I'll be the one in heels

Standing Up For Myself

2012-03-03T12:00:00.000-06:00

I have a group of very close friends from high school that I call my Steel Magnolias. We have a private group on Facebook where we can talk about our kids, our jobs, our frustrations, our accomplishments - things you want to tell your friends but don't necessarily want to tell all of Facebook.

Yesterday, one of the friends (a conservative, Catholic, Republican) posted that she felt beaten down by all the political talk on Facebook and she'd be back when we went back to posting photos of our kids and vacations. Her post was not addressed directly to me, but there were other extenuating factors that I'm not going to go into here that made it clear she was addressing her comment to me.

Her comment and subsequent Facebook friendship loss elicited the following Facebook status post from me:

Social media is a place for socializing and, as such, people are going to discuss the same topics that they might in real life. This year in America, that happens to be politics. Four years ago, it was the Democrats under scrutiny. This year it's the Republican candidates. That's the way of our system.
I speak out about my opinions on the issues. I do not attack people for their opinions, call names or participate in hate speech. I occasionally attack public figures for saying something that I find completely ridiculous or reprehensible. I stand up for myself - and others - when our rights are being attacked. I am all for public discourse. I may not agree with what you say but I stand behind your right to say it. I don't support any opinions that attack others.

That's what you can expect from me.

While I love her dearly, I don't feel the need to apologize to my friend. I have never engaged her in political discussion. I've not posted on her wall or referenced her directly or made political comments on her posts. I don't even talk politics in our private group. (I have a political facebook group where I can do that.) If she could tell me how I've offended her I would certainly apologize for that but I can't see where I've done her wrong.

I also can't see how posting my opinion about an issue causes a person who believes differently to feel "beat down." But I hear that a lot.

People post negative opinions about Obama all the time and I sometimes comment on them with a counter opinion. But I don't ever take their posts personally. I don't feel attacked because you stated a belief that differs from mine. I wish someone could explain that to me.

I know one thing - I'm not going to be silenced. I understand that some people still subscribe to the old adage about not discussing religion or politics in good company, but that's just not me. How can you expect to effect change if you don't voice your opinion about current issues?

I don't feel like I'm "picking" politics over friendships, either. For one thing, I have friends who are very conservative. Some of them (and I can name names) simply accept my liberal posts as part of who I am and skip over them. There are others who actively engage in discussion with me. And we do it with courtesy - based on facts and situations and opinions but never calling names or getting personal. Once, when a conservative friend thought I'd gone too far, she messaged me privately and told me why she thought so. I respected that. I addressed her concerns in my public post. And I apologized if I had in fact overstepped. This is what public debate looks like.

The second reason that I can't feel like I'm choosing politics over friendship goes back to that famous quote from Dr. Seuss:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

I can't live my life trying to please others and I won't silence my voice to make others happy. I feel too strongly about my beliefs.

So far, I am the only one of the Steel Magnolias who has commented on our friend's post. I imagine at least some of them have talked to her directly. Since I'm putting it all out there, I have to say that I'm a little hurt that none of them have felt compelled to support me there. I am truly sorry that she feels attacked on Facebook, but it would have been nice if at least one of them had stood up and said, "Kalisa's not attacked you."

I'm leaving comments open on this post because your opinion is always welcome here, whether it coincides with mine or not. But in keeping with my strongly held opinions about debate - BE NICE. No name-calling. No personal attacks. I will delete you if you act ugly. It's still my blog.

How I Spent my Conference Vacation

2012-02-28T11:12:00.000-06:00

Last weekend I attended the BlissDom Conference in Nashville. It is my favorite blogging conference because it focuses on you, as a person, and not just you, as a blogger.

If you go to a blogging conference with the intention of making professional contacts and forming corporate relationships (or to collect free swag), then attending BlogHer is an excellent choice for you. BlissDom is smaller, more intimate, more personal. The sponsors are few, but they seem to be very carefully selected. They are all a good fit for the BlissDom audience, and offer lovely giveaways, perks and benefits. (I especially love my Simple Human sensor hand soap dispenser. And did I mention that Famous Footwear gave every attendee a free pair of shoes?)

BlissDom separated their sessions into four tracks: Business, Life Development, Photography and Writing. Because my life is at a crossroads right now, I attended several of the Life Development sessions, in hopes of receiving some direction. Some sign. Some epiphany as to what I should do next. And because I work in public relations and social media, I also attended some of the Business sessions.

I learned that I need a Purpose, a Hobby and a Life Plan.

My work is cut out for me, yo.

(Here comes the mandatory linky paragraph)

I finally got to meet some of my online friends face-to-face, including Mrs. Metaphor, Laurie Writes, All Things Fadra and Erin Margolin. And I met tons of new people -- I'm loathe to name names because I'm bound to leave out several people -- but there was Domestic Chicky, Shannon Entin, The Stiletto Mom, Blueprint for Style (who was an excellent Community Leader - she really made me dig deep and reflect), Wendy Goldman Scherer (who has some wonderful insights into social media), and Creative Kristi (who I'm going to work with on a blog re-design!).

I got to see Deb Rox and Domestic Extraordinaire and Moosh in Indy and Velveteen Mind.

And I got to spend precious time with my online bestie, Carmen, Conference Roommate Extraordinaire.

The other thing BlissDom offers is amazing entertainment. (Last year was Michelle Branch, and before that? The year I had to miss? MY BOYFRIEND HARRY!) The perks of being in Nashvegas. This year we got Joe Jonas. He's one of the Jonas Brothers. The cute one, apparently.

And Rascal Flatts. Who I think is a very popular country band. They sang a song from a Pixar movie. That a lot of people like to dance to. (Tom Cochrane sang it first.)

And then there's BlissDom favorite Chris Mann, who has been coming to every year since year two. And was recently selected for Team Aguilera on The Voice.

They changed the format of the conference sessions this year. Instead of panels of bloggers, they had professionals speak, followed by workshop time led by Community Leaders. I really, really liked this format a lot. Panels often turn into a discussion among the panelists, oblivious to those of us in the audience. It's nice, when you pay for a conference, to receive high-level instruction and guidance from experts in their field. Hats off especially to Stephanie Smirnov (Like the Vodka) and Michael Hyatt, who blew me away with their sessions.

The one disappointment was the closing session. I realize they can't all be Unmarketing, but it felt like they really phoned it in this year. The speakers were from Babble, one of the title sponsors. Now, it's no secret that I am not a fan of Babble. When it comes to amplification of A-listers and an unlimited number of linkbait lists, Babble is right up there with the best of them. But my personal feelings aside, I can't get on board with offering prime conference time to a sponsor. It felt like one big commercial for Babble.

The final speaker, a Babble blogger, spoke specifically about the importance of mom bloggers telling their story. Needless to say, not everyone in the room was a mom blogger -- or even a mom -- so the relevance of her talk was questionable, at best. Also, she was not a very impassioned speaker and I found her presentation quite dull and uninspiring. I hope they'll do better next year.

I started attending BlissDom its second year. When it was still held in a little boutique hotel. I've only missed one year since -- when my boss refused to let me off work -- but I refuse to ever miss again. BlissDom invigorates me. It inspires me. It feeds me with so much to consider. BlissDom is friends. Compatriots. We come from the same place. We seek different destinations. Different routes. But we travel together. And I'm so grateful to have them with me as we trudge this road.

Oscar Madness

2012-02-27T14:41:00.000-06:00

The thing about the Oscars is, I'm always entertained, even if the show sucks. I guess that's the difference between people who like awards shows and people who don't.

But no awards show really feels complete unless someone brings the crazy. I certainly didn't expect it to be Angelina Jolie. I thought she left all that behind with the vial of blood and incestuous kissing. But now, we've got Angie's Right Leg.

Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Would you LOOK at how far apart her feet are? Who stands like that?? On the Red Carpet?!! I have absolutely no explanation for this. But now that we've gotten that out of the way, I feel like I can move on and discuss true Oscar fashion.

Jessica Chastain in Alexander McQueen

Brava, JC! You have had more misses than hits on the red carpets this season, but this dress is Oscar-worthy and it looks fantastic on you.

Kristen Wiig in J. Mendel

Oh, Kristen. WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF COLOR?

Glenn Close in Zac Posen

Glenn Close always picks great colors, and I don't even hate the tuxedo jacket with this. What I do hate is all that crap on the back of the skirt. She would look a hundred times better without all that.

Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji

I think this is the exact same thing I said about her at the Globes, and if it is, I apologize for repeating myself. But this lady either has an ace stylist or she just really knows how to dress her body. Because she just looks fantabulous every single time. She could use some lipstick.

Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad

It was TOTALLY a nipple.

Stacy Keibler in Marchesa

All season, Stacy Keibler has dressed like a George Clooney accessory. Which is perfectly fine and acceptable because that's exactly the role she played. But she pulled out all the stops for the Oscars. Hello! I'm here! It's like the perfect Oscar dress. She even pulls off the rose-hip. It takes a very specific body to wear this dress and by that I mean "Stacy Keibler's body."

Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton

Everyone went nuts for this and a lot of people have already selected it for their Best Dressed but I just can't get on board. And I'm a person who LIKES peplum skirts. (I know that puts me in a minority.) I can only assume this looked a lot better in person that it photographs. I would probably like it better if the fabric were smooth and not...ruffled? Gathered? Pin-tucked? I have no idea. As always, the hair and makeup is adorable and impeccable.

Sandra Bullock in Marchesa

I wanted to like this. I did. But I can't. It was actually really pretty from the back, but the bodice is too...sloppy. And that looks like fingers on her stomach. Like someone is hugging her from behind. And Sandy? Your face is FINE. Leave it alone. Do not inject ANYTHING INTO IT AGAIN.

Shailene Woodley in Valentino

Temple dress. You Mormons know what I mean.

Viola Davis in Vera Wang

I don't love the bottom of this skirt, but I do love the color and the natural hair so much that I'm giving her a pass on the skirt. She scores a perfect 10 from the hips up.

Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera

I love that Tina went 100 percent sophisticated and classy. I hate that she went with a black or dark navy AGAIN. She's a comedienne. Why won't she show a little whimsy? I'm not buying her as dark and serious.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Tom Ford

Before I actually saw Gwynnie last night, twitter became a-flutter with "A CAPE! SHE'S WEARING A CAPE!" and I thought that meant that GP brought the crazy. But I don't think this is crazy at all. It's daring. It's dramatic. But without being crazy. Which is pretty cool. LOVE the cuff bracelet. Not sure what's going on with the hair. I kind of see what she was going for, but it doesn't photograph well at all.

Penelope Cruz in Armani Prive

There is a faction who believes Penelope hits it out of the park every single time. I've not always been a fan. That pink feathered thing? I thought it looked like a bath mat. But I am IN LOVE with this dress on her. I don't think there is a better color for her. It is just gorgeous. She is my first-runner-up for Best Dressed. Hate the Mamie Eisenhower hair.

Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli

My pick for Best Dressed is Emma Stone. When Nicole Kidman wore that dress with a big neck bow a couple years ago, it somehow looked like it was holding her head on. Like it would spin around like that She-Devil movie if you untied it. But I'm not seeing that here. This totally works for me, right down to proving that redheads can wear red. (No one ever tells brunettes they can't wear brown.) Part of it has to be that her hair and makeup are so, so gorgeous:

So well-played, Miss Stone. Keep up the good work. You look fantastic in Lindsay Lohan's old career!

Bon Temps

2012-02-21T07:31:00.002-06:00

When I planned my third annual trip to Mardi Gras with my brother and his kids (now ages 14 and 12), I was so disappointed to learn that my husband wouldn't be able to go because of a work commitment. Then about three days before we were scheduled to leave, Elijah texted me and asked if he could go.

I have been trying to get my son to go to Mardi Gras with me for years. YEARS. Of course, now he's 18 and in college and he could get in a car and drive to Mardi Gras any time he wants, so I was pretty psyched that he decided to join our trip. I told him he could bring a friend.

Mardi Gras virgins

Sam has lived his whole life in Memphis and had never been to New Orleans. And he's Jewish, so he was all, "What is Mardi Gras, anyway?" I explained about Lent and Ash Wednesday and Fat Tuesday and debauchery.

We took two cars and drove down Saturday. It rained almost the whole way. We were going to drive to New Orleans for Endymion but it was so cold and rainy. Even if the parade did roll, I didn't particularly want to be standing out in it. So we went ahead on to Biloxi, where we were staying. We met up with some of my Steel Magnolias -- with Tammy for dinner (I had gumbo and an oyster poboy.) and then with Debbie and her family for King Cake! We might not have had a parade, but we were at least getting a taste of New Orleans!

Sunday the weather cleared and we all headed to NOLA. We got some muffulettas and bloody marys and chicory coffees and pecan pie. The college boys headed out on their own. E gave us his car keys and that was the last we saw of them until after Bacchus.

We wandered around the Quarter, avoiding Bourbon Street. That's a little too much entertainment for the kids. On Royal, we saw musicians:

a steam-punk butterfly hunter:

both sinners and savers:

God hates hypocrites who carry signs.

We got spirit-finger gloves and face-painting:

And then we headed over to the parade route, where Thoth was rolling. (Pronounced "toe-th.")

Joe, Natalie and Debbie. "Throw me something, mister!"

Back over on Bourbon Street, an old friend of mine saw Elijah and introduced himself. "Are you Elijah? I recognize you from your mom's facebook photos." Elijah was suitably freaked out. Score one for the old people.

Before Bacchus rolled, we waited 10 minutes to use the bathroom in the Roosevelt Hotel Bar, but it was locked. We knocked, but no one answered. We waited and waited. Finally the door opened and a girl AND a guy busted out. Then he paid her. I guess that's one way to fund your Mardi Gras vacation.

The theme of Bacchus this year was the Louisiana Bicentennial.

Will Jazz-hands for beads

Will Farrell was the King of Bacchus this year. He looked surprisingly out of his element. And he looked like his arms were really tired of throwing.

There were floats honoring Louisiana music, Louisiana cuisine and Louisiana agriculture. I'm not sure what the Louisiana Religion float was throwing, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't birth control pills.

(This time next year, no one will remember why that joke was funny.)

My brother Steve and his son Jake, with Debbie

NOLA ex-pats Joe, Natalie and Debbie

The last float was Bacchagator. He's four trucks long. And he is Chip's favorite.

After the parade, we made our way back to the car, where we met back Elijah & Sam. The first thing out of their mouths was, "WE WANT TO MOVE HERE." I'm so glad they love my New Orleans.

They were wearing some beads, but not very many. "Is that all the beads you caught?" I asked. Usually you get so much loot you need grocery sacks to carry it all home.

"We had more but we...traded," Elijah said.

Oh, I bet.

Les bon temps, ils roulaient.

How I Wear My Jeans

2012-02-20T07:37:00.002-06:00

This series is brought to you by Levi’s® Curve ID. Find your custom fit at Levi’s® stores or Levi.com

*****

The best thing that ever happened to jeans was when designers turned them into dress clothes a couple years ago. Up until then, jeans had been casual. They were about comfort. Dressing down. Sure we had "designer jeans" in the 80s but we never would have worn heels with them.

Jeans today are a lot more versatile. A pair of dressy, dark-wash jeans and heels are acceptable almost anywhere a cocktail dress is. I don't even own a pair of comfortable, casual jeans. All my jeans are dress jeans, hemmed to wear with heels.

Call me old-school, but my favorite way to wear my jeans are with a fitted, black turtleneck sweater and high-heeled boots. Tucking jeans into knee-high boots is definitely on-trend right now, but I prefer to wear my jeans untucked. For one thing, tucking them in tends to cut you off visually, and I'm too short for that. But mostly I just like the rocker chic look of high-heeled black boots sticking out of my pants leg.

I tend to be a minimalist when it comes to jewelry. This outfit would look great with a couple of long necklaces, but I prefer the man's watch, hoop earrings and aviator sunglasses. Pop of color in my handbag.

Where do I wear this outfit? ANYWHERE. Work. Shopping. Date night. The movies. Cocktail hour. Networking event. Its versatility is its genius. More importantly, I feel confident in this outfit. You can't wear this ensemble and not feel like a bad-ass. And that's the key for a great outfit.

How do you wear your jeans?

I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.

Finding Conference Bliss

2012-02-17T07:46:00.002-06:00

People get nervous before blogging conferences. They get nervous that they won't know anyone. That no one will talk to them. That they'll wear the wrong clothes. That they'll trip in the aisle and tumble ass over teakettle and everyone will see their panties. Who knows what anxieties haunt the minds of bloggers?

Some bloggers seem to road trip endlessly from one conference to another. These attendees have a conference clique that they hook up with everywhere they go. They aren't really looking to meet other bloggers and make new friends, although most of them will be very nice to you should you approach them.

The conference newbies are usually well taken care of. Blissdom in particular has events and programs specifically for the newbies to get to know people. Maybe a newbie's attending her first conference on the urging of a friend, and she'll stick to her like glue. Conference masters are always kind and helpful and supportive of conference virgins.

Then there are people like me.

I've been to a few conferences. Enough to be confident that I'll find my place. Enough to know by name & face a good handful of people. I have a good friend I'm attending with, so I know I'll never have to be alone.

But here's my challenge: In the last year, I've started following (& talking to) a lot of people on twitter that I do not yet know, but I'd like to meet in person. I'd like to see their face and learn their real name and maybe begin to forge a friendship. I have no idea how many - if any - of them are going to Blissdom. They could be there and I would never know it.

My Blissdom anxiety is that it'll be my chance to meet people, and I'll miss them.

I learned an important lesson when I went to BlogHer: You never know who people are.

Example 1: I saw a blogger that I recognized and wanted to meet talking to some other bloggers, so I stopped and said, "Linda? I'm Kalisa." And one of the girls she was talking to said, "Kalisa! Hey! I'm Jonna!" And I felt like an ass for not introducing myself to the whole group. For assuming Linda was the only one I wanted to meet.
Example 2: At the closing night party I was dancing with Ellie and another girl I didn't know. I would've introduced myself but the music was so loud and...oh you know...I just didn't. Once home, I lamented that there was one person I had wanted to meet but hadn't. Yeah, you know how this story ends, don't you?

So my Very Important Lesson from BlogHer is MEET EVERYONE. You never know who they might be. (By which I mean: "They may be someone you were hoping to meet" and not "They may be a popular, well-connected, big name.")

Is Blissdom still small enough that you can meet everyone?

We shall see.

Outrage.

2012-02-15T12:16:00.002-06:00

I'm still pissed off about Chris Brown performing at the Grammy's. I am furious at the audience for applauding him and giving him standing ovations. And I'm sincerely disturbed by the message it sends when we celebrate a violent offender.

Nearly three in four family violence victims are female – 73%. (US Bureau of Justice)

I was following along on twitter while watching the show, and when he came on stage, my twitter feed BLEW UP with outrage and domestic violence statistics. At least I know I'm following the right people.

One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. (ncadv.org)

After his song was over, someone I follow raved about his performance. I unfollowed her. I tweeted: "If you just raved about Chris Brown's performance, I probably just unfollowed you."

I was sickened by the number of people who thought I was talking about the quality of his performance, as opposed to the fact that he's a low-class, misogynist, girlfriend-beating punk.

An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year. (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

My husband said, "Everyone deserves redemption, don't they?" I don't know...if he beat up your sister, or your mom, or me (we don't have a daughter), would you forgive him because he's a good dancer? Frankly, I don't find anything redeeming about him. He's never taken responsibility for his actions. He's never spoken out against violence against women. For heaven's sake, Michael Vick at least does ASPCA talks now. He at least pretends to regret his action. Chris Brown always acted like this was some injustice to HIM. Typical abuser behavior, really.

85% of domestic violence victims are women. (Bureau of Justice Statistics)

You want redemption? You have to earn that shit. You get that by proving that you've changed. Not by throwing a chair through a Good Morning America dressing room window because you didn't like the questions they asked.

1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men have experienced an attempted or completed rape. (USDoJ)

You think I take this too seriously? Think I need to just lighten up? You think I'm exaggerating when I say that celebrating Chris Brown sends the message that it's okay for a man to hit you as long as he's attractive? Well let's take a look at what some young women were tweeting during his performance:

And there's lots more where that came from.

Disturbed yet?

Intimate partner violence results in more than 18.5 million mental health care visits each year. (ncadv.org)

Domestic violence is not a joke. Every week, women are KILLED by their partners. Lame-ass "moms" groups are up-in-arms because JC Penny has a gay spokesperson, but not a peep from them about Chris Brown being lauded by the Grammy's. If they really loved their children, they would be outraged by this. Who do they think is a bigger threat to their daughter's safety? Someone get me the statistics on gay people attacking women vs. domestic attacks.

The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year. (CDC)

Why did the Grammy's producers allow him to perform anyway? Neil Portnow, president of The Recording Academy insisted evaluating artists on their personal lives is a "slippery slope that we wouldn't want to get into." That's a bullshit cop-out if I ever heard one. He didn't get a DUI, he's a VIOLENT OFFENDER. So if he was a murdered, they'd still let him represent their organization? What about a convicted rapist? What if he raped children? No? That "we don't get into the personal lives" is bullshit. I submit that you draw the line at convicted violent felons.

Sexual assault or forced sex occurs in approximately 40-45% of battering relationships. (NIJ)

I understand Chris Brown went on some kind of Twitter rant about the haters after the show. Gee, I'm shocked. Once again, acting like he's the injured party here. It's text-book typical abuser behavior.

The whole thing just appalls me.

UPDATE: I just read that all but four tweets have been deleted from Chris Brown's twitter stream. Oh Chris, don't you know what you put on the internet never really goes away?

Thanks to A lot of nothing for posting these domestic violence statistics.

Cold Weather Beauty

2012-02-14T11:15:00.003-06:00

Thanks to Walgreens for underwriting this post. I was paid as a member of the Clever Girls Collective, but the content is all mine. Visit http://www.discoverbeautywithin.com/.

*****
This is the time of year when our makeup routine falls into a rut. We're past the holiday sparkle and we're marking time until the pretty spring colors arrive. What are we supposed to do with our faces in the meantime?

The first thing I've had to do is step up my moisturizing routine. I use Cetaphil 50 SPF moisturizer every day, year round. My dermatologist instructed me to use this because she really doesn't want me to get skin cancer, although I follow through with it because I really don't want any more of these dark "age spots" on my face. Seriously, if you're in your 20s or 30s, please take my advice and start using this now. You'll thank me when you hit your 40s spot-free.

While the light moisturizer is sufficient for humid southern summers, it's just not enough for the dry winter winds. So I mix the Cetaphil 50 SPF with a squirt of a more intense moisturizer - I like Purpose Moisture Lotion. I picked this because I use the Purpose cleanser (also dermatologist recommended) but I hear the Ponds moisturizer is really good and I think I might try some of that next time I replenish.

Once the canvas is set, you're ready for makeup. What should we do? I think the best cold weather face is one that looks like it just came in from the cold: with natural eyes and a nice healthy flush to the cheeks. I use the same base makeup in the winter that I do in the summer. I apply that, followed by some concealer under my eyes. Then, before dusting with powder, dab some cream or gel or stain blush on the apples of your cheeks with a makeup sponge. Blend back and up, toward your ear, but leave most of the color on the apples of your cheeks.

I love cream cheek color in the wintertime. For one thing, it seems to last longer in the dry air. And it gives you that fresh, flushed look that you expect from someone sitting by a fire drinking cocoa. Now dust some powder over all your face - including your eyelids - but keep it very light over your cheeks.

For a natural eye, I use just two colors: a cream and a mushroom. Look for soft, natural shades and avoid anything with glitter or frost. Start with a coffee brown eyeliner pencil. Draw a line all the way across the top lid, as close to your lashes as possible. Soften with a blending brush or a q-tip.

We seem to have gotten in the habit of applying a cream-colored shadow from lashline to eyebrow before we begin adding color. But we're going for a natural look, so the less makeup we cake on, the better. If you already have base and powder on your lid, that should provide an adequate canvas. Brush the mushroom-colored shadow just above the crease all the way across your lid. Apply the cream color under the brow beginning at the arch and working outward.

(not my eye)

Curl lashes and apply one coat of mascara. (You know my favorite, forever and always...in the pink and green tube.)

For a natural lip, you want a color that's the same tone but one shade darker than your natural lip color, like a creamy, rose-colored lipstick. Avoid a sticky gloss which, let's face it, isn't a very natural look. I rarely wear true lipstick anymore because I heard it is aging on a woman my age. I like tinted lip balms (Burt's Bees makes a good one), which are a perfect, sheer color without being too glossy.

Follow these steps, and all the blah-winter girls will be saying, "Where does she get that great glow? She must've just come in from the cold."

Whitney

2012-02-12T16:02:00.001-06:00

When a celebrity dies suddenly, we are shocked and saddened. A beautiful actress who literally became a princess crashes her car off the side of a cliff and fans on two continents are sickened by the loss. An up-and-coming young actor with a brilliant future overdoses on the sidewalk in front of a bar and we shake our heads at the senselessness.

Sometimes we lose a celebrity and we're surprised by the news but not all that shocked because we recognize that they were a tortured soul, like Michael Jackson, or Marilyn Monroe. And sometimes we watch a celebrity struggle with addiction, and we're shocked to lose them just when we think they're on the upswing, like Whitney.

That is the nature of this disease called addiction. Any one of the afflicted are at risk to die from the disease at any time. No one is immune, even the clean and sober. Because addiction is the only disease that fools you into thinking it is its own cure.

Miserable? Beaten down? Depressed? You just need a drink. A pill. A hit.

Addiction lies. And addiction kills.

Whitney was a gorgeous, fresh-faced teenager on the cover of my Seventeen magazines. She had a voice like no other. She sang "The Star Spangled Banner" and it became a #1 hit. We often say people have "the whole package" - looks and talent - but no one has quite had it to the extent that Whitney did. It will be many generations before we experience a talent such as hers again. And it frustrates us to lose that. It's not right. It's not fair. She should have had a long and wondrous career. She had it in her. It could've been.

But we all start out with something to offer this world. And it's a tragedy every time we lose someone prematurely. Everyone is someone's mother or someone's daughter and everyone has someone who loves them and feels the loss.

We don't know why addiction afflicts some and not others. It's been my experience that happy, self-assured, confident people don't turn to drugs and alcohol to change the way they feel. Things happen in life that tear us down, that make us feel unloved and unsafe: abuse, neglect, broken families, bullying, family addiction, mental illness. Celebrities may use to escape the pressures of fame, but even someone who graces magazine covers and breaks album sales records can feel alone and unworthy.

We are icebergs who show only ten percent of who we are to the world. Underneath, everybody hurts. Everyone struggles. We all have our battles to wage. Some are more public than others. It reminds me of the adage:

Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Can kindness save the life of an addict? Could it have saved Whitney? Probably not.

Can it prevent someone who feels unloved and unsafe from becoming one?

Maybe.

My dad used to call it the Stupid Bowl.

2012-02-06T13:45:00.001-06:00

I want to talk about Madonna's performance at the Super Bowl. Since I didn't really care much about either of the teams.

I grew up on Madonna videos. Given her 30-year career, I guess there are several generations that can say that. So let me rephrase it: I grew up watching the original Madonna videos on Mtv. Lucky Star. Borderline.

Me: "Who is that girl?"
Shelley: "IDK, but I like the way she dances."

I credit Madonna and Michael Jackson for the success of Mtv (which means technically we can kind of blame them for Jersey Shore, too). But I was never a fangirl, in tulle skirts and rubber bracelets all the way up my arm. We had those in my high school - a lot of them. I liked Madonna. I never idolized her.

People seemed to come down on one side or the other last night. Either Madonna is the Queen of All That Is Good or the entire thing was a joke. Naturally, I see the gray in it all, but I'm starting to form an opinion based on several points.

The Lip-Syncing

I have worked on several bowl half-time shows and here's a newsflash: THEY'RE ALL LIP-SYNCING. IDK why. Maybe it's a television thing. Maybe it has to do with the fact that the performance stage is in the middle of a grass field. But they're all recorded, played out the speakers. The band is singing and playing their instruments, sure. But they're mics aren't on and their guitars aren't plugged in. So quit acting shocked every year that the Super Bowl halftime shows are recorded. Be annoyed if you want, but don't blame the artist.

The Body
I think it's weird that people are surprised that Madonna can still dance at age 50. SHE'S A TRAINED DANCER. She'll probably be able to dance until the day she dies. People defending her performance with "I'd like to see you do that at 50!" have an obviously invalid argument: I couldn't do that at 18. Frankly, it doesn't impress me: Mick Jaggar's still doing it at almost 70 and I'm pretty sure he's never seen the inside of a yoga studio. Anyway, I didn't really see any dance moves that blew me away last night.

Song Selection
I thought "Vogue" was a weird choice, given that there probably aren't all that many gay men watching the Super Bowl. Maybe she figured they were tuning in just for halftime. Maybe that's why she put it first on the set list. I had heard her new song is ridiculous and I have to agree. Plus, I'm just not buying Madonna as a cheerleader. I'm afraid that bird has flown, my friend. But the overwhelming online consensus is that EVERYBODY likes "Like a Prayer," so well-played there.

Guest Appearances
As I mentioned before, I was a senior in high school when Madonna broke onto the scene. It seems like this performance was mostly geared toward my demographic, with most of the music dating back to earlier in her career. I guess the guest stars were meant to attract the younger audience, because I had no idea who they were. I mean, when Twitter said, "Nicki Manaj!" I knew who that was. I've heard of Nicki Manaj and M.I.A. and LMFAO and Cee Lo. I just don't know what any of them look like.

Costumes
Givenchy Couture at the Super Bowl?? COME ON, how do you beat that? I thought the costumes were aces, and it was such a relief that she was covered up. Tom and Lorenzo have a fantastic post of the outfits (with lots of photos) and I think they summed it up nicely:

This felt like her moving on. Not necessarily a bold new step or anything, just not a look that refers to underwear, crucifixes, matador’s girlfriends, or old Italian widows. She looked dramatic and unusual and still quite beautiful. If that’s not the essence of Madonna, we don’t know what is.

Production Value
This was easily the best production I've ever seen in a Super Bowl show. It blew away a band of old guys playing guitars and I hope it signals an end to a crowd of extras surrounding a stage pretending like they're at a concert. But I wouldn't have expected anything less from Madonna. This is what her concerts are like. You go to a Who concert, you see a band of old guys playing guitars. She's got a new album coming out, I assume she's going to go on tour, and she wisely used this halftime show to pique interest. It was big, it was flashy, it was fun. It was everything a Super Bowl halftime show should be. It's getting more talk (and more internet searches) than the commercials.

Well-played, Ms. Ciccone. Well-played indeed.

Red Carpet Hell

2012-01-30T09:58:00.001-06:00

I started out watching last night's SAG award red carpet on mute, while sitting under the hair dryer. I can highly recommend this method. You give up the ability to learn who people are wearing, but the trade-off is that you don't have to listen to the obnoxiously inappropriate questions from the E! red carpet correspondents.

The celebrities have gotten to where they barely hide their disdain for Ryan Seacrest and his awkward interviews. Ryan was MIA from the SAG awards red carpet, so Guiliana Rancic stepped up to the plate with massively unsuitable questions of her own. By now, only those actors who are on a full-blown Oscar campaign bother talking to her.

1. What is your favorite/least favorite body part? (Everyone)
No one is going to answer this honestly, so what's the point? At the Globes, Heidi Klum said it was her HEART. Because yes, we all know, Heidi's internal organs are what's most attractive about her. Sofia Vergara chattered on so much with her response last night that eventually we were all saying, "I have no idea what she's talking about." Which was probably her strategy.

2. What were you doing when you got engaged? (30 Rock's Katrina Bowden)
Not only was this an inappropriate question, but it stands a very good chance of producing a highly inappropriate answer.

3. Do you want to have more children? (Viola Davis)
This an inappropriate question to ask anyone, anywhere, but absolutely NO ONE wants to answer this question on live television. Viola Davis is 46 years old for heaven's sake. Tacky. So, so tacky, Guiliana.

4. Where is your daughter when you come to these events? (Michelle Williams)
This comes across rather prejudiced against single moms in general, but given Michelle William's familial circumstances, she might as well have said, "Since her dad is DEAD..." Do you have NO social skills at all, Guiliana??

5. Did you borrow that dress, or did your husband buy it for you? (Nancy Walls, wife of Steve Carrell)
Umm, first of all, I'm pretty sure she can buy herself a nice dress if she wants to, Guiliana. Secondly, it's okay to talk about borrowing million-dollar jewelry; it's a little less seemly to ask if she paid for her DRESS.

*****
Here's the part that has me so perplexed by the utter lack of red carpet talent: I know people personally who would be great at this job. You can't tell me there aren't a metric tonne of people in Hollywood who could do it superbly. Why, WHY are the networks subjecting us to this excruciating torment? Do they not read twitter? Do they not see the pages and pages of complaints? Do they not care???

An Open Letter to My Hair Stylist

2012-01-26T16:13:00.002-06:00

I may have mentioned here before that my hairdresser is British. And even though I spend several hours and a bushel basket of dollar bills every time I go see him, we're apparently not friends-friends, like "give me your cell number" friends. But he does read here sometimes. (He says he does.) (He probably tells all his clients that.) So I'm going to use the only medium at my disposal to ask him some questions about England.

Dear Grant,
I've been watching Season 1 of Luther on Netflix. Do you watch this show? I'd never even heard of it, and then Idris Elba won the Golden Globe for it and I was all, "What is this 'Luther'?" on twitter, and people were all, "OMG you have to watch it it is so good!"

So I got Season 1 on Netflix and seriously. There isn't a single episode where I don't find myself saying aloud, "oh, wow.' It's pretty...shocking. Which leads to my first question:

1. Can they say the eff-word on TV in England?

Idris Elba plays the British equivalent of a police detective (they call them investigators? or something?) which I LOVE Idris Elba but man, I can't get used to Stringer Bell having a British accent. Which leads me to my next question:

2. What would you think of Idris Elba as Bond?

He says he would like to be Bond, but that he doesn't want to be "the first Black Bond." I think he would be the most kick-ass Bond ever. I don't even like James Bond films but I would totally watch Idris Elba as Bond.

Your cop shows are so different than ours. They're more brutal, and yet. There're no guns!! Next question:

3. Do British cops not carry guns? How...how does that work exactly??

I think in all six episodes of Season 1, I only saw two guns. And that was in the last episode. BTW, my other current favorite show is also British - Downton Abbey - so could you please explain:

4. Why do all these British shows only have six episodes per season?

What the hell are you people doing over there? Get to work and make some more damn TV shows already.

Feel free to respond in the comments. Or we can discuss next time I come in.

Fashion Faux Paws

2012-01-19T16:40:00.001-06:00

Sunday night Shelby watched her first awards show with me. She had this to say about Golden Globes fashion faux paws:

Amber Riley in Badgley Mischka

"I want to curl up with you. You can have Mom's spot."

Elle McPherson in Zac Posen

"That looks like my bed after I tore it up."

Michelle Williams in Jason Wu

"Headgear is for playing with, not red carpets."

Dianna Agron in Giles Deacon

"I'm sorry I chewed up your dress."

Lea Michele in Marchesa

"I'm sorry I chewed up your... aluminum foil."

Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace

"SHINY!"

Madeleine Stowe in Vera Wang

"I can haz bonez?"

Nicole Kidman in Versace

"TENNIS BALLS!!"

Maria Menounos in Blumarine

'SQUEAKY TOY!"

Mila Kunis in Christian Dior

"*yawn*"

Meryl Streep in Alessandra Rich

"ARF"

Shelby! Don't bark at Meryl Streep! She's a national treasure!

"ARF"

Yeah, you're right.

These pictures would be illegal under SOPA. Probably.

2012-01-18T10:44:00.000-06:00

I know we're *supposed* to be having an internet blackout today and all, but I'm a little behind on my Golden Globes coverage. So.

You can keep your yellow - my favorite color trend at the Globes was the sapphire blues! So pretty!

Kelly Osbourne in Zac Posen

Kelly, you can do the puce-colored hair OR the tight bun, but I can't sign off on both.

Emily Deschanel in Max Azria

Some people thought this dress was too old for her. Whatevs. That makes it just about perfect for me, then.

Sofia Vergara in Vera Wang

Why even bother with the dress? She might as well just show up on the red carpet in a bikini.

Sarah Michelle Gellar in Monique Lhuillier

I didn't hate this. I kinda love when a girl can pull off a print on the red carpet and this one worked for me.

Dame Helen Mirren in Badgley Mischka

Completely fabulous. Recognize.

Another trend I noticed was the shelf boobs. These are formed by insanely stiff bodices are just poorly fitted dresses.

Kate Beckinsale in Roberto Cavalli

You get that E! crane camera swinging around and pretty soon we're looking straight down Kate's cleavage.

Reese Witherspoon in Zac Posen

I wanted to like this, but that dress just fits her all kinds of wrong in all kinds of places. And speaking of boobs...

Madonna in Reem Acra

Hey, Madonna - don't be afraid to go up a size.

Filing under: Girl, That is Not Your Dress:

Salma Hayak in Gucci

Is it just me? Or does she look like Peter Dinklage's date in that dress?

Jessica Biel in Elie Saab Couture

I'm confused...are we shushing the engagement rumors or fanning them? Because showing up as Miss Havisham isn't really the way to go for either of those tactics.

Jessica Alba in Gucci

A lot of people picked Jessica Alba as their Best Dressed. And she looks great here. I love the color of the dress. (Her skin color? Not so much.) The dress is pretty, it's just not very...memorable.

I prefer something that's just a bit more edgy. I thought this Gucci was striking.

Evan Rachel Wood in Gucci

Claire Danes in J. Mendel

And Claire Danes gets my vote for Best Dressed because it was edgy and event-appropriate and flattering. Now if we could just get her to go back to red hair.

St. Louis Snow

2012-01-16T10:13:00.000-06:00

St. Louis was cold.

I'm not sure what else I can say about that. The service was graveside and the wind chill was like, 7, and it was snowing and windy and blowing snow everywhere. It was like something out of a movie. As the sons and grandsons carried the plain pine box to the grave, the women, wrapped in scarves and clinging to one another followed along behind as the snow swirled in eddies around us. It was the classic image of Jewish suffering.

The snow was beautiful though, and appropriate, since Dad loved to ski. He and Mom met on a ski trip in Colorado.

Mom and Dad decided to be laid to rest in St. Louis when their only daughter, Ellen, died at the age of 49 and they purchase the plots next to hers. Ellen had been a guidance counselor at a girls' school in St. Louis.

Villa Duchesne, St. Louis

After her passing, the school erected a memorial to her outside the chapel. Her son Micah took us to see it.

The Chapel at Villa Duschesne

School hallway

Snowy yard

What's Next.

2012-01-13T10:41:00.000-06:00

When I married Chip, a Memphis native, I had been living in Memphis for less than five years. We always talked about moving somewhere else. I wasn't married to the city and he was kind of ready to get out. We talked about raising Elijah somewhere else - somewhere nearer to the coastline, somewhere with less racial tension, somewhere that more closely mirrored our own values.

I don't know where we thought that place might have been.

Every time we traveled I fell in love and was ready to move there - Boston, Chicago, Orange County, DC. Anywhere in Florida was good. My only stipulation was I wouldn't move somewhere warmer than Memphis unless it had a beach. So Houston was out.

As a few years past and Chip's parents grew older we realized that we could never leave Memphis as long as they were still here. The older siblings had all moved away as they grew up, leaving just the youngest. We couldn't possibly move away and leave a couple in their 80s alone.

By the time Elijah was deeply entrenched in primary school, we never really talked about leaving town anymore. This was our life: Memphis. Elijah. Mom & Dad. It was from the day we said "I do" on May 30, 1993.

Until January 10, 2012. When we lost Dad.

It's weird to think of my life with Chip - my adult life as I know it - without Mom & Dad in it. They have always been here. As much a part of our family as Elijah himself.

Now, Elijah is moved out and thriving in college. And Mom and Dad are gone.

I don't know what comes next.

Pa.

2012-01-10T20:00:00.008-06:00

I lost my own dad when I was 22, so Jerry was the only grandfather my son ever knew. The other grandchildren called him "Grandpa," but Elijah grew up with him, and started trying to say his name from the time that he began talking. He called him "Pa."

Young Elijah was enamored by Pa. He liked to follow him around the house, walk the dog with him, putter around in Dad's office with him. A grandparent's house is a magical place when you're a kid - everything is old and different and somehow very meaningful. Fifteen years later, when Mom passed, Elijah could still while away hours on end going through old letters, newspaper clippings, historical magazines.

When Elijah was growing up, he developed his own jokes with his Nana and Pa. He and Pa liked to tease mom about not being able to hear her yelling for them. Elijah and Nana teased Pa about his ability to fall asleep sitting up on the sofa.

Once when Elijah was just 2, we were driving to St. Louis to see Ellen. It was late at night and we'd been in the car for what probably seemed like a lifetime to a young toddler. Elijah, sitting in his car seat in the back seat, suddenly started making growling sounds. I looked in the back seat and saw that his neck was bent forward, unable to hold up his head. I panicked, threw my seat belt off and spun around backwards in my seat. As I called his name and reached for him, Elijah's head bobbed up with a big grin on his face, "I was bein' PA!" he said. Pretending to sleep sitting up.

I'll say this for my boy - he always was good at entertaining himself.

Pa enjoyed many traditions with Elijah that he had first shared with Chip. Like Tiger basketball games. The location changed and the players changed but the excitement was still the same and the generations of Hyman boys loved sharing that with each other. Last week, the Tigers played their in-state rival Tennessee Volunteers. In the middle of the day, I got this unexpected text on my phone from Elijah:

"For years, I have waited to be in the student section, to stand and yell at our most hated orange team in the nation...TODAY IS THAT DAY."

It's a long way from the little boy who would stand with his hand out and slap palms with the players coming out of the locker room. I think his Pa would be so proud of the young man in the student section, supporting his home team, as the generations before him.

Today, Dad is with a different home team. Drinking coffee and eating cinnamon buns and basking in the presence once again of his beloved wife and daughter. In a place where he will always be young, always be healthy, always be handsome.

God speed, Pa.

Aging

2012-01-05T12:58:00.002-06:00

It's hard to watch someone get old. Harder still when it's someone you love. I can only imagine how much it sucks for the aged.

I'm not talking about I'm-45-I-need-bifocals old. I'm talking about can't-take-care-of-yourself old.

It sucks to get old.

You can't walk on your own anymore. You can't communicate effectively. You can't read, because your eyesight is so poor. Can't watch TV because your hearing is gone. You sleep all the time because there's no other way to occupy your day. You lose control of your bladder and bowels. You're like a baby, only without the cuteness caveat that makes newborns bearable. As far as the life cycle goes, the end-of-life part of it is horrible. Far be it from me to question God's imminence, but I feel He could have done better.

All this has me thinking about how I want to go out. Frankly, I've given more thought to what I want in a funeral than how I hope to pass. (I want Princess Diana's sendoff, 'kay? Thanks.)

When it comes down to it, there are really only two good ways to depart: 1) Quietly in your sleep; or 2) In a blaze of glory. Some time around the year 2041 I'll be looking for an asteroid that I can personally blow up, thus saving Earth.

All I know is, I don't want to live to be 90.

Because it sucks to get old.

Picture the future.

2012-01-04T11:46:00.001-06:00

I don't often picture the future. I'm more of a one-day-at-a-time kinda girl. I mean, I think about the distant future. I think about being retired and living in a beach house and walking on the beach in the winter in a thick white fisherman's sweater while my faithful dog chases a stick.

My future is straight out of a Viagra commercial.

But I don't usually imagine what the new year will bring. I guess I just always suppose it will look a lot like last year. Or today.

But you know what that great philosopher R. Kelly said: "If I can see it, then I can be it." Sometimes I wonder if I'm letting my life happen instead of making things happen for myself.

So I asked myself, "What do you want in 2012?"

I want to drop a few holiday pounds. Luckily, I lost more than a few last year (and I did it in a healthy way), so I know how to make this happen.

I want to grow my hair out like Annie Hathaway's in Love and Other Drugs -- long, dark and curly. Naturally I decided this not too long after cutting off several inches.

See how good it looks with the fisherman's sweater?

I want a to redesign my blog. Not me, myself, as those are not skills that I possess. But it's time to make some changes around here.

I want to travel to a foreign country (that's not Canada) with my husband. Our passports need more stamps. I'm thinking Europe. Maybe Holland.

My friend Shelley, strumming her ukulele in Rotterdam.

I want to attend gala benefits for charities dear to my heart. Does public radio hold fund-raising galas?

I want to get a magnolia tattoo. I just have to decide where I want to put it.

I want to sell our house and move downtown. Downtown Memphis. Downtown Chicago. Downtown Toronto. I'm not picky.

Bonus: They all have waterfronts.

I want to go to the beach! Last year was the first in probably 15 that I didn't have a summer beach getaway. I plan to never repeat that mistake again. This year I have accrued some vacation time, though, so we should be back on track. Destin or Bust!

I dare you to sit in one of those chairs and not relax.

Things I'm looking forward to in 2012:

watching the NFL playoffs #whodat
going to Mardi Gras in New Orleans in February
attending Blissdom in Nashville, also in February
going to the Final Four in New Orleans at the end of March
watching the Olympics from London in July
some possible social media speaking engagements

I'm feeling pretty good about 2012.

2011 In Review

2011-12-31T08:39:00.003-06:00

The annual Sundry End-Of-The-Year Questionnaire.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? Traveled to Canada. Saw Les Miserables on stage.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think I made any. I'm not really making any this year, either, but I do have some plans. I'm going to get back on Weight Watchers and drop the few pounds I put on over the holidays. I'm plan to spend more time outside with Shelby. I plan to blog more often. I plan to decorate for Christmas in 2012.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, and by golly someone needs to. I need more baby in my life.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My Smokey doggie.

5. What countries did you visit? O, Canada!

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? A reunion with my Jackson 5 girls.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Fourth of July weekend, when we got Shelby, and then she got sick and almost died.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I got a JOB. I lost 12 pounds.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not using up all the money in our healthcare spending account. Dammit.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, and that's probably why we still have money left in our flex account. So I don't know whether to be grateful or pissed off.

11. What was the best thing you bought? For Christmas, I got Chip a pair of cuff links with the street address of his childhood home stamped in them. With his mom gone, and his dad in the home, his family is in the process of selling that house, and it's been very hard on him.

Semi-Related Runner-up: The Helmut Lang dress I wore to the Teddy Bear Affair.

12. Where did most of your money go? College expenses

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Elijah graduating high school. Although, admittedly, probably not as excited as he was.

14. What song will always remind you of 2011? Katie Perry "Firework." I was introduced to this song when it was used for the opening video at Blissdom, and throughout the year I would listen to it when my spirits needed a boost. I'm not sure how much of that was due to the upbeat tune and lyrics and how much was actually the rippling effects of Blissdom. Probably a bit of both.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? HAPPIER
b) thinner or fatter? THINNER
c) richer or poorer? About the same. I have a job, and I didn't last year, but see also: #12.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of? Blogging.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of? Berating myself for not blogging.

18. How did you spend Christmas? Lowest-key Christmas ever. With Elijah out of the house, I didn't even put up a tree. Bought Elijah some winter clothes so he couldn't use the weather as an excuse to skip class. Shopped for three Angel Tree kids. Baked a lot of cookies.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Still House. I can't quit you, Dr. House.
Castle. What's not to love about Nathan Fillion? Playing a writer??
Justified. I came for the Raylan Givens. I stayed for the compelling story lines and award-winning performances.
Friday Night Lights. Sure did hate to see that one go. That one goes in the books with The West Wing as an all-time favorite forever.
Big Bang Theory. Funny SMART people - It's about damn time.

20. What were your favorite books of the year? Stephen King's 11/22/63 was excellent. (Not horror. Time travel.) I hadn't read King in 25 years but I had trouble putting this one down. Also caved in and read The Hunger Games which I enjoyed much more than I'd expected to. Tina Fey's book Bossypants is laugh-out-loud funny for real.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Awolnation "It's Not Your Fault"
Kasabian "Days Are Forgotten"
Keane
Adele
The Last Royals "Crystal Vases"
Freelance Whales "Hannah"
Black Keys
The Sounds "Something to Die For"
Related: Song I Hope To Never Hear Again? Pumped Up Kicks.

22. What were your favorite films of the year? Midnight in Paris. Woody Allen films got SO MUCH BETTER when he quit starring in them, and this one had some great lines about WRITING. If you are a blogger or a writer you should watch this. Sunset Limited on HBO was so powerful I found myself watching it multiple times just to soak up the words.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 45 and I swear, it was just a month ago and yet, I don't remember what we did. If anything. I probably got new bifocals or refilled my Geritol prescription.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More time to spend with Shelby. It's kinda nuts how oftenI think about her during the day when I'm at work, and how much I miss her.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? Chic urban creative professional

26. What kept you sane? My steel magnolias. No doubt about it. I hope that never changes.

27. What political issue stirred you the most? The ongoing assault on the rights of women (starting with that damned "personhood" amendment in my former home state and ending with my local Planned Parenthood's loss of funding.)

28. Who did you miss? Smokey

29. Who was the best new person you met? There's a new girl Rachel at work that I don't hate.

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. It gets better.

(2007, 2008,2009, 2010)

Tweets That Made Me LOL (2011)

2011-12-30T13:03:00.001-06:00

If you're not starring the tweets that make you laugh, and then going back and reading that list periodically when you need a pick-me-up, you are truly missing out. Either that, or you're following the wrong people. May I suggest you follow some of these?

@badbanana

Preparing for the weekend's big snowstorm by pruning the hedge maze.

@Sundry

Home wireless is down. 5yo theorizing that squirrels stole the Internet "so they can watch movies about nuts and stuff."

@sucittaM

The fact that the self-checkout computer doesn't say "This shit is bananas" when scanning bananas seems like a wasted opportunity.

@tomandlorenzo

Cute little box with a can of Fancy Feast in it delivered to our door. Had no idea our cats were ordering out.

@lonelysandwich

LinkedIn Park would be the second most boring band in the world.

@Sundry

"I'm too SMART and BIG for napping!" the 3yo shouts, before tossing a blanket over his head and storming off, face-first into a wall.

@sucittaM

If you are ever wondering who is rapping in a song, just wait 4 more seconds and he'll say his name.

@SusieSunshine

Told my youngest to label his drink so no one would take it. In large letters he wrote: POISON

@sucittaM

I'll stop telling kids that some of the taxidermy animals at the Field Museum are still alive when it stops being hilarious.

@shriekhouse

Still recovering from the harmonica wakeup reveille this morning courtesy of my 5YO.

@onehalfamazing

At Target wearing black shirt and guy asks me if I work here. Yeah, if this is goth Target.

@Sundry

Important life lesson the kids now know: do not feed a seagull part of your sandwich, unless you want to reenact that scene from THE BIRDS.

@WendiAarons

Our local newsreader looks like she tripped & fell face first into the Walgreen's cosmetics department.

@jensized

Got an e-mail about mobile mammograms. If I wanted to get my boobs squeezed in a van I'd go back to high school.

@MarinkaNYC

Gender reveal parties! Oh. For expecting parents.

@alittlepregnant

Two-word review of the Vermont Quilt Festival: embellished sweatshirts.

@WendiAarons

Asking the kids to organize the playroom is like putting meth heads in charge of a pharmacy.

@roneydapony

@OutNumberedisMe on my iphone it auto corrects to mazel Tocqueville. Please accept my congratulations and a french philosopher.

@mooshinindy

Addie: "Tim is the smartest kid in first grade!" Cody: "Why do you say that?" Addie: "Because he's 8!"

@AnissaMayhew

"Say hello to my little friend!" You can tell they're not pot-smokers. It would be more "I want Taco Bell. I'll buy if you fly."

@mooshinindy

I wonder if this Butterfly chick knew that with a set of pipes like that she didn't have to marry the chubby American jerk. @indyopera

@alittlepregnant

You do it. I'm busy with branding and shit. RT @Mom101: Here's a secret no one every talks about: Want more traffic? WRITE GOOD POSTS.

@kyranpittman

Scored 2.37/gallon gas at Kroger tonight. Almost did a Tawny Kitaen across the hood of the minivan.

@alittlepregnant

Come to think of it, maybe the Diaper Genie airing on the front step isn't the most genteel welcome. Better put a geranium in it.

@SarahKSilverman

I'd rather not die alone but I'd rather die alone than w more than 3 people

@DressCourage

I just tripped over a paper towel, in case anyone was wondering why I flunked out of ninja school.

@alotofnothing

Is there anything a hot fudge sundae won't fix? Other that diabetes.

@gideonyu

An ER doctor just told me that based on all the excuses he's heard, "minding my own business" is the activity most likely to get you shot

@WendiAarons

My bank has apparently started a "Friendly Teller" program where they ask you about your weekend plans. Shit needs to stop.

@annsrants

They really did cry in every single scene of ThirtySomething. Probably because their jeans were so tight around their ribcage.

@WendiAarons

There's a large family posing on the beach, all dressed in white shirts & khaki pants. Obviously some kind of wacko doomsday cult.

@Ty_Schutz

People with more than two kids aren't allowed to complain about traffic or waiting in line. It's all their fault.

@designersays

I should never read tweets at work because I laugh out loud and everyone asks what’s funny and I have to say this excel spreadsheet

@AnissaMayhew

Medical Questionnaire: RACE. Answer: RELAY.

@WendiAarons

There's a mom at school with the last name of "Bratz." I've never met her, but I'm sure she looks nothing like I imagine.

@27bslash6

No update. On strike until the producers of The Walking Dead admit there is no such thing as a 'Mid Season Finale'.

@TwoAdults

Ezra just told me, "Fuh-leece Slobbydad!"

@pantalonesfuego

@finslippy Every cat in the world is a shill for WalMart ever since they changed their logo to a butthole. *

@WendiAarons

I don't ever have a favorite kid, but right now it's probably the one who didn't sign me up to receive text alerts from The Dallas Cowboys.

@alittlepregnant

If I go on a spree of violence today, it's because of "Step Into Christmas."

@AubriLevens

@TheBloggess Knock knock baby Jesus. pic.twitter.com/eGFHfCC4

@wilw

Dog: BARK BARK BARK! BARKBARK! Me: Dude, it's just the Jingle Bells Dogs on the radio. Dog: I, um, knew that. I was... uh, singing along.

@PhilRodgers

And in those days Caesar Augustus decreed that all must return to the town of their birth, that they might sort out their parents' computers

@Moltz

Either the boy decided to sleep in this morning or Santa's branched out into kidnapping.

Previous Reviews: Timely Tweets, I Can Relate, High Five!

High Five! (2011)

2011-12-30T08:40:00.001-06:00

More than just being able to relate to them, some tweets I agree with so wholeheartedly I wish I had written them myself. Some of them are political tweets, some of them relate to my profession, and some of them are from incredibly insightful kids.

@MaggieDammit

My 6-yr-old, 10 mins into High School Musical 2 (during the "School's out" song): "If school is out, why aren't they LEAVING? Freaks."

@Mike_FTW

If Americans had the guts and resolve the Egyptian people have shown we would’ve ousted that prick Cheney.

@tomandlorenzo

"I look hot and smart. I feel like Michelle Obama.” I'm going to say that to myself every time I get dressed. L #Glee

@Mike_FTW

Facebook killed blogging in the same way the automobile killed horses; by freeing up the horses for those who respected their strength

@Sundry

By 1999 Elizabeth Taylor had helped raise $50 million to fight AIDS. Vagina-flashing starlets, it's time to consider your legacy.

@Gerry Duggan

RT @JennyMcCarthy Tell me some of your can't live with out products that u have used with your kids /// I'm happy with the Polio vaccine!

@Mike_FTW

If you slotted Hitler into the current Republican presidential field he’d be a moderate.

@Lawcomic

I think in Sarah Palin's mind a "gotcha" question is any question which is not somehow related to moose.

@al3x

There's a difference between "customer service over Twitter" and "paying someone to impotently apologize on Twitter".

@robdelaney

You should be able to redeem brownie points for actual brownies.

@pantalonesfuego

You were not a "toe head" as a kid unless you also had a toe growing out of your head.

@mrlady

Churches should not have advertising budgets.#yourrdoingdevotionwrong

@jonniker

Do you guys know that you are ALL live-tweeting the #f8 news, or do you legitimately think you're the only one bringing us information?

@jensized

I don't think enough teams have dinosaur mascots.

@ebertchicago

When the world ends, I want to follow the story on NPR. It will sound more orderly that way.

@UnstableIsotope

Women should declare themselves corporations so Republicans will stop trying to regulate us.

@postsecret

Today's Mail: "I like to walk into people who are looking down texting on their phones. Then I yell at them to watch where they're going."

@CuddlyNinja

Why isn't the movie 'What Women Want' just 90 minutes of Ryan Gosling doing an ab workout on a pile of Nutella and money?

@MarthaPlimpton

If Fred Phelps has the right to verbally abuse people going to their son's funerals, then #OWS has the right to sit in the middle of a park

@Swistle_Thistle

"50% off ENTIRE site!! (exclusions apply)" needs a re-write.

@WendiAarons

The hottest woman of all time is Jennifer Aniston? Was the list made by Ross Geller?

In case you missed them: Timely Tweets and I Can Relate are live.

Still to come: More categories, including Tweets That Made Me LOL and Welcome to Memphis!

I Can Relate! (2011)

2011-12-29T12:24:00.004-06:00

Often, the people I follow on twitter will post something that makes me go "Yeah! I can relate to that!" If the tweet is really good, and I can really relate, I'll star it. These are some of those tweets.

@MarinkaNYC

Dinner with husband's friends. He asked me to be pleasant. I need more notice for that.

@Moltz

Me to the icons on the Windows taskbar just now: "OK, which one of you little assholes is WiFi?"

@sucittaM

There should be laws against teenagers wearing shirts of bands I like.

@TheBloggess

I'm surprised the competent PR people haven't risen up and strangled all the clueless ones fucking it up for everyone else.

@tomandlorenzo (during the Royal Wedding recessional)

In my head "How do you find a word that means Maria?" Can't help it.#RoyalWedding

@allisonzapata

Everyone in my house annoyed me last night. Except for the fish. And the fish died in December.

@debontherocks

I knew my kid FBed something during my epic car karaoke to "In the Air Tonight." Oddly it wasn't the "Mom is so cool" update I anticipated.

@Sundry

#FF Any Shwan's truck, because you know there's a shitload of ice cream bars in that thing.

@allisonzapata

I wonder if the singers of Hey Soul Sister also want to kill themselves when they hear the song.

@WendiAarons

My husband & son are at a 106 degree high school football game tonight. I didn't go because Tim Riggins isn't playing.

@MarinkaNYC

Just lost power. My son wants to "save the ice cream". First responder, that one.

@valibus

I'm going to go to a car dealership with a bullhorn, walk up to a salesperson and say "I SAW YOUR COMMERCIAL LAST NIGHT AT 3AM!"

@alittlepregnant

I think the reason my houseplants die of neglect might be that they don't whine at me if I forget to care for them.

@jonniker

I would like to be able to make citizen's arrests based on the failure to offer a courtesy wave.

@MarinkaNYC

I wouldn't mind if this season of Project Runway turned into an episode of Murder, She Wrote.

@techguerilla

“Dress for the job you want, not the job you have” I told my interns while wearing my hawaiian shirt and flip flops.

@TheSuniverse

Fucking fuck - how is only 3:30? Is it 3:30 TOMORROW?

@wilw

Dog: Play ball! Me: Ok! Dog: OMG DON'T TRY TO TAKE MY FUCKING BALL FROM ME OMG. Me: Ok... [2 seconds later] Dog: Play ball?

@shelbyfero

Those first few seconds where it could be Bowie or Vanilla Ice is my 'Nam

@Mike_FTW

Watching college football with Southern people. Weird.

@LettersofNote

I wouldn't want to live in a world without cheese, toast, and the ability to melt the former on top of the latter.

@awrightbrian

If we ever do have a war on Christmas, I want to lead the SEAL team that takes out a LITE FM holiday music radio station.

@sucittaM

I'd rather eat a Lego than step on one barefoot.

@L8enough

Last week, my husband caught me in the shower rehearsing aloud my NPR interview for my (still-unwritten) book. #awkward

@karensugarpants

If Beyonce walked into my house right now, she'd say "this is a DISASTAH!"

If you missed it: Here is Timely Tweets (2011)

Still to come: More categories! Including High Five!, Tweets That Made Me LOL, and Welcome to Memphis!

Timely Tweets (2011)

2011-12-29T12:06:00.001-06:00

I guess if we're going to look back at the year in review, we might as well do it on Twitter. It's where the news is breaking, after all. Here are some of my favorite timely tweets of 2011. Come, relive the year with me, won't you?

@Sundry

The order of things: lies, damn lies, statistics, Charlie Sheen's spokesman.

@MarinkaNYC (on the occasion of BlogHer '11, which was held in San Diego)

Would it kill you people to have all blogging conferences in NYC from now on? We were attacked on 9/11, you know.

@Mike_FTW

Dear Egyptians, please chill the fuck out while we consult our groundhog for advice

@badbanana (during the Super Bowl)

Great commercial for House. Now go to the Fox site to see if Hugh Laurie gets naked. #brandbowl

@ActuallyNPH (during the Super Bowl, when Christina Aguilera flubbed the lyrics to the National Anthem)

Great fun, the Super Bowl. Loved it. #whatsoproudlywewatched

@Mom101 (when funding to NPR and PBS was threatened)

Who are these people rooting for the downfall of NPR? Like, "boo good reporting! We hate that!"

@MarinkaNYC

Ryan Seacrest can become a polygamist and I'll never believe he's heterosexual. #grammys

@JoeyJWagner

Lady Gaga was @ the VMAs covered in meat. She was @ the Grammys dressed as an egg. Two more red carpets & She will be a Denny's Grand Slam.

@MarinkaNYC

I assume that James Franco's hosting the Oscars was some kind of avant-garde work-study program

@Mike_FTW

The Japan situation seems to be getting worse. I have to wonder if some of you are only fake-praying.

@TemerityJane

Wait, it's not Nut? That polar bear Knut was named Kuh-noot? Kuh-noot, I barely knew you. Or how to pronounce your name.

@jensized

Bruce Pearl gets paid almost a million dollars severance plus insurance for a year. That'll teach him.

@altgeldshrugged

Hey, British tabloids - you'll have a new princess by the end of the week. Try not to kill this one, okay?

@L8enough

What Kate and William are thinking during the sermon: "Look thoughtful. Don't yawn." #royalwedding

@SusieSunshine

If I were Queen, instead of standing there all awkwardly while the crowd sang my theme song, I'd sing "God save me, me."

@earlkabong (on the death of Bin Laden)

If we don't start overturning cars very soon then we, as a nation, are saying this is less important than a Laker threepeat.

@Moltz

If the Rapture is tomorrow, shouldn't a 500 ft Jesus be battling a 500 ft Satan today? It's possible I don't know much about the Apocalypse.

@MitchEnglish

Oprah's Last words on show "To God Be the Glory", [speaking in third person.] #dailybuzz #Oprah

@MarinkaNYC

Talking to your kids about Rep. Weiner: "sometimes when a man loves his own penis very much-"

@MarinkaNYC

Congratulations to Congressman Weiner on not tweeting his penis for 24 hours. One day at a time! #rehab

@Sundry

Thinking of joining the Marines so I can guilt Timothy Olyphant into taking me on a date. Pretty sure this is a foolproof plan.

@Sundry

I love the response from Sesame Street: "....they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation."

@roneydapony

Mom: When you lose power, the first night it's like little house on the prairie, by the third night it's the shining. #Irene

@mulegirl (during the President's speech)

"I'll see your Reagan and raise you a Lincoln, bitches."

@Mike_FTW (during the President's speech)

Never forget. …who caught that terrorist motherfucker.

@babypop (yet another PR Fail live on the internet, this one involving Jenny The Bloggess)

Hey @TheBloggess @KimKardashian in on the @todayshow just in case you were wondering what pantyhose she has on? #prfail

@ZacharyWhitten

Lindsay Lohan to pose for Playboy. Wow. That's about 5 years and 37 kilos of cocaine too late for me to even be curious. Instead, I'm scared

@SteveMartinToGo

The White House shooter says he’s a “modern day Jesus.” This makes sense because I remember when Jesus was shooting at people.

@hotdogsladies

It's surprising how few situations are improved by the introduction of unstable people with pepper spray. Real head-scratcher, that.

@davepell

People who watch Two and a Half Men have the same vote as you do. There's no way the founding fathers could have imagined that.

@MarinkaNYC

Merry Christmas, the war is over.

@Busymom

Free idea: Shelf on an Elf.

Still to come: More categories including I Can Relate, High Five!, and Tweets That Made Me LOL.

Dragon Tattoo: The Film

2011-12-23T21:07:00.000-06:00

When I saw the trailer for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, I said to Chip, "That looks like they did a great job adapting the book into a movie."

Now I've seen the full movie, and I still say they did a great job adapting the book. This is going to cause many people to complain that the film is 30 minutes too long, but the ending -- what takes place after the mystery is solved -- is necessary to carry the viewer into the second story in the series. I knew that, so I didn't mind it being tacked on.

Having read the book, I also knew when the brutal rape scene was coming up, and chose at that moment in the film to visit the restroom. In the parking lot, Chip said to me, "Boy, you picked the right time to go to the bathroom." Yes, dear, exactly. From his reaction I can only assume that it was a rather intense.

A lot of attention has been paid to Rooney Mara's red carpet appearances for the movie and how to manage growing out that horrible Lisbeth Salander hair cut. So I guess I'm going against all my fashion blogger community when I say this, but I LIKED THE LISBETH SALANDER HAIRCUT. I thought it was fun and edgy. (She only wore it in a spiked mohawk in one scene.) Oh yeah, to be 20 years younger...

Trent Reznor, who won an Oscar and a Golden Globe for The Social Network soundtrack, did the soundtrack to this movie as well. And listen, you MUST go see this film, if only for the opening sequence with Trent and Karen O's cover of "The Immigrant Song." Holy cats. That alone was worth the price of admission. NO WAY that doesn't win an Oscar.

Coming out of the theater, I fell down the steps. Elijah was behind me but that's little help, as one falls forward when falling down steps. I twisted my ankle, wrenched my back and neck, and bruised my shoulder. You can't take me anywhere.