The Pop Eye

Eye Boogers

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 20:39:00 +0000

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

It's Hard In The PGA For A Pimp. - Oh, Tiger Woods. You dawg. Thanks for reminding us that money is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Seriously. In the real world, there would be no way that such an unattractive bore could land a hot Nordic model and get down with OPP wherever and whenever he wanted.

Yo, Mallory! Your Mom's A Lesbian. - Meredith Baxter, best-known as the patron saint of "television for women" and Family Ties' Elyse Keaton, came out as a lesbian recently. At 62, the actress said she only discovered her true sexual identity seven years ago, and that before then the possibility that she might be a fan of the pootie never crossed her mind. Well, good for Meredith for figuring her shit out. And good for me, as I am super excited for the inevitable Lifetime movie, Mother, May I Sleep With Dana?

Adam Lambert Discovers That Getting Blackballed Isn't As Fun As It Sounds - ABC continues to cancel Adam's scheduled appearances, including a spot on Jimmy Kimmel Live and a performance on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve. He shouldn't feel too bad, since no one watches either of those shows anyway. He's trying to play nice by telling fans not to blame ABC because the cancellations are because of "FCC heat," but that's most likely a lie since both of those shows are taped and could easily be edited, should he decide to blast middle America with more radioactive gay-ma rays. I can't even tell you how bored I am with all of this now. ABC needs to get over their issues and Adam needs to figure out what he was doing on American Idol that made people love him and get back to doing it again. Or maybe Adam should just smack a bitch and ABC would love him again. It worked for Chris Brown.

Quarterbacks Make The Darndest Faces - Just when you thought that nothing would be as funny as that famous picture of Phil Rivers, along comes a fantastic shot of pretty boy Tom Brady. Who wins?

Caption Crotch-test Contest #29

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:17:00 +0000

Okay kids, it's the final caption contest of the year! Soon after the December Firecrotch is crowned, voting will begin for the most coveted award (sorry, Grant Miller's Drysdales) in all of Blogdom: Firecrotch of the Year.

(But speaking of those Drysdales, don't forget to vote for me as Blogger of the Year!)

Yes We Can! (And Yes You Better!)

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 01:40:00 +0000

I know all of you are getting excited about the holidays, but screw that for a minute, okay? There is something more important at hand: Blogger Award season.

For the second year in a row, I have been nominated for Blogger of the Year in Grant Miller Media's Drysdale Awards. And, also for the second year in a row, I'm already in serious danger of losing. Therefore, I am going to take this opportunity to shamelessly beg for your votes. But no election would be complete without a little mudslinging. So before I explain why I deserve this award, I will explain why the other candidates don't deserve it. (Hum some dramatic music to yourself while reading this list.)

Some Guy, Some Guy's Blog - I mean, this should really be self explanatory. Some Guy? You're going to trust just some guy?? Clearly he's hiding something. Who knows what...pedophilia, necrophilia? I can almost guarantee it's some sort of horrible philia.

Dr. Zibbs, That Blue Yak - Well, first of all the guy has the worst post titles. Like, if this post were a Zibbs post it would be titled, "Vote. Awards. Making Fun Of Other Bloggers. West Chester PA Something Something." Secondly, he's not even a real doctor.

LiLu, Livit Luvit - She's got a really cool boyfriend, nice hair, and about seven gazillion followers. Voting for her would be like voting Regina George for Spring Fling Queen. Don't be so damn obvious, people.

Stash Bednarik, Grant Miller Media - He is nothing but the Mr. Hyde to Grant Miller's Dr. Jekyll.

Grant Miller, Grant Miller Media - He's married.

Red, Gingers is the Watchword - She's a real, honest-to-God firecrotch. We all know they're nice to look at, but do you really want one running your Blogosphere?

Wendy Brandes, Wendy Brandes Jewelry - So, fabulous Ms. Wendy already has like 64% of the vote or something, eh? Oh, I suppose that having celebrity friends, a killer wardrobe, and a successful jewelry business aren't enough for her. Noooo, she has to steal the only award that some of us pathetic blogging cretins will ever win in our meaningless lives. Nice. Real nice. By the way, I totally saw her kick a kitten the other day. Just throwing that out there.

The Vegetable Assassin, s/t - Also a firecrotch. Worse, she's not American. EVEN WORSE, she doesn't think Ewan McGregor is hot.

God, The Other Side of Normal - Major God complex. Canadian. Need I say more?

Samurai Frog, Electronic Cerebrectomy - I really don't know this dude but he always does really well at movie trivia on No Smoking in the Skull Cave. So, I guess that means that he'll just be sitting around watching movies while the Blogosphere slowly burns.

The Imaginary Reviewer, The Imaginary Review - I hate to burst your bubbles people, but everything this guy says is MADE UP.

Gwen, Everything I Like Causes Cancer - Even worse than Wendy the kitty-kicker, Gwen actually stalked and cooked a kitten for Thanksgiving dinner. Seriously. Check her blog. The sicko documented it. (Sure, the gory parts were cut out, but we all know what happened.)

Now, on to why EYE deserve this award. I'm not sure why I have to explain this but, uh, I kinda kick ass. Also, I have clearly overestimated the importance of this award, which proves that I'm also kinda unstable. I can't be held responsible for what I'll do if I lose. And if I win, my promise from last year to put a hot tub in the Blogosphere's cafeteria still stands.

Okay, so everyone's ready to vote for me, yes? Well, clicky on the Drysdale below to fill out your ballots! You'll find all the award categories in GMM's left sidebar.
Note: I'm also up for Least Influential Political Blog and Blog With the Most Posts About John or Kate Gosselin. I don't care as much about these, but I'd happily take one or both. Especially the latter, just because I love irony. (This is the first post in which I've ever actually mentioned those two idiots by name. Fact! Go ahead and search! I don't lie like these other bloggers. )

Sonic Sunday: B-Side Bonanza Vol. 4

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 23:42:00 +0000

And now for the b-side project's final installment! Thanks to everyone (not many of you) who sent me suggestions. And thanks for not getting mad if I didn't use them.

I either ran out of really good b-sides or ran into trouble actually finding some of the ones I liked (The Black Crowes' "Words You Throw Away" is a nice one that eluded me), so I'm going to have two artist repeats in this final list. And if you know anything about me, you might be able to guess who they are before you even look down.

(Click any link, arrow, or tab on left side of page to launch the media player; CTRL-click to download.)

1. "Dive," Nirvana - Pick me, pick me, yeah/Everyone is waiting/Hit me, hit me, yeah/I'm real good at hating

Aren't those lyrics embarrassing to all of the Cobain disciples who insist he's the voice of our generation? Sorry, couldn't resist a slight dig. I was given several Nirvana b-side recommendations, and nearly all of them made me want to pull my eyeballs out. This was the only true b-side (there were a few good unreleased tracks, which don't count) that I kind of liked. Strange, considering it's the b-side to the ultra-annoying "Sliver." I know I have a reputation for being a Nirvana-hater, but that's not completely accurate. See, my dislike of them mainly stemmed from the fact that the media and idiot fans always felt the need to pit Nirvana vs. Pearl Jam — something they still do TODAY — and of course Pearl Jam always came out on the bottom. And when I'm forced to sit and listen to a slew of songs with muddy, miserable lyrics and lots of screaming, it makes me even more angry to think that anyone considers Kurt Cobain a better lyricist than Eddie Vedder. And I will just stop there before I get really mean.

2. "Other Side," Pearl Jam - It's not the same without you up here/Can't find my wheels/Your absence is what breeds this fear/Warm breath and all it steals

Oddly enough, this b-side to "Save You" is one of my favorite Pearl Jam songs and Eddie didn't even write it. It's a Jeff Ament-penned tune, but so beautifully melancholy that you'd think it was Eddie's. This definitely should have made it to Riot Act. Actually, anything (even Eddie flushing his toilet for three minutes) should have been on that album instead of "Bushleaguer."

3. "The Butterfly Collector," The Jam - There's tarts and whores but you're much more/You're a different kind 'cause you want their minds/And you just don't care 'cause you've got no pride/It's just a face on your pillowcase that thrills you

Ah, speaking of great lyricists...who doesn't love Paul Weller? Probably the groupie(s) that he wrote this cutting song for. But who cares what those hose-hounds think? It's a shame that I couldn't include non-album singles in this list (but maybe there's an idea for another Sunday) because The Jam had quite a lot of those. In fact, the single this song backed was one — the fantastic "Strange Town."

4. "Velvet Goldmine," David Bowie - Velvet Goldmine, you stroke me like the rain/Snake it, take it, panther princess you must stay/Velvet Goldmine, naked on your chain/I'll be your king volcano right for you again and again

Although he had the right look and attitude, and is usually credited alongside Marc Bolan as one of the forefathers of glam, I always considered Bowie to be too intelligent and artsy to really fit in with the dumb, raunchy fun of true glam bands. But this song (the b-side to the '75 reissue of "Space Oddity") is one that always makes me take that statement back, because no one made the boys and girls wanna get down and dirty (with whoever happened to be nearby) than glittery Bowie.

5. "Young and Lovely," Blur - Kicking around in the center of the town looking in shop windows/Those mannequins look far too real at night/Friday's child doesn't know if it's awake or if it's dreaming/Says, "Don't worry Dad, I'll do my bit, I'll raise the flag/I'll be just like you"

This is a gorgeous "coming of age" song that pretty much everyone agrees should have been on Modern Life Is Rubbish, instead of relegated to the b-side of "Chemical World." I had a hard time leaving this one off the first volume of this mix (opting for "All Your Life" instead), so I'm glad that I ran out of other artists to feature. This song didn't make the album cut because producer Dave Balfe thought "Turn It Up" was more America-friendly (read: dumbed-down pop). The band's feelings about this horrible decision can best be summed up by Damon Albarn: "['Young and Lovely'] should have been on the LP, but it didn't get on there and fucking 'Turn It Up' did."

Support these great artists by purchasing their music!

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 18:43:00 +0000

Since I was having trouble embedding the video that I originally wanted to post this week, I just Googled "forgotten classic songs" and started looking at random pages that popped up in the search. It seemed like either most of the songs were ones I've already posted or that have never been forgotten (whoever suggested that Human League's "Don't You Want Me" for this category is nuts), until I happened upon one title that seemed vaguely familiar — Cock Robin's "When Your Heart is Weak."

Immediately upon playing the vid, I remembered it, along with many of the lyrics. I always thought it was kind of a lame song (and the singer sounds like he has peanut butter lodged in his throat), but it was played so frequently back in the day that I had kind of gotten used to it. But regardless of how popular it was at the time of its release, the song and the band disappeared from the public radar pretty quickly.

The vid is definitely worth watching for a) the singer's over-emoting and "I have to pee" dancing, and b) the guitarist's fabulous ensemble. It's also kind of hilarious that the "love interest" seems to be just some chick who accidentally wandered into the wrong shoot.

I never realized it before, but the lyrics to this are really pathetic. It's basically a song about a dude who waits until a girl is vulnerable and then tries to swoop in on her. Seriously, check this out: Better forget getting rid of me/I don't see how you can/You put me off and I will hunt you down again. And then there's this: I'm gonna come without warning/When your defenses are down/And you're in a desperate need/Oh I bet you then, you'll welcome me

What the hell, Cock Robin? Nice date rape music. No wonder you guys never made it big.

Thanksgiving Leftovers

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:23:00 +0000

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope you're all in a deep, deep tryptophanic haze at this point, or soon will be.

Now it's time to gather the family 'round the computer for the time-honored tradition of me re-posting ye olde Jive Turkey Day post. It's not exactly timely, but unlike that pumpkin pie that you'll discover in the very back of your fridge two weeks from now, Tom Cruise humor will never go bad.

Click on Tom Turkey to be transported back to The Pop Eye's very first Thanksgiving!

TYFB

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 04:22:00 +0000

Today, I was presented with a very prestigious award by the lovely Carissa Jaded. This is one of my proudest moments — right up there with creating the (now defunct)American Idol songwriting contest (and getting no credit for it) and winning the Golden Globe for Best Dramatic Performance While Calling Off Sick. I'm now a recipient of the "Thank You For Blogging" Award.

As always, I would like to thank me for being so awesome and making this possible. We did it, me!!

Turns out this is one of those awards that you're supposed to "pay forward." According to the rules, I'm supposed to give this to at least four other bloggers I'm thankful for. Usually, I would wuss out and just give it to everyone on my blogroll. But, I thought I'd play along and give thanks for a few bloggers who I didn't know last Thanksgiving, and who I'm happy to have found.

You should all be reading the delightfully witty and TMI-ified Livit, Luvit if you're not already. And you probably are, judging by the 40 bajillion comments on every post. So why the hell am I pimping this? LiLu doesn't need my help.

Steam Me Up, Kid deserves this award for being hilarious (the recent post about visiting the proctologist might be the funniest thing I've read all year) and, more importantly, for starting the Becky Club for all of us incredible Beckys.

Mylittlebecky of i'll go eat worms is nuts, y'all. Like, seriously. I have no idea what the hell she is talking about most of the time. But for some reason, her stream-of-consciousness bizarro ranting makes me laugh. And, more importantly, she's in the Becky Club.

And finally, there's Penny over at The Winter of Our Discontent. Gotta love a girl who bakes killer cakes is obsessed with compiling musical lists.

Thank you ladies for blogging. Enjoy your bright orange award.

And thanks to all of my blogfriends for blogging. Mostly, thank you for inexplicably continuing to read my nonsense. I think Jon Bon Jovi said it best when he said, "Thank you for loving me." And that is the only time anyone has ever put that song and the word "best" in the same sentence. You're welcome, Jon. You're welcome.

As The World Waits With Bated Breath, I Finally Give My Reaction To Adam Lambert's AMA Performance

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:38:00 +0000

Ugh.

Okay, okay, so I have more to say than that.

Before you go thinking I'm ugh-ing over the general display of trisexuality, stop for a minute and remember who I am — a hetero with an ever-growing lesbian list and a healthy appreciation for hot gay dudes. I'm not bothered by a little guy-on-guy action or odes to bondage. What does bother me is bad singing and contrived bullshit. And that's all I got out of that performance.

I hated "For Your Entertainment" at first listen but I thought maybe it would sound better live, without all the studio effects. I was wrong. It was like Adam dumbed his voice down to sound like every other generic popstar. His idea of setting himself apart was to just shriek loudly. Even though I've always enjoyed the Glambert glory notes, these ones were mad pitchy, dawg. He really did sound like he was engaging in some wild S&M up on that stage at a few points. And I don't think that was intended.

As for the performance, I wasn't shocked by its "graphic" nature (seriously, ABC has shown more graphic sex scenes on Grey's Anatomy); I was shocked by how uninteresting is was, and how desperate and phony it all seemed. Adam might as well have come out onstage and said, "Okay, now I'm gonna prove how edgy I am. I'm not the typical American Idol contestant! I'm here, I'm queer, now deal with it! You watching, Aaron Hicklin? 'Scuse me while I fake blow this guy!" Honestly, for a man who strategically played coy about his sexuality until his big Rolling Stone cover story and claimed that he didn't want to be the poster boy for gay rights and issues, he sure seemed hell bent on getting people to sit up and take notice of his sexuality. And now that the inevitable shit storm has started blowing around him, he's able to give a million interviews in which he calls America out on their homophobic, discriminatory, double standard-having ways.

Adam claims that the kiss he planted on his keyboard player was not rehearsed, but was "in the moment." While I believe that it wasn't rehearsed (because Dick Clark's people would have pulled the plug on that), I don't believe that it was purely spontaneous. Adam knew he was gonna do it. The keyboardist knew he was gonna do it. And if he didn't...well, that opens a whole other can of worms. First of all, it's always nice to make sure the ice has been cleared before starting a game of tonsil hockey. That's just common courtesy. Secondly, the keyboardist is apparently straight, and a lot of straight dudes don't take kindly to being tongue-raped by other dudes. I don't care if the guy does "believe in the spirit of rock 'n' roll." That doesn't mean he believes in letting that spirit inside his mouth. Not saying that straight guys, especially rockers, can't enjoy a good snog from their fellow man every now and then. Bruce Springsteen and Clarence Clemons have swapped spit a bunch of times. Anthony Kiedis will kiss any man that moves. Damon Albarn and Graham Coxon have been known to lock lips. (Give me a minute to just reflect on that one, please. Oh my. Very nice.) Um, what was I saying? Oh yes, the point is that those were all consensual kisses. And that keyboardist didn't react like a guy who had just been unexpectedly saliva-bombed.

So, long story short (too late), I didn't like the performance. But I haven't liked much of anything Adam's done since that Rolling Stone interview. It's really sad to say, but that stupid 2012 ballad is probably the best thing to come out of his post-Idol career so far. And I don't even know what's happening with his looks. He used to be so hot, but lately he just kind of looks like Liza Minnelli on the fourth morning after a three-day bender. (Or, as Liza calls it, Sunday.)

Of course, many of Adam's loyal fans are all over the Internet defending the performance, but these people have clearly just invested so much time and effort in the guy, that they just can't admit to themselves that he was a big ol' overcooked Thanksgiving turkey up on that stage. Come on, even Entertainment Weekly's eternal fanboy, Michael Slezak, had to admit that Adam shit the bed. He summed the whole thing up perfectly: "Adam could’ve had tongues wagging just from his vocals alone. Instead, that golden voice took a backseat tonight at the AMAs, and I’m not sure exactly who was occupying the driver’s seat."

I don't know either, but Adam clearly had his hand on the gear shift.

Whatever, I'm over it. I've moved on to Lady Gaga. She's fulfilling all of my needs for showy glam-pop. And the rumor that she might have some boy parts makes it all that much more exciting.

Sonic Sunday: B-Side Bonanza Vol. 3

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 04:57:00 +0000

The B-side project rolls along this week with five more great tracks. And the Brits are still dominating!

Next week will be the last installment in this theme, and I'm running out of ideas! So, please email me with any suggestions and requests.

(Click any link, arrow, or tab on left side of page to launch the media player; CTRL-click to download.)

1. "1963," New Order - And though he was ashamed that he had took a life/Johnny came home with another wife/And he often remembered how it used to be/Before that special occasion, 1963/There was too many ways that you could kill someone/Like in a love affair, when the love is gone

This was the b-side to my favorite New Order song, "True Faith," and I think it still qualifies for this list despite the fact that it was released as a single eight years later. Apparently, it's an imagined Jackie/JFK/Marilyn bizarre love triangle/murder plot conspiracy theory that has been described by producer Stephen Hague as "the only song about domestic violence you can dance to." Hmm. Well, I bet if we give Chris Brown time, he'll come up with another one.

2. "Casa Dega," Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers - Oh baby, now I think I'm starting to believe the things that I've heard/'Cause tonight in Casa Dega I hang on every word/That she said to me as she holds my hand/And reads the lines of a stranger/Yeah, and she knows my name/Yeah, she knows my plan/In the past in the present and for the future

Relegated to the back side of "Don't Do Me Like That," I can't figure out how this one never made it on to Damn The Torpedoes. There are only nine tracks on that album. Surely, Tom and the gang could have added it to the slightly weaker second side. The song is a nod to Cassadaga, Florida, "The Psychic Capital of the World." I wonder if Miss Cleo retired there?

3. "Halo," The Cure - I never felt like this with anyone before/You only have to smile and I'm dizzy/You make the world go 'round a thousand times an hour/Just touch my head and send me spinning

Ah, The Cure. They've always been one of those bands that I've never put in my "favorites" list, yet I love 90% of their songs. Unlike The Smiths and Morrissey, somehow Robert Smith manages to evoke dreariness without sounding like a whiny little bitch. As for his love songs, they always have an ethereally beautiful quality to them. And this one, the b-side to the great "Friday I'm In Love," is no exception.

4. "Janey Don't You Lose Heart," Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band - Well, you say you got no new dreams to touch/You feel like a stranger, babe, who knows too much/Well, you come home late and get undressed/You lie in bed, feel this emptiness

It's really strange that this tune never made it on to Born In The USA, because it's SO Bruce and Janey would have been a nice little friend for Bobby Jean. It's hard to think of changing anything about that iconic album, but I think Bruce could have easily dumped "Cover Me" in favor of this one.

5. "Raw Ramp," T.Rex - Woman, I love your chests/Ooh baby, I'm crazy 'bout your breasts/Woman, you think you're a champ but girl you ain't nothin' but a raw ramp

As many glam rock songs tend to do, this one cracks me up. That's why I love glam so much - it's so good and so ridiculous at the same time. And Marc Bolan was just fabulous. I have great appreciation for any man who can rhyme "chests" with "breasts." This was the flip side to the huge hit, "Bang A Gong (Get It On)," of which I've never been a huge fan. It's kind of a fun, rockin' ode to a sexy lady for the first two minutes, and then for about the last two, it morphs into a raunchy riff eerily similar to "Bang A Gong" but that somehow sounds much better. I'm not exactly sure what "raw ramp" means. Of course, I assumed it was a dirty term for a certain lady part, but I found a few references online to "ramp" being another name for "onion," and that to call a woman a "raw onion" would basically mean that she's hot but too much of a bitch to bother with. Makes sense, I suppose.

Support these great artists by purchasing their music!

Recaps! Get Yer Recaps Heeee-ah!

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:38:00 +0000

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Recap: "The D.E.N.N.I.S. System"

Although this week's Sunny didn't have quite the number of laughs as it did last week, when we discovered that Dennis is helpless without Mac, the episode was a nice little showcase for Glenn Howerton to remind us of the Dennis we all know and love, er, loathe.

After receiving an angry voicemail message from yet another of his sexual victims, Dennis attempts to prove to the gang that the girl is actually still crazy about him by explaining The D.E.N.N.I.S. System, his "fool-proof system for getting any chick's undying love."

The D.E.N.N.I.S. System sure did sound familiar, and I'm certain there are plenty of men out there using it. The basic steps to the system are:

Demonstrate value
Engage physically
Nurture dependence
Neglect emotionally
Inspire hope
Separate entirely

Of course, as with anything these guys do, it's not quite as simple as it seems...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

The Project Runway Season 6 Winner Is Revealed!

Ding-dong, the witch done won. Irina Shabayeva was named this year's Project Runway winner last night.

Let me just say first that I don't disagree with the judges' choice. Irina clearly put a lot of work into her collection. But her intolerable bitchiness made it much too difficult to root for her.

With her win and Jeffrey Sebelia's a few seasons ago, Project Runway seems to be sending the message that you have to be a selfish, inconsiderate A-hole to make it in the fashion industry. (And maybe you do, but the industry shouldn't want to wear that like a badge of honor.) Even Christian Siriano and Santino Rice, two designers I loved for their trademark snarkiness, were probably a little cattier than they needed to be and certainly rubbed a lot of people the wrong way...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:51:00 +0000

It's time once again for everyone's favorite game, "Is That Song Really That Old?" This week's guest is Nada Surf, with their 13-year-old hit, "Popular."

This has to be the best song ever written about the ridiculousness that is high school. The lyrics are just hilarious. I can't hear that line, "Tell him you liked his article in the newspaaaa-pp-eeeerrrrrr!" without cracking up.

I always wrote Nada Surf off as a (novelty) one-hit wonder because they seemed to drop off the face of the earth after this song's popularity died down. (Turns out they were dropped by their record label back in 1999, followed by a self-imposed three-year break.) Then I was surprised to discover that they were behind one of my favorite songs of 2006, "Always Love," from The Weight is a Gift. That album and its 2008 follow-up, Lucky, are both really nice, solid pop records.

Eye Boogers

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:12:00 +0000

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

Channel Surfing in That Big Barcalounger in the Sky - Ken Ober, host of the late '80s - early '90s MTV game show Remote Control, died on Sunday at the age of 52. And there goes another very important piece of my adolescent years. I wrote about Ken a few years ago, wondering where he had disappeared to, and now this. *sigh* The cause of death has yet to be determined, but apparently Ken had complained of a headache and flu-like symptoms the night before he died. I wonder if it could have been an aneurysm?

Paris Hilton Likes the Rough Stuff - Cops responded to a call about "drunk people fighting" early this morning. (It wasn't me this time. I went to bed early last night, so there.) Turns out it was Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt. Doug was about to flee the scene, but Paris ran out to the driveway and loudly begged him not to go. So, they shoved each other around a bit and headed back into the house, where Doug probably choked her again. Cops showed up, but left after questioning Paris. Perhaps the police are hoping for a good old fashioned murder/suicide, which requires less paperwork than assault and battery.

Johnny Depp Named Sexiest Man Alive - This is Johnny's second Sexiest Man title, putting him in a very small club of "two-timers," with Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Not that I disagree with Johnny's timeless sexiness, but come on, People magazine! Are you really that lazy? Way to just phone it in with an obvious "go-to guy." Johnny hasn't even really done anything this year. How about giving some deserving new guys a shot? Jon Hamm, Paul Rudd, Joel McHale, Mark Salling, Bradley Cooper...the list goes on and on. I'd even be fine with Gerard Butler, who I'm incredibly sick of but can't deny his hotness. And, HOW HAS EWAN MCGREGOR NEVER WON THIS DAMN THING? Seriously. That's just wrong.

Exhibits A-Z on Why Kids Should Stay Off the Crack: Lindsay Lohan - So, last month, LiLo "borrowed" some jewelry from a Paris showroom and just last week, she tried to con Kellan Lutz into footing her liquor bill at Crown Bar. Most recently, the littlest Firecrotch threw a tantrum when staff at Hollywood boutique Kitson wouldn't let her help herself to $15k worth of clothes and accessories. Linz was being paid to appear at the launch of a new watch line by Jermaine Dupri and jewelry designer Pascal Mouawad. As an added perk, Mouawad also gave her $1000 to spend at Kitson. However, Little Miss Crazy acted like it was Supermarket Sweep up in that piece, grabbing 15 times more than her little toothpick arms could carry. When the staff would only agree to let Lindsay take $2000 worth of merch, she stormed out, probably shouting obscenities and "Do you know who I ams." Either all of Lindsay's money has disappeared up her nose and into her veins, or she's just an entitled little bitch who gets off on seeing how much shit she can get away with. That cute little girl from The Parent Trap has morphed into some hideous Winona Ryder/Joan Crawford/Courtney Love hybrid creature.

Miley Cyrus Hates Twilight, Likes Saying 'Like' - Assuming that anyone gives a shit about her opinion on anything, and in another desperate attempt to seem edgy and cool (see: older boyfriends, pole dancing, pretending to be a Radiohead fan), Miley speaks out against the Twilight phenomenon, dissing vampires and dismissing Twi-hards as "a cult." (Unlike the brain-dead tweens who cry until their parents shell out the big bucks for every piece of Hannah Montana merchandise available.) She explains, "And like, it's just, I feel it's like, seriously, it's like people get like really into it. And maybe it's 'cause I'm like people always like fall in love with the characters, I don't know. It makes me not like, I don't know. I'm not into it." OK then. Like, I've never seen Twilight either and, like, I've never been, like, interested in it, but I don't know, now that, like, Miley is so against it like I feel like I might want to, like, see it now. Like.

Sonic Sunday: B-Side Bonanza Vol. 2

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:08:00 +0000

The B-side project rolls along this week, with five more great tracks. Remember, folks, my list still isn't complete so you are more than welcome to email me with suggestions and requests.

(Click any link, arrow, or tab on left side of page to launch the media player; CTRL-click to download.)

1. "Acquiesce," Oasis - I don't know what it is that makes me feel alive/I don't know how to wake the things that sleep inside/I only wanna see the light that shines behind your eyes

I've never been a huge fan of Oasis, partly because I've always seen them as over-confident Beatles imitators and partly because of my desire to punch Liam Gallagher's teeth down his throat. But I can overlook those things occasionally because Noel Gallagher does know how to write some extremely catchy songs. I guess the main problem is that too many of those songs sound alike. I kind of feel like the world only needs about 10-12 Oasis tunes, which would make up one really terrific album. You would expect a band like this to not have anything to offer in the way of b-sides, but "Acquiesce" is actually much better than the single it backed (the nice-but-nasally "Some Might Say") and, in my opinion, better than just about all of their singles except "Don't Go Away." It's also one of only a few tunes that features both Gallagher brothers' vocals and, despite their hatred for each other (Noel has made it clear that this song is about friendship, not brotherly love), their on-record chemistry really makes the tune something special.

2. "How Can You Be Sure?," Radiohead - Seen all good things and bad, running down the hill/All so battered and brought to the ground/I am hungry again/I am drunk again/With all the money I owe to my friends

Radiohead have a ton of b-sides and, as a casual-to-moderate fan, I really don't have the patience to sift through them all. I knew I would probably include one of theirs in this mix, but how could I be sure which one? (Har har...see what I did there?) I had only heard a handful of their b-sides, so I asked Barbara of Bad Tempered Zombie for some recommendations. But since she's a true Radiohead geek, I thought it might be easier to do some "general public" polling. After asking a few other friends and doing some online research, it seemed like the two huge "fan favorites" were "Talk Show Host" and "A Reminder"— both of which I knew and disliked. So, just as I was getting ready to name "Fog" Radiohead's best b-side (one of Barbara's recommendations), I happened upon "How Can You Be Sure?" and loved it immediately. No surprise, considering that it was a b-side from The Bends, my favorite Radiohead album, but which had actually been recorded back before Pablo Honey. I've always preferred the less "artsy" Radiohead that this song features. I just love when they stick to simple songs with plantive vocals sung over beautiful melodies. Call me crazy.

3. "Maidstone," Squeeze - The shopping precinct's closed, it's like a graveyard/The chain falls through the spokes as I unlock my bike/I cycle to the pub where I meet with my friends/And I know that it's love as she pours me my pint

Speaking of fan favorites, this is THE lost Squeeze track. According to Glenn Tilbrook, it's the band's most requested b-side, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's one of their most requested songs, period. (Who among us can resist the charms of the mandolin?) As if relegating this to back-of-the-single status wasn't bad enough, it backed "Sunday Street," a cloyingly cheesy song.

4. "Rain," The Beatles - I can show you that when it starts to rain, everything's the same/I can show you, I can show you/Rain, I don't mind/Shine, the world looks fine

My roommate argued with me about including this track since it was the b-side to "Paperback Writer," a non-album single. But I rarely listen to him. I mean, so what if the single didn't come from an album? It was still released as a single. Am I right? I'm right. Anyway, this song deserves to be on the list because it's beautiful and uplifting and it has backwards lyrics that don't summon the devil. They might bring Kachina dolls to life though, so be careful.

5. "U," Pearl Jam - Thought it was easy to fall in love but you, you, you/You're different this much I know yeah you, you, you/It might be your guile, it could be your mind/It might be the way you take your time/Oh, you, you, you

Finally, here is a song by not only my favorite band, but also an American band. It's about time someone broke up the monopoly the Brits had on this post. This is one of my favorite PJ songs (I know I probably say that about nearly all of them) because it's just so damn happy. It's probably the happiest PJ song ever, and was fittingly the b-side to one of their other most cheerful tunes, "Wishlist." Although I do appreciate how well Eddie Vedder does heartbreak, it's nice to catch him in such a good mood.

I actually posted this once before (on Eddie's birthday), but I was pissed that it was the Lost Dogs version and not the original. I was finally able to rip the original to my computer, so now you can all finally hear the proper version. As I mentioned back then, there aren't that many differences between the two versions, but there is an undefinable sweetness to the original that somehow gets lost in the re-recording. The charm was sucked out. It's the same thing that happened to U2's "Sweetest Thing," which I posted last week.

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beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:24:00 +0000

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Recap: "Mac and Dennis Break Up"

Last week's episode of Sunny, with its dick towels and "frame bangs" (a euphemistic Dennis-ism for late night rapes performed for blackmailing purposes, his casual use of which still makes me cringe), started to make me worry that the show might be headed down the wrong path - being raunchy just for raunchiness' sake. While I enjoy a good teabag joke as much as anyone else, crude does not automatically equal funny. (Are you listening,Sarah Silverman?) So, I was relieved to find that this week's episode managed to be one of the funniest this season, while keeping things as close to PG-13 as these guys are ever going to (or should) get. And Dennis didn't threaten to rape anyone, so that's a plus.

Although on the surface, the plot might seem simple and trite, leave it to Sunny to resuscitate the stale "bromantic comedy" theme (which peaked and went out in a blaze of glory with the brilliant I Love You, Man) with a breath of fresh absurdity. Left up to the writers of any other sitcom, the "man breakup" would have probably fallen flat, but here it really works because of the actors' chemistry and because these "men" are like no others on TV…or in the world, for that matter...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

Project Runway Finale Part I: Top 3 Designers Ready Their Collections For Bryant Park

Last night's Project Runway focused on the Final 3 - Althea, Carol Hannah and Irina - as they prepared for New York Fashion Week.

Before the designers take off, Heidi greets them one last time on the runway to let them know that they will each receive $9,000 to create a 12-piece collection.

Cut to a few months later, and Tim Gunn visits each of the finalists in their respective homes.

First up is Carol Hannah, who's moved from Charleston, SC to Huntington, NY. Tim visits on a very snowy day to have a look at her mostly eveningwear collection. While she may be worried that the judges will think her gown-heavy line is not risky enough, C.H. is smart enough to know what she does best and strong enough to stick to her guns and keep her point of view. She does have a few separates in her collection and even - gasp - pants, to which she extends the classy, evening wear theme...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

AARP All Night

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 04:56:00 +0000

Today, I'm giving a birthday shout-out to Rhonda Shear, who turns 55.

Although the former host of USA Up All Night probably goes to bed around 8:30 these days, I can say I knew that bimbo when she used to rock 'n' roll. And she'll always have a special place in my heart for, you see, it was on her show that I first discovered the glory that is Fraternity Vacation, still one of my all-time favorite movies.

So, here's to you, Rhonda. If not for you, I might have never known the joy that a young, pink Chuck Taylor-wearing Tim Robbins can bring.

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:01:00 +0000

Hey, even if your name isn't Leroy, you should check out this week's vid: "I Wish I Had A Girl" by the Lord of Mullets, Henry Lee Summer.

I've always had quite an affection for this song, which kind of makes me feel like a bumpkin. Although it was fairly popular back when it came out in 1987, probably the only place you'd hear this tune now is blaring out of this guy's truck window. -->

Oh, and on my blog, of course.

I actually wanted to post this vid a couple of years ago, but apparently there wasn't an embeddable version on YouTube then. Finally, this wrong has been righted. And right before Thanksgiving, too.

You know, this song reminds me...I always wished I had a guy who walked like George Jefferson.

Happy Mid-Life Crisis, Sesame Street.

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:42:00 +0000

Many of our favorite Sesame Street characters are celebrating 40 years in the neighborhood, but a few have no intentions of aging gracefully. Also, the fame might finally be getting to their heads. Observe:

Oscar the Grouch has suddenly decided that he's very concerned about the environment and has traded in his trash can for a recycle bin outside the Starbucks over on Third Avenue. In exchange for shaming people into recycling with caustic remarks, Starbucks gives Oscar all the coffee, bran muffins and adult contemporary CDs he wants. His new "crunchy granola" attitude may be causing a rift between him and girlfriend Grundgetta, who still loves regular old trash and is also a tea drinker.

Grover is taking full advantage of his still-boyish looks that are the envy of every other Sesame Street resident. He's recently invested in a John Mayer-inspired hairpiece and taken the bare minimum of guitar lessons needed to master Mayer's brand of soulless, inoffensive music that somehow makes the girls go wild. And it seems to be working, as word on the street is that he's been romancing a bevy of babes. In the past month alone, he's been linked to Betty Lou, Rosita, Prairie Dawn, Jennifer Aniston and even the Count's estranged lady friend, Countess Dahling von Dahling (more on that below).

It's kind of surprising that the ageless Count von Count would care much about the passage of time, but perhaps he's just wishing he were in swingin' Transylvania and rebelling against his pleasant, suburban, family-friendly surroundings. After dumping his long-time partner, he replaced his trademark monocle with some designer shades, had some dental work done, and copped not only Robert Pattinson's hairdo, but also his chick. Yes, The Count has been seen squiring Kristen Stewart all over town, most recently to Chrissy and The Alphabeats' private, star-studded CD release party. Although "Countsten" refuses to comment on their status, town gossip Big Bird claims to have seen the pair snogging outside Mr. Hooper's store.

The most shocking news of all was Ernie's sudden decision to split with Bert, his partner of fortysomething years. In a recent interview, Ernie told Sesame Street News Flash's Kermit the Frog that he'd just had enough of Bert's mental and emotional abuse, and revealed that his former flame was into some "disturbing paper clip fetishes" and suffered a crippling addiction to pigeon porn. Bert took to Twitter to deny Ernie's allegations while hurling some of his own—namely, that Ernie physically assaulted him once with his rubber ducky and that he had carried on a secret affair with Guy Smiley for years. Ernie has denied Bert's claims, calling his ex a "monobrowed moron."

Then, mere days after revealing to Kermit that he had no plans to date any time soon (stating that he needed to "work on himself"), Ernie showed up to the 40th Anniversary party on the arm of newly-single Adam Lambert, 13 years his junior! Ernie didn't hide his affection for the young singer, which launched Bert into another Twitter tirade, plastering the dirty details of his and Ernie's dysfunctional relationship and breakup online.

More on these stories as they develop...

Sonic Sunday: B-Side Bonanza Vol. 1

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 04:52:00 +0000

I've been thinking a lot lately about the many small but meaningful ways in which the "digital age" has changed music as we (old folks) know it. The blank stares of the younger generation used to only come when you mentioned 8-tracks or 78s, but those vacant expressions are becoming increasingly more common during any discussion of cassettes, 45s, and albums. That's depressing.

I've fully embraced digital music now, but it took me longer than most. One of the big reasons for that is that I've always been a liner notes gal. So it saddens me to think that, in a few years, the term "liner notes" will also be met with those horrible blank stares.

But liner notes aren't the only casualty of this new musical era. That wonderful treat known as the B-side will soon be (if it hasn't already) rendered obsolete. And that's probably the biggest tragedy, because B-sides were — to borrow a line from Mama Gump — like a box of chocolates; you never knew what you were gonna get. Often, they were just throwaway recordings, but sometimes they were incredible songs that made you gasp in amazement that they were never included on studio albums. And, of course, knowing about your favorite artists' b-sides always gave you that warm, fuzzy feeling of being a "true fan."

This Sonic Sunday post is dedicated to those Bs that should've been As — and because I haven't quite finished compiling my list of favorites (oh, the anguish of picking only one Pearl Jam song), this theme is going to continue throughout November. I'm even open to requests, so if you know of a real gem you want me to consider for a future installment, shoot me an email.

(No turntable required to hear the music. Click any link or arrow to launch the media player; CTRL-click to download.)

1. "17 Days," Prince and The Revolution - So here I sit in my lonely room lookin' for my sunshine/But all I've got is two cigarettes and this broken heart of mine/So let the rain come down, the rain come down/Let the rain come down, down

Despite the fact that he managed to fill up a disc full of them, Prince has never been known for having a wealth of fabulous B-sides. And of all of them, "Erotic City" is usually the one that gets all the attention. While I like that one well enough, it's just kind of like, "oh, Prince is being dirty again," so it's no big whoop. I much prefer this one, which was the B-side to "When Doves Cry." I can't think of a song that could've been bumped from the Purple Rain soundtrack, but I guess I might have bumped "Take Me With U" for the clearly superior "17 Days." I guess its problem was not fitting well enough into that movie's complex storyline. Heh.

2. "All Your Life," Blur - I need someone to tell me everything'll be alright/I need someone who'll hold me when the day turns to night/I need someone who loves me more than you do/Oh we say that's not true/And you and me in line as double bill/Surrogate heroes on TV and films

Pearl Jam wasn't the only band to give me problems during this project. Blur has a ton of B-sides: many crap, many good, and at least three that I love enough to nearly get a nosebleed when trying to decide among them. Ultimately, I settled on this flip side to "Beetlebum," because I felt like their self-titled album was the one that could have been most improved by bumping something else in favor of it. "All Your Life" is a better song than at least five of the album tracks, including Blur's only true American hit, "Song 2." But do yourselves a favor and look up "Young and Lovely," a gorgeous track that was inexplicably left off of the nearly perfect Modern Life is Rubbish, and "Money Makes Me Crazy," a wonderfully peppy pop song that might have seemed a bit out of place on the experimental Think Tank.

3. "Hey Hey What Can I Do," Led Zeppelin - I got a woman, wanna ball all day/I got a woman, she won't be true, no/I got a woman, stay drunk all the time/I said I got a little woman and she won't be true

Not only is this one of the best-known B-sides in rock history (backing the "Immigrant Song" single), but it's also one of the best songs ever written about a total sluuuut! I believe this is Led Zeppelin's only B-side, which is as it should be. They knew how brilliant they were. Why would they have left anything off of their records? (Although I will admit to a fierce hatred of "The Crunge.")

4. "How Soon Is Now," The Smiths - There's a club, if you'd like to go/You could meet somebody who really loves you/So you go, and you stand on your own/And you leave on your own/And you go home and you cry and you want to die

When I found out that this song was originally a B-side (later included on compilation album Hatful of Hollow and certain editions of Meat Is Murder), I couldn't believe it. No, actually I could. Because Morrissey is an idiot. But as it turns out, this oversight wasn't Morrissey's fault, but the record label's. (This doesn't leave Morrissey off the hook, though. He's still an idiot.) TPTB didn't think that the song was "representative of the band's sound," and chose not to release it as a single. Well, I'll agree with that because I'm definitely NOT a Smiths fan, but I love this song. Normally, I hate Morrissey's constant whining, but anyone of "clubbing age" can related to the above lyrics. And anyone of any age, race, creed, or sexual orientation can relate to the hook, "I am Human and I need to be loved/Just like everybody else does."

5. "Sweetest Thing," U2 - My love she throws me like a rubber ball/Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing/She won't catch me or break my fall/Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing/Baby’s got blue skies up ahead/But in this I'm a rain cloud/You know she wants a dry kind of love/Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing

This is one of only two B-sides on this list that I actually owned on 45, the other being "Hey Hey What Can I Do." It was the flip side to "Where The Streets Have No Name," and, for me, paled in comparison. (I was really pissed when U2 re-recorded this for their greatest hits compilation. The new version is much too slick and lacks most of the original's charm.) While The Joshua Tree was pretty flawless, I would have swapped out "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" for "Sweetest Thing" in a heartbeat. I'm sure most of you think I'm crazy, but I never quite understood the popularity of the former. It's long and plodding and just plain boring. This song, on the other hand, is pure joy. I played the shit out of it, even after we lost our turntable's little 45 doo-hickey. I just weighed it down with pennies. Sometimes it sounded a little distorted, but a distorted "Sweetest Thing" was better than no "Sweetest Thing" at all.

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Caption Crotch-test Contest #28

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 01:22:00 +0000

It feeds itself, then it rubs the lotion all over its body.

I don't know, that caption is just the one that made me laugh the most. Candy must know that I can't resist the juxtaposition of unrelated pop culture references, and for that, I reward her with a flaming crotch. Congrats, Candy! I hope your first time isn't too uncomfortable.

I guess this really wasn't a highly captionable picture, so I tip my hat to all of you who made a valiant effort. But there is only one runner-up this month, 徵信, who came from out of nowhere with this hilarious gem:
"花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信公司, 徵信公司, 徵信公司, 徵信公司, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 離婚, 離婚, 離婚, 離婚, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 離婚, 離婚, 離婚, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 感情挽回, 感情挽回."

The only reason that didn't take top honors is because a) the joke got a bit repetitive, and b) calling a Hualian person a "firecrotch" is a sign of much disrespect, and an offense that is punishable by death. Makes me wonder why 徵信 even bothered to enter the contest.

Recaps! Get Yer Recaps Heeee-ah!

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 04:55:00 +0000

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Recap: "Paddy's Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens"

Last night's episode of Sunny was one that I had been looking forward to since the Season 5 promos started running. And although it didn't quite live up to my expectations, it still provided some laughs, as well as a few brilliant merchandising ideas.

Things started with Charlie's self-made infomercial for Kitten Mittens (misspelled Mittons, of course), much of which was featured in one of the aforementioned promos that I watched no less than 50 times on YouTube, laughing hysterically every time. I love animals, but I also enjoy seeing a snobby cat get put in its place once in a while. So, watching a mittened meower clumsily navigate its way across Charlie's coffee table only to take a header off the edge (who says cats always land on their feet?) was quite a treat...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

Project Runway Picks The Final 3

Last night's Project Runway featured the last challenge before the Final 3 head to Bryant Park.

The top of the episode showed Althea wimping out from saying anything to Irina, who tried her hardest to throw Althea under the bus last week. Meanwhile, Irina lounged in bed, wearing an expression that says, "I secretly replaced all the designers' coffee with cyanide crystals," and talked about how honest and real she is. She claimed that she would never say anything behind anyone's back that she wouldn't say to their faces. Hmm. If this challenge had been to design a dress of lies, Irina would have had it all sewn up...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:57:00 +0000

It comes as a shock to me that I haven't posted this week's vid before, because it's one of my favorite songs of the '80s and, maddeningly, one that a lot of people don't seem to remember despite how popular it was back in 1985. Turn your speakers up to 11, go tell 'em Scotland's free, and immerse yourself in the epic fabulousness of Simple Minds' "Alive and Kicking." Don't you forget about this song.

Eye Boogers

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 22:47:00 +0000

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

Adam Lambert, Single: Yay! Adam Lambert's Single: Boo! - In this week's Idol-related news, Madame "I'm Not Bisexual But I Play One in the Fan Mags" Glambert recently broke up with his BF Drake LaBry, setting the stage for many "conversion" attempts by misguided, obsessed female fans. And last weekend, his new single, "For Your Entertainment" dropped like a sparkly dingleberry from a unicorn's bum, making quite a splash on radio and the Internet. The bigger splash came from my bitter, disappointed tears upon hearing the bondage fantasy song, a horribly overproduced mish-mash of Britneyesque clichés. Soon after, I came upon Lady GaGa's original demo for the totally fab song she gave Adam, "Fever," and felt a surge of hope. So, I checked out the 30-second samples of every song on the record and went back to feeling meh. And maybe "meh" is being generous. It sounds like all of the original charm has been sucked out of the Lady GaGa song and most of the other tunes are just the same old, generic radio gaga. The Pink song ("Whataya Want From Me") sounds like Pink (whom I normally like), the Ryan Tedder song ("Sleepwalker") sounds like everything else he writes, the Kara DioGuardi tracks ("Strut," "If I Had You") sound like shit (go figure), "Soaked" is like a bad off-off Broadway number, "Sure Fire Winners" is just plain ridonk, and nothing else is even worth mentioning. The only ones I kind of like based on the brief snippets are "Aftermath," even if it is somewhat generic in a combined Kelly Clarkson/David Cook sort of way, and the lead-off track, "Music Again," ONLY because it's essentially a hilarious '80s metal parody, which isn't surprising considering that it was written by The Darkness' Justin Hawkins. Hopefully though, my ability to judge songs on cursory half-minute listens isn't as good as I think it is, and this album will actually have the power to cure hunger and create permanent rainbows, as I originally thought.

Chris Brown Fights Adam Lambert For "Gayest Album Cover Ever" Crown - The cover art for Woman Beater's new record, Graffiti, debuted online on Monday to mixed fan reviews. I'm not really sure what there is to feel "mixed" about, as the cover is just about the dumbest looking thing I've ever seen, next to P. Diddly's face. Chris wasn't too happy about some of the online comments, and is about ready to punch the next person to mock the outer-spacey cover art or question his sexuality (as long as that person is a girl under 5'7"). He's since taken down his Twitter response, "WHO CARES IF MY PANTS R FITTED...IT'S CALLED FASHION," probably because his publicist told him he sounded like a damn fool and/or Kanye threatened to sue for caps-lock messaging infringement. But really, who does care about his pants when he's holding a guitar in the picture? That's what I care about...it's called false advertising.

Rihanna Breaks Her Silence About Chris Brown's Abuse - Ten months after getting beaten up by her then-boyfriend Chris Brown, Rihanna finally talks about it in the December issue of Glamour, as well as in an interview with Diane Sawyer, set to air on tomorrow's GMA and Friday's 20/20. She told Glamour that the positive thing to come out of the incident is that she can now be the voice of battered women everywhere. I suppose that's all very nice, but it seems a bit shady that she's deciding to talk about this now, when she's gearing up to promote her new record. I mean, it's not like anyone expected her to start talking about it the next day, but if she really wanted to help victims of abuse, why would she have kept quiet for nearly a whole year? I don't want to be too cynical, but it's hard not to when the Glamour interviewer follows up one of Rihanna's responses about her "message to women" with this question: "I think that’s a great message. What about your new album? What’s it like?" Niiiiice segue.

Steve Martin And Alec Baldwin Sign On To Host Oscars - I'm all for this pairing and I'm sure it will be great. They're both funny guys. But I can't quite celebrate this news yet. I just need a week or two to get over the fact that Hugh "Best Host Ever" Jackman won't be returning. I suppose that means the Craigslist Dancers won't be back either. *sniff*

Can You Tell Me How To Get To That 40th Anniversary Party? - Hugh Jackman (and Paul Rudd!) will be appearing on Sesame Street this season, as the show celebrates 40 years on TV. The anniversary show, guest-starring Michelle Obama, will air next Tuesday. In honor of this milestone, please enjoy my favorite Sesame Street video ever, the classic "Born to Add" by Bruce Stringbean and the S Street Band. (I mentioned it and my general love of Sesame Street once before in this ancient post.)

And Cookie Monster sez...

"C is for caption contest. Don't forget to enter this month's! Me want funny captions!!"

Recaps! Get Yer Recaps Heeee-ah!

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:51:00 +0000

Look, people. When you don't read and comment on my Starpulse recaps, you shame me. And I don't take kindly to shaming. So, you know, either take a few minutes to check out my write-ups, or spend the next few days having your soul tortured and then eventually get dragged to hell. Your choice.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Recap: "The Gang Wrestles For The Troops"

Project Runway Episode 11 Recap: Eyes On Your Own Designs, Kids!

Breasts Were An Odd Choice

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:48:00 +0000

Really, Amy Winehouse? New boobs were the priority? Couldn't think of anything else that needed fixing?

Forgotten Classic Video(s) of the Week

beckeyeam@gmail.com (BeckEye) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:37:00 +0000

Since I forgot to post last week's forgotten classic (oh, the irony), I'm doubling up this week, once again breaking pop cultural rules by offering a two-fer on a Thursday instead of Tuesday. Relax. The fabric of the universe is NOT unraveling.

I was actually worried I wouldn't have one vid to post this week, let alone two, because I realized I pretty much burned all the Halloween-themed videos in years past and, after doing this every week for the past three years, opening the old vault is proving much more difficult. Luckily, a friend on Facebook mentioned Sheena Easton and I rejoiced. Sheena was one of my childhood idols, right up there with ONJ. So, today I'm featuring two clips from very different periods in her career.

This first one is "The Lover in Me," which sticks out in my mind because of that awesome red dress she wore, not to mention the slutty opera gloves and totally '80s half updo. This is from her "sexy vixen" period, after Prince had gotten his hands on her and dirtied her all up. If you're wondering why I didn't post, say, "Sugar Walls," there is a simple answer for that: it is probably one of the dumbest songs I've ever heard in my life. Oooh, it's about her vagina! Whoop-dee-doo. I'm sure it was meant to be risqué, but it's just ridönk.

Up next is a song from Sheena's "girl-next-door" period, 1983's "Telefone (Long Distance Love Affair)." I chose this one for two reasons: 1) I used to sing the shit out of it when I was little, and 2) The video features some classic movie monsters, which makes it Halloween-appropriate.

By the way, you might notice that both vids come from Dailymotion instead of YouTube. The growing trend of disabling the embedding feature on YouTube is really starting to piss me off. You know, it's not like people are downloading these vids or passing them off as their own. I can't understand why record labels would want to keep people from posting videos on their blogs and websites. I guess the free publicity that it generates for their artists is really annoying.