I'll be the one in heels

Call me "Laura."

2012-05-25T08:06:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, I LIVED Little House on the Prairie. For my 8th birthday, my parents (who I insisted on calling "Ma" and "Pa," natch) built me a playhouse in the backyard - 12'x12', with white siding, two glass windows and a door with a bolt lock that only I held the key to. Daddy called it "Little House in the Back Yard." It was our cabin Inside was my play kitchen, table and chairs and a basket full of dress-up clothes - all of it prairie dresses, aprons and sunbonnets that my mom had sewn for us in various calico patterns and sizes.

Sidebar: Do you remember the episode where there was a new little girl in town and one leg was several inches shorter than the other, so while all the other children were running and playing, she could only sit sadly and watch? Then Pa figured out that if he built a platform out of boards for the girl's shoe on her short leg, it would even her out and she could run and play, too. I'm not sure why the girl's own father hadn't figured this out before now. It was the 1870s for pete's sake; not the stone age. But then the girl's dad got really angry and he confronted Pa and said the only line I've ever memorized from a Little House show: "I told you not to meddle." And he said it just like that, italicized and all. I think I remember it so well because I was all "Why did he tell Pa not to metal?" and then my mom had to explain to me that he told him not to meddle. And while the two Pa's were engaging in a physical altercation in the barn, the girl's dad caught a glimpse out the window of this daughter running and playing with the other children and he realized that Pa had changed his child's life for the better and everyone lived happily ever after. Do you remember that one?

Every day we played Little House in our costumes and cabin. Usually, in our play, our parents had died tragically in a wagon accident, or a prairie fire, or an Indian scalping, and it was just us girls, forging a life for ourselves on the lonesome prairie.

So it's a little odd that I never got past Farmer Boy in the book series.

To be fair, I was not the "reader" child in the family. My sister was. I was more the putting-on-shows-singing-and-dancing-my-way-to-imminent-fame child. Today, my sister is a librarian and I'm still working on that fame thing.

Recently I was reading Jenny The Bloggess's book and she referenced reading Little House on the Prairie with her daughter. And I was all, "Ohhh! Little House!"

And then, I was at the dog park with my dog Shelby

and the grass has gotten really high out there. Really high - like when Shels goes running through the high grass, I can't even see her. And as we're walking the path, and the tall grass is blowing, and all I can think of is how much like Little House it is. Only the path just wraps around for miles and ends back at the beginning, instead of taking you to Town. I'm not saying that I pretend I'm Laura and that Shelby is Jack, her brindle bulldog. Because that would be stupid. I'm a grown woman.

So, having finished Jenny's book and considering what I might read next, I couldn't get away from the feeling that I really must read the Little House series. Only, they're not available as ebooks. Which is CRAZY, right?? But a friend of mine saw my post about it on twitter and kindly lent me her childhood set!

Which is just like the set my sister and I had, only I think my sister ended up with it because she had daughters. We also had hardbacks of all the books. I guess she ended up with all those, too.

I read the first book, Little House in the Big Woods, the first day. I was surprised to find that it wasn't so much the story of Laura Ingalls as it was "this is how people lived on the frontier." Chapter One started right in with the butchering and headcheese.

Yesterday I read book two, Little House on the Prairie, and the family has relocated from the woods of Wisconsin to "Indian Country," a.k.a. "Kansas." And it's kind of more of the same -- how to build a cabin, how to dig a well. Although there was the tale of nearly losing Jack when they crossed a high creek. That did touch on relationships and feelings.

I'm partway through Farmer Boy now which is more of the same only about farms. I think it did me in as a child because I was 8. Who cares about BOYS.

I'll let you know when Nellie Olsen arrives on the scene. I hope it's soon.

EEEK!

2012-05-23T08:53:00.000-05:00

My friend Carmen wrote an Irrational Fears post on Friday. I commented that I LOVE an irrational fears post because the comments are so unique and crazy.

My completely irrational fear is that I'll drop my keys in the space between the elevator and the floor. This is an irrational fear because really. Have you ever heard of someone dropping their keys down the space between the elevator and the floor? I mean really.

So we're not talking about legitimate fears like spiders and snakes or home break-ins. I want to hear your irrational fears. Like being sucked down the bathtub drain.

And...GO.

Baby Pictures

2012-05-22T08:36:00.000-05:00

I follow a lot of people on twitter who post pictures of their babies. Babies are cute. They do funny things. Social media was practically invented for sharing photos of our wee ones.

I'm not complaining. I like seeing your babies' pictures. I'm at that in-between place in life where I'm too old to have any more kids of my own, but too young to think about grandchildren yet. (YES I AM. Shuddup.)

For some years, adorable baby pictures kind of made my ovaries ache. I missed the sweet smell, the velvety skin, the pudgy dimpled hands. Your baby pictures made me want to find a newborn to snuggle, to find some chunky toddler thighs to pinch.

Elijah's senior year in high school was an overly sentimental time for me. His baby pictures sent me into fits of tears, wanting my baby boy back. Wanting to repeat the years. To have more time. To correct my mistakes. Once he graduated and started college, I was able to move on as well. He was happy and I could be happy.

Funny how our mood is so tied to our children's that way.

Because now when you post your babies' pictures, what I see is opportunity. Promise. Hope. DON'T FUCK IT UP!! I want to tell you. Teach your children well.

All too soon, those adorable fat rolls will give way to strong, muscular bodies. And the mistakes our children make will no longer be teaching opportunities. In fact, we may have no voice at all. Whatever our children go through now, they have to go through on their own, to get to a place where they can learn, grow and move on. Watching them and waiting for them to get to that place can tear a mother's heart out.

Finding a Way

2012-05-18T08:37:00.000-05:00

I had a cousin who went to college for a year or so, and decided that it just wasn't for him. He moved back home, got a job at a record store and grew his hair out long. He struggled to find his way.

Then one weekend he went to his family's country house and hung himself in the barn. It was a devastating and tragic loss of a talented, smart and sensitive young man who never quite found his place in this world.

Teddy's story - and similar stories of so many like him - is why I admire the work of people like Lady Gaga and The Bloggess. People who speak for the misfits. Who spread the message that we're all okay. There are so many young people struggling to find their place in this world who need to hear that message.

Like my son.

My son had a wonderful first semester of college. Thanks in part - I'm sure! - to all the advantages we gave him. Like the off-campus quad apartment so he could experience the independence of college life even though he was going to school in town. Like the college fund we'd saved so that he wouldn't have pesky student loans hanging over his head his whole life. We paid his rent, his car note, insurance, gas, his phone, fraternity fees, tuition, books, everything. And he thrived.

Or so we thought. The second semester, Elijah did what oh, so many college freshmen do -- he took the independence thing a bit far. Skipped a lot of classes. Failed a few of them. It happens. I mean who here didn't fail at least one semester of college? *whistles innocently*

He came back to the house. We talked about what's next. Get a job. Work this summer. Repeat the failed classes this fall and fix his GPA. We didn't think we expected much. Typical parental stuff, right?

But he had other ideas. He's taken the bold step of cutting himself off. He doesn't want anything from us anymore. Not if it comes with demands like You have to get a job or You have to go to school. He's 18 and he wants to call the shots. Which apparently means living in a run-down house near the university with a group of his friends and playing Xbox all day.

It's definitely not what we want for him. But if he's out of our house and off of our dime, we don't really get a vote.

And ultimately, I'm okay with that. Because we all have to find our way. Some of us stumble onto it naturally. Others wander around many different roads before we finally find one that suits us. The most important thing is that our son knows we love him and he can always come home again should he so choose.

You try to do right by your kids and you send 'em out in the world and you just hope they do okay. I mean, you secretly hope they flourish and succeed and take the world by storm. But mostly you just hope they do okay. That they figure out a way to survive in this crazy world. As parents, you have to be okay with whatever path they find that suits them, even if it's not really the one you'd planned for them. Because what did Malynn say was the only thing she ever wanted for any of her kids?

For them to be HAPPY.

Spoons

2012-05-16T08:04:00.000-05:00

I have some pretty cool stuff in my kitchen. Some of it I picked out myself and some of it I've been lucky enough to acquire through blogging. When we got married, my friend Patti gave us a set of white ceramic Pottery Barn mixing bowls that still kind of make my heart sing when I pull them out. We had a..."non-traditional" wedding, so we didn't actually register for china and such. We picked out and purchased our own set of dishes after several years of marriage and I'm still happy with the yellow and sage mosaic pattern we chose.

But my absolute favorite item in my kitchen is a set of old, metal measuring spoons on a ring.

They're not shiny. They're dull and discolored and a little bent up. And when they clink together, they make a unique, old-metal-measuring-spoon sound.

The spoons came from my mother's kitchen. And they remind me of everything that was good about my mother's kitchen. And my childhood.

The kitchen in my childhood home was not big. It was a 1970s galley kitchen with a sink and dishwasher on one side and a stove and refrigerator on the other. The cabinets were metal. The pots and pans hung on a pegboard on the back wall. I imagine it was difficult to create elaborate gourmet meals in that kitchen.

Only my mom didn't create elaborate gourmet meals. My mom was from northern Louisiana. Land of Steel Magnolias and Duck Dynasty. My mom learned to cook from her mom (my Grammy) and her black nanny (her Too-Niney). Grammy got up early and made biscuits from scratch seven days a week, and dinner was served at noon.

I think my mom had it in her mind to escape all that -- or at least some of that -- when she moved to D.C. and married my dad. So she made our sandwiches on store-bought bread and dinner was served at the end of the day. But her menu was pure 1970s, church-cookbook home-cooking. Where baked macaroni and cheese was a complete and balanced meal.

I don't cook the way my mom did. My cookbooks come from Junior Leaguers rather than church ladies. The vegetables I use are fresh and organic, rather than packed in cans of salt water. And the more I cook, the less I need to use the old measuring spoons.

But when I do pull them out, they make me smile. I like their sound.

Begging the Question

2012-05-15T08:32:00.000-05:00

I know. I know. I have thus far avoided answering the most obvious question of all.

The one about the heels.

I am fully aware that high heels are bad for my back. For anyone's back -- even otherwise healthy backs. Heels basically throw your entire body out of whack, causing your knees and hips to be thrown out of line, your back to sway, your shoulders to curve. Muscles in your lumber region are scrunched up and shortened. As if my back muscles weren't scrunched up enough already.

Photo via The Washington Post

For years and years, I swore that I did not care if my heels made me crippled, by God, I was going to wear them forever and ever, amen. At 5'2, I craved the extra inches. If I were 6'2, I'd still wear four-inch heels. Because I want to be IMPOSING.

I have a 100 percent focus on getting my back better. Physical therapy and chiropractic adjustments three times a week. Massage therapy twice a week. Steroid injections every two weeks. Yoga on off-days. We are working on straightening my C-curve scoliosis as much as possible; recovering the natural neck curve; preserving my compromised lumber and neck discs; lengthening the muscles on the short side of my spine; strengthening my core in order to improve my posture.

This is a huge time and financial investment. The very last thing I want to do is slow my progress or do anything to impede it. Like wearing heels.

Does this mean I can never wear heels again? Well...we'll have to see. It's doubtful that I'll be able to wear heels all day, every day, ever again. But I hope to repair my back to the point that I can at least wear heels for special occasions, or for short periods of time. I honestly can't imagine a situation where I never wear heels again. I mean...I'd have to change my blog.

Just Shoot Me

2012-05-11T12:19:00.000-05:00

I got six shots in my backbone yesterday.

I'm guessing you want to hear all about it.

The shots are a combination steroid, to prevent inflammation and salvage what's left of my discs, and pain killer, to make moving less agonizing. They are inserted into the facet joints of the spine.

Now look. I'm the girl who delivered a baby drug-free because I was so frightened by the prospect of getting a needle in my spine. My doctor yesterday reminded me that this wouldn't actually go into my spine and so the needles would in fact be much shorter.

But inserted into my joints. Six of them.

I opted for the valium shot pre-treatment oh hell yes I did.

I had posted to Facebook and twitter about my anxiety beforehand and received a lot of positive feedback there. One girl told me she'd had these done and her back was about 85 percent better than it was. A medical professional FB friend told me, "By tomorrow you'll be dong somersaults and jumping jacks." Another friend said, "I get one every six months for my back. Afterward it's like someone put cushy air around my spine."

I went in and I laid down on a table on my stomach. Then I was all, "Is the table moving?" and the assistant said, "Yes, I'm raising it." And the doctor said, "There are also psychological tests involved." Zing! A doctor with a sense of humor. The needles were inserted one at a time while I vigorously exhaled ("Like you're trying to blow out a thousand candles," the assistant said). I hardly flinched at all with the three on the left. But on my bad side -- the right -- I involuntarily jumped every time. (Not the ideal situation for the one holding the needles.)

Once the needles were in place, they inject a contrast dye, and watch on some sort of MRI/X-ray screen to see if the dye is in the correct location. I guess if it's not, they adjust or reinsert the needle(s). But my doctor was good. She nailed 'em all the first time. (I guess. I mean...valium.)

Then the medication is inserted, the needles are removed and it's all over. (For two weeks. When we lather, rinse, repeat.)

My pre-screening nurse had asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10. (They ask you that A LOT at a pain clinic. See also: "Are you diabetic?" "Are you taking any blood thinners?") I leaned forward slightly at the waist and experienced a sharp lower back pain as well as some weakness -- like if I'd leaned over any further I wouldn't make it back up again. I rated my pain a 7, which is about my regular, everyday, chronic pain. (Keep in mind, 10 is the worst pain I've ever experienced, a.k.a natural childbirth.)

When I got up from the table, the doctor asked me to rate my pain again. And I didn't know what to say. It was like a couldn't even feel my lower back. Not that it was numb. Just that the pain that I've become SO accustomed to over the last 30 years was not there.

Now, this is do to the pain killer that'd been injected. I would later experience some pain at the injection site and of course there are certain precautions I have to take for the next couple of days. But now I'm wishing they could've done my neck at the same time. (They can't.) The only reason I'm not doing somersaults and jumping jacks is because they specifically told me not to for a few days. (See also: laundry, housework. *yes*)

Monday I start three days a week physical therapy, message therapy and chiropractor adjustments. I'll get the spinal injections every two weeks until the lumber series is complete. Then the neck series. Then the shoulder series.

I can't even TELL you how relieved I am to have a treatment plan after all these years. I only wish I'd done it decades ago.

Speaking of Health

2012-05-03T11:13:00.000-05:00

BREAKING: I have a bad back.

My husband says he got damaged goods.

It's chronic. And it's bad.

When I was 10 or 11 years old, doctors diagnosed scoliosis. I have a C-shaped curvature of the spine. If you are looking at my back, my spine is shaped like a forward letter C.

But muscles on the right side of my spine aren't any shorter than the muscles on the left. They're just all crunched up. This causes my right hip to be higher than my left hip. And my right leg to be a full inch shorter than my left leg.

Seriously. This is starting to sound like a full-on disability, no?

As a result, I suffer from chronic pain, stiffness, weakness, muscle spasms, herniated discs and migraines. I've seen doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors - all in times of crisis. I've tried yoga and massages. Mostly I just visit ERs and minor med clinics when the pain gets unbearable. They give me muscle relaxers that do absolutely nothing. The older I get, the more debilitating it becomes, and the more it interferes with daily life.

And these issues simply can not be treated with pharmaceuticals. There is no pill that's going to fix it - or even alleviate it.

Yesterday I went to a chiropractor/physical therapy/pain management clinic. The doctor examined me and took x-rays. Then I went to therapy where I laid on ice packs on a roller table with electrodes attached to my back. (It was awesome.)

Today I met with the doctor to discuss a plan of action. The scoliosis curve has caused the natural curve in my neck to gradually disappear. I also have arthritis in my neck and pre-arthritis in my lower back. Discs in my neck and my lower back have lost a great deal of their thickness. There's nothing we can do to get that back, but we do need to stave off any additional loss.

The pain is in my muscles but the cause of the pain is in my bones. Therapy eases the muscular pain while chiropractic treatment addresses the cause in my bones.

We'll use chiropractic treatment to straighten out my spine (some) and return (some of) the natural curve to my neck. Facet joint injections will help salvage what's left of my discs, while providing some pain relief at the nerve. Therapy - including a take-home electrode brace - will alleviate the chronic pain and allow less disruption to my daily activities.

I feel like, if we can just get my back right (or "right-er" - my back is never going to be "normal," but we can get it closer to normal), I can keep it that way through yoga and gentle exercise. So, onward.

I have food questions.

2012-04-27T08:43:00.000-05:00

We've been eating a lot more healthy food recently. I contribute this to two things, the first being the foreboding sense that we're getting old. Somewhere around the mid-40s your kid goes to college and you need bifocals and your joints start to warn you when it's going to rain. Years of junk food catches up with you very all-of-a-sudden-like. Your weight goes up and along with it your cholesterol levels. And you start taking that shit a little more seriously.

The second thing that has me shopping in the fresh produce section is Shelby. She was so sickly when we first adopted her and once we got her well, I wanted to keep her that way. I started paying a lot of attention to ingredient lists and healthy canine diets. I read an article by a veterinary nutritionist who said it's fine – good, even – to supplement your dog's kibble, but give them fresh meat and fruits and vegetables, not carbs.

We don't feed Shelby anything with corn or corn meal or wheat in it. (FYI, dogs can't digest corn – hell, we can't digest corn – and that's probably what's making your dog fart so much.) For treats she gets cookies that are made with oats and honey and fruit. But more and more I give her fresh fruit for between-meal snacks. She loves strawberries, bananas, apples and cantaloupe. Blueberries she just bats around and plays with. Sometimes she steals bananas off the kitchen counter and eats them. Oh don't worry, she peels them first. I always find the peel somewhere on the living room floor.

So I am now shopping for fresh produce every couple of days, to ensure that we eat it before it goes bad. I don't buy a lot at a time. I try to buy a couple different fruits and vegetables each time I go, so that we get a good variety. I took nutrition in college so I'm pretty familiar with the basics but still I'm unsure if we're getting the maximum benefit from the way we're eating our fresh fruits and vegetables.

Here's what I mean. Today I bought a bunch of fresh spinach. For lunch I made spinach and artichoke grill cheese sandwiches. That used up maybe a third of the bunch. So for dinner I made a spinach salad to go with our fish. I probably have enough spinach left to make a couple more sandwiches again. I guess I'll make those this weekend, because I want to use it up before it goes bad. But I wonder if my body is all, "Yeah, okay...got all I'm gonna get from the spinach now. What else you got?"

Some things I can freeze and eat later, but that defeats the purpose of a lot of fresh food like produce or fish.

Help me out. How do you buy fresh produce? More importantly, how do you eat fresh produce? Also, is avocado a fruit or a vegetable? And how do you think Shelby learned to peel a banana?

Monday

2012-04-11T08:35:00.000-05:00

Monday was our last day in New Orleans. It was the day of the NCAA National Championship game: Kansas vs. Kentucky.

I told my nephew Ethan, a Jayhawk fan, that if Kansas could deny Cal a national championship once more, I would let the 2008 championship be a bygone, and I'd call myself forever a fan.

A couple hours before tip off, just as the massive crowds were beginning to make their way to the Dome, it started raining. Clearly, God hates Kentucky, too.

We were able to catch a cab at our hotel, but they can only get you so close to the Dome. We still had to walk several blocks in the downpour, plus climb the ramp to the entrance. We were all pretty well soaked by the time we got in. We didn't mind nearly so much as the big-haired Kentucky fans.

[Wet] Frat boys at the Final Four.

Girl, water can't hurt these curls.

So Rock Chalk, Jayhawks.

But sadly, the Dome was probably 75 percent Kentucky fans. (Ugh.)

The Fray sang the National Anthem, which didn't seem to bother the Superdome crowd, but all of Twitter sure was upset by it. (Whatev.)

And then it was tip off

and 40 minutes of really painful and depressing basketball. (Sigh.)

In the end, Cal got his national championship

Oh, Kentucky. Don't you know the higher you climb, the further the fall?

Rumor has it Cal is up for an assistant position with the Knicks. That can only mean one thing, really: Recruiting violations are about to hit Kentucky. Don't use permanent ink on that banner, y'all.

Sunday

2012-04-10T08:55:00.000-05:00

Sunday there were no games, so we mostly just slept late, ate a lot and walked around a lot. We started out the day getting coffee at Royal Blend. It's one of my favorite spots, because it's quiet, there are a lot of locals there, there's internet access, and...well...coffee.

This is their cat. I do not know his name.

I call him Lazy Cat, because most of the time he looks like this:

Daddy decided to ditch the baseball cap (the Ohio State was no longer working for him) and get a real hat. The sales guy said, "Where are you from?" and we said, "Memphis, so we need something bluesy, something kinda gritty, with some Southern charm."

Bluesy it is.

He also got this summer one.

We went to the World War II museum, which we hadn't visited since the year it opened.

He wants YOU.

What Tom Hanks has done with that place is beyond extraordinary. If you go to New Orleans, you MUST visit it. And make sure you see the movie -- err, I mean the 4D experience -- "Beyond all Boundaries." It'll knock your socks off.

Elijah in a German bomb shelter

Later, the boys watched some street performers on Decatur

Can you find them? They're in the middle of the crowd in blue shirts.

And Daddy & I took a carriage ride, because he's never done it before. We rode through the Faubourg Marginy neighborhood, which is pretty funky.

I don't even know.

Then we rode down Esplanade
(which always makes me think of this:)

anyway...

After our carriage ride, I finally got me some boiled crawfish. Awww yeah.

Get in mah belly!!

Next Installment: Monday, The Finals.

Saturday

2012-04-09T08:28:00.002-05:00

Basketball didn't start until late Saturday afternoon, so we had most of the day to gambol about town. Chip & I went to Magazine Street to shop and walk around.

Later, we cut down a side street over to St. Charles, to catch the streetcar back to the Quarter.

You totally want to move here now, don't you? I know I do.

Back in the Quarter, Daddy got him some seegars,

Big Daddy on Bourbon

I got a FREE PAYTON t-shirt and a Who Dat collar for Shelby,

and we ate oysters.

Courtyard of the Royal Sonesta Hotel

I tried to get boiled crawfish, but everywhere we'd go, I'd ask if they had 'em and the waitress would say, "We out" and I was all WHO KEEPS GETTING HERE BEFORE ME AND EATING ALL THE CRAWFISH?? Damn, New Orleans.

That evening, we made our way over to the Superdome for the semi-finals.

But it was mostly a disaster because Kentucky won and Ohio State lost. We were pulling for the Buckeyes to win it all, since they were the only team in the Final Four that we didn't have a personal, Memphis Tigers vendetta against.

After the games, we walked back to our hotel, because that's just what you do when you leave the Superdome: You start walking down Poydras. With 75,000 of your closest friends.

I think the boys probably went out on Bourbon Street after that, but we went back to the hotel and went to bed. We participate in a very different New Orleans than the college boys do. For one thing, ours is during daylight hours.

Next Up: Sunday, the Day of Rest.

Friday in New Orleans

2012-04-08T13:18:00.000-05:00

We caught The City of New Orleans in Memphis at 6 a.m.

Chip, Elijah & his friend Wade

If you're not familiar with The City of New Orleans, you should be. It's a classic.

My sweet husband got us a sleeper. It is my new favorite way to travel.

Even in coach, the train has MUCH more room. The seats pretty much lay all the way back, and there's tons of leg room. Why aren't there more trains in this country? In the sleeper, our seats lay down into a full bed. And there's a second bunk up top. And dark curtains. And your own bathroom. Yeah, it's pretty much perfect.

When you start seeing this landscape out the train window, you know you've made it to Louisiana.

And you will start to crave boiled crawfish.

We checked in to our hotel in the Warehouse District, and headed down to Woldenberg Park, on the Mississippi River, for the (free!) Big Dance Concert Series. Cowboy Mouth is a New Orleans band and one of my favorites, tho I'd never seen them live before. And what a fun show they put on!! Seriously, if they come to your town, you should most definitely go see them.

After Cowboy Mouth, it started raining. And the crowd got a lot bigger. And a lot drunker. (And a lot older.) We waited over an hour in the rain while the roadies changed sets. Then finally, KISS took the stage.

It was fun because it was so ridiculous. I mean, Paul and Gene are in their SIXTIES. You can see their double chins below their makeup line!! The crowd was full of guys in their 50s singing every word to every obscure song. And there were all these explosions, and fire breathing, and fireworks. The whole thing looked like...a Dr. Pepper commercial.

They call him "Dr. Love."

I wish I could've gotten a picture of the 7-year-old on her daddy's shoulders singing, "Shout it! Shout it! Shout it out loud!"

This man has had TWO hip replacements.

About halfway through their set, we decided to try to get out of the rain before the crowd of 15,000 hit the Quarter. We were a mess. We'd been standing for over five hours, the last half in the rain. My back was completely crippled. So we didn't go back Saturday or Sunday. Not for The Black Keys or for Jimmy Buffet. And I understand Sean Payton appeared onstage with him and played the bongos.

We did go to Cafe du Monde and have beignets and cafe au lait though.

Next installment: Saturday.

Demand Cures. Today.

2012-03-29T10:18:00.000-05:00

When I worked in the Communications department for St. Jude, I often dealt with media questions about our work. Why should my town support a hospital in Memphis? Doesn't St. Jude participate in animal testing? I was proud to defend the hospital's work (yes, even the animal testing) because what St. Jude does is different - they are searching for cures. Not setting broken bones. Not granting wishes. Searching for cures. Trying to save lives from the deadly clutches of cancer.

It is a noble cause. When Danny Thomas founded St. Jude 50 years ago, his only intention was to open an integrated hospital where no child would be turned away because his family couldn't afford to pay. But then a doctor said to him, "If you really want to help kids, put your money in research." Don't just treat kids. Find out what's making them sick.

So you'll have to excuse me if I don't support organizations that spend millions increasing awareness. Thanks, but we are all aware of cancer by now.

Because that's the thing about cancer, isn't it? All of our lives have been touched by it in some way or another. All of us know survivors, or worse -- victims.

But even the focus on research has had its downfall in the fight against this deadly disease. Because so much of the basic science research has focused on the cause and too little of it is working on the cure. Forty years after President Nixon declared a "War on Cancer," 1,500 people are still dying from it every day.

It seems like we should be further along in this fight.

It seems like we should have more cures. Or at least better treatments. Because let's face it: Cancer treatment is pretty barbaric. Still. Science has given us genome sequencing and bioinformatics and predictor therapies and still we basically treat cancer by poisoning the patient and hoping the healthy cells are the only ones that come back.

Much of cancer research seems to focus on curing cancer in mice. And most of these treatments are 10 to 15 years away from actually helping human patients. The process isn't working. My sister-in-law's diagnosis of multiple myeloma was a death sentence for her within a year. Several years later, Geraldine Ferraro lived 13 years with the same diagnosis. I guess Ellen just got sick at the wrong time in the research cycle.

When I was at the Southern Women's Show a couple of weeks ago, I had the privilege to meet Lynette Bisconti, president of The Gateway for Cancer Research, who is looking to change how cancer research is funded and conducted. Gateway has been fighting the war on cancer for almost 20 years. In that time, they've funded more than 70 studies and raised $20 million for research that focuses on helping patients NOW.

Lynette Bisconti, Cancer Survivor

Gateway provides grants to "innovative and unique clinical trials that have the potential to immediately impact the lives of cancer patients in a positive way."

And because Cancer Treatment Centers of America underwrite Gateway's administrative costs, 99 cents of every dollar they receive goes to finding cures.

If your life has been touched by cancer and you want to do something that will make a difference - something above and beyond buying products with a pink label - consider supporting the work of Gateway. Volunteer. Donate. Share your story. Demand Cures. Today.

I Stood with Planned Parenthood

2012-03-16T08:12:00.001-05:00

Many of you know my story. You know I spent the early years of my adult life on public assistance. That if it had not been for Pell Grants, food stamps and Planned Parenthood, I never would have finished college, had a professional career, or saved the money to send my son to college, thus ensuring the circle of poverty would not be perpetuated.

Nor would I have paid the decades of income taxes that my federal government has enjoyed from me. Or the sales and property taxes that my state has enjoyed from me.

"Okay," you might say. "Grants? Food stamps? I get how that might have given you a boost and gotten you through college. But Planned Parenthood? Come on."

Oh yes. Maybe even more than the others. Because Planned Parenthood not only took care of my health needs, but it allowed me to plan my family. To decide when I was physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually ready to have children.

These are the vital services that Planned Parenthood provides for uninsured and poor women in this country.

We can not teach our daughters to respect themselves and their bodies and to love themselves as the beautiful, strong women that they are, and then turn around and say, "Oh, but someone else is going to make decisions about your body for you."

We can not say that we stand for smaller government and less government intervention in our lives and then allow the government to make our medical and familial decisions for us.

We can not deny the poor and uninsured access to medical care because we disagree with a legal medical procedure that is also provided if needed.

One need not support the right to abortion in order to support the work of Planned Parenthood. In fact, if you want to reduce the number of abortions - and we all do - then we must provide women with two things: 1) EDUCATION and 2) BIRTH CONTROL.

This is why I traveled to my state capitol this week to meet with my legislators and share with them my Planned Parenthood story.

I live in the suburbs, where there are lots of churches, lots of Christians, lots of conservatives, lots of Republicans. Which means my representation in Nashville is all endorsed by Tennessee Right to Life. I had a great meeting with my state representative - a moderate Republican. My state senator refused a meeting.

There is currently (among other inanity, like the "Don't Say Gay" bill), a resolution that will remove coverage of emergency contraception (not an abortion pill, people) for Title X and TennCare patients - those who can LEAST AFFORD it. There is also a bill (HB 3808) that will restrict which doctors can perform abortions in Tennessee, and will publicize doctors' names, addresses and LOTS of personal information about the patient.

Whether you live in Tennessee or somewhere else, it is important that you stay abreast of what your state legislature is doing. And WRITE your representatives. They are mostly quite open to listening to their constituents. And if they're not - vote them out! They are there representing YOU.

Send your legislators a message!

Thank you @PPGMR for organizing the trip and for allowing me to be a part of it.

We Stand with Planned Parenthood!

Sweet on Raisins

2012-03-15T08:38:00.002-05:00

When you go to a blog conference, you end up dropping your card in a lot of fishbowls. You don't always even know what you're entering when you do so. You visit a sponsor suite, listen to their pitch, drop a card. Maybe you'll win something. Maybe they'll email you and you'll form a great corporate partnership. Maybe nothing will ever become of it.

So when I was contacted by the California Raisins (a Blissdom sponsor) that I had won the little cookie-baking oven that they'd been using in their suite, I was kind of excited. I love to bake! I love to bake cookies! I wasn't too sure how practical a little cookie-baking oven was going to be in my already-crowded kitchen. But whatevs. We'd figure out whether or not to keep it once I got it.

I got it yesterday.

And I am super-duper excited about it.

Because this is going to be waaay more than a little cookie-baking oven for me. See, since we've become emptynesters, I've been learning how to cook for two. I recently bought a couple of 8x8 baking pans and I've been cutting recipes in half. And this convection oven? Is going to be PERFECT for cooking our new, smaller dinners.

I can only imagine how much money it will save over my big, full oven.

In addition to this fantastic oven, the California Raisins also sent me this fabulous mixing bowls. How great are they?? (And how funny is it that I keep saying the California Raisins sent me this stuff? Like the big purple, dancing guys went to UPS to ship me an oven.)

The only downside, that I feel obligated to share with you: I learned in the California Raisins suite at Blissdom that my beloved dried cranberries are less nutritious, more expensive and more processed than the naturally sweet California Raisin. Guess it's raisins for me from now on!

What Women Need

2012-03-14T15:43:00.001-05:00

I can't believe I have lived in Memphis for 26 and I'd never been to a Southern Women's Show.

I attended this year, thanks to an invitation from The Balancing Act Road Tour. And it was like Mommy Disneyland up in there.

First of all, the show is HUGE. They had a great location here in Memphis, but I may be a little biased because it was so close to my house. They had food and clothing and accessories of all kinds and I even got my teeth professionally whitened there. But the experience was made even better by the one-on-one attention we received from The Balancing Act and their show sponsors. So hats off to them for recognizing the power of bloggers in the women's community. Brava, ladies.

I met the founders and CEOs of a couple of organizations that I was very impressed with - and will be posting full posts about in the future - but right now I just want to concentrate on this one item I received from a show sponsor. It's probably not a product that's earth-shattering to you fitness types. But I was super excited to find it in my gift bag.

First, a little back story: While not an outdoorsy person, I have been spending many (many) hours a week at the dog park with Shelby. I don't know what dog parks are like where you live, but here in Memphis we boast the largest urban park in America. And they've sectioned off a corner of it as an off-leash dog park - more than 100 acres of fields, hills, lakes, woods, and trails where your furry children can run wild as nature intended. (And also, roll around in horse poop.) It's awesome. Shelby gets out there and just loses her head for two straight hours. Then she sleeps the rest of the day.

Anyway, we take her out there and I bring my car key & my phone - my key is on a lanyard that I hang around my neck but my phone I sometimes just carry in my hand if I don't have a pocket. And Chip is forever harassing me because I don't take my driver's license. I keep telling him that it's no big deal - it's like a 5 minute drive to the park and anyway, I know my license number and if I did get pulled over the cop could look me up and see that I HAVE a valid license.

But now! I have what might be the greatest invention ever: The Arm Pocket. It holds my phone, driver's license, Starbucks card, some cash, my car key...whatever I need. And then it straps to my upper arm completely out of the way. Chip said, "It's like a fanny pack, but even more convenient."

I used it today for the first time and was so grateful to have it. I almost wanted to speed just to see if I could get pulled over.

If you are a blogger interested in getting involved with The Balancing Act - see if the Road Tour is coming to a city near you, and follow #BART2012 on twitter.

Texas Mars Forever.

2012-03-10T13:10:00.001-06:00

When I was in ninth grade, I went to the movies with a group of friends from church. My BFF Kelly talked us into seeing this totally cheesy sci-fi action movie. I'd seen the commercials for it on TV and I had no intention of ever seeing it. Frankly, it looked weird and kind of gross.

Keep in mind the year was 1980. Before superhero films were all the rage. Way before they had fancy (read: convincing) special effects.

But Kelly was a lot cooler than me when we were 14. So when she insisted we see Flash Gordon, I had no choice but to fake an equivalent coolness and go along with it.

You may not be familiar with this film, even if you're my age. It was hardly a blockbuster. But it did become a bit of a cult film. Well, for me anyway.

Actual poster hanging in my house.

Here's the plot: A hot American football star accidentally gets transported to a foreign planet, where an evil genius is taking control of all the inhabitants - those who resemble humans, and those that are weird alien creatures. Not only that, but the evil genius has his eyes on Earth next. And he's going to force the beautiful native princess into a marriage with him. So the earthling has no choice but to lead a rebellion against him. It's the only way to save earth. Along the way, he encounters all sorts of setbacks and challenges, but his hair looks really good the whole time. As do his bare biceps.

I mean, how do you not like a movie like that? Cheesy? Yes. Completely unbelievable? Yes. Hot hero with rippling muscles? You betcha.

I watch it every time it comes on cable.

While we're talking films, let me just state this disclaimer: I'm probably going to go see any movie that Tim Riggins is in. Wolverine? Sure, why not. (He plays a cajun.) Battleship*? I had that game as a kid. John Carter? Wait...what's that about again?

A hot American ~~football star~~ Civil War veteran accidentally gets transported to a foreign planet, where an evil genius is taking control of all the inhabitants - those who resemble humans, and those that are weird alien creatures. Not only that, but the evil genius has his eyes on Earth next. And he's going to force the beautiful native princess into a marriage with him. So the earthling has no choice but to lead a rebellion against him. It's the only way to save ~~earth~~ the princess. Along the way, he encounters all sorts of setbacks and challenges, but his hair looks really good the whole time. As do his bare biceps.

I mean, COME ON. OF COURSE I'm going to be talking about it for two months.

Cheesy? Sure. Completely unbelievable? Who cares. Hot hero with rippling muscles? Oh hell yeah.

From Roger Ebert's review:

Luckily for Carter, [Mars] has an atmosphere that he can breathe and surface temperatures allowing him to without a shirt.

And lucky for us, Roger. Very, very lucky us.

* You guys!! I saw the theater trailer for Battleship last night. AND LANDRY'S IN IT TOOOO!!!

Channeling Ouisa

2012-03-07T10:09:00.002-06:00

My ego tells me I don't have to reach out if I'm the one who was wronged.

My ego tells me I don't have to be nice to someone when I'm pointing out that they're not doing their job.

My ego tells me that's what high horses are for - to sit up on when you're in the right.

My ego gets me in a lot of trouble.

There's a fine line between standing up for yourself and letting your ego run the show. I'm not always adept at discerning that line.

I understand that reaching out is the "bigger" thing to do. I don't understand why I have to be that person.

I felt like my friend threw a fit that no one really understood, then took her ball and went home, and the rest of the playgroup wanted me to go get our ball back. "Go work it out. Find out what she's upset about. You're the one she's mad at. Go tell her your sorry."

Me? I'd rather find a new game. I'm just that stubborn.

I don't understand why the one with the complaint - the one who started it all, the one who's got a problem - shouldn't be the one to reach out. Just like, when I got in trouble for the rude email, I couldn't understand why the person not doing their job wasn't the one in the boss's office.

It seems so clear to me.

Someone warned me that standing on principle can be a very lonely place.

So I made the call.

And her "fit" was really just a case of someone practicing self-care. "I'm not enjoying this anymore, so I'm no longer going to participate." Her complaint was based on nothing more than a misunderstanding.

A common peril of electronic communication.

Mrs. Metaphor recently wrote a terrific blog post about the power of our voices in social media, and the importance of how we use that:

Ordinary people who have discovered the power of their voice and have found a way to express that voice can be a force for change. This is important.

There’s something else though. We have a responsibility here. We have a voice and we have a means to get it out there. How WE behave in the wake of events such as this has the ability to define us, for better or for worse...

Finding the sweet spot of having integrity while speaking our minds is a skill that many of us have yet to master. We have to at least be trying to master it.

I want my voice to be a force for change. I am that person at my core. But I am also a person of integrity. I guess while I search for the fine line between standing up for myself and letting the my ego run the show, I will watch for the sweet spot of having integrity while speaking my mind.

Standing Up For Myself

2012-03-03T12:00:00.001-06:00

I have a group of very close friends from high school that I call my Steel Magnolias. We have a private group on Facebook where we can talk about our kids, our jobs, our frustrations, our accomplishments - things you want to tell your friends but don't necessarily want to tell all of Facebook.

Yesterday, one of the friends (a conservative, Catholic, Republican) posted that she felt beaten down by all the political talk on Facebook and she'd be back when we went back to posting photos of our kids and vacations. Her post was not addressed directly to me, but there were other extenuating factors that I'm not going to go into here that made it clear she was addressing her comment to me.

Her comment and subsequent Facebook friendship loss elicited the following Facebook status post from me:

Social media is a place for socializing and, as such, people are going to discuss the same topics that they might in real life. This year in America, that happens to be politics. Four years ago, it was the Democrats under scrutiny. This year it's the Republican candidates. That's the way of our system.
I speak out about my opinions on the issues. I do not attack people for their opinions, call names or participate in hate speech. I occasionally attack public figures for saying something that I find completely ridiculous or reprehensible. I stand up for myself - and others - when our rights are being attacked. I am all for public discourse. I may not agree with what you say but I stand behind your right to say it. I don't support any opinions that attack others.

That's what you can expect from me.

While I love her dearly, I don't feel the need to apologize to my friend. I have never engaged her in political discussion. I've not posted on her wall or referenced her directly or made political comments on her posts. I don't even talk politics in our private group. (I have a political facebook group where I can do that.) If she could tell me how I've offended her I would certainly apologize for that but I can't see where I've done her wrong.

I also can't see how posting my opinion about an issue causes a person who believes differently to feel "beat down." But I hear that a lot.

People post negative opinions about Obama all the time and I sometimes comment on them with a counter opinion. But I don't ever take their posts personally. I don't feel attacked because you stated a belief that differs from mine. I wish someone could explain that to me.

I know one thing - I'm not going to be silenced. I understand that some people still subscribe to the old adage about not discussing religion or politics in good company, but that's just not me. How can you expect to effect change if you don't voice your opinion about current issues?

I don't feel like I'm "picking" politics over friendships, either. For one thing, I have friends who are very conservative. Some of them (and I can name names) simply accept my liberal posts as part of who I am and skip over them. There are others who actively engage in discussion with me. And we do it with courtesy - based on facts and situations and opinions but never calling names or getting personal. Once, when a conservative friend thought I'd gone too far, she messaged me privately and told me why she thought so. I respected that. I addressed her concerns in my public post. And I apologized if I had in fact overstepped. This is what public debate looks like.

The second reason that I can't feel like I'm choosing politics over friendship goes back to that famous quote from Dr. Seuss:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

I can't live my life trying to please others and I won't silence my voice to make others happy. I feel too strongly about my beliefs.

So far, I am the only one of the Steel Magnolias who has commented on our friend's post. I imagine at least some of them have talked to her directly. Since I'm putting it all out there, I have to say that I'm a little hurt that none of them have felt compelled to support me there. I am truly sorry that she feels attacked on Facebook, but it would have been nice if at least one of them had stood up and said, "Kalisa's not attacked you."

I'm leaving comments open on this post because your opinion is always welcome here, whether it coincides with mine or not. But in keeping with my strongly held opinions about debate - BE NICE. No name-calling. No personal attacks. I will delete you if you act ugly. It's still my blog.

How I Spent my Conference Vacation

2012-02-28T11:12:00.001-06:00

Last weekend I attended the BlissDom Conference in Nashville. It is my favorite blogging conference because it focuses on you, as a person, and not just you, as a blogger.

If you go to a blogging conference with the intention of making professional contacts and forming corporate relationships (or to collect free swag), then attending BlogHer is an excellent choice for you. BlissDom is smaller, more intimate, more personal. The sponsors are few, but they seem to be very carefully selected. They are all a good fit for the BlissDom audience, and offer lovely giveaways, perks and benefits. (I especially love my Simple Human sensor hand soap dispenser. And did I mention that Famous Footwear gave every attendee a free pair of shoes?)

BlissDom separated their sessions into four tracks: Business, Life Development, Photography and Writing. Because my life is at a crossroads right now, I attended several of the Life Development sessions, in hopes of receiving some direction. Some sign. Some epiphany as to what I should do next. And because I work in public relations and social media, I also attended some of the Business sessions.

I learned that I need a Purpose, a Hobby and a Life Plan.

My work is cut out for me, yo.

(Here comes the mandatory linky paragraph)

I finally got to meet some of my online friends face-to-face, including Mrs. Metaphor, Laurie Writes, All Things Fadra and Erin Margolin. And I met tons of new people -- I'm loathe to name names because I'm bound to leave out several people -- but there was Domestic Chicky, Shannon Entin, The Stiletto Mom, Blueprint for Style (who was an excellent Community Leader - she really made me dig deep and reflect), Wendy Goldman Scherer (who has some wonderful insights into social media), and Creative Kristi (who I'm going to work with on a blog re-design!).

I got to see Deb Rox and Domestic Extraordinaire and Moosh in Indy and Velveteen Mind.

And I got to spend precious time with my online bestie, Carmen, Conference Roommate Extraordinaire.

The other thing BlissDom offers is amazing entertainment. (Last year was Michelle Branch, and before that? The year I had to miss? MY BOYFRIEND HARRY!) The perks of being in Nashvegas. This year we got Joe Jonas. He's one of the Jonas Brothers. The cute one, apparently.

And Rascal Flatts. Who I think is a very popular country band. They sang a song from a Pixar movie. That a lot of people like to dance to. (Tom Cochrane sang it first.)

And then there's BlissDom favorite Chris Mann, who has been coming to every year since year two. And was recently selected for Team Aguilera on The Voice.

They changed the format of the conference sessions this year. Instead of panels of bloggers, they had professionals speak, followed by workshop time led by Community Leaders. I really, really liked this format a lot. Panels often turn into a discussion among the panelists, oblivious to those of us in the audience. It's nice, when you pay for a conference, to receive high-level instruction and guidance from experts in their field. Hats off especially to Stephanie Smirnov (Like the Vodka) and Michael Hyatt, who blew me away with their sessions.

The one disappointment was the closing session. I realize they can't all be Unmarketing, but it felt like they really phoned it in this year. The speakers were from Babble, one of the title sponsors. Now, it's no secret that I am not a fan of Babble. When it comes to amplification of A-listers and an unlimited number of linkbait lists, Babble is right up there with the best of them. But my personal feelings aside, I can't get on board with offering prime conference time to a sponsor. It felt like one big commercial for Babble.

The final speaker, a Babble blogger, spoke specifically about the importance of mom bloggers telling their story. Needless to say, not everyone in the room was a mom blogger -- or even a mom -- so the relevance of her talk was questionable, at best. Also, she was not a very impassioned speaker and I found her presentation quite dull and uninspiring. I hope they'll do better next year.

I started attending BlissDom its second year. When it was still held in a little boutique hotel. I've only missed one year since -- when my boss refused to let me off work -- but I refuse to ever miss again. BlissDom invigorates me. It inspires me. It feeds me with so much to consider. BlissDom is friends. Compatriots. We come from the same place. We seek different destinations. Different routes. But we travel together. And I'm so grateful to have them with me as we trudge this road.

Oscar Madness

2012-02-27T14:41:00.000-06:00

The thing about the Oscars is, I'm always entertained, even if the show sucks. I guess that's the difference between people who like awards shows and people who don't.

But no awards show really feels complete unless someone brings the crazy. I certainly didn't expect it to be Angelina Jolie. I thought she left all that behind with the vial of blood and incestuous kissing. But now, we've got Angie's Right Leg.

Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Would you LOOK at how far apart her feet are? Who stands like that?? On the Red Carpet?!! I have absolutely no explanation for this. But now that we've gotten that out of the way, I feel like I can move on and discuss true Oscar fashion.

Jessica Chastain in Alexander McQueen

Brava, JC! You have had more misses than hits on the red carpets this season, but this dress is Oscar-worthy and it looks fantastic on you.

Kristen Wiig in J. Mendel

Oh, Kristen. WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF COLOR?

Glenn Close in Zac Posen

Glenn Close always picks great colors, and I don't even hate the tuxedo jacket with this. What I do hate is all that crap on the back of the skirt. She would look a hundred times better without all that.

Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji

I think this is the exact same thing I said about her at the Globes, and if it is, I apologize for repeating myself. But this lady either has an ace stylist or she just really knows how to dress her body. Because she just looks fantabulous every single time. She could use some lipstick.

Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad

It was TOTALLY a nipple.

Stacy Keibler in Marchesa

All season, Stacy Keibler has dressed like a George Clooney accessory. Which is perfectly fine and acceptable because that's exactly the role she played. But she pulled out all the stops for the Oscars. Hello! I'm here! It's like the perfect Oscar dress. She even pulls off the rose-hip. It takes a very specific body to wear this dress and by that I mean "Stacy Keibler's body."

Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton

Everyone went nuts for this and a lot of people have already selected it for their Best Dressed but I just can't get on board. And I'm a person who LIKES peplum skirts. (I know that puts me in a minority.) I can only assume this looked a lot better in person that it photographs. I would probably like it better if the fabric were smooth and not...ruffled? Gathered? Pin-tucked? I have no idea. As always, the hair and makeup is adorable and impeccable.

Sandra Bullock in Marchesa

I wanted to like this. I did. But I can't. It was actually really pretty from the back, but the bodice is too...sloppy. And that looks like fingers on her stomach. Like someone is hugging her from behind. And Sandy? Your face is FINE. Leave it alone. Do not inject ANYTHING INTO IT AGAIN.

Shailene Woodley in Valentino

Temple dress. You Mormons know what I mean.

Viola Davis in Vera Wang

I don't love the bottom of this skirt, but I do love the color and the natural hair so much that I'm giving her a pass on the skirt. She scores a perfect 10 from the hips up.

Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera

I love that Tina went 100 percent sophisticated and classy. I hate that she went with a black or dark navy AGAIN. She's a comedienne. Why won't she show a little whimsy? I'm not buying her as dark and serious.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Tom Ford

Before I actually saw Gwynnie last night, twitter became a-flutter with "A CAPE! SHE'S WEARING A CAPE!" and I thought that meant that GP brought the crazy. But I don't think this is crazy at all. It's daring. It's dramatic. But without being crazy. Which is pretty cool. LOVE the cuff bracelet. Not sure what's going on with the hair. I kind of see what she was going for, but it doesn't photograph well at all.

Penelope Cruz in Armani Prive

There is a faction who believes Penelope hits it out of the park every single time. I've not always been a fan. That pink feathered thing? I thought it looked like a bath mat. But I am IN LOVE with this dress on her. I don't think there is a better color for her. It is just gorgeous. She is my first-runner-up for Best Dressed. Hate the Mamie Eisenhower hair.

Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli

My pick for Best Dressed is Emma Stone. When Nicole Kidman wore that dress with a big neck bow a couple years ago, it somehow looked like it was holding her head on. Like it would spin around like that She-Devil movie if you untied it. But I'm not seeing that here. This totally works for me, right down to proving that redheads can wear red. (No one ever tells brunettes they can't wear brown.) Part of it has to be that her hair and makeup are so, so gorgeous:

So well-played, Miss Stone. Keep up the good work. You look fantastic in Lindsay Lohan's old career!

Bon Temps

2012-02-21T07:31:00.002-06:00

When I planned my third annual trip to Mardi Gras with my brother and his kids (now ages 14 and 12), I was so disappointed to learn that my husband wouldn't be able to go because of a work commitment. Then about three days before we were scheduled to leave, Elijah texted me and asked if he could go.

I have been trying to get my son to go to Mardi Gras with me for years. YEARS. Of course, now he's 18 and in college and he could get in a car and drive to Mardi Gras any time he wants, so I was pretty psyched that he decided to join our trip. I told him he could bring a friend.

Mardi Gras virgins

Sam has lived his whole life in Memphis and had never been to New Orleans. And he's Jewish, so he was all, "What is Mardi Gras, anyway?" I explained about Lent and Ash Wednesday and Fat Tuesday and debauchery.

We took two cars and drove down Saturday. It rained almost the whole way. We were going to drive to New Orleans for Endymion but it was so cold and rainy. Even if the parade did roll, I didn't particularly want to be standing out in it. So we went ahead on to Biloxi, where we were staying. We met up with some of my Steel Magnolias -- with Tammy for dinner (I had gumbo and an oyster poboy.) and then with Debbie and her family for King Cake! We might not have had a parade, but we were at least getting a taste of New Orleans!

Sunday the weather cleared and we all headed to NOLA. We got some muffulettas and bloody marys and chicory coffees and pecan pie. The college boys headed out on their own. E gave us his car keys and that was the last we saw of them until after Bacchus.

We wandered around the Quarter, avoiding Bourbon Street. That's a little too much entertainment for the kids. On Royal, we saw musicians:

a steam-punk butterfly hunter:

both sinners and savers:

God hates hypocrites who carry signs.

We got spirit-finger gloves and face-painting:

And then we headed over to the parade route, where Thoth was rolling. (Pronounced "toe-th.")

Joe, Natalie and Debbie. "Throw me something, mister!"

Back over on Bourbon Street, an old friend of mine saw Elijah and introduced himself. "Are you Elijah? I recognize you from your mom's facebook photos." Elijah was suitably freaked out. Score one for the old people.

Before Bacchus rolled, we waited 10 minutes to use the bathroom in the Roosevelt Hotel Bar, but it was locked. We knocked, but no one answered. We waited and waited. Finally the door opened and a girl AND a guy busted out. Then he paid her. I guess that's one way to fund your Mardi Gras vacation.

The theme of Bacchus this year was the Louisiana Bicentennial.

Will Jazz-hands for beads

Will Farrell was the King of Bacchus this year. He looked surprisingly out of his element. And he looked like his arms were really tired of throwing.

There were floats honoring Louisiana music, Louisiana cuisine and Louisiana agriculture. I'm not sure what the Louisiana Religion float was throwing, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't birth control pills.

(This time next year, no one will remember why that joke was funny.)

My brother Steve and his son Jake, with Debbie

NOLA ex-pats Joe, Natalie and Debbie

The last float was Bacchagator. He's four trucks long. And he is Chip's favorite.

After the parade, we made our way back to the car, where we met back Elijah & Sam. The first thing out of their mouths was, "WE WANT TO MOVE HERE." I'm so glad they love my New Orleans.

They were wearing some beads, but not very many. "Is that all the beads you caught?" I asked. Usually you get so much loot you need grocery sacks to carry it all home.

"We had more but we...traded," Elijah said.

Oh, I bet.

Les bon temps, ils roulaient.

How I Wear My Jeans

2012-02-20T07:37:00.002-06:00

This series is brought to you by Levi’s® Curve ID. Find your custom fit at Levi’s® stores or Levi.com

*****

The best thing that ever happened to jeans was when designers turned them into dress clothes a couple years ago. Up until then, jeans had been casual. They were about comfort. Dressing down. Sure we had "designer jeans" in the 80s but we never would have worn heels with them.

Jeans today are a lot more versatile. A pair of dressy, dark-wash jeans and heels are acceptable almost anywhere a cocktail dress is. I don't even own a pair of comfortable, casual jeans. All my jeans are dress jeans, hemmed to wear with heels.

Call me old-school, but my favorite way to wear my jeans are with a fitted, black turtleneck sweater and high-heeled boots. Tucking jeans into knee-high boots is definitely on-trend right now, but I prefer to wear my jeans untucked. For one thing, tucking them in tends to cut you off visually, and I'm too short for that. But mostly I just like the rocker chic look of high-heeled black boots sticking out of my pants leg.

I tend to be a minimalist when it comes to jewelry. This outfit would look great with a couple of long necklaces, but I prefer the man's watch, hoop earrings and aviator sunglasses. Pop of color in my handbag.

Where do I wear this outfit? ANYWHERE. Work. Shopping. Date night. The movies. Cocktail hour. Networking event. Its versatility is its genius. More importantly, I feel confident in this outfit. You can't wear this ensemble and not feel like a bad-ass. And that's the key for a great outfit.

How do you wear your jeans?

I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.

Finding Conference Bliss

2012-02-17T07:46:00.002-06:00

People get nervous before blogging conferences. They get nervous that they won't know anyone. That no one will talk to them. That they'll wear the wrong clothes. That they'll trip in the aisle and tumble ass over teakettle and everyone will see their panties. Who knows what anxieties haunt the minds of bloggers?

Some bloggers seem to road trip endlessly from one conference to another. These attendees have a conference clique that they hook up with everywhere they go. They aren't really looking to meet other bloggers and make new friends, although most of them will be very nice to you should you approach them.

The conference newbies are usually well taken care of. Blissdom in particular has events and programs specifically for the newbies to get to know people. Maybe a newbie's attending her first conference on the urging of a friend, and she'll stick to her like glue. Conference masters are always kind and helpful and supportive of conference virgins.

Then there are people like me.

I've been to a few conferences. Enough to be confident that I'll find my place. Enough to know by name & face a good handful of people. I have a good friend I'm attending with, so I know I'll never have to be alone.

But here's my challenge: In the last year, I've started following (& talking to) a lot of people on twitter that I do not yet know, but I'd like to meet in person. I'd like to see their face and learn their real name and maybe begin to forge a friendship. I have no idea how many - if any - of them are going to Blissdom. They could be there and I would never know it.

My Blissdom anxiety is that it'll be my chance to meet people, and I'll miss them.

I learned an important lesson when I went to BlogHer: You never know who people are.

Example 1: I saw a blogger that I recognized and wanted to meet talking to some other bloggers, so I stopped and said, "Linda? I'm Kalisa." And one of the girls she was talking to said, "Kalisa! Hey! I'm Jonna!" And I felt like an ass for not introducing myself to the whole group. For assuming Linda was the only one I wanted to meet.
Example 2: At the closing night party I was dancing with Ellie and another girl I didn't know. I would've introduced myself but the music was so loud and...oh you know...I just didn't. Once home, I lamented that there was one person I had wanted to meet but hadn't. Yeah, you know how this story ends, don't you?

So my Very Important Lesson from BlogHer is MEET EVERYONE. You never know who they might be. (By which I mean: "They may be someone you were hoping to meet" and not "They may be a popular, well-connected, big name.")

Is Blissdom still small enough that you can meet everyone?

We shall see.