The Love Knot: Guide for the Clueless and the Lovelorn

How did you two meet? Esprit kicks off its "How We Met" Contest

2009-04-01T18:37:00.004-04:00

Esprit is back at the West Coast with a nationwide contest "How We Met" starting tomorrow, April 2nd. Go online at Esprit.com to participate.

Here's more information about this contest:

ESPRIT KICKS OFF NATIONWIDE "HOW WE MET" CONTEST ON APRIL 2nd IN CELEBRATION OF ITS RETURN TO THE WEST COAST

International Lifestyle Brand to Give Away Trip to Europe and Shopping Spree!

Santa Monica, CA – After more than a decade of absence from the West Coast, Esprit is returning home to its roots in California with a new store on the legendary Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. To honor Esprit's founders, Susie and Doug Tompkins, who met more than 40 years ago in California, Esprit is launching a nationwide contest to find the best "How we met" story, with its own dedicated website at www.esprit.com/howwemet. One lucky pair will win a trip for two to an Esprit Flagship store in Paris, Barcelona or Berlin, a $500 shopping spree and $500 in spending cash.

The contest will begin in Santa Monica on the evening of April 2nd with a grand opening celebration in the new store. Beginning April 3rd through April 23rd, the contest will be open nationwide. Participants can log onto www.esprit.com/howwemet to tell their own "How we met" story, upload a photo and then pass it along to their friends so they can vote. Additionally, participants from the New York or Los Angeles area can grab their spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend or best friend and stop by Esprit Rockefeller Center or Esprit Santa Monica over the weekend (Friday – Sunday) during the contest dates to have their photo taken in store and enter the contest.

The winner will be chosen at the end of April 2009 and will win a luxurious trip to an Esprit Flagship store in Paris, Barcelona or Berlin. The perfect pair will win roundtrip plane tickets to one of the three cities of their choice, three days and four nights in luxurious hotel accommodations, a $500 shopping spree and $500 spending cash.

Leaving the US retail scene in the late '90s, Esprit has since returned, starting with the opening of a New York store in 2004 in the chic Manhattan Flatiron district. Today, the international lifestyle brand has 26 stores in the Northeast Corridor, including New York’s fashionable SoHo district and the legendary Rockefeller Center, and now its first on the West Coast in Santa Monica. Like all the Esprit stores, Santa Monica will offer a wide array of men's and women's clothes, created by Esprit's international team of designers. The designers bring their worldwide inspiration together to create sophisticated, fashionable styles, ensuring up-to-date and fresh looks.

In the 2007/2008 business year, Esprit Holdings Limited generated a worldwide group turnover of around EUR 3.25 billion (as of 30.06.2008). The net profits increased to around EUR 600 million. Esprit operates approximately 770 directly managed retail stores worldwide and distributes to more than 15,150 controlled space wholesale point-of-sales internationally, occupying total selling space of over 1,100,000m2 in more than 40 countries. The company is one of the five largest vertically integrated clothing distributors worldwide. The unique combination of three distribution channels via retail, wholesale and franchise is the key to the brand’s international success. Esprit delivers 12 product lines annually on a monthly basis. Esprit clothing appeals to men and women of all ages, because it's about the attitude - not the age. For more information please visit www.esprit.com.

ESPRIT - THE WORLD IS OUR CULTURE"

"Love Lessons from Dogs?" from MSN Relationships

2009-02-05T18:19:00.000-05:00

Dog owners out there will find the article Love Lessons from Dogs? right on target. In case you're wondering what your dog can teach you about love, read the article to find out more. I can only agree with it.

"Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza"

2009-02-02T16:31:00.000-05:00

Have you tried online dating? Are you thinking of joining an online dating site? If you are, then "Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza" is a must-read for you.

Find out "how to write an eye-catching profile, search for, and meet the right person online". This book speaks directly to you, as if you're listening to an adviser, a confidante, a best friend, a mother or a sister. It's loaded with common sense tips and recommendations. At the end of it, you'll find out that yes, your love life is well within your control. And that there are so many people you can meet online. Go for it.

Get to know: Cherie Burbach, author of "Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza" (part 2)

2009-01-29T09:33:00.001-05:00

Here is the rest of our interview with Cherie Burbach, author of Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza.

What makes internet dating different from...well, the typical dating scenario?
For me, Internet dating was much easier than the "typical" way of meeting someone in a bar or through friends. I was the type of person that didn't "get" when someone liked me. With the Internet, I didn't have that problem. Everyone on the system was looking to meet someone, so it took the guesswork out it.

Imagine those times when you are in a bar and see a cute guy. He comes over to talk to you and your friend, but you aren't sure if he's single, if he's talking to you because he's bored or if finds you cute, or if he's talking to you because he really wants to get to know your friend. With Internet dating, there's none of that confusion. If you get an email from someone, they're interested! (And presumably single.)

The other thing that sets Internet dating apart is the ability to email each other first. This can set up a false sense of familiarity that daters need to be aware of. Until you have actually met someone and spent some time with them, you don't know them.

What's the funniest/craziest/scariest thing that happened to you when you were internet dating?
I've got quite a few stories I wouldn't want you to print, so I'll give you a tame one instead:

I had a coffee date set up with one guy, and carried his profile picture with me so I would recognize him. I walked into the coffee shop, and one guy smiled at me and started to stand up. He was bald and didn't look anything like the guy I was supposed to meet. I smiled back but just headed to the counter to get a cup of chai.

I still didn't see my date so I picked up a paper and started reading. At one point the same guy said, "Are you waiting for me?" I looked up, said, "Oh no. I don't think so." I went back to my paper. A few minutes later he said, "Cherie?"

I pulled out the picture I had printed off, which showed a full head of curly dark hair. I held it up to him and he said, "Yeah, sorry. I just shaved my hair off for the summer." I said, "What did you do that for?" (Rude, I know, but I was taken aback - he looked so different!)

We sat and had a lovely cup of chai, and he informed me that every summer he shaves his head. I told him he should update his profile.

Any advice and tips for those who are thinking twice before trying internet dating?
If you haven't tried Internet dating, I ask you this, "Why do you have to lose?" Give it a try for six months and see if you don't meet at least one very nice person. I'll bet you do. The key is to go in with the right attitude and right profile.

What's next for you? Do you have another book coming up?
I do. I have a diabetes-related book coming out and at least one more dating book in 2009.

CURRENT PROJECT: A couple more books and many more articles.
FAVORITE ROMANTIC MOVIE EVER: Return to Me
I WON'T GO ON A DATE WITHOUT: A cell phone, a car, and money

Thanks Cherie for taking time out to answer our questions!

Coming up: The Love Knot review of Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza.

Coming soon: Giveaway of a copy of Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza

Get to know: Cherie Burbach, author of "Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza" (part 1)

2009-01-28T12:56:00.012-05:00

We at The Love Knot had the chance to interview Ms. Cherie Burbach, the author of Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza. Ms. Burbach is a relationship and dating expert who has written three poetry books - A New Dish, The Difference Now, Father's Eyes. She also wrote At the Coffee Shop dealing with internet dating. You can find her online via her website The Difference Now and at Suite 101.

On to the interview...

First of all, how did you come up with your book "Internet Dating is Not Like Ordering a Pizza"? Who thought of the title?
Over the last several years a lot of people have written me about their frustrations with online dating. My heart goes out to them, because I know it doesn't have to be that way. I wanted to write this book so they can put their best possible impression out there for the online dating world. There's more to it than just putting up a random paragraph or two and a photo.

As far as the title, I was talking with my husband one day about how many daters have the impression that you can just punch in your desires (blue eyes, brown hair, college degree) and "order up" your perfect mate. From that point the subject fell to various things we could order. I joked that people can't order a mate like they do a pizza, and my husband said that would be a great title for the book I was writing. (I think he's right. And besides that, who doesn't like pizza?)

You wrote the book based on your experiences. What led you to try internet dating?
I was in my mid-30s and just hadn't met the right person yet. Several of my friends suggested I try online dating. At first, I was VERY reluctant. But then I thought, "Why not?" I quickly realized that Internet dating was a great way to meet people, especially if you were busy. I was working a lot of hours at the time, and liked the fact that I could log on whenever it suited me and schedule dates when it was convenient.

If "internet dating is not like ordering pizza", what's internet dating really like?
It's like being set up by a friend. Your friends set you up with people because they know you and think they can find a match that's suited especially to you. Internet dating is like that, but only if you put up the right kind of profile that will show the online world your true personality. The Internet is essentially a means of introduction just like your friends are.

How hard is it to date online? What are the biggest challenges in internet dating?
I think it's easy to date online. The hard part comes in finding the right person for you. I think the biggest challenge with online dating is putting a profile up that accurately depicts your personality so you can attract the right person. Many daters get frustrated because "the wrong" type of people might be emailing them, and part of the reason that happens is because they don't have the right profile up.

The other challenge is knowing when to spend time getting to know someone and when to move on and meet someone else. That's a challenge with dating in general.

More on our interview with Cherie tomorrow! Don't forget to check out her book Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering a Pizza!

Kiss-and-tell

2009-01-21T06:32:00.000-05:00

What is a kiss-and-tell?

A kiss-and-tell is someone who reveals private information. This someone divulges blow-by-blow accounts of situations, events, conversations, etc. that are best kept under wraps between two persons. Behind the scenes. Hush-hush.

So what happens when your boyfriend/husband is a kiss-and-tell? You might feel that he betrayed your trust and confidence in him. That's normal. Now go and tell him. Explain why you'd really rather keep certain things private. The last thing you need and want are his friends winking at you knowingly. If he refuses, tell him how it makes you feel. If he still doesn't agree, ask him how he'd feel if you told everyone what goes on between the two of you. If he still doesn't get it, stop giving him stuff to kiss-and-tell about. That ought to put a stop to it.

Now, if you're the kiss-and-tell, what motivates you? If you think full disclosure is in the public interest, sure, go ahead and continue. Be warned, your man might not understand, especially if he's private and reserved. Learn to know when something is off the record. He might not understand why you're always telling everyone what goes on between the two of you.

It's always exciting to be in a relationship. Even more when it's going so well. It's easy to go and tell everyone about how perfect your relationship is. But remember, not everyone likes or understands kiss-and-tell behavior. So just kiss. Stop telling.

Three simple reminders

2009-01-19T07:17:00.000-05:00

Here are three simple reminders to all of you who are in a relationship right now:

Be polite. People usually put their best foot forward for other people. Why not to the one person you've sworn your love and life to? Don't reserve your best behavior for everyone else.

Say "thank you" and "please". The more you say thank you to each other, the more reasons there are to say thanks. In fact, being able to say thank you keeps you aware of the good things being done to you.

Open your eyes. See the good that your partner does. You'd be surprised and amazed at how much there is.

My friend can't stand my boyfriend

2009-01-05T07:47:00.000-05:00

I had a boyfriend that a friend of mine abhorred. She thought that he was wrong for me. No sense of humor, she claimed. What happened was, she made a joke in front of him and he didn't laugh. In fact, he just stared blankly at her and looked away. A very awkward silence ensued. From then on, she disliked him. Intensely. I almost told my friend, "you just don't like him because he didn't think your joke was funny." Ho ho.

But I didn't say anything. I mean, I was the one in the relationship, not her, so frankly, why does it matter if she thinks he's not funny? Or if he's the sort who doesn't recognize funny even if it smacked him in the face? Of course, I didn't end up with the guy. But it wasn't for lack of a sense of humor. If anything, he was hilarious. He made me laugh.

The lesson in this little tale now is this: you like who you like. If a friend or two doesn't like your honey, then that's their problem, not yours. But if you have other friends from different circles who do not like him, pay attention. They might be seeing something that you're not seeing.

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T12:22:00.001-05:00

Pardon the more-than-a-month silence here at The Love Knot.

Life has a way of, well, getting in the way of things. But dear readers, 2009 will be different! For starters, we will be giving away a book to start the year right. You'll hear about it some more next year! I'll post a review of it first, so you'll know what it's all about.

Anyway, with 2008 coming to a close, I leave you with these words:

You have so much love in your lives. Don't take love for granted. There's always a hand to hold, a heart to love, a shoulder to lean on, eyes to look into, lips to kiss, and a warm body to hug. Spread love wherever you go. Open your hearts to new experiences and new people. There is so much to look forward to. Remember, New Year's Eve celebrates both the past and the future. Smile!

Happy New Year to all!

Differences in opinion

2008-11-14T14:44:00.000-05:00

It's been said that when dealing with other people, NEVER discuss politics, sports or religion.

When you're in a relationship though, it's inevitable - and even important - for these things to be discussed. As long as the two of you don't let them get in the way of your relationship.

The two of you can see eye-to-eye on these issues. Or you two can be at different ends of the spectrum. You two can agree to disagree, or simply choose not to discuss it. It doesn't mean you love each other any less. It just means that the two of you are two separate and distinct individuals with your own preferences, beliefs and overall value system.

Don't forget to vote!

2008-11-04T00:45:00.002-05:00

Just a reminder to all U.S. citizens out there: cast your vote today! If you love your country, show your love by exercising your right to vote.

"5 Times You're Sexy to Men" from Glamour.com

2008-11-02T09:01:00.002-05:00

Here's an article worth reading by all women out there, "Five Times You're Sexy to Men". You'll find that you already have what it takes. Check it out!

Let's be friends. Just friends.

2008-10-29T08:29:00.001-04:00

Hearing that line will probably make you cringe, or make you feel like Gary Busey ripped out your endocrine system. One usually hears that statement after a non-reciprocated declaration of love. If you heard it yourself, sorry that it didn't work out. If you said it yourself, did you really mean it? I hope and pray that you did.

Now, if you're in the shoes of the one who heard it, you're probably wondering, "is it really possible to be just friends? That person already knows how I feel about them!"

After you went out on a limb and took a chance, you were rejected. But sometimes, rejection isn't enough to drive a person away. Sometimes, they still have more in them to give. But pay attention - just friends means exactly that, just friends. You can hope, pray and wish that the person will change their mind, but don't count on it. Repeat, DON'T COUNT ON IT. Maybe it'll happen, but don't set yourself up for more heartache.

If they want to be a friend, let them be a friend. You can also be a friend to them as well. Just don't be too much of a good friend. Don't get too involved in their lives. Don't read too much into the friendship. Don't be the go-to pal. It'll be difficult not to do these things, after all, you love them. But you've got to protect yourself as well. You can be there for them, but not at the expense of living your own life. It might seem like true love to suffer that much, but why suffer unnecessarily? Reciprocated love is waaay better than long-suffering friendship.

"How to Cut Short A Lousy Date"

2008-10-27T11:09:00.001-04:00

I posted another article in eHow on "How to Cut Short A Lousy Date".

It's less of a how-to and more of a list of reasons/excuses you can give when you're on a less-than-exciting date.

Do check it out! Feel free to rate the article and leave comments as well.

The missed connection becomes a real shot at love

2008-10-25T00:02:00.001-04:00

When else but today can you spot a potential boyfriend from afar and still manage to go out with him even though you weren't able to make contact the first time you laid eyes on him? The Internet is helping real relationships come to life by providing more than countless dating sites, but by providing a place for people to try to find someone they've seen before, but didn't have the chance or the nerve to ask out, something that's now known as a missed connection. Craigslist in particular has quite a lot of missed-connection ads, and thanks to these, a lot of relationships have bloomed, although some have admittedly fizzled out. Still, it's nice to know that people can get a second shot at someone whom they thought they would never see again. This interesting CNN article takes a pretty good look at this new type of personal ad. Kind of makes you wonder if you've ever been someone's missed connection.

"Love is a Question Mark" from Taboo

2008-10-24T08:08:00.000-04:00

Granted, the show "Taboo" is long over and done with, but I still like the song "Love is a Question Mark". Here's the video courtesy of YouTube followed by the lyrics courtesy of LyricsOnDemand.

LOVE IS A QUESTION MARK (sang by Billy and Kim)

Kim:
Who can explain the attraction
I wouldn't know where to begin
Love can be faltered or founded
On the slightest thing

Billy:
I can't explain the attraction
I don't know where to start
Love's a peculiar feeling
It's a question mark

Billy and Kim:
But if you stick around
You might find me complicated
I'm difficult at times
But I'm worth it
Really worth it
Don't get too close
Don't be afraid
Don't say too much
If you don't mean it
I can be kind
I can be cold
I've got a heart
Haven't you seen it

Kim:
I can't explain the attraction
You're nothing special to me

Billy:
You've got the kind of beauty
That the eye can't see

Billy and Kim:
But if you stick around
You might find me complicated
I'm difficult at times
But I'm worth it
Really worth it
Don't get too close
Don't be afraid
Don't say too much
If you don't mean it
I can be kind
I can be cold
I've got a heart
Haven't you seen it
Don't get too close
Don't be afraid
Don't say too much
If you don't mean it
I can be kind
I can be cold
I've got a heart

Billy:
Haven't you seen it...

Kim:
Maybe you've seen it...

Sometimes, it IS really better to just be friends

2008-10-24T07:55:00.000-04:00

Picture this – he likes you and you like him. Everyone thought you were a couple, but you weren't. Almost, maybe, but it never quite reached that point. Eventually, you had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend. Just not each other, of course. Then you lost touch for a long time and then got back in touch with both of you happily involved with your respective partners.

You found out what happened to him through the years when you lost touch. You tell him what went on in your life since the last time you saw or even spoke to him.

You both reminisce. Have a good laugh. You remember things that he doesn't remember; he remembers things that you don't remember. Recreating a joint history from separate memories – like making a quilt – and laughing together in the process.

The two of you conclude that really, you ARE better off as friends. Boyfriends and girlfriends came and went, but you two remain friends to this day. That surely beats any romantic entanglement.

Now you're both glad that your friendship stood the test of time. And grateful for the friendship that thankfully, never got past the platonic.

My family hates my boyfriend

2008-10-22T08:00:00.001-04:00

The more they don't want the two of you to be together, the more you want to be together. You see things about him that they don't, and your family sees things about him that you don't.

But there are some questions that you need to ask yourself: do you love him enough to ignore your family's feelings toward him? Will he be the elephant in the room - the topic to be ignored, never to be discussed - during family get-togethers? Speaking of family get-togethers, will you attend them on your own? Or are you bringing him with you, even if you know all he'll get is the cold treatment?

Now, if your family hates your boyfriend and he knows it, it's safe to say that your family will definitely rank low in your boyfriend's mind. Can you blame him? So what are you supposed to do, short of banging your head against a brick wall?

Let them be. Don't force them upon each other. Not even for your sake. That might just backfire big-time. Maybe time will fix it, maybe not. Love eventually wins people over. Perhaps if your family sees how much he loves you, they'll change their minds. But don't bank on it.

Love all of them on your own terms. Don't let them feel like they have to compete with each other for your love. It will just create unnecessary drama and tension.

Of course, there really shouldn't be a choice between your family and your boyfriend. That's like comparing apples and oranges. Ideally. But if you are put in a spot where you have to choose, make sure that the person is worth it. Nothing would suck more than being forced to choose between two totally different things. If the person is worth it, at least it makes all the hassles and headaches worthwhile.

True to his word

2008-10-20T08:00:00.000-04:00

One of the characteristics of a good partner is being true to his word and keeps his promises. Will you have it any other way? If he keeps breaking promises without remorse, then you'll start simply not believing what he says. You'll always expect the worst.

There are people who break promises and know well enough to apologize and/or make up for it. There are those who break promises and act as if they didn't do anything wrong. Then there are those who break promises and promises not to break promises again. There are even those who break promises and act as if it's your fault when they break their promises.

When you've got promises broken, trust is broken as well. You expect better from your partner and when it doesn't happen, disappointment sets in.

It goes without saying that if you expect your partner to be true to his word, you should be true to your word as well. Otherwise, what's the point?

Drink Pink for Breast Cancer Month

2008-10-17T14:48:00.004-04:00

Received by e-mail. Before you love others, love yourself. Read on...

"Did you know that a woman will be diagnosed with breast cancer by the time you finish reading this email? A woman is diagnosed with breast cancer every 2 minutes – you can help a woman in your life by sending her the facts about breast health and an important reminder to get a check-up.

"This October, Folgers will partner with the National Breast Cancer Foundation to support breast cancer research and education for underserved women with its limited edition Pink Can, which will be available in grocery stores and convenience stores nationwide. In addition to the Pink Can, consumers will be able to visit folgers.com to send a 'wake up call' e-card to loved ones to make them aware of breast health and the importance of early detection. Please click on the image below for your wake up call.

"For additional information about the Folgers Pink Can, 'wake up call' e-card and tips on good breast health, please visit folgers.com."

Don't run away from love

2008-10-10T08:13:00.000-04:00

Love can be the best thing you'll ever experience. It can also break your heart.

You can open your heart to it. Welcome it. Embrace it. Yet some people choose to close their hearts or run away from love.

Love is not good or bad. It's inevitable.

A good reminder

2008-10-08T07:42:00.000-04:00

Here's something I'd like to share. It was forwarded by a friend.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end.
Be afraid that it will never begin."

He's everything to me

2008-10-06T07:36:00.000-04:00

When it comes to relationships, the misconception is that you'll find one partner who will be everything to you – your lover, your friend, your best friend, your companion, your go-to guy, your dog walker, your shopping buddy, etcetera. But rarely do you find everything that you want, need and look for in one person. Most people end up marrying those who meet the criteria, for the most part. But to expect one person to be everything sets you up for disappointment and sets up the other person to fail.

It's hard to set realistic expectations, but in most relationships, it's important to do so. There is nothing wrong with admitting that your partner doesn't play all the roles you want him to. As long as these roles are of minor importance to you.

They're together!

2008-10-03T07:25:00.000-04:00

Happy news after my earlier post!

A friend and his wife are finally together after being apart! This couple was together for a short while, and then the girl left for the US. They got engaged and then got married this year. Now my friend is here in the US and they're together at last!

Yes, my dear readers, some long-distance relationships DO work out. As long as both parties try their best to make it work. Congratulations to them! Now they're really starting their life together.

Long-distance infidelity

2008-10-01T15:21:00.001-04:00

I was mortified to learn that a really good friend of mine underwent heartbreak early this year. Her boyfriend of more than a year cheated on her. They've been in a long-distance relationship for quite sometime – they’re in two totally different continents.

They were doing pretty well, or so she thought, until suddenly, the guy stopped contacting her. It took a couple of months when he finally called her to let her know what happened. He hooked up with another girl, got her pregnant and had to marry her. But he claims that he still loves my friend and wants to marry her (bigamy, anyone?).

As someone who was in a long-distance relationship before, I understand how difficult it is to keep a relationship going, especially when you're apart. But what's terrible about what happened was that the guy probably wouldn't have admitted anything if the girl did not get pregnant. Of course, he was forced to admit it. His behavior is the type of behavior that gives long-distance relationships a bad name.

Now I'm glad and relieved that they didn't get married before the guy left for another country. I'd hate for such a bigger heartbreak to happen to my friend.