The Pop Eye

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:01:00 +0000

Hey, even if your name isn't Leroy, you should check out this week's vid: "I Wish I Had A Girl" by the Lord of Mullets, Henry Lee Summer.

I've always had quite an affection for this song, which kind of makes me feel like a bumpkin. Although it was fairly popular back when it came out in 1987, probably the only place you'd hear this tune now is blaring out of this guy's truck window. -->

Oh, and on my blog, of course.

I actually wanted to post this vid a couple of years ago, but apparently there wasn't an embeddable version on YouTube then. Finally, this wrong has been righted. And right before Thanksgiving, too.

You know, this song reminds me...I always wished I had a guy who walked like George Jefferson.

Happy Mid-Life Crisis, Sesame Street.

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:42:00 +0000

Many of our favorite Sesame Street characters are celebrating 40 years in the neighborhood, but a few have no intentions of aging gracefully. Also, the fame might finally be getting to their heads. Observe:

Oscar the Grouch has suddenly decided that he's very concerned about the environment and has traded in his trash can for a recycle bin outside the Starbucks over on Third Avenue. In exchange for shaming people into recycling with caustic remarks, Starbucks gives Oscar all the coffee, bran muffins and adult contemporary CDs he wants. His new "crunchy granola" attitude may be causing a rift between him and girlfriend Grundgetta, who still loves regular old trash and is also a tea drinker.

Grover is taking full advantage of his still-boyish looks that are the envy of every other Sesame Street resident. He's recently invested in a John Mayer-inspired hairpiece and taken the bare minimum of guitar lessons needed to master Mayer's brand of soulless, inoffensive music that somehow makes the girls go wild. And it seems to be working, as word on the street is that he's been romancing a bevy of babes. In the past month alone, he's been linked to Betty Lou, Rosita, Prairie Dawn, Jennifer Aniston and even the Count's estranged lady friend, Countess Dahling von Dahling (more on that below).

It's kind of surprising that the ageless Count von Count would care much about the passage of time, but perhaps he's just wishing he were in swingin' Transylvania and rebelling against his pleasant, suburban, family-friendly surroundings. After dumping his long-time partner, he replaced his trademark monocle with some designer shades, had some dental work done, and copped not only Robert Pattinson's hairdo, but also his chick. Yes, The Count has been seen squiring Kristen Stewart all over town, most recently to Chrissy and The Alphabeats' private, star-studded CD release party. Although "Countsten" refuses to comment on their status, town gossip Big Bird claims to have seen the pair snogging outside Mr. Hooper's store.

The most shocking news of all was Ernie's sudden decision to split with Bert, his partner of fortysomething years. In a recent interview, Ernie told Sesame Street News Flash's Kermit the Frog that he'd just had enough of Bert's mental and emotional abuse, and revealed that his former flame was into some "disturbing paper clip fetishes" and suffered a crippling addiction to pigeon porn. Bert took to Twitter to deny Ernie's allegations while hurling some of his own—namely, that Ernie physically assaulted him once with his rubber ducky and that he had carried on a secret affair with Guy Smiley for years. Ernie has denied Bert's claims, calling his ex a "monobrowed moron."

Then, mere days after revealing to Kermit that he had no plans to date any time soon (stating that he needed to "work on himself"), Ernie showed up to the 40th Anniversary party on the arm of newly-single Adam Lambert, 13 years his junior! Ernie didn't hide his affection for the young singer, which launched Bert into another Twitter tirade, plastering the dirty details of his and Ernie's dysfunctional relationship and breakup online.

More on these stories as they develop...

Sonic Sunday: B-Side Bonanza Vol. 1

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 04:52:00 +0000

I've been thinking a lot lately about the many small but meaningful ways in which the "digital age" has changed music as we (old folks) know it. The blank stares of the younger generation used to only come when you mentioned 8-tracks or 78s, but those vacant expressions are becoming increasingly more common during any discussion of cassettes, 45s, and albums. That's depressing.

I've fully embraced digital music now, but it took me longer than most. One of the big reasons for that is that I've always been a liner notes gal. So it saddens me to think that, in a few years, the term "liner notes" will also be met with those horrible blank stares.

But liner notes aren't the only casualty of this new musical era. That wonderful treat known as the B-side will soon be (if it hasn't already) rendered obsolete. And that's probably the biggest tragedy, because B-sides were — to borrow a line from Mama Gump — like a box of chocolates; you never knew what you were gonna get. Often, they were just throwaway recordings, but sometimes they were incredible songs that made you gasp in amazement that they were never included on studio albums. And, of course, knowing about your favorite artists' b-sides always gave you that warm, fuzzy feeling of being a "true fan."

This Sonic Sunday post is dedicated to those Bs that should've been As — and because I haven't quite finished compiling my list of favorites (oh, the anguish of picking only one Pearl Jam song), this theme is going to continue throughout November. I'm even open to requests, so if you know of a real gem you want me to consider for a future installment, shoot me an email.

(No turntable required to hear the music. Click any link or arrow to launch the media player; CTRL-click to download.)

1. "17 Days," Prince and The Revolution - So here I sit in my lonely room lookin' for my sunshine/But all I've got is two cigarettes and this broken heart of mine/So let the rain come down, the rain come down/Let the rain come down, down

Despite the fact that he managed to fill up a disc full of them, Prince has never been known for having a wealth of fabulous B-sides. And of all of them, "Erotic City" is usually the one that gets all the attention. While I like that one well enough, it's just kind of like, "oh, Prince is being dirty again," so it's no big whoop. I much prefer this one, which was the B-side to "When Doves Cry." I can't think of a song that could've been bumped from the Purple Rain soundtrack, but I guess I might have bumped "Take Me With U" for the clearly superior "17 Days." I guess its problem was not fitting well enough into that movie's complex storyline. Heh.

2. "All Your Life," Blur - I need someone to tell me everything'll be alright/I need someone who'll hold me when the day turns to night/I need someone who loves me more than you do/Oh we say that's not true/And you and me in line as double bill/Surrogate heroes on TV and films

Pearl Jam wasn't the only band to give me problems during this project. Blur has a ton of B-sides: many crap, many good, and at least three that I love enough to nearly get a nosebleed when trying to decide among them. Ultimately, I settled on this flip side to "Beetlebum," because I felt like their self-titled album was the one that could have been most improved by bumping something else in favor of it. "All Your Life" is a better song than at least five of the album tracks, including Blur's only true American hit, "Song 2." But do yourselves a favor and look up "Young and Lovely," a gorgeous track that was inexplicably left off of the nearly perfect Modern Life is Rubbish, and "Money Makes Me Crazy," a wonderfully peppy pop song that might have seemed a bit out of place on the experimental Think Tank.

3. "Hey Hey What Can I Do," Led Zeppelin - I got a woman, wanna ball all day/I got a woman, she won't be true, no/I got a woman, stay drunk all the time/I said I got a little woman and she won't be true

Not only is this one of the best-known B-sides in rock history (backing the "Immigrant Song" single), but it's also one of the best songs ever written about a total sluuuut! I believe this is Led Zeppelin's only B-side, which is as it should be. They knew how brilliant they were. Why would they have left anything off of their records? (Although I will admit to a fierce hatred of "The Crunge.")

4. "How Soon Is Now," The Smiths - There's a club, if you'd like to go/You could meet somebody who really loves you/So you go, and you stand on your own/And you leave on your own/And you go home and you cry and you want to die

When I found out that this song was originally a B-side (later included on compilation album Hatful of Hollow and certain editions of Meat Is Murder), I couldn't believe it. No, actually I could. Because Morrissey is an idiot. But as it turns out, this oversight wasn't Morrissey's fault, but the record label's. (This doesn't leave Morrissey off the hook, though. He's still an idiot.) TPTB didn't think that the song was "representative of the band's sound," and chose not to release it as a single. Well, I'll agree with that because I'm definitely NOT a Smiths fan, but I love this song. Normally, I hate Morrissey's constant whining, but anyone of "clubbing age" can related to the above lyrics. And anyone of any age, race, creed, or sexual orientation can relate to the hook, "I am Human and I need to be loved/Just like everybody else does."

5. "Sweetest Thing," U2 - My love she throws me like a rubber ball/Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing/She won't catch me or break my fall/Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing/Baby’s got blue skies up ahead/But in this I'm a rain cloud/You know she wants a dry kind of love/Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing

This is one of only two B-sides on this list that I actually owned on 45, the other being "Hey Hey What Can I Do." It was the flip side to "Where The Streets Have No Name," and, for me, paled in comparison. (I was really pissed when U2 re-recorded this for their greatest hits compilation. The new version is much too slick and lacks most of the original's charm.) While The Joshua Tree was pretty flawless, I would have swapped out "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" for "Sweetest Thing" in a heartbeat. I'm sure most of you think I'm crazy, but I never quite understood the popularity of the former. It's long and plodding and just plain boring. This song, on the other hand, is pure joy. I played the shit out of it, even after we lost our turntable's little 45 doo-hickey. I just weighed it down with pennies. Sometimes it sounded a little distorted, but a distorted "Sweetest Thing" was better than no "Sweetest Thing" at all.

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Caption Crotch-test Contest #28

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 01:22:00 +0000

It feeds itself, then it rubs the lotion all over its body.

I don't know, that caption is just the one that made me laugh the most. Candy must know that I can't resist the juxtaposition of unrelated pop culture references, and for that, I reward her with a flaming crotch. Congrats, Candy! I hope your first time isn't too uncomfortable.

I guess this really wasn't a highly captionable picture, so I tip my hat to all of you who made a valiant effort. But there is only one runner-up this month, 徵信, who came from out of nowhere with this hilarious gem:
"花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信公司, 徵信公司, 徵信公司, 徵信公司, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 離婚, 離婚, 離婚, 離婚, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 離婚, 離婚, 離婚, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 感情挽回, 感情挽回."

The only reason that didn't take top honors is because a) the joke got a bit repetitive, and b) calling a Hualian person a "firecrotch" is a sign of much disrespect, and an offense that is punishable by death. Makes me wonder why 徵信 even bothered to enter the contest.

Recaps! Get Yer Recaps Heeee-ah!

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 04:55:00 +0000

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Recap: "Paddy's Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens"

Last night's episode of Sunny was one that I had been looking forward to since the Season 5 promos started running. And although it didn't quite live up to my expectations, it still provided some laughs, as well as a few brilliant merchandising ideas.

Things started with Charlie's self-made infomercial for Kitten Mittens (misspelled Mittons, of course), much of which was featured in one of the aforementioned promos that I watched no less than 50 times on YouTube, laughing hysterically every time. I love animals, but I also enjoy seeing a snobby cat get put in its place once in a while. So, watching a mittened meower clumsily navigate its way across Charlie's coffee table only to take a header off the edge (who says cats always land on their feet?) was quite a treat...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

Project Runway Picks The Final 3

Last night's Project Runway featured the last challenge before the Final 3 head to Bryant Park.

The top of the episode showed Althea wimping out from saying anything to Irina, who tried her hardest to throw Althea under the bus last week. Meanwhile, Irina lounged in bed, wearing an expression that says, "I secretly replaced all the designers' coffee with cyanide crystals," and talked about how honest and real she is. She claimed that she would never say anything behind anyone's back that she wouldn't say to their faces. Hmm. If this challenge had been to design a dress of lies, Irina would have had it all sewn up...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:57:00 +0000

It comes as a shock to me that I haven't posted this week's vid before, because it's one of my favorite songs of the '80s and, maddeningly, one that a lot of people don't seem to remember despite how popular it was back in 1985. Turn your speakers up to 11, go tell 'em Scotland's free, and immerse yourself in the epic fabulousness of Simple Minds' "Alive and Kicking." Don't you forget about this song.

Eye Boogers

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 22:47:00 +0000

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

Adam Lambert, Single: Yay! Adam Lambert's Single: Boo! - In this week's Idol-related news, Madame "I'm Not Bisexual But I Play One in the Fan Mags" Glambert recently broke up with his BF Drake LaBry, setting the stage for many "conversion" attempts by misguided, obsessed female fans. And last weekend, his new single, "For Your Entertainment" dropped like a sparkly dingleberry from a unicorn's bum, making quite a splash on radio and the Internet. The bigger splash came from my bitter, disappointed tears upon hearing the bondage fantasy song, a horribly overproduced mish-mash of Britneyesque clichés. Soon after, I came upon Lady GaGa's original demo for the totally fab song she gave Adam, "Fever," and felt a surge of hope. So, I checked out the 30-second samples of every song on the record and went back to feeling meh. And maybe "meh" is being generous. It sounds like all of the original charm has been sucked out of the Lady GaGa song and most of the other tunes are just the same old, generic radio gaga. The Pink song ("Whataya Want From Me") sounds like Pink (whom I normally like), the Ryan Tedder song ("Sleepwalker") sounds like everything else he writes, the Kara DioGuardi tracks ("Strut," "If I Had You") sound like shit (go figure), "Soaked" is like a bad off-off Broadway number, "Sure Fire Winners" is just plain ridonk, and nothing else is even worth mentioning. The only ones I kind of like based on the brief snippets are "Aftermath," even if it is somewhat generic in a combined Kelly Clarkson/David Cook sort of way, and the lead-off track, "Music Again," ONLY because it's essentially a hilarious '80s metal parody, which isn't surprising considering that it was written by The Darkness' Justin Hawkins. Hopefully though, my ability to judge songs on cursory half-minute listens isn't as good as I think it is, and this album will actually have the power to cure hunger and create permanent rainbows, as I originally thought.

Chris Brown Fights Adam Lambert For "Gayest Album Cover Ever" Crown - The cover art for Woman Beater's new record, Graffiti, debuted online on Monday to mixed fan reviews. I'm not really sure what there is to feel "mixed" about, as the cover is just about the dumbest looking thing I've ever seen, next to P. Diddly's face. Chris wasn't too happy about some of the online comments, and is about ready to punch the next person to mock the outer-spacey cover art or question his sexuality (as long as that person is a girl under 5'7"). He's since taken down his Twitter response, "WHO CARES IF MY PANTS R FITTED...IT'S CALLED FASHION," probably because his publicist told him he sounded like a damn fool and/or Kanye threatened to sue for caps-lock messaging infringement. But really, who does care about his pants when he's holding a guitar in the picture? That's what I care about...it's called false advertising.

Rihanna Breaks Her Silence About Chris Brown's Abuse - Ten months after getting beaten up by her then-boyfriend Chris Brown, Rihanna finally talks about it in the December issue of Glamour, as well as in an interview with Diane Sawyer, set to air on tomorrow's GMA and Friday's 20/20. She told Glamour that the positive thing to come out of the incident is that she can now be the voice of battered women everywhere. I suppose that's all very nice, but it seems a bit shady that she's deciding to talk about this now, when she's gearing up to promote her new record. I mean, it's not like anyone expected her to start talking about it the next day, but if she really wanted to help victims of abuse, why would she have kept quiet for nearly a whole year? I don't want to be too cynical, but it's hard not to when the Glamour interviewer follows up one of Rihanna's responses about her "message to women" with this question: "I think that’s a great message. What about your new album? What’s it like?" Niiiiice segue.

Steve Martin And Alec Baldwin Sign On To Host Oscars - I'm all for this pairing and I'm sure it will be great. They're both funny guys. But I can't quite celebrate this news yet. I just need a week or two to get over the fact that Hugh "Best Host Ever" Jackman won't be returning. I suppose that means the Craigslist Dancers won't be back either. *sniff*

Can You Tell Me How To Get To That 40th Anniversary Party? - Hugh Jackman (and Paul Rudd!) will be appearing on Sesame Street this season, as the show celebrates 40 years on TV. The anniversary show, guest-starring Michelle Obama, will air next Tuesday. In honor of this milestone, please enjoy my favorite Sesame Street video ever, the classic "Born to Add" by Bruce Stringbean and the S Street Band. (I mentioned it and my general love of Sesame Street once before in this ancient post.)

And Cookie Monster sez...

"C is for caption contest. Don't forget to enter this month's! Me want funny captions!!"

Recaps! Get Yer Recaps Heeee-ah!

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:51:00 +0000

Look, people. When you don't read and comment on my Starpulse recaps, you shame me. And I don't take kindly to shaming. So, you know, either take a few minutes to check out my write-ups, or spend the next few days having your soul tortured and then eventually get dragged to hell. Your choice.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Recap: "The Gang Wrestles For The Troops"

Project Runway Episode 11 Recap: Eyes On Your Own Designs, Kids!

Breasts Were An Odd Choice

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:48:00 +0000

Really, Amy Winehouse? New boobs were the priority? Couldn't think of anything else that needed fixing?

Forgotten Classic Video(s) of the Week

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:37:00 +0000

Since I forgot to post last week's forgotten classic (oh, the irony), I'm doubling up this week, once again breaking pop cultural rules by offering a two-fer on a Thursday instead of Tuesday. Relax. The fabric of the universe is NOT unraveling.

I was actually worried I wouldn't have one vid to post this week, let alone two, because I realized I pretty much burned all the Halloween-themed videos in years past and, after doing this every week for the past three years, opening the old vault is proving much more difficult. Luckily, a friend on Facebook mentioned Sheena Easton and I rejoiced. Sheena was one of my childhood idols, right up there with ONJ. So, today I'm featuring two clips from very different periods in her career.

This first one is "The Lover in Me," which sticks out in my mind because of that awesome red dress she wore, not to mention the slutty opera gloves and totally '80s half updo. This is from her "sexy vixen" period, after Prince had gotten his hands on her and dirtied her all up. If you're wondering why I didn't post, say, "Sugar Walls," there is a simple answer for that: it is probably one of the dumbest songs I've ever heard in my life. Oooh, it's about her vagina! Whoop-dee-doo. I'm sure it was meant to be risqué, but it's just ridönk.

Up next is a song from Sheena's "girl-next-door" period, 1983's "Telefone (Long Distance Love Affair)." I chose this one for two reasons: 1) I used to sing the shit out of it when I was little, and 2) The video features some classic movie monsters, which makes it Halloween-appropriate.

By the way, you might notice that both vids come from Dailymotion instead of YouTube. The growing trend of disabling the embedding feature on YouTube is really starting to piss me off. You know, it's not like people are downloading these vids or passing them off as their own. I can't understand why record labels would want to keep people from posting videos on their blogs and websites. I guess the free publicity that it generates for their artists is really annoying.

A Place Where Adam Lambert Dared To Go: It's Called A Xanadon't

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 06:10:00 +0000

So, Glambert unveiled his utterly ridonk album cover yesterday. I can't quite form a coherent critique of it, but many things run through my mind when I look at it. Things like...

Holy shit. I had no idea that Glamour Shots was still in business.
Was it "Bring Your Child To Work Day" at the graphic design studio? And do the graphic designers interpret that as "Let Your Child Do Your Work Day?"
Can you buy retinal brushes over the counter?
Daddy, why is he so much prettier than me?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *sigh* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I guess people will stop asking if he's gay now. Because that's gayer than the Village People having an orgy with a bunch of Cher impersonators on a pink float driven by Liza Minelli.

Putting The "Tricks" Back in Tricks and Treats

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 17:00:00 +0000

My love for Halloween has been on somewhat of a steady decline ever since it devolved into Night of the Living Whorebags. I've still managed to get some enjoyment out of this pagan holiday by elbowing my way through the sea of sluts that flood the streets, but things are starting to get way out of hand. It's one thing for college-aged sluts to masquerade as, well, other sluts, but it's quite another for the kiddies to get in on the act.

If you look to the left, you'll see Miley Cyrus's nine-year-old sister, Noah, and friend at a recent Halloween party dressed as...I don't know...a zombie dominatrix and every parent's own private hell?

I suppose we shouldn't be surprised that Billy Ray Cyrus lets his kid walk out of the house looking like that, considering that he defended Miley's stripper pole routine and is nuthin' but proud of her increasingly racy magazine photos. And celebrities have a skewed view of the world in general, so if it were just famous people's kids using Halloween as an excuse to tramp it up, I could probably let it go. But it's not, so I can't.

The New York Post ran a story earlier this month about parents' concerns over the proliferation of trashy kids' costumes on sale. Party City was singled out as a store that happily sells outfits for tweens and younger with names like "High Seas Hottie" and "Convict Cutie." Unsurprisingly, a Party City manager kicked out the reporter who went in to ask about the jailbait gear.

Seriously, check out the kids' section of the Party City online catalog. If there is any question that the intention of these costumes is to sexualize young girls, the Jon Benet-esque makeup on the models will erase all doubt.

And if there are any ladies out there who want to tell me that I'm overreacting or being a prude, and you feel perfectly fine about letting your kids slut it up for Halloween because it's "just one night," you go right ahead. And then let me know what it's like to be a grandmother at 40.

Sonic Sunday: The Halloween Mixx

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 03:48:00 +0000

The "Halloween-ish" edition of Sonic Sunday was merely to get you in a proper autumnal mood, but with Halloween nearly here, it's time for the real deal. Whether you're a fan of the campy or creepy, there's something in this mix for everyone.

Tales From the Crypt Theme, Danny Elfman

"Monster Mash," Bobby "Boris" Pickett - I was working in the lab late one night/When my eyes beheld an eerie sight/For my monster from his slab began to rise/And suddenly to my surprise/He did the mash/He did the monster mash

"The Time Warp," Richard O'Brien - With a bit of a mind flip/You're into the time slip/And nothing can ever be the same/You're spaced out on sensation/Like you're under sedation/Let's do the Time Warp again

"Pet Sematary," The Ramones - Under the arc of weather-stained boards/Ancient goblins, and warlords/Come out the ground, not making a sound/The smell of death is all around/And the night when the cold wind blows/No one cares, nobody knows

"Furnace Room Lullaby," Neko Case - I'm wrapped in the depths of these deeds that have made me/I can't bring a sound from my head though I try/I can't seem to find my way up from the basement/A demon holds my place on earth 'til I die

"Ave Santini" (The Omen Theme), Jerry Goldsmith

"Cry Little Sister," Gerard McMann - A last fire will rise behind those eyes/Black house will rock, blind boys don't lie/Immortal fear, that voice so clear/Through broken walls, that scream I hear

"Dream Warriors," Dokken - I lie awake and dread the lonely nights/I'm not alone/I wonder if these heavy eyes can face the unknown

"Devil Woman," Cliff Muthahumpin' Richard - Crystal ball on the table/Showing the future, the past/Same cat with them evil eyes/You'd better get out of there fast

"Werewolves of London," Warren Zevon - If you hear him howling around your kitchen door/Better not let him in/Little old lady got mutilated late last night/Werewolves of London again

The Munsters Theme, Los Straitjackets

"Fright Night," J. Geils Band - Fright Night (Fright Night)/Who's it gonna be tonight?/Lock your doors and windows tight/Soon you'll all believe I'm right/We're all in for a most frightening night

"I Was A Teenage Werewolf," The Cramps - A Midwest monster of the highest grade/All my teachers thought it was growing pains/Oh, no, no/Somebody stop this pain

"Bloodletting (The Vampire Song)," Concrete Blonde - There's a crack in the mirror and a bloodstain on the bed/Oh, you were a vampire and baby I'm the walking dead

Halloween Theme, John Carpenter

"Halloween," The Misfits - Candy apples and razor blades/Little dead are soon in graves/I remember Halloween/This day anything goes/Burning bodies hanging from poles/I remember Halloween

"Bela Lugosi's Dead," Bauhaus - The bats have left the bell tower/The victims have been bled/Red velvet lines the black box/Bela Lugosi's dead

The Twilight Zone Theme, Marius Constant

"(Everday Is) Halloween," Ministry - Well any time, any place, anywhere that I go/All the people seem to stop and stare/They say 'Why are you dressed like it's Halloween?/You look so absurd, you look so obscene'

"Thriller," Michael Jackson - It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark/Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart/You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it/You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes/You're paralyzed

All of this great music can be purchased at Amazon:

Recaps! Get Yer Recaps Heeee-ah!

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 03:12:00 +0000

This is the part where I nicely ask you to go leave me comments over on my Starpulse TV recaps, and then you chuckle warmly and mutter "screw that" under your breath. You really don't have to mutter, you know. I can't hear you through the computer.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Recap: "The World Series Defense"

Project Runway Episode 10 Recap: Globe-Trotting in Style

Things I Want Thursday

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:20:00 +0000

So, I've finally decided to play along with this feature, hosted by Sass at Are You Sassified? I'm not sure if I will play along every week, but seeing as how I'm feeling a little uninspired these days, a bit of fill-in-the-blanks blogging sounds like a good plan. And this is a much easier theme to bend to my format than the very popular "TMI Thursday." (Sorry for all of you who were hoping to finally learn about my inopportune bouts of projectile vomiting or hilarious menstrual mishaps.)

So, here we go. This week, I want:

1. Pearl Jam to announce some NYC tour dates. Seriously. What the hell is going on? This is still the center of the universe, right?

2. That "Kittens Inspired By Kittens" girl to be my daughter. (Here she is being awesome again, explaining WWII. Someone should make her version into a movie.) She would be the best kind of daughter, because she's cute, already has a well-developed sense of humor, and I wouldn't have to push her out of my vagina. Would anyone like to help me kidnap her? Or, if that's too extreme, are there any lawyers out there who could somehow talk her real mom into striking me a deal where I at least get to have her on weekends and holidays?

3. Rock Band. Are you listening, family? Christmas is coming!!

4. To clarify that last statement. By "Rock Band," I mean the regular Rock Band, not LEGO Rock Band. What on earth is that? Why did anyone think that the world needed a Rock Band starring LEGO versions of musicians?

5. A LEGO Damon Albarn. If they make the actual LEGO figures, and they're not just avatars for the Rock Band game, I wouldn't mind having one to, you know, play with. The LEGO Damon doesn't do the real one justice, but I guess I can't expect much from a LEGO. But I do expect some accuracy. I mean, whatever EA schlub created Damon's likeness must be color blind because he doesn't have green eyes. I suppose sometimes they do look green, but they're blue. Beautiful, beautiful blue. The Dave Rowntree and Alex James LEGOs are pretty dead on, but Graham Coxon just kind of looks like Harry Potter. (As far as the non-Blur LEGOs go, Iggy Pop looks pretty damn awesome, David Bowie looks more like Peter Noone - except for the mismatched eyes, and Freddie Mercury is a weird cross between Tony Orlando and one of the Mario Brothers.)

6. Someone to nominate me for What Not to Wear. Damn, I need new clothes.

Negelecting Y'All Like I'm Britney Spears And Yer My Young'uns

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:54:00 +0000

I realize that my blog claims to serve up useless stuff DAILY, yet I haven't posted since Sunday (and that was kind of a half-assed video post). I'm sorry, people. And I'm sorry that I haven't been around to many of your blogs lately either. I miss you all dearly. But I think I'm suffering from some rare form of Epstein Barr that only affects my energy level when faced with the prospect of writing about pop culture nonsense.

I had a small existential crisis last week. As part of my new gig with Celeb Love, I had to write about a certain reality TV (ex) duo that I promised myself I would never cover. (I still won't mention them on my own blog, but their names rhyme with Yawn and Hate.) But I guess that's what happens when someone's paying you to write - you can't always write what you want. But if you try sometimes, you'll find you get what you need. Like, today I got to do a funny post about Jennifer Aniston supposedly drunk dialing Brad Pitt. And tomorrow - well, tomorrow I get to write about Adam Lambert. So, yeah...what was I bitching about before?

The new gig has been fun, but between that and my Starpulse duties, I guess I've been experiencing a bit of entertainment overload. That must be why I've been slacking on my own blog.

No, no, that can't be it. I could never get tired of this pop culture rubbish. It's gotta be the dreaded day job. I need to find a way to get rid of that without going completely broke.

Anyway, just wanted to pop in to let everyone know I'm still alive and that I'm sorry I've been a bad blogger. To make it up to you, here is a great vid that was passed on to me by the blogger formerly known as Falwless. This little girl is amazing. I think I would like to have kids, but only if they're this cool and hilarious. (And let's be honest, with my genes, that's pretty damn likely.)

In Lieu of Sonic Sunday...

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 03:49:00 +0000

Here is a video that my brother, J-Fred, requested to pay tribute to Captain Lou Albano, who died last week.

Recaps! Get Yer Recaps Heeee-ah!

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 20:01:00 +0000

Friday in the blogosphere and I'm alone again, naturally.

Well, if you can all take a minute away from what I can only imagine are a series of blisteringly exciting, real-world Friday events, check out my TV recaps over on Starpulse. Come on, people. First one to comment (over there) gets a big, wet, sloppy kiss from me.*

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Recap: "The Waitress Is Getting Married"

Project Runway Episode 9 Recap: Mackie Mania!

*I haven't had a herpes flare-up in weeks, so this should be enjoyable.

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:43:00 +0000

I came to this week's vid in a rather roundabout way. A couple of days ago, I got an email that my friend Hank's band, Wormburner, is playing the Mercury Lounge on October 29 (if you're in the NYC area, you should check them out). So, this made me think of David Lowery, because he produced Wormburner's first record. David Lowery made me think of Cracker, which led me to Camper Van Beethoven. Even though I never knew much about them, I remembered this cover of Status Quo's "Pictures of Matchstick Men" being on the "cool station" quite a bit. Always loved that fiddle.

Even though this was a big hit for Camper in 1989, not a lot of people remember it. So, give yourself a gold star if you do.

Eye Boogers

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:00:00 +0000

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

Miley Cyrus Quits Twitter - I kind of wish I had a Twitter account now so that I could tweet my suicide note.

Adam Lambert Unleashes Highly-Anticipated Post-Apocalyptic Song - And it sounds like Daughtry and David Cook covering a Muse song while trying to throw in bits of Zeppelin's "Kashmir." Judging from the overwhelmingly positive response that the song has received so far, I guess I'm in the minority on this one. Look, I want to like it. I want Adam to do well. But, just from the short preview, it sounds like every other anthemic song ever done by every other past Idol contestant. Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind when I hear it in its entirety. But it is the theme to a big budget disaster film (2012), so I imagine it will fall somewhere between glorious cheese ball ("My Heart Will Go On") and ipecac for the ears ("I Don't Want To Miss A Thing"). It's certainly not as bad as "No Boundaries." And it sounds miles better than 2012 looks. Seriously, have you seen that ridiculous trailer? What the hell? Is John Cusack broke or what?

Rob Lowe Is Such A Pro - Sodapop Curtis recently grumbled about becoming frustrated on the set of The Invention of Lying, because co-star Ricky Gervais kept laughing during their scenes. The surprisingly uptight Lowe claims that his "old school" training prohibits him from ever ruining a take with a case of the giggles—something he considers a "badge of honor." Whoop-dee-doo. It's interesting that when he went shopping for badges, he thought the "never laughed during a scene" one would somehow be more valuable than the "never went to rehab" or "never got caught on tape having sex with underage girls" ones.

And now for a new sub-feature of Eye Boogers: Meta Eye Boogers! These are stories I've already reported on for my new gig at YourTango's Celeb Love blog. Click the links to get more of ME! You can't escape ME! Mwaaah hahahahaha!! (But be warned - it's a slightly kinder, gentler me over there.)

Kirstie Alley Is Crazy Like A Foxx - I don't like to make fun of Kirstie Alley because she's good friends with John Travolta, but lady is losing her mind. She's been tweeting all this crazy nonsense about how she's having sex practically 24/7 with Jamie Foxx, who doesn't seem to recall ever tapping that. Either she's just trying to get some free publicity before launching her new weight loss system next month, or that nonstop rollercoaster of losing weight and putting it back on has made her completely mental.

Madonna's Got Jesus In Her Heart And On Her Block - It's been rumored that Madonna has her real estate agents looking for a loft near her Upper East Side home in which to keep her 22-year-old lover, Jesus Luz. (The budget is just around $3 million, which may seem excessive until you realize that her place cost $40 million.) Hey, nothing wrong with being a sugar momma. Get 'em young and raise 'em the way you like, that's what I always say. Unfortunately, I have neither the money nor the cougar appeal to put that motto into practice.

Marge Simpson Poses For Playboy - Well, at least it wasn't Patty and Selma. (Insert Sideshow Bob shudder here.)

Sonic Sunday: Halloween-ish

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 03:53:00 +0000

Since it's October but not quite Halloween, I thought I'd post a mix that fits that chilly, autumnal description. These are all great songs to listen to while you're snuggled up in front of the fireplace and the wind is howling through the trees outside.

Since these tunes aren't meant to scare you, none of them have any crazy, Latin chanting in them. So, if you're grooving along and suddenly hear some...grab your crucifix and RUN.

"The Funeral," Band of Horses - To the outside, the dead leaves, they all blow/'Fore they died, had trees to hang their hope

The above cited lyrics may not be correct; I've seen about 10 different interpretations of those lines. It's all the reverb on the vocals that make it hard to decipher. But that's also what gives the song (and most of this band's songs) that semi-creepy, atmospheric sound.

"Halloween," Grant Lee Buffalo - You were like my own James Byron Dean/Private Idaho was my East of Eden/Hit me like a stone when I heard you passed on Halloween

A drowsy, sad song about River Phoenix's untimely death.

"Halloweenhead," Ryan Adams - Head full of candy bags/Costume shops and punks in drag/Head full of tricks and treats/Places where junkies meet

Ryan's had some troubles finding sobriety, and this song seems to be about trying to navigate the mean streets of NYC without getting lured back into those old druggie haunts.

"The Ghost in You," The Psychedelic Furs - Inside you the time moves and she don't fade/The ghost in you, she don't fade

I think the ghost here is just a lost love that refuses to stop haunting your heart. Pining away sucks. Give me a good old, violent poltergeist any day.

"October," U2 - October/And the trees are stripped bare of all they wear/What do I care?

There are, like, six lines in this song, so I really don't think I need to explain it. Let's just say that it's not about November. And it's not so much about the lyrics as it is the mood.

All of this great music can be purchased at Amazon:

TGIB

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 21:11:00 +0000

I found a nice Catholic* boy to spend the evening with. Later, bitches!

*I originally said "Jewish," because it's always been kind of a joke that he is Jewish because of, well, the nose and, of course, his last name (like the Berenstein Bears). I was trying to be funny, but I guess it didn't translate. So, I changed it. I know The Boss is a nice Catholic boy. I've heard enough of his 15-minute-long stories. And, come on, even if I hadn't known, I could have easily figured it out by singing The Chanukah Song.

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 18:00:00 +0000

There isn't much of a story behind this week's vid. I was thinking about possible Halloween costumes, which got me thinking about the year I dressed up as Cyndi Lauper, which got me thinking about how I've never posted a Cyndi video. How unusual!

Actually, it's not that unusual, considering that everyone remembers most of Cyndi's big hits, and this space is for the lesser known tunes or the big ones that slipped through the cracks of our collective memory over time. But I think I have just the Cyndi hit that fits the latter description - "Change of Heart" from 1986's True Colors.

I always loved this song, but I haven't thought about it in ages. Maybe you haven't either. So, enjoy!

Caption Crotch-test Contest #27

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:50:00 +0000

"Do y'all carry 100 packs of pregnancy tests?"

Well, he's not quite Tony Toni Tone, but Words Words Words has done it again. He's officially the new Pistols (RIP). I swear, if Words' crotch gets any more fiery, Howie Long's gonna have to jump down his pants.
And now, here are the ~~crybabies who'll say they were robbed~~ runners up:

In another periodic check on the state of her career, Britney heads straight for the bargain bins. - The Imaginary Reviewer (I wonder if she ran into Taylor Dayne and Samantha Fox?)

Part of the divorce decree is that every week, Britney has to buy three jumbo-packs of Gino's Pizza Rolls, so that K-Fed becomes "K Overfed." - Cormac Brown (Judging by the recent pics of him, she's doing a better job taking care of her ex than her kids. Or herself.)

"Let's see...5 lb. bag of pork rinds, check. A case of Old Milwaukee's Best, check. Hannah Montana movie, check. Three bottles of Nyquil, check. Okay, I'm ready for Friday night!" - Doc (I like this one because it sounds just like my Friday night! Well, except for the pork rinds.)

An Open Letter to Adam Lambert

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 23:04:00 +0000

Dearest Adam,

Really??

Last I checked, you were embarking on a solo career, not joining Color Me Badd. Ironically, this is the first time I've ever not wanted to sex you up.

Make it end.

Sincerely,
BeckEye