I'll be the one in heels

An Open Letter to My Hair Stylist

2012-01-26T16:13:00.002-06:00

I may have mentioned here before that my hairdresser is British. And even though I spend several hours and a bushel basket of dollar bills every time I go see him, we're apparently not friends-friends, like "give me your cell number" friends. But he does read here sometimes. (He says he does.) (He probably tells all his clients that.) So I'm going to use the only medium at my disposal to ask him some questions about England.

Dear Grant,
I've been watching Season 1 of Luther on Netflix. Do you watch this show? I'd never even heard of it, and then Idris Elba won the Golden Globe for it and I was all, "What is this 'Luther'?" on twitter, and people were all, "OMG you have to watch it it is so good!"

So I got Season 1 on Netflix and seriously. There isn't a single episode where I don't find myself saying aloud, "oh, wow.' It's pretty...shocking. Which leads to my first question:

1. Can they say the eff-word on TV in England?

Idris Elba plays the British equivalent of a police detective (they call them investigators? or something?) which I LOVE Idris Elba but man, I can't get used to Stringer Bell having a British accent. Which leads me to my next question:

2. What would you think of Idris Elba as Bond?

He says he would like to be Bond, but that he doesn't want to be "the first Black Bond." I think he would be the most kick-ass Bond ever. I don't even like James Bond films but I would totally watch Idris Elba as Bond.

Your cop shows are so different than ours. They're more brutal, and yet. There're no guns!! Next question:

3. Do British cops not carry guns? How...how does that work exactly??

I think in all six episodes of Season 1, I only saw two guns. And that was in the last episode. BTW, my other current favorite show is also British - Downton Abbey - so could you please explain:

4. Why do all these British shows only have six episodes per season?

What the hell are you people doing over there? Get to work and make some more damn TV shows already.

Feel free to respond in the comments. Or we can discuss next time I come in.

Fashion Faux Paws

2012-01-19T16:40:00.001-06:00

Sunday night Shelby watched her first awards show with me. She had this to say about Golden Globes fashion faux paws:

Amber Riley in Badgley Mischka

"I want to curl up with you. You can have Mom's spot."

Elle McPherson in Zac Posen

"That looks like my bed after I tore it up."

Michelle Williams in Jason Wu

"Headgear is for playing with, not red carpets."

Dianna Agron in Giles Deacon

"I'm sorry I chewed up your dress."

Lea Michele in Marchesa

"I'm sorry I chewed up your... aluminum foil."

Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace

"SHINY!"

Madeleine Stowe in Vera Wang

"I can haz bonez?"

Nicole Kidman in Versace

"TENNIS BALLS!!"

Maria Menounos in Blumarine

'SQUEAKY TOY!"

Mila Kunis in Christian Dior

"*yawn*"

Meryl Streep in Alessandra Rich

"ARF"

Shelby! Don't bark at Meryl Streep! She's a national treasure!

"ARF"

Yeah, you're right.

These pictures would be illegal under SOPA. Probably.

2012-01-18T10:44:00.000-06:00

I know we're *supposed* to be having an internet blackout today and all, but I'm a little behind on my Golden Globes coverage. So.

You can keep your yellow - my favorite color trend at the Globes was the sapphire blues! So pretty!

Kelly Osbourne in Zac Posen

Kelly, you can do the puce-colored hair OR the tight bun, but I can't sign off on both.

Emily Deschanel in Max Azria

Some people thought this dress was too old for her. Whatevs. That makes it just about perfect for me, then.

Sofia Vergara in Vera Wang

Why even bother with the dress? She might as well just show up on the red carpet in a bikini.

Sarah Michelle Gellar in Monique Lhuillier

I didn't hate this. I kinda love when a girl can pull off a print on the red carpet and this one worked for me.

Dame Helen Mirren in Badgley Mischka

Completely fabulous. Recognize.

Another trend I noticed was the shelf boobs. These are formed by insanely stiff bodices are just poorly fitted dresses.

Kate Beckinsale in Roberto Cavalli

You get that E! crane camera swinging around and pretty soon we're looking straight down Kate's cleavage.

Reese Witherspoon in Zac Posen

I wanted to like this, but that dress just fits her all kinds of wrong in all kinds of places. And speaking of boobs...

Madonna in Reem Acra

Hey, Madonna - don't be afraid to go up a size.

Filing under: Girl, That is Not Your Dress:

Salma Hayak in Gucci

Is it just me? Or does she look like Peter Dinklage's date in that dress?

Jessica Biel in Elie Saab Couture

I'm confused...are we shushing the engagement rumors or fanning them? Because showing up as Miss Havisham isn't really the way to go for either of those tactics.

Jessica Alba in Gucci

A lot of people picked Jessica Alba as their Best Dressed. And she looks great here. I love the color of the dress. (Her skin color? Not so much.) The dress is pretty, it's just not very...memorable.

I prefer something that's just a bit more edgy. I thought this Gucci was striking.

Evan Rachel Wood in Gucci

Claire Danes in J. Mendel

And Claire Danes gets my vote for Best Dressed because it was edgy and event-appropriate and flattering. Now if we could just get her to go back to red hair.

St. Louis Snow

2012-01-16T10:13:00.000-06:00

St. Louis was cold.

I'm not sure what else I can say about that. The service was graveside and the wind chill was like, 7, and it was snowing and windy and blowing snow everywhere. It was like something out of a movie. As the sons and grandsons carried the plain pine box to the grave, the women, wrapped in scarves and clinging to one another followed along behind as the snow swirled in eddies around us. It was the classic image of Jewish suffering.

The snow was beautiful though, and appropriate, since Dad loved to ski. He and Mom met on a ski trip in Colorado.

Mom and Dad decided to be laid to rest in St. Louis when their only daughter, Ellen, died at the age of 49 and they purchase the plots next to hers. Ellen had been a guidance counselor at a girls' school in St. Louis.

Villa Duchesne, St. Louis

After her passing, the school erected a memorial to her outside the chapel. Her son Micah took us to see it.

The Chapel at Villa Duschesne

School hallway

Snowy yard

What's Next.

2012-01-13T10:41:00.000-06:00

When I married Chip, a Memphis native, I had been living in Memphis for less than five years. We always talked about moving somewhere else. I wasn't married to the city and he was kind of ready to get out. We talked about raising Elijah somewhere else - somewhere nearer to the coastline, somewhere with less racial tension, somewhere that more closely mirrored our own values.

I don't know where we thought that place might have been.

Every time we traveled I fell in love and was ready to move there - Boston, Chicago, Orange County, DC. Anywhere in Florida was good. My only stipulation was I wouldn't move somewhere warmer than Memphis unless it had a beach. So Houston was out.

As a few years past and Chip's parents grew older we realized that we could never leave Memphis as long as they were still here. The older siblings had all moved away as they grew up, leaving just the youngest. We couldn't possibly move away and leave a couple in their 80s alone.

By the time Elijah was deeply entrenched in primary school, we never really talked about leaving town anymore. This was our life: Memphis. Elijah. Mom & Dad. It was from the day we said "I do" on May 30, 1993.

Until January 10, 2012. When we lost Dad.

It's weird to think of my life with Chip - my adult life as I know it - without Mom & Dad in it. They have always been here. As much a part of our family as Elijah himself.

Now, Elijah is moved out and thriving in college. And Mom and Dad are gone.

I don't know what comes next.

Pa.

2012-01-10T20:00:00.008-06:00

I lost my own dad when I was 22, so Jerry was the only grandfather my son ever knew. The other grandchildren called him "Grandpa," but Elijah grew up with him, and started trying to say his name from the time that he began talking. He called him "Pa."

Young Elijah was enamored by Pa. He liked to follow him around the house, walk the dog with him, putter around in Dad's office with him. A grandparent's house is a magical place when you're a kid - everything is old and different and somehow very meaningful. Fifteen years later, when Mom passed, Elijah could still while away hours on end going through old letters, newspaper clippings, historical magazines.

When Elijah was growing up, he developed his own jokes with his Nana and Pa. He and Pa liked to tease mom about not being able to hear her yelling for them. Elijah and Nana teased Pa about his ability to fall asleep sitting up on the sofa.

Once when Elijah was just 2, we were driving to St. Louis to see Ellen. It was late at night and we'd been in the car for what probably seemed like a lifetime to a young toddler. Elijah, sitting in his car seat in the back seat, suddenly started making growling sounds. I looked in the back seat and saw that his neck was bent forward, unable to hold up his head. I panicked, threw my seat belt off and spun around backwards in my seat. As I called his name and reached for him, Elijah's head bobbed up with a big grin on his face, "I was bein' PA!" he said. Pretending to sleep sitting up.

I'll say this for my boy - he always was good at entertaining himself.

Pa enjoyed many traditions with Elijah that he had first shared with Chip. Like Tiger basketball games. The location changed and the players changed but the excitement was still the same and the generations of Hyman boys loved sharing that with each other. Last week, the Tigers played their in-state rival Tennessee Volunteers. In the middle of the day, I got this unexpected text on my phone from Elijah:

"For years, I have waited to be in the student section, to stand and yell at our most hated orange team in the nation...TODAY IS THAT DAY."

It's a long way from the little boy who would stand with his hand out and slap palms with the players coming out of the locker room. I think his Pa would be so proud of the young man in the student section, supporting his home team, as the generations before him.

Today, Dad is with a different home team. Drinking coffee and eating cinnamon buns and basking in the presence once again of his beloved wife and daughter. In a place where he will always be young, always be healthy, always be handsome.

God speed, Pa.

Aging

2012-01-05T12:58:00.002-06:00

It's hard to watch someone get old. Harder still when it's someone you love. I can only imagine how much it sucks for the aged.

I'm not talking about I'm-45-I-need-bifocals old. I'm talking about can't-take-care-of-yourself old.

It sucks to get old.

You can't walk on your own anymore. You can't communicate effectively. You can't read, because your eyesight is so poor. Can't watch TV because your hearing is gone. You sleep all the time because there's no other way to occupy your day. You lose control of your bladder and bowels. You're like a baby, only without the cuteness caveat that makes newborns bearable. As far as the life cycle goes, the end-of-life part of it is horrible. Far be it from me to question God's imminence, but I feel He could have done better.

All this has me thinking about how I want to go out. Frankly, I've given more thought to what I want in a funeral than how I hope to pass. (I want Princess Diana's sendoff, 'kay? Thanks.)

When it comes down to it, there are really only two good ways to depart: 1) Quietly in your sleep; or 2) In a blaze of glory. Some time around the year 2041 I'll be looking for an asteroid that I can personally blow up, thus saving Earth.

All I know is, I don't want to live to be 90.

Because it sucks to get old.

Picture the future.

2012-01-04T11:46:00.001-06:00

I don't often picture the future. I'm more of a one-day-at-a-time kinda girl. I mean, I think about the distant future. I think about being retired and living in a beach house and walking on the beach in the winter in a thick white fisherman's sweater while my faithful dog chases a stick.

My future is straight out of a Viagra commercial.

But I don't usually imagine what the new year will bring. I guess I just always suppose it will look a lot like last year. Or today.

But you know what that great philosopher R. Kelly said: "If I can see it, then I can be it." Sometimes I wonder if I'm letting my life happen instead of making things happen for myself.

So I asked myself, "What do you want in 2012?"

I want to drop a few holiday pounds. Luckily, I lost more than a few last year (and I did it in a healthy way), so I know how to make this happen.

I want to grow my hair out like Annie Hathaway's in Love and Other Drugs -- long, dark and curly. Naturally I decided this not too long after cutting off several inches.

See how good it looks with the fisherman's sweater?

I want a to redesign my blog. Not me, myself, as those are not skills that I possess. But it's time to make some changes around here.

I want to travel to a foreign country (that's not Canada) with my husband. Our passports need more stamps. I'm thinking Europe. Maybe Holland.

My friend Shelley, strumming her ukulele in Rotterdam.

I want to attend gala benefits for charities dear to my heart. Does public radio hold fund-raising galas?

I want to get a magnolia tattoo. I just have to decide where I want to put it.

I want to sell our house and move downtown. Downtown Memphis. Downtown Chicago. Downtown Toronto. I'm not picky.

Bonus: They all have waterfronts.

I want to go to the beach! Last year was the first in probably 15 that I didn't have a summer beach getaway. I plan to never repeat that mistake again. This year I have accrued some vacation time, though, so we should be back on track. Destin or Bust!

I dare you to sit in one of those chairs and not relax.

Things I'm looking forward to in 2012:

watching the NFL playoffs #whodat
going to Mardi Gras in New Orleans in February
attending Blissdom in Nashville, also in February
going to the Final Four in New Orleans at the end of March
watching the Olympics from London in July
some possible social media speaking engagements

I'm feeling pretty good about 2012.

2011 In Review

2011-12-31T08:39:00.003-06:00

The annual Sundry End-Of-The-Year Questionnaire.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? Traveled to Canada. Saw Les Miserables on stage.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think I made any. I'm not really making any this year, either, but I do have some plans. I'm going to get back on Weight Watchers and drop the few pounds I put on over the holidays. I'm plan to spend more time outside with Shelby. I plan to blog more often. I plan to decorate for Christmas in 2012.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, and by golly someone needs to. I need more baby in my life.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My Smokey doggie.

5. What countries did you visit? O, Canada!

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? A reunion with my Jackson 5 girls.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Fourth of July weekend, when we got Shelby, and then she got sick and almost died.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I got a JOB. I lost 12 pounds.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not using up all the money in our healthcare spending account. Dammit.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, and that's probably why we still have money left in our flex account. So I don't know whether to be grateful or pissed off.

11. What was the best thing you bought? For Christmas, I got Chip a pair of cuff links with the street address of his childhood home stamped in them. With his mom gone, and his dad in the home, his family is in the process of selling that house, and it's been very hard on him.

Semi-Related Runner-up: The Helmut Lang dress I wore to the Teddy Bear Affair.

12. Where did most of your money go? College expenses

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Elijah graduating high school. Although, admittedly, probably not as excited as he was.

14. What song will always remind you of 2011? Katie Perry "Firework." I was introduced to this song when it was used for the opening video at Blissdom, and throughout the year I would listen to it when my spirits needed a boost. I'm not sure how much of that was due to the upbeat tune and lyrics and how much was actually the rippling effects of Blissdom. Probably a bit of both.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? HAPPIER
b) thinner or fatter? THINNER
c) richer or poorer? About the same. I have a job, and I didn't last year, but see also: #12.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of? Blogging.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of? Berating myself for not blogging.

18. How did you spend Christmas? Lowest-key Christmas ever. With Elijah out of the house, I didn't even put up a tree. Bought Elijah some winter clothes so he couldn't use the weather as an excuse to skip class. Shopped for three Angel Tree kids. Baked a lot of cookies.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Still House. I can't quit you, Dr. House.
Castle. What's not to love about Nathan Fillion? Playing a writer??
Justified. I came for the Raylan Givens. I stayed for the compelling story lines and award-winning performances.
Friday Night Lights. Sure did hate to see that one go. That one goes in the books with The West Wing as an all-time favorite forever.
Big Bang Theory. Funny SMART people - It's about damn time.

20. What were your favorite books of the year? Stephen King's 11/22/63 was excellent. (Not horror. Time travel.) I hadn't read King in 25 years but I had trouble putting this one down. Also caved in and read The Hunger Games which I enjoyed much more than I'd expected to. Tina Fey's book Bossypants is laugh-out-loud funny for real.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Awolnation "It's Not Your Fault"
Kasabian "Days Are Forgotten"
Keane
Adele
The Last Royals "Crystal Vases"
Freelance Whales "Hannah"
Black Keys
The Sounds "Something to Die For"
Related: Song I Hope To Never Hear Again? Pumped Up Kicks.

22. What were your favorite films of the year? Midnight in Paris. Woody Allen films got SO MUCH BETTER when he quit starring in them, and this one had some great lines about WRITING. If you are a blogger or a writer you should watch this. Sunset Limited on HBO was so powerful I found myself watching it multiple times just to soak up the words.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 45 and I swear, it was just a month ago and yet, I don't remember what we did. If anything. I probably got new bifocals or refilled my Geritol prescription.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More time to spend with Shelby. It's kinda nuts how oftenI think about her during the day when I'm at work, and how much I miss her.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? Chic urban creative professional

26. What kept you sane? My steel magnolias. No doubt about it. I hope that never changes.

27. What political issue stirred you the most? The ongoing assault on the rights of women (starting with that damned "personhood" amendment in my former home state and ending with my local Planned Parenthood's loss of funding.)

28. Who did you miss? Smokey

29. Who was the best new person you met? There's a new girl Rachel at work that I don't hate.

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. It gets better.

(2007, 2008,2009, 2010)

Tweets That Made Me LOL (2011)

2011-12-30T13:03:00.001-06:00

If you're not starring the tweets that make you laugh, and then going back and reading that list periodically when you need a pick-me-up, you are truly missing out. Either that, or you're following the wrong people. May I suggest you follow some of these?

@badbanana

Preparing for the weekend's big snowstorm by pruning the hedge maze.

@Sundry

Home wireless is down. 5yo theorizing that squirrels stole the Internet "so they can watch movies about nuts and stuff."

@sucittaM

The fact that the self-checkout computer doesn't say "This shit is bananas" when scanning bananas seems like a wasted opportunity.

@tomandlorenzo

Cute little box with a can of Fancy Feast in it delivered to our door. Had no idea our cats were ordering out.

@lonelysandwich

LinkedIn Park would be the second most boring band in the world.

@Sundry

"I'm too SMART and BIG for napping!" the 3yo shouts, before tossing a blanket over his head and storming off, face-first into a wall.

@sucittaM

If you are ever wondering who is rapping in a song, just wait 4 more seconds and he'll say his name.

@SusieSunshine

Told my youngest to label his drink so no one would take it. In large letters he wrote: POISON

@sucittaM

I'll stop telling kids that some of the taxidermy animals at the Field Museum are still alive when it stops being hilarious.

@shriekhouse

Still recovering from the harmonica wakeup reveille this morning courtesy of my 5YO.

@onehalfamazing

At Target wearing black shirt and guy asks me if I work here. Yeah, if this is goth Target.

@Sundry

Important life lesson the kids now know: do not feed a seagull part of your sandwich, unless you want to reenact that scene from THE BIRDS.

@WendiAarons

Our local newsreader looks like she tripped & fell face first into the Walgreen's cosmetics department.

@jensized

Got an e-mail about mobile mammograms. If I wanted to get my boobs squeezed in a van I'd go back to high school.

@MarinkaNYC

Gender reveal parties! Oh. For expecting parents.

@alittlepregnant

Two-word review of the Vermont Quilt Festival: embellished sweatshirts.

@WendiAarons

Asking the kids to organize the playroom is like putting meth heads in charge of a pharmacy.

@roneydapony

@OutNumberedisMe on my iphone it auto corrects to mazel Tocqueville. Please accept my congratulations and a french philosopher.

@mooshinindy

Addie: "Tim is the smartest kid in first grade!" Cody: "Why do you say that?" Addie: "Because he's 8!"

@AnissaMayhew

"Say hello to my little friend!" You can tell they're not pot-smokers. It would be more "I want Taco Bell. I'll buy if you fly."

@mooshinindy

I wonder if this Butterfly chick knew that with a set of pipes like that she didn't have to marry the chubby American jerk. @indyopera

@alittlepregnant

You do it. I'm busy with branding and shit. RT @Mom101: Here's a secret no one every talks about: Want more traffic? WRITE GOOD POSTS.

@kyranpittman

Scored 2.37/gallon gas at Kroger tonight. Almost did a Tawny Kitaen across the hood of the minivan.

@alittlepregnant

Come to think of it, maybe the Diaper Genie airing on the front step isn't the most genteel welcome. Better put a geranium in it.

@SarahKSilverman

I'd rather not die alone but I'd rather die alone than w more than 3 people

@DressCourage

I just tripped over a paper towel, in case anyone was wondering why I flunked out of ninja school.

@alotofnothing

Is there anything a hot fudge sundae won't fix? Other that diabetes.

@gideonyu

An ER doctor just told me that based on all the excuses he's heard, "minding my own business" is the activity most likely to get you shot

@WendiAarons

My bank has apparently started a "Friendly Teller" program where they ask you about your weekend plans. Shit needs to stop.

@annsrants

They really did cry in every single scene of ThirtySomething. Probably because their jeans were so tight around their ribcage.

@WendiAarons

There's a large family posing on the beach, all dressed in white shirts & khaki pants. Obviously some kind of wacko doomsday cult.

@Ty_Schutz

People with more than two kids aren't allowed to complain about traffic or waiting in line. It's all their fault.

@designersays

I should never read tweets at work because I laugh out loud and everyone asks what’s funny and I have to say this excel spreadsheet

@AnissaMayhew

Medical Questionnaire: RACE. Answer: RELAY.

@WendiAarons

There's a mom at school with the last name of "Bratz." I've never met her, but I'm sure she looks nothing like I imagine.

@27bslash6

No update. On strike until the producers of The Walking Dead admit there is no such thing as a 'Mid Season Finale'.

@TwoAdults

Ezra just told me, "Fuh-leece Slobbydad!"

@pantalonesfuego

@finslippy Every cat in the world is a shill for WalMart ever since they changed their logo to a butthole. *

@WendiAarons

I don't ever have a favorite kid, but right now it's probably the one who didn't sign me up to receive text alerts from The Dallas Cowboys.

@alittlepregnant

If I go on a spree of violence today, it's because of "Step Into Christmas."

@AubriLevens

@TheBloggess Knock knock baby Jesus. pic.twitter.com/eGFHfCC4

@wilw

Dog: BARK BARK BARK! BARKBARK! Me: Dude, it's just the Jingle Bells Dogs on the radio. Dog: I, um, knew that. I was... uh, singing along.

@PhilRodgers

And in those days Caesar Augustus decreed that all must return to the town of their birth, that they might sort out their parents' computers

@Moltz

Either the boy decided to sleep in this morning or Santa's branched out into kidnapping.

Previous Reviews: Timely Tweets, I Can Relate, High Five!

High Five! (2011)

2011-12-30T08:40:00.001-06:00

More than just being able to relate to them, some tweets I agree with so wholeheartedly I wish I had written them myself. Some of them are political tweets, some of them relate to my profession, and some of them are from incredibly insightful kids.

@MaggieDammit

My 6-yr-old, 10 mins into High School Musical 2 (during the "School's out" song): "If school is out, why aren't they LEAVING? Freaks."

@Mike_FTW

If Americans had the guts and resolve the Egyptian people have shown we would’ve ousted that prick Cheney.

@tomandlorenzo

"I look hot and smart. I feel like Michelle Obama.” I'm going to say that to myself every time I get dressed. L #Glee

@Mike_FTW

Facebook killed blogging in the same way the automobile killed horses; by freeing up the horses for those who respected their strength

@Sundry

By 1999 Elizabeth Taylor had helped raise $50 million to fight AIDS. Vagina-flashing starlets, it's time to consider your legacy.

@Gerry Duggan

RT @JennyMcCarthy Tell me some of your can't live with out products that u have used with your kids /// I'm happy with the Polio vaccine!

@Mike_FTW

If you slotted Hitler into the current Republican presidential field he’d be a moderate.

@Lawcomic

I think in Sarah Palin's mind a "gotcha" question is any question which is not somehow related to moose.

@al3x

There's a difference between "customer service over Twitter" and "paying someone to impotently apologize on Twitter".

@robdelaney

You should be able to redeem brownie points for actual brownies.

@pantalonesfuego

You were not a "toe head" as a kid unless you also had a toe growing out of your head.

@mrlady

Churches should not have advertising budgets.#yourrdoingdevotionwrong

@jonniker

Do you guys know that you are ALL live-tweeting the #f8 news, or do you legitimately think you're the only one bringing us information?

@jensized

I don't think enough teams have dinosaur mascots.

@ebertchicago

When the world ends, I want to follow the story on NPR. It will sound more orderly that way.

@UnstableIsotope

Women should declare themselves corporations so Republicans will stop trying to regulate us.

@postsecret

Today's Mail: "I like to walk into people who are looking down texting on their phones. Then I yell at them to watch where they're going."

@CuddlyNinja

Why isn't the movie 'What Women Want' just 90 minutes of Ryan Gosling doing an ab workout on a pile of Nutella and money?

@MarthaPlimpton

If Fred Phelps has the right to verbally abuse people going to their son's funerals, then #OWS has the right to sit in the middle of a park

@Swistle_Thistle

"50% off ENTIRE site!! (exclusions apply)" needs a re-write.

@WendiAarons

The hottest woman of all time is Jennifer Aniston? Was the list made by Ross Geller?

In case you missed them: Timely Tweets and I Can Relate are live.

Still to come: More categories, including Tweets That Made Me LOL and Welcome to Memphis!

I Can Relate! (2011)

2011-12-29T12:24:00.004-06:00

Often, the people I follow on twitter will post something that makes me go "Yeah! I can relate to that!" If the tweet is really good, and I can really relate, I'll star it. These are some of those tweets.

@MarinkaNYC

Dinner with husband's friends. He asked me to be pleasant. I need more notice for that.

@Moltz

Me to the icons on the Windows taskbar just now: "OK, which one of you little assholes is WiFi?"

@sucittaM

There should be laws against teenagers wearing shirts of bands I like.

@TheBloggess

I'm surprised the competent PR people haven't risen up and strangled all the clueless ones fucking it up for everyone else.

@tomandlorenzo (during the Royal Wedding recessional)

In my head "How do you find a word that means Maria?" Can't help it.#RoyalWedding

@allisonzapata

Everyone in my house annoyed me last night. Except for the fish. And the fish died in December.

@debontherocks

I knew my kid FBed something during my epic car karaoke to "In the Air Tonight." Oddly it wasn't the "Mom is so cool" update I anticipated.

@Sundry

#FF Any Shwan's truck, because you know there's a shitload of ice cream bars in that thing.

@allisonzapata

I wonder if the singers of Hey Soul Sister also want to kill themselves when they hear the song.

@WendiAarons

My husband & son are at a 106 degree high school football game tonight. I didn't go because Tim Riggins isn't playing.

@MarinkaNYC

Just lost power. My son wants to "save the ice cream". First responder, that one.

@valibus

I'm going to go to a car dealership with a bullhorn, walk up to a salesperson and say "I SAW YOUR COMMERCIAL LAST NIGHT AT 3AM!"

@alittlepregnant

I think the reason my houseplants die of neglect might be that they don't whine at me if I forget to care for them.

@jonniker

I would like to be able to make citizen's arrests based on the failure to offer a courtesy wave.

@MarinkaNYC

I wouldn't mind if this season of Project Runway turned into an episode of Murder, She Wrote.

@techguerilla

“Dress for the job you want, not the job you have” I told my interns while wearing my hawaiian shirt and flip flops.

@TheSuniverse

Fucking fuck - how is only 3:30? Is it 3:30 TOMORROW?

@wilw

Dog: Play ball! Me: Ok! Dog: OMG DON'T TRY TO TAKE MY FUCKING BALL FROM ME OMG. Me: Ok... [2 seconds later] Dog: Play ball?

@shelbyfero

Those first few seconds where it could be Bowie or Vanilla Ice is my 'Nam

@Mike_FTW

Watching college football with Southern people. Weird.

@LettersofNote

I wouldn't want to live in a world without cheese, toast, and the ability to melt the former on top of the latter.

@awrightbrian

If we ever do have a war on Christmas, I want to lead the SEAL team that takes out a LITE FM holiday music radio station.

@sucittaM

I'd rather eat a Lego than step on one barefoot.

@L8enough

Last week, my husband caught me in the shower rehearsing aloud my NPR interview for my (still-unwritten) book. #awkward

@karensugarpants

If Beyonce walked into my house right now, she'd say "this is a DISASTAH!"

If you missed it: Here is Timely Tweets (2011)

Still to come: More categories! Including High Five!, Tweets That Made Me LOL, and Welcome to Memphis!

Timely Tweets (2011)

2011-12-29T12:06:00.001-06:00

I guess if we're going to look back at the year in review, we might as well do it on Twitter. It's where the news is breaking, after all. Here are some of my favorite timely tweets of 2011. Come, relive the year with me, won't you?

@Sundry

The order of things: lies, damn lies, statistics, Charlie Sheen's spokesman.

@MarinkaNYC (on the occasion of BlogHer '11, which was held in San Diego)

Would it kill you people to have all blogging conferences in NYC from now on? We were attacked on 9/11, you know.

@Mike_FTW

Dear Egyptians, please chill the fuck out while we consult our groundhog for advice

@badbanana (during the Super Bowl)

Great commercial for House. Now go to the Fox site to see if Hugh Laurie gets naked. #brandbowl

@ActuallyNPH (during the Super Bowl, when Christina Aguilera flubbed the lyrics to the National Anthem)

Great fun, the Super Bowl. Loved it. #whatsoproudlywewatched

@Mom101 (when funding to NPR and PBS was threatened)

Who are these people rooting for the downfall of NPR? Like, "boo good reporting! We hate that!"

@MarinkaNYC

Ryan Seacrest can become a polygamist and I'll never believe he's heterosexual. #grammys

@JoeyJWagner

Lady Gaga was @ the VMAs covered in meat. She was @ the Grammys dressed as an egg. Two more red carpets & She will be a Denny's Grand Slam.

@MarinkaNYC

I assume that James Franco's hosting the Oscars was some kind of avant-garde work-study program

@Mike_FTW

The Japan situation seems to be getting worse. I have to wonder if some of you are only fake-praying.

@TemerityJane

Wait, it's not Nut? That polar bear Knut was named Kuh-noot? Kuh-noot, I barely knew you. Or how to pronounce your name.

@jensized

Bruce Pearl gets paid almost a million dollars severance plus insurance for a year. That'll teach him.

@altgeldshrugged

Hey, British tabloids - you'll have a new princess by the end of the week. Try not to kill this one, okay?

@L8enough

What Kate and William are thinking during the sermon: "Look thoughtful. Don't yawn." #royalwedding

@SusieSunshine

If I were Queen, instead of standing there all awkwardly while the crowd sang my theme song, I'd sing "God save me, me."

@earlkabong (on the death of Bin Laden)

If we don't start overturning cars very soon then we, as a nation, are saying this is less important than a Laker threepeat.

@Moltz

If the Rapture is tomorrow, shouldn't a 500 ft Jesus be battling a 500 ft Satan today? It's possible I don't know much about the Apocalypse.

@MitchEnglish

Oprah's Last words on show "To God Be the Glory", [speaking in third person.] #dailybuzz #Oprah

@MarinkaNYC

Talking to your kids about Rep. Weiner: "sometimes when a man loves his own penis very much-"

@MarinkaNYC

Congratulations to Congressman Weiner on not tweeting his penis for 24 hours. One day at a time! #rehab

@Sundry

Thinking of joining the Marines so I can guilt Timothy Olyphant into taking me on a date. Pretty sure this is a foolproof plan.

@Sundry

I love the response from Sesame Street: "....they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation."

@roneydapony

Mom: When you lose power, the first night it's like little house on the prairie, by the third night it's the shining. #Irene

@mulegirl (during the President's speech)

"I'll see your Reagan and raise you a Lincoln, bitches."

@Mike_FTW (during the President's speech)

Never forget. …who caught that terrorist motherfucker.

@babypop (yet another PR Fail live on the internet, this one involving Jenny The Bloggess)

Hey @TheBloggess @KimKardashian in on the @todayshow just in case you were wondering what pantyhose she has on? #prfail

@ZacharyWhitten

Lindsay Lohan to pose for Playboy. Wow. That's about 5 years and 37 kilos of cocaine too late for me to even be curious. Instead, I'm scared

@SteveMartinToGo

The White House shooter says he’s a “modern day Jesus.” This makes sense because I remember when Jesus was shooting at people.

@hotdogsladies

It's surprising how few situations are improved by the introduction of unstable people with pepper spray. Real head-scratcher, that.

@davepell

People who watch Two and a Half Men have the same vote as you do. There's no way the founding fathers could have imagined that.

@MarinkaNYC

Merry Christmas, the war is over.

@Busymom

Free idea: Shelf on an Elf.

Still to come: More categories including I Can Relate, High Five!, and Tweets That Made Me LOL.

Dragon Tattoo: The Film

2011-12-23T21:07:00.000-06:00

When I saw the trailer for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, I said to Chip, "That looks like they did a great job adapting the book into a movie."

Now I've seen the full movie, and I still say they did a great job adapting the book. This is going to cause many people to complain that the film is 30 minutes too long, but the ending -- what takes place after the mystery is solved -- is necessary to carry the viewer into the second story in the series. I knew that, so I didn't mind it being tacked on.

Having read the book, I also knew when the brutal rape scene was coming up, and chose at that moment in the film to visit the restroom. In the parking lot, Chip said to me, "Boy, you picked the right time to go to the bathroom." Yes, dear, exactly. From his reaction I can only assume that it was a rather intense.

A lot of attention has been paid to Rooney Mara's red carpet appearances for the movie and how to manage growing out that horrible Lisbeth Salander hair cut. So I guess I'm going against all my fashion blogger community when I say this, but I LIKED THE LISBETH SALANDER HAIRCUT. I thought it was fun and edgy. (She only wore it in a spiked mohawk in one scene.) Oh yeah, to be 20 years younger...

Trent Reznor, who won an Oscar and a Golden Globe for The Social Network soundtrack, did the soundtrack to this movie as well. And listen, you MUST go see this film, if only for the opening sequence with Trent and Karen O's cover of "The Immigrant Song." Holy cats. That alone was worth the price of admission. NO WAY that doesn't win an Oscar.

Coming out of the theater, I fell down the steps. Elijah was behind me but that's little help, as one falls forward when falling down steps. I twisted my ankle, wrenched my back and neck, and bruised my shoulder. You can't take me anywhere.

A good fit.

2011-12-19T15:46:00.000-06:00

"It's a good fit," I kept saying.

I could see it in the way he carried himself. Taller than his 6-foot-2 frame that already towers over me. More confident. Self-assured. Happy.

Happy.

He looks happy.

It's a good fit.

Granted, we've given him every advantage. But when he pays it back with success, it certainly does seem worth it.

A lot of kids begin to find where they fit in college. And I don't want to give the impression that Elijah was a misfit in high school, because he was anything but that. Elijah was the quintessential suburban high school boy: a large group of friends -- jock friends, emo band friends, homecoming queen friends -- an active social life, B average, rugby and basketball, beach trips. His life was a good balance of schoolwork and fun. I wouldn't have had it any other way for him.

But something happened when he moved out and went to college. Where nobody is watching to make sure you're doing all the right things and limiting the wrong ones. College. Where nobody really cares if you go to class. College. Where failing grades mean you get kicked out, not "held back."

He joined a fraternity. Where there is often hazing. Where underage boys overdrink and consequently oversleep. Or worse.

If you think you worry about your baby, your toddler, your teenager, just wait. There is SO MUCH MORE to worry about in college.

Thankfully, all my worrying kept his plane in the air. He did go to class. He wrote his papers. He took his exams. He did volunteer work for St. Jude and for Salvation Army with his fraternity brothers, and he played on the SigEp basketball A-team.

He scored a higher GPA than he ever did in high school.

When he was little, I would watch him sing in a school Christmas program, and my heart would just burst at how sweet it was. At how much I loved him.

As he becomes a man, my heart swells with how proud I am of him. Of this responsible, self-assured, accomplished adult person that he has become.

It's a good fit.

The State of Blogging, 2011 (As I See It)

2011-12-16T12:15:00.000-06:00

I started blogging in June 2004. Seven-and-a-half years ago. That's much longer than a lot of the bloggers I read. You'd think I'd have perfected it by now. But my blogging took a different path than most bloggers are opting for these days. I didn't lure advertisers, band together in communities or court brand partnerships. I limit myself to the blogging conferences that I can actually pay for, as opposed to soliciting corporate sponsorship. My blog remains more of an online journal and less an extension of my brand. Or something.

(I don't even know what that means.)

I have watched bloggers walk the advertising/group blog/corporate partnerships path successfully. A few of them. I've watched a whole lot more of them take that path and completely screw up what was once a pretty good blog. And there are a lot of those. I eventually quit reading most of them. Heartfelt posts sponsored by Hallmark fail to move me. Dull posts about your daily routine simply to have a post every day in order to keep eyeballs on your ads bore me. Yawn. I'd rather look at pictures of your baby on Twitter.*

As I've watched the transition that's taken place in blogging over seven-and-a-half years, I've noticed some things.

The Bully Platform
Mainstream media is big on stories about the power of mom bloggers. I've noticed that bloggers are not unlike other organizations that have a built-in audience and platform to speak from when it comes to pushing their own issues. Demanding JC Penny remove a shirt that promoted little girls' looks over their brains seemed a bit extreme to me. It's not like the shirt promoted pornography, or eating disorders, or domestic violence. The truth is, some women do get by on their looks and not their brains and you know what? Good for them for working with what they got. But mom bloggers feel like they're banding together to make the world a better place. And I get that.

(FTR, that's what Focus on the Family thinks they're doing, too.)

The Self-Congratulatory Back Patting
Bloggers are not unlike advertisers and actors when it comes to giving themselves awards. My word. There's a ton of them out there. Blogging awards tend to come in the form of lists: Top 25 Twitter Moms; Top 50 Mom Blogs; Top 100 Moms Who Use Cloth Diapers...I can't keep up with them all. Every media outlet and group blog has its own extensive set of awards and lists. One page that's notorious for its pom-pom shaking over its latest list went so far as to call out a well-established national magazine's list for its awards being "link bait." Folks, that ain't the pot calling the kettle black; that's the chamber pot calling the tea kettle dirty. The truth is -- and we all know this -- that ALL these lists are link bait. That's why we keep seeing the same, big name (read: large readership) blogs on all the lists. If lists were really about recognizing excellence in blogging, why don't we ever see the "Top Blogs You've Never Heard Of" list? Oh, that's right. They don't have any readers to send to the list's page.

Extra points subtracted to sites that post their lists as slide shows, so you have to click through, thus ensuring not one pageview from you, but 100. I'd like to see bloggers band together to put a stop to that in 2012. Only that would create a blogging wormhole the likes of which would suck in and destroy all of digital media.

Buzzwords
Every business has its buzzwords and blogging is no exception. Bloggers talk about their brand. Bloggers talk about relationship marketing. Bloggers really like to talk about being authentic. Half the time I don't even know what they're talking about and/or why they're talking about it. But that's kind of the point with buzzwords, isn't it? Just a lot of empty, puffed-up speech that people use because they think it makes them sound influential.

(Bloggers talk a lot about influence, too.)

It Still Comes Down to Writing
Yesterday at lunch with a friend I was lamenting the dearth of really strong, talented writers in my professional field. I said, "You know where all the really good writers are? Writing blogs." I read blogs every day that blow away the lousy news releases or web content I see professionally. Bloggers who are able to focus on their product despite the distractions of ad revenue and corporate interference and peer pressure continue to turn out thoughtful, entertaining and touching posts.

(It's why I keep coming back.)

* But that's a hard-hitting, self-reflective post for another day.

Dare to Try: The Navy Eye

2011-12-07T18:56:00.005-06:00

Thanks to L'Oreal for sponsoring my post about my favorite beauty looks, tips and tricks! Check out Makeup.com for beauty advice from the experts.

***
One of my favorite things about the holidays is that it's an opportunity to wear something fancy and festive that you don't get to enjoy the rest of the year. A holiday party - whether it's a neighborhood gathering or an office party - is like your very own Fashion's Night Out where you can dare to try something different.

When we went to the Teddy Bear Affair in Toronto, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my make-up: I was dying to try out a navy eye. We've been seeing the smoky eye for quite some time now, but usually with charcoal-colored shadows. If a girl wanted to be daring she would even use black, but let's face it: Black eye shadow is really not all that flattering on anyone.

Navy, on the other hand, is quite fabulous. "Blue eye shadow" has gotten a bad rap in the last couple of decades, but I'm not advocating disco-era frosty turquoise on the lids. No, a deep, midnight blue is anything but cheap and tawdry. Navy eye liner, mascara or nails is actually quite chic - especially if you're wearing black. (Black and navy is a very popular color combination this season.) Navy is flattering to any coloring and it subtly brightens the whites of your eyes.

I started with an ivory-colored base over the whole lid - from lash to brow. I like MAC cosmetics paint pot in soft ochre. I personally would not use the silver, gray or pearlized white that may come in a palette with your navy shadow. For the most modern and chic look, you'll want to wear your navy with ivory.

Next, choose a dark blue pencil liner and draw a line close to the lashes. Try Lancome Le Stylo in minuit. I do only the top lid because I'm old and I have bags under my eyes that Delta would charge me 25 bucks a piece for. If you're young and have tight skin you may want to line both your upper and lower lashes.

Smudge the line with an angled blending brush.

Apply the shadow to the upper lid with a domed shadow brush. Try Lancome Color Design Sensational Effects shadow in Infinitely Indigo, Estee Lauder Pure Color shadow in Midnight Star, or Shu Uemura Pressed eye shadow in Midnight Blue. Tap the brush on a tissue to blot any excess powder from it. Extend the color just above the eye socket so that it's not lost when your eyes are open. Blend to remove any harsh lines.

Apply two coats of black or navy mascara - my all-time favorite being Maybelline Great Lash. I have tried more expensive mascaras (although I don't really see the point, since hygiene dictates you should toss your tube every couple of months) but I have yet to find anything I love like that pink & green tube.

If your affair is extra fancy, you should try a pair of false lashes that will really stand out against your navy lid.

Pair your navy eyes with a neutral cheek and lip to keep the look modern and chic. For a less dramatic daytime look, skip the shadow and go for navy liner and mascara on a neutral ivory lid. You'll love the way it will make your eyes pop.

Now that you've seen how easy it is...do you dare to try the navy eye?

I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. Click here to learn more about Makeup.com or become a Facebook fan by clicking here.

About Me: Five Things

2011-12-02T16:18:00.002-06:00

Five Things You Don't Know About Me
Is this supposed to be 5 things that no one knows about me? Because I'm not sure I'm ready to divulge all to the world wide internets just yet. Maybe closer to my deathbed. But even if it's just 5 things that you don't know about me, this might take a while. There isn't a whole ton of stuff that I've kept from you, readers. I'm afraid that most of you know already that I was raised Mormon, used to sing in a band, and never went to my prom.

I'm a former smoker. And god, we're the worst, aren't we? I'm like nazi cigarette lady. It'll be six years in January. Or maybe seven? But I think six. I used the patch. It helped a lot. And I ate a lot of m&ms. And I gained about 10 pounds. And I'm very, very glad to have done it. I started smoking in high school, and I'd quit a couple times before but I think this is the longest stretch so far and I have no intentions of ever returning to smoking.
I can not abide violence. Not even fake-movie violence. But especially not real violence. When Anderson Cooper showed that youtube video of the girl being beaten by her family-court-judge dad (stepdad?), I screamed at Chip until he changed the channel. I simply do. not. have. the stomach for it.
I'm only judgmental about *some* things. I know I seem judgmental. Sometimes I shock myself at how judgmental I am. But the truth is, I'm only judgmental about some things. I will judge you if you wear jeans and white tennis shoes. But I will not judge you if you wear tulle or leather or pink hair. I will judge you if you are hateful and lack compassion. But I will not judge you for doing what you have to do to feed your family. I guess you could say I'm judgmental about things you have the power to change and choose not to. Like your poor sense of style.
I don't play video games. Never have. Never will. Nope, not Wii bowling. Not Dance Dance Revolution. Not Space Invaders, PacMan or Centipede. Not even Angry Birds. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Some of my best friends are gamers.
When I was a child, I was deathly afraid of dogs. Like freeze up and cry in a complete panic if one came near me. It took me a long time to outgrow that fear, too. I was probably in my 30s before I finally discontinued that reaction and now I routinely put my hand in the mouth of my dog with her gigantic teeth that have bit me more than once. And I think to myself, "Wow, the 10-year-old me is so dying right now!"

Five Things I Know Stuff About
I actually know a fair amount about A LOT of things. This is because I changed my major so many times in college. I do really well on Jeopardy. When Elijah was little, I would watch it and be answering the questions and he'd say, "Mom! You should go on there!" It was so cute.

Public Relations. Natch. The major I finally stuck with and earned a diploma in. So I've been doing that for a few years now.
Grammar. It's not like I studied it any more than anyone else. It's just that some things a person has an affinity for, so they plant deeper and are retained longer. I remember rules of grammar that I learned in seventh grade. I don't know why. I just do.
Human anatomy and physiology. I took two semesters of this when I was studying to maybe be a nurse, and I really, really liked it. So I remember most of it. How are people not interested in the way their body works?
Music. I used to know a lot more about music but some of that stuff starts to fade if you don't use it. I've studied music theory, music history, many types of music and even a couple of instruments. I still retain an above-average amount of that knowledge and I'm not for sure, but I suspect I'm still a pretty good sight-reader.
Sports. For a girl, I know a lot about sports. Especially football, basketball. Even rugby. (IDK a lot about rugby, but I definitely know a lot more than the average American.) I once won a game of Trivia Pursuit with the answer "Karl Malone." Chip had selected sports for my final question because he figured that was the one category I would have the most trouble with.

Five Things IDK Very Much About At All
I assume we can leave off the givens: astrophysics, string theory, economic policy. We'll stick to things that you might expect me to know something about, that I, in fact, do not.

Spelling. I'm a remarkably bad speller, for a writer. I'm a crossword puzzle fanatic, and there's nothing more frustrating than knowing the answer, but not knowing how to spell it.
Numbers. I'm a word person. I'm not a numbers person. I am no good at numbers. I've accepted it. You should too. You can go ahead and show me one more time how to figure the percentage increase in media coverage over last year, but I promise you it won't matter. You'll save us both a lot of time if you just go ahead and figure it for me.
Today's Popular Music. I wouldn't know Nicki Manaj if I ran over her in my car on the way home. (It's a "her," right?) And there's a singer named "Pitbull"??
Cooking. I mean, I can follow a recipe. But I have very little knowledge about cooking stored between my ears. Luckily I have my friend Debbie on speed dial for these things.
Ultimate Fighting. It seems like a lot of people are into this so-called sport these days. Even people I wouldn't expect, like real girly girls. But I don't watch it. I don't know any of the fighters. I'm completely in the dark about it. (See #2 above)

Five Things I Believe
I have very strong opinions. About a lot of things. But these are some of the top things that I feel passionately about today.

I believe that religious organizations that take an active role in politics should have their tax-free status revoked.
I believe that receiving professional medical care is a basic human right in industrialized countries.
I believe it's wrong how white, Christian, heterosexual men use their positions of power to treat the rest of us like second-class citizens in this country.
I believe that you should not be able to win a basketball game by fouling at the end. No other sport rewards you for breaking the rules with a W.
I believe in neck nuzzles from a soft puppy as mood elevators.

Facing the Holidays as a Thinner Me.

2011-11-17T09:27:00.001-06:00

THANK YOU for all the kind words regarding the photos from Toronto. It was, indeed, a lovely birthday and I appreciate the compliments. You might have noticed that I looked a little different than I did when we were in Toronto for our anniversary back in May. Or, you would have, if I'd posted any of those photos here. Truth is, the scenery was gorgeous, but I was less than happy with how I looked in the photos.

I have a guest post over at Diets in Review about how I lost weight on Weight Watchers, and some tips for how I plan to not gain it all back over the holidays. Special thanks to Carmen for giving me the chance to write over there and to Diets in Review, a site I love (and not just because I won a 10-piece cookware set from them last year).

(Seriously, they have great prizes over there. Click around and see if you find something worth entering.)

I hope you all have a lovely holiday! Enjoy it - but don't overdo it! That Helmut Lang dress wouldn't be nearly as attractive on Santa's bowl-full-of-jelly belly!

Toronto Street Fashion

2011-11-14T10:16:00.000-06:00

If you follow me on Twitter, you are well aware of the fact that I LOVE TORONTO. It's big, it's hip, it's clean, it's diverse, it's urban, it's international. It's just a very, very cool city. So what are the urban chic wearing this fall in Toronto?

It turns out cold-weather urban fashion is really easy to do. It's all about the layering. Select an item from each list to put together your own chic urban look.

First, select your leggings from Column A:

Column A - Leggings

textured

zippered

leather

velvet

jeggings

colored denim

Tuck them into a pair of boots from Column B:

Column B - Boots

ankle boots

mid-calf

below-the-knee

riding boots

motorcycle boots

hiking boots

high-heeled boots

Now select a sweater:

Column C - Sweaters

tunic

sweater coats

sweater dress

hoodie

wrap sweater

boyfriend cardigan

If you want to switch things up a bit, you can add a short skirt to the mix:

Column D - Optional - Skirts

knit

corduroy

sweater

denim

Now you need a coat or a jacket:

Column E - Jackets

tailored coat

pea coat

cropped jacket

belted coat

leather jacket

jean jacket

Lastly, add your choice of cold-weather accessories. There are simply tons of variations available here, in all sorts of textures and colors.

Column F - Accessories

handbag

scarf

gloves

hat

faux fur vest

Now let's look at some samples. I didn't have the foresight to actually shoot street fashion photos while I was there, so I am lifting these from Chictopia, which has tons of great street fashion photos. (These photos aren't necessarily from Toronto, they are just images of the fashions I wanted to represent.)

Leather leggings, mid-calf flat boots, tunic sweater,
military jacket, eternal scarf, large tote

patterned tights, below-the-knee boots, short skirt, fisherman's sweater

Black leggings, ankle boots, leg warmers, sweater dress, knit cap

Cranberry zippered leggings, ankle boots, leather jacket, faux fur vest

Jeggings, menswear-inspired boots, Nordic sweater, trench coat, satchel

black leggings, motorcycle boots, hooded wrap sweater, black jacket

black leggings, mid-calf boots, short skirt, tunic sweater,
leopard-print scarf, puffy coat

black leggings, ankle boots, layered t's, cropped leather flight jacket

velvet leggings, ankle boots, sweater wrap

skinny jeans, ropers, plaid scarf, cropped jacket with faux-fur hood

Black leggings, knee-high boots, sweater, leather jacket, scarf

Grey leggings, hiking boots, cowl-neck sweater, messenger bag

Black leggings, high-heeled boots, chunky cardigan, scarf, knit beanie

See how simple it is to mix and match! Adjust your choices based on the specifics of your day: how cold it will be, whether you'll be inside or out, if you'll be doing a lot of walking. Here are some simple rules to follow:

To maximize your closet, select leggings and boots, even sweaters and coats, in neutral colors. Utilize your scarves, handbags and other accessories to add a pop of color.
A good rule of thumb is Big on top - Small on bottom. An over-sized sweater is off-set by the tight leggings. To avoid looking sloppy, limit the number of over-sized pieces. Try a cropped jacket over a big sweater.
Don't be afraid of texture. Mixing textures adds interest - especially if you're wearing a lot of black or some other neutral.
Mix masculine and feminine styles - a soft sweater with motorcycle boots, or flirty dress with a leather jacket.
My personal fashion secret: A motorcycle jacket and aviator sunglasses over pretty much anything will make you feel like a bad-ass.

With Glowing Hearts

2011-11-08T16:32:00.000-06:00

Saturday was my birthday, and my sweet husband arranged for this glamorous formal party with 1,200 of my closest Canadian friends.

You know how in the States, charities are monitored to ensure that they don't spend too much money to raise money? Our events, while nice, tend not to be too extravagant or lavish. Yeah, this wasn't that kind of party.

Swarovski crystals

They had special cocktails for the evening. One was a fresh blueberry cosmo. One was Prosecco and raspberries. And one was maple syrup, rye and ginger ale. I looked at the lady next to me at the bar and said, "That must be a Canadian thing. Where I come from, we don't drink maple syrup." She said my accent was cute.

David Johnston, The Governor General of Canada, was there. He is the Queen's representative in Canada, although I'm not totally convinced it wasn't really Tim Conway.

And you can't really have an event in Canadian without people dressed as RCMP. I guess.

They were all, "Tonight's dinner is being prepared for you by celebrity chef Jamie Kennedy!" and I got all excited but it turns out I was thinking of Jamie OLIVER and the name Jamie Kennedy was only familiar to me because we have a different celebrity named Jamie Kennedy in the States. But it was still a really amazing dinner.

Tiffany Bears were sold for $75, each with its own number in a raffle for about $50,000 worth of Tiffany diamond jewelry. My bear was number 0417. The winning number for the Tiffany diamond ring was 0416.

But I still felt like a winner.

Also, I did win this great bag by Cole Haan in the silent auction, so that was a nice birthday gift!

I wore the Helmut Lang dress, which turned out to be the perfect choice for the event. Here is me looking all kinds of glamorous in front of the hotel door.

The poor lady who did my hair had about half of it pinned up, then she looked at the women working at the chair next to us and said, "I have no idea where to put all this hair!" But she did a lovely job. It was perfect for the dress.

Chip wore a tux by JoS. A. Bank, and he looked so handsome!

One of the ladies at our table was wearing a fascinator. But I didn't get a picture of that.

Here is the official event photo of us superimposed over the Parliament Building. Which isn't even in Toronto. But who cares. It makes us look worldly and well-traveled.

The event raised $1.5 million (Canadian) for the Children's Aid Foundation, which works to improve the lives of children and youth who are abused, neglected and at-risk through prevention, enrichment and education.

Styling by Augusta Campbell; Dress by Helmut Lang, from Joseph's; Shoes by Barney's New York; Bracelet from James Davis; Hair by Mica of DeFrancesco Hairstyling.

And the Winner is...

2011-10-25T10:51:00.000-05:00

The Helmut Lang - in brushed black, rather than the emerald pictured. It was overwhelmingly the favorite of blog, twitter and facebook commenters. And the best part? I LOOK TALL IN THIS DRESS.

Fully styled photos will be posted following the event.

It's more than a dress. It's a statement.

2011-10-22T14:28:00.001-05:00

Chip and I have been invited to attend a black-tie event with his company while we're in Toronto next month. This is exciting because it's been years since I left my non-profit job and all the galas and parties that went with that. Also because this is the first time that I will meet members of his Canadian team and I guess you don't get a better opportunity to make a good impression than at a formal event.

Now, you know that I love fashion as much (probably more) than the next girl. I watch Stacy and Clinton; I know what flatters my figure. I read T.Lo; I know dress designers and what they're showing this season. So of course, the first thing I did when I learned that I need to buy a dress is to CALL A STYLIST.

Oh yes. I did.

And here's why. First of all, I am very lucky to be friends with THE TOP stylist in the city. Augusta does fashion styling on all sorts of high-fashion shoots and for Memphis magazine. So she knows which designers are in which stores, what they have in stock, what sizes are available, what the price range on them is. I tell Augusta what I'm looking for as far as color, silhouette, fabric, and other specifics, and she finds them for me! Within a week, we were in the stores, where she had pulled dresses that met my criteria for me to try on.

She was an impartial opinion on which dresses looked best on me, and then she made accessory recommendations, based on, again, what she knows is in the stores and readily available.

I'm telling y'all, it was an invaluable service.

Also, she could take photos on my cell phone ~~for my blog~~ for reference.

These were my guidelines:

The silhouette needs to flatter my hourglass figure. A structured waistline is a must.
I'm open to any color as long as it's not the same color as my skin.
No satin. Too wrinkly.
I need to be able to wear a bra or *some sort* of supportive undergarments.
No strapless. I have horrible shoulders.
I want something a little edgy. Not too edgy. I want to get Chip a big promotion, not get him fired.

The last cocktail dress I bought was a black Dolce & Gabbana. It was a thick knit with an attached leopard print scarf at the neck and keyhole neckline. It was fierce. But. A dress you wear when you are working a red carpet event is very different from a dress you wear to attend a red carpet event. When I was working with board members, big donors, celebrities, I had to look professional, as well as festive. For this event, I need to look like a trophy wife. My dress should say, "I have style. I have class. I am well taken care of."

[I know that sounds like a very un-feminist thing for me to say. But. Chip has attended plenty of these events with me and played the well-taken-care-of husband.]

Here are the contenders:

Yigal Azrouel

Modern, edgy, sleek. Rich color, asymmetrical neckline. I felt like a rock star in this dress.

[What? You thought I was going to post the photos of me in the dresses, in bad dressing room lighting? YEAH RIGHT.]

Helmut Lang

Elegant, classy, gorgeous color. I feel like a Greek goddess in this dress.

Black Halo

Classic, traditional, flattering lines, exposed back zipper. I feel like Joan in this dress.

Three very different looks, each one a knockout.

Which one do you like?

Lay on, Macduff.

2011-10-18T08:01:00.001-05:00

Sunday night I attended the Tennessee Shakespeare Company's production of Macbeth, under the stars in Shelby Farms Park. As you can imagine, it was nothing short of magical.

Dan McCleary has taken something really wonderful - Shakespeare in the Park - and brought it to Memphis and that right there is medal-worthy in my eyes.

Did you even KNOW that Shelby Farms has an amphitheater? Apparently it's been there since, like, the 80s. The magic in performing under a night sky is that the performance area comprises so much more than just the stage. The trees are lit up beautifully, and the outdoor scenes take place...outdoors. How unique.

I just kept thinking, "My dad would've LOVED this."

So, Macbeth. Have you ever seen it? It's the story of a wife who convinces her husband to kill the King of Scotland so that he can become king. Then they both descend into madness. And, as it is a Shakespearean tragedy, everyone dies. The end.

Macbeth goes mad with power. He starts killing anyone that he thinks poses a threat to his position, you know...as tyrants do. Then they all kind of hang around as ghosts and make him crazy. Which is just the kind of revenge you would wish on a murderer, no?

Lady Macbeth, she just can't handle the role she played in killing the king. She wanders around at night, cursing a bloody spot that's not there. Then [spoiler alert!] she offs herself.

It got me wondering: Does a person go mad after they commit murder because they have a conscience? It seems like pure evil would kill and move on. But not Lady Macbeth. Bless her heart.

"Out, damn'd spot! Out, I say!"

A lot of people are familiar with the witches, the Weird Sisters, of Macbeth. Double, double, toil & trouble and all that. I'm wondering if Aaron Spelling read Shakespeare? It seems he may have based his television show Charmed on these ladies. English majors, you can have that essay topic for free.

"Something wicked this way comes!"

When I was a child, I had this conversation with my dad, oh, about a million-and-a-half times:

Me: "Hey, Dad, um...tomorrow?..."
Dad: "'Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...'"
Me: "Huh?"
Dad: "It's from Macbeth. Shakespeare."
Me: "Oh. So um, tomorrow? Can I go over to Rachel's after school?"

It's a beautiful soliloquy, but sadly, if you make it your Senior Quote, people will think you are depressed with no will to live. So I can't recommend you use it for that.

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing

Tennessee Shakespeare Co.'s production of Macbeth runs through Oct. 23. The Company returns to Shelby Farms amphitheater with The Tempest in April. If you prefer southern playwrights, they're doing Tennessee Williams' Glass Menagerie outdoors at Dixon Gallery & Gardens May 23 through June 3. Visit the Company's website for ticket information.

This is not a sponsored post, y'all. I think what Tennessee Shakespeare Company is doing is so, so good for my city. I hope you'll join me in supporting their work.

Photos courtesy of Tennessee Shakespeare Company

My accent vlog. Which, ironically, appears to be dubbed in English.

2011-10-17T08:05:00.005-05:00

So this is my accent vlog.

Also my first ever vlog.

Turns out I have no idea how to use the webcam on my netbook.

I was like those old people in the YouTube video. "Is is on? Well how do you make it record?"

I copied this from some of the other bloggers I read. Although I think they might have been doing it in preparation for a conference they're attending. Which I am not attending. So I think I sort of just plopped myself down at the cool kids' table and now they're all staring at me going, "Who the hell is THAT?"

For the accent vlog, you're supposed to say a list of words so that others can see how weirdly you pronounce them. Then you answer some questions too.

So here goes nothing.

(Why were the other bloggers' videos so professional and mine appears to be dubbed in English??)

(Also, I had a little trouble figuring out how to make it stop recording at the end.)

Say the following words:
Aunt, route, wash, oil, theater, iron, salmon, caramel, fire, water, sure, data, ruin, crayon, toilet, New Orleans, pecan, both, again, probably, spitting image, Alabama, lawyer, coupon, mayonnaise, syrup, pajamas, caught.

And answer these questions:
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that curls into a ball when you touch it?
What is the bubbly, carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you use to change the channel on the TV?

Okay. Well. That was ~~awkward~~ fun.