For the readers of this blog, who no longer exist due to the unfortunate, ill-timed, unexplained absence of the owner of this drivel hole, I apologize in copiously large measures.

My absence has been due to several reasons, none of which are true, so I don’t want to waste your time detailing them here. I write this post on the off chance some old follower of this site accidentally stumbles upon it, suffers a temporary somatic nervous system paralysis resulting in loss of all voluntary muscle control to click back and is forced to stare at this page for at least five minutes without blinking. Hellish scenario i know but it has happened to me occasionally while reading the blogulous tripe on this site.

So why you might ask am I writing this post? Good question. And the answer resides comfortably outside my cranium on How-the-f&*k-should-I-know street. What I can say with absolute uncertainty is that I don’t know what I am going to write next.

Zenzizenzizenzic. I might have known I was going to write that.

But I digress. Back to the point I wasn’t trying to make. This blog has resulted in many sleepless nights. Not for me, but for some the readers. For others, this blog has been a source of narcolepsy. My concern, as always, is for humanity. Has humanity suffered since this blog came to an unannounced, prolonged pause? I think the answer is clearly evident as a resounding ‘perhaps’. Goldman Sachs have blamed the Global economic crisis on the lack of my blog posts. I in turn, have blamed them for the lack of my million dollar bonuses (or boni-prounced bow-nigh) as the real cause for my lack of interest in writing. Who really is to blame?… you be the judge, as long as you don’t blame me.

Be that as it may (I always wanted to say that), I am here to announce the resurgence of this blog. Like phoenix rising from the ashes or a fat man off a couch, I resurrect this blog, hopefully to reach its former readership following of two.

Wish me luck and I wish you all good fortune (cookies).

Let me just clarify though, that things are actually far worse than you and I can imagine BUT the end is NOT nigh, even though it may feel like that to some of you.

What is important is to be aware of the signs that humanity has failed miserably in its mid-term exams and deserves to sit in detention for its horrifically bad behaviour. Unless it shapes up, it will not just fail the final exams but most likely be expelled from school permanently. In order to collectively kick the crap out of humanity’s much unwarranted naughtiness, one has to be aware of the signs that clearly indicate humankind’s rapid transformation to humanunkind.

Here are a couple of signs that I discovered in my extensive, undue diligence research of approximately five minutes on the internet.

Remember, to be forewarned is to have four arms… or something like that. So do your part, and spread the word (which currently happens to be “HELP!!!”)

Mad as hell

Sign 2: The source of all evil – bad reality tv with a host best qualified as a waste of space.

There are plenty more signs out there…look out your window…or browse youtube.

Priest: Holy Hellen Back! Has it been that long?! That’s certainly an original sin. Where have you been?

TOR: I haven’t been anywhere… I was right here the whole time.

Priest: Why the absence from your blog, my son?

TOR: Well, It has to do with work, an unrealistic amount of stress and large dose of procrastination.

Priest: I can’t relate to such excuses. You should be ashamed of yourself!

TOR: I am a wee bit but not that much. I’m more ashamed of you for coverting around with alter boy and..

Priest: Okay! We’ll have less of that lip now, thank you! You are here to confess your sins.

TOR: But I am not even catholic.

Priest: It doesn’t matter. You are sinner! A blog ignorer, a bounder and a cad.

TOR: Look who is acting all high and mighty, mister-meet-me-in-my-private-chambers-and-call-me-Mr-Rogers. You’re one to talk!

Priest: I damn thee to the gates of hell!

TOR: Yeah, yeah… so let’s talk absolution, shall we?

Priest: Say ten Hail Marys, three Humpty Dumptys and a partridge in a pear tree, and then wash it all down with a bottle of Lucozade.

TOR: Will this post do, instead?

Priest: Fine. But is this your last gasp before this blog really dies out?

TOR: Don’t know yet. I hardly have anytime to blog anymore…but will try to post some obscenities in the future.

Priest: You’re going the right way for a smacked bottom!

TOR: Yeah, you’d really like that, wouldn’t you? Perv!

Pay attention to what has happened and what is still happening.

Here’s a tiny sample of his work. I now have a new hero…

His blog is here and his gallery is here.

Note: Share his work with others, but please make sure the artist is given due credit by providing a link to his web sites.

War. What is good for? Making huge amounts of money for a selected bunch of bastards. But you can’t amass a growing fortune with a war that has an end. You need something that goes on forever. Precisely like the War on Terror (WOT). WOT is perfect. It can be fought in any country, any time because it is a franchise. It is the McDonalds of wars (or more appropriately the McDonald Douglas of wars). If you don’t have an enemy, no worries, you make one up. Or you can plan ahead. You sponsor, nurture, suckle a small group of lunatics and let them fester like a boil on the backside of humanity. When the pustule seems ready to burst, you just prick it by bombing the crap out of some innocent civilians. And there you have it, you got yourself some evil-doers ready to be thwarted. For the sake of publicity, classify your enemy as ‘the terrorists’ because it’s got a nice ring to it.

In order to ensure that WOT is successful (meaning everlasting), you have to be very precise in attacking selected, primary targets. You have to make sure that you don’t kill any of your enemies accidently. Because if you do, your enemies will diminish in number and your war might actually come to an end, eventually. So the best approach is to pick a fight, bomb some innocent civilians, arrest anyone who protests, and rendition those who have absolutely nothing to do with terrorism. And when you have completely messed up the country, open up a franchise in another country. It is that simple!

Don’t worry if you run short of enemies (terrorists). Just make some up. Again, all you have to do is kill a few innocent civilians, blame some anti-government religious fanatic group and voila! you have your terrorists. Like the WOT, it is best to create an enemy that can be franchised from the start. Give them a name like Al Quackduh or some other, similar sounding name. And then when you franchise your war to another country, the terrorists will be already in your WOT kit.

Obviously, you can’t fight the WOT alone. You need some allies (pronounced all LIES). Now these allies are not part of your franchise tool kit but they can be your partner in the WOT, by using a small amount of coercion and an unreasonable amount of cash. And if you feel that the allies are not helping much with the WOT, you can blame them for not doing enough and attack their countries instead. What fun, eh?

Now, there’s bound to be complaints world wide about the WOT. But don’t bother too much about that because eventually all those who are complaining will either be bombed, imprisoned or tortured under the label of WOT. Yes, it is true, WOT will spread like a warm blanket all across the globe. Well, that’s the main aim anyway. For those who aren’t complaining, there will be many rich rewards in store for them. They’ll be endless episodes of American Idol, sick reality tv shows and free concert tickets to see Britney Spears Live at the Rehab center.

Rest assured, that the WOT will go on….and you will be able to catch it live on CNN and Fox News.

F*** it!

I’m writing on behalf of the American Public Broadcasting Service (PBS) documentary series FRONTLINE/World. I think that you and the readers of Olive Ream will be interested in FRONTLINE/World™s new 20-minute documentary Pakistan: State of Emergency, now live on our website. The story investigates Maulana Fazlullah, the young Taliban cleric waging war against the Pakistani government in the beautiful valley of Swat. The story includes the events of November 3rd and Benazir Bhutto’s assasination, and also features interviews with Aitzaz Ahsan, his son Ali, and renowned Pakistani journalist and writer Ahmed Rashid.

The documentary broadcast in the U.S. last night, but you can watch the full video on our site, where you’ll also find extended interviews, background information and an interview with the reporter. You and your readers can post comments on the site, and we hope to hear what you think: http://www.pbs.org/frontlineworld/stories/pakistan703/

More about the story:

Swat is a place off-limits to most Western journalists, but reporter David Montero met this mysterious and ruthless Pakistani Taliban leader last spring. Montero also met the moderate local politician who tried to stop Fazlullah – Asfandiar Amir Zeb, the prince of Swat.

Amir Zeb was assassinated in a car bombing a day after the assassination of Benazir Bhutto shocked the world. Montero returned to the Swat Valley to find out what Amir Zebs death meant to the region, and to report on the Army’s belated efforts to fight the Taliban as suicide bombings spread throughout Pakistan.

The story, reported by David Montero as a joint project with the Christian Science Monitor, sheds light on the connection between Musharraf’s lax approach to Taliban militants and his recent crackdown on lawyers and the judiciary.

Thanks for watching, and for sharing on your blog.

XXXXX XXXXXX
PBS FRONTLINE/World

http://www.pbs.org/frontlineworld

I dream of high clouds
Flushed with the light of daybreak

What we gonna do when the
money runs out
I wish that there was something left to say
How we gonna find the eyes to see
a brighter day

I’m falling by the wayside
I’m sinking with the sun
Everything I do
Is wrong

I’m delirious with chaos
I’m wonderstruck with awe

The state I’m in
Got goosebumps on my skin
See the water I’ll jump right in
Your heart so free

They come from miles around
In avarice and love
To suckle on the blood
Of some forgotten god
Sell it like it is
It’s like the old man says
We’re dead in the water now

Take your eyes off me
There’s nothing here to see
Just trying to keep my head together
And as we make our vow
Let us remember how
There’s nothing good that lasts forever
—

Photos: Mine
Words: David Gray

Deck the innocent with bombs of folly
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,
‘Tis their reason to be jolly,
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,

Don their camouflaged gay apparel,
Hell la la, hell la la, hell la la la,
They’ll blame fanatics, so you’ll cry, “peril!”
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,

See them sell their lies before us,
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,
Sold out media will join the chorus,
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,

Corporate backing in considerable measure,
Hell la la, hell la la, hell la la la,
Destroy a nation to loot their treasure
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,

Detention, torture or death all passes,
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,
By arresting the truth-tellers, brainwashing the masses,
Hell la la, hell la la, hell la la la,

Sing the fascist bastards, all together:
Hell la la la la, hell la la la,
“All hail the profitable war on terror!”
Hell la la la la, hell la la la.

MARY KWEZMAZ and a jolly good rogering to you all!