By the way, I’ve been trying to work my actual full-time job during all of this, primarily to hand stuff off to people so things wouldn’t get missed while I was missing.

Here’s an accounting of the first month’s worth of appointments.

Cancer, Week 1

Friday, July 24: First Boob Brigade meeting

Cancer, Week 2

Monday, July 27: Therapy

Tuesday, July 28: COVID test
Tuesday, July 28: Labwork
Tuesday, July 28: Pre-register for surgery
Tuesday, July 28: Genetics counseling and testing

Wednesday, July 29: Psychiatrist
Wednesday, July 29: Echocardiogram
Wednesday, July 29: Chemo education

Thursday, July 30: OBGYN
Thursday, July 30: MRI

Friday, July 31: Surgery for port-a-cath insertion

Cancer, Week 3

Monday, Aug. 3: Therapy

Wednesday, Aug. 5: Dentist

Thursday, Aug. 6: Labwork
Thursday, Aug. 6: Oncologist
Thursday, Aug. 6: Chemo

Cancer, Week 4

Tuesday, Aug 11: Surgeon for suture removal

Thursday, Aug. 13: Labwork
Thursday, Aug. 13:  Oncology NP

Friday, Aug. 14: Therapy

There is so much to say about having breast cancer, and when you’re as long winded as I am but also going to near daily doctors’ appointments, there’s basically no time to say it. I hope that will change. In the interim, I would like to share some FAQs that I wrote previously for my closest friends and some family members. Because when you get diagnosed with cancer, people want to know a lot of things about it. Which is fine by me! My life is an open book with a few pages stuck together! But also, I live at the hospital now, so it’s much easier if I just answer your questions in one fell swoop.

Ed’s note: Some of these answers are slightly different from what I originally wrote either because of new information or to make them more understandable for a wider audience.

What exactly is going on?

I was recently diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer (TNBC) three days after my 38 birthday! Triple negative means the cancer is not powered by estrogen or progesterone (weirdly, that is not good news) or the HER-2 protein (that is good news). It appears to have been caught early (good news) and does not appear to have spread to my lymph nodes or beyond (good news), though it is grade 3, which means it is the most aggressive kind (not good news). The tumor is 4.3 x 3.1 x 7.8 cm, which makes it kind of a honkin’ big tumor (big news? overachiever news?).

Where are you being treated?

Since my cancer seems pretty straight-forward right now, I see no need to run off to MD Anderson in the middle of a pandemic. My very cool medical team, who we’ll dub the Boob Brigade, is located at Thompson Cancer Center at Fort Sanders in Knoxville. The Fort, as the area is known locally, is where we all partied when we were in college at UT, so my life is coming full circle.Included in the Boob Brigade is longtime friend and overall good human being Sarah, who just happens to also live next door to me. She is an oncology NP and will be involved in my chemo treatments and keeping an eye on me. If you expect to get cancer, I highly recommend making sure you are friends with an oncology professional or two first.

What’s the treatment plan?

TNBC basically has one standard treatment plan, which is to blast it with three kinds of chemo drugs to try to shrink it as much as possible and then remove what’s left through surgery, possibly following up with radiation to clean up any little bits that are left in hopes of it never returning. The first two chemo drugs come during an intense eight-week stretch that will start as quickly as we can get our ducks in a row, and then the third drug comes over the following 12 weeks, which means I’ll be chemo’ing through the end of the year and maybe into early 2021 with surgery in Jan. or Feb. if all goes as planned. There is a potential for a fourth chemo drug to be paired with the third, but no decision has been made on that yet.

Whether I have a lumpectomy or some form of a single or bilateral mastectomy will be determined after additional tests and we get a sense of how the tumor responds to the chemo. Radiation depends on a number things, including type of surgery and ongoing scan results.

Fun fact: One of the chemo drugs is nicknamed the Red Devil, which just happens to have been the mascot of my rival high school!

What’s the prognosis?

Pretty darn good. Neither an ultrasound nor an MRI found evidence that the cancer has spread beyond my boob, which is about the best news you can learn when you have cancer. We will check again with a CT scan and come surgery time to be sure.

TNBC is known to respond well to neoadjuvant chemo (ie, pre-surgery chemo), and two of my doctors have used the word “curable” in my presence. I’m not thinking much about what the prognosis is if scans turn up things we don’t already know about. You can consult Dr. Google if you really want an idea, but he’s not a member of my Boob Brigade, so I honestly don’t care what he thinks.

What about the pandemic?

Yep, it’s still going on. The upside is the pandemic has kept me from making life plans, so cancer isn’t ruining any life plans. The downside is that it would be very, very, very, very bad if I caught The Corona now. I will not be allowed to have visitors with me during chemo treatments (but I’m gaming the system by having Sarah on the inside). If my surgery were to happen today, The Modern Husband would be allowed to be there. Unfortunately, COVID cases in Knoxville are spiking, and the UT students will be returning to town in a couple weeks which does not bode well for the situation here. If things are out of control in January, there’s a chance I’d be going it alone in surgery.

I know you’re already doing these things, but WEAR YOUR MASK AND SOCIALLY DISTANCE YOURSELVES FROM OTHERS so that Robert will have to suffer through my surgery as payback for me suffering through multiple surgeries of his. (That’s a joke, I promise. But please wear a mask.)

How did you find out?

On a trail run in mid-June I felt a sharp pain in my right boob while running downhill — bad enough that I was uncomfortable even as I walked the rest of my route. You could say things kept going downhill. I felt around after I got home and noticed something that felt neither soft nor normal and called my primary care doctor a few days later. She ordered a mammogram and ultrasound, which lead to a biopsy on the day after my birthday (happy birthday to me!), and now here we are. I have been told many times that it is unusual for breast tumors to present with pain — usually pain means it’s a nonthreatening cyst — so I am extremely grateful for the pain, even though it has persisted and is DRIVING ME CRAZY. Ladies, in case you do not already hear this enough: FEEL YOUR BOOBS UP REGULARLY! You may not be as fortunate as I to have a tumor knock so loudly at your door.

How could this happen?

Friends, I think we know by now anything can happen in the Year of Our Lord, 2020. I do not have a direct family history of breast cancer. I had every cancer gene that is testable tested, and they all came back negative for mutations. I exercise regularly, believe in God and eat very little processed food, though I do regularly consume Aspartame. I blame neither God nor gluten nor my unyielding devotion to those little blue and pink packets of fake sugar for my cancer and am not entertaining any other potential explanations beyond cancer is random and 2020 is ruthless. I ask that you follow suit.

How are you doing?

Mostly OK. There were a lot of tears in the first week and more than a few out-of-body feelings after. (Do you know how a port works? It is WILD, and I do NOT recommend having a surgeon explain it to you!) I’ve gotten amazing support from my people, not the least from The Modern Husband, who, of course, has his own roller coaster of emotions to ride in this. I’ve talked extensively with several friends who sadly have walked this path already — including someone my own age who received the exact same diagnosis just seven months ago — and have a wealth of information on what to expect and how to cope with what’s to come. My manager and team at work are incredibly supportive too, so while I will work as much as possible during treatment, I have the space to step away as needed. It’s a shitty hand to be dealt overall, but I feel like I have a cheat card and few trumps to play.

How can I help?

I can obviously use your prayers if you’re into that sort of thing and your good wishes and petitions of the universe if you are not. Jokes, memes and puns are accepted. Otherwise, just please wear a mask and practice social distancing and encourage others to do the same. And check your boobs!

Jackson Hole Airport is located within the boundaries of Grand Teton National Park (sacrilegious as that may seem), and because it doesn’t mess with silly things like jet bridges I was shocked to discover the mountains were right there as I disembarked from my plane as if it was their job is to personally welcome me to Jackson Hole.

Grand Teton National Park is compact enough that you can do a lot there in a short stretch of time, and the mountains are ever present so it’s easy to feel intimate with them. Many people treat a trip to the Tetons as an aside to a larger trip to Yellowstone National Park — I only had two and a half days at the end of the peak season I could devote to it, but my friend Lauren and I managed to get a good sampler. Admittedly, though, my short trip only left me hungry for more.

If you only have a few days to give the Tetons, here’s what I recommend:

Day 1

Pay the Entrance Fee and Drive Teton Park Road and/or Moose-Wilson Road

If you’re staying in Jackson proper and not the park, you’ll enter the park  heading north on U.S. 191, the same road that takes you north to Yellowstone. You can experience Grand Teton NP for free by just sticking to U.S. 191 and still get some stunning views, but believe me when I say the ($35 per car as of 2018) entrance fee to drive Teton Park Road is absolutely worth it. If you’re staying in Jackson Hole Village near the ski resort, you should pay the same fee to use Moose-Wilson Road to access the park rather than detour through Jackson to go for free. The pass you receive is valid for seven days.

The fee will pay off in dividends with far more remarkable and iconic views than you get from U.S. 191, access to Jenny Lake and Jackson Lake, great hiking trailheads and a higher probability of seeing the wildlife.

Jenny Lake

You can do a lot with a morning at Jenny Lake. A boat shuttle runs every 15 minutes across the lake and is a pleasant 12-minute way to enjoy the water and take in views of Cascade Canyon and its surrounding mountains. You can forgo the boat ride and hike around the lake instead, but I recommend at least taking the shuttle to the far side of the lake to beat the crowds that are apt to show up by mid-morning. You can always skip the ride back and hike 2.4 miles around the lake back to the parking lot instead.

The boat will deposit you on the western shore from where you can make the 2.2 mile hike to Inspiration Point, stopping at Hidden Falls on the way up. The trail gains elevation fast, so it’s at minimum mildly strenuous, depending on your level of fitness.

You can rent kayaks and canoes back at the boat dock if you want to spend some extra time at Jenny Lake, and SUPs are allowed with a permit from the park. There’s a small store with snacks and souvenirs and restroom facilities near the Jenny Lake parking lot.

Jackson Lake Lodge

Once you’re done at Jenny Lake, keep heading north on Grand Teton Park Road, but make sure to stop every so often and take some photos. There are a bounty of scenic pull-offs along the road, and be advised reader, you cannot hit them all. But at least stop and some of them. One scenic spot that I regret we missed is Signal Mountain Road and the overlooks toward the top.

Eventually Grand Teton Park Road will T-bone U.S. 191 again. Take the left toward Yellowstone and stop at Jackson Lake Lodge for a late lunch if you didn’t pack a picnic for the day or at least for a snack. The lodge was completed in 1955, and the luncheonette-style Pioneer Grill is reminiscent of the time and offers all three meals and snacks. The food is middling, but the shakes looked delicious (and they offer one in the regional flavor of huckleberry). The common area of hte lodge offers a beautifully framed take on the Teton views and a comfy spot to digest your meal.

Oxbow Bend

From Jackson Lake Lodge, turn back south on U.S. 191 to complete your scenic driving loop. Soon after you pass the Grand Teton Park Road intersection, you’ll encounter the Oxbow Bend pull-off, arguably the crown jewel of all the pull-offs in the park. (See featured image)

You get a little of everything in your camera frame here: the craggy mountains, their reflection in a calm pool of the Snake River, wide grassy plains and occasionally some wildlife. This means you’re also likely to find a metric ton of wild scenery and wildlife photographers, so you may have to take a little time to get just the right shot.

Dornan’s

Dornan’s is a family owned outpost of fun located just outside the southern pay gate on Grand Teton Park Road, and it’s got a little bit of everything: cabins, a store, a wine shop, bike and canoe rentals, gas and a couple of dining options. All of these are good, but most important of all, it’s got a rooftop deck above its Pizza and Pasta Co. on which you can enjoy local beer, tasty pizza and yet another jaw-dropping view of the Tetons. Time it to be up there as the sun is setting in the afternoon. It’s the perfect spot to recover from a long day of touring.

Day 2

Rent a Bike

You’ve already spent a day seeing the Tetons, now it’s time to ditch the car for a bit and immerse yourself in your surroundings. You could do more hiking, but I highly recommend renting a bike and taking advantage of the paths leading into the park and up to Jenny Lake. Find some sandwiches before you set out and pack a backpack. Adventure Sports at Dornan’s can hook you up with hybrid bikes ideal for casually making the 8-mile trip to Jenny Lake, where you can enjoy a picnic lunch. (You can buy drinks and snacks at the Jenny Lake store.) If you’re an avid road cyclist, then visit Hoback Sports in Jackson to get set up on a rental road bike and pedal the 20 miles along the roadside bike path through the National Elk Refuge and on to Jenny Lake and back for a pleasant workout. Either way, you’ll be treated to fairly flat paths separated from the road and traffic.

Mormon Row

That iconic shot of the Grand Tetons — you know the one, the one with the barn in the foreground and the mountains towering behind? — that can be seen from the spot in the park known as Mormon Row. It’s an easy drive from Dornan’s down Antelope Flats Road to reach what’s left of the homesteads built by Mormon settlers in the 1890s. There’s a small parking lot at the edge of the road near the John Moulton barn and his family’s pink stucco house.

Once you’ve taken a photo from every angle and exposure, turn south down the road across from the parking lot to drive past other remaining Mormon Row structures and the buffalo herd that is often grazing beyond. This is a great spot to get some wildlife photography, but remember to let those buffalo be. The Park Service requires you to be at least 25 yards away from them at any given time. Continue down the gravel road until you get to Gros Vente Road (pro tip to sound like a local: it’s pronounced Grow Vahn). Turn right to head back to the highway.

Moose-Wilson Road

Now that we’re on the topic of wildlife, it’s safe to say your odds for encountering wildlife around the Tetons are high. You now know where to find the buffalo. The Elk Refuge is primarily a spot for the nearby elk to spend their winter months, so it can be hit or miss depending on the time of year, but you might find them grazing along the Snake River or other watering holes during the warmer months. Pronghorn antelope and deer are common too.

Lauren and I had little luck spotting any wildlife during our first day and a half in the park and presumed the wildlife were wrapping up peak operations for the season just as the park was doing. It was late afternoon, and we decided to take the scenic route back to Jackson via Moose-Wilson Road, which splits from Teton Park Road near Dornan’s and heads toward Teton Village (where the Jackson Hole ski resort is located) and the Wilson community.

As it turned out, the animals didn’t want us to leave without saying hello. The impending dusk meant dinner time for many of them. We encountered an antelope, deer and two black bears. And for the grand finale, we were tipped off by a pack of cars in a small parking lot and a wildlife control officer that a family of moose were a short hike away. We trudged quietly down the path a ways and found a small crowd gathered along the edge of a drop off and, sure enough, the moose … meese … meeses … down drinking in the creek below.

Other Stuff

When I Went

The second week of September and in the middle of the week. It was the first week outside of peak season, which means shorter operating hours for some park services and some features at Dornan’s. It also meant thinner crowds and cooler temperatures than the summer months, and I thought it was well worth trading longer hours for fewer people. Once you hit the middle of October, things get trickier as roads close for the winter and services get cut more drastically, and you’ll be mostly out of luck until about April.

Where I Slept

Mountain Modern Hotel in Jackson, and I highly recommend it. The Ace Hotel chain and others have inspired a number of spinoff properties, particular across the West, where aging motor lodges are renovated in the style of hipster chic. Don’t take that as an insult. You get adorably furnished, comfortable rooms with some surprising amenities at an affordable price, which is nice when you’re not rich but not into the hostel scene.

Where I Ate (besides Dornan’s)

Splurges: (as in, someone else was paying)

Orsetto Italian Bar and Eatery

Trio, an American Bistro

In Betweeners

Teton Thai

Liberty Burger

Budget

The Bunnery

Cowboy Coffee (and Nom Nom Doughnuts)

How I Got Around

The three major domestic air carriers have multiple flights into JAC daily, and Frontier has infrequent flights too. I arrived and departed on United, with stops in Chicago and Denver.

I reserved a sedan from Enterprise ahead of time, which was a clutch decision. Rental agencies keep their cars in a small parking lot at the airport, which is extremely fast and convenient but also means they can’t keep a lot of stock around. When I stopped at the counter to get my keys, most rental companies were turning away anyone who didn’t have a reservation for lack of available vehicles. The sedan was fine for summer touring, but I’d recommend at least a small SUV for the winter.

Whoops.

I like to think that opting to go to the gym on weeknights and visiting my best friend in South Carolina are totally legitimate defenses to why it’s still up. Plus, I’ve at least got the ornaments off. And I have an accomplice in the matter.

Maybe tomorrow.

A week or so after the dog caught the mouse running out of the closet, we heard the telltale rustling and squeak coming from our pantry/laundry room. The Modern Love Machine more or less dismantled the space — finding plenty of food the mice decided to snack on along the way — and saw a mouse run across the floor and escape to behind the refrigerator. The dog noticed too and patiently awaited the mouse’s return trip, as in she didn’t move a muscle for about 30 minutes while she stared at the corner of the refrigerator. The mouse did dare to run back across the floor but made it only as far as the dog’s mouth, or so we assume, because the dog appeared to be munching something as she ran out of the kitchen, but by the time we got to her there was nothing in her mouth.

Yeah, I know my dog shouldn’t be eating mice, but she’s way faster than us and probably smarter too, or at least — ahem — more patient, so we invested in a bunch of traps from Home Depot and have been racking up the points in the game of Us vs. Them in the past week or so. I’d say we’re winning, but we have no idea what size team the mice are fielding because we can’t actually determine where their bench is.

I realize we should probably call an exterminator, but I’ve yet to convince myself that an exterminator is going to do anything besides set traps, which we’ve already accomplished, and tell us to seal all the possible points of entry, which is impossible — all while charging us and costing me a day at the office. But the next time a mouse digs into a bag of my pita chips, the jig is up.

For the past few years, I’ve started out the year with an intention, a one- (or sometimes two-)word declaration or mantra to guide my thoughts and actions toward the resolutions I tend to always have swirling in my brain. I had to look back and see what my 2013 word was as I managed to forget it about the time nature turned itself to spring. Despite forgetting all about it, ’embrace’ turned out to be a rather spot-on M.O. for 2013 in ways I couldn’t have even dreamed about this time last year, just as ‘do things‘ aptly described 2012 for me. Embracing my interpersonal relationships and the craziness of life is an ongoing project for me, but I’m finally starting to enjoy the fruits of the effort.

‘Embrace’ is such a warm, fuzzy sounding word, but the reality of making it happen in the past year has been really tough. I had a few really high highs in 2013, but I had some really low lows, and I covered all of the ground in between. That came with a lot of mental gymnastics and metaphysical growing pains.

I knew the essence of what my 2014 intention needed to be, though it took me a few days to decide on the right word. I’m settling on (for now, anyway) ‘patience.’ I’ve known for a while that I’m an impatient person at my core. When I decide I want to be healthy, I want the first stab at a healthy eating and workout routine to make me healthy. I want the house to be fully repaired, remodeled and redecorated instantly. I want a deep friendship without putting the work and time into it. You name it, I don’t have the patience to get from the start line to the finish line.

I somewhat unintentionally began working on this in a serious way about a month ago when I acknowledged my long-term struggle with depression, and somewhat ironically can already feel myself changing after just a brief period of working on it. But I’ve come to realize that this is something I’m going to be working on for a very long time. If ever I’ve needed to be patient with a process, it’s now. But I might as well learn to extend that to all that I do.

It’s only two days old, but 2014 is already off to a far better start than last year, and I’m grateful for that and looking forward to the hard work I have ahead of me. I hope your 2014 is challenging in a fulfilling way, yet as lovely as can be.

In an effort to just write something to see if I can either get myself to a place where I feel like expanding on some ideas on one or the other category, I’m just going to share some dumb thoughts and some random anecdotes from my life lately. Maybe something I write will make you laugh, maybe something I write will make you think, maybe something I write will make me laugh or think. Maybe none of those things will happen, but I’m at least holding out hope that it will spark something in me to keep writing.

So, random anecdote No. 1.

this story is about these two yahoos, specifically the one in the foreground

I agreed to take a freelance assignment from my old employer that kept me out of the house all of Thursday evening after I finished up at my day job. Somewhere around the time when I was driving from one place to the next, the Modern Love Machine was at home trying to figure out why the dogs were going ape about his closet, which is located in our home office (old house, must get creative with limited closet space). He went into the room to see what was holding their attention. As he walked up to the door, Penny (the one in the background in the above photo) lined up behind him, and Lucy was right behind her as if to create a receiving line to greet whatever needed to be greeted.

The MLM opened the closet door and, without really knowing what was happening, watched as Penny got down snarling and Lucy went into pounce mode. The MLM presumed it was a cricket — it wouldn’t have been the first time those dog lost their shizz about a cricket — and was closing the door to the closet when Lucy crunched on something and then spit it back out.

You guys, there was a mouse in my house.

When I was laying in bed that morning, 3/4ths asleep but trying to will myself awake, I had thought I’d heard something squeaky coming from the shared wall between my side of the bedroom and the home office. I convinced myself in true half-asleep fashion that it was my own tossing and turning in bed, even though the noise seemed to catch the attention of Lucy, who usually does not move a strand of fur when I stir in bed in the mornings. Now I realize we had both heard the squeaks of a mouse without realizing exactly what it was. I realize I live with a dog who is mostly terrier, so I don’t have to worry about any critters getting to me before she gets to them, but, still, mouse in the house.

While I have a high tolerance level for spiders and other home-dwelling bugs, I was not exactly prepared for co-dwelling rodents. Though I’ve always teetered on the verge of being too terrified of our dark, damp, creepy basement to actually go down there, I’d done a pretty good job of overcoming my fear of the potential critters that reside down there to do what I need to do. On Saturday, I had to have the MLM accompany down there for the three minutes I needed to put the Halloween decorations away. This does not look good with my self-sufficient independent bit I like to manifest.

Sigh.

Let’s start here: Today is the first day of October. That means it’s also the first day of Rocktober, which is a way better monthly nickname than Austerity August (which wasn’t terribly successful, though not through any fault of the Modern Love Machine and I — mostly thanks to not cheap car repairs and medical bills). Rocktober used to be a tradition here at The Modern Gal as a means for modern gals everywhere to regain their groove after a busy or crummy September. A busy September has definitely left me feeling a bit out of sorts, so I’m celebrating Rocktober with jazz hands.

Something else about October: My colleague Erin Dailey and I will be speaking at KEEN Digital Summit in Nashville on Oct. 26! The brainchild of friend-of-the-blog Kristin Luna of travel blog Camels and Chocolate, among other things and her business partner Stef Michaels (better known as AdventureGirl, KEEN is designed to be a deeper dive into the digital world. Kristin and Stef were tired of the conferences that only provide you the basic information of digital life (you know, the stuff you figured out on your own years ago) and the ones that are too inaccessible to be useful.

Now’s my effort to talk you into joining me at this awesome conference, although KEEN really sells itself. There’s an awesome lineup of speakers. It’s happening in the brand-spanking-new Omni Nashville in the heart of the honky tonk entertainment district. It’s a chance to meet moi in the flesh and hear Erin and I talk about HGTV’s efforts in the world of mobile apps and mobile web. And if you find me on the right night, I’ll take you to all of the RIGHT honky tonks (remember, I used to live in the Nashvegas).

So who’s joining me in Nashville for KEEN Digital Summit? Get your passes here, and be sure to check out rooms at the Omni (I hear they’re going quickly). If you’re going, let me know so we can plan to meet up!

I was a senior in high school in 1999 and my parents let me drive myself the 2.4 miles to school every morning (is it weird that I still remember the exact distance?), as long as I took my neighbor Ben. The following song was released on June 29, 1999, and by the time school started that year, whatever radio station I was listening to at the time was playing it compulsively. In fact, the morning show that I would listen to as I drove to school played it every single day at the exact same time. This was both annoying as crap and incredibly useful as I knew if I was still in my car by the end of the song I would be hard-pressed to find a parking spot and would probably be late to homeroom.

I only thought of this because the song has popped up twice on Sirius on my final approach to the office this week, including this morning. I would say I really enjoy the song, but it was so incredibly overplayed during and after its stretch at No. 1 on the Billboard chart, that I don’t think I’ll ever love it. Still, I enjoy anything that reminds me of a particular time in my life.

… amirite?

An anniversary, two birthdays, a reworked knee (and physical therapy’d) knee or a culinary tour of New York could all find ways to wreak havoc on a budget. Combine them all together, and, well, the past two months have not been pretty when it’s come time for me to sit down and balance the Modern Family budget. Let’s just say, balance has yet to be restored.

As the daughter of a woman who is very good at short-term budgeting and bill paying and a man who is very good at investing and long-term financial planning, I’m a bit of a control freak when it comes to money. When the word “marriage” first entered conversations between the Modern Love Machine and me, I immediately put him on a budget. We’ve been on a combined budget ever since we moved in together, keeping track of every last receipt and squirreling away cash for future plans and expenses.

But even I like to take a little bit of a vacation from my money-themed OCD tendencies from time to time, and this year that mood struck at just the wrong time. I almost had a panic attack just thinking about totaling up all of our aforementioned expenses, even though it did not turn out to be quite as bad as I expected.

Still, to stop the bleeding of savings, I’ve declared this month to be Austerity August. It comes with its own Twitter hashtag (ahem, #AusterityAugust) and logo (see image above, courtesy of Edward Ruscha and MoMA). There will be no impulsive clothes shopping, no Orla Kiely iPad case, no afternoon fountain Diet Cokes from the cafe at work, fewer beers, no home decor, no fancy camera gadgets, etc. These are all things I have desperately wanted to buy in the past week, but have managed to talk myself out of.

It almost feels like going on a diet. I’ve got to cut the calories out of my spending, so I’m restricting myself a bit and pledging to be smarter about my decisions. Coincidentally (or not), I have been a little lax with my eating habits in the past two months too, so #AusterityAugust is coinciding with a ramped-up workout schedule and the return of Weight Watchers points tracking. The Salty Pimp ice cream cone and Red Rooster fried chicken were not so kind to my waistline.

There’s probably some sort of aphorism or platitude in how diet and spending correlate. A penny saved is a fudge sundae earned? A fool and his money are soon obese and diabetic? Man does not live by credit card alone? I’ll get back to you on this.