Dear Boy Moms,

Raising boys can be tiring.

They are loud. They are dirty. They are busy. They are active… very.

But don’t we have the wonderful privilege of raising not just boys… but raising boys to be good men?

The world needs a few [...]]]>

I’m not just raising boys… I’m raising men. Good men.

Dear Boy Moms,

Raising boys can be tiring.

They are loud. They are dirty. They are busy. They are active… very.

But don’t we have the wonderful privilege of raising not just boys… but raising boys to be good men?

The world needs a few more good men.

This is the type of man that I’m hoping to raise:

Men that will treat women with the utmost value and who will respect their opinions and rights and bodies and intelligence.

Men that will serve others and not just want to be served themselves.

Men that will look out for the underdog and use their strength to help those in need.

Men that will not be afraid to give hugs and hold hands and help strangers and high five kids for kicking a great goal (even if they are on the opposing team).

Men that will know what it means to share in keeping house and home.

Men that will have conviction and backbone, sensitivity and tact.

Men that aren’t afraid to cry when they need to.

Men that will have faith and follow-through and strong values and noble priorities.

Men that will make great husbands and fathers and employees and bosses.

Men that will know they are special and can change their world if they have the right motives and friends and inspiration.

Men that will be both confident and humble.

Men that will be tough and men that will be tender.

Men that will work hard and rest well.

Men that think sports and sewing and cars and cooking are all good and noble pursuits, regardless of the “gender” typically assigned to those different tasks (and countless others).

Men that will understand that to become a husband and father is the greatest privilege and also the greatest sacrifice they will ever make… and the one that will reap the richest reward.

Men that will fill their family’s love banks to overflowing even if their bank accounts are dried up.

Men that wisely know when to uphold tradition (hello, Christmas!) and when to break the mold and adopt a new way.

Men with solid beliefs who have the courage to live them out.

Men who are kind and men who are loving.

Men who will know when to be captains and when to be cheerleaders.

Yes, boy moms, isn’t that the type of man you want your boy to become too?

Lofty but possible. Possible, I know, because I’ve just described my husband.

Much love,
a boy mom trying my best, just like you xx

Note: In case you missed it, this is the follow-up to my post about dealing with gender disappointment during pregnancy when finding out I was having a boy (and why I love being a “boy mom” now). Apparently (judging by your comments) many of you can relate…

Dear friends, how about you? What sort of men do you want to raise? And girl moms, what type of men do you want us boy moms to raise for your daughters?

best buddies: #6 of my 52 fotos project.
Linking in with other Project 52ers: Styleberry Blog and Courtney Kirkland.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

It was a routine diaper change—nothing out of the ordinary—when all of a sudden Levi pointed to himself “down there” and enthusiastically said, “NUTS! NUTS!” with a big grin on his face (clearly impressed with himself).

I thought I might have heard him incorrectly so I just ignored it.

Moments later he said it [...]]]>

It was a routine diaper change—nothing out of the ordinary—when all of a sudden Levi pointed to himself “down there” and enthusiastically said, “NUTS! NUTS!” with a big grin on his face (clearly impressed with himself).

I thought I might have heard him incorrectly so I just ignored it.

Moments later he said it again: “NUTS! NUTS!”

This baffled me a little since Ryan and I have talked about using “proper” names for body parts as he’s learning (knowing that kids have plenty of time to learn slang later).

But surely my husband taught him this. After all, it sounds like him…

Later that night I asked Ryan about it and told him what happened. We had a little giggle but Ryan reassured me that he’s not used the term nuts in that context with Levi.

We shrugged our shoulders and moved on. Maybe it was just a coincidence.

The next week Ryan was driving in the car with Levi when someone cut him off. “Aw, NUTS!” Ryan said (determined not to swear).

A light bulb clicked. Maybe Levi has just heard nuts used as an expletive and it was a coincidence that he was grabbing himself when saying it last week.

Never mind.

But then a few days later Ryan was changing Levi’s diaper when again he said, “NUTS! NUTS!” while pointing to himself.

Still unsure if he’d heard correctly, Ryan ignored it and continued with the diaper change.

And then this…

“NUTS! NUTS!” Levi said as he pointed to himself.

“BIG NUTS! BIG NUTS!” he then said as he grinned and pointed to Ryan (in the right area, I might add).

Apparently he knows what he’s talking about after all.

Where do kids learn this stuff?

And so it begins… Ha!

Dear friends, no doubt Levi learned this from some of our friends’ boys who are 4-6 years old. (Boys that age think the word “nuts” in that context is hi.lar.i.ous.) It was bound to happen eventually, but I was surprised that Levi learned it so early!! How about you? What have your kids said to surprise you lately?

Linking in with Chelsea at the Paper Mama.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

It’s the middle of summer here… which also means the middle of rainy season.

That means we have to get creative with our indoor play.

This weekend [...]]]>

Every kid’s room begs for a quiet corner, right? How about transforming that old dishwasher box into a reading cubby or a playhouse or a fort?!

It’s the middle of summer here… which also means the middle of rainy season.

That means we have to get creative with our indoor play.

This weekend I got a dishwasher box that someone was throwing away…

A few dollars and a of couple hours later, we had this:

Here are five quick tips for making your own reading cubby or fort out of a cardboard box:

1) Draw windows and doors on your cardboard box with a marker before cutting with a stanley knife.

2) Cut the windows out, making sure to leave plenty of box “in tact” so it won’t compromise the structure or end up flimsy.

3) Paint the box! You can skip this step if you want, but I found that a simple coat of paint or two transforms the whole thing. We had some leftover white paint in the garage from another project and it did the job perfectly.

4) Decorate the box by trimming the windows, drawing or painting on it (or let the kids do it themselves!), or adding names or words.

5) Make it cozy inside with few stuffed animals, a small container of books, a pillow, and a flashlight.

There you have it – an easy-peasy little cubby house or quiet corner that your kids will love!

Bonus tips for making your cubby house:

1) I wanted to use fun shapes for the windows so I used a star, diamond, square, heart, and circle. The corners of the star and the rounded heart and circle were harder to trim than the others for obvious reasons. To keep it even simpler, stick with squares and diamonds and rectangles.

2) Cut in the base of the door above the floor (as pictured). If you cut it all the way through to the ground, the box will be much less sturdy.

3) Decide if you want to be able to join the kids or not. I purposely made the door just big enough so that I could squeeze in, but not big enough for my husband to fit. Haha, that sounds really bad! But actually he’s not very flexible so it would be torture for him to curl up in there. Making the door a bit too small for him gives him a good excuse to not go inside. (“Sorry sweets, daddy’s too big!”)

4) Think about the space it will live in. (In our case, the boys’ bedroom.) I was going to decorate the cubby with some pages from a vintage children’s book I have, but decided that since the room is so small (and already quite full!) I had better keep it very simple and clean-looking. I wanted it to blend into the room as much as possible, and not add to the clutter. (Well… blend as much as a massive cardboard box can!)

Dear friends, did you have a cardboard box cubby house when you were a kid? I sure did! I hope you and your littles can make a fun reading cubby or quiet corner together sometime soon.  Tell me, will you stick with a house-type cubby? Or will you get adventurous and build a ship or rocket or another fun cubby?

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

I never make mistakes. I always get it right. I know exactly what I’m doing.

Um……… no.

N.O.

In fact, I have a lot of ideals. I also have some ideas.

But more than that I have parenting values. And [...]]]>

I’m a perfect mother. I have all the answers. I have it all worked out.

I never make mistakes. I always get it right. I know exactly what I’m doing.

Um……… no.

N.O.

In fact, I have a lot of ideals. I also have some ideas.

But more than that I have parenting values. And it’s these values that guide my actual behaviors as a mother – my parenting.

for the record, the matchy matchy was totally unplanned thankyouverymuch.

When I read about Sarah’s Practices of Parenting Carnival recently I knew I wanted to participate. The thought of trying to articulate the things most important to me in my parenting is a little overwhelming, but even as a (relatively) new mom, I think it’s important to work through these things with my spouse and nail them on our hearts while our littles are still well and truly… little.

By no means do I have this stuff perfected. I’m still learning, and by learning I mean I sometimes get to the end of the day and say, “Oh God have I screwed everything up for good this time??”

I’m making mistakes and “rewriting” this stuff on the unwritten tablets of my family’s value system every single day.

But these are values. And it’s my values that guide my behavior as a parent… my parenting.

Please know as I share this stuff—these practices of parenting—that these are mine and I don’t write them to stir up others to compare or debate or whatever.

I write them so that they are more deeply engrained in my own heart.

And I write them because—let’s be honest—I write everything I don’t want to forget. Ha!

These won’t be in any special order, just the order they came to me as I sat down to brainstorm and write.

This will be a long post, so feel free to skim the bullet points and/or pause wherever your interest is sparked.

My practices of parenthood:

The practice of emphasizing learning over grades.

I sailed through school with flying colors; Ryan scraped by with just enough to “pass”. We both know that this doesn’t make me smarter than him, it just makes us different. We recognize that grades don’t reflect intelligence and that each person is “smart” in his or her own ways. We are more concerned with our children’s learning than we are with their report cards, so our emphasis will always on the question, “are they growing and learning?” We encourage learning by actively reading to and with our kids and by being deliberate with real-life learning scenarios.

The practice of speaking truth and life.

Words have the power to bring life or destroy. We try to be very careful not to label our kids or speak to them in ways that would damage their little minds or spirits. This also factors into the way we speak about them, whether they are listening or not. It means that we even try to watch subtleties, for instance phrases like “good boy”. We don’t want our kids to grow up thinking they are only “good” when they’ve accomplished something or pleased someone, so we never say “good boy!” in response to something we’re pleased with. (We say things instead like “good job” or “well done” or “that’s amazing” or “good listening”.)

The practice of creativity, imagination, and play.

Kids learn best through play and we love the idea of fostering their sense of creativity and imagination through deliberate play. As parents we want our kids to “act their age” and enjoy their childhood. And we want to enjoy their childhood too! (What better way than to build forts and play legos??) This means being silly, having adventures, and keeping a sense of humor as best we can. And let’s be honest here friends, I enjoy my kids a whole lot more when I take the time to actually play with them. Go figure.

The practice of rhythm.

We have found that kids need structure and boundaries in order to thrive. (Adults too, in fact!) But adhering to strict “schedules” can feel stifling or make me feel like I’ve failed when they are interrupted. We prefer instead to have a rhythm to our days – a routine rather than a schedule. It’s helpful for the kiddos to know expectations and bring security, but it’s not obsessive clock-watching.

The practice of discipline as teaching, not punishment.

The root of discipline actually means “to teach, to instruct, or to cause to learn” and that’s my mission as a parent as I approach discipline issues. To me discipline is much more about teaching and training than it is about punishment. This is a great, big hot, sticky mess of a topic, but for now I’ll leave it with just saying the main question I ask myself when determining what is and is not appropriate behavior on my part when disciplining my kids is this: “Is this type of discipline (fill-in-the-blank) going to help my child learn to make their own good choices in the long run? Or will it just help them make mine?”

The practice of trust.

Trusting my husband and his wisdom and intentions as a dad, trusting my littles (that they really aren’t out to get me, even on “those” days!), and trusting myself and my own intuition… These are all difficult, but freeing acts of trust that make my parenting so much better (and more enjoyable!). Not only do I trust us, I also trust that God is bigger than our mistakes and short comings and can make something amazing out of our worst mess if need be.

The practice of family unity.

We spend time together. We enjoy each other. We play together. We read together. We work together. We want our kids to understand that we’re all on the same team. It’s not a kid’s team and a parent’s team. We’re in the game together.

The practice of independence.

It’s so important that each family member gets the time and space to do things that they enjoy best. This helps fill our emotional tanks and gives us fuel to be our best. It might mean building something in the workshop for daddy, writing for mama, music for Levi, or who knows what for Judah. (He’s still too little to know!) As much as we value unity, we also want to foster a healthy sense of independence.

The practice of inclusiveness.

We want to include our kids on family decisions as is age-appropriate. We believe their input is valuable and that their questions may help us to see circumstances or possibilities with more clarity. As a member of our family, each child has a voice that’s valuable and necessary and worthy of being heard.

The practice of hospitality.

Although we are not a “rich” family by some people’s standards, we are incredibly rich. We believe that it’s our responsibility and privilege to be generous with others by inviting them into our home, taking care of them, and helping to meet their needs in whatever way possible. This goes with our time and hearts as well as our possessions and resources.

The practice of listening.

We want our kids to listen when we speak, just as they want us to listen when they speak. Listening is critical to us genuinely valuing our kids and having a healthy family dynamic of openness and trust. When we are committed to listening, it helps us to not jump to conclusions or assume they are out to get us when they disagree or disobey!

The practice of humility.

None of us are exempt from mistakes or faulty opinions. We try to teach our kids that saying “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry” shows personal courage and is a way to demonstrate kindness and respect to someone else. This includes us parents! If either of us wrongs the kids in any way we are quick to admit, “mama was wrong” and ask for forgiveness. Kids need to see that it’s ok to make mistakes, and they also need to see how to deal with them in humility when they happen.

The practice of affection.

I make it a practice to tell my kids “I love you” and “I think you’re amazing” and “I like you so much” throughout the day – not just when saying goodbye or goodnight. I also like to give hugs and high fives and thumbs up and lots of grins and winks throughout the day. It’s important to me that my kids grow up feeling incredibly loved and liked by us.

The practice of prayer.

We pray when we “need” things and when we don’t. We pray with thanks and we pray with hope. Our intention is to teach our children that no matter is too great or too small for God’s attention.

The practice of serving.

As a family we are called to serve one another. This means in both the big and the small. Sometimes serving can be as “little” as bringing someone a tall glass of water when they’re working in the yard without being asked. (Or responding to a baby’s cry in the middle of the night.) It’s learning to anticipate the needs and wants of the other and making them happen just because we can. It also means learning to serve with joy even when—especially when—it costs us something. We hope that as we teach our children to serve one another, they will naturally begin to serve others beyond our family as well.

The practice of volunteerism.

Building on “the practice of serving”, we look for opportunities to serve in our community and overseas with our children. We want them to see that volunteerism isn’t just for adults and that they have a valuable contribution to make no matter their age, talent, or experience. They are a blessing “as is” – not just when they’re grown-ups!

The practice of faith.

We are a family that has faith in the goodness of God and faith in the goodness of others. Living with faith helps us to see the world as a better place and helps us to pursue our dreams. (A cliché, but true!!) It also means having faith in one another – believing the best in each other (and in each other’s intentions!).

The practice of gratitude.

Grateful people are happy and contented people. Teaching my kids gratitude starts with simple things like appreciating whoever cooked dinner, always writing thank you cards, thanking God for blessings and provision, and finding things to be grateful for in difficult circumstances.

The practice of celebration.

We celebrate holidays, celebrate achievements, celebrate milestones, and celebrate life in general! In some ways it’s really just a more over-the-top form of thanksgiving, but I believe it’s an important part of making the most out of life.

The practice of tradition.

Tradition helps build memories and helps create a sense of family unity. We have traditions for holidays and milestones and most anything worth commemorating. Traditions help to mark the passing of time and also help build excited anticipation for the future.

The practice of valuing diversity.

The world is a big, big place with people from many nations, religions, interests, and beliefs. At the risk of (again) sounding cliché, we really do want to teach our children about the beauty and strength in diversity and help them understand why it’s so important. This means that as parents we have to value diversity, both in others and also in our own children. (For us it also means honoring each other’s cultures since we have a cross-cultural marriage.)

The practice of extending kindness.

Kindness is what paves the way for peace, charity, and good relationships on all levels. As a mother, I always want to treat my littles with kindness, as well as model to them what it looks like to treat others with kindness. When I treat my littles kindly, I get to the end of my day and can rest my head in peace knowing that I treated them as they deserve.

The practice of respect.

We feel it’s important to respect that our children are their own little people. We never force hugs, kisses, or affection. This goes for ourselves as well as with others. If someone gets offended because my child does not want to be held by them, or will not give them a “cuddle”, I’m sorry, but they will have to be the adult and get over it! Love is never forced, it always respects, and even littles need their space sometimes too.

The practice of responsibility.

The best way for children to learn responsibility is to be entrusted with it. We try not to do “for” our children things that they can do themselves. (Although we do things “with” them a lot!!) We want them to learn that responsibility is a privilege, not a burden or a right. And trust me, this one is hard right now because Levi has entered that I-can-do-everything-myself phase. (That’s one way to slow down a grown woman!) But even when my patience begins to wear thin, I understand that allowing him to “have a go” is an important part of his development process (not to mention my letting-go process as a mom!).

The practice of community and family.

We have a handful of good friends that are more than just friends, they are family, they are lifeline. We need them in our lives for so many reasons and our children need them too. They help keep us grounded and they help keep us afloat. They help keep us moving forward and they help keep us sane. They make our life better and we hope we make theirs better too.

The practice of extending grace.

I need grace. The kids need grace. My husband needs grace. If I am not extending grace to my littles and husband, then I’m setting them up to fail every single time. No mother wants to see her family fail, so why would I want to limit these precious loves to “perfection”? And if I’m not extending myself grace, then I will never be able to enjoy motherhood because I’ll constantly feel less than. below par. unable to measure up to my own expectations. Grace is the breath that gives life to the soul. Our family cannot thrive without it.

Dear friends, dang, this turned into a long, long list. And no doubt it will grow and morph and change and be edited as I grow and evolve as a parent. And I know I said it in the intro, but I’ll say it again… These things work for us (and are important to us), but I also don’t presume our way is the best way. It’s just *our* way. What are your practices of parenting? Do we have any similar ones? Or vastly different? What would you like to add? If you’re here with Sarah’s carnival, please be sure to leave me your link in the comments so I can come check out your practices over the course of the week.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

{5|52}

We were convinced it was a girl. We wanted a girl. We even had chosen a girl’s name while we were still engaged.

So [...]]]>

How I dealt with gender disappointment during pregnancy when finding out I was having a boy… and how much I love being a mom to boys now.

{5|52}

We were convinced it was a girl. We wanted a girl. We even had chosen a girl’s name while we were still engaged.

So when the sonographer told us “it’s a boy” it came as a big surprise.

But the bigger surprise was how much disappointment came with hearing those three little words.

I was shocked by it in fact.

I genuinely thought I’d be happy either way.

But I wasn’t. I was sad.

(Ok, I was actually happy and sad – you get it, right?)

My husband squeezed my hand. Though I may have been hiding it from everyone else, he could read the look on my face. And he probably knew me better than I even knew myself.

It wasn’t just that the news caught us by surprise; the deeper issue was that I was ashamed at my sadness.

The guilt of it came immediately crushing down.

I was desperate that my baby would feel no sense of rejection over his life from us, even stemming from his time in the womb, and so the fact that I dealt with these emotions made me feel like a failure before he was even in my arms.

But over the next few days the news began to sink in.

I’m having a boy.

I always wanted a boy. It’s just that I always imagined having a girl first.

I had looked forward to tea parties, playing dress-up, dollies, and shopping excursions – all the things my little girl self enjoyed, and all the things I imagined my grown-up self to love all over again with a little in tow.

But as that boy news sunk in – as I gave up my ideas of little cardigans and leg warmers and cute mary jane’s – I began to get excited about having a boy.

Really excited.

So excited that by the time he was born having a girl was the farthest thing from my radar.

And so excited, even, that when we found out our second pregnancy was also a boy, I was over-the-moon about being a mom to brothers!

Now that I have two boys on the outside I’m realizing more and more what a privilege it is to be a mom to boys.

This world is in desperate need of more “good men”. We’ve heard it a thousand times… and it’s true.

I have the privilege—the responsibility—to now raise good men.

And as much as I’d still love a girl to call our own, I’m also now so aware of the part I can play in history by raising wonderful boys… to be men.

I like it.

No, I love it.

I can’t imagine it any other way than to be a boy mom.

And for the record, I still get to have tea parties and play dress up sometimes. Yay.

Pssst… Someone turned two on Sunday. We had a beautiful family day together (just us and a couple special aunties). He got a big box full of cowboy gear from Gigi and Grampy in America… and a new train set. (Such a boy!) His kid party was today (can you guess?? cowboy theme!), but more on that one later this week.

Dear friends, did you experience gender disappointment with your babies? Did it make you feel guilty or ashamed? How did you get over it?

P.S. A little shout out to some of my “boy mom” friends – Roz, Mandy, Rachel, Greta, Courtney, and Rachel! You are great moms!!

cowboy: #5 of my 52 fotos project.
Linking in with other Project 52ers: Styleberry Blog and Courtney Kirkland.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

So many of my earliest childhood memories center around playing house. Whether we were playing “Little House on the Prairie”, building a fort outside, or dressing and redressing our dollies, I always wanted to “play house” so I could be the mom, have babies, and mother the children.

Now that I am the [...]]]>

So many of my earliest childhood memories center around playing house. Whether we were playing “Little House on the Prairie”, building a fort outside, or dressing and redressing our dollies, I always wanted to “play house” so I could be the mom, have babies, and mother the children.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

Hair, hair, all over the place

Those long dark locks are now a disgrace

Prenatal pills gave them a nice boost

But now there’s just more of them to lose

By the handful they’re coming out

Enough to make a grown woman pout

We sat at dinner tonight after the kids were in bed. It had been a long day. Many things had gone wrong. (And many had gone right.) You know the kind of day.

I was tired, but thankful to be eating a dinner that my husband made.

And then all [...]]]>

I know. I’m being ridiculous…

We sat at dinner tonight after the kids were in bed. It had been a long day. Many things had gone wrong. (And many had gone right.) You know the kind of day.

I was tired, but thankful to be eating a dinner that my husband made.

And then all of a sudden I burst into tears.

Why???

Because my baby is turning two tomorrow. Mah BAY-beeeee.

How did this happen? How has it already been two years?

When. did. he. get. so. tall???

No one has had such a dramatic impact on my life as this guy has.

The day he was placed in my arms changed me forever.

He turned my life up-side-down, and then right-side up again.

I love him so.

Happy birthday to my baby, my big boy, my precious firstborn son.

And happy birth day to me.

~~~~~~

And because I’m all mushy and sentimental, would you please humor me and just look at how much he’s changed since last year?

Dear friends, please tell me that I will reach a point sometime soon where I’m not crying on the eve of my children’s birthdays? *sigh* And for those of you ahead of me, what is/was your favorite thing about your child’s third year? Tell me what I have to look forward to…

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

When I was preparing for my second baby, I often had (silly) thoughts like:

What if I can’t love him as much as my firstborn?

What if he’s not as cute and people don’t like him as [...]]]>

How do you prepare for your second baby – both in heart and in mind?

When I was preparing for my second baby, I often had (silly) thoughts like:

What if I can’t love him as much as my firstborn?

What if he’s not as cute and people don’t like him as much as my first?

What if he gets overlooked or–maybe worse–compared?

What if I don’t have time to notice the small things?

What if I can’t cope with the workload of two littles (and the laundry, chores, etc. that come with them)?

What will I do with my toddler while I’m putting my baby down for naps?

How will my toddler cope with me breastfeeding all the time?

Will having two babies limit my mobility and make me feel trapped at home?

I’m already often tired now, how will having another baby make me feel physically?

How will I give both children the individual attention they need to thrive?

How will my relationship with my first born change?

Will my firstborn be resentful toward me for the time I’ll need to take care of the baby?

Will the baby’s accomplishments go unnoticed because the toddler is stealing the show?

And on and on my list went.

Your questions can help as you’re getting ready for baby number two.

I don’t feel bad that I had those questions. In fact, I think they are an important part of processing your changing family dynamic and your ever-growing role as a mom.

These sorts of questions – as silly as they seem to be now – help you to think through expectations, ideals, and practicalities of expanding your family.

Worrying doesn’t help (never does!) but questioning can help you grow as long as you’re kind to yourself and intentional in the process. (That means no guilt trips for not reading your pregnancy and parenting books cover-to-cover again or not knowing exactly which fruit represents your baby on any given week!)

Embracing the change from one child to two when your second baby arrives.

Now that Judah’s been with us for four months, it’s hard to even remember life before he came.

Our family—like the millions of others who have gone before us—morphed and changed along with his arrival.

We expanded our hearts. We changed our routines.

We’ve learned, we’ve grown, we’ve marveled again – at milestones, at idiosyncrasies, at personality.

We laugh even louder… because there’s even more to laugh about.

And we love even deeper.

He makes our family even more “us”.

[4|52: mr. blue eyes]

And the same thing will happen to you. Before you know it you won’t even remember life before….. two.

Dear friends, are you getting ready for baby number two? I hope you’ll be encouraged that your questions are ok and that it’s all a part of the normal process of transition. If you have more than one child, what’s one thing that helped you to prepare your family or yourself for the change?

P.S. If you’re not a fan already, you can “like” the Memos on facebook to get posts in your newsfeed. You can also “like” my new blog Click Clink Five on facebook and see what that one’s all about.

mr. blue eyes: #4 of my 52 fotos project.
Linking in with other Project 52ers: Styleberry Blog and Courtney Kirkland.
And also linking in with Sweet Violet, McDougall Photo Blog, and Mom Tried It.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.

Don’t Carpe Diem. You’ve probably seen it floating around the internet through blogs and facebook and twitter by now. It’s been posted and reposted, hailed and hated. Iinitially I wasn’t going to add my voice to the multitudes, but I’ve been [...]]]>

A response to Glennon Melton’s Don’t Carpe Diem on the Huffington Post.

Don’t Carpe Diem. You’ve probably seen it floating around the internet through blogs and facebook and twitter by now. It’s been posted and reposted, hailed and hated. Iinitially I wasn’t going to add my voice to the multitudes, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot and perhaps you have too.

Here is the crux of Melton’s Don’t Carpe Diem:

“I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn’t enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn’t in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn’t MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I’d wake up and the kids would be gone, and… Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.”

No doubt every mom (or parent) can relate to these sentiments on one level or another.

Hello, we are human.

If we were perpetually living in a state of bliss there would be no need for anything beyond, anything higher. (Heaven, anyone?)

And self-imposed pressure of that nature inevitably leads to mommy-guilt, the enemy of every mom (or parent) trying her best to survive and thrive in the trenches.

Not only does mommy-guilt deprive us of the moment, but it prevents us of having perspective for the big picture.

Chronos vs kairos time.

Toward the end of her post Melton starts talking Greek. Literally.

She explains the difference bettwen chronos time and kairos time – chronos being the clock-moving, seconds-ticking time, and kairos being God-time, metaphysical time, the oh-this-moment-is-special-let’s-savor-it time.

I couldn’t agree more that there is a difference between those two types of “times” and that the difference is profound.

There are inevitably moments in my day where I want to speed through time (chronos):

Please hold still while I wrangle this diaper on you.

Please stop crying long enough for me to remember where I last had my phone.

Please stop clinging to me so I can get dinner in the oven.

Please think of a new question that I haven’t already answered 347 times today.

But I also know that if I try and speed through all the less-than-desireable parts of my day, I will be robbed of learning to live my “normal” life well.

Because life doesn’t stand still while we wait for those magic moments to appear.

And yet those magic moments? I’m convinced they don’t have to be few and far between if we can only train ourselves to recognize them more.

Recognizing the magic (kairos) moments is easier for some than others.

Recently I was reading a post on someone’s blog. She was talking about another (famous) blogger who is a very positive glass-half-full sort-of person. The famous blogger fills her posts with beauty and celebration as she details the ways she enjoys imagination, spontenaety, adventure, and creative play with her kids. The writer of this post shared how reading the blog annoyed her because surely this lady was putting it all on. Surely she was exaggerating. Surely life wasn’t always that good. Surely she wasn’t always that happy.

It made me sad to read that post, for many reasons. But here’s my main reason:

We are bombarded with images and stories and statistics all the time detailing the things gone wrong in our world: abuse, addictions, violence, financial ruin, job loss, natural disasters, family and relational breakdown, human trafficking, lack of access to clean water and sanitation, poverty, disease…

The list is far too long and far too heartbreaking.

So when I read of someone making a life out of Carpe Diem-ing, it make me think: Wow. How refreshing to see someone deliberately pointing out the small things and commemorating the extrodinary among the ordinary bits of life.

Someone like that doesn’t annoy me, they inspire me.

Because as much as I have my I-want-to-fast-forward-through-this-tantrum moments, I also realize that even the tantrums serve a purpose – not just for my child, but for me.

And I don’t want to miss the bigger picture because I’m merely tolerating the repetitive or challenging parts of my days.

I get the Don’t Carpe Diem thing.

Really, I do.

Life can be hard and we shouldn’t beat ourselves up or feel guilty for not living on cloud nine in a perpetual state of extacy. Especially when it comes to our parenting.

But I don’t fully agree with the Don’t Carpe Diem thing either.

Because when I’m trying to console a crying baby in one arm and make dinner with the other… when I’m pulling over the car to deal with a melt-down in the back seat… when I’m pouring over my bank account trying to find a way to make all the ends meet… when I’m in over my head with commitments and obligations… when I’m delicately trying to see a relationship mended… when I’m praying for answers or healing or breakthrough but am not seeing answers… when I would give anything just to sleep until 9:00am or have an hour to myself…

Those are the moments that I need Carpe Diem. Those are the moments when I need to remember that life is good and it is fleeting and it does all work out well in the long run.

I need Carpe Diem to pull me through.

I need Carpe Diem to remind me that it’s all worth it.

I need Carpe Diem to help me stay focused on the big picture… that happens in many small moments.

Like most of us, I want to be the type of person that is growing in my awareness of the moment, of enjoying it, of savoring it so that I don’t get to the end of my days and wonder what if I paid more attention?

Carpe Diem without the guilt.

As much as I need Carpe Diem, I’ve also got to figure out how to Carpe Diem in a way that doesn’t leave me feeling guilty or defeated or diminished because it’s impossible to live it out every single (chronos) moment.

It’s my responsibility – no one else’s – to make sure that I don’t get caught in my own guilt trap. No one can do that for me.

So I say, Carpe Diem!

Learn to live in the moment! Learn to cherish the ordinary! Learn to see value in the mundane!

And in the spirit of Carpe Diem…

I also say, leave your self-induced guilt trip at the door!

Leave behind your undue pressures and unrealistic expectations and self-doubt.

We were made for this friends – made to seize the moment… to live on purpose… to live well…

In the magic moments… and the normal ones too.

Dear friends, I love Melton’s post and her courage and compassion to write about something so important, even though I disagree with parts of it (and whole-heartedly agree with other parts!). What do you think? Carpe Diem? Or don’t?

P.S. I’ve made a fan page for my new blog. If you’d like to connect via facebook you can “like” Click Clink Five here.

The Mommyhood Memos is a blog by Adriel Booker. | 2012 All Rights Reserved.
Adriel also writes for Click Clink Five. | Five minutes a day, unedited.