The Nurtured Way | Traditional Wisdom and Sustainable Living in Philadelphia, PA

Birth Interviews. Introspection.

thenurturedway — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 21:41:18 +0000

I leave behind me both my failures and accomplishments. What I do today will create a new and better future, filled with inner joy.
-J. Donald Walters, Affirmations for Self Healing

I debated whether or not to write this post.

However, writing helps me to process things, and often takes some of the sting out of challenging situations. This practice of chronicling my experiences is a part of who I am, and facilitates my journey towards self discovery, path finding, refinement, etc., and I hope that perhaps someone out there will find encouragement or comfort here.

As a doula (in a city that is home to many amazing and qualified doulas), I struggle profoundly with “birth interviews.” This said, I am making a valiant attempt to convince myself that the fact that I do struggle is not a “failure” on my part as a person. I’ve gone down that road before.

I’m an introvert, sure. I’ll be the first to admit it. What does that mean, exactly? I’ll stick with the “pro’s” and focus on the “doula side of things” here… It means that I have the capacity to deeply connect with individuals. I commit. I “live it” with my families, and will support them, no matter what. I will call-in every resource and drain myself to the last drop to make sure that a mother has an experience that leaves her spiritually whole, even if it means that I have nothing left. (For a more detailed post about introverts, I’ve always liked this one over at the Atlantic.)

Oversensitive. That’s been my life long descriptor. I prefer the more accurate, “energy absorber,” that a mentor once threw my way.

The flip side? In an interview, I’m still there 100%, but I’m under a microscope. There is a constant dialogue in my head. I’m acutely aware of every look, every emotion, every wave of energy from the family who is evaluating me. I know I’m not alone in feeling that interviews are uniquely stressful and exhausting. When I’m not in “tip top shape” going in (chances are high that I won’t be – I’m a working mom with two little ones, after all), they have the potential to turn me into an approximation of myself; a weirdly “overcompensated” or “insecure” version of who I am. I lose some of my ability to be articulate. I exude nervous energy. Granted, I never present myself “horribly” – in fact, I know that I usually do “just fine” – but I also know that it’s most often not “it” and that I’ve misrepresented myself personally and as a birth worker in the process.

The inevitable result is that I am rarely chosen to support the families I interview with.

Rejection hurts.

Getting past it takes serious effort, especially after the time spent investing in learning and preparing and traveling and connecting, followed by the time afterwards that is spent rehashing the entire experience, analyzing my words, my energy, my movements, and then the waiting, hoping that I’m being more critical of myself than what is truly warranted. Doula work is not work where you can say “it’s not personal.” It’s always “personal” – from that very first interaction.

Part of me loves being on an “on call” list – I am anonymous until I arrive at the birth – and that is when I’m at my absolute best – I tune-in, focus, and serve. Unfortunately, that situation only exists as a volunteer!

I’m sure that I’ll never perfect the art form of “the birth interview,” though I’ll always do my best and strive to be better. I’m also fairly certain that I’ll never completely shake that need to be chosen and respected, nor the feeling that I am a failure and somehow inferior when I hear that I’m “not the one” for whatever reason.

I don’t deny that every family should choose a doula who best meets their needs, and I’m not sure of another way to make a truly informed decision apart from some type of interview process. I’m also not sure if families often realize the impact that an interview has on their initial interaction when a doula knows or suspects that she is merely one of many.

I suppose my hope is simply that eventually, through my ongoing work and my writing, families will come to know me apart from that singular interview, to be able to surmise the person I am as part of a birth team, so that they can make their first analysis before we ever meet. I’m not truly “me” when I’m on the proverbial table.

I’ve also noted that, for some reason, the same intensity doesn’t exist when it comes to discussing postpartum or placenta encapsulation services. I’ll wager a guess that it’s because those events, even if in the future, feel more settled for everyone; a time after that pivotal moment between mother and baby has been realized, of a more gradual transition, calm, nurturing, nourishing, and healing. As easy as it is to apply some of those words to birth support, the reality is that it never lacks a distinct and very separate intensity.

In writing all this, I wonder if I’ve just stumbled upon some clarity. I truly love supporting families in birth when it’s the right situation, and I trust that we will always find each other. Nevertheless, a persistent undercurrent continues to draw me to postpartum and placenta work, first and foremost. Perhaps this turmoil is simply a catalyst in pushing me towards some much needed focus.

*If, for some reason, my post makes you feel angry or hateful, please refrain from commenting and move on. Thanks!

On the Subject of Santa

thenurturedway — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 15:51:27 +0000

Recently, a question was posed on a parenting email list that I belong to. To summarize, a mother of a toddler found herself considering whether to support the idea of Santa. Her worries were those of many families I know – not wanting to lie to our children, discomfort with patriarchy, not wanting to support consumerism, etc.

My response forced me to reflect on what “the subject of Santa” has come to be in our own home, and I’ve decided to post it here since it reads rather like a blog post and may be on the minds of other parents of young children during this season. Happy Holidays!

Hi all,

I originally came to this topic from a similar place as the original poster mentions. My adult ideals threatened to overshadow the small but strong and persistent little people that were emerging in my life. And to be perfectly honest, we simply did nothing related to Santa. We decorated a bit, and talked to our kids about what we did while we were growing up. We had a tree, enjoyed family and food. But then around two years into this whole parenting adventure, we began to experience Christmas from the perspective of our kids. At this stage (ages almost 3 and 4.5), they want SO badly to believe in magic and in Santa. For them, it’s not about “the stuff” or having a big old guy watching every move you make. (Twigs and coal would be pretty much the best gift ever in their eyes!) It’s not about lying to our kids.

I still have inner conflict sometimes (mainly when I have to answer tricky questions!), but it has become a fantasy for all of us that enriches our family. Like so many stories of our youthful imaginations, the world of make believe is their reality and it gives them SUCH joy. I simply do not have the heart nor see the reason to crush it for them. They made the decision for us (Santa – and the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy – for them are figures that they have crafted from books and stories and their own imaginations and experiences), and it has reminded me of positive parts of my childhood that were buried deep. We as parents have the power to help set any “expectations” surrounding the holiday season(s).

As with all things in parenting, I truly believe, if you come at it from a place of love, *that* is what sticks over the long term. There is no reason that, ultimately, this time shouldn’t be woven into their sweetest memories. I realized my parents’ role in our holiday traditions when I was ready, and while I was sad, I remember feeling so thankful. I know not everyone had the same experience, but it is what you make of it. Santa doesn’t have to be about consumerism… The winter holidays are a time to be creative and reinvent and establish your own traditions… To remember what it is to possess innocence, and believe.

All this said, every family needs to do what is right for them!

I hope this season is filled with great magic and love for all families here.

Warmly,
Meg

No-Bake Black Bean Fudge Cupcakes

thenurturedway — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 17:01:08 +0000

*Adapted from a recipe over at Affairs of Living

A Halloween Party… I dread them. Not because I don’t like the people there, but because it is everyone, together, at the same time. Oh, and I’m not a fan of costumes or sweets either. (Yup, that’s right, I’m quite the party animal!)

Last year, everyone got sick and the boys were too little to care much about the event, so we managed to avoid it. This year was another story since no one was sick (knock on wood!), and both of them simply LOVE dressing up, AND I’m making a concentrated effort to be more socially engaged. Fortunately, this was a school party, and the parents were not supposed to dress up (yes, my huge sigh of relief was audible when I read the email). We did, however, need to bring a treat, so I started hunting for a “grain free vegan” (usually our best bet allergy wise) brownie recipe. While searching, I came across this fudge and thought it sounded just right for the occasion – and no baking required!

*Yield 18 “cupcakes”

2 15-oz cans cooked black beans, drained and rinsed (or approx 3.5 cups of cooked beans if soaking and cooking yourself )
1/2C ghee (can substitute with coconut oil for a true vegan version)
2T coconut manna
2T sunbutter
1 1/2C cocoa powder
2t vanilla extract
2-4T raw honey (to taste) (vegans can use agave nectar or coconut nectar rather than honey)
2-4T maple syrup (to taste)
sea salt to sprinkle (I’m a fan of the Pink Himalayan Salt)

In a small saucepan over low heat, warm ghee, coconut manna, and sunbutter, stirring until melted and mixed. Add all ingredients except salt to your blender jar or food processor container. (I used my VitaMix, but only because we don’t own a food processor – I love it for most everything else, but the really thick stuff, not so much) Slowly blend until mixed. The mixture will be extremely thick. So thick, in fact, that it inspired the first experience with my VitaMix‘s “emergency shutoff” meant to protect the motor… I feared I’d broken it, so there were a few distinguishable beans in the mix, but not enough to make it taste anything like black beans!

Once mixed, smoosh a dollop into each spot in your lined cupcake tins. Sprinkle with salt, and refrigerate for an hour. I used only 4T of the sweet stuff in total, and it made for some very rich, dark chocolatey, not too sweet cupcakes. I’d opt for “mini” cupcakes next time though – these were too big for my taste!

Butternut Squash Soup – A Bright and Beautiful Fall Meal

thenurturedway — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 15:25:33 +0000

It’s that wonderful time of year again when local squash is abundant. My family loves butternut squash soup, so I’ve already made a few batches this season. Below is my latest rendition.

I made a big pot so we could share (enough to feed two families of four), so feel free to reduce if preferred, though it also freezes well!

Broth

2 chicken legs and thighs (bone in)*+
8C filtered water (to start – add more as needed)
Juice from 1/2 lemon+
2T gelatin (optional – we like Great Lakes Gelatin from pastured happy animals)
Sea Salt to taste+

In a stock pot, place the chicken and cover with water. Add the lemon juice and let sit for 30-60 minutes. Add some salt and turn burner on medium high. Slowly bring to a boil then reduce to a low simmer, skimming off any “scum” or “effluvium” (impurities, alkaloids, and large proteins or “lectins”) that rises to the surface. If using gelatin, I then mix my 2T with filtered water and pour it into the pot. Simmer for as long as possible, but not less than 3 hours (preferably 6). Remove from heat. Take the chicken out and put on a plate to drain and cool. Boiled chicken can be used in any number of ways, so be sure to take it off the bone and save for later! Finally, find a large bowl (or two) and a fine strainer and pour the broth from the pot through the strainer and into the bowl(s).

Note: This part can be done FAR in advance and broth frozen for later soup making. I’ll likely create a separate post just for this broth if I can ever remember to snag some decent images! It’s yummy on its own as well as added to almost any dish…

* Again, we strongly advocate the use of local, pastured meats and poultry whenever possible. When not available, the “inedible bits” from local organic produce make delicious veggie broth.

Soup

3 medium/large butternut squash+
2-3T ghee
3 cloves of garlic (minced)+
2t fresh ginger (grated)
1 large yellow onion (chopped)+
8C (approx – enough to cover ingredients) chicken broth (above) – or other broth of your choice
2-3 sprigs each of fresh oregano and thyme (both traditional respiratory tonics and expectorants)+
Salt to taste

Preheat your oven to 350-400 degrees Fahrenheit (we have a weak oven so tend to have to cook at higher temps). Wash and poke holes in the squash and place on a baking sheet or aluminum foil in the oven. Roast for 90 minutes or so, but please keep an eye on your squash! They will cook at different rates depending on the size and your oven. Remove to cool when a knife slips easily into the long/solid part of the squash (not the bulb as that can be misleading). Once cool, slice the squash in half and scoop out seeds, which you can save to to clean and roast or simply toss in the compost. Then, scoop out the flesh and save in a large bowl.

Heat the ghee on medium, then add the garlic and ginger, cooking for a minute or so, then add the onion, stirring until translucent (several minutes). At this point, I added some broth, then dumped in the squash I had set aside previously. Next, add more broth to cover – enough to easily stir everything around – and toss in the oregano and thyme (to be removed later). Turn up the heat to high and bring the mixture to a boil, then reduce to simmer for 30 minutes to 1 hour to allow all the flavors to meld together. Add salt to taste (or wait until blended if you prefer).

Turn off the heat and let the soup cool a bit. Remove the sprigs of herbs. (It’s fine if some of the leaves have come off – just important to get the stems out) Finally, blend the soup until smooth, using a stick blender or by blending batches in a regular blender. I opted for my Vitamix this go around since my trusty stick blender decided to die. (We’re on the hunt for a new one, so please feel free to offer suggestions in the comments!)

Serve and enjoy!

Nutritional Profile

Bone broth offers many nourishing and healing nutrients. A homemade stock contains easily assimilated minerals, such as calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, silicon, sulphur and other trace minerals. You’ll also find glucosamine and chondroitin for joint health, gelatin for gut health as well as easily assimilated protein, and amino acids.

Butternut squash is also jam packed full of nutritional goodness, with an abundance of vitamin A and B complex vitamins, dietary fiber, and minerals such as iron, zinc, copper, calcium, potassium, and phosphorus.

+ Local (except the lemon) ingredients from our weekly order from Harvest Local Foods

Birth Story: Welcome Baby George

thenurturedway — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 23:29:07 +0000

It’s hard to believe it was nearly a year ago when my neighbor and friend Beckie mentioned that they would be trying for baby number two and asked what I knew about VBAC. I shared what information I had, but little did I know that it was just the very beginning of an epic journey, many parts of which we would share.

Since her first cesarean wasn’t due to a pre-existing condition and all had gone very well, her OB was very open to a trial of labor, and supported her choice to attempt a VBAC. She asked if I would consider being her doula, and I was, of course, thrilled to accept!

After an uneventful and active pregnancy, we rolled into the final weeks, fully expecting baby G to arrive slightly early or close to her EDD, even though his big sister arrived 10 days post dates. However, baby G had his own agenda (as all babies do) and decided to enjoy as much time as possible in mama’s belly!

On Tuesday, at 40+6 weeks, Beckie texted me to let me know she’d been having regular contractions 45 minutes apart, then 20, and then 10, so things might be happening. I encouraged her to alternate rest and activity, and to be sure to stay hydrated and nourished, but basically try to ignore the rushes as much as possible. That night things died down enough for her to sleep then were back at around every 10 minutes once morning rolled around. We decided to check in on the baby’s heart rate using my fetoscope and it was strong and steady at 130-140 beats per minute and VERY low down. We also palpated to determine his position and he was resting happily with his back on her left side (LOA), which is optimal for labor. That afternoon, she went in for an acupuncture treatment to stimulate some lovely labor points, and things really intensified for awhile, but by that evening contractions went back to their steady 10 minutes apart, so we decided to try a little aromatherapy and homeopathy to see if we might encourage her body to let things roll ahead. The contractions picked up briefly to 8 minutes apart, but then sleep took over, and back to their favorite pattern in the morning.

Because mama was a VBAC, they had scheduled a c-section for 10 days post dates if she hadn’t gone into labor yet, so Thursday was spent walking and waiting to see if this might be the day. We talked again about relaxing during contractions, positions to open up the hips, and also beginning to give them some attention to see if they might prefer that! The day passed without much change, though she began to lose her mucous plug, which was a good indication that all of these contractions were indeed doing something. Alas, things were still not rolling by 6am when she and her husband headed to the hospital. She requested that they check her before going in for the c-section, and when they did, she was 1-2cm dilated, so after some deliberation, they encouraged her to go home, and see if the weekend might bring-on active labor. That afternoon included another acupuncture treatment, walking, eating, sleeping… Still 10 minutes apart.

The weekend started in much the same way, and still, those contractions held steady. At this point we wanted to see if we could encourage her body to “reboot” and get into a more efficient pattern, so she took some Calcium/Magnesium and went to bed. The rushes didn’t stop completely, but she was able to get a decent night’s sleep, which is never a bad thing, especially so late in pregnancy! Alas, the contractions just continued steadily through the rest of the weekend.

I’ll pause here to say that this is one of the most patient mamas I’ve ever met! It is no easy feat to remain so calm and optimistic at the end of pregnancy, let alone after days and days of prodromal labor, and her ability to do so was inspirational.

At her Monday appointment she was still 1-2cm dilated and her OB encouraged her to try a low dose of pitocin if things weren’t moving by Tuesday to see if that might not do the trick. We chatted about it and since it seemed like this might be the best option based on the events up to this point, we prepared to meet at the hospital the following morning. That evening, we chatted again, and it was as though a well of emotions came bubbling to the surface. As emotions can play a huge role in labor, this was a beautiful release. The next morning, we chatted on the phone and when the resident checked her she was 3-4cm dilated and we were thrilled that things had moved ahead more on their own.

At 10am, they started a Pitocin drip at a very low level (it was agreed that it would be kept very low to avoid increasing the risk of uterine rupture) and I headed over to meet her and her husband and dad who was also there keeping them company. After 2 hours she was at 5cm and at this point they broke her water and things began to pick up, and another two hours later was at 6 cm. Unfortunately, it was at this juncture that baby decided to flip OP (Occiput Posterior – his back to mama’s back) and we rolled right into some extreme back labor. They turned off the Pitocin at this point and this strong mama did such amazing work! After 4 hours of increasingly intense back labor, and since we had reached a point where she could no longer work with her contractions or get into positions to help baby flip back around, she opted for an epidural to allow for some much needed rest. After a good sleep, the OB checked her and she was still at 6cm and baby was still OP. He recommended a cesarean at this point, but after some discussion, and since baby and mama were both doing well, Beckie decided to try some positioning to see if we might get things moving again, and the doctor turned the Pitocin back on at the lowest dose to increase the strength of the contractions. We used several techniques over the next two hours – a modified side lying release (she was not allowed to have her leg over the side of the bed, so we gently but firmly used a rocking motion of the hips to compensate for the lost gravity), belly lifts and tucks while sitting on the bed in the “buddha position,” and then hands and knees on the bed. We were going to try the rebozo technique of “sifting” at this point, but the nurse came in and scolded us for moving too much and messing up the monitors and wires so we promised to allow her to be still for a bit. When the doc returned, baby had shifted to ROA (which we surmised by the big bump his butt suddenly created on her belly!) and she was at 7 cm. Then 8cm. Then 9cm. It was getting late, so we all decided to get some rest and hoped that when we woke up it would be time to push. 4 hours later, still 9+cm. The OB was getting anxious by this point, so we decided to try one push to see if it would get rid of that final lip around the cervix – and it did! Hello 10cm! Baby was so close! So Beckie pushed for 20 minutes, and at that point, baby G let us know he didn’t like that part based on his heart rate, so it was decided that the safe course of action was to perform a cesarean. As soon as she stopped pushing, he was happy as a clam again, so thankfully there was no emergency. He clearly just didn’t want to come out that way! It is safe to assume that his mama must have the most comfy uterus ever.

George IV joined us earth side happy and healthy, sweet and mellow, at 5:24am on the final day of week 42.

While it was a bittersweet end, we were all so thankful that everyone was safe, and what a joy it was to be a part of this process. When I returned to the hospital to visit the following day, it was sheer bliss to witness this radiant mama, snuggled up with her beautiful boy!

Congratulations Beckie, George III, big sister Lily and welcome little one! It was an honor and a privilege to work with you during this special time. Much love!

Simple and Warming – Potato and Onion Soup

thenurturedway — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 18:42:38 +0000

Because it’s really cold outside!

When spring leaves you in the lurch, a warming meal can make it all seem a little less dramatic, no?

This is a personal twist on a potato and onion soup my mom used to prepare for us as a side dish in winter.

3T ghee
1 medium onion (chopped)
2 lbs buttercreme potatoes (washed and cut into 1 inch bits – skin on)
enough water to cover the potatoes
dash of cardamom
dash of nutmeg
salt and pepper to taste

Melt ghee over medium heat. Add onion and stir, cooking until translucent (several minutes). Add potatoes, water and some salt. Using high heat, bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer until potatoes are soft and everything is starting to look creamy. Stir in cardamom and nutmeg, and add salt and pepper to taste. Serve hot.

Simple, warm and delicious. Enjoy! And hopefully spring will come to stay very soon…

*Low allergen recipe

The Philadelphia Free School – Fostering Community-Based Education

thenurturedway — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 19:11:03 +0000

Below, I have written about the democratic model of education and the Philadelphia Free School. While I have asked experts to confirm many details, my words come from my own research and experiences. If you are interested in learning more, I encourage you to pursue your own research and form your own conclusions. While discussion is welcome, please note that mean-spirited comments are not acceptable and will not be posted. In the words of a fellow mother, “Take what you need, and leave the rest.” Thank you!

I attended a meeting a few weeks ago that gave me hope for the education of my children.

Curious? Read on.

I’ve been researching the school “situation” for over a year now, trying to plan ahead for my now 3.5 and 2 year old sons. The panic started after we realized how competitive spots were in a “good” preschool, and therefore must be equally or more so in primary schools. My early research resulted in frustration and several key questions:

Which charter schools and other catchments should we apply to?
What are the chances of getting in via those lotteries?
Should we apply to any private schools?
Could we even pay for them?
Do we try to move to a “better” public school catchment?
Do we even agree with the structure of public education?
Do I quit my job and try to homeschool?
What (if any) are our other options?

I won’t say that the model I’m about to discuss is perfect for everyone. As with anything, of course it’s not. But I would wager that for many, when done well, it could offer the foundation for a rich and satisfying (i.e. successful) life.

You may have heard of the term “un-schooling.” I had, and it concerned me. I was conditioned to believe that kids without the structure of traditional “school” would run wild or be lazy. How could they possibly learn the fundamental skills needed to get by in life? Four years ago, when I started learning about the “democratic model” or “free school” I carried in my mind a picture of chaos and completely wrote it off. Then several months ago, in all of my research, it bubbled back to the surface and I revisited the concept and began to understand the true workings of the system. It only really manifested as a distinct possibility for our family about a month before the informational meeting for the Philadelphia Free School that I attended.

Recently, I’ve read comments about failed schools that were “similar” to this model, and how students there “underperformed.” While I believe some conclusions are relative to what you perceive to be the best gauge of “performance,” I also think that, as with any venture, the formation of a democratic school requires extensive research, planning and support to facilitate its success. Fortunately, there are a number of well-established free schools (for example, the Sudbury Valley School has been operating as a democratic school for nearly 43 years) that boast impressive college acceptance rates and successful alumni, even by mainstream standards.

The founders of the Philadelphia Free School have spent over a decade researching and immersing themselves in successful programs throughout the country, thus allowing them to gain the best possible understanding of what works and what doesn’t, and to plan accordingly.

A Day in the Life

My deepest understanding always comes from experience, be it real or virtual. So, not surprisingly, much of my understanding of the democratic model came from hearing and reading stories that allowed me to experience (albeit vicariously) various scenarios as they had played out in the lives of students and teachers. One of my favorite accounts was from Philadelphia Free School co-founder, Reb Loucas, who noted that the dominant activity that he witnessed again and again at all of the schools where he had worked or visited, was reading: students reading alone, teachers reading to students, and older students reading to younger students. He told a wonderful story about a young man whom he had passed many times throughout the course of the day, and only when the student moved, around eight hours after the first encounter, did he realize that he had been sitting there for the entire time reading an SAT prep book.

Reading was and is my absolute favorite mode of learning, and a voracious appetite for it is why I have always felt comfortable with spelling, grammar and writing. It also encourages imagination, and is a solid foundation for learning about any subject. There was also a great story about digging a (very big) hole, but I’ll recommend that you explore other resources for additional case studies!

Structure

Yes, there IS a structure for child-led learning. The democratic model does not simply dump children in a school and let them fend for themselves. While the overriding theme is that of a world of children, one also finds teachers, resources, and rules.

Teachers

Children look up to adults and rely upon them as figures they can trust for support, information, and guidance. Teachers at a democratic school facilitate learning.

Resources

A key element is that there should be a variety of resources available to encourage student exploration, with more being added based on areas of common interest. For example, one might find a kitchen in which to cook, a library, and rooms outfitted for technology, media, music, and fitness. In an urban setting, outside resources are also readily available.

Rules

Rules (and consequences) are established and enforced as part of the democratic process. Each person has one vote, and matters of rules and discipline are handled in such a way that makes each adult and child personally accountable. It took me some time to grasp how this would play out, but upon listening to interviews and reading accounts of how the process works, it makes perfect sense as a mode of teaching accountability, and involving children in a process that clearly demonstrates that actions have consequences, that to have a successful community, rules are an important part, and that there are reasons that they must be followed; lessons that are often sorely lacking in a traditional dictatorial model.

Cost

I realize I can’t write a whole post on democratic education without mentioning money. In brief, it seems to be a common goal for democratic schools to strive for affordable tuition. Speaking for our local school, as an urban version of the model, the commitment is to not only offer affordable tuition, but to offer 50% of spots to students requiring financial aid, in order to encourage economic and cultural diversity by reaching urban youth that would not otherwise have access. In this way, it’s not just another private school.

Trusting our Children

Trusting your child to direct his or her education is a lesson in letting go. As a parent, I am constantly reminded that my children, as young as they still are, are independent people. They have distinct personalities. They have interests and learning styles that are different than mine. They each require different things from me as a parent, and they constantly keep me on my toes as I strive to nurture them in a way that encourages them to be conscientious and compassionate members of society. I have finally come to a place where I have let go of enough control to realize how beautifully curious they are, and how at any given moment, they are learning something new.

One of the points that I just couldn’t get my head around was a statement about video games; That my child would be allowed to sit and play video games all day, every day, if that is what he chose to do. Maybe it was just the fact that it was “video games” that hung me up for so long, but finally, I heard an explanation that helped me to put it in perspective.

In short: When kids direct their own education, they make choices that won’t always line up with what we might want for them – but even if they play video games or basketball for a month before deciding to move on to another interest, you have to trust that they gained something important from being allowed to choose that path and experience. When left alone, kids tend to tackle an interest wholeheartedly and learn as much as they possibly can at that stage of development, whether it’s biology, Shakespeare, athletics, or video games. This instinctual approach allows them to naturally develop the skills needed to follow something through to completion, as well as gaining the tools needed to effectively research a subject. With over 40 years to back up their claim, I also know that I can trust that eventually they will always move on!

Finding Themselves

I heard a lot of talk about people “finding themselves” while in college. While not exclusively so, it’s not unusual for people to arrive at their early twenties and realize that they are just beginning to feel independent, and for the first time have enough space to consider what their true interests are, and what might come next. Not surprisingly, it is common to see young adults making poor choices and floundering. What a great source of stress for a young adult to suddenly have to cram it all in – to choose a major or career, study hard, explore extracurricular activities and experience life as a newly independent person, all in a short span of years. Now imagine having been given the space to passionately explore many interests and navigate the waters of life throughout childhood while still surrounded by your parents and a strong support system at school. Then, based on this freedom, to make decisions about where to go when you reach adulthood, even if it means having the confidence to take more time to decide. A child-led model of learning encourages exploration and independence from the very beginning, setting the stage to nurture young adults who are secure in whom they are.

This is what I want for my children.

I realize that this post is getting extremely long, and that there is more to cover related to this topic than I could ever manage in a simple blog post, so I’m going to cut it off here. However, I look forward to learning more and engaging in discussions as we continue to support our local Philadelphia Free School. In addition, I will be posting a few education resources in the resources section in the coming days.

Breaking the “No-Sleep Cycle” in an Overtired Child

thenurturedway — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 16:09:14 +0000

Sleep deprivation. Any parent of a young child (or children) has felt its acute sting. Whether it’s those first weeks with a new babe, a developmental leap, or some other cause, we have ALL been there (and if you haven’t you’d do well to not mention it…).

Now, I’m not an expert by any means. Part of the reason I’m writing this post is in an attempt to ground myself by extracting clear observations from the muddle that is my brain in its current state. This said, we had something of a breakthrough on Wednesday night. Yes, I’m calling four hours of straight sleep a breakthrough.

It was a breakthrough because a few days ago I hit my wall; that point of tears when you are so tired you almost want someone to take you out, and your children have no sympathy for your state, so they continue to scream and endanger themselves and engage in other activities that overtired children tend towards. I called my husband, let a few choice words slip, and realized that I needed to take a step back and look at this from a different angle.

Ordered lists always make challenges seem less formidable, no?

What triggered this downward spiral?
We’ve all been sick with fevers, stomach bugs and sinus infections, which in turn led to poor food choices (lots of rice toast and little broth, protein or veggies) and bad sleep. The sickness has been a sticky one, so 8 days in, it’s no wonder we were all a mess! Other common triggers for us include constipation, food sensitivities (dairy and eggs are two big culprits), developmental leaps, new teeth (though we just survived teeth 19 and 20, so hopefully we’re in the clear on this one), a new or full moon, bug bites, or any combination of the above!
A little personal reflection…
I have moments of great failure as a parent. I never got the hang of no sleep, so the longer it goes on, the grumpier I get, and the tighter my inner spring is wound. Kids are incredibly perceptive. My “little mirrors” serve as a constant reminder that the “tighter I’m wound” the more they respond in-kind with anxious, mischievous, or aggressive behavior. Yup, on some level it is truly within my control to change. So I’m trying to be more self-aware, and not just aware, but conscious in a way that motivates me to do something about it. I must make a concentrated effort to achieve inner calm and outer peace, and to set the vibe that we need to move us back toward the land of nod. Some of my mantras as I get back in sync: “More laughing, less yelling. More knitting, less screen time. Just let it go.”
Non-emotional approaches
I wish I could say that setting the mood works its magic every time. While it can play a huge part, sorry, nope. As with many of life’s challenges, you often have to come at it from different angles, hoping that some combination will do the trick! Homeopathy is a gentle and often effective way to encourage the body to adjust itself and find balance again. One of our favorites for bedtime or general meltdown is “Calms Forte 4 Kids” by Hylands. Another gentle oral option based on flower essences is Rescue Remedy for Kids (alcohol free). The “adult” versions of these remedies are also super (in my personal experience)! We also utilize Epsom salt baths, which work for both relaxation and detoxification.
Snuggle time without a “mission” (Because they know when the goal is just sleep!)
Once things start to wind down, reading books, back rubs, and falling asleep with your little one(s) can be the icing on the cake after a long day. Or week. Or month.

Again, I don’t profess to have the answer. I write this post simply to put into words some things that have worked for our family and to serve as a reminder to take a step back the next time I find myself at the end of my rope.

To peaceful sleep!

Thai-Inspired Shrimp and Broccoli Soup with Shiitakes

thenurturedway — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 21:25:11 +0000

It seems that I’ve been stockpiling broccoli… It’s so easy to roast with a little olive oil, garlic, and salt! However, my eyes were bigger than my fridge, and I managed to get ahead of myself. My dear husband kindly inquired about my “plans” for the broccoli, so I knew it was time to trim down my store. I also had some baby shrimp from our weekly delivery that were just begging for some Thai spices and coconut milk. This warming dish would also work served with rice (rinse and soak first if possible), or by adding cooked potatoes (remember to keep the skins on!). Below is what I cobbled together…

Ingredients

2-3T ghee
2t cumin seed
3 cloves of garlic (crushed)
2 medium onions (chopped)
.25-.5lb fresh shiitakes (stems removed and tops sliced)
.5-1lb shrimp (cooked, peeled, and deveined)
1-3 heads of broccoli (chopped) *mine were small so 3 worked, but was plenty
6-8C homemade broth (I used chicken broth, but I suppose fish broth would be ideal)
1 medjool date (chopped) *optional
2T Thai red curry paste
1 14oz can of organic coconut milk
2T tomato paste
Salt to taste

Heat the ghee in a large saucepan over medium high heat. Toss in the cumin and cook until fragrant and starting to pop (I love that sound, and it’s fun for kids to listen for too). Reduce the heat slightly and add the garlic, cooking for a few moments before adding the onions. Stir regularly, cooking until the onions begin to soften. Add the shiitake mushrooms and cook until soft. Add the shrimp and broccoli and give it a good mix to coat. Pour in all but a small amount of the broth. To the reserved broth, whisk in the Thai curry paste, and then add that to the pot. If, like me, you forget to reserve any broth, the curry paste can be whisked into the coconut milk or a little water, or just tossed right in. Do note that the “toss-in method” requires a bit more work to assimilate and you may find a concentrated bit in your broccoli! Add the coconut milk, tomato paste, date (if using) and make sure everything is evenly mixed. (at this point, if more liquid is needed, add filtered water) Turn up the heat and bring to a boil, then reduce and simmer until the broccoli is done to your liking. Salt to taste.

Next time I might include grated ginger (added at the garlic and onion stage). If anyone tries that, let me know how it goes!

Serves 4 ish (more if adding rice or potatoes)

* This recipe contains shellfish. Gluten, casein, soy, egg, and tree nut free.

Recipe Review: Kale & Potato Soup with Chorizo

thenurturedway — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 15:42:08 +0000

When I came across this recipe for Kale & Potato Soup with Chorizo over at Nourished Kitchen, I knew that I had to make it. It’s been so cold and damp lately that the thought of a spicy soup (Caldo Verde, or “broth with greens” in this case) was the happiest thing I could think of, so I headed down to survey what ingredients I had on hand. Now, I also knew that I’d have to cook two dinners, since my kids aren’t old enough to appreciate the spiciness of chorizo, so I was keeping my eyes peeled for an alternate option for them as well. My husband thinks my food fixations/cravings are a wee bit crazy (and he’s probably right), but by this point I know to trust my body as it never craves anything processed or artificial. In this case, it was spicy heat and potatoes. Though we rarely eat them, I had a small bag of fingerlings that had been delivered last Wednesday. A premonition? Perhaps. A relief? To be sure!

What I Used (changes/additions in bold)
1 1/2 pounds fingerling potatoes
2T Ghee (didn’t have any bacon drippings or lard)
12oz chorizo (not quite a pound)
Nixed the chili peppers (Chorizo was very spicy)
3 small onions (chopped) instead of sliced shallots
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 medium/large carrots, chopped
2 stalks of celery, chopped
2 quarts roast chicken stock (homemade)
2T Tomato Paste (we use Bionatura)
Large bunch of Rainbow Chard (6 pieces), stems removed and chopped coarsely
Turmeric (no Spanish Smoked paprika here – but it’s now on my list)
unrefined sea salt to taste
1 T Cumin Seeds (sautéed until fragrant)
Original recipe>>

Please head over to the original for cooking instructions, etc.

To my great delight, it did indeed make enough to serve 6-8, so there are plenty of leftovers. (Though not for long!) Suffice to say that it was a clear success in that my husband and I enjoyed a warm and satisfying meal, I have lunch in the fridge for a day or two, and my craving was sated!

For the boys, I made some simple curried lentils, with spices managed expertly by my trusty assistant and oldest son. (post to follow)

Happy cooking!