It has been a while, but I thought I would write my final week of ridesharing, Expedia travel agent work, and food delivery.

Monday

My Monday started with four nails in one of my tyres. It obviously didn’t start well and made me think about my opportunities in Australia even more so. My tyres were under warranty, which was good and I didn’t have to pay a red cent for them to be fixed. It just cost me hours of me actually working. The customer service industry can be brutal when well crap happens.

Tuesday

After Monday I worked my butt off to get as many food orders as possible in a short amount of time. I was making up for Monday. Then I got an email from one of the directors at Austral Archaeology saying that I was basically too expensive. I ended up taking the Melbourne job with Urban Colours. The director was a lady I had met in 2013 when I worked at Australian Cultural Heritage Management. She was with the Wirundjeri community and helped with the Mt William greenstone quarry handover. I obviously consulted all my family and they all said it was the best option, rather than doing food and passenger deliveries. Yes I’m an archaeologist and I was getting impatient with SRI and other companies handing me work. It was slim pickings in the USA and it was due to a mismanaged government without any consideration for the long term effects. Thousands of people were dying and all you could hear is a man blaming others for the pandemic. Cool we get it. China may have stuffed up royally or it was made to happen, the fact it is you the president hadn’t done jack. Meanwhile people would hear about the funding of vaccines from Germany and other countries, yet the USA hadn’t moved quick enough. It was frustrating. Meanwhile riots and protests were on the rise in a pandemic, people were divided and the aggression was on the rise. BLM, antifa, proud boys, and other groups were wreaking havoc across the nation. Me as an Australian watched and thought what the bloody hell is going on?? Confusion, aggression, and sadness overwhelmed me. It made Australia look like a beacon of light in the darkness. Do you leave your American family to double your savings and hope they will be safe or stay and ride out the storm? Was I a coward? Was I an idiot? That was remained to be seen.

Wednesday.

Melbourne bound. After a serious discussions with my other half. Melbourne was the winner in this storm. How could I not say no the money and the opportunity to work in potentially Australia’s oldest archaeology site? Plus see my family downunder. Meanwhile I had several orders for Thai food and noticed that there were numerous deer in town. Maybe because there were less people on the streets? I had never seen so many deer in one place before, besides the deer park in Armidale. This was wild, it is almost like the pandemic gave the wildlife an opportunity to bounce back. People were staying home and wanting food. I was the provider.

Thursday

I delivered food to a Grizzly machine and wood cutting business. This place was fascinating, machines I had never seen before. From automatic cutting implements to table saws that were bigger than Ben Hurr. I waited for the staff members to come, so they could collect their food. Took a bloody age. Next order said it was for a secret Santa. I thought no, it’s too early in the year for that. Wasn’t even July, for Xmas in July. It was a business at the port, and they had just forgotten to update their system.

Friday

Friday was a busy day of delivering food, however it was soured by a rude cyclist. They got upset at me for some reason, I honestly couldn’t take them seriously due to the over zealous lycra. I don’t recall cutting them off or anything. I may have. Oh well. That same day I used zoom whilst driving to listen in on the Expedia Cruise team meeting. I had finished the bulk of my training and was literally about to throw that down the dunny to go back to Australia. Yes it wasn’t the best thing to sign up for in a pandemic, but when I signed up nobody knew what was going to happen. Zombies? Maybe? Who the heck knows? I had to tell them of my decision and be done with it. It wasn’t a total waste of time though I learned a lot about customer service and navigating specific systems. That same day I almost got into an accident and reaffirmed my decision.

Saturday

My old mate from Singapore needed an uber ride to the airport. I was happy to oblige and as a gift he gave me several items for my flight to Melbourne including hand sanitizer, masks and a moon cake. He was off to California and was going to miss me. We chatted for a long time, but he understood my passion for archaeology and that I shouldn’t do anything else.

Next up my time in quarantine.

Monday

My Monday, a Monday not so far back in my distant past. Started wonderfully with an awkward tandem address. The house I needed to drop off a burrito was hot where it was supposed to be. I knocked on the door of someone called Megan that’s Meg an not Meeg an for those of you playing in other parts of the world. Yes Megan Fox is actually Meg an not Meeg an. I knock on the door. A lady answers, “Meg an? Did you order a burrito?” “No, I didn’t”, said the lady who answered the door. “Is this not 1234 XX Rd?” I asked. “Yes it is” she answered. “Is your name Meg an?” “No it isn’t” I’m really perplexed. Who ordered the burrito? Was it a gift? A joke or??? Then it dawned on me. “Is there another house on the same property?” “Yes, behind mine”. Really? I thought, you wouldn’t think to mention that while I’m trying to deliver this possibly cold burrito? Fair freaking dinkum! I walk around the back and knock and drop. In the space that it took me to figure out. I have probably missed out on several orders in this wonderful lack of information. Why not a note stating the obvious? Sorry mate you get to play a fun game of figuring out the mystery house. What’s funny is that addresses like these have a letter for the initial house and a different letter for second house A for house number 1 and B for house number 2. This was not the case. Perhaps it was a momentary lapse of concentration from the city when the new house was zoned or somebody out there just didn’t care about future delivery drivers and delivery drivers.

I could have rung the burrito orderer called Meg an, but I left my phone mounted in my car on the vent clip, plugged into the charger. I would this to prevent me taking it out and putting back in. If I was in a rush the phone would pop out the clip and drop onto the floor. Murphy and his laws will dictate if you don’t place the phone into the clip securely at the beginning of your day, you will be forever watching your phone randomly pop out and hit your vehicles floor or seat or in some magical circumstances your groin.

On this Monday, I had multiple orders from the Leaf and Ladle. I had never heard of this restaurant, but due to covid19 they had shut down indefinitely. Prior to covid19 I still had never heard of this place in the two years I had lived in Whatcom County.

Tuesday

I went to the hospital to drop off some food for a nurse. It made me super nervous due to Covid19. As I waited for the lady I saw weird shimmer by the door of the ICU. It made the hair stand on the back of my neck. What did I just see? Was it a reflection or a ghost of deceased patient. My mind was working overtime right then and there. The nurse eventually showed up after I had to text her. I asked her if she had ever seen a ghost here? She replied with “I see ghosts here all the time, you block them out here after a while”. She was either pulling my leg or telling the truth. My mid was working overtime. I don’t usually believe in that sort of stuff, however I have experienced some weird anomalies in my time. From UFOs to sleep paralysis twice in the night to even discovering a house in Melbourne that I used to live in may have been inhabited by a dead bloke who had probably the worst fireplaces on the planet. It damn nearly killed me. That’s a story for another day. Maybe I will add in Paul’s Spooky Stories and Weird Stuff another time.

Wednesday

My Wednesday started with me finding out about all the countries and states doing 14 days of quarantine before you can move around freely after entering the border. In the of Philadelphia they are quarantining for 15 days before anyone could come in. Hawaii was 14 days. At your own expense of course. Places like New Zealand were at the time paying for their citizens to quarantine in 4-5 star hotels. It made me think gee Australia is really looking out for their citizens in this pandemic. As I was driving around I stopped to watch a majestic white cockerel cross the road. Then all these why did the chicken cross the road jokes popped into my head. The real answer was obvious though, it clearly wanted to get to the other side. No jokes about it. This chicken was on a mission! Colonel Sanders would have described the chicken as succulent.

That day, the owner of Cascade Pizza gave me free garlic bread. It was bloody delicious and probably the best garlic bread I have eaten in a very long time! After the pizza drop I went to go pickup some Mexican food. I encountered a lady at the front desk and asked her about the current order. She said “My English is very bad no one understands me” I replied “That’s okay, I’m Australian no one understands me either”. We both laughed and I left.

My boss at Viking Foods told me my new mask and hand sanitiser had arrived. I walked into the office and looked at the most bizarre mask I had ever seen. It made me look like a bloody pig or Bane from the comic book series Batman. See below.

This mask does have replacement filters. However it doesn’t cover my face fully. Not sure if it actually works properly or not? As I was driving around I noticed fuel had gone back up by 0.20 cents a gallon. Ping! Last order of the day was by bloke with the last name Rambo. Couldn’t help but wonder about the John Rambo films. Guess the name had to come from somewhere.

Thursday

The next day I wore that silly mask and I felt stupid wearing it. All masks were mandatory in shops and restaurants and in some public venues. I felt embarrassed wearing it, when some sheila said “Nice mask, where do you get that from?” I thought is this person for real? I told her. Then I thought, you could wear anything and someone is either going to compliment you or shoot you down. The world is a bizarre place.

I noticed a school bus on that Thursday and saw all these kids lining up to collect their lunches. In America if you can’t afford lunches, parents can order it through the public system. It’s actually not a bad idea. Australia never did that. Pat on the back America. Oh yes since schools were closed and children were doing home schooling they were delivering the food to the home school kids. It’s like Uber Eats or Viking Foods for kids.

Friday

My Friday started off strange. I dropped off food to apt 214. The lady who answered the door said it wasn’t her food. So I thought maybe I had a moment of dyslexia, so I knocked on the door of 241. I dropped it off the food there instead. An elderly lady was over the moon by the food and thanked me repeatedly and said “it must be a gift, it’s nice and warm thank you”. I went back to the car to discover it was indeed apartment 214 in application. What? I was waiting to be reprimanded for dropping the food at the wrong apartment. No one ever said anything. I wondered if it was them that screwed up and as a result my dyslexia rectified the issue without realising it. Heh well.

I had to pick up an order from the Hawaii BBQ place. That bloody woman was at it again with her hating of the world. I left with everything, well so I thought and she called me back to say “Can you come back? I stuffed up the order”. I had to turn around my car James Bond style in the middle of the road so I could fix this issue. I had to wait for her to remake the order. Oh boy. I then took the order the Sunset Apartments and I honestly felt I was in zombie apocalypse movie there. The people there were derelict moving around aimlessly. Staring at me. I felt like COVID19 had mutated and turned the populace into the walking dead! Turns out they weren’t interested in my flesh or brains. They wanted meth or ice. I still didn’t feel comfortable in this area at all.

My final order of the day took me over to Suddenly there’s a Valley. I was wondering if my job applications in Australia would get me back into my career that I had worked so hard for. Sydney or Melbourne? Two companies I had interviewed for. Then suddenly I saw a woman with a Bunnings Warehouse backpack and hat! Fair Dinkum! I stopped in the middle of the road. Of all the bloody places Bunnings Warehouse merchandise. For anyone who doesn’t know Bunnings is a hardware store like Lowes or Home Depot. I yelled out to the lady on the bike “How on earth did you get that? The Bunnings merch? Are you lost?” She stopped and looked back and said “No I’m American, I live around here” “How did you get that?” I asked. She laughed and replied “I lived in Melbourne for a year on a travelling working visa, I worked at Bunnings Warehouse whilst I was there”. It some strange and twisted fate I think Melbourne was calling me to work there. In all the four years I had never seen anyone have something so obscure as a Bunnings backpack since living in the USA. It was a sign. I had to go back to Australia and try earn enough to buy a house. I will have one more week left and then take four weeks to pack so I could go back downunder to work again as an archaeologist.

Next up my final Uber rides with some excess food deliveries.

Monday

One household started their Monday by ordering six milkshakes! That’s right SIX! I have only four cup holders in my car. Luckily I had a cup tray to use. I placed it on the floor. Thinking I really hope it doesn’t spill. Luckily as drove carefully over every speed bump and took every turn like I was carrying a priceless artefact. No spillage when I arrived at the destination. Phew! I took two trips to the person’s door, avoiding any mishap or should I say miss step? The precious cargo needs to be protected at all costs. I have some tips on how to avoid gross things in the customers milkshakes or food in my patreon account if you want to sign up. Sign up and I’ll publish some vital tips.

Tuesday

Tuesday was an annoying day. No it wasn’t the inundation of taco Tuesday, it was me not seeing a pole when came close to a curb. A metal pole! My side mirror scrapped it and I felt my cars pain immediately. The pole was fine, but my car copped another scrape! It already had scrapes when I purchased it. I had scrapped it the year prior on a rather large boulder which I forgot about pulling out from a long day in the field. Don’t worry the rock was fine! this is why I wouldn’t want to drive a Lamborghini or a Ferrari. Yes that’d be fun, but I’d be paranoid about damaging the bloody thing. One brake pad for a lsmbo costs $5000.00! No thanks.

Wednesday

Wednesday I encountered a Fed Ex bloke delivering…guess what it was… mail! Packages from Amazon a plenty, probably. We were cordial and noted our professions. He could smell the food I was delivering. I couldn’t smell his package, probably a good thing. Anyway it was a non event day.

Thursday

I decided to pick up someone today to cure my boredom. A dentist on the frontline of Covid! Yes dentists who weren’t getting enough work were able to get work in other parts of the medical industry. Assisting doctors and nurses. In these unprecedented times anything can happen. Bet you’re sick of hearing the word unprecedented. I sure am!

Friday

After a topsy turvy week I was happy it was Friday. Delivering food for chump change isn’t my idea of a good time, but I wasn’t aware I could go on unemployment. Turns out I could and I would have been get a lot more than what I was getting with delivering food, because of Covid!

The day started with a drunk person holding a Modelo out the front of a restaurant. He was probably thinking it was 5 o’clock somewhere! It was 9 am. He tried to make small talk, but proceeded to go across the Carpark and dance around a pole. He was a quality individual and probably should start his own show. I would have filmed it but I had work to do.

Next order was at the Dumpling King I asked the lady behind the register how long? and she was rude to me. “The Viking app will tell you!” I swent back to my car and looked at my phone, there was with no timer set! I walked back in. “Did you set the timer?” “Are you seriously asking that right now?” Then the embarrassment washed over her rude cold face. “Oh no timer set sorry”. I couldn’t help but walk away victorious. Stupid bitch I thought. I’m working in this BS too you know. If you can’t handle it don’t work! I was getting tired of the customer service industry. People aren’t courteous at all. It gave me a new found respect for the people who do this all their lives. I didn’t mind driving people around, but delivering food was a whole different animal.

My day got better when my final customer thanked me for wearing a mask and gloves when delivering their food. “No worries mate”. The elderly lady’s smile went from ear to ear and said “You sound like you’re from downunder”. “Yes ma’am, I’m from beyond the black stump, have a good day”. I left thinking she has no idea what that meant, but she’ll get a kick out of it.

Next up a Bunnings encounter in America!

Monday

My Monday was pretty mundane. You feel like a robot picking up food and delivering it. Simple tasks apparently expand the brain capacity for other things. Oh boy was I thinking. Sorry no source for this, but for me it works. Mindless tasks always lead to a fresh view on things for me anyway.

Tuesday

Indian food was somewhat popular today, I’m not sure why? Additionally I was getting progressively more irritated by the dispatcher for sending me on covid19 cash runs. Food orders where the customer pays with cash. I immediately put a stop to it by saying “I really don’t want take cash orders anymore”. They understood for about a day and forgot.

Wednesday

More covid cash orders. “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want to do cash orders?” I thought to myself. I wrote no cash to the dispatcher and he said “thanks for not being a dick about it”. Honestly I was about ready to lose it because Monday and Tuesday was just cash orders. It doesn’t reflect nicely in the app and it was harder to keep track of.

Thursday

I was getting ready to deliver some Mexican food when I heard behind me in a British accent. “Can I trouble you for the time sir?” I looked and was the brit that I encountered in Blaine, half an hour north. Gee this guy gets around and he’s near Mexican food most of the time. “Quarter to one mate”. I replied. “Thank you, the day is getting on isn’t it?” “Yes it is”. I said. He didn’t chat to me for very long this time, but yes I may thought he was loopy, but he was very polite and that is certainly missing in a pandemic. He never asked me for food and I wondered what if this toothless chap was a secret millionaire. He doesn’t need money, he just craves conversation. I thought it I myself became rich I might have to donate to some of these people. Yes some steal, some are on drugs, but some are mentally handicapped and cannot get ahead. Society turns it’s back on the needy. Essentially kicks them to the kerb. Some live a simple life and shopping trolleys are the ferraris of the homeless. They end up carrying your life until eventually you kick the bucket.

Friday

Free gloves Friday was fruitful. Yes most establishments in this pandemic have gloves for the food delivery people. How thoughtful. Viking had also ordered masks with reusable filters which were set to become available the following week. By the way if you ever decide to deliver food. Make sure you don’t put it directly in front of a person’s door. Why? If the door opens out they cannot get out to pick up their food. I watched this happen as I was leaving someone’s house. The door was slowly pushing their meal out of the way. I immediately got out and rectified this issue. They thanked me and I went on my way.

Thanks all for reading this. I have three more posts to add for my viking foods experience.

Next time six milkshakes and the resident above the shop.

Monday

Delivering food you don’t get the interactions with people like you do with Uber or any other ride sharing services, but you still see and experience some pretty weird crap. The Monday started with me delivering food to a law firm. The office was at the end of the foyer of a multi story skyscraper. Quite large for Bellingham. It was a round foyer with four hallways leading to other offices and businesses. In the middle was a large table with a plant on it. I avoided it going into the law firm. A lady greeted me at the front desk of the open planned office. Cubicles lined the room. You can sense it was a highly stressful working environment. I gave the lady the food, she thanked me and I walked out the door and looked straight ahead. I was wearing a mask, so as to not get the covid19. My peripheral vision was blocked and as a result the table I had walked around prior to entering the office, kicked me in the shin. Ouch! The plant almost fell off the table. Yet I managed to catch it with lightning reflexes. Phew! My shin aching I hobbled off to my car and got ready for the next order. Rubbing my shin I thought, stupid place to put a table and a plant.

Afterward I took another order across town where I managed to hurt myself again. I tried to open a container while I was driving and subsequently hit myself in the face. Ouch! The universe was making up for lost time and decided to unleash hell upon my body. “Mr Howard, you haven’t hurt yourself in a while, here you go!” Wack and quoobish!

Tuesday

Tuesday I saw some road rage. People cutting each other off and giving each other the obligatory middle finger. Typical Tuesday. People have just gotten through Monday and then there’s Tuesday a non event day. In Australia in November, for one day a year, there’s the Melbourne cup. A horse race that stops the nation. Every other Tuesday is just bollocks. The day after Monday. When you think you have conquered the world Tuesday comes along and says I’m standing in your way to get to Wednesday. Yes for most people Wednesday is the pinnacle of the week. Tuesday is the smudge on your windscreen. The second stop on an 18 hr drive. A broken yolk that you wanted to preserve for poached egg on your brekky, but now it’s ruined. I am not a fan of Mondays, but Tuesdays are far worse in my opinion. Americans try to make it more interesting by having cheap Mexican food in the form of taco Tuesday, but again it’s still Tuesday. You can have an alcoholic beverage or six, but there’s still work the next day.

That day I dropped off Mexican food to a company called 3D Printing. No it wasn’t a 3D printing company. You know the the cool new printers that print 3D objects such as ornaments etc. It was actually called that because the company was started by 3 Daves. Three Davids that print your glossy magazines or brochures. I said to one of the Daves, “So are you going to buy a 3D printing machine? I think it’d be a missed opportunity if you don’t”. He looked at me said “It’s out of our price range at moment”. Perplexed and confused by Tuesdays antics already I left.

I went south to Freddy Meyers on Lakeway and pulled up to the lights where I saw a homeless person run behind a pickup truck aka ute and hopped in the flat bed tray. The pickup drove off, with the person in the back. I couldn’t believe what I had witnessed, but that’s the kind of weird crap you see in films. I felt America was like a bizarre film sometimes, where people just do whatever the heck they feel like without any consequence.

Wednesday

Wednesday, finally hump day and I started to find out more facts about human habits. Did you know that you touch your face at least 23 times in a single hour? As I wrote that I just scratched my chin. Now you’re noticing it. Yes the covid19 has us all noticing things we normally don’t notice. I personally was socially distancing myself before it was cool. If someone is walking directly at me I move the other direction. I personally don’t want to touch, shove, punch, knock, hit or contract a disease from anyone. Growing up men shook hands and women hugged and kissed. Man hugs were not common in my family. Unless you were a child. It was just not common. I for one didn’t care, but if any person touches me who I don’t know unless it’s a handshake then it’s not okay. In a pandemic I don’t want to touch you at all. I don’t want to get the dreaded lurgy.

The Wednesday was rather wet and in suddenly there’s a valley or aka Sudden Valley I noticed that driveways became waterfalls. Torrential rain wasn’t fun when delivering food. At least when you pick up someone when it’s pissing down, you don’t have to get of your car. You just sit there and wonder how muddy their boots are?

Thursday

The Thursday was busy. To the point where I managed to deliver to the wrong apartment. I mistakenly delivered it to 412 instead of 214. The customer texted me and asked where their food was, by then I was already on my way to another delivery. Arghh! I told him where it was and he didn’t want to go downstairs to where I accidentally delivered it to, it had to be redone and redelivered. A moment of dyslexia when you have five orders at once is a strong possibility. I got annoyed at his rudeness and just didn’t care about his food. Look mate I thought be grateful you’re even getting food delivered to your door. Ungrateful twit. I had almost had enough of that week. It was the 5th week of delivering food. How do people do this all the time? I couldn’t help but miss archaeology. All employers had put a freeze on hiring due to the pandemic, so I just had to be patient.

Friday

Finally Friday. Another busy day and my archaeological skills were utilised while I drove past a large stone structure on the way south of Western Washington University. It was an old jail and looked to be built out of sandstone. I got flashbacks of some of the convict structures in Australia. Oh how I miss archaeology.

That same day I had an order out in the valley and discovered another person with exact same name on the intercom system to get into a housing complex. I thought the customer I was delivering food to had preprogrammed my name into the gate. No it was an elderly bloke called Paul Howard. What? It was the third Paul Howard I have spoken to in my life. Fourth if you include myself. The first I encountered was a barrister who settled a case involving a car accident my mum and I had when I was a kid. The second was an engineer from the UK who wanted to find as many Paul Howard’s on social media as possible and set up a group and now this elderly bloke over an inter com system. What a weird week.

Next time I encounter the British homeless bloke again.

My Monday started with the brekky runs, no not the digestive kind, which morphed into lunch. That’s when I noticed a bloke at the Dumpling King in a tactical kilt. He was ready to rain a small British village and eat dumplings whilst doing it. There’s a place in Seattle that sells these Scottish gems and I couldn’t help but ask him “are you wearing budgie smugglers under that kilt?” He looked at me blankly and queried my question with a question. “Budgie what?” He asked with a bewildered look upon his face. “Are you wearing knickers under that cloth?” I asked. “You know underpants, jocks, underwear, under armour, boxers, briefs, tight whities, or downunder cloth?” He responded “Yes for the best protection a man can buy”. Wonderful I grabbed the dumplings and left, the food of course just to be clear went on my way. There’s nothing like a cup of cold mind punch in the morning. Screw with people and they’ll be in perpetual confusion for the rest of their lives.

Not much else happened on Monday, but that was totally fine I had to focus on delivering essential food like baby back ribs and dumplings.

Tuesday

Taco Tuesday was the lowest fuel cost I had ever seen. $1.76/gallon. That’s like 0.58 cents a litre! Crikey crumbs you might as well just give the fuel for me for free. My first order was at a Mexican restaurant off Bakerview. Now most Mexican restaurants smell like delicious Mexican food, this one on the other hand smelled like teen spirit. Sorry no, raw sewage . It was unbearable and probably was in violation of several health codes. I wanted to get out of there fast. Disgusting.

That day I saw a rego that said GLORYUS. Yep. Cool story.

Wednesday

I met an Uber driver waiting at the dumpling place, where I saw the tactical kilt bloke. She was doing uber eats and she said “it was crap”. I said “I know”. She had to wait 4 hrs for an order. I said “sounds about right”. I told her to move over to Viking Foods.

Thursday

I went to a BBQ grill restaurant called Jekyll and Hyde and noticed on their register was a clip on koala. Just like the ones I have in my car. “Been to Australia?” I queried. “Yes, years ago with my wife. We loved it”. I couldn’t help but bring up memories of my homeland and delve into the Australiana. From kangaroos to kookaburras we discussed at length of the great southern land.

That same day I thought I found my long lost hubcap I had misplaced in that snowstorm a few months prior. It looked like it was going to be thrown out. I dropped off some Asian food to a lady and asked her about the hubcap just sitting by her doorstep. She had picked up further snow fall a few months prior. What were the chances? Before I came home to check the hubcap I delivered food to a mate I used to work with. It was great to see him again. I had distanced myself to all the people at Drayton. Psychologically it effected me. It wasn’t my mates fault that I got fired at all. He had seen people get the flick left right and centre. The boss was an unrealistic wanker with his budgets and couldn’t afford a senior. I wish I could have stayed and had a beer with my mates, but it was getting late and it was in a lockdown so couldn’t hang around.

After taking the hubcap home that night I compared it to my other ones, it was the wrong type. Right size wrong type. It didn’t have enough plastic prongs on the rim. I kept it anyway and replaced all my hubcaps. Yes now I have an odd hubcap on my car.

Friday

Friday was intensely busy and probably the most full on day I had doing viking foods. It was in the month of April and the pandemic was unleashing hell on people’s lives, and the economy. People were hungry and ready for any food they could find. I had made close to $300 in a day delivering food. It was also Vikings lAs I was coming home I encountered a Birthday drive by. I was stuck in it. People tooting and honking their horns and waving at a house that used to have my former bosses face on their front lawn. Yeah the political ones. I was angry I wanted to go home, but I was stuck behind these wankers. I called the cops on them. They’re disturbing the peace I thought. There wasn’t a way to turn around in this mess. Eventually after 15 minutes I came home and that was my week 4 with Viking foods. Coming up week 5.

A tinfoil hat moment about covid19 below:

I’ll tell you. Divide and conquer. A military and political strategy used by many civilizations to extinguish their immediate threat. Divide and conquer or rule comes from the Latin phrase divide et impera. Phillip of Macedon II used this tactic along with the ancient Roman’s and Mongolians. I strongly believe that right now we’re witnessing the first stage of conquest in the USA. Or perhaps an experiment to see how well the people react. Memes can be created to instill fear and hatred on a broad scale. Implemented through social media. Some are funny, but some are indeed serious. The perpetual narrative impacting upon the world right now is opinionated and unjustified.

History.
Pandemic tool
The bubonic plague was used as a military tool to kill or cripple the populace within the walls of castles or forts. Patient military rulers would wait until the right moment to storm the fortification. Smallpox was another military tool used that decimate various native populations to gain a stronger foothold in an invaded land.

Examples of dividing and conquering.
The Roman’s conquered Gaul using the divide and conquer strategy. By dividing the enemies forces Julius Ceasar was able to successfully conquer Gaul. Other examples are a bit more extreme. The British empire managed to stir the pot by making minorities in positions of power. The Tamils in Sri Lanka were put in powerful positions creating unrest with the Sinhalese. Cyprus is another British pawn in divide and conquer pitching the Turks and the Greeks together on a tiny Island. Rwanda was also a country used as a political experiment an attempt to divide and conquer. It eventually became an atrocity that lead to genocide in 1994. The Hutu and Tootsie hated each other because one was placed in power.

Now we have a bipartisan country like the USA. The Republicans and the Democrats. There are other political parties, but they have barely any legs to stand on due to lack of funding. So essentially the USA has two factions. Now pitch them against each other.

I’ll give some examples of how divide and conquering is working in the last six months revealing various scenarios. This is a modern approach and it is scary.

Scenario 1
Covid19 the sheep:
The government tries to recommend using masks to stop the spread of the virus.

Result.
A foreign individual or influencer creates a meme to instill fear and anger from one political side. Resulting in people acting out.
False facts litter social media relating to wearing masks and other social distancing mandates.

Scenario 2.
It’s just the flu?

Result.
Lacksadaisical attitudes from another individual or influencers opinion increase and result in conflict in the streets.

Scenario 3.
Police brutality

Result.
Enflame the left by posting more Police brutality videos and photos resulting in mass protests and riots. Inadvertently making the virus spread.

Scenario 4.
Fudge the books

Result.
Create doubt about the cause of death of various individuals. Therefore by indicating that an individual that died of a motorcycle accident death was covid19. Enflaming the right.

Scenario 5.
Divide

Result.
Congratulations you have successfully divided an entire nation through memes and media.

Scenario 6.
Conquer

Result.
The external influencer can now activate another pandemic far more deadly and spread it around a country using the above methods.

Call it a tinfoil hat moment, but America and other nations have exposed an enormous weakness. Any country can use covid19 as a way to destroy a country. It’ll start with a government mandate and all of a sudden it appears to be a way to let the government remove freedoms from the population. Resulting in a divide and conquer strategy that could destroy a nation.

• Paul Howard

The Monday began with brekky orders in Bellingham. Restaurants like the Birch Door, the Daisy Cafe, Tadeos were popular. One of my first orders had be deliver a Mexican burrito in southern Bellingham. I grabbed the bag, the beverages and waltzed up to the door. A cat was waiting for me. It stared at me and I knocked at the door. I thought I had better wait and keep holding the food, because this cat was very keen on the bag of food I was holding. The door opened and the cat walked in. I said to the customers “Oh sorry I thought I’d better keep the food out of the way of the cat, because it was tempted by the food, looks like a nice cat you have there”. As I said that the cat waltzed inside the customers home and meowed. “That’s not my cat” he responded. “Oh well it looks like it is now” I said. “Yeah I guess so”. “See you later mate, I got many orders to fill, enjoy the food and now the cat. The Monday wasn’t too eventful after that. Just delivering food and listening to audio books. I didn’t bother to turn on the other apps this week to minimise the risk of getting the dread covid19. I did have an old N95 mask from the garage I could use.

Tuesday

Tuesdays very good for Mexican food. In fact due taco Tuesday it is the best day for Mexican food. It can also be Thai Tuesday. I stopped at On Rice to pick up two deliveries and the lady that was moving the food up to me knew my accent. She had that Phaic Tan on her and it didn’t look great at all. She has mates in Australia, but hasn’t ever been. One day lady, one day you’ll get there and have a prawn on the barbie, kick a footy through the sticks.

Wednesday

The Wednesday was fairly busy. I even went to the Waterfront Tavern on Holly. Famous for frequent visits from various serial killers. You had Ted Bundy, the Hillside Stangler and the DC Sniper all hang out this place. It looks like a regular tavern on the water, but it does have a weird feeling about it. I didn’t go in to collect the food, there is a window on the side of the building where the owner hands me the food. Knowing what this place was, was surreal and somewhat sickening. It is also a bikey hang out for people on their way to south from Vancouver or people heading north from Seattle. Organised crime, drug running and have been happening here for yonks. You can’t help but imagine the deal drops, drug deals, and human trafficking incidents that would frequent this place, not to mention the deadly thoughts that crossed various peoples minds in the tavern. It’s part of Bellingham’s history, perhaps not their proudest ones.

https://localfreshies.com/travel/waterfront-tavern-unique-history-no-tavern/

The Waterfront Tavern in all it’s glory!

Thursday

I did a shift in the north towards the end of the day after working in Bham. I was delivering Bob’s Burgers and Brews at a trailer park. I went to knock on the door and the occupant scared the living daylights out of me! She opened the door just as I was about to knock! “Holy Shit!” I yelled. She apologiesd but was really keen on her food, she apparently heard me drive up.

Friday

After a full on week of picking up, dropping off, it can be extremely tedious. Although the tips make it all worth it. I went to go pick up a burrito, which usually costs about $10 at this one joint in Bham. Anyway I looked at the order and saw the tip was $100! I stupidly queried it with my superiors and they said it was a mistake. I ended up getting a $2 tip instead. Better than nothing, but that’s what happens when you’re honest. I went down south to pick up some Chinese food and as I waltzed up to the door of the restaurant an old fella complimented me on my Australian hat. He asked me all about it and I noticed he was wearing leather hat also, except it was cattle hide instead of roo leather. I made sure he knew where to buy the hat, just in case he can’t get a hold of it. It reminded me of that gambler that bought me one and thought that is a very niche industry that could be tapped into in the USA. Ssshhh don’t tell anyone though!

One last comment for the week when you’re delivering food make sure you wear some good runners. I found myself climbing several flights of stairs a day. It’s certainly more cardio though picking up and dropping off passengers. The only downfall is the stop start action and the overwhelming smell of the food. You have to bring a big lunch or dinner or both, to get rid of any hunger pains from the delicious food sitting right next to you. Yelling at your nostrils saying “EAT ME!” Next up Week 4 of Viking.

Monday

It was a quiet day. Just delivering food with many good tips. I started to listen to audio books to pass the time. Self help books and various non fiction books including Michio Kaku’s The Future of the Mind. A fascinating piece of literature about the advancements of the human brain and what we might be able to with it in the future. I highly recommend this and encourage people to delve into it no matter who you are. You’ll definitely learn something.

Tuesday

See above.

Wednesday – Day 131

After a couple of slow days with Viking in the north of the county I decided to risk my health and life by turning uber and lyft back on, and by heading to Bellingham. Sure enough I had at least three pings for the ride sharing apps. Two nurses and one sheila that works at the Dollar Tree. I couldn’t help but think how dangerous it could possibly be by picking up nurses or doctors. The Dollar Tree Lady booked me for the next day, which I agreed to do. A dollar store that charges you a lot more than a dollar for things like batteries. Probably false advertising calling the Dollar Tree, oh I guess there’s no trees either. I can see the class action lawsuit now. There was no dollar trees at the Dollar Tree or most things are over a dollar at the dollar store. I’m sure America will find a way to sue this pretentious store. This was the extent of my pick-ups then I had to to deliver food with Viking. It was definitely busier in the Bham. More restaurants, more people, more demand. It made perfect sense. Oh yeah forgot to say more tips. I think the best tip I had that day was $15 for $4.00 cake. Why? Because Covid-19 that’s why?

Thursday – Day 132

I began my day picking up the Dollar Tree lady. She was happy I was there, many drivers turned off their app as soon as they figured out they could die from an infectious disease. Fair dinkum what a strange time this is. After I dropped of the Dollar Tree worker I decided to turn on every single app I had. Post Mates was a new one I hadn’t even tried yet, Instacart was another I turned on, Uber and then of Course Lyft. That’s when shit got stressful. A mistake I will never ever make again. Two apps are fine, but four? That just becomes a chaotic situation that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. Ping Ping Ping Ping! Which one do I pick? Fine Postmates and then I’ll pick up this person then another. Someone has got to wait. I went to pick-up a green matcha tea from the Starbuck. I used a card to swipe for the $7 drink and then I dropped it off at the house. I had to take a photograph of the tea sitting out the front of the door. What a gross looking iced mess it appears to be. No thanks. I look at the app to see how much I got paid for that one drink, $3.00. No tip. That was the last time I ever used Post Mates. Next I went to pick up a bloke who works in the weed industry. Smelt like it too. I told him I had another passenger waiting after I drop him off. I was busy. Too busy I kept getting pings. Some I denied and some were queuing in the apps. After weed man I picked up a couple of medical clothing cleaners. They were working extra hard in this crisis to make sure all doctors and nurses scrubs were clean. Then I picked up a bloke who needed to go to a Seven Eleven (711). I turned every app off and just kept Viking foods on, my shift started at 10 and was supposed to finish around 7pm. I delivered food from a food truck a house, that was a first. I amused myself by thinking they’re a food truck why don’t you just drive to their house and deliver it yourself. Of course they set-up shop in one spot for a whole day and make many sales. Some restaurants in America start off as a food truck and then buy a space once they can afford it. I delivered food from coffee stands and even teriyaki places. When I hit a lull I took a break and turned on the ride share apps. SIDE NOTE: By the way I never ended up trying Instacart I had it only as a backup, personally I hate shopping for myself let alone anyone else. Instacart basically enables you to follow someone else’s grocery list, pick-up the items and deliver them. Sounds fun right? What happens if they don’t have the item they want? You ask. Well you can swap toilet paper out for a loaf of bread as a similar item if you want. If the customer agrees to it, then you’re buying a loaf of bread as toilet paper. I heard tips are good on this app, but I never delved into it. Moving on, oh where was I? Yes a lull. I got a ping in Lyft and this bloke was a writer, or so he says anyway. When he found out I was Australian he went on to say how hot Australian women are. He was extremely detailed. Then he said his daughter watches an Australian show about mermaids. Nice one mate, sounds educational. Following on from that rider I had maths student that gave me a fun fact about focussing. It can take 45 minutes for the average person to refocus on a project if interrupted. This was later confirmed in the audio book I was listening to. The day ended with my delivering food in north county. The day ended with me earning over $200.

Friday

Love Fridays even in the food delivery industry they are indeed still fruitful. This day was unique because it was the first time I delivered a margarita to a house. I had to take the drink mix and alcohol to the persons door and ask for their ID. I snapped a photo of the over aged individual and went on my merry way. Now after this I had to get a sandwich and coffee from the Railway Cafe in Blaine. As I was leaving this scruffy old man with decrepit clothes approached me. “Good day to you fine sir!’ He exclaimed in a British accent. I couldn’t help but notice he had missing teeth and was quite filthy. “G’day mate, I must go. Gotta deliver this food”. “Ah from the colonies I hear, South Africa?” he queried. “Nah mate, Australia”. I replied. “Ah yes, the great southern land are you from the Gold Coast? Anyway you see that man down there, he’s a millionaire and he won’t do anything for his daughter, he’s very selfish if you ask me”. he mused. I look back down the road and couldn’t see who the hell he was talking about. Then he babbled on about God knows what, until I interjected and said “Look mate, sorry I can’t chat, I’ve gotta go!” “Farewell kind sir”. The crazy thing about that encounter is that he never asked me for money, which is what I was expecting. He was indeed very well spoken, polite, but clearly didn’t have his shit together. What’s weird is that I did live on the Gold Coast for 13 years of my life for primary and high school. I thought I would never see him again, but I was wrong. I saw him later that day chatting to someone else near the Mexican restaurant. Now please note this I saw him in Blaine on this day. I do see him again in a couple of weeks. Look out for that random encounter again.

Next up Viking Week 3.

Monday

Moody monday’s the day after sleepy sunday’s. I went down south to pickup a hot bag (which was a $25 deposit you get back) and many boxes of soft drink. A total of 36 cans of Mountain Dew, 24 cans of Dr. Pepper, 24 cans of Coca Cola, 24 Cans of Sprite, and 24 cans of Diet coke. Since I was to service Blaine and Ferndale I had to have soft drink in my car for any of the orders. Not all restaurants had drinks to go. Viking would charge $1.50 a can if the customer needed a bevo. I made my way north and they sent me to Ferndale to pickup burgers for the Alcoa refinery, an aluminium refinery. The customer had strict instructions to go to the second gate at the facility. I first picked up the burgers and went on my merry way to the refinery. First gate I saw was a boom gate that was open and then I observed a sign that says main gate. I parked, got out of the car and went to the office. “Got an order for Jo!” I said. “Sorry who are you?” The security guard said. “Paul from Viking foods, is there a Jo here? Is this the second gate?” The man stared at me and replied “Second gate? Maybe he means the Totem entrance?” I stared and queried “Totem entrance?” “Go back out make a right and follow the road that veers to the left. You’ll see a big Lummi Eagle on one of the structures there”. “Cheers mate!” I did what he said and eventually I just rang the customer. “Where are you?” He asked where I was and then told me how to get to him. As I rocked up he apologised for the inconvenience of how to get there. He said there’s a whole day of figuring out where to go around the facility and 9 times out of 10 people still get lost and have no idea who anyone is. I laughed and drove off. I was sent to Blaine to pick up various food from Thai, to Chinese, to Mexican to eventually burgers. I rocked up to Bob’s Burgers and sat down to wait for an order. An elderly lady walked in with a mask on and asked me “Are you delivering food?” “Yes ma’am, just started working for Viking today in fact”. “Thank you for your service”. I stared and looked at her and humoured her “You’re welcome ma’am”. Ha me? What am I in the military? Delivering food to random people in the middle of a pandemic? I didn’t really thing of it. Then I thought you know what? I’ll take that. That day I had made over $100. Not bad, but I wanted more obviously.

Tuesday

The following day I thought about how lonely delivering food can be. Apart from picking up the food, it’s cvery rare to come into contact with people. Doing Lyft and Uber I was able to have interesting and somewhat funny conversations with people. The tuesday took me to again the local restaurants in Blaine and Ferndale I was possibly the northern most delivery driver on the western seaboard. I would walk into Paso Del Norte and they would tell me how useful I would be come the weekends. One customer had to wait 2 hrs for their food and put in a complaint. Gee whiz! I’d probably complain too. People were tipping generously throughout my shift. Now every order I would get $3.99 and then another $1 after an order was over 4.5 miles. Then all tips paid to me would go to my pocket. There wasn’t too much going on this tuesday except pick-up and dropping off of food. I could give you the reader a tally of every single restaurant, but there’s really no point. All I will say is that it was a mixture of Chada Thai, Bob’s Burgers and Brews, Teriyaki Cafe, Paso Del Norte, and Grants Burgers.

Wednesday

Now you only have to read what I said at the end of the previous day to get the gist of how boring delivering food can be. You do have to fight the urge to eat the food that is sitting next to you. The delicious smells yelling at your nose, saying “EAT ME!” You got to fight the temptation and just give that food away. Now this day I was exceptionally hungry. I had my lunch, but was thinking it wasn’t enough. I went to pick up two orders from Paso del Norte. I went to drop off the first one. I delivered the wrong meal to the wrong house. Yikes! I had to turn around and deliver the correct one. Dispatch told me that order had to be redone. Especially with Covid-19 an issue and the fact it was a burrito meant that it was probably going to be cold by the time I deliver it to the next house. I dropped off the right bag and the lady gave it back to me. I asked dispatch, “what am I going to with this meal now?” “Throw it out”. Well crap! I’m not going to put this food to waste. I took it home after picking up and dropping the second burrito and I bloody ate it didn’t I? It was fantastic. I could feel my stomach gaining extra mass, bite after bite. Delicious!

Thursday

My next day at Viking had me again delivering food in Blaine and Ferndale. I had to finish early that day because I thought I’d take advantage of a deal for donating plasma. The coupon said after five visits you get $600. In these crazy times I’ll do what I can for money. After a few drop off north, I went south. I was a little early so I decided to turn Uber and Lyft on. Ping! Wow already? I got a message from the passenger. “I’m blind as a bat!” I drove up as close to her as possible and yelled out “Are you Maree?” “Yes!” she exclaimed. She walked towards me with her stick. She had thick black sunglasses on. She really was blind. I tried to help her with my voice. “This way, yep you’re getting warmer, no left, watch out for the concrete, there’s a car there, okay back a bit yeah there’s the door.” “Thank you for that, I was born blind, but it can be challenging when there is shit in the way. I normally have a dog, but he’s getting a check up today”. She needed to go to the pharmacist and she told me there haven’t been too many uber or lyft drivers lately. Her phone was speech activated and was making all kinds of odd noises. Everything she would say was speech activated. She was in the back seat and then wanted me to go through the drive through pharmacy and then go back. She was doing a multi trip and it hadn’t been imputed yet. So she tried to add that into her phone. It was a struggle. I said “Look do you have any cash?” “Yes I do, give me $5 and that’ll be fine.” We spoke on the way there and she told me all about her voice crushes from television. News Presenters I had never heard of. She would have been in her 70s, but one voice I did know, was Mel Gibson. She fell in love with that voice in the 80s. She told her husband that if she came across that voice that would be the end of her marriage. This lady was hilarious. She didn’t hold back. We picked up her script and I tried to ask her where her house was and she said “Just drop me off at the office where you picked me up from and I’ll find my way back”. “How?!” I exclaimed “Don’t worry I’ve lived here long enough to find my way back” she said. I honestly didn’t feel confident with doing that, but she insisted. She knew I had a plasma donation appointment to go to. That was technically my 130th day of ride sharing.

I got to the Biolife building where they do the plasma donations. They took my temperature to see that I didn’t have the Covid. Sure enough I was fine. They wanted all my details. Then they took blood pressure. People were all socially distant from each other. The nurses had full on face shields with surgical masks underneath. Gloves smothered everyone’s hands except for the patients. They call me around to the side and pricked my finger. Blood started to ooze out of my finger. I started to hear my heart beating in my ears. Thundering. I went white. I started to feel dizzy. I wasn’t mentally prepared for the finger prick but they wanted to see my Rh blood group. I hate blood tests and I have only had one bad reaction to one and that was in high school. I got up too quickly and almost fainted. I stopped myself. Anyway the finger prick made me feel woozy. I told the nurse. They sat me down on a little bed facing a bloke who was having his blood sucked dry right in front of me. He was looking at his phone. They gave me some water. My heart was racing. It’s like it went into shock. Last time that happened to me was when my ex slammed a metal fence into my foot and bounced off the bone. She was trying to keep her dog from escaping after it lost control of it’s back legs out of nowhere. I went into shock. Side note tangent: that dog ended up with a wheel chair from America to help her get around. They used acupuncture and water therapy to get her legs working again. It bloody worked. They called this dachshund the miracle dog, no more wheel chair. Unfortunately, about a year later she was bitten by an eastern brown snake on a property in Inverell. It died. Rural properties in Australia can be extremely hazardous for your pets. Anyway where was I? Oh yes me being a baby. The nurses ended up giving more water, a juice and a weird kids treat called animal crackers. I wolfed them down and drank all the water. I sat for about half an hour. Then I said “I think I’m ready for my blood to be taken”. The nurse looked at me and said “No you’re not a good candidate for this, you will be sitting there for 45 minutes whilst blood is taken from you and then returned to your body cold. We don’t want you passing put with a needle in your arm”. Embarrassed and defeated I nodded my head. “Well at least I tried”. I’ll say this if anyone out there is not afraid of needles or doesn’t faint when they are pricked or doesn’t have an issue of fast running blood, please donate. My body was my own worst enemy in this situation. Oh boy! No saving lives or $600 for me.

Friday

It was the busiest day I had all week. Getting close to $200 that day. I worked again in the north and delivered from the same restaurants to a couple of the same houses. It wasn’t an interesting day, except for the money and that I knew I would get a weekend. Till next time week 2 Viking.