approaching therapy

the difference

David — Tue, 08 May 2012 16:43:42 +0000

What’s your take on what’s going on and what needs to happen?

Is it about delusion of duality and permanence?
Is it about differentiation?
Is it about self-empathy?
Is it about shifting from the head to the heart?
Is it about safety? Connection?

Are they different? Are the paths in therapy different? Are they all saying and/or aiming for the same thing?

4 years?

David — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 00:29:27 +0000

It has been said that couples usually take several years to process an affair.
Several years?
3 years?
4 years?
Please keep this in mind.
It can help orient you.
Allow allow allow.
allow time.
allow the desire to get over it.
and allow the time to get over it.

adding up

David — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 05:06:34 +0000

I spoke about communication, and being seen. What is this about? A quality of connection. And there’s a feeling there that people have when it’s good. A good feeling. That’s what people are after. That feeling.

companion

David — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 05:04:18 +0000

Seems companionship is important to people.

by the way

David — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 05:20:44 +0000

As an aside, I asked, “How are you feeling, by the way?”

seen

David — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 03:35:09 +0000

I spoke about trust earlier.
Seems being seen is really important to people. The sense that someone gets us. There’s a sense of connection there, like that look across the room, or it doesn’t even have to be that far away. That look and you know, you know you know.

trust

David — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 23:40:50 +0000

It seems to be the most important thing in a relationship.
Communication is second, if there is such a thing as second,
because it’s wrapped up with trust.

chain of reaction

David — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 01:08:59 +0000

If one person expresses dissatisfaction for unmet needs, this can trigger the other person.
The strange thing about this is that the other person was fine until the first person opened his or her mouth!

Now the other person has unmet needs, for any of the following needs:

Appreciation
Understanding
Being seen as he or she is

Now both are triggered, both are experiencing a deficit in needs, no one is heard, and the reactions continue go back and forth like the proverbial ping pong match.

What to do?

half the battle

David — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 17:27:41 +0000

What a metaphor, “battle.” Not what I want to think of when I think of relationships, but the phrase came to my mind when I was thinking about getting from here to there.

I think that when people finally own their experience and stop the blaming, they are halfway there.

What else is there, then?
Perhaps another eighth is giving to self (empathy), and another eighth is giving to your partner (including compassion).

And then perhaps the last quarter is actually practicing some new ways of being, like communicating directly and honestly what’s going on, when it’s going on.

noise

David — Thu, 26 May 2011 15:09:57 +0000

If my mind doesn’t go out to disturb the noise, the noise won’t disturb me.

– Ajahn Chah, from A Heart Full of Peace, by Joseph Goldstein