The Love Knot

We've moved!

2010-11-16T13:31:00.000-05:00

So you two just broke up...

2010-10-13T14:05:00.000-04:00

and he wants you back. What now?

Time apart is healthy for any relationship. It gives you the chance to appreciate each other. Sometimes, time apart makes a person realize that they REALLY want to be with the person they broke up with. What do you do if your dumper wants you back?

Don't let pride get in the way of you getting back together with him. Of course you got hurt big time. In fact, you're probably still hurting. Truth be told, that's part of loving someone. Things do not always come up roses and chocolates. Pride has its place under the sun, but in relationships, it can be tricky. Relationships are never easy, but only you can determine what your relationship with the other person was worth. Only you can tell if it's still worth anything to you now.

However, if you truly do not want anything to do with him, if the mere thought of him makes you want to vomit, or if you'd rather jump out the window or even a bridge than be with him, then by all means, stay away. You two broke up anyway, so disappearing from his life shouldn't be a problem. If you simply need time to sort things out, then tell him that too. Let him know that when you're ready to talk, you'll let him know.

You need time to think things through. If, after all that thinking things through, you still don't want him back truly and honestly, then that, my dear, is the final answer.

Killer break-up line #3: "You've become like a sister/brother to me"

2010-09-01T16:21:00.000-04:00

On one point, this break-up line has a certain brilliance to it. For starters, why would you want to be with someone whose feelings for you have changed from romantic to familial? What's more, it's got the "ewww!" factor. The last thing you both need is this kinda, sorta incestuous thing of sorts, even if it's just a feeling. Of course, what choice is there but to break up?

It's a killer line because: how can you argue with this when there's no more passion for you?

The surprising Facebook status

2010-08-19T15:40:00.002-04:00

While chatting with my sister Lynn yesterday, we were discussing love and all the craziness that goes with it. I came up with this conclusion that I ended up posting in my Facebook profile. Surprisingly, a lot of people responded to it, so I thought, "why not post it here in The Love Knot?"

I call it my surprising Facebook status simply because I surely did not expect such a reaction and re-posting from people I know.

And here it is, in my exact words:

At the end of the day, you love a person entirely, including but not limited to their flaws, warts, weaknesses, outbursts, silences, temper tantrums, etc. Love isn't a menu where you can pick and choose what you love. You either choose to love or not.

Killer break-up line #3: "It's not you, it's me"

2010-07-06T17:27:00.000-04:00

This break-up line is a mystery to me, I admit. What exactly is the person saying? Whoever says this line is assuming responsibility and/or blame for the break-up, that much is clear. But beyond that, it's as clear as mud. Once again, it's supposed to spare the dumped the misery of being dumped. But does it, really?

It's a killer line because: It doesn't really tell you anything. It doesn't explain anything. Most of the time, people who use this line don't even want to give you a reason or an explanation. Thus, the extremely vague "it's not you, it's me".

Can't sleep: the mystery of love and sleep deprivation

2010-06-01T16:24:00.001-04:00

Out of nowhere, I got to wondering why people can't sleep when they're falling in love.

There's a saying that seems to explain this: "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

That sounds like a good explanation to me.

Yet how come when one falls out of love, a person can't sleep too? Ask anyone who experienced heartbreak. They'll be quick to tell you how they can't sleep properly after breaking up with someone.

Perhaps in cases of break-up induced sleepless nights, my sister Lynn is right on target, "...reality can be worse than your nightmares in the same way that truth can be stranger than fiction."

"Golden Girls" vs. "Sex and the City"

2010-05-28T16:59:00.006-04:00

Ever heard of "Golden Girls"? How about "Sex and the City"?

Of course you have.

Check out how these shows were compared here.

Killer break-up line #2: "I don't deserve you"

2010-05-26T08:15:00.001-04:00

Here's a heck of a break-up line. Notice how psychological it is? It reflects the dumper's level of self-esteem and also reflects how they view you. Whoever came up with this a long time ago was pretty good. On one point, it's a dumping line, yet it's designed to make you feel good about yourself.

It's a killer line because: Sure, that line sounds quite self-deprecating. As if the person's belittling themselves. As if your dumper has such a low opinion of himself/herself that there's no other option, but to let you go. As if you were the better person who deserves someone waaay better than your dumper. The funny thing is, it can go both ways. Whether you think highly or lowly of yourself, you can use this line and pull it off with no one the wiser. Thus, "I don't deserve you."

"Yes, you doooo!" *cry*

Forget it. The person's already moved on to someone else they think they deserve. Sometimes, there's the unspoken bit after "I don't deserve you."

"I deserve someone hella better than you."

Killer break-up line #1: "I don't think this is working out."

2010-05-19T17:55:00.001-04:00

Let's start this "Killer break-up lines" series with: "I don't think this is working out".

When someone says, "I don't think this is working out", it's possible that the other person is thinking, "but I think this is working out."

If you're like any other person, when you hear that something is not working out, your inclination is...let's say it out loud...to work it out. Doesn't that seem logical? It's surely logical to me.

So you'll try to argue in favor of the relationship. You'll highlight the good times and state the strengths of your relationship. Which may or may not work.

It's a killer line because: It gives the soon-to-be-dumped a bit of hope that things can be worked out. Especially if the STBD (soon-to-be-dumped) is the sort who takes to challenges like a duck to water. A relationship stops working out when one gives up on it. As I've said before (and I'll say it again), it takes two to make or break a relationship. In this case, it's not working out because one of them decided enough was enough.

"B-b-b-but maybe we didn't try hard enough!"

No can do. When someone's decided to go, they're out the door. It doesn't matter how hard you try. In this case, it's really them, not you.

Better a dumper than the dumped?

2010-05-13T15:37:00.001-04:00

A friend of mine told me that lately, "better a dumper than the dumped". "Why so?", I asked him. "How do you know when she wants to dump you?" "Well, I just know."

The rest of the conversation was just a discussion on how stupid I thought it was. In his desire to act quick just so he doesn't become the dumped, he dumped a girl he's in a perfectly good relationship with. I mean, I'd understand if the writing was on the wall that spelled out the demise of their relationship. But there wasn't. What if it was simply paranoia that kicked in? Or what if it was the green-eyed monster that reared its ugly head?

Before dumping someone, make sure you're reading the signs correctly. You wouldn't want to lose a good relationship based on assumptions, guesses and what-have-yous that have no basis in reality.

The need to talk: is it a girl or a guy thing?

2010-05-11T09:21:00.002-04:00

Hands down, I say it's a girl thing. I know, I know, it's so sexist. Such a dated concept. After all, there are men who are communicative with their partners, right? RIGHT? Sure there are. But the thing is, there are still more women than men who do the talking. So there.

Why is this so? Are women meant to feel irritated, annoyed, frustrated, etcetera with their partners who refuse to speak and talk about how they feel forever and ever?

Sadly, I'd say yes. However, hope is not lost.

If you're with someone who is not quite the talker, here are some things you can keep in mind.

Accept this: he will never talk as much as you do. Once you've accepted that, then it'll be easier for the two of you. I know how easy it is to talk a mile per minute, but guys aren't really programmed for that. Especially when they need to talk about...heaven forbid...their feelings. Whoever came up with the saying, "actions speak louder than words" must definitely be a guy. Because it sounds exactly what a guy would do. They'd show their love through actions. So ladies, pay serious attention to the actions of your man.

Give him the chance to talk. Sometimes, our guys don't talk simply because they can't. There's no lull in the conversation for them to contribute their own words of wisdom. So this will sound really rude, but shut up. Not just when you're trying to give him the cold shoulder. Remember, not a lot of people are comfortable with silence. If you keep quiet sometimes, then he'll rise up to the occasion to fill in the silence. He'll talk. You'd be surprised at the things he'll talk about.

Don't take it personally. Some guys will share their insights. Sometimes you'd feel affronted or even attacked. Unless you two have some simmering hostility going on, it's not about you. What's more, you wanted him to talk. Listen and keep in mind, he's allowing you to know what goes on in his mind.

Even if the need to talk is a girl thing, you can get your guy to talk. Just leave the marathon chats with your girl friends. They'll be more suited and better equipped to handle that.

"We need to talk"

2010-05-07T11:39:00.000-04:00

When you're in a relationship, nothing brings chills running up and down one's spine than to hear these four words. Here you are, thinking your relationship is going great. Then one day...BAM!

"We need to talk."

Because it means trouble. It's the kiss of death. Most of the time anyway. I can't think of a situation when that line yielded good results. Interesting though, most of that time, it's the women who utters it. It's the usual intro to a relationship talk. Honestly, it could be a signal of the beginning of the end.

Of course, what you'll talk about might be something innocent. It doesn't necessarily signal the end of a beautiful relationship. Then again, it might.

What are you supposed to do?

Brace yourself. Seriously. Cross your fingers that it's nothing life-changing. Hope to high heavens that someone's simply having a bad day and needing to vent so badly. Otherwise, you're in for a long talk.

Killer break-up lines

2010-05-03T14:20:00.017-04:00

Breaking up is never easy, as we all know. Tears, heartache, pain...all too familiar when you've had your heart broken. At some point, a healthy dose of sense of humor will help you pull through.

Have you had your heart broken over and over again? If yes, then watch out...coming soon...blog posts on killer break-up lines!

Thanks to a guy friend for giving me the idea to blog about this topic.

Yeah, I call them "killer break-up lines" because whoever came up with these lines ought to be dragged out into the street and shot. Well, not really shot shot. That's too violent. Maybe bopped in the head. Because honestly, these lines do absolutely nothing to make the break-up easier.

And you, our dear readers, are more than welcome to share break-up lines you've heard in your lifetime.

Sometimes, a break is what you need

2010-04-15T09:15:00.001-04:00

There comes a time in any couple's relationship when things turn stale and require revitalizing. You can view it as a reboot or a jump-start. Things have a way of getting in the way of any relationship. ESPECIALLY when you have a perfectly good relationship. It's more important to have breaks every now and then.

Why did I highlight "especially"? Well, it's easy to become lazy in a perfectly good relationship. I mean, with a bad relationship, you're frequently kept on your toes. You don't know where it's headed. You don't know if there's a future. But with a good relationship, it can be deceiving. You reach a certain comfort level that eventually leads to the two of you taking each other and your relationship for granted.

Sometimes you need some time away from each other to gain perspective on how you really feel about one another. Relationships are a dynamic beast. You can't be lazy about it because it requires constant attention. Absence and distance will make you learn to appreciate each other and your love for each other all over again, and realize things about the one you're with. It doesn't even need to be a long break, even a weekend apart will do.

Give it a try. It just might work wonders for your relationship.

Second-best?

2010-04-13T12:14:00.000-04:00

I never understood how people can agree to being second-best in love.

Don't you deserve to be the priority? Don't you deserve to be someone's bright star? Don't you deserve to be with the one who thinks about you before they go to sleep and after they wake up? The one who will be proud to have you on his arms and show off to his friends? The one who will do anything to be with you? The one who chooses to be with you day in, day out?

Why do you have to settle for someone who can, at best, give you leftover love? Especially when that someone happens to be unavailable already.

If he wants you, he'll stake a claim on you. It's human nature. When we see something/someone we want/like/need/{insert the right word}, then we want to own it. We want it for ourselves.

Don't give your heart to someone whose heart already belongs to someone else.

As the saying goes, "never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option".

Love vs. principles

2010-04-08T08:30:00.005-04:00

A friend's in love with a married man. She seems a magnet for this type. Then again, it's probably due to our age. Being in the mid-30s, the choices of guys to date are fairly limited. She's not the sort to date younger guys, so she goes for guys our age. Most of the time, these guys are already married or involved in long-term relationships already.

The first time a married guy was interested in her, she was extremely into the guy, but she backed off. The guy was willing to leave his wife and children for her, but she told him no. That his priority should be his family. The second time is with this current guy. They're together, although in a long-distance relationship. She doesn't really like to talk about their relationship, which leaves us, her friends, to rely on pure guesswork. All she'll tell us is "yeah, we're doing ok." Or "I'm going for a weekend trip to meet with him."

Of course, I'm not one to scold. We're old enough to know what's right and wrong for us, and what serve our best interests in the long run. What mystifies me about the whole thing is why, on the first round, she fought for her principles even if she really cared for the guy. In the second round, she went for it completely.

It got me wondering, when does principles win out? Up to what point do you hold on to your principles? And of course, when do you let go of your principles, and follow your heart instead?

The Tiger Woods brouhaha

2010-04-06T12:17:00.001-04:00

Much has been said about Tiger Woods and his philandering ways. What surprises me about the whole thing is why people are still surprised about the whole thing!

OK, I'm not saying that he cheated because it's how men are programmed. I don't believe that crap one bit. It effectively and efficiently provides men with an excuse and a reason for cheating. "It's just the way I am!" Yeah, right. Men have been excused for their philandering ways for a long time, while women who cheat are stamped with an "A" on their foreheads and bear the brunt of their cheating for the rest of their lives. People seem to have such low expectations of men that they don't expect them to live up to high standards. And men, surprisingly, embrace such a notion about them, instead of getting offended by such a low estimation of them and their abilities. I suppose it's to their advantage.

But let's face it, if there are bad boys and good girls, then there are also good guys and bad girls.

Simply stated, both sexes can and will cheat. Anyone can cheat. Some people are so base, they'll cheat with anyone anywhere. Others are more discreet and picky. They won't cheat with anybody, but they do have an Achilles heel. Your next-door-neighbor might be a cheater for all you know (not that I know anything about them, of course). So it makes me laugh out loud that this Tiger Woods brouhaha still garners much excitement and discussion. It's definitely titillating, what happened. Yet I'm surprised that people are still surprised about it. You don't have to be a politician, an actor, an athlete and whatever to cheat. It just so happened - and incredibly unfortunate for them - that they're in the public eye.

"We were friends before becoming coworkers, and now I have a crush on him!"

2010-03-30T11:48:00.000-04:00

Crushing at Work from Cambridge, Massachusetts has a pretty interesting on-the-job romance dilemma, and she seeks out advice from Boston.com's Meredith Goldstein. The guy she's currently interested in has been her friend even before they started working in the same office. The problem, as she relates it, goes like this:

I figured out a couple of months into working together that he had a crush on me but I was dating someone else at the time. A few months later, my other relationship fizzled and I realized that not only did I think of this guy at work as a great friend, I returned his affections. Through the same mutual friends I found out that he knows that I return the crush feelings, but now he's "very hesitant about the work thing."

And the question, naturally, is should she go for it or not? I personally think office romances are risky and awkward enough as they are. If I had to give her advice, I'd tell her to just stick with things the way they currently are, and then wait for the time when she gets another job, which she plans on doing soon, to initiate things with the guy. The beginning of a relationship is challenging enough--what more balancing that with work and keeping things on the down-low in the workplace?

Money and your honey

2010-03-29T14:08:00.001-04:00

A lot of us have been raised to think that talking about money is crass, but with the way things have been going for everyone financially, you can't really help but talk about it, whether you're lamenting the sluggish influx of cash or your happiness that you're still earning some. You also shouldn't shy away from talking about finances with your partner before moving in together or get married. Suzanne Hadden of BFG Financial put it best: "If you can't be frank and upfront together about your assets and liabilities, then what are you doing getting married or moving in?"

You might want to focus on other issues with your honey, but you can't deny that money's pretty darn important too. Who's going to pay the bills? What's your investment strategy? How will you divide your assets? As they say, you can't live on love alone, so you have to be smart about your cashflow.

"Um, there's something we should talk about..."

2010-03-25T03:36:00.001-04:00

The fine folks over at Jezebel recently addressed a fairly embarrassing issue: what to do if your man masturbates in his sleep and how do you bring it up? They poked plenty of fun at advice that suggests you go about it in a roundabout way so as to keep from embarrassing your man, but the Jezzies were pretty united in their opinion: That if you are unable to bring up something like that in a straightforward manner with your partner and laugh about it, then something is definitely wrong with your relationship.

We completely agree with that. Even with something as silly as that problem or with bigger issues, it's always a good thing if you could be upfront with your partner about what's on your mind. If you have to think twice about speaking up or just keeping quiet when something is bugging you, then that's a clear sign that your relationship doesn't encourage dialogue, or maybe that you're scared of rocking the boat.

The next time, if something upsets or worries you, you don't need to hold your tongue to spare your partner's feelings and hope he can read your mind and your mood. You can't keep him guessing and then resent him when he can't figure out what's troubling you.

We're back!

2010-03-22T13:06:00.001-04:00

After an extended hiatus, The Love Knot is back!

We never meant to disappear for so long, but family emergencies, business start-ups, etc. all played a part in pushing The Love Knot to the back burner.

To those of you who continue to check this blog for updates, thank you, thank you, thank you. To those who stumbled upon us, why, welcome! It's great to have you here.

Feel free to e-mail us with your love and relationship questions. We can also review books, movies and the like that relate to love, dating and relationship matters. Give us a shout-out. Don't be shy.

How did you two meet? Esprit kicks off its "How We Met" Contest

2009-04-01T18:37:00.004-04:00

Esprit is back at the West Coast with a nationwide contest "How We Met" starting tomorrow, April 2nd. Go online at Esprit.com to participate.

Here's more information about this contest:

ESPRIT KICKS OFF NATIONWIDE "HOW WE MET" CONTEST ON APRIL 2nd IN CELEBRATION OF ITS RETURN TO THE WEST COAST

International Lifestyle Brand to Give Away Trip to Europe and Shopping Spree!

Santa Monica, CA – After more than a decade of absence from the West Coast, Esprit is returning home to its roots in California with a new store on the legendary Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. To honor Esprit's founders, Susie and Doug Tompkins, who met more than 40 years ago in California, Esprit is launching a nationwide contest to find the best "How we met" story, with its own dedicated website at www.esprit.com/howwemet. One lucky pair will win a trip for two to an Esprit Flagship store in Paris, Barcelona or Berlin, a $500 shopping spree and $500 in spending cash.

The contest will begin in Santa Monica on the evening of April 2nd with a grand opening celebration in the new store. Beginning April 3rd through April 23rd, the contest will be open nationwide. Participants can log onto www.esprit.com/howwemet to tell their own "How we met" story, upload a photo and then pass it along to their friends so they can vote. Additionally, participants from the New York or Los Angeles area can grab their spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend or best friend and stop by Esprit Rockefeller Center or Esprit Santa Monica over the weekend (Friday – Sunday) during the contest dates to have their photo taken in store and enter the contest.

The winner will be chosen at the end of April 2009 and will win a luxurious trip to an Esprit Flagship store in Paris, Barcelona or Berlin. The perfect pair will win roundtrip plane tickets to one of the three cities of their choice, three days and four nights in luxurious hotel accommodations, a $500 shopping spree and $500 spending cash.

Leaving the US retail scene in the late '90s, Esprit has since returned, starting with the opening of a New York store in 2004 in the chic Manhattan Flatiron district. Today, the international lifestyle brand has 26 stores in the Northeast Corridor, including New York’s fashionable SoHo district and the legendary Rockefeller Center, and now its first on the West Coast in Santa Monica. Like all the Esprit stores, Santa Monica will offer a wide array of men's and women's clothes, created by Esprit's international team of designers. The designers bring their worldwide inspiration together to create sophisticated, fashionable styles, ensuring up-to-date and fresh looks.

In the 2007/2008 business year, Esprit Holdings Limited generated a worldwide group turnover of around EUR 3.25 billion (as of 30.06.2008). The net profits increased to around EUR 600 million. Esprit operates approximately 770 directly managed retail stores worldwide and distributes to more than 15,150 controlled space wholesale point-of-sales internationally, occupying total selling space of over 1,100,000m2 in more than 40 countries. The company is one of the five largest vertically integrated clothing distributors worldwide. The unique combination of three distribution channels via retail, wholesale and franchise is the key to the brand’s international success. Esprit delivers 12 product lines annually on a monthly basis. Esprit clothing appeals to men and women of all ages, because it's about the attitude - not the age. For more information please visit www.esprit.com.

ESPRIT - THE WORLD IS OUR CULTURE"

"Love Lessons from Dogs?" from MSN Relationships

2009-02-05T18:19:00.000-05:00

Dog owners out there will find the article Love Lessons from Dogs? right on target. In case you're wondering what your dog can teach you about love, read the article to find out more. I can only agree with it.

"Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza"

2009-02-02T16:31:00.000-05:00

Have you tried online dating? Are you thinking of joining an online dating site? If you are, then "Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza" is a must-read for you.

Find out "how to write an eye-catching profile, search for, and meet the right person online". This book speaks directly to you, as if you're listening to an adviser, a confidante, a best friend, a mother or a sister. It's loaded with common sense tips and recommendations. At the end of it, you'll find out that yes, your love life is well within your control. And that there are so many people you can meet online. Go for it.

Get to know: Cherie Burbach, author of "Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza" (part 2)

2009-01-29T09:33:00.001-05:00

Here is the rest of our interview with Cherie Burbach, author of Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza.

What makes internet dating different from...well, the typical dating scenario?
For me, Internet dating was much easier than the "typical" way of meeting someone in a bar or through friends. I was the type of person that didn't "get" when someone liked me. With the Internet, I didn't have that problem. Everyone on the system was looking to meet someone, so it took the guesswork out it.

Imagine those times when you are in a bar and see a cute guy. He comes over to talk to you and your friend, but you aren't sure if he's single, if he's talking to you because he's bored or if finds you cute, or if he's talking to you because he really wants to get to know your friend. With Internet dating, there's none of that confusion. If you get an email from someone, they're interested! (And presumably single.)

The other thing that sets Internet dating apart is the ability to email each other first. This can set up a false sense of familiarity that daters need to be aware of. Until you have actually met someone and spent some time with them, you don't know them.

What's the funniest/craziest/scariest thing that happened to you when you were internet dating?
I've got quite a few stories I wouldn't want you to print, so I'll give you a tame one instead:

I had a coffee date set up with one guy, and carried his profile picture with me so I would recognize him. I walked into the coffee shop, and one guy smiled at me and started to stand up. He was bald and didn't look anything like the guy I was supposed to meet. I smiled back but just headed to the counter to get a cup of chai.

I still didn't see my date so I picked up a paper and started reading. At one point the same guy said, "Are you waiting for me?" I looked up, said, "Oh no. I don't think so." I went back to my paper. A few minutes later he said, "Cherie?"

I pulled out the picture I had printed off, which showed a full head of curly dark hair. I held it up to him and he said, "Yeah, sorry. I just shaved my hair off for the summer." I said, "What did you do that for?" (Rude, I know, but I was taken aback - he looked so different!)

We sat and had a lovely cup of chai, and he informed me that every summer he shaves his head. I told him he should update his profile.

Any advice and tips for those who are thinking twice before trying internet dating?
If you haven't tried Internet dating, I ask you this, "Why do you have to lose?" Give it a try for six months and see if you don't meet at least one very nice person. I'll bet you do. The key is to go in with the right attitude and right profile.

What's next for you? Do you have another book coming up?
I do. I have a diabetes-related book coming out and at least one more dating book in 2009.

CURRENT PROJECT: A couple more books and many more articles.
FAVORITE ROMANTIC MOVIE EVER: Return to Me
I WON'T GO ON A DATE WITHOUT: A cell phone, a car, and money

Thanks Cherie for taking time out to answer our questions!

Coming up: The Love Knot review of Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza.

Coming soon: Giveaway of a copy of Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza