"The Sex Machine" new comedy from THE MAX AND MOLLY SHOW

noreply@blogger.com (James Avatar) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:10:00 +0000

Welcome to the bizzare world of Max and Molly, two multimedia artists in New Orleans who are intent on creating inappropriate humor that makes people laugh.

Max (James Avatar) plays HEINZ, an eccentric inventor unveiling his latest contraption. Molly (Erin Belanger) plays Heinz's lovely assistant OLGA, who makes the mistake of tampering with the machine before the presentation.

noreply@blogger.com (James Avatar) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 04:55:00 +0000

"NameStickers" by Max

noreply@blogger.com (James Avatar) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 01:03:00 +0000

Y'know what I hate? I hate "NameStickers".

Yup. You know these people. They Stick a name on you and refuse to call you by the name you introduce yourself as. They don't give a damn what you want to be called. They will stick a name on you and that's it.

You meet them and say, ' Hi. my name is JOE."

They say, "Hey JOEY! Glad to meet'cha!

Giving them the benefit of the doubt, you repeat yourself. You tighten a firm handshake, make eye contact and stretch a smile so wide, it hurts.

"Uh...my name is JOE, man... JOE."

They reply, as if you've said nothing,

" No problem JOEY. You're a good guy. Let's get a drink."

A small ball of sour nerves ties a knot inside your belly. A drop of sweat trickles down your eyebrow. You breathe...hoping to correct this person later. Perhaps right before the appetizers, you mumble softly, covering your mouth with a napkin....

"Uh...you can call me Joe. OK? Not "Joey". I fuckin' HATE the name "Joey". Don't call me that. K? Now, let's have us a nice dinner..."

Then, your "perfect scenario" fantasy is interrupted as they meet one of their friends and introduce you:

"This is my new friend, Joey."

Your back teeth grind down to dust as your jaw tightens with anger. There are underarm sweat stains on your shirt like you're smuggling shark fins. You fart, silently. Your toes ball up inside your shoes.

The new friend-of-a-friend extends their hand to shake yours, offering a warm & friendly greeting:

"Nice to meet you, Joey."

All the veins in your neck pop out like yarn, pulled taut. Your clenched fists carve bloody fingernail marks into your palms. Two drops of pee come out. Beads of sweat drip off your chin. Your muscles tense from head to toe and...you end up making the worst first impression:

MY FUCKIN NAME IS JOE GODDAMMIT!!!JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Fucking JOOOOOOOOOOOOO, BITCH! CALL ME FUCKING JOEY ONE MORE TIME AND I WILL CUT YOU, MOTHERFUCKA!!! THAT'S RIGHT!! YOU BETTER CUT THAT JOEY SHIT OUT!!

WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOOKIN' AT, BITCH?! AIN'T YOU NEVER SEEN A MOTHERFUCKA NAMED JOE, BEFORE? FUCK YOU!!! ALL 'O Y'ALL CAN KISS MY BLACK ASS!

All stare at you, in silent shock.

You are horrified from the embarrassment. You tremble like a Bronx Chiuaua in January.

Someone in the distance yells to you:

"Hey Joey! Are you OK?"

You Blackout.

Fuckin' NameStickers, man.

Max 8/7/09

The MAX & MOLLY show

"The Sex Machine" new comedy from THE MAX AND MOLLY SHOW

"NameStickers" by Max