Welcome To My World

Just Clearing My Mind Here

2013-05-19T23:34:00.003+08:00

This is how I imagine it:

I wake up from my bed. The sky's still a dim blue.

I grab the remote from the bedside cabinet and switch on the TV, while I head to the bathroom to freshen up. The morning news today, fortunately, has delivered more positive content than negative.

I take the hotel key card, close the door (ah what the heck, I'll let the housekeeper tidy things this time) and take the lift down. Time for a scrumptious continental breakfast.

Alright, back in the room with a fuller stomach and a freshened mind. Grab my laptop, equipment, and other necessities. I'm outta here.

Well I've already been to that place yesterday, it was kinda fun. Where to now... maybe I'll just blindly pick a random MRT station and THERE! Okay, that's my destination.

...

I'm sitting at a table in a café, primed with my laptop and coffee in hand. The ambient buzz from the nearby chatter and whirring of machines is just right.

What should I do now? Continue that story I've been working on? Or brainstorm for more ideas for the half-done lyrics? Maybe I'll switch between both every now and then to stave away the monotony.

The typing on the keyboard is soft and therapeutic, slightly detaching me away from the physical environment around me. For now, it's only the flow of the ideas that matters. I have to free them from my mental cage or they will die undeserving deaths. Even if the ideas are not brilliant by themselves, they may exhibit synergy when fused.

Hmm? What's that melody? Some guy's handphone just rang. That's an interesting tune I've not heard before... maybe I'll note it down somewhere and build upon it in some mini-composition.

Quick check on Facebook and Twitter... alright. Perhaps I should wander around the streets here. Haven't had much time to use the camera and recorder recently.

...

Ah, finally back in my cool hotel room! So exhausted! But at least I've added on to my sample collection quite a bit.

I take a quick bath, then take the laptop out again to review on the stuff I've done so far... right after watching some YouTube videos and playing a quick game first. What? I can't have a break from my creative and performing work?

I wouldn't say the above is a completely ideal nor achievable lifestyle for me, but it certainly seems meaningful and resonant to me. It's not the 8/9-to-5 job that many people are prescribed to take. If anything, currently being in a 8-to-5/6 office job at the moment is just making me even more convinced that I should avoid a boring occupation like this, the longer I got stuck in this vocation.

The weird thing is I never really felt like this before until this year. My first notion of a suitable job for me was to be a standard professional performing pianist, given my talent in playing the piano. Then my mindset adjusted to some conditions of reality, and I thought I wouldn't mind doing other jobs like scientific research or engineering, given my inclination towards the sciences.

It only seems that after my separation from the education system, the creative side of my mind is yearning to come out and do something beyond what I felt comfortable in for so long. Maybe that's why I've been lately more obsessed with seeking out new non-mainstream media. Or thinking about interesting ideas for music or games. Or performing for an audience, and not just limited to classical music. Or writing stories.

It's really weird. The previous me would have been comfortable doing the job I'm tasked with right now as part of my military service. I wouldn't complain about it. Yet now I feel increasingly contained and uneasy, like a foreign pathogen becoming increasingly visible to the body's immune system. I either have to leave or perish within.

I know I've mentioned it before, but things will very likely be better had I not botched the audition so badly. And now I want to atone for it by succeeding at my second chance. With each passing work day, I'm even more convinced that just about anybody else can replace me here, and frankly most of them would be more deserving and capable of occupying this spot than I am. The only things stopping me from boycotting work altogether are the dire punishment that would result, and the guilt of hurting others that shouldn't have been involved in the first place had I not screwed up.

Many times I wished I could reverse time and undo my mistakes, but this case is the strongest by far.

Sometimes I also wish I could turn off my brain, except for the necessary functions, so I don't have to feel or remember the suffering when I work...

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2013-05-12T22:42:00.002+08:00

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Why No Face?

2013-05-05T18:00:00.001+08:00

I thought I might as well address a trivial question that has been asked to me more than a few times:

Why do I use variations of the Facebook silhouette as my profile picture?

The most immediate reason is that I don't want to use my actual face. And why do I not want to use my actual face, even though there are photos online that have me in them that I'm tagged to? Of course this isn't merely just maintaining anonymity. I know I'm not completely anonymous mostly because of my ties on Facebook.

Rather, it's firstly because I don't want EVERYONE who comes across my social media pages and other related sites to know what I look like so easily. I don't want to get so easily recognised by strangers on the street just because they've seen my profile and like what I put up online. At least let me accomplish greater achievements under the more public spotlight before I deserve that degree of recognition!

Secondly, I'm pretty aware of online witch hunts. If I do goof up really badly by putting up something so scandalous or outrageous online, at least I made it harder for angry users to get off their computers and scream at me in real life, or even physically harm me.

To sum it up, I don't want my real life to bleed in too much into my online life, or vice versa. Whatever happens online should stay online. Except when it gets so incredibly awesome it'd be stupid not to accept my online and offline fame.

Even then, why the variation of the Facebook silhouette? I could easily use an image of a fictional character I like, or a musical symbol to express my like for music, or a silly stick man drawing if I wanted, or even just not put a custom image at all. They also have the same effect, right? Well if you only consider the function of protecting my identity, then yes, that would be just as effective. But there's more to this than just anonymity.

So why the Facebook default picture? Why not use those from the other social media sites like Google+ or Twitter? Frankly I just think that Facebook's rendition of the human silhouette looks the cleanest and most generic. Also, Twitter's one isn't human. It's an egg. Well it used to be a bird, but that's still not human.

Now... why add my own twists to the Facebook silhouette? Why not just leave it as it is, and use that for my other profiles? Well... the short answer is that it's not just a profile picture, but also a canvas.

Using the silhouette as it is means that I want to show myself as a human male who frequents the Internet, prefers online pseudonymity to public identity, happens to know about Facebook, and isn't too incredibly unique from the others. But that doesn't make it personal, right?

That's why I fool around with the silhouette a bit, mostly in photo-editing software whose name I won't bother to mention because I don't want to be seen as promoting it. At first they were minor tweaks like changing colours here and there, adding tiny extra little things... but it seems I've gone bigger and went into more abstract things. I don't just fix it to suit the occasion, e.g. around a particular holiday period, but I also experiment and try out ideas that just float to mind. This way I get to express certain inner emotions and thoughts, without giving away too much about my real person.

Finally, why not just design my own silhouette or character then? That way I won't have to be tied down by the association with Facebook, like I'm one of their unofficial ambassadors. And I won't have to run into problems with accidentally violating some trademark laws or something.

And that is a valid question. I am actually considering of moving on to that stage at some point in time. I don't know when, or even if I'll do it though. I've tried drawing my own silhouette but it always led to sucky results. And I doubt I could draw a proper believable face. Perhaps the only way is to heavily modify an actual picture of a face.

So there. That answers this not-really-that-frequently asked question. Though maybe I will move on to the next phase of my pseudonymity in the near future...

He Waits For The Bus

2013-04-28T22:56:00.003+08:00

He waits for the bus.

The world's just beginning to stir from its slumber, so it's still mostly quiet. Just how he'll like it to be for the rest of the day. Too bad he never has his way with that.

The bus wheezes a little as it slows down in front of him. The transparent plastic doors swing open, waiting to swallow the next victims. He sighs and gets on board. Fleeing from the jaws won't help his situation any further.

He gazes outside the cold window as the beast of metal and plastic continues searching for more morning tidbits. He used to be able to see details of the people and cars moving along, and the static scenery zipping by. Now it's merely just a blur of dark colours to his eyes.

Finally the mammoth monster is done digesting him, and promptly regurgitates him outside a faded dull building. He sighs, knowing the next move he must make. His feet lead him along, just as parents drag their unwilling child to the dentist's. You have to do this for your own good, the feet attempt to console him. Each time though, he grows more skeptical about this "good". Has he really benefited overall from this?

No greetings. No eye-contact. The puppets that are already here continue about their own business. There's no friendly warmth or malicious fury. Just cold nonchalance.

This isn't unusual to him. It never was.

Like a bumbling sluggish moth to a flame, he gets sucked towards his prison cell. There are no physical walls around him("It's to encourage more interactions between colleagues and foster greater interpersonal relationships in the workplace," she claims, but look how that turned out). He still feels trapped at his desk though, under the scrutiny of invisible eyes.

She is the first to notice his occupation of his seat. She walks over to him, armed with stacks of documents to bind him tighter in his place. She bombards him with familiar keywords that activate the mindless puppet in him. She has laid down his prison sentence for the day, all while maintaining her icy stare and cold voice.

She trots away in her ruby heels, satisfied that her minion is primed for operation. And so he obeys, but not without taking a little sip of black fuel from the cracked porcelain cup. It used to say something on the side of the cup, but time had erased it, and he didn't care what it said anyway. No need to concern himself with trivial matters that didn't aid in the productivity of the workplace.

Once again the fingers of his left hand meet the cool plastic square pieces of the keyboard. His right hand wraps around the grey mouse. It is time to play the first movement.

He performs the same piece that he has over the last few years. The sounds of flipping pages, the shuffle of the mouse, the occasional creak of the chair, and flurries of button presses... they all combine in a twisted interplay of melodies. Nobody is bothered to appreciate the music though, not even the maestro himself: his fingers dance with much less vigour, and his body has lost much of the spark that animates him in the lonely prison.

The small hand of the white(well, slightly yellowed) clock just touches the number 12. Time for an intermission.

The humanoid robots assemble at the canteen. Robots do need to refuel, after all. Being soulless doesn't mean being an eternally working machine.

Some of them attempt to conglomerate into small groups, in hopes of at least trying to sweeten the experience a little through conversation. He knows better though, and has already given up participating in such empty exchanges of forgettable words. All he needs to do is to finish up the morsels on his plate, rest a little, and get back to work. Does it matter if that celebrity is linked to a particular scandal? Does knowing about scientific advances in the field of neurology help him finish his paperwork faster? Will chatting about his non-existent hobbies grant him an earlier exit from work? Of course not.

He takes his place back on the swiveling chair. Now for the second movement of his opus.

This next movement is a little more varied. Accents of reprimands from the ice queen decorate the preexisting musical parts, which are now more rushed and chaotic. A few ornamental sighs and groans from nearby audience members add on more layers to the piece. It's a shame that nobody is still willing to listen to the performance. Even the maestro wants to end it quickly, just like in his other performances.

At last, the small hand partially obscures the number 5. The curtains are lowered. The cell door is opened. As expected, the unwilling audience neither applauds nor jeers.

He should feel happy, finally being able to step outside the prison complex. Too bad over the years, even he has grown numb to the euphoria of sweet release. Every weekday it's the same piece for the same deaf audience, all in hopes of achieving distant dreams. As he strolls towards the bus stop, he ponders, how much longer can he keep this up? When will the time come when he'll no longer need to perform again? Or at least be allowed to switch to a more interesting repertoire?

Suddenly he finds himself back on the orange plastic bench underneath the metal roof. He sighs, knowing this means that the VIP audience members demand yet another encore from him. He never really sees these VIPs, for they always hide in the upper corridors, not really caring about the music but instead indulging in the champagne and caviar that come as complimentary luxuries with the performance.

He knows what will happen next. The mammoth beast will come again to swallow him whole, then spit him back out at his residence, where he'll have a simple dinner in his simple house, watch simple TV shows, have a simple shower, and sleep in his simple bed, where he'll hopefully have simple dreams about breaking free from the cycle and finally getting to enjoy the greater aspects of life. Of course, he'll be dragged back into his simple reality, and the cycle will continue again.

He waits for the bus.

An Impossible And Probably Ineffective Dialogue

2013-04-21T23:17:00.001+08:00

You're just getting ridiculous. And testing my patience.

Normally I'd just think that you're like that, and that's the way things are. End. But now more and more, I really wonder if you're as unbiased as you claim to be. Or at least your fans claim to be.

For so long you've been teasing me with golden apples, only to snatch them away from my line of sight at the last few moments, and throw them into the raging seas. I initially just attributed that to your playful nature, and did nothing. Besides you also "played" with other people like this too. And sometimes, you'd give me a few pieces of silver fruit instead, which isn't too bad.

Now though, even the silver fruit are barely seen at all. I really wonder, are you running short on your supply, or are you just being stingy towards me? Or are you going to throw that "you've got to work it to earn it" line at me again? Because I know it's irrelevant in this case.

Well? Still nothing to say?

I'm really growing tired of you offering no reply all the time.

You know what I think? I think you're just messing with me now. I don't know why, are you bored? Were you bribed? Threatened? Whichever the case, the point is you're not even offering any kind of fruit to me anymore: every single time I see your hands are clean, or at the most dirtied with crumbs. Yet when I see you with other people, the same hands now cradle cornucopias. Of course a few of them are truly deserving due to their monumental achievements they've accomplished, but I'm confident I'm pretty much on par with the remaining majority.

What's going on here? I know I cannot rely on your supply all the time, but this is almost cutting me off completely. Did I unintentionally insult you? If so I apologise, and hope that we can make up for things. But I doubt that's the case here, right?

For the most part you always encouraged me to undergo the struggle, and take control of matters around me, before I receive the reward. Now barely anything's within my control. Too many random factors had skewed the outcome. And you're blaming me for something I couldn't foresee nor prevent? Maybe I'm not the only one with issues here.

I thought you were the same caring benefactor that helped oversee my progress. Now I'm not so sure if you've changed for the worse. I'm finding it harder to recognise you as you are.

Perhaps we need a breather? I don't mind it. We could just spend time away from each other for a while. After all, we've been together ever since I could remember, and maybe privacy is the best medicine here. I know I can't completely separate from you at the moment, but this seems like the best thing we could do for now.

Of course you're still not going to say anything. Even when I try to offer a solution you don't even blink. Are you so stubborn like that? I've already tolerated this for a long time, and frankly I think this has got to change. There's only so much I can do, and this time I'm very near my limit.

This is definitely not the end. I've certainly got much more to say to you. And I'm tired of hiding it all from you till now. I will see that I get what benefits us both the most.

Just you wait.

Sounds of Singapore

2013-04-14T00:44:00.002+08:00

I've had this idea floating in my head for quite a while now. There's been lots of debate and discussion over each year's National Day song(s) for Singapore, in recent years. "Why the melody so weird?" "Lyrics so forgettable leh!" "Aiyo very hard to sing!" "Don't even have the word 'Singapore' in it! ...okay lah, actually got, but still only like one or two times only!" "Eee the lyrics so lame!" "This hardly describes Singapore at all!"

So I've been thinking: what if we just shift the emphasis away from lyrics altogether?

I'm not saying just come up with a National Day composition without any singing at all. I won't mess with tradition! Instead this is an idea that I've considered doing for quite a while, but never really found enough time or motivation to do it yet. In essence, I may want to make a collection of music that might better summarize what Singapore means to us. Not really songs, but more like soundscapes: sounds that are commonly associated with Singapore, weaved together in a musical way.

That certainly sounds like a very ambitious project to take on, doesn't it? Actually this idea isn't entirely original: I know there have been televised attempts to do similar things, i.e. record sounds from all over Singapore, add in some instrumental and vocal sounds, and mix them into a song. Don't know what happened to those final products though, which unfortunately hints at the success of my current idea.

Still, I don't want to completely throw away this idea. More often than not, abstract musical sounds capture the essence of ideas more succinctly than lyrics. The whole action-speaks-louder-than-words effect, you know. This might be a more effective (and perhaps subtle) way of putting Singaporean's sentiments and opinions into a public form.

Also it seems like a more vibrant and interesting way to express what Singapore has to offer, and what we hold significant in ourselves. Something different from writing an article, right? Plus there could be opportunities here and there for collaboration with other local artistes... if they're willing...

The tricky bit is making use of the sounds that "mean" Singapore. From the top of my head there are the familiar bus and train sounds, including the beeps from tapping the ez-link cards on the readers; the sound of money flying away as the ERP gantry deducts money from your card; the cacophony of chatting customers, plates clinking with cutlery, and shouting drink runners at coffee shops and hawker centres; construction noises like blaring blowtorches and loud drills partially blocked by metal walls; the radio announcements of winning lottery numbers; speeches made by Members of Parliament or Ministers; conversation dialogue in local TV shows... the list is not that short, actually. Apart from ownership issues that I might run into when sampling some of these sounds, the planning needed to organise all these sounds would take a really long while.

Maybe I could ask around for ideas of more relevant sounds to use. Of course not every composition will be entirely made of those samples only; they'll likely be a mix of samples and other instrumental sounds.

But this will certainly take a lot of time and effort. Spreading out the workload means taking months to finish an album like this. And I'll certainly need good equipment to deal with the samples. All of this is feasible, but certainly demands quite a lot in commitment.

What do you think about this? Is it worth giving this idea a shot? It would be quite timely to have this done by next year August if I do commit to this, as a way to celebrate that year's National Day, wouldn't it?

Time Out

2013-04-07T23:02:00.003+08:00

Perhaps falling into a deep slumber wouldn't be so bad after all.

I used to think that it'd totally suck if I fell into some super long coma where I would be out for months or even years. And that's totally logical thinking. Who'd want to spend so much time being unable to move or eat or drink or walk around and spend time with friends or play games or whatever? There's so much out there to do if I had the choice.

Life was, and still is, buzzing about out there, not waiting for me to dive in and experience the wonders. The waking life, at least. But I think I've grown more and more weary of the downsides of this waking life.

In no way am I saying that I don't want to live anymore. The good things in life are too numerous and too tantalizing for me to give up that easily. But even taking too much candy would eventually get you sick, and playing a super amazing game for too long will eventually leave you drained and tired of it. All I want is a big time-out from life. Some people take extravagant overseas trips to seek truths or renew their spirits or just temporarily forget about life's burdens, but clearly my allowance would be unable to support that. Even getting a "proper job" later in life would not guarantee enough money in the short-term.

That's why I've been pondering again about the idea of slipping into a deep sleep and not waking up for a really long time. At the moment I pass the time on weekdays feeling so disconnected from myself, and perceiving events around me as surreal, so it wouldn't really be too different from being in a dream instead. The weekends... okay, some of them are quite fun, but usually I just spend them trying to recover from the weekdays by doing lots of mind-wandering. And that's not too different from dreaming either.

Being in the deep sleep could give me lots of time to do either of two things: dream, or hibernate. I could have the strange coma that involves my subconscious wandering around lots of different dream scenes, maybe even lucid dreams where I could actively sort myself out or immerse myself in fantasies that are beyond reality. Or I could just black out the entire time I have my eyes closed, and do absolutely nothing. That's fine with me too, because at least I don't have to think about anything related to life.

Another strange thought, but I also want more and more to detach myself from my own physical body and wander temporarily. It's not just psychological bugs in life that annoy me. Physical restraints have also confined me from being the free soul that I wish to be. Like I said, taking my own life is way too drastic an option, so slipping into deep unconsciousness is the closest thing.

I suppose this is related to why I still get drawn strongly towards music since I've first known. Sure, music is a medium for entertainment and transmission of ideas, but it can also temporarily draw listeners into the worlds that the musicians want to create and show off. On the listener's side, I get to escape the real world for a while and explore the other worlds. On the composer's side, I get to craft that very experience. And on the performer's side, I act as the bridge between visitor and creator. In other words, I get to make and experience waking dreams of a sort.

Anyway, the point is that I'm getting more and more drawn towards the idea of taking a break from life altogether. A long one, but not a permanent divorce. One night I'll close my eyes, drift off to sleep, and either spend my time in nothingness, or in an ever-changing odyssey through worlds where I might feel even more alive than in real life, ironically.

And when I wake up, I'll be greeted by a better world that has been anticipating my return trip to reality.

And perhaps I'll return, with better ideas and a better mind...

Utopia?

2013-03-31T21:59:00.001+08:00

This is a world that I saw. A world of beauty, of joy, of knowledge.

This world looked and felt so spectacular. Well, not too completely different from the world I'm in. Streaks of familiarity still exist, but a lot is vastly improved. At least improved in my opinion.

The level of technology there has surpassed ours by miles. They have succeeded in perfect resource management: no wastage, and unlimited production of material goods. The free flow of ideas is no longer under oppression of corporations solely focused on profits. Diseases were no longer a problem at all, and cures for new viruses/bacteria were immediately developed. Intercommunication technology has never been more powerful.

Nobody has been left behind in this world's pursuit of progress. Poverty has been eradicated. Education is now globally accessible across all classes. Learning opportunities are ample and varied. Sanitation, stability, security, housing, welfare, life expectancy... these were problems of the past for them.

People here are way more open-minded, no longer as stubborn in their opinions. Philosophical debates are not as uncommon. Discussions went about in a very organised manner. Meanwhile, people are much more free to explore and create. Many more sandbox environments had been established, giving the next generation of creators and pioneers great places to experiment without risk.

Culture has flourished a lot. Older traditions coexist with fresh new trends. Art has pushed boundaries even further, in terms of public accessibility, media, and concepts explored. Generational gaps in technology and culture are much more easily bridged. Not unusual to see grandparents, parents and children actively engaged in games or outings together anymore.

Oh it was such a marvelous sight. Cities bustled with commoners that didn't have to worry about financial or health problems. Imagination and reality have become much more blurred. Crime was nothing more than a tiny annoying speck of dust drifting in society. Instead, mutual cooperation has become ridiculously integrated into everyday life across the world. No matter the demographic, everyone was a potential creator. Science no longer clashed with ethics. Religions took on much less aggressive forms and adapted to the more liberal minds of the world.

And I felt so heartbroken that I had to leave this world. I couldn't stay in that world, for I did not belong there.

At least not yet.

Dreaming

2013-03-24T23:33:00.000+08:00

I should finish this drink soon, I remember I have something to attend to afterwards... a meeting, I think. I'll come back another time to enjoy the rest that this coffee shop has to offer.

Was this place always this cold? I mean, I do like the coolness of the air here, but today seems unusually chilly. The jacket I'm wearing seems to do little. Now where am I supposed to head to... wait, what do I mean "where am I supposed to head to"? I know where I'm supposed to go! It's just along this winding alley here. Geez, I've taken this path for months already.

Oh wait, I remember now. Some silly appointment with a client complaining about some trivial problems. Even on a Saturday I can't rest. Well given the profession I've landed myself in, it can't be helped...

"Sorry to keep you waiting."

"Nah, it's okay. It's only been a minute. I've had clients way worse in punctuality."

Short black hair, bright eyes, pink shirt and red blouse, with an ordinary brown leather handbag... she doesn't look like somebody plagued with problems she couldn't handle. So why me then?

"You're thinking why I picked you, right? Frankly because the others have failed, and you're the remaining option I have."

"Well then, I'm guessing it's not because you have faith in my ability."

"Not quite. I know what you're capable of. But I also need someone resilient enough to endure the journey, and return safely."

"You're asking me to be a guinea pig?"

"If you want to put it bluntly, yes. But somebody has to do it, otherwise we'll have absolutely no information to work with."

Sigh. This really is starting to feel less and less worth the measly pay I get from this.

"Fine. So when do we star—"

Did something just explode? I swear I just heard a boom.

"I guess we start now. Let me pass this to you first."

She quickly rummages through her handbag and puts a monarch butterfly charm in my hand.

"Don't get fancy ideas about luck or love. That's a special tag to make sure we can monitor you over there. Now move!"

More explosions. People are running away in the opposite direction that we are sprinting. Funny, knowing how unstable this world is, you'd think that the residents here would be less panicky here after seeing the weird phenomena that has been occurring.

And I'm supposed to be part of the plan in stopping this crazy crap from happening. Well, at least stop it from happening too often.

"...so how am I supposed to pass through?"

"Try to find a spot of weakness. A shimmering, a ripple, anything that suggest a vulnerable area that you can dive into."

More shattered windows and demolished buildings. This beast is getting quite rampant.

"Alright, so what have we got here...?" She says that like she's browsing through a shopping catalogue. Not like she'll actually want to buy that hulking mass of black slime, with its long dangerous arms that are still slashing through the infrastructure like butter.

"Go ahead, I'll cover you. Just find a point of entry quickly!"

She quickly takes out a pair of black pistols from her handbag. Looks can be deceiving in her case. No time to think though. I just quickly run towards the beast.

Right arm coming in. I do a swift maneuver and dodge the swinging arm.

Left arm from above. Roll to the side. Bits of gravel fly from behind as it crashes on the ground. I can hear her dealing out waves of bullets at the beast.

...there! A little warping right in the middle of the belly. This is going to be fun.

"Hey! Before you go in..." she's blaring in that communicator on my right ear. How did she even connect to it???

"Yeah what? Make it quick! The portal may not last too long."

"Firstly, your communication devices will NOT work on the other side. Secondly, your memory may be warped a little, but you have to focus. We don't want to lose another guy in there."

"Anything else?"

"Try to retrieve as many of our lost personnel as you can, if you manage to keep yourself together. We can still gain data from them. And one more thing..."

"Yes?"

"Come back safely."

...is she feeling really worried for me? But we've just met—

"JUST GO!"

Ow! She nearly fried the communicator! Fine then, here goes nothing...

I leap into the ripple, expecting to feel the disgusting slime enveloping around me soon...

Huh? I don't feel anything. It's like I just jumped into space—

"Good luck."

Did her voice change? Gah, probably weird space effects in this portal. Whatever, just need to remember what my mission is, who the others are, and who I am...

Wait. Who am I?

Uh oh.

Hope I'm still in one piece when—

...uhh... how long have I been asleep... what time is it?

Oh. It's still like 5 minutes before I have to get up.

Goodness. It felt like an eternity in my sleep. Too bad I don't remember what I was dreaming abou—

Wait. I do kinda remember bits and pieces.

...black slime?

...a girl...

..."complete the mission"... what mission?

Ah, probably just a ridiculous dream. What does the weather outside look like no—

Is that a... monarch butterfly on the windowsill?

A Celebration Turned Into A Rant

2013-03-18T00:26:00.001+08:00

Had quite a bit of fun today. Well not technically today since it's already like past midnight, but it was a few hours ago.

St Patrick's Day was celebrated along a small portion of Boat Quay, and the presence of green and clovers was more than noticeable. My dad and I came along to see the usual beer-drinking and merrymaking being formalised into a properly organised event for the first time here.

We got more than what we came for. We also happened to chance upon Baracuda Batucada, the energetic group of percussionists from Ngee Ann Polytechnic that drummed out infectious arrangements of rhythms and sounds. Needless to say they gathered quite a few crowds, and got many listeners bouncing to the beat. That itself was already pretty enjoyable to watch.

On more than a few occasions, a few adventurous people who just couldn't contain their bodies anymore decided to spontaneously break out into dance in front of the performers, who clearly didn't mind. In fact it just strengthened the performer-audience rapport, and showed evidence that music can still reach out to people even without the presence of a melody.

It was a nice scene: the listeners were at least smiling if they didn't dare to answer the urge to dance, and the performers were doing what they did best with genuine joy. All this happened on a bridge that illuminated boats glided underneath, surrounded by various buildings that housed some of the finest in outdoor or indoor dining and entertainment. The air was cool and breezy. The energy level was high.

I guess this further made me aware of why I'm terribly torn in choosing specialised subjects for university.

The main reason was that I didn't have an extremely strong inclination towards one field only. Knowing my skills in the subjects I've studied for the past 6 years, I can at most say that I'll probably be better at science-related stuff, which is very unhelpful because it leaves me with fundamental sciences and most of the multitude of engineering choices. But a secondary reason is that after hearing all the speeches on the various courses offered, and visiting many of the booths scattered across the campuses, every subject has good arguments for how those who pursue it will make quite an impact on the country, if not the world.

That scene I was in just now was only possible through the accumulation of efforts of people from various fields: land planning, real estate, architecture, engineering, tourism, education, music, business... they are the numerous gears that, when put together correctly, help make the grand project tick like clockwork. None of them are dispensable in this.

As ideal as it may be to do just purely what I like for the rest of my life, reality dictates that I should at least do something that helps my chances of independent survival in today's world. Basically, I should pick a career that is both sought after and is something I'd probably like to do for at least a few decades. The latter requirement is already tricky considering how I have a clearer idea of what I would not like to do. To pick a career that would be sought after... that's not so obvious to me either because it seems that the country needs more people in more types of jobs.

Sometimes I wish it was enough to be myself, with no need to deal with compromises between interest and practicality. What's wrong with just doing something I really like that others may get to enjoy or benefit from? I wish we could just do away with the extra complications like potential future salary, life cycle of the industry, stigmas against people holding certain jobs...

Follow Your Heart

2013-03-10T18:56:00.001+08:00

"Follow your heart. Don't cave in to peer pressure or society's preconceptions."

That's a recurring idea in many of the talks I attended across a few various university Open House events. The speakers aren't wrong: it's hard to put in the required effort to succeed in a field, when you're not really passionate about the subject at all. And if you graduate and go into a related job, you won't enjoy your job enough to do your best either, instead compromising both yourself and the industry concerned. It's generally agreed that pursuing one's dream will be to the interest of the majority.

I think this rising mindset is partly to do with the fact that the younger generations, including myself, have been more exposed to childhood movies. And not just any kind of childhood movies, but those that liked to express the idea that following your heart is a recommended path, even if it means a path with more resistance or risk. We know that one protagonist who was heavily discouraged from straying from the safe path set out for them, only to defy such pressure and truly shine in the role that he/she really belonged to. Like that one girl who would be a highly qualified doctor given her excellent academic performance, but instead went to take on her true love of singing on stage. Or that guy who was to have continued the family line of baseball superstars, only to deviate and take up the "less manly" role of dancing. (Actually I've no idea if such movies were made, but if not, I thought of them first!)

The older generations have slowly started to accept this mindset as well. When they had to decide their career paths, more often they were driven by survival/sustainability rather than interest. More often than not the economy's demands overrode the individual's dreams. If the economy needed more doctors and researchers, then it seemed a more sensible idea to become a doctor or researcher. These days, with more and more job types springing up thanks to technological advancement, diversity has shared at least equal priority too, because it meant more lifelines to hold on to should one industry suffer. This also meant more people could now pursue the less conventional jobs that aligned with their personal interests more tightly.

So I am grateful that I live in a time period where I'm not just allowed, but even strongly encouraged to go with my passion in my academic choices. I'm not forced to be the lawyer or doctor that I don't want to be. I've got more control over the steering wheel.

And I've been thinking... should I do the same for my current situation in the army?

I can't deny that my current job is certainly important, and somebody will need to fill in when my upper-study leaves, but I still cannot shake the heavy feeling that I can contribute in a more significant and meaningful way in the MDC. I've been trying my best at picking up the skills and knowledge needed for the job, but it's already started to creep up on me. After a bit of chatting with my upper-study, even he agrees that I'll probably be more useful in the MDC. Besides there's a larger pool of suitable candidates that could easily replace me here, but not as great a pool for the MDC to choose from.

The problem is I can't discuss this with my superior officers yet. I'd rather wait for things to simmer down, because I don't want to cause even more problems on top of the heavy workload at the moment. But once that's over, I believe it's in the interest of everybody for me to speak up as soon as possible. The thing is I don't know how ready they are to let me go...

It's true that what I'll learn from the current office job I have will be practical and widely applicable in many other jobs. So will being in the MDC. I recognise that interacting with people is inevitable in either situation, or in many future possible situations. At least I'll be more comfortable developing my interpersonal skills in the MDC than in the office. It sounds like I'm just avoiding responsibility, but the pressure to be a good performer seems much less than the pressure to be a good clerk to me. As a musician I have better grasp on relevant knowledge, possess way more relevant experience, and pay a smaller cost for mistakes: at most I just sound bad, or make the group sound bad. Being a clerk, however, throws me into a completely unfamiliar territory where almost none of my skills or experiences can help me out, and places a much heavier penalty for committing mistakes.

I have firm confidence that being in the MDC will allow me to do way more for the SAF during my service. That itself is already unusual, because I very rarely have firm confidence in my own opinions. I don't remember the last time I've been so non-neutral on a personal stand. And it's certainly the first time I want to act so strongly on my own belief, added on by the fact that a few people whom I know also think I deserve to be there.

I'm growing tired of keeping this hush from the superiors. I can't spring this out at them so suddenly, but I fear if I don't act soon then it'll be much harder for me to do anything to change my situation. I have to let them know soon. Maybe next week might be a convenient time...?

One thing's for sure: I can't keep taking such a passive role in my life all the time.

A Bit Lost

2013-03-03T22:51:00.001+08:00

This month's going to be one heck of a month, being loaded with such heavy decisions.

'A' Levels results get released, and BANG! Open House events at the local universities spring up. I've been to two so far, and though I've narrowed some of the choices provided, the remainder of choices left are still quite a lot. And I haven't seen the remaining schools I could apply to yet.

I'm not completely clueless as to what I want to pursue, but I haven't been able to pinpoint to sufficiently specific fields yet. Ridiculously demanding things like law are definitely out, of course, but I don't feel that much closer to forming a feasible plan for university. I really have no idea why I don't have any strong inclination towards any particular path...

Meanwhile I'm starting to worry about my current situation at the workplace. At first I thought my new designated job would seem simple enough to handle, but as time progressed, I got a clearer idea of just what I got myself into. I may not be shouldering complete responsibility yet, but I already foresee myself struggling a lot if I fully take over the role from my upper-study.

Even now I'm having some problems with the little bits of tasks I'm assisting in. I initially dismissed this as attributable to me being new to the workplace and still adjusting to the foreign environment and people, and I thought things would fall into place soon. Yet up till now I haven't felt any more confident or capable of doing my job. In fact I think I've realised just how unsuitable I am for the job, but knowing how the other jobs are more or less similar to this one, where does that leave me?

I really should speak up now before things escalate to a breaking point, but I really don't know how my superiors would react knowing that I should have brought it up earlier... and even then, how are they going to help me out?

Honestly I don't think I'm suited for such administrative work at all. I don't even know why I got the designation of an admin clerk. I'm already plenty grateful for not having to deal with arms or putting my own and others' lives at risk, but... I'm just making myself sound even more whiny and spoiled, aren't I?

"Oh don't worry yourself too much over this, eventually you'll get used to this, and tolerate your job until ORD lor!" That's what I'm worried about: I'm pretty certain I can't get used to this. It's stressing me out more and more trying to absorb the relevant knowledge and practices in the workplace. But to spring up something big like this to my superiors, in a period where the work gets especially hectic, would be really inconvenient to say the least.

I'm so torn over this. I don't want to cause too much collateral damage to others, but I also don't want to ignore my well-being for too long. It feels so real, teetering near the edge of the mental cliff...

Am I severely over-reacting? Or am I truly a misfit in the office?

Sweet(s) Destruction

2013-02-24T21:38:00.002+08:00

I'm trying really hard not to fall back on talking about the monotonous routine in my life, and how I'm still not fully comfortable with the circumstances I've been thrust into to deal with for 20+ months.

So I'll avoid that.

Instead I thought of discussing a particular game that has mysteriously swept across the nation, captivating players that are mostly above the intended target age group. A game that is sugar-coated with cute colourful art and a sort of underlying plot, but possesses interesting game mechanics that have helped in holding a firmer grip on fans.

Yes, it's Candy Crush Saga.

After seeing some of my Facebook friends publishing activity on this odd game, and not seeing signs of it receding for quite a while, I decided to satisfy my curiosity on just what's so interesting about this game.

What was the game like essentially? It's very similar to ordinary match-three games: you swap adjacent candies to make matches of at least 3 of the same type, either horizontally or vertically. It also features special candies that get formed when you do match-formations that exceed 3 of the same type, i.e. 4 in a row, T- or L-matches, and 5 in a row. The first one grants a striped candy that clears a row/column when matched, depending on how it was formed. The second one grants a wrapped sweet that explodes twice when matched. The third one grants a colour bomb that, when swapped with a normal candy of a particular colour, destroys all candies of that same colour.

So I thought that this was quite like Bejeweled, the older and arguably more popular match-3 game. Then I found out about the other more interesting features:

Unlike Bejeweled, Candy Crush Saga had the extra ability to swap two special candies with each other, e.g. a striped candy with a colour bomb. Doing so activated other more powerful abilities that could clear the board better than with just one special candy. Taking the striped/colour combo, this causes all candies of that colour to become striped candies that immediately get activated, thus clearing out a lot of rows and columns at once.

Okay, so that's fine. An extra mechanic. But just one extra mechanic alone needn't always make an otherwise typical match-3 game really special. That's why the levels are also an important factor in the game's success. Apart from the normal "get at least this score in this number of moves or within the time limit" challenges, there are a few other types like bringing certain objects on the board from the top to the bottom. And each level has a unique level layout to keep it fresh.

Furthermore, other obstacles are gradually introduced. Caged candies cannot be manipulated until it's involved in a valid match, for instance. Chocolate gradually occupies the board one space at a time, relentlessly consuming candies, unless broken by adjacent matches. There are even portals, for goodness sake!

The only gripe I have is that your success in completing the level becomes more and more dependent on your luck, the more you progress. It wouldn't matter much that you're really seasoned in the game, if the random number generator in charge of spawning the candies on the board isn't agreeable with you. That clearly isn't a problem for the game company itself, because there's where the money comes from. Frustrated players who want to quickly get ahead of fellow friends may buy extra power-ups that could aid them in harder levels... something that I often frown upon in many games today. Purchases of purely cosmetic goods like character appearance are fine by me, since they don't give an extra advantage to the player.

So if you're wondering how many teenagers and adults are getting hooked onto a simple matching game that's taking over computers and portable devices everywhere, the game genuinely can be quite interesting and addictive. I can say that most of us don't care about the cutesy story at all, treating it as merely flavourful filler content. Yet the game can invoke such great emotions: frustration at being unable to complete the level for the gazillionth time, and joy at finally being able to succeed after numerous tries.

Why not have a go at it? It's fine if you don't like it, not everyone has a sweet tooth. And if you find yourself hooked, be prepared to see time fly :P

Adjustments

2013-02-17T20:35:00.000+08:00

I still think all this feels a bit weird.

I know it's been more than a month since enlistment, and more than a week since my deployment, but I've yet to settle in. And it's not just because I've absolutely never held a job before. I can't get used to the people around me just yet. It's not completely the fault of their personalities and characteristics. It's just me.

But I'll give it time. I have to, because I'm pretty certain I'll be stuck there for the rest of NS. I need to adjust soon, and make the remainder of the two years as painless as possible.

Also I'm still trying to get my head wrapped around the operations that I'll have concern myself with. It's certainly busier and more complicated than what I expected. Well perhaps not as bewilderingly confusing as remembering the specifications and proper maintenance of your weapons, but nonetheless not simple to deal with. I had an easier time picking up on the rules and guidelines of my school in the first few days!

And I'm finding myself more and more nostalgic about school life. Sure there is still a system of discipline and control in a school, but it feels less rigid. I had more freedom in what I could do when I had free time... which I also had more of.

Ah heck. Nostalgia's not going to win me back that freedom. Only the meaningful passing of time can get me through this quickly. But I still can't help but feel that even if I do my best at my new job, it wouldn't be as meaningful and self-beneficial as I want it to be. Of course I'll pick up on practical skills that'll be useful in most other jobs, but that's not what life is all about, right?

Well... if I can't find the self-improvement that I seek in this job, I could look elsewhere. Maybe some free courses? Weekend classes?

I don't have to rush through these decisions. But I can't delay them for too long either...

Water Snake

2013-02-11T21:09:00.005+08:00

Whoops, got a little carried away relaxing over the break! No matter, a day late isn't too much of a deal here.

So what to fill this blank slate with tonight? I can't say too much about the CNY stuff, because this year's celebrations are considerably mellow compared to last year's. Might be partly to do with the fact that the dragon has left the building in favour of the snake. Might be partly due to the horrid rain too. I have no idea when was the last time it rained on the start of a Lunar New Year. We did still have some fun, just maybe not as exciting as before. Simple conversations, exchange of greetings and oranges, lion dance performances, they were still there. Games, not so much.

Speaking about the rain, it seems to have wreaked havoc all over the island, especially in low-lying areas. Those online pictures of flooded coffee shops and campuses are just a few of the many testaments of the impact. Certainly must have caused some problems for school orientation events and pre-CNY gatherings...

As the second day of festivities dies down, we all brace for impact as we prepare to plunge back into the workweek. At least there's an extra day of buffer to ease the transition, and there's three working days in this week. But work is still work. Talking about work... working military life has been... um... frankly I haven't really been doing much working yet. My position for the next two years still seems uncertain, and I'd probably only know for sure on Wednesday. Though I do have some hope that I end up where I know I'll be totally comfortable in.

Now that I think about it, I haven't even counted the money collected from the red packets yet. Ah well, it isn't too much of a big deal how much I got... but just to satisfy my curiosity I'll probably do the counting later!

Meanwhile I'll probably stay in the less buzzing parts of the Internet for now... the web's abuzz with the shocking resignation of a certain figure at the moment...

19/19 Complete

2013-02-02T23:41:00.000+08:00

At last, the roughly 4-week programme has been done with. And I've been tasked with the instruction to report to an even further location on Monday. Seems I really can't have things my way in the army.

It wasn't all gloom and doom though. The last week was mostly one big social networking session, with the added distraction of preparing skits. "Hey can you add me on Facebook? Then you can send me game requests!" "Do you use WhatsApp? I add you to my group!" "Follow me on Twitter okay?" Of course there was the important administrative stuff behind the scenes, including which recruits go where to do what.

So can I say for sure that the past four weeks were enjoyable and productive? Frankly, no. If it were under my control, I might have put those four weeks to better use. Or I might have wasted those weeks just like how I might waste the remainder of the two years. But I can say that I've learned a few important tidbits during that time, and made a few new acquaintances that I could possibly rely on.

What next? I'm not sure either. All I know is that I have to report in the morning. Where this will lead me to, I haven't a clue. And even knowing that, I still wouldn't be certain of what to do with the free time I'd get.

And will I still be in touch with the people I've shared the BMT experience with? I suppose. It's kind of my habit to be in the know with regards to a large group of people (in this case, my platoon I guess), but keep a smaller set of companions closer to me. But how long can I keep this up?

Oh and I do know that some of my other friends will be enlisted soon as well. Good luck to them! They'll certainly need it.

For now, I just need all the recuperation I can get out of the remainder of the weekend...

From Dragon to Snake

2013-01-27T20:57:00.001+08:00

You know what? I think it's time to deviate away in content for a little bit, even if it means two posts on the same day. I don't want to just blog about my time in national service!

I guess it'll be convenient to touch on Chinese New Year festivities, since it's coming up shortly in two weeks. The first ever public holiday of 2013 after New Year's Day! Most superstitious Chinese don't really treat this as a good time for romance and baby-making though. After the big boom in the previous year of the Dragon, the upcoming year of the Snake would expect to see dips in births. Still that doesn't mean we can't celebrate the ushering in of a new lunar year. Fresh starts are always welcome.

Though this time, I think the celebrations with the family members may be more muted. The thrill and novelty of family reunions seem to be running thin. In fact it might make for a more enjoyable celebration if we went outdoors going sight-seeing, taking in the festive sights and sounds, especially on the eve of the first day.

Perhaps that's what more Chinese are doing spending the occasion nowadays. It's becoming more common for a Chinese to find him/herself away from home, away from family, away from the familiar dining table. So apart from possibly videoconferencing with family members for some virtual family reunion dinner, it wouldn't hurt to appreciate the outdoor performances like the lion/dragon dancers. Even if we're away from kin, we can still celebrate together with other members of the racial community.

I wonder if I'll find myself in such a similar spot. If I end up, say, in a job that requires me to work in a completely different country, and I can't come back for reunions, would my family be okay with that? Would I be okay with that?

That's another problem to mull over much later.

Besides there are other great things that come with the CNY celebrations, one of which is the food of course. On no other occasion do I find myself eating pineapple tarts, love letter biscuits and bak kwa. And there's the reunion dinner itself too.

It's almost like a Chinese version of Christmas. Except that presents are replaced by oranges or red packets with money, depending on which side of the exchange you're involved in.

Sigh... now I really wish I could time-warp to the near future, and find myself waking up on Saturday morning just before the Chinese New Year starts...

14/19 Complete

2013-01-27T00:59:00.002+08:00

I guess I could say that things went more or less smoothly the past week. Amazingly I didn't screw anything up in a major way.

I anticipate that the next week will be one filled with mixed emotions. The delivery of certain news, the eventual splitting of the company, the ceremony on the final day, all of these in one week. How do I feel about the BMT ending soon? Partly ecstatic, partly bummed. It's freedom from one place, only to be "caged" in another. Quote marks are there because it isn't that horrible of a workplace, but restrictions still apply.

Of course I didn't take away absolutely nothing from my experience in BMT so far. Firstly, regardless of PES status(excluding F), discipline and cooperation are to be expected, with good reason. Military operations can fall apart if any personnel fail to work together tightly. Even if it's "just a desk job", things can go horribly wrong. This could be extended beyond military life though. Just about any part of your life can fall apart without self-maintained order.

Secondly, all actions have consequences, some of which can bite back at you. Seems like an obvious fact, but apparently not everyone in the company had fully realised that midway through the BMT. I wouldn't say that we should never commit ourselves to selfish acts, but at least consider the innocent third parties that may get adversely affected.

Thirdly, not everything is what they initially seem to be. I already know that, but periodically I get reminded throughout BMT again. Life is complex. People are complex. We shouldn't hold on to the idea that we can understand a person/situation completely from first impressions alone. Then again it's quite hard to fight survival instinct.

There are many other little tidbits of generally applicable knowledge that I picked up along the way, but they don't seem to be worth dwelling on here. Bottom line is, I didn't go away empty-handed, even when disregarding the job-specific information.

So no, BMT wasn't a total waste of time. And I never thought that it would be in the first place. I had already expected to come out of this at least a little better in some way than I was before enlistment. It's just that I wasn't entirely sure in what way I'll improve. Frankly I don't feel any more seasoned in general military knowledge now compared to the first day. But I'm certainly more aware about respecting and reacting to others.

Now it's a matter of waiting it out for the final week. Roll along with things. Learn. Appreciate. Discover. It won't be long before I get thrust into another part of the "real world out there".

"Have you ever wondered why we must serve? Because we love our land, and we want it to be free, to be free..."

9/19 Complete

2013-01-20T20:48:00.000+08:00

Honestly I still feel like a horrible misfit in the army. Just that perhaps after crossing the halfway point of the BMT, I feel slightly less of a misfit. Not as lost as before, but nonetheless wandering through unfamiliar forests.

It's pretty much a given that I'm very unsuitable to be on the field holding firearms. Now I'm starting to think I may not be able to handle clerk-related stuff as well as I may have initially thought. And that's why I'm all the more hoping I'd be successful in joining the MDC with my piano ability. It's something that I'm certainly decent at, and something that I wouldn't mind doing full time. I'd rather take piano keys over computer keys as my instrument of work in the remainder of the two years.

The problem is that even if I were sufficiently good at the piano to make it through, I still may not make the cut if somehow the higher-ups deem it a necessity for me to remain as a clerk, e.g. due to manpower shortage. Though I think the likelier case would be that I'd be more valuable as a performer... I hope.

That doesn't mean whatever knowledge that I would need as a clerk would go completely to waste if I don't end up as a clerk. There are still some things that I may need to do on my own without the clerk's assistance. And at the very least, I'd be really appreciative of what the other clerks have to go through, so I would take extra caution to prevent messing with their administrative work pile.

Meanwhile I might dabble around with music- or programming-related stuff with the free time I'm granted. Might as well upgrade myself in other aspects. I could possibly pick up new things during my time in MDC(if that happens) too.

Right now, I just need to make sure I survive through the second half. MDC or not, I must prove that I'm not a completely worthless twat. In fact, I'm trying to make sure I'm okay. Not fantastically excellent, but enough to make sure I don't have to come back for extra things.

Already looking forward to the Chinese New Year, and it hurts knowing there's still three weeks in between...

4/19 Complete

2013-01-13T22:55:00.003+08:00

4 days gone, and I'm still sane. I think.

I still feel like this is some really really long dream that I've yet to wake up from, and that the moment I wake up I would realise that I never needed to take up NS after all. And I would go on with my day merrily, without worries.

I wish.

But I'm already grateful that I've gotten a nicer, more lenient deal, being able to book out daily and not being subjected to hardcore training in the outdoors.

And as wildly impulsive as it may sound, I threw my name into the list of applicants for the Music & Drama Company. It did sound crazy, knowing that I would have very likely been designated to a nearby base to work as an office clerk, and yet I thought of doing something that will take me to somewhere physically much further. However, would I rather do something that's unfamiliar and — well, frankly, sounds boring, or commit to something that I find both more in my territory and interesting, for roughly two years?

Of course I'm not in for the "drama" bit. I'm quite rubbish at acting. Or being a cheerful and outgoing guy on stage. As for singing, I suppose I could keep in tune and not sound whiny. And occasionally provide vocal harmony. Maybe I could be a supporting singer???

Also I wouldn't know which instrument I would end up with if I do get accepted into the MDC. Even though my primary instrument is the piano, I suspect they may already have quite a few pianists. Same goes for violinists and guitarists.

They do have a third category for the production. Things like graphic design, sound engineering... but that's probably the least suitable category for me. Although it would be nice to do things behind the scenes too.

For some reason it feels as though I need to get into MDC. I don't know why. Maybe this is what some people label as a calling. Like I'm supposed to be there, or I would be screwed majorly. And honestly, I don't mind answering that calling. It's something that I think I'd be more comfortable doing. Yes, I know that doing a desk job is already much better in my opinion than actually undergoing physical and mental endurance, but I think I'd still feel out of place.

Honestly, I think it'd be fun to help lift the spirits of the poor recruits at Tekong on Recruits' Night(is that what it's called?). Despite not actually going through what they experienced, I still can understand the major changes they had to deal with. And after so many days of BMT they certainly deserve the entertainment. It's one of the few chances they are given to let their hair down(what little there is on their heads anyway) and go wild in camp.

If I don't do that, it'll still be a nice experience to provide music for... hmm... those open house events or roadshows. I still wouldn't mind proving to the public that the SAF isn't completely devoid of soul and heart, and also proving that there is still some sense of discipline within the MDC.

Even if I don't do that, I'll also be fine with... er... I guess... providing musical entertainment for those SAF dinners? Just me as part of a small string quartet in one corner, supplying the background music as the high-ranking soldiers do their dining business. I'm totally fine with that too, though the extremely formal and strict atmosphere might be stifling...

Whichever the case, I'd really much rather do something that I have a stronger inclination towards, than something else that's really foreign to me. And it's not like I'm totally denying myself the chance to experience new things and learn new useful skills, because I hardly ever played the piano with others, as selfish as that sounds. The group performances often involved me with the guitar or violin.

And perhaps I can expand myself in terms of repertoire. For so many years I've been limited to mostly classical (different from 18th-century Classical) music, and hardly delved into the other modern genres. I'm pretty sure the MDC would give me plenty of chances to do that. Perhaps even engage in some free-styling. Or do a little bit of singing + playing like Tim Minchin, minus the controversial lyrics.

But I'm thinking way too far ahead now. I haven't gone for the audition yet, so all the possible future cases are merely possibilities. It's up to me to try to make them much closer to reality in the next 6 days!

In the meantime, I have to wait it out through this upcoming week. :/

Next Phase

2013-01-05T21:05:00.000+08:00

So my first post of 2013 isn't on the first of January. Big whoop. I wasn't too bothered with keeping on time this year.

But here we are. This blog site is officially in 2013. And with that also comes what I expect to be some interesting future content ahead.

No doubt the significant changes in my life, e.g. actually working a full-time job, will influence what I'll post here. There'll be new things to learn, new quirks and glitches to be encountered, and possibly new people to talk about. Then again... I did spend two years with (almost) the same people too, and I hardly mention them even while protecting their identity. So, it'd most probably be just general rants and thoughts, except now I'd complain less about school and more about work. And that sounds just like what a typical average adult will do. I think.

Apart from that, I may or may not decide to include new types of content here. I thought of starting a separate blog site for that purpose, but I'm not too sure about trying to maintain more than one blog on a regular basis. We'll see as time goes by.

I've always been nervous about big personal changes. The thought of something unknown and unpreventable is uncomfortable to me. And I hate that I have to deal with such changes throughout my life no matter what. I'd much rather live a nice life, not a completely stress-free one, but one where I can toggle an on/off switch and have better control over the surprises that may come. I know that a life without much change is incredibly boring, but a life that constantly experiences flux isn't ideal either.

One of these days I'll have near full control of my life at last...

In the meantime I have no choice but to accept the fact that I've only slightly more than 48 hours left until that. -.-

Reboot

2012-12-31T18:15:00.003+08:00

Here I am, just a little more than six hours away from January 1st 2013 in my time zone.

It's really nothing more than a roll over onto the start of another year, but we see it as something much more meaningful and monumental. At the basic level, it's proof that we've survived another year without wiping everything out.

But what we more commonly talk about is how the first day of the new year signals the cleaning of some slate. It's as though the addition of one more day somehow presses a button, and suddenly you become pumped and ready for the challenges that await in 2013. And somehow all the grudges that you held up until the very last femtosecond of 2012 just magically vanish.

Honestly I find that a bit silly.

Not that there's anything wrong with gearing yourself up for 2013 or burying the hatchet on New Year's Day that I'm completely against. It's a good thing to do, to free yourself of negative dead weights in your life and brace yourself for unforeseeable obstacles. But does it have to wait until the year count increases by one?

We could have our own "fresh starts" whenever we want. Yet we're inclined to set this "fresh start" on the 1st of January, as though it only feels right when your turning point is aligned with that of the calendar's. Truth is the calendar isn't sentient, let alone bothered about whether you both set off at the same starting line.

I'm not complaining about the tradition of setting New Year's resolutions. They're good to set, because they give you some sense of direction in your life. What the problem is is that don't set every goal as your resolution. If you think it's very crucial that you get it done, e.g. it will improve your life drastically or greatly help out others in need, then don't put it off. Don't be like, "I really think I should quit smoking... I'll start in the New Year!", when you can already get going in the middle of the current year.

I know it's futile that I tell you this now, since we're nearing the edge of 2012. Then at least take this advice for 2013.

And that's the end of my little New Year's Eve rant.

Meanwhile I'm looking outside and feeling lucky that I didn't have to go outside for some countdown party this year, judging by the torrential downpour that's only lightened slightly.

And later I might come here again for another post... or before that, watch the livestream of the Ball Drop in NYC. Whichever seems more convenient to do first.

Christmas: Epilogue

2012-12-26T12:30:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there was a girl.

She liked Christmas a lot. Not just because of the presents, but because she got to meet Santa, and hear the carolers sing, and have fun with family and friends. In fact, the presents were the least of her concern.

This Christmas was supposed to be pretty similar to the previous ones she celebrated. It would always start with her running down the stairs towards the Christmas tree, where she would find a few presents, neatly wrapped and gingerly placed beneath it. She would tear through the wrapping to uncover the gift she received, as her parents happily snapped away with their camera, capturing those precious moments of joy and excitement.

However, this Christmas was noticeably different.

"Hey Daddy! I found something on my other present!"

"...Other present? You sure you didn't mistake it for mine or Mommy's?"

"No, it has my name on it! See?"

This was quite strange indeed, for Daddy had secretly bought only one gift for her. He counted the boxes underneath the tree... strange, there is one extra!

"Um, honey? Could you come down here for a moment?"

Mommy trotted down the stairs. "What's wrong honey?"

Daddy quietly explained the situation to Mommy, while the girl was holding up the extra gift at different angles, trying to find out what was inside.

"...I only purchased your gift, darling. You told me that you were responsible for buying the book–"

"–which I did! Yet that box looks like something much larger than the book I got for her! What's going on?"

"Mommy! Daddy! Can I open this up nooooow?"

The couple stared at each other. Mommy sighed.

"Alright honey, you can open it up."

"YAAAAAAY!" And the girl ripped the outer wrapping into countless shreds, revealing what was underneath...

"WOW! It's a set of Lego bricks!!!"

"Did you buy that?" Mommy whispered to Daddy.

"Well I wanted to, but it looked too expensive. I swear, I didn't buy it, even if I knew that she would like it!"

"Look! Mommy! Daddy!"

"...yes, dear?"

"There's a letter on the top! It says 'To Mommy & Daddy' on it!"

A letter? This clearly wasn't the work of either parent.

"Do you want to read it?"

"Yeah, sure. Pass it here."

So Mommy took the envelope from the girl. She and Daddy went off into the kitchen to open it, while the girl fiddled around with her new toy.

"Who would send a letter to us both? And figure out what our daughter wants, and where we live?"

"I'm not quite sure... maybe the letter will tell us something."

Mommy cautiously pulled out the letter from the envelope, and unfolded it.

The green handwriting was unnaturally neat:

Dear Rick & Madison,

It's my first year on the job! Just thought I'd drop a note to tell you I've shifted house again, and am hosting another party tonight. It's kind of a celebration of my "succession" too. I'm certain you're both free tonight! My new address is on the underside of this letter.

Merry Christmas!

(Oh, and I don't think Denise will like the book that much! Hee hee.)

Dominic

"Well, that explains it." Rick was at least relieved it wasn't a ghost or a burglar. Dominic could have been more polite in his opinion on the science book, though.

"So? Shall we go there tonight?" Madison asked as she examined the address on the letter's underside.

"Of course! There's no question about that. We're already considered friends. It's just courteous of us to visit a friend when invited!"

"Well then... Denise?"

"Yes, Mommy?"

"Daddy and I will be going to a dinner party tonight. Can you be good and stay over at Granny's house for the night?"

"Okay, Mommy! I like Granny too! ...but whose party is it?"

"...can you keep a secret?"

"I can keep a secret. I kept a lot of secrets in school!"

Was Madison supposed to be relieved to hear that?

"Anyway, don't tell anyone, but... we're visiting Santa!"

"Really?!? Can I come???"

"I'm sorry Denise, but it's adults only. We're just having a little fun together, eating and chatting..."

"That sound boooooring!"

"Aha, but if I find out from Granny that you've been naughty at her place, she can call me, and I can tell Santa directly!"

"Oh NO! Please don't, Mommy!"

Madison smirked. "Sure, just as long as you behave at her house tonight. Understand?"

"Okay, Mommy." She did it again, Denise with her puppy eyes.

"Good girl! Now have fun with your Lego toy!"

Denise resumed with her indulgence in the colourful plastic bricks, ready to create new worlds that she could imagine.

Madison walked back upstairs into the bedroom, looking for a nice dress to wear to the party, while she hummed a few Christmas tunes.

Rick just slumped onto the couch, turning on the TV to see what Christmas specials were being shown at the moment.

And so the three of them continued to live happily ever after.

THE END

Christmas Night

2012-12-25T20:00:00.000+08:00

Ding! Roger's phone produced a musical chime as it rested on the dresser.

He didn't need to check the phone to figure out what the chime was for. He set an alarm to remind himself of tonight's event, which he had already been preparing for during the week. Finding some proper clothes, searching for an appropriate present, thinking of fresh conversational material to work with... it had been such a long time since Roger attended a party event with other unfamiliar guests. He dared not make a fool of himself.

A little dab of the cologne here and... done! He looked proper in his suit and tie, hair in place. Nothing wrong in the appearance department, though it looked like he put on some weight in his face... or did he actually lose weight before?

It still felt weird to Roger, going for an event that he had been invited to on what seemed like a whim by a fresh face. Maybe Dominic was one of those people who went through a dramatic life-changing experience that left him with a hyper optimistic view on life? Then perhaps he'd still be happily content with the bottle of wine Roger would bring along to the house. After all Roger had absolutely no clue on what Dominic might like, apart from... well, Christmas itself really.

Finally Roger was ready to set off to the glittering house, still dazzling thanks to the decorations he helped Dominic put up not too long ago. Although it did look like he added extra touches to the exterior, because it seemed like the house grew younger. Odd.

But that wasn't the only odd observation.

There was a crowd of people gathered in front of Dominic's porch, looking eager to get the party started. Apparently all the other guests were already here, but they couldn't enter. What's going on?

Roger went up to one of the women in the group.

"Excuse me, are you here for the..."

"Oh yes!" she exclaimed, flipping her long auburn hair back. "I was the first one here, but it's been about twenty minutes. I've knocked on the door and rang the bell a few times already, but there's still no activity in there..."

"Have you tried calling his number?"

"That's the problem. Nobody here has his number for some strange reason. I bet you didn't get it either."

Another man overheard her and chimed in. "That's because he doesn't use telephones at all."

Roger and the woman turned their gaze towards him, visibly perplexed. "Dominic doesn't have a phone at all?" she asked.

"Nope. It's been that way for a long time. We went to school together, and I know his family never had phones ever, and yet still managed to maintain communication where it's important. He never really explained why they abstained from phones though..."

"You went to school with him?" Roger asked.

"Yeah, it was quite fun hanging around with him, both during classes and outside of school. I lost touch with him when we graduated, but fortunately I bumped into him two days ago. And so here I am, hoping to make up for lost time!"

"Heh, you sure sound like you had a good relationship with him!" Roger commented. "I'm only just his neighbour, and yet I'm also here too..."

"You're not the only one." the woman replied. "Almost all of us only met him for a brief moment and found ourselves invited to this party too! I met him at a hospital where he helped me through a tough moment, so I'm here to repay the favour."

Now this was new to Roger. Apparently Dominic had quite a penchant for doing altruistic acts to strangers.

"Yeah, I was quite surprised too when I chatted with the other guests here!" the woman continued. "I assumed I was the only odd guest in his party where he would have old friends and close relatives attending, but I guess this guy is quite an interesting fellow..."

"Heck, even I wouldn't have expected him to do something like this!" the man said.

Roger looked around a bit. It doesn't seem like anything exciting was going to happen soon, so he might as well chat with everyone here to familiarise himself.

"While we're waiting, we might as well get to know each other. I'm Roger."

"I'm Terry, nice to meet you." The man responded.

"And I'm Sylvia, it's also nice to meet you both!" The woman cheerily replied.

And so the mingling and conversation went for quite a while more. This certainly wasn't a small party, considering there were about eleven other guests here. And they all don't seem to have any direct relation with one another. They all came from different walks of life, and the only common thing is that they all happened to meet Dominic by chance.

Roger took some time to remember the names and faces of the other guests. He couldn't risk embarrassing himself in front of so many people...

The woman he met briefly was Sylvia, a slender woman with quite a sense of fashion. She certainly flaunted her assets really well, and you almost couldn't tell that she had to deal with a heavy loss recently. Almost, because there was still a hint of remorse in her eyes... "...but I'm okay now, nothing to worry about. I'm here to have a great time, and to put my worries behind!" she assured him.

There was Greg, a smart-looking man who worked as a cashier, and managed to get a Christmas break from his incredibly busy occupation. It was his first time spending Christmas with unfamiliar faces, but he didn't seem to mind it at all.

Rebecca looked like a sweet young girl, but seemed just as awkward as himself. At least he didn't feel alone in that aspect. She looked a bit worn out, which she explained was due to the hectic weeks she spent planning a separate Christmas Eve party at her own house for her class. "Well, did everything go as planned?" "Yeah, it was such a blast! Things went absolutely great!"

Matt also seemed like a reserved guy, but he was willing to make small talk. He said he was a bit reluctant to leave his daughter with the babysitter at home tonight, not only because the daughter wouldn't be able to come with him, but also because it inconvenienced the babysitter on Christmas. "The babysitter just kept insisting it wasn't a problem, saying that she had already dealt with the celebrations in the early morning," he said. "I hope Jane could learn from her example."

Rose was arguably the one who radiated the most positive aura in the group. She helped out a lot in volunteer work for this cancer foundation. She couldn't stop talking about how grateful she was for having received the kindness from a stranger like Dominic. "I just wish more people could be as selfless and empathetic as he was," she lamented.

Chris was doubly excited about this party, "not just because it was Christmas, but also because he promised something extra special for my birthday tonight!" he explained. "Is that why Dominic's taking a bit longer to get ready?" Great, now Roger couldn't help but feel guilty about not bringing an extra birthday present for this lovely fellow.

There was a slightly more familiar face that belonged to this particular woman. "Hey, I saw you at the play last night! You were fantastic as the lead role!" "Why thank you so much!" Denise replied. "I was just so relieved that I could recover in time and get on with the act! Actually I've got a recording of the performance that we can watch later inside... if he lets us in soon..."

Frank was a slightly portly guy, jolly as he could be. He was so happy that he could finally take a breather from his mall Santa stint. "Sitting in that chair with the blasted costume on is no joke," he complained. "however I take pride in knowing that I'm not just sustaining the wonder and magic in children's lives, but also setting them on the right path."

Bertha was the oldest of the group, but no less as lively as the rest. She said she came along just to break away from the drab monotony of the previous Christmases she had the past few years. "This kind young man was as close to an angel as you could get. If he had worn wings I would've sworn he was sent from above to give me a blessing!" she joked.

Rick was quite an interesting person, with his spiked hair and tattoos completely contrasting Roger's own formal look. He was apparently a very popular DJ (frankly Roger couldn't care less about the music scene) and came here to have fun after the wild performance from last night. "If you're interested, you could come along to the New Year's countdown party that I'll be performing at next!" "...thanks, I'll consider it."

And of course, there was Dominic's friend, Terry. He was getting a bit impatient, pacing around near the porch steps. "It's just so unlike him!" Terry observed. "Snowy's always punctual and organised in everything he did, as far as I could remember. Is something holding him up?"

It's been about half an hour already, and still nothing stirred from within.

Roger stepped up to the front door. "No harm in trying again I suppose." He was about to go for the doorbell–

The white door suddenly swung inward, revealing a well-groomed tall man with snow white hair behind, ready to start.

"Welcome! So terribly sorry for the delay, there were quite a few adjustments I had to make at the last moment. Do come in, all of you!" Dominic waved them into his house.

Roger was the first to step in and admire the interior at last.

There was nothing needed to be said other than it was simply beautiful. The warm orange lights illuminated the furniture in the living room, including a gorgeous coffee table and a really long leather couch. Many cute and tiny ornaments were positioned around the large widescreen television screen. The other guests that entered concurred with Roger's opinion, judging from the "ooh"s and "aah"s that followed.

"It was such a huge task setting everything up inside for the party tonight!" Dominic said. "Two weeks ago this place would have looked as though a tornado messed up my stuff!"

Now the party got livelier. Apart from the obvious commenting on the inside of the house, everyone was having fun in conversation and jokes. Even Roger finally felt at ease; he felt more in the company of close friends rather than strangers. He nearly forgot what it was like to make new friends at a gathering, but fortunately this night helped him re-experience it all over again.

"Alright everyone! Food's all ready in the dining room, help yourself!"

Goodness. The dining room was certainly on par with the living room! The mahogany table shined beneath the dazzling crystal chandelier dangling above. All the food laid on the table looked and smelt delicious! Spaghetti with meatballs, baked salmon, roasted chicken and turkey... even the logcake for desert was tempting. Either Dominic was a really good chef, or he was really good at finding catering services. When Roger turned to Dominic, the latter looked unwilling to divulge, cheekily revealing a small grin.

It was such a lovely sight: every guest helped themselves to the food happily, enjoying themselves as they feasted and listened to the Christmas playlist that Dominic prepared. At least somebody here had good taste in music. The scene of the cheerful guests dining and laughing in the dining room was something out of a storybook. Roger wasn't so sure anymore if he was dreaming, but he certainly didn't want to wake up now!

Then came the birthday surprise. Dominic walked out the dining room a bit later, only to return with a nice simple birthday cake with candy cane candles planted in it. Needless to say Chris was pleasantly surprised. Everyone merrily sang the all-too-famous birthday song, finally giving the birthday boy the recognition that he deserved.

A few hours later, all the food and desserts were wiped clean. Roger felt extra full this night, but he didn't care. It was a time to feel content and happy, and feeling guilty about weight issues certainly was not of his concern right now. The other guests probably felt the same way, Roger thought.

Suddenly he heard the tapping of glass and metal.

"Excuse me, it's half past midnight, which means it's time! I'd like all of you to follow me, if you don't mind!" Dominic announced, as he continued tapping a small fork on the side of his champagne glass.

Hmm? Was he going to show us something really awesome? A home cinema? A collection of family heirlooms???

The guests huddled around a plain brown door, slightly peeling at the corners. Wasn't this the door to the backyard? Roger didn't recall anything special about the backyard, and judging from the confused looks on the other guests, neither did they.

Dominic took quite a deep breath, then began:

"My fellow friends, I didn't tell any of you this before, but I've invited all of you here not just to enjoy the festivities that I've hosted. There is something I want to entrust you all with."

He paused for a while, as his eyes narrowed and his tone softened.

"I want to trust you all with keeping a very huge secret. A secret so large, if crucial details of it were leaked, it could render my job useless. Yet I feel somebody must spread the message. Don't worry, you will NOT be in any life-threatening danger, this I promise. However, it is quite a huge secret. If you don't think you'll be able to keep it to yourself, then I can escort you out temporarily so you can wait outside."

Terry raised a hand and asked: "If it's such a big secret, why are you telling us? For me it's different because I'd do it as a friend, but the others barely knew you."

"You'll understand once I reveal the secret. So... anybody want out?"

Nobody objected. In fact all the guests seemed quite willing to help, considering it as a way to pay it back to Dominic.

"...very well. Are all the curtains and doors closed?"

Everyone looked around, then nodded as a confirmation.

"Alright. Let's go."

Dominic took out a shiny golden key from his pocket, and inserted it into the keyhole of the door. It didn't look like the key belonged to that old-looking door, but the click indicated otherwise. He gave a good twist on the knob and pushed.

This wasn't the backyard at all.

It was a long staircase. There were lots of glowing lights on the walls and ceiling, yet the stairs led off into the darkness. Nobody said anything, and just followed Dominic down the creaking stairs.

What exactly did Dominic want to show them that was hidden so deep in here? A treasure room? In any other situation Roger would have instinctively ran out, fearing that he would be kidnapped and trapped down there, but somehow he felt safe despite not knowing the destination. Was it because there were quite a number of other people next to him?

The stairs were much longer than they thought. It felt like a good couple of minutes and he had yet to see the end. How could there be such a deep basement be built here??? Surely they would have encountered utility lines by now...

Then a light appeared.

A shimmering golden door signalled the end of the long journey downwards. Dominic patiently waited for all his guests to arrive safely at the bottom, before he took the same golden key to unlock this door.

"Remember, what I'm about to show you is a highly guarded secret. Anybody having second thoughts can still go back upstairs."

Again, no objection.

"Right then."

Dominic gently shoved the door open. More golden light shone through from the other side...

"Wait a min– is that...?"

A big tall man was standing behind the door, dressed in red, sporting a white fluffy beard and white snowy hair.

"Hold on, is this...?"

"Is he the real thing?"

"How do we know he isn't just in costume?"

"Who are you?"

It was getting noisier as all the guests were quite distraught. There was a big man in front of them who resembles a certain character, with certain discrepancies like the missing hat and the less-than-expected roundness. Was he an impersonator? That wouldn't be so much of a big secret, would it? But if that man was such a highly guarded secret surely he must be the real thing, which sounded crazy because he wasn't real–

"All right, all right! Calm down, all of you!" The large man spoke. "My son explained to me everything he had been doing, and I'm agreeing to his plan, so please, all of you calm down and cooperate!"

"Wait... Dominic's your son???" Sylvia asked.

"We will explain everything in this room on the left." The man smiled as he pointed at what appeared to be a large meeting hall. "I believe fully that this is as crucial as my son makes it out to be, with good reason. I rushed all the way here for this, when normally I would be sleeping now! So you know this is important!"

The man let out a jolly chuckle.

This was certainly a much larger secret than expected.

Both Dominic and his father patiently waited for the guests to settle down in the hall room. It was understandable to feel nervous in such a large and bright room, where everyone was seated on ornate golden chairs at a golden circular table, underneath a huge candlelight chandelier that seemed to be impossibly floating above them. What was so deadly important that all of them had to come down here to learn about it?

At last, when the crowd became more or less silent, Dominic's father leaned forward in his red velvet high chair reserved for him.

"Well," he began, "you'd be quite right to suspect that I might be the real Santa Claus. The thing is you're only partially right."

This just made the guests even more perplexed than before, seen from the frowns and creased eyebrows.

He licked his lips briefly before clarifying: "Santa Claus was never one person, but there still IS a genuine line of people who take on this role. Santa Claus is a title, not a name. We never started as Santa Claus in the first place. In the beginning, we were just a small anonymous group that worked in secret, to bring blessings to deserving individuals worldwide on each Christmas. Then someone down the line was careless and got spotted by some children, and the legend of Santa Claus started. So we adopted that name as we continued with our usual business. It was pleasant knowing that the people believed in us, and even helped us in spreading joy and love on the occasion.

"However... as the world grew more advanced and more complicated, people became jaded more easily. It became increasingly hard for them to believe that somebody so magical could exist in the real world. Soon they just assumed that 'Santa Claus' was merely an excuse cooked up by adults to surprise their children on Christmas Day, and the magic slowly waned. More and more people just took Christmas to be a day for buying and giving things mindlessly. The figure of Santa Claus got disfigured and shaped in the hands of many greedy money-minded folks, and does not accurately represent what we strive for.

"The reason I have cause for concern is that I won't be playing my role much longer. My son Dominic has to be the next in line, the next 'true' Santa Claus. But given the way modern society is changing, I fear our tradition may hit a dead end at Dominic. To let such a long and treasured practice die out will be a great loss..."

Dominic stood up from his seat, next to his father. "...and that's why I've come to gather you all here. I want all of you to spread the word that Santa Claus is real. That he really does deliver blessings to well-behaved and deserving people. That he does have a sleigh pulled by reindeer in the sky."

There was silence in the room, apart from the tense breathing sounds. Clearly everyone in the audience was still skeptical about all of this. How could those two white-haired men prove that they were telling the truth?

Dominic sighed. "I know you still doubt us, which is why we brought you down here. This is our home base."

Some eyes widened.

"This is the actual place where all the operations behind the scenes occur. All the gift-wrapping and sorting, all the organising of information on the recipients, all the grooming and training of our employees and reindeer... we're giving you full access to all of that."

Were they hearing things? Surely this couldn't be the the place of legends that was only heard of from fictional tales. No way was this real. Still, many couldn't help but let their jaws drop.

"Don't worry," Dominic said, "I've already gained full permission from my father to let you see the real thing for yourselves. Just don't tamper with anything! We'll lead you to the factory first!"

Oh my.

Perhaps this was real after all.

Suddenly the guests grew excited, not because of cynicism, but due to the recent realisation that for once, the stuff of legends was quite possibly real. They were actually in Santa Claus' home base!!!

Dominic smiled. He earned their trust again.

"Everyone else is off work now, so you won't be disturbing anybody in the workplace. Follow me!"

The exploration totally beat a trip to Disneyland by miles.

It was like seeing a storybook come to life before their very eyes. The rumoured factory machines involved in the preparation of gifts, the office where Santa deals with administrative work, the other offices where the employees toil away on advanced computers, even the stable where the reindeer were kept together with the sleigh... all of that was within their reach! Rebecca especially liked petting and feeding the reindeer. Sylvia... not so much. She murmured something about her experience with a dog when she was young.

Of course other rumours were dispelled along the way. At the stables, Dominic clarified: "There wasn't one particular reindeer that had a glowing red nose. That's actually a light that we always attach onto the nose of the lead reindeer! Sorry to burst your bubbles."

All in all, it was such a blast. Even Rick, who had seen some crazy stuff in his career as a travelling DJ, wasn't prepared. But he would have to brace himself once more...

"Sorry Rick, could you come with us for a moment?" Dominic motioned Rick to come forward.

"Uh... sure. Why me?"

"There's something important to you that I'd like you to know. The rest of you can hang around for a while in the gallery!" Dominic said to the rest of the guests.

Now this was even odder. First a special secret to all twelve of them guests here, and now another secret that was only relevant to him?

Soon, Dominic, his father, and Rick were in front of a red door.

The father began: "Many years ago, on Christmas, my son chanced upon a little girl in the middle of a deserted town. She was cold, bitter and lonely. My son, unable to ignore a poor soul like that, took her in. I was initially furious at him for letting a person get into our tightly guarded base, but I too couldn't turn the girl away now. In the end we cared for her, even up until now. She grew up into a fine example of a lady, even helping out at our operations on Christmas Eves. The other employees have taken a liking to her already..."

Wait, who was this girl even, and what had she got to do with Rick?

"...however I knew we couldn't keep her here forever. She still had to go on with her life in the world out there, where she rightly belonged. But she can't go out there alone. She needs someone to help protect her, to guide her back, to give her a new direction in life... which is why you're here."

Rick raised his eyebrow. "Why me? I don't know this girl."

"Actually I think you might."

"Huh???"

The father pulled open the red door.

Inside the small waiting room behind the door, a beautiful lady was sitting anxiously, hands on her laps. Upon hearing the door open, she glanced up at Rick.

"...Rick? Is that you?"

"You know me? H-how?"

"Oh Rick! I still recognise you! I can't believe it!"

"Wait wait wait... let me think... your voice...! No way!"

"Finally you're here! All these years, I get to see a familiar face again!"

The two rushed towards each other and locked in a tight embrace. Time stood still as they enjoyed the warmth and presence of the other friend. It really seemed fated that they would meet again, despite the years of separation.

Then she slowly let go and backed away. "...but... I'm still not sure if I can go..."

"Huh? Why not?"

"...there are still many people out there who hate me and my family... I don't want to go through that again..."

Dominic stepped into the room.

"You don't have to worry about that anymore, Madison."

"H-huh? Why are you so sure? How do you know I'm still not being treated as an outcast or–"

"Because your family has been cleared of accusations. It had been resolved quite some time ago."

Emily didn't quite understand.

"You may have been too young to understand at that time, but now you can comprehend the truth. Your father was wrongly accused of embezzling money from the company he worked at that time. That was why your family was under such harsh scrutiny by the public. But your father investigated in secret, and discovered who the culprit was. Unfortunately that culprit also found that he was about to be exposed, so he sent somebody to... create an 'accident'..."

"Wait, you mean the house fire was...?"

"Somebody started the fire to wipe the evidence away. They thought they succeeded by killing your father. Your mother and brother were never meant to be involved. But eventually someone else also uncovered the truth, and the culprit was prosecuted. Your family name is clean now."

That was it. Madison could finally walk the streets a free woman, just as she should have.

"Maddie? Are you... crying?"

"I-I'm sorry, Rick. I'm just... it's that... I'm just happy I can go back. But I'll miss all the people that I've interacted with all these years here. I thought I'd just help the guys here out for a while since I was around with nothing to do each Christmas Eve, but then I started liking it. I loved it. I loved knowing that what I was doing is all part of the plan in helping out people all over the world. I loved knowing that I was helping people to believe. And... and if I leave now, I won't be able to do all of that again..."

"Nonsense!" Rick objected, grabbing her hands tighter. "You can still help out people as a normal person. You don't have to be physically helping out Santa and his crew in the factories or offices! Even spreading the joy of the holiday through simple acts is good enough!"

Dominic nodded. "That's true. We certainly can cope just fine even when you're gone, though we will miss you. It's not fair for us to coop you up here for the rest of your life. Don't fret about us! You can still help out in your own way."

Madison, comforted by these words, smiled faintly.

"Come on, it's about time you should go. The place will close up!"

At last all fifteen of them were back in the living room.

"I really hope you had a wonderful time here. It was such a pleasure having this moment with all of you friends." Dominic said, to which the guests responded with nods and verbal agreements.

He continued: "Remember, you're now tasked with the mission of spreading the word. Don't reveal my identity or my father's, just let people know that Santa's real. And you can say that for sure now!"

Dominic's father added on: "You know, you lot seem pretty good fellows. And for that, here are your rewards!"

With a wave of his hand, presents suddenly materialised into each guest's hands! They were all neatly wrapped with colourful paper, adorned with carefully tied ribbons.

The guests were extremely shocked! Santa really did possess some magic!

Catching one of them overly eager to start unwrapping, the father suddenly interrupted.

"Not yet! These are all personal gifts, and I'd much prefer if you do it in your respective homes. I don't want to do more cleaning up here, haha! Anyway, here's my way of thanking you for helping us, and of wishing you a very merry Christmas! Ho ho ho!"

That laugh! That signature chortle, not forced like those phony Santas, but a genuine laugh that expresses real joy and content. This really was Santa Claus. Well, a "true" Santa Claus, technically.

"All right, I really hope to see all of you soon! Good night." Dominic opened the front door, the portal leading back to the familiar world outside.

"Wait!" Rebecca suddenly interjected. "How would we hear from you in the future? You don't have phones, so you can't call us!"

Dominic just smiled. "I have other means. I'll still be able to meet all of you in person."

"When will we meet again?" Greg questioned. "Not all of us live in the same areas, so we'd be all over the place..."

"Like I said, I have my methods. How do you think Santa can deliver his presents to the right places so efficiently?"

"No matter how you reach us," Bertha joined in. "I just wish we could all meet again soon. I enjoyed the company of all you ladies and gentlemen, but some of us may not be around for as long as others..."

"Don't worry," Dominic replied, as he rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "It won't be too long before the next one. Perhaps not in the next year or two, but I guarantee we will meet as soon as I can. We all will be able to meet again for an event like this."

"Why not the next year? Is something going on then?" Matt asked.

"Well... as you heard, my father won't be Santa for much longer and is considering retiring. I'd probably be in the transition of receiving the baton from him... which is actually much more complicated than it sounds, really!"

"Hmm..." Rose wondered out loud. "What's your father going to do after retirement?"

"Me?" The father thought for a moment. "Ah... I certainly would like to just roam the streets seeing how people celebrate Christmas. All these years I had been so incredibly busy that I never got the chance to settle down and appreciate the festivities that people nowadays engaged in. Oh, and I'd like to pick up some hobbies like cooking! Without the luxury of getting free snacks from children, I have to feed myself!"

Everyone giggled. The laughter died not long after though, because the guests knew they had to leave soon. And nobody knew when they'd meet again for sure.

Chris finally broke the silence. "I don't really care too much about when or where we will meet again. I'm just glad that we managed to get together for this wonderful moment. This Christmas party – and my birthday party! – is one that I'm glad I got to experience."

"You're right," Terry agreed. "I'm already grateful that I got to see my friend again, let alone enjoy a moment like this! This memory is itself more valuable and precious than any material present. Money alone cannot provide such a priceless gift."

The atmosphere within the living room lightened a bit.

One by one the guests reluctantly greeted Dominic and his father as they left by the front door. Some got a simple handshake, a few got a comforting pat on the back, and others were so emotionally moved that a hug felt more appropriate.

Then Terry was the next guest to leave. "Snowy, I wish we could meet up more often, when you're not busy during the Christmas season. There's still so much I want to share with you!"

Dominic sighed. "Sure, why not? I don't have to work for the entire year long. We really should hang out together and chat over coffee in the afternoons."

"Yeah. You promise?"

"Promise."

"That's good to hear. See ya!"

And with those parting words Terry pranced out, towards the main road to hail a taxi back.

Finally Rick and Emily came up to the father and son.

"Dominic..." Madison spoke up. "...thank you for all these years that you looked after me. I learned quite a lot in my time here, and made connections with people who could trust in me for once. I'm really going to miss you and your crew."

"I'll miss you too, Madison." Dominic replied, before giving her one last tight hug. His father did the same.

Dominic then turned to Rick. "I hope you do take good care of her. She deserves you."

"I will. Thanks for everything you've done for the both of us." Rick smiled back.

"Good night, and merry Christmas." Dominic's father said.

"Good night."

At last the couple stepped out back onto the cold concrete sidewalk.

The door behind them closed shut.

Nothing else stirred.

Only the two of them were left, holding each other's hand firmly under the light of the lamppost.

"What now, Rick?"

"...I think we should head back to my hotel room. It's a fifteen minute walk."

"Sounds good."

And so the two of them quietly strolled off into the distance, the late night fog masking their presence. Madison once ran away from death and tragedy, towards what she thought was an uncertain future for her. Now, she knew that this future she walked towards was a bright one.

Because Rick will share that same future with her.

Christmas Eve

2012-12-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

"All right, guys. This is the final song of the night! This one is for Madison!"

The crowd cheered. The build-up began, with the intense bass and kicks getting more rapid, and the synthesized melodies growing in volume.

And as the drop came, the dancers on the floor exploded into their freestyle movements. Nobody was made fun for their quirky muscle jerks. This was the time to let it all out and immerse in the music.

The technicoloured lights pulsed in time to the pumping beat. Everyone was getting hot and sweaty, but nobody cared. They were lost in the melody and rhythm, just what they came here for. The night was still young.

"...and that's all from me! You've been a FANTASTIC crowd! This is DJ Rick signing off!"

The exhilarated crowd whooped in appreciation of the great performance Rick gave, as he handed the decks over to the next performer lined up for the adrenaline-hungry audience.

Finally he could relax! Rick quickly went to the restroom for a quick change and freshening up. Boy was he famished after hours of spinning at the decks! But where could he find a place to eat this late at night?

He checked the digital clock on his smartphone: it was 15 minutes after midnight, less than 24 hours before Christmas arrived here. Maybe there was still a 24-hour diner around here...

Eventually Rick did find such a diner, and it looked like it had an extra customer around.

Those sandwiches looked tasty, and the iced green tea seemed like a nice way to quench his thir– uh oh. Turns out he didn't bring enough extra money for a midnight snack. Ah well, he would just have to look for another place...

"Hey! Are you DJ Rick?"

It was the other customer munching on a sandwich at the table not too far from Rick.

"Err, yeah! You're a fan?"

"Oh I was at the summer beach bonanza where you performed in June! You were great!"

"Heh, thanks. I just came from a stint at the club nearby, and wow the crowd was insane!"

"You coming here to eat too?"

"Eh, I was planning to, but I forgot to bring along extra change..."

"...How about I treat you to a meal then?"

"Really??? You don't have to trouble yourself man!"

"It's okay! I'm just in a good mood at the moment."

"Well sure, thanks a lot! Hey, which do you recommend I should try?"

"I heard the tuna sandwich is quite popular..."

"Sounds good! You've got a couple of notes to spare?"

"...No way! Some fan actually asked you to sign THERE?"

"Haha, yeah! I was so stunned because I didn't want to be forced into such an awkward situation like that before I had to go on stage in a few minutes, so I just quickly got done with it and pretended it never happened."

"Wow, certainly sounds like you've seen a lot of things in your career."

The two were merrily eating into their sandwiches, as Rick shared his experience with his new acquaintance. Sure they were the only ones at the diner apart from the staff, but who cared?

"So..." Rick asked, "what are you doing here? You involved in some late-night job too?"

"Oh it's more than just a late-night job. It goes on much longer than that! This is actually my break."

"Whoa, I really feel sorry for you, Dominic! I've done 3-hour sets and I doubt I'd be able to understand what you must be going through now!"

"Oh don't be! It's only just for this time each year. Otherwise I'm fairly free the rest of the year."

"Wait, you're doing something Christmas-related? Does it have something to do with your white hair?"

Dominic looked up at his snowy fringe. "Oh no, actually this is my natural hair colour!"

"Really? Cool."

"...but you're kind of right. During the festive season my job requires me to go into high gear, but that's all I can divulge. Company secrets!"

"Huh. Your job sounds like quite a doozy. Somehow makes me glad I stuck to my own job!"

"And I'm glad you did too! You're brilliant at both your music production and live performances!"

"Oh come on, you've spent the last 15 minutes complimenting me! I want to know what you're like too."

"I'm kinda tightlipped about my personal life... it would really affect my job."

"All right, fine. Don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Oh right! I've always wanted to ask you about this..."

"Yes?"

"Who's Madison?"

Rick abruptly stopped chewing the morsel of food in his mouth.

"...you know, I've always heard you dedicate the last song in your set to this 'Madison' person. If you don't mind, who is she to you?"

Rick slowly swallowed.

"I mean, it's just out of curiosity! If you don't want me to know who she is, it's fi–"

"She was someone I used to know. We went to the same school. When I first saw her, I was entranced. She was unlike the other girls I knew before, but I couldn't figure out the source of her uniqueness."

"So she was a childhood friend?"

"No. We hadn't even met face-to-face in school. We didn't even know each other outside of school. To be honest, I'm not even sure if she knew I existed. I was too withdrawn to approach her then. And even now I hated myself for not being with her. I left her in the lurch when she was bullied. I wasn't entirely sure why she was picked on, because I didn't dare ask her or anybody else about it."

"Then... are you with her now?"

"I wish I were. Back then, there was a horrific incident, where Madison's house burnt down and her parents' and brother's bodies were found in the wreckage. The forensic scientists couldn't confirm if she was killed as well, but many people in school didn't care. I like to think she's still alive though. I like to believe that she may be out there in the audience, a full-grown beautiful woman who's having a good time listening to me. So I always make the dedication to her..."

"Have you tried hiring a private investigator to look for her?"

"I actually did. But all traces of her ended at the house fire. She just literally vanished after that incident. We gave up after a few years. If she were alive she would have started anew and made a new life for herself."

"Gosh... I really feel sorry for you."

"Nah, it's all in the past. I can't do much except to move on in life."

"Well said– oh my!" Dominic glanced at his wristwatch. "I've got to hurry back soon or things will be more chaotic than they already were!"

"Whoa there, you sure sound like you have a lot on your hands! Don't worry, I'll let you off for your 'business' of yours!"

"We really should meet up another time... oh wait! Are you free tomorrow evening?"

"Err... sure. I'll still be hanging around the area for some sightseeing. Besides I'll be performing not too far from here during the New Year's countdown party."

"Ooooh, I'll sure to be there! Anyway, I have a Christmas night party myself, so are you interested in coming? Nothing too spectacular, just a nice gathering with friends..."

"Sure, I'll be there! Might as well have a little fun while I'm still here."

"Great! Here, I'll quickly write down my address for you..."

Dominic furiously scribbled onto a ripped piece of paper from his pocket, almost tearing a hole in the paper.

"Here! I hope to see you tomorrow night! But I've got to rush off now, bye!"

"See ya."

And the white-haired lad quickly dashed off to the sidewalk, hailing an incoming taxi before getting driven off. Rick didn't realise how eerily quiet this place was before the conversation started.

With the quiet hum of the neon banner outside and the sounds from the kitchen as the only background noise, Rick just stared at the address of this peculiar stranger he quickly became friends with in a matter of minutes.

If only Madison were able to attend this night party with him...