The Lost Ogle

Make Regular Jim Traber richer…

Patrick — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 14:07:04 +0000

In addition to having a pathetic and contrived radio show show, Regular Jim Traber also has an incredibly boring website. At the this site you can see picture galleries of Regular Jim, including his family’s best attempt at making bad stock photography, his trading cards, and someone named “Card Board Jim Traber.” Seriously. The site also includes other pointless things like an event calendar from 2009 and an “About Us” page that, get this, claims that Regular Jim was inducted into a mysterious “Baseball Hall of Fame in its first year of existence.” Regular Jim doesn’t clarify which Hall of Fame this is, but I can only speculate it’s either the Mendoza Line Hall of Fame or the International Bad Baseball Player Hall of Fame and Museum. The “cash cow” of Regular Jim’s website is a message board where people with user-names like mingusX5, Patriot Girl and da_greek_poke bicker and have pointless discussions about sports. I’ll admit, I frequented the message board for a bit during the mid-Aughts. I think I was married at the time, so clearly I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. Marriage is my excuse for nearly everything that happened in the mid-Aughts. The reason I bring all this up is that a reader notified us yesterday that Regular Jim is now looking for new advertisers on the bustling website. Regular Jim’s website is pretty obscure, so I sent him the following email to see what his rates were: Mr Traber - We would be interested in purchasing advertising on your website. It would be similar to the one we have on your baseball stats page. Please send us a rate sheet. Thank You - For some reason, Regular Jim never got back with us. So I decided to do my own research and visit Alexa.com, which ranks all the websites in the world based on traffic. JimTraber.net, the actual host page for his forum, has a rank of 6,774, 124. That means there are over 6.5 million websites in the world with better web traffic than Jim Traber’s. To put that number in perspective, our traffic rank is 330,000, DailyThunder’s rank is 361,000, and OklahomaRock’s is 1.5 million. Based on that information, I would estimate that an add on Jim Traber’s site should cost a pack of Iron City Brew, a dozen Johnsonville Brats and a cheesecloth. But since Regular Jim does have a identifiable name, I would estimate an add would cost $50 – $100 a month. Anyway, since Regular Jim Traber will not respond to our email, I challenge our readers to get rates for his website. That way we’ll know if we can afford an ad on his site and if Jim Traber is possibly charging his advertisers too much money. You can email Jim by clicking here. When you get a reply, either email it to use or post it in the comments. It should be fun. Maybe Jim will even meltdown on the radio. That would be cool. Update: The un-ultimate replied “LOL” to our email. Not sure what that means.

Harry Johnson comes in last…

Patrick — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 15:52:31 +0000

Last night, Harry Johnson finished last in the Republican Primary for Oklahoma House District 5. He only received 686 votes. I think 600 of those votes came from people with a sense of humor as juvenile as ours, 85 came from his friends and colleagues, and 1 came from Haywood Jablome. As a tribute to Mr. Johnson and his failed bid for epic greatness, watch the video above. It’s pretty funny. It’s so funny that I think we should collaborate with this guy on future videos. What do you think? Anyway, I’m going to say we are now officially done with bad Harry Johnson jokes. Unless, of course, Harry Johnson “pulls out” of his next political race. Or we learn he’s a manscaper.

Breakdown of the Oklahoma 5th Congressional District Primary

David — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 12:30:59 +0000

(Editor’s Note: This post was written by David. He’s our newest contributor). Today, the people of Oklahoma’s 5th Congressional District will take their first step towards filling Mary Fallin’s vacancy, which until now was a job left to state troopers. In all, 11 candidates are running for the spot. I visited each of the 11 candidates websites in an attempt to help keep you, the loyal Lost Ogle reader, informed. I will now share some highlights. First we’ll take a look at the Republicans. In alphabetical order: Kevin Calvey -R www.kevincalvey.com My favorite thing about Calvey is that he “volunteered for the Army at 37, only a month after being married.” Perhaps this is a testament to his patriotism or how incredibly awful marriage can be, but a month in and Iraq seemed a better alternative to marriage. Then again, his wife is hot, so it was probably his patriotism. While in Iraq “…he received verbal death threats on several occasions by members of al-Qaeda.” I hope this wasn’t surprising to Calvey. I have to believe verbal death threats lobbed at you are way better than grenades. A bruised psyche is better than a lost limb. He’s a staunch Catholic, so we know where he stands on things like abortion, homosexuality and logic. According to his website the government wants to… “Use ‘hate crimes’ laws to criminalize preaching the Bible’s words on homosexuality. Kevin will stand strong against such extremist policies.” Criminalize preaching? Beating the hell out of someone because of how they look or love is not “preaching the Bible’s words”. It’s hate. I think the law is trying to prevent the kind of redneck ignorance that causes so much pain. Then again, I could be wrong. I’m not though. - Rick Flanigan – R www.rickflanigan.com From his official website – “If you reached this website because you found a flyer on your car windshield, I would first like to apologize for violating your personal space by putting a flyer on your car. I do appreciate your understanding that I must work extra hard to get my message out.” So he’s sorry, but not sorry enough to not screw with you car. “I respect your personal space, but don’t care I invaded it.” Yeah. That sounds about right for someone wanting to run for political office in this country. He has a “satire” section on his site which is just a bunch of “funny” essays synonymous with the Tea Part. One of them refers to Rachel Maddow as “Rachel Madcow” in a piece called “I Think My Wife’s Dog is Communist.” I’m not kidding. If that’s not enough for you to make an informed decision about giving Rick Flanigan your vote, nothing is, except for the fact that he looks like an age-progressed Chad. - Shane Jett – R jettforcongress.com Shane Jett, of course, is super pro-life. “Every effort should be made to empower mothers to choose life.” Once they’ve plunked down $500.00, haven’t they already made their decision? I think it’s funny how all of these candidates stop just short of offering to adopt “guilt trip” kids. One cool thing about Shane is that he lived in Brazil, where he trained to be a terrorist. This isn’t true, but that seems to be what people think nowadays. I do bet while living in Brazil he had no shortage of attractive women to gawk at. This is a Brazilian soccer fan and this is a typical Yard Dawgz fan. Case closed. Shane also has a Brazilian wife. Fuck him. - Harry C. Johnson – R www.harryjohnsonforcongress.com I think Harry Johnson has received enough coverage from TLO. - James Lankford – R jameslankford.com From what I understand, James Lankford’s ONLY job to this point has been director at Falls Creek Church Camp. On his website, he writes “Falls Creek has never been about any one person, it has always been about what God chooses to do in the lives of people who get quiet and listen to His still small voice.” Yeah, apparently God’s still small voice says, “Get drunk and sleep with as many confused young girls as possible.” This place is called the “Baptist Breeding Grounds” for a reason. When I was a kid, all my church friends told me I had to go to Falls Creek. They told me this when I informed them I’d never been drunk, stoned, or laid. “Dude, go to Falls Creek and you won’t be saying that at the end of the summer!” As I grew older, and spoke to more people, the tales of debauchery were rampant when anyone brought up Falls Creek. “That was the first place I got drunk/stoned/laid/got all gay with some dude.” And this guy oversaw it for years? I kind of want to vote for him now that I think about it. Lankford does have some opinions that have nothing to do with Falls Creek. Take his stance on illegal immigration. “We must also clarify the 14th Amendment to confirm that the children of illegal aliens are not given automatic citizenship.” So pack it up Pepe. The only country you’ve ever known is rejecting you because you have total control over where you’re born and raised. Wait. No. That’s not true at all. Family Values! - Mike Thompson – R oklahomansformike.com/home/about/ According to Mike Thompson, he has a 100% Pro-Family voting record. This is because he refused to vote for the Murder All Families Bill of 2006. What does that even mean? Pro-Family? Who is presenting anti-family legislation, other than me? One thing I do like about Mike Thompson is that he’s a narcissist. The guy has about a million different head shots to choose from on his site. Pick one, Chubs, and stick with it. Just because you overpaid and ordered the Platinum Executive package from the photographer doesn’t mean you [Read More]

Tulsa Tuesday: Witness List Leaked in Corruption Probe

IrritatedTulsan — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 12:10:05 +0000

All 15 Tulsans willing to speak to police as confidential drug informants have been outed. A federal grand jury investigation into alleged Tulsa Police corruption indicated several officers fabricated testimony, stole money and falsified search warrant affidavits. Five current and former police officers were indicted on charges of perjury, witness tampering, distribution of drugs and other crimes. In the wake of the investigation, 11 people have been released from prison, to which all 15 confidential informants said, “Oh F***!” The list of informants was leaked through a text message and circulated around Tulsa. As part of the investigation, the FBI and Department of Justice set up a sting operation by placing an agent who posed as a drug dealer with $13,000 in a hotel room. Four of the indicted officers went to the hotel. Only $8,000 was turned in. The FBI taped one of the officers putting money in his pocket. All but one officer has pleaded not guilty. Many of the indicted officers have been placed on paid leave. Paid leave? Where can I get that gig? Seems like a pretty sweet vacation. When the city is laying-off officers and looking at ways to cut back, how about suspended without pay? In high school, I don’t remember being suspended with A’s. How about no paycheck? If they’re found innocent: retroactive salaries. Oklahoma is an at-will state. What does it take to get fired from a government job? If an officer walked pantless into the police station, back flipped down the hall and onto the sergeant’s desk, all while singing Rainbow Connection and snorting a line of coke, he would be suspended with pay. Of course, he’d enter a not guilty plea, even if security cameras taped the incident. In response, TPD set a no-tolerance policy for police officers found lying on police reports, but only for future lies. Past falsified reports are still fine. . (P.S. It’s not Farmville, It’s Douchville.)

The one where an old State Senator probably had an affair with a young lobbyist…

Patrick — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 01:24:11 +0000

Last month, we wrote about 10 things we’d like to see happen this summer. Here was Number 10 on the list. A Republican state senator leaves his wife of 40+ years for a young married lobbyist who may be pregnant with his child. Well, according to OkiePundit.com, it looks like we may have been close to predicting another summer news story: OkiePundit can confirm that the Tulsa World is withholding a damaging story on incumbent State Senator Harry Coates until after Tuesday’s primary in order to protect his re-election prospects. Multiple well-placed sources have confirmed for us that the Tulsa World is sitting on the story that explores the allegation that Coates has been engaged in an affair with a lobbyist who is about 30 years younger than he is and that the married lobbyist may be pregnant with the senator’s child. OkiePundit has the lobbyist’s name, but we will not publish it at this time as she is not a public figure. We can also confirm that the lobbyist’s husband works for Governor Brad Henry and filed for divorce on July 13th. Coates, who is vying to become the Senate Republican leader, has been under pressure since this “open secret” came out in political circles several weeks ago. Wow. First Taco Bueno gets a remodel and now this?!? I’m thinking Megan Fox better hurry up and come to Oklahoma City. It’s going to happen someday, I promise. Anyway, I guess we can add to this harry (ha ha!) story a little bit and tell you that: • Virtually everyone at the capital knows about the rumor, including that paintings of Sequoyah and Will Rogers. • The Oklahoman has looked into publishing this story, too. • The Oklahoma Observer may have written about this several months ago but nobody knew about it because nobody reads it. • The lobbyist who is rumored to have had the affair worked for the Oklahoma Legislative Consulting Group. I write ”worked’ because the OLCG website has gone to extreme efforts to remove her picture or name. Fortunately, though, we can take a look at the site from 2008. If you can figure out who she is, you win the special gold prize. • Harry Coates is a pimp. And not a pimp in the literal sense of the word, but a pimp as in the “I **allegedly** banged a chick 30 years younger than me” type of way. Seriously, if you hook up with a girl 30 years younger than you and you don’t go to jail if you’re caught, all power to you. Now that the cat is **allegedly** out of the bag, I wonder what effect it’s going to have on Harry Coates’ political career. He only has one opponent in the primary, and if he wins, he’ll run unopposed for his State Senate seat. If he is reelected, you would think that our conservative, family values-obsessed, constitutionalist legislature would try to force him out. I mean the guy did **allegedly** have an affair with a lobbyist. If elected officials can’t accept gifts from lobbyists, that probably means they can’t accept sex from them either…that gift can only be offered by interns and pages. But I doubt anything will happen. Coates will publicly apologize and say he’s sinned, and then all the conservative hypocrites in the Senate will forgive him and talk about second chances. Then they’ll issue another “Proclamation for Morality” and write a bill that bans graphic novel erotica. That will really piss Clark Matthews off.

Lost Ogle Q&A: US Congresswoman Mary Fallin

Patrick — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 17:30:42 +0000

Let’s be honest here, we have had quite a bit of fun with Mary Fallin on this website. Therefore, it’s pretty cool that she decided to do this Q&A. Unfortunately, we’re now going to feel a little guilty when we make fun of her. Oh well, we’ll get used to it. Anyway, Mary Fallin is our former Lieutenant Governor, represents the Oklahoma 5th district in the US House of Representatives and was an extra in this depressing Molly Ringwalk film that also starred the dude from Gremlins. Mary Fallin is also popular, a Republican and a strong favorite to be Oklahoma’s next Governor. Check out our Q&A with here after the jump. And if you missed them, be sure to check out our QA’s with Jari Askins and Drew Edmondson after the jump. 1. Thanks for doing this interview. The first question may be the toughest one to answer. As Governor, will you follow the tradition established by Brad Henry and be at least 20 minutes late to any scheduled appearance? No. Although if my interview with the Lost Ogle was in person, I had planned on being at least 20 minutes late. - 2. Now an easy question. What will be your number one priority if you become Governor of our fair state? As governor, creating more and better jobs will be my number one priority. To do that, we need to develop a friendlier climate for business growth and development, especially small business, which provides over 97% of our jobs. I’ll lead the way by working towards lower taxes on businesses and individuals, reducing government bureaucracy and eliminating the kind of red tape that keeps a lid on small business growth. - 3. During a severe weather crisis, which local weatherman are you going to watch? I’m not going to play favorites here. But Gary England. - 4. White Water or Frontier City? And why? I’ve been to both many times with my children. Now that I’m getting older I prefer not to be seen in public in my bathing suit [queue accompanying Lost Ogle Photo Shopped pic], so I suppose I’d prefer Frontier City over White Water. But they are both great parks. - 5. Let’s ask at least one tough semi-controversial question. What are your thoughts on the recent immigration legislation passed in Arizona? The recent law in Arizona just mirrors federal law and allows it to be enforced locally. It promotes a pretty basic, commonsense idea: if you want to live in Arizona, you have to live there legally. I agree with that policy and I think the vast majority of Oklahomans and Americans do as well. I have been really disappointed to see President Obama and his administration misrepresent this policy as somehow un-American or even racist. As governor, I’ll continue to support legal immigration into Oklahoma. I will, however, absolutely not tolerate illegal immigration or employers who knowingly and willingly hire illegal immigrants. - 6. As a follow up, what’s your favorite local Mexican food restaurant? Ted’s. Great salsa. - 7. In the past year we’ve had blizzards, ice storms, earthquakes, tornados, destructive hail and flooding. Any prediction on what’s next? I think once we get a good conservative governor in office, we’ll see sunny days. - 8. How many times have you been to the Oklahoma Panhandle? Many times! I served as lieutenant governor for 12 years and I’ve always enjoyed my trips to the panhandle. On my “Working Across Oklahoma” tour earlier this year I campaigned across the state doing other people’s jobs. When I got to Guymon I drove a feed-truck and fed cattle, which was a lot of fun. I think sometimes that area feels ignored by statewide officials, but the panhandle definitely has my attention and I am looking forward to representing their interests as governor. - 9. What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven on the Turner Turnpike? I plead the Fifth. - 10. Since you’re an Oklahoma politician, I’m going to go ahead and assume you’re a member of the NRA. If that’s case, how often do you shoot a gun? I am indeed a proud member of the NRA. Unfortunately, I haven’t had a lot of free time for recreational shooting between my congressional work and my campaign, but as lieutenant governor I used to lead an annual turkey hunt for business prospects considering a move to Oklahoma. And we all really enjoyed the turkey I shot! - 11. What do you think of “Do You Realize??” being Oklahoma’s official rock song? I’m more of a country music gal. It wasn’t my first choice. - 12. Where do you really think Barack Obama was born? Clearly not in Oklahoma, or he wouldn’t be pursuing the kind of far-left agenda he is now. - 13. Do you think Oklahomans should have the right to buy wine in the same store that they can purchase spaghetti sauce, noodles and French bread? I don’t think buying noodles and wine in the same place is a “right” in the same way I think, for instance, freedom of speech is a right. I do think Oklahoma’s voters should be able to decide how and where they want to sell alcohol, whether it’s through their legislators or some kind of a ballot initiative. - 14. Without choosing Ronald Reagan, John F. Kennedy or Brent Rinehart, who is your political role model? My mother and my father both served terms as mayor of Tecumseh. Their service started my interest in public life and I consider them to be both my political and personal role models. - 15. We’ve saved the toughest question for last: tell us something nice about your opponent. I think it takes guts to run for public office, and I give my opponents credit for that. In all seriousness, when you become a candidate you accept the fact that you are opening yourself up to attacks, sometimes on this blog. All of us running for office care enough about Oklahoma that we are willing to live with you guys busting our chops. That certainly includes every candidate in the governor’s race.

Lost Ogle Q&A: Attorney General Drew Edmondson

Patrick — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:00:59 +0000

Earlier this morning we posted a Lost Ogle Q&A with Jari Askins. Now we have a Q&A with the other person who wants to be the Democratic Party’s nominee for Governor: Drew Edmondson. Drew is the current state Attorney General, and has been in that office since I was in high school. He’s led lawsuits against tobacco, poultry and even Frank Keating. He also may be the oldest living person to go by the name Drew. No what that means? Drew has experience. Anyway, check out our Q&A with Drew after the jump. 1. Thanks for doing this interview. The first question may be the toughest one to answer. As Governor, will you follow the tradition established by Brad Henry and be at least 20 minutes late to any scheduled appearance? I never want to be known as “The Late Drew Edmondson,” at least not as long as I’m alive. - 2. Now an easy question. What will be your number one priority if you become Governor of our fair state? Job One for me as Governor will be creating jobs. You can read my economic plan at Edmondson2010.com. - 3. During a severe weather crisis, which local weatherman are you going to watch? Jump back Loretta! That’s a tough one. - 4. White Water or Frontier City? And why? Frontier City, because it’s closer to my house and I’m in enough fights over water as it is. - 5. Let’s ask at least one tough semi-controversial question. What are your thoughts on the recent immigration legislation passed in Arizona? Let’s let Arizona test the legal waters on this one. We did it on 1804, and that didn’t really work out. - 6. As a follow up, what’s your favorite local Mexican food restaurant? Anywhere Randy Terrill is not eating that day. - 7. In the past year we’ve had blizzards, ice storms, earthquakes, tornados, destructive hail and flooding. Any prediction on what’s next? Locusts. - 8. How many times have you been to the Oklahoma Panhandle? Every time I’ve run for statewide office, a few times when we distributed posters about false liens and every time I’ve gone to New Mexico or Arizona. 73 times in all – or was it 37? - 9. What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven on the Turner Turnpike? Four mph over the speed limit, unless the lights and sirens on my car were engaged. - 10. Since you’re an Oklahoma politician, I’m going to go ahead and assume you’re a member of the NRA. If that’s case, how often do you shoot a gun? Enough to be endorsed by the NRA - 11. What do you think of “Do You Realize??” being Oklahoma’s official rock song? That’s right up my alley. - 12. Where do you really think Barack Obama was born? Omaha. - 13. Do you think Oklahomans should have the right to buy wine in the same store that they can purchase spaghetti sauce, noodles and French bread? I think this is an idea that could really help grow our economy. Have I mentioned the economic plan on my website? www.Edmondson2010.com - 14. Without choosing Ronald Reagan, John F. Kennedy or Brent Rinehart, who is your political role model? Aragorn, Son of Arathorn - 15. We’ve saved the toughest question for last: tell us something nice about your opponent. She is a great Lieutenant Governor!

Lost Ogle Q&A: Lt. Governor Jari Askins

Patrick — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:30:20 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, we got the idea to do a Lost Ogle Q&A with the four “major” politicians running for the governor’s office. The guidelines were pretty simple. We’d send each candidates the same 15 “light-hearted” questions, and they’d have a few weeks to answer them. I’m not sure if we should be surprised, flattered or feel naughty, but three of the four took us up on the offer. They were Lieutenant Governor Jari Askins (D), Attorney General Drew Edmondson (D) and Congresswoman Mary Fallin (R). State Senator Randy Brodgon (R) apparently decided not to participate in the Q&A. He was probably just too busy misinterpreting the constitution or thinking of potential nicknames for a state militia. The first Q&A we are publishing this morning is with Democrat Jari Askins. She is the current Lieutenant Governor of Oklahoma, a former judge and a former state representative. She’s also an active alumni of the Alpha Chi Omega sorority. There’s no word on if she’s ever tried to make it snow. Anyway, check out our interview with the Lieutenant Governor after the jump. And check back in a couple of hours for our interviews with Edmondson and Fallin. 1. Thanks for doing this interview. The first question may be the toughest one to answer. As Governor, will you follow the tradition established by Brad Henry and be at least 20 minutes late to any scheduled appearance? I realize that is a trait of past governors, but it doesn’t fit me. I try very hard to be on time if not early to events or meetings. - 2. Now an easy question. What will be your number one priority if you become Governor of our fair state? Education. With a strong education system all boats rise to the top. We increase our skilled work force, bring stronger businesses to Oklahoma, we reduce crime, we increase income, and we begin a cycle of a stronger state with more safe and secure families. - 3. During a severe weather crisis, which local weatherman are you going to watch? We are typically on the road, so lately my favorite has been to watch the #okstorms hashtag on Twitter . - 4. White Water or Frontier City? And why? Frontier City. I’m very competitive and love a good carnival game. I always take home a prize! - 5. Let’s ask at least one tough semi-controversial question. What are your thoughts on the recent immigration legislation passed in Arizona? See my response from the recent Governor’s Forum here. - 6. As a follow up, what’s your favorite local Mexican food restaurant? Whichever one I’m sitting in at the time. Chips, salsa, queso and I’m a happy camper. - 7. In the past year we’ve had blizzards, ice storms, earthquakes, tornados, destructive hail and flooding. Any prediction on what’s next? After seeing the movie 2012 my biggest fear is a toss-up between a super volcano or Woody Harrelson having his own radio show. - 8. How many times have you been to the Oklahoma Panhandle? I know since I’ve been Lt. Governor I’ve attended at least seven events in Guymon, I’ve been to Boise City twice, once to Hooker, Beaver and to Beaver Dunes State Park, Kenton, and of course toured beautiful Black Mesa. - 9. What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven on the Turner Turnpike? Let’s just say I’m always on time and leave it at that - 10. Since you’re an Oklahoma politician, I’m going to go ahead and assume you’re a member of the NRA. If that’s case, how often do you shoot a gun? Shotgun: At least a few times a year during the turkey hunt and I usually go quail hunting at least 1-2 times a year. This year I got a 19# turkey! See our photos here. Handgun: I typically shoot enough to stay sharp–it makes my troopers jumpy. - 11. What do you think of “Do You Realize??” being Oklahoma’s official rock song? If you listen to the lyrics it’s about savoring life as much as you can, because everything goes so fast. “See the beautiful faces” and “allow happiness to make you cry” because someday we’ll all be gone. - 12. Where do you really think Barack Obama was born? Well, I hear that men are from Mars…. - 13. Do you think Oklahomans should have the right to buy wine in the same store that they can purchase spaghetti sauce, noodles and French bread? Sauce and noodles yes, but I think French bread deserves further study. - 14. Without choosing Ronald Reagan, John F. Kennedy or Brent Rinehart, who is your political role model? I answered this at a recent Governors Forum which you can see here. - 15. We’ve saved the toughest question for last: tell us something nice about your opponent. I just love his wife Linda!

Saturday Morning 1990’s Music Video (99)

Patrick — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 15:44:30 +0000

Today’s video comes from a Twitter request. I wish the person would have suggested this video instead. Not only does it include Michelle Pfeiffer, but it was also parodied by Weird Al Yankovic. You may not have known this, but Weird Al is Chad’s favorite comedian.

Clark Matthews’ Endorsement: James Lankford

Clark Matthews — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 17:00:41 +0000

Thanks to Mary Fallin’s decision to run for governor, the competition for her opening 5th district (the district that covers OKC) congressional seat is fierce. With the Republican primary (or as, I refer to it, the nomination of the next congressman) on Tuesday, I thought I would like to weigh in for the eight readers we have that are registered to vote GOP. It was not an easy decision. Patrick lent his endorsement to one of the guy in the race with a porn name, and the comedic potential of Shane Jett going to Washington to offer bills requiring Supreme Court justices to wear powdered wigs was tempting. However, my endorsement goes to… James Lankford. Why James Lankford? Is it that Lankford is uberqualified because his father-in-law was a marine and he spent thirteen years running a camp where Baptist youth lose their virginity? No. Is it that his face looks like it is made out of modeling clay? No…well, it doesn’t hurt. Is it that Lankford has a dickish way of addressing people like morons when it comes to the issue of illegal immigration; or the super punny visual non sequitor he made in the same video? Sort of. Is it the way he is trying to bring back the ceasar haircut that was popular when I was in high school (right after bowl cuts and just before shaving it all off)? Not really. The reason, as with every decision I make in my life, is that Lankford has red hair, and we gingers have to stick together.