The Mummy Chronicles

My Sick Need

2012-01-18T09:16:00.000-05:00

You would think I would be all organized when it comes to my desperate love/psychosis/addiction and over all sick need for nail polish.

Clearly you would be mistaken.

The sad thing is that this isn't even all of them. Overflowing from the bag the remainder litter my bathroom cabinets and product review bins. Funny thing about that- they are all minis. Even my polishes are fertile myrtles.

Three kids in a townhouse and I don't have room to keep them in the fridge (really. some people do this. what do they have three bottles?) or let them loose on a counter top or even lined in a draw. I need help!

Suggestions frantically accepted.

Look Awake! The Low Maintenance Face

2012-01-16T07:22:00.000-05:00

Aside from the whole face washing, eye brow plucking this is a great how-to on ways to look fresh and it is pretty low maintenance. You can do all or a few of the steps on any given day.

Some things that I love to look more awake-

-Small dot of Nars Illuminator on my cheekbones. Add a bit of that and you get a nice glow that stays all day. One tube lasts all year.

-Curling my eyelashes and adding a lash lengthening mascara like Cover Girl LashBlast Luxe.

-CONCEALER! Do I really need to say this? It's the first thing on my list. I adore Bare Escentuals bare Minerals Multi-Tasking Face in 'Rested'. That name alone is a selling point to me and many moms. It's easy to apply, takes seconds, lasts all day and a long time in your make-up bag. READ: Economical! I use it on red spots, age spots and acne. LOVE IT.

-Adding a coat of lipstick. It may sound old-fashioned but I am like your grandmother when it comes to the adage, "Never leave the house without lipstick." Use a coat of colored lipgloss if you prefer. My faves: L'Oreal Colour Riche in 'Rich Red' and Laura Mercier lip glace in 'Rose' for a pop of pink.

-Check out my timed and almost daily face "The Five Minute Mom".

S2WDA9WB94PR

One Lazy SOB

2012-01-12T13:56:00.000-05:00

When you decide that you are going to put your all into your work. Things get left undone.

You make one pot pie and the whole kitchen decides it needs to join in.
When you decide that you are also going to train for a half-marathon, the laundry monster takes up some real estate. Like a bathtubs worth of real estate because your ass (is it smaller yet, huh, huh?) is always at the gym logging treadmill miles.

Look! Parts of the beast are moving into other baskets! It can't be stopped!

Don't let this paltry amount fool you into thinking this is the end. Oh no, it is residing in corners, on shelf ledges, on stairs and on couches. There might even be some in an actual hamper. Gasp!

My floors are a crumby, sticky mess. My bathrooms have enough toothpaste in the sinks to fill a few tubes and there are enough toys strewn about my house to fill a daycare. It looks like I am one lazy SOB as of late.

When you decide that 2012 is going to be the precursor to a really successful 2013. That this is the year you decide whether or not you are going to continue doing this whole social media thing or throw in the towel. Well, towels end up unwashed and left for dead on bathroom floor. They might also be able to stand up on their own. Dishes remain in the sink and a village of ants could eat off your table for a week.

After years of creating fuck trophies, er, kids, I have a what some might call a fever. A fever for ... not cowbell, but more along the lines of redesigning both blogs and making some changes to how I work and promote myself. Things will begin to look different on both sites. Content will change a bit and I'll be around more. Hopefully, I will be popping up in more places too.

I leave you with this- because it had me laughing so hard I cried and then almost puked.

"It Did What In Your Mouth?"

Dig/Don't Dig - Tresemme Shine Spray & Secret Clinical Strength

2012-01-10T15:13:00.000-05:00

Have questions about other products? Need advice? Go ahead and ask me!

Ways to Wear Denim Leggings- Mom or Not

2012-01-09T06:50:00.000-05:00

From Daily Moms Buzz and Aspiring New Moms: 3 Ways to Style your Denim Leggings this Winter: I have to admit, I wore my Rio Fit Denim Leggings four times this week. If you, like me, love your denim leggings then here are some causal ...

Family Hurdles

2012-01-09T00:00:00.000-05:00

That song, "Momma Said" has been ringing in my ears today. When I think of the line, "there'd be days like this," it has nothing to do and almost everything to do with the kids.

After a year spent in marriage counseling, H and I have had more painful conversations and moments than I would really care to admit. We knew it would be a hard road and uncomfortable subjects and realizations would come to light. I just don't think we knew how often and that we would still have them. Marriage counseling for us has done many things but a band-aid it has not been. It's more like reconstructive surgery and constant physical therapy.

And to all that I say, "Fuck band-aids". Who wants that? That is not how to fix this. Us.

We have had those days, weeks and even months where it's golden. We feel we are in a new era and more in love than before. Que singing blue birds and rainbow farting unicorns.

Then we have those flipping each other off behind each other's back times. The midnight fights and refusal to even be in the same room with each other. The days where we both wonder, "Where is that person I fell in love with?" They surely aren't under the pile of plastic My Little Pony parts.

Recently, the common thread we have found is the very fact that we have three children under five has worn us incredibly thin. We are tired. We lack months worth of sleep. The whining, not listening, nocturnal wakings, tantrums and lack of communication we have with each other without interruption makes it nearly impossible for us to keep a connection that we desire and sometimes really need.

Instead of feeling as if we are sharing the burden and in this battle we have kept separate, desperate vigils. Instead of laughing over things we have kept score and decided to travel down a more rocky, desolate road. Ridiculously stupid if you ask me, but then again no one ever said sleep deprivation makes you think clearly.

I know we are lucky. We can afford to see a counselor. We can afford sitters on occassion for nights out and we have many friends and a wondrful family who help us too. It scares me that after a year of all of so much work what is undoing us is our inability to get out of own way and be a cohesive unit for our kids.

The very thing that is at stake is what we are finding to be our biggest hurdle.

Can You Dig It? I Hope So

2012-01-05T15:13:00.000-05:00

Part of a new series that I'm doing, "Dig. Don't Dig" is a short segment of products I've found that I like and sometimes don't like. There will be a bit of a crossing over with between Mummy's Product Reviews (MPR) and The Mummy Chronicles in the coming year as changes unfold for both of them.

I hope it works out. I hope you like it and are as excited about it as I am.

MPR has a $10,000 Sweepstakes with Natural Vines you can enter. A totally natural, completely layerable perfume and so much more to check out.

The Best Things

2012-01-05T09:30:00.001-05:00

She will make anything into a scarf.

Overheards: Star Trek Edition

2012-01-04T00:00:00.000-05:00

Scene: H and I are in bed reading. Er..I'm trying to read and he's asking inane questions over my shoulder just to annoy the hell out of me. Marriage is bliss, people!

H: Ah, the prologue. You are going to read the prologue?

Me: Um.. yes. (Scoots a few inches away)

H: And you'll read the epilogue, right?

Me: (Sighing audibly) Yesss... I will.

H: Is there ever just like, a log or something?

Me: A log? Like the middle section?

H: Yeah, a log (he sounds it out, "log-ooh".)

Me: Sure there is, the middle part is "log-ooh" or just log. As in, "Captain's Log: Stardate..."

He flicks me in the ear.

Abused Animals Will Love My Kid

2011-12-30T00:00:00.000-05:00

We have only one TV in our house. Wait, that's a lie. We installed one in our kitchen last night but it won't have cable. It will only play music and movies on it. This one TV has recently caused TD, our five year-old, some considerable emotional pain and suffering. In our quest to find a show that we could all watch at the same time we settled on TLC's 'The Next Great Baker'. The girl loves her some baking shows. Cupcake Wars? She would probably buy the box set.

My point?

At some point during 'The Next Great Baker' episode nine hundred and eleventy -the one where Buddy asks the bakers to make a cake that looks like man-eating flesh virus. It's a classic- one of those commercials played. You know what I'm talking about. Those commercials with Willie Nelson crooning about no love, featuring a dog with one leg and six cats crammed into an oversized, flea-ridden sock with eye gunk so deep they look like they might be bleeding from said orifices. Yeah, those commercials. TD's eyes grew wide as the music twanged and cats mewed silently. Dogs with half a tongue look beseechingly through the screen. Those giant eyes of hers matched the hurt animals flashing before her and she said, "Mommy, can we help them, please?"

Oh, Internets. That commercial.

So we did. We dumped her piggy bank section that says 'Donate' and counted out $14.07. I wrote a check for $15 and she mailed it out last night.

TD holding her envelope for the ASPCA.

Rest easy three toed cats, some kitty chow is on the way.

Things You Shouldn't Do

2011-12-27T08:48:00.004-05:00

Feed the zoo animals. You shouldn't do that.

Mix ammonia with bleach. That's bad.

Shave and eat cereal while driving. True story. I used to see a guy do this on the beltway at least once a week.

You also shouldn't get the stomach flu and decide to forgo taking your meds and then forget to take your meds for almost a full week. It can cause withdrawal. Me, being wicked smot, did just that this Christmas and spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day in bed sick with what I thought was the flu.

Again.

Except, yesterday, after days of jittery nerves, total exhaustion (I slept 19 of the 24 in Christmas) and a sick stomach I had a thought. A break in the fog that had become my brain. I hadn't taken my Celexa in days. Holy shite.

I'm going through withdrawal. So I popped a pill and a few hours later felt a bit better. I'm still not myself and its weird. I still feel breathless, sick to my stomach, completely exhausted and jittery. I'm hoping that is what was wrong and not that I just have some ridiculously bad bug in me that will cause everyone else around me to get sick too. From what I 've read though it is the lack of this drug in my system that is causing all this. To think I was weaning myself off it anyway.

Here's to a detoxed 2012!

*Image courtesy of soberinanightclub.com

Clay Morrow Pisses Off a Muppet

2011-12-19T00:00:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's the massive viewing of all things Muppet that has been going on in our house these days. Maybe it's the holiday season but while catching up on Season 4 of 'Sons of Anarchy', what? That doesn't sound like Christmas to you? I began to see a noticeable resemblance between SOA's club President, Clay Morrow and The Riverbottom Nightmare Band's lead singer, Chuck.

Clay, Chuck's pissed because you're totally stealing his look. And Piney, Chuck wants his patch back.

Rock on, Riverbottom Nightmare Band!

It Ain't Christmas Shoes

2011-12-16T09:00:00.000-05:00

At many houses, I presume, there are holiday songs being sung and listened to all throughout the days. Christmas songs, Hanukkah songs, Kwanzaa (Oh my God, I could listen to this woman all day, she soothes me...) songs, you get the idea.

I know my ears already started bleeding hearing the song, " Christmas Shoes". Actually, I almost took an axe to my radio hearing that just one time. I freakin' hate that song. It doesn't make me cry or feel bad. It just makes me want to hit stuff. Is that wrong? It is just so manipulative.

I digress.

In our house I don't hear "Jingle Bells" or "Away in a Manger", I hear this. Non-stop.

TD, slumps to Jim Parsons perfection each time she belts out his portion of the song. I had no idea her normally high-pitched squeals could go so low. At least, it's not "Christmas Shoes" or "Same Old Lang Syne".

The Limited Dress Haul

2011-12-15T13:42:00.002-05:00

On Cyber Monday I took advantage of The Limited's 50% off sale. That's right, 50% off everything. I thought it would be a great way to get something to wear to NYC and for the holidays. So I ordered

and this dress

I was so excited when they got here on time, though a bit slower than I wanted (checking order status after four days, yelling at computer screen and myself for not creating a Limited account to track orders! GAH!), but in time for NYC. So, whew!

I usually fit into their clothes so well. Not this time. Not only did both dresses look horrific but one actually smelled like it had been worn and returned. Gross, red cap sleeve dress. Gross. Don't party all night and think you can just arrive unnoticed! Still, I order and shop at The Limited often and never had any problems so I'm jumping back into the shopping fray with this 40% off deal! Use the code, SHOP40 now (online and in-store)! Free shipping on order $75 or more!

Additionally, The Gap is having a 60% off sale in all departments. Shipping is free, as always, at Piperlime but for orders $50 and over it is free at The Gap now too.

Got a good Cyber Monday deal? Share it with me!

Five Minutes with Wendy Williams

2011-12-14T00:00:00.000-05:00

They say everyone gets their fifteen minutes of fame. I got about five this week at the Wendy Williams "After Show". It's something new that Wendy is doing and a few other bloggers have already visited her behind the scenes, post-show.

From the minute I got the email I kept wondering, "What?! Why me?"

Before I knew it, H and I were NYC bound. Then in an instant we were at the studio sitting in the audience of a live taping of the Wendy Williams show. From the warm-up filled with fantastic, blasting music, being doused with piles of fake snow and guests like Jonah Hill and singer, Common (Seriously! That was like a dream guest to see and watch him perform live! I was so freakin' excited!!) it was so much fun I didn't even feel nervous about the pending interview.

Then I was being taken to the green room and reapplying my lip gloss. H asked me if I wanted some water and I sort of spazzed. Two seconds later it was time to go meet Wendy.

So what did we possibly have to talk about? Our ginormous feet for one.

Personally, I cringe each time I view this segment. I just want to yell at the screen, "Talk louder, Vicky! Talk more!" Oh well. I'm still feeling this whole on-screen thing out. I'm just happy I got the chance to meet a woman who is a true character in the best sense, is down to earth and can give some great advice.

*Dress and necklace purchased by me at Banana Republic.

My Bathroom, My Sanctuary

2011-12-13T13:47:00.003-05:00

Modern day motherhood is complicated. Um, scratch that. Motherhood, whenever it is happening is complicated. It was never not compilicated.

According to a recent survey conducted by Ivory soap, 80 percent of American moms think motherhood is actually more complicated today than it was 20 years ago. Probably. I mean our lives are more complicated and the guilt is more complicated so why not, right? The survey also found that 66% of Moms copped to hiding in their bathrooms for some alone time.

Yup, I would install a mini-fridge in my bathroom if I could and live there sometimes. It is my go-to space for peace and quiet.

In no way sponsored but somewhat insteresting- Ivory recently launched The Soap Dish, a light-hearted social community that offers women an outlet to share in the everyday humor and honesty of their lives in an unapologetic manner.

It's Wendy Williams Time

2011-12-12T08:23:00.000-05:00

If you are reading this then it might be too late. I might have already made my television debut. That's right. I'm slated to be a guest on the "after" Wendy Williams show. Not be confused with the actual, live version that is seen daily or made fun of almost weekly by Joel McHale.

If you are like most people then you are saying this, "What the heck is Wendy Williams?!" At least that is what I got out here in the 'burbs of Virginia. Seriously. Does no one else watch The Soup or read Entertainment Weekly?

Well, this is Wendy-

Ok, that is just one of my favorite Wendy clips.To me that is why I love Wendy and why some people just don't get her. Here's what I'll be doing.

Overheards: Milk

2011-12-07T07:50:00.001-05:00

Scene: Breakfast table. TD is headed upstairs to dress for school. The Comedian is still eating the last remnants of her cereal. I'm packing up her lunch, picking up items off the floor, and putting dishes in the sink.

The Comedian: "Wash, wash, wash."

Me: "What are you washing?"

The Comedian: "Um. Myself."

Me: "Good. You need to use napkins more. Good job!"

The Comedian: "Yesss. Wash, wash, wash. Washing with milk."

Me: "What?"

I turn to look. While I packed her sisters lunch The Comedian has stripped down naked at the breakfast table and begun smearing her cereal milk all over herself.

Me: Loud, audible sigh. "We don't wash with miiilllk. Ugh! It doesn't get you clean. It makes you smelly and dirty."

I'm not even going to impart the possible beauty lesson milk has for the skin. I sense this is not the right crowd.

The Forty Dollar Coat

2011-11-30T06:44:00.001-05:00

On Black Friday I sat surrounded by family enjoying the fleeting time I had with all of them. In the mountains of West Virginia there wasn't a Walmart or Best Buy to get into a frenzy about for over fifty miles.

When I saw a woman on CNN proclaiming that her favorite purchase from Black Friday was a coat she bought for $40 from Eddie Bauer I almost thought, "That's a decent deal." But then she continued talking and said, "And I don't even need it!" To this I yelled at the television, "So donate it!" It was instantaneous and on gut instinct. If you don't need it, you probably will not use it. If you do, it's not something you actually need anyway, so why not give it to someone who does. I swear.

I am a purger. As much as my mother-in-law and own mother like to comment on the status of my basement we purge that thing every few weeks. Books, toys, clothes, household items are always being donated. I throw bags into the local PlanetAid box near my house regularly. When Lupus, Purple Heart or AmVets sends a card, I put out a bag or box. I send food to my local food pantry throughout the year and do Toys for Tots each holiday season. This is not to say that I'm a better person than anyone else. However, I do think that by doing this it makes me a better person in that I realize just how much waste and over consumerism I can and could be prone to on a frightfully regular basis. By continuing to donate and give to these organizations an individuals I become more aware of how little I need and how much I have.

To me, giving to others regularly all year has been a great way to visibily and routinely show my kids why and how we can help others who have less than us. We may not be rolling in it but we have so much more than others and why not spread that wealth? Why just throw out our new and/or unused items when we can find new homes for them?

Find a new home for things in your house at these places-

Find a Food Bank
Freecycle.org
Habitat for Humanity
Lupus
AmVets

She's Crafty. Sort of.

2011-11-29T05:33:00.001-05:00

Actually no. Ask anyone and I will deny being crafty any time, any day of the week. There was that brief period in the late 90s where I scrapbooked but to that all I can say is, "I got caught up in the frenzy, man!"

I am thrifty. I like being economical, hard times or not. Finding a bargain or way to save money kind of gets me all hot and bothered. It only seems natural now that I combined the two practices and came up with this idea for The Comedian's last birthday.

Yup, I made cupcake toppers and it was free courtesy of Mooo.com

Face masks for the "Cheeky Monkey" theme at Mooo.com. Only costs me a $1 for the sticks.

The bags were bought at Micheal's in a pack for less than $5. Inside I printed out a coloring page and personalized door hanger from Mooo.com and added a Target $1 hardback kids book about fall, crayons from a multi-pack in the party section at Target also under $5 for a set of 8 packs. Bug tattoos and fake bugs from Oriental Trading Company came to $12 total. Bags complete!

I purchased a helium tank for $20 (with balloons) and let them hang all over the house. We had a light snack and blew up our hand-me-down fun house. All total- $60 was spent for a cute, memorable party that was actually no stress.

Frog tattoo on forehead with two half-sleeves on the arms = priceless.

Amazing Party Looks and Deals

2011-11-21T15:03:00.001-05:00

Thanks to Walgreens for underwriting this post. I was paid as a member of the Clever Girls Collective, but the content is all mine. Visit http://moms.dailybuzz.com/channel/style.

It is pretty common knowledge that my other job is writing and testing out beauty products. I am not choosy either. From lipstick to liner, sunless tanner to hair serum I will give it a try. If it works I am on board. When the holidays roll around I go into a sort of hyper-drive in the make-up department. For amazing party looks and a break from the cold weather blues one of the first places I stop is my local drugstore.

One of the best places I have found to look my best each holiday season is Walgreens. I'm a sucker for their Essie nail collection. This month they have the brand new Cocktail Bling collection and soon to be released Luxeffects glittery top coat with texture. I cannot wait! You can find the whole set right there from "Bangle Jangle" to "Set in Stones". Did you know that setting off your nails with a bit of color is one of the easiest way to complete your party look?

Have more time and want more shine? Check out the luxury hair care line from Frederic Fekkai. It is a personal favorite of mine that I always keep stocked in my bathroom. Even better is that I can restock my own shelves from Walgreens. The Fekkai Glossing Starter kit will get you on the right track for gorgeous hair. Made with olive oil the shampoo, conditioner and glossing cream create gorgeous shine and help get rid of static cling in your hair. I use it almost year round because it is perfect for fine or color-treated hair that gets easily weighed down.

Don't stop there though, creating the whole package for your office holiday soiree takes time. You want your colleagues and your boss to see you at your best at and away from your desk. This is where my absolute, all-time favorite mascara can help. Lash Blast Fusion is a great volumizing mascara that stays put. It has a tiny bit of glitter to it that gives lashes another dimension that works just like you. The whole Cover Girl line at Walgreens is simple to use but adds a polished look that works for any party, be it holiday, office, happy hour or out with friends.

So the next time you are looking to stuff some stockings, perfect your look for an upcoming event or simply try something new check out Walgreens for some really amazing deals and looks this season.

Shark Attack!

2011-11-18T00:00:00.000-05:00

I might need to ask the man in the red suit for this for Christmas-

AIR SHARK!!

How awesome would this thing be floating around your house this holiday season?!

Maybe this is better for the woman of the house though-

Yeah, those are cats intertwined with the word, "HUGS". Makes me feel kittenish just thinking about it...

Two Turns Three

2011-11-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

"Let's crush her!" I heard it plain as day even though she was whispering it to her older sister. The talking out of the side of her mouth, the sneaking and stealing of food, hiding out under furniture and popping up where you would least expect it. That's all Soucy. She's smiling one minute, charming you with her smile and the next she is telling you that "I yell at you! I put you in a trap and make you cry!"

She loves eggs and not for eating. She thinks they are her babies that she can carry with her and carry around in blankets.

She will eat all the fruit in your fruit bowl but you will never know until a day later when you grab an apple only to find half of it bitten and gone. The girl turns each apple or pear around each and every time.

If you look in her bed you'll find half your chapsticks, some spare change, a few pieces of candy and probably another egg and apple.

She is a charmer. A character through and through. She calls herself "Soucy-boots" and she's three.

Happy Birthday little girl. You make us laugh and nothing is better than one of your strong hugs. We couldn't imagine our world without your sweet, smiling face. Even when you wake us up each day telling us, "Quick! Darth Vader is fighting in my bedroom!"

Parenthood- An Abundance of Gross

2011-11-11T13:30:00.001-05:00

Quite often I am the lucky recipient of incredibly gross behavior that requires me to say things that are even beyond my disgusting, perverse comprehension. I am the one who wanted a book called, "The Wonders of the Scab." Parenthood however has revealed a whole other level of nastiness.

"Stop putting things in your butt and trying to eat them!"

"You cannot eat the snotty tissue, even if your Father did leave them all over the bedroom floor."

There is obviously the normal ones too-

"Don't pick your nose."

"Don't pick your nose and eat it."

"You cannot pick your nose and wipe it on your bedroom walls."

"Yes, you do have to wipe."

"No, wiping does not consist of smearing poop on the bathtub."

Sigh. I'm exhausted just typing up this list of disgusting things. That's the part about parenthood that no one tells you. Yes, it is loud. Yes, it is messy. There is spit-up and snot. There are mountains of diapers and you are covered in more bodily fluids than you ever knew were possible but no one tells you how absolutely gross, putrid and stinky parenthood can be.

I, for one, never thought I would have to use a sock to wipe my kids ass in the woods one day. Did you?

Nuttin' But Love for Heavy D

2011-11-09T07:42:00.001-05:00

RIP Heavy D. You will be missed.

Mad love for this classic 90s style video, my personal fave Heavy D song. How many big name models, movie stars and more can you find in this video? It is like a tiny version of "Before They Were Stars".

P.S. Why did we love vests so damn much back then? Crikey, it's like a vest convention in that video.