it’s really casual. For us, by us.)

Who:
Anybody!

When:
Friday, October 31, 6:00 PM

Where:
G2VC TechBar, Orient Square Bldg., Ortigas

How much:
FREE!

There’s Philippine Blog Awards and iBlog (bloggers), BarCamp and WordCamp (programmers, fine, WordCamp’s for bloggers too), SEMCON (SEO/SEM) and Graphika Manila.

Why, pray do tell, don’t we have an event for web designers? That’s the question from a fellow blogger, designer, and standardista, Ia, a call which was, surprisingly, answered by lots of interested and enthusiastic web designers. Apparently, it’s been in the minds of other people but no one’s making it happen.

We’re a bunch of newbies when it comes to event planning but after the initial meeting last Friday Thursday (how can I confuse the day) with Ia, Regnard, Joni, Sarah, Marco, Jolo, Rico and Kin, I’m very positive that we will see this through.

If you want to help in any way, you can contact any of us. We will need sponsors, a name for the event (yeah, yeah) and we’re also thinking of turning ourselves into an official organization, if you have any idea how we can do that please do let us know.

Why, oh why do I always think that having a haircut can boost my confidence and why do I always forget the fact that my hair will only look good short while I’m in the salon and by the time I go out there, it’d be going at every which way except curving towards my face?!

Oh yeah, my hair’s too long at the front, I need the bangs because I’m getting annoyed whenever it gets in the way of my reading and/or working.

Ate, that hair isn’t supposed to be on that side.

“Bumabalik sa kabila” (It keeps on going the other way), the hairdresser said while laughing weakly. I’ve never been the best conversationalist — how do you make small talk with hairdressers? — so I just smiled meekly and said, “Oo nga eh”.

It’s because it’s supposed to be there. Oh well, whatever suits you, as if I’m an expert when it comes to hair, if I could have my way, I’d chop the darn thing off and just buy a wig instead. Actually, I’ve been mulling the idea for quite some time now and it doesn’t sound so bad. Only, I have to take care of it. I suck at taking care of things, if someone would give me a hamster, after the initial “Oh, it’s so cute, I’m going to take a very good care of it!” promise, I’d forget it’s even there.

Ha-ha I’m so witty, I think I should write a novel. How do I start? I should draw from my experiences. Experiences, experiences. Right, I live a dull life. Fine, they said authors write about other people’s experiences. Other people’s experiences. Think, think, dammit.

Sheesh, their lives are all the same, they fall in and out of love. 9/10 women I know are and/or have been involved with men who doesn’t know what fidelity means. Not to mention that I haven’t been in contact with any of my friends except for the usual kamustahan through text for… what the hell, has it been more than 2 months already?! *sigh* I should be more attentive –

Darn, my face looks fat! I knew I should stop binge eating and I should really start exercising again. Oh man, it’s so tiring, but I swear I’ll start tomorrow. Bah! Forget that I swore to myself that I’ll start living healthy a few weeks ago. I’ll really stick to it this time.

I swear. Tomorrow. I’ll start.

I hope.

Shoot, is my nose always this large? I thought Asians aren’t supposed to have freckles? Oh, it’s just hair.

I hate mall-wide sales. People are always crowding in malls, it’s suffocating, it makes me want to just buy the things my mother asked me and go home straight.

Is it just me or whenever there’s a sale, it seems as if everyone’s in a frenzy and it makes me feel as if I have to buy something. Anything. Just so I could justify that I was able to “save money”. As if.

I wonder, is everyone’s life really fast-paced these days? I wonder how many emails I got. I should really unwind sometime, I wonder if I could go to Baguio or Boracay, maybe Puerto. I wonder if I could really relax though, I noticed recently that I can’t slow down anymore. I wonder if this is some kind of a disease, that’s it, I’m paranoid. Stop it.

I wonder if I should buy a hair dryer, not that I’d know how to use it properly. Or that I’ll ever be bothered to use it after a week of my buying it.

Why is she patting my hair as if she’s expecting me to position my face at an angle, smile widely and say “OMG IS THAT ME?! I ABSOLUTELY LOOK FAB! I ALMOST COULDN’T RECOGNIZE MYSELF!” when all I could see is me. With a shorter hair. And bangs that is still a little too long for me. Whatever, it’s fine, it’s fine.

When I walked out of the salon, I looked at my reflection as I passed by a store and a single thought came across me before I decided to stop looking at my reflection and get on with my tasks.

“Shit. My bangs looks like Sailor Moon’s. Why did I cut my hair again?”

After the outburst last week, I’ve settled down and decided to just stop for a while and finish the things I need to (as if there’ll ever be an end to it) and tread to wherever I want to be at a slower pace. Anyway, I just want to share and thanks to all who replied! I really appreciated it. :)

Syndeo’s moving kinda fast these days, what with the mini apps that was pushed out the door by Luis and Jason for the past couple of weeks and now with syndeolabs, I got the feeling that I’m just so inadequate. I feel somewhat lacking and my knowledge is not up to par.

I am trying to read a lot of stuff for the past couple of weeks so I could catch up a little but I can only do so much between getting sick, sleeping, eating and being lazy.

Seriously though, I don’t think it’s a problem with time, I know that if you really want to do something, you’d make time for it no matter what because it is important to you. But somehow, I can’t seem to be focused on anything. It seems that I’m trying to do a lot of stuff in the shortest possible time only ending up with being able to finish nothing at all.

I’m reading a book about Information Architecture, before I could finish the first 5 chapters I want to move on to Ambient Findability, then I’d read up on Ruby on Rails but then I’d remember something about PhP and try to look it up and it would seem too complicated that I’d just end up reading the newest replies in Plurk.

I just don’t know what I want anymore.

The saddest part is when, one day, I actually wondered if this is really, or rather still, the path that I want to take and I felt even more lost. I suddenly felt like a teenager all over again where I would question who I really am and petty stuff like that. I thought that I’d just let it go and just wait for that day when lightning will strike and I’d get that eureka moment. Then I’d know what I want to focus on.

It’s pointless. *sigh*

It’s not that I’m not happy with the current situation that I am in now, it just… feels that I’m not worthy of anything. I know I said I’d stop feeling negative but I just can’t brush off something that I’ve been feeling for quite a while now.

I feel so little and worthless, inferior, inadequate and all that shit. I need to get out, why are my friends always busy when I need them? :(

A post formerly known as “This Week in Hell.” Renaming was in order because I failed yet again, to blog about this during the week that I’m feeling hellish. Literally.

Four weeks ago, I told my mother that I want to go somewhere for a while. I don’t really care who I go with or if I’m alone as long as I get a vacation. What do you know? I got a one day off from work the next Monday because I had a hard time breathing the day before!

Really, when I say I want a vacation, I actually mean vacation where I could relax and not because I’m sick! :(

So anyway, let’s move on to what this post really is about. Sleeping early and here’s how to do it, oh yeah, before that, here’s what you need:

• Really pushy parents
• A job where you could work at home
• Really understanding bosses and officemates

So anyway, to the steps! Here we go:

1. Do not have enough sleep for 3 straight weeks. First week because you’re waiting for a certain TV show, yes this is not limited to Law and Order CI and Law and Order re-runs. You could watch other TV shows you’re addicted to. Second week should be because someone in your family died. And for the 3rd week, nothing in particular. You just can’t sleep. So there we’ve laid the foundation.
2. Ignore the signs that your body is telling you. When you’re having a hard time breathing, ignore it! You’re healthy, you shouldn’t have any worries.
3. Have a breakdown. Have a hard time breathing. And when I say hard, it means you literally have to curse everyone on the planet for taking the air that you should be breathing.

   While in that state, cry for every petty reasons: you have to go to the doctor, you have to be confined in the hospital, etc. Also, don’t forget to imagine what you want to happen in your wake, e.g. you want all of your office mates there as well as the people you’ve met online and they would automatically say the good stuff about you after the mass even if it’s not in the program. (Just in case, don’t forget to tell the other people in the wake that I’m a very nice person, OK? :) ) Don’t forget to wonder whether or not these said people will be attending your burial and whether or not they will cry for real or just for show. Be happy that they might do those things.

4. Have an X-Ray and while waiting for the results have a debate with your mom whether or not the doctor who just passed by is gay or not. Be determined that he’s not and he might be your next boyfriend. This of course is only in your dreams. By the way, this is an optional step.
5. Have the doctor tell you that you are suffering from over fatigue (which your sister will later tell you that you’re not supposed to get that because you’re not a celebrity, if you don’t have a sibling, any random stranger will do) and you might have a Respiratory Tract Infection. Tell the doctor that you can’t sleep. The doctor will give you a pill that can help you sleep. It’s not a sleeping pill! It will just relax you so you could sleep. Yeah, I thought it’s the same thing too but whatever.
6. This is when the pushy parents will come in. As soon as the clock hits 9 in the evening. Have your parents nag you that you’re not supposed to sleep later than 9 and that you should drink your “relaxing pill” and that sleep is important.

Congratulations! One week of that and you’ll be asleep by 10 in the evening and awake by 6 or 7 in the morning and you’ll be bored to death because all of them are still asleep or just slept! Be wary of allergies though, make sure that you are not allergic to antibiotics, also make sure that you have destroyed every karaoke machines in your area so that you could sleep really soundly the first week. :)

I thought maybe it’s time to change. And this time it’s for real.

Close your eyes and jump. Don’t think twice. Don’t regret.
Then, you’ve lived.

Bye Grandma

My grandmother, our beloved matriarch, died last Monday. When we, my siblings, cousins and I, went to visit her, I realized how much I hate them for talking to her as if she’s already dead. I hate the fact that they’re telling us to kiss her as though that will be the last time for us to do so. Maybe I’m on denial, but it’s because I still want her here.

The next day, my mom called from the hospital crying telling me to make sure to do the errands she asked me so she’d have less to think about — and I knew.

For quite sometime after that phone call, I felt like the entire world was mourning with us. It was 3 in the afternoon but the whole place was so quiet. When was the last time it happened?

Grandma and I were never close, I was never close with any of my relatives actually, but I got to talk to her from time to time. She’s strong and level-headed and is not nosy on other people’s businesses because she’d rather mind her own. She would never side with you even though you’re crying because it doesn’t always mean that you’re right but she’s still very, very, very caring with her children. It’s not obvious though.

It amuses me that whenever someone passes away, people felt that they need to say everything that’s good about the person. Even though they know that the person they’re describing won’t be able to appreciate what they’ve been telling others.

I don’t believe in regret. You’ve done something knowing that it was right at that time, you’ve done it consciously so you have no right to want to take it back. But now, I feel that I regret not being able to say “I love you” to my grandma. I’ve never told my paternal grandma how much I loved her too. I never learn do I?

I did told my mom that I love her while I was embracing her yesterday. Then I realized why I’ve never done that. We’re really not showy people, blame my grandfathers for my parents being shy in showing what they feel and teaching us that too.

My maternal grandfather was Chinese (actually both my grandfathers were Chinese, my paternal grandfather died when my father was in grade 6 though) and my maternal grandma was a Cebuana (my paternal grandma was an Ilocana and today’s her death anniversary). It always puzzles me whenever I think how they communicate with each other. A Chinese who couldn’t speak a coherent string of Filipino words, a Cebuana who doesn’t know a thing about speaking in Chinese, yet they were able to stay together until my grandfather’s death.

I don’t remember if my grandmother cried. I assume she did.

I just realized just how self-centered people could become in their time of grief. Who would’ve known?

Loving and Losing

I always tell people that I don’t believe in love. That love only exists to hurt you and there are no honest loves because I’m surrounded by people injured by it.

Honestly, I’m lying. My parents have been together for 24 years (tomorrow is their anniversary, how nice, no?). They’ve been together for 10 years before they decided to tie the knot.

My maternal grandparents have been together, as I’ve said before, until my grandfather’s death. After my paternal grandfather died, my grandmother did not marry anyone again.

I’ve managed to convince myself that they never existed. That it’s better to think and expect bitter endings than happy ever after so that it will lessen the disappointment and hurt you’re bound to feel. Why did I come up with such a stupid resolution?

I just realized how sad my grandmother was when my grandfather died. I’ve never thought of my parents as 2 individuals actually. They’ve always been one. I don’t want to think what would happen to the other if the other went away. We’ve been too dependent on one another that it’s hard to think we could still move on if one went missing.

How vulnerable.

On Change

I’ve always known why I hate change, because it messes up other’s perspective of you. I feel that one could go on in their entire life without making any changes. But sometimes change is necessary.

• Don’t think of what other people think. Not all of the time at least, because it’s how you perceive yourself that’s important.
• Always think of the positive things in everything. If you can’t find one, make it up and make sure that you convince yourself so you’d feel better.
• Be decisive!

So now that all the sad stuff has been released I’m ready to enjoy life. Yay for change! :)

Life is short, make it sweet.

That’s what I did and look what happened.

I now resemble Willy Wonka, the difference is that he looks better than me. And mine’s flatter. And he looks like he’s a serial murderer who will eat Charlie once his grandpa looks away.

Since I got home, I’ve been pestering my family members on whether it really suits me or not. My brothers and sisters all told me that it doesn’t look good while my parents, being the loving and supportive parents that they are, told me that it looks good on me and it’s nice to see me having a short hair again.

I miss my long hair now. So that’s one death.

June 20, the pink mac that was assigned to me died. It just won’t open. I waited for hours and hours but it still won’t open. I used the desktop and logged in to the office mail and told Raymond that the mac won’t start. We couldn’t find a solution. The next day I went to Power Mac Center in Trinoma and nothing was done, I just got a backup of the files that I think is important that time which is not that much.

Monday came and Luis and I went to the office to resurrect the pink mac but it just vomits the Leopard installer, so it remained dead. He told me to bring to the Power Mac Center in Greenbelt and in the meantime, he let me use his MacBook Pro so I could close some bugs. I would’ve brought the pink mac in PMC in Greenbelt that day but I haven’t had enough sleep since Friday because:

• I was worried that the mac won’t be resurrected
• Typhoon Frank + Brownout = Need I say more?

So Tuesday morning, I woke up earlier than usual and brought the pink mac hoping that something can still be done. After an hour (or so) the tech guy went out of the room and gave the pink mac back to me alive and well! Yay!

I had to say goodbye to him though because he’s overheating now and so Luis gave me a new white (currently dirty white) MacBook which is faster (it loads up Parallels in a flash, it’s amazing), has more storage space and is cleaner (for now) but somehow I still miss the pink MacBook. Right now, he’s sitting beside the Windows machine. What lonely life he has now. :(

Amidst all these, I realized how dependent I’ve been to the macbook about everything. I never memorized my usernames and passwords, all the conversations are in Adium (why can’t Yahoo! save the chat conversations just like in GMail?!), the FTP accounts I need are in Cyberduck. But, well, that’s that and we can’t do anything about it now, can we? So I just promised myself that I will never let that happen again. I promise to take a very good care of you now, The Mac II. :)

J: Wawa naman si Mae, mag-isang babae lang (chuckles)
Me: Tagal ko ng mag-isang babae ngayon mo lang napansin? (laughs)

J: Kape tayo, pero yoko na sa Starbucks, nagsasawa na ko eh.
E: Tara Starbucks tayo.
Me: (laughs) ayaw niya na nga sa Starbucks eh.
J: Sawa na nga ko dun tapos dun mo pa ko yayayain (laughs)

L: No Mae! He’s supposed to be dead already.
Me: Eh I want him alive! Yaan mo na.
L: No, he’s dead already. You’re not supposed to do that.
[...]
E: Parang there’s no logical reason bakit siya natutulog sa coffin.
L: Kaya nga eh (laughs)
Me: I want him aliiiiiive!
[...]
Me: Hala wala na nagdugtong.. nalulungkot na ko.
L: Eh kasi pinatay na nga binuhay mo pa eh…
Me: (murmur) Eh para nga masaya eh… :(

L: I don’t want to have an office cat anymore.
R: We have an office cat?

J: Wow, nagugutom ako.
L: Nagulat ka? Kami hindi eh.
Laughs

Some friends I have

B: Sabi ni [friend name] mag-ingat daw ako kasi baka i-hambalos mo yung CPU sakin
Me: Grabe, ganun ba ako ka-brutal??
B: (paused then laughed out loud)

B: Sinabihan ko nga si [friend name] na magkikita tayo ngayon, gusto niya sumama, sabi ko alam mo namang mabigat dugo sayo ni Mae ngayon tapos magpapakita ka.
Me: Napaka-salbahe ko naman!
(nagtext)

Family Life

P: Sino huling gumamit ng PC sa taas? Bakit bumagal yun?
Me: Mabagal naman po talaga yun ah.
P: Lalong bumagal eh.
Me: May ibabagal pa po pala yun?! Wow ha.
[..]
P: Bakit bumagal yung PC sa taas? Ano dinowload mo dun?
A: Hala, nag-friendster lang ako dun.
P: Eh ano yung mga pic na andun?
A: Pic ko lang yun.
P: Sabi na nga ba kaya nagka-virus eh! Sabing wag mo lalagay picture mo dun eh.
A: (shouts) Mama si Papa ooooooooh!!!

L: Achie bakit ka aalis ng may throw pillow sa tyan? Ilabas mo yan!
M: laughs out loud
Me: Mama oooohhh… Inaaway po nila ako! :(