The Pop Eye

And The American Idol Finale Winner Is...

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 24 May 2012 03:36:00 +0000

Yeah, so Phillip Phillips was crowned the American Idol about an hour ago. Everyone knows this. And some of us *ahem* predicted it quite some time ago. It was fairly anti-climactic. And even though Phillip(s) won the competition, he didn't win the NIGHT. Not by a long shot.

The real winner(s) of the American Idol Finale are Fantasia + Mantasia. Together at last! Their version of Elton John's "Take Me to the Pilot" (henceforth known as "Take Me Take Me Yeah Yeah Yeeeeeeah Whooooaaaaaa Yeah to the Take Me Take Me Yeah YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Uhhhhh Whoaaa Ohhh Mmmm Huh Yeah Yeah YEAH") was the g-d funniest thing I've seen/heard in a long-ass time. Oh man. The wailing. The grunting. The growling. The wailing. The costumes. (Apparently there isn't enough fabric in the world to cover Fanny's legs.) The jerky dance moves. The wailing. Fantasia's weave. The way they got cut off at the end for refusing to shut up. The wailing. I only wish that Lord Cowell had been around to witness it. In his honor, I give the performance 4 WTFs.

I may have an actual recap of the Finale at some point tomorrow but, as usual, it was mostly pointless filler. This was truly the best part. Unless you count Jessica Sanchez attempting to out-diva crazy Jennifer Holliday while trying to remain a safe distance from her horse mouth. That was pretty hilarious as well.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: Phillip Phillips Faces Filipina Filly

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Wed, 23 May 2012 23:45:00 +0000

Well, well, well. Nothing like cobbling together a recap a half hour before the Finale, huh? I doubt you people blame me. This season of American Idol has been a bit exhausting. It hasn't even been the worst season. Season 9 still holds that title. I think I'm just tired of this nonsense in general.

Anyway, so I don't run smack dab into the Finale, I'm gonna have to give you my P.S. version of last night's performance show. Dim your computer screens, 'cause here...we...go.

Round 1: Simon Fuller's song choice

Jessica Sanchez took on Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing" and tried her best to J-Hud it up, but it mostly fell flat. She hit some great notes, as always, but it was completely boring and passionless. She certainly wasn't singing like a woman (girl) who might never see Kevin Costner again.

Phillip Phillips was given Ben E. King's "Stand By Me," the melody of which he quickly ripped apart and gave the full PP treatment. But hey, it didn't sound like any other version I've ever heard, so I guess he gets points for that. However, like Jessica's performance, it bored me to tears.

Since both songs nearly put me to sleep, I'd have to call Round 1 a tie. When Ryan asked the judges who won, Randy gave it to Jessica, Jennifer agreed, and Steven just stared off into space...probably daydreaming about wrapping his giant lips around some BK Chicken Strips.

That Jason Derulo song ("Undefeated") that Ryan has been yammering about all season long was finally unveiled (along with Jason's neck), and it sounded like exactly what it was: something that a bunch of American Idol fanatics who suck down Coke by the case (probably along with their BK Chicken Strips) helped to write.

Round 2: Contestants' favorite songs from the season

Jessica sang "The Prayer," which I didn't even remember her doing, but apparently it was the song that got her into the Top 24. Thanks to Christina Aguilera, this song now always makes me think of back fat. Ill-fitting garments or no, she and Chris Mann did a much better job with this song on The Voice. Hear that Randy? The Voice does nearly everything better than Idol! THEY HAVE SWIVEL CHAIRS, YO! What?? DUDE!

For some weird reason, Phillip chose Billy Joel's "Movin' Out" as his favorite. Seriously? I swear this season has been one giant Punk'd episode for this kid. Good Lord. The song was about as cheesy and irritatingly DMB-ish as I remember it being the first time around.

Again, Round 2 left me with no preference for either Idolette. Steven mumbled something about good eggs going bad...or hatching...or being made into BK Breakfast Sandwiches...who knows. Then he handed Round 2 to Jessica. After the wall of boos tumbled down upon the judges' table, Randy decided to call it a tie and Jen gave it to PP.

Round 3: The always-terrible Idol singles

Jessica's potential single was called "Change Nothing" and immediately had me contemplating changing the channel. It wasn't offensive enough to rival "No Boundaries" as worst Idol single ever, but it was still a steaming pile of terrible. I mean, there weren't even any dreams or magic rainbows in that song. Just a lot of yelling and double negatives. All the judges pretty much agreed that the song sucked.

Phillip, on the other hand, managed to luck out with one of the better Idol singles I've ever heard. Again, there were no dreams or magic rainbows, but there were demons and some talk of facing your fears, so that had to do. It was a perfect song for PP, and he performed it really well. It was good enough as a generic foot-stomping campfire song, but toward the end it got a bit more rousing when the drumline joined in. It was driving me crazy wondering what the whole vibe reminded me of, and then Randy said it: Mumford and Sons. That's pretty on the nose. Steven also threw in a Paul Simon comparison, which was just as valid. J.Lo said that the song didn't sound like anything else on the radio, but that's probably because she only listens to dance-pop stations. And it was good to see that the judges didn't wear out their leg muscles giving Joshua all those standing Os, as they all managed to get out of their chairs for Phillip.

So...on to tonight's Finale. It seems clear to me that Phillip has this thing in the bag as long as Nigel Lythgoe doesn't rig the results to prevent the 5th WGWG in a row from winning the crown. And honestly, I think he should win if for no other reason than he's the only contestant who's ever been smart enough to get a doctor's note to excuse him from doing the Ford commercials. He's like a prettier, taller, Southern Juan Epstein.

We'll see how it goes after the next two hours of our lives are wasted.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: 5/17/12 Results

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 18 May 2012 16:38:00 +0000

Confession time, folks: I totally zonked out while watching last night's American Idol results show. Lisa Marie Presley lulled me to sleep with her wannabe Stevie Nicks lost and lip synching in a forest of goth weirdos routine. Oh, and because I was so concerned about making sure I didn't miss the three-part Community finale, I forgot to set the DVR to tape the rest of Idol. But hey, the Internet is a wonderful thing. I got to hear second-hand about what happened, and now you can get that same info third-hand from me!

PP prevailed, which is what I predicted. However, he prevailed over the wrong person. I thought it would be a Phillip/Joshua Finale, but Joshua was sent packing in favor of Jessica, proving that standing ovations don't count for anything. If the eventual winner is truly decided by popular vote, PP has it in the bag. If the winner is decided by producers who would be embarrassed by having to crown the fifth WGWG in a row, then it'll be Jessica. See what I did there? I covered my ass either way!

I also heard that Adam Lambert performed a new single. Although I hated his debut album (save for the wonderfully catchy "Whattya Want From Me"), I had to look up his performance. I'm always hoping that one day he'll go back to being awesome. Yesterday was not the day. All I can say is that the song ("Never Close Our Eyes") was not the worst thing I've ever heard. And I appreciate that he's trying to bring neon back. But I honestly don't see a long, illustrious career for Mme. Glambert.

In other news, there's a rumor that Jennifer Lopez might not be coming back to Idol next year. It seems there are people who would be upset by this. I am not one of them. I mean, who cares? What value does she really bring to the show? What value do any of the judges bring, really? It doesn't matter who's on the panel, because they all kind of say the same shit. What is it about a judge's chair that turns a normal person with real opinions into a soft shell (see: Stern, Howard)? We need someone who won't just play nice because they're on camera. Replace J.Lo with Mary J. Ooh, or what about Katy Perry? I seem to recall that she was a pretty great guest judge during the auditions a few years ago.

Maybe Jen's new status as Forbes' Most Powerful Celebrity has her thinking she can force Idol into giving her more money? Maybe she can. But can you believe that THIS ---->
is the world's most powerful celebrity?

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: Everything in Threes

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 17 May 2012 22:02:00 +0000

Last night, American Idol's Final 3 got to each sing three songs (a judge's pick, self pick, and Jimmy's pick, in that order) and show us footage of their homecomings. Obviously, I've waited until the last minute to do my recap of all this, so I'm gonna have to make it short and sweet.

Finalist/Chosen One #1: Joshua Ledet

Round 1: "I'd Rather Go Blind," Etta James
I love Etta. I love this song. I only liked this performance...half of it, anyway. The half before he went full-on Mantasia. And his pointless attempt at scatting was just embarrassing. I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but he got a standing O anyway.

Round 2: "Imagine," John Lennon
Joshua did a decent job with this. He cooled it on the screaming for a change, which is exactly why the judges didn't get out of their chairs.

Round 3: "No More Drama," Mary J. Blige
Although I do get annoyed with Joshua's near-constant yelling, I actually thought this was a pretty good performance. It was very "churchy," and he totally committed to it. My favorite part though was the cut to Shannon Magrane and Hollie Cavanagh trying to jam out to it. Gotta love the white girl shuffle (aka the shoulder jerk / I-have-to-shit face combo).

Critique highlights: I loved Steven's delivery of "You are SO FINE." I guess with only one chick left in the competition, Tyler doesn't have much choice but to start hitting on the guys. And somewhere during his critique of Joshua's third song, it became official: "over the top" replaced "beautiful" as his standard compliment. Randy went over the top by declaring that everyone should just stand up and vote for Joshua.

Finalist/Chosen One #2: Jessica Sanchez

Round 1: "My All," Mariah Carey
[sung to the old Nytol jingle tune] "My All" will help you get your Zzs! I didn't think that was very good at all. I think she showed her limitations by covering an artist that she couldn't just imitate. The judges were apparently watching an entirely different show, because they loved it.

Round 2: "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing," Aerosmith
Could there be more of a suckup or just plain sucky choice? Steven gave Jessica a standing ovation and said he thought she "took a great song and made it greater," but I think she took a terrible song and made it slightly more tolerable. It's definitely a song for someone like her to sing; it should never have been an aging rock band's power ballad.

Round 3: "I'll Be There," Jackson 5
This was just aight for me and the Dawg. Look, Jessica can certainly sing. We all know this. But I have to go back to what I was saying about the Mariah Carey song. I think she's 40% really good singer and 60% excellent mimic. (Even J.Lo said she sounded a little like Michael Jackson on this one.) And that's probably why she bores me.

Critique highlights: After the first song, Randy got a chance to remind everyone that he's worked with Mariah, and then after the second song, he said, "Yo, whoa, I'm like, YO. Aight." (I'm not kidding, that's an exact quote.) I was totally confused by Jennifer's comment that Steven has a hard time giving compliments to people who cover his songs. Really? Didn't he gush all over Lauren Alaina when she did the same song in last year's audition rounds?

Oh, I almost forgot...Steven pretty much predicted that Jessica is going to win. Bwahahahaha.

Finalist #3 / #1 in the Fans' Hearts: Phillip Phillips

Round 1: "Beggin'," Madcon (Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons cover)
Steven set Philly up with this one, saying that he wanted to see if he could stick to a melody, so Phillip answered by totally straying from the melody. As much as this kid's DMB-ness makes me batty, I have to admit that I like him. He just doesn't seem to care about any of this, which is quite admirable. And honestly, I really liked the performance, too. It certainly had shades of the usual PP routine, but it was fun and free of screeching, so he automatically won that round for me.

Round 2: "Disease," Matchbox 20
Rob Thomas has one of the most annoying voices I've ever heard, so any cover is usually an improvement. And this is, but it's very standard Philly fare.

Round 3: "We've Got Tonight," Bob Seger
When Jimmy announced that this was his choice, I couldn't do anything but groan. I was all prepared for some awful slice of cheese, but I was really surprised. I think this was the first time I'd ever really heard Phillip's vocal ability, and he's actually a pretty good singer! Sure, it was a little Seger-ish, but I thought he did a great job. And finally, someone other than Joshua got a standing O.

Critique highlights: What did Steven say after the last song that they bleeped out? I swear he said, "You sang like your dick was hard." That should have gotten him about 40,000 more votes from the lonely housewife contigent.

So, it's been apparent for a while that the judges want a Jesshua Finale, but I think Phillip has too big of a fan base to let that happen. Unless some shady business goes on behind the scenes, Jessica is probably going to get sent back to her home(school), paving the way for a Top Two sausage fest.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

Happy National Twilight Zone Day!

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 11 May 2012 21:24:00 +0000

I haven't written a non-American Idol post in a while, but I was inspired to rise out of the muck when I discovered that today is National Twilight Zone Day.

In honor of the greatest TV series ever, I've compiled a list of my 20 favorite episodes. The first half of the list is actually a previously published (with a few slight changes) article that I originally wrote for Starpulse back in 2008, prior to the July 4th Twilight Zone marathon. Enjoy...and let me know which of your favorites I left out!

1. "A Kind of a Stopwatch"
Annoying motor-mouth Patrick McNulty (Richard Erdman) spends his days boring everyone to tears and dreaming of a world in which he's a respected and popular man about town. One day, a stranger gives McNulty an old stopwatch that has the power to stop time. At first, he uses the watch to amuse himself, until realizing that it could be the key to making his lofty dreams come true. As happens with all residents of The Twilight Zone, McNulty's repeated temptations of Fate come back to bite him in the end.

I think it's kind of funny that I (via Starpulse) am now linked with this episode's Wikipedia page, as it cites my original article's ranking of it as the best episode of the series. I'm certain that a lot of people disagree with that ranking, and I have no problem admitting that this is definitely more of a sentimental favorite than anything, as it always takes me back to the childlike wonder of daydreaming about finding such a magical watch. But these types of "best of" lists can never be completely objective, so anyone who gets mad over what was ranked where probably spends a lot of his or her time mad about stupid things.

Twidbit: You'll recognize the premise as one that's been recently recycled in the 2002 sci-fi teen flick, Clockstoppers, and Adam Sandler's 2006 comedy, Click. The ep was also parodied in "Stop the World, I Want to Goof Off," a segment from The Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror XIV.

2. "The After Hours"
Anne Francis stars as Marsha White, a woman who heads to a large department store in search of a gold thimble. (Talk about the times changing. I mean, really, who buys thimbles anymore?) Much to Marsha's dismay, she accidentally gets locked in the empty store overnight. At least she thinks it's empty—but some very lively mannequins have a few surprises in store.

Twidbit: Playing to the common childhood fantasy that store mannequins come to life at night, this episode is a bit more fanciful than frightening, yet still very satisfying.

3. "And When the Sky Was Opened"
Three astronauts crash-land in the desert after a space flight, during which their ship disappeared from the radar for 24 hours. No one knows what happened in that lost day, but strange things start happening upon their return. When space buddies Ed Harrington (the charming Charles Aidman) and Clegg Forbes (old-time über-hottie, Rod Taylor) visit a bar, Harrington disappears from right under Forbes' nose. Immediately after he vanishes, no one has any recollection of Harrington's existence, not even hospitalized astronaut #3, Gart Williams (Timothy Hutton's dad, James). As Clegg vainly tries to jog his friend's memory, he's overcome with a strange sensation of "not belonging" on Earth and runs out of Gart's hospital room. When Gart tries to follow, he finds himself smack-dab in the middle of Clegg's nightmare. An awesome, surreal trip through The Twilight Zone where not everything makes sense, this episode may frustrate people who like their stories wrapped up into neat little packages. Others will love the ambiguity, because it's left up to the viewer to decide what is real and what is illusion.

Twidbit: Watch out for Rod Taylor's fantastic flip-out after Harrington's disappearance, where he can't think straight enough to say anything but, "You're crazy! You're…you're CRAZY! You're crazy, you know that? You're…you're CRAZY!"

4. "Eye of the Beholder"
One of the most universally recognizable and beloved TZs of all, this tale focuses on the plight of Janet Tyler, a disfigured woman going through her last of many failed plastic surgeries. Through most of the episode, the doctors' and nurses' faces are obscured, placing viewers in the same world of darkness in which Janet lives under her layers of bandages. All of this secrecy may also make it easier for most viewers to figure out the twist, but the big reveal still packs a powerful visual punch, and the societal message within is thoughtful and timeless.

Twidbit: This popular episode, starring soap actress Maxine Stuart and Donna Douglas of The Beverly Hillbillies, has so permeated pop culture that references to it can be found everywhere. Perhaps the best-known and funniest parody was a skit on Saturday Night Live featuring Pamela Anderson in the lead role.

5. "A World of Difference"
This episode has often been compared to The Truman Show and Stranger Than Fiction. A remarkably convincing performance by Howard Duff helps make this largely underrated installment a series highlight. Duff is Gerry Raigan, a troubled actor who convinces himself that he is actually Arthur Curtis, the character he is portraying in a film. His vain attempts to prove his identity to everyone else are heartbreaking, but he gets no sympathy from his shrewish ex-wife, Nora. When Gerry's agent tells him that the Arthur Curtis picture is being scrapped, he frantically rushes to the set in the hopes of preserving his "other life."

Twidbit: Nasty Nora Raigan is played by Eileen Ryan, the real-life mother of often-nasty actor, Sean Penn! See if you can spot the family resemblance.

6. "Night Call"
Long-time character actress and frequent TZ guest-star Gladys Cooper plays Elva Keene, a bored, old, wheelchair-bound lady who rarely communicates with anyone but her housekeeper. During a storm, she receives a strange phone call, but can't hear anyone on the other end. She continues to receive similar calls full of nothing but crackling static, until one night when a man creepily croaks that he wants to talk to her. In an attempt to get to the bottom of this mystery, Elva contacts the telephone operator who gives her some rather shocking news. The two lead ladies are fantastic in their roles, and that disembodied voice is guaranteed to give you the chills!

Twidbit: "Night Call" is a less gruesome version of an old urban legend.

7. "Will The Real Martian Please Stand Up?"
During a snowstorm, a bus driver and his six passengers make a pit stop at a greasy spoon. Soon after, two policemen arrive to inform the gang that a UFO crashed nearby and a trail of footprints led them from the ship to the diner. When the bus driver does a head count, he realizes that there are now seven people in his group, and paranoia takes over as everyone tries to weed out the alien. This unforgettable ep serves up a great ensemble cast, and the double twist is the cherry on top!

Twidbit: Illustrating how quickly normal people shift to irrational behavior in the face of fear is a specialty of the Zone. For more finger-pointing panic, check out the classic, "The Monsters are Due on Maple Street" (more on that in a bit) or the less effective wartime drama, "The Shelter."

8. "The Midnight Sun"
Nora and her landlady, Mrs. Bronson, are the only two residents left in their apartment complex after a panic sends everyone searching for shadier surroundings. An unthinkable phenomenon occurred one month prior - the Earth's orbit shifted, causing the planet to gradually head closer and closer to the sun. With the end near, Nora and Mrs. Bronson try to comfort each other during their last hours. However, the landlady soon succumbs to the heat, leaving Nora alone and frozen with fear. What seems to be just an interesting character study turns out to be one of the most original plots in the series, with a truly unexpected twist.

Twidbit: Lois Nettleton (Nora), who died in 2008, is often recognized by younger generations as George Costanza's girlfriend's mother, who catches George eating an éclair out of the garbage on an episode of Seinfeld.

9. "Nick of Time"
William Shatner and Patricia Breslin are cast as Don and Pat, a honeymooning couple forced to stop for auto repairs in small-town Ohio. While they wait in a nearby café, Don becomes obsessed with a table-top fortune-telling machine that seems to have all the right answers. Pat begins to wonder which is more frightening: the accuracy of the machine's answers or Don's self-destructive superstition.

Twidbit: The Shat also appeared in another episode, "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet," which is far more popular, but far less engaging.

10. "Ring-A-Ding Girl"
An under-appreciated gem, this episode tells the story of Bunny Blake (Maggie McNamara), a glamorous movie star who receives a very special ring from her hometown fan club. The ring beckons her back home, where it continues to send Bunny cryptic messages that hint at an impending tragedy that could affect many of the locals.

Twidbit: Try not to dwell on the supernatural time-space paradox involved, and soak up the atmospheric beauty of Bunny's final scene - one of the series' most haunting images.

11. "The Hunt"
During a nighttime raccoon hunt, mountain man Hyder Simpson (Arthur Hunnicutt) jumps in a pond to save his faithful dog Rip. The next morning, Hyder and Rip head back home, where no one seems to be able to see or hear them. Hyder soon realizes that he and Rip didn't survive their hunting trip, and the duo sets out in search of a place to go. They soon encounter a man who appears to be Heaven's gatekeeper, but when the man tells Hyder that dogs aren't allowed inside, Hyder refuses to enter, opting instead to take his chances on "Eternity Road."

Twidbit: If you're a dog lover, this one oughta bring a tear to your eye.

12. "The Hitch-Hiker"
After Nan Adams (Inger Stevens) has a blow out during a cross-country trip, she begins seeing a shabby-looking hitchhiker at different points along her journey. His presence is merely unnerving until he appears at a railroad crossing, where she stalls out and is nearly hit by an oncoming train. From that point on, Nan is convinced that the hitchhiker is trying to kill her, causing her to become more and more unhinged.

Twidbit: If you're a fan of the '60s cult classic Carnival of Souls, this episode's twist may be pretty easy to figure out!

13. "The Monsters are Due on Maple Street"
One day, a mysterious light flashes over a peaceful neighborhood, after which, everyone's vehicles and electrical devices stop working. The residents laugh off a local teen's suggestion that this is an alien invasion being helped along by a resident who isn't what he appears to be. But when the power starts working for certain people, friends and neighbors quickly begin to turn on each other. As I mentioned earlier, this is a classic episode, and one that so perfectly illustrates "mob mentality" that it's often screened in classrooms to teach children the dangers of prejudice and paranoia. And even though it originally aired in the '60s, it's a great commentary on our ever-growing dependence on technology.

Twidbit: While this is a stellar episode, much of the acting is laughably hammy. However, Claude Akins (aka Sheriff Lobo!) is pretty solid as the neighborhood voice of reason, and Jack Weston (aka Mr. Kellerman!) is perfectly cast as the biggest pain in the ass on the block.

14. "Nothing in the Dark"

Gladys Cooper gives another great performance in this tale of Wanda Dunn, an elderly woman who has shut herself off from the world in an attempt to evade Mr. Death. But when a young policeman named Harold Beldon is shot outside her door, she decides that she must help him and brings him into her home. Although Wanda begins to warm to Harold, can she really trust that he's not Death in disguise?

Twidbit: Ms. Cooper's co-star is a very young Robert Redford in one of his earliest acting roles.

15. "People Are Alike All Over"
Working equally well as a testament to "always trusting your first instinct" and a snarky burn on the human race, this episode follows the Mars voyage of optimistic astronaut Mark Marcusson (Paul Comi) and fearful scientist Sam Conrad (Roddy McDowall). After a crash landing that ultimately kills Marcusson, a fearful Conrad is left alone to deal with the human-looking Martians he encounters. When the Martians (especially a hottie with a terrible mullet) appear friendly, Conrad finally begins to relax, adopting Marcusson's earlier assertion that people on Mars would be the same as people everywhere.

Twidbit: Vic Perrin, who plays one of the Martians, was best known for his role as the Control Voice of another popular sci-fi anthology—The Outer Limits.

16. "Mr. Dingle, The Strong"
This is one that may not show up on many other "favorite TZ episode" lists, but I've always had a real soft spot for it. Of course, it could be because I have a real soft spot for star Burgess Meredith. This is one of the few straight-up comedic episodes, which follows Meredith's lovable loser Luther Dingle as he is used as a test subject for visiting aliens who zap him with super strength.

Twidbit: Although Meredith is the star, there are also some memorable performances here by well-known character actor James Milhollin and a cranky-as-ever Don Rickles.

17. "It's A Good Life"
Perhaps the ultimate case for Supernanny, Anthony Fremont (Billy Mumy) is a little boy with boundless mental powers, who uses them to lord over and terrorize everyone in his family and town. But that's not a bad thing! That's good! And you better think good thoughts about Anthony, or you'll end up in the cornfield...or worse.

Twidbit: The episode is based on Jerome Bixby's short story of the same name, which is often considered one of the best science fiction stories ever written. Sadly, it was sanitized and given a happy ending (read: DESTROYED) in Twilight Zone: The Movie.

18. "Living Doll"
I've always considered this (although the case could be made for "It's A Good Life") the one true "horror" story of the series, as most episodes focused on the supernatural or unexplained, with elements of horror thrown in. There's really no message here (other than "Hey, don't be a bastard like Telly Savalas"). This is just about an evil doll that won't think twice about breaking someone's neck. No doubt Chucky has posters of Talky Tina all over his bedroom wall.

Twidbit: This episode was the basis for another of the best Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror segments, "Clown Without Pity." If only Telly had known that it was as simple as flipping Tina's Good/Evil switch, things may have ended differently!

19. "The Dummy"
An at-his-hunky-peak Cliff Robertson portrays ventriloquist Jerry Etherson, a guy with a very big problem: his dummy, Willy, is alive. Oh, and he's possibly evil and trying to take over Jerry's life. Making things worse is the fact that everyone, even Jerry's trusted agent, shrugs this story off as nothing more than the delusion of an alcoholic. But Willy is real. Make no mistake about that. I have to admit that I've never quite understood the ending of this episode, but that doesn't keep it from being one of the most effectively creepy images from the series.

Twidbit: Jerry's agent, Frank, is played by Frank Sutton, immediately recognizable to most as Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C.'s Sargeant Carter.

20. "On Thursday We Leave for Home"
When The Twilight Zone took over a new timeslot for its fourth season, the show was forced to expand its episodes to an hour-long format, which nearly everyone agreed was, well, about 30 minutes too long. (TZ quickly returned to the half-hour format for its fifth and final season.) Although it was a disappointing season overall, there are a handful of hour-longs that I really enjoy, like "Printer's Devil" (another Burgess Meredith appearance!), the often heavy-handed but satisfying "Valley of the Shadow," and the underrated love story "Passage on the Lady Anne." But the best of the season was "Thursday," which stars James Whitmore as Captain William Benteen, the self-appointed leader of a colony of people stranded on an unbearably hot planet. When a rescue ship from Earth arrives, Benteen begins to struggle with the desire to go home and the desire to keep his group (and power over them) together.

Twidbit: It's pretty easy to draw parallels between Captain Benteen and another Whitmore character, The Shawshank Redemption's Brooks Hatlen. Both are men who have managed to make the best of a hellish situation, elevating themselves to positions of respect and importance. Both are men who so fear losing that status that they would rather remain "caged" than have to start from scratch as "free men."

Classics That Didn't Quite Make the Cut:

"To Serve Man" Next to "Eye of the Beholder," this story of big-headed, too-good-to-be-true aliens, is one of the most familiar and memorable TZs. It's definitely a four-star episode, but one that relies heavily on its twist, giving the reruns less impact. On the other hand, The Simpsons' parody, "Hungry Are the Damned," from the very first Treehouse of Horror, is positively hilarious and almost commands multiple viewings!

"Time Enough at Last" This iconic episode is one of four starring Burgess Meredith as yet another milquetoast character. It's a well-executed episode, but this is one instance where the series' signature "ironic twist" actually spoils things. Most of the time in The Twilight Zone, the comeuppance fits the "crime," but Meredith's character, Henry Bemis, is just a nice guy who loves to read! Watching him suffer such an undeserved, harsh fate makes it hard to truly enjoy this story.

"Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" William Shatner reacting to the gremlin on the wing of his airplane is fun for a while, but this little monster story certainly isn't the most compelling of this historic series.

American Idol 11: The Predictable 5/10/12 Results

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 11 May 2012 15:42:00 +0000

In a completely unsurprising turn of events, last night Hollie Cavanagh was shipped back to Wee Britain or wherever she was from, setting the stage for an all-growling, grunting and wailing American Idol Top 3.

In another completely unsurprising turn of events, J.Lo's much-ballyhooed performance was utterly hilarious. I don't know how the woman can sit in judgment of singers, then go on stage and lip-sync and/or semi-sing to an Auto-Tuned backing track. Apparently, her balls are as big as her butt.

I think the only thing I'd give a thumbs-up to from last night's results show is David Cook's performance. I dug his new song. The guy isn't making world-changing music or anything, but I tend to generally enjoy his brand of melodic arena rock. It helps that he doesn't have the douche factor of, say, Daughtry.

On to next week, where the judges' Chosen Ones will have to battle it out with the seemingly unstoppable (by anything other than kidney stones) fan favorite.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: The Final Four

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 10 May 2012 21:21:00 +0000

Tsk tsk tsk...I know, I know. I'm getting really bad at getting these recaps up within a reasonable time. But American Idol is getting really bad. So there.

Last night, the two themes were "Songs by California Artists" and "Songs They Wish They'd Written." The choices were pretty boring overall.

Although I like CCR and "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?," I've pretty much reached my limit with Dave Matthews-Bland™, so I totally fell asleep two seconds into his performance. Yeah, I pretty much slept through the whole show and went back and watched it on the DVR, but I still fast forwarded through this one. I stopped just long enough to hear the judges praising Phillip(s) as usual.

Hollie Cavanagh sang Journey's "Faithfully," because, as she claimed, she's sort of living the song right now. Right. Because she is clearly the frontman of a successful touring band who is lamenting always being away from his wife and kids. Whatever, she did a pretty good job with it. Randy loved it and was like, "Heyyyy, did I ever tell you I was in Journey??" Jennifer squeezed out some tears, while Steven said something about enjoying watching Hollie's creativity flower bloom. Everything he says sounds either insane or disgusting. Or both.

The gospel choir is still surgically attached to Joshua Ledet, and they propped him up yet again while he sang "You Raise Me Up." Amazingly, no standing ovation came with this performance, but the judges' tongue bath was still standard.

Jessica Sanchez sang Etta James' "Steal Away," a song I've never heard...and I LOVE Etta. I assumed this was probably a track covered by Beyonce for Cadillac Records, but after a quick consultation with the Googles, I found that wasn't the case. So, who the hell knows who picked this song for her or why. She sounded OK, but it seemed a little too "old" for her. But when the judges start tongue bathing contestants, it's a little hard for them to stop, so Jessica got whatever was left over from Joshua's "critique."

Because someone at AI has a good sense of humor, Phillip(s) and Joshua were paired up to duet again. This time, it was Maroon 5's "This Love," which ended up not being nearly as offensive as their take on "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling." Still, Steven's assertion that it was the "best song, best vocal, best duet ever" was nothing more than the ravings of a lunatic.

Hollie and Jessica started out their duet of The Bangles' "Eternal Flame" on giant ribbon swings, which someone should have gagged them with. Seriously, these two girls both have very good voices, yet somehow this duet sucked something fierce. Randy finally presented a voice of reason from behind that table of lies and nonsense and told the girls that it was just "weird."

To waste some more time, we all got to see a video package of Adam Shankman stopping by the Idol mansion to show the kids the long trailer for Rock of Ages. As much as Tom Cruise annoys me, I have to admit that this movie looks like fun. And Tom is definitely less annoying than googly-eyed Idol alum Constantine Maroulis, who is the main reason I never went to see the Broadway play.

To tie in with the movie, the Final 4 sang an '80s power ballad: Foreigner's "Waiting For a Girl/Guy Like You." Ehhhhhhh.

Dave Matthews-Bland kicked off Round 2 with a non-DMB song, which I suppose is impressive in and of itself. He performed Damien Rice's "Volcano" complete with very dark mood lighting and a sultry backup singer. He actually didn't sound bad this time around. I mean, I didn't immediately want to smash his guitar over his head. It still sounded a little DMB-ish, though. The judges' tongues weren't tired yet, so they lovingly lapped Phillip(s) up, down and sideways. J.Lo even went so far as to claim "very few people could've pulled that off." What's that, Jen? Singing a simple, acoustic song? Oh God, I know. No one can do that.

Hollie's second song choice was Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me," which Jimmy sort of tried to talk her out of doing since it required more emotion than she could have possibly conjured up...but he didn't try too hard. Because everyone wants her gone. And they'll probably get their wish, because the performance was pretty boring. The judges said as much, and Jennifer suggested that maybe Hollie should have sung the song to the voters, apparently because they don't love her and she can't make them. Ouch.

Taking on the 4th song that was already done this season on The Voice was Joshua, trying his best to copy James Brown on "It's a Man's, Man's, Man's World." Yeah, I preferred the Juliet Simms version, which didn't make my ears bleed and my dog go insane. All of Joshua's screamy, runny melisma was clearly giving Randy palpitations, so it's amazing that he was able to get up for the standing O. The ovation and the critiques were even more over-the-top than usual, perhaps to make up for lack of the standing O on Joshua's previous song. Even though Steven's been walking the earth for 90-some years, he claimed that he'd NEVER HEARD ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN HIS LIFE. Jennifer was so blown away that she began speaking in tongues. And Randy bellowed, "That was one of the BEST performances on any show. ANY show. ANY SHOW!!! I'M TALKING ABOUT THE VOICE, EVERYONE, IN CASE YOU COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT!! WOOPS, DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD? HEY, DID I EVER TELL YOU I USED TO BE IN JOURNEY??"

Jessica closed things out with the diva anthem, "And I'm Telling You," which she announced was her message to America that she is not leaving this competition. Because people like when contestants they already are sick of pull that kind of shit. I honestly didn't think it was that great. I was so distracted by the fact that her feet were FROZEN in one spot. Her one arm sort of flapped around every now and then, but the girl made Hollie look like the most dynamic performer of our time. And knowing that Jessica has been singing this song since she was 7 just makes it that much worse. There was no emotion there. It was all mechanical. But she fooled the judges. Jen thought it was so good that there was nothing she could even say about it, but still wasted several minutes fumbling for words. Randy finally brought back "IN IT TO WIN IT," but only for Jessica, Joshua and Phillip(s).

While it would be hilarious (and musically ironic) to see Jessica get booted tonight, I can't see any other outcome but a Hollie ouster. I can see Jessica in the Bottom 2 with Hollie (because they're girls), but I am telling you, Jessica's not going.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: 5/3/12 Results

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 04 May 2012 16:08:00 +0000

Well, I hate to say I toldja so (even though I love when my predictions are right), but our little Skylar was forced to fly the American Idol coop last night. I'll make another prediction right now: she'll be more successful than whoever actually wins this show. I don't care whether you love or loathe country music, but it is undeniably the most popular genre in the United States. And it's also very good to people who want to be a part of it. I think all of the country Idol cast-offs got record deals after their seasons and are still making a decent musical living. (Not everyone can be a Carrie Underwood or Kellie Pickler, but the world needs its Josh Gracins and Bucky Covingtons, too...for some reason.)

Speaking of country, Carrie Underwood returned to the Idol stage to perform her new single, "Blown Away," which I guess is about the terrible Oklahoma weather or something. Perhaps it needed Lauren Alaina in the wings squeezing out fake tears for all the tornado victims, because it actually just came off as an ode to the wind machine that threatened to blow her dress away.

There wasn't much else to report from last night's results show, other than, YO, DAWG! IT WAS LIKE WE WERE AT A COLDPLAY CONCERT! Yeah, U2 Lite got special treatment and graced us with two songs that no one could tell apart. Neither of them were about tornadoes. At least I don't think so.

On to Top 4 Week, the theme of which will be "songs by California artists." No word on whether there will be a second or even third theme since there will be more time to kill and everyone might be performing three songs now. Well, the bassist from the Dave Matthews Band is from California, so if the other two themes are "songs by South African artists" and "songs by artists who have emptied a busload of shit-water on unsuspecting tourists," Phillips will have it made!

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: Hey Guv'nah, Welcome to the '60s

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 03 May 2012 21:06:00 +0000

Instead of just doing the humane thing by cutting the show down to an hour, American Idol continued its trend of having each contestant perform two songs. And because that didn't even take up enough time, they also threw in a couple of group sings and a whole lotta married couple-style fighting from Jimmy Iovine and mentor Steven Van Zandt.

This week, the themes were '60s music and Britpop. Technically, I think "Britpop" was the label placed upon early '90s bands like Blur and Oasis, but apparently AI meant anything remotely poppy that originated in the UK.

Little Steven gave Hollie Cavanagh possibly the best piece of advice ever by telling her not to care about what the judges think, because who the hell are they? He played it off like he was kidding, but I think we all know he enjoyed saying that. Hollie kicked things off with Ike and Tina's "River Deep - Mountain High," and perhaps she took Little Steven's advice to heart, as she seemed much more comfortable onstage. J.Lo said that it was "a different type of Hollie" than she'd seen before. For Round 2, Hollie did a good job with the overplayed Leona Lewis tune, "Bleeding Love," which I still like because it always reminds me of Mark Kanemura and Chelsie Hightower on So You Think You Can Dance. Randy said Hollie was two for two on the evening, and that she was peaking at the right time.

What better to follow the inoffensively pleasant sound of Hollie's voice than the maddeningly overrated Dave Matthews-Bland™? Seriously, I'm about to start watching this kid on mute. Phillips destroyed the melody of The Box Tops' "The Letter" in Round 1, and even though he stayed true to the melody of The Zombies' "Time of the Season" in Round 2, it still sounded awful, especially those high notes that he kept trying so hard to reach. Still, the judges loved DMB. And the audience probably still does, too, especially since he was accompanied by a hypnotically twirling tie-dyed backdrop, that was probably just a subliminal message to vote for him. However, considering that Seacrest pointed out DMB's girlfriend sitting in the audience, he could be in trouble with his horny, delusional fanbase.

Skylar Laine was up next, and I was happy to see her doing an uptempo number—CCR's "Fortunate Son"— in the first round, because I love watching her spastically dance. She slowed it down for Round 2 with Dusty Springfield's "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me," which was good but not quite as entertaining as the first song. And I was very distracted by her snakeskin dress, because I kept wondering if she actually wrassled, killed and skinned that snake herself. I'm willing to bet that she did. The judges all had great things to say about Skylar, as they should, but I have a feeling that she's going to be the one leaving us tonight. She shouldn't be, but I don't think she can compete with the judges' two-headed love child, Jesshua, or the tween/cougar poster boy, DMB.

Jessica Sanchez took on the second Tina Turner song (by way of CCR) of the evening with "Proud Mary" and tried her best to do the Tina hair tosses and shimmies, but she just didn't have it in her. In Round 2, Jessica was sprawled out on the floor, surrounded by fog and a shit-ton of candles. It looked like we all just accidentally stumbled onto the scene of a virgin sacrifice. Evidently, her very nice version of "You Are So Beautiful" appeased the dry ice gods, as her life was spared. Jennifer said that she keeps forgetting that Jessica is only 16, despite the fact that they mention that she's only 16 every week. Steven certainly didn't forget, and dropped this nugget of Tyler widsom: "The only thing that gives experience a run for its money is a 16-year old." That probably means something completely innocuous, but coming out of his mouth it just sounds...I don't know...rapey.

If you can believe it, they saved Joshua Ledet for the pimp spot! It was even more appropriate this time, as he kind of dressed like a pimp in Round 1. It was a no-brainer that Randy would love Joshua's ridiculous, striped-sleeve jacket, just as it was a no-brainer that the judges would treat Joshua's performances as if they had healing powers. Against all odds, he didn't get a standing O for his Round 1 cover of The Temptations' "Ain't to Proud to Beg," but the judges made up for it in Round 2 by not only giving Joshua's scream-tastic performance of the at least partially Australian Bee Gees' "To Love Somebody" a standing salute, but also by escalating the compliments until they reached the most hilarious level possible. (#1 - Steven: "You're one of the top two best Idols of all time." #2 - Randy: "You're one of the best singers ever on this show." #3 - Jennifer: "You're one of the best singers of the last 50 years.")

As for the group performances sprinkled throughout the night...the less said about them, the better. Although Hollie, Jessica and Skylar gave "Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher" the cruise ship treatment, it was far preferable to Joshua and Phillip's cover of "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling." Baby, something beautiful was indeed dying. It was that song. If you've ever wondered why Fantasia and Dave Matthews have never done a duet, now you have your answer. Seriously, that was just outrageously bad. Of course, the judges ate that shit up, rolled around in it and rubbed it all over each other.

Speaking of stool, who's gonna be in the uncomfortable stools tonight? I think it might only be a Bottom 2 from this point forward, so I'm gonna guess that it will be Jessica and Skylar, with Skylar going home. Unless DMB's fans are really really pissed about that girlfriend.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: 4/26/12 Results

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 14:57:00 +0000

American Idol dumped one more hopeful last night. Here's the good/bad/ugly of it all...

The Good

While I may have only guessed 1 of the Bottom 3, I got the one that mattered the most—Elise, who I correctly predicted would finally be sent packing after many false alarms.
Some of Jimmy Iovine's comments were fantastic, like when he said that the disembodied Jessica Sanch-heads scared him. He's not alone. I also loved when he said, "When the judges agree all the time, I fall asleep." Again, he's not alone. And I was glad to see that he hadn't been drinking the Phillip Kool-Aid. I guess he didn't have enough room after guzzling down all of Joshua's blend.
Although I'm not sure Katy Perry's pre-taped performance could be considered "good," she looks like the evil Zooey Deschanel so I always enjoy watching her.

The Bad

Season 10's Stefano (I guess he dropped the Langone) returned to the Idol stage to perform his new single, "I'm on a Roll." Yeah, he's on a roll with extra cheese. Is he even on a real label? Everything about this screamed Ark Music Factory.
Ford commercial, natch.

The Ugly

I can't believe the show opened with a Queen tribute band fronted by a chubby Freddie Mercury semi-lookalike, which was actually endorsed by Brian May and Roger Taylor. Tribute bands are one of the worst things, period. If I had to rank terrible things, tribute bands would go somewhere between pickles and Nazis clubbing baby seals.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: We Will Rock You To Sleep

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 15:50:00 +0000

Last night, the American Idol contestants each got to perform two songs. The first round featured the songs of Queen, a band that, according to The Dawg's voiceover, has a history of "making magic" with Idol. Interesting. It seems that Professor Dawg of the Revisionist History Department is remembering the one or two good Queen covers to ever come from this show and completely glossing over its appalling annual tradition of brutally raping the Queen catalog.

Because either they're extremely forgiving guys or they really need new shoes, Brian May and Roger Taylor showed up to chat with the Idolettes and accompany them on a show-opening mashup of Queen hits. Eh, I guess that group sing wasn't terrible by Idol standards. (That means it was still fairly ridiculous.)

Jessica Sanchez kicked things off with the worst version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" I've ever heard. And I'm counting that drunk guy who belted it out in the back of a police car. Making it even more unbearable was the lame attempt to recreate the original video by projecting four disembodied Jessica Sanch-heads on the screen behind her. Good grief. But of course, the judges couldn't say anything too bad about her. Steven admitted that "rock wasn't her forte," but still surmised that Freddie would have been proud of the performance. J.Lo pretty much said the same thing. Randy avoided criticism altogether and claimed to have loved it.

Although I predicted that Skylar Laine would sing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" (the one rockabilly song available), she opted for "The Show Must Go On," so I had to give her props. I thought some of her glory notes sounded a little strained, but otherwise it was a good performance. The judges all went nuts and Randy excitedly whipped out his new catch phrase, "SHE'S GOTTA HAVE IT."

I was hoping that Joshua Ledet would don a skirt for "I Want to Break Free," but he wore a boring suit and grabbed an old-timey microphone for "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." Seriously, Joshua can sing, but this was NOT GOOD. His voice didn't fit the song at all, and then he just yelled a lot. But the judges are on auto-pilot with him now, so they all gave him the now-standard standing ovation. Even though Jennifer seemed the most hesitant to get up out of her chair, she said that "the Joshua part of the show is her favorite part."

Elise Testone followed with a fairly meh version of "I Want It All." I wasn't feeling it...at all. Like I said last week, I'm over this chick. The judges thought that Elise was totally "in her element" though, and let the overblown praise continue to flow.

I'm also over Phillip Phillips, whose version of "Fat Bottomed Girls" sounded just like every version of every song he's ever sung. Randy was the only one who only "liked" it, while Jennifer and Steven continued be awestruck by Phillip's samey-sameness. Steven said that he loves watching Phillip run out of breath, so that's apparently the mark of a truly great performer. See how we're always learning new things by watching Idol?

Hollie Cavanagh ended the Queen round with "Save Me," an underrated song that I've always loved. However, I didn't really love Hollie's version. It wasn't terrible, but she really didn't go for a lot of the glory notes, and as usual, felt a bit stiff and emotionless. J.Lo gave Hollie some advice about forgetting about the audience and just having fun onstage, and it was actually so constructive and well articulated that I fell off my couch. And then I gave her a standing O. They're all the rage now.

Evidently, half a theme was good enough for the producers, as they let the Idolettes sing whatever they wanted in the second round.

Jessica tried to push America's weepy buttons with "Dance With My Father." Yeah, yeah, Jessica has a good voice but I just felt bored by this. J.Lo went back to making no sense during her critique, saying that Luther Vandross is one of her favorite singers ever, but that Jessica sang the most beautiful version of the song she'd ever heard. And even though all the judges were nearly orgasmic over this performance, not one of them stood up. They're saving their strength for Joshua.

Skylar grabbed her gee-tar for a cover of "Tattoos on This Town," which I'd never heard but immediately assumed was a Miranda Lambert or Kellie Pickler song. But after a quick Google search, I discovered that it's by Jason Aldean, who's like the country "it" kid right now. Anyway, I liked it. Skylar is by far the most poised and professional contestant left in the competition, so I always enjoy her performances, but she's always at her best when she's singing country. She came off as very natural and confident...it was kind of like watching any established country artist perform. So, I'd like to invite all the crybaby Scotty/Lauren fans from last year who accused me of being a "country hater" to lockthemdoors and suck it.

Oh, I almost forgot that during Skylar's critique, Randy took credit for inventing the word "ginormous." I think The Economist and Buddy the Elf might have something to say about that.

When Joshua returned, he was "Ready for Love"—not Bad Company-style, but india.arie-style. This was much better than his first song, but was it really worthy of another standing ovation or the judges' simultaneous orgasm? Probably not.

Elise courted the people-who-don't-watch-American-Idol demographic by performing Jimi Hendrix's "Bold as Love." I don't know how this girl went from one of my early favorites to someone I can't wait to be gone, but she has. Her performance was all over the place, and I got the distinct feeling that she was trying to hard to position herself as the "cool rocker chick." Oooh, she listens to Hendrix so she MUST rock, right? Whatever. I just discovered that John Mayer covered this song not too long ago, so I'd bet money that that's where Elise heard it, too.

OMG, in a shocking turn of events, Phillip decided to cover a Dave Matthews song! I have no idea what song it was, because all DMB songs sound the same, and all of Phillip's covers sound the same, so it was essentially the sound that Phillip's favorite color, gray, would make if colors could make sounds. Steven and Randy loved the performance, but Jen thought the song was a little obscure and "too artsy," something that has never been said about any of her songs.

Hollie closed out the night with a very nice rendition of "The Climb," and actually seemed invested for once. Well, if you can't find an emotional connection to a Miley Cyrus song, whose songs can you connect to? Somehow, Joshua hadn't completely worn the judges out, so they managed to stand up for Hollie's performance.

Sooooo...who will be under pressure? I'm guessing that viewers are tired of the excessive Joshua pimpage, which will lead to a repeat of the Bottom 3 from two weeks ago: Jessica, Joshua and Elise. And even though part of me thinks that Jessica could get Pia'd, I'm more convinced that everyone is just sick to death of Elise, so I'll be waiting for the hammer to fall on her tonight.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: 4/19/12 Results

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 18:18:00 +0000

Well, I went 2 for 3 (ALMOST 3 for 3) with my predictions, but ultimately guessed the wrong cast-off. While Elise probably should have been booted, it ended up being Colton. Perhaps his emo fans went too deep while cutting themselves, damaging their dialing/voting fingers. Or perhaps this is just another example of American Idol scripting a "shocking elimination" the week after using the judges' save. Either way, I really don't care. And neither does Colton, I'll bet. As his sing-out proved, he doesn't need this show. All he needs is THE LAWD.

The Good:

Uhhh...we kind of got to see Joshua in drag? Of course, it was during the terrible Ford commercial, so that kept me from fully enjoying it.
I guess I'll put Kris Allen's appearance here. He's just kind of there for me, and his spinning piano made me a bit dizzy, but his song was catchy enough. I also enjoyed Taylor Hicks' intro because A) he clearly makes all the show's bigwigs uncomfortable, B) it's hilarious that he's so excited about playing in Vegas, and C) he just shouted Kris's name before Seacrest had a chance to do his long-winded spiel.
Colton's gone. Although I'm annoyed that I almost put him in my Bottom 3 and would have gone 3 for 3 if I had, I can't say that I'll miss him.

The Bad:

The group sing of "Dancing in the Street" was pretty damn horrible, but it's not in the Ugly section because of some humorous bits. Like Phillip. Man, did he look ridiculous. Also, I loved how they threw Jessica out into the audience to try to fool people into thinking that she's connecting with them.
I'm officially sick of Elise and her bitch faces. Any time she's in the Bottom 3, she wears this expression like, "Oh these dumb voters don't recognize true talent when they see it," but this time around she threw herself a full-on pity party, whining that the judges are harder on her than anyone else, blah blah blah. And then she took a page from BB Chez's book by bringing up how hard she's worked her whole life. Boo hoo. Seriously, Elise, go back to singing six-minute songs in dive bars and get off my TV. And take the majority of the other Idolettes with you.

The Ugly:

The aforementioned Ford commercial, natch.
LMFAO's performance is here for lack of a WTF category. OMG, what was that? GTFO. The dancing zebra was pretty funny, but IDK who ever told those guys they could sing, dance, perform or do anything well. And I don't know why they were apologizing for party rocking, when "Party Rock Anthem" is the only good song they have.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: The Not Quite Magnificent Seven Ride Again

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 22:30:00 +0000

Last night on Idol, the contestants each sang two songs from different time periods/genres. Ryan reached into the theme hat and pulled out "anything from the last 12 years" and "anything that might have been performed on Soul Train." OK, sure. Let's see how that went...

Hollie Cavanagh drew the Leadoff Spot of Doom because clearly TPTB want her gone. For her contemporary choice, she chose Adele because apparently Adele is the only person who has put out any songs in the last few years. I have to say though, after hearing "Rolling in the Deep" mangled by everyone who's tried it (except for adorable man-child Jonathan Groff, whose Glee version was just fine), it was nice to hear someone actually do the song justice. Hollie sounded great and actually seemed like a human instead of a cyborg. However, on her second song, "Son of a Preacher Man," it was revealed that Hollie had merely been upgraded to a more advanced machine made of mimetic poly-alloy. She didn't sound bad, but Hollie singing soul...yeah, it doesn't work. It all just played like a comedy sketch from The Whitest ~~Kids~~ Girl You Know. Randy said that Hollie did better in Round 2 than Round 1 (wrong), and Jennifer said nothing worth remembering. Steven said he couldn't judge the first song because it was "perfect," and then after the second song, he said "When I close my eyes, I picture you doing all this other stuff." Perv alert!

I wasn't sure if Colton Dixon did something new to his hair, or if the hen perched on his head just had her period. And I wasn't sure what in the hell made him decide to sing an emo version of "Bad Romance," backed by an all-girl band. It was just as ridiculous as you'd imagine. The judges went all ga-ga rah-ah-ah over it though, as they so often do. Randy even brought back his old favorite phrase, "We were just at the (Colton Dixon) concert!" For his second act, Colton sucked all the soul and fun out of Earth, Wind and Fire's "September" and turned it into some kind of half-assed OneRepublic power ballad. Still, it didn't bother me as much as "Bad Romance." Maybe because it seemed like it was 30 seconds long. The judges didn't like it, so they all blamed the song. It was the song's fault, Colton! Eye-fuck the camera again, pleeeeeze!!

Someone must have retro-fitted Elise Testone with some of Hollie's old robot parts, because she barely moved during her cover of Alicia Keys' "No One." She sang it well enough though, and the judges seemed to like it. Well, I know that Little Ms. Goosies and The Dawg liked it, but I have no idea what Old Man Tyler was trying to say. Round 2 went much worse, as Elise tried to growl her way through Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On." Meh. I don't think even Bret Michaels would have been turned on by that rendition, and that guy gets turned on by envelopes...glass menageries...everything, really. I couldn't pay attention to the judges' critiques because they kept making mistakes, like J-Lo calling Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love" "Somebody to Love," and Randy claiming that Al Green sang "Let's Get It On." Then Elise said something that amounted to I need at least six minutes to perform a song well. Gee, it's too bad most pop singles are half that length.

Next up was Phillip Phillips, the only contestant for whom "song choice" is never an issue, because he just Phillip Phillipses (read: strip it down to its most boring, basic shell) everything into a standard product. And after putting Usher's "You Got It Bad" through the Dave Matthewsizer, he got the standard standing ovation. Randy and Jen gushed over Phillip's artistry and sexiness, respectively, while Steven clearly forgot who he was critiquing because he said that, with Phillip, "we never know what we're gonna get." I'm guessing that Steven is really easy to surprise. Anyway, then things got worse in Round 2 when Phillip put down his guitar for a cover of "In the Midnight Hour." It went how it always goes when Phillip is without his guitar—he made a lot of ridiculous faces and loped around the stage like an ostrich with scoliosis. Jen loved the "dance" moves, while Steven loved Phillip's "brilliantly awkward" appeal. Randy said, "Exactly what you need is what you have." What? Oh my God, all of these judges need to hire surrogate speakers.

Apparently, Jessica Sanchez's performance of Alicia Keys' "Fallin" was brought to us by Traveler's Insurance. (Sight gag!) Steven thought the performance was "passionate," but I thought it was boring. I mean, the girl can clearly sing but she needs to do more than that. Jen said something about "juggling balls" and I waited for a pervy comment from Steven that never came. In Round 2, Jessica (or, according to J-Lo, BB Chez) did "Try a Little Tenderness" while trying a little Joshuaness (yelling). On the heels of the MOST SHOCKING NEAR-ELIMINATION AND SAVE EVER, Randy made sure not to over-praise Jessica by saying a few things about not connecting with the audience that could have been construed as criticism.

The second Lady Gaga song of the night came from an even more unlikely source: Skylar Laine. She selected Gaga's country version of "Born This Way," basically cutting out all the references to anything remotely LGBT to ensure that all the Hicksville fundies will still vote for her. I'd heard the country version before, so it wasn't all that odd to me. I enjoyed the performance, especially the cute fiddler who stalked Skylar all around the stage. And while Skylar did a good job, Jennifer went way overboard by claiming that "a more perfect song for her doesn't exist." I mean, come on. I think the Kellie Pickler song she did last week suited her better than this one. There are plenty of songs out there that are way more "Skylar." I don't necessarily think "I Heard it Through the Grapevine" is one of them, but Skylar did a pretty good job with that one in Round 2. And that fiddler was still following her. Oh, the perks of being an Idolette.

Joshua Ledet got the (double) pimp spot, which came as a surprise to no one. For his first song, he dressed as a valet and lived up to his Mantasia moniker by taking on Fantasia's awful Idol single, "I Believe." The gospel choir was dispatched to Joshua's side...AGAIN. The judges gave Joshua a standing ovation...AGAIN. Steven said that Joshua could sing the phone book...DRINK! To close out the evening, Joshua whipped out "A Change is Gonna Come," which is always good for an automatic standing O. The gospel choir was strangely absent for this one, and only half of the Idiot Pit was swaying. Oh no! An Idiot Pit divided can not stand! Standing O, tongue bath, hyperbole, tongue bath, jibberish, tongue bath, Randy's not-so-subtle (and inaccurate) dig at The Voice, The End.

I'm thinking this week's Bottom 3 will be an all-girl affair, with Hollie, Jessica and Elise. I almost want to replace Jessica with Colton for two reasons: 1) The judges would never let Jessica be eliminated right after saving her, and 2) Colton sucked. But Colton could sing "I'm a Little Teapot" while slaughtering a panda and dumb girls would still vote for him. So, I think Jessica could still end up in the bottom. She won't go home, though. And I think Hollie bought herself some time with good performances and a likeable, albeit stiff, presence. Elise is inconsistent and looks pissed off all the time, two things that probably aren't earning her throngs of fans. Therefore, I predict that Elise will be watching her kiss-off package this evening.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: The Fake 4/12/12 Results

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 14:29:00 +0000

So, as most of you are aware by now, I was way off on my Bottom 3 predictions. I'm actually kicking myself for not realizing that this is usually around the time during the season that there is some type of "shocking elimination" or some other desperate ratings-grab stunt. In this case, it was putting Joshua, Elise and Jessica in the Bottom 3 and trying to convince everyone that Jessica was actually the lowest vote-getter.

Surely, you're all aware of how staged that was. I mean, come on. OH NOES! BB CHEZ IS IN DANGER! BUT...BUT...SHE'S THE BEST SINGER TO HAVE EVER GRACED THE IDOL STAGE! NO, SCRATCH THAT! THE BEST SINGER TO HAVE EVER GRACED THE EARTH!!! SHE WILL BE SAVED! NO DISCUSSION!! WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO HEAR HER SING FOR HER LIFE!! SHE IS THAT GOOD!!!!! EVERYONE MUST VOTE FOR HER NOW!!!!! WHEN YOU DON'T SPEND ALL OF YOUR PRECIOUS FREE TIME VOTING, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, AMERICA!! I HOPE YOU'RE PROUD OF YOURSELVES!!

Ugh. The judges and producers are doing everything they can to pimp Jessica and make sure she (and not boring white guy #5) wins this thing. I've seen some nonsense on this show before, but I've never seen anything quite as fake as that "shocking" result/automatic save display.

This may very well blow up in the producers' faces though, because viewers don't like to be told who they should vote for. And last night the judges chided America for "getting it wrong" and practically begged everyone to "vote for the BEST," making it clear that they've decided Jessica is the best singer in the competition (and in the WORLD) and, therefore, deserves to win.

The little one-act play didn't do much to paint Jessica as humble or likeable, either. I doubt that her mantra of "I've worked hard my WHOLE life" made anyone with a real job feel bad for or connected to her in any way. I wouldn't say that Jessica is necessarily worthy of our hate, but I don't think she's likeable enough to win a popularity contest (on her own), which is what this show is, despite what The Dawg constantly barks otherwise. But whether this plan backfires or not, I guess the producers can do whatever the hell they want. We never see the vote tallies, so they can (and probably will) certainly orchestrate a Jessica win if that's what they want.

What I find most annoying about the Jessica pimpage is that the judges will say things to her like, "No one sings like you" and "We've never had anyone like you on this stage," when she sounds almost exactly like Jennifer Hudson! And it was even more apparent last night, because J-Hud was one of the musical guests. But no one will mention the similarities because they're trying to paint Jessica as such an original. It's just interesting that the judges weren't nearly as excited about J-Hud's voice during her season. She was even voted off in favor of screechy Fantasia (the ultimate winner), Diana (who?) DeGarmo and Jasmine (again...who?) Trias. Even that ginger ding-dong John Stevens outlasted an eventual OSCAR WINNER. That says pretty much everything you need to know about how much talent actually matters on Idol.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: The Not Quite Magnificent Seven

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 00:04:00 +0000

Ok kids, so I started my recap last night, but lost interest after the stupid Photoshop. So before the results are announced, I'mma give you a half-assed post.

Here is how I would rank last night's performances:
1. Skylar
2. Joshua
3. Jessica
4. Colton (yeah, I can't believe it either)
5. Elise
6. Hollie
7. Phillip

The less said about the duets and trio, the better.

I predict that the Bottom 3 will be all girls—Skylar, Hollie and Elise—and Hollie is done. Let's see if I'm right...NOW!

American Idol 11: 4/5/12 Results

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 14:43:00 +0000

I think I'll be sticking with the Good/Bad/Ugly format for recapping the American Idol results shows. No need to drag it out into a needlessly lengthy process. And that is a sentence the AI producers have NEVER said.

The Good:

The skeleton of Kellie Pickler performed a new song about Tammy Wynette, and I actually quite liked it. Kellie sounded good and she didn't come off as annoying as she used to. But damn, girl needs a sandwich.
Phillip(s) responding to Jimmy's critique by saying that running out and touching the audience's hands kind of made me love him. Especially because it had nothing to do with Jimmy's comments, which were more about Phillip(s)'s habit of singing everything the same way all the time. Oh, what a pretty, dumb thing he is. I wonder if he's a germophobe, like Howie Mandel? He's such a rube; he probably thinks you can catch kidney stones from hand-to-hand contact.
I had the Bottom 3 (DeAndre, Hollie and Elise) right!
Even though he wasn't my pick to go, Simba Brackensick was booted off Pride Rock. Can't say I'll miss him. We all know that J.Lo will.

The Bad:

J.Lo's new video for "Dance Again" premiered, and sweet holy hell was it terrible. It wasn't as grating as "On the Floor" (hmm, I'm getting the feeling that she likes to dance) but her voice was so Auto-tuned and propped up by studio magic that it didn't even sound like a human being. I did get a good chuckle when Jen said she loved the song's "message." Because from what I could tell, the message was: Abandon your clothes for body glitter and get up on some younger dude. Uh...OK, I guess that's not a TERRIBLE message, now that I think about it.
After Jimmy said that Jessica's performance wasn't as good as it could have been, Jessica claimed that there weren't many songs from the '80s that fit her voice. Oh, sure. Not one song was written in that entire ten-year period that's worthy of being sung by her special voice. I think she's a good singer, but she really makes it difficult to like her. Someone needs to break the news to her that she's just a J-Hud soundalike with none of J-Hud's charisma.
I had no idea who The Wanted were when Seacrest introduced them, but to my surprise, I actually recognized the song they were singing. I've already forgotten how it goes, though. The song was catchy enough, but the performance was just annoying. At first, I thought they'd given the Idiot Pit some Five Hour Energy martinis, but they were actually professional dancers. The Idiot Pit was just over a few feet, still comprised of the same rhythmically challenged...well...idiots. Hence the name.

The Ugly:

Those punks did NOT just deadpan their way through a fabulous Supergrass song for that Ford commercial. Did they? No, they couldn't have. I refuse to believe that happened.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: Songs From the Year Most of You Weren't Even a Glint in Your Parents' Eyes

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 17:30:00 +0000

Hey, folks! So, I know I never posted a recap of last week's results show. Perhaps I was severely depressed over my dear, sweet Heejun's ousting. Or perhaps I had better things to do. You pick the story that you like best. While you're at it, concoct a good excuse for why I couldn't make a fancy Photoshopped image for this week's post.

Although the words, "It's '80s Night," usually fill me with glee, the same words usually make me cringe when followed by "on American Idol." The '80s are MY decade, and this show's idiot contestants have historically treated it pretty badly by zeroing in on all of its worst sappy ballads, or just flat-out breaking the rules by picking old soul/R&B songs that just happened to have been covered in the '80s. Let's hope not too much of this nonsense goes down tonight. I'm already on edge looking at Randy's psychotic clown shirt. Did he go all Scarlett O'Hara and tear down a circus tent to make that? Eegads.

Tonight's mentors are Gwen Stefani and one of the guys from No Doubt. I don't remember which one, because Gwen is always standing in front of them and hogging the spotlight by posing seductively with fruit and such. Don't speak, No Doubt guy. I know what you're thinking.

DeAndre Brackensick kicks the show off in the cheesiest way possible—sitting in the audience warbling a vaguely familiar DeBarge song. I don't know the title and don't care enough to look it up. If it ain't "Rhythm of the Night," who cares, right? His falsetto isn't as grating this week and he actually sounds decent, but I still find this kid boring as shit. Of course, the judges praise him like crazy, with Jennifer barely able to contain her love for Little Mr. Hair-Tosser, and Steven announcing that he was "captivated." Randy guesses that El DeBarge is probably proud of DeAndre right now, which marks the first time anyone has stopped to think about El DeBarge in the last 20 years. The Idiot Pit has no idea who that is. They probably think the El DeBarge is some kind of ferry that takes you from Chicago to Canada.

The mentors save us from the eleventy-millionth terrible AI cover of "Hallelujah" by convincing Elise Testone that she sounds much better on Foreigner's "I Want to Know What Love Is." There's something about Elise's voice that bugs me. Even when I like her performances, there's always a note or six that are just cat-in-heat awful. This song is no exception, but I actually prefer her on this to some of the other songs that have earned her wild praise from the judges. Accordingly, the judges bitch about her pitch this time around and give her negative remarks across the board. J.Lo has a Paula moment when she says, "Yeah, I think what THEY heard was..." before Randy even gives his critique. Steven also has a Paula moment when he fails to string a coherent sentence together.

Adding some extra padding to this two-hour extravaganza are Idolette duets. The first duet belongs to Colton Dixon and Skylar Laine. They sing "Islands in the Stream," and it's about as bland and expressionless as Kenny Rogers' new face. They don't sound BAD; they're just there. I notice that Colton's all blonde now. I guess he doesn't look like Ace Ventura anymore, but he still looks like a horse's ass. Seacrest tries to ignite some Colton/Skylar romance rumors, but give me a break. They can't even sing the line "making love with each other." That would probably get Colton kicked out of his church.

There are so many songs from the '80s that I adore, yet Phillip Phillips hones in on one I absolutely hate: "That's All" by Genesis. Ugggggh. I can't even really focus on it because I hate this song so much. He sounds OK, I guess. Typical Dave Matthews-meets-Joe Cocker stuff. The judges love Phillip as always, and love that he brought his brother (or brother-in-law?) on stage to accompany him.

As DeAndre kind of looks like a Pointer Sister, he gets to duet on "I'm So Excited" with Hollie Cavanagh, who looks like a mannequin who just came to life and is trying to figure out how her body works. Holy awkward. And holy cheeseball. For some reason, Steven loves this duet, and says "beautiful" a record number of times.

Well, well, well...what's this? Joshua Ledet is singing "If You Don't Know Me By Now," because it's an old soul song covered by Simply Red in the '80s. How lucky for him. Joshua gets propped up by the gospel choir once again, and wins the judges over toward the end of the performance by screaming his little heart out. Cue standing ovation and tongue bath. Randy babbles on about how Joshua's GOTTA HAVE IT, which is apparently the catch phrase he's trying desperately to make happen this year. I guess IN IT TO WIN IT is out?

Jessica Sanchez takes on a Whitney Houston song, and thank God it's "How Will I Know" and not another ballad. Jessica claims that it's actually her alter ego, B.B. Chez, who is performing tonight. You know, it's annoying enough when a huge celebrity like Beyonce adopts an alter ego, but when a 16-year-old reality show contestant does it, you just kind of want her to fall face first off the stage. She doesn't though, and Jessica or B.B. or whoever the hell she is performs it well enough. Jennifer still can't believe that those big vocals are coming out of Jessica's little body, and Steven thinks everything Jessica does is...wait for it....BEAUTIFUL. Randy takes this opportunity to remind everyone that he KNEW WHITNEY HOUSTON! AND HE WORKED ON THAT SONG!

Elise and Phillip drag the Tom Petty/Stevie Nicks classic, "Stop Dragging My Heart Around," through the mud and I am not happy. The judges somehow think this is great. Lunatics.

OK, let's forget Randy's shirt for a second and focus on Steven. What the hell is he wearing?? Is he dressed like a...rag doll?

Speaking of hot tramps and daddy's little cuties, Hollie Cavanagh shows up in a bright blue Tina Turner-esque dress that I have to admit to liking. It's one of those dresses that I would impulsively buy, try on several times in front of my mirror, but never wear out because I'd be afraid that people would mistake me for a streetwalker or just your run-of-the-mill slutty cougar. Anyway, Hollie insists on singing "Flashdance...What a Feeling." Jimmy Iovine is right when he says this is a corny song. And I'm a Steel Town girl who grew up wanting to live in an awesome loft and dance like Jennifer Beals (before I knew it wasn't her dancing) for much of my young life, so if I think it's corny, you know it's corny. I don't know why they didn't talk her out of it. She falls way short of taking her passion and making it happen. In her defense, it's probably pretty hard for a cyborg to effectively convey the joy of dancing. The judges all tell Hollie to stop listening to what everyone is telling her to do and listen to what they're telling her now: Let go. Stop thinking. Be HUMAN.

I'm sure Jessica and Joshua were paired up for a duet by total luck of the draw. It's not like they're the judges' two favorites or anything. Of course not. They sing the Aretha Franklin/George Michael number, "I Knew You Were Waiting for Me." In order for these two to NOT get a standing ovation, one or both of them will have to slit an audience member's throat and then force the judges to drink the blood. No blood is shed, so the judges get up off their asses and crawl up Jessica and Joshua's. J.Lo predicts these two could be in the Finale. Steven says that the performance was "so over the top that it defies judging." (As if he ever really judges.) Randy says JESSICA AND JOSHUA GOTTA HAVE IT! THEY'RE SO FETCH! I WORKED ON THAT SONG, TOO! I KNOW ARETHA FRANKLIN! GEORGE MICHAEL HIT ON ME ONCE! DAWG! YO! HOW AM I STILL EMPLOYED?? YEEEAH YEAAAH!

Colton Dixon takes on Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time," and much to my surprise, I don't immediately hate this version. It's not quite as whiny and emo as his stuff usually is. In fact, it kind of reminds me of Rick Springfield...as covered by Coldplay. Then Colton admits to Seacrest that he totally ripped off the arrangement from a band called Quiet Drive. Well, at least he didn't pull a Daughtry and actually copped to it right away. The judges all love Colton, but they love the band's drummer even more. Said drummer, known only as "Rex," gets more accolades than Colton, yet the camera man doesn't even bother to get a close up of the guy.

Closing things out is Skylar Laine, who, at the prodding of the mentors, switches from her originally planned "9 to 5" to "Wind Beneath My Wings." Skylar sounds a little nasally as usual, especially at the beginning, but she does a good job with this. I'm actually impressed by some of the notes she hits because I didn't know that she had quite that range. So, it's a good performance to close out the show, but I still can't help but wish that someone would just kill this song. The judges give Skylar a standing O, and J.Lo tries to squeeze out some fake tears. Steven predicts that Skylar has a great career ahead of her. Well, since she's not likely to win the whole thing, I suppose she could end up opening for Bucky Covington some day. Whoo!

It seems very clear to me that the Bottom 3 will be DeAndre, Elise and Hollie. I'm not completely sure who will be going home. I think everyone is sick of DeAndre, but the judges really pimp him hard, so I have a feeling that Hollie will be the one sent packing. At least she only has to pack an oil can and a few extra fuses.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: Idols Idolizing Idols

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 03:43:00 +0000

Sitting in as guest mentor on tonight's Idol is one of my faves, Stevie Nicks. Jimmy looks awfully happy. Well, Stevie dated him when he still only had one eyebrow, so he knows that she likes him for who he is on the inside.

Tonight's theme is "Songs From Your Personal Idols." (Yes, that's a recycled Photoshop from last year. Sue me.) Try not to think too much about the genuinely iconic artists (including Stevie) who are sure to be overlooked for the likes of, oh, I don't know, John Mayer and the like, or you'll go insane.

Colton Dixon illustrates the above point by breaking out Lifehouse's "Everything." Lifehouse. Really? Lifehouse?? I mean, they make some catchy songs, but they're Colton's IDOLS? Well, not quite. Turns out his idol is really Jesus, as this song was used in a very popular religious skit, in which Jesus smites those who would tempt a young girl with money, drugs, violence and...trying out for America's Next Top Model? I think? Anyhoo, Colton's performance is very Colton: lots of breathy whining that eventually leads to a soaring chorus. And although it feels like the song goes on forever, I swear that it consists of about eight words. The judges worship Colton to the point where I half-expect J.Lo to offer to wash his feet with her hair, but she stops short of that. And lo, Randy doth proclaim that Colton is a contender to be named King of Idols.

Breaking up the very holy vibe is Skylar Laine, singing a song about what fun it's gonna be to shoot the bastard who done her wrong (Miranda Lambert's "Gunpowder and Lead") while flailing spastically about as if she's being exorcised. Aside from being rather nasally (as usual), I have to say that I'm liking this girl more and more every week. She's at least entertaining to watch, which is more than I can say for this year's sea of boring...what was it Randy called them? Oh yeah, balladators.

Perhaps knowing that the majority of Idolettes would pick terrible idols (i.e., people who've been famous for about a minute), the show-runners decided to also have three trios perform songs from musical icons. First up are Colton, Elise and Phillip with a medley of Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks hits. They start out with "Landslide" with Colton on lead, then Elise breaks into "Edge of Seventeen," followed by Phillip on "Don't Stop." Surprisingly, they don't completely ruin these songs and the harmonies/backing vocals are really good. But I'm quite certain there are backup singers behind the curtain helping out. Steven loves the performance and casually mentions that he just had dinner with Mick Fleetwood. Hmm. How long will it take Randy to remind everyone that he has famous friends, too?

Stripped of all playfulness, Heejun Han chooses to sing not only another boring ballad, but also one of the most played out ballads ever: Donny Hathaway's "A Song for You." Jimmy is happy to see Heejun taking things seriously this week, while Stevie tries to play therapist, suggesting that Heejun was previously acting like he didn't care because he was afraid he wouldn't win. Whatever. We all know that the producers had a nice long talk with him. I like Heejun so much better when he's being goofy; this is frightfully boring. And his accent is more noticeable than ever. Eesh. Of course, the judges love the meh-ness of it all, and basically thank Heejun for killing his fun side.

Hollie Cavanagh says that Stevie got really "pissonal" with her during rehearsal, sharing the story of her mother's death to help Hollie connect with the emotion of Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel." Jesus, another ballad? And now it's snowing in the Idol studio! It must be the FX department. It certainly can't be Hell freezing over, because everything here is the same old same old. Hollie sings well enough, but it's boring, even when she tries to pretend that she's on the verge of tears. Randy says it wasn't a perfect performance, Jen says it was one of Hollie's best, and Steven takes the middle ground. And apparently he's been "trying to get in between" Randy and J.Lo for a "long time?" What does that mean? Never mind. I don't wanna know. Ew.

Eric Benet is DeAndre Brackensick's idol, so I can only assume his ultimate goal in life is to marry and then cheat on Halle Berry. Good luck with that, kid. You know, I'm a sucker for falsetto, but this version of "Sometimes I Cry" is too much. I feel like my head's gonna explode. And it doesn't help that the minute I think, "Prince he ain't," Tyler claims that DeAndre "gives Prince a run for his money." BITCH, PLEASE. HE CERTAINLY DOES NOT. And he certainly doesn't deserve a standing ovation.

Jessica Sanchez is singing Beyonce's "Sweet Dreams." Huzzah! A non-ballad! Oh, wait. She's turning it into a ballad. *sigh* Yes, yes, she sings very well. We know. The judges know. Jessica knows. I'm sure there will be an email from Beyonce tomorrow night telling us that she knows. Whatever. It's still boring. And I'm so distracted by this goofy set design with the doors to nowhere. I kind of wish I could walk through one right now and find a dimension where more uptempo songs exist.

The boredom finally catches up with me, and I doze off for the few minutes it takes DeAndre, Heejun and Joshua to do their Michael Jackson medley. Ah, talk about a sweet dream...

I snap awake just in time to hear Stevie telling Phillip Phillips that if he had been friends with her and Lindsey Buckingham in the '70s, he would have been asked to join Fleetwood Mac, too. (And he would have been one more person in that band that she could have banged.) Phillip grabs his guitar to cover Jonny Lang's "Still Rainin'." See, now, I enjoy this. This is so much better than the DMB vibe he always brings. I mean, there's still a little of that in there, but the bluesy-rockness of it helps cover it up. As the judges give yet another standing O, Randy finally sees his chance to let the world know that JONNY LANG IS HIS FRIEND!!

Joshua Ledet's idol is Mariah Carey, so of course he's singing "Without You," because she totally wrote that song, right? You know, I like Joshua, but there's something missing. I feel sort of the same way about him as I did about Jacob Lusk—I would enjoy his performances so much more if he were in drag. At the end, Joshua manufactures some tears (for, uh...his struggle?) that dry up almost immediately during judging. But the judges are real suckers for the fake cry, so they rise to their feet again and bathe Joshua in the warmth of their saliva. Steven thinks Joshua pushed himself to the limit! J.Lo thinks Joshua is an angel from Heaven!! Randy wants everyone to know that MARIAH CAREY IS HIS FRIEND!! HE WAS JUST TALKING TO HER!!! AND THAT CONVERSATION WAS WAY MORE RECENT THAN STEVEN'S DINNER WITH MICK FLEETWOOD!

Um, is Randy wearing a candy necklace? That can't end well.

The last trio is comprised of Hollie, Skylar and Jessica, who perform a mashup of Madonna's "Like a Prayer," "Borderline" and "Express Yourself." They're pretty good, but once again, I'm sure there's some off-camera vocal magic happening.

Elise Testone not only gets to perform with a real idol—an impromptu duet of "Dreams" with Stevie during rehearsal—but also gets to close out the evening with the ROCK GODS' (you shall have no other Gods before them) "Whole Lotta Love." (OK, so that was ripped from a Blues God. Lots of religions share ideas. Shut up.) As far as Idol-based Zeppelin covers go, I'd say this is the third best...out of three. Adam Lambert did a better job with this song, and Haley Reinhart's cover of "What Is and What Should Never Be" was awesome...even though she wiped out in the middle of it! The judges look like they're unsure of whether this is worth standing up for again, but after a few seconds decide to go ahead and give her the O. As it turns out, Elise and Steven are wearing the exact same pants. I wonder whose waist is smaller? My money's on scrawny Steven. I saw some of his outfits at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and they looked like they'd barely fit a Ken doll.

So, who will be hitting the road tomorrow night? I've gotta think that the Bottom 3 will be Heejun, Hollie and DeAndre. And although the voters have it out for the girls (as always), I think a lot of people, including the producers, want Heejun gone. The judges were clearly super-nice to him to lull his voters into a false sense of security. I'd rather see DeAndre go, but I think Heejun's time has come.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: 3/22/12 Results

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 20:33:00 +0000

Ugh, another results show. Let's do this Good/Bad/Ugly style, shall we?

The Good

I was out last night, so I got to watch the results show on my DVR and skip a lot of the bad/ugly!
Joe Perry showed up to lead everyone in singing "Happy Birthday" to Steven Tyler. I guess an appearance by Joe Perry is always welcome. He's one of those guys I've always found so ugly that he's somehow attractive.
The return of Haley Reinhart. I still can't believe I hated this girl when she started on Idol. I love her new song, "Free," and I hope that it does well. She performed in a giant cage while dressed up like some sort of devil woman. I can't say the styling really belongs in the "good" section, but she sounded great, so I'll let it slide. But why didn't Seacrest talk to her? Was that pre-taped?
Heejun was safe! I'm sorry, but I can't help but love that kid. When Jimmy mentions that Steven Tyler seemed pissed off last night because Heejun "disrespected" the show, he just kind of shrugged it off and said that he was just being himself, and is not trying to be a star. Kind of an amazing statement for someone who's on the "search for a superstar," no? I don't think he wants to be there anymore. He looked bummed out when it was revealed that he actually wasn't the one going home.
Erika's sing-out. She did "I Believe in You and Me" better than she did it the first time. More on this in a bit.

The Bad

The group sing, natch. I had to FF through it. Whoa oh oh oh, these very Brady numbers have sucked for the longest time.
Colton's outfit. He looked like a mummy who just woke up and started unwrapping himself.
Jimmy Iovine said that no one knew the Billy Joel song, "Vienna." Was he serious? Or by "no one" was he just talking about the all-important tween voters?
Erika got voted off instead of DeAndre. As I mentioned above, she killed her sing-out, but the judges already knew they weren't going to use their save on her. When Ryan asked them if they would, Randy just gave a very dismissive, "Naaaah... unfortunately... nah."
My predictions were way off this week. Not only did I pick the wrong eliminated contestant, but I only correctly picked 1 out of the Bottom 3.

The Ugly

Lana Del Rey performed. Seriously, how many more times do we have to hear this manufactured "indie" starlet drone on about video games through her 10-pound lips? I tried to give her one more chance, but could only deal with about three verses before I nearly went insane and had to hit the FF button. Haley can sing circles around that over-hyped mess.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot

American Idol 12: Scenes From An American Reality Show

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 19:26:00 +0000

Last night, the Idolettes sang Billy Joel songs and received both performance and fashion advice from P.Diddy and Tommy Hilfiger, respectively. I no longer have any idea what year it is.

Hint #1 that DeAndre Brackensick is probably going home tonight? He was placed in the lead-off spot of doom. Hint #2 that he's probably going home? He sang "Only the Good Die Young." There has to be some kind of stat on how many times a contestant has been voted off after performing an ironically-titled song. I swear it happens a lot. Hint #3 that he's probably going home? His performance was much like one you'd see on a cruise ship traveling the river Styx. None of the judges really find anything that wrong with it, though.

Being from Rhode Island apparently makes it hard for Erika Van Pelt to get into a "New York State of Mind." Diddy and Jimmy tell her to pull back and stop oversinging, but in the next breath tell her to let go and take risks. They should get Kunu from Forgetting Sarah Marshall to come and mentor these kids. (Remember, don't do anything. Well, you gotta do more than that.) The biggest risk Erika took was getting all of her hair chopped off and dyed black, so that she looked (as J.Lo rightfully pointed out) like Pat Benatar. Erika sounds good as always, and even though the judges continue to make nitpicky comments about her supposed tendency to over-sing (oddly enough, something they never accuse Rev. Joshua of doing), they all loved her vocals and her new look. Steven summed it all up with his favorite word, "beautiful."

Speaking of the reverend, Joshua Ledet never heard "She's Got a Way" before. Neither did Steven Tyler! Sheesh. Some kids (and seniors). The Idiot Pit was in full swing for Joshua's performance, but he never really seemed comfortable singing the song and it showed in his vocals. It just wasn't that good. They brought the gospel choir out mid-song to try to prop him up, but it wasn't fooling anyone. The judges tried really hard to not say anything negative, but J.Lo had to admit that she wasn't feeling that one.

Skylar Laine was happier'n a possum rolling in armadillo shit, because she loooves her some Diddy. She still loves him even after he tells her that her vocals sounded "forced." And she loves her cowboy boots too, yet after she and Tommy talked at length about which ones she would wear, she showed up on stage in high heels. I was trying to figure out if Billy Joel ever recorded a country-ish song and I didn't think he had, so when Skylar sang "Shameless," I thought she was at least a little better than Scotty McCreery, aka the guy who picked the one song with "country" in the title for Elton John night. Then it came to light that both Garth Brooks and Brad Paisley had done covers of the song. OF COURSE. Anyway, I thought she sounded better than she did last week, but the judges disagreed with me. Randy said it was pitchy in the beginning, Jennifer would only say that Skylar was "fearless," and Steven mumbled some combination of what the other two just said.

Elise Testone bounces back from two weeks of being in the Bottom 3 with a very good performance of "Vienna." Notice I said "very good" and not"OMG THAT WAS THE BOMB, YO, I THINK YOUR SINGING JUST CURED CANCER," which is essentially what the judges very excitedly bellowed. Randy said Elise had that all-important "moment," but we'll see if that moment is enough to keep her away from the chopping block this week. The voters don't always vote for relevant reasons, you know, and this girl's endless arsenal of bitch-faces has rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. Still, I think she did well enough (and got talked up enough) that she should make it through. If not, get ready for the bitch-face to end all bitch-faces tomorrow night!

Oh, Phillip Phillips. Every time he speaks, I become more and more convinced that he was the real-life inspiration for Forrest Gump. He's not a smart man but he knows who Dave Matthews eee-IS! Yeah, essentially, he does the DMB version of "Movin' Out," just as he's done the DMB version of everything, always, since the beginning of time. The thing that bugs me about Phillip is that I think I would probably really like him as a person (endearing accent, cute face, plays guitar, seemingly good sense of humor), but I just find him so boring as an artist. I do appreciate that he totally ignored all of his mentors' advice, though. Diddy told him to put down the guitar; he played the guitar. Tommy told him to not wear gray; he wore two layers of gray. Gotta love that. Because really, who needs advice from a guy who can't even stick with one name for his entire life or a guy who makes his living off of over-priced, over-branded, overly boring clothes? J.Lo also appreciated that Phillip stayed true to who he was, but don't think this means they'll stop bringing people in to try to mold these kids into the cash cows that they are hoping for.

One solid argument against listening to Hilfiger's advice is Hollie Cavanagh: what in the hell was she wearing? She looked like a slightly cougar-esque mother-of-the-bride from the future. Even stranger was the video message from her brother. It wasn't really relevant to anything, and I just ended up really confused because he didn't have the same weird accent. Hollie sang "Honesty," and it was probably not her best. If I'm being honest, it nearly put me to sleep. The judges didn't seem very impressed either. Randy did like her outfit, which says all you really need to know about Randy's style.

Heejun Han's performance was where the night really started for me. That was amazing. From his mentoring sessions all the way through judging, he was basically just effing with everyone. Diddy couldn't figure him out...he wasn't even convinced that Heejun was really Asian. Tommy acted like a high school principal in the face of Heejun's antics, primly moaning, "Heejun was testing me." Haha. Yeah, and you failed, dude. Then Heejun started out his performance like he was doing yet another boring ballad before pulling an Elvis Costello and stopping the song to start another one. But unlike Elvis, his reason was that he wanted to DANCE!! Heejun be-bopped around the stage singing "My Life," which was basically him giving the finger to all of the mentors who have tried to tell him who to be. It was fantastic. And it certainly wasn't a great vocal, but Heejun's voice is pleasant enough that it wasn't excrutiating to listen to or anything. Jennifer and Randy seemed to enjoy it, and were glad to see Heejun cutting loose and having fun. One might expect the "badass rocker" to be totally down with Heejun's "message," but Steven seemed nearly as prissy about it as Tommy was earlier. He warned Heejun that "at some point, you've gotta take it more serious(ly)." Yeah, at some point you have to get off the drugs and start recording shmaltzy ballads for terrible big budget movies.

"Everybody Has a Dream" was Jessica Sanchez's song choice because she is the only one who has ever had a dream. In rehearsal, Diddy didn't believe that her dream was real, and whatever he said to her must have worked because she delivered a fine performance. She was sounding more J-Huddy than ever last night. Unsurprisingly, she got a standing ovation from the judges and they said a lot of flowerly things like, "That was a defining moment" (Jennifer), "You have a moment every time you step on that stage" (Randy) and, most nauseatingly, "Thank you for letting me hear you sing" (Steven).

Closing things out was Colton Dixon, who Tommy "enjoyed" very much. Hmm. Who'dathunk Tommy would get along with antoher metrosexual? However, there was trouble in bro paradise when Colton refused to make Tommy happy by getting rid of the dead raccoon on his head. Colton basically took on Billy Joel's most iconic song and completely ruined its barroom appeal. It went a little like, "So, whine us a song, you're the emo man/Whine us a song tonight/For we're all in the mood to cut ourselves/And you've got us wanting to die." At least that's what it sounded like to me. The judges loved him though, and then Colton gave a shout-out to the son of God, immediately winning him all the Midwest and Bible Belt votes.

So, who will be in the Bottom 3? Erika could end up there if people didn't even recognize who she was, but I think she should be OK. People love a makeover. I'm going to say it's DeAndre, Joshua and Hollie. And I think everyone is finally brackensick of DeAndre, so he'll be sent packing. (Can you imagine how much his bags weigh with all those hair products?)

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: 3/15/12 Results

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 13:43:00 +0000

Well, America's Migraine is gone. Out of an all-girl Bottom 3 (big surprise), Elise Testone and Erika Van Pelt were saved, securing their spots on the tragic, sparsely-attended Idol tour, while Shannon Magrane was booted, securing her a continued life of priveleged anonymity. Who's the "loser" in this scenario again?

Even though I hate when my predictions are off, I'm glad that it was Shannon and not Erika who was eliminated. Still, I don't think Erika will last very long, considering she's one of the oldest contestants, a genuinely good singer, and—worst of all—female. Elise might end up getting unfairly booted early on too, since everyone thinks she has an attitude. She certainly didn't do herself any favors last night when Ryan told her she was in the Bottom 3 and, without congratulating Skylar on making it through, just sort of snottily wandered over to Loser's Row. But maybe it wasn't bitchiness. Maybe she was just so high she didn't know what was going on.

Seacrest revealed that the Judges' Save has been brought back for this year, which Shannon had no chance of getting. It will either be held onto until the producers set up the elimination of a chosen one (Phillip, Jessica), or wasted to set up the annual "shocking elimination" (e.g., DeAndre is saved and Jessica or Joshua is sent home the following week).

There isn't much else of interest to report from last night's show. I did enjoy Jimmy Iovine's critiques. Not of the contestants, but of Randy. He called out the Dawg's habit of constantly contradicting himself, like blaming the song when a contestant performs badly, then turning around and saying that the song doesn't matter if you're a good enough singer.

Oh yeah, there were also a couple of musical guests: Demi Lovato and Daughtry. I think I might have been playing with my phone when the latter was on, but I'm pretty sure he sang something that sounded a lot like every other one of his songs. I'm not sure why I was paying attention while the former was on, because she was terrible. She kept saying she wanted to give my heart a break, but what about my ears? WHAT ABOUT MY EARS, DEMI?

Next week, the Idolettes will once again get a chance to prove what relevant artists they are by performing Billy Joel songs. (I'll pay Heejun $1 million to come out and sing the full 7+ minutes of "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant.") And the results show will feature performances by last year's third runner-up, Haley Reinhart, and this year's annoying indie (so her marketing team would have you believe) poster child, Lana Del Rey.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: Born Under a Bad Song

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 03:44:00 +0000

Nothing makes me feel quite as old as American Idol's "songs from your birth year" theme night does. It's just mind-boggling to me that people born in the '90s aren't still wearing pull-ups. Apparently, the Idolettes were trying to keep me from feeling too ancient, as nearly half of them performed songs that were originally released back in my day ('memba the '70s?) or beyond, and only covered in their birth years. I'd actually they rather make me feel old, because it seriously pisses me off when they bend the theme rules like this.

Hey, look who's back: will.i.am! I'll bet he showed up on Monday and camped out in his chair so that Jimmy Iovine couldn't bring in another mentor.

Kicking the show off is Phillip Phillips with the same old sound, but now kidney stone-free! Phillip is most likely going to be your next American White Guy Idol (unless the producers orchestrate a girl's win), so he's one of the few who will never have to worry about being in the lead-off spot of doom. As Phillip was born in 1990, naturally he sings "Hard to Handle," an Otis Redding tune from 1968, later covered by the Black Crowes and driven into the ground by every radio station and jukebox on earth. Phillip earns a three-way tongue bath from the judges, as usual.

Jessica Sanchez was born in 1995, so she is performing the disco classic, "Turn the Beat Around," later covered by Gloria Estefan. A quick peek at Wikipedia shows that Estefan's version was actually released in 1994, so should we just throw this theme out the window right now? Although I still think Jessica has a strong voice and she does fairly well with this, she doesn't seem totally comfortable with it. It's also annoying to see her doing the little breakdown/"are you ready?" routine that will.i.am.not.giving.my.chair.up.again scripted for her. I mean, we all know that most of these kids are puppets, but they're more tolerable when we can't see what's going on behind the curtain. Another thing we all know is that Jessica is one of the judges' chosen ones, so it's clear that they're de-pimping her a little bit right now for her own good. What's not good is when Steven suggests that Jessica never stray far from ballad territory. Seriously? Does this guy not get enough of ballads on this show? My Spidey senses tell me that one is coming up right now!

Yep. Following the advice Steven meant for Jessica, Heejun Han is doing another ballad. And as much as I adore this kid, I really want to smack him. Because not only does he always sing ballads, but also he picks the absolute worst adult contempo soft-schlock imaginable. This time around, it's "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx. To Heejun's credit, he's at least doing a song that was originally released in his birth year, 1989. But that's about all the credit I can give him, because the vocals on this are some of the weakest I've heard from him and it is just sooooo boooooring. Randy throws down the pitchy card and tells Heejun to go back to the R&B swag that got him noticed in the audition rounds. Jennifer refuses to say anything bad about Heejun, and Steven says something that I forget the instant it reaches my ears.

And it's back to the birth year covers! Elise Testone takes on Al Green's 1972 hit, "Let's Stay Together," which was covered by Tina Turner in 1983. Even though I'm annoyed that she ignored all the great songs from that year, she turns in a good performance and easily bounces back from last week. She might still have a problem with some people who think she has an attitude, but I don't think she'll be leaving us anytime soon.

Perhaps as an homage to his own mane, DeAndre Brackensick intends to perform the love song from The Lion King. However, will.i.am.not.feeling.the.love.tonight convinces him to switch to a different sappy movie theme, "Endless Love." Obviously, DeAndre was not born in 1981, so he's performing the Mariah Carey/Luther Vandross cover and is clearly trying to play both parts. I can sum up this performance with one word: blargh. Of course, the judges try their best to simultaneously give DeAndre a thumbs up and the performance a thumbs down, which is best achieved by blaming it all on Jimmy and will.i.am.not.responsible.for.this.kid's.suckage.

Jimmy wants Shannon Magrane to sing No Doubt's "Don't Speak," but she has her heart set on the second Mariah Carey duet in a row, "One Sweet Day." The performance starts off especially rough for the Idiot Pit, who can't decide whether they should clap along, sway or just leave. As leaving would be the smart thing, it's not an option that they consider for very long. Once again, I'm amazed that this girl has made it this far because she is incredibly average at best. Once again, I'm amazed that the judges just continue to heap praise upon her. And for the first time, I'm amazed when Uncle Randy doesn't take this opportunity to tell everyone about what good friends he is with Mariah and whats-his-face from Boyz II Men.

Here's one for the bizarre song choice files: Colton Dixon is covering a White Lion song. Not the good one everyone knows ("Wait") or even the awful one everyone knows ("When the Children Cry"), but the one that no one knows despite the fact that they released it twice ("Broken Heart"). Well, I shouldn't say "no one" knows it. I do. But that's only because I had a minor thing for Mike Tramp back in the day. Anyway...even though I thought Tramp was pretty, his strangled voice always kind of annoyed me. But thanks to Colton's usual whiny Daughtry wannabe schtick, I think I've gained a new appreciation for ol' Mikey. Steven is uncharacteristically negative in his critique, which makes me wonder if he and Mike Tramp ever banged the same chick or something. But J.Lo and Randy love Colton, and think he—as Professor Dawg puts it—"performed it dope."

Erika Van Pelt is singing Bryan Adams' "Heaven," which makes me think that if she'd only been born a few years later, she could be singing Warrant's "Heaven," a song I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING. I am totally playing that song in my head while Erika is singing, but I'm still getting the general feeling that she's doing a pretty good job. I seem to be in the minority though, as the judges complain about the arrangement. Although he's always telling contestants to make songs their own, he does a 180° on Erika by suggesting that she should have just sung this one the way it was written. I guess it doesn't matter that her changes were very subtle. Apparently a Bryan Adams composition is never to be tampered with!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this news bulletin: Jermaine Jones aka The Gentle Giant aka Joel Jones aka Kareem Watkins aka will.i.am.wanted.by.the.police has been disqualified! In a totally unplanned segment, Nigel Lythgoe sits down with Jermaine to let him know that the only crime Idol will tolerate is songicide, and gives him his walking papers.

The Not-So-Gentle Giant is gone but the show must go on, so Skylar Laine prepares to take the stage. Although Jimmy tries to get her to sing a million other songs, Skylar sticks with her original choice, Bonnie Raitt's "Love Sneakin' Up on You." I kind of wish Skylar had taken will.i.am.not.kidding's suggestion to do Coolio's "Fantastic Voyage" because that would have at least been entertaining. This is just kind of boring. It starts off really shaky, then sort of promises to get good, then dissolves into a big pile of meh. But since the water's still warm from Phillip's tongue bath earlier, the judges give Skylar a soak.

Seacrest wheels out a giant tub of crawfish for Joshua Ledet, who takes a taste before giving the audience a taste of Percy Sledge by way of Michael Bolton. His churchy take on "When a Man Loves a Woman" is very good, and the judges lose their minds when Joshua whips off his bellboy jacket about halfway through. Jennifer gushes that Joshua's performance was the best thing she's ever seen on American Idol. I don't know about that. If Seacrest would have come in at the end and wrapped Joshua in a cape bedazzled with a giant crawfish on the back, then maybe I'd agree.

Closing out the night is Hollie Cavanagh with Celine Dion's "The Power of Love." All of the judges say the same thing: there were one or two bad spots, but they're not really worth complaining about. Steven thinks Hollie's voice is beautiful and Randy thinks she blew it out da box, so all is right with the world.

So, who will be eliminated tomorrow night? When Seacrest asked the judges who they thought was in trouble, only Randy gave an answer: Heejun. I disagree though. Heejun has a pretty big fanbase, so I think he'll be OK. Unless a lot of the girls in his fanbase got pissed off when he pointed out his girlfriend in the audience. Tsk, tsk, Heejun. Classic mistake.

Even if some of Heejun's Honeys (or whatever his crazy female fans call themselves) are upset, if they think Randy is right, they'll vote like crazy to keep Heejun in the game. So, my prediction for the Bottom 3 is: DeAndre, Shannon and Erika. And even though she has a good voice, I think Erika's lack of a vocal fanbase or strong support from the judges will cause the axe to fall on her.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: 3/8/12 Results

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 04:48:00 +0000

The very Brady group performance. The soul-sucking Ford commercial. The Idol also-ran trying to pimp a doomed new album. What does it all mean? The AI results shows are back!

You know I've always hated those ridiculous Ford ads, but tonight's might have been the worst I've ever seen/heard. Well, the visual wasn't that terrible: the Top 13 contestants were made to look like giants wandering the streets of Los Angeles. (It's hard to be impressed by the special effects though, considering that two of the contestants—Jermaine Jones and Shannon Magrane—are actually giants in real life.) But the audio aspect was horrifying. I'm sure Peter Gabriel would like to beat those kids with a sledgehammer for turning his peppy, fun "Big Time" into a monotonous funeral dirge.

Padding the needlessly long (as ever) results show were two musical guests: the fabulous Mary J. Blige and last year's Idol runner-up, Lauren Alaina. Boy, Lauren's management team are really trying to package her as Carrie Underwood 2.0, what with the newly trim figure, tight clothes, and song lyrics with mild sexual innuendos. Yawn. Don't care.

As I mentioned yesterday, this week's judging was done a bit differently, with the judges deciding who they wanted to save between the girl and guy with the lowest votes. Since I wasn't sure if there was still going to be an overall Bottom 3, or a Bottom 3 for each gender, I only picked a Bottom 2. As it turns out, Seacrest did pick a Bottom 3 for each gender, which were:

B3 Girls - Elise Testone, Shannon Magrane and Erika Van Pelt
B3 Guys - Jermaine Jones, Jeremy Rosado and Joshua Ledet

However, Erika and Joshua were sent back to safety almost immediately, so it was more like a Bottom 2 for each group. Eventually, Shannon and Jermaine were also let off the hook, leaving Elise and Jeremy on the chopping block.

I predicted that it would be between Jeremy and Shannon, and that Jeremy would be going home, so I was only half right...but it was the most important half! Elise was saved and J.Lo tearfully (not really) bid adieu to her Jer-Bear. We also got to hear this year's kiss-off song, McCreeper's "Please Remember Me." Heh. Isn't that what all the ex-Idols beg?

No theme has been announced yet for the next competition night, but since Daughtry is scheduled to perform on next week's results show, I'm gonna guess the theme is generic stadium rock. Nothing would make Colton Dixon happier.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: I Wanna Dance With Somebody Who'll Just Call to Say He Loves Me

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 16:49:00 +0000

As promised, tonight's episode of American Idol features the guys singing Stevie Wonder songs and the girls wading through Whitney Houston's catalog. No one sang either of the songs referenced in my post title because, well, I don't know. Probably because they're uptempo. Or because that Stevie song is one of the most awful things ever recorded. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

Jimmy Iovine returns as mentor, and is much nicer to the kids' faces than he was in last week's scathing video reviews. He brings along Mary J. Blige for some help, while will.i.am sits at home in a dark corner, rocking back and forth and gently weeping.

Going first is usually a bad thing, but I think Joshua Ledet will escape the chopping block this week. He puts the power of the Lawd into "I Wish" while his hand flails wildly, searching for someone to heal. He does a pretty good job, but I can't give him my fully attention because I'm too distracted by the rhythmically challenged folks down in front. Yes, the Idiot Pit has made their most non-triumphant return. The judges are paying attention, though, but when they start to talk I'm distracted again—this time by Randy's bling button. What the hell is that? Lucy Van Pelt? I don't know. My mind stops wandering just in time to catch Tyler's first "beautiful" of the night. Everybody drink!

Elise Testone had planned on singing "The Greatest Love of All," a song that, as long-time readers know, WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. Luckily, I don't have to shoot out my TV set, because Jimmy and Mary J. smartly steer her toward a different song, "I'm Your Baby Tonight." Well, actually, I don't know how smart that decision is, considering that Elise looks super uncomfortable from beginning to end, and the vocal isn't anywhere near her best. The judges all pretty much say the same thing, while Elise just stands there looking irritated as hell.

Jermaine Jones sings well enough, but his performance of "Knocks Me Off My Feet" is not exactly doing that. By the time he sings the line "I don't wanna bore you with it," it's already way too late. The only judge knocked off his feet is Steven, who says that Jermaine's voice fits the song BEAUTIFULLY. J.Lo wants Jermaine to connect with what he's singing, while Randy says he only loved the verses, not the chorus.

To help Erika Van Pelt bring her own style to "I Believe in You and Me," she gets some electric guitar accompaniment to turn the song into a rock ballad. I've never much cared for this song, but I actually like the way she's brought it down about 97 octaves. I like her husky voice, as does Steven. He might even say it's BEAUTIFUL. (And he does.) Jennifer likes Erika, but thinks she's playing it a little safe, and can't wait to hear her really bring it. Fauxhawky McGee proves that he's not as good at the nicknaming game as I am when he reveals his obvious moniker for Erika: EVP. I don't like it. It reminds me too much of electronic voice phenomenon, and that shit freaks me out.

Jimmy asks Colton Dixon to play an original song to help him prepare for his cover of "Lately," and...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Ugh. Sorry I dozed off there, but this is the worst Ace Ventura sequel ever! Of course, Colton is in no danger of going anywhere, because apparently girls like guys with raccoon hair and toothpick legs. Steven likes Colton's BEAUTIFUL voice, Jen likes that he showed us his heart, Randy likes his power notes and Ryan likes his "smoldering eyes." Oh, and Julianne Hough likes living in denial.

I should have just stayed asleep because now Shannon Magrane is on. She has nothing. Nothing. NOTHING! Except a rich dad and a huge house. I've always thought this girl was terribly average, but her performance tonight is below even my expectations. Finally, the judges hear it too, although they try to prop her up with nonsense like, "I KNOW you can sing this," while making a bunch of excuses for her, including blaming the band for possibly throwing her off.

Alert the press: DeAndre Brackensick has pulled his hair back! How will he get through an entire song without shaking his glorious mane? He bravely soldiers on through "Master Blaster," trying his best to sound like Stevie and offering up some hilarious dance moves. Steven dubs DeAndre the "male Naima" before tossing up another BEAUTIFUL. (Are you drunk yet??) J.Lo and Randy say they didn't want the song to end, and Randy commends DeAndre on singing something upbeat instead of always being the "balladator." Because that's a word.

No doubt everyone assumes that Skylar Laine's performance will be the train-wreckiest of the bunch, since Whitney never wrote a song about coon huntin' or off-roadin'. But she surprises everyone (including Mary J., who comes down with a case of J.Lo's goosies) with a pretty good performance that makes the song sound like it could've been a country ballad. Jen says that there were some nasally parts near the beginning, but it turned into the biggest moment of the night. I find this interesting, because I personally liked the beginning of the song better and thought some of her glory notes were a bit on the screechy side. What does Steven think? Well, he thinks that Skylar's voice is a beautiful thing of beauty that is really beautiful. (Oh, the hangovers we'll all have in the morning.)

Hey, it's Heejun Han! I think I've said it before, but I'll say it again: I love this kid. I just love his deadpan delivery of everything he says. And the autographed pictures he gives Jimmy and Mary are adorable. He does a good job with "All in Love is Fair." I actually don't notice his accent that much this time around, which is a plus. But I'd like him to do something uptempo for a change. I'm tired of him being the balladator. Jennifer loves Heejun too, but Randy only likes him a lot. I have to wonder if Steven was unhappy with the performance, because he gives Heejun a "fantastic" instead of you-know-what.

Hollie Cavanagh is up next with "All the Man That I Need," which Randy refers to as "Whitney's primes joint." I always knew that he would completely abandon the English language one day. Hollie gives a fine performance, prompting Jennifer to predict that there may be a sing-off between two girls in the Finale. HA! Yeah, this year's girls may be better than the guys overall, but we all know that the primarily female voters only vote for the boys they think are cute. So, if there's to be any girl-on-girl action in the Finale, the producers are going to have to arrange it. And don't think they're above doing that.

Another of the male balladators, Jeremy Rosado, takes on "Ribbon in the Sky," as I get back to the nap I started during Colton's performance. A wide awake Tyler praises Jer-Bear's BEAUTIFUL voice, which Jennifer builds upon for a "really, REALLY beautiful." Randy thinks Jeremy needs more swag. Jeremy has no idea what that is or where to get it.

Unsurprisingly, Jessica Sanchez is singing "I Will Always Love You," as she's probably the only girl (aside from Hollie) who can handle it. She's also a chosen one—and the other girl in that final female sing-off that Jen wants so badly. I know that I usually have something smart-assy to say about all of the contestants, but Jessica is a really good singer. Her performance knocks the snark right out of me. Some may complain that the judges—who give her a standing ovation—are pimping her too hard, but why bother? They're pimping Colton and DeAndre too. At least this chick deserves some pimpage. Of course, Steven's claim that Jessica "just made 40 million people cry" is a bit much. Probably only 25% of that number still watches this show, and of them, maybe only 5% are crazy enough to cry over a heavily condensed cover song.

Closing things out is Chosen One Phillip Phillips with"Superstition." As expected, he makes it look and sound like everything else he sings: some unholy union of Dave Matthews, Joe Cocker and a guy taking a giant dump. But look at that face, girls! (Well, not in this particular picture. That's hideous.) You'll all vote for him. Steven tells Phillip, "you just ARE" (we can all assume the omitted word is "beautiful") and J.Lo says, "you killed it." Randy continues babbling about how Phillip is keeping the "alt/indie spirit alive" because, once again, HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT WORDS MEAN.

The elimination is going to be a bit different this week, as it's a "boys vs. girls"-type situation. The guy and girl who receive the least amount of votes will both be put on the chopping block, and the judges will decide which one goes home. I'm thinking that this will be one of many ways the judges try desperately to help a girl win this year. Although I would expect there to be a Bottom 3 girls and Bottom 3 guys just to waste time, based on Ryan's explanation, I'm guessing there will only be a Bottom 2. If that's the case, I think it will be Shannon and Jeremy, with Jeremy going home.

Find more Idol news and recaps at SirLinksaLot.

American Idol 11: Say Hello to Your Top 13

noreply@blogger.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 04:48:00 +0000

Have you ever walked into Dunkin Donuts just to get a drink and you end up behind a group of idiots who take 10 minutes to decide which donut varieties they want in their baker's dozen? Well, multiply that by 12 and you have tonight's results show.

This was literally two hours of Ryan putting people into groups, recapping their performances and then telling them to go sit down in either the winners' stools or the losers' couches. (I feel like that's backwards. Shouldn't the winners get to be more comfortable?) We also got to see taped segments of Jimmy Iovine giving these coddled contestants a much-needed reality check that they're not quite as amazing as the judges would have them believe. I appreciated the refreshing honesty and mostly agreed with his comments (some people are boring, some people are cheesy, there are too many Adele wannabes), but I didn't quite understand his problem with Heejun being a "comedian." I'm not sure how having a fun personality is a bad thing. It certainly doesn't affect vocal skill.

Anyway, let's see how my predictions stacked up against the actual Top 13...

Predictions	Actuals
Top 10: Colton Dixon Eben Franckewitz Reed Grimm Jen Hirsh Jermaine Jones Skylar Laine Shannon Magrane Phillip Phillips Jessica Sanchez Elise Testone Wild Cards: Hollie Cavanagh Heejun Han Joshua Ledet	Top 10: Hollie Cavanagh Colton Dixon Heejun Han Jermaine Jones Skylar Laine Joshua Ledet Shannon Magrane Phillip Phillips Jessica Sanchez Elise Testone Wild Cards: Deandre Brackensick Jeremy Rosado Erika Van Pelt

Not too shabby, eh? I got 10/13 total, even though all of my wild card picks actually ended up making it through on votes. I'm a little surprised that the pedos and tweenieboppers didn't push Eben through, but I'm certainly not unhappy that he got dumped! I mentioned before that if anyone was going to mess up my predictions, it would be Deandre. I almost made him a wild card, thinking that possibly Heejun had a big enough following to get through on votes. I also toyed with the idea of leaving Reed off the list, but I thought he was way too popular to not make it through. Guess not.

In closing, I'd just like to say to Brielle Von Hugel: HA-ha!

Next week, the boys will sing Stevie Wonder songs, while AI will capitalize on Whitney Houston's death by having the girls tackle her catalog. Early drinking game ideas: do a shot every time J.Lo fake-cries; chug a beer every time Randy tells a girl that she can never compare to Whitney.

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